ByKat Hours Updated
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Holiday Weekend Open Thread

Something on your mind? Chat about it here. On the off chance you're getting ready to host a dinner party next week, or a proper New Year's party, this marble and wood tray and bowl set looks lovely (and is available at some Nordstrom stores, in case you need a last-minute gift for Christmas)! The elevated farmhouse look is a modern classic, and this particular set seems like a great way to serve cheese, dips, small finger foods, and more. The set is $99. Lavender Marble & Wood Tray & Bowls Set This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Psst: We'll have yearly reviews and deal alerts as needed over the next week — otherwise we'll be back with regular content on January 2! Happy Holidays and Happy New Year to everyone!

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125 Comments

  1. If you’re hosting a larger gathering or an open house style gathering for holidays (where an extra one or two people won’t screw up your plans), consider going through your phone’s contact list and invite friends who are single, especially those who are single without kids. It’s a really crummy feeling to be alone on a holiday, even if it’s not one the person doesn’t celebrate, simply because it stinks to be surrounded by holiday specials, social media lovey/family posts, and the like. Even if the invitee doesn’t come, it’ll be nice for them to know they have a place to go where they are wanted.

    (PS If you have small kids who like to craft or color or draw, if you’re totally over trying to find places to hang every single one of the dozens of things they create, consider teaching them about the mail and asking your friends/family if they’d like a penpal, some of us without kids would enjoy it and it’d let your kids’ works go to happy homes while also keeping yours from being overwhelmed by masterpieces!)

    1. I second all of this! I love it when my friends with kids invite me along. Last year one of my friends invited me to her daughters’ Christmas show, and I just loved it because I got to hang out with her and because it was cute. A couple friends’ kids have been giving me drawings lately, and I find that to be very sweet as well.

    2. As someone without kids, I love to get their drawings. Eighteen years ago something rather awful happened to me and a friend’s little girl gave me a magic marker picture of “good things”- a river and green hill with flowers, fluffy clouds and a big sun in a blue sky. I framed it and it has hung in my home for nearly two decades, right along with stuff from galleries. It still makes me smile and feel happy and loved every time I look at it. Those without children or partners or spouses often would love to be a part of ordinary family stuff, and especially at the holidays. Think of all the stuff you can get done or the relaxing you can do if I’m sitting on the floor with the kiddos coloring or playing trucks or dolls!

    3. Thank you for this reminder especially about the drawings! Such a good idea to have my kids mail their drawings to friends since our house probably cannot sustain any more drawings hung on the wall at this point. Such a great idea.

    4. I’ve been astonished by the silence I experienced after I separated from my SO and then after he died and then after I moved back to SoCal. So many people knew I was alone and have no family in the area (both previous and current). I like to think I’m not an awful person, but geez. Even an invitation to a Friendsgiving would have been nice.

      1. Hugs! But this is the time for you to establish NEW Freinds. The old ones have new lives, and so should you. You hopefully have local places to meet new peeople, and there should be eligible men in SoCal, as most guys who are out there do NOT have spouses, and are always out to meet new women like you. So join a health club, and use it. You will get into shape and men will begin to look at you as a person, not as someone who used to have an SO who died. Once you do this, you will find men who are interested in you for what you bring to the table. You have the POWER of the HIVE behind you! Good luck!

      2. Hey, which quadrant of SoCal are you in, Celia? I’m (basically) in Rancho Cucamonga and I like craft beers and friends, if you wanna hang.

        1. I don’t yet have a burner email… Do you? We tried to do a SoCal rette group at one point. Is it still around? I’d love to hang.

    5. I invite a lot of people to my Christmas eve because it’s mostly choir people, but the more, the merrier. Last night, a colleague/friend who is single and doesn’t normally celebrate holidays came to dinner and I think she had a great time! She intended to just stop by but she had dinner and was one of the last to leave. I was thrilled!

  2. This was started earlier but let’s keep it going here… what are your resolutions? What were your 2018 resolutions and how did you do?

    Share your stories (and your lessons learned) here!

    1. Late 40s here. I’ve been sick as a dog for 1.5 months (!!!). I am a normal weight, but I thought that = health. As soon as I stop drowning in phlegm (which the doctors say is normal, that I am not ill or anything, just recovering from an bad cold-type virus), I am going to kick my self-care, esp. exercise, up a notch. This is just awful and I am not going to be a spry old person at the rate I’m going.

      I have a feeling that my generation of lung phlegm / nose gunk has probably upped my metabolic rate substantially.

      1. You will get better, and as soon as the phlegm goes away, make sure to go out and get fresh air and you will feel much better. If you live in NYC and want to walk, I go every day from 77th to 36th on the Upper East Side, and would not mind a FEMALE walking partner, b/c I am getting tired of listening to the whisteling of all the construction workers on BOTH Madison and Park. FOOEY b/c they are lot whisteling at me for my mind and intellect. It is clear all they are looking for is s-x, and they would never get that from me. DOUBEL FOOEY!!!!

    2. For 2018, it was to lose weight. I lost several clothing sizes, but not that much in pounds, so I guess I would call it a moderate success. It was expensive as heck to hire a trainer, and even more expensive to replace most of my wardrobe, but what’s done is done and I’m not going back size wise. I went from approximately a comfortable size 14 to a size 8, depending on the brand.

      For 2019, it will probably be to get the money in check. At some point i convinced myself to buy what I wanted when I wanted it, because it was originally to remedy the necessity of showing up at work in pants that fell even with a belt (because the belt was too big). But now (holidays willing) that my weight is consistent, I don’t think I have an excuse for that lol.

      For 2019, it’s also to vaguely “put myself out there” and get a new hobby or possibly a relationship. I was always slightly more introverted than extroverted, and the combination of extra meal prep/gym time/looking to get out of my old toxic job basically turned me into a hermit.

    3. After a busy year with lots of work travel, my goal is to work on being healthy—lose weight, exercise, lift. Organize the house—inner order, outer calm, and take more time for friendships. I also want to start back on my French from high school & find better ways to lead my daughters scout troop.

  3. Looking for b-day gift ideas for turning 9 year old niece. Generally like to give toys/activities with a STEM element. Preferably in the $50-$100 range. TIA!

  4. I have the perpetual question: help me find a work bag! I would like something that *can* fit my 13″ laptop, but doesn’t have to (i.e., I will not always need to carry my laptop, but want to have the option). I think I will mostly use this bag to go from my office to meetings or court (I’m a lawyer, boutique small firm) where my laptop is not usually required, but i will need to take a legal pad and maybe a 1″ binder. I have my eye on the Dagne Dover classic tote, but it looks a little to bulky – I am hope for something more slender, but maybe that is wishful thinking. I won’t use this for travel (not required to hook itself to luggage), but it must have a zipper all the way across because of security at courthouses. My daily commuting bag is a backpack, so it does not need to serve that function. I think this would live in the office. My LL Bean Town & Field tote is way too big and my crappy Target back is falling apart.

      1. +1
        I’m carrying the zipper tote for winter (because rain) and I carried the open structured tote all spring/summer.

      2. +1 as well. I have the work satchel. I love that it stands on its own (no tipping) and has a place for everything without being too big. And the leather is super high quality. It’s not plastered with branding. It’s expensive looking.

      1. I have seen these – do you have a specific one you like? They have so many called “Voyager”

      2. Thank you! Do you have a specific link to the one you have? It looks like Tumi has a lot of “Voyager” options.

    4. I use a Coach briefcase for this purpose. I was looking for a link and realized, I like their men’s bag collection for this purpose way more than the women’s. You might want to check that out

      Lusting for the YSL Sac De Jour but it doesn’t have a zipper all the way

    5. I tried the Dagne Dover but found it bulky. I now have a Brahmin tote that I love. It looks professional for court but despite the luxe looking leather isn’t at all heavy. Try the Brahmin site for the best selection.

    7. Do you have a Costco membership? Because they have a great deal on a Lodis tote that is perfect for this. I bought it last year for court and it still looks new. I use it anywhere from once a week to daily depending on how busy I am.

  5. FYI – we’re trying to finally make some adjustments to the comments today. If you have thoughts on the new look (tighter, serif font, a return to the old expand/collapse feature, and a box around the top comment) please let us know!

    1. I like the serifs and the box around the top comments. Not sure about the super-tight spacing.

      1. I love the change’s, Kat. I always like to begin at the beginning of the thread, and your color codes help alot. Also, I like the font. I am going to show it to the manageing partner to see if we can use this font instead of the 10 point font we use. I never liked it, but we wind up with longer breifs with a larger font, and since we get paid by the page, we are able to collect more money from the insurance companies for a 25 page breif then we can for a 16 page breif, even though there is the exact same number of words in the breif!!! I never even considered this when I was doing my MOOT court in law school, but the manageing partner taught this to me. He really is a great educator!!!! YAY!!! HAPPY HOLIDAY WEEKEND TO THE ENTIRE HIVE! I will be in town with Myrna this weekend, so if anyone wants to get together, let me know! YAY!!!!!!

    2. Don’t like the tight spacing. Love the serif font. Box around top comment is too heavy- maybe try a lighter weight line.

    3. I think the solid boxes around the commenter name is way too thick, it’s super distracting. Maybe make the line less bold?

    4. We started reacting on the morning thread. Unanimous that serif font is MUCH better. I also like the outlined box, though some don’t.
      I do notice that the first line of each comment is super-tight to the gray name box in the morning thread. It looks better here.

      1. Shoot, I looked but didn’t see anything — glad everyone immediately noticed and liked the serifs. We changed it so the box is in teal (and I think made it lighter weight also) and made the spacing bigger. My guy also gave it a little bit of padding at the top of the comment.

        1. I am thrilled that the old expand/collapse (as well as accurate comment count that includes nested replies) is back.

        2. The thick black on the first comment was jarring for sure. I think a grey/gray line would be better but I don’t hate the teal.

    5. I liked the old font better. Serif fonts are tougher on those of us with dyslexia, particularly serif fonts like this that are really tight.

    6. LOVE the return to the comment collapse feature and counting the whole thread not sub threads. The serif font is easier to read too. Nice job!

    7. Love the changes. I like the tighter spacing and think the font is easier to read also.

      2. Same. I love the new changes and think the teal box looks fantastic! I’m on my iPhone and the changes make the comments much easier to read.

      3. +1. I have been reading for over a decade and considered dropping the s1te from my rotation because I found it too hard to read with the revised style/fonts. Glad you made the switch back!

    8. +1. I have been reading for over a decade and considered dropping the s1te from my rotation because I found it too hard to read with the revised style/fonts. Glad you made the switch back!

  7. This is kinda a branch off from this morning’s post, but I didn’t check here in time and thought it’d be good for a weekend thread. What are people’s thoughts on smart tech in your home? Who’s worried about security? What were your thoughts before you got SmartTech? What do you have, and do you like it?

    Part of me would love smart tech, especially for lights, but I wonder how much we would use anything besides remote turning on/off of lights. Is that small convenience worth giving up our sense of security? Neither of us have our phones configured to respond to a voice command right now (they don’t activate when we say Hey Suri or OK Google or whatever, we have to actually use our hands), if that affects your response.

    1. I work in IT and Smart Tech completely freaks me out. I won’t use anything like Alexa and I don’t use Siri on my phone. Way too much of my data is already out there and I don’t want to give away anything else.

      1. Yes, that’s my husband’s take too. I’m trying to figure out if there’s something less intrusive than “my home’s always listening” that allows some of the conveniences of smart tech.

        1. I like my Nest thermostat and smoke detectors, but that’s about all the smart technology i’m comfortable with and even that I sometimes ponder the potential security risks of. Alexa and other voice command things kind of freak me out. But being able to adjust the thermostat from my phone while laying in bed is nice.

      2. Yeah, exactly this. I used to be a software engineer and worked on early machine learning technology. Completely freaks me out to have it in my home – definitely no Alexa, have Siri turned off on phones, all cameras covered with black electrical tape, and am STILL getting ads about things my husband and I talked about. A few things – the companies making these products are monitoring us and selling our data. I am not also convinced humans will be able to fully control AI once it gets very advanced. I realize I sound like I should bust out my tin foil hat, but I just do not trust the technology for consumer use or the companies selling it.

        1. I kind of agree, but what is AI? I do use Siri to get me directons, and other apps to figure out what song is playing. I do NOT think this is harmful to anyone. How different is all of this from GOOGLE? Dad and mom say to embrace technology, so I do. YAY!!!!!!!!!!

        2. I’m not worried about AI at all, but there are just way too many precedents for information getting into the hands of bad actors (especially under bad governments). And what constitutes “dirt” when it comes to your enemies having dirt on you has historically changed very quickly before.

    2. I welcome smart tech but only to the extent of a monitoring system connected to a phone app, via web or Bluetooth (like a Nest) – and even then they are monetizing your monitored habits so it’s a little disconcerting. Anything that involves voice activation or motion sensor other than an alarm system is too much and too hackable – and they put back doors into almost all these things.

    3. I have no expertise in tech, but I choose to enjoy the convenience of smart tech, even if that means I’m sticking my head in the sand. We have an Alexa in our kitchen, use a Firestick with a voice-activated remote, and have smart thermostats. We use the timer/alarm on Alexa the most (for cooking, letting our kid know when the next thing will happen, and general reminders), but we also use it for checking the weather, adding items to our shopping list, and sometimes playing music or podcasts. We’re thinking of getting a Roomba soon, and DH wants one of the “smart” ones. The “smart” lights seem cool, but it would cost a lot of money to replace all the lights in our house, so for now, we’re just trying to be good about turning the lights off when we leave the room and double-checking before we leave the house or go to bed.

      1. This is the extent that I would my smart tech to be. We have a very small apartment so the smart lights are really easy, one in the bedroom, one in the tv room. I love the timer to have them come on before I come home. Even just a couple lights, really is nice.

        I bought an alexa echo dot for Christmas, and I am SO looking forward to the features while cooking. I am someone who always forgets to set timers or look at the clock. But, i am concerned about privacy a little. The anecdote about the people’s conversation that was mailed randomly to someone in their contacts is pretty creepy. Therefore, I’m hoping I can just disable any kind of calling or contact feature.

    4. No smart tech for me. I don’t want to sacrifice privacy for solutions to problems that don’t exist. Sure, it could be kind of nice to be able to turn up the thermostat from afar, but it’s not something I *need* and I certainly don’t need my fridge to tell me when we’re running low on milk. I’m very concerned about tracking, invasion of privacy, and data breaches and I take active steps to minimize those risks.

      1. A story on NPR earlier this week confirmed my decision to keep my home “dumb.” This ordinary guy told the story of being in his house when all of a sudden a man from Canada started talking to him via his Alexa. The man from Canada called himself a white hat hacker and told the guy “I’ve beeen checking in til you were home” or similar. I’m not getting the details right but the gist is there and it was disturbing.

        1. There was also a recent story about a Nest baby monitor being hacked. The couple heard someone saying “I’m in your baby’s room, taking your baby hostage” and they (obviously) completely flipped, but when they ran into the baby’s room there was no one there. It was just someone who had hacked into their Nest and was speaking to them remotely. I guess in that situation there was no harm except that they got totally freaked out, but man, it made me not want to ever get a Nest or that kind of thing.

    5. And of course there are stories of men screwing with their (ex)girl-friend’s homes via all this “internet of things.” Changing passwords, altering the thermostats, etc.

      1. I do wonder in all of these anecdotes if they are real or not. I’ve read a lot of them. Obviously none of the tech companies would report on them, because of the bad PR, but like, how much of it is real? We do live in the world of fake news.

    6. My family calls me a privacy nut (it’s true) so I am not interested in an always-on listening device but I did buy individual bulbs and a WiFi outlet from the Geeni brand. You use an app on your phone to turn the lights on or off, using your home internet. It seems like the least invasive way to get that functionality.

  8. Oh no what happened to the layout? The black boxes are jarring and the font got smaller? spaced weirdly?

  9. Sort of the flip side to a thread from this morning, but does anyone feel like they’re the spouse who is not pulling their weight at home? My husband is wonderful – we don’t have any kids (although I’m currently 5 months pregnant) and while he works at a magical unicorn in house job with no nights and weekends of work, I’m in big law and at times I am honestly only home long enough to fall into bed and sleep for a few hours. He makes breakfast, packs lunches so he knows I have something to eat, makes sure I have a to go cup of coffee, cooks dinner, will get laundry started or work on larger household tasks (he’s already started writing notes in and addressing holiday cards and he stayed home for a few hours the other week when the electrician came). I feel like I owe him so much for making my life so much easier. When I’m not working, I spend as much time with him as possible (no phones allowed, just focusing on each other and talking or doing an activity we enjoy) and always say thank you and mention how appreciative I am of everything that he does.

    But, I still feel like it’s not enough – when I do have slow times I help out way more and will cook dinner or take care of all the laundry, etc. He always says that he knows how hard I work and he enjoys cooking and having a clean house (those are both true) so he was going to make dinner anyway and do the laundry and sweep the floors because he wanted to, not because he feels it’s a task he has to accomplish for me or something. I just feel like I can’t accurately express to him how wonderful this is that I have this kind of support. After a particularly difficult stretch of a few weeks of not being home earlier this year, I bought him a bottle of his favorite and hard to find bourbon, but I felt kind of silly doing that – like I’m giving him a client gift. Does anyone have thoughts or advice or commiseration? I just feel like I’m not being an equal partner, but I don’t know how to get there without somehow creating more hours in the day. TIA!

    1. I wouldn’t beat yourself up over “not being an equal partner” – surely there will be many chapters and phases of life in your relationship, and there will be times when the dynamic is flipped and he’ll need the support from you, and who knows how that support will take shape. Being appreciative, making time together intentional and phoneless, and speaking his love languages are together probably plenty. Besides, you are growing a human!

    2. I have no advice and I am not sure you need any. It sounds like you have a wonderful partner and that you truly appreciate him. Maybe you should print this out and show him that you told a whole giant Internet community of amazing women that he means so much to you! Happy Holidays and a whole pile of heart emojis!

    3. If you were the husband and he were the wife, this would be business as usual. He is doing what is appropriate given the constraints of your job and the necessity of having somebody do the house stuff. Don’t make him out to be a giant hero when he’s doing what women have done since the beginning of time. I think you’re doing fine!

    4. There’s a guideline that you should each have roughly an equal amount of free time for things to be “fair,” which makes sense to me on some levels (although obviously it’s hard to control who works more hours). So maybe you can let yourself off the hook a little bit? It sounds like things are going well.

      The only thing I’d add to maybe do if you don’t already is just watch for days when husband seems tired, has extra on his plate at work, family has been especially trying, etc and pick up a chore then (such as packing lunch/doing dishes even though it’s his duty/turn).

    5. I think saying a sincere thank-you is really good here. My partner is similar in that he has more time and does more shopping and cooking and on-call stuff around the house, and I try to notice it and thank him.
      I’m respectfully at odds with Senior Attorney on this one – Yes, in the past women have done that unpaid work and not received appreciation, but that doesn’t offset the wonderful supportive things your spouse is doing. He’s an individual, not a group receiving benefit from those hard working women, and ignoring his hard work doesn’t seem right. Women and men who do this unpaid home work deserve appreciation.
      IMO a gift is appropriate every now and then, especially if you have more money than time. Another thing I try to do is notice when my partner having a hard time getting something done and do it for him (like if there’s something he puts off but wants to do like make a dentist appointment or respond to a family duty email, I’ll do it for him because it’s quick but I’m pitching in by giving the gift of doing a particularly undesirable chore).

    6. I think relationships go through stretches where someone is doing more than the other person and as long as over the long haul, it feels fair then it is fine. You probably earn the greater share of the household income too right? Not that it excuses you from helping out, but that is also contributing to the household. Also throw some money at it–hire a cleaning service, send your laundry out sometimes. Take some chores off his plate, even if you aren’t the one physically doing them instead. Also, think of special ways to thank him–and it sounds like you did this already, but keep thinking of things–like for my husband a night alone with no distractions and lots of s3x would go a long way towards making him feel loved and appreciated.

      1. OP, while you are lucky to have found some one like this, but just do NOT forget that you are also bringing something unique to the table (and bedroom) that is very very important. You are a hard working professional woman in big law, bringing home the bacon, but just as important, you are also a highly charged s-xueal woman, haveing great s-x , and only with him, and will be soon birthing him a baby. Others have already said this, but trust me, most women will not know, and/or be able to please him the way you have learned how, and that is something that men appreciate and is being reciprocated.

        Many women on this site work hard to please their men, and many of those men just burp, walk away, and then do stuff they should not have. Your’s sounds different, so just relish that and enjoy the holidays with him, ideally with cups of hot chocolate that can work wonder’s in the bedroom for your libido! YAY!!!!

    7. I concur with previous posters that your thanks and acknowledgment are key. And since you’ve done this, and check in on him, ideally he feels that if he is overstretched he can talk to you about it.

      Also, you are five months pregnant. Once you have the baby you will collectively have way more work to do, so the discrepancy may shrink a bit. Particularly if you breastfeed and/or pump. I would think of your current status quo as an excellent starting point.

    8. Given the incoming baby, I would strongly suggest you figure out how to outsource some of what both of you have been doing. Housekeeping, grocery delivery on autopilot, laundry service, etc.

    9. No kids here, but same for husband and he is just absolutely wonderful. I try to celebrate him by getting him things he loves (he’s a gift as a love language guy) and by trying to do chores he hates when I can. I also thank him publicly when people ask me “how I do it,” because I know it makes him feel special. I just overall try to love him as much as I can and show him I’m thankful for him.

      I also shoulder a lot more emotional labor by choice because details stress him out and while cleaning and cooking are tasks he doesn’t hate and will handle well, things like vet appointments, questions for vet, etc. stress him out. He also works a job where calling in the middle of the day is difficult (open plan, sales, etc.), so I handle all of that from my office. Same with shipping things/returning. Basically anything my secretary can assist with, I take on. I also help him with things like sending him with a list of questions to the vet for the pup’s annual check up because I know he won’t ask those things off the top of his head, but he is happy to facilitate.

      I totally know what you’re saying, so you are not alone. Congrats on your little addition! It sounds like you will both be wonderful parents.

  11. Commiseration. I’ve been that person kind of a lot in my relationship. One stretch was because I was pulling long nights when I was staffed on an active litigation matter (not a lawyer or in big law so there wasn’t even a ton of money to compensate) and another was because I was experiencing a particularly long bout of depression comorbid with some health issues that affect energy. It’s awful to feel like dead weight. I think all you can do is continue to express gratitude and not take it for granted and take “yes” for an answer. Be super vigilant that he’s not resentful and try to have open communication about it if you think that he is- but yeah- I agree that you are doing great!
    I’m better now and it’s been a rough year for my family as my FIL died suddenly this year and it’s the first round of holidays without him and I’ve actually been super grateful to be able to be there for my wife- which is to say, one day the tables will be turned one way or another and you’ll have an opportunity to step up. What you do for him may not be logistical support.

  12. Was turning left into CVS across 3 lanes of a busy stretch of road…so busy that Walgreen’s, Rite Aid, and another pharmacy are on the other 3 corners. Light was red, person in the inside (non-turning and 2nd over) stopped and flagged me across…person in outside lane was approaching the lawn two homes down. I dogged it across the lanes, made it 80% into the drive/lot of CVS and my bumper was slammed from the side…just the bumper…not serious. Here

  13. Was turning left into CVS across 3 lanes of a busy stretch of road…so busy that Walgreen’s, Rite Aid, and another pharmacy are on the other 3 corners. Light was red, person in the inside (non-turning and 2nd over) stopped and flagged me across…person in outside lane was approaching the lawn two homes down. I dogged it across the lanes, made it 80% into the drive/lot of CVS and my bumper was slammed from the side…just the bumper…not serious. Her Odyssey was a mess. Cop said it was my fault…driver said light was green and she “has a record”. Policeman didn’t consult me when writing the report. What do I do? Never was at fault in an accident.

    1. If you were the one turning left – especially if you had a red light and the person who hit you had a green — I think you’re legally at fault. My mom once tried to fight this and while she felt like she was morally in the right, she was very clearly legally wrong. I’d pay the ticket and report it to your insurance company.

      2. She had red…I had no light…just waiting and turning. It turned green as I crossed to the third lane. She wasn’t near when I initiated the turn.

        1. If your car was where it did not belong when the light was green, you are at fault. It does NOT matter that the woman had a record. You were making a left, and it is your job to make sure you have clearence of ALL 3 lanes b/f crossing them. It does NOT matter if another lady gave you a hand signal to go in front of her. The woman who cracked into your car’s bumper did NOT know you were doing that, and I can NOT imagine she could have given you a signal to cross, then plowed into your tuchus. Contact your insurance company, and tell them you were Christmas shopping, and they have a program for first offenders like you and will NOT penalize you, since you were not drinking. In the future, do NOT cross on a red light, b/c it could be green going the other way. There should be a green arrow for you before you make a left. Or just don’t make a left. Go around the block like the UPS guys do, and that way you will ALWAYS be making 3 right hand turns where you will NOT get into a fender bender. YAY!!!

    2. Generally speaking, if you don’t have right of way, you are in the wrong for accidents. I don’t really understand your comment about the red light through. Was the Odyssey running a red light? If so, then you were too so I don’t think that helps your case. If a car is going straight and you are turning, the car going straight has the right of way and you owe a greater duty of care. So no matter what, you’re on the hook.

      1. Yes, but she wasn’t anywhere near when I started the turn. She approached and noticed the light turning green, and sped up, not noticing I was crossing the lanes and cars were stopped ahead. My insurance will likely skyrocket?

    3. NAL but have watched a lot of court tv shows where car accidents are common (no, I’m not equating my tv time with anyone’s law degree, just to make sure I’m not offending someone accidentally) :)

      Take photos of damages, ask the police for a copy of the report (or get the report number if it’s not ready yet), call your insurance company.

      It IS your fault, you crossed into a lane that wasn’t clear and the other vehicle was driving in their lane where their car belonged. However, this isn’t a situation where anyone is going to claim you were intentionally causing an accident or something and since you were present for the police (as in didn’t hit and run), the only issues here are their body, their vehicle, your body, and your vehicle.

      Your insurance company knows what to do and they’ll guide you through the process. I’m not sure if you have the other person’s contact info but most insurance companies will say not to contact them or talk with them if they contact you, to leave it up to your insurance company and theirs to work through the process. I’m sorry this happened to you and I hope you give your body some pampering and kindness as it might be sore later/tomorrow. <3

      1. This. It might feel like it’s not your fault because she could have stopped, but the point is she had the right of way. You didn’t. You’re legally at fault.

        This is why I actually hate it when drivers in stopped up multi lanes ‘wave’ you across. Everyone just follow the rules of the road and this shit doesn’t happen.

          1. Accidents happen – this is why we have insurance. You didn’t intend to hit her and she didn’t intend to hit you.

          4. I guess you luck out when you aren’t paying attn/are on your phone/speeding when you’re going straight. She even took a pic of the green light.

        2. I don’t think you’re understanding the situation here… the accident occurred because your car entered a lane that wasn’t clear (how do we know it wasn’t? the accident happened.) What the other driver was doing has absolutely nothing to do with why this accident happened, it happened because you entered a lane where it was not safe to enter.

          You’re not “out of luck” and someone isn’t “lucky,” this is a clear-cut legal matter. Their car was in the lane, traveling where their car was supposed to be. Your car crossed into a lane that was not safe/clear to cross into. That’s it.

          If you go into “poor me” mode, it can influence the process if the other side or their attorney contacts you and catches an attitude from you. The collision was an accident, your choosing how to view the situation is your choice.

          This isn’t that I don’t get why you feel frustrated, it’s just that you’re so legally in the wrong that your frustration comes across as being entitled or bratty because you don’t have any legal leg to stand on and there isn’t a morality issue since no one was intentionally causing the accident. I’m sure you’re not trying to create that image of yourself or your processing of the situation so you may just not realize that’s how it’s coming across. Instead, see it as an accident that your insurance will handle and know that, if you’re not sure if it’s safe to enter a lane, don’t enter it (and find another way to get into the place you were going this time, since the way you tried clearly isn’t a good plan).

          1. It would have remained clear had she not stepped on the gas when she saw the light change while she was two doors down and I was halfway done w/the turn. If the lane wasn’t clear, she would have hit me broadside…not nipped my back end. I was turning for an eternity before she hit me…I was already IN the CVS driveway/parking lot…I wasn’t even rushing by any stretch. Never is the lane “clear”. There are always cars coming from some distance. I realize none of this matters.

          2. You’re still missing the point. Her stepping on the gas in a lane she belonged in was legal, you put your car into a lane without enough space to ensure you wouldn’t be hit by an oncoming car. It’s sort of like rear-ending a car; even if the person in front hits the breaks, there legally has to be enough room between your car and the car in front of you that you still wouldn’t hit even if they slammed on the breaks. At best, you didn’t leave enough room in crossing into the lane for the car to have not hit you even if it did speed up.

            It does not matter how she hit you, her car was in a lane where it belonged. Your car crossed into a lane where it was not clear enough for long enough to fully make the turn. That’s it. There’s no additional info that changes the law or changes the fault. If that lane is never clear, then it is never legally okay to make the turn there.

            You are 100% legally in the wrong. You asked us, we’ve all answered you. You’ve received numerous messages explaining why you were legally in the wrong and trying to help you to understand why and why you’re sounding awful. Instead of hearing us, you’re doubling down, making yourself sound worse and refusing to hear the law.

            There really isn’t anything else to say here; we all get that you’re frustrated, we all get that the accident wasn’t intentional. It is, by law, 100% your fault, none of the details matter other than that your vehicle was enough in her lane to be hit by her car.

            I truly hope you find a new way to enter that CVS since it sounds like the way you were going is never clear long enough to be safe for you (or anyone else) to do so! <3

          3. Depending on your state, the last clear chance doctrine may apply. It states that someone who has the ability to avoid an accident (even if he has the right of way) should do so to avoid also being at fault.

            It’s not a free-for-all on any car turning left. Travelling straight doesn’t actually give you the right to cause accidents you can avoid.

            Talk to your insurance company about it. They may agree with all of the posters here. They may partially agree with me. But you’re not going to get any information here that your insurance company cannot already give you.

    4. I think it’s interesting that you asked a bunch of people whether you were at fault, they unanimously said you were, and now you’re arguing with them. I get that it sucks to get in an accident, but the people here are just trying to give you truthful answers.

      1. Yes, she is a little frazzeled, but she has never had an accident before. When I was in high school, I drove into a pole at Rosevelt Field. The car I thought was in Neutral, but it was in Drive, so when I took my foot off the brake, the car rolled back into the pole. Dad was mad b/c the red plastic on the light was schmushed, but they did not have to replace the bumper.

        I read that LeBron James made an offensive instagram post about Jewish people with money today, and he took it down, but he was disingenous. People with money pay alot to watch people like him jumping up and down and around and if they didn’t he would not be so successful, so why is he bad mouthing Jewish fans who are not able to jump like him? FOOEY on him. He is ungrateful? DOUBEL FOOEY! Dad was not happy with him either.

    5. Screwed, I am going to support you a little bit in this, but only partially. I am an insurance lawyer (caveat – in Canada) and there is plenty of case law to support at least a percentage of liability on the other driver who should have noticed that, despite the green light, the cars in the other lanes were stopped and therefore been alert to the fact that there might have been something coming across and therefore should have at least slowed to assess the situation (despite technically having the right of way). This generally would result in maybe 15% – 25% liability on that other driver and the rest on you. So while it is mostly your fault, there is certainly a reasonable argument that it is not totally on you.

    6. You should call a local atty. While we can give you some pretty solid advice, who is at fault, and comparatively negligent in accidents does vary considerably by state, and a local attorney could apprise you of your rights and responsibilities in this specific situation.

    1. That article is so me. Except it was a sadistic abusive boss (cooking job) and a stepdad who constantly insulted my cooking (while I was a boomerang millenia living at home).
      I’m just coming out of a 5 year cooking strike, and got married 1 year in. DH had to learn how to cook, and he has to “figure it out” every night after work. I wouldn’t even help teach him, after covering the very basics if kitchen saftey. “Here’s your phone, with google and both our mothers’ numbers”

      What made it work, I think, is that I explained to him the huge emotional stakes attached to me, at that point in time. And he’s been able to watch me heal, and slowly start to enjoy cooking once a month, or baking for a treat sometimes.

    2. This article is wonderful. I’m an amazing cook, but also the bread winner. I’m tired and bitter and I just want to sleep. I’m very fortunate to be child free (and intend to stay that way forever). I think my husband can tell I’m starting to crack because I absolutely refuse to stay anywhere but all inclusive resorts or high end hotels, I nearly bit his head off when he suggested an air bnb for a vacation ‘because it has a kitchen ‘. F**K gender roles.

      1. So…don’t cook? It doesn’t seem that complicated. I dunno, I want to have sympathy for that author but it seems like she brought her problems on herself. Use your words. Tell your husband you’ve lost your passion for cooking and want to make simpler meals or have him cook. Marriage is about communication.

        1. Totally agree. I read this article and I just have to say…there is culpability here on the author’s part; she allowed the situation to go on way longer than it should have. I am lucky; I married a man who A. had to take care of himself a lot as a kid, as his single mom worked two jobs; B. he had worked in a restaurant and knew how to cook – well; and C. had no hangups about cooking. He cooks about 60% of our meals and has no problem doing so. I’m a big fan of the idea “begin as you mean to go on” and when you don’t speak up early and say, this seems unequal to me; let’s change things – don’t be surprised when you end up with a man-baby who refuses to learn how to feed himself. I have a friend married to a guy like that but IMO, she has totally dug her own grave. When you do everything, and never hold the other person accountable for doing any of the basic activities of daily living they would have to do if you were not around – yep, you’re going to end up feeling overburdened and unappreciated.

    3. Interesting article. Reminds me of how my mom would never, ever stop expecting me to do the dishes whenever I came home for any holiday or occasion whatsoever, every single time, even when I was the only one in the family working full time, and my siblings were still in college. No words or form of communication would stop this. Now I’m fortunate to have a wonderful husband who does all the cooking, and every day I tell him how it’s the best meal I’ve ever had, which it always is. And I happily do the dishes! And when I’m working 100 hours to finish a big project and he does the dishes too, then I thank him profusely every single time and I never take it for granted.

  15. I know this has been on here before, but I can’t seem to find…
    Looking for a great book as a holiday gift for a cousin who recently landed her dream position in a large company, but is having self-doubt and needs a bit of encouragement, work lessons, and also some polish (she came from a small, family-fun company and is now managing a team at a company that is publicly traded). Hit me with your best work advice or encouragement books, please! (I know about Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office). Thanks!

  16. Anyone have any good healthy party recipes for one of those tiny crock pots? Like a warm spinach dip or chocolate fondue kind of thing? Thanks!

  17. SO got into horrible accident dropping me off at work this morning–feeling so unbelievably guilty for being here in the first place–and thankfully, everyone is fine. I think the car may be totaled and the other person’s car for sure is, it flipped over and the person was fine. Unclear whose fault it was, but seems like mixed fault. Getting the rental and the car was towed to a local wrecker where it will be inspected by insurance contracted person. Brought him back to my office so he could call the insurance, get a rental set up, and wait for my in-laws to come take him to the rental place. Emailed off an open records request for the police report.

    So, what happens next? What should I keep tabs on? How should we follow up on this claim? I am not sure what happens next as far as our car (it’s not paid off), and basically anything else that I might need to keep tabs on. He is wonderful and I am so so thankful he is okay, but he is not a detail oriented person and I am an attorney. I want to be as helpful as possible, so that he doesn’t have to stress about this any more than he did.

    Related note: I struggle with anxiety and it manifests in thinking the absolute worst, like when he doesn’t answer, that he’s been in a horrible wreck, etc. So you can imagine how I felt getting that call from him describing it as a “bad accident.” Any tips on handling this (aside from normal therapy work, of course)?

    1. I’m so sorry. No advice, but just wanted to say how sorry I am you have to deal with this this week and how glad I am he’s okay. It’s not your fault.

    2. Just talk to your ins company. DH got an an accident and had $28k of damage to his 8 month old BMW. The crazy part is that it was a low speed rear end, and the other car had <$500k in bumper damage!

      Accidents happen. If both drivers walked away, you’re in even better shape. FWIW I was in a car that flipped once and I walked away with not even a bruise. Just a bruised ego. And the car was a total loss.

      1. Agreed. Talk to your insurance co. Your property damage adj deals with this stuff everyday so he or she is the number one person you talk to about concerns.

        If he does think he might be hurt at all, wakes up with a neck or back ache, he should see his doctor. Most states have no-fault medical coverage. And these things are worth getting checked out.

        If he is hurt, or the other vehicle is uninsured or underinsured you should call an atty. Also, any personal injury attorney would be able to give you some decent advice about any of the above. Most give free consultations.

  18. Hi. Sorry this happened. Your insurer will likely call you and ask your husband for a recorded statement. You should follow up with your insurance and figure out if the car can be fixed or if it’s totaled. This will take longer than usually given the holidays. You should have patience and grace with the folks trying to do their jobs. You should expect this may cost you some money. That’s ok. This car did its job, your husband is ok. Most importantly: You thank your lucky stars that he is ok. You remember the other person is ok too. This should not emotionally or financially ruin you. These things happen. Cars can be replaced. People cannot.

  19. Paging New Zealand trip – I left a comment on your post from yesterday with some recommendations, so check pack if you’re still interested.

  20. Hey all! Finally wore my blue sequin mini last night, with a cute ruffled leather jacket, for Christmas eve. Now that I’m a size smaller than when I bought it, it’s no longer as insanely short as it was when I bought it. It was a fun party dress and I’ll definitely wear it again. Thanks for all of the encouragement!

  21. I am desperately trying to plan just a 2 day trip from the bay area — I need to get out hiking and have been looking at everything do you have any suggestions????

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