Coffee Break – Touchy Gloves

Etre Touchy Gloves in Oxford Blue with Ecru StripeWarm gloves are a must, but you don’t want to be totally inconvenienced when you need to text, swipe, tweet, and more. I like the look of these wool gloves from Etre, which are missing the fingertips on the thumb and index finger. They come in solids, too, but I like the slightly wacky stripes. They’re $65 at Singer22. Etre Touchy Gloves in Oxford Blue with Ecru Stripe



  1. Any suggestions for a good place in CHICAGO to watch the election results come in?

    • At home. If you care enough to watch the returns, you will undoubtedly not want to be out in public having to deal with the other candidate’s supporters. Especially if things go bad for your candidate. (Spoken from experience!)

      • downstream :

        Disagree. I went to a bar in 2008 and it was a great experience. I am in NYC so obviously everyone is an Obama supporter, especially the young, student-y crowd that populated the bar. Know your demographics and try to go to a bar where you think everyone will be on the same page.

    • Divaliscious11 :

      I emote too much, win or lose, to have that ugly cry, again win or lose, in public……

    • Find out where your chosen candidate is hosting a public event.

  2. Sydney Bristow :

    What are your opinions on patent versus non-patent black heels? I’m on the hunt for the perfect pair of black heels and am planning to order the Ivanka Trump Indico, but I’m torn between the black leather and the black patent. I want these to be that quintessential black heel that is super professional, goes with everything including regular work stuff as well as interviews, and is totally comfortable. I a lawyer in NYC, in case that influences your opinion. What do you all think?

    Also, just generally, I seem to remember people here liking the Ivanka Trump shoes. Is that still the case? Do you find them comfortable? I have bunions, so ill be ordering these in wide, and they are 2-3/4″ heels so I think they have the potential to be comfortable.

    • I can only speak to the Ivanka Trump Annulio flats, but they are very comfortable.

      • Sydney Bristow :

        Hooray! Those are actually being delivered to me today. I hope they fit!

        • Sydney Bristow :

          Sadly, my bunions were completely n display in those flats. They are gorgeous though and I could tell they would be very comfortable. I hope the heels look better on my feet though. I ordered the flats in the black leather and the leather looked very nice, so I think I’m going to stick with that for the heels. Thanks for the advice everyone!

    • I love the Kate Spade Karolina’s in black patent and consider it my basic black shoe. I actually have them in several colors, all in patent. I wear them for regular work stuff, and think that I would feel comfortable wearing the black or nude-for-me patents to an interview or court. No experience with Ivanka Trump shoes, though.

    • Ivanka fan :

      I love love love my Ivanka Trump shoes. I bought them at Nordstrom Rack for $69, a snakeskin pump with about a 3 inch heel. They are the most comfortable heels I’ve ever worn and as an added plus, my normally stinky feet don’t smell in them (maybe because it’s pure leather?). I’m a big fan.

    • If it matter to you, there are some old fashioned types that still consider patent leather to be a spring/summer only material. I think most people have forsaken this “rule” but if you want the “perfect” shoe for year round and this is even remotely something you’d care about, thought I would throw it out there.

      Anyway, my 2 cents is for the non-patent. Not so much because of the above, but just because I consider regular leather to be more versatile.

      • SpaceMountain :

        The judge I clerked for was one of those. I wouldn’t have wanted to be the lawyer in her courtroom wearing patent shoes in the winter.

      • I think even more old fashioned types think of patent as evening and not work wear.

        • Nope. The old-fashion types know that the only appropriate evening shoe is made of satin or velvet, never leather.

      • Turtle Wexler :

        I’ve never even heard of this before. I don’t like patent leather in general, though I can’t really say why, but it’s blowing my mind that it’s supposed to be “summery!”

    • AnonInfinity :

      I much prefer black leather to patent. It could be personal taste, but I view patent as slightly more trendy. It also seems like it would get scuffed more easily (but I don’t have empirical evidence to back that part up).

      • Sydney Bristow :

        The trendy part makes sense to me. I’ve gone years barely looking at the patent shoes, but now I’m thinking they look so perfect again. Interesting thought on the scuffing too.

        • Scuffs are easily taken off with nail polish remover :) I wear my patent black heels more than my leather ones and year round. FWIW, I’m in DC.

      • I’m actually terrible at taking care of my things, and nearly all my black work shoes are patent leather–IMHO, good quality patent leather actually scuffs less easily. (Kicking my toe against polished stone or wood leaves a streak that rubs right off, not a deep mark that requires wax and often is not fixable even thus.) …Maybe the difference is how hard/where you scuff? I’ve definitely had times where I’ve scuffed a shoe so hard that it breaks the “skin” of the patent leather–which then cannot be fixed for love or money. Concrete vs. carpet burn, I guess. Know thyself.

        Re: appropriateness, I find I actually wear patent leather more in the winter months–waterproofing! (Or really, salt-proofing.) And in addition to season/function concerns, I’d consider how it would look with other accessories you wear often. I think a plain or suede black leather belt + patent leather shoes might look odd. (In my case, I wear lots of patent skinny belts and shiny black headbands, so the textures work out.) Finally, is this “wear to work and out on the weekend'” classic, or “wear to court before a jury” classic? For the latter, muted look of untreated leather is prob the way to go.

        • Sydney Bristow :

          I normally scuff the toes on the stairs walking up from the subway. This is going to be a wear to work and out on the weekend purchase. The most formal thing I’d do in them is go on an interview, but I never go to court.

          • Count me as a yes vote to patent leather, then.

            I think it looks youthful, and timeless, and chic. Not youthful-girlie in the office, but youthful as in “not another boring Suit” for the weekends.

    • I love patent and wear it routinely as my “normal” work shoes.

    • i love the ivanka shoes, but the one i got ran .5 size small.

  3. SF Bay Associate :

    With Election Day tomorrow, I want to say a couple things. First, I hope everyone reading this blog eligible to vote does so, and makes the effort to encourage their family, friends, and neighbors eligible to vote to do so, too. Even if your state is likely to go one way or the other with regard to the presidential election, I’m sure there are state and local elections that are much more up in the air. Make your voices heard! I am especially full of admiration for those who have to wait hours and hours to vote, and stick it out. Thank you. And second, I want to thank the members of this special community for the many respectful discussions we’ve had recently on hot button issues. From the thoughtful and intelligent comments, I have learned a lot.


    • And I hope you remembered to close the html script so not everything is bold for the rest of the day. ;-)

      Seriously though y’all, vote. :-)

    • Although I also think it’s appropriate to respect the fact that some people exercise their freedom of speech by *not* voting. (True for many it’s just apathy, but just want to be clear that not speaking is often a form of speaking/protest.)

      • Motoko Kusanagi :

        A genuine question – what is the rationale behind not voting as an exercise of freedom of speech? I’m imagining an individual who doesn’t really like either Obama or Romney and therefore chooses not to vote – but why not write in his/her candidate of choice instead? What am I missing?

        • The campaigns and major parties track voter turn-out. If people who should be a core demographic for a particular party don’t turn out to vote, the party knows that they didn’t put forward a compelling candidate and may take that into consideration when selecting the next crop of candidates. Voting for a third party candidate may send a similar message, although there are assumptions about which major party you’d side with given your choice of third party (e.g., the assumption is Liberatarians are disgruntled Republicans and Greens are disgruntled Democrats), which may not be accurate.

        • I agree. I don’t see any reason not to vote really, unless you disagree with democracy or something.

        • Anonymous :

          +1. This seems to me a far more effective way to register displeasure with candidates. Not to mention, then you can vote for all of the state/local candidates.

          • I am a banana. :

            Agree. My state/local representatives have a bigger direct impact on my day to day life than the President does. I’ll be at the polls tomorrow because I care about who is in charge of my community. Not saying those of you not voting don’t care, but the biggest casualty of voter apathy is your local government.

        • Cumpulsory voting? Some democratic countries (like Australia, IIRC) require you vote – even if you don’t fill out the ballot, you still have to show up and sign in and pick up a ballot. If you don’t, you can be subject to fines.

          So to not vote in this country, is an exercise of the right to vote, in that it’s the freedom to not vote and remain silent in the conversation, rather than be forced to go thru the motions when you don’t want to contribute. That’s the best (rational) rationale I can come up with.

        • There are plenty of rational reasons not to vote. If you don’t believe in our political system (which, validly, some do not) or more narrowly, you don’t believe in the two-party system, then choosing not to vote means choosing not to participate in a system you don’t believe in. Similarly, you may choose not to vote if you don’t believe in the validity of the state’s authority, because voting validates that authority.

          This reminds me of the conversation we had several months ago about American exceptionalism. I think we so often default to the belief that democracy, that our system, is intrinsically the Right System, that it’s hard to see that a refusal to participate in that system can be more than laziness. But refusing to vote can be a principled stance.

      • Thank you.

        I am not voting tomorrow. Part of it is that I am absentee in CA with the wring address and I just cannot bring myself to care enough about this election to vote, let alone go through the bureaucracy of changing my address in a state that is going to go blue anyway. I just don’t believe there will be an appreciable difference between the two candidates once they are in office. Yes, they say different thugs, but really don’t believe they will be acting on all of them. I also am not so happy with Obama but also not totally sold on Romney. So yes, I am making a considered, educated opinion to sit this one out.

        • Ha. So many phone typos! Wrong* and things* :)

        • SF Bay Associate :

          You have no opinion on any of the Propositions? You could not vote on the presidential election and still vote on the props.

      • Silvercurls :

        @TBK and other not-planning-to-vote ladies: Thank you for your comments, which are fascinating, especially TBK’s second comment below in which she says that if people of XYZ demographic slice are noticeably absent from voting the candidates may wonder why the XYZ folks felt compelled to sit out the election. I’m really learning something and being encouraged to think–without feeling hit over the head by anybody’s opinion. :-)

        The idea that being Silent may be an active choice to send an active message is another concept that I would have ever thought of on my own. Perhaps that’s because (alert: self-deprecating humor ahead) I’m too busy being a flame-breathing, highly opinionated person who is only a couple of breaths away from bursting into a passionate speech about Why It’s Disgraceful for Americans Not To Vote When So Many Other People Living in Countries with More Oppressive Governments Desire But Don’t Get This Chance. (Hmm…Maybe HHAAARW is the flame-breathing equivalent of RAWR?) Fortunately I am also able to be gentle and polite and look for common ground since I refuse to believe that people cannot find something to agree on! I mean, if we both like brownies, or sewing, or gardening, can’t we extend that into loving the friends and families with whom we share our brownies, etc., and then conclude that even though we have opposite opinions on some public matters, we are both clearly community-loving, caring folks instead of viewing each other as terrible monsters?

        Sign me “hopeful.” Oh, and perhaps this time I’ll get up the nerve to come to the DC meetup. I promise not to HHRAWR at anybody about politics.

        • Silvercurls :

          Forgot to add that technically I’m in the “not voting” camp myself: When confronted with the names of several judges (three running unopposed, and one more who was up for a yes/no vote re continuance in office) I just left everything blank because I was alas, completely uninformed. Memo to self: next time pay closer attention! I overlooked these two items partly because of the many other state and county questions on this year’s ballot.

    • I completely agree with everything that San Fran Bay said, with one caveat – one of my absolute pet peeves is the command to “Vote!” without the reminder to get informed first. I’m sure that this doesn’t apply to the very intelligent ladies here, but in general, if a person is not informed, they should definitely not vote. I’d certainly prefer that everyone got informed and then voted, but if you’re not willing or able to get informed, you definitely should not be voting.

      • Disagree. Voting signals your appreciation for democracy. Getting informed is important, but being part of the process is paramount.

      • Left Coaster :

        I disagree too. Every American has the right to vote, regardless of whether they are “very intelligent,” regardless of whether they have read up on all the candidates, and regardless of whether they are knowledgeable about the issues that you may think are important. I wouldn’t agree with someone who decided to vote for President based on whose tie they liked better during the debates, but I would agree with their right to make that their determining factor.

      • I hear you, Lyssa, but that is a scary slippery slope. There is too much history in this country of trying to disenfranchise people because of spurious hurdles to voting.

        I know that’s not what you meant by your comment, but literacy requirements, poll taxes and the like were not that far in the past.

        • I don’t think that Lyssa is trying to disenfranchise people, just saying that if you are taking on the responsibility of voting, you should also be informed. Not being informed and voting doesn’t help the system, it causes more issues. It isn’t hard to be informed, they send free information about the candidates to you all the time, and you can read about them on the internet or in the newspapers at the public library.

          • I agree that there are many sources for becoming informed about elections and that it is the responsible way to exercise the privilege of voting. Also agree that Lyssa is not proposing to legislate anything.

            However, once you start saying that unless you do X (or meet X requirement) you should “definitely not vote,” then you are starting down a slippery slope that has led to a lot of terrible abuses in our history. Just my opinion.

    • I like this better than all the “remember to vote” reminders. Gee, thanks for the reminders! Total forgot that this is an election year.

  4. Ugh, can I be a grinch today? I hate fireworks, it currently sounds like war outside my bedroom window.

    Also, I’m so ready for the elections to be over. I attempted to impose a media blackout because I’ve been obsessively looking up polling data. An hour later, I walked into Boots and the man at the counter heard my accent and wanted to talk politics. Claiming Canadian has never been so tempting!

    • Always a NYer :

      Happy Guy Fawkes Day!!!

      • 4 days of it, though! The cynical part of me attributes this to Scottish glee at the idea of Westminster falling.

      • Gail the Goldfish :

        That’s why all my friends that live in Britain have been posting fireworks pictures! I couldn’t figure it out. So much for remembering the 5th of November.

        And yes, I agree with the ready for this election to be over sentiment. And I don’t even live in a swing state. I can’t imagine what the ad blitz is like in the swing states.

        • Meg Murry :

          The advertising is insane! Here in Ohio if you try to watch television the ads are nothing but political commercials. I’m not exaggerating – I tried to watch the local news this weekend and every single commercial was political, except for a handfull of ads for upcoming shows on that channel. And not just basic “vote for me” commercials, but really nasty backbiting attack ads. I voted already and I wish there was some kind of way to alert the media of this – I bet there would be much higher early voter turnout if doing so meant you go get rid of the ads from tv, mail, facebbok, phone, billboards, etc.

          • The ads even show up on Hulu when I watch stuff there too. TV watching (and radio listening) on Wednesday will be much nicer. I can’t wait for Wednesday.

        • Oh my goodness it’s like an avalanche of campaign mail every time I open my front door! (We have one of those in the door mail slots.) Sometimes I can’t even get my door open with all the mail — especially Kaine/Allen mail — gunking up my entryway. Plus our landline rings about 20 times a night. Plus the canvassers going door-to-door every weekend/evening.

          • Alanna of Trebond :

            You must be in Virginia! I remember being home and seeing all of those. The pollsters even got hold of my cell number.

    • goirishkj :

      Totally forgot it was Guy Fawkes Day! Remember, remember!

  5. FOOEY! I have to go to VOTE tomorrow, but do not know where the poles are!

    Does anyone in the NYC Corporete Hive know where us Upper East Sider’s vote? Roberta say’s I should vote, but there is NOT a mayor election and Bloomberg is NOT running. She say’s she is voteing in a local school, but she live’s in Riverdell, and there are alot of school’s around here and I do NOT want to waste alot of time walkeing all over from school to school to ask the same question.

    I’ve lived on the Upper East Side for almost 4 year’s but never voted before. You would think they would have figured this out and told me already. I am shouting out for HIVE support! HELP!

  6. Honey Pillows :

    I lurrrve tough-girl motorcycle boots. I am absolutely aware they are inappropriate for the office. But I remember someone posting about some boots that would be tough-girl with skirts and conservative with pants.

    Link below to some I like, except for that one strap that makes it inappropriate. Any other suggestions?

    • Honey Pillows :,dsw12cat1620002

    • These look a lot tougher!
      Actually, I have a pair of Vince Camuto high-heeled booties with chains up the back. They are insanely comfortable for the heel height and very bada$$

    • These look awesome. And bonus, you could totally wear them on the weekend with skinny jeans.

  7. Ugghhh, “touchy” gloves… Sorry, Kat–love 98% of your recommendations but these do not strike me as a hit. (Also, what a name.) There’s a lot of gloves out there that work with touch screens but are still fingered–with perforations, or, better yet, special conductive fabric over the fingertips. Sometimes it’s even indistinguishable from the rest of the glove.

    Knit, striped, AND fingered (and cheaper! $21 –though granted, probably not wool)

    Red leather, driving glove styling

    Gorgeous leather, classic look, cashmere lined, and out of stock. :(

  8. DC Fans of (this blog) December Meetup

    I volunteered to plan the next DC meetup, and I’m thinking early December would be a good time. I heard that Thursday is not the most popular day for meetups, so I’m thinking either a Monday or a Wednesday, which are the best days for me. I also thought it might be fun to do some sort of totally optional gift exchange.

    So can those of you who might be interested in coming to a DC meetup/happy hour reply and answer the following 3 questions:

    1. Would Monday (probably Dec 3 or 10) or Wednesday (probably Dec 5 or 12) be better for you?

    2. What part of town is best for you – The Hill, Chinatown, Metro Center, or Farrugut?

    3. Would you be interested in participating in a holiday gift exchange?

    As always, the address to get on the list for receiving info on meetups is dccorporette [at] yahoo [dot] com. I will also be emailing those of you who are already on the email list.

    Thanks and I hope to see many of you next month!

  9. DC Fans of (this blog) December Meetup (reposting to avoid moderation)

    I volunteered to plan the next DC meetup, and I’m thinking early December would be a good time. I heard that Thursday is not the most popular day for meetups, so I’m thinking either a Monday or a Wednesday, which are the best days for me. I also thought it might be fun to do some sort of totally optional gift exchange.

    So can those of you who might be interested in coming to a DC meetup/happy hour reply and answer the following 3 questions:

    1. Would Monday (probably Dec 3 or 10) or Wednesday (probably Dec 5 or 12) be better for you?

    2. What part of town is best for you – The Hill, Chinatown, Metro Center, or Farrugut?

    3. Would you be interested in participating in a holiday gift exchange?

    As always, the address to get on the list for receiving info on meetups is dccorpor e t t e [at] yahoo [dot] com. I will also be emailing those of you who are already on the email list.

    Thanks and I hope to see many of you next month!

    • applesandcheddar :

      Yay! I’ll actually be in town!

      1) Mondays and Wednesdays are both good days for me.

      2) Chinatown or Metro Center are good central locations I think.

      3) I’m not too interested in a gift exchange… gift giving isn’t my thing and I’m super stressed at work right now, so don’t want to add one more thing to it!

    • 1. Either probably works for me.
      2. Not the Hill, please — it’s really far for me!
      3. Also a little meh on gifts. I love the idea, but I feel like we’re all so busy it can be challenging.
      4. Thanks for organizing!

    • Wahoo! I missed the last one, so I hope I can make it to this one! I’m out of town the first week of December, so the second week, either the 10th or 12th would work best for me. But if the first week works best for the rest, then I’ll be there in spirit!

      2. Chinatown/Metro Center/Farragut works best for me. I’d take the red line in, so Capitol Hill is a bit out of the way.

      3. I’m also a bit meh on the gift exchange for stress/financial reasons.

    • 1. Both dates are OK.
      2. I agree that Cap Hill is too far afield, but Chinatown/Metro Center/Farragut are all fine.
      3. I second the multitute of “mehs” on the gift exchange for the same reasons, but it was a lovely thought!

    • (1) I won’t be in town for the 5th, so I selfishly vote for a Monday.

      (2) In order of preference: Farragut, Metro Center, Chinatown.

      (3) Pass on the gift exchange.

    • 1. Monday’s are best
      2. Would prefer it on the redline
      3. No gifts please – I would totally overthink that.

    • Yay. The first week of December is rough for me. I’d prefer Chinatown or Metro Center.

    • I can make it during the first week of December, and either Monday or Wednesday work for me. The second week will be more difficult.
      Chinatown/Metro Center/Farragut work for me better than the Hill.
      I would pass on the gift exchange idea.
      Really looking forward to meeting you all, ladies!

    • 1. Dec 10 is out for me
      2. Any location is fine
      3. Spin-0ff of your idea, I would do a Toys for Tots or other type of gift for a child in need (MEMBERS OF THIS SITE, UNITE!).

    • 1. Mondays and Wednesdays both work
      2. What part of town is best for you – The Hill, Chinatown, Metro Center, or Farrugut? – I’m an outlier so the Hill works for me, as does Chinatown/Metro Center
      3. Would you be interested in participating in a holiday gift exchange? – Pass on the exchange

  10. waxing question :

    I have a slightly embarrassing conundrum about bikini hair. My garden party guest is very scrupulous about shaving himself. I couldn’t care one way or the other what he does but he has, very gently, hinted that he likes it when I have less bikini hair. I would like to reciprocate.

    I don’t usually remove because I get pretty horrific and numerous ingrown hairs. Waxing seems to be best but I am sensitive for days, hair removers work a little better, and razoring is pretty much a guarantee that I will be performing minor surgery on myself for the next 6 months. So I usually just trim the area to keep it clean and uncover/remove the half dozen ingrowns that have appeared. I have tried exfoliating and many of the various ointments that are supposed to prevent this sort of thing.

    Questions: would regular waxing help with the in-growns? I haven’t ever really tried routine waxing–just for vacations and pool parties. Does the sensitivity afterwards decrease with routine waxings?

    And maybe this is hypothetical. But I haven’t gotten a UTI (yet–knock on wood) with this guy. I usually get one with a new partner in the first few weeks. He’s the second guy I’ve been with who has a hair removal regime and there was one other who was naturally sparsely-haired and I didn’t get a UTI with them either. Does bikini-area hair on men promote the bacteria movement that causes UTIs? Is this correlation or causation?

    • Get a laser hair removal groupon and do an extended bikini or brazilian. If you follow through with all 6 sessions (and then do another session every 6 months or so) you won’t need to shave or wax. Totally worth it!

      • I agree. Laser hair removal has changed my life! It is amazing. No ingrowns, totally smooth….I love it.

      • Agree. Waxing was only a momentary relief and actually made ingrowns worse over time. And then the scars started turning dark instead of pink (neither of which is cute). Go laser – it is indeed life-changing.

    • Anon For This :

      I’ve found that regular waxing definitely helps with the pain and sensitivity. The first time I did a full brazilian, I was uncomfortable for at least a day or two after. But now it hurts a lot less when I’m getting it done and doesn’t cause very much discomfort after.

      I don’t have a huge problem with ingrowns but I find it’s definitely better with waxing than it was with shaving.

      And FWIW, my boyfriend is similar in that he is very meticulous with shaving his hair, so I reciprocated for his birthday and he loved it. I love that he likes it so much and feel much less self-conscious (especially when he’s giving me some uh special attention) so I can enjoy it more.

    • Sydney Bristow :

      Have you tried Nair or Veet? I get horrible ingrowns from shaving, but don’t seem to have the same problem wi Veet.

    • Just use a personal trimmer — it’s just slightly less close than shaving, so no ingrowns, but feels essentially the same . Best $20 I ever spent.

    • anonforthis :

      I get regular brazilians. Pain and sensitivity get better but I get horrible in-growns and those don’t go away. I was using Tend Skin but that didn’t work for me. I keep waxing because I like the clean feeling even if it lasts just 2 weeks. Belle on Caphillstyle has recommended a couple of products to prevent in-growns so I’d suggest checking her blog. I also agree with the above poster that lasering is your best bet for a long-term in-grown free solution

    • Greensleeves :

      Try looking for someone who uses “hard wax” instead of the regular kind. (There’s probably some technical name for the stuff, but I don’t know it! It’s thicker than regular wax and they pull it off without the paper strips.). My fairly sensitive skin finds it less painful and less irritating than the regular kind – I end up sore for a few hours instead of three days. I do find regular waxing makes it less painful, but after about a year of regular waxes I started getting more sensitive and would be sore for 3 days. Switching to this other wax has helped.

    • phillygirlruns :

      try shaving with cheap conditioner (suave or whatever’s 99 cents at the drugstore) and then applying caldescene powder post-shower – it’s a medicated baby powder, comes in a pink container and is in the baby aisle in most drugstores. cheaper and less painful than waxing, and it went a LONG way to eradicating my ingrowns/razor burn.

      i’d also recommend laser hair removal, though that’s a very long-term commitment – it took me the better part of two years, with visits every 6 weeks initially, then down to 4. i did bikini and upper lip and it was worth it.

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      Bliss Ingrown Eliminator pads are the only things that really get rid of and prevent ingrowns for me. I’m hesitant to recommend them because they are SO expensive but I tried all sorts of other remedies (tea tree oil, TendSkin, Bikini Zone, etc) but they definitely do work.

      • anonforthis :

        I almost bought them but gagged at the price- $50! I ordered The Cool Fix lotion from Sephora instead- any experience using it on the bikini area? When I shave (and I shave my entire groin area, including the inner area) I want it to be entirely smooth so I go against the grain- it’s very smooth and unbumpy for about a day and then the red bumps start.

        • momentsofabsurdity :

          I tried the Cool Fix but it burned like fire on my legs so I was too scared to put in on my bikini line. I have skin that’s pretty sensitive to shaving though so your mileage might vary. I also go against the grain and get one day (really about 3/4 of one day) of smoothness. I switched to waxing just because it seemed like it was worth the price to at least get a week of smoothness before the itchiness/bumps started up again.

          • anonforthis :

            ive considered waxing (though can’t really afford a brazilian regularly) but then you have to let the hair “grow out” between waxes which isn’t great if you’re throwing lady garden parties regularly- how do you deal with that?

          • momentsofabsurdity :

            Yeah it’s not my favorite part BUT I’ve found if I do it every 3 weeks, the regrowth stays fairly minimal (at least, no worse than stubble for me — maybe even better because it isn’t as sharp and poky). But due to the razor burn associated with shaving, I could only shave once every week or so, so I was used to dealing with a little bit of hair and it was worse, since it was cut and therefore sharp. If you can shave every day, it might be a hard feeling to get around.

            Waxing also feels a lot smoother than I’ve ever gotten shaving to feel, and I really have liked that feeling. My biggest issue is the cost (~$50+ in my area) which can really limit the budget. I did it myself for a while, but it’s really difficult to do that. No one commented that it was poorly done, or anything, but it took me 3hrs per wax while it took an aesthetician like, 20 minutes max.

            (Kind of wishing I had posted this under an anon handle. Oh well. You all know about the state of my lady garden now!)

          • anonforthis :

            sigh. sometimes i wish guys just expected pubic hair. though i also shave because i personally like the feeling/aesthetic, but if there wasn’t the peer pressure to do it i doubt i’d worry so much about getting stubble occasionally.

  11. Any good anxiety books? :

    Can anyone recommend any good books on understanding and solving your own anxiety problems? I just contacted a talk therapist and will see how that goes, but I’d love to read more — breathing techniques, etc — and approach it from that angle as well. Any reccs?

    • Work for me :

      Check out exercise #2 and #3 on this page. They have been enormously helpful to me.

      Good luck!

    • lucy stone :

      Hope and Help for Your Anxious Nerves by Claire Weekes and The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook were my two favorites. Good luck.

    • I may be the wrong person to contribute on this one because I don’t normally find self help books too effective, but I have always found the work of Albert Ellis to be very helpful on these sorts of topics. He has published a lot on this, including How to Control Your Anxiety Before it Controls You.

      If nothing else, his wikipedia page is an interesting read –

      There’s also a fantastic New Yorker article about him from 2003 or 2005. Very inspirational (for me, anyway) and surprisingly funny.

  12. Anastasia :

    The question wearing coats over blazers (specifically, someone’s suggestion for a cape) in the previous thread got me thinking:

    I’m a few months pregnant and I’m going to be too big to button my coat at the coldest part of the year. I know I could get a maternity coat, but I’m anti-buying a bunch of expensive maternity stuff that I will only wear for a few months (arguably I would wear a coat often enough that it might be an exception; I’m still deciding). A cape, though, might be worth the investment. I live in DC, so it’s not *bitterly* cold here. Would I be warm enough?

    Anyone have any recommendations? I’m not seeing anything inspiring with a quick google. Or, since a cape is really just a big piece of warm fabric and I’m not totally incompetent with a sewing machine, maybe it would be better to just make my own?

    • YMMV, but I survived a New York winter with just an Old Navy maternity coat (I think it was maybe $49?). The very act of being pregnant made me hot – it was like the baby was a tiny furnace I carried around with me. So you might want to look at cheap maternity coats, like Old Navy, before you spend real money on either a cape or a big piece of nice fabric.

      But aside from that, I think you’d be warm enough in a cape. (See above, re: carrying around a tiny furnace.)

    • Research, Not Law :

      Not to redirect from your question, but instead of a ‘maternity’ jacket, I got a double-breasted, belted trench coat. Worked great! It was for my second pregnancy, so I sized up to assure belly coverage, but my regular size would have worked for my first.

      All I can add to the cape question is that my mother made herself a rain poncho for her pregnancies.

    • the problem with most capes is that they are 3/4 length in the sleeves, so you would have to wear full-length sleeves underneath (or long gloves) and even then you probably wouldn’t be warm enough. Also, true capes are cut such that you can’t really wear a shoulder bag, which is annoying. It seems to me you should just buy a reasonably priced wool maternity coat- get something classic you could wear for a subsequent pregnancy.

    • Merabella :

      I think a cape would actually be a great idea, because you could wear it while pregnant and still wear it later. Zara has had cute ones in the past, but I haven’t checked recently. It may also not be that hard to make one yourself, but why bother.

    • what about a coat like this?,default,pd.html?dwvar_22745671_colorCode=356&start=3&ppid=c3&cgid=womens-outerwear
      40% off today too. I belive they have this same coat at the limited in non plus sizes too. looks easier to deal with than buttons

    • I was the one who suggested a cape to the previous poster.

      I have two capes, both inherited from my grandmother – one late 40s, the other mid 60s, I believe. Both are densely-woven wool (one of them may be a wool/camel blend). If you are into vintage stores/thrifting, that might actually be your best bet.

      I note the other comments re capes not having full sleeves. I am in the Pacific Northwest so our weather does not get nearly as cold as yours, but I find that keeping my arms inside the cape (with just hands peeking out) actually makes a nice little cocoon of warmth. But I can’t speak to suitability for a DC winter…

      • P.S. On the handbag issue, both my capes are true capes, so if I am carrying a shoulder bag, I actually wear it under the cape.

    • [insert clever name here] :

      I live in a fairly cold area of the Great Lakes states and didn’t purchase a “maternity coat” for my past pregnancy. Like another poster stated earlier, just being pregnant made me very hot all the time. I was usually pretty comfortable in just my normal clothes outside. In fact, I was usually excited to go outside in the cold without a coat to cool off after roasting inside for a few hours!

      Granted, I live in a car-friendly area and we had a relatively mild winter this past year. But, I kept my non-pregnancy coat in the car and wore it unbuttoned with a scarf if I was ever walking more than a block or two. A maternity coat probably would have been nice, but certainly not needed.

    • Meg Murry :

      Part of the question of would you be warm enough is how much time you spend outdoors. If your commute is mainly by public transportation or you walk a lot, you probably want to invest in a maternity coat or a regular winter coat 1-2 sizes bigger. If you need a coat just to get from your driveway to the car and car to front door of your office you may be able to get away with a lighterweight coat with layers underneath, or I even was fin with sweaters and a scarf and my winter coat unbuttoned or a belted trench due to the tiny furnace effect mentioned above.

      You also may be able to find a maternity coat or a coat 1-2 sizes up at a thrift or resale shop. Or do you know anyone that was pregnant last winter that might have a maternity coat you could borrow?

    • DC Association :

      Another suggestion would be to go to a consignment store or goodwill store and purchasing a used coat in a few sizes up, or a swing-coat style.

    • Diana Barry :

      I have an Old Navy parka if you want it – you can email me at dianabarry r e t t e at gmail. :) Or you can get a new one – I think I got mine for $30. :)

    • Anastasia :

      Thanks for the suggestions, everyone! I probably have another month, so I will explore all of these options. :)

  13. anon for this :

    ‘Rettes – I have a question.

    What are your tablestakes when it comes to the early days of relationships? Do you have any dealbreakers?

    I have some that are obvious – gainfully employed (or on a path to getting there), kind and caring, follows through on commitments, etc. If some of these don’t seem like they’re there in the early days, I have no problem ending the relationship.

    I also have some dealbreakers relating to a misalignment of longterm values and goals. I don’t think I would want to be in a sustained relationship with someone who said they didn’t want kids one day, for example, because I know that I have to have kids one day.

    Do you have any? What are they?

    What spurred this on for me is that a new guy I’ve been seeing recently expressed that he thinks it is “very important” for a couple to live together before even considering marriage. Now, I haven’t sorted out my feelings on living together but I am not at all sure it’s something that I would want to do before marriage (that isn’t intended as a judgment of anyone else, just what would be right for me). I’m not militant in it and I’m open to the idea that it could change, but it isn’t something I’m dramatically pro – if anything, I lean against wanting to do it (for myself). I’ve gone back and forth on whether that is a legitimate reason to back off from a relationship that seems like it could become quite serious/longterm, or if the time spent living together before marriage is such a blip (in the course of a life) that it’s really a minor issue that’s solvable.

    Would love to hear others thoughts, either on this or on what your personal “if X isn’t true, this can’t go anywhere” viewpoints are.

    • anon from below :

      I’m the anon from below who posted about a lack of physical attraction with someone I’m dating. Since I’m dating a fair amount recently, I think about this topic often. My dealbreakers are the same as yours. I feel fairly strongly about not living together before marriage, but I don’t think I’d end a relationship in the early stages with someone who disagreed with me. I’d look at it as an opportunity to discuss what marriage vs. living together means for you both. This, to me, isn’t the same as someone saying he absolutely doesn’t want kids (or believe in marriage, or other things that are very important to me and probably can’t be changed).

    • Sydney Bristow :

      I had the same first set as you and my kid one was the exact opposite.

      I think that since you’ve described your view as not militant and open to the idea that it could change, that it shouldn’t be a deal breaker for you. I think of deal breakers as those “I will never change my opinion on this and it is vitally important to our future together” things.

    • When I was single, one of mine was the guy had to be okay with pets. I can’t imagine my life without a creature of some kind in it, so it would have been a dealbreaker for me if that was a no-go. I think kids would be the same situation, but at least no one claims to really be allergic to them.

      One that I never thought about too much but that I think is vitally important in a relationship is having similar body temperatures/needs. I think if one person is always hot and the other is always cold, it’s just signing up for constant conflict.

      I would, of course, throw most of these out the window if I really liked someone. I am generally not a fan of absolutes in my life. Though confession – I once lost interest in a guy because he smoked Malboro Ultra Lights and I thought if you’re going to smoke, at least smoke a real cigarette, and another time I dropped a guy because he was constantly slathering his lips in chapstick and it just grossed me out. Of course, obviously, I probably never really liked these guys that much to begin with if I lost interest in them for such totally silly reasons!

      • Sydney Bristow :

        The pets one is a great idea. I didn’t think about it at all and my boyfriend has never had pets before. He wasn’t totally against them, just didn’t know what to expect. We got through it and I moved in with my cat, but it has been a little bit of a tough situation.

      • karenpadi :

        Second the pets. I have two cats who I adopted because their owners feel in love with someone who wanted the kitty gone. I try not to judge the former owners but I can–and do–judge men who make giving up the kitty a deal breaker. I understand not wanting to get more pets or not replacing the kitties when they die but I am doing that to my cats again. Allergies? Well, they have medical treatments for that. If he’s expecting me to be the pregnant one in the relationship, he can handle a few years of allergy shots.

        Other dealbreaker: Peter Pan Syndrome evidenced by a lack of any of the trappings of adulthood (e.g., wardrobe, apartment, standard of cleanliness, etc). Why is it so common in the Silicon Valley? Why?!

        Re: moving in together before marriage: give it time–you might surprise yourself. I refused to move-in with a guy after 6 mos dating based on my gut instinct. Turns out, my gut was right. Then I let a guy move-in to save rent and because I thought he was The One. Big mistake but it also forced me to question the relationship and I got out of the relationship sooner than I otherwise would have.

        • Another Anon :

          Those gut feelings are worth listening to. I once broke up w/ someone even though in theory we were say 90% compatible–the problem was that our mere 10% of incompatibility was somehow bigger than the 90% of compatibility. This is emotional math here, not logical math. In retrospect we were indeed mutually mismatched.

          Don’t dismiss a hesitation or your observation that you and your SO don’t align perfectly on some issue as “just my opinion” because that’s how we shape our lives–with opinions, values, preferences and/or deeply held beliefs–and if we ignore all these important distinctions we’ll end up living a life that is NOT the desired shape and we’ll be miserable. (Sorry re the Ellen caps.)

          I’m now a longtime married lady and while I can’t claim to be an expert, I’ve certainly learned how to listen to my inner voice and discuss that message with Mr. Another Anon. I’ve also learned that there’s a difference between deciding to overlook a minor fault and trying madly to convince myself that really, it’s okay if DH keeps on doing whatever it is that I can’t admit, even to myself, that I dislike.

    • If anything I think this is probably more likely a dealbreaker for him. Did you tell him your thoughts about it? Also can I ask why you are kind of against it? The only people I know that are against have strong feelings/reasons (religious).

      • anon for this :

        I am not comfortable with the idea of giving up my “back up/safe space/place to run to if this all falls apart” without a firm commitment (like marriage) in hand. For me, just being in a longterm relationship doesn’t denote the same kind of commitment. It would be very upsetting to my parents (who are religious) and I would rather not hurt them on that level. I grew up being taught that it was wrong and while maybe I should unpack that and learn to move past it and it shouldn’t bother me – it does bother me, a bit. And I think on some level, I’m just a bit old fashioned and like the idea of marriage being the point at which at which we truly combine our lives into a family unit.

        I did mention my thoughts to him briefly (I mean, this was a conversation in passing) and he didn’t push back And really, I don’t have firm and absolute thoughts except that I would lean toward no. Those things I listed above are preferences, but I can’t say with certainty that I will never change my mind (I can say that on the kids thing, for example).

        I should make it clear – I’m not against other people living together nor do I think it makes me any more or less moral or good than anyone else if I don’t do it. I am just still unsure how *I* personally feel about doing it.

        • Sydney Bristow :

          That makes sense. I’m me of the people who is firmly on the side of living together before marriage is necessary because of my own parents’ experiences, but I made sure to have a really serious talk with my boyfriend about my fears of giving up my backup place. We talked about it and I told him in no uncertain terms that I’d only move in if we were on the path to marriage because it is such a big deal to me and luckily he was totally on the same page. I thought that he would be based on previous conversations we had and obviously there is no guarantee that we will be getting married, but I actually do feel safe and secure in our relationship and am not really afraid of not having a back up place anymore though.

    • In addition to all the values aligning points made above, I think another dealbreaker to pay attention to is if his housekeeping habits don’t align with yours. I could not see myself progressing with someone if they were really lazy about chores and helping out around the house.

      After reading the above discussion on waxing etc., I’m reminded that having to wax or shave was definitely a dealbreaker for me before I got married!

    • It seems like unless it’s obvious criminal activity, I never know a deal breaker until I see it. But I live and die by the two rules 1. Is it a deal breaker? and 2. Is it going to change? If yes, then no, must move on.
      I have learned that I can deal with farts, disappearing during football season, bad gift givers, bad backrubbers but cannot deal with someone who naturally likes to be a room a part when we are home together, someone who cannot hang out with work people or my friends (at least sometimes), lying/exaggerating, and someone who puts me down (same as cannot share my celebrations/happiness).

  14. TJ – I work in a business casual office and almost never have to wear a full suit. I mostly wear dresses and blazers/cardigans. Do you think these would be ok to wear with black tights a day that I don’t have any important meetings? For reference, I wear flat riding boots to my office all the time even for more formal days and they are totally acceptable.

  15. Has anyone ever dated someone and felt chemistry WITHOUT attraction? I feel like I’m going through that now with a new guy, and it’s really confusing. We have a great time and I enjoy spending time with him, but he is physically so much not my type that I find it hard to know if I’m really attracted to him (we’ve only been out a few times). Part of the problem is that he’s just really physically small/skinny. So am I, and he is bigger than I am, but not that much. I hate that I care, but I do.

    Am I crazy? I love our conversations, but when I think about things getting more physical, I don’t really want to think about it. It could be that I just don’t know him well enough… it takes me a long time for that attraction switch to click sometimes.

    • anon for this :

      I’ve been there. I think it’s unlikely if you’ve been out several times and there’s no physical attraction that it’s going to develop. You might learn to find some parts of him attractive, but overall, I don’t think you can “learn” to really be truly attracted someone.

      If you had only been on one date, I’d say give it a few more. But if you’ve been on 3-5, I think it’s time to move on.

    • If it’s taken you a long time to feel spark in the past, I’d say keep giving him a chance. If he gets impatient, well, I guess that will be the answer. If he keeps being awesome, maybe the attraction will develop. I’ve certainly ended up with crushes seemingly out of nowhere, as I started to think the person was more and more awesome (though I do tend to immediate attraction, most of the time).

    • Annonnnnnny. :

      Someone on this site a long time ago said if you aren’t attracted to a great guy, you should probably end it, because a great guy deserves to be with someone who finds him attractive. I spent three years in that exact situation. He was such a great guy, and I just kept hoping it would click one day…but it never did. I was never as attracted to him as I thought I should be.

      FWIW, I am now with a great guy who I think is the handsomest man in the whole world. There is one out there for you with chemistry and attraction. Good luck!

    • karenpadi :

      It could go either way–chemistry could develop or it won’t. Have you kissed yet? Try making out a few times. The first time might be awkward but after a few sessions, you’ll know.

      In the grand scheme of things, I think appearance is only important as a first impression. When it comes to the “make-out test”, I have had zero chemistry with Adonis-like men and incredible chemistry with short men, big men (and not in an athletic way), skinny men, bearded men, smokers, and every other superficial “deal-breaker”. Note: the smoker never got a second chance–my mouth later felt like it had turned into an ash tray. Dealbreaker.

    • Ruthy Sue :

      I’ve definitely had this happen. I had great personal chemistry with a boyfriend and the physical part was not exciting at all, and I was not really into it. Finally, DURING a lady garden party we both looked at each other and basically said, “This is weird”. We realized that we no physical chemistry, and we’ve been great friends ever since! It was a challenge to get significant others to understand (without telling that story), but now we’re both in serious relationships and the four of us get along great. Can you transition to a friendship? Maybe take a break and “start over” clearly in the friend-zone?

  16. Networking situation :

    Need some quick advice from The Hive please!
    I’m attending a conference across the country next week with my supervisor. Though we’re both going to the conference I generally attend more industry meetings than my supervisor does and I’m more well-known among the conference attendees. A gentleman I have a good relationship with from other industry meetings and conferences has invited me to join a group he’s putting together for dinner one of the nights of next week’s conference. Do I mention to him that I’m traveling with a colleague? When my supervisor and I attended this conference last year we generally had meals together. I don’t want to offend him by asking to bring someone else, and I don’t want to offend my boss by leaving her out. What should I do?

    • Just did this last week. I wouldn’t think twice if you asked me if you could bring your boss to a dine-around. :-)

      • +1. I don’t see how the other person would be offended by you mentioning you’re with a colleague (and your boss, at that). I go to the same couple of conferences every year and I met one of my now best conference-friends several years ago when I invited his colleague to lunch or dinner and she said she was traveling with someone and asked if she could bring him along.

    • DC Association :

      You certainly could ask if your boss could come along, but also…your boss should not be offended if you go out to dinner on your own. Sometimes it is nice to be around other professionals when your boss is not around. I mean, what if they want to see if you are interested in changing positions?!

  17. SV in House :

    Does anyone have a grey or pewter pump that they love? Nothing I can find is quite right. I’ll link to a few that are close. Prefer <$200 and leather.

    • SV in House :

      Love the color of this, but too high (and would prefer a grey heel):

      • That is a gorgeous shoe, btw. And not to encourage the splurge, but it does come in a 3 inch heel, too.

    • SV in House :

      I can’t decide if this is too metallic:

    • I like #2 but I think you’re right that it’s a bit too metallic (if this shoe is for the office). Let me know if you find any gray/pewter wedges in your search. I have been trying to replace a pair from Target for a couple of months now! Maybe I’ll buy some pumps too!

    • If you don’t mind a round toe, I have these in another color and love them.

      There are also some inexpensive lookalikes on 6pm – pointy toe – that you could get if quality is not a top priority (not sure how these brands are but they are in the $40-50 range).

      On an aside, my personal preference is suede gray shoes – for some reason I just don’t like the way patent grey looks – it’s off with black tights and too grey with bare legs, at least for me.

      • Inexpensive “look alike” no. 1:

  18. des-pairing :

    So in my year-end review today, one thing came up :”And your dress code is impeccable.”
    Thanks everyone for teaching the tshirt-and-skinny-jeans me how to dress professionally!