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Coffee Break: Maximas Clip

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We've featured this clip before, but not in a while, and it's so perfect for easy updos for work I feel like I have to mention it: the Ficcare clip! It is pricy, yes ($36-$66) — but I still love mine. I like that it holds all of my hair without falling (and I have a lot of hair), and I like that the enamel flowers and color are still in perfect condition after about 5 years. (This clip has been around for a long time, maybe since the start of the blog!) It's so pretty, and I feel like it's a piece of artwork in my hair.

The pictured one is $66, and comes in 6 colors; I have it in the blue.

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{related: easy office updos}

Sales of note for 3/15/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off
  • Ann Taylor – 40% off everything + free shipping
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off sale
  • J.Crew – Extra 30% off women's styles + spring break styles on sale
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off 3 styles + 50% off clearance
  • M.M.LaFleur – Friends and family sale, 20% off with code; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off 1 item + 30% off everything else (includes markdowns, already 25% off)

130 Comments

  1. Most attorneys in my state went to one of two law schools – a public law school in the state that is usually ranked in the top 20, or a private law school in the state capital, which is usually ranked below 100th.

    Attorneys who went to the public law school tend to be snobby about lawyers who went to the private school. Attorneys who went to the private school tend to be defensive and/or say the public school attorneys are snobs, or rankings don’t matter. Interestingly, members of the public usually think the private school is higher ranked because it has other well-ranked professional programs.

    I went to an out of state highly ranked school, and have been picking up on comments (“well, they did go to ___”). I’m not sure how unique this is but interested in any thoughts from attorneys who hear or say critical things about other schools and how a relative outsider should best respond or ignore these comments.

    1. Lawyers being snobby about various other law schools in an attempt to make themselves look/feel better? Very very common.

      I can’t tell how far out of school you are, but this will be just one of many, many p*ssing contests some lawyers engage in. My strategy is to ignore because I find the discussions horribly boring and irrelevant to anything other than the speakers’ own insecurities.

    2. Totally common for attorneys to be snobby about law schools. I had to take the bar in my second state while working and was really nervous and people kept reassuring me by reminding me I was competing against graduates of ___ and could beat them with zero effort (I went to a decently ranked school, but not Harvard or anything like that). Although in their defense, that particular law school did go out of business a couple years later…

    3. Hahahah I totes judge people who went to seton hall who are themselves judgy about Rutgers

        1. Read it closer. I judge people who are being ridiculously judgy about another school. I think of them as basically identical.

      3. Rutgers isn’t a T20. The public schools in the top 30 are Michigan, Berkeley, UCLA, UVA, William & Mary, George Mason, UNC, University of Florida, OSU, UT-Austin, Alabama, Iowa, Minnesota.

        I think she’s talking about UVA/University of Richmond, although she might mean Iowa/Drake or Alabama/Samford.

          1. Good catch. Also missed Arizona, and I don’t think it’s about AZ either.

            (With the skyrocketing cost of law school, there are a lot more public law schools in the top 30 than there were 15 years ago.)

        2. That’s what I thought at first, but not everyone practicing in Virginia went to UVA or U of R. Like what about all those W&M people, for one?

        4. I totally thought it was Iowa and Drake. My dad went to Drake because of constraints around my mom’s job. He’s super smart and had a great career. Being judgy about prestige is silly.

        5. Could be UT / SMU – SMU isn’t super highly ranked, but it has quite the presence in TX, though it’s definitely above 100.

          1. She said she private school is in the state capitol. I took that to mean the public school is not. Both knock UT-Austin/SMU off the list of possibilities.

      4. Same. Such similarly ranked schools but one is double the price. Enjoy your overpriced education!

    4. Yes, for years 1L-3L and maybe 5-10 years out of practice. After that, I feel like it’s not a big deal and you’re treated more as your own person vs a product of your school.

      1. +1. 10 plus years out they find new things than law schools to compare – which goes in rough order of priority for male 40+ year old lawyers – acts of physical fitness, followed by $$$ (cars, houses, etc.), followed by actual legal accomplishments. But, they will always find things to compare.

        1. I’m the Anon at 2:41 and many of the people making these comments to me were partners who were 20+ years out of school. I agree that when they’re trying to one-up someone they’re actually having a conversation with, it’s about things other than law school by that age. But in my experience it’s still commonly to casually refer to lower ranked law schools as being terrible.

          1. Totally agree! I think for a lot of jobs, your work counts beyond your school at a certain point. But people who are judgy about schools tend to continue that, no matter how far out of school people are. At least in my experience.

            See, for example, the Rutgers/ Seton Hall poster above.

          2. I have worked with judges from a state where a lot of practicing lawyers come from one of these low-ranked schools, and they never stop complaining about what terrible lawyers the school’s graduates are.

          4. Slightly different take: back in the ’90s and aughts, competition for law schools was intense. While people who went to T20 schools might not be brilliant, creative, or great lawyers, they are all very smart people. Even the “dumb” people were still, compared to the general public, quite bright. Lower ranked schools still had loads of smart people – see intense competition – but many had some people who frankly might not belong in law school at all.

            So the talented lawyers from the lower ranked schools justifiably say “stop being a bunch of snobs.” However, the people from top notch schools aren’t wrong when they point out that many graduates of the third and fourth tier law schools should never have been in law school. They err when they apply that logic to all graduates of those schools.

    5. Seaton Hall isn’t in Trenton tho. Can’t be South Carolina. Most other states have many schools. Iowa?

      1. People from my law school always say they went to the best law school in the state–but our state only has one haha!

    6. I live in Des Moines, IA but went to out of state public school that is between Drake and Iowa in the rankings and have never picked up on these comments. Have been practicing nearly 20 years, so perhaps that’s part of it.

    7. As a physician this is fascinating to me. Post-residency, we don’t give a s$%# where you went to medical school. Like, at all. I couldn’t even tell you where some of my closest friends and colleagues went.

      1. There’s definitely snobbery involved, but I also think this might be at least partly because physicians move around more? There are exceptions, but many people work in or near where they went to law school and so there’s an element of alumni networking and bonding with colleagues over where you went to school. Especially in small states like Iowa where pretty much everyone went to one of two schools.

    8. Eh, I’m not an attorney and I’ve worked with plenty of people who went to more prestigious schools and make a point of being jackasses to those who didn’t. I don’t care, I earn more than Mr. Oxford and Mr. Harvard combined. Suck it, boys.

    9. I have an old Hamilton Beach coffeemaker that came with a split basket… specifically for two people that wanted two different coffees. It brews directly into travel mugs but it doesn’t look like they currently have a comparable model. But they DO have a model that can brew into a travel mug as well as a pot. The river site might have some options for a split basket – the only issue is you have to wash out the basket bc filters don’t fit.

      1. What, so that people who went to private school don’t have to drink the same coffee as those who went to public?

  2. Bigger busted ladies: have you found any tank tops with shelf bras that are supportive-ish and comfortable while not being obscene? (Workout or regular) – thanks!

    1. Define bigger busted … but shelf bras have not been an option for me since I was maybe a B cup (30 years ago).

    2. ~32G (UK sizing) for regular tank tops, I like Duluth “Women’s No-Yank Shelf Bra Tank”, but I only buy on sale. Worth $15, not $20 to me.

    5. Honestly, no. I just don’t think that style is for us and have totally given up on it.

      At best, if you’re ok with low support and uni-b00b it would work as loungewear, but that’s all I could see it for. For working out, it’s totally out of the question for me. I guess if it had a very high neckline, at least I’d know I wouldn’t fall out, but “not falling out” is too low a bar for workout support when you’re busty!

    6. Haha no. 36DDD here. I’ve tried some that might have actually been supportive enough for just sitting around the house, but I’m completely busting out the top.

    7. No but I’ve had luck with the Cosabella Curvy Sweetie bralette under tanks. It’s less than a bra, more than not wearing one and it hits the right spot for me for WFH and lounging.

    8. Only from Bravissimo which are specifically made for larger busts, and on the pricy side.

    9. No. (UK 28HH)

      I don’t really know what you mean with obscene, but if you want bra sized tops for lounging, Bravissimo does those, and they do fit. I don’t like the padded ones (hate foam materials), but there are some new ones I’ve been eying up.

      For sports: there is no way anything but a fantastic sports bra is going to be good enough for sports in my size.

    10. These are currently hard to find for any size. They just aren’t trendy right now.

      1. On the other hand, “barely supported” actually seems to be on trend, judging from catalogs! I didn’t realize how much I relied on “remotely consistent support levels” when judging the cut of tops.

        1. Yes, and not just for tops but also for dresses! With all the cutouts and backless styles, you can’t even wear a strapless br@ underneath. I am not sure who is wearing these in real life. I think they are only for posing on social media.

          1. Hi! Your IBTC friends are. Or people with implants — they seem to support themselves.

          2. I am a member of the IBTC and can’t wear these things because stuff still shows through even if it doesn’t need to be held up.

    12. I’m 30DD and have never been able to wear a shelf bra for anything involving actual movement.

  3. Does anyone have an analog alarm clock that they love? Here is my wish list for it:

    –Pleasant alarm sound
    –No ticking sound while just keeping time
    –Easy to set and change alarm time
    –Looks nice, ideally wood
    –Limited light or no light emitted
    –Not connected to my phone or “smart” in any way–analog only.

    Thanks!

    1. Not a clock, but I got alarm watches for my kids. I didn’t need lights or ticking or a lot of tech. Just an alarm. The beeps are not unpleasant, but aren’t particularly loud.

    2. I love my “RCA Digital Alarm Clock with Large Display” but its not that’s pretty. It’s literally just the most basic clock you can imagine, doesn’t tick, easy to change the time and alarm. It doesn’t fit all your requirements, but it’s been the most consistent thing for me. Before I got this I was setting alarms on my phone and that wasn’t working, needed something different.

    3. I like the Phillip’s light alarm clock. You don’t have to turn on the light function and you can turn down the display to so low you don’t notice it in the dark. It has no ticking and a basic alarm sound. It’s not woody but it is a sleek look (just a round white circle)

    4. I have a small battery powered one from Amazon that I like. I just went to try to find the one I ordered and there are about a million options. And they’re cheap!

    5. When you say analog – do you mean with a clock dial?

      If so, you are looking for sort of a unicorn alarm clock.
      I have found a silent, non-ticking wall clock, but it was hard to find. I had to read a lot of reviews. A lot. Non-ticking sometimes meant minute-ticking instead of second-ticking. Silent sometimes meant “fairly quiet”. But”sweeping seconds” or “silent sweep” gave me a truly silent, analog wall clock.

    7. I know how hard it is to find such a thing. I like small simple good looking analog alarm clocks and have not found one that ticks all your boxes.

      I had an older version of this Rhythm alarm clock for several years until it died. I liked it. The current styles aren’t the most beautiful things ever, but they’re not too awful. I don’t recall whether you could hear the ticking at all. I can deal with a quiet tick but not one that is very loud.
      https://www.rhythm.us.com/product/nightbright-307-white-cre307ur03/

      Braun compact travel alarms are better looking but their controls are ergonomically awful. It’s a pain to set the alarm time.

  4. Throughout the pandemic many have posted on here about how they are exhausted – everything from staying safe from covid; to remote work being a 24-7 endeavor; to feeling like life is standing still; to working from homes that are far too small for an entire family to be home all the time etc.

    To those who feel any relief or any less burnt out now than say a year ago, how did you get there? What helped you get over the exhaustion? Are there any changes you made that helped?

    1. I’m a lot better than I was in general. We’re still probably 99th percentile in terms of Covid caution (masks in public indoor spaces and no indoor dining for now – may reassess when our kiddo is fully vaxxed) but otherwise back to all normal activities – travel, seeing friends, theater, indoor playdates and kids’ activities, etc. and it’s been great for mental health.

      Work burnout is still off the charts and not sure how to fix that. I think I’m just incredibly resentful of how I was treated during the childcare struggles of spring/summer 2020 and winter 2021-2022 (when Omicron left us with essentially no daycare between Thanksgiving and late January). I spent years building a good reputation and they gave up on me so easily and that makes me really mad. Unfortunately changing employers isn’t really an option (stuck in a small town with one major employer for family reasons) so I will continue to just deal with it.

    2. A few things:

      –I switched jobs to something I was a lot more passionate about that felt more fulfilling / less pretentious
      –I joined a very luxe gym and started going to 2-3 workout classes a day (combination of things like yoga, HIIT, barre, pilates, strength training, kickboxing)
      –Started dating (was single for two years beforehand with no dates) and got a boyfriend I love
      –Started setting boundaries and saying no to the BS in my life. Cut out half-hearted friendships, started saying no to any plan I wasn’t excited about, quit volunteer opportunities that weren’t a valuable use of time
      –Therapy: realized I get to decide the metrics for success in my own life, I get to decide what I spend money on, I get to decide if I think my job is cool, I get to decide how I let people treat me
      –Started trying to eat tons of fruits and veggies, cut down a lot on sugar

      Main thing I think is deciding you’re in control of your own life and that you (for better or for worse) are the only one who’s going to change things for yourself. Want a partner? Put yourself out there. Want a healthy lifestyle? Create it. Want to cancel plans or have more free time? Let yourself do whatever you need to do to get there, even if you feel bad about it.

      I used to feel headachey/stressed/horrible every day and honestly kind of miserable between WFH and feeling totally overcommitted. Just letting myself be and not beating myself up over everything has been huge.

    3. As always, I am not typical here because I work in health care and was always on-site every day. That said:

      I changed jobs due to major safety concerns that management was ignoring. Honestly, I am still recovering from working in an objectively unsafe environment and being gaslighted about it, and this recovery includes therapy. I had assumed I didn’t really have any better prospects, but once I started looking I got my head straightened out about that. I will try not to make the same assumption again in the future. I am also now following labor activism and excited about similar realizations going on across industries…

      I have a firm limit on news consumption, both quantity per day and within what time frames (i.e. not too early and not too late).

      I lowered the bar on activities that I know I “should” do but didn’t always happen. It may be shorter or less intense now, but it actually happens regularly, and that’s more important (think exercise, meditation, and journaling).

      I started taking more seriously the idea of actually staying out of work for being sick or in grief. Still working on getting all the way out of the perpetual hustle mode.

      1. Just want to say good for you. I am glad you found a way to get out of an unsafe and better situation. And thank you for the incredible difficult work you formerly did.

    4. Honestly? The pandemic letting up enough that I could incorporate fun activities into my life again so it feels like I’m actually living, instead of going through the motions. I can handle work stress if there’s something positive to offset the grind. That said, I’d also say that I’ve become more selective about the events and places I go to.

    5. Honestly, I’m downshifting into a job with less responsibilities. My job was heavily involved in pandemic response for my organization and it left me exhausted. I felt bad about stepping down, including the corresponding decline in pay, but now I realize I’m getting my life back and it’s glorious. I’ve also prioritized pleasure and savored the everyday moments.

    6. Incorporating more face to face socializing into my week has been very good for mental health. Pretty much all outdoors, for bbqs, hikes, or work lunches. I am not even such a big extrovert, but it really helps.

    7. The thing that helped me the most to feel better was my kids going back to school in-person. Remote working with remote school was too much. Other things that have also helped–1-2 days a week in the office with an in-person meeting one day, being able to travel again, being able to see clients in person. Work is still exhausting, but being able to see my co-workers and clients sometimes makes it better. And I am a fairly strong introvert!

    8. Was in a dark place during remote times as I am very much an extrovert. What actually helped was going back into the office most days of the week and getting as much of my life back to normal as possible. I go in more than required (e.g., all five days a week). Also, the return of time to myself whether it’s when I’m driving, or actually getting the house to myself for a moment. Of all people, Jeff Foxworthy’s comedy special stuck with me when he said something along the lines of “I realized early on that I could not satisfy my wife’s conversational needs” during lock down.

    9. More burnt out now that in my country everyone is treating it like it’s over but we have a tremendous number of deaths and seem to be ignoring Long Covid.
      If I get Covid I’m likely to die so it’s more stressful for me this year than for all of 2020 and 2021.

      What’s made my life easier is better delivery services and Telehealth appointment.

  5. I have two of these clips. The first is the large size, which I rarely wear because my hair is fine and it starts to pinch after a few hours in place. The second is smaller and kind of perfect.

    1. I just ordered one! There is one on the Nordstrom site that says it’s for silky hair. I have fine hair but a lot of it so I’m hoping the size medium in this style works for me.

  6. What’s the best gadget/setup? DH and I both work from home. We want to have decaf and caff coffee avail when we wake up in the AM. I drink a LOT of caffeinated coffee and he recently switched to decaf. Right now we have a janky system of our coffee mate pot + a warming cup.

    Do I do a single serve k cup type machine (and if so which one) for DH and leave our current pot for me?

    I am okay splurging for a gadget that is the right fit.

    Is the keurig duo our best option for least counter clutter? I don’t want to do K cups only as I drink way too much coffee for that.

    I do really want both of us to be able to walk down to a fresh cup of coffee if possible. If not, I get up earlier so I can always hit a button for his decaf.

      1. Seconding! This is the best, easiest and least wasteful way to make one cup of coffee at a time IMO.

    2. What about two smaller pots or one large and one small pots? I used to have a small 5 cup coffee pot that was just enough to get me through the morning…that might be good for the decaf!

    3. I’m not sure this is the reasonable way of accomplishing this goal, but it’s how I would do it. I’m not a full on coffee snob, but I’m definitely too much of a snob to drink k-cups at home. I would buy the Moccamaster KBT with a second carafe. Brew your coffee first thing, put the thermal lid on it so it stays hot, and then brew his. If you really wanted to make easy mornings, I might also add a second brew basket and lid so that he could set up his coffee the night before and you could just swap baskets when your coffee finished – a proper coffee snob would never set it out the night before but sometimes you just need to get coffee done fast. I bought the moccamaster off a recommendation here and a lot of reviews online and it makes a really good cup of coffee.

    4. We have a regular Keurig and a good ole $20 Mr Coffee 12-cup pot. I have a k-cup in the AM while I wait for the whole pot to brew then sometimes I’ll have a half-caf or decaf in the afternoon. It’s not the nicest setup but it’s cheap and works. Once my kitchen reno is complete, I’m probably going in invest in a Ninja DualBrew System which does k-cups, pots, and a whole slew of other things. Adding that neither DH nor I are huge coffee snobs; Folger’s Blond Roast is our daily go-to.

    5. I still do pour-over in my Chemex when I have time & inclination, but I got DH a Nespresso for Xmas last year and it’s pretty great. We can make espresso or coffee in moments, and while you need to figure out which of their pods you like, there are some really good options (and I worked as a barista back in the day – I have opinions!). And in NYC at least, the pods go right in the recycling so I don’t feel as bad about the environmental impact. Bonus points if you get a milk steamer with it, because home cappuccino is delightful.

      1. This is the combination I have too. The Chemex is the workhorse for making full pots of coffee on weekdays, and the Nespresso is for the one-off drinks when I am having a cup for fun and not for focus. If you drink a pot of coffee a day, the single serve machines are going to get expensive really fast.

    6. A French press each?
      Double Moccamaster? There is a double thermo one, meant for offices, Moccamaster CDGT20.

    7. Sigh. Ladies, I forgot to mention we have 4 children under age 9. We are not coffee snobs. I cannot make pour over coffee in the AM. I can seriously barely push a button. I would like two cups of coffee piping hot the minute I walk downstairs.

      Absent that dream, I want one cup of highly caffeinated coffee for me and a button push to make DH’s coffee happen.

      Fwiw DH is off caffeine for medical reasons.

      1. Pour-over is actually great for this if you are not precious about it. It is easier than a coffeemaker. Put filter in cone, dump coffee in filter, pour hot water over. Done. An electric kettle will heat the water fast. I use my cheap plastic Melitta pour-over cone when I am too tired to make a pot of coffee. Cleanup is easier too.

    8. I mean… I’d just get a second Mr. Coffee (or whatever, the cheapest you can find with a timer) so you can each have one loaded up the night before that’s ready in the morning. In my thrifty youth I picked up a nice, new condition coffee maker at a thrift store for like $2.

    9. You want a nespresso, not a keurig or k-cup. Nespresso is far superior in taste and super easy. One button, done.

  7. DH and I were discussing this weekend and tried to do some preliminary research, but does anyone know why it is Pride Month instead of day or week? I understand why it is in June (at least in the U.S.) and not at all saying there is anything wrong with having a month, but why are some things marked by a month, while others a day or week?

    1. No idea but I always thought of it like a health thing – like mental health; so there is heart health month; breast health month; mens health month etc.

    2. My cynical guess is that it’s related to merchandising potential. You are going to sell a lot more pride t-shirts during a whole month than during a week or a day. Something like ice cream is probably only going to get attention for a day.

      1. Christmas is one day, but starts some time in October for marketing purposes! I’m sure retailers wouldn’t be limited to a shorter period than they’d like for selling rainbow merch regardless.

        I’m plenty cynical too, but I thought that month-long observances were to allow flexibility for scheduling events, exhibits, teaching curricula and so on. I assume that who gets a month vs. a week is a function of how major a population is represented, and also how much effort and influence was invested in establishing a whole month. The only other “month” that comes readily to my mind is Black History Month. I know there is also a Women’s History Month, but I don’t see as much related to it.

        1. I agree it makes scheduling easier. If you are a visible figure like a senator, you can attend multiple pride events if they are stretched over the month.

      2. I don’t think companies were cashing in on Pride when it started in the 70s, though.

    3. It is a month per presidential declaration. But it is also on par with other month-long diversity recognitions/celebrations, such as African American History month and Native American History Month.

    4. Aren’t most identities honored by a month if they’re honored at all? Black history month, Latino history month, women’s history month. I can’t think of any identity positions that only have a day.

      2. Indigenous People’s Day, but that has a different backstory (a day for Christopher Columbus).

  8. If you have ADHD – what type of work do you do? What are your areas of hyperfocus? I am trying to make a career transition and think through all my options!

    1. I think it’s individualized. You will hyperfocus on whatever you’re interested in, which will vary depending on the person.

    2. Lawyer, diagnosed as an adult. Great at hyperfocus when writing briefs (though I need a good proof-reader), crap at depositions unless I really, really plan ahead about all possible if/then directions that lines of questioning might go, otherwise I lose track of where I need to be. I’ve also developed a specialization in training others in some of the more obscure, weed-y areas of my specialty of law. I created a bunch of cool visuals to explain a complex topic to non-legal audiences or to an audience that’s new to the topic area, and I do really well with that.

    3. I’m a patent attorney, but I don’t/can’t rely on hyperfocus for anything. Its not useful for me. I like patent law because it has lots of variety but also a consistency. Each patent application is different, but the process of working on one is the same each time.

    4. Bench scientist. I love seeking out and organizing information, especially new information, and thanks to hyperfocus have written a papers in a weekend a couple of times. Getting to work with things and people is a great balance to computer/information work, and I love that about my job.

    5. Retired teacher. Fun hyperfocus–researching poetry to teach. Not fun hyper focus–posting grades.

  9. Is anyone on this board in sales or something similar? My role is requiring quite a bit of sales-like activity (i.e., cold calling and conducting intro calls to explore partnerships) and I’m finding myself hitting a wall. I’d love any advice that folks have!

    1. Hi! In sales…. I like to schedule specific times to do my prospecting each day. I also use calendar reminders for follow-up. I write out my script ahead of time for when the person answers the phone & 2 brief sentences for a VM. The key is to be brief & relevant.

  10. Best friend found out her husband has been cheating on her for a year. He claims it meant nothing and can they forget about it and live like nothing happened. Not sure if she will divorce him, but can you please remind me your best advice on what to do next? They have significant savings, investments and he is the one managing family finances. Two kids (10, 6); own a house.

    1. 1. He stops managing family finances today.
      2. She gets to take as long as she wants to make a decision.
      3. Counseling, separately, for both.

      Given that he claims it “meant nothing,” I think she should get divorced. That’s such a self-absorbed way to look at his infidelity: he’s dictating her emotions based on his wants, not thinking about how badly he hurt her.

      There is advice about speaking to the top divorce lawyers in your city so as to conflict out the firm if he goes looking to hire; she should take that advice.

    2. Already, to me, he is a jerk if he thinks he can have an affair for a year and then expect her to drop it and move on. Validate her feelings, support her. Help her find a lawyer, and I know people here have better advice on this topic, but the best way for a best friend to help is to be a support system.

    4. There was a really great comment on here from a divorce attorney – not sure if anyone remembers the bullet points or could copy and paste. That’s horrible – I’d say be there for her as much as you can be in the time being and validate her in any choice she makes around boundaries. I’d advise her to have him move out while they work through things (if they’re not immediately moving to divorce), advise her to get individual therapy, consult a divorce attorney, and figure out how she can protect herself financially.

      2. Yes, I remember there was a great bullet-point list, can’t remember when it was posted. Thank you all for the advice, keep it coming! I am looking for advice for both, her and myself, but more for her.

    5. If she were asking for advice, I’d suggest individual therapy for her and also a consultation with a divorce lawyer to find out what her right are, as well as a meeting with her husband (and possibly his accountant or whatever) in which he discloses all the finances and gives her full information about all the assets and liabilities so she can be sure he isn’t hiding money (this in conjunction with advice from her lawyer about how best to proceed).

      She isn’t asking for advice, though, so all I can tell you is to be supportive and let her talk and give advice is it’s asked for.

    6. I assume you’re wanting the best advice for you.

      My ex husband cheated on me and ended our 13 year marriage several years ago. I appreciated any friend who was unquestionably on my side and there for me. Validate her feelings and let her cry or yell or vent as much as she needs to. You can also ask her at the beginning of a hang out if she needs to talk about it or if she wants a distraction then proceed accordingly. I did get tired of people giving me a heavy look and saying, “How ARE you?” Sometimes I wanted to just not think about it for a while.

      Also, I would avoid giving her advice on whether to stay or go, unless she asks. In fact don’t give any advice unless she specifically asks you for it. Just be a good sounding board and supportive friend for her.

      If she has asked you for advice, she needs to see a lawyer ASAP even if she’s not sure whether she’ll divorce him and she needs to get therapy as well. I’m still working through the issues my situation caused.

      If they do get divorced, I will say that I could no longer be friends with anyone I perceived as taking his “side” even just a little. I just couldn’t handle that emotionally because I was so devastated. I appreciate a couple of friends who have stayed friends with him on social media for limited purposes IF they ask me if I want to hear news before just saying something about him. I have a couple of other friends who stayed friends with him on social media who would at first kind of delight in sharing news with me. I hated that and told them to stop.

  11. Who on this board has been cheated on, and how did you move on? I was cheated on by my last boyfriend and feel like it’s still impacting me in my new relationships. I’m hyper-alert for potential threats and feel like my world would end if it happened again.

    1. I just posted above.

      To be honest, I’m not sure how to move on! My marriage ended 5 years ago, and I still have issues from how it ended. I’m working through it all in therapy, which has helped tremendously.

      Not sure how long ago yours was, but the immediate pain and “how can I trust again?” did fade with time for me.

      I’m doing dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), which has been life changing. It is helping me recognize that my emotions don’t define me and that they will pass (could help address the feeling that your world will end if it happens again).

  12. Help me shop: looking for a sheet BB cream or tinted moisturizer with SPF for my combo skin ( very oily T-zone with normal cheeks). Medium to tan complexion. Currently using Mychelle Sun Tint, which is a good match in terms of color and coverage but bottle is terrible.

    1. Look for Poly’s comment on the morning thread – tons of recs for light coverage products there!

    2. I recommended this on a similar thread this morning – Supergood Matte sunscreen. Sheer tint, good for combo skin. My skin is fair/medium so your mileage may vary.

  13. Help me shop: looking for a sheet BB cream or tinted moisturizer with SPF for my combo skin ( very oily T-zone with normal cheeks). Medium to tan complexion. Currently using Mychelle Sun Tint, which is a good match in terms of color and coverage but bottle makes a mess.

  14. I have tendonitis in my shoulder and it is making sleeping really hard. I am usually a stomach sleeper and I am waking up in pain. Anyone been through this and find a way to make it work?

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