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The below content is about the 2016 Nordstrom Black Friday Sale.
Something on your mind? Chat about it here.
These are really fun lounge pants — I like the polar bears and the North Pole signs. (The other five designs include reindeer/snowflakes, bunnies on sleds, an “ugly sweater” sort of theme, a snowflake pattern, and reindeer silhouettes). Also, the fabric doesn't look really heavy. A lot of Christmas-themed pajamas are fleece and just really heavy and hot, and these are made from a lighter thermal cotton-blend. The lounge pants are available in XS-XL in regular sizes as well as plus sizes. PJ Salvage Thermal Lounge Pants
Psst: Did you guys see that Nordstrom has started their Black Friday sales early? I'll try to do a round-up later today… lots of great stuff.
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon
Has anyone ever taken a few months off of work? What was your experience like, and what did you do with that time? Pros/cons?
Background: My husband and I are relocating early next year for his new job, and I have to quit my job to move with him. I have been working nonstop for the last 10 years, and the most consecutive time I’ve ever taken off was 2 weeks for my wedding 2 years ago. I am fortunate in that we don’t immediately need me to start working again, and my husband is fully supportive of me taking a 2-3 month career break before pursuing my next opportunity. The time off sounds lovely, but also rather intimidating, and as someone who isn’t good with change, I’m freaking out a little. What if I get bored or lonely? What if I miss the identity and sense of accomplishment that working gives me? How do I figure out what the next step in my career should be (I would ideally like to work in a different industry and potentially in a different function, but I have no idea what that industry is yet)?
Anonymous
I’ve taken a two month break between jobs before, but always with the next job lined up, which is a pretty different situation than what you’re proposing. It can be tough to find a job when you don’t have a job and you have no local network, so unless you’re moving to a place where you already have a lot of contacts, I’d probably try to find a job in the new area (to start a month or so after you move, so you have a nice long vacation) and then once you’re employed you can start taking informational interviews and figuring out what industry you want to transition to. I guess if you can afford it, you could do this while unemployed, but I’d go into assuming you’ll be unemployed for more like a year, rather than 2-3 months. A general rule of thumb is you need to search for a month for every $10k of salary you’re expecting, and I’d probably double that if you’re moving to an area where you don’t have a network.
CAD
I hadn’t heard that rule of thumb before- I’d always heard one month for every percent of unemployment rate…that new rule makes me think I need to triple my emergency fund.
Anon (OP)
I hadn’t heard that rule before either; thanks for sharing. I have a decent network in our new city (my husband went to college there, and since it’s not that far from where we live now, some of our friends and professional contacts reside there), but it’s definitely not as strong as my network in our current area.
emeralds
Lol clearly whoever wrote that “rule” does not work in higher education, where it can take 6-8 months to find a job paying $30-40k.
lawsuited
I moved a fair bit as a child, and my mum always took a few months before starting work to situate us kids and then get really stuck into the community – joining school groups, charities, church groups, gardening and book clubs, etc. to help make connections for our family in the community that got us settled more quickly and often led to her finding employment!
It could be nice to do that, or alternately use the time to tick a big project off your bucket list – a volunteer trip, a big writing project, a home renovation, etc.
Anonymous
Sounds amazing! If you don’t have kids, I’d use some of the time to solo travel. Then I’d do a few spa days and spend some time learning about and connecting with my new community. Strolling around town and trying out coffee shops. Checking out different yoga studios etc.
CMT
If you have to start a job search from scratch, it may take that long to find something new anyway.
Anonymous
+1. Why not start looking now? Unless you’re looking for a very low-level, admin-type role, a job search in a new place is probably going to take 3-6 months. Job searching isn’t really a 40 hour/week thing, so you’ll have plenty of time for setting up your new home and adjusting to your new city, as well as doing fun stuff like reading, learning a new language, etc.
Anonymous
+1. Why not start looking now? Unless you’re looking for a very low-level, admin-type role, a job search in a new place is probably going to take 3-6 months. Job searching isn’t really a 40 hour/week thing, so you’ll have plenty of time for setting up your new home and adjusting to your new city, as well as doing fun stuff like reading, learning a new language, etc.
Anon
I’ve considered that, but there isn’t much/any time for job hunting right now, between the holidays, my own current demanding job (where I still need to keep my head in the game to get my full bonus in January), and managing our relocation/trying to find new tenants for our current place since we have to break our lease. My husband has already started his new job and is working 80+ hour weeks and traveling frequently for training, so the bulk of the moving responsibilities are falling to me.
Anonymous
That makes sense. I’d still start searching once you’ve left your current job and finished the relocation, rather than planning to take a few months off completely and then start looking.
Anon (OP)
That’s fair, and that’s probably what I will look to start doing after seeing these replies. I’ve been lucky in that I’ve never had to truly job search before (I got my first full time role after an internship that I got through a family friend, and things have just progressed from there), so I really have no idea how long or how much time it will take. Looks like I should start sooner, rather than later!
If anyone has any ideas on how to occupy my non-job search free time after we relocate, I’m all ears.
BB
Is there anything you’ve always wanted to learn/do? A language? Dance classes? Pastry making? This is the perfect time to do that “full time.” It gives your days more structure and you might find a hobby you really enjoy for the rest of your life.
Wildkitten
I wouldn’t. If having a job is important to you, and part of your identity and partnership with your husband, don’t give it up.
anon
I think for having a job to be such a crucial part of one’s identity and partnership that they don’t have other ideas of what to do, to be risky.
It reminds me of the marriages that break up after the kids are grown because the kids were the marriage, in a sense. That may not be a good comparison. But I mean, what happens at retirement? What happens if one becomes temporarily disabled? Laid off?
I think the advice others have already given, about starting to look for work–and at the same time, fitting in other activities–after the move and relocation are finished sounds like a good idea.
Anonymous
I don’t think retirement is a good analogy because usually both members of the couple retire around the same time. Being temporarily disabled or laid off is a better analogy, but that’s involuntary so it may be easier to get through because everybody knows no one wanted it. And, as evidenced by lots of comments here, those events actually do often have a devastating impact on a person’s identity and marriage. Obviously people get through them, because they have to, but very few people would choose to be laid off, so I’m not sure saying “people survive layoffs” is a good argument for why OP should do this.
I agree there’s much more to life than work, but stopping work when your spouse is still working hard (especially if there are no children involved) can really mess up your identity and relationship. There’s the whole financial imbalance aspect, but even assuming that the non-working spouse brings a trust fund or something like that to the marriage, I think it would just be hard to go from being a working person who sees themselves as essentially equal to their partner in terms of career to being someone whose sole ‘career’ is managing the family and household duties (and lets be honest, in the absence of kids, that really ain’t much).
Newbie
I stumbled on this article earlier today. I can’t speak for everyone but I have definitely found it true in my own experience:
http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/us_5627a564e4b02f6a900ed2aa
(Apologies if it was already discussed before, I’m new to reading here)
Anonymous
The title fo the article: Men May Like The Idea Of A Smart Woman, But They Don’t Want To Date One
Anonymous
I am grateful that people like the men who are married to my smart women friends, as well as my men-friends who introduce me to their smart-women dates, fiances and spouses don’t go for such crap.
Dating and relating goes much more smoothly when we are our authentic selves.
Anonymous
Don’t buy into this. Appropriate title should be “Insecure Men…” I am a man and I want to be challenged on the scrabble board, with books, watching jeopardy, and discussing work/ leadership/ politics. Smart partners make both involved smarter because you are constantly challenging yourself and growing together. Be smart and be confident!
Huh
Literally every woman I am friends with is smart and is dating or married to someone of equal intelligence.
Huh?
Literally every woman I am friends with is highly intelligent and is dating or married to someone of equal intelligence. Conversely, the men I am friends with are also highly intelligent, and appear to only date intelligent women. I can think of no exceptions.
MJ
When I went to b-school, this was partially true. Half the guys had extremely powerful, high-achieving wives, and a lot of them had wives whose careers were flexible enough to take a backseat to a high-travel, high-earning, highly-not-home husbands. There were only a few guys whose wives were so much less intelligent that everyone felt sorry for them…they married the “Insert brain here” model of wife, and those wives were fishes out of water. Different strokes for different folks.
emeralds
Before my SO was taking me to meet his family for the first time, one of his friends asked if he was nervous about whether they’d like him. He said his resp
emeralds
*response was, “She’s smarter than I am and has better social skills than I do, so I think it’s gonna be okay.” (To be clear, I don’t think I’m smarter than he is–we’re just smart in different ways.)
Also I saw a tshirt recently that said “Strong women terrify boys and excite men.” All of which is to say, any man worth your time wants a woman who is his equal.
Baconpancakes
Yes to your last paragraph. My SO’s girlfriend before me was kind of dumb, and his family has remarked (directly to my face even), how wonderful it is to not have to explain their conversations and jokes to me. And when we do the “What do you like about me?” game, his top answer is “Your brains.” It’s really nice.
Anonymous
2016 has been rough for me personally and I’ve been struggling with what I feel thankful for this year. I just came across the Buzzfeed privilege check and it was a good reminder of how much I do have to be thankful for. Sharing in case it helps anyone else.
https://www.buzzfeed.com/regajha/how-privileged-are-you?utm_term=.cgE7E6ma#.mcLMKXkq
NOLA
For anyone who’s had enough of 2016, watch this video: https://www.facebook.com/floandjoan/videos/620870174788310/?autoplay_reason=all_page_organic_allowed&video_container_type=0&video_creator_product_type=2&app_id=2392950137&live_video_guests=0
WARNING NSFW and a lot of profanity, but so funny
Anonymous
Based on that quiz, I’m not privileged (though I would not agree- my life is good now and I’m grateful for it, but my childhood was difficult in a lot of ways).
Anonymous
Agree, parts of it confound privilege with ability to recognize privilege.
Anonymous
Ha, I am white but I have been told I am “attractive for my race.” Shoutout to nerdy boys who fetishize Asian women…
Anonymous
I don’t understand this, sorry.
Anonymous
You don’t understand what I’m saying, or you don’t understand guys who are obsessed with Asian women? A lot of white guys (especially teenage/early 20s computer/engineering nerds, in my experience, but that’s totally stereotyping) are singularly interested in Asian women. I went to a school that was heavily Asian and I was told numerous times that I was “hot… for a white girl.”
Anonymous
Now I understand. Just needed the dotted lines from white to Asian women & the context is helpful. Thanks for coming back to it. It must be tiresome to talk with guys in that manner who are so obviously biased, for whatever reason. Total buzzkill for any potential chemistry. May they wise up.
Wildkitten
Yup. Needed context.
Anonymous
Funny. I got 33/100 (“not privileged”) but I consider myself pretty darn privileged. I’m a white, professional, straight woman in the Bay Area.
I have been in many situations where being a white, heterosexual woman was not the default. Some of these situations include those where I was the only white person, the only atheist, or where most of the women are lesbians. These weren’t isolated one-offs: they were jobs, schools, volunteer commitments, and on-going social groups.
I also came from a rural area where elite colleges were make-believe and my family was homeless for 3 weeks when I was a child. So there were a few boxes I couldn’t check.
Emmer
Yeah, I agree, it’s a pretty silly quiz. I grew up in a majority-minority area, so I frequently was in a position in which I was the only white person in the room and I was told all the time that I sounded white. That doesn’t mean I was discriminated against or that I wasn’t comparatively privileged.
Anon
This quiz is really dumb as it pertains to gender. “I feel comfortable with the gender I was born in” is supposed to indicate privilege – that is really wrong for women. I was born female and was therefore socialized as a girl and woman. I can’t identify my way out of the risk of rape, unwanted pregnancy, lower earnings, fewer opportunities, and everything else that comes with being a woman. That does not mean I am “comfortable” with having a lower status compared to men and therefore “privileged” on the gender scale.
Anonymous
Well, that question is about trans people. There are other questions that address male vs. female privilege, like “have you ever been sexually assaulted” or “have you ever been passed over for a job that was given to a less qualified person of a different gender.” I think that quiz recognizes that women are less privileged than men, but also that cis-gender people are more privileged than trans people.
Anon
Maybe Buzzfeed thinks that “cis” women are more privileged than trans people. Most thinking people don’t. Men certainly have more privilege than trans people, but women are not a privileged class and do not have privilege over anyone on the basis of sex. They may experience some ADVANTAGES that some trans people do not, such as not needing to change a name on a driver’s license, but that does not equal “privilege” and all the associated power and connotations. The word “cis” is worse than meaningless; there’s plenty of literature out there if you’d like to learn more, and here’s a good piece to start with: http://ehungerford.com/?p=10
Anonymous
yeah, because being trans is totally just about getting a name change on your driver’s licence, and not about, say, the incredible mental, emotional and social challenges experienced by those who are born in a body that doesn’t match their gender identity.
Anon
Read the article. You might find it really enlightening. No one is saying that trans people don’t face real, significant challenges and threats in life; all I am saying is that those challenges do not equal female privilege. There is no logical basis for that conclusion.
Anonymous
It’s not a competition to see who has it the worst. Life can be hard for different people in different ways. That’s the point of acknowledging privilege. To understand where you have it easier than others, not to try to compete about who has it the worst. Transwomen experience all the challenges of being women plus all the challenges of being trans.
Anon
Except transwomen will never know what the challenges of having female biology are like. No one who was born male will ever know what it is like to need an abortion, die in childbirth, be excluded from school during menstruation, become a child bride, undergo FGM, or be devalued in every way from birth until death across all cultures, religions, and societies. These are facts, not judgments, and it’s important to acknowledge there are women-specific harms that need women-specific language. It’s very troubling when women-specific harms are downplayed (re: female privilege example in Buzzfeed quiz) or when women are told to put their own needs aside to make sure that others’ needs are met.
Anonymous
+1000
One of my cousin’s is a college student and she had to shut down the drive she started for menstrual hygiene products that were going to be sent to developing countries. A lack of these products are one of the reasons girls in this countries are unable or not allowed to attend school. Mentioning that the products would enable girls to further their education was deemed exclusionary to trans people and the drive was banned from campus. They lost the appeal as well. It continued outside of the campus environment but it was still really disheartening for everyone involved who worked on it.
Anonymous
Did she say ‘girls’ or ‘people who menstruate’? Because the former is discrimination and exclusionary while the latter is not.
lawsuited
At least one measurement of privilege is your chances of being advantaged/disadvantaged based on an immutable characteristic. A homosexual man may be advantaged by his maleness, but he is disadvantaged in social, family, employment and health situations by his homosexuality. By the same token, I am a straight woman and I am disadvantaged by my femaleness in social, family, employment and health situations, but a transgendered woman is further disadvantaged in those situations even compared to me, an already disadvantaged class.
Anon
Anonymous at 4:39, are you kidding me? That’s one of the worst ones I’ve ever heard. I thought it was bad when Scripps College had to defend (and I think ultimately cancel?) a v*lva cupcake party because it was deemed “transphobic.” You can’t make this stuff up.
Anonymous
I could not believe it when she told me. She is very socially aware and does all kinds of things to help fight racism, transphobia and other things. She is not transphobic at all but she stopped pressing the issue with the school because they threatened to hold a conduct hearing and she didn’t want her grants and scholarship to be threatened. She ultimately transferred to a different school this year and no one there had issues with the drive.
Anonymous
Women certainly do not have privilege over transwomen. Just look at the bathroom debate: transwomen feel entitled to female-sex-only spaces like locker rooms and bathrooms. Women’s toilets and locker rooms were historically to protect female bodied people from male bodied people. Make the men’s room gender-neutral so transwomen can pee.
Anon
I can’t believe that about the school. Would you mind sharing if the campus is perceived as liberal or conservative? I’ve been dismayed (as are many conservatives, apparently, of which I am not one) by the absurd lack of free speech/no platforming/event shut-downs occurring at allegedly tolerant campuses.
This is EXACTLY why women should continue speaking up for themselves and doing what they know is right, not what males tell them is right. Good for your niece for getting out of there and presumably doing good elsewhere.
Anonymous
The campus is perceived as liberal I believe. The school she attends now is also a liberal campus but there have been no issues at the school she transferred to.
Anon
“Girls” is not exclusionary. Girls are juvenile human females and only females menstruate. The existence of girls and women is exclusionary to no one; our existence is not offensive and taking up space in discourse is not something we should ever apologize for. Masking the fact that only females menstruate in “people who menstruate” is illogical and harmful to women.
Anonymous
I’m surprised to see cissexism and transphobia here. Not all girls/women menstruate and not all people who menstruate are girls/women.
Anon
Again, “cis” is not a thing and no one said that all girls/women menstruate. Only females menstruate; some females who menstruate may identify as male or other. Heads up for the future – class analysis on behalf of women doesn’t require uniformity on every aspect of life and development.
Anon
“People who menstruate” is the equivalent of “all lives matter” for feminism. So disgusting.
Anonymous
Some people who menstruate are male and not female. Saying only females menstruate is harmful, bigoted and not inclusive. Your bigotry is what is disgusting.
nona
(I’m not sure who I’m responding to at this point, but will just point this out in general)
The privilege isn’t cis-women vs transwomen, it’s just cis vs trans. You know, the privilege of having your gender (inside) match your sexual characteristics (outside) – which is considered normal, and therefore not “other”. It’s the fact that your gender and sex match, not that you are comfortable with societal’s perception of your gender. ‘Cause, as you have observed, that’s a whole other discussion.
Anon
I really strongly suggest you read the article linked above for why “cis” is BS in every way. Really can’t recommend it highly enough.
nona
That article has a lot going on. And I’ll say up front, that I don’t agree with a lot it. Honestly, I think it misses the point because it seems to say that cis/trans problems will be solved by eliminating the expectations for feminine and masculine. That by somehow eliminating external gender expectations, internal struggles will be eliminated.
Maybe they will, but I don’t see that happening anytime in the next 100 years, so dismissing the existence of cis as normal and trans as other, and the privilege that ensues from that seems problematic.
Other thoughts:
* While the issue of whether you feel like you live up to society’s expectations about femininity or masculinity may contribute with how you identify with a particular gender, whether you approve of those expectations seems to be a different issue than feeling like you are in the wrong body. That is to say, is the rejection of society’s definition femininity the same as the rejection of being female?
* The article assumes cis/trans to be a binary state – what if it’s more like a spectrum. Like homo/hetero is a false dichotomy. A person may be strongly at one end or the other, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t shades to explore in between (ie. intersex)
Anon
Guess it’s a lot easier to call someone a bigot than to actually offer evidence or engage in the discussion. Sounds an awful lot like what happened in this election! The fact that only females can menstruate is no different from “humans are bipedal” or “humans have opposable thumbs.” It’s not a controversial statement to anyone except to those looking for the next way to make women seem offensive to others. If you’d prefer, you can think of it as having two classes of people – males, none of whom can menstruate, and females, most (but not all) of whom menstruate. Intersex people may fall somewhere between those two, but if they menstruate, they will require the same medical care and lifestyle modifications as females, not males.
Anonymous
The post on man-splaining yesterday got me thinking…
What would I do if I found out that my BF, as great as he is with me, is THAT GUY at the office. The one that man-splains, interrupts his female colleagues, and takes credit for work.
Do you think men can be that different at home and work? Could you accept that your significant other acted this way towards women he works with?
anon
Yes and no, respectively. People can be different in different situations, sure. How many times do we tell people here, sometimes you just have to fake confidence. Maybe being THAT GUY is your BF’s way of making up for whatever inadequacies he feels at work.
But no I wouldn’t be with a guy who did that. Not only does it show a real lack of respect for women, but it shows that he’s willing to fight dirty to make himself look better. I would wonder how that would translate into our future. How it translates into how he talks to his friends and family about our relationship. His internal dialogue about my contributions to our relationship. Knowing that he was capable of being THAT GUY in any context would plant the seeds of doubt in me. Of course this is all in the abstract, so ymmv.
anon
I wouldn’t dump him out of hand, but I would sit him down and explain exactly how he is being a sexist as*hole. And I would expect him to acknowledge it and agree to do better.
Yup
I would say I am very dominant and efficient at work. At home I am like whatever, I don’t care laissez faire. When my BF came to my office and saw how I talk to my staff (not mean but I am the boss) or maybe how they came up to me, he was a little taken aback.
So I think it’s possible to bifurcate, I am not intolerable on one side.
I guess my question is, how can you change him on the side you are not in? How does it affect you? I am not sure you can but you definitely to decide if it does. Maybe just watch for it to leak over into home life.
If you know how he is, describe a similar situation (fake situation) where you are on the receiving end of his behavior and see if he opens up about it. That could spark a convo that might change his outlook.
Cc
I don’t think you can be hugely different at work and home but I am sure everyone is a little different. However the things you are talking about are pretty core personality traits. So no, I don’t think a man who has complete respect and admiration for you at home becomes a chauvinist only at work. If anything, being with me has made my husband a champion of women at work. However, some women (and some on this site) tend to put up with a lot at home so I think it’s possible that a kind-of-a-jerk but not too bad bf could be a real ahole at work. Does that make sense? Like no I don’t think a guy who is a 10 at listening and respect towards me transforms to a 2 at work. But a guy who is a 5 could be a 3 at work (on a 10 point scale).
Senior Attorney
Yeah and I’m pretty sure that Lovely Husband, who is a 10 with me, is probably about an 8 at work. Still darned good but I have reason to believe I get the best of him.
CC
an 8 specifically towards women? I think I would still have an issue with that honestly. Especially as I get older and with this whole election, I think I need my husband to be a 10 to women at work too.
Anonymous
+100. Everyone wants to think they’re getting the best parts of their partner, but I couldn’t deal with a husband who was not 100% a feminist at work.
Senior Attorney
Nope just an 8 generally. I should have been more clear!
Senior Attorney
Didn’t read the question closely enough…
Anonymous
So I am not an impulsive person, but I just booked a flight to Madrid for 9 days in late April (after Easter) because the flights were under $400 from my small U.S. city!! I was interested in going to Spain before seeing this flight, but I know almost nothing about it. I would like to take a few days to go to Barcelona, but does anyone have any great recommendations for itineraries/must sees? I’m looking for an affordable way to do this trip and most likely will use Airbnb. Thanks!
Yup
I know it’s awesome right now! I am looking at booking something too.
I stayed in a really nice hostel in Barcelona right off las ramblas. It was very affordable. I cannot find the name but it was around the area of Las Ramblas and Carrer de l’hopital. The signs and language will be in Catalan also, which I didn’t realize. Most people speak Spanish too but I read a lot about this area prior to going and was surprised that no one mentioned that little detail! I really liked the Picasso museum, riding bikes along the coast, walking and shopping in the las ramblas area, the open air market in that area, Sagrada Familia and the food! The drive to see Dali’s house was really cool. But we had a car. The tickets for that tour had to be booked far in advance.
Never been to Madrid so I can’t help you there.
Yup
I will add we did AirBNB for most of the trip and normally would avoid hostels but this one was very affordable and very nice almost comparable to a hotel level.
LSP
Must do in Barcelona: Park Güell!
And the Picasso museum! Of course go to the markets in Las Ramblas. Actually the hop on/hop bus was very convenient too and of course you get to see a lot of things. It helped me decide what I wanted to see more in depth.
Madrid, hmm, all I remember is going on day trips to Toledo and Seville.
Please drink a Fanta Limon for me.
Wildkitten
where are you seeing these flights?
Ness
Hi,
I am Spanish (and Madrilian). With 9 days you can do plenty of things. For me, the most beautiful cities in Spain are San Sebastian, Granada and Salamanca, seeing these 3 ones you will “understand” Spain.
If you are arriving to Madrid I will take a couple of days in the city. Depends on what you like to do on holidays but Madrid has some of the most amazing museums of the world (Prado, Reina Sofia and Thysen for starters). Madrid it is more about living the city, strolling and enjoy nice tapas in the pubs mixing with the locals (Go to La latina neighbourhood, please).
After that you could do a “one day” visits to Toledo or Segovia (both cheaply in less than one hour by train) and after that take “tough decissions”. From Barcelona it is more difficult and expensive to reach my “top 3” then you should have to chose one and spend there a couple of days travelling from Madrid. (You can go by speed train to Granada from Madrid quite unexpensive if you book in advance).
To Barcelona from Madrid you can go by plane or by speed train (again booking in advance is the clue). A couple of days again in Barcelona will be enought to enjoy the stunning Gaudi buildings and the Gotic old quarter. If you are booking throught AirBNB please be sure that it is a legal turistic place (ask for the license number). Illegal places are making a nightmare of the city for everyone, turists and locals.
Let me know if you need any other tip around there.
Hollis
I’m swamped and looking to extend an offer for one of the following two candidates for an associate position supporting me and my practice group, which is all transactional (no litigation). Let me know what you would do in my shoes:
Candidate A has about 8 years of experience, but only 3 years of transactional experience. This Candidate’s experience in my particular practice area is minimal, but the 2 years of work is very related to our practice area and the Candidate has reviewed the same types of agreements that the Candidate would be working on in my group, just from a different point of view. Two people I know and trust know Candidate A and believe the Candidate to be hardworking and trustworthy. Candidate A is involved with a lot of groups, sits on a nonprofit board, etc. and has shown some ability to bring in their own clients.
Candidate B has 2 years of direct experience in my practice area, but no other legal experience. Candidate B is from a firm that is known for my practice area and Candidate B wants to leave in order to join a larger firm. Candidate B definitely does not seem to be as interested in networking and building the practice as Candidate A, and building a book of business is necessary for making it to the next level at my firm. At the same time, Candidate B may be able to help me with a broader array of work projects right away, which is what I need. I have no good way of assessing Candidate B’s skills or work ethic.
What types of questions should I ask either of them as a follow-up to help me figure out which one to hire? Both went to good schools for college and law school and are personable.
Anonymous
Do you have time for a project? If yes–Candidate B–if you need immediate results and development–Candidate A.
CMT
You say you have no way of assessing Candidate B’s skills and work ethic, but aren’t you going to check references? IANAL, so I have no idea about the nuances of hiring for a law practice, but it sounds to me like A has more of the relevant experience you need and you can be more sure of A’s soft skills. (It very well could be that B has the same soft skills, but it doesn’t sound like you’d trust that as much.) I’d focus on questions that get at things that you can’t teach people or are harder to teach, like professionalism and problem solving. I think direct experience with the specific type of work is less important because that stuff can be taught, unless it is particularly complex and/or you need somebody to hit the ground running.
cbackson
It’s hard for lawyers to check references because many firms have a policy of not giving them – all you can get is confirmation that the attorney worked there.
Anonymous
Is getting to the next level a requirement? Or is the goal long-term, generative employment? This could look like your affirming A as someone who is more like your group without solid consideration of BFOQs. Your interview questions and requests should inform skill level and work ethic.
Have you asked for a writing sample, or provided a hypothetical that allows them to demonstrate their level?
If getting to the next level is part of the plan (not everyone seeks or makes partner) Ask both about what strategies they would employ to get to that next level. Candidate A is out there socially, however, for all you know Candidate B may have a grasp of that, or aspires to that. Candidate A gets the context of 8 years’ experience, Candidate B gets 2 years, listening for their career plan within transactions. You could ask what they see as an emerging practice or issue for your area of transactions with that same weight for experience to see how committed they are to having the finger on the pulse of what could be their bread & butter.
Bonnie
Candidate A seems like an easy pick to me because they will help build up the practice. Candidate B sounds like they’d jump ship when a better offer comes along.
Entertaining the kids
We have 3 last minute teen/tweens coming to thanksgiving dinner (10, 12,16- siblings, male). All other kids are <4. What are some things that we can have available and or do to entertain the teams without making them feel like they have to go sit and play patty cake with the little kids ? Normally these guys just go outside and throw around a ball or whatever but it's going to be freezing cold and raining where we are. I have a Wii but relegating them to the playroom to play video games doesn't sound like a good plan either …
Anonymous
They don’t need entertaining. They all have phones. They can sit at the table and socialize or excuse themselves and watch tv.
Entertaining the kids
No way, that’s not how our family rolls. Their (foster) mama raised them right and while they do have phones, they actually want to be part of things.
Anonymous
Have a few card games at the ready – that the adults know how to play, or even rummy, chess, backgammon or checkers for that matter so they can connect with the adults, especially the 12 and 16 year old, as it takes the edge off of making conversation. Help them join you.
Don’t worry about the little kids – they will entertain the older ones as well as the adults. You can play a video about family that crosses over both sides like The Book of Life or the Incredibles – the younger kids give the older ones an excuse to enjoy movies that may not get talked about with their friends, but are often beloved by college kids.
Anonymous
dig out your old school board games. Something like twister.
lawsuited
Cards Against Humanity with the really terrible cards taken out? Mario Party if you have a gaming console?
Anonymous
Lol, imagining the process of culling of inappropriate cards and the debates that ensue regarding appropriateness.
Senior Attorney
I’ve had good luck with Apples to Apples with a mixed age group that includes teens.
Also we’re going to play Left, Right, Center and everybody enjoys that. Especially when you play for money. ;)
PatsyStone
+1 for Apples to Apples. We also play poker with pennies at family holidays. Winner gets a $5 gift card, but mostly bragging rights.
Anon
My kids are that age and I agree they do not need entertaining, but would participate in card games or board games, watch a movie (even a Disney movie), color with the little kids, play Wii, and at least the older one enjoys sitting around and talking with the family.
Entertaining the kids
We were thinking puzzle, board games(to play w the adults), helping w/cooking, extreme fort building / playing monsters with the littles (this is the MOnwhen the weather is good- they are usually the Slide / Fort Trolls).
anon in SV
Holy moly. Jill Stein is triggering a recount in Michigan, Wisconsin, and Pennsylvania. She’s raising the $2.5m required to pay for the recount https://jillstein.nationbuilder.com/recount and I am absolutely no fan of hers at all. At ALL. But I just donated.
Anonymous
Thanks, I’m looking into it now.
Sadface
Per election law blog, this is not a great move and reflects poorly on Stein (among those in academia and political science at least). She’s raised the goal target now that she’s approaching her original target, and she can do whatever she wants with the money. It’s a way to look noble while being selfish. Plus to my understanding (538, ELB, elsewhere) it is likely that trump won fair and square (gag); the issue is a tiny bit that blue collar whites came out in greater force for trump than was expected, but mostly that African Americans stayed home. See e.g. the really depressing story in the NYT earlier this week about a single district in Milwaukee.
Anon
I just donated. Thanks for posting. We’ve all been complaining about how much we want to stop Trump – it’s time to actually do something about it.
Anon
Really? I am upset that Trump won and I did not vote for him and did not support him, but we have to accept that he won. It sucks and I don’t like it at all but it’s dangerous and a slippery slope when we start looking for things like recounts (and in other cases loopholes, electors going rogue and other ways to subvert the system) just because we don’t like who won. There are things we can do to make our opinions known, such as donating to organizations like Planned Parenthood or writing/calling/emailing our other elected representatives to let them know what we think, but stuff like this undermines democracy and pushes us into dangerous territory. If Clinton had won and Trump supporters were looking for ways to undermine the results we would be upset and appalled. We can’t have it both ways. We need to accept that he won and move on. There are other ways we can fight.
Anon
No one is looking to undermine the results. The recount will show whether or not there was results-tampering in swing states, so what we are doing is shining light on a process that should be transparent. HRC is ahead by over 2 million votes in the popular vote and there are still millions more ballots to be counted (including 2 million in CA). This is starting to raise a lot of questions.
Anonymous
I’m of the mind that this is shining a light. The results may, or may not, inform further action.
And I DO get the understanding about the electoral college and how it supports smaller areas like Rhode Island having a voice, so I’m not all about popular vote, however, there is work to be done for citizens voting in places like Puerto Rico and Guam, that should happen, especially since AK & HI have full participation even though they are very remote.
anon in SV
Exactly. My concern is if the election results were tampered with, just like the Russians hacking the DNC to swing the election. I want an accurate election and accurate results. Though frankly, I am also terrified by the possibility of finding clear evidence that the election was tampered with because then what? We think the country is divided NOW, wait until 50 million already angry white people have their candidate’s victory reversed.
I am an HRC supporter but I am against the faithless electors petitions. If Trump won the votes to win those states, then under the rules, he gets those votes in the electoral college. But what if he didn’t actually win the votes?
And agreed on Jill Stein being close to The Worst Person Ever. But heaven help us if she’s right and the election was rigged just so in just a few places, enough to swing those states.
Anonymous
Agree.
Jill Stein is a crackpot. And the faithless elector thing is ridiculous
BUT the difference between the popular vote and the Electoral College result is completely totally unprecedented and taking the time to ensure swing state votes are correctly counted is totally reasonable. It has NEVER EVER happened like this before.
You can bet that if Trump was ahead in the popular vote by close to 2 million (with votes still uncounted) but HRC had won the electoral college – he would not have conceded until everything was recounted.
Anon
And you can bet that if Trump and/or his supporters didn’t concede everyone else would be rolling their eyes and complaining about the inability to accept the results. Also saying “well Trump/his supporters would have done it so it’s okay for HRC/her supporters to do is completely moronic. Trump and his supporters are reviled and ridiculed and the last thing anyone should do is emulate their behavior. I in no way support Trump but I also don’t support this attempt to get around the system.
Anonymous
But no one on the recount in swing states in certain counties is alleging widespread voter fraud. Trump was basically saying that the whole system was rigged. It’s apples and oranges. The comparison I was making is that Trump wouldn’t hesitate to seek a recount in the circumstances which currently exist based on some of the discrepancies in a couple of counties based on voter machine type etc.
Anonymous
+1. If Trump supporters were doing something like this we would comment on it and complain about him not accepting the election results. People jumped all over Trump when he didn’t answer yes about accepting the election results during the debate. Now people are trying to the same thing they complained about Trump doing.
Anonymous
This. Remember how stupid everyone thought Trump was when he went on and on about the election being rigged? Well that’s how HRC supporters look now.
Anon
Right? Trump is insane when he suggests it, but when Hillary supporters suggest it AND start a petition to overthrow the system, it’s all good.
Anonymous
I mean if she actually wanted to see Hillary win she could have dropped out of the election and endorsed her and told her supporters to vote for her…. I believe the votes cast for Stein would have put Hillary above Trump in at least some of those states.
Relatedly, I think I almost hate Jill Stein more than Trump at his point. At least Trump and his voters actually have different beliefs, however misguided. Stein and her swing state supporters believe in 99% of the Dem platform but decided to be big, privileged babies and handed the election to a dangerous, mentally ill man who is going to make life hell for many less privileged people. My BIL voted for Stein in Michigan and I am so mad at him. He is a diehard Democratic, voted for Obama, Kerry, Gore, etc., just couldn’t get “excited” about HRC. Ugh, check your privilege!
Anonymous
We are where we are. Stein is exploring if there is a third way beyond Major Party R wins, Major Party D loses, when the stakes are high and the tally is close.
There has always been Monday-Morning Quarterbacking for results. Could be interesting if we land in a place where it’s appropriate to do more. First we need the information.
This also may mean that Trump’s election is creating jobs
Anon
If you hate Jill Stein more than Trump, the problem is with you and not her. Third party candidates have the right to run too and don’t “owe” it to the major candidate to bow out. I didn’t vote for her, but I certainly respect her beliefs and position a helluva lot more than Trump’s.
Anon
Where does the money go if she doesn’t raise it a? Like if she just raises 1 million…does she get to keep it?
CC
She gets to keep the money either way. She is not even promising to use it for recounts. I didn’t realize anyone was actually falling for this. This is the woman who promotes 9-11 conspiracy theories, still panders to the vaccines are bad crowd, and has no idea how the government, the fed, or finances work.
Anonymous
She gets to keep the money either way. She is not even promising to use it for recounts. I didn’t realize anyone was actually falling for this. This is the woman who promotes 9-11 conspiracy theories, still panders to the vaccines are bad crowd, and has no idea how the government, the fed, or finances work.
Anonymous
+1 Agreed
Gobbler
Ugh the last thing I needed to see the day before Thanksgiving is a bare, flat belly staring me in the (chubby) face.
Anon
On behalf of those of us with bare, flat bellies, I apologize that our existence offends you. We will be sure to hide indoors or drape ourselves in oversized clothing if we must venture out in order to avoid offending further.
Wildkitten
I assume you aren’t marching into Gobbler’s cubicle with no shirt on like this pajama model is doing.
Anonymous
Yeah, that’s my type, too. I take comfort that you and I could still rock those pajama pants, and am looking forward to a brisk walk tomorrow morning to pay some of those calories forward & give my mood a boost.
Anonymous
Sorry you are having such trouble with your body image. Maybe therapy would help.
ELS
I sure hope you’re trolling. It sounds like you’re trolling.
Anonymous
I just found out that my cousin is engaged. She let it slip to me but no one else besides her parents know and she is going to announce it to the family at Thanksgiving. After she gets married I’ll be the only unmarried person in my family (excluding the younger generation after me who are all 13 or younger). Once they have a child I’ll be the only childless person as well. I’m the oldest of all my siblings and cousins (I’m 31 and they are in their 20s) and I’m also the only women out of all my sisters and cousins and other family members who has a degree and a career. They all have high school or community college as their highest education and even though they all work or have worked it is at jobs as opposed to careers. I’m not trying to be horrible, I love my sisters and cousins but my singleness is already pointed out to me ad-nasuem by my family and they think my career focus is one of the reasons why I am not married.
My last serious relationship was four years ago. Our breakup was mutual mostly but on my fiancé’s end he thought I was too focused on work and was becoming a workaholic who would never be home. He didn’t understand telecommuting and why work couldn’t stay at work. After we ended things he completely cut contact and changed his number and everything I had no way to get in touch with him or had any idea where he was living or working. My sister bumped into him and found and he got married last month to the woman he started dating a year after we broke up. I know my family is going to bring it up and mention how he was not afraid of commitment (he was when we were together) and that’s not the reason he didn’t marry me. He also hated living in the city and wanted to move to a smaller town while I didn’t.
My sister was able to find a wedding picture on Facebook and in looks she is the complete opposite of me and conventionally attractive, while I am not. I’m overweight while none of my sisters and cousins are not. Losing weight is another thing my family will kindly suggest as being helpful.
I love my family, I really do and I’ve made them sound awful here and I know it’s them trying what they think will help but there’s a reason I chose a school and later job in a city that’s a few hours away from my hometown where all my family is. My fiancé had family in that area (we met in the city) and he moved back there.
I am in therapy but my therapist is off for a week because of Thanksgiving. I am dreading this Thanksgiving and just needed to vent. Thanks.
Senior Attorney
Ugh. I’m so sorry.
Is staying in town and doing a Friendsgiving instead of facing your family an option? If not, just erect those boundaries: “Not going to have that conversation with you. More turkey?” “I decline to discuss that. How ’bout those Lions losing every year on Thanksgiving?” “Sorry, not up for discussion. Wanna play Apples to Apples?”
Be kind to your sweet self.
Anonymous
Unfortunately not. All of my friends are visiting/hosting family. I also only go back home for Thanksgiving, Christmas/New Years and Independence Day and things like weddings and funerals so I do start to miss them and I know they miss me.
Thank you for your kind words. I hope you have a happy Thanksgiving.
lawsuited
In my own friend groups, I’ve observed that with each successive academic degree, other life milestones are pushed further into the future: the women I know only from high school are mostly married and have 2 or 3 children, the women I know from undergrad are maybe 50% married and some are having first children, the women I know from graduate school are largely single and none of them have children yet. You’re not weird. I’m sorry your family is making you think you are and that your relationship status is an acceptable topic for group discussion. I’m especially sorry that your family thinks your weight is up for discussion too (I can relate).
Especially if your family is otherwise loving and well-meaning, I recommend being assertive and maybe just a little angry when these topics come up to send a message. Once when my mum told me she thought I should lose weight because it would be more difficult for me to find a job if I was overweight (and therefore less attractive), I stood up, told her that she was no longer allowed to comment on my weight and that if she did I would not be visiting her home, and left the room. She was taken aback and has never commented on my weight again. The story got around I guess and no one else in my family has commented on my weight since then either.
Anonymous
I agree with this. I have never been in a serious relationship and it just isn’t a priority for me. Many years ago, I snapped at my mom and told her to stop asking me if I had a boyfriend because I’d tell her if it mattered and I was sick of the questions. She stopped and I don’t have to deal with it anymore from the family I actually see regularly.
Anonymous
It sounds like your family just plain doesn’t know how to support you and is taking an either/or approach, and are backing up their logic with looking backwards. Get them to focus on today. Ask why sharing a wedding picture of an ex is helpful. Are they reaching out to understand your life? How you enjoy the city? Are they connecting you to nice people they meet that happen to live in your city? Because people can, and are happy being single and doing meaningful work. Your family does not have to look backwards, at unavailable people, because the story is YOU broke up with him, for very good reasons. Yes, they can say they miss you and wish they could see you more often, but they need to back you. You will have to look elsewhere for role models for work-life balance to people who know the complexity that you face, especially those who have made the jump from working class to professional, all the while respecting where you came from and how working class is a societal foundation.
You may end up gently calling them out on not making an effort to celebrate you and help them understand that you have a role as a sister, daughter and aunt, and while you are not local, they can come to the city and see that your life is way more interesting than constantly re-telling the Country Mouse/City Mouse tale. We all need a cool aunt that brings their lived experience as perspective to the family conversation. Your nieces and nephews are watching for signs that they, too, will be OK enough if heading out to wider horizons.
I work at a university that has a program for bright students that are first-generation college – and part of the reason that they do this is these bright people often have people who love them, yet have no idea how to be supportive of them. They create peer support groups to help each other through. Maybe identifying a few alumni functions will give you more to talk about with future plans.
And snarky me had the thought, well, you won’t be the first with a troubled marriage or divorce, so, um , YAY!
Anonymous
Thank you for your response. I appreciate it.
Just to clarify, I am not the first in my family to go to college. I am the first woman to go. My grandfather and his brothers, my grandmother’s brothers, my dad, his brothers, my brother and all my male cousins have gone to college and have degrees or graduate degrees. I’m the first women in my family who went.
Anonymous
*the first woman by blood or marriage to go.
Meow
That tells me you are communicating with people over a huge cultural divide. No wonder you stick out like a sore thumb! They’re probably just intimidated by how bada$$ you are.
Anonymous
My comment evaporated. Your family loves you, but doesn’t have the lived experience to know better, and are circling the wagons on their choices, gaslighting you in the process. Help them change the conversation by having them work a little harder to know your life and the meaningful work that you do.
And for keeping an even keel in the future, several of your alum are in the same boat. Sign up for some alumni events and meet those who are navigating making the leap from working class to professional class and are also trying not to lose their family. Alumni events take an interest in being work-friendly. No harm in making real-life friends with people who have a strong grasp on work-life balance. It’s never perfect. And I support your decision to end the relationship with your fiance. You are single, which also means that you are not the first person in a troubled marriage, and cannot be the first contemplating divorce.
There is a real rift right now between working class and professional and upper-middle-class, fueled by each group not really “getting” the other. You likely “get” this. Respect them and their choices, and insist that they respect yours.
Shots. Shots. Shots.
Yo. I’m here. With you. Be sloshed the whole time. Drink a gallon of coconut water Sunday. We got this.
Frantic friday
You are amazing.
I am so proud of you for your life choices, achievements, striving for a different and better life, and for trying to maintain your family ties.
Practice saying…. “Thanks. I’ll have to think about that. What’s new with you?”
And grab a glass of wine as soon as you arrive. I also recommend being the one who asks a lot of questions, and is a good listener. Remember, they do love you, and want the best for you.
Reproductive Rights
I found a recent article from NPR about how regional family planning clinics are suffering from post-election increased demand for their services, but not getting the additional donations that larger, more well known organizations (like Planned Parenthood) getting. An interesting thing to consider for the many of us who were donating to PP this month. I definitely be doing some more research as to how to make the biggest impact in increasing access to LARCs and other contraception in my area before I give again now. will post a link in reply.
Reproductive Rights
http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2016/11/23/503019931/spike-in-demand-for-long-acting-birth-control-strains-clinic-budgets
Malia
I wish the article would give suggestions on how to find/vet these smaller clinics and organizations. I would happily give alongside a local PP donation.
anon
Anyone here today?
What’s the most sustainable way to get rid of clothes or shoes that I don’t need anymore and are too worn to donate?
ShoeRuiner
Don’t know about shoes, but worn clothes can go to Goodwill. They cut up clothes they can’t sell and sell them in packs of rags to places like auto shops. Plus someone then gets paid for the job of sorting the clothes.
Also, check with your local Red Cross. The one in my neighborhood takes clothes you might not necessarily buy for emergency situations, like middle of the night house fires.
What?!?
Last week a guy I know cheated on his fiance and kicked her out of the house. This week he brought his mistress to Thanksgiving. If anyone in my family ever did that you bet that we’d be called a POS, but his family are just gushing on the photos about how pretty his mistress is. Am I missing something? In my family that behaviour would not fly and I’d shame the h*ll out of any relative who did something so questionable. I am watching this all unfold through FB so I’m obviously missing some details but I am still so baffled.
SD
Just be grateful that this sort of heinous dysfunction and nastiness is foreign to you; families like that abound. There’s a subreddit that serves as a support group for people who come from those sorts of families, called r/raisedbynarcissists. So yes, you’re missing exposure to narcissists/terrible people.
What?!?
This is looking even crazier. It seems as though he stole his ex-fiances dog (she had the dog prior to their relationship). He’s at a dog park with the mistress and the stolen dog. I didn’t know people this awful even existed.
Anonymous
Do you need to be friends with this person for professional/family reasons? Can’t you just unfriend or at least unfollow?