ByElizabeth Hours Updated
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Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Elbow-Sleeve V-Neck T-Shirt

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. I’ve had good luck with tops from Target this season. This elbow-sleeve v-neck looks like it would be a great neutral to add to my rotation of blouses. I would wear it tucked into a pair of ankle pants for a casual Friday look. It’s $22.99 and available in sizes XS–XXL. Elbow-Sleeve V-Neck T-Shirt PSA: If you happen to be at Target and are looking for weekend wear, I have to recommend this striped tank, also from their A New Day line. It’s soft, made of relatively thick material, and it has armholes that are high enough that your bra won’t show through! (A huge pet peeve of mine.) I wore it to an outdoor after-work networking event recently, and it was perfect.   This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 12.5

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315 Comments

  1. Yay, Elizabeth and Frugal Friday! I love Frugal Friday and most tee shirts when the temperature is hot. A V neck I can wear on the weekends, when I am out either in the City or the Hamtons with Myrna and the manageing partner. Great pick, Elizabeth.

    I read the thread yesterday on HPV. Does the hive know all about this and that vaccines can help, but for younger people? I just found the CDC website explaining this in terms we all should know about:

    https://www.cdc.gov/hpv/parents/vaccine.html

    I wish my OBGYN had told me about this earlier, as I have always tested negative, but this is NOT determinative if you are having s3x with even one partner. FOOEY!

    Elizabeth, please run a blog on this. The hive will appreciate this.

  2. Happy Friday!

    Any recommendations for a light silvery-blue paint color (from BM-SW-other paint companies)?

    I tried my hand at gray and got something that looked good on white foamboard but all over 4 walls runs a tad too lavender for my taste. And a prior attempt at a soft warm blue (BM Green Tint) is a bit more vivid on the walls (it is a great color, but can read a bit South Beach, but I love it in a small bathroom with a lot of hot pink Flamingo items in it already and white tile/trim).

    Sometimes I find blue to look chalky or clinical, so even though I said “silvery” a warmer blue is worth looking at. Also, I tend to like color chips that look too intense or vivid IRL, so something that is fairly faint on actual walls is probably what would work well for me.

    I probably should be a renter for life b/c I totally fine with never deciding domestic things other than food and towels.

    1. Check out Wythe Blue by Benjamin Moore. It’s a perfect blue-green-gray that shifts in the light. I have it in my bedroom and it’s perfect. It somehow goes with everything, too.

    2. Mystic Lake by a Benjamin Moore is a dupe for Oval Room Blue by Farrow and Ball, and it’s a lovely blue. I painted our bedroom this color and it works well with pretty much everything I’ve added to the room and doesn’t have that lavender or hospital thing happening. You can get peel and stick samples on Samplize for about $6 too, lots easier than trying to make your own testers.

          1. If you go into a SW or BM store, they also have matches for other brands’ paint colors already in their computer. I’ve brought my F&B paint deck in and they look the F&B colors and do a custom match on my deck to check.

      2. Also, the blog Remodelista has a lot of roundups of great paint colors if you’re looking for commentary and decorator recommendations (I have spent a lot of mental space thinking about paint over the years)

    3. I have a room that is BM Seattle Gray (SW has a color with the same name, but it’s a different color). It is more blue than gray in my north-facing room but a very muted blue. You probably want something that looks gray on a paint chip, they always look more saturated on your wall.

    4. Benjamin Moore Wickham Gray (BM 171) fit this bill for me perfectly. When researching grays (and paint generally), get familiar with the LRV, or light reflectance value. This will tell you how much light the paint will suck up or put back into a room, often impacting the way it works in your space. A “high” LRV (over 50, scale of 1-100) will help with the “silvery” look.

    5. My parents recently went through a “color crisis” in their new home. My mom actually discovered that Sherwin Williams has “color consultants” who will come to your house for $100 and help you out, and then you get a $50 gift card to sherwin williams (so that covers your gallon of paint and maybe a paintbrush). The one my parents worked with should have charged way more than $100, as she helped with picking all of the outside colors (multiple rooflines/gables/trim) and colors for a few rooms inside. This may be more effort than you’re looking to go through, but if I was going to repaint my room I’d definitely use this service.

      2. Sherwin Williams mindful grey never looks blue or purple, in any light. If anything it can look like a dark grey to “greige” in low light. It is such a perfect shade!

    6. I just put Benjamin Moore’s “Quiet Moments” in my dining room and home office and I LOVE IT. It might trend more green than blue but in the light I’m in right now it’s trending blue. At night it’s a little more greenish, but darn it, it’s beautiful :)

  3. I’m having outpatient surgery. The facility is described as cold. What should I wear?

    My thought is black washable long-sleeved tee and comfy pants (not sure if they will make me change into a robe, but these would be easy to redress into). Cooby-type bra.

    I’d pref something that reeks of “The Dude abides,” but it’s also 90 degrees outside these days and maybe isn’t the right vibe (which is “make sure I wake up from the anesthesia”).

    1. Whatever you want. This doesnt matter. Yes, you will need to change out if your clothes. If it’s surgery around your middle don’t wear anything binding.

    2. You’re going to be wearing a robe during surgery anyway. Just wear whatever and don’t overthink it.

    3. It does look great, but this former swimmer looks like a grizzly bear in a tutu when wearing puffy sleeves. Pass for me while I wait out this trend, but good for many.

    4. Whatever is easy to get into after. They will most likely immediately change you into a gown. It may seem strange, but I Iike to blow my hair out fairly well the morning of or night before a surgery because I’m unlikely to give a sh*t for at least a couple of days after and if it’s blown out it does well enough to be presentable in front of helpers or to answer the door.

      The fact that the facility is cold is more important for whoever is coming with you. And, yes, it is typically very cold! He/she should wear jeans, a light top, and a warm top layer to use while inside.

    5. Just wear something you like that doesn’t have anything constricting (like a tight waistband) where the incision will be. You’ll be in a robe for the actual surgery so that doesn’t matter. They may also have you take off jewelry (I had to remove anything metal for my inpatient surgery, but they didn’t explain why so I don’t know if that would apply to you) so I wouldn’t wear anything particularly hard to keep track of, just in case.

    6. Wear whatever you like. If the facility is described as cold, bring a cheap fleece blanket with you that you can drape like a wrap around your shoulders or use like a blanket. They may have some there, but I’ve definitely shown up with that kind of thing before, which is helpful. Bonus points for one that you don’t care about losing.

    7. I would wear a loose button front dress with a light sweater that zips/buttons. You may not want anything on your body once you’ve had the surgery and depending on what it is, will want something easy to take on and off (and easy for whoever will be with you to help redress you as you may still be groggy from anesthesia)

      1. Button up something, for sure. I wouldn’t wear a dress, per se, the rooms are COLD and you might not change for awhile- cold legs. But at my last outpatient surgery, I wore a pullover tee and it was a mess trying to get it over my recently-operated-on-drugged-up face.

        Maybe a very loose pullover would work- a loose tank? With a button up shirt and loose joggers (like the UNIQLO drape pants). It’s not a high fashion event.

    8. For my outpatient colonoscopy, I was changed into one of those glamorous hospital gowns almost immediately, then I sat. And sat. Seems like the staff knows how cold it is/feels and supplied me with thin blankets from a warmer. I told them to keep them coming :)

    9. Clothes that are:
      – Warm enough for you
      – Easy to put on (think about how you put clothes on – will you be able to lift your arms, bend your knee, etc.)
      – Not constricting wherever you have your incision
      – Washable (even if you don’t stain them, change out of these clothes when you get home and wash them as hospitals have a lot of bugs)
      – Leave jewelry at home, wear glasses
      – If you know where the incision will be, I would shave that area myself so that it’s uniform and tidy for a few days — sometimes surgeons do a funny job (like just the knee and leave the rest of your leg alone but then you don’t shave for a week)
      – I’d also recommend clean pajamas when you get home and having an extra set of clean sheets handy (you could spit up the anesthetic, bleed, etc.)

  4. I was wondering if the poster who bought an old property in the South who then discovered there were unmarked slave graves onsite ever provided any updates here. If you’re still reading, were you able to get in touch with any historical societies or universities about next steps?

    1. She has an Inst*gr*m account for the house! I’ll let her share it again if she’s comfortable (and I don’t remember it offhand).

      1. Wow, awesome. Does anyone else have the Instagram link? If she posted it here before, I’m sure it’s ok to do it again.

    3. Hi! That’s me :) (I work from the house on Fridays and so I’m rarely on here – I just happened to check in :) )

      I reached out to the relevant state agency, and they said they didn’t have any record of a slave graveyard, but that that doesn’t mean they aren’t buried there. They DID have a record of a prehistoric Native American site on the land and said they’d be in touch. They haven’t followed up and neither have I, so I should.

      We randomly met a descendant of one of the slaves at church one Sunday. We were in the post-service receiving line and the minister introduced us to the lady beside us and it turned out that her ancestors are from there. They believe (but don’t have proof, understandably) that their ancestors are buried in the family graveyard on the property, but outside the fence. There are dips in the ground where there appear to be unmarked graves, but we know there are at least a couple unmarked members of the white family, and we also know the fences of the white cemetery have moved over the years, so I’m not sure. (That reminds me that there’s a church picnic on Sunday and I should text her and see if she’s coming.)

      I spoke with another owner of an old house about their efforts to find unmarked graves on their land, and they recommended contacting the archaeology department at local universities. They have ground penetrating radar that may be useful for finding graves. I haven’t had a chance to do that yet and don’t know if there’s a cost for that. We’re working right now with an architect to remodel the house, and we’re only here on weekends, so there’s a lot to do part-time and with a part-time budget :)

      Just as soon as I finish my work for the day (have to get off here :) ) I’m going to run to the courthouse (and/or county archives, haven’t decided yet) and look for some more old records. Because most of the county records burned in two fires in the 1800s and the last descendant of the original white family died in 1965, there’s very limited information available, but we’re trying. Everything with the house – fixing the house, tidying up the white cemetery, learning more about the enslaved people, finding where the slave dwelling was – will definitely be an ongoing endeavor for decades :)

      1. Wow, this is fascinating. I know you’re busy, but can you share more about what drew you to do this?

        1. Well, I’ve always loved genealogy and history. (Know how to be the super cool kid in middle school? Trace your family tree! bwahaha)

          We live in D.C. and were desperate to escape the congestion every weekend, so we’d travel to the various seafood festivals, etc, in the small towns nearby. The whole area around the Bay is so beautiful that we started just super casually checking out real estate listings in the “huh, wonder how much it costs to live here” way. I was on the Realtor app one night when I found our house. It had been on the market for four years (’cause, yeah, the “remodel” they did on the inside is REAL special), but it was listed for about the same as what I had paid for my bachelorette condo in D.C., and we looked at our finances, and looked at it, and back at our finances, and back at the house, and it seemed like we could make it work. So we did! We plan to move in full-time in a few years – we’ll do everything a bit over time until then.

          I can’t live in a house that’s 200 years old and not dive into the history of the people who lived there, ya know? It’s so fascinating to me. The land was in the same family for 375 years, which is just absolutely mind-blowing. (Oral tradition says the earlier dwellings burned.) I’ve been tracking down all the local octogenarians I can find to get their stories before they pass :)

          1. That’s really interesting! Was the site a former plantation? Really appreciate the update and I’m gad you’re diving into the history.

          2. I answered more in depth on insta, but the short answer is no, it wasn’t a plantation.

  5. Has anyone ever get migraines or tension headaches from wearing ponytail or other tight hairstyles?

      1. I can’t do headbands (like the hard plastic ones) – I think my head is too big, and then the ends pinch at a weird place behind my ears.

        1. I have extremely tight trapezius muscles and TMJ (it’s all sort of connected). Anything that puts weight on that area of the back of my neck/upper shoulders triggers headaches or migraines. Something about the weight and structure of a blazer and the placement of the collar triggers it. It’s extremely irritating, since I love blazers.

      2. YES! me, too. And it has gotten worse with age. I used to wear a very delicate pendant that couldn’t have weighed more than an ounce. I can no longer wear it for more than an hour or two without getting a headache. makes me sad – I love necklaces.

    5. Tension headaches yes, migraines no. My migraine triggers are menstrual cycle (the big one) and to a lesser extent sleep deprivation.

    7. A standard ponytail shouldn’t give you a headache unless you’re tying it way too tight or your hair is too heavy. Loosen it up, cut your hair, or pile it on top of your head so the weight is not on your stretched out skin (this only works if you literally pile hair in a top knot or something similar in the dead center of the top of your head).

      1. Where are you getting this “should” from? Very loose pony tails give me headaches all the time, even right after haircuts.

        1. Yeah this seems like a very arbitrary standard. Everyone has a different head and a different level of hair-pulling that will cause headaches. It’s great that you don’t, but lots of people do.

    9. I get headaches just from the way my hair is parted. The individual hair muscles get sore, and then it’s just a tension cascade.

    11. Yes, and sunglasses can also contribute to tension headaches and migraines. When I work out, I usually braid my hair to one side which is better than having it in a ponytail. I also use a claw type clip to pull part of my hair back and that is also better than a ponytail.

  6. I love all of the vacation planning threads on this board and would love some help with a trip I’m starting to think about. My husband and I will likely start trying to get pregnant some time next summer so I want to plan one more big pre-baby trip for us. Can be any season, anywhere, preferably international. 1 – 2 weeks. I’d rather not repeat some of our more recent trips (inc. southern Europe, Japan & SE Asia, Peru & Mexico, S. Africa). Where would you go and why?

    1. Personally, I’d do something that involves a lot of hiking, swimming or physical activity like Patagonia or the Galapagos Islands. We traveled a ton when our daughter was young (including longhaul flights) but the hiking thing is really tough once they’ve out grown a carrier (which was before age 2 for my giant kid) and before they’re old enough to walk long distances independently, which I would guess doesn’t come until around ages 8-10 at least. Alternatively, go somewhere really far away like Mauritius or the Maldives and stay in an overwater bungalow, which wouldn’t really be safe until your child is a strong independent swimmer (plus it’s super romantic and not necessarily a trip you’d want to take with a child).
      In my experience, Europe and the Caribbean are really easy to do with a baby or toddler, especially if you’re in the Eastern US, and we have found that having a young child with us hasn’t really inhibited anything we want to do in Europe (you can walk around museums, eat good food and drink good wine with a kid in a baby carrier or stroller).

      1. +1 2 under 4 and I can’t wait til they’re old enough to do more adventurous vacations. The Azores and Belize are top of my list.

    2. Do you like cities or more nature experiences? Or are you looking to combine both.

      Off the top of my head, I’d suggest India, Morocco, Egypt, or Patagonia. All involve longish flights and activities that might not be enjoyable or easy for young kids.

      1. Ideally looking to combine both, Morocco + Egypt have been top of mind for a while!

        1. I would go to Argentina. Buenos Aires is an amazing city, and you have a ton of wonderful options for natural experiences – Iguazu Falls, Bariloche (if you want mountains), the wine regions, Punta del Este (if you want beach time), Patagonia (amazing wildlife, glaciers, vast seas of grass). It’s super easy to travel in Argentina. One of my favorite trips ever.

          1. Thanks for the recs! I’ve been to Buenos Aires and Mendoza but would love to go to Patagonia and Bariloche, I will bookmark these for the future as well!

      1. As a counterpoint, this (esp. Australia) is a great trip to do with kids. It’s not something I’d prioritize pre-baby unless it’s very high on your bucket list and you’ll be distraught if you don’t get there ASAP.

        1. We saved Australia for post-kids as well. It’s not that far from the west coast, it’s safe, good transportation system, kid friendly, no need for extra vaccines etc.

          We actually managed to go for three weeks when I had a break between jobs and DH got approval to WFH (our AirBnB) for the third week.

        2. That’s a good point. And I actually have been to Australia and NZ though my husband has not and would love to go so that’s definitely a possible option for the future.

    4. I’d also go to NZ or Australia. I guess the other poster is right in that they seem like easy places to take kids, but I probably wouldn’t because it’s a long, expensive flight and I enjoyed the wine scenes. Other places I’d consider are Patagonia, Galapagos, or Antarctica. I’ve also always wanted to go to Tahiti and stay in those overwater bungalows, maybe one day when I’m rich.

    5. Arctic trip with National Geographic Tours. More doable in 1-2 weeks vs. Antarctica.

      1. you can totally visit Antarctica in 2 weeks. I went on one of the longer tours, and it was 13 days. There are many 7 to 10 day options. But I do agree that it would be hard in 1 week

        1. How was your trip?? I’m dying to go. Also am I crazy for taking a 5 year old? She is a very experienced traveler but I’ve never heard of anyone taking a kid that young.

          1. It was amazing. Such a unique landscape, and we saw so much wildlife. To put it in context, this is totally my trip of trip – I’ve also visited and loved the Galapagos, African game reserves, and the Amazon.

            On my boat of about 150, there were three kids (probably between 9-13) and everyone else was an adult. I would be very reluctant to take a kid that young for two reasons. First, it’s very expensive. Maybe that’s not a concern for you, but it was a once-in-a-lifetime trip for me. Second, and more importantly, I’d be worried about safety. For all excursions, you’re getting into a small zodiac boat. We had pretty calm seas for the most part but I would be worried about a young kid falling out in rough seas and just having a hard time getting into and out of the boat. In addition to a lot of time sitting in small boats, there’s a lot of walking on ice. I’m not sure how a young kid would do with that. Personally, I’d wait till the kid was at least 10. (Also, it would not surprise me if many of the companies have age restrictions for safety reasons, so that would be another thing to check).

          2. Thanks, I appreciate your perspective. Unfortunately my husband is adamant that our daughter can’t miss school for vacations, even for a once-in-a-lifetime trip like Antarctica, so if we don’t go the year she turns five we probably won’t be able to go until she’s an adult (and who knows what our health will be then, what climate change will have done, etc.) So normally I would be inclined to just wait a few years, and we are waiting on Galapagos and lots of other adventure trips, but going to Antarctica when she’s 10 or 12 probably isn’t an option. But the safety considerations are obviously important and I will look into them further.

          3. I’m not sure if you are in the US, but most companies have trips over the weeks of Christmas and/or New Years. Assuming she is on a normal US school calendar with two weeks off, going during that time shouldn’t be a problem as long as you plan ahead since those trips are more in demand and fill up earlier.

    6. I agree that asking “What is a location that I could not take a child within the next five years?” should the the guiding exercise. Australia, most places in Europe, and the Caribbean would be fine places to travel with a kid (if you’re into that sort of thing). I would prioritize locations that require a little more adventure–China, the Middle East. If you haven’t done Egypt, I highly recommend it.

    7. I think the advice about figuring out what you can’t do with little kids is good. But for another perspective, TTC, pregnancy and new parenthood can be really hard on a relationship, and I think it might be worth doing something more low key and focusing on connecting with your spouse and making some magic for you to remember when you’re in the thick of parenting. My husband and I did Italy (Rome and Cinque Terre) as our final pre-baby trip. Yes, Italy is not that far from the US and comparatively doable with kids, but our trip alone was really special and included lots of things we couldn’t have done if we’d had our kids with us: mid-day gardening, three hour dinners where we got tipsy on wine, lots of walking around Rome at sunset and after dark, and plenty of hiking in Cinque Terre – you definitely don’t have to go all the way to Patagonia to find hikes that are too challenging for little kids.

      2. I totally agree with the above.

        And not to be a total downer, but you have no idea what kind of issues your kid might come with that might preclude big trips down the road. We have taken our son to Ireland twice (from Toronto flying direct) but Australia would be completely impossible and likely to be so for the foreseeable future.

        So go wherever moves you to go, now.

    8. One other factor I haven’t seen mentioned is Zika. I haven’t looked at the guidance recently, but it used to be that man were not recommended to impregnate somebody within six months after visiting a place with zika. If that’s still the guidance, it may limit your options for a trip next year. Just throwing that out there because I was surprised it was such a long waiting period for my husband

    9. We did Morocco for our post-IVF but pre-going live for adoption trip and would highly recommend it. We did a 10 day trip with a full day on the front end for Paris and a day on the back end for return travel (Morocco to Paris, overnight in Paris, and then Paris to the States the next day); Air Maroc did not have terrific flight times and we also allowed ourselves to be be limited by what we could do in business class with miles (totally worth it for the return from Morocco where we were delayed for 4 hours in the airport, BTW). We saw pretty much everything we wanted (and a lot of stuff we did not know we wanted to see going in but really enjoyed) except for Gibraltar and we will hit that from Spain at some point.

  7. Off topic, thread jack: I have been pondering the title “Corporette: for Over Achieving Chicks” for a few days now. Is it time to consider “Corporette: for High Achieving Chicks”? Why is being a business woman, a lawyer, a VP, a manager, “over achieving”? Isn’t it what we do now?

    If Kamala Harris becomes President, is she an overachiever? or a high achiever?

    No one ever calls a man an over achiever.

    Your thoughts?

    1. Ooh, interesting. Frankly I’d vote for removing the tagline altogether. “Chick” seems kind of passe/too juvenile for the audience now, like it’s something you’d see in a Cosmo article… And the target audience now seems broader than the original (which was basically “overachieving = high income, high pressure jobs like biglaw”).

      I get that it seemed cute/kicky originally but I think the blog name can stand on its own now.

      1. well, maybe Over achieving Chicks is now outdated–and Corporette can stand alone as a name.

        However, is there a tag line that could work? “Ideas and Advice for High Achieving Women”?

    2. I don’t think over-achieving as used here is at all derogatory, and yes I would definitely say Kamala Harris is an overachiever (already, and even more so if she becomes President) and I mean that in the best way possible. That said, I think a lot of us here are actually not over-achievers. I’d actually say I’m quite the under-achiever, relative to my intelligence and education, but I’m ok with that. I can pay my bills and I’m happy.

      1. What is an over achiever, anyway??? Someone who does more than the average Jo? Someone who went beyond her predicted path? I like to think of high flying women has high achievers–over achievers has a bit of a tiny slap in it–like someone went too far. High achieving suggests someone reached for the stars and grabbed them!

        1. Good point. “Overachieving” sounds like someone cares too much or is a try-hard, and that label is much more often put on women.

          I am reminded of a shirt I saw that said “Goal Digger.” I like that better.

    3. I think I’m an underchiever, in classic terms, but I am comfortable running my own race.

      I always use “achievement culture” to define the pipeline of smart-girl-basic-background->Type A or blue collar “don’t throw away your shot” suburb, likely in the NEUS -> liberal arts undergrad -> law school pipeline. It is such a thing.

      1. Something about this description rubs me the wrong way. I think it’s because the vast majority of students at my top five law school had lawyers or senior executives for parents. By calling it smart girl basic, it seems to be suggesting that it’s fine for the kids of lawyers and executives to go to law school but not those normal people because it means those normal women have no uniqueness\interest\creativity.

        1. I think a lot of smart girls from a non-law background get told to go to law school b/c 1) medical people seem to self-identify and if you are well-rounded you don’t get typecast as a science-type and 2) if you are well-rounded and not solely math/$ oriented by undergrad, no one pushes you to get an MBA. Law is the well-rounded smart default. Which is fine, it is good training, but well-meaning adults should rethink their advice now that it is a 200K degree with not a good shot at a 200K/year job to offset that (my rule of thumb is that school debt is OK but not if it is > likely starting salary).

          I don’t know why a lot of women who were first-generation in my law school class went to law school and no one really articulate it (I could; I think that is weird in retrospect, but it may be why I’m still at it and by my 10 year reunion I was shocked at how many people were no longer practicing; I had just paid off my loans, so in my mind I had to practice at least as long as I had school debt outstanding).

          1. So, I was a “smart girl” from a not-fancy background. I didn’t even know what kind of white collar jobs were out there when I went to college. I knew that people went to offices to do jobs, but I didn’t know about things like marketing, HR, etc. I then went to a liberal arts college with very little career guidance.

            There are a few types of career paths that are very visible no matter what class you grew up in– doctors, lawyers, and teachers were the main ones I knew about. A lot of people I knew who were in similar situations as me either went to law school or went into teaching because they didn’t have the chops to do hard science. So I think people went into law school because it was something they had heard of, as simple as that sounds. I knew I didn’t want to be a lawyer so I didn’t go to law school.

      2. Well you just described me to a t. Type A, blue collar, first generation to go to college, liberal arts under grad, worked for a few years then law school because it was really the only way for me to get a higher paying job where I lived and my parents are very proud of the law title. My husband is really the one who pushed me to do it. I mean pushed in a loving, encouraging “you can do it” sense.

        It’s easy to get wrapped up in our bubble. My husband grew up in a very different world where everyone was high income and over achieving. When I chat with my high school friends now it’s like “holy crap, you’re a lawyer!” When I talk to my husband’s high school friends it’s more “what law school did you go to? Did you clerk? Where do you work?” To them I’m low rung to my home town I’m high rung.

    4. I also have wondered if “chick” was the most appropriate term for this audience. Why not just “high achieving women” or “professional women”?

      2. Thank you, this. Chick is not the appropriate term for grown women. Along that line of reasoning it’s not an appropriate term for woman of any age. The term chick is derogatory and dismissive to me.

        it is a perfect noun for a baby chicken.

    5. “Overachiever” actually means something specific: Somebody who performs or achieves better or more than one would expect given their intelligence, resources, background, or what have you. I think over time it’s come to be synonymous with “high achiever” but that wasn’t the original meaning.

      And yes, I hate the “overachieving chicks” thing, too.

      1. Nodding. It always makes me feel like there is subtext that super smart and successful women are outliers or an outright surprise. Which is not a thing.

      2. I’ve always thought “chicks” was odd, but “overachieving” doesn’t bother me. I guess I took it as that we are a group of women who achieve more than the average. If we change anything, though, I think I will feel a bit sad and “left behind.” I’ve been around since shortly after the beginning and it feels comfortable. UGHHHHH is this what people who hang on to offensive stereotypes say when they’re being asked to evolve into a decent human being? OK, I will shut up now.

      3. In the context of this site, I’ve always taken the “overachieving” portion to refer to the panoply of areas where most (all?) of us are striving – it’s not just work, it’s home, relationships, kids, fitness, makeup, fashion, etc. I always took it to refer to the fact that this wasn’t just a career blog, but a “whole life” blog.

    6. I completely forgot about the tagline but I think it’s fine and people are getting too worked up over it. I have always perceived overachiever as a compliment. As for chick, it’s also fine. I am as liberal as they get but the PC police these days is just too much. Chill please.

  8. I need a reality check from the equestrians here. I ride lesson horses twice a week at a local barn and one of the somewhat notorious horses bit me twice hard enough to bruise and break the skin (despite me following all the usual steps, being cautious, etc). I slapped her each time as I had been previously instructed, but she tried many more times and the instructors were nowhere around to intervene. I informed the lead trainer at the end of the day since it seemed like when a bite breaks the skin, they should know about it, but her only response was “yep, gotta stay aware. Sorry!” I’ve been kind of pissed ever since and a little concerned about the lack of attention to safety with tricky horses. Am I overreacting or should she have done more to help? I’ve only been riding there six months, but I have about two years of experience around horses from before so I wouldn’t call myself an experienced horsewoman. I’m also finding it challenging to ride some of these horses that are just really difficult by any measure. Is it typical for lesson horses to be on the dangerous side of “quirky”?

    1. No. Horses that regularly bite shouldn’t be lesson horses. I’d change barns. I’ve ridden a lot of different places with a lot of different horses since I was a kid and only had one lesson horse that veered close to the dangerous side of quirky, and I was only given it because trainer knew I could handle it.

      1. Edit to add, I’d also be concerned about *why* she was biting. Is it when you tighten the girth? Could be a sign saddle doesn’t fit, could have ulcers, etc. So it could be a fixable issue, but either way I would expect trainer to be slightly more concerned about it.

        1. This is good info, thanks. It wasn’t happening when I tightened the girth, but maybe there is some other issue going on.

          There are a few other barns around, but not too many true lesson barns. I might see how they respond if I say I don’t want to ride this horse anymore and then I’ll consider moving if I don’t feel good about it after that. I have two large bruises on my arm right now and while I don’t expect riding to be a safe activity and I’m comfortable with risk, this just feels unnecessary.

    2. I used to ride horses as a teen and haven’t ridden since university (so maybe take this for what it’s worth) – but my recollection of lesson horses was that they were purposely selected BECAUSE they were docile, easy going, etc. There were a few more challenging ones (in terms of rideability), but none that I would consider dangerous temperamentally. I definitely would not feel comfortable having to groom/tack a horse that was prone to biting and I don’t understand why that horse would be part of a lesson program.

    3. Honestly, given my experience that true lesson barns are disappearing, it may be more “normal” than it used to be. That doesn’t mean you have to accept it though! My background is growing up at a massive lesson barn where the horses ran the gamut between docile and calm packers to horses that were extremely stubborn and lazy to well-know stoppers and of course biters and kickers. I loved it because it helped me become a really strong rider. Was it always safe? No. But it was the 80s/90s and people cared a lot less then (I didn’t have an approved helmet until I was well into my 20s). That said, I was a kid/teen then, not an adult who wants to enjoy my hobby I am spending my hard earned money on.

      It’s pretty clear from the response you got that they don’t view this horse’s behavior as a problem. If that itself is a problem for you, I echo the recommendation that it’s time to find a new lesson barn. Unfortunately, at least in my areas, there aren’t really any true lesson barns anymore. You either have to be leasing or own your own horse to ride. I don’t know if that’s the case where you are, but I bring it up because people sometimes take you leaving a barn to go elsewhere personally and I would hate for you to say you are leaving and then not find anywhere else to ride. In the meantime, I would say that you want to keep riding but do not want to ride this specific horse or any of the ones that you don’t feel safe on.

      1. I think this is location-specific. My area has a plethora of options for true lesson barns. You might check for equestrian-related facebook groups for your city or state and ask for suggestions for barns.

        1. Oh yes, it definitely is! Also try the Chronicle of the Horse boards for suggestions

      2. I’m also a little torn on this. Most lessons barns will have range of horses, from the very docile ones to the slightly more challenging ones. Biting isn’t good, but it does happen – I had a pretty bad bite from a lesson horse once a few years back. If a horse is a regular biter, that’s an issue and it should a least come with a warning (some stables put signs on the stalls). On the other hand, sometimes horses bite and to some extent all riders should be reasonably cautious around their horses. Same with the other “quirks” – you don’t mention what they are but sometimes horses kick, balk, unexpectedly break into a gallop, etc. You should be matched with horses according to your ability and not constantly feel in danger, but part of being a good rider is learning to handle these unexpected behaviors.
        Bottom line, there is no clear cut answer here, but if it’s isn’t working for you you should consider changing stables. For example, I left a stable where the horses were seemingly never turned out so they all went ballistic all the time and the arena was extremely overcrowded, so it felt like every other lesson was a complete disaster and I didn’t feel safe (and I’m a pretty experienced rider). I second the comment above about good lessons barns being hard to find for adults. I gave in and lease now.

    4. I’m not that much more experienced than you, but I would ask not to ride that horse any more. About a year into my lessons I got bucked off a horse while we were galloping across a beautiful wide open field and had a minor concussion (thank you to the ladies here who encouraged me to get back on after that!) and I said I didn’t want to ride that horse again, and I never have. I now regularly ride a lovely girl who is a great match for me. I can’t imagine they would tell you that you have to ride a horse you are uncomfortable with, but if they do, I agree I would leave.

      Speaking of lesson barns, I’m moving from CT where I love my lesson barn to Boston- any equestrians in the boston area have a recommendation for a lesson barn?

  9. What are your Netflix/TV show recommendations? In the past I’ve liked Gilmore Girls, How I Met Your Mother, NCIS, Brooklyn Nine Nine, Modern Family, Blue Blood, the Good Place, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, and Big Bang Theory. (Stopped watching the Good Wife and Suits sfter starting in biglaw.) I also like Agatha Christie, Sherlock, and the like, but prefer it without all the blood. Can’t do zombies/ghosts at all, and people dying/bleeding only in very minor doses required for mysteries.

        1. I laughed so hard I think I broke something in my sinuses. It’s SO sweet and funny. But pro tip (unless you are Irish), watch it with subtitles. The actors are understandable but they talk really really fast and there is a huge amount of slang.

      1. Fleabag is great, but quite dark.
        For low blood crime stories, Agatha Raisin is one of the best.

        1. The second series of Fleabag was MUCH less dark and had a very satisfying resolution. Agreed though, the first one broke my heart into pieces.

    6. I think I have some similar sitcom taste as you – Schitt’s Creek and, if you have Hulu, Superstore

      1. Only watch Schitt’s Creek if you are prepared to suspend all other tasks until you’re caught up with this wonderful series.

    10. Younger, the Mindy Project, Parenthood. But you might need Hulu for some of those.

    11. Happy Valley (give it two or 3 shows, starts slow), Taggart, Midsommer Murders (120 episodes, British), all low-key mysteries, cop shows. Rake (Australian lawyer show) is different enough from American law not to stress you, and some of the incidents make you belly laugh — it really gets the crazy clients lawyers deal with.

  10. A close friend just submitted their manuscript to publishers for book publication (they are on contract so this isn’t an “if it is happening” but a “this is happening”). I want to get them something or do something to honor what a life milestone this is but I live far away (so taking them out to celebrate isn’t possible). They aren’t big into random trinkets/dust collectors but would probably appreciate something sentimental or something.

    Help!

    (PS When the time comes, I will also want to gift something to celebrate the book’s release for sale and/or when they see the book for the first time in finished form, so if you have ideas for multi-level gifts or coordinating gifts or even something for then but not now, please share too!)

    1. First point – bubbles?

      Second point – there’s a guy in Toronto who does hand-bound books on beautiful paper and whenever a relative gets their PhD finished I get them a physical copy of their dissertation done with this fellow. Maybe you could do something like that?

      1. Will you share the details for the benefit of another girl from the Six?

      2. this is awesome for a dissertation but seems weird for a book, since the whole point of a book is that it exists as a physical bound object (unless it’s only an e-book, in which case, carry on!). Honestly, buying a copy means a lot, even more if it’s an expensive academic book with relatively low circulation. then text them a photo of you with the book.

        does it have a pretty cover? you could get it printed on a tote bag or something… honestly, maybe just send flowers.

        1. I like the tote bag idea, but might feel strange carrying it if it were my own book? Maybe a nice 8×10 framed print of the cover? Also like the idea of a picture of you with the book.

  11. Thanks to the person yesterday who recommended French Kande…I can’t decide what I want, but exactly what I was looking for!

  12. And thank you, Elizabeth, for our shared hatred of arm holes that are super deep. Someone tell me why this is a thing. To sell bralettes?

  13. A quick history lesson, for those who may be interested:

    Today is the 50th anniversary of the Stonewall Riots.

    In 1969, it was commonplace for police to raid gay bars, to steal the money from the register and patrons, and sometimes to arrest them. When arrested, flashlights would shine on faces so neighbors saw them and their names/addresses published in the paper, leading to job loss and ruined families. Stonewall Inn, a bar in NYC, was one of many havens for LGBT+ people who sought acceptance and community. In the early morning hours of 6/28/69, police once again showed up. This time, two transgender women of color (Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera) and so many others (many were people of color, most were low income) fought back. Though this wasn’t the first time folks didn’t just go quietly (this had been happening throughout the country bit by bit), this one made the national news because the riot lasted three days. Police came from everywhere, LGBT+ people and poor people and people of color came from everywhere, and the battle raged.

    It is now considered to be a major turning point in LGBT+ history. On the first anniversary of the Riots, a liberation march occurred. The group was quite small. Each year, the group who marched grew. It has now grown to become what we now commonly know of as Pride parades.

    I share this in honor of those who fought back, who refused to go unseen, and who risked and sacrificed to be who they were/are as loudly as necessary. May this be a moment to learn and a moment to use as inspiration to speak out for others and to speak up for yourself. Whomever you are and however you love, it is valid and you are valued. <3

      1. Nope. Johnson’s family has long verified her trans identity, as has she in numerous interviews during her lifetime. She was a drag queen, yes, but also identified as being transgender. Rivera was seen alongside many at the event and her inclusion in the entire Riot has long been verified. Also, the link you gave, which was once reputable, was bought several years ago and is now a site known for its transphobia and attempts at trans erasure. https://www.out.com/news-opinion/2019/2/13/afterellen-was-refuge-all-queer-women-until-it-wasnt https://www.gaystarnews.com/article/afterellen-transphobic-tweets/ https://www.advocate.com/women/2018/12/19/female-editors-reject-afterellen-other-sites-anti-trans-agenda

        I assume good intentions in that it’s just ignorance or misinformation, but please don’t spread this info in a conversation with those who do know. It muddies very important water and distracts from the purpose of this day and its importance in society. (If you are intentionally trying to undermine the purpose, that’s just… bizarre behavior.) <3

        1. It’s not as cut and dried as you’d like to believe, nor is it as simple as smearing a publication as transphobic when it complicates your preferred narrative. We may not be able to confirm their identities, but debate rages on about who threw the first bricks. I’m all for elevating black lesbian voices and history – are you?

          “Both Johnson and Rivera denied being the first to fight back against the police during the uprising. In an interview from the 1970s where Johnson recalls the events of the historic night, she confirms “the riots had already started” by the time she arrived at the bar. Similarly, Rivera delivered a speech in 2001, clarifying, “I have been given the credit for throwing the first Molotov cocktail by many historians but I always like to correct it. I threw the second one, I did not throw the first one!” These personal accounts are further complicated by Miss Major Griffin-Gracy, who said that she did not see either Johnson or Rivera on the first night of the riots.“

          http://www.them.us/story/who-threw-the-first-brick-at-stonewall

    3. 1969 people. And you say there is no reason to have the right to carry arms in the improbable chance you’ll have to fight off the government, be it local or federal.

  14. Hi, are there any Houston area rettes? I’m going to be in Houston for work on a Friday in August and am looking to extend the trip for a beach weekend. August so I know it’s hot, but is there a good beach town within 3 hours drive that you’d recommend? Looking for a place that is beautiful, hoping for a little remote not a lot of crowds or a lot of kids, don’t need any water sports or activities, just want to relax on a beautiful beach, take a few dips in the water. Rent an airbnb.

    South Padre Island? Boca Chica? Crystal Beach? Mustang? Help me decide with some local info please. Thank you in advance!

    1. Honestly, I wouldn’t bother. The beaches within three hours, the water is iffy at best during certain times of the year (it’s dark and dirty looking – although primarily from suspended sediment, but there is a lot of potential pollutants as well (off coast refineries, trash dumping, etc). You need to check the beach report before going in. That said, you can relax on the beach, though the sand is not “Florida fall through your fingers Sandy” and more clumpy. The nice beaches down south near the Mexico border are 5 to 6 hrs drive away.

      Personally, I’d take advantage of the proximity and fly to Cancun, it’s barely 2 hours. Or visit Austin (2.5 hr drive) which has a very popular natural spring.

      1. Flights to Cancun from Houston are super easy. You can also fly directly from Houston to McAllen, where the better Texas beaches are. But I’d just as soon fly to Florida.

    2. South Padre and Boca Chica are 5+ hours drive from Houston. Mustang is near Corpus (4ish hours drive) and Crystal Beach is about an hour and a half to two hour drive. Weekend traffic will increase the time to get from the interstate to the beach. Generally, the further south(west) you go (further from Houston), the clearer the water and beaches will be.

      I don’t live in Houston so don’t have any great recs for actual beaches, but thought I’d throw out a general lay of the land for you–Texas is BIG. :)

    3. No Texas beach is really that pretty. You aren’t going to get crystal blue water and/or white sand at any of them. South Padre is about a 5.5 hour drive from Houston. Galveston is the closest at about an hour. Galveston is a neat old port town with nice hotels but yeah, the beach itself isn’t amazing. I know someone who goes to Crystal Beach with his family every year and loves it, but I’ve never been so I can’t comment specifically.

    4. Thanks all! Off to research Cancun. I’ve spent a fair amount of time in Austin already but I do like it there so maybe I’ll consider that.

    5. I mean, just go down to Galveston! It’s a quick and easy drive from Houston. Galveston isn’t a world-class beach, but it’s perfectly fine — there’s sand and an ocean. Pleasure Pier is cute — a classic boardwalk Midway. There are lots of restaurants on the seawall looking out over the water. I’d visit Galveston over spending three times longer traveling to get to a beach that’s somewhat more beautiful. Also once you’re beached-out, the historic mansions of Galveston are absolutely beautiful and worth a tour IMO.

  15. I am 42. My mom was diagnosed two years ago with breast cancer. She was post-menopausal; the tumor was estrogen-receptor positive and she had a lumpectomy and radiation. She’s the only person in my family who has had breast cancer. She was diagnosed off a routine mammogram; she couldn’t even feel the lump.
    I am struggling with whether or not to get a mammogram every year; I am due for one in July. My OB/GYN and primary care doctor present it as though there is no option because of the family history (and also I have dense breast tissue) but the research doesn’t seem as clear that yearly mammograms really help perimenopausal women. If my mom had not had cancer I would have done mammos every other year maximum. Now I am not sure what to do.

    1. What’s the downside of having it done every year vs. every second year? If it’s really tough for you to schedule because of whatever reason, could you try at least every 18 months or something? I’d be cautious about going against medical advice that you received from two different doctors.

      1. Not saying she should ignore the doctor’s advice, but the extra radiation is a clear downside. It’s not like a pap or something like that where the only downside to doing it more frequently is the risk of a false positive.

        1. I don’t understand why the extra radiation is a “clear downside”. It’s a very small amount of radiation. Per the American Cancer Society:

          “On average the total dose for a typical mammogram with 2 views of each breast is about 0.4 millisieverts, or mSv. (A mSv is a measure of radiation dose.)To put the dose into perspective, people in the US are normally exposed to an average of about 3 mSv of radiation each year just from their natural surroundings. (This is called background radiation.) The dose of radiation used for a screening mammogram of both breasts is about the same amount of radiation a woman would get from her natural surroundings over about 7 weeks.” https://www.cancer.org/cancer/breast-cancer/screening-tests-and-early-detection/mammograms/mammogram-basics.html

    2. Follow your doctors’ advice and get your yearly mammogram. The broad recommendations are general guidance- you have specific personal advice to the contrary. Listen to it.

    3. Are they hugely expensive for you?

      Medically, they are an annoyance, like getting my teeth cleaned. I get that done 2x/year, so annually doesn’t bother me really for mamograms. I am a bit of a slouch with it and my schedule adherence is more like 18 month between them, so maybe there’s that?

      1. This is OP – They’re covered by my insurance. My concern is the additional radiation exposure, which while it’s a small dose will add up over time to more cumulative exposure. I appreciate the suggestion below about annual MRIs and will ask my OB/GYN about that option.

        1. It’s only like one or two extra mammograms. Even average risk women are supposed to start getting them yearly at age 45. And if you have dense breasts you are already at a higher risk, even totally excluding your first degree family history.

    5. do you not want to do it because it is painful? exposure to radiation of some kind? I realize it may not help discover if you DO have cancer…. but also it might.

    6. Do you really want to chance a direct family history of breast cancer on your own research, against your own doctor’s recommendations? This is how anti-vaxxers got started.

      1. Thank you for the snarky and aggressive reply to something that is actually a real issue for someone. I hope you feel proud of yourself. I’m sure your mother would be very proud of you, that you’re acting like this.

        1. anti-vaxxers also think they have a ‘real issue’. The radiation risk from mammograms is a non-issue just like the risks of vaccines.

          1. That is untrue. Cumulative exposure to radiation with annual tests is a real concern that doctors and researchers work to mitigate. It’s inaccurate and dismissive to paint OP as no different from anti-vaxxers.

          2. “Cumulative exposure to radiation with annual tests is a real concern that doctors and researchers work to mitigate.” This is simply does not apply in this context. Both her doctors and public health recommendations indicate that yearly mammograms are the standard of pratice is a situation like OPs. The fact that there are issues around radiation for people who have unnecessary or excessive radiation over the course of their lifetime (e.g. radiation treatments in childhood) or annual test beginning at a young age) is a separate issue and unrelated to OP’s concern.

      2. My experience is that doctors regularly disagree with one another about how to apply general guidelines to individual patients. The choice often falls back in the patient’s lap when doctors give conflicting advice.

        1. The doctors are not giving her conflicting advice. They are giving her the same advice but she doesn’t want to hear it – “My OB/GYN and primary care doctor present it as though there is no option because of the family history”

          It’s not uncommon for people to struggle to accept they are in an elevated risk category because that’s a scary thing. It sounds like OP wants to be told that her risk isn’t that high and it’s fine. It’s not. She needs to listen to her doctors.

          1. I’m sorry this discussion has apparently been so triggering for you, but you may want to consider not taking out your emotional issues on other people. I am sure if you’re doing that in your life offline it is not doing positive things for your work, life or relationships.

    7. I’m not sure what your specific concern is, but if it’s about radiation, talk to a high-risk breast cancer specialist about doing annual MRIs instead. That’s what I do since I am considered to be high-risk. I believe that I will also start annual or biannual mammograms once I’m 35.

    8. My mom has had two distinct occurrences of breast cancer and shes BCRA negative. Lumpectomy, chemotherapy for one and lumpectomy + radiation only for the other. She found it herself and not the mamograms thanks to dense breast tissue. They were spotted on ultrasounds. So, I am acknowledging that the fact pattern is not the same as yours but offering some context.

      I can’t get a mamogram fast enough. My mom’s first diagnosis was at 45 and current guidance from my doc is that I’m supposed to get one 10 years earlier than when her first diagnosis was… I turn 35 later this year and my first mamogram is scheduled for the week after my bday. I’ve seen too many people in my family die of cancer (thankfully not my mom) and those who survived caught it early. Sign me up for all the small doses of radiation necessary to prevent me from having large doses of immuno or chemotherapy down the road.

      To each her own. Medical advice is constantly changing. I’ve been following breast cancer screening guidance ever since her first diagnosis when I was only 16. It changes constantly and is really hard to keep up as a non-medical person. Do what is right for you but if it’s otherwise not cost prohibitive and the medical advice you’re receiving from someone who fully understands your family history, I would 100% do it (because I am!).

    9. You don’t fit into the standard risk matrix for breast cancer. Your family history bumps you into a different box–follow your doctor’s rec and go yearly, or, if you’d rather alternate with MRIs. Breast MRIs are uncomfortable, long, and expensive but don’t have radiation.

    10. A few things —

      You have 2 drs that agree, both of whom presumably are people you have longer relationships with and not one-off consults. If you are not comfortable following advice that both your OB/GYN and PCP agree on, you need to find medical providers that can answer whatever questions you have so that you can get comfortable with their recommendation.

      What about an MRI? As others have said, it addresses the radiation issue. And it may be where you are headed anyway with the dense breast tissue (based on my understanding of the recommendations/research right now).

      I would suggest having it in July, seeing the results, talking to the radiologist (and asking more questions of your other drs or finding new drs you trust), and then decide based on all of that when your next one should be.

    11. Please reconsider your stance.

      I was diagnosed with HR+ breast cancer in April. Mine was found because this year for the first time, I opted for a 3D mammogram. The FDA had just changed their recommendations for women with dense breast tissue, and I’ve been told for years that I have very dense breasts.

      I was lucky, this was caught early and my prognosis is excellent. If I’d waited until I could feel it, my story would probably have a different ending.

    12. The biggest risk of doing more testing, to me, has less to do with radiation but more about having extra procedures (ultrasound, biopsy, MRIs) for false positives. In terms of following physicians recommendations, I would not look at this as a black and white issue. Different medical societies (OB/GYN, radiologist, oncologists, American Cancer Society) can’t agree on what’s the best screening practice prior to 50. If you can’t settle on what to do and if available, most metropolitan area should have a specialist, sometime a surgeon or oncologist that specializes in “high risk” and could give some recommendations.

        1. I hit submit too soon. Signed, a breast cancer survivor whose mom also had breast cancer and has two younger sisters who I have to (unfortunately) advise on the best screening routine. Find a doc who treats high risk patients. You are on the low-end of high risk but definitely qualify.

    13. What about an ultrasound + mammo? I have dense breasts and this is what my Dr. now recommends. For me, the issue is a false positive, which I’ve had. The results of a surgical biopsy can disfiguring, and then you find out there was no malignancy to begin with. Since you have dense breasts, you can actually get a false positive or a false negative with a mammo alone. I agree with the commenters above, that an MRI or an ultrasound (quicker and less expensive) with or without a mammo may be the way to go. But I’d talk to more experts – you can get peace of mind on this issue.

  16. Travel recommendations for Banff & Jasper National Parks? Husband and I are doing a little more than a week across both in July. Hotels are covered, but would love ideas for food/hikes/sights/etc. Thanks!

    1. The Plain of Six Glaciers hike at Lake Louise is challenging but very cool – the teahouse at the top is interesting (even if the food is not great). We had dinner at the Fairmont Lake Louise and loved the chateaubriand. Lake Moraine is super crowded but 100% worth seeing. As for other hikes – we did the drive from Banff to Jasper (which is gorgeous in and of itself) and just pulled off the road when we saw a sign for a hike and were never disappointed. If you can swing the Jasper > Vancouver panoramic train, it is incredible.

    2. Hike up to the beehive at lake Louise (take cash for the coffee shop on the way up) – view is stunning! There’s also a shorter hike up the left side from the hotel to a viewpoint that is great if you do t have much time there. If you want to see lake Moraine, you need to be there super early – it was cold and snowing when we went in Sept so no hiking recommendations there but it was beautiful.i sadly don’t have any secret recommendations beyond the popular hikes, but I guess they’re popular for a reason.

  17. Debates – what did people think? I think the only with any shot of winning it all is Biden. Even though I liked Harris — the country isn’t voting for a black/Indian woman right now no matter how qualified. And the progressives — I just don’t see them playing well in the rust belt, Va, NC etc — their only real appeal is in NYC, Ca, DC not the states that need to flip.

    1. I think Biden has one of the lowest chances of winning. He brings nothing to the table.

        1. Actually, that is inspiring to the many people who are enjoying a good economy and fundamentally don’t want their lives to change much, but think Trump is a morally repugnant person.

          1. I unfortunately agree with this. I have had more than one person in my close-ish circle (red state, very blue city) tell me that they will be voting for Trump because the economy is good and they prefer his policies to any of the Dems. These are people that wouldn’t admit to voting for him 3 years ago. Sucks but it’s what is being faced. The fact that Trump is a garbage human has no bearing on their decision.

          2. Unfortunately I’m convinced that unless the economy crashes majorly before November 2020 that he will win re-election. People are just too selfish.

          3. Whoa that is terrifying to me, Anon at 1:05. Do you think they voted for him in 2016 and just won’t admit it? Or do you think they’re actually switching their votes from Hillary in ’16 to Trump in ’20? I also think he’s going to get re-elected and it will be terrifying what he thinks he can do when he feels like he has a mandate and knows he never has to run again.

          4. Anon at 1:05 here. I think some of them voted for him in ’16 (some have admitted, I haven’t pressed everyone) but others didn’t vote for anyone in ’16 and will vote for him in ’20. I don’t know of anyone who voted for Hillary in ’16 and is switching to Trump in ’20 (or at least anyone who has admitted as much).

            FWIW, none of this was on my radar as a possibility until maybe three months ago. Makes me so sad. I can think of only two, scratch three, people who voted for him in ’16. Many more are willing to shrug today and say, eh, the economy is good, let’s not upset the apple cart. It’s horrifying.

    2. I was firmly “this country won’t elect a woman” but Harris has been changing my mind. I think she’d intimidate Trump in a way the other woman won’t and I think she has some attributes (prosecutor, gun owner, pretty) that will help her connect with voters who generally support the Democratic Party agenda but are put off by Hillary Clinton and Elizabeth Warren for vague (sexist) reasons they can’t put their finger on. That said, I believe Biden is the most electable candidate right now. But I think the primary will damage him and I fear that in the general Trump will be able to paint him as a racist, and people will buy it, even though we know Trumps’ racism and Biden’s racism are not comparable. I think if Biden wins the nomination, he’d be insane not to pick Kamala as his Veep, if she’ll do it. Past issues with African-Americans and women will be his biggest liability and having her on the ticket would go a long way towards mitigating both.

    3. Biden looked old and weak to me. I really don’t think he has it in him to win. Beto looked like a lost child. Loved Harris– and I think she has the ability to cut across a racial divide the same way Obama did. I’m really not concerned about her race. The people that won’t vote for her strictly because she’s a minority and female wouldn’t be voting Democrat anyway. I would really like some of these ancillary people to drop out because I felt like they were taking away time from some of the second-tier people that I would like to hear more from like Castro, Klobuchar, etc.

      1. “The people that won’t vote for her strictly because she’s a minority and female wouldn’t be voting Democrat anyway.”

        I’m not so sure about this. I personally know a couple of enthusiastic Bernie supporters who have explicitly said they won’t vote for a woman, and many more who strongly support Elizabeth Warren’s policies but dislike her personally and wouldn’t vote for her for reasons they can’t articulate. Sexism isn’t just “I won’t vote for a woman” (which I agree is thankfully very rare), it’s also “I don’t like this woman, and I can’t explain why” and I think that will be a problem for Warren/Harris/Klobuchar much more than Bernie or Biden or Booker (why do all the guys names start with “B”!?).

        1. I hate that whole, “I won’t vote for this person whose policies I like and who seems competent because I don’t “like” them.” Wah wah wah. We are not voting for Our Next BFF, we are voting for the frickin’ President of the US.

          Elizabeth Warren (or any other candidate) may be a total bore at dinner parties but she has good policies and if she can beat Trump, who cares? I also strongly suspect that saying one doesn’t “like” a candidate, with no other specified reason, is code for, “I don’t like this person because they are a woman/nonwhite/gay.”

          1. Yes, except I don’t like Bernie and I can’t figure out why (and this is separate from that Bernie Bros make me stabby).

            I like Elizabeth Warren so much. She seems competent and on top of it. But I don’t think she’d win and I want the person who will win, even if I don’t love them. I don’t know who that is right now.

          2. Yep, I agree completely. Who cares if you like the president? Nobody is asking you to hang out with them.

          3. I think at some level like=trust and that will engender a person to another. Not saying it’s logical, but so much of politics never will be, sadly.

      2. I’d reconsider your third sentence. The number of people I know who are solid Democrats and didn’t vote for Hilary specifically because she was a woman is astounding (and these are AA people, both men and women). I frankly was ashamed to know them.

        1. I’m the commenter above, and I guess that was just not representative of people I know, though I am in a red state. In my immediate friend group, so educated millennials, everyone voted for Hillary even if they didn’t “like” her or were traditionally Republicans. For family, next tier friends, a lot of them didn’t “like” Hillary, could not stand Trump, but voted for Trump because they either secretly liked what he was saying or because he was the Republican and they felt more comfortable voting for the Republican. I can’t really see a scenario where any of these people vote Democrat– in particular since many of them “liked” Obama, didn’t like McCain and voted McCain anyway.

          1. A lot of people have voted Democrat because they were/are in a union. Definitely not a millennial crowd, lots of old racists.

    4. It is hard for me to imagine Biden inspiring a good turnout; I’ve not witnessed any real enthusiasm for him–just a lot of “I’ll vote for him if he’s the candidate” from people who are already sure votes. The Republicans and right leaning independents I know–even the ones who pride themselves on being above Trump–are still firm in their opposition to everything connected to Obama. I do not really believe that they will vote for Biden just to show their opposition to Trump. But this could just be my bubble.

      1. This. I think people who wouldn’t turn out to support Trump against another candidate, would turn out to vote against Biden as an Fu to Obama

      2. I know a lot of Republicans and right-leaning independents who love Biden. There’s something about the fact that he’s a blue collar white male who is not afraid to say what he thinks that really connects with people in that demographic, in my experience. He’s way more liberal than my father, but my father loves him. And my dad did not/does not like Obama (although he would have voted for him over Trump).

        1. Yeah, I think Biden is important to a big demographic of moderates and former Republicans who hate what is going on now and didn’t vote for Trump, but also can’t stomach the idea of a president who’s a socialist.

        2. Yes, and that seems to be something people like about trump. He says what he thinks without any of that bothersome political correctness. And Biden does, too, although not with the horrific, cruel vitriol component. But people who hate politicians seem to respond well to that method of political communication.

      3. Biden can flip votes in the rust belt esp where they’ll be more comfortable with a moderate old white man instead of Trump, rather than a woman, socialist etc. Doesn’t matter if he doesn’t inspire NYC.

    5. I want to like Harris, but as a Sikh, I just can’t and wonder how much of what she says is seem more tolerant than she is vs. ideas she truly believes ( link to follow about a Sikh man not being able to work as a prison guard). Compounding her record as CA AG, the attorney who took the Sikh plaintiff’s case pro bono is a now a very right wing lawyer (the same one representing the Google memo guy) who is regularly invited to comment on Fox. I’m surprised this hasn’t come up already, but I guess it’s only a matter of time. Sikhs as a group tend to vote democrat, but I can see many who say what’s the point when she has imposed the same thing we’re wary of Trump doing.

      2. So, a couple of points about this.
        1. This is not remotely analogous to Trump banning Muslims from entering the United States. The policy she was defending has a discriminatory *effect* but not a discriminatory *intent*. There are valid reasons for wanting prison guards to not have facial hair, and there is no way to accomplish those reasons and allow Sikh men who refuse to shave serve as prison guards. There are no valid reasons to want to ban Muslims except discrimination and to the extent you believe the “valid reason” is preventing terrorist attacks, there are clearly alternative ways to accomplish this (extensive background checks, etc.)
        2. Harris did not make this policy. The CA Dept of Corrections did, and as the Attorney General, they are her client and it is her job to defend their actions. I think most attorneys represent clients’ whose positions they disagree with, and I think many non-attorneys fail to appreciate this. Yes, an attorney who chooses to work for the NRA is supporting the NRA, but this is was one case out of thousands or tens of thousands that Harris handled as AG.
        3. Your last sentence is a perfect example of Democrats expecting perfection from our candidates and Republicans being willing to vote for anyone who is better than the other guy. Even if you believe Harris’ actions here are wrong, you’re really telling me you think this is as bad as sexually assaulting women, saying Mexicans are rapists, banning Muslims from the United States, etc.!? It’s not even on the same level.

    6. Does no one like Kirsten Gillibrand? I’m shocked she is polling so low. I loved her last night.

        1. Weirdly– DH commented that she reminded him of a younger Hillary and did not know who she was or that she actually had connections to Hillary. He liked her but didn’t think she’d do well because of that.

          1. I feel like both she and Hillary get compared to Tracy Flick all the time. Which is sexist, yes, but also I get it.

      2. I don’t like her but couldn’t tell you why. Am I sexist? It seems possible even though I wish it weren’t so. I suspect I’m not the only one.

        1. I felt the same way but I don’t think it’s sexism. I didn’t like how she and the guy on the far right interrupted at every chance. Every time she spoke she had great substance, I just wish she waited her turn. I don’t think it’s sexism because I felt the same way about more than 1 male candidate.

    7. I think the mantra needs to be “It’s easier to turn out votes than flip them” and I don’t see Biden turning it out.

      1. Is that true? Even in this particular election where it seems that more moderate Rs are looking for an alternative to Trump? I go back and forth between hoping for someone like Biden who seemingly would flip some moderate voters from R to D or someone like Warren or Sanders who would (may?) turn out younger, more far-left voters who wouldn’t otherwise vote.

    8. I wanted to love Biden but he didn’t do great…was extremely unimpressed with his answer about bussing.

      Bernie made me want to throw something at the TV, especially when he interrupted Harris and Gillibrand (and I don’t care for Gillibrand). Same with the spiritual advisor woman, who I started to refer to partway through as the Trelawney wannabe.

      I thought Mayor Pete handled the police question very well. I liked Harris and hadn’t had any strong feelings about her before. I like Elizabeth Warren a lot but I’m not sure she’s electable and that sucks.

      I didn’t know who most of the white guys were and didn’t care about those I did know besides Biden and Buttigieg. Beto seems petulant and annoying as a presidential candidate. Inslee is my governor and, dude, what are you even doing.

      I liked Castro more than I thought I would. Booker’s Spanish felt very pandering.

      Right now my favorites are Biden (even though last night sucked), Buttigieg (and I think the military aspect will sell well with purple voters), Warren (I so want Warren 2020), and Harris because I liked her a lot last night.

      If Bernie gets the nomination I’m going to scream. He reminds me of Trump in many ways that I can’t quite identify but I also feel like he may have an issue with women that I also can’t put my finger on. I haven’t liked him since before 2016.

      1. All the +1s to your last paragraph. Anybody but Bernie. He is absolutely the Trump of the left and I hate his treatment of women.

      2. Bernie also reminds me of Trump. He has no clear policy accomplishments and seems to coast along on being an ‘angry white man’ who’s going to ‘change Washington’.

        1. Yes. I refer to it as the “blow it all up” philosophy and that’s worked /so well/ since January 2017…

        1. The people who experienced. Like Harris, who is running for President. That he opposed bussing says a lot about his values.

          1. I don’t think most of the country in 2019 cares and FWIW I’ve lived in purple states where people openly have said at work that things were just fine before intergration of schools. These people aren’t losing sleep because Biden didn’t send black kids to their school 40 years ago — and these are the state that matter more than NY or Ca.

          2. Yeah I agree with 1:58. White people don’t care about this, especially in the Midwest and South. Would this hurt him with African-American voters in Georgia? Sure. But the Rust Belt does not care and he can easily win the presidency without Georgia.

        2. Are you even aware that people of color are actually real people? Like they exist here on planet earth and are not fictional? They’re not holograms that democrats are projecting in the world.

        3. The point of this exchange to me was not necessarily about substance. Yes, Biden made comments/decisions in the 70s that would not be looked fondly on in 2019. That really doesn’t bother me. What does bother me is his reaction– all he had to do was say that he had learned/changed from 40 years ago and that he no longer has those same opinions. It would have been a non-issue. But instead he weirdly dug in to his 1970s viewpoint further. He has done the same with his 90s views on sexual harassment, etc. He is absolutely not willing to apologize for past choices he’s made.

          1. Which is just another reason I want a younger candidate who isn’t so out of touch. Why do we elect post-retirement age presidents? Why not people in their 50s who are actually go8mg to have to live with the consequences of their action?

          2. Yes – he’s not doing a good job of communicating “I’ve evolved”. He’s still my horse in this race, but I want to fire all of his advisors who seem to be coaching him to say anything, take any position. He needs to acknowledge his past and make a case for why his long career in public service is a positive (which, it is, I think). He needs to frame it as public service, not “long term DC insider politician”. I want him to do well, but he doesn’t seem to be getting good advice on making a good case for himself.

          3. I agree completely. I would never fault someone for now-outdated views they held in the past (unless those views were wildly out of sync even with the times – looking at you, Ralph Northam and your KKK hood in 1985) but he needs to own it, apologize and talk about why he understands and has changed his position. He seems to expect to coast to victory on being Obama’s VP and I don’t think it’s going to work.

      4. Agree. Bernie Sanders uses the same tactics of anger and misogyny as Trump, just for somewhat different ends. Even if he doesn’t personally have an issue with women, he encourages the misogyny of his followers.

          1. I think that’s a bit of an overstatement. I can’t stand Bernie and I hate that he invented drama about superdelegates and looked like he was in a hostage video when he was endorsing Hillary, but the incredibly racist, sexist, selfish Americans who voted for Trump gave us Trump.

    9. Biden is the only one who can flip the votes in the rust belt. He plays well there was an older white male moderate. Anyone else just doesn’t – they’re not looking for women, gay, black etc. However given that most Dems live in the land of “how it should be,” it’ll be someone else that gets the nomination thus handing the election to Trump. Oh well – 4 more years. The first 3 have been fine.

      1. The rust belt is not the only area that can be flipped blue (and tbh, it may be solidly red). States like GA are trending purple, and the key to winning a state like Georgia would be increasing turnout of minority, especially black voters, and flipping college-educated voters (which is already happening). A candidate like Harris has a much higher possibility of doing that then Biden.

    10. Economy is good so I’m a lock for Biden or Trump. Meaning if Dems can’t get Biden to the top spot, DJT it is. I’m not rocking the boat with someone forgiving college loans or free college or whatever. DJTs morality/lack of it isn’t a reason to not vote for him if there’s no Biden option. Swing state that’s been trending blue. Voted for H last time. Have no interest in these new progressive Dems.

      1. Unpopular and somewhat appalling to me on a personal level, but also probably true. I have real issues with wholesale forgiveness of college loans. My parents didn’t work hard (my dad in two jobs) and save so that they could cover the remainder of my tuition that wasn’t covered by scholarships. If they could get that $30K back to fund their retirement they keep putting off, I know they would. We can’t reward people for making a different choice and signing a contract for repayment.

        1. Wow. That’s like my grandmother saying, well, they didn’t have antibiotics when I was a kid, so you should just lose your leg to that infection. To be sure, I think “free college” is hyperbole, but it seems something needs to be done about the escalating costs of college and the rather predatory school loan system.

          And geez, I love all these “economy” voters! Racism, xenophobia, jailing children, sh@tting on the Constitution, killing Roe v. Wade, prosecuting a pregnant woman because she got in a fight and the other person shot her in the stomach and she lost the baby (and no, the shooter was not prosecuted, the pregnant woman was – should have known better than to get in a fight while pregnant) – none of this matters as long as my 401K is doing well!

          And it’s cute that you think that the economy would continue to do well with more tariffs, trade wars, and refusal to invest in infrastructure. I thought this board was full of smart women with good critical thinking skills, but I guess not.

          And don’t even talk to me about not shaming Trump voters – you SHOULD be shamed if you vote to codify racism, xenophobia, and disrespect for the law for a few more bucks.

      2. This is how Hitler got elected. People have no problem picking the economy over their humanity. If children sleeping on cement floors is less important to you than the economy, no Dem candidate can change your mind.

        We literally can’t tell DH’s grandma about stuff in the news anymore because it makes her blood pressure so bad. She survived a concentration camp in Austria.

    12. “the country isn’t voting for a black/Indian woman right now no matter how qualified” – in 2007 this is people were saying about Obama (well, minus the woman part).

  18. Reality check needed. I’ve got a 13 x 20 kitchen and want to replace the cabinets. We’d keep our appliances , current flooring and the floor plan wouldn’t change. I’m getting quotes in the $70k range. There are tons of variables at play, but is this the going rate for new cabinets/counters/backsplash? I was thinking closer to $30k – $40k… We’re in the SE, so not HCOL.

    1. It’s definitely not, those are some crazy numbers. Are you getting quotes from contractors or from kitchen cabinet places? What kind of cabinets are you lookin for? It’s easy to spend a ton but it’s also avoidable.

      1. This is from contractors. Maybe I just need to find lower end options. We’re wanting white shaker cabinets – nothing super custom or high end. We’re replacing 90s fake wood ones.

        1. My mom just did those exact cabinets + high-end stove/vent hood + marble counters + intricate backsplash with hand-made tile in a not-cheap part of Virginia for $40k, so $70k for counters/cabinets/backsplash alone sounds pretty off to me. She worked directly with the cabinetmaker, counter-top people, and tile folks on her own though, and didn’t have one contractor to quarterback it all. But I can’t see that a contractor would have added $30k of value?

        2. I would go directly to kitchen showrooms or stores that sell cabinets to see what your options are. Honestly a lot of the non-custom cabinets that have all wood boxes are pretty nice. They can design and quote and probably can help you find someone to install that stuff. If you’re only doing cabinets + counters + backsplash (plus presumably hardware/faucet/sink), that isn’t too many people to deal with and it’s not a crazy amount of labor. I think my cabinets were around $20k and the counters were around $6k, which is a generous allowance. So it’s not cheap but nowhere near $70k.

    2. It doesn’t sound that crazy to me, unfortunately. We did a similar remodel in a very LCOL area (suburban Midwest) and it was $65k. That said, we worked with a high-end contractor who gave us design input and encouraged us to use more expensive, higher quality material. Fwiw, I believe the physical cost of the cabinets alone (no labor) was over $25k. Cabinets are stupidly expensive!

      1. And then another 40k for countertops and backsplash???? I think our countertops (engineered quartz) were about 3k and backsplash was way less. MCOL city.

        1. No, a significant chunk of the $40k was the contractor’s design work and all the labor and installation. I don’t remember the prices for the materials for the backsplash and granite countertops (I only remember the cabinets because it horrified me!) but I’m sure the countertops were significantly more than $3k. I think the backsplash didn’t cost that much, because I rejected the high-end options they suggested and ended up picking out some tile at Lowe’s.

    3. There is such a wide range of cabinetry quality/price that it is hard to tell. I did it much cheaper but I also bought my cabinets prefab from Home Depot (and I really like them so no complaints). It was a custom layout by Home Depot but the components were standard sized. Custom sized would have been about twice as much.

    4. We recently redid our kitchen – we’re in Philly. A friend of mine flips houses so we got some minor discounts on tile, floors, etc. We paid about $18k all in, including labor. We went with a cabinet company called JK Cabinetry (but bought from a distributor, not directly from JK). I think the cabinets are kind of mid-range – not fancy but hopefully will hold up well based on the materials. We splurged a bit on cabinet hardware (Restoration Hardware). Farmhouse sink from Home Depot. Wood-look tile flooring in a herringbone pattern. White quart countertops except the bar/peninsula is butcher block (from home depot). White subway tile backsplash. Hope this helps

  19. How bad is it to tell someone who’s visiting you that you’ll take a vacation day to spend time with them and then go back on it? A relative is visiting from out of town on July 4th and 5th. I have the 4th off. I’d planned to take the 5th off – and told her that – but my boss is taking the day off and asked me if I could be our group’s point person on that day, which would of course require me to be in the office. He’s laidback and I definitely won’t get fired if I tell him I can’t because I’ll be out that day, but I don’t feel like I’ve been doing my best at work lately and would like to get some free points. At the same time, if my long distance BFF was visiting, I would take the vacation day, because I’d really want to see her. So there’s definitely an element of not desperately wanting to see my relative that I fear will hurt her feelings. WWYD?

    1. Can you split the difference and take a half day? Offer to cover the morning or afternoon depending on what’s more convenient? A half day is enough to a fun activity and relative can relax or tour on their own during other half of the day. Or offer to do half the day in office and then monitor emails in the afternoon?

      “I’d be happy to cover the whole day in office but I have an out of town relative visiting and I had made plans with them. Is it possible to cover half the day in the office and then monitor by email during the afternoon and pop back in if necessary?”

      1. Unfortunately, no. If I’m the point person I have to physically be in the office at least 9-5. You’re right that it won’t be busy at all, but I have to be there in case of emergency.

    4. Go into work. Tell your relative how frustrating it is that your boss is requiring you to come in after all and you are sorry that you won’t be able to spend as much time with them on the 5th as you hoped, etc., etc.

    5. Is she just there the two days and now you’re going to be working one of them, or is she there for 2 weeks and you have lots of weekend and evening time with her already?

      And what would she do while you’re at work — does she have anyone else to be with or anything else to do that day? As in, did she come specifically to see you, for two days, or is she in town for a while longer, seeing you and the local area and other people she knows?

      What kind of relative is she? Your mom? Sister? Distant cousin?

      1. She’s arriving late on the 3rd and leaving pretty early on the 6th, so yeah really just two days. I only work 9-5 so I will spend evening time with her, but yeah it would sort of cut our time together in half. She’s a cousin, but not distant. She doesn’t know anyone in the area besides my family and is coming just to see us, and where we live is very much not a tourist destination.

        1. Oh and my husband is off and will be at home with our baby. So she won’t be alone in the house.

        3. Can you meet for lunch near your work and then do something nice together in the evening?

        4. In these circumstances, I wouldn’t go to work unless you can swing a morning-only worktime and have the rest of the day free.

          If I were your cousin, I’d find it super awkward to be in the house with your husband and your baby all day while you were at work. And since I was there for such a short time, I’d be wondering why I came.

          1. She knows my husband well and the primary purpose of her visit was meeting the baby, fwiw. My husband isn’t going to ignore her all day, they’d hang out.

          2. I guess what I’m saying is, I think she might be hurt or offended if I go to work, but I don’t think she’ll feel “awkward” around my husband and baby and they’ll all do stuff together so she won’t be bored. They could definitely meet me for lunch as someone else suggested.

        5. Oh then super super rude to do this to her. Your boss isn’t requiring you to come in, so don’t.

        6. If I was coming to visit you and you ditched me and left me alone, I’d be annoyed. But since she’s coming to meet your baby, I think it’s fine for her to spend part of her visit playing with your baby even if you’re not around. (Provided your husband is ok with this plan – I would be quite annoyed with my husband if he dumped an in-law on me so he could go into work.)

    7. Someone that works for me and is under performing and covers for me on a day that I’m out doesn’t earn brownie points by covering my day off. They get the points by doing better work. I’d definitely take the day and come back refocused on Monday.

  20. I know there are some pen nuts on here. One of you recommended Jet Pens and the Kaweco Sport fountain pen, which I LOVE, so thank you!

    I’m interested in more recommendations. I love the fine, fine point on the Kaweco sport, but find the barrel a little short to be a good pen for writing a lot. It seems like a great little pen to carry in my bag, though, since the lid screws on tightly. I also love the navy blue ink that is almost black but not too blue.

    1. I think you’d really like the Monteverde Monza! It’s a larger pen than the Kaweco Sport, but also has a screw cap and the price is super reasonable.

        1. The Pilot Metropolitan is also a really great entry level fountain pen. It was a really nice weight, but no screw cap.

    2. If you’re the one that originally asked about a small pen to fit in your bag, that may have been my Kaweco rec that helped, so yay! :)

      I’m big on fountain pens, and have basically tried all the major brands (Lamy, Pelikan, Faber Castell, Pilot, Kaweco…) I also like superfine points. In my experience, Pilot has the finest and smoothest points. An F in Pilot is more like an EF in Lamy or Pelikan. That being said, a Lamy Safari is generally a good travel pen. Kaweco also makes larger pens. I love my mid-range Pilots but none of them have screw caps that I have found. I do also have a Pelikan (I think it’s a M120 or something like that) with a screw cap, but would definitely not recommend it. My current everyday pen is a Faber Castell, but one of their higher end ones.

      If you want to really geek out, you should look into getting ink converters for your pens and then you can fill it with any ink of your choosing (Pilot Iroshizuku ink is the best!).

  21. Confession: at every new job I intend to have very organized email and create all these folders, one for each case/matter (litigator), but then I get lazy/overwhelmed and stop organizing my emails. I don’t think I have problems with emails, I am able to find everything and I don’t forget to respond or lose track of things. Is this objectively something I need to fix? I feel like I’m too far gone to go back and sort all my emails now.

    3. Every time I try to organize my emails into subject folders I actually can’t find things. So I just archive them by date and I can find everything!

    4. I understand you 100%. And…completely sincere question – given how amazing the search function is on Outlook, why does anyone bother to actually organize emails into subject folders and the like?

      1. For me, I like to be able to skim one matter’s emails by date without the clutter from other matters. Totally personal preference, I think. I don’t sort my personal mail at all which is held by the company founded by Larry Page (the lengths I’ll go to to avoid m*d, eye roll).

        1. Edited to add: I also use my main inbox as a bit of a to-do list. It doesn’t get moved until it’s been resolved or added to my real to-do list.

          2. I used to do this, but then someone retired and I now have over 3k unread emails in my inbox and 5500 total. There is no sorting happening – no time.

      2. Feeling like the outlier here but I always organize my emails. I do it at lunch or any other quiet times. I like following up on the latest emails in a particular file even if I’m not sure what to search. It also means my inbox is a to-do, anything else has been filed.

        1. I always do too, but I recognize it’s more of an obsessive compulsive habit on my end and ultimately I don’t think gains me anything productivity-wise. But unorganized email makes me anxious!

      3. I am a rabid email organizer and it amazes me that others aren’t. I have 29 separate categories of personal folders and a folder for each client, followed by a folder for each matter for each client. If I get more than 50 emails in my inbox, it makes me tweaky. You do you, but I feel that this makes my life a gazillion times easier than those with cluttered email inboxes.

      4. I honestly thought you were joking bc Outlook search doesn’t work well at all for me (which is probably a server issue on our end, not an Outlook issue, but still).

        1. It may be a software update thing. In former jobs with different versions of Outlook I had zero luck searching Outlook (hence my sorting habit) but my current version of Outlook (2013) searches pretty well.

      5. Our firm “requires” us to file emails in folders on our document management system (I am a noted slacker in this department) so the partners can see/access emails. Theoretically it helps them to know what’s going on. Staff too. It’s also helpful if emails need to be used as exhibits, or if the file has to be transitioned to another person. For day to day life/getting things done the search function will always be superior. There is nothing more useless than opening a folder in outlook or wherever and seeing 100s of emails that just say “Plaintiff v. Defendant – follow up” or “Plaintiff v. Defendant”. I will never organize my emails and I am okay with that.

    5. If you can find what you need with the search function then I think folders may make it worse rather than better. There is something (or used to be something) about not keeping massive numbers of emails in your basic inbox, but you can easily pop them into annual or semiannual folders without other organization if that is an issue.

      I use folders but it’s not infrequent that I have to do a full search because something got dragged to the folder just above or just below the intended folder.

    6. Only issue is if you have to ever produce your case file and those emails are part of it. Then you have to scramble to get them all. Or if someone may have to take over for you and you need to export to a public folder.

  22. Is anyone here a member of Daughters of the American Revolution, and can you tell me about your experience with it? It seems like a fun org that supports a lot of things I am interested in, and I’m looking to add some volunteer work back into my life.

    1. I am eligible, but have never joined. My grandmother said that it existed to “keep black people down” when her mother pressured her to join in the 1940s. Maybe it’s changed today, but I wouldn’t necessarily count on it. It can’t be as bad as Daughters of the Confederacy though (also eligible, would never join).

      1. Eek, I didn’t realize that Daughters of the Confederacy is a thing, but I would be eligible for both as well.

        Thanks, that’s what I’m curious about. I like the focus on history and patriotism, but I want to make sure there isn’t a MAGA flavor to it. The website has a page about tracing African American ancestry, which made me think that it is trying to be more inclusive. And one of the service projects mentioned that I really like is welcoming newly-naturalized citizens. I’m sure there are some regional/chapter flavors to all of it. I’m in DC, so I hope the membership here is more racially diverse than it might be other places.

    2. If you’re looking for volunteer opportunities, there seem to be a lot better options. Maybe I’m biased because I’m not eligible for DAR, but the idea of joining an organization whose sole member ship criteria is that an ancestor in the country at a certain time seems really offensive and discriminatory to me.

      1. It’s good to know that some people may view it that way, thank you. I don’t see it at much different from any other cultural heritage org (although you don’t need to provide a genealogy chart to celebrate your [any country here] heritage with most of them). My ancestors have been in what is now the U.S. for so many generations that this is really the only cultural heritage I have to celebrate.

        1. I don’t view it is comparable to any other cultural heritage organization. In my admittedly little experience, cultural heritage associations are for celebrating a certain culture and exposing child to a culture that is not mainstream America, and I’m not aware of any that limit membership based on genealogy. And for what it’s worth, my ancestors have also been in the US so long that I don’t have any other culture. DAR still wouldn’t take me. Nor would they accept basically anyone who is not white, which really bothers me.

          1. Agree the optics aren’t great, but my sense is that’s because the majority of people documented as aiding the cause of American independence are white, not because the organization refuses to accept people who are not white. They explicitly recognize as qualifying the contributions of Native Americans, African Americans, etc. There’s r@c.st history there, just like the rest of America, but you seem to be implying that there is present-day systemic r@c.sm in a way that I want to understand (and avoid!) if it exists. Do you have a personal experience with it? Or do you just find the pedigree thing gross in principle?

    3. My significantly older than me cousin is a member. It would be easy for me to join because she did the legwork of tracing back to a Revolutionary patriot, and I just needed to show we have the same grandparent. She invited me to a meeting because of my interest in history. This was in the SEUS, but it was a bunch of old white ladies who were very much into “my ancestors are better than yours”. It reminded me a lot of growing up in MA, where there are Mayflower Descendents groups who like to brag about the same “accomplishment”. I don’t see it as anything other than pure chance. I’m proud of my uncle and brother in law who are veterans, but I don’t feel the same pride for an ancestor in the 1700s.

      1. Ha, thank you. The history parts are interesting to me, and I actually like the old ladies aspect because old people have so many stories! but if it all just amounts to one-upsmanship about people who have been dead for 100+ years, that’s a bit of a let-down.

        1. I think there are so many better ways to get exposed to history and the wisdom of our elders and give back to our society in a way that is more inclusive without the disturbing overtones of racism and classism. Have you considered volunteering with a veterans group? So many of our elderly veterans would love to have someone interested in listening to their stories and spending time with them, and learning about the history they lived!

  23. Speaking of paint colors, I could use some advice and/or inspiration. I moved into my house a year and a half ago and the spare bedroom had been a little girl’s room. It’s painted BRIGHT turquoise on every wall and the ceiling. I hate it and if it were my actual bedroom I would have painted it immediately, but I rarely use the room so I haven’t touched it. The floors are wood and trim is a really lovely wood that looks almost like red cedar, so I don’t want to paint it. What color should I do instead? It’s a dark room that has only one window and doesn’t get much sunlight during any time of the year.

    1. Have you thought of white? White walls and add great artwork that picks up on the red cedar tones. You could do a wallpaper feature wall behind the bed headboard as well.

    2. With red cedar trim and low light, I would go for a warm cream. Sort of basic, I guess, but it looks old-fashioned to me, which I like with wood trim.

  24. I can’t tell anyone in real life but I just had my mid-year review, got promoted and got a 20% raise! *happy dance*

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