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I'm always a fan of red-on-burgundy, and these Kate Spade boots look super cute for a commute or a casual office (or, heck, even a conservative one, but know your office). I love the contrasting colors and the stripey details on the 2.5″ heel — so fun.
The boots are $148, and come in five colors at Zappos.
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Looking for a weatherproof knee-high boot for work? As of 2022, these are some of our latest favorites…
Pictured above: one / two / three / four / five
Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
Curious
Dang, now I want these.
Senior Attorney
OMG it doesn’t even rain here and I want these so bad!
No Face
Same. They are adorable.
Anon
I know, they’re super cute.
anon
I did NOT know that I needed a heeled rainboot, but here we are. These are gorgeous.
Anon
How do people wear these without their feet getting incredibly hot and sweaty?
Cat
Good socks, and also these aren’t for all day wear.
FWIW I had Kate Spade rain booties and the rubber disintegrated too quickly for the price point.
Curious
What are your favorites, Cat?
Coach Laura
I’ve had successive pairs of Ugg rainboots that outlasted my Hunters. I had horses in Seattle and used them daily for years. Nordstrom carried them for a while but not the specific boot that I liked. But your employer has them – Ugg Sienna.
Sallyanne
Second the Ugg suggestion. I have the Chevonne and find them perfect for long wear in the PNW. Nice looking but not as cute as the Kate Spades
Cat
I’ve had a pair of the classic Hunters that are going on… year 5? 6? The slightly rounded shape of the toe means the rubber isn’t as prone to cracking when your foot flexes as you walk.
Curious
Thank you! And Coach Laura, nice to “see” you. I’ve been thinking of you.
Anonymous
If it helps, I had a similar pair a season or two ago and I found the rubber heel really hard to walk in. It’s not super stable and has a lot of “give” if that makes sense. So cute, but really impractical.
anon
Awww, shoot. But thank you for saving me $150!
Curious
+1!
Anon
They are cute but I have a feeling I would kill myself on them on a slippery day.
Anonymous
My grandma would have loved these. Seriously, the color, the heel, the toe, everything about them would perfect for visiting friends or shopping for her. She’d not have worn them in the mud or woods, but for Sunday best.
Ellen
I have a pair of these which I wear every time I take a walk off the paths in Central Park. People look at me funny, but after ruining more then 1 pair of pumps and Nike Airs by getting poopie stuck to both the sole’s of my shoes and the leather tops, I have vowed not to go off path in Central Park w/o putting these booties on. And it’s worked. I’ve not managed to avoid all poopie, and for those instances where I did get it on these booties, I was able to have my cleaneing lady scrub them off clean with soap and water, leaving no residue what so ever!
So I recommend these as poopie protectors for our feet and our fine leather shoes and boots whenever trekking thru Central Park, or ANY park, for that matter, where dogs are running loose and pooping where we have to walk! YAY!!!
Cat
Shopping help request. In search of an adjustable desk chair. Budget flexible for the perfect one.
Wish list-
-attractive mesh or leather is fine
-both seat back, seat height, and armrest height adjustable.
-preferred that seat has option to recline, but not a must-have
So far pretty typical right? But this is what I’m finding difficult to search:
-either no wheels, OR removable wheels that you can swap for flat discs – no need for rolling around, so wheels just mean I need to buy a floor mat, no thank you
MagicUnicorn
How flexible is your budget?
The Herman Miller Embody does have wheels but one of the options is a hard floor caster that does not require a floor mat. That option works on either hard floors or carpet and I love it.
Curious
The chair I ended up getting does have wheels, but we swapped in soft ones that don’t scratch the floor. Is that an option for you?
Cat
Tell me more about these wheels!
Curious
Asking the husband, who bought them. Will post back later tonight or on the AM thread!
Curious
They are these: https://amzn.to/3SdC6zO
They just pop on to replace the original wheels (which, alas, go in the trash), and then you have a soft and noiseless rolling chair, no mat required.
Chair
I’m late but hope you see this! I tried a lot of chairs, several recommended here. I ended up with a Steelcase Gesture. It’s pricey but the only thing that had adjustable arms that worked for me.
Cat
Thanks guys!
anon
So I’ve basically accepted that I have way too much on my plate at work and while Boss acknowledges that, she is not very willing to scale any of it down. I have delegated the things I can, but I am realizing this is just my life now, and I’m not willing to work 12 hours a day to get it all done. For my position and what I’m paid, that is not reasonable. How do I accept that I’m going to have to “give less” to my projects and do them less thoroughly, just to keep things from spiraling wildly out of control? I find this to be a very unsatisfying way to work, btw. I have been in this org for 13 years now, but I might be reaching my breaking point. I also think this is just the way work IS now … nobody’s expectations are reasonable for what non-robot humans can accomplish.
Curious
It’s time to look. This is not just what work is now.
Monday
+1. Just because someone has unfair expectations doesn’t mean you have to adapt. It’s easy to start assuming there’s nothing better available, especially if you’ve been in one place for 13 years. That doesn’t make it true. You spoke up, and your boss isn’t going to change anything, so quit.
Anon
Yea this is the time to work 8 hours a day and spend 4 hours job searching. Check out to get out!
Anonymous
Job hunt
Anon
I’m in a similar boat. I tend to do fewer projects rather than doing things poorly. I would rather have pride in my work and get yelled at for not producing enough rather than churn out crappy work that I’m not proud of. I agree with to job hunt if that’s an option for you. It’s not really for me (I’m tied to a small town for family reasons and fully remote work is not big in my industry).
Anon
Your boss needs to take something off your plate or you need to get another job. This isn’t just work — my boss literally hired a consultant to cover matter when I recently had too much going on.
Anon
I’m in mod but no this not just work now – leave.
Anon
Nope that’s not how work is. It’s an employees’ market in many industries. Leave!
No Face
Short term, stop working 12 hour days and let some balls drop. Some things will just not get done. I agree with the others too – look for a different job.
pugsnbourbon
+1 million.
Anon
I’m in local government, and this is how it always has been and is because we are always understaffed relative to our mandate. Prioritize your most important projects and let balls drop. Where I am people understand because everyone is overwhelmed. If you are in the private sector, then this is your company’s problem to solve, and I agree that it’s time to job hunt.
Curious
Thank you for your service.
NYNY
Definitely look for a new job, because you deserve better. But in the short term, talk to your boss about priorities. What needs to be done to your usual standards? What can be put off or half-assed? Hopefully she shares some useful input so you aren’t prioritizing on your own. Because you need to have a boundary. Why would they ever hire enough staff if they know that you’ll do the work even if it’s too much?
Anonymous
For those over age 40 – how do you all do the risk benefit analysis of taking career risks? Like so many early 40 somethings I’ve settled for a good job – good pay, great benefits, pension. But I simply do not like nor want to do this work for another two decades, nor anything similar to this work.
There’s another semi adjacent industry where most of my interests lie, I’ve gotten very involved via networking groups etc. But I don’t do that work as my job. As I look to 10 years down the road I’d like to own my own business. In this other industry it’s a possibility though only if I make a career switch, go work for a medium or large company for five or so years, and then set up shop. This isn’t doable at all in my current field, nor does my current job allow me to take consulting projects or anything.
A huge part of me wants to do this as I want something to look forward to work wise, new challenges. Yet having grown up in a very risk averse family for whom stability was the only goal and happiness did not matter, it seems crazy to give up a high paying very stable job. AFAIK pay in the other industry isn’t an issue but no where will I get the stability or benefits I have now. FWIW my pension and retirement benefits are vested so I don’t lose those and given that this is a multi year plan, they’ll accrue some more before I’d actually leave. How would you think about this? I kind of feel like if you want to make big industry changes don’t wait past 45 but that’s just my own thought – not career guidance. Single, no kids if it matters.
anon
I relate to so much of this. No advice, but all the commiseration. Stability has been a throughline throughout my career. I saw my parents pour their entire lives into a job that would pay great one year, and crappy the next, due to circumstances outside their control. (Think something in the agricultural industry.) While we were never poor and they’re financially doing great now, there were lots of ups and downs and they were pretty frank about the cyclical nature of their work and what it meant for family finances. And it scared me as a kid, and I don’t know how to get away from that line of thinking. I want the sure thing. Embarking on a new career at 42 is far from a sure thing. But gawd, I can’t imagine doing what I’m doing now until retirement.
Anonymous
i’m 45 also – i just made a spreadsheet of foreseeable big expenses so I know how much I need until i can touch retirement money. mortgage, health insurance, kids, etc – between my husband and myself we need to take home $100k a year to be comfortable until 59. if it were just me i’d make sure i knew the numbers, and look at it from that perspective if you’re thinking of switching job fields. at this point i would only look at starting a business as extra money, not reliable income – basically like retiring early. but i’m cautious too.
Anonymous
I’m in the same situation as you and the first person who responded with the same issues regarding stability and I think I’m going to go for it. To me it feels like splitting the difference. I went to the stable thing first, amassed my money and investments, got the retirement in the a good situation that’ll continue to grow. And with a pension which I don’t have but you do, I’d feel even more confident. So now time to live a little and for me living means setting up the second part of my career to be something that I actually want. I feel like I’ve sacrificed a lot for money and stability but can’t do it forever. I also grew up in a home where happiness didn’t matter but have come to realize that it matters to ME and from me a lot of happiness comes from doing work I want to do and being challenged.
Anonymous
I think of myself as fairly risk-adverse (hello, lawyer here), but I have no qualms with making the kind of move you are discussing. I have made a number of big changes in my career over the last twenty years (job type, industry, location), and eventually I think about the worst possible outcomes if I do or don’t make the move. So I have made big moves, but not quite moving to a yurt in Mongolia without a backup plan. I am in my mid 40s and it has worked out well so far.
Also, I think having grown up in a poor family with unstable income makes this easier for me. Even though my family values financial stability, I also know that worst comes to worst, I will always be able to scrap and take care of myself. (Not having kids helps — I do not have to worry about little ones going hungry, which gives me a lot of flexibility.) So then I think about what happens if I figure out I have five or ten years left on this planet, or if I think about writing my obit. What do I want it to say? “She lived a stable life with steady income and a mediocre job” is not it. YMMV.
Anon2
You have many, many chapters ahead of you. Start looking for jobs in the new industry (start tonight if possible) and apply to the ones that appeal to you.
One day or day one.
Anonymous
This. Trust yourself because it sounds like you’ve planned for this and set yourself up well. You’d be going into your next industry with a well funded retirement and vested pension in hand. That’s much different than a 45 year old who is like ok I need to buckle down now and focus on saving. Focusing on that stuff early gives you options now.
Anon
Do it now, it will be harder when you’re mid-fifties if you kick the can down the road. 40s is nothing!
Coach Laura
I agree that you should do it – now or the sooner the better. Give yourself a five-year plan to leave (maybe 3 if you’re ruthless) and a five year plan after that to get to where you can be self-employed. Honestly, if pension and retirement benefits are vested and with no kids, now is a good time to start. (Granted, single is more risk, of course but you can manage some risks.) I think you’ll regret it if you wait ten years and then wish you had started. Since I’m 63, I look back at myself and others then and we thought our horizons were limited but 20 years later I can see that they weren’t. And 20 years is too long to do something you don’t love.
The plan for first five years:
Step 1 – Pay off as much debt/save as much money as possible. Get used to living on less. Put the minimum to get the employer match in the 401K/403b and put the rest in long term savings (not tax advantaged) so you can use that to live on if needed.
Step 2 – Talk to everyone you can and network; learn everything about this tangential industry.
Step 3 – Take free coursera or extension or online classes if needed. Get any needed certifications.
Step 4 – Pick a time at which you will start looking, take the leap or quit your job to focus on the new industry.
Second five years
Step 5 – Go to the medium/large company.
Step 6 – After 3 years, then start planning to be self-employed. Talk to business owners, research LLCs or sole prop, decide if you’ll work from home or get an office. Observe others who are doing what you want to do. Befriend them – maybe there is a partnership option.
Step 7 – Plan a budget – how will you support yourself after you leave the employer. This will be easier if you’ve done Step 1 above.
Step 8 – Make a 5 year business plan. How much will you earn and what will your expenses be (both personal and business) in best case, expected and worst case scenarios. The best case is the target to shoot for, but if you can survive on worst case then you’ll have a good cushion. It’s good to have a roadmap.
Step 9 – Set a date to transition. Sometimes an employer will become the first client. If not illegal/unethical in your industry, keep a log of people/companies that you can approach for business.
If I could guess, it will be easier than you expect. The lure of working for something that excites you will propel you forward – and you have the added lure of being your own boss at some point. You might even be able to leave your current position and/or start your own company faster than you think. It’s hard to give more specific targeted advice without knowing the industry but that’s a general outline.
Anonymous
Do any of you have insurance riders for your jewelry? I’ve been married for a long time and with many years of anniversay and birthday gifts, my jewelry collection has gotten rather valuable: A piece or two probably in the low 5 figures, several pieces in the mid to high 4 figures. If I keep it in my jewelry box then I risk having it all wiped out in a burglary. Currently I have a “jewelry collection” insurance rider that doesn’t even begin to cover it but if I want more coverage it seems like I have to insure each piece separately. Is anybody in the same boat? Do you insure the valuable pieces separately? Do you lock them up when they are not in use and hope you don’t get mugged while you’re wearing them? Several of the higher-value pieces are worn daily or almost daily, so locking them up isn’t a realistic option. Or do you self-insure or under-insure and hope for the best?
Anonymous
i have personal articles insurance for my engagement ring and 2 other pieces. your home insurance already covers jewelry but the limit may be like $2000; anything that you would want a higher insurance reimbursement should be separately. we set it up 15+ years ago and haven’t had to do anything since except pay the bill when it comes due.
Anon
How much is the bill, if you don’t mind me asking?
Anon
Not the same anon, but my jewelry insurance is approximately 1% annually (i.e., one-hundredth of the value of the jewelry).
Anonymous
the bill is about $150 yearly to insure about $14K worth of jewelry.
Anon
Ditto this figure. It costs so little for the piece of mind. My special pieces are in a small fireproof lockbox, and the key stays with my car keys.
anon
Talk to your insurance agent/broker. You can do this as a rider on your existing policy or obtain separate jewelry specific coverage (same for art). Most underlying policies cap out jewelry at a pretty low figure (and may have requirements that you itemize jewelry), so I would definitely look into for pieces that are valued in the thousands. Cost depends on how maxed out you are on coverage. For us, it is fairly nominal because of the amount of insurance we already carry. And, while you are having the discussion with your agent/broker, if you don’t already have an umbrella policy, please consider it.
OP
Thanks. Yes, we have an umbrella policy already. Good idea to just pick up the phone and talk to the agent.
test run
I have a pair of diamond earrings insured – they cost about $5k and the bill is $25/year (I bought the policy from Geico, I think the actual insurer is Jewelers Mutual Group), not sure if cost increases linearly based on the pieces you’re insuring, but if it was fairly easy to get a quote. I had just bought them, though, so all I had to do to verify the value was send the purchase receipt. If you inherited any of your pieces or bought them a long time ago, I’m guessing you’d have to get them appraised? Can’t speak to locking them up since it’s just the one piece I have insured and they’re in my ears pretty much 24/7.
Anonymous
fair point, mine were also newly purchased when we insured. (i’m the personal articles person above.)
Anon in Houston
Please don’t keep it in a jewelry box! Mine is hidden in a fairly secure place. What’s hard is that it’s so hidden that it’s hard to get to and then I don’t wear it.
OP
That’s my issue. I want it out where I can wear and enjoy it.
Trish
Thank you for the reminder. We never got insurance for my engagement ring and we need to do that. I am so cheap when it comes to insurance!
Anonymous
Having seen pictures from yesterday – is it common in European churches that the pews face the aisle instead of facing forward towards the altar, or is that just something that’s done in Westminster and Windsor? Also it seems like the churches have various sections that are almost closed off from other sections by the enormous arches and architecture and the family or closest guests are in the inner most part of the church near the altar. So for those thousands of guests who are not in the inner most part, say they’re seated closer to the entrance and then there are multiple arched sections ahead of them, what are they seeing of the service? Or does seeing not matter because it’s all about hearing the preacher and I assume there are speakers everywhere?
Actually I thought that with the royal weddings too, like William and Harry’s weddings were such coveted invites, yet given the set up of the church, it seems like unless you were within their closest family seated right up by the officiant, did you see any of the ceremony? Very curious how this works pragmatically, as I haven’t traveled all that much so I haven’t seen many of these churches in person.
Anon
I think that the pews that face the aisle and each other are actually where the choir sits (vs our church, which has a choir loft (do not like — I have a Jesse James complex in church and don’t like anyone behind / above me; want to be able to make a clean exist asap apparently)).
Anon
Look up cruciform churches. The perpendicular section is a narthex. It might be additional seating or it might contain a little chapel or a saint’s altar. In my Episcopalian cathedral, one narthex is wholly seating and the other is set up as both seating for the nave or if the chairs are turned, a small chapel that is open to the nave.
Anon
Correction, and I still wish we had an edit function: transept, not narthex.
anon
So Westminster Abbey and many similar older churches are laid out in the pattern of a Latin cross. The long part up to where the pieces of the cross meet is called the nave, the crosspiece is called the transept, and the short part above where the pieces of the cross meet is called the chancel. The altar is traditional at the top of the chancel, although some churches have moved it down to the spot where the nave and the transept cross (the crossing).
Pews in the nave face forward as in a typical Protestant church. Pews in the transept face inward toward the crossing, which means people seated in the left part of the transept are looking at those in the right part of of the transept. The chancel is typically where the choir, verger, acolytes, and priests sit, and those seats also face each other. In an abbey, monastery, or convent church, the chancel is where the nuns or monks sit, and laity would sit in the transept or nave.
The fact that not everyone can see is part of the reason why the Gospel was traditionally brought down into the congregation for readings, as well as why they traditionally rang bells at the elevation of the host and otherwise had auditory signals for what was going on in the service. TBH, in most of the traditions associated with these churches, hearing the preacher wasn’t as important (preaching was always more emphasized in standard Protestant denominations vs Catholicism and Anglicanism) compared to receiving/being in the presence of the mass/Eucharist.
Anonymous
So interesting! Thank you!
Anon
Yes, thank you. So many crossword puzzle words here I was just guessing at.
Anonymous
There are lots of different style church buildings in Europe! The two you mention are from the 11th and 14th century. They have add-ons, and rebuilds, and have been refurbished and changed throughout the years. Neither are regular churches with regular parishes. The one in Windsor is a fairly small castle chapel. The plain little 19th century Protestant church where I’m from in a different part of Europe, is also a cross-shaped church, and there are pews both facing the aisle and facing the altar. Historically you’d have a seat with a great view if you had high status…
Westminster Abbey also has chapels within the building, and a service can take place in one of these chapels. Westminster Abbey does have some TVs set out for the normal services, where you can see the choir and read the text or the psalms even if you’re behind a structure. The acoustics are fantastic, I’d go there for the music, not a sermon. Lots of these old churches have amazing acoustics and are sought after to record classical music.
Anonymous
Also if you go to Westminster for normal
Sunday services, depending on the service sometimes the congregation is seated in the choir stalls which is a real thrill and also
Free.
Anon
Loved the discussion above about the cross-shaped churches!
In the US, it’s worth noting that many colonial Episcopal churches (which you may or may not know is the Church of England in America; worldwide it’s called the Anglican Communion) have box pews. The idea was that each family would sit in its own box with a small door to the aisle. The box would be lined with benches against three “walls” of the box, forming a U-shape, and the U would be open to the aisle. So people were facing the back of the church, the aisle, and the front! Apparently people seeing and/or hearing things has been totally optional in the Church of England for centuries! (And I say that as a devoted Episcopalian.)
https://christandpopculture.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/img_0110_small.jpeg
Anonymous
White and gray housing discussion was timely – I’m moving into a new condo (rental) that has this exact color scheme! Grayish floors, white walls, white/gray (probably fake marble look) backspash, tile, counters, lighter brown visible beams, and light gray carpet for bedrooms. I am starting over with furniture as I will be moving out of my house with soon-to-be-ex-spouse. I’m trying to get a color palette in mind – I love the idea of a colorful couch. I hate red and orange, but otherwise open. Any suggestions, favorite design blogs, etc.?
Anon
Emily Henderson!
Anon
Paige Wassel has a great YouTube channel that addresses exactly this!
Anonymous
I used yellow armchairs, bedspread, accents when I lived in an apartment with these colors and really liked it.
Anon
I love blue and gray (as in virtually my entire wardrobe is a shade of blue or gray), so the white and gray background look completely suits me. Our couch is blue, curtains are blue and silver, one of beds has a navy bedspread, and the other is bright red (blue red, not orange red), towels are navy, throw pillows and blankets are a mix of blue/red/black/gray/white/dark green. Furniture is a mix of woods and dark metal (impervious to cat claws!).
Anon
Just adding, I didn’t chose the white/gray look, but it makes for a pretty reasonable neutral background. I’ve lived in a lot of places over the years, and it fits with my tastes better than most.
Anon
I like the idea of adding a deep blue to a white and gray space. I’m thinking a midnight blue velvety couch (if you don’t have cats) and some saddle brown leather chairs maybe.
pugsnbourbon
Check out Sherwin Williams and Benjamin Moore on instagram – you might not be able to paint, but they post color schemes. Farrow and Ball for truly swoon-worthy colors and decor. Beingtheblooms for renter-friendly hacks and stick-on-wallpaper resources. Apartment Therapy for general inspiration, Lillith Ortiz for happy colors.
Anon
Maria Killam for colors
anon
You can actually do quite a bit with these finishes as a starting point! Two thoughts: if you’re at all into soft, coastal colors, gray and white is the perfect palette for that. Think sea glass, navy, cream, and blue-green shades. Another option is to do bold pops of color. Yellow looks especially good with gray. Emerald green or cobalt blue also would be really pretty!
Anonymous
Agree. I have shades of gray throughout my house (built 5 years ago) but with dark cabinets. Blue (especially navy) and teal look so good with soft gray.
Anonymous
motivation check in! how’s everyone doing these days? i’m somehow more burned out than i was over the summer?
Cb
I just started the teaching term and I’m just slammed this term. I should be at about 25% teaching versus other things and I’m at 45%. I’m trying to remind myself that I can make incremental progress on other projects but I need to not let myself panic spiral. I’m in Montreal next week which isn’t helping my sense of overwhelm but if I can chill, will be really delightful.
Anon
Same. I think it’s a combo of four trips the last two months (work, wedding, vacation), losing two weeks to Covid, and feeling like I’m not ready for summer to be over, but I’m struggling.
Anon
Totally burned out, even after taking a very relaxing 4 week vacation, and don’t even know what to do about it anymore.
Anon
2* week! I wish it was 4!
Anon
Freudian slip!
anon
I’m also on the burnout bandwagon. My fall semester is completely overcommitted. I’m trying to keep expectations reasonable in the rest of my life, but part of me feels really resentful. Like why should I have to scale back the good parts to keep myself energized enough to get my job done? I’ve had some health-related issues lately, which isn’t helping matters. I’m in a bad funk at the moment. Also, it is 99 degrees today and I am tired of sweating.
nuqotw
I’m exhausted too. I need a vacation. I’ve tried to take a week off for the past 9 months and each attempt has been wiped out by something (snowstorms, sick kids, sick me). I’m trying to put one foot in front of the other.
Anon
Motivation is near zero. I’m out next week and the week of October 10 (seizing the opportunity for lots of random travel with my kid before we’re tied to a public school calendar) and am anticipating basically doing nothing between now and mid-October. But then after that there’s Halloween, Thanksgiving and the winter holidays so….who knows when my motivation will come back.
Anon
I started a new job at the beginning of August. My summer was spent job searching and interviewing. I didn’t get any time off. I am ready for a Christmas break!
Anonymous
Absolutely exhausted. Work full time, in school part time. In the next month I am
moving apartments, have 3 weddings, a memorial service, a few family events and family who I love but only see every 2-3 years in town (luckily staying with my parents, not me, but am clearing out a lot of time to see them), a work trip, and 2 school assignments and 1 exam. I’m also getting over the flu (I feel fine, but being out of commission for a week only made everything else on my plate more chaotic. For example, I’m behind on packing for the move because I was too sick to pack last weekend which was my designated packing weekend).
Lord give me strength.
Curious
Work and school is so hard. In retrospect it may have been as hard as one kid in daycare and work. This too will pass, but best of luck.
Curious
I’m not burnt out, but I’m exhausted.
Anon
Burned out on everything. I’m losing my household cats to illness, and apparently they were the thread I was hanging from.
Curious
I’m so sorry.
Anon
That’s kind of you, Curious.
Maybe I will make some big changes after this; I’m not sure.
Curious
After this morning, I think I may need to redub myself “Curious, evil defender of Amazon and big sisters.”
The critical question, though, is which is the worse of the two evils? Please indulge me with your picks.
Anon
Do we have to.
Anon
Thank you.
Curious
No, of course not. I’m just amused at how we show up on the internet vs. real life.
Anon
Give it a rest. No one said you were evil, just dense.
Anon
As a big sister, thanks! I didn’t choose to be the oldest.
That said, I’m not overly involved in my sisters’ lives. We aren’t all that close.
anon
The responses to the big sister post were wild. Wow, lots of disgruntled younger sisters here, I guess. If my 31-year-old sister (not a hypothetical, my one of my younger sisters really is 31) were involved with a 47-year-old divorced dude with lots of baggage, heck yes I’d be concerned.
Anon
Right. It all seemed very little sister victim-y.
Anon
Disgruntled and victim-y for insisting on being treated like adults.
Do you even listen to yourselves?
Anon
Yeah only child here who was pretty surprised by the responses. As I said late on that thread, I think a drama llama ex-wife and a young child is going to make it very difficult to have a happy relationship with this guy. Not impossible, but tough. I would really question whether this guy is worth it, especially when OP’s sister is young enough that she has plenty of time to meet other guys (maybe blunt, but there’s a big difference between your dating prospects at 30 vs. 40). It will be even more complicated if she wants to have kids with these guys, and his kids will have to cope with the addition of half siblings. I wouldn’t hesitate to express my concerns about this situation to a good friend or sister and I think that’s pretty normal? It seemed like a lot of younger siblings working out their own issues on that thread.
Bonnie Kate
Obviously older sisters.
And omgggg I caught up on the responses from this morning late! I ran out of my office for a day of meetings pretty quick after posting (and my comment spent some time in mod so OP had clarified ages by the time it posted). Insert palm on face. Thank you for assuming my good intentions :) clearly I used some not great wording that came out way more in-your-face than I meant. Gonna respond there some but currently ruminating on big sister/oldest daughter syndrome and why we think we’re the family managers…for right or wrong I have some pretty specific core memories of being conditioned this way.
Anon
“Family managers” is an interesting phrase. By my late 20s, I no longer identified my family of origin as being a core part of my identity or even support system. Of course, being managed at that age is incredibly grating.
Perhaps, Bonnie Kate, you ought to take the criticism to heart. This isn’t about doling out snacks after a soccer game or getting everyone to Thanksgiving; it’s about respecting the right of grown-a$$ adults to make decisions that you do not agree with.
Curious
Yeah, me, too. But I also listen to my younger sister’s advice on men (after a particularly glorious fail when I didn’t listen), so advice can go both ways!
Anonymous
BK – I’m a little sis. If you read this – thanks for your comment :) I didn’t read it with any Ill will.
Anonymous
“Say something once then keep your mouth shut” has been standard advice on this board for years. I didn’t think there was anything controversial about that.
It’s the worst feeling in the world when you’re hemming and hawing about whether to break up with a guy because everyone seems to like him, then you finally break up with him after much angst, and your friends and family are like, THANK GOD we’ve hated him forever. Why did you never tell me that? Why did you act like you liked him and everything I vented to you about was perfectly normal?? You’re not “supporting my decision” if you’re not supporting my doubts!
Anon
I am trying to be less paper-ful, but it is just so hard to do somethings paperless (or not have 6 monitors to switch between things). Can you all share your tips? Right now I’m having to work with just a laptop and am using my phone as a second monitor (which I have in my office, but I am home with COVID for the next workweek, hopefully not longer). No printer. I work on a lot of lengthy documents and get a lot of comments on them that I need to incorporate and make something that will be on Edgar, so important to get right :(
Curious
What’s your motivation for cutting down on paper? Environment? Being able to trace your changes?
Anon
WFH with no printer due to COVID.
Curious
Ahhhhh. Would a tablet that allows you to mark it up help? Costs more than a printer but doesn’t take up as much space. Otherwise, yes, the function that reads it aloud, reading it backward, cutting and pasting into a different format (e.g. to email and back again) all help me.
Curious
(The reason I ask is that it sounds like you may need some paper to do your job well, and that’s okay. Perhaps the energy you might have put into reducing paper could, e.g., go into eating vegan sometimes — something that might have the same or larger impact at less cost to you.)
Allie
I find the “read aloud” function on word is a good sub for printing and reading on paper.
Anon
+1 I was asked to proof a very long paper when I was limited to a small screen, and having the computer read it aloud helped me spot things like of instead of on and common accidental word replacements that spell check doesn’t catch. It also helped me get a feeling for the flow of the paper, hearing it read aloud.
Cat
Can you use a TV screen as a monitor?
Trish
You won’t regret having a monitor with your laptop. I would have Best buy send one over night!
Anon
Just buy a printer. You can get a good one for around $100, and you’ll get a lot more use out of it than you think you will.