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This is a bit of an odd Coffee Break, but people have seemed interested when I’ve mentioned this before, so I thought I’d mention it again: when the weather gets warm, I avoid turning on my full oven as much as possible. In place I like the toaster oven for most of my baking needs — and I’ve even baked casseroles in the toaster oven.
(This recipe for hummus-crusted chicken is very similar to one I love in summer months.)
My mother happened to get me the watercolor collection from Pyrex recentlyish, and in addition to being pretty and affordable, the square pan fits perfectly in the toaster oven. Score! The pan is $16.99, and available for Prime Shipping.
(The whole collection is also on sale at the Pyrex site, but note that you pay for shipping unless your order is more than $99.) Pyrex, Pan Square Glass Blue
Pssst: This reader favorite faux wrap dress is still available in tons of sizes and colors, but comes down to $25 with additional discounts today.
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
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Anon
Does anyone have any experience with fillers here? I’ve done Botox, but I’ve always had a medium sized bump on my nose that’s bothered me in profile, and at a consultation with my Derm, he suggested that there’s a non-surgical filler option that would essentially hide it. He referred me to a specialist – who literally just does nose-related plastic surgery and fillers, and the before and afters do look great.
I’m just wondering if people have done them more generally, for non-aging related reasons? I always worry I’ll look like Kylie Jenner (who is beautiful, but not a look I’m going for)
Housecounsel
I suppose these are aging-related reasons, but I’ve had fillers in my nasolabial folds and marionette lines. I always bruise, so give yourself a few days before you have to make a major presentation or something, but once the bruises fade I have always been happy with the results. I would be comfortable especially because your derm deferred to a specialist and didn’t just try to cowboy it himself.
FFS
I had to look up nasolabial folds because I…was very worried about what you were talking about putting fillers in. Glad to see it wasn’t what I initially thought. :)
Housecounsel
OUCH FFS!
Anon
hahahaha
Anon
I’m in my late 30s and have filler in my temple area. The corners of my eyes were a bit droopy and slightly plumping up the temple area somehow opens and lifts the corners of my eyes and makes me look a lot more awake. The actual filler isn’t visible at all. From what I’ve seen, the “done” look you’re worrying about comes from having work done at a medspa by a technician who doesn’t have a particularly subtle touch. Or from a patient who really wants that look. Lots of people have subtle fillers/botox and don’t look “done.”
Anon
My partner has two friends that I feel very uncomfortable being around. They are tied to the party lifestyle he lived about ten years ago, except they haven’t grown out of it like he has. Every time we socialize with them, the conversations are centred on reminiscing about past debauchery – “remember that night at M Lounge when you slept with Sarah hahaha” “remember that time that we were told to go into the bar and ask for Panda because that’s how we could get coke.” Beyond this, they’re intense personalities – I get second-hand embarrassment when I’m out in public with them because they usually make a scene by screaming or making inappropriate comments to wait staff/in movies for the whole theatre to hear, etc. My partner wanted to invite both of these friends over last night to watch a ball game and I said no, that I would prefer he go out with them or plan further in advance so I could not be around. Is this reasonable? I am trying to protect boundaries with these friends because being around them always makes me feel terrible. Partner says I am being too sensitive, and that I should “suck it up” given he doesn’t see them often (once a month).
Anon
Seems like the easiest answer is that your partner sees them without you. Which would require his participation in organizing that.
Housecounsel
The older I get, the more I believe that life is too short to spend time with people you can’t stand. I don’t think you need to “suck it up.” Maybe a reasonable compromise if he really wants to have them to the house is that he plans it far enough in advance that you can make your own plans out of the house.
Anonymous
This. Once a month is fairly often. If he can’t make plans far enough in advance so that you can make arrangements to not be home, then he can go out with them instead. You don’t have to be friends with them just because he choses to be.
anon
Blech, these guys sound awful. I don’t blame you in wanting to set some boundaries.
anonshmanon
+1, these guys sound obnoxious. I have zero guilt for not accompanying my husband when he meets friends that I find boring. One particular one I can think of, I see maybe once a year.
Anonymous
My husband had a similar intense youth, and doesn’t hang with those friends anymore. If he did, I’d want to be present no matter what — but something like cocaine use would be a marriage-ending thing for me.
Anon
Once a month is a lot. I have zero tolerance for wasting time on things I don’t enjoy, so YMMV but I would absolutely not compromise on this. I’m annoyed on your behalf that he’s telling you to suck it up. Do you drag him on endless shopping trips in return and make him watch romantic comedies he doesn’t enjoy? I don’t see any good in making your significant other do un-enjoyable things unless they are family obligations.
Anon
Totally reasonable to not want to hang out with them. My husband has a couple friends I don’t love and vice versa and we just either plan something out of the house, or ask the other one ahead of time if we’re having one of those friends over so that the other person can make other plans. Theoretically this should not be an issue if both of you are approaching from a casual problem-solving perspective rather than making it about the merits of these friends.
Your “protect boundaries” language though makes me wonder if you’re inadvertently (or consciously) making this about whether your partner should be hanging with these friends and perhaps your partner is reacting a little poorly to that. (The other alternative explanation is that your partner is being kind of a jerk in which case I’d ask you whether this is a larger problem.)
The way I’d try handling this is saying look you know these guys are not my favorite people, I know they’re you’re buddies, but if it’s last minute and I’m going to be at home, then please just go meet them out so I can have the house to myself. Fine to have them over, but we need to check in first so I can make other plans. And then if he’s like hey I want them to come over tonight to watch the ball game you can be like dude just go meet them at a sports bar!
Ellen
I would not let my boyfriend or partner or husband spend time with any men who he used to be freinds with and went out and got wild with other women. Why? b/c he could be influenced to do it again, and then he could come home and infect me with some sexueal disease from haveing s-x with some woman with no scrupules who would have s-x with him for a few dollars. FOOEY on that! And if I found out he went behind my back and had s-x with another woman, it would be eggzover for him! DOUBEL FOOEY!
Anon
I think once a month is a lot to see friends, especially if they are friends that you don’t maintain common values and interests. I would really question why your partner wants to spend so much time with these people. You are the company you keep…
Erin
Yes, he should just see them solo. I doubt they’ll mind, since they want to reminisce.
That said, occasionally he should be able to invite them over and you can visit a friend, see a movie, etc.
I have a friend from college that my husband can’t stand to be around. She’s not a horrible person, just annoying to him. He only sees her at weddings or other functions when he really does “need” to be there, but otherwise I see her solo. And honestly, that was only an issue for a couple of years, because as one would expect, we drifted.
And I like my husband’s friends from high school well enough, but we aren’t friends on our own and they mostly just tell stories and old inside jokes, so after some hugs and chitchat, I move on and he comes home later. We’re all happy.
Sam
I am going on a 2 week vacation to Italy in June and expect to be walking a lot, museums and the usual touristy places. Looking for some supportive, extremely comfortable flat sandals which are breathable and have air flow. I have some ballet flats etc. but don’t want those as I’d like shoes that are strappy or open at the sides for my feet to air out.
I already own the Crocs Serena Flip, which is not bad, fairly comfortable and airy but has no support, and feels a bit plasticky on my feet.
I’m considering the Crocs LiteRide based on reviews of arch support, cushion footbed, but it seems a bit grandma-ish. I am 35 and my taste tends towards comfort bordering on frump so I need a gut check.
Or should I straight up wear sneakers? I’ll be pairing this with a couple of Boden fit and flare type dresses and occasionally shorts and a cute top.
Go for it
Clark’s or comfy sneakers. Comfort 1st or you’ll be miserable.
Anon
Sneakers, for sure.
Anon
Sneakers are cuter than Crocs and more comfortable, imo. I would go with that. Italy shouldn’t be unbearably hot in June, especially by the sea.
Anonymous
I wore some Gentle Souls sandals with an ankle strap around Italy and felt great in them — both comfortable and cute, with the added benefit that I could wear them all day with whatever and then also with a dress at night. Maybe try that brand.
Anonymous
Birkenstocks – maybe the Gizeh or Maya or Yara
I wouldn’t do sneakers. I’ve been to Italy twice in June and even at the coast it’s warm.
Anon
I have the Mayaris and while they’re comfortable enough for everyday errands, I wouldn’t want to walk miles in them.
anon
Same. I think my feet would rebel mightily if I wore Birks for heavy walking; my feet need more padding than that.
Anonymous
My Gizeh’s are more comfortable than my running shoes for me. I live in NYC and walk everywhere in them in the summer.
Anon
Yes to Birks! But I would beware of the break-in period that most people experience with Birks..if the vacation is in June as in sometime in the next few weeks, that might not be enough time to break in!
Signed, someone who walked only a half hour in them and got terrible blisters the first time I wore my Arizonas
Mpls
I personally wouldn’t do Birkenstocks – the cork sole get uncomfortable warm from my body heat and I have gotten blisters on my arch from rubbing against the sandal’s sole when I’ve done a lot of walking (touristing in Chicago in July when I was on my feet all day). But YMMV – I’d suggest a test run once the Birks are broken in to see if they work for you.
Anon
The skin on the bottom of my feet hurts so much when I walk long distances in my Birks. They’re great sandals and definitely comfortable, but I really don’t think they’re good for lots of walking.
Ms B
Mephisto Lindas, but break them in first. They come in wide if needed and fit my duck feet great!
Another anonymous judge
Ecco Flash gladiator sandals are fantastic. I wore them right out of the box walking all over Europe including climbing the Acropolis the first day. I actually have a stash of them in case they ever stop making them. They are cute enough with a maxi or a short dress for dinner also.
I promise you won’t regret them as a purchase.
The Ecco Soft 7 sneaker is also very comfortable, but warmer.
In both I sized up to 38, I’m normally a size 7 shoe but on the large side of 7 if that makes sense.
Anonymous
Wear sneakers.
Sam - OP
Thank you for the feedback! The Ecco flash gladiator sandals are on their way to me!
I will also take along sneakers. I am not sure if they would look ok with a dress though – just wear no-show socks and try to match (one of) the colors in the dress to the sneaker color?
Anonymous
That’s a good idea. I was going to weigh in to say that you might want to take both sandals and sneakers. When I have a lot of walking, my feet tend to enjoy variety. And if you get blisters from one, chances are the other option won’t rub on your feet the same way, so you won’t be miserable. Maybe take a little package of moleskin just in case? With a dress, I’d wear white sneakers.
Anon
If comfort is your goal, I think you just need to not care so much if your sneakers match your dress.
Another anonymous judge
Yay! Would love to hear if you like them as much as I do! Have so much fun on your vacation!
Another anon
I just got back from 10 days in Italy – mostly work, some sightseeing in Rome. I wore my comfy sandals but EVERYONE (Italians and non-Italians alike) is wearing cute sneakers. Bottom line, if you want to wear sneakers (even with dresses) they will not mark you as a tourist at all.
Trixie
My favorite comfort brand is Earth. GREAT arch support, cushioned soles, styles are good, maybe not fashion forward but interesting and cute. Everyone wears sneakers all the time, so one pair sneakers–white is always popular–and one pair sandals will do the job. Alternate shoes so your feet will be happy!
anon
I love this pyrex. I already have an anchorware collection that decorates my kitchen on open shelves, as well as being my most used bakeware. And I will definitely be buying this eventually, even if it gets discontinued before it fits the budget, and I have to stalk it on resale sites.
anon
I have SO MUCH PYREX that I cannot justify buying more, but wow, I love this watercolor pattern (and so many of the other new ones — my dishes are just plain clear glass).
anon @ 208
I maintain that only ONE of the hot pyrex explosions was actually my fault! I was falsely accused of all the others!
(But truthfully, I usually have to buy new ones because they aren’t returned).
RGH
If someone you don’t know well gives you flowers from their garden in a vase, do you return the vase? I assume it’s a standard glass vase from a florist that she didn’t mind giving away and doesn’t want back (because that’s what I would do), but will I look rude if I don’t track her down to return it?
AnonInfinity
If you have her number or are friends with her on social media, you could send a message that says something like, “The flowers were so lovely! When will you be around so I can return your vase?” She’ll likely tell you not to worry about it (that’s what I would do). I do think it’s a bit rude to just assume she’s giving it to you, even though that’s likely the case.
Ash.
I think if someone gives you a gift in a container, that container should be considered part of the gift, unless they specifically mention that they want it back. We all have way too many cheap glass vases from florists laying around, and Goodwill is chock full of them for $2 each. I wouldn’t spend too much energy on this — shoot her a text or email asking if she wants the vase back if it will clear it off your mental “to do” list but I don’t think it would be rude at all to just assume she meant for you to keep it.
Coach Laura
Thanks for posting this, Kat. My 20yo square glass pyrex has disappeared – likely at a potluck so won’t be coming back – and I need a replacement for it. Not high fashion tableware but I like the watercolor look.
Anon
If you check Etsy, there are people who etch them with your name or whatnot so you’ll never lose them again. I ordered a couple and love them.
Anonymous
What’s everyone using for a multivitamin and omega pill? Thanks!
Anonymous
Multivitamin: the generic at whatever store I’m going to when I need them.
Omega: none
Sam
Both from Costco
Housecounsel
I take One-A-Day prenatals although my childbearing years are over. It’s the only thing with iron that doesn’t kill my stomach.
Horse Crazy
I’ve been having trouble turning off my brain when I’m trying to fall asleep in the last week or two, even if my body is exhausted and I feel like I’m ready for bed. I just can’t stop thinking about things – does anyone have something that helps them with this? Work has certainly gotten more stressful in the last few weeks, so that may be contributing, but I’m not sure how to fix it (besides looking for another job, which I’m doing).
Mpls
Chamomile tea just before bed. turning on an old episode of some series I’ve watch a million times – usually Netflix on my phone, with the phone face-down. My brain can pay attention to the show, instead of itself, but I’ve seen it so many times I don’t have to stay up to see how it ends.
Vicky Austin
+1 – this is what always helps me. Comfort shows!
Eager Beaver
I use my Amazon Echo to listen to books I’ve already read. Usually something like Anne of Green Gables or Little Women. Same idea.
Never too many shoes...
Liquid melatonin followed by an orgasm is my go to for stressful times – forces me to focus on more pleasant thoughts and then the melatonin kicks in.
Anonymous
I sometimes write down exactly what I am worrying about so that way I don’t feel like I have to try and remember everything. I also force my mind to think about something relaxing, which for me is always the ocean. I try and picture in as much detail as possible sitting on the beach, watching the waves come in and out. I picture the sand and how it feels and the smell of the ocean, etc. I also do what Mpls suggested and will listen to a show (Friends, always Friends, haha) that I have seen a million times and that helps quiet my brain. I also find it helpful to workout at night so I am physically exhausted too. Honestly, wine also helps me.
Lira
A ritual could help here. Read something, listen to a Netflix show or a podcast – give your brain something else to focus on before bed. The ritual (chamomille tea, washing your face, whatever) also serves as a signal to turn off your barin. This also required therapy, and I was very resistant to this initially, but actively training my brain has been very effective. Once I’ve though through the issue and came up with a next step (“talk to boss tmrw”) every time I think about it I force myself to think “not thinking about that – will talk to boss tmrw”. It’s like pavlov conditioning yourself. Lmk if youre interested and I can talk more.
No shame
Unisom is non-addictive. My doc said it’s mostly an anti-histamine. I also take OTC benadryl to go to sleep.
anon
FYI, benadryl can damage your REM sleep cycle. I dont know about other antihistamines. YMMV, obviously.
Anon
Unisom is benadryl, I think.
Anonymous
Also FYI, Unisom is the exact same ingredient as OTC benadryl in most of their formulations so you may be taking more drug than you think you are if you’re taking both together.
Erin
Unisom SleepTabs are Doxylamine succinate
Unisom SleepGels are Diphenhydramine (same as Benadryl)
Since they are both antihistamine, I would not take both on the same night.
No shame
I just also want to add – talk to your doctor, therapist, shrink, whomever about ANXIETY not just “can’t sleep”. If you can’t sleep because of worrying and stress there are a LOT of ways to deal with that.
Anonymous
I really like the Calm sleep stories and the Headspace sleepcasts – yes, I have both of them, I’m a problem sleeper. They give my brain something to focus on to stop my wheels from turning and let me finally drift off. If you don’t want to pay for one of those apps, I also like the Michael Sealey videos meditation videos on youtube.
anon
Guided meditation is also what I do. I like The Mindful Movement (available as podcasts or on YouTube). Choose one that’s longer than you think you need–say, 30-60 minutes–so you can just drift off to sleep while it’s still playing.
anon a mouse
I really like the Headspace meditations. I can’t do anything with a narrative/story (like TV or audiobooks) and these really work for me.
ATL rette
+1! These are amazing. I’ve never gotten more than 10 minutes into one without passing out.
busybee
Is it getting warmer where you live? I ask because I struggle with getting to sleep if my bedroom is too warm by even a couple of degrees. Maybe check the thermostat.
Anonymous
My recipe for sleeping includes diligently washing my face and putting on assorted skin care products, a cold room, clean sheets on my bed, melatonin, the Sleep With Me podcast, breathing exercises (I like counting backwards from 1000 with every breath), and most importantly, Lexapro for the anxiety.
pugsnbourbon
Crossword puzzles.
Worry about yourself
Girl same! I don’t have a great solution, but I have found it helpful to remind myself that whatever issues are bugging me don’t need to be fixed at 11PM (I mean, unless they really DO and I should get out of bed and do a thing), and worrying about something at bedtime is unlikely to result in a solution. Then, I start trying to breathe deeply and slowly count backwards from 100, which also helps take my mind off things. Last night I reminded myself “you’re tired, you’ve been exhausted all day, you can finally rest . . .” and imagined my body sinking deeper into the bed.
I did sleep better than I had previous nights, for most of the night, until my crazy stress dream right before I got up. Still not my best sleep, but I’ll take it.
Anonymous
I take a very hot bath for 10-15 minutes and read a book or magazine in the bath. It makes a huge difference for me. I’m in a very technical area of law and it can be hard for me to shut my brain down (not due to anxiety, but more my brain keeps processes the various issues I’ve been working on all day), particularly when I’m working long hours. When I’m working more reasonable hours, I get home around 9/10 and make myself dinner (a 30 minute type meal). Focusing on the recipe helps separate me from the work zone.
techgirl
I count backwards from 100, restarting every time my train of thought gets interrupted
NOLA
I only have a couple pairs of actual designer shoes and I really want to be able to wear them. Since my weight loss, my foot is slightly smaller and my beautiful sky blue saffiano Prada pumps are slipping off the back of my heels. Is it better to use a heel grip or something at the ball of the foot that will push my foot back in the shoe?
Mpls
I’ve had better luck with putting something in the ball of the foot – the physics seem to work a bit better. I would aim to place just it front of the ball of the foot.
NOLA
That’s what I have read. I’ve just never had a lot of luck with the heel grips.
NYNY
Definitely ball of foot. I’ve had good luck with the terribly-named Pedag “girl” inserts. They’re designed specifically to stop you from slipping forward in your shoes, the self-adhesive is strong af, and they’re partially made of leather, so less stinky than some inserts.
NOLA
Hmmmm I’m a little worried about sticking on insert in my Prada pumps, but will look at these.
Anon
If you can’t wear them otherwise, it’s probably worth a try!
Sparky
My SO of three years and I just confronted the fact that the spark has gone out of our relationship. We still love each other and even though I felt this way too, not going to lie – hearing the words said out loud HURT. We aren’t ready to call it quits yet, any advice about how to rekindle the spark?
Anon
If your long-term goal is to get married, 3 years is definitely to the point wherein you either break it off or move forward.
Sparky
We have supported each other through some tough stuff (a divorce, moving to another country, changing careers among other things) so neither of us wants to break it off without trying to re-kindle spark and seeing where things are at.
AnonMom
That kind of stressful situations can sometimes have long(er) lasting impact/low-level burnout like effects for several months. Just focus on being kind to yourself and to each other. Take one of those eat-sleep-repeat kind of vacations if you can and see if being less stressed helps.
Anon
What does lost the spark mean? There’s a big range between “not gardening like rabbits anymore” to “don’t have anything to talk about and don’t enjoy spending time together” – if it’s more of the former, definitely try to plan a romantic vacation away, but also know that this is normal and not necessarily a sign there’s anything wrong with the relationship. If you truly aren’t connecting anymore, don’t enjoy being together, etc. that’s a deeper issue and might be a sign that you should go your separate ways.
anon
What do you mean by “spark going out”? Like, you’re just in a rut? Or the novelty has worn off? Or you’re not gardening as much as you want to be?
Anonymous
We have a lot in common and I think of him as a best friend because we enjoy the same things and each other’s company but the passion has worn off. We still find each other attractive we aren’t gardening as often and when we do it feels like going through the motions for the sake of it. He has been trapped in a dead end low paying job and finally quit to more aggressively pursue other options. I fully support those decisions but I feel like his financial anxiety and lack of fulfillment from his career has become the sole focus and taken over the relationship. I can’t tell if he is just depressed and so doesn’t feel good about me because he just doesn’t feel good about anything, and in my case whether having to be supportive and prioritize him has worn on me and this would all disappear if he got his break tomorrow or whether its something else. I just don’t know how to asses whether its fixable and what the fix is but after investing 3+ years in the relationship I’m reluctant to just break it off.
Anon
This sounds like me and my husband a few months ago. He is/was dealing with depression, and we are working through it and the spark is coming back (!!!). It has been hard.
Sparky
Anon at 3:52, I am really happy to hear that the spark is coming back in your relationship and that is really encouraging to hear. What has working through it meant for both of you/ what has helped?
Anon
Honestly– being more forthright with each other and talking through our problems more has helped. DH finally admitted he was depressed. (He has had a really rough year job and family wise.) He also thought that this was a thing that only affected him… I let him know that was not the case, etc. Basically, we have had a lot of hard conversations that we probably should have had before now.
Anon
Honestly– being more forthright with each other and talking through our problems more has helped. DH finally admitted he was depressed. (He has had a really rough year job and family wise.) He also thought that this was a thing that only affected him… I let him know that was not the case, etc. Basically, we have had a lot of hard conversations that we probably should have had before now.
Anonymous
Red flags in your thinking – if it’s depression (and really, even if it’s not) “all this won’t disappear” if he just gets a job. That’s magical thinking. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Anonymous
Cliche, but go away for a weekend or plan an extra-special evening out and see how you feel. I’ve been together with my SO for nearly 20 years now, but there were a few moments like that even early in our relationship. For me, the spark fades when we’re busy with the day to day and stress of work + life. If you can get that tingle back on a special evening together, then you’re probably fine.
Anonymous
I thought three years was par for the course for spark.
https://www.today.com/health/how-long-does-passion-last-four-stages-love-t108471
Sparky
I think this is his longest relationship so maybe there is a disconnect between expectation vs reality? His parents were divorced at a young age so the only examples he has re long term relationships are his friends and their parents. Re me its probably his depression wearing me thin and wanting to talk about other things and do more fun things without this anxiety always being in the foreground.
Anonymous
So to me this isn’t about spark. What’s he doing about his mental health? Sounds like he’s unemployed, negative, and now telling you he isn’t attracted to you which, srsly, is rude. Is he going to therapy? On meds? Offering to go to marital counseling? If not move on. He will drag your whole life down.
Anon
+1. You should break up with him, and this is about so much more than just not having a spark at the moment.
Anonymous
Date nights and lingerie may be cliche but they work. We also make it a rule to garden anywhere in the house except the bedroom for a month and to garden at least a couple times a week during that time.
nancy
What would you consider “job hopping”? I’m realizing that my resume may end up being college -> 1.5 years in a place where people stay 2-3 years -> grad school -> grant funded job for 1 year
Anon
That sounds fine. I only worry if the person has more than one job where they stayed less than a year, and generally I wouldn’t count a short-term contract like the grant-funded job.
Anon
I think it varies a lot by field and stage of career.
But that seems fine and not job hopping at all. You left the first job to go to grad school, which people understand. (as an aside, I’m assuming the first job is related to your field. If not, I would consider leaving it off.) The second job is grant funded, and I assume either that (1) it is called something like a fellowship, post-doc, etc. which people understand is short term or (2) you can find some way to reflect that on your resume. People understand that those positions are short term by nature. It only gets to be job hopping and a concern when someone has left a number of longer-term/permanent positions in an unusually short time (what is usually short varies by field).
nancy
Thanks! The first job was consulting at a well-known firm. Not particularly related, but the skills do translate over well.
Worry about yourself
It’s fine if you’re new and have one or two relatively short stints, especially if you can explain why they were short. It’s when someone’s five years into their career and most of their jobs lasted around one year or less. Contract jobs are usually held to a different standard as well.
Erin
Agree that it’s fine. When I’m reviewing prior history, pre-grad school is less of a concern; doing something for any amount in between is great. And in my field a 1 year contract position after grad school is totally normal. There would be no red flags for me.
Anonymous
I would say it is a bit of a red flag, if the resume came across my desk.
Would expect to see a little bit longer to indicate depth of experience and ability to fix things when they go wrong. it is always surprising when people leave entry level consulting after less than 2 years.
Would also be worried that you don’t know what you want to do.
Not that either of these are the case, but something to think about as you structure cover letters and go through interviews.
anon
I’m in a big career rut. I know I could make more out of my job, but I lack any motivation to do so (partly out of fear of losing the tenuous work/life balance I’ve managed to create). I don’t want to advance, really, but I would like to find something more rewarding. I don’t even know what I’m asking. I’m long past the point where I expect my career to be the be-all, end-all of my existence, but feeling this burned out and disillusioned before I even hit age 40 isn’t what I was expecting, either. The great irony is that I work in a supposedly rewarding field, not a corporate environment. This stuff used to feel gratifying, even fun at times, but it’s been several years since I’ve felt that way. So maybe I just have messed up expectations.
Work and Life
Ok. So, do you actually want more out of your job? If not, that is OK despite what society telegraphs to us. Some people find more meaning in things outside of work like hobbies, family, etc., and working is more of a source of income to them. I’m unapologetically that way. Even though I have a job I like, am paid well and don’t work too long of hours, and have co-workers I like and work well with, if I magically no longer needed money I would quit in a heartbeat. Knowing why I work (for the paycheck and to save for retirement) is very clarifying and stress-relieving.
Also, I’m a bit over 40 and convinced that feeling disillusioned is just part of growing up. Yeah, after going to a T14 law school and working hard, I thought life would be “better” than it is, at least in the sense of money not going as far as I thought it would and what my day to day work is like. But not overemphasizing work and continually focusing on the positive no matter how small (I went surfing this morning! I have a husband I love! The sun is out! I love the city I live in! I made a delicious dinner last night! I enjoyed my hike this weekend!) goes a really long way. It also makes the “negatives” seem fairly irrelevant.
Anon
+1
I can echo what you wrote (but hey..”I have a husband I love” is a big positive).
I have the drive to do more, but that satisfaction is not coming from my career. If I win a lottery, I would quit. I had answered differently when my husband asked the same question five years back. However, I have an idea of the life I want (which is radically different from the life I have now) and my earnings in current job will make that life come true. So, I don’t feel completely aimless when I come to work.
Anon
Following.
Vicky Austin
OK, poll. Have you heard that successful people keep journals and unsuccessful people do not? Do you keep a journal? Do you think it has any bearing on success?
I saw this for the umpteenth time on another List of Things Successful People Do and am just wondering about how it shakes out in the real world.
Anonymous
No. What a waste of time.
Anonymous
I worked for Justice Kavanaugh . . .
Anon
I think this is one of those unscientific things that public interest stores are written about, but doubt it has any basis in fact. But will admit that I’m biased because I don’t keep a journal and consider myself successful.
I wonder if this is a bias that is introduced into the world because people who keep journals are also the people who are more likely to write articles or book, simply because keeping a journal is a sign that the person likes writing. So, you have a lot of books and articles by successful people who say that one thing they do is keep a journal. And all the successful people who don’t keep a journal are not writing books or articles, because they don’t enjoy writing. Similarly, all the “unsuccessful” people, whatever that means, who don’t keep a journal are not writing books or articles that get published, because they don’t have a hook that would have a publisher produce their work.
Anon
Sorry, that was suppose to be that –
all the unsuccessful people who keep a journal are not writing books or articles that get published, because they don’t have a hook that would have a publisher produce their work
anon
I think the real question here is do you see value in journaling or not. I’d say I’ve been very successful in my field and I’ve been journaling my whole life. I wouldn’t necessarily make the assertion that OP has heard, but I will say that it helps me clear my head, manage my mental and emotional energy, and think through my challenges in a more methodical and honest way. It’s also very useful for me to have a record of who I was and what I thought at various times in the past, as so often my memory alone isn’t quite accurate.
I personally see journaling as a huge value add, and it probably has contributed to my mental health and professional/personal success. But different strokes for different folks. See if it works for you/yields benefits and go from there. Who cares about whether successful people in general journal?
Anon
Well dang, here I was going through life thinking I’m pretty successful. But I don’t “journal” so I guess I need to reevaluate.
Never too many shoes...
I know two people that keep journals – one is an actual journalist and the other is a life coach and it is filled with nonsense quotes from instagram about finding your bliss.
Anon
You know the job of an actual journalist is not to write in journals, right? Some journalists use notebooks for work, but it’s not like personal journaling about your day.
Worry about yourself
I stopped reading those lists years ago, they’re pretty much all clickbait at this point. Sure, maybe it happens that many successful people do keep journals, but that doesn’t mean keeping a journal will lead to being a successful person. It’s correlation, not causation.
Anon
+1
Anon
This, plus if you’re seriously taking tips from those lists at face value and you think that the world can really be split into successful vs unsuccessful people, you’ve got a lot of other things to learn and tackle first before starting a journaling habit.
anon
+1. I’m the lifelong journaler above. When I’m looking for ways to improve my life, I’m looking for 1 of 2 things- either someone I know/trust/respect is sharing something that worked for them for reasons that seem like they could be transferable to me or I read something (could be in a clickbait article I guess) that’s also underpinned by research (e.g., research shows that folks who journal ~3x or more a week show an X% drop in cortisol levels or whatever. I’m totally making this up, but the point is something that’s fact based, scientific, and verifiable)
The issue I see so often with these sorts of articles is that the assumption is that there’s some magic that comes from journaling or whatever the fad du jour is that will magically make you successful (or happy or whatever). I would instead evaluate based on the purported mechanism by which the change occurs. What specifically is the expected outcome? is it one you want? etc.
Lunchtime sunscreen help?
With summer around the corner, I’d like to be better about applying sunscreen before I go outside at lunchtime. It’s only for a brief walk, but I need something to go over my makeup. If anyone has any experiences/recommendations to share on either sunscreen setting sprays (such as the Supergoop Defense Refresh Setting Spray, or Kate Somerville’s UncompliKated spray) or a sunscreen powder (Colorscience, Tarteguard Mineral Powder or Supergoop Setting Powder are some recommendations I’ve seen) … I would really appreciate it. Thank you!
Worry about yourself
Is that really necessary, if your makeup already contains SPF? Seems like wearing a hat would do the trick, if your makeup isn’t enough.
Annony
I think so. I put sunscreen on in the morning but by the time I go outside, it’s 5 hours later. A hat is an option, but that would just be weird for me (personally) to manage. I work in a fairly conservative/dressed up office.
Anon
Just put a hat on . . . that is not a weird thing to do.
Anonymous
It is
Anonymous
Oh man, I love this place so much as a unique sociological look into a special class of people who think hair ties are unprofessional and hats are weird :) You keep on being your special selves, ladies!
Anon
Sunscreen only gives you full protection for about 2 hours after you apply it. She’s smart to reapply, even if she’s fair.
Anon
I mean, especially if she’s fair!
Silly Valley
I picked up the Derma-e version of a sunscreen powder the other day and so far I like it.
Reporting Attempted Mortgage Fraud
I was (past tense) working with a loan officer who I realized was trying to commit mortgage fraud/trying to get me to commit mortgage fraud. Without a ton of detail, he tried to get my husband and I to sign documents with false and missing information about our income and assets, and omit “problematic” accounts when submitting the supporting documents to underwriting. I asked to speak with his manager, and she defended his actions, told us we had to sign the papers as is or our loan could not go forward. I left it at that.
We did the smart thing and moved on to work with a different bank that doesn’t try to induce us to commit mortgage fraud, and everything is going swimmingly with them. All of our assets are at the prior fraud-y bank, and after we close, we plan to move all of our assets out of this bank. However, once we close on our house, I can’t shake that I would also really like to report this loan officer and his manager. Who would I report these people to? Customer service at the bank? CFPB (isn’t that effectively gutted)? NMLS? Some state board (I am in CA)?
Casper
That isn’t necessarily mortgage fraud. The mortgage process isn’t like paying your taxes. You don’t need to report all income or assets as part of the process, just what you are using for your down payment and support to qualify for a mortgage. If they’re telling you to lie about your income or where money is coming from, that’s a problem but if they’re saying leave off the checking account where you deposit your work travel reimbursements because it’s a pain to trace, that’s not fraud
Reporting Attempted Mortgage Fraud
Yeah, thanks for pointing this out, but I already did plenty of reading online and know this. I should have provided more detail, but I just want to know where to report. I will definitely report.
This wasn’t just leaving off a checking account for an innocuous reason. This was reporting both my husband’s and my income as different than it actually is/was, and omitting a checking amount for the stated purpose of some ill-devised scheme of concealing a recurring student loan payment.
I understand all of this is stupid on their part and these are lies that could likely be uncovered, but I would really like to report it. Based on my interactions, I would not put it past these people to doctor documents to match the loan application – in fact, when I was nervous about what they were actually submitting as supporting documentation, they refused to tell me and provide a copy, which makes me even more suspicious.
Anon
Assuming this is mortgage fraud since your post doesn’t provide enough info to judge, it’s really unlikely that any action will happen against the employees/bank. State and federal regulators just have so much more work then they can handle and only take on the worst case.
If it was me and I wanted to do something, I would (a) report it to the bank’s ethics line or IG/fraud office and (b) report it to the CFPB and state regulators. IME, the bank is the most likely to take this serious if it was fraud
Anon
If the bank is small/medium, I’d also add the president of the board of the bank to the list.
anon a mouse
California Department of Financial Institutions plus CFPB. Be as detailed as you can in terms of what they were trying to get you to sign and how exactly it was wrong. If it was a bank, find out the bank’s regulator (OCC/FDIC/Federal Reserve) and complain there too. If it’s criminal any of those may refer to DOJ as well.
Anon Banker
You should start with the president/CEO of the bank. If you want to go higher, it depends on who regulates the bank. Will you share what city you’re in? I work for a bank in CA and of course hope it’s not one of my loan officers :-)