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Coffee Break – Marmont Shoulder Bag

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Treesje Women's Marmont Shoulder Bag - Womens ShoesI love the look of this shoulder bag from Treesje — the chain strap, the geometric look, the colorblocking, the flap with magnetic closure, the additional handle if you'd prefer to carry it by hand… lovely. This gray and yellow version is steeply marked down (from $475 to $237.50) but the black “anaconda,” while at full price, is also making me drool. Treesje Women's Marmont Shoulder Bag – Womens Shoes (L-2) Update: And it looks like Amazonhas the black anaconda marked down as well, currently priced at $281.30. Sweet!

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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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163 Comments

    1. And how have I been the first to comment on two different posts today??? I think I check Corporette too often. :)

  2. Any feedback would be appreciated. My younger cousin is a college freshman and our recent talks have me worried. She seems to think that because she slept with her high school boyfriend, sex has to be on the table with any guy she sees now. I’ve tried letting her know that sex is never a given, it’s something you should only do when you want to and are comfortable with. I would never tell her not to do something but I want to impress upon her that sex doesn’t have to be a part of every relationship/hookup. Fwiw, she’s more timid than I am and tries to fit in and be liked by everyone. Maybe I’m just overthinking this but I want to give her the best advice I can and the hive always has wonderfully diverse responses. My college was very different from hers, think yearbook and newspaper instead of sports with a steady bf throughout, so I feel a bit disconnected. Thanks in advance!

    1. That’s a tough one, I think. And sad – I don’t like the idea that girls seem to think that once they’ve had sex, they have to have it in every subsequent relationship. Could you ask her why she feels this way? I mean, it’s not like there is some public billboard (or maybe there is, kids these days and Facebook!) that posts who has and who has not had sex. It’s really not anyone’s business but hers if she has or hasn’t slept with someone.

      I really have nothing useful until I understand more about why she would feel this way. I never felt this way as a newly de-virginized young woman, but I think it was almost more cluelessness (it just never occurred to me that anyone would expect me to sleep with more guys just because I had slept with one) than any sort of personal empowerment on my part.

    2. I would say that it’s hard to get through at that age and I don’t even know what “on the table” means, really. A possibility? a must?

      I would focus instead on making sure that she knows to use protection every single time so that she doesn’t have something really serious to regret as a consequence. I hope it doesn’t sound harsh, but people will make mistakes at this age and mitigating damages would be my biggest priority.

      Of course you can explain to her that any guy that expects s*x right away is not really into you or is a jerk, and you should, but I don’t know if there is anything you can do to make someone listen. Stressing the importance of condoms and generally affirming her self esteem would be my tack.

    3. I can’t tell from your post why it is now “on the table” with anyone she sees. It sounds like this is a source of anxiety, but it’s unclear whether that is on her part or just on your part. Is it possible that her thinking is “good–first time is out of the way, and this is something I do now”?

      I think when we’re protective of younger women/girls, it’s easy to forget that they may simply be having sex because they want to. Every scenario sounds predatory or is associated with its risks. I also think many of us, younger and older, have trouble acknowledging directly that we welcome or are indeed pursuing sexual relationships for its own sake.

      I don’t know enough about your cousin, but these are just some thoughts. I would stress, with her, being safe and giving thought to all decisions. But unless you know that she is feeling pressure or fear, try not to assume that. Re-framing the conversation as being about what *she* wants might also help. Either it’s a match and she can speak more freely, or it’s a mis-match and you’ve giving her the cue that it’s ok to care less about what her peers may think, or what guys may expect.

    4. I wonder if she thinks “now that I’ve given it up, I have no reason to wait.” And I don’t mean that in an empowered way, I mean that in a “don’t understand how to listen to my own voice and set boundaries” way. I suspect that because you said she’s timid.

      I’d encourage her to listen to her own voice, not just in sex but in other things she wants that she may be pressured about. She may need help in realizing that she has the right to set and enforce boundaries.

    5. Thank you for the great responses so far!

      To clarify, “on the table ” means that it’s expected. She hasn’t slept with anyone but is really feeling the pressure to. My cousin really wants a boyfriend and is struggling with waiting until she finds someone she really likes before sleeping with him. I started preaching safe sex to her early, proactive is always best in my book. I also don’t want to see her “experimentation years” lead her to a major regret down the road. But, it’s her life and all I can do is be there for her and support her fully, which I have and intend to keep doing. We have a pretty open and honest relationship – she knows she could tell me anything without fear of me repeating it.

      I guess what I’m struggling with the most is deference to peer pressure. I’ve always had a very strong sense of self and have tried to instill that in her throughout the years, telling her she’s smart and beautiful and not to let anyone pressure her into doing something she doesn’t want to. My aunt isn’t exactly warm and fluffy and my uncle works 80 hours a week so the time I spend with her isn’t really enough to counteract that.

      Your comments are really helping me look at this from different angles and I’m looking forward to reading more.

      1. I think that her attitude is pretty prevalent with her age group–sleeping with your boyfriend is “just what you do,” regardless of maturity/age. I was more like you–not very susceptible to peer pressure (especially on this issue), so I get where you’re coming from. Without an appeal to some higher authority (be it religion or strong self-esteem), it is hard to fight the torrent. I think the most you can do is provide a counterpoint to the messages she’s getting from her peers and society more generally — i.e., you don’t have to sleep with a guy unless and until you want to, “boyfriend” or not. If she knows that not everyone agrees with the common wisdom, especially someone she trusts and admires, that counts for a lot more than it might seem.

        1. I haven’t read through all of the posts here yet (long day), but I thought I’d offer my POV.

          I just recently graduated undergrad (as in, graduated in December), so I think I can probably lend a decent perspective to this. My school was a business school, but also a party school (work hard, party hard mentality preached by professors and mentors). Even so, I have an idea of my school and others based on visits and friends.

          A lot of freshmen girls (and older – and onlookers) get the impression that, because the females going out look promiscuous and some may leave with guys, 99% of the campus is hooking up constantly. This isn’t actually happening. First of all, a decent portion of most campuses doesn’t go out or rarely goes out or doesn’t go out most nights of the week (even, surprisingly, mine – but people hide this). Of those who go out, sure, there are a few who are sleeping with 3+ guys a weekend, but plenty of those you see leaving with guys are leaving with boyfriends, friends, a ride home, or simply end up not sleeping with them.

          Ultimately, it is her choice (as you seem to understand and want her to understand), but I wanted to share this so that you could potentially share with her the idea that the image of what is happening isn’t what is actually happening. (I hope that is clear. I didn’t want to write a ridiculously huge paragraph on it.) Basically, what looks like the common happening probably isn’t, so she shouldn’t feel compelled to follow (which she shouldn’t anyways) that image.

          Good luck talking with her. Conversations like that are always awkward, but you are doing a really amazing thing by actually talking to her.

          1. I graduated a few years ago, but my alma mater (think fancy Ivy league) did a survey of undergraduates, and found that 42% of the students had never had sex at all, and very few subscribed to the alleged hook-up culture that always seems so prevalent.

    6. I think you have to acknowledge that yes, guys today expect it. However, you can explain to her that just because it’s expected doesn’t mean she has to agree to it and like other posters said, if he’s boyfriend material, he’ll be understanding (he might not even try for a while, unless she’s very obviously baiting him). My personal experience: once I knew that my first wasn’t going to be my only, I didn’t want to have to decide with each guy I was interested in whether or not he’d be my last. That’s no fun! Also, I gave into hormonal surges. I think all but one was a good experience.

      1. I don’t think you have to either sleep with every boyfriend or “decide . . . whether or not he’d be [the] last.” I think the OP’s larger concern is that the cousin really wants a boyfriend and worries that societal pressures are pushing her to get physical with guys sooner than she really wants to (or with guys who picked her, not vice versa) because it’s “expected.”

      2. And even guys who “expect it,” if they’re good guys, will give you some time to figure out if you want to sleep *with him.*

        1. Also anon, I did not mean to say that you have to sleep with every guy you date. That’s pretty extreme. What I meant was that waiting for someone “special” was not going to stop me from being with someone “fun” for now and OP should not rule that out for her cousin, if her cousin is OK with it. It’s about not judging people from either angle.

          It’s possible that OP’s cousin is hanging out with the “wrong” people, if the guys she’s meeting all expect sex right away and try to push boundaries. OP is on the right track in trying to boost her cousin’s self esteem. That will hopefully give her the confidence to make friends and meet guys who respect her boundaries. However, I would warn against judgment of ANY KIND on the cousin’s thoughts on when and with whom to have sex. I think that could result in shame and self-hate.

    7. This may seem like a ridiculous response, but I seem to recall an episode of Friday Night Lights where Tami Taylor talks to her daughter about sex–after she’s had it– and says something very poignant on just this subject. I remember thinking, “I hope I remember what she said in the event I ever need to have this conversation.” Does anyone else remember this episode?

    8. You might get her a copy of the current edition (way different than the original that was in print when I was in college). I’m pretty sure there’s some discussion of personal choice/boundaries/doing what is right for you. You could discuss it, or she could just read it. Also, I think every girl ages 13-25 should have a copy.

    9. I feel for you and for her. I slept with a guy once, not because I wanted to (I didn’t even though he was my boyfriend) simply because he expected it and he was very clear about that fact to me. I’ve regretted it from the moment I gave in up to this day. I just felt horrible and used.

      But I was young, and shy, and unexperience, and not confident. I did a lot of things just to try to fit in. And here’s the thing, sleeping with a guy never changes that. It never actually helped me fit in. Just made me feel worse about myself when the relationship went nowhere. Tell her that it really won’t have meaning or be special until she actually wants to do it!

    10. Catching up on yesterday’s posts… wanted to add my $.02 to this one.

      I remained a virgin much longer than most of my friends, and after the first time, there was definitely a bit of “phew, now that the first one is out of the way, the bar is lower” and I went through an phase where I was not so discriminating. I grew out of it in a few months and went back to my previous celibate self, and was no worse for wear — I used protection every.single.time and was responsible. I didn’t do it because of peer pressure, I did it because I was a young, single woman who had been a “good girl” my whole life and wanted to let loose a little. Almost 10 years later, I don’t have any regrets.

      Your cousin is lucky to have an older, wiser woman she feels comfortable talking to about s.x… and she might not be comfortable talking to you any longer if you come off as judgy. Let her talk, offer your own experience when asked, but I think you’re on the right track stressing choice, self-respect, and protection without telling her what her choice should be. If she eventually makes a decision that doesn’t seem like such a great idea in the bright light of day, be sympathetic, and stress again that she doesn’t have to keep doing anything just because she did it once; she can always reevaluate and modify her behavior so that she feels good about herself.

      This is outside your original question somewhat, but my REAL problem was with my later serious boyfriend who “didn’t like c.ndoms.” He had only been with one other girl in his life and was sure he didn’t have any STDs, because she had said she didn’t. I went on the pill (of my own initiative, he was very religious; if anything, I pressured him rather than the other way around), and that was that. Now I have one of the cervical cancer-causing types of HPV, and all the fun that comes along with it. Oh, irony.

      The best thing you could do for your cousin might be to make sure she understands that many STDs are asymptomatic and could negatively impact her ability to have children, or ultimately lead to life-threating conditions. Please tell her that until she has a serious boyfriend who has actually had that uncomfortable STD test and come back clean, she needs to err on the side of protection. Every time, no matter what. And the Guardasil vaccine may be worth looking into, as well…I know I wish it’d been available for me.

  3. Anyone have any recommendations for cute one-piece bathing suits? I’d like to think they’re making a comeback…my belly would like to think so, too! Affordable is key!

      2. I would second this, I bought a super cute suit there for $12. Good quality, cute, retro style.

    2. Shabby Apple has cute suits. I’m not sure about the quality, though. I see a lot of tankini-style suits at Athleta and Title 9, if that is close enough to a one-piece for you.

    3. Boden has really cute ones. Some are currently on sale for around $50. You can also wait for one of their 25% off promos.

    4. I saw some very cute ones at Nordstrom the other day. They were pricey but looked like they’d be super flattering on.

    5. I found a gorgeous one at Anthro last year that I have found to be so flattering, and just noticed yesterday that it is back this year – search for “Natalie one-piece”. I will link in the next post to avoid moderation. Maybe not “affordable” at its current price point, but it might be worth waiting for a sale, since Anthropologie rotates stock fairly regularly…

    6. If you’re not especially boobalicious, friends always find cute ones at Target. I, being boobalicious, buy from Lands’ End and Eddie Bauer. LE also has lots of mix-and-match tankini options.

      1. I second Target. I have an adorable one from there that’s technically a tankini, but the top is longish and made out of the same fabric as the bottoms, so it looks like a one-piece when it’s on.

    7. My belly and I are also glad they’re making a comeback. I got a cute retro one at kohls that I can’t find on the website anymore, and a more revealing DKNY one at marshalls. jantzen has cute one too, but at full price they’re expensive.

    8. I’ve had amazing luck with Old Navy, believe it or not.

      And yeah, after this second baby comes out, I’m pretty sure I’m going to be limited to one-piece. May they reign forever.

    9. A friend bought a Spanx suit last year and it was fabulous (not to mention the benefits of a suit made by Spanx–hello, skinny!)

    10. The Esther Williams suits, available at Modcloth, are adorable – vintage style, and structured, so they give you a nice shape.

      1. Second this – got a silvery retro one-piece at Modcloth (so retro it has boning – well I’m sure it’s not boning, but as cbackson says, something in that area that gives you shape) and it’s very, very flattering. Comes in lots of colours, too, and every comment I’ve ever seen on it has been glowing.

    11. I’m really happy with a suit that I bought from Athleta last year. It’s a tankini, but it doesn’t ride up like a lot of them do. Two children did a lot of damage to my midsection.

      I am intrigued by the Spanx suits. I may have to get one this year.

    12. Agree with prior posters about Lands End — great suits! Also, you can try shadeclothing, downeastbasics and limericki — but it might be a little early in the season for them to have their swim lines out already. Good luck!

    13. Juicy makes some fabulous ones. Theyn are a little on the pricey side, but super cute and super flattering

  4. Eh, this isn’t tripping my trigger. I’m already tired of the colorblocking trend alll the retailers seem to be pushing lately – it just looks way too 80s/dated to me.

  5. Any tips for bar study? So far I’m pretty much just doing Barbri and not much else. I’d appreciate any tips you guys have. (This is my first time taking it, I’m just doing it in February because of some weird scheduling on my part).

    1. Do as many multiple choices questions as you can. Focus on the harder/advanced ones.

      Outline the model essays so you get a feel for how they need to be written (and somehow this helped me memorize whatever was in the essays to begin with).

      Take the day before the exam off to relax. Don’t try to study in between day 1 and day 2.

      1. Seconded. Every bit of this. Maybe even consider booking a massage (or whatever is relaxing to you) the day before.

      2. My friend and I went out to dinner and a movie the night before the exam. Wise decision!

        I took two bars and didn’t overstudy for either of them. Barbri was my refresher. I took some sample tests to be certain I was familiar with the format. Then I just did it.

    2. I assume you’re doing the Barbri Pace Program? I did that last summer and passed with no problem. I did most of the program, except I didn’t read the long outlines.

      Honestly, if you just try to keep up with that program as much as possible (but don’t go insane if you miss something one day… I skipped a few things and found that trying to “catch up” stressed me out), then you will be good.

      I have to be honest — I did not stay on Barbri’s schedule for the last few weeks because I was very strong in multiple choice. Instead, I did 1-2 sets multi choice sets per day and then just read the answers for all of the essays in my worst subjects. I didn’t even outline the answers about 70% of the time — just read the answer. I think this helped me immensely. There were 3-4 questions on my actual bar exam that were almost the same as the practice essays in the Barbri book. They were not assigned, either, so I wouldn’t have necessarily known that if I hadn’t read the answers.

      1. agree with what you said about the essays, just keep reading sample answers and they’ll get ingrained in your head. Aside from the graded essay things, I didn’t write out full answers until like a week before the bar.

        i did barbri mobile for 2 states. I was working full time except for 2 weeks before the bar. I pretty much did allt he assignments, but none of the optional ones. I did some extra MBE questions online, and made flashcards for myself. and passed both states!

        I also had essays on the bar that were exactly like barbri samples. I didn’t do that well on the MBE though.

    3. I also did Barbri when I took NY and FL. The program will gradually increase in intensity. Believe me, it will keep you busy! Also, if you feel like you need extra work, the materials they give you are full of other questions and essays that you can do.

      Some quick advice:

      First, do as many practice questions and essays as you can. Second, you know what methods of studying worked for you in law school. Yes, this is a different type of test (in some respects), but you should try to stay true to what works for you. If that means carrying index cards into the waiting area before the exam, studying the day before, not studying the week before, making flashcards, etc. – do it! Don’t reinvent the wheel. Finally, be aware of the time. Create a time schedule, and stick to it! Try to abide by this schedule as you study.

    4. There has been good advice here so far. I just want to add that you should take into account your best study methods. I personally do best when I outline, shrink the outline, then make flashcards off the short outline but that might not be what works best for you.

      In my experience, it is impossible to completely keep up with the barbri outline so don’t overly freak yourself out if you miss some things.

      Definitely take the day off before the exam starts. If you would have a weird commute or your house isn’t the calmest place, consider getting a hotel room near the testing site. That was the best decision I made. Watching a movie in a giant comfy bed in a quiet hotel room down the street from the site was the perfect way to avoid stressing out about train outages and other things.

      1. I agree with this advice (and the same above) about taking the day before the exam off from studying and, if it makes sense and you can afford it, get a hotel room, even if you live in the city where the exam is being given. Even more, I agree with the advice that you should consider how you’ve always studied and been successful rather than blindly following others’ advice. I did almost no multiple choice or essay questions before the exam. I read the long outlines. It is the oppositie of what everyone advised me, and because I did this I was convinced after the exam that there was no way I could have passed, but it worked for me just as it had worked for me all through school.

  6. Not proud to say this but I have a serious dentist phobia. My old dentist — the only one I ever worked up the courage to go to regularly — doesn’t take my new work insurance. So, now I haven’t gone in way too long and it’s making me even more apprehensive. Any recommendations? Anywhere in manhattan would work. Just someone gentle and who can deal with my rarely-go-to-the-dentist problem teeth.

    2. On the recommendation of a coworker with awful teeth (they look fine to me, but he says that’s because he is having his whole mouth replaced, basically), I went to John Stanescu at DDS Group just last week. He was a bit short with me, but I have really good teeth (never had any cavities) so there may not have been much for him to say. Perhaps more importantly, I thought his hygienist was excellent. I was able to schedule a pretty early appointment (I was done by 8:45 a.m.). And instead of giving me outdated coupons for dental crap, they actually gave me samples — brush, paste, floss, etc. — which I love getting. Also, previous dentists have tried to convince me that I need to replace my retainer/bite plate, in my opinion because they want to be able to charge me $800 for the replacement. I asked Dr. S. as a test, and he said you only need to replace it if you have gnawed all the way through it. That is something I like to hear. Oh, and, they actually cleaned my retainer, professionally, at no extra charge, which no dentist (not even in my hometown, and I had a great guy there) has ever done. They even told me to bring it back every time I come. So I am quite happy, and I am actually sending my husband (who has dental problems) to their practice group as well. Located on Broadway all the way downtown, walkable from 1/2/3/4/5/J/Z, and probably even the A/C. Their website is ddsgroupnyc,com.

    3. Georgia Reskasis at Madison Dental (madisondental DOT com). I used to hate going to the dentist, but I love him (he’s so nice), the hygienists, etc.

      1. Normal lurker, posting for the first time for this rec: Dr. Karthilde Appolon. As a recent NYC transplant I was on the hunt for a dentist and wound up scheduling one on zocdoc — best relatively uninformed decision ever! She’s almost as nice, patient and calm as a pre-school teacher, has a cozy and convenient office (Midtown West-ish) and has the most flexible schedule of any dentist or doctor I’ve come across since moving here — weekends, early mornings and evenings are usually on the table. I’ve sent a handful of people her way and it seems like everyone is happy as a clam.

    6. Hope this isn’t too late to be helpful. I’m very much like you and have an unreasonable and unexplained fear of the dentist, despite being rational and competent with respect to most other things. Love the one I see now, despite the fact that I’m getting significant work due to the lack of prior care. Dr. Ricci at 28th and 2nd. Good luck!

          2. It’s been a few years since I moved away, but I adored Dr. Dutrow and Dr. Manwaring at the corner of Shady Grove and 355. They did bring in a new guy at one point, and I didn’t really like him, though.

          3. Sorry, I didn’t see this last night. I go to Cheryl Callahan (she has a website and if you google her name it’ll come right up). I’ve been going there for about 10 years now and have been very happy. My appointments pretty much start on time, she doesn’t try to push unnecessary things, and seems sympathetic about pain relief. I first started going as a broke postdoc with no dental insurance and she prioritized the work I needed so that what was necessary was done first, but the rest was done in such a way as to make it not too financially burdensome on me. When I confessed my huge fear of the giant novocaine needle, she made sure to use topical anesthetic and was as gentle as possible about jabbing it in (I hate that needle!). Also, I once asked about tooth lightening and she told me that, at the time, the technology they had wouldn’t work for my discoloration (more gray than yellow) so she wouldn’t recommend it. That just confirmed my impression that she does not try to sell unnecessary services.

            I have probably sent over a dozen people to her over the years, and the only complaint I heard was that one time she was running late and the patient had to wait about half an hour. I find all the hygienists to be very good, she also has another dentist in the practice who’s good as well. Not sure how her prices compare to other places because my insurance seems to cover most of what I get done.

      2. I love my childhood dentist, but she’s out in woodbridge (you can get there via bus, but prob too much of a pain).

        Metro accessible dentist I liked Matt Gialanella at Virginia Center for Cosmetic and General Dentistry. He was great and answered my questions and wasn’t rushing. His technician was OK – my bf is freaked out by dentists so I went first. After my experience (which was great, but I like the dentist) I told him to just ask her to be really gentle and he was fine with her.

    2. Modern Dentistry – not too far from Woodley Park metro. The dentists and staff there are wonderful.

    3. Dr. Lievano, not far from the Foggy Bottom metro. He’s the best dentist, and his staff are genuinely friendly. Ask for “Tasha” the hygenist, and mention that you are a bit apprehensive when you call to make your appointment.

    4. My dentist is Dr. Andrew Lasky in Dupont Circle. He and his hygienists have always been perfectly fine, and they accept a wide range of insurance including my DMO. He’s never tried to upsell me or get me to have procedures I don’t need.

    5. I go to Dr. Joseph A. Khalil at Arlington Dentistry by Design, he’s at the Courthouse Metro stop (and parking is fairly easy). Great work, friendly office.

      1. I highly recommend Dr. Doctors and any of the rest of the doctors and hygenists at Washington Center for Dentistry. I love them, truly. And the office feels like a spa!

  8. And I just realized that I have been wearing black and navy blue together all day. And not in a good/coordinating/classy way, but in a “I got dressed in the dark and could not tell that this shirt was actually black” kind of way. Le sigh. Is it Friday yet?

    1. I hear ya. I just spilled half a bottle of fizzy water on my lap. At least it wasn’t coffee.

    2. If it makes you feel better, I did this on my first day back from maternity leave. Oops – so much for looking like a put together mom ready to get back to work!

    3. Did the same last week with black and brown. I was wearing a skirt that I have had for 2 years and had always thought was black, but with black tights it became apparent it is in fact a very dark brown. Oops.

    4. One day I went to work with a navy skirt suit and what I thought were 2 navy shoes. I didn’t notice until I went out into the bright sunshine for lunch that I actually had on one black shoe & one navy shoe (in my defense, they were the exact same brand of shoe and the navy ones were VERY dark). Thankfully I went to lunch with a group of men who are clueless and don’t notice stuff like that.

      1. I did the same witha brown shoe and a black shoe! Different brand, same style. It was pretty obvious in the natural sunlight. Good thing, at the time, I kept all my work shoes under my desk.

  9. Moderator….

    Any plans to add a forum? Not sure I am a fan of people posting comments that are completely unrelated to the article at hand. And it would be helpful to consolidate conversations of a certain type.

    Thanks
    Lauren

    1. Lauren – the point of the coffee break posts is for people to bring up any topic under the sun to discuss with others.

      1. I thought that that was the point of Corporette in general. :)

        It’s why I come back, at least.

        2. Yup. I like seeing the clothes (not that I can ever afford any of them), but the comments and community are why I’m here :)

    2. hahaha this made me laugh a lot. I just pictured this voice saying moderatoooooor like a snobby person would say waiiiiter.

    3. You’re kind of on the wrong blog. I’d say about 75% of the posts here are unrelated to the post.

      2. I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat it and stop posting unrelated comments…but NGDGTCO told me I’m not allowed to bake.

    5. Ha ha. We do occasionally comment on the posted item. I do like this bag. It’s way too limiting to deserve space in my little closet.

    6. The threads are why I read Corporette in the first place. Seriously, how many comments could you read (and WANT to read) just about a handbag?!

  10. Ladies!!!

    I had my third (!!!) interview at the company I’ve talked about! This time it went very smoothly with everyone being there. I actually met with quite a few people. I am one of the finalist of the position and should hear by the end of the week…. Keep your fingers crossed for me!! (yay!)

  11. I like this bag in black. What do we know about this brand? Is the quality good? Comparable to, say, Cole Haan?

  12. Odd question, hoping you have tips:

    I want to do a murder mystery party, don’t have time to create one from scratch. All the box ones I saw look super corny. Anyone have any luck with a boxed party and want to share your experience?

    TIA!!

    1. I actually participated in a boxed one years ago and it was really fun. Yes, they’re pretty cheesy. So you have to pick a group with some appreciation for camp. Just cultivate a vibe of “we’re all in on the cheesiness” and it will be fine.

      1. I have done one and I loved it! We all dressed up and even ate the themed food. Agree–you have to find a group willing to commit to the cheesiness of it and just go with it.
        I would advise that it’s fun to take pictures if you dress up :)

    2. So in addition to giggling at the comment above by Lauren, I read this as “I want to do a murder” and thought “we have come too far in the advice giving!” it is one of those days

      1. Hilarious. We all are supposed to weigh in on how an overachieving chick can professionally manage a murder. (Will it affect my references? Any recommendations for drycleaners that will be discreet?)

    3. One of my friends did a boxed one probably around 10 years ago and we always talked about doing other ones because everyone had so much fun. I don’t remember that the plots were particularly compelling or earth shattering. It was mostly silly and light hearted, but I think it’s a good way to get a group together who might not be the best of friends. I know in our group, not everyone knew each other very well and it was not a problem at all.

    5. I went to a boxed murder mystery party recently, and it was great fun. The one we used had lots of characters with accents, which made the whole thing hilarious and it was much easier to play the characters.

      It was GREAT fun and the corniness etc. really was secondary because everyone had a great time and most of the fun comes from people playing the characters, getting dressed up and having stuff from the time period. Ours was a 1920s one and there was 20s music and everyone wore period-appropriate clothing.

      There is plenty of opportunity for improvising and the box is really just there to direct you to who the murderer is. If you were the organiser, you could e.g. plant fake evidence etc. to make more of a thing out of it.

      A word of warning, though: A lot of the boxed ones are based on books/novels etc. On this one, I knew who the murderer was straight off the bat because I had recently seen the TV adaptation of the book. So if you are a big crime novel fan, pick carefully.

      Good luck!

    7. I’ve done a couple! They are super super corny, but loads of fun. I’ve never done one with the built in dinner they recommend, we just always sit in the living room and bicker at eat other. You definitely need people who are willing to go all in with the play acting. One of my male friends did a fantastic job as a female fortune teller at the last one I was at, and I’ve bound my chest and slicked back my short hair to play a greaser. Pictures are a must, particularly if you can decorate so there is a period-appropriate (or at least suggestive) background.

      My team at work even did one a year before I began working here. I’ve seen the pictures, everyone looks fantastic!

      1. Oh, and don’t bother buying a new one, you can get them for cheap at practically any second-hand store. The only problem is that older ones usually require a cassette player for the opening portion that sets up the murder.

    8. My roommate and I hosted one in college, and it was great fun. They still make the one we used because I saw it at Barnes and Noble the other day — it’s a western themed one. Everyone dressed up and we got barbecue for the dinner. I recommend if you have friends that can laugh at themselves and each other!

    9. I did one with a bunch of friends that was lots of fun–it was a casino/gangster theme. They threw a bigger casino/gangster themed party, and only people who RSVP’d ahead of time got “characters”, but most people dressed up, and they had cards and a roulette wheel and stuff, so there was something to do while you partied, other than just “WHO DID IT?” (someone got “murdered” halfway through the evening)

  13. I’ve been traveling a lot in the past few months plus I had an injury that kept me out of the gym, and I have gained about 15lbs which I would like to lose. For background, I have a chronic illness that places serious dietary limitations on me. I am extremely active, but have a problem with eating too much (usually not a problem because I’m active, but when I’m traveling or unable to work out, I don’t eat less to compensate for the lack of activity). I’m thinking of signing up for Weight Watchers online. Have any Corporettes used WW before, and would you recommend it?

    I’ve tried some of the free programs, including SparkPeople and MyFitnessPal, but I feel like they emphasize thinness too much and health not enough.

    1. I’ve been on WW at work since May and have lost 30 pounds. I love the 0 pp fruits and veggies! You’ll get out of it what you put into it.

    2. I almost posted on this earlier. I’ve signed up online, but feel frustrated by the food logging. Can someone speak to strategies here for someone who eats a variety of foods, cooks, and doesn’t eat in chain restaurants. For example, I ate tabbouleh salad with lamb at a local restaurant for lunch today. The salad was almost entirely parsley, olive oil and lemon, so I think this was a good choice. But how on earth do I log this without spending all my free time deconstructing dishes and guessing at food volumes? Or do I have to change my habits in order to keep up with the program?

    3. As Jennifer Hudson would say, “Weight Watchers works!” Personally, I really need to go to the meetings for accountability, but that’s just me. The online really helps you track what you are eating and stay on target. I highly, highly recommend it. The new WW system really emphasizes eating your fruits and vegetables, drinking water, getting your calcium, etc.

      to Anonymous, I tend to eat out a lot. I usually look at recipies that are found on WW and use that as a guide. You can look up “tabbouleh” and check out the recipes on the site (usually they’ll have a stock tabbouleh item, a WW recipe for it, and community recipies for it) and then figure out if you think what you had contained more or less oil or what have you, and then add a point or two. Truthfully, I usually just use whatever they have on there and go with it. An extra point or two not recorded is not going to make a HUGE difference (unless of course, you are not counting a point or two at every meal). The thing about WW is that you really DON”T have to change your habits to keep up – you just need to be better about portion control and figure out how to fit stuff into your diet.

  14. Not sure why my first comment got sent to moderation…

    I’ve been traveling a lot in the past few months plus I had an injury that kept me out of the gym, and I have gained about 15lbs which I would like to lose. For background, I have a chronic illness that places serious dietary limitations on me. I am extremely active, but have a problem with eating too much (usually not a problem because I’m active, but when I’m traveling or unable to work out, I don’t eat less to compensate for the lack of activity). I’m thinking of signing up for Weight Watchers online. Have any of you used WW before, and would you recommend it?

    I’ve tried some of the free programs, including SparkPeople and MyFitnessPal, but I feel like they emphasize thinness too much and health not enough.

    1. Love love love WW. Was on the upper edge of healthy BMI, and here I am happily back in the low-to-middle, without feeling like I made sacrifices. It makes the whole weight loss problem easy to approach and quantify.

    2. I haven’t personally tried it but I have heard so many great things about WW. My bff went on it three/four years ago and she’s so healthy now. Same with my mom and a few of my co-workers. Here’s what they’ve all told me… it is a great way to start training yourself about portion sizes, healthy choices and exercise. It doesn’t leave you starving, it allows you to still enjoy the things in life you can’t live without and rewards you for being active and making good choices. All of the people I know on it went to a small number of classes and just did the rest on their own. They still eat at parties, still enjoy good dinners, still have desert but they know what they are putting in their bodies and they make wise choices before or after those “fun food” moments to account for the extra calories.

      Good luck to you!!!

    3. I’m doing this right now. Only two weeks in, but I can definitely see the benefits, as it just makes you think a lot more about what you eat, rather than stopping you from eating certain things.

      I have dietary restrictions, too, which make it quite hard for me to stick to the points limit, because I can’t eat a lot of the things that have zero points. BUT I’m trying to compensate for that by doing more exercise.

      I find that it appeals to me because I like doing things by numbers and I get sort of competitive with myself and go ‘ok, so I want to eat x at so-and-so’s dinner party tonight, so I’m going to have to go to the gym and do y exercise to make up the points’ and then I’m more likely to do it, because I can see the numbers right there on the screen.

      Good luck!

    4. Thanks for the comments so far. I also wondered how varied their food database is? I am often outside the US and I generally tend to eat a lot of “weird” food – not standard American fare. I’ve run into the problem that a lot of the online trackers don’t include a lot of the things I eat, and it’s a huge pain to have to add them in one by one.

      1. I’m a huge fan of WW and have had a lot of success on it.

        Honestly, their food database is not that varied, especially for non standard American fare. For the most part, the database contains info on raw ingredients and then data supplied by American food corporations. For foods that are not in the database, I usually create a point total by using the recipe function to add the raw ingredients together and then add a few points for the chef. I also sometimes just look up the nutrition value of a comparable dish online and plug that in. It can be a little tedious, but you can save your foods and recipes so it’s there for next time.

        1. Also, vegetables and fruits are 0 points. So right now, for example, I am eating a vegetable risotto. To figure out points, I am just going to estimate how much rice I am eating and then add 1-2 pts for the light sprinkle of cheese and any oil/wine that I am also ingesting. Not perfect, but reasonable.

        2. I signed up for the online program. Any other Corporettes interested in making a Corporettes group on the WW online community?

          1. Just a note, guys — Corporette is a trademarked term, so if you do, please make sure that it refers to readers of the blog Corporette. Thanks.

          2. @Kat –

            The group is called “Weight Watchin’ Corporettes” and the description reads “A group for overachieving chicks who are fans of the blog Corporette.com. (This group has no official affiliation with Corporette.)”. Let me know if you have any objections. I put my email address in the email field so you should be able to reach me.

      2. Just my 2-cents (I’ve lost 104 lbs on WW to date). Even if you join WW online and don’t go to meetings, stop by a center to look at the Dining Out companion book (I think it’s around $5.) They’ll most likely let you buy it if you tell them that you’re an online subscriber. I don’t tend to use it for the listed restaurants (all chains, many of them not in my area), but there’s an ethnic food section that is more diverse then you’d expect. It’s a good place to start when you’re trying to figure out points plus values for restaurant items.

  15. Sooo, I’ve developed “fluffy flanks”. They are love handles but on my back area just above my hips instead of only on my sides. I’m a thin person. 125 lb, 5’7, small bone structure. What the heck do I do? I’ve tried wishing them away but that didn’t work. I think eventually I’ll consider lipo but for now, I’m too young (28) and have baby-making ahead of me so I fear paying money to shape my body when it will just get rearranged later.

    I eat pretty well (desert 1/wk), moderately healthy diet… although I do love my wine. I exercise about 2/wk. Nothing crazy.

    Do I need to exercise more? Do I need to spot train around my back? Do I need to suck it up and eat crazy healthy and (gasp) limit my alcohol?

    Any tips you have would be SO appreciated.

    1. No fabulous advice (as I have these, too), but I love the name “fluffy flanks.” I may have to steal this.

    2. Unfortunately, spot reducing is pretty much impossible. If you’re gaining weight overall and your body just likes storing it there, losing weight may help. If not, your body might just be changing shape as you age.

    3. I have a similar body type and I get the same thing when I’m drinking more wine than usual. Try limiting wine for a while and see if that helps–it does for mr.

    4. As Jas said, you can’t spot reduce. From what you’ve said, sounds like a small body fat increase. May be more prominent because you have a smaller frame. In any case, limit your cals and/or increase your activity level.

      For fastest results, use a comprehensive resistance training program and tighten up your diet.

  16. I kind of love the color scheme (strange, I’m not usually into color-blocking), but it doesn’t look big enough for me. I’ve totally turned into one of Those Women With Giant Purses in my adult life.

    1. This is me, too – I used to be able to have tiny purses and still carry everything, yet now my bags are always bursting at the seams irrespective of size.

      Goodness only knows how I used to go out in college with NO purse at all!

      1. I used to wrap a $20 around my driver’s license and tuck it into my bra before I went out to clubs. Ah, those were the days.

    2. As a child, I always wondered why my mother always had such a huge bag with her at all times.

      As an adult, now I know.

  17. I’ve got a bit of a random threadjack question here.

    I have always had problems with nylons. I would say nearly 99% of the time that I wear them, I can only wear them once – rips, tear, catches, etc. It isn’t that I’m running into things or anything. I’ll be walking along and BAM it tears – nothing is around me! I’ve also put on brand new pairs to find them torn (and I didn’t tear them putting them on, really). Basically, I have absolutely not luck with nylons.

    I’ve tried different pantyhose brands, etc. I have really light skin and am tall, so it’s tough to cover up (the white of my skin reallllly shows, sadly, even though the nylons aren’t that much darker of course). I tried at one point going a size up, but that didn’t help – plus, now I’ve grown taller and so am at size Q, so that isn’t as much an option (and didn’t help).

    I can’t afford much at all (going to law school in the fall), but I clearly need to find an alternative. I’ve heard that tights are a good alternative, but sometimes you just need nylons. Does anyone know of great brands or such that just never seem to run?

    I love this community and you all tend to have such great suggestions, so I thought I’d see. Thank you!

    1. Are your runs typically in one area, or random? (And do you usually wear them with only a few pairs of shoes / outfits?)

      If one area starting in the foot, consider whether it may be shoe-related (or toenail-shape related). I had one pair of high heeled loafers that killed three pairs before I figured out there was a sharp little piece of leather that snagged them (how it managed to snag my hose but not irritate my skin, I’ll never know). I also used to get runs starting from the big toe until I learned I needed to keep the nail rounder. I also used to get them from a skirt with a built-in slip — the slip had lace edging on it, and the seam where the lace was sewn to the slip was rough and would catch and tear at the hose.

      If random… could you somehow be snagging them with a rough nail as you put them on? That might not make a noticeable tear as you put them on, but could definitely turn into a surprise run later in the day as the threads unwind themselves.

      1. oh, to answer your no-run question – I had one pair of Calvin Klein hose that lasted probably 2 years (granted, I wasn’t wearing them daily or anything like that – I probably got 30 wears out of them).

      2. I paid attention to the shoes and toenails/fingernails (I have long fingernails and fast growing nails and general, so used to think that was it), but I never thought of the skirt!

        They do seem to be random typically, but I think a few may be coming from this (in retrospect). I’m going to check some of my skirts tomorrow; maybe this will solve some of it!

        I’ll also look at the rough nails again. I’ve looked at it as a potential as I put them on, but not for later in the day. Since I have longer nails, I try to be careful, but… definitely quite plausible!

        I’ll also check out the Calvin Klein ones. Thanks!

        1. I realized I should mention, regarding the rough nails and shoes possibilities, that my knee high nylons (for pants) have never torn, caught, pulled, etc. (late thought)

    2. I don’t really find that pantyhose are that much of a requirement these days other than for job interviews and more formal court appearances. You might as well just get cheap 3-packs of Hanes Silk Reflections and if they run after a few wears, oh well. I’ve also had decent luck with Assets, but the control top area does seem to have some issues. Since no one sees if that part gets a hole I still wear it anyway.

      Tights do last much much longer. Unless they get caught on something, I find that tights usually last a few seasons before they run or get holes in some area my shoe rubs.

      1. That’s what I’ve been doing, since I usually figured I’d only need them a few times. Unfortunately, I’ve worked in offices and done presentations where they are required. (In the past, I just wore pants a lot. However, I just switched jobs and skirts/dresses are necessary more often. Oh, office cultures.) There are some events I can get away with not wearing them, but for typically around the office, meetings, and presentations, I definitely need them, unfortunately. Looking forward, I’m probably going to need them consistently in the future, sadly.

        That’s great about tights! I’m probably getting some this weekend. :)

        1. The sheerer the pantyhose, the more fragile they will be. Less Spandex or zero Spandex, will be even more fragile. What if you changed some of your habits? Don’t dry pantyhose in the dryer. Don’t just hang them on the curtain rod wet. Gently lay out the pantyhose on a towel, fold the towel over to cover the pantyhose on both sides, and gently press out the excess moisture before you hang them to dry.

          If you throw them straight into the washing machine, buy a hosiery/lingerine bag and put the pantyhose into the protective mesh bag before you throw them in the washer. Try a gentler washing cycle. If you already use a hosiery/lingerine bag, what would you think about washing them by hand? Runs in your pantyhose are an issue for you; is your time worth it to help them last longer?

          For the next week or so, make a point of checking your pantyhose very frequently for runs and snags. When a snag or run appears, note the time of day and the activity you were involved in right before you found the run. Did you get a run first thing in the morning? Maybe you need to exit your car more carefully. Do you do filing at 10:45 AM, and the run shows up at 11:00? Maybe the filing cabinets are the culprit,etc. If you can pinpoint the pantyhose trouble spots, you might be able to modify your behavior and be extra careful during those few times when you really need to be.

          As for pantyhose brands, L’eggs Sheer Energy are a truly outstanding product. You can quite easily spend 4 times as much and get a product that is inferior to L’eggs Sheer Energy.

          Many years ago, Consumer Reports wrote up pantyhose. On two different surveys, conducted years apart, L’eggs Sheer Energy came out as the double-blind favorite of the women who participated in both studies. L’eggs Sheer Energy beat out Givenchy Round the Clock and many other expensive department store brands for comfort, fit, and longevity.

          If L’eggs Sheer Energy Q size are too big, try pulling the waistband WAY up to below your bra. If that doesn’t work, Jockey for Her pantyhose make “plus / +” sizes in A & B. So if Q is too big, try JFH in “B+”, which are bigger than regular “B”, but smaller than “Q”.

          Good Luck!

          1. Thanks for your detailed reply!

            I have tried L’eggs (not sure what line) and currently use Q size. I will try some of your other suggestions, though, with both this and other brands I have. Since I normally wash them in the washer in a hosiery bag and dry out (or hand wash, but only when I’m feeling like it… so rarely), I’ll try hand washing and towel drying. I’ll also try checking the sheerness/spandex of them – I think that may be an issue.

            Thank you again!

      2. I second Hanes Silk Reflections. And–no offense–but you might check to make sure you are putting on and taking off your hose correctly. I find that dressing and undressing are key snag times.

        1. Will try them.

          None taken – I actually have wondered that in the past. I’m not really sure if it’s possibly to put it on incorrectly. (I may be wrong about that – which would probably mean I am doing it wrong!) However, in case it was a problem with my hands/nails or such, I’ve tried putting them on with gloves. This solved any issues while putting on, but… they always run later. I always end up being that woman on the train with the really obvious run – or at least am self-conscious enough to think I am!

    3. Maybe you need extra tall hosiery?
      If you’re very tall, going up a size to something meant for heavier women may not be the solution because the stretching goes the wrong way.

      1. I wear hosiery every day …. I swear by imports, especially the Italian brand of Filodoro. I get mine from shapings (dot com) out of Toronto. Their website is wide, including tights, and sizing clearly stated. The owner will be great help to you in suggesting sizing and products. Can’t say enough good about them. Not related, just a loyal customer for years and years. They ship easily to the US.

        1. I didn’t even think of that/know it existed.

          I will check out Filodoro.

          Thank you both!

      1. Yes but I take my watch off to put the nylons on/off and am WICKED careful with my hands around my nylons, because I am super conscious of the fact that they seem to always run.

        Thank you all! I am so grateful for all the suggestions, Corporette!

  18. I have an interview for a paralegal position at a large law firm in Oklahoma, and I am struggling with what to wear. I thought at first I should find a nice-fitting skirt or pant suit, but I felt like a silly version of myself in every one I tried on (and there were many). I did find one suit that wasn’t terrible, but I have two other outfits in mind and I was hoping to get some feedback from you all.

    Option 1: J.crew origami sheath dress in navy (http://www.jcrew.com/womens_category/suiting/woolcrepe/PRDOVR~43712/43712.jsp). I love this dress and it’s perfectly tailored for me, but is it right for an interview?

    Option 2: Navy wool pencil skirt with a silk/cashmere 3/4 length beige cardigan (both from Banana Republic). Both pieces fit great and aren’t too tight.

    Option 3: Go back and get the darn suit.

    1. Why do you fell like a silly version of yourself in a suit? Is it just because you aren’t used to seeing yourself in a suit? If so, I recommend buying the suit. Unless wearing a suit makes you so uncomfortable that you will botch your interview, you really should wear a suit to a law firm interview–no matter what the position. Plus, you will need a suit if you ever accompany the lawyers to court, deps, etc. So it will be an investment–in addition to showing respect for and understanding of law firm life.

    2. Go back and get the darn suit – as Former MidLevel said, not only will you need one for work from time to time, but it’s not appropriate to wear business casual for large law firm interviews (at least not for a paralegal role). I understand the “feeling silly” part – I looked in the mirror when I tried on my first suit and felt like I was playing dress-up (“who are you?? lawyer barbie??”) but was fine after I got used to seeing myself in it. I’d recommend wearing at least the jacket around the house for a bit so you get used to how it feels on and it starts feeling more “normal.”

    3. Just wanted to thank you all again for the advice. I went back and bought the suit, had a great interview, and was offered the job. Very happy, and very happy to have found this blog.

  19. Okay, that settles it for me. Thanks for the advice! I did feel like I was playing dress-up, but I’m sure you’re right that it’s only because I’m not used to seeing myself in a suit. I mean, I never think other women look silly in suits, so why would I be an exception?

    1. Definitely don’t feel silly in the suit! A suit should empower you. If you have a suit you look really good in (and wear good underwear, as silly as it sounds, because you just won’t feel as good if you know you have that bra on that is slightly broken or whatever, and you’ll think of this at some point or the part that is broken will irritate you), you will feel more confident and this will show. Even if you feel like you are playing dress up to a role, think of this: you should dress to the role you want, not the one you have. I know a lot of this sounds like a great pile of often slung phrases (I can’t think of the right word), but it is true.

      I also agree that you should always wear a suit to a law firm interview (or really any job interview other than food/retail base jobs).

      Good luck tomorrow! I’m sure you’ll be amazing in your new suit! (Just remember to take off all the price tags and remove any threading that should be removed! Forgetting those is always my fear.)

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