Coffee Break – Joelle Card Holder
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Love this light blue lizard print card holder from Reiss. I like the different compartments, too — that way you can keep the business cards you collect separate from your own ones for handing out. It's $55 at Reiss. Joelle Card Holder
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Sales of note for 3/15/25:
- Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off
- Ann Taylor – 40% off everything + free shipping
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – Extra 30% off women's styles + spring break styles on sale
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off 3 styles + 50% off clearance
- M.M.LaFleur – Friends and family sale, 20% off with code; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off 1 item + 30% off everything else (includes markdowns, already 25% off)
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- I'm fairly senior in BigLaw – where should I be shopping?
- how best to ask my husband to help me buy a new car?
- should we move away from DC?
- quick weeknight recipes that don’t require meal prep
- how to become a morning person
- whether to attend a distant destination wedding
- sending a care package to a friend who was laid off
I kind of love this!
I really love this… am looking for a new card holder, mine has a busted hinge and it won’t stay closed.
Hi Ladies,
My fiance spilled some tomato sauce on his fave tie. I tried washing it with cold water and a bit of Woolite (I know, terrible idea). The sauce is gone, I seem to have left a little water ring around the spot where I washed it. Also, the tie is now wrinkled. What should I do? Is this something that can be fixed by a good dry cleaner, or does anyone have any good at-home remedies?
If it’s his favorite, take it to a good dry cleaner. Did you wash the entire tie or just the spot? Getting the entire tie wet and letting it drip dry may get the water spot out, but I’d just take it to the dry cleaners if it’s one he really likes. They should be able to get it unwrinkled and spot free.
Ties are bias-cut (the grain is on the diagonal) and really hard to pull-push-stretch back into shape after getting wet. This is why, back when my husband wore ties, he decided to get all of his from Marshall’s after he ruined a few really nice ones. Good luck & sorry! :(
Did you put the whole tie in water or just a part? If it’s just wet in parts, it will get the water stain. You can probably get the whole tie wet and then iron it while wet to get out the wrinkles. This is a good technique for any silk items- I usually wash in delicate in the washing machine and then iron them when they are wet and they look just fine afterward.
If you’re in NYC, and it’s a tie he loves, go to Tie Crafters. They can do miracles, but the tie has to be worth an investment.
Trying again here because I think trying to post on the safety thread was probably a bit off topic… anyhoo. I desperately want to snag a J Crew Metro coat for $130… only problem is I don’t know my size. I recently tried on either a Metro or a Lady day in store (can’t remember which) in a size 6. It looked too big and felt too big. I think I need a petite size (I am about 5’4), but my questions is: should I get a 6P or an 8P? Reviews I’ve read so far seem to suggest to size up, but most petite blogs deal with girls who are 00/0/2 P and I am definitely not that. I am a 6-8 in dresses and have 6’s in other coats. Please mind hive, help… I want a beautiful coat for myself that fits. :’(
I have the Lady Day – I think it has more of a flared “skirt” to it than the Metro. I am 5’3 and did not get the petite, the coat is not too long. The Lady Day runs kind of small, in that it is cut to be a very tailored coat. I wear an extra small in tops from Loft and am usually a 2 or 4 in dresses and pants. Sort of narrow shoulders, 32D bust. I have the Lady Day in a size 6 and can fit thick-ish sweaters under it, but it is a bit tight in the armholes. I don’t know how the petites are compared to regular (did Jean at Extra Petite cover this?) but I would definitely consider sizing up if you are on the cusp (I think you might be better off with 8 than 6).
I do like the coat, but think it’s not that warm. I sound like such a geezer, but I feel like 15 or so years ago it was much easier to find 100% wool coats (Lady Day is something like 94 or 96% wool, rest is nylon) and somehow 100% wool is much warmer than coats that even have just a tiny bit of non-wool in the fabric. So the LD is okay for DC winters, but not adequate for me for Chicago winter visits anymore.
JC petite sizes run one size small, in my experience. Not sure if that holds true for coats, but in the same pencil skirt, I took a 4 regular and a 6P.
I’m 5’3″ and don’t need a petite in the Lady Day either. The Lady Day runs small up top. If you’re larger up top, size up. If you’re small on top, stay with your usual size. I think the Metro is cut similarly to the Lady Day so the same should be true.
Really random question here . . . When you get your hair colored, does the stylist usually wash it beforehand?
She usually colors it, then washes it when she washes the color out.
Color first, then wash. Always. :)
I wash my hair the night before because I like it to be clean before the color goes on. My stylist will apply the color, let it set, and then wash it out.
Mine does. Wash first, then color, then rinse.
Thanks, guys! I was trying to figure out if I need to wash my hair before I go in to get my hair colored for the first time. Eek.
I go straight from work, so I have product in wh.en I get to the salon. My colorist does not wash first.
I just do a gloss, if that makes a difference. Not a full hair-color thing.
What is gloss? Is it different from coloring it? I’ve never heard of it. I have black hair (Aisan here).
My colorist always wanted my hair to be dirty when she colored it
Supposedly color stays in better if your hair is dirty/oily when you put it in. Anectodally, this seems to be true for me, but I use color from a box.
My mom is a hairstylist and she has always told me that it is generally better if your hair/scalp is not clean because the dye can sting and make your scalp itchy if there no “buffer” there.
You should wait 24 hours after washing your hair before dying it. Supposedly the oils protect your scalp.
Question- Sleeping in a bra, yes? No? Good for you? Bad for you?
I’m feeling confused about this. I don’t usually sleep with one on, but I have a few friends that do, and say that it’s better for you. I’m quite large-of-chest, if that makes a difference.
No! Also large-of-chest. I wear comfortable, well-fitted bras but I do *not* want to sleep in it! I don’t think there’s any good research one way or the other. If it’s hot I do wear a comfy cotton tank and wedge it into my crevices, or my under-b00b gets too sweaty.
There are wonderful things called sleep bras that are the same fabric as H ank y P a nk ies and super comfortable. I bought some at Nordstrom but I’m sure you can buy them somewhere else. They don’t have an underwire.
I love them, and now that I’m used to them, I find it really hard to sleep without wearing one. I bought them originally to keep the girls from getting saggy, but now I just find them so darned comfortable.
Does the sleep bra wearing actually have an effect on sagging?
I’m 24, so it’s not an issue right now, but I’m more trying to avoid it becoming an issue later. I could not handle wearing an underwire while sleeping, so I will look into the HP sleep ones. Thanks!
I don’t know, but I don’t really see how it couldn’t have an effect, you know? Although I have heard that it is all pointless if you plan on b r e a s t feeding. But, I figure, why not? If it makes a difference, great; if not, no harm done.
I don’t see how it could have a significant effect. I don’t think gravity does much to your boobs beyond what time would do in any case. (I.e., if you lived upside down for 40 years and then stood straight up, I don’t think your boobs would be perkier than the girls from your kindergarten class who were getting around on their feet for all those years.) But even if gravity were to make a huge difference, when you sleep, you’re lying down, so that’s not where gravity is going to do its best work.
I do think that sleeping in a bra makes you more likely to break out in the bra area since your skin can’t really breath; anything that it sheds (oils, cells) will sit there, clogging your pores. Also, if you sleep with a bra, you’re going to wake up with bra lines. Probably not the sexiest look if you were considering wearing one overnight in order to look good in the morning.
I don’t know why anyone would sleep with a bra. I haven’t since the fifth grade, when I first started wearing one (unbeknownst to and stolen from my mom) and didn’t know any better.
For what it’s worth, I haven’t broken out from it ever, at all. The HP ones do breath well and don’t leave any marks. I can see how a regular bra would cause those problems, but not these.
And I think gravity does have a pretty big effect, particularly when you lie on your side (that’s why they always say to lie on your back, but I can’t do that). If you have larger ones, you know what I mean.
As for fighting sag being pointless if you’re going to nurse children: false, false, false. My chest improved dramatically after I did -three kids, a year apiece. I know it’s not everyone’s experience, but post-babies, my ‘girls’ are a little bigger, much rounder, and not saggy – quite a nice fringe benefit! I only wore a sleep bra while nursing, never before or since, so I don’t think you need to do it as a regular thing. However, I am fanatical about zero-jiggle support during exercise, and always have been.
This is good to hear, was wondering how my girls would look after breastfeeding baby number one and so far, not too bad. I have slept in under-wire bras for twenty years ish. Just don’t feel comfortable with my boobs in the wild and it seems to have kept them pretty perky but they were quite small (B cup) pre-baby.
I do this when (1) I am pregnant and boobs are tender or (2) I am nursing and boobs are tender and huge. I am normally a D cup but during pregnancy go up to F and then up to H while nursing.
I usually wear a tank with shelf bra or something when not pregnant.
this
Same here. I am an E/F when pregnant and G/H when nursing and always sleep with a sleep bra. I am a D/DD the rest of the time and would wear something with support, such as a shelf-bra, if I didn’t prefer to sleep naked.
I do believe that it makes a difference over the years. I have no hard evidence, but I just don’t see how it couldn’t.
My doctor told me this is bad because it squashes the lymph nodes on the side of the breasts, but that it only applies to bras with underwires. If you’re worried about your girls, ehem, moving around while you’re sleeping, maybe you should try a yoga/sports tank? They don’t have underwires but will still give you a bit of support.
I love your lipstick in your pic!
Chanel Rouge Coco in Gabrelle with NARS Lipliner in Jungle Red! One of my favorite combos (I’m lazy with my eye makeup and red lips kinda lets me get away with it) for nighttime!
I am c/d cup and sleep in either a bra tank or a Hanes cotton sports bra (to call it a spots bra is being generous because it offers little support for vigorous activity-I get them at Target). I find it is uncomfortable for me to not have some support, even when I am sleeping.
Oh man, I can’t imagine sleeping with a bra–releasing myself from the bra is one of my favorite parts of the end of the day. I’m also skeptical that sleeping with a bra actually does anything as far as counteracting the effects of gravity — I sleep on my side, so if anything I’d be making myself weirdly lopsided over the years by spending 8 hours a day with gravity pulling my boobs to the right.
Agreed
Try tank tops with built-in shelf bras. I love the ones from American Apparel for this — they’re really comfortable and supportive at the same time
Yay! Coffee break.
Hypochondriac question. Do any of you ever get the feeling that it’s difficult to take a full, deep breath to the bottom of your lungs? I’ve had the feeling off and on over the years, and it always seems to go away, but I have it right now and it’s driving me nuts. In fact, I’ve had it for a week this time, so clearly I’m not dying. I keep forcing myself to yawn & my husband asks why I’m sighing. (It does sound remarkably similar to the “I’m not speaking to you” treatment.)
If you’ve experienced this, did you ever figure out what it was? How did you treat it?
Happens to me all the time when (1) my asthma is acting up, or (2) I’m 8 months pregnant (like now). Assuming pregnancy isn’t an issue, have you had any lung/chest congestion or shortness of breath? When I’m just starting into an asthma episode or having mild trouble it feels like you’re describing.
I’m the biggest hypochondriac ever, but even at my most extreme I don’t think I could convince myself I’m 8 months pregnant. :)
The athsma suggestion is a good one. I’ve never had wheezy athsma, but for the last two springs I’ve ended up with bronchitis when I get a bad cold, so I wonder if I now have really sensitive lungs.
Was going to say that I’m suffering from this right now, but I’m 9 months pregnant. I also have this problem when my allergies are flaring up. I know I’m horribly allergic to very specific pollen (curse you, Mountain Cedar!), so when that is in the air, I feel like I can never breathe.
I have asthma that is only clinical when I get a cold. I used to get very high scary chest congestion whenever I had a cold and I would get this death rattle cough for about three months afterward. Doctors would try to throw prednisone at it but that never worked. Now I’ve been on maintenance drugs – Pulmicort (inhaled steroid) and fexofenadine (Allegra) for about 6 years and I rarely get those symptoms, although I do still often get bronchitis when I have a cold. The good news is that I hardly ever get colds now!
Sorry to hijack, Question for you Meme–
I’m recently married, and my allergist told me that when I decide to get pregnant, I’ll have to stop taking my daily inhaler. Considering I have trouble breathing by morning if I forget to take it at night, that sounds pretty awful! Do you take a daily controller inhaler, and did you have to go off of it when you got pregnant?
I take Advair daily. It is a category “C” pregnancy drug, meaning it is not preferable to take while pregnant because it has not been tested and proven to have no effect during pregnancy (or something like that – I’m not a doctor). However, my asthma/allergy doc has me stay on it because it controls my asthma very well and other daily steroids don’t work quite as well for me. At the beginning of this pregnancy my OBGYN asked me to try another inhaled steroid (category “A”). After about 6 weeks on that I felt fine but my breathing functionality tests had slipped a bit so my asthma doc switched me back.
I was not as well-controlled and ended up hospitalized for asthma 3 times with baby #2 (once for a week in the ICU), so I’m a real disaster if I don’t stay right on top of the asthma. FWIW that kid got pumped full of all kinds of no-no pregnancy drugs and he’s completely normal and always has been (actually he’s a miniature genius – maybe the steroids helped his brain development ;) ).
All this is to say that there definitely many options for asthma treatment during pregnancy and you’ll have to work with your docs to formulate and monitor a plan. Don’t listen to any doc who says you can’t treat asthma during pregnancy! If you are not getting enough oxygen, the baby is not getting enough oxygen!! For some people asthma gets worse during pregnancy, for some it gets better, for some there’s no change. I only got worse for 1 of my pregnancies but learned the hard way I have to really stay on top of my drug regimen. Good luck!
Thank you! I take Symbicort daily, but my doctor was saying the only option is to switch to Albuterol as needed. For now I’m just trying to get my lungs in the best shape possible before pregnancy, then we’ll see what happens!
That’s definitely not the only option. It may work for you and could be worth a try, but that strategy left me almost dead at 18 weeks pregnant once. Is this guy an asthma specialist or mostly focuses just on allergies? I would recommend shopping for a different asthma doc with a better/ more thorough asthma management strategy, including close monitoring after any drug changes, before getting pregnant.
She’s an asthma specialist and she’s actually fantastic! Who knows, she might have been telling me all of this just as a precautionary “I-have-to-tell-you-this-or-risk-law-suit” kind of thing, but I won’t hesitate to get a second opinion if at any point I don’t feel safe. I can’t remember all of the classifications, but I think she said specifically that broncho-dilators haven’t been approved. We’ll see!
Get a new doctor. Stat. Or at least before you become pregnant. First off, any competent doctor isn’t going to tell you what you can / can’t do without explaining that it’s really a risk calculus – many things that aren’t proven safe are only not proven safe because they aren’t and can’t be tested in pregnant women. Anyone who says you “have” to do anything or “can’t” do something without more is providing glossed over advice at best. It’s about weighing risks – and trust me, when you’re pregnant albuterol only can leave you seriously incapacitated with the jitters – plus, the risk to the baby is 100% if you die of an asthma attack.
From your post, and I’m not a doctor of any stripe, your asthma sounds serious. When you do get pregnant, you may very well want to start with a high-risk good hospital affiliated OB, who can either work with your allergist or recommend someone else that they can work with to manage your asthma while pregnant. Ironically, as someone who went from a “standard” OB to a very high risk (like one of the best seriously high risk OBs in the US), the standard OBs seem to give much more cautious advice than high risk OBs – my first OB who had a patient list almost exclusively of high income families in a tony suburb had lot’s of “don’ts” without reasons – while my high risk OB was more reasonable. Actions have risks, there are certain things proven safe, there are things proven not safe, everything else is a question of risk tolerance.
During the month before I had my first, and then again during delivery, I nearly died from severe, uncontrolled asthma. Given the fact that my first kid had (in the end minor) issues, but was in distress at birth, my husband was forced to stand next to me, praying he’d have a wife and son to take home, but terrified (justifiably) that he would have neither. There’s a lot I would do differently if I could rewind the clock, but ultimately an excellent hospital got an excellent result – and I was reminded that the annoyance I’ve had since childhood is a real, dangerous, deadly disease.
Yes, but for a couple of different reasons – (1) when I am anxious, I feel like a heavy weight is on my chest and I am not able to breathe correctly, and (2) when I had a pulmonary embolism. (2) is very serious but unlikely, and came with other symptoms (shortness of breath while exercising, random chest/rib pains, etc.).
…. resist urge to google pulmonary embolism….resist….resist…..
Gah, also resisting the urge to health google! My breath also goes off when I’m anxious (which tends to be when I’m worrying about health problems, and the weird breathing makes me worried something is wrong, which makes me more anxious… you see where this is going!).
PS for anyone who’s a “me-too” hypochondriac, sorry if my post caused your own breathing problems!
Hypochondriac here. I’ve had the sort of breathing “problems” you describe off and on for about 2 years. My doctors seem to think it is anxiety/stress, though they have not investigated me extensively. I have had normal chest X-rays and echocardiogram. I tend to assume the worst from my symptoms. Once, after listening to my list of “ailments,” a friend pointed out that I seemed to be doing remarkably well for someone so ill.
I won’t tell you more about a pulmonary embolism because I don’t want to freak you out. I had a friend who had one, though, and she told me it REALLY hurt, so I think you probably would have been to the hospital already if that was the case.
Oh, and for relief: try Pilates breathing. Do the exercise called “the hundred” (where you take five breaths in through your nose and five breaths out through your mouth, rinse and repeat). It’s distracting, if nothing else. :)
I get this when I’m anxious. I also got it when I was on too high a dose of adderall. Are you on any stimulants? Did you take sudafed and have a cup of coffee? I know exactly what you are feeling and it is such a crappy feeling. Ugh.
You may have asthma or chronic bronchitis. You mention that you have had bronchitis twice in the last two years – that could indicate chronic bronchitis. Talk to your GP and consider getting a referral for a pulmonologist.
Yes. Or, mine’s more the feeling that when I take a breath, the lungs don’t fill up completely and a sort of dull ache, like i’m always slightly short of breath/having a hard time breathing. Mine’s much worse when it’s cold out. No, various doctors have not figured out why, though I haven’t seen a good pulmonologist or anything. Mine is also worse when I exercise, so the current doctor’s theory is it’s exercise-induced athsma, and she gave me an inhaler to try right before exercising, which helps then, but obviously this doesn’t help when I’m, say, walking around outside in my daily life instead of actually exercising. So I have no idea what it is, but as no one seems terribly concerned, I’m guessing it’s not life-threatening or anything, just rather annoying (Personally, I think I just have bad lung capacity for no particular medical reason. I’m not sure it’s ever been great, so maybe I was just born with crappy lungs? I was a preemie twin…)
(And yes, I’m one of those “if it’s not immediately killing me, I’ll get around to doing something about it at some point (ie, a couple of years)” people)
Sounds like asthma. Try the inhaler when you’re not exercising but having that shortness of breath/can’t take deep breath feeling.
I just spoke with a coworker who is a fellow hypochondriac and he said he had this problem and it turned out to be acid reflux. Apparently that can interfere with *feeling* like you’re getting deep breaths, when in reality you really are getting plenty of air.
I don’t think that is what I have but thought I’d share it to see if it helps anyone else.
I’m going to go see my GP tomorrow. For being as much of a worrier as I am, I actually rarely go to the doctor, so I hope he’ll take me seriously.
PS thanks, everyone, for your responses. They really helped! At least they pushed me into calling the doc.
I have to travel for six days starting Thursday. If this isn’t cleared up by then I will… well, not die, clearly… but I will definitely be really annoyed.
I’ve had the problem, and found out it was related to my iron deficiency. My symptom was more that I took a few very light, shallow breaths, followed by a gasp for air. Unintentionally, of course. It can be frustrating.
Gah. I am incredibly distractable today. I don’t think I’ve sat still for five minutes at a stretch. I get up for a bathroom break… cup of tea… find my chapstick… check my cell phone… look out the window… another bathroom break… walk to co-worker’s office…
each time I sit down and I think, “NOW I will work.” And then find another excuse to get up.
I need some encouragement. (My college roommate would always do a “scared straight” speech when she saw me procrastinating… “sit down and do! it! you are going to be a horrible failure! if you don’t sit down right.now.”) …
You need a reward system. Whatever your reward is (internet, candy, diet coke) you don’t get it until you check three things off your to-do list. Write it down. Show it to someone else.
You’ll feel so much better once you get a good start on your project ( well begun is half done and all). That reminds me, I need to go write a brief…
welcome to my life… every day!
i break the task i need to do down into the smallest possible components (do laundry becomes: walk upstairs, empty hamper, put whites in one pile, put colors in one pile, carry whites downstairs, turn on machine etc). then i write down each component task on a to do list and, YES, i do take great pride in physically crossing out each on when i do it. it appeals to my sense of closure.
I love this! Because really, I struggle with laundry being “done” in my mind when the clean clothes are folded in a basket. Getting INTO my closet and drawers is a real problem. I’m going to add “put clothes away” to my to do list.
This is great. Not just the strategy, which I use for all sorts of annoying tasks, but also that I’m reading this in the midst of 4 loads of laundry built up over a hectic few weeks at work plus three business trips. I’m currently experiencing the satisfaction of having started, which is always the hardest part of it for me with chores/large work projects/major writing projects.
I’m having one of those days too. At this point, I’ve decided to write off today and start fresh tomorrow.
I’d love to hear from the group about the things you do before you start a new position.
Do you treat yourself to something? Spa day? Pick out your outfits for a week? Shop? Learn as much as you can before you start?
I’m just curious. I start my new position in a couple weeks and took a few days off in between. I’ve already planned a massage for right before I start. Would love to hear what you do for yourselves!
Shopping for a new outfit is fun! Less exciting, but important things for me would be doing everything I could to make sure the first week goes seamlessly. Cooking a lot to have ready to go dinners and lunches, making sure everything’s dry cleaned, and cleaning the house so you can relax when you get home are all on my list.
Spa is what I’d do.
I would actually prefer to take a 2-3 days vacation at a spa/beachy destination, but family responsibilities preclude this…
I read up and take notes on everyone I am going to meet/work with, as much as possible. It’s not fun, but it makes me MUCH more relaxed when I’m introduced to people. I have a clue as to who they are, what they work on, what we might have in common, I can make conversation if necessary, and (hopefully) seem competent and enthusiastic.
Has anyone road tested workout underwear (bottoms, not bras). I’ve been running and my usual underwear rides up something awful! Such a silly, questions, I know, but glad I have a forum where I can ask it!
Lululemon underwear (check on their website). I also stay away from thongs/brazillians/anything cut to ride up your bum – I stick with boyshort/bikini style briefs for my sweaty pursuits.
Possibly TMI but since you asked… I usually don’t wear underwear when I run. My workout shorts have built-in liner which is sufficient for me.
I don’t wear underwear either. And I make sure the workout bottoms I buy have the built-in liner or flat seams.
haha I read a book on running or triathalons that said you don’t need to wear underwear when you wear running shorts like that, but I could never bring myself to do it! Aside from thongs, I don’t really have underwear issues when I run. Most my underwear are VS cotton/pink line or maidenform no panty line types, but I have a lot of randoms from kohls or VS. When I was a gymnast I always wore underwear with my leotards too. I think I only wore thongs to competitions, bc at practice I was usually wearing a leotard+shorts.
Same here. I find it comfier to go commando for running.
full cotton briefs, granny style work best for me.
I’m with Ellie – most running shorts have liners, and true running tights made by running brands have a gusset or whatever that thing is called and arn’t meant to be worn wtih underwear. If i do wear underwear when I exercise, I like Asics…bought mine a while ago but google them. Also, under armor has a decent line.
Under Armour Boy shorts. The end. I use them for all my runs-including the half marathons. No riding, bunching, or moving.
Thanks, everyone!
This time a million. The mesh ones are amazing. Also a half-marathoner here, and they are fantastic. Full price is $20 but if you don’t care about the color you can get them for $12-15 on sale. Love them.
Agree. Worth every penny, especially if your runs go double digit mileage. I also like the Patagonia boyshorts that SF Bay Associate mentions below.
I mean this as kindly as possible, but those of you wearing cotton undies while working out are out of your minds :)
Really? I ran three seasons a year of xc and track in high school in cotton, and survived :) and have never bought “workout undies” in my life, despite those pesky double-digit mile runs. Currently I alternate between going commando and wearing my normal underwear.
Seriously, do what works for you. If that involves shelling out $12 for a pair of underwear, go for it! But if not, the liners in your shorts will suffice.
I’ve never tried going comando, so I can’t comment as to that. But you wear/wore cotton underware for long runs? I’m honestly amazed (and I don’t mean that in a snarky way, although I imagine that my comment above sounded a little snarky — sorry – it was meant in good humor). You must be less sweaty or have a better build for distance or something because cotton is my (really really painful chaffing) enemy. I can wear regular non-cotton underware, although I still prefer being as comfortable as possible, and for me, that means expensive underware.
I also just wear my regular undies, and 90% of the time, they’re cotton. I’ve run over 2000 miles/year for each of the last four years. I’ve had bras cause chafing problems, but I can’t think of a time my underwear has posed a problem. The only preference I have with respect to undies is to go commando on my long trail runs (ultras and the training runs for them), because those are the runs where I’ll have to squat-and-pee, but otherwise I roll out of bed and pull on shorts/pants. I’d sooner go barefoot than wear cotton socks, though, so I understand the cotton aversion, I’ve just never had an underwear problem. FWIW, I live in the Bay Area, so it’s a very mild, usually dry, climate.
I don’t wear underwear while working out unless I’m having my period, in which case I wear cotton, breathable granny panties.
Patagonia boyshorts from REI.
love these! I find myself wearing them normally too because they’re so comfy…
I have an interview question. I have a second round interview coming up for my dream job. Right after I had my first interview, I was asked to make a lateral move in my current office. I told my boss that I was interviewing, and she decided that she was willing to give me the new job anyways and wait for me to start until we knew whether or not I was staying. My old job involved work for two different departments. One of the departments is very specialized, and I’ve been asked to dedicate all my time to putting that department in the best possible position when I leave. Consequently, my end date with the other department was almost a month ago. Each department is equally relevant to the work I would be doing at dream job, so I expect I will focus on them equally in my interview. How should I handle this in the interview? Do I explain the whole situation or just tell them I’m temporarily working for only one department? I don’t want to make this seem weird or come across as dishonest. I would so appreciate any advice!
Maybe I’m missing something, but why do you think this will come up at your interview? I think the interviewer will be interested what you’ve done (i.e., what skills you have gained, what you have contributed) in both departments, not the technicalities of your current situation. If, by some chance, this comes up, by all means explain it. But I don’t think volunteering this information is required.
Question: How often do you change bags? My answer used to be “never,” because I only had one purse (not counting special-purpose bags, like evening), but I’m trying to embrace accessories to add some life to my often-boring outfits. So, now I own two purses. ;-)
Do you choose a bag each day? Go through phases? How do you do it? I’ve got most of my purse stuff in organizers, so there’s not *that* many things to move (wallet; phone; cosmetics & personal care organizer bag; office & tech supplies organizer bag; ID badge holder; earbuds). I think I could manage daily bag changes without ending up missing something, but is it too much of a hassle?
I try and pick 1 bag to carry for the week (sometimes 2 weeks if I’m lazy), and plan my outfits around the bag. So, if I’m carrying a black purse, I’ll stick with shoes & outfits that go with the black bag. I rotate my bags not because I get bored (I pretty much have the same equation in terms of work outfits – boring but it gets me out of the door presentably) but because I read somewhere that it’s good to rotate purses to make the leather wear evenly. If your schedule permits it, you could try purse-changing before bed (which is when I lay out my clothes to change into the next morning), instead of trying to do it in the morning when we know we’re rushing to get out the door.
I do something very similar, plan outfits to go with the bag/its colour hardware (if I am carrying a bag with gold, I wear my gold watch – neurotic I know). My bag is almost always packed the night before as well.
I probably change my bag a few times a week. I’m low-maintenance so as long as I have my wallet, cellphone, and something to read, I am good to go. Bonus points if I remember to take my keys, headphones, pen, and chapstick, but they are not essential and I make do.
I change my bag based on the weather (I have some bags that are absolute verboten when it’s raining), my outfit (bright purple bag does not go with red dress), how much extra stuff I’m carrying, and what I feel like wearing that day.
For me it’s not that much of a hassle, and the pros of being able to wear different bags all the time (thereby at least somewhat justifying owning 10+ handbags) greatly outweighs the small annoyance of moving my wallet and phone.
I change my bag frequently, too, depending on the weather, my outfit, and where I’m going that day or evening. It’s easy enough to simply transfer all the contents of one bag into the other bag. I, too, used to carry the same bag all the time, but felt that my look needed an upgrade, and an easy and fun way to do that was to have more than one bag and more than one watch — they’re daily, utilitarian objects but can also be fashion statements.
Thanks all! Yes, the watch does raise other issues – as I was a one-bag person, so too am I a one-watch person, and that watch is yellow gold, face and band (like my wedding jewelry and a small signet ring I wear daily). Bag hardware hadn’t been on my radar, but the one that I bought has a silver chain strap and decorative hardware (it’s Michael Kors), much more obvious metal accents than other purses I’ve had. I’m theoretically okay with mixing metals, although it’s also true that I’ve kept most of my metal jewelry gold. I’m obviously not going to change up the rings, but getting a silver watch, or a mixed silver-gold, would be a good bridge. What I get for starting down the accessories path!
I can’t change bags daily, or even weekly, so I go in (really long) phases. I realize that as a highly educated woman I should be able to account for all of the things that need to move from Bag A to Bag B in order to effectively conduct a switch, but I inevitably muck it up and end up without something essential.
I’m not really a handbag girl, though, so I tend to buy one really great bag every few years and just stick with it except for special occasions (where I always forget something due to the smaller bag and aforementioned inability to effectively switch bags).
I don’t worry too much about “matching” my bag. For the last several years, I carried a brown bag daily, even though I wear black frequently. I cannot explain why, but I do get kind of bent out of shape over matching my metals, so I only buy bags with yellow gold hardware since that’s what I wear.
I don’t get hung up on matching my bag to my outfit or the hardware. I currently have a brown/black purse though. My other go to purses are black , burgundy, grey, coral and light pink. No wedding ring, but wear a stainless steel watch all the time with either silver or gold jewelry. I have an heirloom white gold diamond ring that I’ll only wear with silver jewelry though.
On a side note, not that it’s an issue yet, but I have no idea what color engagement ring/wedding band I’d want. Yellow gold flatter my skin tone, but I don’t think I’d ever buy a gold everyday watch (bc it’s to soft). I enjoy wearing both gold and silver jewelry. My diamond posts which I wear almost daily are set in yellow gold and I wear them with gold or silver necklaces.
Honestly you could go with either – I’m getting engaged soon, and I looked at palladium, platinum, white gold (which I hated because of the rhodium plating thing), yellow gold & rose gold – and I probably will end up with 18k yellow gold just because I kind of like the quaint, old-fashioned feel it has (and the rich, flattering color) – Lots of people I know wear yellow gold wedding/e-rings with a stainless steel or silver tone watch and I think it looks fine. I did not go with palladium (not widely available in Canada)/platinum (too heavy/scratches)/white gold (hate the plating)/rose gold (may go out of fashion – but I might get an “alternate” ring for funsies) just because I felt like you couldn’t go wrong with nice, classic 18k yellow gold. FYI we’re looking at a colored gemstone e-ring (probably a blue sapphire) and they look really vibrant against the yellow gold (YMMV with different colored stones).
I change bags every few months, but it’s not always new bags, I go back to old ones. I also have an interview bag that I’ve been using semi-frequently. If I going out to a social engagement and only want to bring a wristlet or small purse, I’ll pack that. And I might change bags for a weekend trip or something.
I need the hive’s career advice. This is not related to law or high finance.
I am one of the high functioning individuals who need a change of scenery every 3-4 years. I’ve been in my current job for 4 and am starting to feel restless despite overt success, promotion to middle management, and inclusion into my boss’ succession plan. Without going into more detail, the latter requires me to give a long-term commitment to stay where I am. I am the most suitable candidate; the boss counts on me and our relationship is close and honest. However, I dislike most of the rest of the components of the environment and feel that the best course of action for me personally would be to get out. I do managerial tasks well, but it’s the technical leadership and customer relationship where I am strongest.
I work for a large company and an internal move would be possible and even desirable; however, I need to disclose any such plans to the boss early on, i.e. make it clear that I am looking, and renege on my verbal commitment. It is hard to do this to a person that I like and respect; I am also afraid that this may taint my record with the company.
All the workplace advice I’ve read says to put my needs first because no one but myself is really committed to… myself. However, I have never had a boss/mentor as good as this one and while this person is mature and understanding, I would feel bad letting them down.
Your thoughts?
Sounds like a move to a different company might be optimal.
Do not move into a job you do not want and will not enjoy and therefore, will not succeed in because you “feel bad letting someone down”.
If you take that job without coming clean to your boss, *that* is letting him/her down. You claim your relationship is close and honest but this implies otherwise. He or she doesn’t want a successor who isn’t dedicated to the role, and s/he would be pretty disappointed in you for doing something that’s ultimately bad for you and for the company. You’re not doing anybody, least of all your boss, any favors by forcing yourself into this. And if s/he is as mature and open as you claim, they’ll understand and respect your decision. And be glad that you said something.
For those of you who have teenagers: what do you do about cell phones at the dinner table? (All others, please skip or you will be hopelessly bored and as annoyed as I am.)
We have a strict rule in our house: no cell phones at the dinner table. This rule has been clearly articulated for at least the past 3 years to my SS (21) and SD (16). Mostly, they are OK about complying. However, recently, they have been sliding. Espcially my SS. Over XMas, we were out of the country. His Droid had neither phone service nor internet service. Yet each evening when we left the resort for dinner at a nice hotel in town, he brought it with him and at some point during dinner too it out and started playing video games at/on the table.
I think it does not help that they have the opposite rule at their mother’s house (where SS lives full time and SD lives half-time): not only are cell phones OK at the table, but mom texts and talks on hers throughout the meal.
Last week, we started passing around a very nice straw basket before dinner, and all 4 of us deposited our phones in the basket until the table was cleared.
What? Why is this such an issue? More importantly: what have you done that worked and that I can replicate?
TIA.
Make that “at a nice *restaurant* in town.”
I don’t have teenagers, or helpful advice, but this sounds like more of an issue of your SS not caring about the rules than his inability to leave his phone behind.
I don’t have kids but this would drive me crazy. I am lucky that my friends tend not to do this, or I would not be eating meals with them. I did hear of a great game for curbing this tendency among your dining companions: When you are out to eat, put all the cellphones on the table. The first person to pick theirs up pays the bill. Maybe you could do something similar at home? Explain that the ground rules are not to bring phones to the table, but if they do, the first person to start playing with theirs has to clear the table and do the dishes.
But, I am somewhat curmudgeonly regarding cellphones/smartphones and am even bugged by people walking down the street poking away at their phones instead of paying attention to what is going on around them!
It’s an issue because teenagers like to push boundaries, and teenagers think (or pretend to think) their family is boring and so would rather do something else.
I don’t see the problem, though. Presumably you’re at the table with them? So if they bring the phone to the table, confiscate it for the duration of the meal and shut it off so they won’t hear it beep. Eventually they’ll figure out it’s futile to bring it with. If they complain that the rules are different at their mother’s house, just tell them that this isn’t their mother’s house.
PS – I don’t have a teenager, but I have a teenage brother who’s 15 years younger than me.
Make them play phone stack (or some sort of eating at home version…they have to cook the whole dinner the next night and clean up or something, if they can’t hold out for the whole dinner, since I assume they already help clean/cook, but don’t do it on their own):
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/10/how-new-game-the-phone-stack_n_1197717.html
But honestly, I’m 24, and I think many people my age are generally uncomfortable just being with their own thoughts (broad statement, not everyone, just generally), so when there is a lull in dinner conversation, etc. it’s easy to get fidgety. We are used to being constantly entertained. That is my main issue (plus, I have a firm-issued BB, which I check obsessively, but that’s not from boredom so much as terror that I’ve forgotten to do something of vital importance).
And at this point, it’s a habit. I work very hard to break it when I’m having dinner with friends, just for etiquette’s sake, but most people my age don’t care. At all.
Okay, I find this – uncomfortable being with their own thoughts – very sad. I mean, I generally like to have something to read around, but I can handle a short amount of time without being entertained (useful because reading, and to a lesser extent, playing games on a phone makes me queasy if I’m on a bus or train). If there’s a lull in conversation, do kids these days really think it’s appropriate to pull out a phone? I don’t understand this. Surely one goes out to dinner with people to converse with those people, not to play with phones. Conversations have natural ebbs and flows and I think part of being an adult is learning how to go with that flow and also how to do one’s part to help keep the conversation going. Even something as seemingly trivial as the weather or traffic can get things going again.
I just find the concept of being physically in the presence of people but ignoring them to electronically connect with people who are not physically there to be very, very strange.
Actually, this is interesting because I was in a meeting this weekend for a non-profit for which I volunteer (not law-related or professional in nature), and we were discussing people’s tendencies to constantly text/play games, etc. at the conferences and workshops we run. Apparently one of the older women in the group recently spoke with some younger women about how frustrated she was, seeing so much texting going on during a presentation, and expressed how she was planning to write a “friendly reminder” in one of our newsletters about use of cell phones during conferences. The younger women just laughed at her and said it was pointless. They didn’t seem to think it was an issue at all.
I am only 37 years old, and I think it is really rude to be playing around on your phone when someone else is talking/presenting. This is just basic manners to me. Am I outdated? Why is it suddenly “OK” to not treat other people with respect?
I hope you’re not outdated. I’m 28, and I was aghast to see people playing on their phones AT CHURCH recently. Teenagers, yes, but also adults. Literally, is nothing sacred anymore?
Movie theaters have friendly reminders about not using phones — I don’t think a reminder at the beginning of a presentation would be out of place. But in the newsletter, I agree, no one will care.
For the OP: I don’t have teenagers, but I think your phones-in-the-basket idea is great. If one of them doesn’t comply, just ask for the phone and then say thank you and that you’ll give it back after dinner. Making it a bigger issue than that will probably be counterproductive.
I am embarassed to admit that I copied the basket idea from about six minutes of a completely cheesy teenage movie I flipped past the other day. I think it is called “I Am Number Four.” But I agree; I liked the idea enough to steal it.
So I’m Catholic, and I have an app that has the order of Mass, Mass readings, saint of the day, prayers, reflections, and more. Maybe give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they were using such an app at church?
If S.S. is 21 it is going to be hard to enforce rules on him, he is technically an adult. I would just try to show him how disrespectful it is. Maybe ignore him a few times at the table when he wants your attention? Probably he will only learn this lesson when his g.f. tells him off one day. I say this a a mother of a SS (19) and D (16).
I have three boys and we have a firm no-cell phone rule at dinner. If they take them out, I mention that they need to put them away, or I will turn their service off for a day. If they take them out again, I turn the service off. One phone call to provider and done. I agree with those who say this is a pushing boundaries issue, so I’ve just made clear my boundaries can’t be pushed.
Of course, this only works if they are on your plan!
We have thick business cards. I wonder how many cards this thin little number would fit. On the other hand, is anyone familiar with a business card holder that is designed for thicker cards or more cards? That is what I need.
Mine is actually metal. It has a hinge and a clasp closure. It fits more cards than I would ever need room for.
Unfortunately it has no brand marking and I threw out the package long ago. But it was $6 and I got it at a gift shop…might be worth a look.
I’m working in a position now that I’ve been absolutely miserable in since I started. What I’ve been put into was not what I interviewed and I find the office to be toxic for a variety of reasons. At the moment, I am a support staff to an executive assistant to a general counsel. The executive assistant is pregnant and will be going on leave in late April sometime. After discussing it with the important people in my life and the temp agency who placed me here, I have decided to give my two weeks notice in the beginning of February. Hive, am I a terrible person?
Absolutely not. You have to look out for yourself, because I’m sure no one there is looking out for you.
How long have you been there?
I’m going on six months but it’s to a point now where I can’t stand the mundane tasks that I’m given (making new labels for folders). I feel most guilty about not sticking it out for a year.
Of course not. You spend many hours at work so to be miserable at work just makes your life miserable. A job is not worth it. Best of luck to you.
When you’re a temp worker, you can’t rely on your employer. The upside is that they can’t rely on you either! (to do anything other than give responsible notice, of course.) Agree with the comments above–do what you have to do. If they want someone who is obligated or loyal, they need to pay a salary and benefits.
Oh, dear. You are absolutely not a terrible person! You can’t plan your life around someone else’s leave (and this is from someon who is going on their second maternity leave in a couple of weeks). Plus, if this place is miserable and you’re in a temp position then you have no reason to stick it out. Unless you adore the place, they adore you, and you may be able to get a permanent position, you need to stay light-footed in temp positions.
You are not a terrible person. Employment (especially temporary employment!) is meant to be mutually beneficial and enriching; if the money and experience you’re getting from your work is not worth the misery of working there, you need to leave. Like others said, you are the only one looking out for yourself.
Similar situation for me — I took a job that ended up making me miserable, and came to the realization that it’s just not worth it. I feel bad bad about the timing, but I’m telling myself I only get one chance at life, and shouldn’t waste it being unhappy for such a large portion of my waking hours.
Outed myself above, but I just wanted to say thank you for the encouragement, so to speak. I’m going to spend tonight trying to get over my guilty complex and recognize that I’m doing the right thing for myself. Thank you!
No, you are not a terrible person, just based on the timing. Even if you wait two weeks to give your notice, there is still more than a month for your boss to fill your position. It might be terrible if you purposefully planned to give notice with the intent of making your boss’ life miserable, but that doesn’t seem to be the case.
Did anyone else hate law school?
I like the academic part of it. I’m dealing with my anxiety and depression the best way I can – seeing a therapist, gym, etc. I just really, really hate the people here. Catty, b*chy, cliquey. I feel really left out of many activities, even though I’ve tried to join many things. We’re even going on a trip to New York as a school later this week, and the three other girls in my room are making plans without me, I’m sure on purpose.
I hate law school so much. I think I’ll like the practice of law – but this is hell.
Yeah, law school was a lot like high school for me. I was lucky, and am still lucky, that the majority of the girls were nice and easy going, and I now have an amazing group of friends who I adore (just like from high school). But there were a few groups of girls that were VERY cliquey. So very cliquey.
It gets a lot better after working. And, on top of that, I always just saw it as sad, because it seemed like those girls were just *so* excited to be “cool”, because they were obviously not cool in regular high school.
Try to make friends outside of the law school, or in years ahead or behind you. I know it can be tough sometimes, being thrown back to a junior high mentality, but, you’re an adult, ignore it and adapt. You being upset about it just gives them power if they are trying to be cliquey, and if they don’t mean to be, then you’re making yourself upset for no reason. Either way, not useful. When I became more okay with myself as a person, I stopped being stressed about others “excluding” me, especially when I remember that half the time, their plans are not what I’d want to do anyways.
And so what if the three other girls are making plans without you (“on purpose” or not). I vote pick the sites you want to see, the restaurants you want to eat at, and take advantage of the city, and have a great time. You really don’t need them to enjoy New York.
I hated law school too (not all of the time, but a lot of the time). Same exact issues as you. Once I started work, I was 1000x happier. Seriously. There are days that work frustrates me, but I feel like I’m more social and have met more people and have better and nicer friends than in law school (I still am good friends with about 3-4 people from law school, though).
Focus on your goals, maybe get a part time job to keep you grounded and so you can see that there is life outside of that bubble. That’s what helped me.
Also- go on exchange if you can. Do it. Seriously.
Thanks – I’m thinking exactly this. My life has revolved around school up until this point, and I think it’s time to start branching out.
Glad I could help :).
It can get better, if that’s a priority. I’m a junior lawyer. My colleagues are great lawyers who are also great people. I respect and admire them.
My advice for making the next few years better: there are probably a handful of nice people at your law school; make it your mission to find them. Making friends who aren’t law students can help with perspective, so that law school becomes a job rather than your whole life. Also, keep in mind that if you project that you hate everyone, people aren’t going to want to include you.
True say about the last bit. I think I do rant to the people I *do* talk to sometimes, but its hard to strike a balance between complaining all the time, and wanting to be heard some of the time.
Absolutely hated it. I felt like it took 5-10 years to repossess all the soul and creativity law school forced out of me. But I like what I do now.
If it’s any consolation, one of my law school professors used to say, “Everyone hates law school. Anyone who says they don’t is lying.”
On the other hand, I loved law school and absolutely hate the practice of law. I’m practically counting the minutes until my student loans are paid off and I can get the *#&$ out.
Hated law school. Thought the women were uniformly neurotic and self-deluding, and celt like being in such close quarters, I picked up the same tendencies. And those people were my friends. All this to say nothing of the catty back-stabbing that went on among people I wasn’t friendly with.
I think it’s a function of the environment, though I can’t explain how. Internal law firm politics get me down from time to time, but in general, I enjoy being a biglaw associate. My neurotic law school friends, after law school, are less insecure and self-deluding, as am I. And some of the biggest tools in my class are now perfectly nice people with whom I’d gladly have a drink. Maybe it’s just my perception that’s changed — hard to say.
In any event, buck up. Most people hate law school. It will be over soon enough.
Is it possible for you to consider a transfer for your last two years? (I’m assuming based on your name that you’re still in 1L right now). It may be that you’ve just run up against a school that has a terrible social system and that, unfortunately draws in students that are cliquey and so on.
I’m a 2L at a Canadian west coast law school and I like the people I’ve met here way more than the people in high school and undergrad. However, this is a school that has a very well-known reputation (in Canadian circles) for being extremely collegial, friendly, helpful, etc. If you could find something similar that otherwise fit your career/financial/geographical goals, and transfer, that might lift the weight from you …
To Kanye East’s comment – I promise I’m not lying – I love law school. I’m kind of sad it has to end (and that I’m not really interested at this point in going the grad school route).
The exchange might work out for you, too, although sometimes they’re awkwardly placed in time for recruiting and other job-related stuff.
I’ve thought about a transfer and decided that it will probably be more trouble than it’s worth. I’d transfer back home, where the best law schools in the country are located, and IF I got in, I’d have an incredibly long commute. I think it’s best for me to stay here and work on things for now. Thanks though :)
And, yes, its a function of the school I’m at. I’m at a Canadian law school that has a reputation for being elite and cliquey. I’m sure you can guess within two guesses which one it is…
OMG, viclawstudent…..I think we are in the same city. But it is a small city so I don’t want to say more. Very cool, though, I didn’t think there were any other ‘Rettes here! (Though I have to admit, I did wonder earlier, given your name.)
Yeah, my location is apparent from my name (as I stated above, I really like the school, and the city, and am consequently not at all worried about people figuring it out). Are you a student or working?
To 1L, I have to admit that I don’t actually know much about the other Can school reputations, so probably couldn’t guess which one it is. Bummer about the commute. I think MelD is right to say that sometimes things warm up after 1L, though. In the first year everyone gets bunched into classes together; once you start picking classes based on interests, you may find yourself seeing people everyday who are more interested in the stuff you are.
@viclawstudent – I am a lawyer in private practice downtown. There aren’t many people in town who do what I do so if you looked hard enough I suspect you could find me!
FWIW, I think you got a great deal in coming to law school here – your school is really not representative of what most law schools are like.
I worked full time and went to law school at night and commuted, so I was left out of a lot of things that I wouldn’t have been able to do anyway. I pretty much only made guy friends in law school, and the only people I keep in touch with from law school are guys.
I felt the same way as you my first semester. All the people at my school seemed really immature, catty, and cliquey. Second semester, I realized I was just focusing my time on the wrong people and was able to meet a lot of people who I still consider good friends 5 years later. It sounds like your roommates are the first type of people. It’s really hard living with that on a daily basis, but NYC is a great place to visit even on your own. You’ll likely be far happier exploring on your own than with three girls who really don’t want you around.
if you want someone to pal around with in NYC, we have a fb group for NYC corporette: http://www.facebook.com/groups/269707296396538/
I’m sure we can figure out how to make your visit fun without them!
I also hated every single second of law school. My classmates were people I had nothing in common with and who made no effort to be friendly with people unlike them. For example, when I was a 1L, a 2L who was an alum of my undergraduate university hosted a party for all alums of that university at our law school, about 6-8 people. The law school facebook listed everyone’s undergraduate school so it was easy to know who went where. I was the only alum of that university not invited to the party. I overheard the hostess talking about it one day, so that is how I know it happened. I was not particularly upset not to be invited, but I just wonder what about me made me unworthy of an invite. It was another indication that I did not belong.
I did have a couple of friends, including one who I still keep in touch with, but they tended to be so worried about academics that they wanted to spend all their time studying. Those were honestly the worst 3 years of my life so far. All you can do is get through it. Or quit.
I hated law school so much that, to this day, I cannot drive by the building without flicking it off. And I graduated 6 years ago.
I only hope I will be half as happy on my wedding day as I was on the day that I graduated from that awful place.
I’m late to the party here, but I just wanted to say that I hated law school, too, for the reasons you’ve described. Two of my college friends, who went to a different law school than I did, also hated it. The first year was by far the worst – as time goes on, you meet more and more people, and the sense of competition with your classmates lessens as it becomes clear where you stand, where you’re going, etc. And while I can’t say that life after law school is completely free of these kinds of people, it’s better in the sense that you’re no longer in a closed environment with them, so they matter less. Hang in there – you’re certainly not alone, and I do think it gets better, though it can be a slow process.
I liked it but I think a very large percentage hate it (including my husband, who now enjoys practicing law).
Ladies, earlier this month I asked about going back to my previous job after a few months of the new one making me miserable. I’m happy to update that I did reach out to my previous employer, and they are welcoming me back with a raise! Thanks for the encouragement!
Bravo!!!
I remember your post and am glad it worked out. Congratulations!
oh good! I also have a friend who had the same situation, though she was only at her new job for 1 month. She went back to the old one at the same rate she was paid before.
Yay for women who don’t stay in bad situations to be “polite” and instead put their happiness first!
wunderbar!
Fantastic news — good for you and congratulations!!
Threadjack- my mother was recently a witness to our neighbor/family friend’s signing of their will. She mentioned to the lawyer that she has a daughter graduating law school this May, and she told me that he was willing to meet with me just as an informal informational interview-type thing. Not entirely sure, but I figure I am terrible at networking and I should force myself to take advantage of every opportunity. Any advice on how to go about e-mailing this attorney or what is appropriate to say? Thanks!
I think you are very smart to take advantage of opportunities that present themselves to you. Law is a small world – you might be surprised who this guy knows. Anyway, I think it is entirely appropriate to email this gentleman and say something along the lines of “My name is ______; you met my mother, _____, last week at ___’s will signing. Thank you for offering to talk to me.” Then suggest a time and place – maybe coffee one afternoon? If you want to be more specific and/or have a particular interest, you could say “Thank you for offering to talk to me about practicing law in [geographic area]” or “Thank you for offering to talk to me. I would love to hear about your experience in [name your area/subject/etc.].” Best of luck!
exactly this!
Yes, try to schedule a coffee like Former Midlevel suggests. Make up your own agenda for when you meet him (questions to ask, etc.), just in case he expects you to direct the conversation. Of course, if he takes the lead then let him do so.
Also, maybe I am a bit paranoid, but make it clear that the meeting is to talk about something legal related instead of just asking to meet with him. Even though he offered the meeting (probably with the best of intentions), there are still a few guys out there that assume that if a woman asks to spend time with him, then she must want him. Make your intentions clear just in case he falls in that camp.
I would like to get a card holder too, but I do NOT want to spend alot of money. Mabye $5-10, tops, but not this much. FOOEY!
Job Interview Advice?
I got invited to a job interview for a part-time position as a night therapist at a shelter. 8pm-9am 2 days/week, plus 3 more hours/week (totaling 29 hrs/week on site). On the plus side, it’s in my field and it permits sleeping when all is quiet, all good things. On the minus, they anticipate actual work only happening for about 9-12 of the hours I’d be on site, and the pay is based on that. (The math ends up being about $13ish/hr, for the 12 hrs/week, which actually ends up being about $5.37/hr for every hour I’m on site… about 1/3 lower than minimum wage.) On one hand, it might be good to network and get my foot in the door, on the other, is it worth my time, let alone probably losing that in unemployment benefits?
Also, if it’s not one I should interview for, how do I email and say I hope to be considered in the future without sounding like an @$$?
I would say at the very least go to the interview. You never know- maybe they will love you and say, hey, do you want to be considered for the full time position too? Unlikely, but you never know until you try. Also, if you decide to turn them down, you can do that just as easily after the interview as before, and you will have lost nothing (and hopefully gained some interviewing experience and possibly learned something/made a contact useful to you down the road).
Yeah, generally on unemployment you can take interviews, but can’t turn down an actual offer, so you’d have to tell them no after the interview if you weren’t interested. That said, how can they justify paying less than minimum wage but requiring you to be on site? If there is an emergency in the middle of the night (which there very well might be), would you get to say “Oh, this week because of [problem], I worked 17 hours”? I’m sure money is tight at the shelter, but that doesn’t seem right at all.
they say that work more than 9-12 hrs a week is extremely rare and since you can sleep there (they have a room for you on site), it’s not a requirement to pay you to be there.
Part of me feels like an interview would be good for networking, the other part feels like it’d be rude to waste the person’s time (and mine) if I know going into it that I don’t want this job (based mostly on the pay rate, which isn’t negotiable at all). What do I do?
I would go ahead and interview. And if you decide it’s not worth it to lose unemployment for the pay/time this job offers, you still may have made some connections. You might even consider volunteering there for a limited number of hours per week, if you want to build up connections/credibility there in hopes of a better job there or a similar site later.
Pretty sure this is not legal for non-exempt folks. If you wouldn’t be there otherwise (and why would you be sleeping at a shelter), then they should pay you to be on-call. period.
Yeah, I agree. I don’t know the specifics of NY law, but this would not be legal in my state.
You don’t say how much experience you have. I would go in for the interview because every field has it’s own idiosyncratic questions and the more you interview you better you get with them.
And honestly, if you have little/no experience I’d seriously consider taking the job. No matter what the degree is employers prefer experience to no-experience. If you take the job you will be in much better position to move into a full time job there, you can network and you can see if it’s what you really want to do. Yes, the pay is problematic. But it is amazing what a year of work can do in helping you find a job.
If you have experience in your field then I’d ignore what I said but still interview in case something f/t opens up concurrently
Anyone have recommendations for a good anti-itch lotion? I have an allergic skin condition that causes my skin to be extremely itchy all over for a few months out of the year. I used to love Neutrogena Soothing Relief Anti-Itch, but that has been discontinued. I am not really impressed with Eucerin’s anti-itch lotion. None of the non-drowsy antihistamines do a thing, so I reserve the benadryl for nighttime. I want something to use during the day that doesn’t smell too terrible. Any suggestions?
you might be able to find the discontinued brand you like through ebay or internet drug stores or even amazon!
I get really itchy skin on my legs and trunk during winter months and I swear by the Aveeno Baby Soothing Relief Moisture Cream. It’s in a tube and is in the baby section. Get the cream, not the lotion. If you look at it on amazon, you’ll see many many reviewers using it for itchy skin. Good luck.
Have you tried cortisone cream or the topical Benadryl cream? Both work well for me.
Does the condition cause a reaction similar to eczema? My SO has eczema that is triggered by certain conditions, and while regular lotion gives him some relief, the only thing that completely helps is a prescription skin ointment (I think it’s called mometasone). I’d ask your doc about it.
Target sells a clear calamine lotion. That helped me a lot with itchiness, and for prophylactic purposes I put a bit in my regular lotion to use daily through the winter.
You can get raw Shea butter from the bulk section at whole foods. High quality, cheap ($6.70 for a medium tub), and lasts forever.
I thought for a couple of days before posting this, but it needs to get it off my chest. So here it goes-
I happened to join this new company about 6 months ago. Initially, it was great and I got along well with everybody and my manager told me I was doing a great job. Trouble started after a couple of months when I had to work with a senior member (senior but still reports to the same manager I report to) in the same project. She’s a self-proclaimed control-freak and wanted the documentation to be done a certain way- there was some friction with this but things were still going on OK. One day, she emailed me telling me she’s been working on some data stuff which has been driving her crazy (it was a little difficult for her to understand) and I replied back with the complete solution. The next day she came over to my desk with our manager and asked me to take the project up on my own since I was good at it. I was so shocked and hurt by it (I’m 28, she’s in her early 40s – think about having a tiff with a senior member in the group) and I consoled myself for weeks that it’s OK and that our working styles differed, that I was more experienced with data stuff and all that. The problem is she is very close to our manager.
Things have changed since then and I’m now the invisible person in the team. I’m quiet by nature and this makes matters worse. I have no body to talk to; I don’t have anybody to even tell me if I’m doing a good job. I’m simply left unsupervised – I come, get my job done, and leave. All of this has made me feel miserable and every single day, I go through every minute detail of what went wrong. I even had my manager talk to me in an annoyed tone in front of the team during a project’s discussion. You can’t imagine how much more productive I get when somebody from other teams appreciate my work – that energy surge – I miss all that.
Another annoying thing I wanted to highlight is the way my manager behaves with other women. He once saw a colleague (much younger to him – he’s 50 and she must be 30) wearing tights and high boots, and rubbed his finger across her legs and said they looked good. She took it in good humor since they’ve been friends for a while now – in fact, he comments about her hair, about her glasses, her sweaters etc. He’s pretty generous with giving compliments to women about their dressing which makes me very uncomfortable. I swear I’m not jealous or anything, but I guess I’m too serious-natured for such kind of humor. Did you guys ever come across such situations?
I’m changing jobs in any case, but is there something I need to watch out about myself to avoid such situations in the future? I can think of some – (1) be diplomatic, (2) mingle more with people and make friends (3) develop a sense of humor (4) don’t worry too much about what goes on around as long as the joke’s not on me and (5) don’t get on the bad side of manager’s pet.
I wish I could be constructive, but I cannot figure out what the problem is in paragraph 1. A senior member of the team gave you complete responsibility for a project? Why/how is that a bad thing? It is clear that you see it as some kind of rejection, but based on what you have written, I don’t know why.
As for paragraph 2, you are quiet by nature. In offices, people often don’t have the time/inclination to draw others out of their shells. That is fine if you are ok with being introverted, but you don’t seem to be. Your statement “every single day, I go through every minute detail of what went wrong” indicates that your brain is working double-time to analyze what is going on. Maybe some others can give some insight on how they’ve dealt in similar situations.
As for the boots/tights, what your boss is saying seems inappropriate, particularly in light of how you (feel you) are fitting in with the group. I wouldn’t get bugged out in a similar situation, but I don’t have any issue with telling my colleagues what is or isn’t appropriate (ie, saying someone looks nice today is ok, trying to pet my angora sweater because it looks cozy is less than ok).
Finally, you say that you need to develop a sense of humor. Do you feel like that normally, or just in this scenario? If you feel like that all the time, then it may in fact be something you need to work on — to be happier in general. If you feel like you have a good sense of humor most of the time, it is probably a good sign that things are a bit off in your workplace.
Good luck on the job hunt!
I agree with NB, she gave you a compliment! you solved her problem so she thought you should do it from now
I think I understand – the more senior colleague lost face because you easily solved a problem that she found really difficult. When she reached out to you to say she was having trouble with the data, you replied with a solution, rather than just empathizing with her. Logically you were just being helpful but she may have perceived it to imply that she was slightly incompetent. It may have a tinge of “oh well if you think you’re so smart, do all the data stuff from now on!” to it. It can be hard to respond to someone when you know they are wrong, the right answer is blindingly obvious, yet they have a certain status that needs to be maintained or you just don’t want to make them look stupid.
I understand the issue too. You’ve been isolated and shunned by your group, and your manager is a sexual harasser. I’m glad you’re changing jobs in any case!
Honestly, I don’t know what you could have done here. You could have massaged the senior colleague’s ego by not doing the data for her, but then you wouldn’t have put the company’s interests first. Maybe the happy medium would have been to reply with sympathy, and offering to take a crack at the data yourself, instead of just doing it. But hindsight is 20/20. It sounds like you work with crazy people and you’re doing the right thing by getting out.
Thanks so much for your advice, everyone! This really means a lot to me! :-)
I know it’s late, but I could really use some support from any lawyer corporettes right now (particularly PDs/other criminal defenders). I’m a law student working in a legal clinic, and am in the middle of my first very high-stakes case representing a criminal defendant. I have invested months of time and energy in this case, and have gotten to know my client and his family very well. As the trial has gone on, it’s become harder and harder to be my “normal” self outside of court. Everyday conversations with my friends feel trivial and I get annoyed with them; I am having trouble sleeping and focusing on classwork because I’m constantly worried about or thinking about this case. It doesn’t help either that I’m trying to juggle class and other law school responsibilities while also going to court. FWIW, I’m not alone on the case – a professor and 2 other students are on it too – but I am solely responsible for certain witnesses, motions, etc.
I’m wondering if I’ve just become too emotionally wrapped up in this, and if so, what I can do about it. The trial is going to continue for at least another week, and I really don’t want to be this wholly unpleasant, spaced-out person whenever I’m not in court, but I’m just not sure how to handle it. If anyone has any experience handling something similar, I’d really love to hear about it.
Agree with NB, and adding this: You say you are left unsupervised. That *probably* means you’re doing a good job, but I do understand your feelings of abandonment.
That said, it is your job to “manage up.” You should be 1) figuring out how your manager likes to receive information from you – face to face? email? and 2) popping in every day or two to report to him/her and see what else is happening/get in on the ground floor with new assignments.