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I feel like a cashmere wrap (also sometimes called a ruana) is one of those things that every woman should own — and they’re great things to gift, because you don’t even need to guess at size. Plus, should they not like it, it’s an easy gift to return to the store — no hanger or huge bulky shoe box needed). This ombre one is calling my n… wait, uh, it’s calling my MIL’s name. Yessss. That’s the ticket. It looks gorgeous, though, and it’s on sale (and available in solid colors) — it was $298, but is now marked to $223.
Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Paging Coach Laura
OP from this morning asking about leveraging an external 0ffer –
I am a regular AAM reader! I just really don’t know how to navigate this – I would be happy to stay at my current job with a raise (talking about 15%, less than my new offer but enough to get me to stay). If they don’t want to come up in to that range, I understand, but then I really would have to take the pay and benefits at the offered job.
Thoughts/sage advice?
Ellen
YAY! Kat, I love this Cashemere WRAP! It is very styleish, and would go well with my new Frye boot’s!
As for the OP, you just have to to to your manageing partner where you are, and say, just as niceley as you re telling us in the HIVE, exactley what you want. You’d perfer to stay, but you need to make a littel more money — themn state the $ amount in aannual salary (NOT counting the bonus). Then tell him that you think you are worth $XXX (which includes the money the other firm is offering you, includeing the bonus) and say that you are prepared to take 15% less b/c you love the firm. If the doosh does not see this as a good deal, then you leave and make more money. If he issmart enough to give you what you want, theen you win. You see, it is NOT hard as long as you think.! YAY!
I had a situeation today at lunch where a guy grabed my tuchus in the elevator. If it were not for me wearing a nice heavy puffer jacket, it would have been a win for him. He did NOT get much of a chance b/c my DOWN jacket prevented him from dooing much. What a total SLOB! Anyway, I did NOT yell at him b/c he looked like he haad had a few to drink. FOOEY on men like him. Our tuchuses are NOT fair game for men to grab, even if they have to much to drink. FOOEY!
Bewitched
I’m not a regular AAM reader and I understand the sensitivity issue raised, but I feel like this may be one area where a man would handle the situation better than a woman. Wouldn’t a man just go to their boss and say, I know you gave me some great feedback and we discussed a salary increase, can you give me some specifics on that within the next day or two? I have another offer and while I’m very happy here, I will have to make a decision from a financial and professional perspective. Period. You have another offer which would pay you more money. If it’s feasible for your boss to give you the raise information now, that will help you make your decision.
NYC tech
Or maybe just stick with the first part of Bewitched’s script? “I know you gave me some great feedback and we discussed a salary increase, could we sit down and discuss some specifics on that within the next day or two?” If he says yes, then you don’t even have to mention the other offer. If he says “not yet”, then you ask for a timeline. If he won’t give a timeline or that timeline doesn’t work with your other offer’s deadline, THEN you mention the other offer.
OP
Yep, don’t want to cause drama, just want to make the best decision. I think the things addressed by AAM are valid concerns though – but at the same time, I don’t think I’d be pushed out. Not because I am uniquely qualified, but because I have the most stable client relationship out of anybody in my company and I think they want to keep that.
photog
Any advice on how to choose a wedding photographer? I’ve contacted four, all of which are similar in price point, and I’m at a loss for how to compare one to the other. It seems important to find someone I’ll like and enjoy as a person, but I’m not sure how to determine that at this point.
TXLawyer
Do you have any friends who could recommend someone? If not, I’d ask for their portfolios (most will have them online) and also potentially an advance copy of their contract. Some photographers have more restrictive contracts than others. While they may all quote a wedding at a similar price point, the services they offer in their wedding package may differ significantly. Also check to see if any off wedding+ packages which includes engagement photos, bridal shots, etc. if that’s something you’re interested in as well.
nutella
…Meet with them? Ask questions to see if you are comfortable with them like: If you like them to have a structured plan, do they? If you are shy, can they deal with that? Do you expect them to have scouted locations or do you want to them to be flexible with you deciding?
Anonymous
1. Whose photos do you like the best? Photographers have styles and ultimately your photos will resemble the photographer’s previous work.
2. Personality is important. Our photog was the sweetest person ever, and I loved chatting with her over coffee, but her easy-going personality ultimately hurt our photos because she wasn’t assertive enough to tell people who were blocking her shot to move.
3. Read reviews on Yelp and the Knot.
4. Ask your finance and others who might care for their input, if you really can’t decide.
TBK
Ask to talk with previous clients.
lost academic
Two things, though it’s possible they are not necessarily feasible:
1) Find a friend of yours or friend of a friend who is a PROFESSIONAL (not someone who’s decided that buying a DSLR makes them one) photographer to review your candidate’s portfolios. I did this accidentally and learned a LOT. My husband initially considered using a friend of his who wasn’t all that new at wedding photography, and when we started to understand the difference between real professionals and a lot of people who’ve hung out a shingle, so to speak, it changed our perspective a lot. The photos were very, very important to my husband, so it was a lengthy process.
2) Talk with anyone you can find about their experiences working with the photographer – good, bad and ugly. Not every relationship is perfect, but you need to know what might happen that could be a problem for you, or if it’s something you can live with (bad at a certain form of communication, timeframes, etc etc)
Anonymous
To make it easier (and not take up a professional’s time), why not ask a commercial photographer who is a wedding photographer they’d recommend? They usually don’t compete for work and they would know a good one from a bad one (or this guy’s not got the best website but takes awesome pictures and isn’t a jerk). I’d feel bad asking for a lot of a professional photographer’s time without paying them for it.
POSITA
Don’t just look at their portfolio. That will just be a collection of their best and will not be representative of what you’ll get. Ask for a password and link to their three most recent weddings. You can also ask if they have a past album from your venue.
Anonymous
Holy hell — I would not want my photographer doing this. You shouldn’t even ask.
Bee
This is a very common ask. The photographer will clear it with the couple first, just like she would make sure it’s OK for someone to contact them for a reference.
POSITA
Most likely there was a release in your contract that allows the photographer to use your photos for advertising or to be included in a portfolio. Totally normal. The photographer owns the rights.
Anonymous
Most photographers blog about each wedding, so even without asking for a link to the online album, you should be able to see 20-50 photos from each wedding they’ve shot. Obviously you’re seeing the best photos that the photographer selected but its still much more informative than a portfolio that just has their best photos from the year (where, for example, they could easily omit the wedding of unattractive people or a wedding where they had terrible weather or whatever).
Dora
This was INCREDIBLY helpful in choosing our photographer. So many have lots of beautiful pictures on their websites, but looking at how much effort they put into editing the whole set of photos and seeing what compositions they focus on (i.e., if they are good at taking family photos, if they get lots of pictures of an array of wedding guests, if they take nice detail photos, etc.) gave us much more insight into how our pictures would turn out. We decided to go with a more expensive option due to our review of full galleries, as some of the others we had loved from their websites and initial portfolios were disappointing when looking at the full wedding galleries.
TO Lawyer
Never having been married, I’m not sure if this is feasible but have you met with each photographer? Your post says that you’ve contacted them but I think having a discussion about how they generally work and their vision can help make sure that aligns with your vision. YMMV but I know my friends found really talented photographers but the pictures just weren’t exactly what they were looking for.
Shayla
Make sure you see photos in the portfolio that have similar lighting concerns as where photos for your events will take place. I’ve kept in contact with my photographer over the years, friends have used him, etc., and he says this is probably the biggest problem for couples now. Couples will hire someone who may have a ton of experience shooting things in well lit places–or well staged places–but their dabble into wedding photography is a failure because they have no idea how to take pictures in a church that doesn’t allow flash photography, or poorly lit receptions, or unique venues that cast weird colors on walls. You can’t undo that kind of mistake. I would ask to see photos from similar venues. I would ask your venues what photographers have shot there before. Good luck and congratulations!
Anonymous
This.
We have some venues that even limit the photographers who can take pictures there to about 6 (and offer links).
Also, you need to just block out time to visit the person at their studio. If you’re splurgy or this is very important, consider having a two-photographer package (usually the main person and a junior person). It helps to not miss things in big weddings and a lot of guests want the photographer to take table or group shots — a junior person can do this and lots of kid pictures while not missing things that are key to you.
Killer Kitten Heels
Everyone else has given good advice on how to evaluate the quality of the photography, but I just wanted to chime in on the “find someone I like as a person” concept – our wedding photographer was someone who didn’t really form much of an impression for me in any particular direction. He didn’t annoy or upset me or anything, and there was no conflict, but I also don’t have any particularly fond memories of the guy, nor can I much remember his name. Our album, however, is absolutely gorgeous, he got a ton of amazing pictures, and he was worth every penny we spent on him.
You do want to screen to ensure the photographer isn’t objectively rude or annoying, but beyond that, you’re not trying to find a bestie, you’re trying to find the person who is going to deliver the best quality product for the price you’re willing to pay. Quality of the photography is much, much more important than whether you “like and enjoy [the photographer] as a person.”
Care
I agree for the most part, but also make sure your photographer is assertive, especially if you will be wanting large family photos. I was impressed with my photographer said she would have no problem yelling at my family (nicely) to get shots with the family members we wanted quickly. She had a system that worked really well for dealing with all of the family shots and had to go even faster than anticipated because a storm was brewing and we wanted a few outside shots of just the two of us. Her assertive-ness helped her come across very professionally and my entire family (30+ people) listened to her and followed instructions on the first try. I’ve been to so many weddings where family is standing around trying to understand the instructions and whether they need to stay for more pictures or can leave after they take a few.
Also, take engagement photos and try to have a clause in your contract that you can cancel the photographer for the wedding if you are unhappy after the engagements (I can’t imagine this would be an issue but I’d want an out). Engagement photos are so helpful for couples who aren’t used to the camera to relax with the photographer, especially when you have to be much more touch-y in them than normal.
Sydney Bristow
Definitely meet them if possible and see who you click with.
Ask how they handle the situation if your photographer can’t make it for some reason.
Also ask how they handle wrangling people for the formal photos if you anticipate that being an issue.
If you have something important to you that might be a bit out of the norm, bring it up. I had 2 things. (1) I wanted my walk down the aisle to be the first time my husband saw me and for the photographers to catch that moment. (2) I wanted a group shot immediately after the ceremony of our ~70 guests. You’d be surprised how many photographers insisted on doing the first look photos before the ceremony. The photographer we picked was immediately on board with our plan and recommended ways to accomplish both of my goals. We also really clicked with him right away and they wound up doing a fantastic job. If you’re getting married in the PNW I’d be happy to give you his name.
KinCA
Definitely ask to see full weddings that they’ve shot. Our photographer was able to share two entire weddings with us to help us make a decision (literally, every photo that the clients got, not just the “highlights” they show on blogs), which was really helpful. FYI – if you don’t want to be used as one of their sample weddings, make sure you remove that language from your contract (we did).
Do any of the photographers have experience shooting at your wedding venue(s)? It’s not a deal breaker, but it does help if they know the best locations for portraits and where the light is best at certain times of day.
Compare their packages. Maybe the prices are similar but one includes an hour or two more of their time at the event, or an engagement shoot, or something that gives one an obvious advantage over the others.
Also, ask them to describe their style to you in a a few words. I found hearing them describe and distill the way they shoot helped me identify who the right fit was for our event.
Lastly, I found it to be most frustrating during my wedding planning process when vendors were such creative types that they struggled with the business part of your business (taking forever to return calls/emails, replying to me with only some of my questions answered, issues or errors in contracts, etc.). My photographer was one of my most responsive vendors and given that you work with them for a few months AFTER your wedding (photos, prints, albums, etc.), that professionalism makes it infinitely easier.
Anonymous BigLaw Associate
I can’t wait for these “flowy” styles to go out of style.
Anonymous
Unstructured :)
I, for one, love the excuse to basically have a blanket at the office.
This one is a little bit pricey for me, though.
Wildkitten
I also embrace the opportunity to wear blanket to work.
Anonymous BigLaw Associate
Unstructured is what I meant. I am just not a fan.
But this is coming from someone who spends her days working at home in various bathrobes.
heatherskib
Meh, This isn’t too bad as an outer layer for snuggling. I do, however miss waistlines on tops.
Anonymous BigLaw Associate
Yeah, this is what I mean. I also look god awful in anything unstructured due to my body type. There are still great structured pieces out there.
cbackson
I have one of these (erm, but not cashmere) for wrapping up when I’m cold in my office, but I don’t really see them worn out in the world, except by distinguished ladies when attending distinguished lady events. I can’t really imagine just kicking around town in one.
Mending Sweater
I found a hole in a favorite cashmere sweater. I’d like to get it professionally fixed. (I’ve done a fair amount of home mending and darning, but this size hole is out of my range).
Has anyone had this done? How did you find the person who did it?
I’m concerned that if I simply call alteration places one of them will tell me they can do it, but in the end they’ll just do a horrible patch. And it seems too unusual of a request to find via yelp review, etc.
Amberwitch
Put this on has a couple of recommendations for reweave places, one in New York if I remember correctly. I haven’t tried them myself though.
Anonymous
I did. I just took it to my dry cleaners, who I know engages very quality alterations and shoe repair people, and asked for reweaving. I am the only person who knows the repair (about 1/2 inch hole) has been done to a cashmere cardigan I wear often.
MJ
You need a French reweaver. They can fix cashmere sweaters. It will be pricy. That’s what you should google.
I’ve done it (in the Bay Area) and was glad I did.
Another gift ?: Workplace
may end up reposting on the afternoon thread but need some gift ideas for my team:
Budget: $30-50 (including shipping)
Parameters: needs to be sent to employees that work all over the country. Mix of ages and family arrangements, so yummy gift baskets will work well for some, wine for others, so everything is on the table. ONE individual has some dietary restrictions so i’d like some non-food options as well. I’m fine sending different things to different people.
I got a couple of nice gifts over the years from bosses and am looking for other ideas. Just got a $250 gift basket from my boss that will cause my entire family to gain 40lbs.
mascot
Costco has some good options for food baskets.
Anonymous
can i mail them? I want to order online + send.
I am mainly hoping someone will say “my boss just sent me a fab gift basked from _________” :) I actually got a great one but don’t want to just copy my own boss and pass it on to my team…
mascot
Looks like they are available for online ordering. They had one with a variety of dried fruits and nuts that looked nice.
AttiredAttorney
I love the flower arrangements from Bouqs. The prices include shipping. Flowers are nice because they take dietary restrictions out of the mix.
Is there a special food product from your area of the country that could be fun to send? IE, pecans or peanuts from Georgia, citrus from Florida, Maytag cheese from Iowa? Most of the major growers/farmers in my area offer nice gift assortments that can be ordered online and shipped quickly.
anon
Zingerman’s might work well.
lette
I know there’s a lot of love here for Costco, but what does the hive think of BJ’s? We just realized there’s one quite convenient to our new neighborhood and we’re wondering if it’s worth it for just two people (plus pets).
Ems
I’ve done both and I find the quality at Costco better; but convenience may win out for you.
We’re a household of 2 but we love it.
Anon in NYC
My mom loves them.
Susie
Hee hee. Yes BJs are great for two people as long as one of them is male. Personally I prefer to keep the pets out of it.
I see what you did there
;)
heatherskib
Out of curiosity… is your BJ’s near a Dicks Sporting Goods? Every time I see a BJ’s it seems like they’re making a dirty joke. The BJ’S brew houses are in on it, too!
Anonymous
We used to have a BJs in the same parking lot as Hooters, until Hooters closed. Cracked us up every time.
rakma
We have a BJ’s membership that pays for itself in K-cups, and anything thing else we pick up there is a bonus. They almost always have a 30-day free trial membership coupon deal available, you might want to find one of those and then try it out, see if they have enough of the brands you use to make it worthwhile.
lost academic
We love them and miss them after moving and prefer them over all the other options.
lost academic
Also the coupons they send are always really good, and right on point.
Double-Bingo
In case you’re still following, and if this is something that matters to you, Costco is very committed to paying their workers a living wage, treating them well, etc., while BJs is under the Wal-Mart umbrella. (I also like the selection at Costco better).
Nan
I feel like this a great gift only for someone you don’t know well (and in which case, why are you spending $200 on her?). Scarf / wrap is such a generic gift.
Plus, the fact that every woman “should own one” kinda means everyone who feels that way already has one, right?
TBK
Disagree. My MIL bought me a gorgeous one two years ago. I didn’t already own one because I had other places for my money, but I wear the one she gave me pretty much all winter.
KittyKat
Also disagree. Almost any 20-25 year old would love this but doesn’t have the budget for splurges yet. I would be so happy if any of my family members upgraded my cape in such a fabulous way.
Sydney Bristow
I’d love one. Not this one since I’m not a huge fan of ombré, but a really nice scarf/wrap is something I never seem to buy for myself. I have some cheap ones that work well enough and can’t bring myself to spring for a nice one.
Tetra
My fiance’s boss’s wife is having a baby, and they just gave us a wedding present — still no gifting up, or should we get them something?
SC
I would say this is 100% up to your fiance since it’s his boss and his office culture. It probably depends on your fiance’s relationship with his boss, but I would get him and his wife a gift. IMO the “no gifting up” rule applies to holiday and birthday gifts and applies to initiating special occasion gifts (for babies, weddings, housewarmings, etc.). But if they bought you a wedding gift, I think it’s nice to reciprocate on their happy occasion.
NYC tech
Babies are the exception to the “no gifting up” rule. I think the “baby” rule for colleagues/acquaintances/bosses is that it’s always fine to give a gift to the baby if you want to, and it’s never required or expected. There is also no minimum amount of $ to spend on a baby gift to look “appropriate”. A cute onesie? A tiny stuffed animal? Perfect! The parents will be touched and the baby won’t care.
In the Pink
We always give a stuffed lamb with a note “Welcome to the flock.”
If you’re Christian, it’s a super baptism or christening gift and then I enclose a book of Bible Stories for as young an age (reading audience) as I can find.
Come to think of it, it will work for all my Jewish friends, esp. with the Bible Stories book with all Old Testament stories.
Cabins Around DC?
Can anyone recommend a nice cabin that they’ve rented outside DC — places like Shenandoah? There are soooo many cabins online but a lot of them look pretty dinghy and it’s been a huge time suck trying to figure out which ones are nice. If you’ve stayed at one before and can link to it, I’d appreciate it! This is for 2 people, looking for something relatively nice and cozy, fireplace, mountain views, etc. Thanks!
Wintergreen?
How far outside are you willing to go? Wintergreen, VA has great cabins/condos (you may need to be picky – some can be dated). Otherwise it hits all your requirements.
WTG
Seconding Wintergreen. Gorgeous views, plus some nice restaurants at the top of the mountain and fun places to go (cideries, breweries, wineries … lots of ‘ies) in the valley. But it may be too far.
Anonymous
Haven’t stayed there yet but the cabins at Iris Inn look intriguing. Modern, although not completely private.
White Elephant
What are your most hilarious white elephant gift ideas? This is for a group of friends with a dirty sense of humor, so no worries about offending anyone.
Anon
I bought a toilet guest book for White Elephant this year. But, I am interested in others suggestions as well.
Chris
The best I’ve ever received is a battery operated stuffed dog, that straps to your leg, and when you turn it on it humps your leg. Freaking hilarious! I have no idea where it came from though :( I also repuposed it into a halloween costume, I was a dog catcher.
Whitelephant
For some reason people were scandalized by the vegetti at my recent white elephant exchange…YMMV
Liquidfyre
Hmm, we had a vegetti at our recent Yankee Swap, too. I don’t think people were scanadalized at ours, just perplexed maybe? I have a spiralizer thing that I love.
Baby doc
There is a “Pop-up Karma Sutra” book that was very sought after in my office holiday party…
Celia
Pasties.
APC
Ugh. DH booked flights on the wrong day to go home for the holidays – a whole week later. We splurged for JetBlue Mint class too since they were only 599 when we booked… We’ll rebook on whatever airline we can get, but definitely can’t get Mint class (would be over 1500 more to get that now). I’m not angry at him – mistakes happen, but ugh I was soooo looking forward to fancy seats and great treatment on the flight home after being cattle during Thanksgiving….