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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 113 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Architettura Candle

Coffee Break

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Fornasetti Architettura candleMy mother raised me to generally dislike what she called “dust catchers,” and this is definitely that — but it's gorgeous. I'd burn the thyme, lavender, and cedarwood (yum!) scented candle at home, and then use the ceramic jar on my vanity, coffee table, or yes, at the office. It's $190 (yeouch), exclusive to Net-a-Porter. Fornasetti Architettura Thyme, Lavender and Cedarwood scented candle (L-2)

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Comments

  1. ALN

    I think I need a new bag. This fall I’ll be juggling a part time internship and part time class. One day a week I’ll be going straight from job to class, where I need my laptop and textbooks. Usually I would carry my laptop in my messenger bag, but it is decidedly not professional enough (colorful Timbuk2 bag) that I would want to bring it to work. I’m thinking about this other Timbuk2 (link to follow) in the black or grey color. Do you think it works? What would you recommend (for less than $100)?

    • Anonymous

      It looks very student-y, although definitely not as student-y as it could (your messenger bag, a backpack, etc.) I think it could work, though; it depends on how much you want to read adult vs young intern.

    • POP

      I love it, and don’t think it reads studenty at all. I think it reads “professional who bikes to work” I say go for it.

    • Anonymous

      If you already have a Timbuk2 bag, I don’t think adding another one in a slightly less colorful style is a wise investment. If you are eventually going to end up in a professional setting, you’re better off getting a work tote that you can use all the time.

      This one is more than $100, but its absolutely stunning:

      https://www.madewell.com/madewell_category/BAGS/totes/PRDOVR~B2135/B2135.jsp?color_name=burnished-caramel

      Spending $70 on something you already have feels like a total waste to me.

      • ALN

        I love that, but it is so out of my price range. I also worry that the leather would be quite heavy.

    • Ellen

      Yay! I love candel’s, and the candel holder is also cute, Kat, but Dad forbid’s me from haveing candel’s! FOOEY!

      As for the OP, Timbucktoo! I love Timbucktoo to! This is cute, but mabye you should think for the longterm. If you pay a littel more you can get a LEATHER lit bag that hold’s everything, and if you put you’re initial’s on it, everyone will know it’s your’s!!! So MANY men have come up to me and tried to guess my name from my initial’s, but they NEVER get my last name right! YAY!

      Noah texted me and is comeing over here at 4 so I will be leaveing early b/c he want’s to see the Upper EAST side and I will take him to see Gracey Manson! YAY!!!! Mabye we can spot Mrs. Diblazzeo! Yay!

    • Wanderlust

      What about a large Longchamp Le Pliage? You’d have a choice of fun colors and it’s large enough to hold a laptop and other things. I also have and love the MICHAEL Michael Kors large jet set travel tote, which has a built-in laptop holder.

      • ALN

        I tend to agree that a tote would look better. But I just can’t see being comfortable with a shoulder bag for a laptop and multiple textbooks, especially with a public transit commute. I’ve looked at the Jet Set, and maybe it was the saffiano leather, but I wasn’t a fan.

        • MissK

          The longchamp is the BEST for laptop + textbooks + commute. It’s lightweight yet sturdy, looks professional, and zips closed. I used it all throughout lawschool.

          With that said, I know professionals who use timbuktu and other professionals sport a sturdy backpack all the time (including one of the partners I work for).

          You do you.

          • cbackson

            Personally, I find the rolled handles on the Le Pliage to be uncomfortable when it’s loaded down with a laptop and books.

          • MissK

            cbackson- I agree that it is uncomfortable when loaded down with laptop and books, but at the end of the day, i find ALL totes are uncomfortable when holding laptop and books. I think that we shouldn’t carry laptop + heavy textbooks if we don’t have to (even in a backpack–it causes strains on our backs/shoulders, etc).

            However, if you just need something to put it in, are concerned about appearing put together for an internship, and can put the bag in a bike basket or on the ground by your feet or on your lap whilst on public transportation, the le pliage works out great.

          • Batgirl

            Another vote for not finding Le Pilage to be good for heavy loads. I feel like it could also tear if you overload it.

      • Shana

        Interestingly enough – the Jet Set is my work tote and a Large LePliage is my school tote. I am a huge fan of both, but I car commute and I would hate the Jet Set if I had a walking commute. The lePliage is so much better for that. I am lucky in that I have a very small laptop though. Not sure it would work for a larger laptop plus books.

    • Wildkitten

      I don’t think that timbuk2 would fit multiple textbooks. A baby bag (by like, Kate Spade, on sale) is an option for a huge bag that still looks nice.

    • Alanna of Trebond

      Cut up your textbooks so that you only need parts of them each day. I would use a bag like Madewell one recommended above–try TJMaxx or Marshalls for a cheaper price point.

    • Baconpancakes

      Also depends on your industry. Are you interning in law or finance? If not, I honestly think the Timbuktu is perfectly acceptable, and says “I bike to work but I’m professional.”

      • ALN

        I am in law, but this isn’t a law firm job. But I’m in a very bike-friendly, sporty kind of town, which is why I think this could pass, even in law. But I probably should look harder for a tote bag with a cross body strap. Thanks everyone for the suggestions!

  2. Anonymous

    Does anyone have the Lauren Ralph Lauren Peterson shopper that was recommended a couple days ago? Or another Lauren Ralph Lauren bag? It’s gorgeous and on big sale so I’m thinking about getting it but I don’t have any experience with the brand and am wondering how they hold up over time. Comparisons to Coach are especially helpful since the price point is similar and that’s where most of my nice leather bags are from.

    • Anonymous

      I have a Lauren Ralph Lauren bag that I love. I received it as a gift a little over a year ago and I carry it to work every day. I tend to be fairly rough with bags, but this one has held up great. No scratches or other complaints!

  3. anon for this

    Before TJing about my relationship issues, I DID check the archives… my question is about trying to convince my SO to go into therapy for his anger issues.

    But all of the old threads (which were great of course) discussed SOs who directed their anger at the poster – and so many responses dealt with coming up with constructive/healthy ways to argue over legitimate problems. My SO gets angry/frustrated over situations, typically not anything I did so he’s not mad at me. Traffic, accidentally burning the rice, computer crashes, that sort of thing. Everyday stuff that sucks, and it’s like, ugh! this sucks!, but no reason to have a fit and be cranky for the rest of the day.

    It’s bumming me out because I come home in a good mood, ready to relax and enjoy our evening and if the slightest thing goes wrong he gets so cranky and irritable and he is no fun to be around. I try to ask what I can do to help sometimes, and really poked at it last night til he gave me a list of problems like I described above. He said he was stressed/cranky because “The hot tub needs to be cleaned, I have to take the paint to the hazardous waste place, there are weeds in the front walkway, I don’t have time to do it all”. Total first-world problems. I asked if I could help, and he said, “You already do so much” and sounded so dejected.

    I think it has to do with the stress of having a house, a higher pressure job, etc and he could benefit from therapy. Like the comment about me ‘doing so much’ made me wonder if he thinks, as a man, he needs to be responsible for fixing stuff around the house and my offer just made him crankier. I also want someone else to remind him that dirty hot tubs are really not a reason to mope around and snip at your SO for an entire evening. Nothing I say seems to help.

    He did mention (when we were in a traffic jam and he got irrationally frustrated about it) that he would consider therapy. I’m just not sure how to bring it up I guess?

    • Anonymous

      “Hey loverpuff, I’m worried about how much stress you have. I think it might be time to try and get some help. Would you consider therapy?”

      And then see what he says.

    • Senior Attorney

      “Dear, you are cranky and irritable and no fun to be around. It is awful for me and I have to think it is equally awful for you. You mentioned a while ago that you would be willing to go to therapy, and at this point I think it’s totally time for you to do that. How about you make some calls and set an appointment within the next two weeks?”

      And then, of course, if he doesn’t follow through you have a decision to make. I will tell you this isn’t going to get better on its own and it’s not something you will want to live with or, God forbid, expose your future children to, forever.

      • Carrie

        +1000

        I grew up in a household with a father like this. It was awful, terrifying, depressing and is the main reason why I will never get married.

        And if this is how he is now, it will only get worse with time. He needs an anti-depressant and therapy now. I also recommend hiring help now for silly things that you guys don’t enjoy anyway that unfortunately are the daily burdens… if at all possible.

        • concerned anon

          Raises hand! This was my father too. It was awful and terrifying. I also noticed that I picked up a lot of his bad anger expressing habits (just like what you describe) when I was younger. I’ve managed to mitigate them with therapy and realizing that I was appalling other people and hurting my own chances at happiness by behaving that way.

          He was a stressed, depressed alcoholic.

      • Anonattorney

        I would avoid the confrontation suggested here. Don’t make it about you until you need to – I’d just say that you are concerned about him because he seems very stressed out and unhappy at times, and then suggest therapy. If you tell him that he is no fun to be around (or that his mood scares you), you’re immediately putting him on the defensive. Just remind him that you love him and want him to be happy and you think therapy might help him with that.

        I also agree with Veronica Mars below (I usually agree with V-Mars) – help him make the appointment. And consistently remind him that (1) you love him as he is, (2) you’re a team and can work on this together, and (3) diffuse the stress on him by expressing empathy – “sometimes I feel the same way – work can just really get to me and things seem to be piling up around the house.”

    • Veronica Mars

      Gosh, this is tough. Sorry OP. I’m a big believer of trying to make going to therapy as easy as possible for him–do some research and present him with two or three well-vetted options. Then offer to make the appt for him. It seems like your SO doesn’t have the tools necessary to cope/deal with stress except to get angry about it. Hopefully your SO can learn new tools in therapy. But ultimately, it seems like some people are just more “glass half empty” people. You can also try setting boundaries saying, “Honey, when you vent to me, it really stresses me out and makes me upset. When you’re upset, can you direct your comments somewhere else?” (Go out and swear on the porch, or whatever).

      • OP

        This sounds right on the ball. Thanks. I’m sure if I just suggest it with no research he’ll just start saying “That’s another thing I don’t have time to deal with!”

        I also like the “go out and swear on the porch idea”. Sometimes when he’s not in a bad mood, I jokingly mimic him swearing at inanimate objects that have wronged him, and he’s like “Is that what I sound like?!” and is genuinely surprised. So he knows hes being ridiculous, he just can’t stop it.

        • Sarabeth

          Also, if it feels too much to cut him off entirely from venting at you, I’ve heard people suggest using a timer. So, he gets 5 or 10 minutes to vent his heart out. After that, he either needs to change the subject or go out to the porch.

    • Moose

      Are you me??! I was at my wits’ end last night because after working and being in court all day, I came home to find my husband in a toxic mood because “the lawn is hopeless,” “there’s too much laundry,” and “we have chips, but no salsa.” Unfortunately I don’t have much in the way of advice, except I can relate to what you’re going through, and hope it gets better.

      • OP

        yes, exactly!!! ‘toxic mood’ sums it up. “chips but no salsa” sounds exactly like something he would say, lol. I worked a 10 hour day, too, but I don’t freak out about my snack options and cast evil glares everywhere.

        • Anonymous

          Also, if he doesn’t want to do therapy now, talk about other strategies. Yoga. Deep breathing. Changing stressful parts of life. Building a routine. More gardening parties. Be creative. Stress is a really killer.

          And on a practical note, if either of you has an employee assistance program that’s a great place to start.

      • anon

        tbf, chips and no salsa is very upsetting. but, he could just go out and get some salsa.

      • West Coast Lawyer

        Maybe we could get a group rate and have our husbands all go to therapy together?! Some days I feel bad for him thinking that it must be so stressful to let the little things get to you like that, and other days I just want to tell him to suck it up and stop being such a grouch!

        • MissK

          I’m sticking my bf into the group. He too gets all cranky about stuff–the cat puked, the cat pooped, the internet isn’t working. Srsly makes me hesitate to marry him/have children with him because children puke, poop and all of that and I don’t want to hear about it.

        • Senior Attorney

          It gets worse when you have kids.

          I will never forget the time Mr. Senior Attorney No. 1 (I guess Mr. Junior Attorney?) threw a giant fit because — get this — we and the baby had received too many Christmas presents to fit in the trunk of the car.

          Dude…

    • Anna

      Has he always been like this? Irritability isn’t officially one of the criteria for diagnosing depression (except in children), but it is often a symptom. For a depressed person, everything is hopeless and every little thing that goes wrong becomes overwhelming. If this is something that’s changed recently, I’d at least consider the possibility of depression and therapy and/or medication could help.

      • Carrie

        +1

        Depression in men is typically expressed as irritability/anger. Many men (and women…) get antagonistic when you suggest depression, so I recommend using the word “mood” instead. “I am really worried about your mood… you are so angry and down… it is scaring me.”

      • OP

        It has definitely crept up in the last year or so when we purchased our house. I think the responsibility of a mortgage and a house hit him harder than he expected, and he started managing people at work too.

        His brother is very, very similar and I think it is a byproduct of how they were raised – in their house everything wrong was a crisis, every little thing had to be perfect, etc. His brother took lexapro for awhile and it sort of helped. I think therapy would go a long way to seeing that these irrational thoughts about how bad everything is are just that (thoughts), and not a reflection of how truly awful our life is (because it’s not). His brother has kids and it has only gotten worse, so I definitely worry about that if we go down that path. I’d want him to be able to handle a malfunctioning espresso machine before a kid starts puking on his briefcase full of important papers.

        • McGiggles

          OP this is potentially adjustment stress that will pass. Perhaps if you can just pick up some slack in the meantime (maybe without saying “oh I’ll handle XYZ” but by just doing it ) and outsource what you can in the meantime it will help for now. I’ve certainly seen my outlook jaded at times I was overwhelmed with an old job and it really affected other areas of my life. As he gets more comfortable with the new house / new job responsibilities perhaps it will change. That is a lot for someone to take on at once. Short-term therapy to get through it sounds useful (your employer or insurance provider should be able to find you a referral to take that job off the plate).

    • Sparrow

      No advice, but I can relate! My husband especially gets upset when having to fix stuff around the house or when putting together furniture and there is some issue with the parts. I would never want to do any type of home improvement project with him. It definitely is not fun to be around someone who is frequently like this. Good luck! I hope the talk goes well.

    • Anon

      Oh man, if this is how he is over life’s little frustrations, how is he going to react if one of you has a serious illness or your house burns down or you experience long-term unemployment, or you have a child with a serious medical issue, or one of your parents needs to move in with you etc., etc? Life is tough enough already without adding unreasonable over-reactions to the mix. The above posters have some good advice, so I will just add, please don’t have any (or any more) kids with this dude until he gets this resolved.

      • Anonymous

        Eh, maybe just fine? I cry, literally, over spilled milk, but give me a real problem and I’ll be your rock. Doesn’t make it less irritating day to day but I think this is an unfairly harsh conclusion to draw.

      • Anonymous 2

        I disagree with anonymous above. Maybe he’ll be great with the big stuff, but why should you trust him with that when you have no data (haven’t encountered it yet), and the data you do have seems concerning? It may turn out be the wrong conclusion to draw in some cases, but it’s a valid concern, and definitely something you should be thinking about.

    • Anony

      Honestly, your husband sounds a lot like me. I get irritable and overwhelmed by little things easily, and coming home to a housefull of to-do lists would compound the problem (thank god for landlords).
      As silly as it sounds, there is a tumblr called un f * c k yourhabitat that has helped me bring the minor concerns back down to their appropriate scale. The main takeaway for me was on doing what you can without worrying about ever getting to *perfect*- if you can just do 20 minutes of cleaning/workouts/whatever else you’ve been putting off, that is still an accomplishment. If you don’t *finish*, it’s fine, because you are 20 minutes closer to being done than if you sat around complaining about how much you need to do. YMMV.

      • Meg Murry

        I also get irritable when my to do list gets too long, especially since in our older house there is always something needing fixing. And I sometimes found therapy to be “just one more thing that takes more hours from my day”
        You have lots of good suggestions above, but for a few others :
        -does he work out? Working up a good sweat and/or either punching or pretend punching (kick boxing video) always helps me relieve stress and tension
        -does he have something to look forward to? I get bogged down when life just seems to be a series of unpleasant tasks, with every day more of the same. Could you plan something (a long weekend away, a day trip in a few weeks to a winery or restaurant you haven’t tried, a night out with friends you don’t see often etc)? For me, having something to look forward to helps a ton.
        -I agree with others about the timer. Whine it out, then move on.

    • YouSaucyMinx

      So he has a high-pressure job too? Maybe coming home to chores is just overwhelming when compounded with stress from work.

      Therapy is great, but ti’s not a fix for all situations. It sounds like he may just be overwhelmed.

      The best thing we did was hire a house helper/personal assistant-not a maid exactly, but someone who took care of whatever odd jobs that came up-vacuuming, picking up prescriptions, dropping stuff off at Goodwill, wrapping birthday presents, etc…the stupid little tasks that pile up and stress you out when you’ve had a long day at work and want to do nothing.

      It’s been a huge help, and while I know it’s a definite luxury that not everyone can afford, I highly recommend it if you can swing it (We may ours $15 bucks an hour, 5-10 hours a week depending on what we have going on), it’s been so great for us and our marriage. Now we don’t nag about chores, stress about what has to get done after work, or worry about picking up a dress before the dry cleaner closes. Now we just come home and chill out and have real quality time.

    • Baconpancakes

      Has he always been like this, to a lesser degree? Some people just approach life in a more negative way. Therapy might help, but honestly, it’s just how some people approach life. An ex of mine (from New England) told me that’s just how they talk up there – you complain about things, and then other people join in the complaining, and that’s how you bond, and when you don’t react to his negativity with more negativity, he gets shoved further down into his stress because you saying everything’s fine makes his stress feel invalidated.

      Edited: just saw comments above that it seems to be a family trait. If he can find stress management tools like agendas, doing a little bit at a time, and maybe see a therapist (honestly doesn’t sound like medically-treatable depression to me, but I’m not a therapist and he should go for stress regardless), hopefully he can manage his irritability and feel more in control of his life.

      • anne-on

        Ha. My husband likes to say ‘no one complains like a New Yorker’. I guess its true, moaning about the weather/traffic/annoying co-worker/etc. is how my family interacts, but it was strange/stressful for my husband to get used to at first.

        • Baconpancakes

          It was one of the stressors in my last relationship, as I was raised by Midwesterners in the South, and you don’t whine about things like that in my family. It was worse than your family sounds like – more like the OP, every tiny little thing was just terrible and stressful, and he complained about everything all. the. time, and mostly to me, not to his family or friends. It ended up being more important to me than I realized to generally have a positive outlook and interactions, and now I’m actually looking at where guys are from as a positive/negative in potential relationships.

    • KinCA

      My SO can get like this, where little things (like not being able to find his cuff links or being out of tortilla chips) can make him really grouchy and short tempered. He’s just not a “glass half full” person, whereas I’m practically Pollyanna. I find that reminding him that, in the bigger picture, whatever he’s mad about is really not that big of a deal helps (especially when it’s REALLY trivial or something that has an easy fix, he can realize he’s being ridiculous and snap out of it). Other times, I just remove myself from the situation and let him grumble under his breath for awhile until he calms down.

      For me, it’s annoying, but it’s also one of those “cost of admission”/Dan Savage kind of things. He’s great at big, stressful, upsetting life events, whereas I tend to fall apart and not cope well with major change or crises. We complement each other well in that way.

    • Saguaro

      This was my husband for about the first 15 years of our marriage. He finally went to a doc and got on something (he calls them his “anger pills”) and it has helped tremendously! Not only has it helped him not fly off the handle for the stupidest things, but it has helped him see that getting mad for stupid things was……well, stupid! That was something he couldn’t recognize before. Such an improvement for me, our marriage, our kids, our life.

  4. E

    One of our interns leaves tomorrow and apparently I’m supposed to get her a gift and go to lunch.. any gift ideas? I’m not evil and callous there was just a miscommunication

    • Veronica Mars

      I got a leatherlike padfolio at my last internship. Or maybe a nice coffee mug? Something small and useful, IMO.

      • Aggie

        I used to have a stack of pad folios in my desk for such occasion. I now give stainless steel water bottles with the firm’s logo.

      • hoola hoopa

        I like the padfolio idea. I always thought those where the height of professional accessories when I was intern age, and it felt like a huge investment when I finally bought one that was probably all of $25.

        Or amazon gc.

      • YouSaucyMinx

        Interns always need starter-wardrobe help. Maybe a gift card for classic good work clothes, like Banana Republic , Ann Taylor, etc.

        For one intern we had who was a rockstar, we got her a Coach black leather tote to get her career essentials started.

        http://www.yousaucyminx.com

        • ITDS

          This is good, but only if you are willing to go big enough for the intern to really have fun with hit. $50 at Starbucks seems huge, but $50 at BR will get you a blouse on sale.

  5. Formerly SV in House now SF in House

    I finally get to change my user name from SV in House to SF in House. After months of post-layoff employment, I started a great new job! My horrible minimum 75 minute driving commute is now a 35 minute walk or 20 minute bus ride. Hooray! Now I need to search the archives for tips about walking/biking to work with lots of stuff.

    • Anne

      My advice – set as much as you can at work, and only drag with you the necessities for the walk/bike. Have double set of make-up, chargers, etc. at home and at work.

      Also, if you *have* to drag along much, consider a backpack for the walk (so infinitely much better for your back than a handbag/tote), or a basket/sidebag for your bike to keep stuff in.

      I also tended to leave at least one change of clothes at work so if I got caught in the rain, it would be a quick fix to change in the bathroom and not have to sit wet at the desk all day.

    • Formerly SV in House now SF in House

      obviously that was supposed to say “post layoff unemployment”

    • k-padi

      I think I already congratulated you on LinkedIn, but congrats again! It looks like such an exciting company!

    • Senior Attorney

      Hooray! I got nothin’ constructive re your question, but want to add my congratulations!!

    • anon

      Congratulations! I’m in SF and sometimes I bike to work. You have probably seen people with panniers or baskets on racks on the back of their bikes. They can hold a LOT of stuff and the bonus is that you don’t get sweaty while you pedal from having a messenger bag or backpack on your back. Between that and switching from a road bike to a hybrid where I can sit upright, riding is downright pleasant.

  6. Taking it slow

    I recently reconnected with a guy I met a year ago this summer. We initially connected at a social event and hit it off especially once we figured out we both grew up in the same city, went to the same Uni(albeit at slightly different times) and there was an attraction, we spent time together quite a bit on the weekends in the summer and then he moved to a different city at the end of the year. It was also complicated: I was very going through some very painful life changes–the post would be too long if I had to detail everything. He was also coming to terms with his engagement breaking down. Fast forward to this summer, I went to visit him in new city–at his request, it was great for a few days and got rocky, some arguments and I left thinking he might not call. His new job will be bringing him to my area from time to time, which is what happened this week. We’ve spent the past few days together, he initiated contact again, and it’s been nice, there is definitely chemistry lots of it, I’m a little taken aback actually. And yet he makes me feel so good although I had resolved not to get involved with someone again so soon. I know he’s been dating in new city, he says he finds me attractive, we enjoy each other’s company, and my life is still in flux. But I am freaking out, part of me just wants to enjoy this, see how it goes, live in the moment etc and the other part is well…..freaking out. Maybe I am overthinking this?

    • Anonymous

      Wait so you started seeing him on weekends during the summer while he was engaged? And now he’s being nice when he’s in your city?

      This is sex. Easy fun sex. Treat it like that. Do you want a fun sex buddy when he’s in town or not? If you want more, don’t go there. If he wants more let him prove that to you.

      • Taking it slow

        NO No I was not seeing him over the summer while he was engaged! We met AFTER his breakup from the fiance, about 3 months after.

        • Anonymous

          Oh ok! Still think it’s fun and convenient sex though. Which sounds awesome to me.

          • January

            And if that doesn’t sound awesome to you — as in, you think that might be the reason that you’re freaking out — it’s totally valid to recognize that and say, “No, thanks.” Doesn’t make you boring or stodgy or whatever else you might be afraid of. :)

    • YouSaucyMinx

      What do you want from this? A few nights out, good sex? If so, rock on friend.

      But this is not a long-term relationship. You’re his friends with benefits in the city. This is just a fun fling.

      As long as you know that going in, have a great time!

      http://www.yousaucyminx.com

      • Cat

        hey, just some friendly advice @yousaucyminx – by linking to your own blog in both your name and as a “signature” you will be criticized for over-advertising. No problem to keep your blog linked in your name (as it is now) but the signature is viewed as overkill. (I’m going to check out your blog though, like the name!)

  7. London Calling

    Hive! I am going to London on business for several days, and will have my SO tagging along with me. My downtime will be limited, but does anyone have suggestions for things to squeeze in? Staying near Paddington Station, FWIW. We both like good food (nothing fussy, but tasty and good ingredients are key), and walks. Thinking Hyde Park strolling might be in order… Also, any key UK product recommendations (e.g. Boots beauty products not available on this side of the pond) for Duty Free and/or London shopping would be most welcome! Finally, it’ll be his first trip to London. I’ve been and know of the usual suspects for sightseeing – is there anything off the beaten path that I should recommend to him to do while he’s waiting for me to be done work?

    • anon

      I stock up on deodorant in the UK. It sounds so silly but I swear it works better than any stuff here. I also love P20 (sunscreen), anything Boots, or general European cosmetic products that are just easier to get in Europe as opposed to here. Have fun!

    • Lily-Student

      Boots: No7 do some excellent products, as do 17 which is their slightly cheaper in-house brand (Notably, brown mascaras in all their formulas, which are incredibly difficult to find!)
      I would recommend:
      No7 Superlight foundation (Apparently a dupe for Chanel Vitalumiere Aqua)
      No7 BB Lips (tinted balm, SPF, supposed to be similar to the Clarins Instant Natural Lip Perfectors)
      17 Single Eyeshadows – especially the neutrals like Mardi Gras and Statuesque
      17 Lash Impact mascara (this in brown is my everyday and I love it)

      Also, Soap & Glory Lid Stuff quad in the browns, the colour is ‘What’s Nude’. (Boots only)
      Bourjois Healthy Balance powder and cream blushes are lovely too.
      VO5 hair products are worth trying – I especially recommend the salt spray (the one in a can, not the spray bottle) and the frizz free creme.
      I also always stock up on the Boots kirby grips/ bobby pins – they do extra long ones in brown (about 3 inches long) which are fantastic.

      Having a poke in Primark might be fun?

      Sweets: You must try a Wispa, a Twirl, and a Crunchie, and a Starbar if you can find one (all Cadbury’s, the last one is the best but not everywhere stocks them).

      If you want a quick meal out, most bigger branches of M&S now have ‘Food on the go’ counters with things like hot dogs and burgers, which are amazingly delicious for the price point.

      If you like pizza I recommend checking out Fire and Stone; they do a worldwide-inspired menu (better than it sounds, I promise!).

      Oh, and the Harrods food hall sells fantastic doughnuts!

      Other nuggets: People-watching in Trafalgar Square is a lovely way to spend twenty minutes or so. If your OH is a map buff (even just secretly) send him to Stanfords on Longacre. My dad loves it and has passed that love onto me. It’s four stories full of maps and books about maps and travel books… amazing!

      You could also suggest your OH takes a trip out to the Olympic Park, and you could maybe meet him in Westfield Stratford for dinner? The food courts are great, lots of choice, and you can have a wander in the basement Waitrose (I know I love grocery stores in other countries!)

      • desigirl

        ……………..and all of this is usually easy to find if you are not dealing with an Ivy-league law school student!

        • AIMS

          It is not easy to find at all! We usually have interns from different schools (top to very much not so top) and it is hard! School ranking has very little to do with whether the intern is entitled –> this summer, the two worst ones were from the best and worst school, respectively.

          To Orangerie’s list, I’d add curious/interested in learning. I’m always surprised at how few interns treat the internship as an actual learning opportunity. So often it just feels like a “get the position, add line to resume, and done”. Also, most of them don’t seem to realize that it’s actually a lot of work to have interns and the reality is they’re not usually that helpful (but the opposite), so when they don’t seem to appreciate that fact, it can feel a little frustrating.

      • desigirl

        no insult intended to anyone here who is an Ivy-league law alumni. However, the last 2 batches of summer legal interns we recieved were Ivy-leaguers, and frankly they all acted like I should be wiping their a$$ since I went to a local school.

        • Nubia

          Ha! My friends think I’m crazy that I passed on a Harvard law intern this summer just because she went to a very ~prestigious~ undergrad. But I’ve had four interns from that same prestigious school do dismal work; I mean, fool me four times then shame on me, so I wasn’t going to risk it. But to answer your question Anonymous- the best interns have been passionate about the job and the agency’s mission. This translated into really wanting to learn how to do the job well, which lead to great work product by them.

      • Anonymous

        Same list, add “takes criticsm well/eager to fix mistakes”as number 4, “not awkward/aware of social dynamics” as number 5.

        I love our current student because he/she is smart, eager, has attention to detail, is eager to learn/fix mistakes and is not at all entiteld, but my gosh, so awkward and a little bit into oversharing, because they just aren’t aware. Our summer’s relationship to the rest of the students is like a bad sitcom though, so I kind of love it.

        • roses

          FYI, what you just described are classic symptoms of Aspergers/high functioning autism. It’s one thing to not be socially aware because you think you’re the bomb and are superior to others, but not recognizing social cues is a legit cognitive disability. Please re-examine your take on this person and try to have a little compassion if it’s something he or she can’t help.

    • k-padi

      The ones who didn’t make the office admins and paralegals miserable with endless questions, demands for lunches with attorneys, super-detailed lunch orders (beyond being a vegetarian or allergic to bacon), improper work attire, complaints about their office, feigned confusion over basic procedures that they have done before, etc.

      The attorneys participating in the hiring decisions hear all about it, and, given a choice, they would rather keep their office admin happy than hire the bestest-ever, most intelligent, hardest working, law school grad.

      • Orangerie

        Feigned confusion over stuff they’ve been taught before DRIVES ME NUTS. Even worse when it is a permanent employee and not an intern who’s gone by August.

        • AIMS

          Feigned or not feigned, I tend to get frustrated with seeing the same mistakes. If you hand in a memo and my feedback is that your citations are a mess, your next draft should have perfect citations.

    • anne-on

      1. Willing to pitch in on any job assigned to them (no grumbling about it being beneath them)
      2. Able to ask intelligent questions to figure out what they didn’t know (much preferred to those who’d yes me to death only to find out days later they had no idea how to do a task but didn’t want to look stupid by asking too many questions)
      3.Competent (if not totally knock my socks off) writer. I swear business writing (emails count!) should be taught in college.

      • Anonymous

        How does one get a grasp on how to do business writing having never been taught it? Are you aware of any quick primers or stuff like that online?

        • AIMS

          There are books and websites devoted to this (you won’t go wrong with Elements of Style, there are more specific books, too) but the basics are:

          1. proofread
          2. spell all words out
          3. don’t use exclamation points
          4. don’t use emoticons
          5. always use proper capitalization
          6. always include a proper greeting, ending, and paragraph structure, unless it’s an e-mail back and forth and the other person omits that first
          7. use active voice whenever possible and strive to be direct/clear
          8. if in doubt, avoid contractions
          9. err on the side of formal
          10. proofread again

          This HBR post might be helpful: http://hbr.org/web/management-tip/tips-on-writing

    • Anon for this

      As an intern, I think my view on not being shitty to your intern might open a few eyes.
      1) Don’t ask me to do things on your/the company’s behalf that cost money without reimbursing me (errands, events, ect)
      2) Teach me things (that is legally how unpaid/underpaid internships work)
      3) Understand that I cannot stay late because I have a retail job that pays the bills

      • Wildkitten

        1 & 3 are extremely legitimate. I think, #2, that students think learning things means reading up on an issue or having an issue explained to you, but in a good internship the most valuable thing to learn is how to operate in a workplace – workplace politics and expectations – not just getting to work on time.

  9. Anon

    My (literally) bankrupt (and foreclosed) older brother and his girlfriend sent my family an Edible Arrangement to congratulate us on my pregnancy.

    I know the only appropriate response is “Thank you!!!” but it drives me *nuts* that he’d spend $50 or more on something like this for me when he is in such a terrible financial condition and has been for a long time, mostly due to a lot of mismanagement and poor decisions. A card, if anything, would have been just as sweet a gesture. It just seems like even after everything he has been through for the last few years, he still does not understand that he has No Money. Less than no money.

    I also happen to not find Edible Arrangements appealing at all, so now I feel doubly guilty because the whole thing will probably go to waste.

    End rant. Sigh. I will go write a sincere thank-you note now.

    • Anonymous

      Yeah, but at least they’re sweet and thoughtful. I’ll spare you all the details, but my BIL is a totally incompetent jerk of an (perennially unemployed) adult-child who has little regard for anyone but himself. So I get what you’re saying, but you know, a little perspective.

    • Anon2

      I feel your pain – very similar situation except in-laws, not sibling. And we’ll be the ones helping out when their well finally runs dry.

      Boo.

    • Wildkitten

      Maybe they had a groupon that was going to expire. (Probably they just wanted to be nice and thoughtful, but you never know). Or maybe their neighbor/coworker/friend had a groupon that was about to expire and offered it when they heard his sister had a baby.

  10. Wildkitten

    Kate Spade Harmony or Michael Kors Jetset for consulting job interview?

    • West Coast

      Choosing just between those two, definitely the Kate Spade–it’s a cut above the MK. I’d recommend a bag that says “I travel,” like a TUMI, Briggs & Riley, etc. The guys I work with are suspicious of any bag that reads too girly. I’ve heard them mention a colleague’s bag one time–a girl joined their project with a LV tote and their assumption that she would not be ‘chill.’

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