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Thursday’s Workwear Report: Emilia Scoop-Neck Top

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A woman wearing a black scoopneck top, blue jeans, and a black belt

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This knit top from Banana Republic would be a fantastic layering piece if you like a scoop-neck top. Even on hot summer days, I prefer short sleeves to sleeveless tops under blazers for a couple of reasons: 1) if I take my blazer off, my shoulders are still covered, keeping me “office-appropriate” in even the most conservative offices, and 2) having an extra layer between my underarms and my blazer cuts down on my dry cleaning bills.

This top comes in four colors, perfect for wearing with your favorite summer suits and layering under chunky sweaters this fall.

The top is $54.97, marked down from $110, at Banana Republic. It comes in sizes XXS-XXL.

Sales of note for 4/18/25:

  • Nordstrom – New spring markdowns, savings of up to 50%!
  • Ann Taylor – 40% off + extra 15% off your entire purchase
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50%-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Boden – 10% off new womenswear
  • The Fold – 25% off selected lines
  • Eloquii – extra 40% off all sale
  • Everlane – Spring sale, up to 70% off
  • J.Crew – Spring Event: 40% off sitewide + extra 40% off all sale
  • J.Crew Factory – 40%-70% off everything + extra 20% off orders over $125
  • Kule – Lots of sweaters up to 50% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Earth Day Sale, take 25% off eco-conscious fabrics. Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Rothy's – Final few – Up to 50% off last chance styles; new favorites added
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns

346 Comments

  1. It’s too hot to cook. What are your favorite cereals that that aren’t total sugar bombs?

      1. yesssssss so good!

        i saw a nutritionist say you can add protein powder to your cereal to make it even healthier – my husband does it all the time but I haven’t tried it yet.

        you can also use a non-tasty cereal to “cut” a sugarbomb cereal — mix plain cheerios with lucky charms or whatever

    5. Cheerios (actually usually Joe’s Os) or generic bran flakes (not fancy organic ones, which are always too sweet).

    9. Kashi, specifically the honey almond flax
      Nature’s Path Blueberry Cinnamon Flax -I discovered this when I was pregnant and craving all things blueberry-flavored. 5 years later, still love.
      I’ve started using a higher-protein milk (Fairlife) instead of almond milk (which I used purely because it was low calorie) when I eat these to help with fullness and balancing sugar.

    12. I am the weirdo who genuinely loves Grape Nuts. I like them best with unsweetened vanilla soymilk and fresh berries.

    15. We don’t generally eat cereal but I absolutely love a traditional German Bircher Muësli and crave it in hot weather. I find it so fresh and bright. I am now definitely making that tonight for tomorrow.

  2. I’m deep into my career in the public sector. Our field is in a serious long-term nationwide shortage and yet salaries haven’t budged. In an attempt to retain a newer staff member, I advocated for a small salary increase in the form of a stipend that was already available to employees in related fields, arguing that since there was precedent, it should be an easy thing to do. HR agreed and applied the stipend to both of us.

    I enjoyed the satisfaction of a job well-done until I found out that HR had not only applied the stipend to new employee for the upcoming year, but had also provided three years of the stipend retroactively to the time she was hired. I have been provided the stipend for the coming year only with no retroactive pay. I’ve been the only constant in this department for years and without overstating the situation, have kept the plates spinning in a job they would struggle to fill. To say I’m incandescent with rage is an understatement.

    1. God, I’m sorry. Where I work is just like this and it’s so, so, SO enraging and demoralizing.

      I hope you go in and demand the retroactive stipend as well as anything else you can.

    2. She’s a newer staff member who’s been there at least 3 years? Yikes, doesn’t seem new to me. Also in the public sector. I hope you also get a stipend!

    3. Ugh. Hate this for you. Let me guess, local government?

      I’m a Fed now but when I was a local something similarish happened – I started a job at 50k, a few months later they gave “everyone” COLAs to 55k, but you had to have been there 6 months to qualify for the raise so I didn’t get it. Then, a few months later (I’d been there for 11 months at the time) we had a few vacancies. They were advertised at 55k. I asked when I was getting bumped up to 55k, they said I wasn’t. I told my boss I’d quit my job and reapply to get 55k.

      A few months later I was promoted, so it didn’t matter to me (new position came with a salary increase), but the two guys I worked with who started when I did were stuck at 50k for three years until we got our next COLA. Because COLAs only happened every 3-5 years.

    4. I quit my public sector job when new hires fresh from law school were making $10k more than me with 8 years of experience. When I left, I made it crystal clear that was the reason.

      1. Same. I was told I was so valuable but the slugs who had been there years before me were still making more. This was true even though we had the same amount of time working for the state, I just moved from a different agency. My boss was surprised when I quit after I told him I would quit unless he raised my salary to meet theirs.

    5. I also work in government (state) and have received significant raises as a result of higher compensation offered to new hires or less experienced people. I stay on top of compensation numbers for others in my department, share them with my boss and ask if he would support a market adjustment or compression bump. I have gotten at least 20% in additional raises this way in the past ten years. It likely won’t work everywhere, but it is worth a try.

    6. Lawyer here. I’m not a public sector expert, but several states have pay equity laws on their books, whereby people doing the same job with the same experience (and the with the same experience is the gotcha, at times) should be paid the same. Look into this.

  3. Apologies in advance for what I’m sure is going to be the length of this post.

    I’ve been in my role at a small organization (~150 employees) reporting to the CEO for about 9.5 years. He created my job as part of a restructure and hired me as the org’s chief revenue generator. In the past 9.5 years, I’ve exceeded everyone’s wildest expectations in terms of metrics, results, etc. and have built an outstanding team. I have never had a bad review.

    During that time, I have always been in the CEO’s innermost circle — which had its ups and downs. I didn’t always love being in that position; he’s mercurial and insecure. He often said and did things that I did not agree with (speaks unkindly about people behind closed doors, is not empathetic or humble, etc.). He has yelled at me before (often apologizing later, but not always). I tried to manage those boundaries as best I could because there were big upsides to working for him, too — I learned a ton. However, our relationship really started to deteriorate over the past year and we had a couple of conversations about it, but it’s been crummy overall.

    For several years I’ve debated whether to stay or to go, job-wise. I have a lot of personal reasons to stay, but in March I began putting feelers out to see what might be out there. I live in a small market and have been in the workforce for 20 years, so I’m being picky.

    On Tuesday, my boss and HR sat me down and told me that I am being non-renewed for 25/26 (I have employment through June 30, 2025). His primary reasoning for this is administrative spend — I am the third highest-paid employee in our org — and they will not be filling my role. BUT he also said that for the past several years I have not been a high performer. Dear reader, there is NOTHING in my HR file or any Board/institutional reports that demonstrates this. He is a man who wants what he wants and for Reasons, he’s decided he wants me gone.

    I have the option to work for the next year and they will celebrate me when I go out into a great new job (his words — eyeroll), but they are also putting a severance agreement in front of me on Friday (equal to a year’s pay) should I choose to depart anytime before the end of my current contract. I am going to have an employment attorney review it, of course. Oh, and he and I are also going on a four-night retreat with our CFO and board next week, and I have to act totally normal during that time (also eyeroll).

    For those of you who have been in this position: what should I be thinking about, both personally and professionally? What/how do I tell my kids, who happen to be highly involved with this org? Am I damaged goods if I take the money and run (and take a break this summer)? I’ve only cried once and honestly, I’m not even that mad — hurt, I think, and disappointed too. At the same time I definitely do not want to work for/with this guy any more so this severance is a gift. I know they won’t expect me to take it (they think I’ll want to save face and continue in my job) but I can’t see how I can return to the office and do real work/not let down my team. Would love any advice from the hive, and apologies again for the novella.

    1. I would 100% take the money and run. They don’t deserve any more of your time or energy. Could you honestly stand to work for them another YEAR knowing how they feel and how little you are appreciated?! Don’t go on the retreat next week! Get out of there.

      1. Completely. And if you decide to stay, get all this in a contract – I wouldn’t be surprised if at some point during that year they’d renege on the terms and boot you.

        Lastly, during that retreat, if you have an ally who will be there I wouldn’t be shy about saying something about this. Keep it professional and don’t violate any of the employment or contractual terms but a well-placed looks like I am moving on soon, it’s been so great to work with you and let’s stay in touch could open the door

      2. Completely. And if you decide to stay, get all this in a contract – I wouldn’t be surprised if at some point during that year they’d renege on the terms and boot you.

        Lastly, during that retreat, if you have an ally who will be there I wouldn’t be shy about saying something about this. Keep it professional and don’t violate any of the employment or contractual terms but a well-placed looks like I am moving on soon, it’s been so great to work with you and let’s stay in touch could open the door.
        And as to your kids and others, you can just say you’ve learned a ton but are ready for new challenges. Or you can be honest! You’ve learned a ton from CEO but he also can be volatile and you want to be in a more positive / healthier work environment – respecting yourself is a good thing for them to see.
        And you are zero percent damaged goods. Due to burn out, non-competes, and other reasons it’s extremely normal for high level people like yourself to take time off to recharge before starting the active search. You’ll probably get more traction once you’ve exited anyway, in a small industry people may be nervous now about being seen as poaching you or pissing off your boss. Save your contacts, get your ducks in a row, talk to a lawyer and have an amazing summer !

    2. Take the money. You already knew you were ready for a change when you began putting feelers out, they are ready for a change too. It’s okay. I mean, it’s crappy that they are trying to insinuate that your performance is an issue. But overall this is something that will be good for your mental health.

      In addition to having a lawyer look over the severance agreement, think about health insurance costs (if they were paying them). You also may consider asking for a letter of recommendation and outplacement support.

      Also – if you are not already in therapy, consider it to give yourself some extra support in the coming months and through the transition. It sounds like this has been a very damaging work environment for some time and it may take some effort to undo some of the hurt that’s come with it, and help you be your best self in your next role.

    3. As hard as it sounds, i would not take it personally. If you can take the money and move on, do it!

      I was laid off under vaguely similar circumstances- a stellar employee forever, then under a regime change my job went to a mediocre white guy that happened to be best bros with our new ceo. I took it so, so personally.

    4. Hugs if you want them, this sounds difficult. I would also take the severance and run. I might feel differently if the CEO had kept it professional and to the money issue, but now he’s brought up non-existent performance issues my concern would be that he’ll spend the next year making them existent and that will both grind you down and damage your prospects. I would take the summer but have a peppy announcement to colleagues and stakeholders with a plan so it doesn’t sound like you’ve been pushed out and are at a loose end (two birds with one stone and find a new place to volunteer with your kids for a few weeks?) That also assumes you can either find a new job relatively easily or your household can manage without your income in the longer term; if there’s a risk you might not find a suitable new post in the year I might answer differently. I would also consider whether there’s any potential for a private conversation with any trusted board member to share your experiences, but only if there’s no chance it will backfire.

      1. “might feel differently if the CEO had kept it professional and to the money issue, but now he’s brought up non-existent performance issues my concern would be that he’ll spend the next year making them existent and that will both grind you down and damage your prospects.”

        This, a million times this. No contract can make your boss be honest and ethical in how you are treated.

        That type of environment can have long lasting impacts on other jobs – ask me how I know.

    5. I would take the severance and be gone. Of course you’re not damaged goods — I’ve been laid off, I’ve been fired, and I’ve gone on to get perfectly good jobs. My EGO was damaged, and my identity took a hit, and I was angry, hurt, and confused. But my job skills remained intact.

    6. Take the package (assuming no bombs in the docs) and breathe, then start looking for next role! Exec turnover is normal, no one will look down. Good luck getting through the next few weeks

      1. This. Also by offering you a year they expect you to go now. Talk to a lawyer and negotiate too, there’s probably something they’re holding back you can add to sweeten the deal. This happens all the time. Part of life in the c-suite. Don’t take it personally. Do take some time to regroup and refresh.

    7. Put your self-interest above ego. That means focusing on your next step and if that means staying until you can leave on your terms, then do so. It’s all about your next step and nothing else. Think of it as a cost saving move by the company and nothing more. You know you did a good job and if they are willing to publicly back you, that’s all you need—don’t jeopardize that with a big gap if you don’t have to. Would it feel great to go? Absolutely. But that may not be the best thing for future self.

      Do not sign anything without an attorney reviewing first.

      Hugs. I was in a similar situation three years ago (I was too “expensive” in a restructuring following Covid business hits). I’m now in a job that pays 70k more but with way, way less stress. I know it stings right now. I was a high achiever who never dreaned it would happen even though my CEO was a mercurial jerk. But trust me, having your head in something new will do a world of wonders. So take the steps now to help make that leap happen as best and smoothest (and fast) as it can.

    8. First of all, congratulations on a really successful run! Second, take the money and run!
      Have fun, be vague and gracious, and cheers to bigger and better things.

    9. I would stay only because it’s easier to find a new job when you have your current job. But, I would not tell them once you have your new job lined up and then take the package. Aim to start your new job later this year so you can take some time off. I would burn any leave you have over the summer.

      I would 100% try to have any official materials related to or coming out of that retreat reflect the successes you’ve had where possible.

      2. Respectfully, that rule does t apply to high level roles like this one. The plan here is for OP to leave now, that’s what the money is for.

        1. Yup, it is very normal for exec-level people to take time off before finding a new role. OP, they are buying you out. Take it!

          1. Also, even with an iron-clad contract addendum laying out the terms, OP could well discover that when she announces she’s leaving 6 months from now that one year severance is somehow off the table. Best case she could sue for it, but that’s a hassle. Get the message, take the money now, and be free. Negotiate to remain on their health insurance during the severance period at whatever cost you were contributing before.

    10. You have to take the severance. You may think you can white knuckle it for a year, but you cannot. He will also start treating you even more like garbage than he already does. Take the money and run. Take some time off and enjoy yourself. Then find a better job.

    11. Take the severance and go. A year is too long to sit under someone who you describe as “mercurial and insecure” “speaks unkindly about people behind closed doors, is not empathetic or humble,” and “yells”. And he earned that description while you’ve exceeded expectations. Imagine his behavior towards you now that he thinks you are not adding value. And be very clear in your mind about this – for people like him, only his opinion matters, he will not be swayed by silly things like facts, data, or other people’s opinions. He could spend the year talking you up to some big send off, or you could spend the year fending off one slight, insult, or undercut after another while becoming distracted and dishartened instead of putting energy into your next best thing.
      Take a deep breath and then do the best thing for you.

    12. I used to represent senior execs getting hired/let go. While I’m a lawyer, a big part of my job was also career counseling (for lack of a better term) as most people only get let go a handful of times in their life but I saw it happen 5x a week.

      I would take the severance and exit now. If you want to keep the company in your resume for a few months consider doing an advisor (1099) engagement where they pay you an hourly rate for a few hours of work a week – you can use that time do do your transition and job search. At your level, a gap in your resume is not a big deal. It is not worth it to stay in a job where you aren’t wanted – your relationship with the company will deteriorate
      and you may end up losing out on the severance they are offering.

      If you need a referral for a lawyer to look over your agreement, drop a burner email as I have some good referrals.

    13. Are you me? Seriously – oddly, oddly similar set of circumstances. Larger company and new leadership in last 4 years which was the beginning of the end (low key abusive leadership, questionable choices by leaders part, I can see my inner circle status fading…), , and I’ve only just started putting out feelers because I am on contract until 6/30/25. I’ve been in this role for 15 years so it’s just weird and sad but I’m not angry, maybe even actually ready for a change?

      So, as someone who deeply understands where you are: I would take that money so fast and get the hell out. Start applying for jobs casually now and in earnest after enjoying the summer. You have a long runway with the severance and I fully anticipate boss making life miserable and also taking back the offer leaving you with a terrible situation to face until your employment term is up.

    14. Take the money and run. If you are asked about it, just say you were proud to work closely with X, and that you had the longest track record with him of anyone on the team, and that it definitely prepared you to handle almost any experience in the workplace.

    15. Take the money and run, and enjoy a big mic drop. Don’t go on the retreat–not worth your time or effort. See what you can arrange re: health insurance, check with a lawyer, out-placement counseling, and a positive reference. Enjoy your free time, see a therapist, and begin to be excited about new horizons.

    16. Absolutely take the money and go. You will not survive a year there or if you do it would be at great personal and professional cost – you are being given a gift.

      I am curious about how your kids are involved in this? I do mission-driven work but still highly advise people not mix family and business – that might be a lesson learned for your future steps, as an aside!

    17. I’d take the severance and move on. Working there for another full year will be miserable. Why work those hours if they’re going to pay you via severance anyway?

    18. You sound conflicted, but really–ask yourself how bad it’s been, how they’ve treated you lately, and how, three months from now, when you get berated again, you’re going to wish SO HARD that you took the money.

      Change is hard; this was surprising. But you knew, based on the CEO’s behavior, that he turns on nearly everyone eventually.

      No one will feel that you are a job-hopper if you left after 9.5 years. No one.

      You cannot see it now (but I beg you–look at all of the responses here), PLEASE TAKE THIS MONEY. Take time to breathe, to exercise, to reconnect with your soul and your non-working self, to travel.

      Also, if you take this money, and you get a new job sooner than a year from now, you will have a windfall. You will put your family in a much better financial position than if you had stayed.

      TAKE THE MONEY. Do not look back. Look forward.

      Your kids will adjust to you working somewhere else. That’s a nonsense sidebar.

      TAKE THE MONEY! If you don’t your next year will be horrible.

    19. Take the money. At my mid sized biotech corporate, leaders are always leaving to “focus on their family”. Don’t worry about saving face.

      The only reason to stay is if you think you’d be a hotter commodity in a job. At a certain level, I don’t know that applies beyond negotiating a better offer.

    20. Take the money and run. And I would absolutely tell people “in confidence “ on the retreat. Accidentally on purpose.

  4. For you who car commute and have a laptop bag, where do you put your stuff? I am trying laptop bag behind the drivers seat and loose wallet keys phone up front but the space isn’t ideal. I need tissues out and a box is too big and just goes flying with each turn. Tech case? Some sort of pouch? I feel like I need an much older car that had floor around the drivers seat and not just a console that has small cup holders but lots of little spaces that hold an item or two (which makes me prone to leaving items and for safety I can’t keep anything in my car once I park it).

    1. Huh? Just out your bag in the trunk or front passenger seat? I don’t follow your issue at all.

      1. Trunk: can’t go through the drive through.

        I assume the presence of a front seat passenger as to why OP seems to have the bag in the back and need items like wallet or parking pass or phone for navigation handier than the main bag.

        A friend had these issues when she went from metro commute to staying over at a BF’s place out further. Can’t remember how she did it.

    2. Put everything in your laptop bag. Why does it need to be out? If you need tissues, Kleenex has a round box that is designed for a cup holder.

    3. I’m also not following. I put my bag on the floor of the passenger seat. Keys are in the ignition (older car, not keyless), phone is in a cup holder with GPS up, and wallet is in the cup holder with my phone if I anticipate needing it or in my work bag if I won’t need it. This leaves a cup holder for my coffee. I don’t have tissues accessible but I do keep napkins in my center console storage so you could do that with tissues. Or on your lap. Or in a cup holder. Or in the door.

    4. When I had small kids I kept my bag in the back seat so I could not leave the car without checking the back seat. Too many horror stories. I always had useful items loose and crammed in random spaces and had to do a pat down to make sure I gathered them up when I left. I really needed a car purse.

    5. Is this a real post? If you can’t fit everything in your laptop bag, then get a bigger bag.

    6. Travel size tissues in the console. Pouch for loose wallet, keys, and phone which you should have anyway even if you don’t use a full size purse. Some kind of large wristlet or crossbody/belt bag should work.

    7. I get the tissue box made for the cup holder – it’s a tube. Stick that in the door cup holder. Phone goes on search and rescue cord plugged in for easy retrieval. Purse/backpack goes behind the passenger seat. You can install the same hook as guys for suit jackets if you want to hang you purse of the passenger seat.

    8. Do you have someone in the passenger seat? I’m confused why just buckling your tote in the seat doesn’t solve all your problems.

    9. I have hooks that hang on the headrest…You could put your loose things in a small bag and hang them on the passenger headrest? It would hang in the backseat area.

      I just keep my keys, phone in the middle console area.

      1. Yes, this. I can’t deal with having a bunch of loose objects. I will inevitably forget them, or lock myself out of the car, or what have you. This minimalist trend is not for me, I guess.

      2. +1. Ideally a small purse for these items, and then a laptop bag you can stick your small purse into. Laptop bag can go in the trunk, purse easily comes up to the front with you.

        The tissues – +1 to all the above advice to get the small tissue box made for the cup holder or the small travel tissues that are meant for purses. Although I do have a box of tissues flying around my car right now, it is what it is.

        If you don’t have any storage (glove box, center console, side doors) that is super annoying. But I don’t think this is new car vs older car, that’s a model issue.

    11. I put whatever bag I have behind the passenger seat so I can reach it with my right arm.

      My husband got me one of those phone holders that clip to the vent flaps on the dashboard. I keep my phone there so that it doesn’t fly around. Makes it much easier to use maps.

    12. I use a tote for my laptop and stuff, and put my wallet, phone and key stuff like garage and building fobs in a wristlet I toss on the front seat. Extra Kleenex and hand sani live in the door pocket with a melted lip gloss.

    13. I would probably suggest a smaller bag that you keep in your laptop bag, like a pouch or clutch that can sit in the front seat. I broke down and bought one of those sun visor tissue things because the boxes go flying. I also have back-of-seat organizers where I keep things sometimes for the kids, I just bought this thing that attaches to the side of the passenger seat. I also have a bunch of tiny boxes in the console in the middle (the hump or whatever) and have to say the photo organizers really are a perfect fit.

      tissue visor
      https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0BDRBJVJ4/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&th=1
      (which fit these: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0BHYM1DFF/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&th=10

      car seat side organizer: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0C7GJZTN7/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&th=1

      photo storage:
      https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B08WX6QRJC/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&th=1

  5. Has anyone switched from a vanilla PCP to a concierge medical practice? I’m 50+ and used to blithely assume I’d live without a care until my mid90s based on family history. That history has evolved to where my parents have made it to 80 fine but then had devastating medical conditions some seemingly out of no where that oddly no doctor owned — it’s like the body is carved up into different pieces and once, say, oncology discharges you as a futile case, I guess you just go off to die with no clear handoffs or anyone seeming to be in charge. Nothing is wrong with me now and I have been assured that none of what happened to them is heritable. But my PCP practice has had a revolving door and my prior person left and I feel that for the next 30 years I may need more oversight or at least a nerve center not on autopilot.

    1. If you can afford it, do it. It’s helpful for getting quick appointments when you have, eg, a UTI or an injury that needs a referral for an MRI. If you have kids, who constantly need random care, it’s great.

      If you end up feeling like it isn’t worthwhile, you can always find a different PCP.

      1. Two years ago, my PCP went concierge. I truly dislike the idea of concierge medicine because of how it cuts off access for most of the population based on economics. At the time, however, so many physicians in my area either switched to concierge, retired, or were not accepting new patients. I had just been diagnosed with a serious, incurable health condition, and my sibling was dying, so I stayed with my doctor in the concierge practice to ensure access at a moment where I did not have time to figure things out. Two years later, I am a convert. I have received excellent unrushed care, referrals to great specialists, my doctor has done research to find me a specialist with expertise in my tiny corner of my diagnosis. I am fortunate that my doctor is associated with one of the top health systems in the world, but has referred me outside when needed. I am still offended by the realities of our broken medical system and who gets care, but I have found that concierge medicine is great for someone with ongoing healthcare needs.

        1. No doubt on the health care systematic issues. Ironically, concierge medicine “solves” many of the problems in medicine: physician burnout; Medicaid, Medicare, and insurance requirements ruining patient care. (Physicians spend double the time doing paperwork that they did two decades ago. Gee I wonder why appointments are rushed and doctors hate their jobs.)

          1. The concierge system works better for both the provider and the patient. It is sad that this is where the US healthcare system is, but here we are.

          2. I’m not opposed to concierge medicine but the one thing that it does not solve (and actually exacerbates) is provider accessibility overall. If you have a “regular” PCP practice with a 2000-5000 patient panel and you go to a concierge model with 800 patients, then you have thousands of patients who need a new provider. Guess what, we are not graduating double the amount of internal medicine providers than we did in the past. So, it closes off access to a physician-primarily for the poor and underprivileged. It’s just further breaking the already broken US healthcare system. Source: works in healthcare for 30+ years.

          3. My view is that it helps with provider accessibility because that is 800 patients who would be looking elsewhere if the concierge provider left medicine altogether.

            As for the broader problem, why exactly aren’t we opening new medical schools and expanding residency slots?

        2. We are expanding medical schools-there have been a dozen or so that have opened in the past ten years. We haven’t expanded residency slots (much)-there are a few new programs that were funded to address the opiod addiction problem or family medicine shortages-but the reason why we don’t fund new residency programs is because most resident slots are funded by the government, and the government does not want to add new dollars to fund new residencies. Why they don’t is a mystery to me, although you can be sure that physician groups are lobbying against more resident slots because a shortage of doctors leads to ever increasing physician salaries. I have also seen some residency programs at smaller rural or non academic hospitals and I really, really worry about those physicians being turned loose on the world. They are just not getting the same rigorous training as residents at larger hospitals and health care systems. And, of course, not all doctors want to teach residents. There is really no pay/salary support for that, and since we have commoditized medicine to pay only for the widgets you produce (number of patient visits or procedures), it turns out that most MD’s focus on what they are paid for-which again, is not teaching. PS: I don’t agree that doctors who turn to concierge medicine would have left medicine all together, but I also don’t blame them for leaving the rat race and opting into a more sane way of life. All of this is to say, I think the US health care system is going to get worse before it gets better, sadly.

    2. I haven’t but would absolutely do it if it was affordable. I have a doctor at NYU (big system in NYC) and it takes me months to make a regular appointment. Current availability is end of December! Sick visits are mostly by zoom and pointless (abut still charged a regular co-pay). Oh and all communication is through an app n brisk messages. I truly hate it. I would love a doctor that functioned the way doctors functioned during my childhood – appointments within a few weeks if not a few day, phone calls if you need them, and the doctors doesn’t see so many patients that they have no idea who you are. Oh, and the upside of “all your doctors will be at NYU so it’s easy” is more or less nonexistent because it takes months to see anyone. My derm used to be independent and I could get an appointment in 2 weeks on average, now she’s at NYU and it takes 6 months.

      1. I also use NYU for all my care and think it is great. Yes sometimes there is a long wait but I just put myself on the waitlist on the app and have always been offered appointments much sooner. Sure it would be nice to not need to book my annual skin check 6 months out but it’s also not an urgent issue. And Langone urgent care is excellent.

      2. I can get last-minute appointments with my NYC PCP – Julie Bikhman at Atrium Medical. Not concierge but very easy to work with practice. My dermatologist is another story.

        1. Thanks for this rec!

          To the poster at 11:14, I am sadly not a 6 months ahead planner for these things and I dont think I should have to be.

      3. I’m in the Bay Area, but all of my friends who live in NYC have concierge primary care

    3. Does it matter if it is for adults or whole family? Also, in our city, two rival hospital chains own most practices, both primary and specialty. I’m not sure how concierge maybe cuts you off or risks the medical records not being easy to follow you around (which was the whole point, no?).

      I’m curious.

    4. I haven’t but know several people that have done either concierge or one of the few multidisciplinary practices that are still doctor owned, including my mom. Biggest difference is just the collaboration. I recall one instance where my mom is with her PCP and she needed to see a specialist, PCP looked at his schedule, didn’t see an opening and texted the specialist to fit her in. You just don’t see that with the vanilla large primary care providers. So, if you can find a practice and afford it, highly recommend.

    5. Why, Oh, Why cannot the US not have a national health scheme (one can still opt for a private practice) so that ALL one’s medical records are in one place? And then throw in a decent public health scheme!

      1. I’m in Canada with national healthcare and it does not mean records are in one place, unfortunately!

      2. There are downsides of your records all being in one place, which is that they are impossible to clear out or correct. I have so much crap from the 1990s that is getting pulled in that is simply inaccurate or associated with someone with my name who isn’t me.

        1. My docs/health systems don’t keep things over 7 years. I wanted my brand new to me PCP to see test results from 2016 and they don’t exist anymore.

          1. This is why I *always* ask for paper copies of everything. Labs, test results, etc. I have CDs of my Xrays. I will be getting a CD of my CT scan from earlier this week.

    6. I’m a doctor, and sadly, I recommend to my friends to join a concierge practice that has ties to the hospital system they prefer. I am debating joining one myself, but am lucky at the moment that my PCP is pretty good and semi-responsive. If you have complex medical issues I really recommend it.

      Sadly, the best GYN for menopausal/women wellness issues has also gone concierge in my area. So far it is mostly PCPs, but now the specialists are going concierge.

      Our medical system is just getting worse and worse… and more out of reach.

    7. I had a concierge doc for quite some time and was very happy with the undivided attention during appointments, the access, the ease of getting appointments. (Once she called in a prescription for a UTI on Thanksgiving day after I texted her!) I am super fortunate in that I was able to switch to my husband’s PCP, who operates like a concierge practice without the added charge, but I realize that is an option for almost nobody. So I say go for it.

      1. What is this “like a concierge practice but not”? I assume it’s in Pasadena. I’d be very interested!

    8. When my primary care provider told me that she no longer had the time to coordinate care with the rest of my medical team given my conditions, I found a direct care internist. It’s less whistles and bells than the more expensive concierge practices around here and also costs less. I felt like it paid for itself the one time the doctor assessed for pneumonia at at a time when the only other option would have been the ER, and the other time when he spent two hours going over my chart and family history and correctly identified two treatable hereditary conditions that I tested positive for.

    9. I tried a private pay semi concierge nurse practitioner practice (in DC) and was incredibly disappointed with the access and care. It didn’t get me much of anything at all. I imagine a true full concierge practice is different (and priced accordingly).

      1. Honestly if I’m seeing a NP, I want it to be at an academic research university hospital where they have ready access to supervising MDs and specialists. Or maybe at a budget walk-in clinic.

        Was this a practitioner owned kind of thing or some kind of corporate venture? (I ask because someone was complaining to me about for-profit corporate healthcare disruption in the DC area.)

        1. It was practitioner owned. I needed it bc my longtime PCP merged with MedStar and I couldn’t get an appt without months wait–then bc it hit the 2 year mark since I had been seen (during covid) they booted me as an existing patient and “were not taking new patients”. I’m not in DC anymore but it was so so hard to find a PCP there other than paying for One Medical which is what everyone I knew ended up doing.

          1. I would be upset about being booted during COVID! I hope wherever you are now has less of a shortage.

  6. Someone posted a type of laser or other treatment that they’d do instead of filler on older skin with some looseness or sag. What was that again? I am not able to pull up that post and want to look into it now that I’m at a derm practice with a med spa / cosmetic practice.

    4. Shurink or other similar type of tightening – high intensity focused ultrasound type of treatment.

  7. I know there have been a few conversations about this in the last year, but my google skills are failing me, sorry–what are your recommendations for Acadia and Bar Harbor? We love hiking and being outside, and hope to eat a lot of seafood and enjoy some good beer. We’ll be there about five days so have some time to work with.

    1. What time of year are you going? Recommendations change a bit based on the seasons, because so much closes in shoulder and then is closed all winter. Get a reservation for Cadillac Mountain (if you need one at the time of year you’re going). Even if you don’t do sunrise, it’s beautiful. Get a reservation at Jordan Pond House and have the popovers. I love eating on the lawn. Rent bikes at least one day and go on the carriage roads in the Park. Atlantic Brewing is a cute little brewery in Bar Harbor. Walk on the shore path. Go to Northwest Harbor and shop along their main street. There are some good lobster ponds in NW Harbor. Happy to provide more specific requests if needed. Some of the restaurants are on OpenTable/Resy. Some are walk-up only. Cruise ships have been limited this year, so it should be easier to get into restaurants than sometimes.

      1. Thanks, this is helpful! We’ll be there in July. I’d love any recs for specific restaurants, I was assuming we would need to get some reservations ahead of time since I’ve heard Bar Harbor is small and gets crowded.

        1. The vast majority of places don’t take reservations, and the places that do normally take them a couple days out, even during the July/August high season. So it’s probably not necessary to book anything in advance.

          It does get very crowded. If you’re staying in BH, it’s best to walk everywhere and not try to bring your car around. If you’re driving into the village, just park your car as soon as you see a space and walk from there – it’s tiny and you can get everywhere on foot. There are also the free Island Explorer shuttle buses that you can use as an alternative to cars, and you can bring bikes and dogs on those buses.

    3. ooh yay! Thanks for posting this, we are going in September. Same goals, hiking + outside + good food. I love hikes with cliffs and I cannot wait for Precipice Loop!! Looking forward to the recommendations.

      1. Precipice closes every summer for nesting peregrine falcons. It should be open by September but just a PSA for anyone going between now and mid-August that it’s probably not an option to hike that.

        1. good point! I did see that. Hoping the falcons get out of there by mid September!

          1. Immediate feedback…it looks like the Jordan Pond House’s first reservation availability is in August, so if that sparked your interest, I’d reserve now for September!

          2. You can go to Jordan Pond House without a reservation, although there will be a wait. All the reservation does is cut down on the waiting time, and from experience it doesn’t even do that all that much. It’s a weird system, not a traditional restaurant reservation.

          3. dangggg good to know! the first night we’re going to be there is my birthday, so that night is alloted for fancy dinner. I was thinking Reading Room but that’s because that was the first restaurant I looked at and it sounded amazing and I stopped looking. :)

          4. I got married at the Bar Harbor Inn and we had our wedding meal catered by the Reading Room! People all seemed really happy with the food. That said I personally think the Asticou Inn food is better and that’s my favorite place in the area for a nice meal.

    4. We go every summer and I actually leave tomorrow to spend a month there working remotely… my favorite place on earth!

      Favorite walks/very easy hikes: Beech Mountain, Jordan Pond Path, the shore path in Bar Harbor/walk to Bar Island at low tide

      Favorite longer hikes (though still not “long” by most definitions): Gorham Mountain Loop, Acadia Mountain, Champlain North Ridge Trail, Penobscot Mountain Trail (make sure you continue on to Dorr Mountain from the summit and stop for a swim in Sargent Mountain Pond, a crystal clear mountain lake).

      I also love the Cadillac North Ridge trail which is long but not challenging underfoot. You can drive up Cadillac, but hiking is more peaceful and avoids the need to get a reservation (those are only for private cars)

      Food:
      Asticou Inn and Terrace Grill or Reading Room at the Bar Harbor Inn for nicer sit down meals.
      Travelin’ Lobster, the Nor’Easter and Abel’s for lobster pounds.
      Geddy’s and Rosalie’s for pizza.
      Jordan’s, Cafe This Way and Jeannie’s for breakfast/brunch.
      Ben & Bill’s for ice cream and fudge.
      Jordan Pond House recently changed ownership and their popovers are no longer as good as the ones at Asticou (they always seem to come out burned) although we still enjoy going there for the views.
      Don’t limit yourself to Bar Harbor for food, there’s a lot of great food in Southwest Harbor, Northeast Harbor and just randomly along the road on the island.

      No beer recs, sorry!

      1. Ben and Bill’s!
        Mt. Desert Ice Cream – unusual flavors
        Reel Pizza for pizza, beer, and a movie
        Havana Parrilla (cheaper and as good as the more expensive sister restaurant next door)
        I like Thuya Gardens and then the Eliot Mountain Trail behind it (I think it is a town trail)
        The carriage roads by Jordan pond are beautiful and easier footing for walks than many of the mountains. The Jordan stream trail is really gorgeous and lots of nice bridges to walk under.

        On the way UP, stop at Maine Beer Co in Freeport – v good selection.

        1. Thank you!! We’re actually staying near Freeport our last night specifically for Maine Beer Co, we both LOVE their stuff and it was on our absolute must-do list :)

      2. Thanks so much, this is exactly what I was looking for! I’ve been going to Portland for work for a few years now, and I’m so excited to get to experience more of a state that I’ve come to really enjoy, and also share it with my husband :)

        1. I asked above about going with kids. You got lots of great replies on things to do, so I’ll just add to say that you’ll have an amazing time! Bar Harbor is one of my favorite places I’ve ever been (Paris and Bar Harbor are tied for first, and I don’t even know what would be #3). It’s such a great mix of relaxed atmosphere, great outdoors access, and decent restaurants. Enjoy!

          1. I’m the poster at 11:08 and it’s Italy instead of Paris for me, but same, Bar Harbor/Acadia is way up there! I have sentimental attachment since I grew up going there, but I love seeing all the love it gets here.

          2. Ahhh I was excited before but you guys are making me sooooo excited for our September trip!

  8. I have a jacket that doesn’t smell quite fresh even with dry cleaning. What is the recommendation for this – I remember something about mixing vodka or rubbing alcohol with water in a spray bottle but can’t recall the proportions. Thanks!

    2. I do straight rubbing alcohol in a spray bottle. Going forward spray the pits right after taking it off for the day. If your jacket can withstand the washing machine, add white vinegar to the wash then run it with cold water on a delicate cycle. Air dry, ideally in the sun

      1. and if it doesn’t do well in the washer, just a soak in a bucket with water and vinegar, then rinse and air dry works well. I find this works especially well with tech/sports fabrics that start hanging on to smells

    3. Depends om the fabric and why it’s not fresh.

      Vodka in a spray bottle is great to kill fresh bacteria. No need to dilute vodka.

      Active carbon can get some smells out. You can get this in pet shops, to clean fish tanks. Put the carbon in the bottom of a big trash bag, put coat on hanger in same bag and close bag – don’t let the carbon and garment touch, unless you want stains.

      Airing out:
      Steam can work, hang to air out while you shower. Fresh air is the most effective, but beware of sun damage if the fabric or color can be harmed by sun.

  9. AITA for feeling annoyed and wanting to move on from a certain conversational topic?

    About a year ago, DH decided it was time to leave his previous employer, a nonprofit where he’d stayed for more than 20 years. He and his boss were no longer getting along, the job was feeling more and more pointless, there was no path to move up, and he was feeling undervalued. He ended up landing a great new job and has been there for six months now. By all accounts, he is doing great in the new position. It is a huge difference culturally but he seems happier.

    Yet he is still talking about the old job a lot. He’s still in touch with his old team, who is even more miserable and undervalued now that he’s gone. They don’t hesitate to give him regular updates on how much his old boss sucks, how she’s running the place into the ground, the guy who replaced him is terrible, etcetera, etcetera. I am glad that he’s a mentor to these people and can be a source of support but also?

    I am really tired of hearing about it, and I really wish he’d make a cleaner break with the old place. I totally appreciate how hard it is to do after 20+ years, especially in a mission-driven organization. Stop following the socials. Talk to your old team, sure, but stop feeling guilty for getting out.

    The last couple of years in his old job, DH needed a lot of emotional support to get through the day. And I provided that. I have also been supportive of this whole transition. But my gosh, I really need him to stop dwelling on what’s happening at the old job because every time it comes up, he gets unhappy all over again.

    AITA if I tell him that I can’t listen to this anymore? In a nicer way than this, of course.

    1. Yeah…. I had a family member do this. It is hard, because his friends/old colleagues foster this, and it is cruel to ask him to cut those folks out. And 20 years is a HUGE part of his life, and this will be part of him forever.

      You just need to give him time. When he starts spiraling, you try to be kind. I would try to change the subject/distract and honestly tell him it upsets you to see him get so unhappy again. And then ask him to help with something/go outside for a walk/eat with you/make plans for the weekend/whatever. Break the cycles.

      You are a good and supportive wife. It is hard not to loose patience.

    2. I can kind of understand where he’s coming from. There’s a certain satisfaction in complaining about bad workplaces, especially if there’s camaraderie and old boss continues to suck. The satisfaction increases when you get out of it. It doesn’t mean he’s a bad person for taking time to get over it. BUT it’s more than fair to be done listening to it. I’d probably say:

      “Hey DH, I think we’ve thrashed old workplace to death and then some – it’s starting to bring me down to focus on the negativity. Maybe we can talk more about the new job or start planning vacation instead.” I’d do this in response to an active complaint, not as a big come-to-Jesus meeting.

    3. NTA, but I also fully get where your husband is coming from. I worked in local government in a social services role – very meaningful, mission-based work, really bad management, low pay, crazy work hours (and 24/7 on call), and the like turned my team into really good friends. I left 2 years ago, most people also ended up leaving, but were all still friends and 4 of our friends are still there.

      I poured so much of my heart and soul into the job that I can’t just break ties or ask my friends not to vent to me. I love hearing the latest headaches or gossip.

      In the 5 years I was there I gave more of myself to the job than I did to anything in my personal life.

      1. I have a friend who left Boeing not entirely willingly when the writing was on the wall there, along with most of her team. They were close and had done good, important work for many years while raising families in nearby neighborhoods. Whenever I see the company in the news, I think of how hard it must be to have burned the midnight oil building that kind of legacy and then watch bad management set it all on fire, and it doesn’t surprise me that the old times come up a lot in conversation still.

    4. This sounds so familiar. My DH spent almost 2 years after he left his old job talking about it. It was exhausting. He had even made a pretty clean break from the dysfunction.

      I think it hit him that what he had was a form of PTSD from the old job. I had worked with his old boss’ wife (they were constantly fighting), and she was in a pretty bad accident that left her paralyzed from the chest down. He started to say something about how OB would react, and then he stopped and said that he probably needed to just not think about the old place anymore.

      You wouldn’t be TA. Maybe start with a time that he hasn’t talked to them for a couple days and ask if it is time to give himself a break from the stress. Then say that you need a break from it, too.

    5. Oof, this is hard. Honestly if I were in your shoes what I would do is tell him “Dearest Darling, it’s been a whole year and I even though you are in Fabulous New Job, I can’t help but notice that you are still all tangled up in Old Job, and that it is still making you unhappy. And to be perfectly honest, it is making me unhappy, too. I feel like at this point it’s above my pay grade and I think it’s time for you to get a professional to help you sort it all out and hopefully get some distance.”

      And hopefully he won’t be like my husband, who went once and said “Okay, I went to therapy!” [insert rolleyes emoji here]

      1. If I were him, I’d be furious with this approach. In fact, I’d be thinking if it’s “above your pay grade” to hear about a part of his life that consumed 20 years, then maybe it’s not the right spouse.

        Shut it down gently the way the others have recommended. You don’t have to be an active audience. But you also don’t have to diminish his feelings or put him the role of “sick” person in the process.

        2. Yeah, I would be mad if my husband wanted to outsource the emotional support part of being a spouse.

          1. OTOH, I’d be mad if my spouse had the same anxiety-spiral conversation with me for a year and didn’t try to do anything about it.

          2. Emotional support =/= emotional garbage bag.

            Sometimes being supportive means not accepting bad patterns. OP is not her husband’s emotional dumpster.

          3. I can see where the replies to SA are coming from, but there needs to be a way for a spouse to say “this is too much for me” without necessarily implying that there’s anything pathological going on with the other partner. We are putting so much weight on people’s primary relationships to provide for all kinds of needs that used to be more broadly tended to in extended families and community.

            I’ve recently come to think of these issues in terms of consent, after reading The Art of Giving and Receiving by Betty Martin. She distinguishes enthusiastic consent from the willingness to do something for another person even though we may not enjoy it. And then there’s also a responsibility to tend to our own limits and communicate clearly what we are not available for. This last part cannot make a person TA. The way the communication is delivered might, but expressing “can you please find additional support?” is necessary to maintain balance and avoid resentment in the relationship.

    6. I quit my toxic nonprofit job a year ago after a similarly long tenure. I almost never mention the old job at home. It occasionally comes up at my new job in the context of “what do you think your old org will do on this issue?” or “how did you do this at your old job?” I think it’s very odd that he’s still discussing work with his former co-workers. If they are personal friends then they need to stop talking shop. If they are not personal friends he needs to limit contact.

    7. I totally get the annoyance but at a certain point after 20 years these people are like family – i think you can make the argument for a clean break if he’s getting upset or agitated about the stories, but if they’re just gossip to him I don’t think they’re harmful. I’m sure it was hard for him to finally leave the job (my husband has also been at a small employer for 20+ years and the loyalty is strong even if his boss drives him nuts 60% of the time) — and this is important validation to him that he hasn’t betrayed something. but maybe i’m reading too much into it!! Anyway I think it’s ok to say that you don’t really want to talk about it for more than a minute or two but I’d say still be supportive of him handling his transition however he wants to.

    8. Don’t push him is my advice. I worked for a big company for over a decade, and most of my professional friend group is people I met working there. They don’t all work there anymore, which means I have a huge network of people who work at other companies. But yes, when we get together we talk about the old company and what’s happening there and where everyone is now.

      Maybe he doesn’t have to talk about old company with you. But don’t try to cut off his professional and friend network.

    9. I think you get to set your own boundaries. I don’t think you are trying to tell him to cut contact with his longtime colleagues, which would be overstepping. But you get to say ‘I don’t know if you noticed this, but we still talk constantly about the old workplace, and I don’t feel those conversations are leading anywhere. They are draining to me, so I’d like to limit them to no more than twice a week’, or whatever you feel is a reasonable compromise. Whether to spell out that you think it’s also more healthy *for him* to limit the topic, depends on how much you have already discussed this.

    10. Put the subject matter aside. This is what’s bothering your husband and taking up his emotional energy. Unless you want to grow apart and become disconnected, you listen to it and engage. Since it’s about work, it will fade over time but after 20 years, time might be longer than you’d like.

    11. I think you’re all right. It’s probably not reasonable to expect him to just stop talking about the old place, but I may gently point out that talking about it seems to stress him out a bit.

      Again, I do sympathize a lot. I’ve been in the same org for 15+ years, and I know it would be a huge adjustment if I left. I would never say this to him, but sometimes I am still surprised he did. His loyalty runs deep, and I love that about him.

    12. Twenty years is a life time. I say just let him vent. I’m sure not everything out of your mouth is riveting to him either.

    13. FWIW, it took me about 12-18 months to fully move on after 20 plus years at my old employer. My new job is 1,000 times better, they know where I landed (it’s a well know firm in my industry), and I feel majorly proud of where I am now. But still took time. Be patient. It will pass but put kind limits where you need to.

        1. Ah, glad to hear. :) I know it’s draining as a family member is leaning on me now the way I leaned on him. I often think how insufferable I must’ve been.

  10. DH and I both turn 40 next May and we’d like to go on a trip to celebrate. Due to Covid we’ve ben away only once since our kids were born and that was driving distance for 2 nights. Due to our kids’ bdays also being in the month of May + all the Maycember events, we will probably have to go in January, February or April. We are flying from Houston and probably only have like 4 nights. Considering an all inclusive in Mexico or if going in April potentially the Enchantment Resort in AZ or something in Sante Fe. Any thoughts on these 3 options? Any other ideas? we probably don’t want to just sit for 3-4 days straight, but not sure I have the energy to plan a trip that involves lots of logistics

    1. Hi fellow May 1985 baby :) And I feel you on the craziness of May with kids! DH & I are trying to fit in a mini getaway to Napa for 3 days between various kid events.

      January, February and April are great times for the Caribbean and Mexico and it’s a super easy flight for you from Houston, United has non-stops to probably a dozen or more islands. We love going to Caribbean resorts and have never felt like it’s “just sitting” – it can be, but there’s usually lots to do at the resort itself, and of course you can book all kinds of offsite excursions very easily. My favorite Caribbean island is St. Martin, and one of the reasons I love it is that it has so much to do besides the beach. Although if I was doing an adults only trip I might go to St. Barth’s or Anguilla which are a little more upscale and adult-oriented (and also crazy expensive to visit at winter break, which is the main time we travel to the Caribbean w/our kids).

      1. Another May 1985 baby here planning a vacation for next year! I’m going to go with an all-inclusive resort as well.

        2. Ooh which one? We’re not doing the Caribbean for our 40th but I always want to add to my running list of resorts to visit.

      2. any recs for places to stay in St. Martin? we really want to minimize our travel time so we can spend most of the trip actually being on the trip, which is why we were thinking of Mexico, but I am open to other ideas. It looks like it is close to a 5 hour flight from Houston to St. Martin, versus less than 3 hours to Cabo or Cancun, but if you’re telling me it’s worth it to fly that far… (we are not scared of far flights – we’ve traveled to Botswana, South Africa, India, Greece, Portugal, Hawaii, etc., but those have been for much longer trips)

        1. I just commented below but Cancun probably makes more sense for this trip. I don’t think it’s necessarily worth traveling farther if the main goal is relaxing by a beautiful beach, because Cancun definitely has that.

          On St. Martin we love Grand Case Beach Club, but it allows kids and when we’ve stayed we’ve seen quite a few so I wouldn’t recommend it for a couple taking a kid-free getaway. I highly recommend for a future family vacation though.

    2. I went to a small offsite meeting in January 2000 in San Antonio. None of us had any idea what was about to hit!

      The hotel the company wanted us to stay in was oversold so some of us got to stay at La Cantera resort, which was wonderful. A few nights out in and around San Antonio – an outdoor meal on the Riverwalk, a small tour of the Alamo, and a few fancy non-Riverwalk restaurants I can’t remember right now… it was wonderful. Probably the best part was sitting outside at La Cabrera and being perfectly warm in mid January. The rooms were really nice too. I stayed an extra day and my friend drove over from Austin and we went to the La Cantera spa. It was such a relaxing break.

      1. so we went to La Cantera back in 2022 for our one other time away from the kids. While it was beautiful we were there during an unusual cold front and it rained most of the time. We want to get on a plane this time, but want to spend more of the time at our destination than traveling there

        1. Cancun might be ideal then. It’s only a ~2 hour flight for you guys I think, vs 4-5 hours for the Caribbean islands. I mentioned it here the other day but we LOVED the Live Aqua adults only resort in Cancun. Our favorite all-inclusive ever, and we’ve been to a lot. And the beaches are stunning with water that’s the most beautiful shade of blue. The only place I’ve been with prettier water is Bora Bora.

          1. thanks so much! when was the last time you were at Live Aqua? You sound well traveled, but I also know resorts can change a lot

          2. is there anything to do there other than sit on the beach? we kind of like a morning activity and then maybe sitting on the beach, but we can’t sit on the beach for 4 days straight

          3. The last time we were there was for our babymoon in 2017, so it’s been a while, but it still has glowing reviews online and is the #1 all-inclusive in Cancun according to Tripadvisor.

            Re: things to do, there are things like cooking classes, tequila tasting, yoga and beach volleyball at the resort, mostly complimentary. Spa treatments are available, for a surcharge of course. The beaches in the Cancun hotel zone are pretty rough, so they’re not ideal for things like stand-up paddle-boarding but you can rent jetskiis or boogie boards.

            Off resort there are lots of things to do in the greater Cancun area. Just google “cancun excursions” and see what interests you. My top ones are swimming with whale sharks (although that’s seasonal, I think June-September) and going swimming/snorkeling in cenotes. Mayan ruins are another big one.

    3. How much money are willing to spend? The overnight non-stops to Europe make it completely doable out of a IAH, especially if you get Polaris or one level down and sleep the whole way. Not the best time of year for weather but London could still be a good milestone trip. Otherwise, all inclusive in Mexico is probably your easiest option.

    4. People love Cancun and Riviera Maya but that is the only place of two I’ve ever been that I would never go back and just did not enjoy being there. It was so over touristed and just not relaxing. Can you get a good flight to one of the U.S. Virgin Islands. They are lovely and easy for travel… St. Croix could be great for a special vacation and is so easy to manage without having an all inclusive.

      1. I’m the person who recommended St. Martin and I love the USVIs also, but from Houston you can only fly direct to St. Thomas, you have to take a boat or further flight to connect to St. John or St. Croix. If she’s already hesitant about the longer flight to the Caribbean (vs Mexico) it doesn’t make sense to add a second flight onto that when there are lots of Caribbean islands she can reach directly.

  11. For those of you who have dated a guy you were first friends with, what flipped the switch in your mind from him being a friend to him being someone you were interested in? How do you differentiate enjoying hanging out with someone because you’re good friends vs enjoying it because you’re into them? And what was the beginning of dating like / anything to consider or keep in mind?

    And then a related question – has anyone successfully dated a friend by starting out by being into it more because you are friends: enjoy spending time together, compatible, know he’s a good person and being kind of apathetic on the physical connection but eventually developed a strong physical attraction?

    1. In college I had two close guy friends who decided they wanted to date me. I was not attracted to them in that way and it ended the friendships.

    2. Bluntly: Do you want to sleep with him? You already feel comfortable around him, so either you’re attracted to him or you’re not. If the idea of gardening with him does nothing for you then you can’t force a physical connection.

      1. So, I’m generally pretty apathetic about sex – I only sleep with guys I’m in a relationship with. I’ve been single, and thus sex free, for 4 years. When I’m single / celibate I just get so used to not having sex it’s not really on my radar? It’s like a dessert you like but don’t love – I’ll never go out of my way to have chocolate, but once I’m eating it I usually enjoy it. But I never think about chocolate unless it’s sitting right in front of me.

        I don’t not want to sleep with him though.

        In college I had a few hookups and I realized that I really do not like casual sex, so I have stopped having it.

        1. As to sex, this is me exactly. And I think your description is fantastic. Thank you for sharing.

        2. You’re missing 50% of the point here: if he is hot for you and you are lukewarm, then the fact that you are lukewarm is a problem for the relationship.

          Part of being a couple is that a fair amount of mental bandwidth goes to considering what makes the other person happy and fulfilled. You being content is not enough. I urge you to consider what your friend wants out of this.

          1. Yeah but it sounds she’s always lukewarm about sex, not that she’s usually enthusiastic about sex but lukewarm about it with him.

    3. I have dated guy friends and found that it never worked. Maybe it was dating of convenience, on some level: we were both “there,” and physical connections can wax and wane. Not sure if this is cynical or romantic or both, but I’ve developed the belief that if you are going to make a relationship work, you both have to really want to be together, and that almost always manifests relatively quickly (a few months at most). The deep-seated DRIVE to be with this specific person… that’s usually pretty quick or doesn’t happen at all.

      One of my friends married her long time friend and it’s… not going so well.

      I hope your experience is different, and I’m definitely happy for women who post here with different, better experiences.

    4. This is not my experience, but my aunt’s. She and my uncle were friends since high school and part of larger, very close friend group. Most people dated someone else in the group at one point in their teens or twenties but it never stuck.

      My aunt and uncle dated and broke up twice in their early / mid 20s. She married someone else, but unfortunately he died about a year into their marriage. My uncle was actually a groomsman in her first wedding! A year or so after she was widowed, she and my uncle were supposed to meet up with a few friends for dinner. The friends get into a fender bender and miss dinner, so it’s just my aunt and uncle. They joke that they walked into the restaurant that night as friends and walked out in a relationship.

      34 years and 3 kids later they’re still very, very happy.

    5. This might be kind of different because we were young when we met, but my husband and I met at the beginning of the high school. He liked me right away but he wasn’t my type (at the time, although I did think he was attractive.) We became good friends during high school, but never dated. We graduated and went off to separate colleges. We kept in touch for a few years, but kind of lost touch towards the end of college. We ended up at the same school for grad/law school (not planned, I didn’t know he moved there). We literally ran into each other and reconnected, tried to take things slow, but almost immediate became inseparable. It was like we weren’t ready when we were younger, but once we were adults the “more than friends” connection was there right away. I found him really attractive (he had kind of grown into his awkward height lol) and because I had already known him for many years, it was exciting but comfortable. He felt like home. We have been married almost 20 years now and have 3 kids. I think that solid friendship has helped our marriage though the tough times.

    6. Yes, I married said person. It took seeing him in a new context to flip the switch. Kind of the same reason that they advise spouses to keep doing date nights…new experiences/situations help you see people differently.

    7. All I can tell you from my own experience is that if the relationship doesn’t work, you don’t get the friendship back.

    8. This is hard to suss out. I would say DH and I were casual friends (not in the same social group though) until we started dating. I thought he was attractive but hadn’t really thought of him in that way until I started developing a huge crush on him and wanted to be around him all the time. After a few makeout sessions, I knew that I was very attracted to him, and that hasn’t waned.

      I am typically one who says let the physical connection build. But I think it’s different when you’re exploring it with a friend who you already have a connection with. If the physical attraction doesn’t build pretty quickly after you explore it, I don’t think a relationship is going to work.

      But also, the most important thing of all is that we naturally gravitated toward each other once we started having more than friends feelings for one another.

    9. I’ve been in a serious relationship for almost 3 years with one of my good friends. He’s significantly younger than me, so I never really thought of him as boyfriend material, but we always gravitated towards each other at social events and I found myself excited to see him if I knew he was going to something. We had a lot of chemistry, but because of the age difference, I just thought he was charismatic and outgoing and we got along well. One night we had too much to drink and the rest is history…(but not quite that simple – we spent about four months “having too much to drink” and spending the night with each other until it was time to acknowledge we had strong feelings for one another).

      We have a fantastic relationship because it was built on friendship and common interests. And the chemistry was always there, even if I didn’t realize what it was. I know you mentioned casual isn’t your thing, but is there chemistry beyond enjoying his company? Do you like being near him or notice that you brush up against him (or vice versa) more than needed? This is tough because it can also ruin a friendship, but at least in my case, certainly worth taking the risk.

    10. Oooh! This happened to me and I married him. We met when we were both in relationships with other people. I was friends with his girlfriend. More than once, we ended up at parties chatting because his GF and/or my BF were off on their own. We have a mutual hobby so occasionally got together about that. He broke up with his GF and I set him up on a couple dates. I eventually broke up with my boyfriend when I realized I liked spending time with this guy more. At the time, it wasn’t a “you should date him” signal, but “if you are looking forward to lunch with a guy friend more than your boyfriend, he shouldn’t be your boyfriend.” Once we were both single, we went out a few times together for “mutual whoring” aka we set out as eachothers wing-person.

      One night we were out and a mutual friend happened to be at the same bar and asked us if we were together and when it had finally happened. We sort of looked at each other like, “huh, what? Wait a sec!” And I think decided to do shots and have a talk about things (disclose, we were like 24). We took a long walk that ended up with us deciding we may as well try dating, but first let’s have one last crazy night. We went back to the bar, ended up dancing with each other all night instead, and lived happily ever after (we’re in our mid 40s now with middle schoolers, so as happy as we can get given the circumstances!).

      So my advice is…it’s a gut feeling but sometimes you just know. I married my best friend who was my best friend first. He also happens to be great in bed which I didn’t know when we became friends ;).

    11. Married 25y. We were good friends and gradually ended up spending all our spare time together which is when the switch flipped.

  12. Let’s talk Ninja Creami… who has one? What are your favorite recipes? I’ve been eating the basic chocolate protein ice cream for breakfast and looking for more ideas (although the chocolate protein ice cream is great).

  13. Starting the plan a New Zealand trip–suggestions for things to do, places to stay, etc? Like pretty nature, day hikes that aren’t too crazy (limit is about 8 miles), we’re Lord of the Rings fans, and that’s literally all I’ve got so far, so will take any thoughts.

    1. How much time, are you planning to road trip/get a campervan? Flying into and out of Auckland? What time of year?
      Matamata Hobbiton is nice if you are a fan (probably a rip off if you don’t care much for LOTR).
      Best things: glow worm kayak tour, sunset kayak tour including through a waterfall(did that one 10 years ago, still a highlight), wildlife sanctuary night tour with kiwis(came back to do that one a second time), seeing a glacier, seeing Kauri trees, hot springs/mud springs/volcanic stuff, wine tastings, beautiful hikes everywhere, driving around and just stopping to make lunch next to the most amazing scenery like it was just put there for you.

      1. Going to try to swing two weeks and time of year is still up in the air due to work schedules–I was hoping for February, but it may have to be some other time. So will take suggestions on time of the year too. And don’t know where I’m flying in and out of yet (seriously, zero planning yet). Road trip but with hotels, not a campervan.

        1. Feb should be nice enough. Two weeks is on the short side. It might be smart to pick between North and South Island, also depends on whether you can more easily fly into Auckland or Christchurch.
          I’ve often heard that the South Island is the better one, but I don’t really agree. Both are amazing and different.
          North Island itinerary – Auckland 1 night, Coromandel/Bay of Plenty 2-3 days (beaches, bushwalks, glow worm kayak tour), Hobbiton 0.5 day, Rotorua 1 day (volcanic activity/hot springs, also has some good arts and food), lake taupo 2 days), Napier 1 day, Wellington 2 days (kiwi night tour at zealandia, te papa museum), drive back north 2 days (stop at lake Taupo area), Auckland 2 days (art museum, bushwalk with lots of native birds in the Waitakere ranges or Wenderholm park or Tiritiri Maitangi Island, wine tasting on Waiheke island), consider driving a little north for the Waitangi treaty grounds for NZ/Maori history.
          I’ll have to come back later for a South Island itinerary.

          2. Consider an art deco tour of Napier (either walking or in a 1930’s era automobile) and pre-arranging to feed the penguins at the National Aquarium.

          3. I’m very late to this party, but hopefully OP still sees it. The North Island itinerary above is a MASSIVE amount of driving and I would really not recommend that. As we always tell friends visiting NZ, driving in NZ is not even remotely similar to driving in the US. The US has interstates. NZ has poorly maintained small roads with bad signage. That is before you even get to the fact that you are on the other side of the road.

            South Island has been preferred by everyone we know (friends and family) who have visited NZ. Fly into Christchurch (direct from the US if you can) and rent a car. Stay at Tekapo and explore the area; stay at or spend at least a whole day in at Mount Cook. The glacier lake tour is incredible; Queenstown for several days and either fly to Milford, or drive to Te Anau and visit Milford from there. If you are planning more than 10 days/ 2 weeks, try and get right south to Stewart Island. Tourists don’t often get there and it is the best place in NZ to visit (highly biased but there you go :)

            Source: have lived in both NZ and the US

          4. a vote for the Aoraki Mackenzie international dark sky reserve in the south island. 99% of New Zealand is probably beautiful but there was something quite different -the universal felt so vast and yet so near

        2. I realized I haven’t been to the South Island often or recent enough to give you a proper itinerary, so I need to work on that, lol.
          I really enjoyed visiting Franz Josef Glacier (sprang for the $$ package of heli up and guided hike), I thought it was worth the very long drive out to Milford sound(that was also the only place we saw a Kea in the wild). Queenstown wasn’t super interesting to me, but the surroundings were breathtakingly beautiful. Christchurch was a very nice city. Also Picton/Nelson, did some nice hikes around there and great wine tasting.

    2. I’m in mod with a few notes. If you give a little more info about when and how long you are going, I am happy to write endless paragraphs!

    3. I did mostly South Island but staying on Waikiki was my favorite part of north island. I also loved Wellington and te papa museum. Also do a coffee tasting there. They love their coffee.

  14. For personal use I am an Apple person. Everything is Apple. But for Reasons to do with a board position I need to acquire a PC based laptop for personal use. It will be left in one location and will be used just for generation of documents and emailing same. I see that there are laptops out there for under $200, but am not sure if there is a downside to them even given the limited use that this one will have. Does anyone have any experience or advice for what would e a good choice? Please note that my job comes with a Surface and I don’t care for it and avoid using it where I can. Also not a huge fan of my iPad if I’m being honest. Guess I’m not a tablet person.

    1. So usually the cheap ones are Chromebooks which aren’t really PCs, they’re on a different OS and don’t have any Microsoft products on them

    2. I kind of think that if you are an Apple person and used to Apple quality, you are going to be so frustrated by a $200 Windows laptop that it’s not worth saving the money. We had a few at work that a previous manager liked to buy and I’ve been approving switching everyone over to better computers as soon as I can. I get that you’re not using it for a lot of computing power so technically you shouldn’t need something very expensive or with good specs, but I just hate hate low spec computers so much. They’re so tedious to use. It’s almost worse when you only intermediately use a bad computer because you’re not used to waiting so long for basic tasks.

      Since you’re not moving it around, I’d get a bigger screen and decent specs and spend $800-1000 on it. However I also think that if it’s a Board position that is requiring this they should buy it, but I don’t really understand the details since you say it’s for personal use….

    3. I prefer PCs but rarely use a personal computer but needed one recently. I bought a refurbished laptop for like $250. It’s much better than a chromebook and was still reasonably priced. I would google the key things you are looking for in a laptop (light weight, 13 inch, whatever) + refurbished + reddit and you will see threads with good recommendations.

    5. I would get a Dell, which is repairable, so it can be valuable and reused after you no longer need it.

  15. Random thoughts for Thursday:

    – A reminder to please talk to your elderly parents about online scams, even if it feels redundant. My mother, who brings home $2800/mo between her pension and SS, just gave some scammer 1.5 months’ income because they promised a payout of $300k if she’d just keep sending Apple gift cards. I didn’t think she was that gullible, but the lure of $300k was too much for her to resist. She called me crying and said she had wanted the money to pay me back for all I’ve done for her over the years. Sigh. This was through Facebook where someone had spoofed the account of her old friend, and she wasn’t savvy enough to realize that it wasn’t her friend.

    – If you’re 55 years old and use upspeak and vocal fry, I’m going to assume you’re as dim a bulb as my mother, even if your title is SVP. Speak like an adult, for the love of all the other adults listening to you on a webinar.

    – I’ve been working this week with a group of executives ostensibly united for a common charitable cause. Holy egos, Batman! Out of control. No one will accept direction, people are taking over each other’s lanes, no one is thinking about the good cause. It is an ish show and I can’t wait for Friday.

    My weekend plans: dogs and books only, no humans.

    1. I’ll add to this thread of random reminders:

      Talk to people in your life about estate planning, medical care, and post-death decisions, and handle your own. It’s never too late to find out who wants to be an organ donor, what people want to happen to their bodies after they die, who is going to manage their medical and financial issues if they’re incapacitated, etc. No one wants to think about these topics, but everyone needs to.

    2. I think you probably need to get over your issue with upspeak and vocal fry. At the same time I have my own issue with Kamala Harris’s laugh and speech patterns showing up in professional contexts lately, so I guess I’m in no position to judge.

      The weekend plans sound amazing!

      1. And yet: if I hear someone speaking, I should get a sense of “is this woman a reality TV person” or “is she a heartbeat away from the presidency”.

      2. Why would she need to get over that issue? It’s annoying, it’s a learned issue, and it makes you seem less than intelligent. One can break that habit if they want. It’s not an innate issue in 99% of people.

      3. I agree. I think it’s sexist and something you’re judging women harshly for, just rubs me the wrong way.

        1. Agree with this. The op sounds like a bummer of a person. She apparently couldn’t explain to her own mother that get rich quick schemes involving Apple gift cards are scams but walks around judging other women on their communication skills. Meanwhile it’s everyone around her that has an out of control ego.

      4. I am female and grew up in an area where upspeak was the default speech pattern. And somehow if I use upspeak I’m judged as less intelligent, and if I use flatter tones I’m judged for seeming cold or masculine.

      5. Upspeak is an issue — it makes it seem like you can’t make a decision if everything out of your mouth seems like a question:

        “We are raising taxes?”
        “We are raising taxes.”

    3. Obituaries — who writes them? Do funeral homes have a template? My dad is about to enter hospice for cancer. Do we at least get a draft together? Run by him? Mom? The one estranged sibling who will sense a conspiracy if left out but communicates by yelling?

      1. The funeral homes have a template, you just give them a list of the loved ones and stuff like that. You can choose to write your own though, if you prefer. My friend wrote her dad’s and it was really beautiful.

      2. My siblings and I used the funeral home template because it helped us not forget anything.

        I wrote the eulogy and sent it to my siblings to edit. I just tried to go in order of my mom’s life and tell some anecdotes that people who came to the funeral would remember or enjoy.

        As for delivering the eulogy, my siblings and I stood at the lectern and took turns reading paragraphs. It worked out well.

        I’m sorry for what you’re gong through.

    4. On point 1 — and tell them to stop mailing checks. Currently dealing with my inlaw’s having had thousands stolen via forged checks that were likely stolen from a mailbox. Of course they didn’t notice for months because they don’t use online banking and just wait for the statements to show up in the mail.

    5. I don’t want much, just that people stand on the right side of the escalator, and WALK on the left side.

      1. +1000, especially in airports. The default seems to be to stand on the right and place one’s luggage to the left, thereby blocking the entire stinkin’ elevator. You know where else that luggage can go if you’re not a self-centered twit? IN FRONT OF YOU. The Atlanta airport makes me hate people. Obviously.

        1. Airports make me hate people. If I have to be around so many idiots they should at least be forbidden from talking.

          1. People who get on the moving walkways and STOP in the middle drive me up the wall. It is NOT A RIDE. If you need a rest at least stand to right side so I can get around you.

          2. YES! Stand on the right side of the moving walkway, but it’s called a moving “walkway” for a reason — you’re supposed to walk forward on it.

    6. Call Apple and your Mom’s credit card to report this fraud. Apple is actually reimbursing for these gift card scams, if your credit card wont address. Gather the documentation of the gift card purchases and make the calls.

  16. I have a shoulder injury and am finding it really painful to pull shirts over my head. I need to buy some button front shirts – preferably 3/4 sleeved or long sleeved – that are not oversized shirt jacket kind of things. I am trying to avoid the Ina Garten look! I’m fine with shirts like that worn as a jacket but I’m talking about wearing it buttoned up as my only shirt.

    Any recommendations? I’m a 14/16 or XL and tall.

    1. I am recovering from a shoulder injury, so I totally feel your pain! I’m not a button down person (I had several breast surgeries a few years ago and they remind me of that time…) but I found that big boat neck shirts also worked well. I could pull on the injured side and still had enough to get over my head with my good arm.

      1. I got my MRI results back yesterday and was thoroughly depressed for hours! There’s no quick fix, unfortunately. So, new shirts.

        I did wear a boatneck tee yesterday & could get it off by getting my arms out of the sleeves first (carefully) then pulling it over my neck with my good arm. But putting on a bra is torture.

          1. I’m not small busted, which presents an additional challenge. It’s the rare 36G that comes in any sort of front close. I’m wearing a lounge bra right now that has hooks and eyes in front, but for a real bra, I just have to suffer.

    3. I bought some light cotton shirts from Talbots over the past few years in some of their more restrained prints, and FWIW I find that they fit slightly larger than other brands like J Crew or Madewell. Like I’m a 12 in Talbots where I’m a 14 in other brands, or the XL fits a little more loosely than XLs in other brands.

  17. Random question about kids in school. Is school starting in September not a thing? Or not a thing anymore? Some friends from other areas of the country were talking about school for the kids starting in August, sometimes even early August. I thought there was a cultural understanding that school started in fall and now I’m thinking it was a regional thing or something I just completely misremembered. Was it always “see you in August?” I thought it was “see you in September?” I’m wondering if it’s a Mandela thing?

    1. In the US it’s highly regional. The northeast tends to start up after Labor Day in September, but a lot of the Midwest and South goes back in August, sometimes even the first half of August. I’m in Indiana and our schools start the first week of August. Last year some districts here actually went back on July 31, which was a Monday (ours started on Aug. 2 because for some reason we always start on a Wednesday).

      I actually prefer this schedule, because it means we get out around May 15, rather than going until mid-June, and May and the first half June have much nicer weather (and are much better for travel in N. America and Europe) than July and August. But other people prefer the later-shifted calendar.

      1. In NC, by law we start almost in time to pause for Labor Day. It was fine until high school and then they have finals (for semester long HS classes) or midterms for all-year classes AFTER xmas break and often also mid-terms for spring semester classes AFTER spring break and finals / AP exams AFTER Memorial Day weekend, so family life and fun are seriously wrecked. I hate it. Private schools do it right: exams then vacation so you can really rest / reset / travel. At least my kids will appreciate their schedules in college (and a lot of people choose Early College / community college dual enrolment for the final two years of high school because it gets you on the exam-then-break schedule and a mid-august start with a mid-May finish).

        1. this is such a good point about exams – it was such a treat to get to college and have the break as a BREAK rather than midterm prep!

        2. Yea, my kids are little so for now I mainly care about the school schedule as it affects my travel plans ;) but I fully agree about exams before break for high school students. Having them after would be awful!

        3. Yep, this, in NC.

          Add to the mix a few big public districts that offer some year round schools with track-outs (ie Wake/Raleigh)…it’s local too!

    2. Not many schools start in September anymore. They exist, but they’re usually located where the local economy is heavily dependent on tourism. I’m in a college town in the Midwest and we start in mid-August.

      1. Unless you are in the north east in which case many of ours do! Starting after Labor Day is the norm in NJ, NY, and much of the north east. Not 100% but common.

        1. Not gonna lie, I’m kind of jealous! I still want to be in summer mode in August but the school schedule forces me to get back into the swing of things well before Labor Day.

          1. It’s a trade-off though. They don’t get out until mid-late June. I’d rather have June than August.

          2. Op here. But why? Is august considered fall where you live? Or is it now, or was it always, just a cultural understanding that school starts in the middle of summer?

          3. Well, both June and August are summer. I think most adults think of summer as everything between Memorial Day and Labor Day, so nearly 3.5 months. Public schools in the US don’t typically have 3 months off, and never have. It’s more like 2-2.5 months typically. So either way, you’re cutting into what is traditionally considered summer. Weather in June is typically a lot less hot and humid than August, so I prefer having the time off then when it’s nice to be outdoors and fun to travel. August is my least favorite month of the year, it’s just disgustingly hot and sticky and a terrible time to travel pretty much anywhere in the US or Europe (except for, like, Alaska…) so I’m happy to be back inside by then.

            And this is nothing new; I always went back to school in August as a kid.

          4. Hmm my public schools never had air conditioning. I’m scratching my head as to why anyone would want to be in school during the hottest months but yours probably do.

          5. Oh I meant *I* want to be inside, not my kids haha. But yes our public schools here do have air conditioning. I believe historically the northeast went back after Labor Day in large part because they didn’t have AC and August was too hot without it.

        4. I grew up in the northeast, born in the early 1980s, and we usually started school in early September.

          Many of our schools didn’t have air conditioning; there might have been a couple of gross days in June or a random September day, but it wasn’t really needed. I assume newer schools have A/C, but I think the school calendar is fine that way to avoid the hottest days of August.

      3. I grew up in Minnesota. Schools started after Labor Day in the 80s and 90s when I was in school, and still do now.

    3. No this is very regional. NE often starts after Labor Day. Other parts of the country much earlier.

    4. Our public schools start in early August (southwest US). My kids have friends in Maryland and they start in September. When I was in school, we usually started in late August.

    5. Yep, regional. In central IL we started around August 20th in the 80s and 90s. In Indianapolis we start August 1 this year, though some are later or even a week earlier. My friend in MN starts after Labor Day.

        1. I’m also in Indiana and have a similar school schedule. Our last day this year was May 15. Summer is 10 full weeks and then two partial weeks, which I think is on the shorter side but not way out of the norm. K-12 schools typically have much shorter breaks than universities.

        2. Yeah I’m also from Philly (like Cat); I knew schools in other regions started in august but august 1?! That’s middle of summer still!!!

        3. Thursday before Memorial Day. Two weeks at Christmas, a week each for fall, Thanksgiving, and spring breaks. The two weeklong breaks in October and November are annoying, especially since we don’t get out until so close to Christmas. Plus the early school start means that a lot of local pools close early August or go to limited hours because so many lifeguards are in school. I’d totally give up a week of break in the fall to start later and/or end with more time before Christmas.

    6. It’s so regional. Schools near me (NE) always started after Labor Day (usually public schools on Tuesday, private schools on Wednesday). Now a few public schools start end of august, which I hate.

      Schools end in June; early June for private school and mid June for public school. This doesn’t seem to have changed at all.

    7. Also if it changed, why? Presumably August is the hottest month of the year. Or is it cooler than June in other places?

      1. I don’t think it’s changed that much. I think it just depends where you live. I grew up going back to school the third week of August (in the Midwest) and my hometown district still has the same calendar.

      2. Air conditioning. I’m from Georgia. When my parents were growing up, they started after Labor Day because none of the schools had air conditioning. Even when I was growing up, a lot of the public schools still didn’t have air conditioning, and started late August. Now pretty much all of them do, and start early August.

      3. Some of this changed when some schools started doing year round school or modified year round school.

    8. Regional as to exact start date (South runs the earliest), but my mid-Atlantic school always started before Labor Day. Plus, as kids get older, back-to-school camp type stuff (like sports or band) usually occurs at least a full week prior to start date.

    11. My kids go to private school in NYC and generally start the Thursday after Labor Day. I grew up in CA, and we also started after Labor Day, but I think it has shifted to the second to last week of August from what I can tell from my friends with kids who still live there.

      1. So do they think of it as spring break or summer break? July is firmly summer there right? Sorry if I sound thick but I feel like 40 years of cultural conditioning that school was out for the summer might have been all in my head.

    13. When I was in school, we always started the day or week after Labor Day, and graduation was in June. These days they start in mid-August and graduate in May. I’m in So Cal. (Seems crazy to me because Aug and Sept are the hottest months of the year, but what can you do?)

    14. When I was a kid (in the Philly burbs) every single school started after Labor Day (either Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday; all public schools started on Tuesday and most private or Catholic schools were Wednesday or Thursday). And, everyone got out in June – private schools the first week of June and public schools the 2nd or 3rd week.

      Now about half the schools (both public and private) start the last week of August. It doesn’t seem like schools get out any earlier though.

      High school sports preseason starts in mid August.

    16. When I was a kid in rural MD*, we always started after Labor Day, except if Labor Day was super late. My West LA kids start in mid-to-late August, and I hate it. My distaste for the practice isn’t so much about the first day of school being August 20 or whatever, but that class registration gets scheduled for early August, band practice and sports start in early August, etc., etc. It basically means you have the last two weeks of June and the month of July to schedule a vacation. August and September are generally our hot months (September usually is the hottest) but we do have A/C at our district’s schools, more or less.

      Part of the reason, at least where I live, is that the high school teachers want to have a certain number of weeks before AP testing (which I think is a bit silly). Since the district has to be on a single schedule, that means that all the kids, from TK through 12th, have to start on the same day. Personally, I’d do away with the longish breaks during the school year (we get long holiday breaks for Christmas and Thanksgiving and Easter/Passover) and have more time in the summer. But like uniforms, I’m pretty alone in my opinion on this issue.

      1. *MD has a significant tourism economy, particularly in the Ocean City/Fenwick Island/Eastern Shore-ish resort towns. A lot of schools were starting earlier and earlier in August and the tourism lobby actually managed to get this changed state-wide.

      2. Testing is a valid reason to start earlier in my book. Before our school calendar shifted two weeks earlier, the last 4-6 weeks of school in each class were entirely wasted after the AP exam, IB exam, or state assessment. Now they only waste 2-4 weeks doing nothing depending on when the exam falls during the exam period, and they have two extra weeks at the beginning of the year to teach the material that shows up on the exam.

    17. Commenter: *learns other people do some things differently than them*
      Commenter: “OMG, like, when did this become a thing?”

      1. Haha exactly. It feels so strange to me that school would start in mid summer! I feel there are widespread cultural references….maybe an Alice cooper song and see you in September…of school being out for summer but I guess that’s mostly the north east. Also I feel like July 4th is firmly not back to school time in the retail context and I thought this was national but it’s not. Finally I feel like that final week of August is the universal vacation week in every office of my national company but i guess i might have imagined it all. So weird.

  18. I desperately need a new wallet. I’m going to get the Portland Leather bifold. Should I go with basic black, or something fun like plum? I also really love the triangle bag and am having to remind myself that black would be more versatile for work than the boho chic colors that are calling my name. :(

    1. I’m actually baffled that anyone carries a wallet anymore. I keep one card as an emergency backup when I travel and use Apple Pay for everything when I’m out. I don’t want my important things at risk of theft or loss.

      1. What do you do with your license? Health insurance card? That plus payment plus at least one other random card (AAA) means that the card pocket thing rarely works well for me except if I’m just going to a bar.

        1. I have a slim card holder on the back of my phone. License goes there plus one CC. Everything else loves at home and I have a photos of insurance docs /health cards, etc. on my phone. Hospitals have to treat you in an emergency and they’ll figure out how to get paid. I don’t need to run around with my life on me.

      2. I’ve got a card case on my phone that I use 95% of the time that comfortably holds 2 cards, so my main credit card and ID. I can stuff a third in but it’s hard to remove. If I want to get out cash I need another card, or if I want to carry more than a single bill I want a wallet. Not everywhere I go takes Apple Pay.

        1. My world is divided into 25% cashless mandatory, 25% cash only, and 50% anything goes. I’m not in the exclusively cashless bubble.

      3. Yeah, that doesn’t work for me. I drive everywhere. Drivers license, insurance cards, 2 credit cards and my debit card are the bare minimum. FWIW, I don’t feel more secure with everything being on my phone.

      4. Excellent for you, but this person was asking about a wallet color, not a referendum on whether wallets are useful. Why offer this comment about yourself?

        1. Because maybe the OP doesn’t need what she thinks she needs and can save herself a few bucks?

          1. Yeah, I need an actual wallet. I’ve tried going the minimalist route and it wasn’t for me.

          2. Major eye roll at “maybe the OP doesn’t need what she thinks”. You are taking the fun out of a shopping blog, she shouldn’t have to justify a wallet purchase.

    2. I always go with a bright color because it’s easier to find deep in your bag (especially if you have a dark bag with a dark lining! I also don’t think a colored wallet is unprofessional or unversatile fwiw, especially if it’s a solid.

    6. Fun wallet color for sure. I am also in favor of fun bag colors. I wear almost exclusively neutral clothing, so a fun colored bag always coordinates and really makes the outfit pop. My laptop tote is forest green and I am considering getting a light blue one for summer.

    7. One of my favorite pieces of advice from my grandmother was not to buy a black wallet, but to buy a fun color so that it was easier to see and grab in the dark bottom of a larger purse. It turned out to be great advice, and a fun story to tell whenever I get complimented on my bright and fun wallets :-)

    8. A dark color will show less dirt than a lighter/brighter color. Plum could work very nicely!

  19. The higher I rise in my large company, the more disgruntled I am by dysfunction at the top. My GC can’t make a decision to save his life and requires committees and consensus for every single thing; the new CEO has seemingly handed over the reins to consultants who schedule endless meetings and make us fill out ridiculous worksheets that are not remotely relevant to the legal department. I have almost 20 hours of mandatory administrative meetings a week and I can’t focus on any real work or anything of strategic value because when I’m not in meetings, I’m trying to figure out how to accomplish whatever silly new task the consultants are requiring of us so we can check a box and the GC can brag to the CEO that Legal is leading the charge in his initiatives.

    I had hoped to stay at this org long-term, but I don’t know that I can keep this up. At some point the consultants will move on and we might go back to some sort of semblance of business as usual, but I can’t un-see the unbelievable lack of leadership and strategy at the top, not to mention the loss of respect I have for my GC practically panting for a pat on the head from the CEO. I know these cycles happen all the time in corporate America – is this a sign to start looking to move on, or do you just suck it up and cash the paycheck and wait it out? Does anyone have any advice regarding working for very nice people who have absolutely zero idea what it means to be a strong leader?

    1. I have worked for large corporations for decades and thoroughly believe in the Peter Principle. Everyone rises to the level of their incompetence.

      When someone is rising in their career and absolutely killing it, they keep getting promoted to higher positions. Then there’s that one position that they don’t do well at, so they stay there because they stop getting promoted.

      My worst boss ever was the living embodiment of the Peter Principle.

    2. Sounds like your department is under scrutiny, frankly. Consultants don’t just pick what they look at and your boss’ eager to please behavior is a sign too. I’d dust off my resume and in the meantime talk to the GC and see how you can help remedy what’s wrong. Or position yourself for the role if changes are coming.

  20. Advice for ordering a Lyft for my elderly dad from 5 states away? His car broke down today and he’s at a safe space he can stay at for a while. He also doesn’t hear well and does not understand how to use the cell phone (like I can track his movements with it but he just cannot work it despite coaching; mom used to handle it but he is a recent widower).

    1. Just order one. Something pops up that says looks like you’re far away, are you calling for someone else and you can out in his name. Stay on the phone with him to talk him through it.

      1. hahaha elderly dad has not mastered the phone for the phone function. it is basically a “find my dad” device now.

        Messaging the driver and tracking them both and . . . he’s in the car and they are going where they should. He is also hard of hearing. I need a drink.

        1. If he can’t use a phone to call 911 or a tow truck, it sounds like it’s time for him to stop driving.

          1. It wasn’t that long ago that it was completely normal to not have phone access when driving. The father should maybe not drive for other reasons, but not being able to make a call from his car isn’t one

    2. You can order a Lyft for another person on the app. I initially ordered one for a family member who needed to get to the VA, and had to message the driver with the right info. He’s the one who told me about it. Worst case scenario you order it the normal way, and let them know who it’s really for but it’s better for them to know who they’re looking for.

      1. Move on is really it. It’s a choice of move on or have the situation eat at me/continue to fight something knowing it’s very unlikely that the outcome I want will happen. I’ve seen people who pick options other than move on and their lives are miserable. I don’t want that for me.

      2. Figure out how to get to “move on.” Frame it as your choice, you choose to move on and not to dwell on what can no longer be changed. The past is the past, live in the now and make plans for the future. It’s fine if you need to brood a bit, gnash your teeth, engage in retail therapy, etc., first, but the goal is to move on. Life is not fair, and the world does not owe you anything. But you can control how you choose to respond to life’s circumstances. Good luck!

    3. Accept that the best legal systems are and have always been imperfect and that doesn’t mean that it’s all worthless. Go to therapy. Heal yourself the best you can and try to move on.

      1. Civilization has done better than the legal system we deal with today. People are to blame.

    4. You turn to something other than justice: forgiveness, acceptance, indifference, etc. Heal yourself, knowing that outside systems can’t do that for you. And hugs for whatever you’re going through. It sounds difficult.

    6. Stay angry. Try to make things better where it’s possible instead of where it’s not.

      1. Ooof, stay angry sounds like terrible advice. Who wants to live their life like that?

        1. It’s better than losing all self respect and capitulating or even becoming complicit.

          1. It’s also a recipe for succumbing to stress-related health issues, for example, early onset cardiac disease. There’s only so much you can do to teach the world, and it cannot all be your responsibility.

    7. Smash old plates on your driveway, try and remember that the POS who deserves justice has to live their miserable existence as their POS self, decide that it’s a waste of money and biological matter to leave a flaming bag of waste on their doorstep, make a note of their friends and associates and deliberately be unhelpful to such people.

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