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Thursday’s Workwear Report: Ottoman Knit Fit & Flare Dress

Fit and Flare Work Dress: Halogen® Ottoman Knit Fit & Flare DressOur daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. This $98 fit and flare dress is winning rave reviews over at Nordstrom. The ottoman knit is apparently fairly heavy, so note that before ordering — but I like the simple, classic shape, as well as some of the more fun colors like dusty blue and coral pink, in addition to navy (pictured), and black. The dress is $98, available in regular and petite sizes. Halogen® Ottoman Knit Fit & Flare Dress Two plus-size options are here and here. Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-4)

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

264 Comments

  1. I like this dress a lot – might actually go ahead and order it to try! Anyone here know if it’s as good as the reviews claim?

    I tried to post this yesterday, but the post apparently never went through. Can you share your best tips for writing a self-assessment when you’re aiming for a promotion? I’m interested in walking the line between appropriate bragging and over-the-top bragging – it’s harder for women since we tend to get punished for being self-interested in ways that men don’t, but I figure that this community must have some good insights! Any tips on how to phrase accomplishments and achievements without being off-putting would be very helpful; I think I definitely deserve a promotion based on my performance in the past year as well as the very positive feedback I’ve received from superiors, but it’s always hard to know how to best make the case for it. TIA!

    1. FWIW, I’ve seen a male colleague’s self-assessment and it plainly stated that his goal was to make partner and here are the things he has done this year to work towards that goal. You are expected to brag/aim big in a self-assessment.

      1. I did this, and it worked. Self-assessments are not a time to be humble, at least in current company/opinion.

      2. I agree with this.

        I remember when I was applying for a job and the person interviewing made it clear that he was a little disappointed that I hadn’t said my 10 year plan was to be Chairman of a department (!). Honestly, that had never occurred to me and I would have never dared to say anything like that even if it was. But that taught me a lot about what is appropriate when they ask for your long term goals.

    2. Yay Kat! I also love this dress! It is getting warmer, so flare dresses are SO much more comforteable then pencil dresses, especialy when you have to walk outside and it is hot out! YAY!

      As for the OP, doeing self assessements w/o bragging is NOT easy. I often walk a thin line when trying to justify why I spent so many hours on a project, but at the same time get to keep the firm’s profit’s up. The manageing partner generaly let’s me bill ALL of my hours, and then does a 40% uplift for HIS review of my work. But when it come’s for self assessement, I useually have my DAD write them for me, b/c he is used to doeing that from when he worked in the goverment, where they often had to justify their existence, even tho there value add was NOT that good.

      Dad told me he had to reapply for a GRANT when he worked as a Federal consultant, even tho he did very littel the first 2 year’s behind the Iron Curtain other then to date pretty blond women in the Ukraine. Mom does NOT like to hear those stories b/c she was engaged to him at the time. DOUBEL FOOEY on men that date other women behind the Iron Curtain while engaged to women in the USA.

      So the key to doeing self assessement’s is to be truthful w/o boasting, and get your dad to help write it for you if they have experence writing. YAY!!!!

    3. If you’re aiming for a promotion, your self-assessment should detail your responsibilities and achievements in the past year which went beyond your title. If possible, include numbers; “netted $2M in new business” instead of “expanded client base,” for example.

      If there is an open position for you to be promoted into, ask for it. If a position needs to be created to promote you, start writing a business plan of what you will do and what resources you’ll require. It has to make sense to the company, and it has to pay for itself.

    4. Agree with others. I can pretty much guarantee that a man would not be sitting there wondering how not to be “off-putting.”

      I found it extremely helpful to go through my “I deserve a raise” speech with my husband the night before I met with my boss. He was able to point out the ways that I was trying to hedge/be modest. In reality, I was undermining my argument. I was pretty uncomfortable selling myself during the conversation with my boss, but it worked, and I got the raise.

    5. My general sense is that being factual helps to make it not bragging. Explain what you did, the value that it brough to the company, etc. Explain how you are ready for a new challenge and to use your skills to move the company forward. Be sure to mention that the roles that team members played in any successes of the last year (because it is obnoxious to take credit for other people’s work), but you can frame in the context of what you added.

  2. I have a coworker/friend who is finishing her MBA program shortly. Any gift ideas? In the $35 range?

    2. A bottle of bubbly and a nice handwritten note. I wouldn’t know what to do with a card case.

    3. I don’t use a card case at all — it’s hard enough to fit a handful of cards into your pocket without blanketing them in leather.

      Seconding suggestion for nice booze to the friend’s taste, or taking friend out for drinks, or taking friend out for manicures… but I’m firmly in favor of “experience” or consumable gifts vs. “stuff.”

    4. Wine?
      But I’m a geek, so if someone got me a new Levenger or a nice leather planner I’d be over the moon. My husband got me an leather-covered Levenger with my initials embossed when I got my Master’s and I think that’s what made me marry him.

        1. Seriously. He also got me the giant hole puncher later and I squeeeeeed and started organizing everything.

  3. For those who hate cap sleeves, Boden has a very similar dress with a proper short sleeve vs. the cap sleeve on this one. Comes in navy, black and stripes.

    1. What’s the name of the dress? I hate cap sleeves and would definitely be interested in real short sleeves!

      1. It’s the Maggie Ottoman dress. I’m going to wear it in the black and white stripes for my graduation!

  4. I’m trying to find a full-length, high-quality, leaning floor mirror for my living room and am having no luck. The issue is that our ceiling height is only 78″ where I want to put the mirror. Pretty much all the Room and Board mirrors are too long, or if they are short enough, they are too wide. I have tried R&B, Arhaus, CB2, Pottery Barn, Crate and Barrel….any other retailers I should be checking? I’m looking for a more modern look (so no antiquing or fancy molding). I’m not a fan of West Elm’s quality, and considered doing R&B’s custom size, but it takes 2 months!

    1. Do you have a local glass shop? My mom has ordered glass tops for several tables (ranging from a tiny vanity to a spacious desk to a long dining room table) through a local place — it’s not immediate but it was more like 3 weeks rather than 2 months. I’m guessing they could do mirrors as well.

      1. +1. I got our full-length mirror from our local glass shop. It was inexpensive and then I had it framed at the local framing shop (that was not inexpensive, haha but I couldn’t find what I wanted in stores.)

    2. I would also add Gallerie Z, Ballard Designs. ALlModern and Restoration hardware. Not much to add since you have looked at most of the bigger retailers.

    3. Have you tried Amazon? I love them because they have a huge range of sizes and styles. We got a leaning mirror that’s gorgeous and very sleek. I’ll post a link below

      1. That was my first thought, but I’m concerned about how they might look in person. With the retailers, at least I kind of know the level of quality I’m getting if I can’t see it in the showroom.

    7. I wouldn’t call the retailers you’ve tried high quality. I’d go with a quality frame shop where you can pick good glass and a frame made of decent/real wood, or Id just get the version of this that IKEA makes. Not sure this is where I’d put the money I’d set aside for high quality furnishings and decor – large mirrors like this are a fad I think (like the ubiquitous starburst mirrors).

      1. Well, by “high-quality,” I mean not super light plastic with questionable clarity like the $20 IKEA ones. The only retailer I have with an easy to visit showroom is R&B where I can see how nice their mirrors are, so I want to avoid ordering online with anyone who might have low-end IKEA-type mirrors.

        Also, not a fad. I need a full length mirror to get dressed properly.

      2. I was at IKEA recently and they had a really nice wood leaning mirror. Not all of their stuff is crap.

    8. I got one from West Elm for $200 and the quality is actually superb. Its super heavy and has lasted years.

  5. Those of you with plans for early retirement at 50 or 55 – how did you build the plan and how do you think of all the things you need to make it happen? Did you get professional help? Especially interested of you live in expensive area (SF, NYC, etc), and make a decent but not super high salary.

    I want to retire at 55 and I currently have 25 years to make it happen. I just downloaded Flexible Retirement Calculator over the weekend and I’m playing with it. Apparently if I save $25K a year for retirement, live on an inflation adjusted amount of $50k/year, and die before I’m 95, I have a good chance of making it.

    Im already saving the max to 401k and IRA. My next goal is to buy a couple of single family homes – one to live in and one for rental income, and pay off at least one in 25 years so that I’m mortgage free by the time I retire.

    1. IDK — I clicked around a calculator yesterday and it wanted me to be living on 85% of my current income (which I think is too high). My goal is to have current house paid off when I’m 55 (and when I’m closer to 80, I bet the upkeep on it may be what the mortgage is now), but SS seems to have that covered, so my personal savings would probably not be needed for keeping a roof over my head (a HUGE deal).

      I could probably live on 1/2 of my current salary, but am worried that if I live into my 90s, I would run out of $. And there is no medicare at 50 or 55, so I’d need a job until I’m medicare-aged (which I expect to be 67 by time I’d be going to claim it). My goal is to downsize the job in my mid-50s, but will have kids in college then, so maybe when they’re done?

    2. But how will you know if you’re going to die before 95? My grandmother is currently 96 and has needed essentially round-the-clock care for the several years because of dementia that costs on the order of $20K a month. I think assuming you can live on $50K a year for your whole life is very risky.

      1. I’ll be in that same boat (round the clock dementia care at 96) but I think other folks can look at their families where everyone dies by 70 and assume a different set of concerns.

      2. I’m really sorry about your grandmother. That sounds tough.

        On your last point, the median household income in the United States is roughly $50K a year, so it’s not an unreasonable assumption.

        1. Thank you. It’s been a lot harder on my mother than on me, since I am much further removed from the situation, both geographically and emotionally. I definitely think living on $50K a year while you’re able to live independently is doable (except maybe in some of the most expensive cities) and I’m all for frugality, but my point was that many people will have healthcare costs well exceeding $50K a year by the end of life, no matter how well-insured you are. This is only becoming more of a concern as lifespans lengthen without corresponding progress on treating dementia. Babies born today are expected to live well into their 100s, and something like half of all people over the age of 85 have dementia. If you’re looking at 20+ years of dementia care, that’s million of dollars.

        1. LT care insurance usually only covers 90 days of care or else it is prohibitively expensive. Most people self-pay until their assets are extinguished and then they go on Medicaid. At $10-20k per month, that happens fast.

          1. Men in my husband’s family die at 70 (the smoking/drinking/valium-popping women last into their mid-90s).

            For me, I am switching to an all baguette-butter-bacon diet as soon as I hit 80 and I’m going to smoke, drink, and get a motorcycle in a no-helmet state. I do not want actual assisted suicide, but am willing to engage in riotous living.

          2. I will never save enough to afford long term care. My long term care plan is Medicare/Medicaid.

          4. It’ll have to be Medicaid – Medicare doesn’t cover anything but short-term skilled nursing.

        2. Long-term care insurance does not provide around the clock care. And it is becoming more and more expensive to obtain, and is covering less and less.

          I still favor getting it though, if it is available to you and you can afford it.

          Honestly, I have decided that if I live until 95, unfortunately it will likely be in Nursing Home with Medicaid after spending down all my income. Nursing home/around the clock care by the time we get there will probably cost 20k a month (it costs over 10k per month in my area now!). There is no way I will have 240k yearly income as a retiree. And since I am single and childless, I will not likely have any family help at that age.

          Sometimes we can’t plan for every outcome.

          I am likely going to retire early. However, even if I retiree in my 50’s, I will not be living a life of luxury for the next 50 years. I will probably still work off and on, part time, doing something very meaningful to me. So there will be some time of income. I also live very simply, and have already started downsizing my lifestyle to see what I truly “need”. I get some ideas from Mr. Money Mustache.

          The wild card is healthcare though. My father was suddenly struck by a severe disability (hit by a car), and he now has 20k yearly out of pocket medical expenses that will skyrocket once he is no longer able to live at home independently. You can never predict what is going to happen to you.

          But illness in my parent’s generation has taught me that delaying retirement and/or “doing what is meaningful to you” shouldn’t be delayed too long. Life can change in an instant. My parents never saw a true retirement, after saving like crazy for it their entire lives. Accidents, cancer, sudden severe events that you can’t predict and plan for…. even if you are relatively healthy and take care of yourself…. can strike at any time.

          Don’t wait too long to live the life you want.

          1. “Accidents, cancer, sudden severe events that you can’t predict and plan for…. even if you are relatively healthy and take care of yourself…. can strike at any time.

            Don’t wait too long to live the life you want.”

            +1

            A few months ago my uncle passed away in a freak car accident. He was 62 and going to retire within the year. He and my aunt had so many plans. On the other hand, his mother (my grandmother) has been in a (very nice) nursing home for the last 11 years, and has been receiving round the clock care for most of that time…. she’s been barely responsive for the last few years and yet she’s hanging on. I have no idea how all that care is getting paid for. I dunno… there’s something that seems so futile about saving and saving and saving and then all of your money going to your last few years of life.

          2. So why wait for even an early retirement? Why not factor in sabbaticals or a non-traditional career path (take a year off here and there) and retire at 65 or 70?

          3. Yeah, the “you could get hit by a bus at any moment” argument seems to be to be stronger support for retiring later and using money you would have put into retirement funds to enjoy life now, take vacations, etc.

          4. This will be me (hopefully). When the kids are in college, I plan to quit working and go back to school myself and become a doctor or (more likey) a nurse practitioner. I wish I had done it first go-round and feel that since we live into our 90s in my family, switching in my 50s will be OK. I probably don’t have the stamina to be an MD, but I want to be able to get in at least and we have all of the schools in my current city (at state U).

      4. I agree, many people make incredibly optimistic assumptions when planning for retirement. Be pragmatic and don’t rely solely on long term care insurance. If you buy it, make sure you fully understand the policy and its limitations and exclusions, and buy it from the most reputable, highly rated company you can find. If you’re buying LTC in your thirties, chances are you wont need it for 40+ years. That’s a pretty long bet on the insurance company being around to keep their promises.

        1. Also please do some reading about increases in longevity. It’s startling how quickly that end of the mortality table is changing.

          1. Agreed — I think it’s crazy to expect that you can live to 100 and only fund it with 20-30 years of work. We’d need to think about living with frontier-era frugality and I don’t think that we as a people will go back to darning their socks or wearing something 10 years old (or expecting things to last for 20 years).

    2. How is the quality of their knits? I’m looking for more long sleeve cardigans due to a cold office.

  7. How do I get past feeling taken advantage of at work? I had a great performance review, but I was told it just wasn’t the right time for a promotion. I received all positive feedback, exceeds expectations, all that.

    I don’t even care about making more money; it’s about the title for me, a title that I think I’ve earned.

    I’m trying to stay positive, but it’s hard not to get bitter and resentful. And I’m looking for jobs, but I don’t see anything out there that I would rather do than what I’m already doing.

    Help!

      1. Did someone else get the promotion instead of you? Have you been denied it before. How many other people in your group have the title you want? Would it make the organization structure to top heavy to add another title?

      1. + THIS. “Not the right time” is the company’s time, not yours.
        If it’s the right time for YOU, then move.

    3. Have you shared with your boss that you want a new title and would be willing to pass on the raise for now? Before looking for a new job, I would have that conversation. There might be other stuff going on at the company that is preventing a raise – for example, I had to give one of my staff a lower raise this year than I would have given him otherwise because he was already at the high end for his level – it wasn’t a reflection of poor performance but just trying to even out salaries across the team. Most managers would feel uncomfortable saying “here is a new title and new responsibilities but we’re not paying you any more”, but if you are happy otherwise and just want the title, this is a conversation worth having.

      Could you follow up with your boss and say, “Can I get a little more background about it not being ‘the right time’ for a promotion? I was thinking after our conversation that I’m very happy with my work and compensation, but I would really like xyz title. It’s bothering me to the point that I’m considering if this is the right place for me to be able to grow professionally.”

    4. Oy, I feel you. I too was denied promotion for several cycles. Did everything I was told to get the promo, including taking on several ridiculous assignments that involved international travel for multiple months at a time. In a 200+ person department, there was no record of anybody with my tenue being denied promotion for as long. But my company was basically the only employer in my location who needed someone with my skillset.

      I held on. I pulled way back, because I had seen that making the job my life didn’t get rewarded. I decided that if I didn’t get the new title by X date, I was gone. And then I got the promotion just shy of that date. It still bugs me that my colleagues may look down on me simply because it took so long for me to get this title.

      Good luck; only you can decide if it is worth holding on and under what circumstances.

  8. I am starting a search for an in-house legal job but I don’t know where to begin or what I actually am qualified to do. Can people who are in-house legal share what their basic job description is and what they did previously? It would be incredibly helpful. TIA!

    1. What do you do now? The types of in-house jobs to target will obviously vary depending on whether you’re a litigator / labor lawyer / tax specialist / corporate generalist, etc.

      For corporate/transactional, which is my background — most jobs will want you to be able to negotiate basic commercial contracts independently (like vendor or customer contracts) and assist with the occasional major transaction.

      1. I have spent about six years doing litigation, however, I would be interested in roles that encompass corporate/transactional work as well but I am concerned that I would not be qualified for those. Thank you!

        1. My husband was originally a litigator but has transitioned to transactional work gradually — first he went into a compliance role, where he got more drafting experience, and then switched companies and now manages a team of customer contracting attorneys.

    2. I need to stay pretty general on my details, but maybe this will help: I clerked for a federal judge out of law school and then went to a litigation shop at biglaw firm notorious (and appropriately so) for being a sweatshop. I spent 5 years as a litigator and then went back to clerking. As my second clerkship wound down, I landed my current gig. I work in-house for an insurance company in a very small legal department. My background is in litigation but when I interviewed, I pitched that I would be happy to do anything and everything I could get my hands on and I wanted to learn the business. My litigation background is incredibly helpful, but litigation accounts for a very small amount of my time (mostly in managing various outside counsel and prepping our people for depositions). At this point, my practice is incredibly varied: I have handled corporate M&A type stuff, drafted complex and simple contracts, reviewed real estate transactions, done claim review, handled HR issues and general business issues. I think the variety is a function of the size of our legal department. I LOVE my job, the people I work with and my company. So, I managed to parlay my general litigation background (including my years in biglaw) to show that I am an incredibly hard worker, I am happy to put in time, am not above doing grunt work and I play nice with other people (but also have the fangs sharpened during my time in biglaw, if need be).

    3. I’m in house as an labor and employment attorney, and I moved in house after four years of practicing labor and employment law at a mid-size law firm.

      In house litigation roles are few and far between (unless you do insurance defense). If I were you, I would search for generalist work in house. If you have litigated breach of contract cases, you can explain how that would assist you in the transactional component. One of my friends was a labor and employment attorney who moved in house at three years negotiating staffing contracts, and she was able to explain how her litigation background would assist her in preventing risk.

      1. Similar story: I’m in-house L&E primarily, but also just took over a rather large (and new-to-me) legal area of responsibility. Was an L&E trial attorney for 6 years before moving in house. I manage our employment litigation, provide advice on L&E matters, review for compliance, draft and review contracts, etc. I love it.

    4. In my last job for a large pharmaceutical company, I worked in PR and worked alongside several lawyers. The legal team would review our press releases, web content and other pieces from a legal perspective and flag areas of concern or potential liability to make sure we were’t overpromising or opening ourselves up to suits due to poor word choice. They made sure we were compliant with the FDA regulations and other area laws and weren’t going crazy with PR “This is the best DRUG EVER!”

    5. I’ve only ever been in house. Pure generalist. Large focus on contracts. There are many in house legal departments at larger companies that have attorneys focused on litigation specifically. If your litigation focus has been in one industry, I would look towards those companies first.

      Otherwise, I would try to pull aspects of your litigation experience that can be used to show specific skills. Think negotiation, drafting, regulatory/industry-specific law experience, etc.

    6. I started out in litigation, at a giant, well respected firm. Burned out and quit, did some fun but irrelevant things, and ended up litigating at a smaller firms where I could also serve as “counselor” in some ways to my clients. One of those gigs transitioned into doing a significant amount of compliance work for highly regulated start ups, while at a litigation firm. That was great, because it gave me the chance to work on things like real estate contracts, employment, financing, insurance, environmental compliance, all kinds of nitpicky govt stuff, you name it. I transitioned from that job into my current in-house position.

      To actually answer your question (finally!) here’s what I do daily:

      The legal department consists of two people, me and the General Counsel. Every day I interact with the COO, CEO, and the VP of Global Operations (and of course the GC) and most days I’m in contact with a number of department heads — we generally talk about big strategic questions (as impacted by legal issues). We are in the middle of some litigation, so I am coordinating things with outside counsel (two firms) on that. I am moderately involved in daily litigation strategy and the writing of briefs because it’s fun and I’m good at it (and I know more about the facts than our outside lawyers ever could). I also provide advice on how we talk about litigation, inside and outside of the company. Then, aside from the litigation, I look over a lot of contracts — NDAs, licensing agreements, purchase agreements, that type of thing — and tell whoever is negotiating it what we can and can’t agree to. Depending on the stakes/tenor I might jump in and do the negotiation directly. I handle employment questions most days too — ACA compliance, tax questions, etc. I sit in on meetings where potentially problematic (or just upsetting) topics are discussed, to sort of keep my eye on things and head off problems before they arise. I am beginning to represent my employer at industry events. I coordinate responses to subpoenas. I argue with insurance companies. I handle all our interactions with certain major vendors. I send takedown notices. I draft bylaws. It’s all over the place. It’s pretty fun.

      1. This sounds like my dream job :) Unfortunately, my litigation experience has not been as varied so I think I will have a lot more trouble getting to where you are but thank you so much for explaining what you do because it makes me excited to think that I could somehow end up doing something similar!

  9. I’m a 4th year associate thinking of making a jump to a small or mid-size practice but would only do so at a firm where making partner would be in the cards in the future.

    For you ladies at small and midsize firms, what does the path to partnership look like? Is it based solely on business generation? How many years out do you make partner? Is the “path” something I can negotiate before accepting an offer?

    1. Know that especially at small/mid firms, the path can vary so widely that it’s surprising. At some firms, they may be willing to negotiate what that path will look like, but at others, it may be set in stone based on number of years practicing, number of years at the firm, collections, billables, marketing efforts, etc.

      You absolutely can try to negotiate it. I did that successfully and negotiated a year off of a partnership track at my second firm.

      I did really well at my first small firm – had the highest billables and collections and was originating work. For some reason, despite stellar reviews, they told me they didn’t think I was ready the first year I was eligible. I have never figured out why. They made me partner the next year, with no significant difference other than slightly higher origination. I ended up making partner at seven years out.

      Some firms will have equity and non-equity partners. Some won’t. You’ll want to find this out. You’ll also want to find out about the buy in. That’s something I wouldn’t have necessarily asked about before, but based on what I’ve experienced and friends have experienced, buy-ins can vary so much from six digit buy-ins to firm funded or firm loan funded buy ins. Even if they won’t tell you the amount, you should try to find out how the buy in works.

      I feel strongly now that I’m further along that partnership depends on several things and certainly not solely business generation, although you’ll need to be able to do that. Things that I think matter: perceived potential to generate business in the future demonstrated through things like involvement in the local and legal community, how you develop contacts, are you speaking on panels, are you coming up with ideas to generate business (i.e. suggest a marketing trip to a client where you present a “lunch and learn”), are you actually working hours, are you a good mentor, are you helping to teach the younger lawyers and giving them appropriate opportunities to grow themselves, have you experienced a wide range of legal experiences (trial, arbitration, mediation, etc.), etc.

      Partnership in most small/mid firm means that you’re able to handle the business side of things. You can read a balance sheet or are willing to learn. You are able to handle HR issues. The other thing I’ve noticed in smaller firms is that different partners have different strengths and actually have to run a business. So, one person may handle the 401k responsibilities, while another negotiates the lease and westlaw contracts. The more you understand about the business of the firm, the better.

      So learn the business of running a profitable firm. Take CLEs or other classes that will teach about the economics of running a lawfirm as a business.

      1. Do you find that it is worth it to be partner in a small firm? I’m working in a small firm now and there is no up or out here. I’m not sure I’m as interested in the running the business side of things. Now that you are on the other side, was it worth it?

        1. If you actually like and trust your colleagues and feel like the firm is a good fit, then becoming an equity partner is worthwhile.

          Again, this is different at every firm, but equity partnership can have significant upsides in terms of compensation. At some point, as a non-equity partner or associate or of counsel, your salary can’t just keep going up because the amount collected on your hours will tap out. Hard to explain here but basically, at some point, without becoming a partner, your compensation will become more level (obviously, you may still be able to negotiate origination credit or get bonuses, etc. without equity partnership). But, for equity partners, the compensation formula can result in much better income. Obviously the downside is there are risks in owning a small business. if a big client doesn’t pay an invoice, for example, that can be scary.

          Being an equity partner can give you more credibility in the eyes of potential clients. I obviously was the same lawyer the day before I became a partner versus the day after I became a partner. But, originating business was easier.

          Also, depending on your colleagues, they may not understand why someone wouldn’t want to buy in. They may want people who are completely invested. And, if something strange happens at the firm financially (think a few big no-pays or a client leaves), and you’re the highest paid non-equity, you have to wonder if, despite being awesome, you may be on the line for a lay off.

          Downsides: risk and uncertainty, expense of the investment, having to handle business things (which I enjoy, but recognize this isn’t for everyone)

          It’s not for everyone and that is ok. My biggest advice would be to know what you’re getting into – what is the buy in, how does compensation work, how is the firms financial health – and to realistically evaluate whether you’re in a position to take on those risks.

    2. I just left a big “midlaw” firm, but the path was pretty set in stone there. At year 7, you were considered for partnership. If you were a lateral associate, you have to put in about 2-3 years even if you came in as a 7th year associate so they can do a lookback to profitability and hours. Once eligible for partnership, if you made your hours for the previous 3 years (aka, earned your keep), you generally made partner. If you didn’t make it then, you could keep working toward it. The expectation was that everyone would make partner. The firm also looked at things like marketing efforts, personality, etc., but hours were most important.

  10. I’m probably not the only one who has had this problem – whenever I try to do a google search for a particular topic I’ve seen mentioned in the comments (like discussions of what everyone makes or recommendations for restaurants in SF), it’s really, really hard to find the post and comment sections where the discussion occurred. I’ve tried using the site search function, using Google, everything, but nearly every time, I can’t find the discussion that I know happened. Also, these comment sections contain a wealth of information from over the years, but we end up having the same discussions over and over and over again because no one can really see the comment archives without going back individual post by individual post.

    My suggestion is for Kat and crew to review the comments sections from the day’s post at the end of each day and “tag” any discussions with, say, more than 10 comments each – things like “San Francisco” or “Salary negotiation” or “House hunting.” Then you could have an easy search function to find old discussions on the topic. I think this would be a BIG improvement and would really acknowledge the extreme amount of information that dedicated commenters have provided over the years. You would never know that some random posts about necklaces or dresses contain 200+ comments about relationship problems, travel recommendations, workplace situations, etc., and I think that does a disservice to the community.

    1. Using a search engine to search: “site:[c o r p o r e t t e].com + [topic]” usually works pretty well for me. But the tagging is a good idea.

    2. I’m with you. The technique that Anon at 10:25 describes is precisely what I used to use to find comment threads, and it stopped working around the same time that Kat was experimenting with the comment tech (I think removing the ability to edit). I really miss it!!!

      1. That’s the thing – that approach doesn’t work for me, even when searching for exact phrases I recall from the conversation. I don’t know why because it should theoretically work, but it doesn’t.

        1. Huh, it’s still working for me (searching Google and using the Google chrome browser – wonder if it is browser specific).

          1. If I try that method right now using a sentence from my original post above, this post does not come up. Does it work for you?

          2. No, but it takes a while for search engines to index things, so today’s posts aren’t viewable on Google yet. I just tried that method with a random quote from the 3/4/2016 thread (“+1 for Sally Hansen wax strips”) and that post was the first and only result.

    4. I think this is a great idea in theory and might work if the tags went to a specific enough level, e.g. “Seattle restaurant recommendations.” But I’m not sure it’s possible to get to that level of detail with every thread (let alone the investment of time it would require). I feel like there are a lot of threads that would be harder to tag much more specifically than “friend issues” or “relationship issues” and there would be so many posts with those tags that it wouldn’t be useful. I dunno, I just think that while there are some topics like “Give me restaurant recs in X city” that lend themselves to really useful tags, there are a ton of conversations here that defy categorization. How would you label the thread about the person who is jealous of her assistant?

  11. Shopping advice needed! My husband is being honored at a nonprofit’s annual gala in NYC, and I’ll be there with him. I’m up about 5 lbs from my usual weight (going through fertility treatments–my body has been through the wringer the past few months, so I’m trying not to be too hard on myself about it, although I’m not thrilled). None of my formal clothes fit, and I want to feel good about my outfit even though the evening is about my husband. I’m petite and hourglass shaped, and my b00bs are currently gigantic because of all the hormones (32G/DDDD, up from a 32E/DD a year ago). First question–what level of formality should I aim for? There will be celebs there, but it’s a weeknight. Second question–if anyone feels like doing vicarious shopping, I’d love suggestions! I’ve browsed Nordstrom but not much else. I’m guessing that right now I’m an 8P. Looking to spend under $200, but I’m willing to go a little higher if it makes me feel amazing.

      1. My friend wore the full-length version as a bridesmaid’s dress recently and it was STUNNING.

        Check amazon too. I have an Adrianna Papell blouson beaded dress I got from there for no lie $30.

      2. I think that the waist on that is so high that it would make my tummy look pregnant (and it isn’t / wasn’t recently).

    2. This sounds like a great opportunity for Rent the Runway – especially if you think you won’t stay at your current size long term. You could get a ton of great options there for well under $100.

      2. I’m a 32FF and have had great luck with Rent the Runway. You can specify that you are busty in the search and that will help narrow the selection for you. Be sure to look at pictures and read comments. This sounds ideal for you since you probably won’t be this size forever.

      1. This has been on my wishlist. Love the color. I see that it is unlined though. Does the material feel flimsy? Does it show every lump and bump?

        1. I’m plus size and have the plus version is navy. I didn’t find it flimsy–it’s super flattering and skims over my pudge!

    4. I’m similarly shaped & had to attend an event shortly giving birth when I lost most of the “baby” weight but had enormous breasts. I wore this dress (available on RTR) and felt fantastic. Picture doesn’t do it justice, it has tiny metallic threads throughout so dressier than appears, and it’s stretchy so easy to fit but without being too clingy. I added long, really sparkly earrings, heels and bright lipstick to style. Highly recommend!

      after http://www1.bloomingdales.com/shop/product/tory-burch-wave-knit-dress?ID=1507668&pla_country=US&cm_mmc=Google-PLA-ADC-_-New%20View-NA-_-Tory%20Burch-_-888736809780USA&catargetid=120156070000366207&cadevice=c

    1. Stop reading Slate! An empirical study cannot “prove” anything. They have no idea what they are writing about.

      1. I literally don’t know what I would do with all of my free time if I stopped reading Slate.

  13. Does anyone have experience wearing/ordering Hobbs? How does it fit? Quality?

    I just read a piece about Claire Underwood’s wardrobe and I’m drooling over Hobbs’ dresses. #closetgoals

    1. I have a few Hobbs items and I think they’re maybe on the larger end of TTS (remember British sizes, though); I absolutely love them and they feel good quality.

    2. I have a Hobbs dress and a skirt suit. They both ran slightly large.

      Fantastic quality, lovely fabric.

  14. What do you think of skinny flare jeans? I am a slender pear, and have a very hard time finding jeans that fit me. Treasure & Bond have worked for me in the past, and a flare on the bottom balances me out.

    http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/treasurebond-skinny-flare-jeans-ink-dusk-vintage/4076791?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=&resultback=287

    I would have preferred a darker black, as these are a more washed-out/casual color.

    What shoes do I wear with these? I know I need a heel, but I don’t have anything that works right now. I need something that is an all day/comfortable shoe.

    1. I love my skinny flares; however, I never wear heels with them. That’s mostly because they are not long enough (a purchasing choice), but also because I don’t care for how it looks on me. I generally wear Toms or ballet flats with them depending on the top. If I got a longer pair, I would likely only wear wedges with them. The pair I have is pretty casual (regular medium dark wash) and I think they would look odd with boots with narrow heels.

      1. Thanks. You bring up a good point…. I wont know until they arrive how long they are and that will likely dictate the shoe.

        I prefer a heel in general, but tend to wear wedges/wider heels which also helps balance out my pear shape.

        I just am looking for a replacement now for my go to casual shoe…. black wedge suede closed toemule. It is so simple, but falling apart and I can’t find anything like it that is unobtrusive.

        1. Ugh!

          The jeans arrived yesterday. Very soft, stretchy, comfortable.

          But so long!!! I am 5’7″, which I tend to think is slightly on the taller end. The pants were so long that they were dragging on the ground even when I was wearing a 3.5″ heel. I can’t imagine wearing 4″+ heels with my casual jeans, all day.

          I guess they are going back.

          This brand is otherwise very good for my pear shape.

  15. I just have to share! I treated myself to a Chanel bag, which I got for $600! (100% authentic from and it comes luxury re-sale fashion giant), and I am just thrilled about my purchase and the deal I got!

    Anyone else here into Chanel bags??

    1. I am in theory, but have narrow shoulders, so cannot do their (or anyone else’s) shoulder bags. But I’m firmly on team Boy Bag, no matter how many kardashians and trashy celebs also have them.

    2. I would recommend having it authenticated. Unless it is in terrible condition, a $600 Chanel bag sounds unrealistic.

      1. Agreed. I’ve seen how some of those luxury re-sale companies work and they often don’t authenticate–they take the seller’s word for it so they have deniability when someone complains about their counterfeit items.

    5. It depends on what OP got. Some of the older WOCs were not that expensive (relative to the prices now, or the price of the classic flaps that people are probably thinking of) so $600 wouldn’t be out of line for a good but not excellent 5-10 year old one. I don’t really consider those a “bag” though because they’re so tiny. It’s literally a wallet with a strap to wear over your shoulder.

      1. Hi ladies thanks for ruining my good news. I am not an idiot and had it authenticated and know how to authenticate also. I was simply sharing news… The negative Nancy brigade didn’t successfully rain on my parade. FYI it’s a vintage camera bag by Chanel – lamb skin & on the smaller side. So yes – the price point and subsequent negotiation makes $600 very reasonable. Note to self not to share next time. Sheesh.

        1. I agree. These comments wee not helpful, especially since the bag was already purchased.
          And, does it really matter if the bag was authentic? The point was that OP made a great find and SHE was happy with it.

        2. Can I ask where you found it? So many of the online consignment shops (notably “the real real” but also others) are so full of fakes its so hard to know which companies are legit. You mentioned a luxury re-sale fashion giant- would you mind sharing the name?

  16. There is quite the discussion of patterned tights in the workplace over at Ask A Manager today in case anyone is interested. I’ve seen people wearing patterned tights at my firm so I’m surprised that most of the commenters seem to think they are absolutely not appropriate.

    1. I wear what I consider patterned tights on the conservative side — black with a diamond or argyle pattern — but I realized that it is one of those things that men and women can view very differently. Once when I wore my argyle tights, a colleague (junior to me, but a peer age-wise) said, “hey, those look cool. They remind me of a tablecloth thing my grandma used to have. You know, like, a doily?” Clearly not what I was going for.

    2. AskAManager tends to be weird about fashion–hair and makeup, go crazy!–but wear anything but button downs and trousers and they act like you’re going to a fetish party

      1. Completely inappropriate of the coworker, but those particular tights are definitely what I would wear if I was going for “s3xy” tights. Particularly with the lemondrop yellow shoes.

        Perhaps we shouldn’t even weigh in, though, because I think this particular community has a generally different take on clothes than a lot of professional women, despite it being a fashion blog and us obviously caring about clothes. My attitude towards clothing has changed a lot since I started reading here. Once I realized that it’s more empowering to be a boss than to wear cute outfits to work, I stopped thinking that I should be able to express myself through my clothing, and got on with being better at my job.

        1. I used to know someone who wore tights like that to my job but she left to go work at FIDM.

    4. I was wondering what the posters here would think about the AAM post. The OP included a pic, which was helpful. The guy that made the comment was a real jerk.

      I’ve only worked in casual offices, so patterned tights would be appropriate. However, they would stand out as being more dressy than what others wear (jeans and sneakers).

    5. I think today’s AAM tights verdict is heavily influenced by the specific shoes she’s wearing (to me the tights/shoes combo reads much more wild than either alone) and the fact that we can’t see the rest of the outfit (which could be staid enough to make the overall look lower octane).

    6. I would not be surprised to see that tight/shoe combo floating around in my supposedly business casual building. I could absolutely wear the tights, although to project as much professionalism as possible, I would only wear tights like that with black shoes and an otherwise very conservative outfit. It’s definitely a NYO thing.

    7. I definitely think patterned tights can be appropriate in the workplace, but the ones posted wouldn’t be (in most offices). If I was doing a pattern with holes (as opposed to printed on solid black), I probably wouldn’t stray far beyond a subtle fishnet. Burnout patterns (stripes, dots, etc) can also be subtle and appropriate.

  17. Does anyone have any tips or advice on overcoming and working through being jealous of someone?

    What I am about to say is going to make me sound so awful. I am completely jealous of an assistant and I don’t even know why. I’m jealous of her looks even though we both weigh the same and dress fashionably. The only difference really is that she has a pixie cut (and pulls it off well) and I have long hair. But while her hair looks great on her I have no desire to have short hair myself.

    We both had scholarships for undergrad. We also both had offers for scholarships to T14 law schools. I took mine but she turned hers down and enlisted in the military instead. I have my health, no debt, a six figure income, I live in a nice apartment and I’m engaged to a great guy whom I love and who loves me. My family relationships are great, I get along with the people I work with and I like the work.

    Like I said I know that my post must sound so awful and I know this issue is my own and it’s a problem I have to deal with. I have never felt jealous and inadequate next to another person before. I don’t even know why I am so jealous of her since we are so similar (education, looks, family and romantic relationships, work being praised/doing well at work). The only big differences I can think of are that we drive totally different vehicles (I have a Lexus and she takes the subway and owns a truck) and our income. She is really nice and has only ever been helpful to me. I have tried stopping or not thinking about it but it is not that easy. I’m not an awful person and I don’t like being so jealous and petty. I don’t want to feel superior to anyone (because I’m not) I just want to stop feeling this way.

    1. So what are you jealous of? What does she have you don’t? That could be an indication of what’s missing for you.

      Otherwise, therapy friend. It can help you sort out why you think there’s a void.

      1. I have no idea what I’m jealous of. We are both smart. We both look good. We both do our jobs well. We both have good partners and family relationships. We both do charity work.

        I don’t feel like there are any voids in my life but that could be me lying to myself or being in denial. I have thought about therapy before but hearing someone else suggest it is helpful. Thank you for your response.

        1. I would really suggest therapy. It would be one thing if you could say, she has a X and that makes me jealous because I don’t have X and would never have the guts to do it”

          The fact that you can’t pinpoint in but know you’re jealous makes me think there is something that’s missing to you. Secure, confident people don’t typically feel jealous for no reason. A therapist can help you get to the root of issues.

          1. I agree that secure, confident people don’t typically jealous for no reason. For me, what might look like jealously on the outside, is really more about me being territorial. MY job, MY man, MY son, etc. Maybe it’s more of a territorial thing than a jealous thing?

    2. I don’t think you are jealous. I think you either just plain don’t like her, are lying to yourself about how perfect your life is and are deeply insure, or have a crush on her.

      1. Why do you know this much about an assistant? I don’t know this much about anyone I work with.

      2. You seem to be convincing yourself that you have it all, but maybe what you have isn’t what you really want? When you describe the things in your life – you are describing them as things people should want, not that YOU really want them.

        If the only difference is that she didn’t go to law school and she cut her hair, my guess is that you resent seeing someone that didn’t follow precisely what one “should” do, and she’s still achieved happiness and success. Especially if you’ve always done what you are “supposed” to do. Maybe the things you have and have done in your life aren’t what you really want.

        Or, I’ll be honest, I was wondering crush too.

        1. +1 – my thought (and I may be projecting) was that you may be seeing someone who could have followed your (standard) path, but didn’t and is still happy and secure in her life. As someone who has always followed a prescribed path, I often find myself jealous of people who have taken more risks. Which is ridiculous because I don’t like taking risks.

    3. Do you feel like she is less stressed than you? Like maybe because you’re a lawyer and she’s an assistant that her life is easier and under less pressure? When I worked in a high pressure job I was jealous of some of the assistants because I thought their lives must somehow be easier or happier.

    4. I don’t get it. So you’re just jealous of her because she has a cool haircut? If that’s the case, you need to acknowledge the cool haircut, and move on. Tell her “you know, your haircut looks so great on you. I’m totally jealous and wish I could pull it off!” Hopefully saying it aloud will allow you to stop thinking and festering about it. If not, then I second the recommendation for therapy, because you’re doing yourself a disservice by being jealous to distraction over a haircut.

      1. Oooo… maybe the haircut is a symbol of something. Confidence? I think it takes a lot of confidence to chop off all your hair.

      1. This does seem like a very odd post. I’m not sure I really understand the question. But hey, I’ll bite. Maybe you’re jealous of her looks because even though you’re the same size/dress the same … she’s prettier than you?

          1. My guess: she is prettier (despite being the same weight), and has waaaay more confidence, despite earning less money, being your assistant, and not having gone to law school. Some people could be born in a trailer park but just exude class and confidence, and some people really need the trappings of success to feel good about themselves.

    6. Post went into moderation, not sure why – sorry if it double-posts.

      For some reason, this reminds me of a recent episode of the podcast Strangers. The host did a three-part profile on a woman with a relatively ordinary life who decided she wanted to donate a kidney to a stranger. A lot of listeners had a really, really negative reaction to this woman, and the host interviewed some of the people who left mean-sounding comments about her. It turned out that the source of some of the commenters’ feelings was that the donor woman was doing something that they could do but didn’t want to, or wanted to do but couldn’t. In a sense, it was a sort of jealousy – like the donor was somehow “better” than them.

      So I wonder to some extent whether that’s going on here. The assistant has a really similar background as you, but she’s made different choices that might make her seem like a “better” person, like turning down a scholarship to enlist in the military or maybe even being as pretty/smart as you but earning a lot less. Is your jealousy a projection of your insecurity that you didn’t take the “harder” path, or you couldn’t do what she did? Please please note that I’m not saying that this is actually true – it sounds like you both have accomplished a ton in your lives that you should be so, so proud of. But perhaps reflect internally to see if maybe that’s what is going on.

    7. Armchair psychologist: maybe because you and she are very similar, you are comparing the two of you on everything (down to the cars you drive). That’s somewhat natural. What is also natural is a “the grass is always greener” mentality when considering anyone else’s position in life, even when your rational self knows better. So I don’t think this is a big deal or that it reveals some big flaw in your personality. It’s just getting awkward for you. Maybe try some affirmations, like say nice things about yourself in the mirror. And repeat Amy Poehler’s mantra in your mind as needed: “Good for her. Not [necessarily] for me.”

    8. I think you need therapy. Also, I think it is so, so sad that you mentioned weight in your calculation of whether or not you *should* be jealous. I can’t believe how much body image dominates our lives as women.

      I hope you find inner peace and happiness — you deserve all good things in your life.

    9. The fact that you spent a lot of time listing all the things you both have makes me wonder if you are jealous because you see her as having everything you have, but with less work invested (she didn’t have to go to law school) and on a lower income. I suspect you feel that you have “earned” your mutual success and she has not. But yeah, therapy.

    10. What the???? If this was a romantic comedy I’d say you were actually in love with her or something.

    11. Just to be pedantic…

      I think what you are feeling is envy and not jealousy?

      Envy is when you want what someone else has; jealousy is when you’re worried someone’s trying to take what you have.

      Unless maybe you were inadvertently correct the first time? Given the similarities between you and this person, maybe you are worried that people are comparing the two of you, and you are coming up short? I think maybe there are some things that you use to typically feel superior to others and she is “depriving” you of these things?

    12. Or perhaps you think she’s cooler and more unique than you. She went to the military, drives a truck, has a cool pixie cut…
      Honestly, envy/jealousy of someone else is always there, but we need to acknowledge that it’s irrational. If it’s something they have that you can work on obtaining, then work on it. If it’s something you can’t even help or don’t even want, then get over it.

    13. I am very occasionally envious of one of my good friends who doesn’t work and has a wealthy husband, but I usually give myself a reality check that her lifestyle would not make me happy. Her apparently unlimited clothing budget might make me temporarily happy though! We remain friends but our different lifestyles have us drifting apart. It’s unfortunate but there you have it.

      The coworker thing happened to me once. I was in a small office with one direct report. We were friends outside the office, which in hindsight was a mistake. She became extremely competitive with me, insecure if I was invited to a meeting and she wasn’t, and very nosy about any conversations I had that didn’t include her. Example, “I saw you talking to Bill in the hallway this morning. What were you taking about?” Which is a fine question, but got weird when she asked it daily about every interaction I had that didn’t include her.

      I had introduced her to many of my work friends and business contacts and it got even weirder when I found she was setting up lunches or cocktails with them.

      And she started dressing like me, which was extra uncomfortable.

      My husband called her my SWF. I do think for a period of time she was a little obsessed with me.

      Because of all this, naturally I started to feel uncomfortable around her. I became much less available for an outside of work friendship. I was relieved when we had a re-org and she no longer reported to me. And eventually she left the company (but it took years.)

      I have become more comfortable around her as time has passed. We are still in the same professional circle and I believe she has matured a bit so I can handle being friend with her on Facebook and seeing her in a group once or twice a year, but that’s it.

      Anyway, it’s not exactly the same as your situation but a cautionary tale to you to keep it in check. I was not the only person who noticed my SWF’s behavior. Lots of people we worked with noticed it and still think she’s a total nut job. It will affect her opportunities for future positions in our industry because most of those people would never, ever hire her.

    14. I agree with other posters that maybe you have a little bit of a crush on her. I’m straight but once in my life I have gotten twinges of attraction to a women and it was super confusing to me and it was hard for me to recognize what it was, and because of that it was on my mind a lot. (maybe this makes me not 100% straight, whatever) Once I figured it out I thought about it way less, and also realized that I wasn’t super interested in acting on my attraction (and she had a girlfriend anyways), and then it faded like any other minor crush. Once I was able to identify my feelings it became way less of a big deal.
      The other possibility that pops out to me is that maybe you feel like she is “cooler” than you, or has a more exciting life or something. Maybe her self confidence and bold(ish) choices are making you think about your own choices, and making you want to be a little more daring or take more risks.
      Whatever the reason it sounds like therapy would be good.

  18. Any ideas for a gift for a stressed out friend? She has two small kids and I think something like a massage or restaurant gift card might just be one more thing she has to find time to do. I’m across the country, so I can’t babysit or take her out myself. And if it matters, I believe the stress is work, not kid/family, related.

    1. Try Forks Over Knives delivery for a week. Unlike Blue Apron or Hello Fresh where she’d have to cook, Forks Over Knives delivers chef-prepared food she just has to heat up. I got it for a friend when she was recovering from surgery and she loved it.

    2. Really anything that lets her know you’re thinking of her. A card, chocolates, fancy tea/coffee, a grown up coloring book, something cute for her desk, etc.

    3. Coffee gift card? She is likely getting the coffee anyways, and this is one less expense for her plus a nice reminder you are thinking of her.

    4. I love giving a batch of homemade meatballs in red sauce (you can also buy frozen meatballs and store-bought sauce and then heat them together; I just find making tomato sauce very therapeutic) with a couple boxes of spaghetti and a bottle of Chianti. Allows for a nice, relaxing dinner (or two) at home with minimal effort. I also love giving an electric kettle with a personalized mug and some really wonderful tea.

      Or flowers! Ladies should totally give each other flowers more. I like flowers.

      1. Completely agree about the flowers. My friends and I used to bother with birthday gifts, and recently we’ve transitioned to sending each other flowers on our birthdays. Much more of a consumable (although I guess not technically) and fewer knicknacks. Plus, something about receiving a flower delivery just makes a person feel so special!

    5. Thank you, ladies, for the suggestions. I think I was overthinking this a bit. And now I’m interested in Forks Over Knives for myself!

      1. It’s amazing! My brother is clueless in the kitchen so he orders this all the time for almost every meal, and it’s all delicious

    6. I think you were being extremely thoughtful, not “overthinking.” When my kids were small and work for both of us was crazy, I once burst into tears upon being given a massage gift certificate – for the exact same reason you were thinking ‘Where would I find the time?” . You are a very wonderful friend.

  19. I am 26 and have generally had lovely skin for the past 8 or so years. I am on Yaz, which keeps my skin very clear and glowy. On rare occasions, I’ll have a small white-head that will go away in a day or two.

    Over the past month and a half, I’ve had four huge, painful cystic pimples. Two were along my jaw line and two were on my chin. Regular acne stuff (salicylic acid, benzoyl peroxide) hasn’t helped much – and even once the pimple is gone, my skin is left discolored. They are really painful and unsightly!

    No new meds or skin routines. Is this hormonal acne? That just seems odd, since I am on the pill.

    Current skin routine – foam cleanser morning and night, gentle exfoliater a few times a week, sunscreen, OTC retinol AC night cream, occasional Aztec clay mask. Do I need to see a derm?

    1. This sounds to me like adult hormonal cystic acne. I’d go to a derm now as those cysts can cause scarring.

      If you need an interim solution, I’ve found great success in dabbing a little clove oil on the buggers and reminding myself DO NOT PICK.

    2. This happened to me at 25.

      I’d see a derm. I put it off for a couple months and regret it. I saw one in person who just wanted to put me on an expensive cream (and after reading yelp reviews it sounds like it is clearly a case of a doctor who has been woo’d by a drug rep…) and I didn’t love it. I actually ended up consulting somebody via Spruce (the app! your first visit is free, I don’t remember the code but I think it comes up if you google it) and LOVE it. But I had acne in high school so am generally familiar with what works for me.

      Short story: spironolactone, tretinoin cream (which I had used before and loved) and an antibacterial gel for the occasional spot.

    3. Ugh, I’ve had a few of these. All on my chin. What’s worked best for me is fighting the urge to go product-crazed on them and just letting them be, then getting 2 or 3 days of 7+ hours of sleep. Also, I feel like this is an obnoxious answer, but I have been singing the praises of hot yoga as a skin clearer to anyone who will listen. I used to have persistent hairline and chin acne plus the occasional back breakout, and those have all but disappeared after 2 months of super sweaty hot yoga. I don’t even wash my face any more unless I need to get makeup off. Probably more of a commitment than you’re looking for, but it’s been such a difference-maker for me!

    4. I always had good skin, no need for moisturizer, exfoliants, etc… and I started getting random cystic pimples in my late 20s. I think it’s just a thing that happens with age? I’m mid-30s now, and I do moisturize…

    5. GO TO A DERMATOLOGIST. I could have written your post with a couple of tweaks. If the universe granted me a do-over of the last year, I would probably change two (2) life decisions. One of them would be to go to a freaking dermatologist for the first time in my life four months earlier, and maybe have avoided the first acne + subsequent scars of my entire life.

      1. This. I can’t believe I spent so many hours/dollars at CVS when the derm fixed all my acne problems immediately for like $30. Life changing. Never again.

    6. This happens to me (cystic pimples on/under chin) if I eat certain things — wasabi rice crackers for instance. Such a totally random thing, but I started snacking on them regularly, my skin started freaking out, we ran out of the crackers, my skin cleared up, I found the crackers again at a different store, and I ended up with breakouts again. I’ve tried the crackers a few times since, and pretty reliably I break out. I haven’t delved into the chemical/physiology of this, but could it be something new that you’re eating?

    7. I also have acne that is mostly controlled by bc, but if I’ve been eating poorly, not drinking enough water, wearing makeup, or stressed, I still get the occasional cystic pimple.

    8. go to the derm! i get hydrocortisone shots when i get cystic acne. the pimple is usually gone in a couple hours after the shot.

    9. I just started spirolactone 50 mg 2 weeks ago for hormonal acne. Game changer my friends!

  20. How do you decide who in your relationship gets to take a turn putting their career first? I have been wanting to change specialties in my field for a few years and am very, very unhappy in my current position. My husband has a great opportunity. This will mean that I need to hang tight a little longer for purposes of insurance, benefits, etc. I’m happy for him, but feel (maybe a little selfishly) that it is unfair when I am the one who is in dire straits. Part of his case is that he is older and has less time to make a move. Am I being unreasonable?

      1. Wouldn’t that be a situation for many people in which one career would always get to be ahead? I think if you’re in a partnership where career advancement and compensation are keeping abreast of each other that’s helpful but it seems to allow a lot of situations to worsen.

    2. I’d say there’s no reason you both can’t go for it and figure it out. Especially since it sounds like you don’t have something imminent?

    3. Why have you been unhappy for years? What are you doing to find something else? Are you looking? Why can’t you keep looking and find a new job with benefits and insurance? What is this great opportunity that doesn’t provide insurance and benefits for him?

      I don’t think either of you are unreasonable, and these are the questions I would ask. If you don’t have another role lined up, what are your realistic chances of finding one?

    4. Yay! It is great that you are thinkeing of your husband and his career. If it were me, and I were married, I would ALWAYS put HIS career first b/c I want to be a HOMEMAKER and not have to deal with cleint’s. FOOEY! You do NOT mention children, but these will play a big role in your life, so start thinkeing about children now, while you are still abel to have them. I am getting painfully close to NOT being abel to have kid’s, so I need to find a boyfreind quickly, and get MARRIED! YAY!

    5. I think he’s being unfair to you by asking you to stay in a position you hate so he can rely on your benefits. He should feel free to pursue new opportunities but only in a way that doesn’t lock you into somewhere you’re miserable.

      In our case, prioritizing the careers was easy because my husband is in academia. At the end of every temporary position, he would apply and might get 1 or 2 (or if he was really lucky, 3 or 4) job offers for the next position. I’m a lawyer and can work in any major city so we really had no choice except for me to follow him. To the extent he was choosing between positions, what was best for me was a big factor but not the only factor.

      I’m really NOT a fan of the “whoever makes the most money has priority” unless one career cannot support the family alone and then I agree it makes sense to prioritize the breadwinner. But if you are talking about two careers where either one could support the family (even in a pretty minimal way) if necessary, I don’t like basing it on money. I think it devalues so many things that are important to career and life satisfaction, like how much you like your job and the area you would be living in. And I think it hurts women.

      2. OP here with some more details…

        My job has morphed under new leadership to the point where it is almost unrecognizable from where I started. I have two levels of awful managers who are hands-off but then suddenly very micro-managey, but tend to procrastinate on feedback to the point where I feel like I am nagging or begging for the assets I need to do my job. I was also “temporarily” assigned a very menial task when someone left, but that has never been taken off my plate. Just a very demoralizing situation.

        I am looking, but my desired field is pretty narrow. Although everything that I mentioned above is getting worse, so now I’m broadening my scope.

        I will never make more money. That is not an age thing, just the nature of our chosen fields. We currently work at the same company and the benefits are pretty amazing. Added to that, my dream job is in more of the non-profit realm and would most likely be a pay cut. This is why I’ve been looking for so long.

        He is not asking me to stay. That is my own hang-up, if you want to call it that. He wants to start his own business, but plans to take some time off first to really try to conquer a recurring health problem. Since I started being miserable ~1.5 years ago, he has offered to me that I can quit and it is OK if I don’t have a job for a little while. (We don’t have kids.) I appreciate the idea behind that, but I don’t feel comfortable making a leap without something lined up. When we talked this through last night, he was telling me to just quit, too. I most definitely don’t feel okay about both of us just quitting. So it’s not that he is making me stay, but he is making it more difficult for me to walk away.

        1. Rather than just quit, could he ask to go part time or take FMLA first to work on the health problem, while you go hard core on job applications?

          Are there other things you could do to mitigate the loss of income, like majorly downsize?

          Is he being overly optimistic about “it all being ok” if he takes time off to not work and then start a business, and you quitting as well? Have you sidelined your career or life choices for him before? It’s perfectly human to acknowledge a situation might be what is overall best for the two of you/your marriage, while still internally feeling like having a toddler “its not fair!” foot-stamping tantrum.

          If he’s taking time off to deal with a medical issue and you both quit, what is your insurance plan – to buy from the marketplace? Has he looked into what that would cost (both in terms of premiums and deductible/OOP max, assume you will max it out)?

          I totally get you feeling mad that he would just quit, leaving you to stay at a job you hate just for the benefits – even if you think it’s the best option, it’s reasonable to feel jealous of him for having options while you feel stuck. Could you look at some Plan B alternatives, like you kick the job search into high gear while he starts the preliminary health issue tackling and you revisit in 6 months? Or like I suggested above, he take FMLA for the health issue, then goes back for a few months before quiting to start his business?

      3. Why does following the money hurt women? In my marriage I make the most money, so it helps me.

        1. That’s great for you, but on average men earn more, so following a blanket rule like that disproportionately favors guys.

        2. Same way a low minimum wage hurts women – statistically, women are more likely to make less money/be on minimum wage than men are.

          It might not hurt you, and that’s great for your relationship, but in a lot of marriages, women make less, and then they deprioritize their careers, which means they make even less, perpetuating the cycle of women making less and not being the primary breadwinners, thus perpetuating the stereotype of women relying on men for a comfortable living, and disempowering younger women to reach and achieve by being inspired by their super-achieving moms/aunts/grandmothers/mentors.

  21. I know some of you are ninja-level gift givers, so I’m hoping you can help . . .

    I’m very involved in my church, which is currently going through a clergy transition. The last long-term person left in really awful circumstances (of his own making) a few years ago, and since then we have been working with an interim person, who has been AMAZING in helping to heal the damage done by the last person and bring everyone together in a positive way. She is on track to leave this summer, as we will likely hire a new long-term person. (Denomination rules prohibit our hiring the interim person. Yes, it’s wacky.)

    I would like to corral some of the other leaders to make a nice gift to her upon her departure. I really can’t say enough about how phenomenal she has been, so I want it to be something really lovely. But . . . I don’t really know her personal taste beyond what I see her wear and what she posts on Instagram, I’ve never been in her home, I don’t really know her partner, etc. I imagine something like a piece of art would be nice–something long-lasting that she will hopefully enjoy for years to come–but there are just so many variables that I’m not sure where to start.

    Also: this will probably be funded out of personal contributions, so I’d estimate a budget of $300-$500. Not a wealthy congregation (oh, and our clergy are definitely underpaid–something she has [gently] pointed out!).

    Any ideas?

    1. Interim clergy tend to be shuffled around quite a bit, so I’d suggest something that has definite ties to your area. I’m thinking maybe a watercolor or nice photograph of a local landmark or view? If you have a pretty church, a nice watercolor of that might be good.

      I think it might also be nice to put together a book of messages from the congregation telling her just how awesome she has been. I’d have it bound and make it a size that can be easily transported.

      Other option: a watch with a nice engraving on the back? Maybe I’m projecting because our current rector likes to run long.

      1. Love this idea. Framed art, not massive, local significance. Perfect for her next office.

        1. +1

          Or just take up a collection and give her a nice cash gift along with a modestly-priced (say, under $50) plaque or certificate of appreciation she can hang in her next office.

    2. My FIL is clergy. I love the art idea because it’s not at all something he and my MIL would choose to spend his meager salary on, but for the love of God or whatever deity you worship, not religious art. They have so many pieces of church related art that were gifts. I like the idea of local significance, maybe a place she really enjoyed spending time or a sketch of your historic downtown…just not a giant Jesus.

    3. Or something in the religious vein. A beautiful stole, if they are worn in your denomination maybe?

      I agree- not a giant Jesus picture though

    4. $500 is a lot of money for someone who is underpaid. Can you pair something thoughtful with something useful? (I don’t have a great idea, I just think giving someone underpaid something useful might be appreciated).

    5. It is really nice of you to want to get her something. I have a lot of women friends who are full time clergy and have a few ideas for you. If you know what she wears how about some subtle religious jewelry? My friends and I are always on the hunt for jewelry that can be read as religious or nonreligious. (For example I have a lovely Chan Luu necklace in which some of the beads in the pattern are shaped like a cross. People only notice that detail if I wear it with a clerical collar or if I am at church. My regular fulltime job is in academia.)

      You may have also noticed her favorite colors, how about a high-end scarf that complements or includes those? The Vivienne Files always shows a nice range of options by color.

      And lastly, how about an icon? Has she shared that a particular passage of Scripture is especially meaningful for her or for her sense of call? OK, this is about me again, but I’d love an icon of Mary and Martha.

    6. I like the idea of local art.

      Honoraria I have received over the years include nice pens (good), jewelry (not good), trophy-shop obelisks (useless) and framed art.

      My favorite art piece is a framed photo of a drawing of a butterfly made by a patient at children’s hospital, with an engraved plaque at the bottom of the frame thanking me. It was for some volunteer fundraising work I did for them. I’m staring at it right now and I’m telling you, you’d have to seriously maim me to get this away from me.

      The personal touch is always the best. Second best, a nice pen. I use the Montblanc pen I got for a speaking engagement all the time, and always remember the speaking engagement. The earrings I received as a gift when I left a company after eight years – I could not tell you where those are.

    7. Do you have any artists in the church? Have them donate their time and do a painting or sketch of the church. Have it framed then give the rest of the money as a cash gift.

    8. Honestly for clergy, I would do a cash gift and maybe a smaller gift (local art, etc). but clergy generally make very little and $500 would go a long way…

  22. What’s the most important thing you have learned about leading a team or collaborating with others

    2. Leaders eat last.

      If people feel like their leadership is a part of the team, has their back, and wants the team to succeed more than she wants to succeed as a leader, they will move heaven and earth to make the team successful.

      Simon Sinek wrote a book called Leaders Eat Last that should be mandatory reading for management/executives

    3. That not everyone thinks the way you do, and that it’s perfectly fine, and everyone (including you) has to adjust accordingly.

    4. Publicly praise your people. Don’t steal the limelight. When you have a big presentation, be sure to say in front of the boss, “Lisa was really instrumental in preparing this research,” etc.

    5. My job involves leading five people who report to a different manager (not the one I report to). It just happens that mine and the other team’s work overlaps and I want to build a relationship with them . So I am essentially leading without any authority and have managed to garner enough credibility to be lead by me. I don’t have any authority over them nor was it something my manager or their manager asked me to do. It was fully my initiative and all involved people agree that it is the right thing to do. Apart from that, I collaborate with other groups regularly. There are a few things I have learnt over the years.
      1. Always propose win-win solutions. Always show the people who you want to lead/collaborate what they are gaining from the task/exercise.
      2. Tie it to bigger organizational goals. How does your/their work helps overall company succeed, impact your bonus criteria etc.
      3. Do the most difficult task yourself. I am not sure it is possible in every case, but very important in my case as I am leading without any official title. It helps a lot to build your credibility. People realize that you are not just bossing over them but doing your part too.
      4. I know many people here ask suggestions on how to be authoritative etc, but I my situation being friendly gets most work done. For me, Den Xiaoping’s words that it doesn’t matter whether a cat is white or black as long as it catches mice is very true (not only here, but in many occasions in life). The best managers I worked with are the ones where I didn’t feel that they were my managers.

  24. Is anyone here a lawyer with one of the Big 4 accounting firms?

    I’m wondering what career paths, if any, are available at the firm besides silently sitting in a cubicle writing memos. I’ve only been with the firm for 5 months, and I’d like to bring up some suggestions in a positive and proactive way at my 6 month review.

    I went to law school in my 30s. While I freely admit I’m still a junior lawyer and know little about the law, in many ways I have lots of experience that isn’t being utilized right now. I’m also a very social person and the total lack of interaction with other humans is killing me. However, I understand accounting firms have very rigid roles for their people, so I might not be able to add in additional responsibilities that interest me. Thoughts? Things to look into or ask about? Is there life beyond memos or is this it? Haha

    (And I do technically have a mentor I could ask, but she’s not very helpful. And thankfully not really in my food chain.)

    1. I would suggest asking how you can get involved in committees/teams that take on “extra-curricular” projects. That way you don’t look like you’re trying to different substantive work, necessarily, but you’ll get to scratch the “talking to people” itch and look like a real team player.

      1. Definitely committees! I used to work for a Big 4 (though in a global role, so probably a different career path from you). I supported procurement for my firm, drafting and negotiating technology contracts.
        It’s hard to advise you on how to increase your options without knowing more about your current role. Are you in the GC’s office? Supporting client facing associates? Either way, reach out to other attorneys in your group (if any) and invite them for an informational coffee/interview to learn more about what they do.

        On the social level, your firm probably has committees for women, minorities and community service, at the very least. Getting involved will help you to meet more people and build networks within your firm.

    2. I’m a CPA and worked at a large regional, and a dear friend was an attorney at Big4 (different firm), both of us in tax. Generally the first year or two is much like you describe – once you have some experience, you’ll get pulled into other projects, asked to specialize in something interesting to you, etc. I know you feel like you have other experience, but this is the job you took, and while you might be older than an ‘average’ grad, you still are following the same path, since you are new to law. You have to put in the time, then you get the rewards later – that’s just how it is. A lot of people ultimately leave Big4 because it doesn’t suit them, but the experience can be really valuable if you stick it out a while.

      1. Sigh. Yeah, I know.

        Part of it is that I ended up here out of desperation. I’ve been in politics for years, and as you can imagine, it’s not always a stable job for staffers. I found myself out of work, and while we staffers are like cats in that we always land on our feet, I couldn’t find another job in my specialty off-cycle. I had bills to pay…and here I am.

        It’s hard as heck to go from brokering deals, writing speeches, drafting legislation affecting millions of people to…sitting silently in a cubicle.

        I’m absolutely looking to get back in when new officials get sworn in next January, but I’m really trying to make the best of this experience…both for right now, and in case that doesn’t work out and I end up here longer than expected.

  25. DH and I have been TTC unsuccessfully for a few months. But now it’s March, which means baby would come in December if it works, and my due date would be approx. Dec 22. So my question: how important is your kid’s birthday when you’re TTC? I had a friend growing up who HATED her Christmas birthday, but is it a silly thing to worry your kid would feel the same way, and therefore skip the (unprotected) LGP this month? How ridiculous or not is that?

    Related: has anyone ever “planned”–in quotes because, really, who can plan–TTC around the date 9 months away, like if you know there’s going to be a move or big event or promotion opportunity?

    Unrelated: I saw a fertility specialist this past month and what she said blew my mind: apparently the best chance to conceive is by having LGPs every OTHER day to give the man time to grow a “good” product. More LGPs are not better because he is not creating viable, erm, seeds…to put in the soil. Did everyone know this already??

    1. I knew the “every other day” thing and it makes sense. This was discussed yesterday, but I know teachers and professors who have timed their babies for the summer months. Otherwise I don’t know anyone who has tried for a specific time. Once you’re trying, it seems a little silly to stop, especially if you’ve been unsuccessful for a little while. Keep in mind also lots of first babies come up to two weeks late (and plenty come early) so the due date is really not that accurate. But I’m not Christian so maybe I can’t fully appreciate how awful a Christmas birthday would be.

      1. I did this, twice, as an academic. It essentially bought me two extra months of maternity leave each time, which was huge for my sanity. Would not remotely consider timing for birthday dates, though. There are so many more important things.

    2. 1) My bday is Dec 22. The only person who ever acknowledged my bday as a separate event was my mother who made sure nothing was Christmas-themed. I also never, ever got to have bday parties with my friends growing up because everyone was busy with family obligations…which is super sad as far as childhoods go. So yeah, when we were TTC, we skipped the month that would have resulted in a December bday.

      2) Whether your husband needs to may depend on various factors, but it’s a pretty common recommendation that I had read in a few places.

      1. 1) Thanks for the input, Anon.

        2) The internet totally misled me–what I found was something like every other day days 8-14, then every day for 15-17 and 19. Guess I was reading the wrong material!

        1. I’m sure I’m misunderstanding you and you already know this, but just in case :)

          You’re only fertile for a couple days during the month – figure out what days those are and time the LGPs appropriately. If you ovulate on day 19, there’s no reason for you to be having LGPs for the purpose of trying on day 8. That makes TTC super exhausting! Have you read Taking Charge of Your Fertility? It’s the gospel!

          1. Yep, and thanks! I was generally referencing the “sp*rm meets e*g” plan you can find online, but I know that you tailor it to your own schedule. :)

    3. If I were to do that, I would try to skip the months for conception that would result in a third trimester in the summer. I know tons of women do it all the time, but I cannot imagine being 7-9 months pregnant during a Texas summer.

      1. Another reason to plan around late summer babies is the school cut off date. The quandry about being the oldest vs youngest in a grade can matter a lot for little boys especially. That’s caused me far more worry than the short term heat exhaustion that was 3rd tri in the hot south.

        1. Although, then you move districts/states and discover that your kid who was nowhere near the cutoff line in district A is now 15 days too young to start kindergarten with all her preschool classmates. And you sob about paying for another year of full-time preschool.

    5. My husband and I did the exact same thing when we were TTC. We skipped a month of trying because my due date would have been due a week before Christmas and we had both heard stories from family and friends about having a birthday around Christmas.

      I ended up getting pregnant a couple of months after we skipped. My due date was in March, but I ended up having complications and had my daughter prematurely. She was born on December 17 at only 27 weeks, a day before what my appoximate due date would have been if we hadn’t skipped a month and conceived then.

      I’m not trying to scare you or jinx anything, but I wanted to share my story to show that even with all the planning in the world things can still end up completely different than what you expected. Good luck to you and your husband!

    6. I have several family members with birthdays within a week of Christmas, and my sister in particular never misses a chance to make a snide comment about how she’s gotten “joint presents” her entire life. She’s an adult now, so I think they’re mostly in jest… I do try to send her a separately wrapped birthday present, but she lives far away so I admit to only mailing one box (which probably takes away some of the fun).

      One of my kiddos has an early January birthday, but she isn’t old enough to resent it yet, as the Anon below suggested. :) My cousin has a mid-Jan birthday, and thinks it’s far enough past the holiday season that it’s not an issue.

      But yeah, I wouldn’t overthink this as a birthday issue. A birthday is a birthday, and ultimately you have only a little control — your baby could be significantly early or up to a few weeks late, which makes a big difference in getting away from the holiday season. FWIW, the couple people I know with 9/11 birthdays dislike their birthdate a lot more than the December/January babies.

    7. I have a mid-December birthday and it’s not so bad. My parents made a big fuss over my birthday every year, and I actually liked doing “Christmas” things for my birthday party. (Like one year my parents took me and several friends to the Nutcracker and another year we went skiing).

      The main reason I wouldn’t avoid TTC for a December due date, though, is that you can’t control when you deliver all that much. You could aim for January or February and go early. Or you could be due December 25 but actually deliver in November or early January. You’d have to skip TTC for about three months to truly avoid a December baby, and I don’t think it’s worth skipping three months just to avoid a December baby.

      2. +1. My first was due December 27. Actual birthday is January 6. My second was born in mid-December. And we celebrate both Hanukkah and Christmas.

    8. Yep and also my doctor told me that it’s very important to “do it” 24-48 hours *before* you ovulate b/c sperm live longer than an egg is viable. We “tried” unsuccessfully for about 12 months with various degrees of effort and then switched to every other day and making sure to do it right before my ovulation window and conceived on the 3d month.

      As to your question, we initially wanted to time it just right but then after a year just wanted a baby. In the beginning though there were one or two months where we had a wedding/vacation coming up where we didn’t try too hard b/c I wanted to be “free” to indulge without worrying about being pregnant.

    9. I realize this makes me sound like a complete freak, but I tried to time it after tax season (the extension deadline of Oct 15th). And it would have worked too, except I didn’t realize the 40 weeks thing includes the the 2 weeks prior to conception and then my daughter was born a week early. So instead of after Oct 15, it was three weeks prior. At least I worked through 9/15. The thing that didn’t occur to me was that this timing meant that I was in the first trimester during spring tax season. Let me tell you how fun it is to work 75 hours a week while trying not to vomit on yourself constantly…

      If I had it to do over again, I wouldn’t try to time it in any particular way.

    10. My first has a birthday very close to Christmas, and it is a real pain. If I had it to do again, I would definitely try to avoid it. Not so much for him as for us, actually – there’s just so much already going on in December that it’s just one more thing to try to coordinate, friends are not in town, etc. Plus I’d much rather be able to spread presents out more than have him just get tons (and I mean TONS – both grandparents are a little nuts) of new things over the span of just a week or two. Plus it would be so much nicer to be able to plan a party outdoors.

      I know that you can’t plan this stuff entirely, and I wouldn’t give up a month trying if you are very worried about time/fertility, but (assuming that you celebrate Christmas of course), I would definitely try to avoid a December birthday.

    11. I would not skip a month of TTC because of a December birthday. A friend has a child with a Dec-27 birthday and they simply throw a half-birthday-party each year for their LO. Extra gifts plus a summer party!

    12. I’d keep going at it. If you need a mental break, then this would be a great time to take it. Otherwise, I’d keep partying. It could take a while (as I’m sure you know).

    13. Eh – I’m 12/28 and my parents always separated them when I was a child. My grandma only wrote me one check as I got older, but she made it very clear to both my brother and I that it was the same amount we both got for Christmas/birthday, I just got it at one time. It was a little sad that I didn’t have many friends in town for my 21st birthday during school, but my best friends were there and always makes the effort now to celebrate it separately. And to the join gift thing, that usually meant I got “bigger” gifts. So when iPods first came out and were still a bit pricey, my mom said I could have one, but it was a joint gift, which made sense.

      TLDR; it has it’s ups and downs, but as a Christmas season baby, it hasn’t ruined my life.

    14. I’m right by Valentines! Not that I’m big on that holiday, but I literally never went out or got a gift. I think boyfriends always assumed bday was the bigger one? Anyways, there are lots of holidays to avoid… too many to plan!

    15. Yup. I am a Christmas season baby. I hate it. We’re just starting TTC now and I am very nervous about this month. But I’m getting to an age where I can’t let it affect my decision, like I’d have done 5 years ago or so. At least if I do get a child born then, they’ll know I understand.

    16. My sister is actually Xmas day – I was 6 the year she was born so it was the best/worst Xmas of my childhood! Anyway, she doesn’t love it. Never a school bday party, combo gifts, people forget all the time. Her 21st was esp hard bc bars were closed, but I don’t think she or I would plan TTC around it.

      1. Oh, and she thought Xmas was the world celebrating her for the first 2 or 3 years (and maybe we encouraged it) – so cute.

    17. I was due December 25th and I didn’t show up until mid-January. Been running late ever since.

  26. December baby; I actually enjoy it! Month-long celebration, hooray! I would HATE to have a January birthday, when everyone is just done. Don’t overthink it.

  27. My FI and I are trying to figure out the best way to balance student loans, retirement, general savings, and the mortgage – we have plenty to cover everything, but his impulse is to throw everything at my high-rate student loans ($40k) and the variable-rate gap mortgage ($20k), and I’m balking at the idea of not putting anything in retirement until those two are gone (probably two years to pay off both). Neither of us have employer-sponsored plans available, so it’s IRA or nothing. We’re eligible for Roth, so that’s my vote. Is there any kind of calculator to figure out the best way to balance those, or is this something a personal accountant would have to help us with?

    1. I think it’s a personal decision. I put 10% of my income into retirement out of the gate (5% me, 5% match), and pay off my high rate interest with my remaining income. That, for me, balances my desire to have a strong retirement base with my other pressing financial priorities.

    2. Pay yourself first. Which for you means maximizing your tax advantages retirement saints first.

  28. What are your favorite work sweaters jackets/cardigans? I just started a new job in a freezing office, so I need more sweaters with long sleeves and I find so many knits nowadays are terrible in terms of quality and value.

    1. What are your favorite work sweaters jackets/cardigans? I just started a new job in a freezing office, so I need more sweaters with long sleeves and I find so many knits nowadays are terrible in terms of quality and value.

    2. following this because I was going to ask the same thing. Need advice on some sweaters that aren’t like the Loft ones that pill and wrinkle.

    3. I have had fairly good luck with the Christine cardigans from Eddie Bauer. Always buy on sale though. Some colors pill a little more than others and I have noticed a slight decline in quality over the past few years. Still recommend, however.

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