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Updated: Oct 31, 2018 168 Comments · by

Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Barnes Blazer

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Barnes BlazerOff Fifth has a ton of white blazers on sale for deep discounts, undoubtedly trying to clear out the old inventory before the new white blazers hit the racks at full price in a week or two. My favorite one in the bunch is this one from Elizabeth and James, with ruched three-quarter sleeves, but there's also this Helmut Lang, this Theory, this other Theory, and a few others. The blazer was $465, but comes down to $199. Elizabeth and James Barnes Blazer Update: Use code FFSAVINGS to get the pictured blazer down another 40%, to $119. !! Here are two similar options in plus sizes. Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-all)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

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Comments

  1. transitional shoes

    What are your go-to shoes for transitional seasons? It’s in the 30s-40s here overnight/early morning, but in the afternoon, it’s 60-70. My office is casual (jeans today), but I am at a loss for footwear: it’s a little too cool still for flats/no socks, but it’s quite a bit too much for full-length boots. I’m not exactly sure what I’m looking for, so any suggestions are welcome!

    • Wildkitten

      No matter the weather I commute in different shoes than I wear at work – so for this weather and jeans I’d wear socks and toms on the commute and switch to flats/no socks in the office.

    • Hollis Doyle

      Are you only looking for flats? I’m in the same boat here in my casual office in the Midwest, so I usually either just go ahead with (ballet-type) flats and no socks or wear bootcut longer jeans with heels or wedges with bare feet. This time of year is hard. It feels odd walking out of the house in the morning when it’s 30 degrees with bare feet, but I commute by car, so it’s not really a big deal. What about loafers or oxfords if you’re looking for flats? They give more foot coverage but aren’t as heavy and “wintery” as boots.

    • (former) preg 3L

      This is where loafers come in for me. I purchased mine from Lands End (because I’m a cool mom like that).

    • Kelly Andthenblog

      I feel so dowdy, but I’ve broken down and bought knee-high nylons to wear with pants (and even ankle pants…!) and flats. It has made this shoulder season much more bearable. I buy the knee-high version of my favorite nylons, so they don’t look like the cheap “suntan” ones you get in the egg at the drugstore. I can’t even see them, actually, but I can feel the slight difference in warmth. It’s also helped break my feet slowly into flats (rather than my usual socks to nothing transition that inevitably leaves my feet torn up).

      FWIW, I like the Hanes Silk Reflection.

      • Sunshine

        Yep, this is me. I buy knee-hi’s and even ankle-hi’s. The knee-hi’s work with my ankle pants, and the ankle-hi’s work with full-length pants. I buy them in nude-for-me and unless someone is really examining my feet/ankles, it’s nearly impossible to tell I have them on. Another bonus is they reduce blistering from shoes that I like too much to give up, but that rub a bit.

    • PinkKeyboard

      I buy the tiny socks that hide inside your flats. They make them more comfy and keep your feet marginally warmer. I commute via car so my bare exposure is limited. Plus my legs don’t bother me if my feet are nice and toasty!

    • Mpls

      Shoes that you wear socks with? Fashion sneakers (esp if you are in a casual environment), brogues, loafers, short boots…

      Though, I’d argue there is nothing wrong with going with ballet flats and bare feet if that’s what you have. But anything above freezing is fair game for me in that regards.

    • Bonnie

      Toms booties. They have a little heel but you could find something similar that’s lower.

    • espresso bean

      It’s funny; I’m seeing all kinds of things on the streets today in Chicago — everything from knee-high leather boots to ballet flats to even sandals, and everything in between. I think anything goes on a day like today.

      I like flat ankle boots and those new flat espadrilles that look kind of like TOMS that are everywhere. And wedge suede ankle boots in a taupe, stone, or camel color look springy.

    • Parfait

      I’m wearing these wedges made of some sort of weird neoprene-like material. They have leather trim at the heel and a ribbon trim at the toe. No socks. My feet are insanely warm. These are probably too casual/sporty for many offices but I think they would be great in that kind of weather.

    • Must be Tuesday

      I almost always dress for the cooler temperatures in the morning and evening, so I wear booties or oxfords or loafers with socks. I typically wear pants. On the rare cool weather day that I wear a skirt, I still wear knee high boots. I don’t usually switch to pumps or sandals until the low temps in the morning and evening are at least in the 60s. Of course, I still wear tights when the temps are mid to high 70s. I get cold easily, and my feet and knees really feel the cold, more than other parts of my body.

  2. DCBK

    Can anyone recommend a life coach in the DC area? I need help trying to get more organized and disciplined.

    Happy Monday!

  3. Batgirl

    Planning a trip down the CA coast (Route 1) and would love any “must see” stops or tips from the hive. We’re staying in San Francisco for 1.5 days (we’ve both already spent some time there), then maybe a day in Monterey/Carmel, two days in Big Sur, then possibly a stop at the Hearst Mansion before reaching our end destination in San Luis Obispo. Are we doing this right? Should we stay the night in Monterey or should we stop somewhere else between San Fran and Big Sur? Is Hearst Mansion a must see?

    Thanks in advance!

    • EM

      Monterey/Carmel definitely warrants some extra time. They have great restaurants (try Luca in Carmel), a lot of unique, quaint shops, and some great wine tasting options as well scattered throughout the city. Definitely recommend going through 17-mile drive in pebble beach, and checking out cannery row in Monterey (and the aquarium if that’s of interest to you).

    • Scarlett

      For my .02 – I’d either pick Big Sur or Carmel, they’re both lovely spots but people go there to relax and unwind. There’s not so much different to see that you need to make sure to go to every place on the coast. My personal preference would be to either add time so you’re in Carmel longer and can properly relax or go right to Big Sur and skip extra stops. Hearst Castle is a fun stop if you’re going to be SLO anyway – keep in mind it’s about a 3-4 hour stop if you go because you have to take their tour busses up to the mansion and it’s not self-guided so depending on the day, it can get crowded. I’d recommend a weekday if you can. It’s a beautiful, over the top, mansion and “worth it” if you like seeing big, fancy houses (I do, but it’s not everyone’s cup of tea).

    • Fishie

      I’d say stop at Hearst (it’s neat) and Big Sur. I would not stay in Big Sur. The hotels either looked gross (and were kinda gross like the one I stayed in) or were a bazillion dollars a night celebrity type joints. There is no place to stop for gas in Big Sur. Keep in mind too, if you are going South, you will be on the outside of the road so be careful! I’d not recommend doing much driving at night, particularly around Big Sur. The Pfeiffer Falls hike in BS was lovely.

      Might want to stop at Solvang too. I wished I could have tried the Hitching Post II, but didn’t have the chance. (If you are a Sideways fan).

    • Anna

      Hearst Castle is definitely worth it, but make sure you have reservations. You may not want to spend a night in Big Sur, as most of the options are either camping or $$$$. If you spend an extra night in Carmel or SLO, you could daytrip up or down the coast from there, though keep in mind that the driving is pretty slow. Morro Bay and Montana de Oro State Park could be worth a stop too, if you like outdoorsy stuff. On the Northern end, Santa Cruz is also fun.

      • Anna

        And don’t forget about the elephant seals at Piedras Blancas (near the Hearst Castle). They’re just off the side of the road and worth checking out. Their numbers vary throughout the year, but there are almost always some there.

        • MJ

          I was just at Ano Nuevo (north of Santa Cruz) to see the seals last Thursday. There aren’t many seals left–mostly juveniles and it’s been so hot that they will be heading out to sea sooner than normal (according to the docents) due to dehydration. Very cool though!

    • Senior Attorney

      Yes, Hearst Castle is definitely worth it. Don’t know your dates, but they have an evening tour in the spring where the docents dress up in costume and that’s really fun. By all means make reservations. The little town of Cambria is a nice place to stay for Hearst Castle, and if you do be sure to eat at Linn’s Fruit Bin and take home a jar of olallieberry jam!

    • Mary Ann Singleton

      Check out the seals at Ano Nuevo state park too. Also seconding (thirding?) the recommendation for Hearst Castle. Definitely worth it.

    • Batgirl

      Thanks, all! This is very helpful. Any specific Hearst tours that you’d recommend? Seems like they have a few different ones.

      • Mary Ann Singleton

        I think Tour 1 is the classic one if you’ve never visited before. You’ll want to see the main parts of the house and definitely the pool.

      • Katniss Everdeen

        All of the Hearst Castle tours are fun. If you’ve never been, I’d just take the first tour (I think it’s “Tour A” or possibly the “Grand Rooms” tour). Sebastian’s Store in San Simeon has great sandwiches.

        I would think hard about what exactly you want to do in Big Sur. Lodging is sort of a pain, and much of what you do there is hike or sit and stare at beautiful nature. When we’ve done that trip, we spend a day or two in Monterey/Carmel, then spend a day driving down Big Sur (stopping for walks and to explore – Lime Kiln State Park is a really fun short hike up to some abandoned lime kilns; I’ve always liked it), then sleep in San Simeon, Cambria, Cayucos, or Pismo. Cambria is the best bet for decent hotels close to but not in Big Sur.

        In Monterey, the aquarium is really amazing – you can easily spend a day there. Depending on the time of year you might also consider whale watching or kayaking or some other kind of adventure exploring the bay.

    • la vie en bleu

      awww I wish we could resurrect Cr3tt3 meetups when you’re here, Batgirl! I wld love to meet you! have a great visit ;-)

  4. Wanderlust

    Do 3/4 sleeves automatically make a jacket more casual? I have a black pants suit that I love, but the sleeves are 3/4 so I’m hesitant to wear it to anything “formal,” like court. Thoughts?

    • Houda

      I think it looks very flattering on a petite frame (so do ankle pants) because full sleeves and full length pants can be overwhelming on my size.

    • Bonnie

      Not necessarily. I have a few formal suits with 3/4 sleeves that I regularly wear for trial. I’d focus more on the cut and material of the jacket to determine appropriateness.

    • L in DC

      I think 3/4 sleeves always look more casual than the same jacket would with long sleeves. For instance, I wouldn’t choose an interview suit with a 3/4 sleeve.

      • Lyssa

        I agree, but I don’t think that it’s an issue except for the top of the top of formality (i.e., interviews, super-major presentations, high-level court arguments, etc.). I think that they would be fine for a run-of-the mill court hearing or most client meetings.

      • Zelda

        +1. That said, I also agree with Bonnie that the cut and material matter far more and would we an appropriately formal 3/4 suit in all but the most formal situations. It’s definitely appropriate business formal attire for a regular work day.

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      Assuming an otherwise-conservative cut/fabric/etc., I’d potentially wear a 3/4 sleeve jacket to a deposition or a minor court conference during warmer months, but definitely wouldn’t wear it to an argument or evidentiary hearing or trial, or to federal court at all. Otherwise, as others have said, I think it’s perfectly appropriate for a regular day at a business formal office, and even for all but the most formal meetings.

  5. Ellen

    Yay! Splurge Monday’s! I LOVE Splurge Monday’s and this White Blazer, Kat! Great pick, but I could NOT wear it b/c I alway’s get MARANARA or Mustard Stain’s on my white blouse’s and would be sure to RUIN this one. Therefore I stay with darker but colour’s found in nature. FOOEY b/c it is NOT that expensive.

    We had a great time at the manageing partner’s house over the weekend. The manageing partner let Myrna come with me and stay with the family. Margie and the baby were so cute together, and the manageing partner’s brother’s son, Harold stopped by b/c there was some sort of skateing tournement going on in Bridgehamton. The manageing partner’s brother came out with him, but I told the manageing partner that I did NOT want him to be ooogeling Myrna or doeing anything funny to spoil our weekend, so he had a conversation with him about it.

    Harold stayed over at the house also and used the pool to practise his skatebording. Even the manageing partner thought he was skilled. I told him he should at his age (24) go out and get a job so that he can become a PRODUCTIVE member of society, but he said he would once he got to age 30. He has a girlfreind in the city that does NOT care b/c she work’s for a big Company — Avon — and Harold is abel to get her to buy him stuff. I old him he was a leech for makeing her buy stuff for him, but he told me she got PLENTY of plesure from him sexeually so it was OK. I said FOOEY! No man can provide benefit’s like that w/o makeing a mess of thing’s but she evidenteley felt diferently. Myrna agreed that we would NEVER keep a guy just b/c he was good in bed.

    I have a busy work week b/c we are starting to get packeing next week and moveing out by the end of the month. The new space is ready but NOT furnished, so we are furnisheing it with new stuff, exept what we are bringeing. I am getting the manageing partner’s desk and chair — YAY! No more petrified fart’s for me. We are leaveing this chair here for the schlub’s that take over our lease. They are in the INTERENET industry and proababley sit around 24/7 eateing and burpeing and programmeing the web, so they can add to the petrified fart’s in my old chair.

    Myrna said she would bake a pie or cake for our new office warmeing party! YAY b/c she realy can bake a great apple or peach pie. The manageing partner said she can stop by the Hamton’s house whenever she want’s b/c Margie and the baby love her.

    Dad stopped by my apartement last nite with take out deli and made me sign my TAX return’s. I had to sign so many return’s. Why can’t I just sign 1 return? I also had to get a COOP tax form for him, which I did. Why do I even have to get involved with this stuff? I just want a HUSBAND to do this for me. I am to busy to deal with all these detail’s. DOUBEL FOOEY on detail’s!

    I wish the HIVE a great week. I will try to p’ost but have to do real work also! YAY!!!!

  6. I do not like jackets with sleeves pushed up

    I think it’s a look for catalogs, but IRL reminds me of the Kate & Allie TV show from a few decades ago. Plus: jackets are a formal piece. Rumpled arms just need to be steamed away later. If you want to make a suit / jacket fun, I think there are better ways.

    • Idea

      But what about jackets with ruched sleeves or sleeves that are sewn that way? I think it can be very stylish, but you’re right, not in an ’80s way of ‘excuse me, I’m about to go breakdance now’ kind of way.

  7. Counting Sheep

    I’ve had awful insomnia for the last few weeks, and I feel like a zombie. All I want is 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

    Any other insomniacs? Solutions?

    • espresso bean

      I often had this problem where I’d wake up with a start at 3 AM and then be up until 6, fall asleep just enough to sleep through my alarm, and then have to scramble to try to make it to work on time. I find that when I reach for my phone when I wake up, I’m guaranteed to be up another hour, but if I put on a podcast or the radio, I’m out almost immediately. Or I’ll take a magazine or a book into the living room for a change of scenery, and then I’ll start to feel my eyelids drooping. Anything to take that “I must fall asleep RIGHT NOW” pressure off. What do you usually do when you wake up in the middle of the night?

      • Counting Sheep

        I mostly just toss and turn, I keep my phone/computer out of my bedroom

        • rosie

          Lying in bed tossing and turning is the worst for me–just get stressed about how I’m not sleeping and how tired I will be and how soon the alarm is going to go off. I find that watching a rerun of a comedy (Mindy Project works well for me) can help, either in bed w/headphones (so as not to disturb my SO) or downstairs. If I go downstairs, I will bring my phone w/my alarm set so that I don’t have the added worry of falling asleep on the couch and then not waking up for work.

          Also, keep a pen and paper next to your bed so you can write down what is on your mind, if you are making to do lists in your head or something like that.

          Tylenol or Motrin PM unfortunately stopped working for me, but that can be good on occasion as well.

    • Maddie Ross

      I take melatonin if I’m having trouble winding down. But when I’ve had true periods of insomnia, the only thing that’s worked for me is to go full-force with Advil or Tylenol PM.

    • Mpls

      Not a regular insomniac, but I get bouts of it as a result of not being able to turn my brain off.

      In those instances I go against all recommended sleep advice and put on a TV show (laptop on night stand, with the screen light dimmed) that I’ve watched several times and listen (but not watch) to that as I lay in bed. You could also do a book on tape – anything to interrupt whatever keeps spinning the hard drive in my brain.

      Make sure you are cutting off caffeine early enough in the day, workout to exhaust the body, your bedroom is dark enough, limiting screen time before going to bed, maybe a cup of chamomile tea to calm the brain a bit. Make sure your bedroom temp isn’t too warm.

      • MFKN

        +1. I give my brain anything to focus on except the fact that I’m not sleeping.

      • la vie en bleu

        yeah I like Fresh Air podcasts for this, too. Terri Gross’s voice is soothing ;-)

        But also when it’s been that bad I just cave and take something. My doctor told me sleep affects everything so sometimes you need to just get the sleep first and then you can work on fixing the problem. NyQuil or Benadryl works for me, but I have a weird reaction to melatonin.

      • January

        This is totally TMI, but chamomile tea doesn’t work at all for me – I end up needing to get up (or feeling like I need to) the whole night.

      • August

        I cannot sleep when something is bothering me. It need not be anything sad or serious. Just being excited can make me not to fall asleep. I have slept an average of 5 hours whole of last week. Towards the end of the week, I was such a mess. My legs and feet started hurting, my eyes were burning and I had difficulty doing anything. The thing that I have found works for me is drink half glass of milk with protein powder or some complex carbs like a small bowl of oatmeal. It kind of makes me drowsy and fall asleep. I finally slept for 9 hours last night and woke up at 8:00 AM today. I am late to work but I am feeling so fresh.

    • NO

      I have started taking magnesium supplements. I have no issues falling asleep, but staying asleep/getting back to sleep had become an issue. So far, it seems to be helping.

      • Anon

        What level are you taking? My husband has just started taking them, but seems really sensitive at a low dose (one 177mg Mag Citrate pill) to the dreaded GI side effects.

        • NO

          200 mg of magnesium, not the mag citrate. I did have the GI issues the first day, but stopped after that. I take the Solaray brand, available at Whole Foods.

    • countc

      Prescription drugs. I went away from a sleep medication (was on Ambien forever and a day) and went over to Trazadone, which I quite like. Non habit forming, my doc allows me to self-adjust the amount I take, and dirt cheap.

      • Anonymous

        +1 for prescription drugs. I’m a persistent, treatment-resistant insomniac. Prescription sleep medication hasn’t been a fairy tale story for me, but the amount of rest I’ve gotten on medications makes it worth the frustrations.

    • ANP

      Interesting. I do not regret having children but I’ve also made my peace with the fact that I don’t want to be around them all day (which is taboo in a lot of circles, some of our friend groups included). I love my career. It makes me feel whole. And I adore my kids but do not want to be around them in a stay-at-home-parent kind of way. So while I’m glad I had kids, I feel that happiness within a boundary of sorts (if that makes sense).

      • Maddie Ross

        This is me exactly. I love my daugther to death; I could not stay home with her all day, every day. I realize that, as you say, in some circles this makes me sound crazy. A friend of mine’s wife is going back to work next week and he was talking about how hard it was and how much she was crying. He asked how I dealt with it – I told him I was relieved. He told me I must be heartless. I’m not – you just have to do you.

        • TBK

          I don’t miss my boys while I’m at work. I never cried when I went back. I said this to someone recently and she looked shocked. I’ve been feeling bad about it ever since so I’m so glad I came across your comment. I love my boys. I went through hell to get them. But I also love being FREE for 10ish hrs a day. And then I love going home to snuggle them.

          But as to the OP’s question, I suspect for most people it’s really hard to separate the concrete from the abstract. If you love your children, your specific real people children, it’s hard to say you regret having them because if you, YOU specifically, did not have them, those particular people (whom you love) would never exist.

        • Meg Murry

          Yes, this. I love my children, but I could not be a good full-time, all day parent to them. Maybe, maybe if I had stayed home with them as infants it would be different since none of us would know any different, but I love my adult interaction and they love their daycare.
          I also am not great at being a solo parent. My husband recently went on a business trip, and I did not do well with it being all on me with no other adult to hand off to when they pushed all my buttons. No disasters, but I was so happy when he was back to help me play good cop bad cop and to alternate being “on”.

          My one semi-regret is that I wish we had waited a few more years before my first son was born, and then had both kids closer together. I envy my friends that waited until they were in a slightly better place financially and career-wise.

          I also don’t especially love dealing with babies – I am liking my kids more and more as they get older and more self sufficient and able to hold up their end of a conversation – I am hoping I really will enjoy them as adults. I do not regret having my kids, but if I didn’t/couldn’t have them, I’m sure I would have found a way to be happy without them too.

          • Profmama

            This. Having a three-year-old who makes up interesting stories, and has ideas and plans and creativity is fun for me.

            The first two years were really hard, and the struggle to balance career & parenting, even with a super-involved partner, nearly did me in (as in: my therapist was concerned for my well-being).

            We were eager to have a child, and I was over 40, but in the first year, there were certainly days when I looked at my life and thought: OMG! What have I done?

            Now, I say this in a positive way: OMG! I’m so lucky!
            But it’s never not hard.

      • ace

        ITA with this. I love my kids but find the weekends kinda exhausting, and if I was home full-time I’d be bananas.

        The other taboo thing that most people won’t admit is that having one kid versus two or more is very different for you career-wise. I didn’t realize this before I had kids (and it wouldn’t have changed what I did anyway), but my friends who decided to be one-and-done have very different career & personal lives. If you are very professionally motivated & on the fence as to whether to have a second, I think that’s definitely something think about.

    • Anon

      I was actually just reading that our brains are wired to accentuate the positives of decisions we make over time and to downplay the negatives so that it seems like the right decision. So I think it’s likely that relatively few people regret having children but that doesn’t actually mean any given individual wouldn’t have been happier without them.

    • DCBK

      I love being a mother. It has absolutely filled a void in my life, and I try to remind myself of how lucky I am when I’m up multiple times a night with my 6-month-old. But, like ANP, I couldn’t imagine being a stay-at-home-parent. The early months were tough and there were a few moments where I thought “what did I get myself into?” But that has since cleared up. It’s amazing watching this little one grow, and I’m grateful for it. But I’m also grateful for the alone time, too!

    • Anon

      Yes, and I say it out loud too. My husband wanted kids, I thought I did, but once I had them, I realized it was really my mom that wanted me to have kids (and did an effective job of indoctrinating me into thinking that I did as well). I love them dearly, but I know that I would have had an equally fulfilling life without them. I tell my daughters all the time that having children is a deeply personal choice and that they can have rich lives whether or not they have children.

      • Ummm

        I hope you don’t say that out loud to your kids. :( I understand your point of view, but if I were your kid I would be crushed.

        • Wildkitten

          That she loves them dearly but would have an equally fulfilling life without them? My mom doesn’t regret me at all but I am positive she could have had an equally fulfilling life without me, because she’s awesome, and that fact doesn’t hurt my feelings at all.

          • cc

            But what if she said “I regret having you” thats what anon is saying. I dont have kids but totally could see myself having an equally fulfilling life with or without them. Anon says that she says outloud “I regret having children.” Huge difference between “I could have had an equally fufilling life without you”, and “I love you dearly but I regret having you”

          • Anonymous

            So different to understand that truth as an adult versus being told it as a child.

        • Anon

          ” tell my daughters all the time that having children is a deeply personal choice and that they can have rich lives whether or not they have children.

          My parents told me this. They love my dearly, and tell me my sister and I are the light of their lives. But they have always consistently relayed the message to me that women can have equally fulfilling lives without kids, and that there’s nothing wrong with not wanting to have them. As a woman who has never wanted kids, it’s been very beneficial for me to have that positive message reinforced by my parents. That’s how I read this poster’s statement- regarding women in general and the choices her daughters might make in the future- not necessarily specific to her experience with kids.

          Even if it was specific to her kids, I don’t see how it’s an issue. It’s not the end of the world to be told that your mom’s life wouldn’t be meaningless without your existence- she’s a full person, and its good for kids to see their parents as people. This would not hurt my feelings.

          • Katniss Everdeen

            When I was 10 or so, I remember saying something to my dad about how weird it was to think that you had to find someone to marry – and my dad said, “Better to be single forever than to be married to the wrong person” and it has stuck with me my entire life. I think that it’s okay to tell our kids that there are good choices beyond those that we make. (But saying “You can have a brilliant life without kids” is a lot different than saying “I regret having you.”)

        • Anonymous

          I don’t think it would necessarily “crush them” but it would certainly help to clarify that decision for them when the time comes. I think if you are going to express those feelings do it when they are older. I for one know that I was not planned and even though my mum doesn’t regret having me, it’s safe to say I changed the trajectory of her life especially with regards to the person she married. And having this knowledge certainly explained a lot of things that were unclear or confusing to me growing up.

          • la vie en bleu

            My mom very much always felt parenting was a purpose for her, always wanted to be a mom and has made us a major focus of her life. But she still always made it very clear to me that *I* could have a fulfilling life with or without kids and that it was a very personal decision. And I have never felt pressured by her to make a decision one way or the other…. I think partly by sharing with me admiration of women who accomplished amazing things that had nothing to do with family as well as those who did. So I think this is possible no matter how you feel about motherhood.

    • winteranon

      I have a male colleague with two kids same ages as mine who expressed doubt he would do it again if he could start over. I was shocked to hear that at first. I am not a people person at all. I think a lot of people find me prickly and standoffish, but I surprised even myself by really taking to motherhood. Before my first was born I didn’t really feel any connection to him, but as soon as I first held him I was smitten in some way I did not expect at all. I think it’s some trick of biology, and after thinking about my colleague’s feelings I came to realize maybe this doesn’t happen to everyone. Or maybe all the work overwhelms those feelings. Or maybe despite those feelings, some people just don’t like it. I get that. I’m not one to want to spend hours playing kid gamesI still have no patience for other people’s kids acting like brats, but I have much better capacity to deal with mine, and I find watching them grow and develop really amazing and rewarding (my oldest is getting a sense of humor, which is so fun to watch).

      • Anonymous

        I’m not a parent but this is my opinion based on what I’ve observed from friends/family. The “trick of biology” is a definite for women, at least IMO. For men I think it comes down to whether they enjoy spending time with them and also who they have the kid(s) with. This second fact is something I didn’t realise before e.g. the mum is someone they don’t get along with (after the fact) or the child is the product of a fling but they are now forced to interact with the mum because they are co-parents. And I suppose the last could be the effect on the marriage or just not enjoying what parenting involves or even some of the sacrifices required.

    • another_anon

      I adore my child, but having a baby pushed my marriage over the edge. I try to tell myself that the marriage was fragile and probably would have fallen apart regardless of whether we had a child, but I feel like I traded my spouse for my child and sometimes I regret that. Although my child is less needy than my ex-spouse, so maybe I traded up.

      • Anon

        Can you talk a little more about how the baby affected your marriage? This is something I’m interested in, as someone who doesn’t have kids and worries about their affect on relationships.

        • Anon Parent

          I think it’s like this: I was crazy wild and then crazy working (still with some crazy wild) into my late 30s when I got married and had kids right away. I felt like I had had enough crazy and had had me at 100% focus of my life for long enough. This time, my children are the focus and they are who needs me (spouse needs me in a different way), but some things with children are non-delegable (and mine are in daycare / school for a lot of their lives already).

          I see from some other parents how the change from self to other can be hard, maybe too hard. I see some spouses who won’t help out: if they watched all of March Madness at bars with their friends since high school, they won’t give on that at all, infant be damned. Life is hard. Sometimes an extended adolescence, even if you throw in the job, gives an impression that you’re ready to surrender to the work (and it is work, even if much of it is enjoyable) when you’re not. You need a license to drive, but not to have childern.

          I think it says something about our culture that a lot of people are such individualists that caring for another needy creature is a bridge too far (never mind older relatives or that at some point we will be older and needy ourselves). I can think of a prior boyfriend who probably would have been upended by kids (to the point where I broke up, not because I wanted children full on at the time, but I was worried how badly an unintended pregnancy (which I would have kept, even if I would have given the baby up for adoption) would play out).

        • Anon

          I “caused” my parents’ divorce. They were married 13 years before having me but only 3 after. They married very young (my mom was still a teenager) but while my mom grew up, my dad didn’t. He still wanted to party like he was 20 when he was 35, married, and a father. My mom had come to the point where she wanted a more stable life; my dad didn’t. Oddly, though, it was my dad who really wanted a baby and my mom who was on the fence (maybe because she was more realistic about what it would mean for their lifestyle?). Once I was born, my mom found she had no tolerance for my dad’s behavior (drinking, staying out late, partying with drugs) and so took me and left. It’s sad. It’s my dad who really wanted me but having me lost him his whole family. It was good for him in the long run (he cleaned up and was a great husband and father to his second wife and stepdaughters) but it left my mom struggling as a single mother and left me more or less without a father (I don’t count a 5 min phone call once a month and a one-week yearly visit as really having a father). I think if my mom hadn’t had me to think about, she might have stayed with my father. They’re well-matched in a lot of ways, but she just didn’t think he was a good enough father.

        • Betty

          I could write a book on this one, and I have read as many books out there as I could find on how to “baby proof” your marriage or not let the spark fade or bring it back, etc. But I will share a bit of my story in case it helps anyone.

          In hindsight, my husband had been flirting with or depressed for a while pre-kids, but neither one of us realized it. Before kids, I worked like crazy but came home and was happy to have the attention on him, help him, spend time together, etc. After our first was born, my husband sunk into a deep depression. Depression doesn’t always look like someone staring at a wall or unable to get out of bed. For my husband, he became biting and mean, uninvolved in our (my child and my) lives and critical of everything. I became a solo parent, even though I was married. In hindsight, and with much therapy, we have realized that my husband’s mother was severely depressed when my husband was a child, and it left deep scars. He has worked through it, and we are starting to recover our relationship too.

          I guess all of this is to say that bumps, bickering and little spats are normal as people adjust to being parents and refiguring out their relationships, but BUT, there is a level that is not normal. I wish we had tackled his depression before we had kids. Then the last several years would not have been so gut-wrenching and bringing us to the brink of divorce. And, even with the hell of my husband’s depression, I do not for a moment regret having our children. I love them with a fierceness that I didn’t know was possible. And I love dropping them off at the sitter’s every day to go to work.

          • Anon Parent

            I agree with this: you need to get your house in order before you have kids. We think of this so often as a physical thing for the mothers: cut out caffeine, take vitamins, etc. But it’s for both parents and not necessarily a physical thing.

          • Anonymous

            Sometimes I think this is what happened with my parents. Alot of philandering after the youngest sibling was born, my mum actually said I was the one who brought her attention to it even though I myself had no idea what was going on. He travelled alot and she was crying alot, apparently he did not want another one. I feel that some of this stuff has scarred me for life.

        • mascot

          There’s such a learning curve as a parent, no matter how prepared you are in the abstract. You know what you want the end result to be, but you don’t necessarily know how to get to that point. And your partner may have a different approach so you need to reconcile the two and work together towards the goal. Add in individual temperament of the child and it can be a real challenge. Plus, a child takes a share of resources (time, money, energy) that previously were allocated to other things and that can cause a strain.

    • anon for this

      I regret having them as young as I did. I was only married for a year when I got pregnant with my first, and my relationship was not where it needed to be. I love the 2 I have, but the responsibility took such a toll on my relationship. I’m now in the process of deciding on divorce. I don’t know if my relationship could have been saved if we had waited, but I do know I would have seen my husband’s true colors and been able to make a more responsible decision on whether to bring kids into the relationship with him if I had waited.

      • Anonymous

        This is one reason I wonder about getting married and having kids immediately. One obvious reason is extending that “honeymoon” phase when it’s just you and your spouse but another is that sometimes you just haven’t known the person that long especially if you are dating in your thirties. A guy I know actually alluded to this about his divorce saying that there were things he realised he didn’t know (i.e. character traits) about his ex-wife. They were married for only two years, and their child was born approx. at the beginning of year 2.

    • HM

      I don’t regret my children, but I there are times I certainly wish for the non-parent lifestyle (more travel, more spontaneity, more money, etc.). But I think regardless of where we are in life, we can always look at our past or at others’ situations and wish for certain elements that aren’t accessible in our own.

      • Anon

        This is how I feel. I love my kids dearly and most of the time I love being with them. But sometimes I wish I could have the non-parent lifestyle. (more money, more travel, more sleep!) I also had my first child very young and so I feel like I have been parenting for half my life and I am only in my 30’s.

        It’s also weird, but I love my kids so much and worry about them so much that sometimes I think I would be happier if I didn’t have them because then I wouldn’t worry so much. I read a quote once that said the trade off for love is grief and that is how I feel sometimes. It is just an overwhelming responsibility and even if we get a babysitter and get a night “off” the worry and responsibility never goes away.

    • anon

      Sometimes, yes. I do regret it. And I wish that I didn’t have them. Sometimes.

    • Manhattanite

      Like others have said, I love my daughter, could not imagine being a SAHM, child(ren) definitely put stress on my marriage, I don’t regret her presence iny life, but know I could have been perfectly happy without her. I think this is the most difficult idea to convey to single friends/posters here. I don’t regret my path, but see/know other paths as equally valid and rewarding. But then I get called a smug married. Seriously, it’s not a zero sum game. And it’s a lot of happenstance how your life turns out.

      • Anon

        You probably get called a smug married because you behave smug and feel the need to differentiate yourself from single women for no reason whatsoever (btw, single women have kids, too). I am a single poster and some how have a perfect ability to understand the sentiment that you love your daughter but would have been happy without her. It’s not challenging, and you brought up the smug married thing completely out of the blue.

        • Anon

          +1. You get called a “smug married” when you talk to people in such a way as to imply that being married gives you a deep, centered wisdom that “singles” can never hope to aspire to (until they snag a man, of course).

      • Anonymous

        Omg. The smug part is your perfect certainty you would have been totes fine single without kids. You simply cannot know that. That is the smug part. You can think it’s likely, or an attractive possibility, but there is no way for any of us to know we would have been happy on paths untravelled. It’s the smug certainty, and the gratuitous sharing of it, that is off putting.

      • anonymous

        Not going to pile on, but as a single person without kids, this makes a lot of sense to me. I’m not really sure why it strikes you as a single/married divide.

      • Manhattanite

        Hope I’m not being defensive. I misspoke in using the term single rather than childless and apologize for that. I had a child in my late thirties after I really thought I was going to be single and childless. I see friends who are single and childless. I may not regret my “choice,” but I know I’m missing out on things my friends have and that I used to have. Plus I totally remember in my mid 20’s how my childless female coworkers in their late 30’s, early 40’s were way more fun, interesting and young than the mid-30’s married female coworkers. That and really you don’t have any control over whether you find a life partner, “win” the fertility lottery. Even career paths are limited by your past youthful choices, geography and the economic climate at particular important junctures.

        • Katniss Everdeen

          As a married mid-30s, I know for a fact that I am way less fun than my single, childless co-workers. I keep hoping that once I get past the super-intense little kid stage I will be interesting once again!

      • cc

        I believe you got called a smug married because someone was pouring their heart out about being upset that they didn’t have someone and you commented that although you were INCREDIBLY HAPPY you miss being single sometimes too. Which is um ok? Most peopel feel that way sometimes but you don’t say that when someone is upset. You have the option to be single if you want to- if you are single you can’t magically get in a relationship tomorrow. Its like if you were rich and someone was complaining about not having enough money and you said something like “gosh I miss the days of living pay check to pay check sometimes, it gave me a better perspective.”

    • Anon

      Related follow-up question because this is getting a lot of interesting responses, particularly about marriages not working out after or kids taking their toll on a marriage. What do you wish you had asked your partner or known about them before having kids? In your experience what are “good” personality traits or qualities for coparenting and what are “bad” traits for it? Is there a particular conversation you would have had before deciding to have kids?

    • Solo

      I think a lot of people who secretly regret having kids would regret it less if they only had one. But somehow it’s not acceptable in this country to only have one child.

      As far as the kids and marriage thing goes, I think your partner’s willingness to pitch in *without whining about it* is very important.

      • Anon Parent

        I think that a lot depends on the kid. With >1, often it’s less work (you’re the parent and not the parent AND the standby friend). Sometimes, it’s more work. Last week, after the time change, Monday morning was extra-rough for the little people.

        Also, think of this population: a lot of type A women seriously working serious jobs that they have seriously prepared for during (at least) high school, college, and graduate work. For me, if I stayed at home, it would probably be with a lot of vigor and community involvement (and a bit less fussing b/c I’m stressed and we’re running late, again). I see at home as less $, more joy. But the grass is always greener, no?

        But being part of Team Family is key: you have to be all in and you have to have each other’s backs. Where I’ve seen it go wrong (always at the greatest expense of the children) is where one person gives only what’s left over after their other priorities (and then, begrudgingly so). You may never know you’re with that person until you have kids, but having kids seems to reveal them because it shines a light on when people are selfish or out of sync. You can limp along for a long time as a childless couple but kids make you step up.

      • SoCalAtty

        I don’t get why everyone is so insistent that only one is unacceptable. We’re going to be one and done. We just are. I was essentially an only child (brother is 12 years younger, we never lived together) and loved it. I do not feel that I missed out on anything at all.

        • Zelda

          I think it’s because those of us who have close relationships with our siblings feel like we would have missed out on something extremely important if we didn’t have them. For this reason, I personally would want at least 2, but I have no opinion on other people’s family choices, including number of children.

          Just like the kid question, I fully recognize that I might have had a perfectly happy life as an only child, or have felt like a lonely only and wished for siblings or have siblings but not have good relationships with them. There’s no guarantee.

    • anon

      I love being a mother. I adore my daughter. I do not in any way regret having her. If I had to do it over again, I would have her again in a heartbeat. But I will never have a second child. I am sure I would regret it.

        • anon

          1. Based on the circumstances of my previous pregnancy and my daughter’s infancy, pregnancy and new motherhood would take me away from parenting my existing child for at least a year and half.

          2. The one child v. multiple children divide that others have mentioned. We can enjoy a lot of experiences as a family of three that we wouldn’t be able to have as a family of four or more, especially if the additional children weren’t as well behaved and easygoing as our first child.

          3. I can’t even keep up with the needs of one child, my husband, the house, and my job.

          4. With one child, I can afford to give her the experiences and advantages that I wanted but didn’t get to have: the chance to participate in the very intense sport she loves, music lessons, summer camp, etc.. We are also preparing to pay for college. With two or more children, the opportunities would be much more limited.

          5. I can’t imagine how I would ever love another child the way I love this one.

          • First Year Anon

            Thanks for sharing. Those are all great reasons, and many I never thought of.

    • Annon2

      Such a timely question.
      I am engaged, my fiance wants to have 3 kids and I am totally ambivalent. I might have one to just see how it goes but 3 would absolutely ruin my life, figure, career, happiness everything. Sometimes I just wish I met a man who wasn’t so into kids. I guess I will have to tell him if I have kids, he is paying for the entire mortgage, cleaning lady, nanny and a night nurse while I focus on getting enough rest, recovering and getting back to work at the earliest possible. No way am I going through horrors of pregnancy/labor and pay the bills as well when I would be perfectly happy with no kids. He atleast needs to feel the pinch financially.
      Honestly I just don’t have any motherly feelings. I would like my maternity leave to be shortest possible just enough to recover and get back to my desk job which must be so much more peaceful and calming than trying to deal with an infant all day long. I will want to jump out of the window if someone made me do that. I have such strong feelings against motherhood I am almost ashamed to admit.

      • Anonymous

        Either you are Ellen, or you are a horrible horrible person who has no business entering into this marriage. He wants kids. You loathe them. Don’t marry, and please don’t bring children into this world.

        Baroness Schraeder was not supposed to be a role model.

      • Carrie...

        Sounds like you need to have some serious conversations with your fiance now…. don’t get married before you do.

      • SuziStockbroker

        I kind of think you are trolling here, but just in case you are not, don’t marry this man. You are not compatible.

      • Anonymous

        This could someone who just want to people to take the bait. But in case you are serious, do not marry this man and don’t have one kid “just to see”. You value completely different things, this will create a problem, trust.

  9. Houda

    Hello Hive,
    Just checking in to let you know I am holding up pretty well. Thank you all for your sweet messages and advice to take care of myself.
    I am going through a major readjustment phase but am up for it:
    I packed 70% of mum’s clothes for donation and will go again in a couple weeks to finish packing.
    My younger sister already lived with me but now my older sister moved in too and she will be using half of my living room where I have put some temporary storage but she will need to work on downsizing because she brought in several suitcases filled with clothes.
    I also brought my mum’s cat 2 days ago and hoping it will adjust with my own cat. 2 adult cats in a small apartment would be challenging but I am hoping they will get along.
    I am doing a lot of cleaning, de-cluttering and home improvement but made it a point to preserve my personal space. I did make it clear that I want my room to be mine, not a storage space, not a lounging area, not a makeup room (3 women in an apartment).
    Also when my sisters were complaining too much, I did explain that I am grieving too and that I have a large burden of staying afloat because I am now responsible for them (my sister is 5 years older and has a full time job but I have always been more financially responsible etc.).
    I’m also not getting distracted about my goal to change jobs this year. I am going to a networking cocktail with some visiting MBA students from an American university tomorrow. This will be my warm up to enter the networking scene.
    I have a lot of additional responsibility but I am setting some goals to not be swallowed by everyday emergencies.
    I’m also listening to the “Power of Vulnerability” audiobook.

    • SuziStockbroker

      Houda, I think you are amazing.

      However, I am worried you are taking on too much.

      Is there, at least, the possibility of getting a bigger apartment now that, presumably, your older sister can contribute financially?

        • Wildkitten

          A strategy I like is to put stuff in rubbermaid tubs in a storage unit, and that’ll keep it safe until you are ready to deal with it later (like months later). If your sisters have stuff they don’t need to access but they aren’t ready to get rid of, they could also put stuff in tubs. That puts it all on ice for a bit to be dealt with later.

      • Houda

        It’s my apartment, not a rental and I have already paid off a significant chunk of it.
        I am trying to have a plan to keep my sanity. I am hoping that my sisters will become more responsible when the mourning is over. My older sister got 3 weeks off of work no questions asked. I got 3 days. She should use that time to work on the new setup.
        I will try to do activities and get out and release some of the stress.

    • Marilla

      Lots of hugs for you, Houda. You are an incredible person. I hope you have someone to lean on during all this, since it sounds like a lot of people are leaning on you. One of my rules that I made for myself recently is that I’m allowed to be selfish sometimes and take time/space for myself – I hope your sisters will respect that your bedroom is your own space and will allow you to have that sanctuary for yourself.

  10. FYI Kat

    Just got the prompt to download some file again upon refreshing the page. Haven’t seen it for a few weeks so I thought we had this taken care of, but I guess it’s still there. :(

  11. a.k.

    Shopping help! I’ve decided I want tortoise-shell flats (or low wedges) for the spring, but I can’t find any (except for beautiful Manolos that are $$$$). Ideas?

  12. Anonypotamus

    One of my best friends from LS (who I haven’t been in touch with for a while – differen lives drift, nothing acrimonious) lost his teenage child over the weekend in an accident. I’m heartbroken for him but don’t know what I can do. Anyone been through this, have suggestions? I’ve met the child but didn’t know him well (obviously he was much younger at the time).

    • SuziStockbroker

      Are you in the same city? If so, I’d try to go to the funeral. It can really mean a lot to some people.

      For someone I was once very close with, I’d also try to do something like meal delivery or something, especially if they have other children.

      How tragic.

      • cc

        I’d see if you can go to the funeral no matter what city it is. I realize you can’t always take off but this is going to be devastating and I think if they are having a funeral, they’d really appreciate you getting there in person.

        • Anon

          If you can’t be there in person, a letter or a card explaining how sorry you are, that you are thinking of them, etc. might be appreciated as well.

      • SuziStockbroker

        My next door neighbour lost her only child in a car accident when he was 23. We (my kids, who were little when her son died: in utero 8.5 months pregnant, 7 and 5, and we spent a lot of time with her in the 6 weeks after he died, which seemed to help) make her a card. If she is not home, we leave it in her mailbox and make sure to see/speak to her within a few days.

        I definitely agree with letting your friend know you are thinking about him and his son, especially on “notable dates”, but also out of the blue.

        I have many clients who have lost their spouses. I mention the deceased spouses name in meetings from time to time. Sometimes they cry, and that’s OK. One lady, through her tears told me she has no one to talk to about her late husband. She has only one daughter and the daughter doesn’t bring him up because she doesn’t want to “make her mom sad”. She has a full life, volunteering and spending time with her grandchildren. But no one mentions her husband. She said it is a relief to be able to talk about him.

    • TBK

      I agree with attending the funeral. But also be there going forward. Put reminders in your calendar to check in periodically. Do you know the child’s birthday? If so, just a quick email on the birthday (every year if you can manage it) to say “thinking of you” can mean a lot. Check in on the anniversary of the death. Check in at the holidays. Check in on father’s day. Check in when the boy would be graduating from high school. Don’t worry that you’re just bringing up sad memories. The sad memories will be there. But people I know who have lost children say that knowing the child isn’t forgotten can make the sadness easier to bear.

      • la vie en bleu

        yes this: check in. send just a card with a few words if that’s all you can do. The parents will never forget this, it helps to hear that other people are remembering also. And keep doing it even if you don’t hear a response from them, it is still helpful.

      • Anon

        My cousin lost his teenage son in an accident a couple of years ago and he and his wife really appreciate these type of connections from people. Some people are afraid to talk to them about their son, but they have really enjoyed discussing memories, etc. They are also happy to know that people remember their son. The first couple of months were really a haze for them, but a couple of years later they do remember who was there for them.

  13. Miss Behaved

    Want to thank everyone for their suggestions on what to do and where to go on Vieques. I think I first heard about the island here, too.

    I loved it. I had a fabulous time. So sad to be back, but I plan on returning next year.

  14. TBK

    Any advice for working out during lunch? My new office has a fairly nice office gym and is in a good location for quick midday runs. My biggest problem is looking presentable afterward. My hair is fine and curly, but I blow it straight every day. There’s no way I can fit in a workout and a shower with total re-do of hair and make-up. But since the boys still don’t wake up at a consistent time, I’ve accepted that my best option for weekday workouts is lunch (because something like a 4:30am run just isn’t going to happen — nor is running at 9:00pm).

    • anon

      learn to embrace the curly. Or, be ok with pulling it back. seriously–I also have fine/wavy/curly hair, and used to dry it straight all the time too. I realized I was losing a lot of time to hair every day, and so I chopped it off to a short shag/long pixie and just let it curl.

    • SuziStockbroker

      I work out at lunch twice a week. I just put it in a ponytail. I don’t sweat all that much (I am lifting weights, not running) during my lunch workout. YMMV.

      I don’t have to re-do hair or makeup.

      I save my “sweaty” workouts to a half hour run 3 times a week, twice on the weekend, and once dueing the week. However, I don’t necessarily need to wash my hair after that run either. I put it in a high pony and put a thin headband near the hairline to keep all the babyhairs off my face. You coudl sprtz a little dry shampoo at your hairline if you sweat more than me…..

      Second putting it back wet. I can dry the front, and rough dry the back and then pull it up into a french twist. Takes under 5 minutes.

      • Wildkitten

        Do you still change to work out or have you figured out an outfit that doesn’t require an entire outfit change?

    • Clementine

      Learn to wrap your hair by pinning and wearing a silk scarf over it. I have fine, straightish hair that reflects my Northern European ancenstry. A former roommate of mine taught me how to wrap my hair in a way that many black women in my area do to preserve a smooth blowout, specifically salons that advertise as Dominican salons.

      Basically you pin your hair in sort of a spiral around your scalp and then wrap it with a silk or satin scarf TIGHT. Like can feel the pulse in your scalp tight. The hair stays pinned in place and the silk scarf keeps pressure on it.

    • L

      Can you lift instead? Maybe less sweaty?

      I used to do this and before I worked out, I pulled the front part of my hair in a twist to get it off my scalp a bit. Then workout. When done, hit the front of my hair with a blowdryer then take a quick ice cold shower (hair in a shower cap). after the shower, dry shampoo the front and hit with a blowdryer again. not perfect, but it worked.

      Also, practice a few decent looking updos.

    • Anon in NYC

      Batiste dry shampoo is a life saver. I spray it on my roots and then use the cool setting on my hair dryer to cool my head off/dry the sweat.

      • LilyS

        Yes! There’s a new brand called COLAB which is perhaps even better. I don’t know if it’s in stores on your side of the Atlantic but you can order it from FeelUnique. When I blow-dry my hair straight, it lasts through a workout and a shower (pulled back throughout) easily, with a little refreshing dry shampoo. I tend to pull it back tightly enough to not annoy me while actually working out (plus helmet if cycling!) and then blast dry shampoo in and loosely pull it up while showering, to give the dry shampoo time to work.

    • Anon

      Are you able to work out at say 4:30-5pm and just go back to your office in your workout clothes? I’ve done this before in the winter to do an outside run before it gets dark. My boss starts winding down then so it worked fine.

  15. Ideas on a European destination?

    My husband, kids (who are 2.5 and 4 months), my active 68 year old mom, and I would like to go for a 1 week vacation somewhere in Europe during early May. Mom has never been anywhere in Europe. DH and I would like to go somewhere we haven’t been before (we’ve been to Paris, all over Spain, London, Berlin, Istanbul, Rome, Florence, Athens, and the Greek islands).

    Any recommendations on a family friendly destination that has a good mix of history as well as natural beauty? Would also like to go somewhere where the weather will be warm (we’re in Boston and so, so tired of this snow). TIA!

    • emeralds

      Portugal, southern France, Croatia, or perhaps Slovenia are the only places I can think of that tick off your wishlists that you haven’t already been to, if repeats are definitely out. I don’t think northern Europe is reliably warm in May.

      • Emily

        I met a family that vacations in Rovinj, Croatia every year. I totally loved it there too. If Rovinj will be too cold in May, you could try Dubrovnik/area instead.

    • lawsuited

      I recommend Prague. There’s a lot of history there, but a very happy day can be spent paddle-boating and walking by the canal. It’s a particularly walkable city, which is why I recommend it for a family vacation. We spent about a week there over the course of a 4 week trip (4 days at the beginning of the trip and 3 days at the end) and there was plenty to keep us amused.

    • Anonymous

      I’d rent an apartment in Aix en Provence. History, scenery, lots of nice drives, warm, relaxed.

      Prague would be a nightmare with a stroller.

      • Katniss Everdeen

        Provence sounds PERFECT. We rented a house there with some friends and it would be perfect with kids. We enjoyed tourist day trips to Aix, Arles, and Avignon, and it was really wonderful.

    • B

      Split (and islands) and perhaps Plivitce Lakes in Croatia or the Adriatic Coast of Italy.

    • LilyS

      Germany or Austria – mountains and lakes! If Bavaria, you’ve got Schloss Neuschwanstein, the Chiemsee, perhaps a trip to Salzburg… Gorgeous landscapes, great food, lovely weather… Germany isn’t that much on the tourist trail (outside of city breaks) but I love it.

    • Moonstone

      Ireland. No need to stay in Dublin — get out into the West. OK, it won’t be warm but it will be beautiful.

    • PJ

      Definitely Ireland. Flight is about 4 1/2 hours on way over from Boston and about 5 hours on the way back. It is very family friendly and beautiful. I second Moonstone’s suggestion not to stay in Dublin but to head West. Galway and Kerry are wonderful (but I am biased as my parents are from there and I have spent a lot of time there).

  16. DC Career Coach

    Does anyone have recommendations? Preferably non-legal, as I’m not a lawyer, though I am in politics/policy so there’s some overlap. Thanks

  17. Baby Shower Gifts

    How much do you spend on baby shower gifts for a close friend? My friends have just started having babies, so I don’t have a “standard” yet. For comparison purposes, my standard wedding gift is $50-$100.

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