Frugal Friday’s TPS Report: Navy fox print tee

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Dorothy Perkins Navy fox print teeReader M wrote in to recommend this tee, noting: “I think this would be a great base layer with camel and navy. From far away I doubt you could tell it was foxes, and even up close the print reads more ‘equestrienne Ralph Lauren’ than ‘twee hipster “put a bird on it”‘ to me. And it’s machine washable!” I like it! I might try it tucked into a high-waisted skirt. It was $39, but is now marked to $29. Navy fox print tee

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  1. I hate Halloween. Never celebrated as a kid (parents = fundamentalists). Don’t like scary things, don’t really like dressing up.

    So I have a Halloween party to go to at my boss’s house (costumes encouraged, not required), and I’m thinking that I’ll just wear a black dress and maybe make this cute headband: and be done with it.

    Is that sufficiently festive, do you think? I have a non-Halloween party to go to on the same night, afterwards.

    • Totally acceptable IMO. Classy but acknowledging the holiday.

      I hate Halloween too. I feel so much pressure to come up with a clever costume, and I hate all the cheap trashy-looking overpriced stuff they sell in the stores.

    • Almost There :

      A really easy costume I have done is Audrey Hepburn as Holly Golightly in Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Just wear an LBD, pearls, black gloves, and at tiara (I have used bobby pins to secure a sparkly broach instead of a tiara). Bonus points for a long cigarette holder and big black sunglasses. Then you can just take off the gloves and tiara for the next party. Hope you have fun!

    • Yes. Especially if costumes are not required. Your boss will appreciate your nod towards the festivities, but no one expects you to go all out a la Heidi Klum.

      Also, complimenting someone else’s costume is a great tactic to defer the conversation from your costume/lack thereof :)

    • If its only “costumes encouraged” you should be fine. If the Martha Stewart crafty-ness gets overwhelming (as it usually does for me), triangles on a headband make good cats ears, or you can pick up one of the ears + tail kits cheap.
      If you want to be “pun-y” you could carry a bell as well and call yourself a ding bat. One year my husband and I decided to do pun costumes, so I was a ding bat and he was a pie rat (rat nose, carried a piece of plastic pie from my son’s toy kitchen and also took pie to the party). It was cute without too much effort, and meant we could wear real clothes.

      • The day I sport a tail in front of my boss, is the day after I resigned.

      • Senior Attorney :

        Once when I was working in misdemeanor court a young woman was brought in for arraignment for a DUI, in custody, still wearing her kitty ears and tail from the previous night’s Halloween party. It was sadly hilarious.

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      The hardcore girls just wear lingerie and some form of animal ears.

    • Almost There :

      Just to offer another idea if you’re worried about being festive enough – a really easy costume is Audrey Hepburn as Holly Golightly in Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Just wear an LBD, pearls, black gloves, and a tiara (I have pinned a sparkly broach in my hair in place of a tiara before). Bonus points for a long cigarette holder and big black sunglasses. Then you can just remove the tiara and gloves before your next party. Hope you have fun!

    • Honey Pillows :

      I love Halloween! But if you don’t want to dress up in a costume, I think acknowledging the holiday by wearing something “festive” is perfectly appropriate, and very fashionable! The bat headband is more than enough effort.

      You could even tone it down more and just wear the Martha Stewart spiderweb shawl over your dress.

    • Almost There :

      Reposting from moderation for cigar e t t t e…

      Just to offer another idea if you’re worried about being festive enough – a really easy costume is Audrey Hepburn as Holly Golightly in Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Just wear an LBD, pearls, black gloves, and a tiara (I have pinned a sparkly broach in my hair in place of a tiara before). Bonus points for a long cigar e t t e holder and big black sunglasses. Then you can just remove the tiara and gloves before your next party. Hope you have fun!

      • Always a NYer :

        My go to costume since college has been Lara Croft. Instead of black shorts and a black tank I now would wear a tight black tee and black cargo pants. I did commit and have replica air soft guns that go in thigh holsters. Braid your hair and put on sunglasses and you’re Tomb Raider.

        • I am doing the exact same thing! Black workout top, black shorts, boots, and my paintball pistol thigh holsters. Unfortuantely, I have to use nerf guns instead of my much cooler paintball pistols, since they are so real-looking that I would probably be shot here in NYC. :(

        • eastbaybanker :


    • In the past when I had a non-costume event after a Haloween party, I’ve drawn two red dots on my neck with lipliner and worn my hair up so you can see them – I tell people I am a Vampire Victim! Then you can wash the dots off before your next party.

    • I think that’s plenty. And I just want +1 disliking Halloween. Not for kids— I love seeing costumes & giving out candy. But I can’t stand Halloween for adults, especially anywhere near the office.
      Sorry to be Halloween Grinch— I hope those of you who love it have a great time!

    • THat is more than sufficient. I would have bought cat ears or something and called it a day.

    • I think that’s perfect – it looks a little like a British fascinator!

      • i agree, i think that is the perfect idea, and honestly with that headband you would look so much more original than a lot of people, you would look like you HAD put in effort! plus, i think it’s so purty ;o)

    • Hitchcock Fan :

      The bat headband ROCKS! Does it remind anyone else of Hitchcock’s “The Birds”?

    • Seventh Sister :

      I’ve gone to work events as Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, book editor. Seems a little obscure, but shift dress + big sunglasses + flip is pretty easy and people either (i) like it or (ii) don’t really notice you are wearing a costume. I used an old conference nametag to make a Doubleday employee pass.

    • Pier 1 has some really cute Halloween headbands if you aren’t feeling crafty.

  2. "Allergies" PSA :

    For Godzilla — I couldn’t write yesterday.

    While we were away, my wheezing and hives got worse and I developed a new symptom: episodic (and epic) stomach pains accompanied by a vasovegal response. Toward the end of the trip, we decided to come home early and skip our side trip to Istanbul.

    We’ve been home a few days now, and I’ve seen my ENT (no vacuuming, last post-op visit, surgery a complete success, keep rinsing twice daily and Nasonex every day), a pulmonologist (no idea why you are wheezing, maybe you developed asthma because of the sinus issues, let’s try treating you with asthma meds and if they work, then we’ll know you have asthma, and maybe it will go away when your body “settles down” more from the surgery, if not maybe you have allergies and need to be tested) and a gastroenterologist (you probably have a benign problem with the lining of the stomach, perhaps related to being on medication for 4 months, we’ll do an endoscopy next Tuesday to know for sure, in the meantime, take Prilosec to reduce the acid so your stomach lining can heal and these other pills for the pain as needed).

    Apparently, sinus issues and asthma go together frequently. I wish someone had told me this. Also, taking steroids and antibiotics for so long can do weird things to you. Wish someone had told me about that, too.

    I am grateful that my sinuses are fixed and I can smell, that I live in a country with great health care to which I have access, that I have incredible insurance and that I was able to accompany my fiancé on a difficult family trip.

    At the same time, I am tired of being sick (since February) and no one knowing for sure why, and I was pretty miserable for most of the trip. I have a whole new appreciation for people with chronic, serious disease.

    • I’m glad you’re doing better. Best of luck for the coming steps.
      Once all this craziness is over, you should treat yourself by buying a very very delicate perfume so you’re happy to be able to smell it even if it is subtle.
      Big hugs

      • "Allergies" PSA :

        I have a bottle of perfume that I bought in February and haven’t opened yet waiting in my cabinet exactly for this purpose! I plan to open it the day I feel totally done with all this, kind of like celebrating with a bottle of champagne, but it’s perfume. Great minds …

    • A friend of mine took lots of antibiotics as a child and episodically as an adult due to illness. For the past several months, she’s had terrible abdominal pains and digestive issues. After lots of tests from different doctors and “let’s try this treatment, gee, it’s not working, I wonder why, let’s try this other treatment” for months, one finally figured out that she had way too much yeast in her body, and the excess yeast was making her very sick. The antibiotics killed off the bacteria which kept the yeast population in check. She’s now on a two months long and very unpleasant but slowly improving treatment to slowly kill off the excess yeast. I of course don’t know if you’re suffering from that, too, but I wanted to let you know about it just in case your doctor wasn’t familiar with that.

      • "Allergies" PSA :

        Thanks for mentioning this. I had my annual exam while I was on all the medication, and my OB-Gyn said the same thing. She gave me a prescription for Difulcan (?) so that I could fill it if I got a yeast infection. But I never got one. I mentioned it to the gastroenterologist yesterday and he seemed to think it was relevant. I appreciate your mentioning it.

      • there was an article in the New Yorker recently about antibiotics being linked to chronic ear infections, sinusitis, asthma, and crohn’s disease. They kill off the good bacteria in your body’s microbiome.

        The anecdote was a guy who had chronic ear infections in one ear only that they tried everything to cure and he cured himself by taking ear wax out of one ear and putting it in the other. The doctor thought he was nuts when he first heard of it but after doing more research began to think there was something to it. There was another study where they did fecal bacteria transfer and had a very high success rate with helping the condition (i forget the condition).

        Anyway, interesting stuff.

        In conclusion, eat yogurt, everyone!

        • Blonde Lawyer :

          C. Diff is the condition that is treated w/ fecal transplant. It can also be caused by heavy antibiotic use I believe. Allergies – have you been on NSAIDs for pain? Those are really bad for the guts. My dad and I both had digestive issues and I will have severe pain after one day of NSAIDs and he throws up blood after one day of NSAIDs. The extra fun part is that once you are labeled “no NSAIDs” you are also labeled a drug seeker since the only alternative is narcotics. JOY.

          • "Allergies" PSA :

            I had to look up NSAIDs to answer your question, but no, I haven’t been using them. And good thing, too, because it appears that they inhibit blood clotting, and that would interfere with my Botox injections. I am joking. Mostly. I could not get it while I was on steroids, and my appointment is later today now that I have been off steroids long enough to make my dermatologist comfortable.

      • My aunt suffers from this and still can’t eat anything with wheat, refined sugar, or a whole bunch of other ingredients. She has subsisted mainly on chicken breasts, plain baked potatoes, and bananas for about 15 years now. I think hers was an extreme case, but I really hope this isn’t what you have because it’s not fun at. all.

  3. Just wanted to second others’ congratulations on our thoughtful, civilized discussion of pro-life/pro-choice issues yesterday. It’s so rare to find that kind of discussion IRL never mind online. Thanks, everyone.

    • SF Bay Associate :

      Agreed. HUGE HiveFive to everyone who participated. I learned a lot yesterday. Thank you all.

      • AnonInfinity :

        Same here! And I thought meaningfully about my own position how to better articulate it.

        • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

          Sorry I missed it due to the Bunion of Doom; but I feel both awe and pride about being part of this community.

          • Yeah I missed it because I was out of the office in meetings all afternoon, but reading it later, I was happily surprised!

      • HiveFive *cackles*

    • I kept holding my breath as I read it, waiting for it to devolve into insults and low blows. It was just one well thought out, careful opinion after another. Obviously, it’s a deeply emotional issue, and I appreciated people’s ability to discuss it without falling into cliche and rhetoric. If only the debates had been more like this…

      • did you watch the vice presidential debate? Biden gave a pretty thoughtful and well articulated answer.

    • I actually forwarded the thread to my SO- he was complaining about how horrible internet comment section debates are!
      several comments definitely helped me understand a perspective that I hadn’t considered before.

    • I just read through the whole thread, and wanted to share this, since it wasn’t brought it: / wiki / Violinist_(thought_experiment)

      In college a friend shared this thought experiment with me, and similar to the “donating organs to your child” thought experiment people brought up yesterday, I think it’s a valuable way to think about abortion.

      • Meg Murry :

        I’d never heard of the Vionlist thought experiment, but it certainly makes it interesting.

        One thing that I thought of that differentiates the violinist situation from abortion is that in the case of being the violinist’s life support you are in the hospital, where you would receive shelter and (presumably) food. There have been times in my life where I knew that if I became pregnant I would not be able to provide food and shelter for myself. I find it very difficult to deal with people that argue that they are pro-life but are opposed to any social safety net programs for the mother (or child, once it is born) like welfare, food stamps or Section 8. While I understand these programs are abused, they are often necessary to many people who are not abusing them. I am also pro-choice in that I believe no child should ever come into this world unwanted, as that is potentially setting them up for a lifetime of neglect or abuse. I am very very pro birth control, with abortions reserved as a safe, accessable, legal option of last resort.

      • Anastasia :

        I just went back to read the thread, and I also liked that point, which was a good analogy for how I feel about it that I had never quite been able to describe. I am (first-time) pregnant now, and was surprised to feel more strongly pro-choice, even after sonograms showing recognizable human features. I agree with the poster who said choosing to end the life of your child is a “grave” thing, and I can’t imagine ever choosing to end a healthy pregnancy, but the idea that my pregnancy reduces *my* personhood to an obligate life-support system somehow really angers me.

        Overall, it was a very interesting thread, and I was so pleased it didn’t degrade into ugliness!

    • eastbaybanker :

      Good to know. Yesterday I saw the word pro-life and scrolled my way outta there as fast as possible!

  4. OMG I scored the J Crew coat I was talking about yesterday on popback this morning! Praising the shopping gods :)

  5. vent… My roommates who are generally charming but completely clueless got into the habit of using a dresser as a pantry in our oddly set up summer housing in a 150 year old building. That managed to get us mice. I woke up this morning to find my Longchamp bag sitting on our coffee table in what passes for a living room with holes chewed in it… and they can’t understand why I’m even more frustrated than before about the mice issue… I have traps everywhere and clean neurotically.. and of course my stuff gets chewed up UGH!

    • Have you tried putting peppermints in the drawer (open so the mice can smell them) – I’ve herd of mint as mice deterrent.

      And very much UGH. Mice are gross.

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      Oooh, sympathy! I’ve had mice and they are awful. I didn’t cook for almost a year because I was so disgusted by my kitchen kind of awful. Mice droppings ev-ery-where. Gross.

      Will your landlord pay for an exterminator? The best way to deal with them is to seal up EVERY possible crack in your house with steel wool. I had some (moderate) success making a peppermint oil spray in a spray bottle and spraying it along ALL baseboards two times per day.

      Can you borrow a friend’s cat for a few weeks? Sometimes mice will just smell the cat and realize hey, this is a place I don’t want to be. And/or if you were thinking of adopting a pet, this might be a great time to get a cat!

      I sympathize about your roommates. One of my roommates just did not see it as a big deal (“So we have mice. So what?” whereas I was like OMFG this is the worst situation ever). Will renter’s insurance cover your Longchamp?

      • No Problem :

        Your landlord absolutely should be dealing with this issue. If the mice are chewing up your purse, imagine what they’re doing to the electrical wiring and other things in the walls.

      • Blonde Lawyer :

        Ditto on the cat. Even if you can’t get a cat, if you know where the mice are coming in, you can place some used cat litter there (should smell like cat pee, gross I know) and it will usually keep them away.

    • Aww. I can sympathize. My prior set of roommates left food out on the counters all the time, then squealed when they discovered we had mice. Of course, they never cleaned or set traps, so it became my problem…

      So happy I decided to move.

      • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

        This post and your other post in that space heater thread made me so relieved on your behalf. Your old roommates sound awful. I’m glad you’ve got a better living arrangement now. :-)

        • Thank you. They really were nice girls, just clueless about upkeep/regular maintence. I think a lot of people struggle with the concept. Sort of like the whole cliche about not living with your best friends. You can love the person, but if you have different living expectations, it can be a nightmare :)

          • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

            Oh yes, very nice people can have really gross habits (or gross-to-you habits) that make them awful roommates.

            One of my classmates from undergrad had this horrific rooming experience. After graduating and moving out of the dorms, he was roommates with this guy who had been in his history seminar. Nice guy, but he left finger?toe?nail clippings everywhere. Ewwwwww.

          • Yikes. I cringed just reading that. Unfortunately, you don’t find out about such things until it’s too late… it’s a good thing leases aren’t permanent!

    • Peppermints I will definitely try- I hadn’t heard of that. I can’t bring a pet up- both roommates are allergic and it’s been expressly forbidden by the landlord. (I’m nearly to the point of saying I don’t care and borrowing a cat from a coworker) Our landlord doesn’t particularly care (we have an odd housing situation employee housing from my summer job/current part time job and their full time jobs)
      In theory I don’t care about the mice until they start eating food/leaving droppings in the kitchen since we live next door to a restaurant in an old building and they’re more likely than they would be normally.. but this is too much. I don’t currently qualify for renter’s insurance which is yet another reason to move out. The whole building needs a renovation but it’s very slow coming.
      thank you for the sympathy!!

      • I’m so sorry!! I’ve also read dryer sheets (scented ones) repel mice. Never tried it myself.

        Good luck.

      • Borrowing a cat is different than having a pet full time. I would borrow a coworker’s cat–even for an afternoon!– and see if that helps at all.

        FWIW, I think this is an issue for your landlord. Consider asking renters insurance about your bag, but consider that filing a claim like that may 1. have a high deductible and 2. up your rates long term far more than the replacement.

        • In fact, if you’re in Boston, I’ll bring my dog over for a visit. He’s an expert critter catcher (mice [outdoors, thankfully], rabbits, squirrels, snakes, you name it, he’s caught and rolled in it)

          • Thank you for the offer! Sadly while I am close to Boston in theory it is much less close in reality. I am the only non- cat person at work so I may bite the bullet and borrow one.. but I’m afraid it will get hurt in the apartment (it doubles as storage for the place we live above which is a whole different disaster) but it may be a project for the weekend.. turn the cat loose- follow it so it doesn’t get hurt and hopefully scare out the stupid critters.

          • Blonde Lawyer :

            I’m an hour north of Boston. If you need some used cat litter, let me know. I’d let you borrow my cat but while he is a good hunter he is also fat and lazy. You may just end up with him snoozing for the weekend. He also wouldn’t fit into the nooks and crannies that mice like. I’d love to see my husband’s face though if I was like oh, hey, this is manomanon, she is going to take our used cat litter.

          • At the risk of outing myself… I live about 100 miles south of Boston… but only 60 or so are on land- which is why it feels like a different world. Of course if anyone wanted to come to my neck of the woods for a meetup I would be a happy camper :)

          • Also- it would be COMPLETELY hilarious to show up and take used cat litter, a little odd but hilarious none the less

          • Sydney Bristow :

            My former roommate used to loan her cat out as a mice catcher. He’s always come home completely exhausted but seemed very very happy.

      • Silvercurls :

        I second the peppermint suggestion. As per the advice of an employee in the neighborhood food co-op, I got a bottle of peppermint oil and dabbed it on cotton balls which I then positioned near the openings through which the mice made their appearances. Our kitchen smelled like Santa’s workshop but no more mice! The smell gradually faded away after a week or so. It’s not a globally permanent solution because it just displaces the mice rather than totally eliminating them, but that was fine by me.

        P.S. My adventure in olfactory defense turned into a stand-up comedy experience when the co-op guy also told me “You really just want to disrupt their scent trails…what you really need is concentrated boa constrictor urine.” (How do you obtain this stuff?! Go to the zoo and beg the reptile keepers??) You haven’t lived until you’ve grossed out a friend by repeating this story in precise detail. Ugh. Oh the other hand, raising the idea of borrowing a boa constrictor might help your roommates agree to borrow a cat instead. I’m also allergic, but I’d rather keep the cat in the kitchen and vacuum really well after it leaves, instead of running the risk that the boa slithers off somewhere inaccessible, thereby becoming another roommate.

        But seriously, good luck to you. Maybe a gifted cobbler can add a good-looking patch to your nibbled-on bag?

        • Concentrated boa constrictor urine.

          It sounds like a Monty Python skit. I can hear it now, occurring *after* the pet store conversation about the dead parrot.

          “Well, I could sell you some concentrated boa constrictor urine…”

    • Get a cat? Or even borrow one for a bit – mice will disappear instantly.

    • Snap traps. The old-fashioned kind, like in the cartoons. I had a mouse problem, and these were the only things that worked. I was resistant because it seems cruel, but it is not–they die instantly, which is better than glue traps.

      Also, if you can figure out where they’re coming in from and plug up the hole, or if you don’t have pets, put poison down.

      Put food up somewhere where the mice can’t get it. Same with your valuables.

      I had a mouse eat an entire necklace once. Why? Who knows! Those things are crazy.

      • momentsofabsurdity :

        Oh god, don’t get the glue traps. The exterminator put them in. The one mice that got caught in it screamed blue murder all night then bit my roommate when he went to pick up the trap. They just seem so incredibly cruel. Definitely fast death is better.

        And skip the live traps. Unless you’re willing to drive them 8+ mi away to set them free, they’ll find their way back to your house – probably faster than you!

        • Oh lord.. I won’t be getting glue traps- I have a box thing with food laced with poison that once they enter they can’t leave but I will look into the snap traps- I always thought those were less humane for whatever reason.

          • My parents use the snap traps, and set them with peanut butter as the lure.

          • The snap traps are the only thing that ever really gets rid of them in our old house. Even when you are careful about food being out they find their way in this time of year. Put the snap traps wherever you see a lot of droppings, with the food/bait part toward the wall, put on peanut butter but don’t set it for 2-3 days, let the mice get used to coming there for food. Then set it. The traps are cheap enough that I throw them out mouse & all – not worth it for me to try to get the mouse off and I don’t want to handle a used trap with mouseguts on it.

            I had a mouse get into our coat closet and nibble a honey stick my son left in my coat pocket. The darn things ate the lining in my coat pocket too. Luckily it was a cheap coat, I’m thinking about throwing it out because I get grossed out every time I go to wear it and put my fingers in the holes in the pocket. I should probably just patch the pocket, but that might still trigger the mental image when my fingers hit the patch.

        • Absolutely! My former BF and I woke one night to hear a rat trying to eat its way through the ceiling in our pantry to get to the food. Not a mouse. A rat. We lived in a ground floor apartment and there was space between our ceiling and the floor above. He put glue traps up there then left town and told me to call his brother if I heard screaming. I was not amused.

      • Alanna of Trebond :

        Buy the ones that shock to kill the mice.

    • the best trap i’ve used is the “rat zapper.” its an opaque box, you put dog food or something similar inside. when the mouse walks in, it is electrocuted (so it dies quickly). Then you just dump the box out, put new food in and set it up again.

    • Call Longchamp… they repair bags – I’ve gotten as far as figuring out that it’s about $40 to fix corners and you can take it to one of their stores to be sent away.

  6. TJ:

    I was hoping to get some insight from the hive. I’ve been contemplating getting a dog or cat for quite some time. It just gets so lonely coming home to an empty condo day after day. I’ve been told by several people that there’s no way I could have a dog since I’m typically gone 10 plus hours a day for work and work most weekends. Anyone have experience or advice? TIA.

    • Completely agree regarding the dog. Your lifestyle would be way tough on a doggie. That said, completely understand the desire for pet-related companionship, and a cat may be the way to go. Cats are much more independent (though they will still miss you and need attention), and have the added bonus of not needing to be walked, so you’re not going to run into additional time crunch/expense there. We have a dog (my SO’s) and a cat (mine), and were it not for my SO’s less-crazy schedule, that poor dog would have major bladder issues. The cat does just fine, however, and is just a little more attentive when I finally am home for longer stretches than she might otherwise be.

      • I second this; it would not be nice for the dog to be left alone like that all day. Dogs are pack animals and want their people around. Get a couple of cats.

      • Almost There :

        +1 yes cat, no dog

      • Honey Pillows :

        Seconded. Dogs are pack animals, and need attention and affection, or they’ll misbehave (like children when they don’t get enough attention) and ruin your shoes, carpet, furniture, walls, and start whining constantly. Most cats will be ok being left alone all day, since they’re semi-nocturnal anyway, and just need some good toys and scratching post and a clean litterbox. Make sure to keep it clean, though!

        Also, don’t get a kitten. They DO require a lot of time and effort early on, just like any baby.

        • Anon Analyst :

          Agreed. Kittens are cute, but they are work. There are lot of great adult cats at shelters. My cats are fine staying at home during the day while we’re at work. Other than cleaning and litter boxes, I find it important to spend some time playing with them.

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      I have a dog and I am gone 8-10 hours per day. It CAN work, but you have to commit to the dog and it does require sacrifice in other areas of your life (I try to avoid going out on weeknights, I tend not to go out for happy hour, etc). It also might cost you some money – my dog has no issue holding it through the day, but you may have to get a daily dog walker (in my area, at least $50/week). I also try to put him in doggy daycare every other week or so for a day, so he burns off some energy.

      So yes. It’s possible to have a dog – even a happy dog – while working full time. But it does cost a bit more money and take more time than a cat, for sure.

      • For another data point, I use a dog-walker so I don’t have to rush home at 5pm, and it costs $80/week.

      • momentsofabsurdity :

        I should add – I’m dog biased. We had a couple cats growing up, but I was always definitely a dog person, so for me it was always dog or no pet, not dog or cat.

        Oh and a second data point – dog daycare is ~$30/day at the place I go to. That said, I would say most people I know that have dogs do work, but the ones who handle things best are the ones that thought about that when getting a dog and picked low energy, adult, housetrained dogs.

      • Yup. Two dogs and I have a dog walker come Mon-Thur and it’s $16/day. My dogs are getting old, though, so they have no problem sleeping the entire day on the couch while I’m gone.

      • I got a puppy my last year in law school, and am now at a BigLaw firm. She’s a happy, well-adjusted pup, but it’s not without its hassles. I spend an hour every morning in the dog park with her (usually between 6 & 8) and a dog walker that comes between 2 & 4 daily. I live pretty close to work, so if it’s going to be a long night I run home for dinner and feed her/cuddle a bit

    • I got a cat and she is very independent and happy as long as she has water food and I spend few minutes every day playing with her

      • It depends on the cat’s personality too. My cat is miserable when I’m busy and don’t spend much time with her. She is my shadow when I’m home and will forgo all daytime naps on the weekends if I don’t go out.

        • Same here. My cat is kind of like a dog – comes when I call him, loves attention, and has to be in the same room with us. I’d love a dog, but we’re just not home enough – I feel bad enough about leaving the cat when we travel, but it is a lot easier than having a dog.

    • I’ve had dogs and cats, and agree with the above and whoever told you a dog may not be the way to go. Cats are more independent, and (aside from if you get a piddle pad) they won’t need to hold it all day. But I definitely get what you say about coming home to an empty place! After my cat passed away earlier this year, it took me quite a bit of time to get over not hearing him eating, playing, talking, etc. :-(

      If you’re gone for 10hrs a day, when you go to adopt/buy, make sure that your animal has the personality that they would be OK for that long by themselves. Animals have personalities, like humans, and some would go nuts by themselves for that long without stimulation and attention. And when animals “go nuts,” that’s when you come home to a shredded bedspread/sheets/towels.

      • You could also consider adopting two kittens from the same litter so that loneliness is not an issue.

        • This is true. When I was younger, we got cats after our dogs passed away. We got two (a brother and a sister) specifically so that they could socialize each other while no one was in the house during the day. So OP, if you have the space, two could be better than one.

          I’m adopting another cat next month. I would totally get two if I weren’t afraid that my studio apartment would devolve into a giant hairball within short order. :-)

    • You can absolutely have a dog. Just be aware that the costs of owning a dog skyrocket when you are gone a lot. DH and I got a dog (a puppy, actually, since he was 6 months) when we were working/out of the house 10-12 hours a day. It wasn’t ideal. I took a few days off at the begining to help housebreak the dog; then DH took a few days off/worked at home. Then we got a dog walker to come by 2-3x per day. As the dog got older, we cut back on the dog walker, and started to mix in daycare. While DH and I were working long hours, dog had 3 days a week of dog walker visits + 2 trips to doggie daycare. During the winter we did 4x/week doggie daycare so he could burn off energy then instead of during a walk after work (it got dark before we got home).

      That was three years ago. Our jobs have since changed, DH went to grad school and was home more, then I got a job where I can work from home. Now the dog is home with someone most days, and the dog walker comes by when the dog is going to be alone for over 9 hours.

      Doggie daycare is the best thing for the dog if you’re an “absentee parent”–particularly if it’s a young or energetic dog. But that isn’t cheap.

      • Sorry, I didn’t see you work most weekends as well. A cat might be a better fit for you for now–but if you’re set on a dog, you can make it work. Just choose the dog wisely (age/breed).

        For more data points: doggie daycare around here (Boston suburbs) runs between $20-$40/day (depends where you go, if you buy in advance, how many days/week you go). Our dog walker charges $60/week (week = 5 days) but we’ve seen all kinds of quotes.

    • Two cats are even better – they do get lonely too and can play together while you’re gone.

    • I think having a dog would be very challenging (especially for the dog). The one exception might be if (1) you got an older dog (i.e., not a puppy) that was a non-clingy breed and (2) you were able to bring the dog with you to work on the weekends (or work from home). Otherwise, I think the dog would be very lonely. (There’s always doggie daycare but that’s expensive to do every day.) We work full time and our dog goes to daycare 3 days/week and has a dog walker the other two, then I try to take him for a run on the days he has the dog walker. Even then, he’s extra affectionate on the days he has the dog walker just from being home alone all day.

      A cat on the other hand, is great for this situation. I had a cat when I was single and worked in BigLaw and it was perfect. He could be left home alone all day, and even for a long weekend. (You typically have to board a dog or get a sitter when you go away and that can be expensive, too, plus you have to make the arrangements.) But then he slept on my feet at night, and liked to curl up on my lap whenever I was on the couch.

    • If you are looking for a low-maintenance pet and are not wedded to the idea of cuddling, may I suggest a parakeet? I have had one for almost 6 months and I love him. I live alone, so it’s great to come home from work and hear a cheerful song coming from his cage. Sometimes I wish I had something fluffy to snuggle up with, but I really appreciate the minimal impact on my lifestyle. Food for thought…

    • Thanks so much everyone for all of the comments! While I would say that I’m a dog person (my ex got our fur-babies), it just wouldn’t be fair or it’d be very expensive to have a dog. I’ll check the shelter out tomorrow. You guys are awesome.

    • Get two cats, especially if you’re thinking about kittens or a younger cat. Two cats from the same litter would probably be easiest, but ask at the animal shelter, they’ll know or code on each chart which cats get along well with others.
      Cats are really low maintenance, (litter, nail clipping, semi-regular feedings) and inexpensive. If you’re thinking about it, go for it! Keep them indoors (less hassle and expense), train them not to scratch things with a spray bottle ,and get a scratching post and toys. It’s kind of ridiculous how easy cats are, compared to dogs.

      • Anita (formerly S) :

        I generally agree, but cats get sick and can have behavioral issues as well. They’re not completely maintenance-free pets. I say this after having spent nearly $3000 in vet bills and medicine for our male cat with urinary tract problems, not to mention taking the time off work to bring him to the clinic for care.

        • Anon Analyst :

          Yep, been there done that with UTIs and vet visits for multiple cats. Luckily, I’ve found a great low cost vet hospital. They’re very busy, but their prices are much better than a regular vet.

    • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

      I went through this dilemma myself but what’s worked for me right now are:

      (1) Volunteering some weekends at the local animal shelter, which has dogs.
      (2) Being the designated dogsitter for neighbors, friends and family on weekends.

      It’s not a perfect solution by any means, but it’s a good stopgap until my work schedule (or workplace) changes.

      • big dipper :

        This! This has been my solution so far. You also could consider a rabbit. A friend of mine has two adorable rabbits – they’re “free range” so to speak. They’re trained to go in a litter box and they hop around two designated rooms in her apartment.

        • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

          Ah! I love rabbits. Although when I’m an old, creaky retiree, I think I’d like to adopt two rabbits and a puppy and let them all grow up together. I’ve clearly been brainwashed by images like this one:

    • I agree that a dog needs a lot of attention and maintenance. Plenty of people DO have dogs that they leave home all day with no consequences. Plenty of other people try to do that and end up coming home to a Brand New Livingroom: Now With No Couch!

      We have two cats. I love them. We can go on vacation for a week and not worry about them, they don’t need to be taken out in the rain/snow/sleet, they are affectionate, they have good personalities, and are intelligent. I know there are plenty of cat haters out there, but clearly I am not one of them.

    • chicagoprof :

      I have a dog and it is not such a big deal, if you can afford to get him out of the house to a play place. He can actually be home around 10-12 hours a day, but I never leave him that long (seems mean to me). But there is a doggie daycare 2 blocks from my apartment and they only charge $18 per day (with transport). It is a total steal!

      I also am committed to long, long walks.

      I suggest checking out your day care / dog walking options as you work on making the decision. Go for a walk and ask people who are out and about with their dogs – a great source of local info.

      If you get a dog, just get one that is lower energy, so it does not require a lot of walking and can get exercise indoors. No border collies :) and no puppies!

      Also, if you get a mellow, cool dog, your friends will watch it when you travel. I travel quite a bit and have a long list of people that want to dogsit for me. He is pleasant and a wonderful house guest, so that works for me and saves me tons of money.

    • I was in your situation. It broke my heart that I couldn’t get a dog.

      But now I have two cats and love them to pieces (except this morning, when they were derelict in their spider-control duties).

      Please consider an adult cat. I got one cat when she was 4 and the other when he was 7. Kittens are cute but adult cats are pre-trained and shelters have a very hard time adopting them out. If nothing else, the shelters will think you are a hero for taking home a not-kitty.

      I recommend two cats–male and female. In my experience, boy-cats are warm, cuddly, affectionate balls of purry fur but are otherwise useless. Girl-cats are the hunting, territory-protecting, Amazons-of-the-house.

    • Cornellian :

      So, I think you can do it, but with a lot of caveats

      -You have to give up post-work activities. This is a pain for me. I work in midtown, when I leave work I have to go north 25 minutes home, walk and feed and play with my dog, then south 45 minutes to hang out with friends. Think that through.
      -You have to get a dog walker. Think ~400/month for someone who comes in once a day.
      -You have to make your weekends about the dog.
      -You have to budget maybe $250 a month for costs… $50 food, $50 upkeep medications for a young dog, then the rest for medical treatment (or saving for future medial treatment).
      -You have to be extraordinarily limited in your travel plans.

    • Both cats and dogs can be low maintenance or high maintenance, depending upon the personalites of the animals and the people involved. Do you get up at the Then you can probably handle the routine that a dog needs. Are you completely unpredictable, or like to travel on the spur of the moment? Then no to the dog.

      If you get a cat, get an alley cat. I have had 4 shelter cats, and they were all happy and healthy and very low maintenance. Purebred cats are often mentally unstable, unless they come from the most reputable breeder on the planet. (Seriously. Of the dozen purebred cats I have known, only one was happy; all the Persians were Girl Interrupted-depressed; and all the Siamese were Chuckie-evil. And all had mega vet and/or grooming bills.)

      Also, male cats are generally more easy going and affectionate; females tend to be more independent and allergenic.

      • Yoda, as someone who has known multiple Siamese cats in my life, I heartily concur with your statement about Siamese being Chuckie-evil. It made me laugh out loud. I do love Siamese cats, but your statement was so true.

  7. I’m not usually a printed blouses gal, or even equestrienne-related in my style, but I was completely overcome with impulsive passion and decided I MUST HAVE THIS on sight. As an after thought, I remembered our discussion re: what to wear with the camel colored Skirt yesterday… this might just be it.

    • Oh, and coupon code: INTDP15 is 15% off for new customers.

      • Darn it. Any resolve I had to not buy anything else this month is gone. I agree, it’ll look really cute with camel!

      • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

        This coupon code is making me think of Meyers-Briggs because my brain wants to drop the D and read INTP here.

        Would love a coupon code for my M-B type: INTJ –> 15% off!

    • Almost There :

      Ooh, good call on pairing!

    • I love this. It may convince me to venture to the mall tomorrow (eeks, on a Saturday) to buy it!

  8. Yay! I love this tee shirt! But NOT for work! I could NOT write yesterday b/c the network at work was down. Frank spiled his coffee on the server and he said that did NOT do it, but the manageing partner said it did do it. So we had to get the teck guy in and he put in another card (I do not know exactely), and it took way to long b/c he kept stareing at me. FOOEY on those teck guy’s.

    I was abel to finish my breifs for Roberta’s 4 case’s that we are takeing to court next week. I have another new one where Brian is representeing the plaintiff. Mabye I can get Roberta to make him settel, but this one looks like it is worth mabye more money. Brian was scared of Roberta, and he was sweateing before he agreed to settel. I have to call him today about the case before I file the brief. Yuk.

    I had a nice meal with David at a French bestro off Park Avenue South that was NOT hard to find. The waiter kept lookeing at me then at David, then he asked me if we were sereious. He was very forward. I think it might be b/c he was NOT from the USA. But oh, what nerve he had! I said I was NOT interested in dateing anyone I met in a restuerant, so please just serve us as we are askeing you to do. David was a gentelman and he took a cab with me uptown but did not ask to come in. Yay!!!

    I still have to help him with furneiture, so I said I would ask Myrna and see if she wanted to doubel with Adam. I know Adam liked Myrna, but not sure if Myrna want’s to start up a releationship.

  9. Oh my god, I don’t even know why, but I need to buy this shirt. I am not familiar with this brand — how is the sizing?

    PS: I love reader M’s description. I think “put a bird on it” needs to become a new catchphrase.

  10. I have a double dilemma.
    I am thrilled to attend an interfaith conference because it is a subject dear to me since college and I am just getting back to my extra-professional activities in an effort to restore work-life balance. It’s a seminar over 5 days with attendees from different countries, primarily students and scholars from Europe. the meeting is in Morocco.
    Dilemma 1:
    This is a great networking opportunity but I have joined last minute so didn’t get time to make networking cards. Would it be OK to hand out my business cards (pertaining to my current job) instead or should I just bite the bullet and scribble down my info on pieces of paper.

    Dilemma 2:
    Been through a rough patch and I have put on weight. None of my pencil skirts fits anymore.
    Any ideas on what to wear? It will be warm to cool weather with chances of rain, but the seminar is indoors with one sightseeing outing. Most attendees are students so I guess I can dress down, but since there are scholars and high likelihood of conservative/religious attendance, I do not want to look out of place.

    I’m curious to know advice from the community.

    • SF Bay Associate :

      Hi Houda! Why wouldn’t you hand out your business cards? My business cards are the only cards I would ever use in a professional setting. If I want to take the contact personal, I would just forward the initial email sent to my work email to my personal email, and follow up with the person from that one. Same with a call – they’ll call my business, then I’ll give them my personal if I want them to contact me there. I am not familiar with networking cards except in the context of parent networking, where parents make business cards with their personal info (contact info, ages and genders of children) to exchange with each other to facilitate playdates, etc. Is your concern that you may change jobs soon so the information may no longer be accurate? If you take their card, you can still contact them with your new info when you have it.

      As for the pencil skirt, they can sometimes be taken out a size (and taken in a size again later) – have you taken a skirt to the tailor to see? Or, do you have a dress? Some dress styles are accommodating of weight fluctuations. I seem to recall you having several pretty dresses that might work nicely.

      • My concern was about handing a professional business card in a non-work-related seminar. But then as you said, I guess I’ll just do the follow up from my personal email.

        Since I am not sure how conservative the attendees are (it is an inter-religious conference after-all), I was thinking pencil skirts are a safe bet., I guess, I will take few dresses with me but I’m concerned that 2 of them hit above the knee cap.. would that be OK if I wear opaque tights and maybe boots?
        Also, I got some white pants from AT in signature fit and they are quite forgiving and slimming and I have at least 7 tops that match them..
        I think I might end up making a lookbook before going.

        • Meg Murry :

          If you anticipate handing out a LOT of business cards, you can print up your personal contact info (name, phone # & email) on sheets of mailing address labels (or as many sheets as you need) and sticker the back of your business cards. Not as fancy as having personal cards, but easier than handwriting the info on scraps of paper.

    • On Dilemma 1, I’ve made cards pretty quickly using MS Publisher and the pre-perforated cards you can buy at an office supply store.

  11. Nice Portlandia reference, Kat.

  12. anon for this :

    I think this has been discussed before, but what are some ways you have made new friends? I have been in my city for a few years, and have only made one friend (through another friend who has since moved). Alumni associations are out since both my undergrad and grad schools were very small, and they have no hold here. I’ve tried meetup groups, but it seems like different people go to each group, and it’s hard to connect to others. I go to yoga very often, but people stick to themselves. Am I making excuses and destined to only have my boyfriend as my friend??

    • I’ve been looking into trying to find volunteer groups, myself. No luck so far, but I just signed up for a pro bono project that will be starting in a few weeks. Can you join any local organizations?
      In any event, I am in the same situation…all of my friends are at least an hour away now, and it’s hard to meet new people!

    • Volunteer groups (Junior League, United Way, etc), religious organizations, city cultural groups like museums and theatre, professional networking events?

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      Social sports? I have had a lot of friends who have made friends by joining kickball leagues, etc, in their area.

    • I have been in the same situation and even posted about it in here and got a ton of good advice.
      So what I did was to let go of my inhibitions, I started saying yes and yes and yes to any outing proposal.

      – I joined a great gym and made maybe 15 friends on FB of whom 3 or 4 I have been on outings with them. And one of them I try to see at least once per month and we chat everyday.
      – I reached out to a college friend who’s about to live the country and we tried to meet as much as possible before her travel.
      – Instead of eating at the office every-single-day, I have made a point to eat out once per week with an acquaintance from college if they work nearby.
      – I reconnected with a club I was very active at in my alma mater and this opened many opportunities:
      – They organized a cultural visit to my city and I plugged myself, then got to know some exchange students and told them they’re welcome anytime they visit again. Couple weeks later they crashed at my place and now we are friends and I know they’d stop by whenever they visit my country/city.
      – Received a random invite to an event by same club so said yes and met a 5 or 6 people whom I have friended on Facebook and I’m sure if we meet a couple more times, we might become friends IRL.
      – Another event (seminar) popped up and I applied and going in a few days and I plan on meeting as many people as possible.
      – I have started a beauty & lifestyle channel, and some colleagues & college friends saw it and now they come ask me for advice etc. with some more discussions and I am more than happy to discuss it while grabbing coffee.

    • Try chatting up people on public transportation / coffee shops / wait line for the dressing room. No every conversation will lead to a friend, but it is a start.

      You might also want to try a co-ed sports team – these are usually more social and have hangouts after practices.

      Volunteer work is also a good option.

      Check Facebook, maybe someone from your school lives in your new city, too. Reach out to them and ask them for recommendations or a mettup since you are “new” to the city.

      • I agree with Parker’s first comment. Think of it as practicing the art of small talk. It’s uncomfortable at first, but you’re 1) increasing your probablility of talking to someone who might become a friend and 2) building a valuable skill that can be used for friending, dating, and networking.

    • Exercise classes (barre classes, yoga, etc). Go to the same class every week and you are bound to run into some other regulars. It can take time, but I have made a few new girl friends this way.

    • If you have time and are at all athletically inclined, I met great people through Team in Training – train for anywhere from a 10k to a marathon and raise money to fight leukemia and lymphoma. I did not necessarily enjoy the fundraising, but I made a lot of friends who have become part of my core group here. There are other groups around that raise money for other causes as well. But weekly training is built in, so you hang out with the same people at least once weekly for several months. And get in a workout, and often brunch afterwards, so it’s great! Plus, you are doing it all for a good cause – which was great too, although I’ll admit, I initially did it more to meet people when i moved.

      • GO TEAM! I’ve been doing TNT for several years now and it has been great! We have a core group of repeaters that train together season after season.

    • Anon for this :

      I’m taking notes here. I have been trying to expand my social circle as well for more than a year. I have joined a book club, I have joined a non-profit Board, I did a Team in Training type thing, and I joined a company group. I now have a lot(!) of acquaintances, but haven’t made a single new friend.

      When I’ve initiated hang outs, everyone is so darn busy. For example, a neighbor wanted to go running with me, but when I followed up, she was overwhelmed with parenting and couldn’t make time. Another person wanted to get drinks, but said she was too swamped with work. Am I being rebuffed? Do I try these people again? How on earth do I connect with these people in a more real way, beyond chatting at group activities?

    • I’ve mentioned it before, but I joined a running group and made 2 instant friends. I also tried some volunteer activities with no luck and a knitting group. I learned to knit and enjoyed my Thursday night knitting group but didn’t click with anyone. Most recently I was at a chamber meeting and some women were talking about Cabi (house party sales company) and one mentioned she wanted to go to a party, coincidentally, I got invited by one of my son’s friends moms within a few days and I emailed it to the girl from the chamber meeting. She couldn’t go, but invited me out to happy hour so we’re going next week, should be fun!

  13. Has anyone tried hypnosis to break bad habits? Did it work?

    • My mom did it to quit smoking. It worked in a sense, but she was a) ready to quit and b) went through so much trouble to do it (this was a very in-demand hypnotist) that she said she would feel like an a** if she took it up again afterwards. Her basic take is, “it’s B.S. but it worked for me”

    • I have and it helped somewhat. I would probably have had more success if I had followed up with the “homework” (self-hypnosis) that I was given, but I kind of abandoned it.

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      Yes. I am hard to hypnotize so it took several sessions. I was supposed to follow up with self-hypnosis. It worked while I was doing the self-hypnosis. When I stopped and cared less about starting my bad habit again it came back. I can still self-hypnotize though which I think is a great skill to learn in general. You can use it when you can’t sleep, when you are stressed, etc. Do your research and find one that you feel comfortable with. I went for one that offered a spa like experience.

    • I have for a number of things: social anxiety, fear of driving, procrastination on specific issues. It worked for me in all cases. Highly recommend.

  14. Did anyone else immediately think of Pierson v. Post?

    • No, but I should have. My property professor made me and another student ACT OUT that case in front of the whole class, which was like the first week of class my IL year! I was mortified.

      • Tell me you were the fox.

      • Professor TBA :

        Wow. I teach 1Ls and cannot even imagine suggesting–let alone implementing–a dramatic-interpretation element to my course.

        • Professor TBA :

          Of course, I teach Civ Pro, so they would be the most boring skits ever. “So these guys negotiate a contract for a Burger King franchise…”

          • AnonInfinity :

            This would be awesome.

          • Professor TBA :

            Maybe I *should* consider it, then? ;)

          • e_pontellier :

            Oh my gosh that would be awesome. Also, acting out International Shoe would be pretty funny — “you all, take off your right shoes, go stand over there. Okay, class, see these are shoe salesmen in Washington.” (I’m a Civ Pro TA)

          • We had to do skits in our Civ Pro class. They were actually not that bad, my group got very creative, and while I’m sure it was entertaining, I don’t think we actually helped anyone learn anything.

          • Almost There :

            My 1L Civ Pro professor really made us do a skit for long arm jurisdiction. Some of us made a human chain for the state border, Red-rover style. One person was in the “state” and one was out, and one person was the “state.” The person outside the state ran in, “assaulted” the person in the state, and ran back out. The “state” then reached through the border to get the “assaulter.” Super cheesy, but it did stay with me.

  15. is it weird that I have been on a quest for a fox print shirt for at least a month now?

    I saw a woman in a bar with a black and white one. I totally creeped her out by staring at it all night, then finally asking where she got it, only to learn it came from a store that is both 1. not near me and 2. out of stock in all stores (I called).

    Sadly, that shirt was much cuter than this one, but I might buy this anyway.

    • I don’t think it’s weird but I have an owl print sweatshirt in my shopping cart as we speak…

      • I think mini animals are a trend right now. I was at Anthro yesterday and they had kittens, puppies, rabbits, and horses. Madewell had rabbits and sheep (oh how I want the sheep sweater…).

  16. anon for this :

    Regular poster and I have to share this with someone so here goes – I am TTC and just got a positive test!!! Trying not to get too excited until my gyno confirms. Any tips, advice?

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      No tips but congrats congrats congrats! I think false positives are really unlikely so congrats congrats congrats!

    • Congrats!!! I know several of our regular posters are TTC, so a huge congrats to you. You’re going to be excited and terrified and for me, (and this may be a sign of a problem…) sad to give up alcohol for so many months.

    • Yay! We’re TTC and it hasn’t even been that many months, but it already feels like its N E V E R going to happen. So congratulations!!!

    • CONGRATS! A good friend who is a mom and a family nurse practitioner also told me false positives are unlikely. +1 to the comment about being excited and terrified all at the same time–that was the case for me. I thought giving up alcohol during football season was going to be terrible but I have survived so far. ENJOY! :)

      • Thanks! And I hear you… I actually gave up alcohol while we were trying because I have some hormonal imbalances and alcohol supposedly makes things even more unpredictable for my cycle

    • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

      Congratulations! :-)

    • I hope your uterine lining is nice and thick! Congrats! (I’ve decided that’s my new go to well wishes for very recently pregnant women).

      • anon for this :

        Ughhh please don’t say that. As someone who had a very early miscarriage one week ago, if someone had said that to me, I would now be blaming myself for my insufficiently thick uterine lining. Just say congrats and how are you feeling.

        • As someone who went through the same thing a few months ago, I’m sorry. That sucks. And I’m sure you know logically that you’re not to blame, I understand the feeling.

    • Thanks you all
      TCFKAG – That is exactly what I hope, so thanks for putting it into words!!
      TBK – I know what you mean! We had been trying for 5-6 months but it felt like forever because we had been talking about it for a while before trying

  17. Just got my birthday present – a necklace from Kanye’s store. LOVE IT. Kanye – if you’re out there, I’m so happy my husband had the good sense to use the link I gave him! :)

  18. Did anyone see the MAC collection that’s being featured at Nordstrom? I haven’t used MAC makeup in years, but I’m drooling over the eyeshadow compacts. The packaging might be annoying but it’s so cute.

    • I’m a sucker for promotional packaging. The recent NARS(?) Warhol one had me drooling. I’d be way too hesitant to use it though… so it would really just be a weird collector’s item.

  19. Honey Pillows :

    Dear Hive:

    Smoking slippers/loafers -thoughts?

    I was initially resistant, but after seeing Cup of Jo’s piece on it (link to follow), I may be won over.

    I think the reason it works here is the a) patent leather makes it clearly a non-house shoe b) masculine shoe shapes with tapered legs and feminine makeup or a purely feminine outfit balance the looks and make it wonderfully casual and put together.

    • Honey Pillows :

    • Definitely during free time. I’ve got two pairs and love them. Not sure that they are work wear, but they may work under a skirt and black tights for a casual Friday.

    • Hmm, I’m a fan of menswear generally, but these look so much like tuxedo slippers I’d feel inappropriate dressing them down.

  20. can someone speak to the fit on DP shirts? I’m all over the place in sizing, but typically a medium in Gap/Jcrewlike sizes.

  21. Can I ask what might be a dumb question? I’m starting a blog and I took enough IP classes in law school to know that I need to be careful about what images I use, but I don’t know exactly what the rules are. Can anyone shed any light on this?

    For example, the picture above is clearly not Kat’s own picture. Is it ok because it links back to the website where the picture came from? All blogs use images that aren’t their own so there has to be some way of doing it correctly, right? And I have to believe that not every blog is negotiating for a license before they use every single image?

    I want to be rule abiding, but I can’t for the life of me figure out what they are!

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      IANAL but wouldn’t Kat’s linking and using photos of the clothes she suggests on this site fall under fair use? She is always making an editorial comment of some sort on the clothes/accessories/whatever. I assume the pictures that seem more “stock” and are not intended to get you to buy an item, are just that – stock images from a stock image service.

      • Is IANAL “I Am Not A Lawyer”? Because that’s either kind of awesome or kind of scary that we need a specific code for this. IANAIPL but I will say that IP law is always like going into Opposite Day for me — it’s never what I think it’s going to be, so you might want to seek out some guidance. Check out web site from IP law firms. Sometimes firms do short briefings on legal issues and post to their sites. I’m also sure there’s some sort of For Dummies book that covers this. It seems like such a basic question.

    • Your safest bet is to not use random pictures from the internet.
      For my youtube and facebook pages, I take all my pictures myself or refrain at all from posting pictures. It can be a pain if you have many posts but it’s worth it.

      Some pictures are under creative commons (CC) so you can reuse them.
      Some public pictures on Flickr are marked as such and you can use them.
      Your safest bet is to go with royalty-free stock photos available online.

      Anything from google, pinterest, tumblr etc. could get you in trouble because if one picture gets flagged, the financial hurt from a lawsuit could be disproportionate.

    • Have you asked the internet?

      The blog Design Sponge seems to have some helpful license and attribution rules.

    • Copyright prof :

      This is a pretty good basic intro:

    • Depending on what you need, you may be able to find images on Wikimedia Commons. They describe themselves as “a database of 14,649,136 freely usable media files to which anyone can contribute.”

      It looks like you can search by license type and they list 3 different types
      * Creative Commons
      * GFDL
      * Public Domain

  22. Anyone else notice that the number of “you’re posting too fast” messages are off the hook lately? I feel like I get them pretty much every time I post now (it was not like this as of a week or two ago).

    • Yes happened to me yesterday and today… can you tell I have a day off? I’m all over this thread :)

    • I think its your network not the site. I have never got that message.

    • I’ve been having the same issue – and they take longer to resolve (refreshing several times, rather than just the once).

    • I’ve had the same experience over the last couple of days. Super annoying.

    • Yep!

      Someone mentioned that this was maybe a plural you, as in too many of us are trying to post at once. It’s annoying and never used to happen to me.

  23. I passed the bar!!! Yay!! I’ve decided I’m more relieved that I don’t have to take that test again than because it means I’m actually a lawyer.

  24. ATL has a very comprehensive list of do’s and don’t’s for working with support staff today
    I have to say I most appreciated this part:
    Once you’ve assigned a project, resist the urge to “check in” all the time. Let your assistant take the project as far as they reasonably can. In most cases, you should review it completely, especially with a new assistant, before it goes to someone else, but wait until your assistant has reached the point where that makes sense. When you do review it, don’t hold back on comments or changes just because you don’t want to hurt your assistant’s feelings. But recognize that they probably have pride in their work and you may hurt their feelings. If they did a good job but you just want to do it differently, or perhaps you changed your mind about something, you have the complete right to do that. But acknowledge you’re doing it. Make sure your assistant realizes they didn’t screw up.

    Both the “don’t check in” and “don’t hold back” are so useful. I would like to tack this to the forehead of every female senior associate/young partner I worked with in BigLaw. (The men were really much, much better with this.)

  25. Hey, if anybody is still looking for stretchy straightleg jeans, I’m wearing these today. So far so good. They run large and I had to hem them (I’m 5’5″) but they look great and they aren’t bagging or sagging. I’m apple-shaped but they also have a curvy fit.It’s supposed to be getting cooler this weekend but I jumped the gun so I could wear jeans with the Vince Camuto booties I bought during the NAS.

  26. londongirl :

    Hiiii beautiful people, just wanted to say i think this site is amazing and full of real and hardworking women which is a breath of fresh air…

    I live on the other side of the globe but i feel connected to you all in some way….hope i do not sound weird!

    I have a question though, could anyone advise on how to stretch a pair of anne klein shevanie3 wedge shoes? I got them recently and the width at the toe region is a little bit tight, making it painful to walk in.

    I really love the wedges and do not want to have them sent back. Please help!!

    • Anon Analyst :

      Here in the US, there is a product called the Strech Genie. It has a spray that softens the leather and an insert/device that you put in the shoe to widen the material. You may want to check online to see there is a similiar product where you live. Good luck!

    • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

      Have you ever tried this method? (wool socks + hairdryer)

    • Woods-comma-Elle :

      There is a YouTube video about this but take some Zip-loc/freezer bags, fill them part of the way with water (not full, like 1/3) and seal. Tuck them in the shoes and put the shoes in the freezer.

      When the water freezer, it will expand and stretch the shoes.

      I have tried this and it works, but huge disclaimer depending on the material of the shoes!

  27. How long after a missed period should I wait to take a pregnancy test? I stopped my BC last month after DH and I talked about plannign for kids, and I’m late. But not THAT late. But I’ve always (either on or off BC) been pretty regular.

    (being pregnant isn’t a bad thing, it would just be pretty lucky since I only stopped BC last month and DH and I have only been in the house at the same time for like 9 nights this month)

    • You could probably test tomorrow morning. But, it may take a cycle or two off BC to get back to your normal pattern. FWIW, I got a positive test 5 days before I was scheduled to start my period. Good luck!

    • Usually as soon as you’ve missed your period you can take a test. That said – I missed my period, took a test and it was negative. Period still hadn’t come by a week later – another negative test. Finally, two or three weeks after my missed period did the test show up positive (while on a boozy vacation – sigh). So, it’s not a sure bet if it’s negative. My advice is continue to test once a week, if you period still doesn’t show up.

      Good luck!

      • Meg Murry :

        As others said, you can test now. You should test first thing in the morning, as that is when the hormone levels in your urine will be most concentrated. A lot of the tests say “as early as 5 days before a missed period” etc, but if you read the fine print they say something like 75% accurate at that point.
        Good luck to you and I hope you get the result you want!

        • Meh, is it bad that I’m pretty impartial either way? We want kids– just thought we’d have a little more time to plan. On the other hand, we’re not getting any younger. We’ll see how this goes; I may give it the weekend and plead ignorance.

  28. Just wondering if anyone else has this issue –

    So alot of people are very self conscious about their bodies. I am fine with my body it’s my clothing that I get self conscious about. I’ll feel good leaving the house in the morning and then by the middle of the day I’m constantly questioning my choice of work wear. I think I’m questioning it more so today because I have two meetings (one with women and one with men). I always feel like I put in extra effort to look nice but that I just looked mis-matched, etc. Maybe I need one of those style coach people….

    Anyway what I am wearing today and my qualms with it:

    Emerald green structured 3/4 lenth sleeve shirt from Target – you guys have probably seen it – LOVE IT
    Tweed white and black pencil skirt from The Limited – feel like it looks off with the green
    Black tights and black pumps – is that okay that I’m wearing non see throughy type tights with pumps or should I be wearing boots. Opinions welcome!


    • I think your outfit sounds fine. I’m not much of a skirt/boots person, so I think opaque tights are perfectly appropriate. If you think the skirt looks ‘off’ with the shirt, maybe next time try a black necklace to bring a little more black to the top half? Might help balance it out. I’m not much of a jewelry person but sometimes it helps my outfits look more ‘finished’.

    • Personally I don’t like the black, opaque tights + pumps look. It just looks too juvenile to me and I don’t think it’s flattering. Why not try black hose instead? Or, black suede booties with a small stiletto heel?

      Maybe the emerald color of the shirt is too much with the stark white and black of the skirt. It depends how much white there is in the skirt- if it’s a lot, then I agree it wouldn’t go very well.

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