Corporette.com

Updated: Mar 5, 2021 193 Comments · by

Workwear Hall of Fame: Tumi Voyageur

Workwear Hall of Fame

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.


Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

Happy long weekend, everyone! There are some fantastic sales on luggage right now if you need a new anything — including tons of reader favorite Tumi Voyageur (particularly backpacks! and men's briefcases).

This everyday tote looks perfect — I like that it has travel sleeve for luggage handles (so it doesn't fall off), a water-bottle pocket with water-resistant lining, and a bunch of smaller interior pockets for cell phone, pen loop, etc. I've pictured the purple (how pretty!) but it also comes in navy and black.

It was $295, but is now marked to $236 at both Nordstrom and Tumi.

Psst: the super lightweight rolling bag I JUST bought a few months ago is now 40% off at Amazon — FYI! 

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 9.10.24

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Two Cents

    I haven’t had the chance to check this page much or the mom’s page, so sorry if this has been discussed already.

    For those with young kids living in areas where camps will be open, are you putting your children in camp? Here in the Bay Area some camps will be open this summer. I have two kids, ages 5 and 7. These generally are outdoor camps, groups will be no more than 12 kids and there will be no interacting with other groups. Supposedly each kid will be getting their own equipment (e.g. each kid has their own football, basketball, etc.). Instructors will be wearing masks, it is up to each child whether they want to wear a mask.

    Many families at our school have decided to put their kids in some of these camps, whether half day or full day. I fully realize that there will some risk involved in doing this. On the other hand a long summer with the kids at home will be lonely and boring for the kids, not to mention stressful given work demands.

    No one in my family is high risk. Grandparents live in the area and we haven’t seen them for nearly 3 months now.

    For those in a similar situation, please share what you have decided to do with kids this summer and your rationale. Thanks very much.

      • anon

        I would say it’s been the main discussion given the circumstances.

        The general consensus seems to be that kids are going back to camps/daycares unless a high-risk person lives in the household, or there is something strange/problematic with the daycare. For example, this week a mom was asking whether to get a nanny instead of sending the kiddo to a windowless daycare with no outdoor space. Under normal circumstances, the kids would go to parks but the daycare is keeping the kids inside at all times moving forward to reduce contact with other people. Most said go for the nanny in that specific situation.

        Good luck!

    • Anonymous

      I’m doing the outdoor camp at our local botanical gardens. Oldest kid LOVED it the last two years. We’re in a low case load area but that can always change quickly. With them being outside basically all day and only 20 kids I think the risk is low.

    • Anonymous

      My kids are school aged and are going to our area’s camps. City is hotspot for our state, but state has been in stage 1 reopening for a couple of weeks and next stage starts today. Neighboring state has been open-ish for longer (one camp is there). If they get sick (they may), I’d rather they have it in the summer when they can be outside if at home vs inside all the time if when the school year starts. No local older relatives. Since school has been out and we WFH during the day (actually busier than before with CV-related implementation things / change of business routines to adapt, not with more paying work, just more tasks), we have some days where it rains or we can’t even walk around the block. At this point, even they would rather risk it than continue like this.

    • Anon

      read the moms site from earlier this week. Lots of discussion on i think Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. General summary is that many people are sending their kids to camp, but are then choosing to mitigate their risk in other ways (no restaurants, gyms, mani/pedi, movies, play dates, etc) with the thought being we cannot completely eliminate the risk but there are choices we can make to minimize it

    • AnonNYCer

      I’m in NYC, so to send my 7 year old to her day camp, in any another year she’s got to ride a bus with 20? kids of varying ages and 10+ teenage/college age counselors for 45-60 min before being in her bunk of 17 kids. I don’t have a clue how risk can be acceptably reduced in that scenario.

    • Seventh Sister

      I thought I was a smarty smart smartypants for putting my kid in a summer daycamp run by the afte school care program at the school district. Joke’s on me, because the daycamp isn’t going forward because they use the school district campuses (which have to be cleaned/reconfigured for the start of school). If I found a camp that would take my kids and isn’t too $$$, I’d send my kid to daycamp. What I’m planning to do is hire a college-age sitter a few days a week – my kids are in that space where they don’t need constant supervision, but don’t need to be spending all their time on screens while I’m working.

  2. Senior Attorney

    Good grief, you all. Facebook just reminded me that it was six years ago today that my divorce was finalized! (Also my son was promoted to USMC Corporal, so it was, like The Best Day Ever.) It blows my mind that I was remarried less than two years later and I’ve gone from being the Horrible Marriage Poster Child to the Happiest Marriage Ever Poster Child.

    I was 54 when I left my awful husband and it wasn’t until the third try that the separation finally took. I’m 62 now and never been happier. It’s never too late and the magic can’t happen until you make the break.

    Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

    • Anonymous

      SO happy for you. Reminds me of DH’s old boss. She left a childless toxic marriage in her late forties. Within 5 years she was remarried to a widowed wealthy doctor whose adult kids love that she makes their dad happy.

      • Anonymous

        To clarify, there’s nothing wrong with a childless marriage – but she had wanted kids and he didn’t so she is loving being with someone who has kids and grandkids.

    • ELS

      I’m so glad to hear you are doing so well and are so happy in your life now, both altruistically (I want everyone to be happy!) and selfishly (i’m going through a divorce in my mid-30s!).

      I’m confident that my (amicable!) divorce is the right move. No kids, it’ll be quick and painless. But after a decade of being rooted to one place because of his job, it feels so weird to be able to do …. whatever I want. Wherever I want. To be free to date when I want to again (and when there’s not a pandemic on). It’s a little overwhelming sometimes.

      So, it makes me feel like my life may turn out like yours, in the end. Thank you for sharing it with us (and congratulations to you and to your son on this most momentous of anniversaries!).

      • Senior Attorney

        You got this, ELS!

        It’s never painless but life on the other side is great!

      • Jules

        Agreed! ELS, you can do this and you will come out on the other side so much happier. My new next-door neighbor is in her late 40s, I’d guess, and just divorcing after a 15-year marriage. She told me last night that her post-divorce present to herself is going to be a motorcycle! Here’s to doing what you want and being who you are, with or without a new partner.

      • Senior Attorney

        Nice to be an inspiration after so many years of being a horrible warning… ;)

        • Anon

          One person’s cautionary tale is another person’s inspiration! Don’t let the judge Judys get you down!

    • HousecounseI

      You’re awesome, Senior Attorney, and our unofficial Troop Leader. Thank you for being here.

    • Jules

      I love this, and I’m still so happy for you. I’m not far behind – I left a troubled marriage (after almost 28 years together) at age 55, five years ago. Today is the anniversary of the day that year that I bought my adorable little house, and a few weeks ago was my one-year anniversary (dating, not married) with a sweet, stable, cheerful (and handsome!) man who thinks I hung the moon; my friends tell me I won the lottery with him, and I have to agree.

      So yes, it’s never too late!

      • Senior Attorney

        YAY JULES!!! Let’s hear it for cheerful men who think we hung the moon!

        • Jules

          Yes! Right after all of us were telling a poster last week to DTMFA when her quarantine-partner SO was on the dating apps and setting up Zoom dates, and that she deserved someone who was still amazed he had caught her, my guy looked at me and said out of the blue, “how did I get so lucky?”

          All of us deserve that.

          • Senior Attorney

            Awww…

            True story: YEARS ago, when I was married to Mr. Awful, somebody posted on here about leaving her bad husband and meeting somebody who treats here like a queen and is so nice to her and all. And I literally didn’t believe it. I did not believe such a thing was even possible.

            Amazing how things can change.

        • Ellen

          I am happy for all of you as it shows there is hope for all of us, including me, who is not married and is not getting any younger! I have been thru the ringer with losers even tho I never tied the not, I feel that I spared myself the grief of having children with losers, tho I wish I had children that would not have to be traveling to the loser’s house for holidays, etc.
          On this holiday, I remain hopeful that I can find a man, much like each of you have, who is mature enough to respect me for my mind, and not just want to treat me like a pretty dummy, which has been the situation with many men who really do not care that I am a business woman in a law firm, working closeley with the manageing partner to increase firm revenue.
          I wish all the best to the ladies in the hive who have overcome adversity to become happy in their senior years! Congrats to senior attorney, Jules and each of the other anon’s who have chimed in anonymously! YAY!!!

    • Anon

      I am so happy for you!

      Not a regular reader, but as someone who is younger and taking the decision of who to marry seriously, how is this second marriage different from your first?

      • Senior Attorney

        Haha how is this third marriage different from the second (and the first)?

        Number 2 was a straight-up malignant narcissist who gaslighted me and put me down and gave me the silent treatment on pretty much a daily basis for fifteen years. I’ve had a lot of therapy and concluded that the reason I put up with it is that my parents were similar and I grew up learning that people who supposedly love you are critical and unpredictable and tell you that you are too fat and are otherwise inadequate. So Mr. Awful felt very familiar and also he presented the challenge of me getting him to love me even though I’d been unsuccessful in getting my parents to love me.

        Number 3? He’s kind and patient and cheerful and he actually likes me and thinks that the fact that I have a big personality is a feature and not a bug. (On Reddit they keep saying “don’t be with people you hate” and I feel like that’s a lesson No. 2 should have learned.) Plus he pulls his own weight (and then some!) and is just generally the opposite of Mr. Awful in every way. We don’t fight, we don’t even really argue, and we are absolutely passionate about assuming good intentions and being on the same team.

        And honestly, I feel like a lot of it is just luck. I always say my relationship advice is “be the recipient of a miracle straight from heaven.”

    • Coach Laura

      Throwback – I remember when you were planning to leave. So happy you’re happy.

    • NOLA

      Yay! Older and wiser, for sure. And happier! Omg, talking to my ex husband a month or so ago reminded me how much better off I am without him! Congratulations to you!

        • NOLA

          You know, my ex is completely innocuous. I just had to have a weird threeway conversation with him and a Cox representative to (finally) put the account in my name. He’s this blah person and, as I have talked about him with current dude, I think how lucky I am not to be in that situation.

    • Anon for this

      I am hoping against hope that this will be me someday :)

      I love these stories! They help me believe that I will get out of this disaster of a marriage AND maybe even find someone kind and fun.

    • Pure Imagination

      That’s so great. Your story sounds similar to my relative I mentioned recently. Her second husband was a narcissistic liar who cheated on her (among other terrible acts) and her next relationship was with a man who took a downward turn (mental decline? idk) and loved nothing more than ranting about “that b*tch Nancy Pelosi.” After he died in the same year her mom died, she never intended to seriously date or get married again, but a friend set her up with the PERFECT guy who had been recently widowed himself and she’s head over heels. They’ve been married two years now and they’re so, so happy. She’s not religious at all, but thinks her parents were watching over her to set up this relationship. I’m just sad they aren’t alive to see how great this guy is for her – they would have absolutely loved him.

      Anyway, congrats again to you!

      • The original Scarlett

        So I’m not religious either but I met my husband shortly after both my grandmothers died and I’m convinced they conspired up there to find and send him my way! Glad I’m not the only one w some magical thinking….

        • Pure Imagination

          Ha, that’s so great! She’s totally convinced because this guy is seriously night and day from all the previous assh*les she introduced her parents to and she thinks they finally had enough :)

    • Anonymous

      Yay!! So happy for you. I really enjoy your perspective. Thank you for your posts.

    • Anon

      As someone who is single, mid-thirties and quarantining alone, I needed this!! Thank you!!!

      • Senior Attorney Too

        I too was an unmarried widow in a unsatisfying relationship (lived together) for 12 years. We were separating when he died. Five years later I’m in a very happy emotionally satisfying relationship (for the past two years) and am sad I spent so much time with someone who wasn’t close to right for me. I’m looking forward to the future. I’m completely shocked I found someone and am experienced mid-life happiness (52yo).

  3. Stationery Storage

    Anybody have a good way to store personal pens, paper, envelopes, blank books, etc? I just moved; they were stored in built-in drawers (not very accessible) and they are now in a heap on the floor (not very attractive). Ideally, I’d like to put them in my formal library (currently empty except boxes of books).

    I’m not sure what furniture or organizers would work well. I don’t need a desk for a work surface. The built-in cabinetry is all spoken for. What am I shopping for?

  4. Anon

    A reminder to all going into this weekend:

    From Yale Epidemiologist, Jonathan Smith:
    “As an infectious disease epidemiologist, at this point I feel morally obligated to provide some information on what we are seeing from a transmission dynamic perspective and how they apply to the social distancing measures. Like any good scientist I have noticed two things that are either not being articulated or not present in the “literature” of social media. I have also relied on my much smarter infectious disease epidemiologist friends for peer review of this post; any edits are from that peer review.
    Specifically, I want to make two aspects of these measures very clear and unambiguous.
    First, we are in the beginning of this epidemic’s trajectory. That means even with these distancing measures we will see cases and deaths continue to rise globally, nationally, and in our own communities in the coming weeks. This may lead some people to think that the social distancing measures are not working. They are. They may feel futile. They aren’t. You will feel discouraged. You should. This is normal in chaos. But this is normal epidemic trajectory. Stay calm. This enemy that we are facing is very good at what it does; we are not failing. We need everyone to hold the line as the epidemic inevitably gets worse.
    This is not my opinion; this is the unforgiving math of epidemics for which I and my colleagues have dedicated our lives to understanding with great nuance, and this disease is no exception. I want to help the community brace for this impact. Stay strong and with solidarity knowing with absolute certainty that what you are doing is saving lives, even as people begin getting sick and dying. You may feel like giving in. Don’t.
    Second, although social distancing measures have been (at least temporarily) well-received, there is an obvious-but-overlooked phenomenon when considering groups (i.e. families) in transmission dynamics. While social distancing decreases contact with members of society, it typically increases your contacts with family members /
    very close friends. This small and obvious fact has surprisingly profound implications on disease transmission dynamics. Study after study demonstrates that even if there is only a little bit of connection between groups (i.e. social dinners, playdates/playgrounds, etc.), the epidemic isn’t much different than if there was no measure in place. The same underlying fundamentals of disease transmission apply, and the result is that the community is left with all of the social and economic disruption but very little public health benefit.
    You should perceive your entire family to function as a single individual unit; if one person puts themselves at risk, everyone in the unit is at risk. Seemingly small social chains get large and complex with alarming geometric speed. If your son visits his girlfriend, and you later sneak over for coffee with a neighbor, your neighbor is now connected to the infected office worker that your son’s girlfriend’s mother shook hands with. This sounds silly, it’s not. This is not a joke or a hypothetical. We as epidemiologists see it borne out in the data time and time again and no one listens. Conversely, any break in that chain breaks disease transmission along that whole chain.
    In contrast to hand-washing and other personal measures, social distancing measures are not about individuals, they are about societies working in unison. These measures also take a long time to see the results. It is hard (even for me) to conceptualize how on a population level, ‘one quick little get together’ can undermine the entire framework of a public health intervention, but it does. I promise you it does. I promise. I promise. I promise.
    You can’t cheat it. People are already itching to cheat on the social distancing precautions just a “little”- a playdate, a haircut, or picking up a needless item at the store, etc. From a transmission dynamics standpoint, this very quickly recreates a highly connected social network that undermines all of the work the community has done so far.
    Until we get a viable vaccine this unprecedented outbreak will not be overcome in one grand, sweeping gesture, rather only by the collection of individual choices our community makes in the coming months. This virus is unforgiving to choices outside the rules.
    My goal in writing this is to prevent communities from getting ‘sucker-punched’ by what the epidemiological community knows will happen in the coming weeks. It will be easy to be drawn to the idea that what we are doing isn’t working and become paralyzed by fear, or to just‘cheat’ a little bit in the coming weeks. By knowing what to expect, and knowing the importance of maintaining these measures , my hope is to encourage continued community spirit, strategizing, and action to persevere in this time of uncertainty.”
    By Jonahan Smith, a lecturer in Epidemiology of Microbial Diseases and Global Health at Yale University School of Public Health. His research focuses on infectious disease transmission dynamics.

    • Anon

      Thank you for this. We all need to remember the importance of all of us being in this together. It’s not the time for choir practice (especially not that – the morning thread was frightening) or going wild at every reopened business. Let’s do the best we can while helping those who are struggling the most.

      • NOLA

        If you’re talking about me, there is no choir practice! Just solo singing in an empty church for Fb live.

        • Anon

          Just brush it off. You’re all over two threads getting defensive about a misunderstanding and vague language about your weekend plans.

    • Anonymous

      Okay, but this was written weeks ago when less was known about how the virus is transmitted.

      • Peanut

        Agreed. The research on corona virus is playing leapfrog with advice.

        Remember when we were told that facemasks didn’t help and we should wash down the outside of the jar of peanut butter when we brought it home? (I’ve not been out without a dust mask since 3/15, so I ignored the no-mask thing. And I have religiously washed the outside of jars, cans, have “quarantined” mail and packages for 3-4 days in my garage.) So things change. States are opening. Cities are opening. Most are following advice of their public health officials.

        • Anon

          In most states, it’s now “ok” (as in legal) to have gatherings of ten or fewer people. If every one of us started having weekly 10-person dinner parties, the results would be catastrophic.

          For me, I define “cheating” in a very Kantian way: if every single person in the U.S. did X, would there be exponential viral growth so that the virus comes roaring back? Of course, nothing is certain, but this is based on my best estimate of what we know about the virus right now. So, if everyone in my state sees two friends outside in a park, from six feet away, once a week, does the virus come roaring back? Unlikely. But if everyone spends 30 minutes indoors in close proximity with three other people not in their household once a week, does the virus come roaring back? Much more likely. That’s the math of exponential growth, unfortunately.

          • Anon

            In my state, it’s now legal to have gatherings up to 100 people! It’s insane. So much about how we’re reopening and in what order is illogical.

    • Anonymous

      Science is in the fog of war now. I think that there is a lot they don’t know. What we know is: stay out of nursing homes; protect people in nursing homes; stay outside or distance inside; wash yo hands.

    • Anon

      I wish someone would actually explain the math behind the “cheating”. I’m not trying to be snarky and my family isn’t cheating at all. We are still on full lockdown but the numbers just don’t make sense to me. In before times, I took public transit to work (interacting with hundreds if not thousands of people), went to an office where I interacted regularly with the 100 plus people on my floor, went to lunch in a cafeteria that 1000+ people had access to, usually went to coffee at a coffee shop with a coworker on another floor (with another 100 people), usually visited at least two other floors in my office, interacted with neighbors in my high rise apartment in elevators, etc. my husband did the same. Our child is in daycare where she interacted with kids and teachers from other classes all the time (so at least 100 kids and say 20 adults). In a regular day involving no special activity (i.e, no family outings at kid activities or dinner at a restaurant) as a family unit we easily had close contact with thousands of people. I honestly do not understand how that level of interaction could possibly be replicated without going back to “normal” even if everyone is cheating a lot.

      • Anon

        Oh and also I assume in Before Times, I assume the majority of people we had close contact with also had close contact with hundreds or thousands of people. So our “circle” was in the tens or hundreds of thousands. I don’t know how any amount of cheating could replicate that.

        • Pure Imagination

          But it doesn’t take that same level of cheating to have disastrous consequences. The exponential growth from infecting just 10-15 people and having them each do the same is staggering. Obviously it would be a real nightmare if everything was fully opened and we were all still going to huge concerts and conferences, but it doesn’t take much for transmission to accelerate even when you’re practicing some social distancing.

          • Anon

            I get that. But (1) that’s not what the article said, it said it’s not much different than if no measures were in place and (2) even if your “circle” is that large because of cheating, presumably you aren’t seeing exposing them every day like you would with no measures in place so there is still a lot of mitigation even with cheaters.

        • Anonymous

          Right. And who is cheating? A lot more than what he is complaining of is perfectly legal even weeks ago. If cheating means not locking oneself away and relying on abused Shipt and Amazon and DoorDash workers, I’ll cheat every time. I can’t live in a world where I, a healthy adult, demand that those less well off than I do incur any risks on my behalf. I will walk that walk. And, frankly, I’d volunteer to be a vaccine tester. I’m willing to do what I can to get us all through this faster.

          • Anon

            He’s a scientist, not a lawmaker. He’s talking about choices, not laws. The virus doesn’t care if your choice is “perfectly legal.”

          • Anonymous

            You realize that you’re just adding another person to the mix when you go out, right? You going out doesn’t expose those in the service delivery professions any less. In fact, it exposes them more because it’s one more body (potentially filled with germs) interacting with them in stores, etc.

        • Anonymous

          Keep in mind that in “Before Times” most people were immune to the illnesses that were circulating so they couldn’t be infected/transmit the illness (except to the extent an inanimate object like a package could transmit illness). Now, a very, very low percentage of people we interact with are immune, so each interaction is far more likely to cause an infection.

          • Anon

            I’m not sure what this has to do with the question. The article basically says any cheating essentially eliminates all the benefits of any social interaction. That just seems mathematically impossible. Also bad policy. If you tell people that having a friend over is the same as no social distancing at all, people are a lot more likely to just throw their hands up and say welp why bother at all then.

    • Anonymous

      It reads pretty alarmist to me. There isn’t a lot that science has really figured out yet. Think of the blog with the diagrams of place settings from the Wuhan restaurant. We know people got it from being close, but some did not. Why? We don’t know. Same with the choir. Some public health officials have the choir’s chart showing who was where — many people got sick and some died. Yet not everyone did. And no one has said how patient 0 of this got it (maybe there were multiple ones?).

      We know from the NYU study that age, obesity, underlying conditions like heart conditions and diabetes affect outcomes. So does gender.

      I read something this morning that this may be a disease with super-spreaders and that 80% of the cases may come from 10% of the infected; many people have no symptoms at all (including most of the + meatpackers).

      I don’t know what this means, but when there is a new paper every day, scientists are showing their work as they go and there aren’t linear answers yet. I hope that comes! What else is exciting is that it seems that blood banks are lining up to test donors for antibodies so that they can get maybe a better sense of prevalence (and some plasma to work with).

      • Vicky Austin

        I can’t decide if the concept of super-spreaders is reassuring or absolutely terrifying.

          • Anonymous

            I think it is helpful to avoid very large breathe-y things, like choirs, church, movies, sporting events, concerts, plays. Stuff I love. But can watch on TV for now and practice solo. I’d fly, but I’d stay off of the bus/subway. #TeamCar and #TeamWalking and #TeamBike.

            I think it is helpful to know that *most* people aren’t the worst-case scenario by far. And what does a vulnerable person look like.

            Also, how wrong was it that we were locking nursing home patients in with sick people and vulnerable caregivers but loved ones were barred from seeing even the dying? The loved ones weren’t the problem that admitting known + people were. We know better now.

      • Anonymous

        Yes. Can someone please tell me what the posters above consider”cheating”? It seems like there are some on this board who think following the law isn’t enough and leaving the house (or getting delivery, or not wiping down your groceries, or exercising outside without a mask) is “cheating.” Cheating on what? Some other code beyond the law? Guys, we don’t really know anything about this virus or how it spreads. The data changes regularly.

        • Ellen

          Cheating means meeting people or going out where there are people outside of your immediate circle. You do not have to kiss or have s-x to be cheating. All you have to do is get closer then 6 feet w/o a mask. It is a high standard designed to enforce social distancing.

  5. Anon

    I know I can’t complain because I work for small law and we are not doing any layoffs and this is probably the pressure you big law people are so used to but this is just cracking me up:

    Week A: Boss to attorneys – I want to see more billable hours. I see that you are all busy but let’s focus more on the money making stuff and less on the other stuff.
    Week B: Boss to attorneys – we really need to make sure we have new cases coming in. I want to see more blog writing and participation in Zoom networking meetings
    Week C: I’d rather we spend more time on billable hour stuff.
    Week D: Don’t forget to keep up the networking even if it is virtual! Anyone want to write a blog post?

    • HousecounseI

      Reviewer of legal bills here – we are on the lookout for churning right now! High alert! But write those articles and send them to us!

      • Anon

        I used to work in at an insurance defense firm and heard some churning horror stories and began to understand why insurance companies had so many bill review guidelines.

        Boss wasn’t asking us to churn files. It just a hysterical back and forth on how he wants us spending our time. We have plenty of work. I think what he wants, but doesn’t want to say, is do all that marketing stuff without reducing your billable hours. I think when he asks for a marketing push we do less on our billable cases that week. But even if we don’t, if he sees are marketing numbers a little high he will think hmmmm if you have time for that, why not spend it on your cases instead? Until the next week his priority changes again. He’s a nice guy but just kind of like a puppy with no attention span at times. Always chasing the shiny object.

      • Anonymous

        Please, Housecounsel, we would love to hear some churning horror stories. I think a lot of attorneys (especially insurance defense attorneys like me) are feeling immense pressure to bill right now and sometimes the line between reasonable/in the client’s best interest and churning gets blurred.

      • Anonymous

        Can you not Housecounsel? We aren’t out here trying to cheat our clients and this is really offensive.

        • HousecounseI

          I just saw this and I hope you’re still checking, Anon at 4:04. I was in your position, billing clients, only a few years ago and I agree that the vast majority of lawyers aren’t out there trying to cheat clients. I did not mean to paint with a broad brush. Unfortunately, there are exceptions.

  6. Anon

    Music PSA: “Rain on Me” by Lady Gaga ft. Ariana Grande was released today and it’s a bop. Dance your way into the weekend, ladies!

    • Anonymous

      I loved the last thread like this and got a ton of good suggestions… please share more! I just bought
      – ride by ride
      – swan song, dua lipa
      – roses (imanbek remix)
      – awoo, soft animals
      – shut up and dance, walk the moon

  8. Anon

    where has Fauci been and why is he now suddenly back? I hate feeling like our president has silenced scientists. Why does he need Trump’s permission to talk to the press? A vaccine by December/January sounds great, but does this mean it will be widely available by then or that it will still be months before people can get it?

    • Pure Imagination

      My friend raised the disturbing possibility that Trump’s “skeleton crew of sycophants” at the FDA could fast-track a vaccine that isn’t truly safe to help boost his hero complex before the 2020 election…

      Even if a vaccine is rolled out on a fast track (which is possible, if not probable), access will have to be in stages over a period of months for sure.

    • Anon

      No insight on the vaccine part, but I believe Fauci was under self-quarantine after coming in contact with the White House staffers who tested positive.

    • anon

      On vaccine, I hope we prioritize supply for healthcare workers, nursing home workers and most at risk (elderly, pre-existing condition, etc.). And then roll out to essential workers not already covered by the prior category. And then to children (unless we’ve concluded they really aren’t at risk or spreaders). And then finally to adults who can work from home. I’ll note that I’m in the last category and will be upset if I have access to a vaccine before everyone else who should have priority.

    • Anon

      Fauci is saying that a vaccine will be given to some members of the public in January. That means people are actually getting jabs, not just that the vaccine technology exists. BUT it doesn’t mean everyone who wants a jab can get one. It will be in stages, with high risk people and healthcare personnel going first. In addition, most non-govt experts think Fauci’s timeline is way too optimistic. I work with scientists doing coronavirus research and they’ve told me not to expect widespread vaccination before 2022. Even that would be a massive achievement compared to the previous record for vaccine development. We’re going to have to get back to some version of normal without a vaccine.

      • Anonymous

        Previous records for vaccine development are not relevant in the same way. There are multiple top teams in multiple countries working on multiple different possible vaccines. It is completely unlike any vaccine development effort ever in history. The chances that one or more of these vaccines proves to be effective are quite good. There’s not going to be widespread vaccination available this year or first quarter 2021 but based on friends currently working on the regulatory side of this issue in a few European countries, I think it’s highly likely we see a widespread vaccination scheme available in mid to late 2021.

        • anon

          But there are defined steps in the process that are hard to shorten. Once you enter Phase III and you have your test/placebo group you have to have time for them to be exposed to the virus to determine efficacy, and after that, you need additional time to measure is the efficacy is sustained (and add in time for data analysis). It’s hard to rush this and get quality data.

        • Anon

          Yeah I understand that the science has been hugely accelerated because we had the virus genome sequenced before we ever had a single case in the US. But it’s really hard to accurate clinical trials, safety reviews and manufacturing and development. Even if you assume manufacturing will be done concurrently with safety and efficacy testing, which is a huge financial risk, the normal timeline would be ~2 years. It generally takes a minimum of a year for clinical trials and then you’re supposed to observe Phase III clinical trial patients for a year after injection to confirm safety. No vaccine is yet in Phase III or likely to be before the fall. I think there are currently a couple vaccines in Phase II so if one of those proves effective, it could be in Phase III this fall and available in fall 2021 if everything goes perfectly with manufacturing. But those are big “if”s. Anything else will involve cutting corners on safety and is absolutely not something I’ll be getting for myself or my kids, and I say that as someone who is pro-science and pro vaccine.

          • Anonymous

            There are more than a couple in stage 2. I’m not ‘assuming’ that they are being manufactured while testing is ongoing, it’s currently happening. Most strong candidates are being manufactured at the same time as the safety and efficacy testing is ongoing. Given the significant risk associated with this virus, I can’t imagine regulators will require following for a full year. And even if they do, with clinical trials currently ongoing in numerous countries, a full year brings us to mid to late 2021.

          • Anon

            The Moderna vaccine just entered Phase II but that’s the only one in the US, I’m pretty sure. There’s one in China and then the Oxford vaccine that have done phase I and are starting phase II “soon” (but soon for this kind of thing could mean late summer, not next week). Even with concurrent manufacturing, producing ~3 billion doses (or more if it’s a multi-dose series) is a monumental task.
            I agree that regulators may not require a full year of observation, but that really scares me and should scare you too. Covid mortality rates in people under 40 (and especially in children) are really, really low, so the benefits of vaccinating are not clear unless the vaccine is absolutely proven to be safe. Of course if you’re 70 you should take a shot, because Covid is much more likely to kill you and your life expectancy is not as long anyway so the potential for complications down the road is not as serious a concern. But for people in the lower risk groups, it’s a totally different cost-benefit analysis. People have died from vaccines that were rushed through clinical trials before. It happens.

          • Anonymous

            Not sure why you are just referencing 3 when there are currently more than a dozen at the human trial stage. There’s never been that level of simultaneous vaccine development before. I wouldn’t trust something just approved in the US but if it is also approved in Europe and Canada then I’ll be first in line.

            Isn’t phase 2 already started on the Oxford one? They’re currently vaccinating 10 000 ppl in the UK and the Phase 2 Canadian trials are starting later this month for one of the ones Phase 1’d in Wuhan.

            What vaccine was rushed and caused deaths?

          • Anon

            This article has a summary of previous issues with rushed vaccines, among them dengue fever and RSV: https://www.aamc.org/news-insights/here-s-why-we-can-t-rush-covid-19-vaccine

            And you have to keep in mind that a dangerous coronavirus vaccine doesn’t just kill the people who receive it and die (which would likely be a relatively small number). Headlines like “people die after receiving coronavirus vaccine” will lead to a massive resurgence of the antivax movement – an entire generation will have fear over vaccines and we’ll have less vaccination as a society, which will lead to many preventable deaths from things like measles and polio.

    • anonshmanon

      This administration has back benched scientist for years. It took the WH two years even confirming a science advisor, and I remember how strange I thought it was, that back then, the big scientific associations wrote an open letter on the importance of having a science advisor to the president, and then TWEETING that letter at the president. Requesting a list of all researchers that were working on climate change science (which they didn’t get). Proposing huge cuts each year in the budget. Attempting to roll back Title IX protections and making it harder for survivors of discrimination to seek justice (ongoing). Not filling vacant board seats in important EPA commissions, rendering them unable to make decisions. The hilarious move of making Rick Perry head of the Department of Energy (which he wanted to abolish). At least that one turned out ok, once Rick learned what this agency does.

  9. NOLA

    Hey all, I have been in meetings since sometime late morning and just saw the flurry of comments in response to my weekend plans. Sorry that I wasn’t around to respond.

    My response:
    We have only eaten indoors once. The first Saturday we ordered indoors (wearing masks) and ate in an outdoor tent at our own table, away from others. This was after the suburban parish (county) had reopened. Last Saturday, we were, in fact, the only people in the restaurant and we ate in, but did not have table service. We ordered at a counter and ate by ourselves from takeout containers. There are restaurants open in New Orleans and friends of mine have been, but we have not. The other night, we ate outdoors at my favorite Middle Eastern restaurant but they were not doing table service either. This is essentially takeout and eating outside.

    My church has been doing services on Fb live since we shut down and has no plans to move to in-person services. Even then, we will probably not have choir. The soloists are singing on a rotating basis – two of us each Sunday. We sanitize the microphones and are fully distanced from the ministers, each other, and our accompanist. At times, we record our music rather than singing in person, but this Sunday, I’m on live. They are continuing to pay us our full salaries, despite the fact that we are not there every Sunday and, although I could live without the money, I’m grateful for it.

    I have been working like a dog during this thing and mostly working from home lately. I am very careful, wash my hands, use sanitizer, distance myself from others, and wear a mask. If you choose to read things into what I’m doing, then fine. I don’t have a lot of time for this these days and that kind of garbage, even reading it after the fact, when I couldn’t answer, doesn’t make me feel very good. Assume good in other people!

    • anon

      I think the “garbage” reactions were very reasonable based on what you wrote, which definitely sounded like you were throwing caution to the wind & was worthy of receiving some pushback. Glad to hear that’s not the case though. Enjoy your weekend plans.

    • Jules

      NOLA, we love you. Some people had reading comprehension fails, some had not read your earlier posts about your church singing, and some are just dealing with a lot of anxiety, I think, as are we all.

      Hugs.

      • NOLA

        Thanks, Jules. I guess I forget that these things need context. I enjoy this group, when I have time, and I often don’t right now. Fridays are one of my busiest days. I was horrified by what people were saying that was completely untrue! I saw my student outside and we were both wearing masks and this is a kid whom I love and we couldn’t even give each other a hug goodbye. These are strange times.

    • Anon

      None of that context was in your post and people expressed concern, but largely didn’t attack you (I believe one post called you careless, but judging by the vitriol I’ve seen towards regular posters lately, you got off SO easy). I’m glad that you are not singing in a choir and I hope you have a nice weekend.

      • NOLA

        I have not sung in a choir since the first weekend in March. My church shut down in person activities right after the beginning of Lent and we were not even allowed to sing for the last in-person service that the church had. We’re currently working on a virtual choir video with a piece that our director wrote.

    • Pure Imagination

      “Garbage” seems a little strong for what I thought were largely thoughtful, well-intentioned posts, but it’s nice to hear that your church seemed to be pretty on top of things re: the choir. It’s scary how high-risk that activity apparently is and there are certainly some groups that aren’t recognizing it or aware of it.

      • NOLA

        There was one person who wrote an entire paragraph of entirely untrue assumptions. It felt very weird to not really be able to respond and be reading after the fact. I forget that I have to say when I think people know about me – I am a longtime paid church soloist and that has nothing to do with singing in the choir.

      • Anonymous

        I think that singing in a choir is not a high-risk activity unless you are all having an average age of 69 and there is a super-spreader who has been fighting symptoms in your midst. E.g., Washington choir. The May articles on it quote the researchers and all describe some statistical anomaly that people are seeing — some people just pump out a lot of virus-laden droplets (but not others) and some are susceptible more than others of getting very sick (age is a certainly a factor here). It was really, really bad luck. BUT none of those who got sick seemed to do much personal spreading, which was getting lucky when you’re unlucky. That is truly remarkable. And those folks self-isolated voluntarily, not because they were made to — it should also be a sign of hope that people are committing to doing the right thing out of personal responsibility, which will be how we have to handle the inevitable hotspots in the coming year(s).

    • anonn

      “Assume good in other people!” yes yes yes yes yes! or you’ll drive yourself crazy.

    • Anon

      I think people were very quick to jump on certain details of your post and ignore others so I’m with you on the garbage assessment. I hope you have a fantastic weekend!

      • NOLA

        Thanks! Sad that I can’t get out for a bike ride since it’s raining, but soon I will be laying around drinking wine and letting a man cook for me.

    • Anon

      NOLA, some people are spending a serious amount of energy worrying about what everyone else is doing instead of figuring out how to cope with their own anxiety (I am looking at you, the poster who was hysterically posting that she was “worried for you” on the morning thread). I read about your weekend plans and thought to myself, sounds fun. We’re still pretty locked-down when we are but when things lift, we’re getting back out into the world. I don’t blame you for doing so. I am continually amazed at how much time and energy people are putting into scolding other people they don’t know or debating about the pros and cons of lockdowns being lifted when two things seem abundantly clear: 1. We cannot control other people, we can only control ourselves and 2. Regardless of the endless handwringing here and elsewhere on the Internet, things are reopening and people are getting back out there. If folks want to continue to debate the wisdom of lifting lockdowns or discuss (ad nauseum) what they’re willing to do or not do, that’s fine but the world is kind of moving forward and all the agita being produced about reopening is pretty pointless. If people on this blog don’t want to go outside, go to restaurants, go to the store, they shouldn’t go. But the rest of us are going and no amount of Internet shaming from random anonymous strangers is going to change that. People might want to think about higher and better uses of their time.

      • Anon

        I deactivated Facebook recently because of all the shaming. First of all, it’s mean; second of all, it doesn’t work! Not that I think motivating any behavior changes are actually the reason participate in shaming. They just want to make themselves feel better.

      • Anon

        But there’s no way to respond successfully to a pandemic without “other people” making behavioral changes. Other people’s choices affect everyone because of the nature of contagion.

        • Anon

          Exactly. It’s such a false equivalence to compare this to, e.g. smoking. This is much more akin to drunk driving.

          • Anon

            It’s kind of like smoking back in the days when people wanted to have the right to expose service workers to secondhand smoke everywhere they went (“if they don’t like it, they can get another job”).

          • Anonymous

            I disagree. There is no societal trade off to not driving drunk. There’s a huge trade off to never or rarely leaving your home, not educationing our children or allowing people to see their family and putting half the population out of work.

            I went to see my mom and dad after my brother died of alcoholism, alone and despondent, in his apartment in late April. You want to say I’m a menace to society for putting the masked grocery wipers at risk? That’s fine. But the drunk driving is a false equivalency. You never know what a hug and a real talk might mean to someone. If I hadn’t been so strict with social distancing, I would have seen my brother before he died. He lived three blocks away and I was going on our usual walks alone. Missing out on one more walk with him was absolutely not the same as calling a cab instead of driving home after a night out. Please stop equating the two.

        • Anon

          Be that as it may, you can sit around fretting yourself into a frazzle about what other people are doing that you can’t control or you can think about what you CAN control and do that. Just like this: if it’s emotionally satisfying for you to worry endlessly about other people’s behavior and post histrionic screeds on the Internet shaming people for eating takeout on a patio, there’s nothing I can do about that. Other than feel sorry for you. I can control sending up a little prayer for you to experience a moment of clarity and find some peace and then move on with my day.

          Getting out of the pandemic is going to take a long time; as a gentle suggestion you may want to reserve some emotional fortitude for whatever happens next. I am also going to say, for all the repeated shaming and admonishments that have been given about circulating just on this board, what I have read recently is that where people are able to they are getting haircuts, going to the dentist, going to restaurants, etc. So I don’t think the shaming is working. What you are doing, and what other people here are doing, is not working. It is pointless, wasted effort. I would imagine that if you have been shaming or scolding people you know IRL that’s not working either. So knowing that, do you still feel like you want to invest energy in it? And if so, why?

          • anon

            I mostly agree with you but do you have to call everyone who feels differently hysterical or histrionic? This is the language of sexism and is meant to invalidate and diminish women’s opinions.

          • Anonymous

            Wow. The irony here on someone so angry preaching on others’ “lack of emotional fortitude.” Maybe step back from the keyboard.

  10. Anon

    I don’t know if any of you do coding, but I just have to share. I have been “missing” data between two sets of code all week and I just now figured it out. This would have bugged me all weekend (and would probably have had me sitting in front of my computer all weekend tearing my hair out.)

    Anyway now I can enjoy the long weekend! Happy weekend all.

    • Anonymous

      Ha! There is nothing more satisfying than the joy of a thorny puzzle solved.

  11. Anon

    I hate that allergy season and Covid-19 are colliding. Trying to remind myself I feel sick every memorial day weekend from my allergies.

    • Anon

      This has been a terrible allergy season for a lot of people I know including me. It might just be we’re all more aware of it because of Covid but I think the warm winter (at least in the Midwest) also contributed. I was sneezing constantly by March and normally my spring allergies come a lot later. I hope you can get some relief soon!

    • Anonome

      My allergies last longer and hit harder every year. Last week it was almost eighty, then we had frost Tuesday night! So sick of winter that won’t surrender. No wonder the pollen is insane.

  12. Anon

    Does anyone’s workplace require productivity tracking? Like monitoring your keystrokes, sites visited, Zoom engagement, etc.? Supposedly it may be increasingly popular with increased telework overall the next year, but of course privacy concerns abound. The office might actually be better than being monitored as you’re glued to a screen all day!

    • Anon

      This sounds like an insult and a nightmare. Can’t companies trust skilled professionals to care about their work and complete it in a timely manner? I wouldn’t work for a company that did this.

      • Anon

        Literally being chained to your desk. The office would almost be better…to your point, I can see where morale would tank.

      • EM84

        This. In my company, the whole WFH coincided with our yearly planning process, meaning the marketing and finance teams are not able yo fit all the workload into normal working hours (even without COVID and WFH). If I found out that the company is monitoring whether i am clicking my mouse every 30mins when I am doing strategic plans or presenting those to 30 countries, I would not be very pleasant. Luckily, my company moved to flexible working times and is supportive (although they are doing nothing to ease up the non-essential workload). Is it even legal (in your country) for the company to do this? Where I am, this is not legal and even if the company would collect such data, they can use them only to create nice pie charts, without any consequences.

    • Anon

      One of my friends has to remember to move his mouse every once in a while when he’s working from home. Even if he’s on a long call not using the computer he has to move the mouse to get “credit.” He’s an EVP at a F50. This is a thing.

      • Camla

        True. IT surveillance activity reports for each employee to managers in my company.

  13. Anon

    Looking for shampoo recs for fine but thick (narrow strands, lots of them) mildly wavy 2a-ish hair. I’d like something affordable that I can get at the grocery store. Clean but not stripping. Don’t need a ton of conditioning. Thanks in advance!!

    • Anonymous

      I feel like maybe U DO need a ton of conditioning? 2b hair so wdik. There’s a blue bo55le wi5h kale & coconut at target that is cheap and a curly favorite. Very lightweight love your mother or something?

      • Anon

        I do not need a ton of conditioning. I don’t like how weighed down my hair gets with a lot of conditioner. I don’t have any frizz and I also have minimal to no damage.

    • Ruth

      I’ve wasted so much money trying out various shampoos-Pantene and Matrix Biolage are the only ones I’ve had success with.

    • Cat

      Similar hair here. I like Pantene’s Smooth & Sleek. I use both the shampoo and conditioner; if you need less conditioning they offer a 2-in-1 combo.

    • EM84

      I found that using shampoos (as well as body washes) without SLS are generally best for my hair. They will clean your scalp and hair without leaving them feeling stripped and rough. If you fear they won’t produce enough lather, do not worry, the technology has evolved and many SLS-free shampoos produce a nice lather. I like Well Professional Elements (1 litre bottle) and have been using it for 5y. I need very little hair conditioner afterwards. There are many sls-free shampoos even in mass brands.

    • Anon

      Thanks all. I ordered the Pantene smooth and sleek for my next grocery delivery and have saved all of your responses as a note on my phone to try next. I really appreciate the suggestions!

  14. Anon

    Shopping for a replacement mattress pad. Has anyone found the cooling ones to actually work? DH would sleep on an iceberg with the penguins if he could.

    • Anonymous

      Has anyone celebrated an anniversary in quarantine? Trying to think of special stuff to do while sheltering in place.

    • Anonymous

      Our cooling pillows make a H.U.G.E. Difference huge. All Costco. Also love linen sheets

    • Anonymous

      Sleep number! Couldnt say more good things about the cooling topper I have from them.

  15. Anon

    I just need to vent.

    I was asked to prepare a presentation for a Friday afternoon meeting.

    I worked on it all week.

    I spent so. many. hours. on this presentation.

    I skipped work outs, my spouse took on a disproportionate load of childcare and housework, I skipped a virtual happy hour with friends. I plowed through mountains of spreadsheets to distill the data down to something people could digest and find useful.

    By the time I got it done, I was genuinely pumped to share my findings with the group and see what further questions were sparked by this initial conversation.

    The meeting ran long.

    They forgot about my presentation.

    I had to waylay people who were trying to jump off the call and ask them to click through my slide deck when they have time and let me know if they have any feedback.

    The agenda items we did cover were valuable and important, and I’m glad we took the time to really talk them through. We got a lot of great work done in that meeting and I’m grateful to have been a part of that conversation.

    But also? Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

    Ok I’m done. Thank you for the space to vent.

    • Anonymous

      Soooo. Not…. coool…. tha5 requires a heads up email to folks presenting your findings and an easy link to the presentation so you can snag it for all the umpteen million times you’ll want to reference it.

    • Anon

      I’m so sorry. Is there any way you can schedule a meeting for next week to present your findings?

  16. The Original ...

    Okay, so there are apparently multiple book authors here, a few of whom I have gotten to know. It was sort of collectively decided not to identify whether the person who wrote the post about her first book coming out yesterday was or was not the person whose book someone posted (so everyone stays anonymous and doesn’t out themselves or someone else).

    However, the long-time poster here who is the author of “The Educator’s Guide to LGBT+ Inclusion” was “beyond blown away” by everyone offering to buy her book of a poster here and is really grateful for all who decide to do so.

    I’m not sure if others will choose to post titles or links to other books written by posters here but it’s seriously awesome every time any of us support any of the rest of us in a way that requires time or cost. I always feel like these types of connections are invaluable in general but especially feel this way when so much seems so negative and bleak, as it gives me a moment of warmth to enjoy!

    Yay for all of us here <3

  17. The Original ...

    Total sidenote, I was the person who introduced the cookie cards to the group a zillion years ago and seeing others mention that they still send them now (in this morning’s post) gave me the fuzziest feeling of pride in contributing to this incredible group!!!! :D

    • Anonymous

      Thanks for sharing many moons ago and contributing! I know there has been a lot of discussion lately about the “mean-ness” of the group here so I especially appreciate the reminder of the amazing things this community brings!

    • sleep

      Thanks so much for your helpful contribution!

      I have sent multiple cookie cards during this pandemic, especially to family who are bummed, friends I haven’t talked to you years and kids. All of them were appreciated and enjoyed. It’s so easy. And I sent one to myself to make sure the cookie tasted ok and it does!

  18. Liz

    Anybody else having soul searching/job reflection during this extra time at home? I turned 40 this year and am starting my 20th year in education. I’m a school admin. I like my job, but feel like I would like to try something else. I’m just not sure what. I would love something with an international aspect. I just don’t see an advancement at work. It probably doesn’t help that I’m in a low cost of living area and comfortable. That makes me nervous with any change. Anybody else having similar thoughts?

    • Flats Only

      Is your background in teaching? Or purely in administration? American schools overseas hire teachers, and usually provide a lot of support like housing assistance, etc. Would your current situation allow you a sabbatical of sorts to teach overseas for a year?

    • Same here

      Yes. I have a job that is traditionally high prestige/decent pay (govt). I used to say the interesting nature of the job + warm fuzzies from public service were enough to make up for the stupid bureaucracy and occasional political…stuff. Recently I’ve just been frustrated and stressed and unmotivated. I can’t tell if 20 years into the career, the scale has just titled the other way, if it’s a particular rough patch, or this is below-the-surface pandemic-related stress. I just don’t like what I”m doing anymore. BUT: not yet eligible for the (modest but still!) pension and kids going into college in five years or so, this isn’t a good time to jump ship. I just….don’t like my attitude but don’t know how to snap back.

  19. Sad and Single

    Single ladies, talk to me/talk me off the ledge. I’ve been single for roughly 10 years (I just turned 30) and I feel like I am never. going. to. find. someone. This pandemic is not helping at all—I don’t think i will feel comfortable meeting a stranger for quite a while, plus Staying at home isn’t conducive to meeting people.

    I’m generally happy with my life, but I am SO lonely and so tired of being alone. All of my friends are getting married or having babies and I just feel so left behind. I’ve tried the apps, I’ve done a few FaceTime dates, I’ve gone out with what feels like every single man in my city pre-coronavirus…I’m just so TIRED of it all. I want babies and that window is closing faster each day, it feels like.

    :(

    • Anon

      Would you consider having a baby on your own? Two of my friends did this (we are in our fifties now). One is still happily single with two kids. One met her husband while she was hugely pregnant with her first. They had a second child together.

    • Anon

      I’m sorry you’re having a rough time and that you’re lonely. I feel like the virus makes everything look more dire than it might be because our world has been upended. Now you can’t even pursue dating.

      Realistically, you still have time to meet someone and have babies. But the process of finding someone is exhausting. I wonder if taking a conscious break from dating till this is all over and focusing on hobbies or new skills would help?

      I was single from 22-30 and then I met my husband. I know you will too. Take good care of yourself this weekend.

    • Anonymous

      I’m not a single lady so feel free to ignore. I typed a long response trying to be encouraging about fertility and to share my perspective as someone who’s in a less “lock step” phase of life at age 44, but I really just want to say: this situation sucks. I’m so sorry. Please be kind to yourself and give yourself a break from dating for now.

    • Anon

      I’m sorry. I know it may feel that way, but if you just turned 30, your window to have biological children is not closing rapidly. You have a full decade still where you’re likely to be able to have kids if you want them, especially if you’re open to IVF. And even if you can’t have bio children there are other ways to complete a family, including adoption or marrying a man who already has kids. I know it’s easier said than done, but the less you can think about babies the more likely you are to meet someone. I feel like men can sort of smell that “I want babies” thing, and it’s likely to be off-putting, especially if you’re dating men who are close in age to yourself (very few 30 year old men are thinking seriously about children). If you can afford it, freezing your eggs might help you take your mind off the timeline.

      As far as how to meet people, have you told all your friends that you’re looking to meet men? I feel like there are a lot of women who know great guys but don’t want to set up their single girlfriends for fear of being overbearing or “smug married.” If you tell people you’re open to set-ups, you may meet some eligible men that way. Otherwise I think just keeping up at the apps even when it feels like a long slow slog is the best thing you can do. I will also say I think it’s normal for the dating market to feel a little stale when you’re 30ish, because if you’ve been dating for a while, you’ve likely been cycling through the same batch of people with few new additions. It might sound counter-intuitive but I think it will actually get easier in a few years as more people your age start getting divorced and re-entering the dating market.

    • Amber

      Wanted to send you some encouragement! You are still young and have time for all that you want in life. After this pandemic passes, I would definitely reach out to friends to see if they know anyone single who would be a good match for you, and continue to try dating apps if you feel comfortable with that. Get involved in things that interest you etc. I was single for forever before I met my husband and I had to constantly push myself to make the effort to get out there, because it was so easy for me to fall into a rut and just focus on work. Hang in there!! I know it is so hard. I was in the same boat of seeing all of my friends get married and always wondered what was wrong with me, I seemed normal so why couldn’t I find someone. It will happen for you! Also keep in mind that there are things you could do if you are worried about having children like freezing your eggs, seeing a fertility doctor when you are ready to have kids if it seems like you are having trouble getting pregnant etc. I don’t think you need to figure this all out now though because you are still young. Sending you hugs and hope!

      • Anonymous

        I too had a 10-year run of singleness. In those 10 years, I had crushes but they never shared my feelings. Then, one random day at work, I walked into a meeting, and my life has changed in the best way possible. Future SO was also in that mtg, and I still get butterflies from the way he looked me at me. Went out a couple of weeks later, and I sometimes can’t believe how much my life has changed. I never believed random chance meetings until I had it happen to me. And everyday now, I wonder how I managed to get so lucky. Hot, thoughtful, still sends shivers down my spine everytime I see him. In my single 10 years, I questioned myself and what I was doing wrong, why no guy ever picked me. So I totally feel what you’re going thru right now. Someone here said it best: many years of waiting, and then it happens all at once.

  20. Yola

    That’s a lovely color tote! As for now I’ll stick with my black coach tote from the outlet mall.

  21. Kelly

    My cousin just graduated from law school! I am so proud of her and would like to send her a present since I can’t be there in person. Any recommendations for a gift? Pref. under $100. Thanks in advance.

    • Anonymous

      If you want to do something that will help her with her future job, it would be a stand alone monitor. A lot of places don’t provide tech stipends, and I find that two monitors make a massive difference in my work life. I’ve now outfitted my wfh space. That could help her get started.

  22. sleep

    Can you recommend a daily slipper/house shoe that is comfortable to wear all day? Hopefully cute with a little bit of support.

    Now that I’m home all day, and wearing my usual Uggs slippers/slides (which are a bit warm now…) my feet are not so happy and I’m starting to get heal pain. We don’t wear outside shoes in the house, but I’d like to get something light and comfortable and breathable to wear all day at home, but maybe with more support. Also, I think I need to avoid this soft slip-ons that can fall of your feet… I’ve had a couple near falls. I sound like an old lady..

    I have triangular feet (wide too box, ultra narrow heels), which is why I like slip ons. I also have fairly high arches.

    And after these months of home isolation, I have also lost my ability to wear heels. Just wearing my chunky booties gave me foot and lower back pain when I went out, even though they aren’t high. It will be a rough transition feet wise when the world opens up again…. I wont be able to wear most of my shoes! Anyone else notice this?

    • sleep

      Also, I wear a perfect 9.5. Many slippers etc… only come in full sizes so if you can recommend if I size up or down that is appreciated too!

      Thanks so much for your help.

      • Mahabis

        I haven’t tried them yet myself so I can’t speak to fit, but the Mahabis indoor/outdoor slippers have been on my wish list for awhile. They come in European sizes.

    • Go for it

      Look at the White Mountain Birkenstock knock offs. Available at DSW or direct from them. We have similar feet & they work for me. Straps are adjustable too. If no 1/2 size go down.

    • Anon for This

      I wear Birkenstock EVAs – the plastic-y looking ones – in the Arizona style. I would size up because the straps are adjustable. They are comfy and supportive! I have bright pink (“beet” color on REI’s website), which I think is cute, but there are lots of other options.

    • In House Lobbyist

      I have a pair of Allbirds as house shoes once it’s too warm for Uggs.

    • shanananaa

      Vionic slippers – once discovered I have LIVED in them. Lots of support and last me forever.

Back to Top

About

Work with Corporette®

Serious Stuff

work fashion blog press mentions