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Thursday’s Workwear Report: Crinkle Satin Mock Neck Blouse

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A white woman with long blonde hair wearing a white long-sleeved shirt and black pants

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I bought this top from Vince Camuto on a whim a few weeks ago, and I couldn’t love it more. The blousy shape looks great fully tucked into a pencil skirt, half-tucked into a pair of high-waisted trousers, or left untucked over a pair of skinny jeans. The balloon-shaped sleeves are slightly sheer, but still work appropriate.

I’ve worn this at least three times since buying it, and it’s gone through the washer and dryer without a problem — score!

The top is $89 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes XXS–XXL.

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Sales of note for 3/21/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off: Free People, AllSaints, AG, and more
  • Ann Taylor – 25% off suiting + 25% off tops & sweaters + extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – $39+ dresses & jumpsuits + up to 50% off everything else
  • J.Crew – 25% off select linen & cashmere + up to 50% off select styles + extra 40% off sale
  • J.Crew Factory – Friends & Family Sale: Extra 15% off your purchase + extra 50% off clearance + 50-60% off spring faves
  • M.M.LaFleur – Flash Sale: Get the Ultimate Jardigan for $198 on sale; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Buy 1 get 1 50% off everything, includes markdowns

Sales of note for 3/21/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off: Free People, AllSaints, AG, and more
  • Ann Taylor – 25% off suiting + 25% off tops & sweaters + extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – $39+ dresses & jumpsuits + up to 50% off everything else
  • J.Crew – 25% off select linen & cashmere + up to 50% off select styles + extra 40% off sale
  • J.Crew Factory – Friends & Family Sale: Extra 15% off your purchase + extra 50% off clearance + 50-60% off spring faves
  • M.M.LaFleur – Flash Sale: Get the Ultimate Jardigan for $198 on sale; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Buy 1 get 1 50% off everything, includes markdowns

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

294 Comments

  1. I see a lot of blouses and dresses in a dull finish satin now (not the super-shiny satin of bridesmaids dresses). Can anyone confirm if this is a daytime fabric OK for work? Maybe more OK if under a jacket? Or are they evening pieces? I am really confused by clothes now (and am back in the office but struggling to shop for my new COVID 15 size).

    1. I’d wear to work/daytime. I think some of those rules are dated. My office is casual though where anything goes.

    2. I think it depends on the office a bit, but they are daytime clothes.
      Either if you’re a bit higher up at a more traditional place (bank/law), or if you’re at an office where the dress code is really just “wear something nice and professional looking”.

    3. What if the item has sheer sleeves? Too evening / fancy for work? Or throw a sweater jacket over it?

      I had a decade in tropical weight wool, then an abrupt shift to denim and now 7 seasons of athleisure. I am now crowd-sourcing how to dress. Yeesh.

      2. Is your specific question “is a blouse like this one appropriate for work, because I’d like to buy it?” or is it more like, “imagine I have a blouse with sheer sleeves –I don’t currently have one, but I might–can i wear that?”

        My answer: depends on the blouse and depends on your work. this blouse? Strikes me a fine. A dressier looking, black blouse with very sheer sleeves? Might not feel right.

        And, depends on your workplace. I could wear anything to mine. But you’re the only one who knows how people dress at your workplace and how much it matters whether you’re slightly out of that norm.

    4. I can’t get over the polyester. On the towels post we were discussing how microfibre towels put microplastics in the ocean (unless you buy a Guppy and use it) but so does all this polyester clothing.

      Also this looks like wearing a nice bin liner.

  2. What is an appropriate percentage raise for a mid-career professional after the first year at a company. I’ve received glowing reviews, and I’m deciding what to suggest for an annual raise. Starting salary and benefits were strong (substantial improvement from where I had been) but not top of market.

    1. You probably won’t have much say, most companies have a compensation approach for annual raises that don’t involve your input. That said, if they ask pick a big number like 10-12%, but know 2-5% is more common.

    2. If you are in the middle of the pay band and had a good year at a company that did well this year, 5%.

      We typically did 0% for low performers, 3% was average, 5% for exceptional. However, if the employee was already at the top of the pay band, they couldn’t get the full amount. We’d be looking to promote or do some kind of bonus vs raise.

      If you are making, say, $120 in a pay band of $100-130, don’t be disappointed if you don’t get 5% if it’s only your first year. You’d top out of the band after 2 years and in my firms thats often too early for a promotion. I’d expect 3-4% and maybe a small bonus.

        1. No organization I have worked with or am aware of base comp increases on inflation rates. It’s usually tied to performance and significantly constrained by budget.

          1. Exactly
            I work for one of the biggest banks in Canada
            If you ever said that in your year end review, you’d never get another role

    3. Whenever an employer asks me what I think I should make I always say $1 million. With a smile. Like no I’m not going to bargain against myself but thanks for playing. If they insist on a real answer then look at Glassdoor and suggest the highest possible amount for your position.

  3. Anyone want to weigh in on a minor design decision for me? I’m picking out a kitchen backsplash that will go with white cabinets and marble-like white and gray quartzite counters. The house was built in the 20’s so it has a somewhat classic vibe. I was trying to find something more exciting that I liked (if you have any suggestions I’d love to hear them), but I’m currently leaning toward white subway tile, maybe in a herringbone pattern. Do you all think white tile and darker grout is a look that’s going to have more staying power or is it already dated? What about tiling areas over a range – we have a 36″ range so there’s a big blank space there. I’ve seen people do different tile work in that space to define it but cannot decide if I like that or if it’s old fashioned. I could hang a pot/utensil rail in that area so that it doesn’t look so plain rather than change the tile.

    1. What color are your walls? It sounds like there’s a lot of white in your kitchen, so a white subway tile backsplash might be too monochromatic (unless that’s what you’re going for).

      1. +1. I did white subway tile with dark grout about five years ago. We’ve since sold the house but I loved that subway tile. You can always go conservative and do white grout.

      2. I agree that white subway tile is a classic for a reason. If you want to go for a slightly more contemporary look, I’d suggest looking at a longer tile, rather than basic 3″x6″. 8″ or 10″ length looks a bit more modern to my eyes.

        1. Agree with this, also square tiles look great, I just did them in a kitchen w white grout and love it.

    3. White subway tile is a classic, but a herringbone pattern seems to be on it’s way out. I personally like dark grout (especially in kitchens and baths) as it is SO much easier to keep clean looking.
      We’re also starting a reno and doing white subway tile. The two trends that our designer mentioned is to tile up to the ceiling on the entire wall behind the appliances (vs. tiling all the way up behind the stove but painting under cabinters) or to use the counter material on the wall.

      1. I am laughing hard at these two tile trends. My kitchen is so out of date (1990s or earlier) that it already has both features.

        1. I’m laughing at the “counter material on the wall” trend as not-that-many-years ago that was considered a horrifying design crime and if your kitchen had that you were supposed to rush to change it. Everything old is new again, I guess.

          1. I think the difference is that everyone’s using granite/quartz now as opposed to formica. When we moved in to our current house, the kitchen had formica counters/backsplash (in a dark blue/green marble-y style) and it was… not a good look. I personally prefer a tile backsplash, for the textural difference with the countertop, but can definitely appreciate the ease of cleaning a solid surface backsplash.

    4. I was going to do white subway tile when we redid our kitchen but my mom convinced me to use white marble like subway tiles instead and I couldn’t be happier. It still looks classic but a bit less generic/typical. We have a white marble-esq quartz counter top and light color cabinets (kind of a gray beige).

    5. Very specific recommendation – I would order samples of the different colors of the Cloe tile from Bedrosian. The subway tiles are more organic – slightly different hues and not a factory perfect – that would probably work well with the age of your house. It comes in a square and subway tile format.

    7. I think white tile with dark grout is a nice, classic look. I personally am not a fan of white grout+white tile, especially for a 1920s house. The only thing I’d hesitate on is the herringbone pattern. It’s lovely, but it could be dated soon. I don’t love having a different tile look above the range, but again, that’s just me. I prefer a more uniform look, but there’s certainly nothing wrong, design-wise, with doing it the other way.

    8. I love white subway tile and think it will always be in style, but I’ll go against the grain and suggest a white grout. I know it will show dirt more so you’ll have to keep it cleaning, but dark grout looks dirty to me all the time. It looks like an ACTUAL subway wall to me.

    9. I consume a lot of home decor and am bored with traditional subway tile and have been bored with herringbone everything for several years, however when it’s done nicely in someone’s real home (aka not a magazine) I think it’s totally nice so no judgement on anyone who has it.

      One thing with the white subway tile with darker grout – I think that’s a pretty graphic. So if you’re looking to add a graphic punch it’s perfect. If you want to keep the kitchen more calm, perhaps something else.

      Another thing you can do with subway tile is to do it in a stacked pattern rather than staggered. Although that might be a little trendy.

      We just built a house last year and I extended my countertop material (marble) up the wall behind stone to the bottom of the vent. I really like the look of stone slab backsplashes. It’s interesting, easy to maintain (no grout), and calming since it’s one piece of stone.

      1. Also bored with subway tile…what color are your walls? A tile and grout that complement and blend with your paint color is a good way to go…makes the space look bigger. Remember, the eye likes muted pattern or interesting finish vs. plain white so a natural stone look is very attractive…also glossy white reflects everything so matte may be more appealing

    10. Yes to white subway tile. No to white subway laid herringbone style. It’s a bit more dated. Darker grout will read graphic and a little more farmhouse-y IMO. I think stacking rather than a brick like pattern will look too modern for a 1920s house. Unless that’s your thing. But do mind the length of the wall and the length of your tiles and think about where you might need to just use a fraction of a tile. It can look choppy if it’s uneven and there are a lot of partial pieces.
      A design over the stove will look dated, although a pice of countertop slab behind it could look nice. I am seeing a ton of countertop material up the walls- either all the way up or partial up the wall with a small shelf again same material. I’m sure that will be pricy and possibly tricky with quartzite.

      Fwiw I just did my own kitchen in a somewhat wavy glossy white subway tile from tilebar and it has the updated vibe of looking a bit handmade but not the headache of zelliage. (I had an ok tile installer and im really hard on kitchens. So easy to install and clean were important) I used white grout and so far I love the look and find it a breeze to wipe down.

    11. Consider white fish scale tile. It’s a little bit retro-y, but not crazy, adds a little kick and charm. Also tile that’s pointed on the ends is a little more fun than subway, but not objectionable.

  4. Question about masks. I purchased some KF94 masks this week to use for an upcoming flight in December. They are individually sealed, but I have more than I need so I took one out of its pouch to try on and see how it fits and feels. It fits great and is very comfortable! Only problem is that it has a distinct chemical smell, similar to what you might find on new linens (one reason I always wash new linens before using). I’m not sure whether the smell is a result of the packaging or the mask itself. I have let it air out on my coffee table for about 36 hours now, and it still has that smell when I put it on. It’s not overpowering, but it is very noticeable and not something I think I can tolerate for a 5+ hour flight. Is this something others have experienced with these masks? Will it go away after being aired out for longer?

    This is my first time using anything other than a cloth mask or the occasional surgical mask they give me at the hair salon to keep from getting dye on my cloth masks, so I’m not sure if this is something I should have expected.

    1. I’ve been wearing KN95s for most of the pandemic and have never had a problem with smells- I’m very scent sensitive and would definitely notice. It might go away if you let it air out, but if it hasn’t gotten better in a few days, I’d probably just order some different ones for the flight and use the smelly ones for short trips to the store or doctor’s office where it’s not so noticeable (or just toss them if it’s still so bad you can’t stand it).

    2. I wear KN95s and have had no issue with scent, and I am sensitive. You might want to try another brand.

    3. I have KN95 masks from Amazon (from Hotodeal and WWDOLL) and none have ever had a smell.

    4. I’ve used KF94s from Korea and the ones I have used do not have a smell. It stinks to throw them away but I would try purchasing another brand.

    5. I’d just wear a cloth mask for the flight presuming you’re vaccinated and get a booster a few weeks ahead of time and your flu shot if you haven’t already. The masking like that isn’t nearly as effective as a personal vaccine strategy.

    6. I think they have a distinct smell as well. I wore an N95 at the beginning of the pandemic for a CT scan while I was having some scary migraine issues. I am pretty sure I will never, ever be able to put on an N95 again and not retch.

    7. I have some black KF94s that have a smell I notice on the first day of wear. I have not noticed this with the white ones I have (although different brand), so my hypothesis is that it is related to the black ink. I would try a different brand.

    8. the smell does go away but you need a good week. Bonus points if you can have a window open and the mask in the sun. (Do you have a clothesline you could pin them on if it’s clear weather?)

    9. Buy some others for the trip. It would be awful if they caused a headache while you are travelling.

      Sunlight and fresh air can help dissapate stink but may not work entirely.

  5. I have a problem I never thought I would: How does one discretely confirm (or disprove) rumors of an office affair? It’s the kind of rumor that can do as much or more damage than the truth, so I don’t want to just go around and ask people. But I need to know because, if true, it confirms some conflicts of interest in office politics that directly affect my future and the future of my workplace. Short of bugging offices and other things that are illegal, what can I do?

    1. Omg dramalama do nothing. You do not need to know. Sleuthing is only going to backfire on you.

    2. You absolutely stop thinking about this. Unless you’re the boss, it’s really not your business.

      1. I am a new-ish partner in a small outfit, so I am the boss. I think I do kinda need to know. For one thing, it’s a potential liability problem b/c we have a superior/subordinate situation. It would actually explain a LOT about why things don’t get put on agendas, why compensation is how it is, and certain employees are never held to account for job performance (like, never had a performance review ever). It affects my bottom line and the future direction of the business. Aside from not what I signed up for and not being the environment I want to be in charge of.

        1. If this person reports to you directly or indirectly, you can reassign them to a different manager and make sure they get regular performance appraisals and are held to the same standards as their peers.

        2. Totally different situation than your first post. I would have a private meet with the superior person and directly ask them about it and address the individual concerns you have (why things don’t get on the agenda, why compensation is, why no performance reviews). I’m a big believer in directly having tactfully having tough conversations and addressing issues head on.

          I am definitely not an employment attorney, so that’s probably a good idea to consult one.

          Also, as a pretty senior person at a small company, (will be in an ownership role in 5-10 years), these are the type of things that SUCK about being the boss at a small company. There is good for sure, but these situations suck. Commiseration.

        3. I agree you do have a right to know, so I recommend you do what we do for our cleints. Put an investigator on the case to watch them after work. While it is unlikely they will do anything at work, you could have their garbage cans checked for notes or other indicia of romantic connections. You can also look at their emails and internal texts for clues, but the outside investigators can watch their homes (and root thru their trash) for evidence. Also photos of them out or back in the apartment uof either party until the next morning would pretty much confirm that they are not playing parcheesi all night, and coming into work together is virtually conclusive evidence that they are having s-x.

    3. Omg. Do nothing and do not participate in further amplifying said rumor (or truth). That stuff all plays out in due course anyway. Don’t become involved such that when it does sort itself out and the truth is known that people are pointing at you for getting involved in it’s spreading.

    4. You can’t do anything about the rumor. What you can do is develop advocacy across a broader range of people in the office. Work with key stakeholders to influence decisions about the workplace to make it better for all stakeholders, not just yourself or against anyone in particular. Adding to office politics does not win advocacy and makes the office worse for everyone. I believe the quote is something like “you never regret taking the high road.”

      1. I totally understand wanting to find proof, but remember that even if you did it would almost certainly look bad *on you* to present it to management. It would look like you were nosy and meddling, and if they already knew but had either 1) decided not to do anything, or 2) been dealing with it behind the scenes, you’d look like you were telling them how to do their jobs because you felt it would favor yourself.

    5. You don’t. You focus on objective and measurable ways of making the case for your own advancement. If you’ve heard the rumor so have the relevant decision-makers.

    6. Can you describe the situation a little bit more? There are times when even if the two people involved are just very good friends, it means that it’s time to leave, e.g., if your boss is crazy and your skip-level boss is besties with your boss. The solution there is to find a new job and cite “new opportunities” or “a more stable corporate culture.”

    7. I probably should have clarified more why I think it’s my business, because normally I would agree that it isn’t. I’m a part owner, so office politics are very much my problem. There aren’t “higher powers” at the office whose job it is to handle personnel matters. The buck stops with the partners, and there aren’t very many, so it’s not even a very diffused responsibility.

      1. So that’s a very different situation, but covert sleuthing still isn’t going to be the right answer. What is the right answer depends on whether this is a situation involving your peers (fellow partners), a peer and a subordinate, or two subordinates. Basically, is this a situation that potentially involves a personnel/HR-type concern bc a subordinate is involved, or is this a pure office politics issue because it involves your peers?

        1. +100, and especially so if there is a senior/junior dynamic to the two involved people, which is what I’m understanding from your posts.

        3. I agree with this. You mentioned lack of performance reviews and differing compensation. Even if someone is “merely” interested in another person, that has a number of implications for unbiased treatment of other employees in the workforce.

        4. Yeah, let a third party be the “bad guy” here. An employment lawyer can revamp your employee handbook and HR policies for not a lot of money as long as you let them use a form and don’t need anything super tailored. They can also give trainings to management and the employees – on performance reviews, s!xual harassment, reporting system, whatever. All of this will help limit liability of the firm, if that’s your concern. I would also take a hard look at your insurance policies and make sure employment-related claims are covered sufficiently.

      3. Given that you have partners, you may need to discuss the potential liability concerns with the other partners first and then decide with them jointly whether and how to approach the employees involved in the rumored affair.

  6. So I noticed I haven’t been getting all of my text messages recently. First a few weeks ago, a friend asked me to respond to something he asked that I never got it’s done I noticed I was getting “reactions” on a text chain to stuff that I never got in the first place (ex., “marla loved Sally’s comment” but nothing from sally). This seemed to all be one day and I figured maybe it was just weird glitch. Now yesterday I didn’t get another message from a small group text that Mr. AIMS showed me on his phone (we are both on the text). Is this a my phone problem? Provider? What do I need to do to fix it. I hate to miss out on stuff and don’t want people to think I’m ignoring them!

    1. Sounds like something my IT department would suggest (and would generate an eye roll from me!) but have you tried powering the phone off and then back on?

    2. In my friend group this happens not infrequently to the one person who does not have an iphone. It occassionally happens to iphone users on the same thread, but far more rarely. Is the text chain mixed phone types (green text bubbles)?

      1. This is most likely the problem. I’m the only Android user of most of my friend groups. I always loose text messages in group chats.

      2. It happens to me on a text thread that has Android and iphone users. I’m an iphone, and sometimes do not see texts from the Android people. I have no idea why.

      3. My friend group has had this problem as well and suspect it’s an iphone/android issue, though we aren’t positive.

      4. +1, my husband has this problem on his Android phone in mixed phone type group chats, but I (apple) never have.

        1. HMM! I have an iPhone but at least on the group threads this happened on, there were android users. But the text I didn’t get came from another iPhone…

        2. This is a great point– I can send text messages (through iMessage) on my Mac, but the Mac can’t send SMS. If there’s a group chat going and someone replies via Mac, I assume anyone not on iOS won’t get the messages?

    3. I don’t know, but I get this occasionally too. Or sometimes the texts will come through out of order (I’ll get the note that Marla loved Sally’s comment, and then get Sally’s comment an hour later.) It doesn’t seem consistent or related to a pattern, and yes it’s happened even after phone restarts. I have no idea why this happens, so I’m following for suggestions.

    4. Call your phone carrier! Even if it’s a phone problem, they will help you troubleshoot (by fixing settings, rebooting, and if it comes to it, they’ll factory reset it).

    5. What is your provider? When I switched providers, and again when I had a phone software upgrade, I had to go in and change some of the SMS settings. I just g*ogled my phone + provider + texts not receiving, and came up with instructions to change some settings.

    6. Do you have an android? My Android friends get about 1/4 to 1/2 of our group messages.

      Android phones : separate but not really equal

    7. I commented above that we sometimes have this issue and think it may be apple vs android, but forgot to mention the other theory we’re working on is it might be a google voice issue as the person that typically misses the messages has a google voice number. It may also be a carrier issue–I think he’s the only one on AT&T

      1. (In conclusion, we have no idea. Have tried google voice number, regular number through AT&T, etc. And while it’s usually him missing messages, occasionally other people in the chain do as well and we can’t figure out a pattern/common element)

  7. Low stakes question of the day. I’m looking for stocking stuffers of $25 and less. We are really trying to scale back this year in terms of cost and just spend time with each other instead. What in that price range did you get recently that you absolutely love?

    1. Sounds perfect for a small game like Exploding Kittens or a deck of cards with dice. For a romantic partner, massage oil.

    2. Honestly there’s nothing I want in this price range, it’s junk that gets tossed. Personally, I’d take your whole budget for the stocking and get one small luxury item (for me, that’s a diptique candle or a small little Cuyana wallet; for my husband I’d do a belt, wallet, travel item like a passport cover, etc.)

      1. Fuzzy socks. I irrationally love fuzzy socks, and you can get them at CVS for like $7.

    3. As a person who loves baths, but doesn’t own a soaker tub, “SlipX Solutions Bottomless Bath Overflow Drain Cover” for $7 is awesome. Last year I got a new wine key for my partner ($12-ish from Amazon) as we only had free/bad ones. I also got a wine stopper ($10). Traditionally, oranges are given in stockings but I like blood oranges for a little something different.

      I like anon a mouse’s suggestion and would also recommend Sushi Go ($10).

    5. What about little goodies (cookies and chocolates) from Trader Joe’s?

      Bath bombs are also great if the recipient likes baths.

      One year I made homemade coupons for my husband (coupon for a massage, foot rub etc).

    6. A pound or two of delicious coffee. A box of really nice chocolates. Another consumable that’s more spendy than I’d usually ever spend, but will definitely enjoy.

    7. Box of Cashew Turtles from the local florist.
      $3-4 stickers (I collect them for a sticker pole in my home gym)
      A special small handmade wooden spatula – I love using it. we picked it up several years ago from a local shop for maybe $10

    8. A pair of Darn Tough hiking socks (or ski socks). I really wouldn’t want anything generic like a candle, honestly.

      1. Also I did head lamps for everybody a few years ago and they were a big hit.

        1. +1 to headlamps (anyone can use those, for hiking, dogwalking, emergency kit, whatever). However, I wouldn’t do mini-puzzles just for the sake of doing something – that would go straight into Goodwill, honestly.

    11. Earbuds
      Poo~pourri
      fuzzy socks
      gift cards
      hand cream
      Sugarfina candy cubes
      spice mixes

    13. Here’s what my stocking often looks like:
      Chocolate Orange
      Marseilles soap
      Scrunchies (esp silk)
      Reese’s trees
      Fuzzy socks
      Random kitchen utensils (ie silicone spatula)
      Diamond nail file

      Here’s my husband’s
      Payday bars
      Allsorts licorice
      Guitar strings
      Guitar picks
      Hand knit socks
      Mini hand sanitizer
      Nail clippers

    14. Depends on the recipient. I am always happy with nice hand or foot cream cream in the winter (i like L’Occitane and Crabtree&Evelyn, in those little metal tubes). Fancy hot chocolate – for a stocking, I would get the ones on a stick that you stir into a cup of warm milk. For little kids, look up Milk Magic Flavoring Straws – every kid I’ve given these to, inc. my own, loves them.

    16. So for my husband I typically do a “for your office” themed stocking. I didn’t do it last year but will likely do it this year as he is headed back into the office more full time starting in 2022. It is not very exciting but he appreciates not needing to think through what he needs and remembering to purchase it. I include Chapstick, Tylenol, Advil, hand lotion, small packs of tissues, cough drops (probably not this time because now he will just stay home), a few of his favorite pens, a spare phone charger, and some shelf stable snacks. This year I will probably add some masks and hand sanitizer. And I often put on some nicer chocolates, socks, and underwear and sometimes some lottery scratch tickets.

      Things I like in my stocking include:
      Better quality chocolate
      Those hot chocolate sticks that dissolve in milk to make hot chocolate
      A nice lavender scented hand soap
      A spare phone charger
      A new card game or other small game that works for 2 people
      A cooking magazine or Real Simple (I like them but don’t have time to read them regularly).
      Pretty notecards for thank you notes
      A paperback book to read (usually historical fiction)
      Lottery tickets

    17. My stepmom always puts a travel size toothpaste and dental floss in everyone’s stocking. Surprisingly handy and useful to have around.

    18. Nice tea or herbal tisane.
      Macadamia nuts.
      Professional style vegetable peeler.
      Travel mug.
      Treats for my dog.

  8. so just walked into my first in-person meeting in months with my team and we have a mask policy and my boss says, I can’t wear a mask, is that ok with you guys….she has no medical reason as to why, she just doesnt like them. what exactly am i supposed to say to that?

    1. No idea what you say to that in a meeting but I know what I’m thinking and not saying…

    2. “Oh actually I’m not comfortable with maskless meetings. Would you like me to set up a Zoom for this meeting instead?”

      You’re an adult. No one is coming to save you, you have to use your words and speak up for yourself.

    3. “Oh shoot! I guess I’ll have to call in from my desk then.” Leave, then raise it with HR. If your boss “can’t wear a mask,“ which is obviously total BS, then the boss gets to be the one who doesn’t get permission to attend meetings in the future. So tired of these selfish liars. If you don’t want to wear a mask when it’s required, just be honest – “my personal comfort is more important than your safety.” or “I want to live in a world where rules don’t apply to me.” Then the rest of us can make our own honest choices about whether or not to continue being around you.

    4. “actually, I’d prefer you wear a mask, or can I take this meeting virtually?”

      I would not be in a small room with unmasked colleagues at this point and if your company has a no-mask policy I would also report her. It’s so unfair to others. I guarantee if you are thinking it, at least one other person is too.

    6. Are all of you vaccinated?
      Regardless, don’t get into specifics, just say you’re not comfortable and will call into the meeting or something.

      1. Vaccination status is irrelevant. Pretty much everywhere in the country, community spread is so high that the CDC recommends that everyone mask indoors, vaxxed or not. The boss is out of line.

    7. Speak up! I know it’s not always easy. My boss sucks too. He tried this early in the pandemic (we’ve been in person since August 2020) and my response was “I’m not comfortable with that and it’s against company policy”. Masks went on. For reference, my boss is a C-suite executive and I’m a VP.

    8. Do you have the capital to push back? (Or do you not care about pushing back?) If so, say “I need everyone to stay masked for in-person meetings. I’ll just dial in if you are leaving your mask. What number should I dial?”

      I personally don’t mind maskless meetings though.

    10. This must be regional. Our office is 100% vaccinated (if you’re not, no entry) and no one comes in with a hint of a sniffle so masks aren’t worn once in the office. If you’re somewhere more mixed, I agree with using your words and regrouping virtually. I also recommend getting a booster to reduce your personal risk.

      1. Our office is 100% vaccinated and we have had two vaccinated employees and two vaccinated visitors with breakthrough cases in our office a day before testing positive. I also had a meeting scheduled with a client who cancelled after testing positive that day. He tested due to exposure not symptoms but then developed two weeks of moderate symptoms. No one has had to go to the hospital but I cannot afford a two-week flu requiring quarantine plus lingering brain fog.

        1. So how is that different from getting a bad flu before the pandemic (presuming you get a bad breakthrough case, when most people of symptomatic get a mild version)? Do you want to wear masks forever?

          1. I don’t. At all. I do want to wear them while the case rates are still this high, though.

          2. Flu is different since asymptomatic spread is less of an issue. Absolutely a person who may have flu should be masking up!

          3. It’s different because COVID is killing a lot more people than the flu ever did, and the contagion rate is higher.

          5. Not the person you’re responding to but I think we should wear masks forever, at least during cold/flu/Covid season. What is so hard about wearing a mask? Universal mask wearing will prevent tens of thousands of deaths annually, not just due to Covid. Wearing a mask to save that many lives is a trivial decision for me and I’m surprised others don’t feel the same way. I understand our lives have to return to normal with schools and offices open and getting to see our loved ones and celebrate special occasions. But I genuinely don’t understand why masks can’t be worn regularly in winter. It’s already standard in some parts of the world.

          6. The flu has a lower risk of long-term complications than COVID (yes, even breakthrough cases).

            I don’t want the flu either, and don’t think we should be blithely accepting that risk the way we currently do.

          7. I want to keep wearing a mask too. I haven’t had a cold since this pandemic started.

            I work in a hospital, and I would get terrible colds, bronchitis, laryngitis, even the flu some years (despite flu shot). I have had none of that since masking started!

        2. Guess what–I’m 100 percent vaccinated. But I also don’t want all of my coworkers to know I have cancer. One of my coworkers doesn’t want to discuss her Chrohn’s that she needs immune suppressants for. Just because your colleagues are vaccinated doesn’t mean that you don’t have anyone vulnerable in your midst and that there is a protective bubble over all of you. And there are a lot of reasons to still stay masked because vaccinated or not, you can still be just as much of a carrier. Is it really so hard to wear a mask?

          1. Thank you for saying what I was thinking, but more eloquently than I could have put it.

    11. Were you not able to get vaccinated? Assuming you’re vaccinated, I have no idea why you’re worried about this.

      1. Sigh. How many times do people need to say things like “breakthrough infections” or “long COVID” or “unvaccinated children at home” or “high-risk family member” or “vaccine not effective for medical reasons?” Stop being obtuse.

        1. Sigh, when are people going to realize the threat risk has changed dramatically due to vaccines. Yes, if you’re immunocompromised, things look different. But for most everyone else (including kids who are mostly eligible now and under 5 barely is at risk unless there’s a comorbidity, which again is a small number) the game has changed. Get your vaccine and booster(s). We are at the end, it’s time to realize that.

          1. Actually more kids in the 0-4 age group have been hospitalized per capita than in the 5-11 age group. And kids with comorbidities exist and their lives matter. Vaccines are not available to everyone and the pandemic is not over.

          2. You must not have young children. I do, and I care about them staying safe. I also care about their daycare not closing for two weeks even if they get a mild COVID case.

          3. The daycare closing is part of a continued overreaction though. And I get that it’s hard if you have young kids, it’s just a small number (6% of the population is under 5) so for those parents, yes it’s still rough. But again, at some point, people need to recalculate the risk.

          4. I really struggle with the casual ableism so many have displayed during the pandemic – the attitude that young kids, the immunocompromised, the elderly, the disabled, frontline workers, and others just don’t matter in risk calculations. It’s really hard to look at certain people the same way again.

          5. I don’t understand what being “at the end” means. I live in the mountain west and COVID cases are still very high and rising and hospitals are full. I don’t understand why hospitals being full doesn’t scare the @#&*% out of everyone. I wish I felt anywhere close to being “at the end.”

          7. I’m still seeing patients die of covid in front of me – unvaccinated and the vaccinated but immunocompromised. Not over.

      2. Is this ablism or another word I’m searching for?
        A lack of concern for anyone else’s circumstances?
        Or a complete lack of imagination that anyone could be vulnerable.

        I caught a virus at work an am now so disabled I can’t work (brain fog), drive, cook or leave the house unless someone takes me in a wheelchair.

  9. Gift help, please! My sister is taking my 17 year old niece on a beach vacation. This is their first non-road trip vacation ever/my niece’s first time on a plane and at a beach resort. For the holidays, I want to get her a beach bag stuffed with vacation-related gifts, but I don’t know what teenage girls are into these days. So far I have:
    Beach bag (suggestions for teen-friendly brands welcomed!)
    Flip flops
    Waterproof phone case
    Maybe a gift card for a new bathing suit? But to what store?
    Do teenagers wear pool cover ups?
    Other ideas?
    Thank you!

    1. Does your niece need anything that is helpful to have for air travel, such as a roller carryon or travel-sized containers for toiletries?

      SPF lip balm
      Big floppy sun hat
      Those things you put on your sunglasses so you don’t lose them in the water

    3. Snorkel mask would be fun if it’s a beach where she can see fish.
      A few magazines to read on the beach, like Cosmo Teen or such
      A floppy hat, esp one that is packable or crushable

        2. Depending on your budget, you can actually get digital waterproof cameras (as opposed to the disposable film cameras in the plastic cases) for surprisingly cheap, under $100. Polaroid makes one that’s like $50. Are they the greatest picture quality in the world, no, but you can jump in a pool with them and take them snorkeling.

          1. (And if you do want to spend some money on them, or anyone else wants an unsolicited recommendation, I got an Olympus Tough TG-6 for a snorkeling trip earlier this year and loved it. It’s around $350-400, but it was actually cheaper than buying an underwater housing for my good camera)

    5. Flip flops from Reef or Havaianas (or gift card for them.) Swimsuit is much harder-I’d avoid that and give a gift card to Aerie or Athleta, Roxy? Neck pillow for plane. Luggage tag. Gift card for Ray Ban sunglasses.

    7. Maybe a cute towel (Turkish towel?), fancy sunscreen, chapstick with SPF in it, some beach reads or magazines.

    8. My teen loves Shein and anything she sees promoted on TikTok, haha. Motel Rocks is one that comes to mind. Also American Eagle. The teens I know don’t wear coverups, just tank tops/t-shirts/denim cutoffs. My daughter loves the Taylor Swift tote bag I got her last Christmas and brings it to the beach even though it’s not a “beach bag”. Any merch from favorite celebs (Taylor, Olivia Rodrigo, Harry Styles, Ariana Grande) seems to be popular.

  10. I’ll be in Manhattan next week and looking for a good place to eat dinner alone on a weeknight. No preference on neighborhoods — staying in Midtown. Any type of cuisine is fine … looking for somewhere that will feel like a treat. Thank you!

    1. I love La Pecora Bianca. When I think about restaurants I miss in NYC, it’s definitely that one!

    2. I love Oyster Bar at Grand Central for this and was thrilled to see they just re-opened. I always sit at the bar and I have always had a great conversation with a stranger when there.

      2. +1 For sitting at the Oyster Bar. Order a martini, oysters and a clam chowder. If you order anything else, stick to simple dishes. They do classics best.

        Or do that for lunch and then get an Omakase somewhere! Many recommendations.

  11. I’ve been working for 20 year and have made it up the ranks of corporate America. Because I’m one of two women on the leadership team, I am constantly asked to spearhead women’s initiatives. But I have been so beaten down by the pandemic and corproate life that my heart isn’t it. Truth be told, women haven’t made much progress in 20 years. They’ve made a lot of progress in 50 years sure, but I entered the workforce bright-eyed and optimistic that I would witness real change and I haven’t seen it. Glacial pace of improvement, lack of representation, the crushing weight of child and elder care, etc.

    I’m having a hard time being the ‘inspirational’ leader who tells young women to keep going. I want to shout – the game is rigged! I don’t sugarcoat my/their experiences, I advocate for them every chance I get and I’m somewhat subversive in that I quietly counsel them to search for greener pastures if the company won’t give them what they deserve. (We have very high performing women, and I let them know in my own way when they can do better elsewhere.) But I can feel myself veering into bitter and cynical territory in my private thoughts, and I need to bring myself back to a more positive place as a leader.

    1. Can you take a break from spearheading the initiatives? You are being saddled with labor that the male executives aren’t, and it is okay to take care of yourself for a bit.

      1. I agree with this. You sound weary, and I’m guessing there are other factors playing into the weariness as well. I’d give yourself some space to rest before you plow forward. If you’ve been working for 20 years, you’re likely in your 40s? That’s a time when many people start to question or lose the energy that has carried them to that point, and need to regroup to find what will be their motivation for the next season.

      2. +1. You need to step back from leading women’s initiatives. You are majorly burned out and no wonder, from having to carry all that weight for the entire company for all these years. You could just cite “personal reasons” and say you just don’t have bandwidth right now to take on any new initiatives, and then quietly work to transition your existing responsibilities to other people who have more energy for them. And then maybe think about what you could do in your outside-of-work life that would be meaningful and maybe even energizing. Reading between the lines, it sounds like you have been leaning in for a long time and your gas tank is empty. There’s nothing wrong with noping out of the things that you find futile, that don’t bring you joy, to make space just to breathe and exist in the world for a little while. I also agree with the comment below about it possibly being time for a job change. Maybe you’ve gone as far as you can go with this organization and you’d be happier/better off in a different one.

    3. I’m glad you’re giving frank advice to other women about leaving. Do you want to…consider doing the same? It sounds like you’re highly accomplished.

  12. Are there other services to purchase audiobooks I should check out other than Audible? I moved and unfortunately lost access to my ex-local library’s great Libby selection. The new local library has a much smaller selection. I listen to mostly sci-fi/fantasy type things. I don’t mind paying for them, but I find that it’s difficult to predict whether a book will “work” on audio before I get a few chapters into a book.

    2. You can subscribe as an out of state user to the Brooklyn Public Library and have access to their whole digital catalog of audio and ebooks. They have much more than my local library. It’s $50 for the year and my most-used purchase this year.

      1. This is AMAZING! I would totally pay like $500 annually to still have access to our ex-library given how much I used it and treating it basically like a streaming service. Thank you!

    3. Scribd has audiobooks, it’s a subscription service that costs around $10 a month. Well worth it! I mainly only listen to audiobooks if I can’t get the text version, but the ones I have listened to have been nice. They don’t have everything, but it’s a nice way to sample the buffet.

    5. You can probably join library systems in neighboring counties and cities. It’s free to do that where I live, so I have cards at like 5 different county library systems.

    6. I also love Libro.fm! And yes to subscribing to your former library. I am able to do that for $50 per year, and the one I subscribe to isn’t nearly as big as the one in Brooklyn cited above!

  13. I’ve started going back to the office at least part time this week, and wow it is a godsend. WFH was just so and for my mental health and work-life balance. I actually had great boundaries, a separate place, didn’t overwork, have plenty going on in my life outside of work, but it is not the same.
    No one is forced to come back and everyone is vaccinated, so no one freak out. But literally nothing ever made WFH alright for me and I’m just so glad the office is back.

    1. That is nice for you! I love WFH and don’t begrudge people who love the office at all – as long as they get to do what they want to do and I get to do what I want to do, everyone’s happy.

    2. Going back in the office didn’t improve anything for me, but I suddenly have in-person hearings again and it made work so much more fun! I had three hearings this week where I took witness testimony, and it made me remember why I like litigation so much.

      1. I’ve heard a lot a lot about this – I can imagine that if. you like litigating in person working remotely must take the fun out of it completely!

    3. I feel the same way. I know I’m supposed to love WFH from a balance perspective, but I did not enjoy doing it all the time. It wasn’t great for my work relationships, either. Turns out, I benefit GREATLY from having work and home being separated. Doing WFH once a week is plenty for me.

    5. Congratulations! I have been going to the office the whole time, except for a week at the very beginning, and I am so, so grateful for that! (Have been sitting all alone in my office 99.9% of the time, but still much better than sitting at home!)

    7. I enjoyed WFH but I was shocked by how much I enjoyed being back in the office. I’m working on a top secret promotion right now and there have been some backchannel conversations helping move this through the various approval chains this week that frankly never would have happened if I was still at home full time. Right or wrong, it’s fact, and I’m grateful to be back.

  14. Any non-income related benefits your company has that you like. For example, invites to exclusive sales, discounts at local places, subsidy for industry type things?

    1. Twenty-five free talk therapy sessions a year. Thousand dollar fitness/wellness reimbursement for gym memberships, sit-stand desks, etc.

      1. Holy cow! The equivalent of bi-weekly therapy for free is SUCH a huge benefit. What a great way to model care and concern for the whole employee.

      2. Whoa, that’s an incredible benefit! Do you have to go through an EAP to get the therapy or can you submit the bill from a therapist of your choice?

      3. Seriously. We also get 25 free therapy sessions annually, and it’s removed an impediment that would otherwise prevent me from from accessing it.

    2. Employee discounts are always useful. We have one that’s a % off Verizon, etc.

      Professional dues (bar fees) are covered.

      I don’t honestly know what to make of “exclusive sales” – sounds like MLM speak!

      1. My engineering and construction employment has “exclusive sales” with an outdoor/sportswear company where we show our work ID and get a 20% discount. I think OP has something like that in mind.

    3. I’m in engineering, it’s nice when my employer pays for my membership to professional groups (industry engineer, society of women’s engineering).

      Extra PTO is always welcome as is as much scheduling flexibility as possible (ie, late/early/unscheduled working hours, taking flex days, etc). This is probably the most critical thing for me.

      A low key perk is that we have scheduled food trucks daily at our facility. This is a very specific thing and only works for major employers. I also like either paid gym memberships / reimbursements or a gym on-site. I get annoyed at perks that only work at hub sites (ie, Gold’s Gym when I live in the middle of nowhere).

    4. I like being able to claim the cost of my flu jab back – that’s pretty new though. Also flexibility about where we work.

      1. I can’t believe you have to pay in the first place! (Of all the pros and cons to American healthcare I have never once had to pay for a flu shot, it’s either 100% covered by insurance or given out free on-s1te at work. In fact pharmacies compete with discounts offered!)

        1. It’s free for people in risk groups! Unfortunately the definition is pretty strict and despite my doctor telling me I have to get it (for various weirdness in my respiratory system) I don’t get a free NHS one. It’s less than £15, no biggie!

    5. My old job had a subsidized gym membership that I miss. It was through our health insurance and you had to go a certain number of times to get it, which was somewhat annoying.

    6. At a former company, we could enter our name in monthly drawings to win a pair of free tickets to sports and cultural events around town. I am not into sports, but I won a pair of tix to see our local Major League Baseball team (and they were *amazing* seats!). It was really fun. I also won tix to see dance/other concerts and theater performances for very well regarded artists and performers. This benefit is one of the few things I miss about that job, hah.

    7. I had a job that paid for dry cleaning. It was slow (think: week from drop-off to delivery) but we brought it right to the office and had it delivered back to us. No limit, no exclusions.

    8. My former employer funded a very generous HSA for management and above. It wasn’t the kind you can carry over, but it had relatively high limits and covered my out of pocket for the year.

    9. My last company had a few pairs of season’s tickets to the local NHL team. If you expressed interest, you could put your name in to be included in a draw to attend a game. Usually there were enough tickets for about 80% of the people to get to go to one game.

    10. Travel insurance for the journey to and from work (technically my union, not my employer but used to be done by employer).
      Gym membership, weight watchers or new sneakers reimbursement up to $300 a year. Gym also offered discount to employees so my gym membership cost me about $20 a month.
      Discount at sporting venues.
      Study leave.
      Subsidised public transport.
      (These weren’t all at the same employer but are ones I remember using.)

    11. Free therapy if you use an in-network therapist
      Nearly free prescriptions
      4 free tickets a year to one of our big business unit attractions
      Good swag
      Free in-home services of our parent company if you live in their territory (think utility like – could be like saving $300/mo)
      Extra $150 put into your FSA if you do a biometric blood test thing at Quest each year (goes down if you wait farther into the year)
      Big discount program for nationally known businesses
      A TON of PTO/holidays
      Kicker of 1.5% of your base into your 401k every year (this is after 100% match up to 6%) (I know this is income but I love it)
      various resources for overall health – weight loss, fitness, etc
      A financial program to help w budgeting, investing etc.
      After deductible, up to 2 rounds fertility / ivf stuff
      Cover up to X amount for adoption

  15. Any wedding shoe advice or recommendations? At minimum I know I’ll need a block heel since I’ll be outside. Won’t be doing lots of dancing. (Reposted from yesterday afternoon for the morning crew, thanks!)

    1. Are you the bride or a guest?
      I wore flat gold sandals to my wedding and my bridesmaids all wore heels, so I looked short in all the pics. That’s my only advice.

      1. I’m the bride – will be wearing a long, barely blush dress with ivory embroidery. Would like some king of heel for this reasons you mention – I’ll be the shortest one without heels! Looking to see if anyone had recs comfort-wise.

        1. Sarah Flint dress sandals – they’re comfortable and gorgeous. I think she also has a wedding line.

        2. Oh your dress sounds beautiful!
          Badgley Mischka has embellished block-heel sandals that might fit the bill.

          1. Thanks you! I’m pretty excited about it. Appreciate everyone’s suggestions!

    3. I recently got married and wore the Nina Elenora shoes. I had them on all day and danced almost the entire reception in them. They came off during the after party. I highly recommend them!

  16. Our local news is reporting two incidents where girls were s*xually assaulted at school by other students. The girls were suspended and made to sign NDAs (I did not know that that was a thing for kids who are likely minors). Public school. In one case, the police pressed charges against the boy involved. I am hot stabby mad on behalf of these girls (and if these re two that we know about, there are bound to be more). IDK whether this is school system policy or just rogue admins at this school (both events were at the same school).

    1. I’ve never heard of a public school requiring a student to sign an NDA! That seems really strange to me, and I don’t know how enforceable one would be if it was signed by a minor even with parental approval. And why were the girls suspended? Stuff like this is why I’ve been drilling my kids about not speaking with the school police without a parent present.

      1. Seriously. I go further and tell them only speak to the non-school police. In my city, even though police technically work for the county, they don’t refer to police or register them as crime stats, so it disappears in a vaccuum when it might make the school look bad. My city (Charlotte) also suspends kids who have s*x on school grounds, which is probably why kids are suspended if it is he said / she said. It’s a sh*tshow. I get protecting minors and crime victims, but I’d like a bit more sunlight on what goes on what we don’t see.

          1. Same. We have drilled our son on asking for an attorney and his parents and saying nothing else to the police.

    2. Wait what. They suspended them for being assaulted? Also, that doesn’t sound like a valid NDA signed without coercion.

    3. A quick google of “sexual assault” NDA “high school” showed that this is Hawthorn High School in Charlotte, NC, a public magnet school that is rated #1 in Charlotte – for anyone who wants to read about it.

      Insanity. Pure insanity. All I can think is that the school didn’t want to muck up its statistics or get bad press. Principal and Vice Principal are now suspended pending investigation.

      “She made the report in late August, after sitting through a Title IX class at the start of the school year. The case was referred to Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police, who investigated. A CMPD spokesman confirmed that a juvenile was charged with sexual battery as a result of the report. But school administrators determined, independently of the police investigation, that the report was unfounded. … As a result, they suspended the female student who reported being sexually assaulted, made her sign a no-contact order, which she says has prevented her from participating in some school activities, and she is being made to attend a CMS class called Sexual Harassment is Preventable.”

        1. I had to go back and re-read that phrase several times before it sunk in. Whaaaaaaaaaaat??? What. The. F—.

        2. Where is the Sexual Assault is Preventable class? Like for the principal? So far wide of the mark here.

        1. Honestly, this does not surprise me, especially if the boy was a student-athlete on a high-status sports team.

      3. Also, g-d bless local TV reporters. But for them, no one would ever know about ish like this.

        1. Yes, this. Administration is just now in trouble for something they did two years ago, I bet they thought they got away with it – and they would have if not for the reporters.

      4. I will say that it would not be regarded as the #1 magnet school by most people who actually live in CLT. It is a school you’d go to if you were possibly planning to bypass a 4-year residential school and go directly into a health-care profession and take classes at CPCC or UNCC to move up (LPN->RN). So it is good for what it does (I’ve heard) but it’s not like Bronx Science or Montgomery Blair.

        That said, these students may go on to become SANE nurses or otherwise work with vulnerable people in times of crisis. I’m so sad that they are learning empathy the very hard way and have been betrayed by the adults in charge of them while at school.

        1. Regardless of how fancy the school is, the minimum standard of education should probably include not getting raped or forcibly shown a wang and then being punished for it.

          1. Absolutely. My middle-schoolers have phones and I tell them to call 911 and ask for police and medic and then call me next. I’m not sure the school would do anything but CYA and I trust non-school people to investigate and determine the facts (and meanwhile get them appropriate medical care). Also, an incident gets logged in as happening there since I doubt the school would bother with that or do it correctly.

    4. Schools are really letting girls down on protection from sexual assault and appropriate handling of sexual assault cases. Look at Loudoun County – the boy raped one girl, was quietly transferred to another school in the district, and then sexually assaulted another, and the whole time, the school board tried to cover it up. It’s despicable, although heartening to see parents and students fighting so hard against the cover-up.

      1. I am just shaking my head over that one still. And the admins were pretty adamant that nothing happened. You’d think there would have been a police report, like if my house gets broken into, to at least get some of the facts straight, but there wasn’t even that. I’m not sure if I’d want to expose my victim-child like that publicly (by saying “I know it happened b/c it happened to my daughter”), but I’d be pretty livid in those circs if I were called a liar about my child being raped at school.

        Please tell me those admins are all suspended and no sane person would hire them in a position where they need to protect the safety of minors ever again. Please?

        1. I wish there were serious accountability over stuff like this, but it’s not what I’ve typically seen (schools cover up A LOT). Though I haven’t seen the suspension of victims in high school before (I think of that as a religious college thing).

    5. So basically those girls were assaulted twice. Pathetic. I sincerely hope some heads roll over this.

    6. Wow it’s almost like neither your nor the news media nor us has any idea what the actual facts and circumstances were here.

      1. Is one of your relatives or friends one of the people who’s on suspension? If not, why are you defending rape apologists?

  17. I’m at the point where I am tired of my mismatched college dishes and want to upgrade to “adult” dishes. Any favorite brands or places to shop? I know I want something white with a bit of interest and would prefer a set without mugs. Budget is reasonable but this could also be a Christmas gift so not tooooo much of a factor. Would probably like a set of 8.

    1. I got the white banded porcelain dishes from William Sonoma in 2010 and they still look great and make me happy.

    2. I love my white Fiestaware. It’s heavy but indestructible and the design is classic.

    3. I did Crate & Barrel staccato, which is white with a dotted band. Whatever you choose I’d go with something sold by popular stores, preferably open stock. I know I can replace a dish if I break one easily. Also you can create a housewarming or generic registry at most stores to get a completion discount when the event date is over.

    5. Crate and Barrel Aspen….you can easily buy replacements over the years as needed.

    6. Costco has some nice sets. Their Mikasa trellis is currently out of stock; the Mikasa lattice service for 8 is $109.99 (dinner plate, salad plate, fruit bowl, cereal bowl, app plate).

  18. Are lug soles going to stick around for a while? I have found myself surprisingly drawn to a pair of lug-soled boots, which is outside my usual style but would add something to my classic sweaters and tops. I keep telling myself that I rarely regret spending money on good boots, but they’re around $200, so would like to get some decent wear out of them before the tide turns again.

    2. Since the lug sole isn’t exaggerated I think you’d get a ton of wear out of them. While “on trend” they aren’t trendy (more classic).

    3. Honestly I’d be more concerned about Chelsea boots going out of style before lug soles do. That said, I think those boots are great! (I especially love them in white!)

    6. Lug soles are so practical I don’t care if they’re a short lived trend. Most winters I get really frustrated picking up boots that I like and then seeing that they have almost completely flat soles – pavements here get incredibly slick in winter so that is just not going to work.

  19. I think this has been asked but my search skills are failing me. I’m recently back to working in person after c-vid and subsequent maternity leave. I have not lost the baby weight yet (though feel confident I will, just slower this time) and have been relying on a small handful of jeans, slacks, sweaters for day to day work. My “prime time” work season starts in January where I have to wear suits daily so I’d hoped to be back to fitting into most of my normal wardrobe by then however I have to go to a conference next week that will be formal business casual- business dress, so I should just buy a couple suits that fit right now, right? Any recommendations on where to shop that won’t break the bank for suits that I’ll likely wear for the next 6 months or so? I’m currently a size 12ish, and large b-bs (nursing still), thick square shape from shoulders to hips.

    2. I’m a broken record but Macy’s. Even my local not-amazing store has about an acre of suits. I’m roughly the same size and shape as you (minus the b00bs) and I can find something that fits off the rack.

  20. Strategies for taming baby hairs? I work in healthcare, so I like to style my hair up and out of the way (buns, ponytails), but by the end of the day, I have a halo of 4″ baby hairs that have worked their way out and are sticking up despite hairspray’s best efforts. Help?

    1. Instead of spraying your whole head with hairspray, try spraying it onto your fingers and then use your fingers to set the baby hairs into place. Works for me.

    2. I use a combo of vaseline (to weight them down) and hairspray. It’s horrifying, but nothing else has worked.

    3. I lightly rake my hair after spraying to help the small hairs “nest” into the hair that’s pulled back. As a bonus it helps the style not look super severe.

    4. My hairdresser recommended using hairspray on a toothbrush or eyebrow brush to get them in place.

    5. I switched to a fancy shampoo (Olaplex) and it worked wonders. I used to use gel, which worked for about 3 hours.

  21. I know this has been discussed before but I cant seem to find the page, what are your recs re how to prep for headshots? Boutique plaintiffs firm in Philly if that helps

  22. How have others handled feeling like your friendships change based on new relationships? I am in my mid 30s and feeling quite sad at the moment. Several of my friends have gotten into relationships over the last year. When we spend time together, they either complain about some basic personality characteristics of their partner (like circadian rhythms, or ambition, or attachment styles (not in those words but about how they communicate/how much time the partner wants to spend together)), or they express unending doubts about the relationship or some other ambivalence but never seem to take action on it and rather seem to be continuously choosing to stay in relationships that they report to me are not that enjoyable for them. I find it so, so draining. The lack of confidence and self-worth is kind of a turnoff for me as the listening ear – it’s not the kind of behavior I really want to surround myself with. Anyway I have started to wonder if what I am seeing is what is often described as ‘settling’? How common is this within female friendships in this age group?

    1. Have you called out their crap?
      You: “Hey Lucy, I’m glad to be a listening ear, but I’m picking up that you’re frustrated in your relationship with Joe. What’s going on?”
      Lucy: “Oh, things are great! It’s just these three major things that bug me.”
      You: “Hmm, well, you know your situation and Joe best, but it seems like that’s really bothering you!”

      Then leave it at that. If she continues to complain, then you can tell her it’s becoming a bit much to listen to. Proceed with extreme caution if you’re happily married, though.

      It does sound like your friends are settling, though I can’t say whether that’s a general trend in a certain age bracket.

    2. I’ve had times when I get frustrated to listen to friends complaining about the same darn things whenever we talk. Toxic workplace, toxic family members, lazy husband, etc. etc. But I also realize that there are no perfect choices. Just because someone chooses something doesn’t mean there’s no cons to their choice, and it’s okay to complain about the part that’s not working out, in small doses. Maybe gently prod them to focus on the pros? “But you’re with him, so obviously something is working. Does (x good trait) outweigh the bad one?” If that doesn’t help, then spending less time in their company might be your best answer.

    3. I have a three complaining strikes rule. You get to complain three times a about something and if you are unwilling to di anything about it, take it somewhere else.

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