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Something on your mind? Chat about it here.
I recently killed my carry-on bag, and I wound up buying a newer version of it. It's a lightweight, expandable, 21″ bag from Travelpro, and unlike the one I replaced, it has wheels that spin 360 degrees.
I gotta say, I love how lightweight these bags are. I bought my first one a few years ago before taking a trip with my baby by myself — I wanted to make sure that if I had him strapped to my front that I could still pick up the bag and put it in the overhead bin by myself. (I think some people on the plane offered to give me a hand, but I had wanted to be sure I wouldn't need help.)
The bag is $108–$135 at Amazon, depending on which of the eight colors you choose, and it's $149.99 at Zappos; eBags also has a few unusual colors for $95. Maxlite 5 Lightweight Expandable Carry-On Luggage
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These are some of the Corporette readers' favorite items for business travel…
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Angela
Ok, is there any way this dress can ever read as anything other than a bridesmaid dress, i.e. generally black-tie appropriate? Or should I just donate it and be done with it?
https://www.azazie.com/products/azazie-bonnie-bridesmaid-dress
In Cabernet if that matters
Anon
Sadly I think it’s very bridesmaidy.
Brunhilde
But Bridesmaids typically hook up with the best man, so maybe she can save it and use it for her wedding!
Anon
I think it’s generic enough in style and color to be repurposed as a black tie appropriate if a little plain.
Maudie Atkinson
I agree that you can wear it again as black-tie attire. The length is tricky, though; for black tie, I would want it to be closer to floor-length. (Possible that ship has sailed, if you already have the dress).
Also, depending in large part on how the fabric actually wears/feels, I think you MIGHT be able to dress it down. Based on color and silhouette alone, I’d be tempted to throw a denim jacket on top, wear some gold-tone sandals, and wear it to an SEC football game in the fall.
Anon
Are we looking at the same dress? The dress I’m seeing is floor length and in no way works for a football dress.
Anon
+100
TheElms
But it is floor length?
Maudie Atkinson
Probably more like ankle for this purpose (in which case not great for black tie).
And I forget this isn’t a thing everywhere, but we dress up for college football games in the South. For a game later in the season, a long dress would be very normal. I wore a long dress that color in a jersey fabric to a game the last week of October last year. I have worn the same dress to a country club wedding, accessorized differently. It worked at both places.
Anon
A jersey dress makes way more sense for a football game than a chiffon dress. I’m in an SEC college town and have never seen anyone wear anything like this to a game.
LaurenB
How on earth do you clamber around bleachers in dresses? Why are you dressing up for a college football game – it’s not like it’s actually important.
Anonymous
Yeah, I think it is hopeless at that length. If you could shorten it, maybe, but I am guessing that would not be easy or cheap to do given the chiffon fabric.
Never too many shoes...
I also think the length is the problem. Otherwise, it is a pretty common non-bridesmaid style.
Anon
I thought floor length was standard for black tie events? To me, a chiffon knee-length dress reads super bridesmaidy, moreso than a chiffon full length dress.
Anon
+1
Cassandra
Floor length is perfectly appropriate for black tie events. I think this dress would be just fine for black tie events if you dress it up with some fancy jewelry and shoes.
Jules
I agree that it could be dressed up. The first photo on the site was pink, which reads super-bridesmaid, but the darker cabernet is fine. I would add some sparkling jewelry and shoes.
Anon Lawyer
Maybe a fancy patterned wrap to get away from the solid color bridesmaids feel.
Ellen
I think if you can get your tailor/seamstress to really shorten it (to the thigh level), you can have her turn it into a nightie, and in that color of s-xy pink, it would be very cute. Of course, she would also have to make sure to line the nightie so that would NOT have the chiffon directly against your skin. This way, you can wear it around your apartement, and when you bring a man home, your new nightie could become the start of an extremeley s-xy evening with him!
Kat, what do you think? After a successful evening with him, she would then need to go out and buy the beautiful carry-on schlepper you’ve pictured today for a very s-xy weekend away somewhere with him! YAY!!!
Anon
Terrible in pink, just fine in Cabernet, especially if your formal event is around the holidays.
Anonymous
+1
Anon
I guess I would ask how often do you get invited to black tie events? For me, it’s only every like…5 years at best? So while I could see me saving it for that “just in case” I think the reality is if/when my next one is I’d probably really end up renting the runway or something to feel really awesome. I’m guessing you won’t feel awesome in this since you will likely be secretly wondering if everyone knows it is a bridesmaid dress, and I’m guessing you didn’t pick it out, so it wasn’t chosen with what flatters you in mind.
But if you are invited to multiple black tie events a year and need an extra dress to throw in the rotation, I think it’s fine.
Anon
Help me find the right hair tool! I have wavy/curly hair and have for the last year been blow drying it straight and then using what I would describe as a heated round brush to curl the ends and smooth out the front, give the front a slight wave. I like the result but the heated brush fell apart. Do I need a curling wand? The heated brush (this was not the popular Revlon dryer brush) worked pretty well but I am no hair tool expert and I often wondered before it broke if there was something that would work for what I want better.
RR
I don’t know if I’m accurately envisioning your goal, but I love curling with a flat iron.
OP
I feel like I don’t have the right flat iron and/or am not skilled enough to use a flat iron like that.
Anonymous
I heard a random podcast recommendation (Liz from Happier in Hollywood) for a tool from Drybar that sounds like it does what you’re looking for. She’s a TV showrunner who doesn’t claim to be expert at hair styling, so I’m assuming it’s pretty user friendly.
BlondeLawyer
I’ve been using the DryBar Double Shot Blowdryer Brush for a couple of months now and I love it. I also have wavy/curly hair that is hard to wear naturally because it dries so inconsistently. Prior to using the DryBar brush, I was using a Chi blowdryer and a round brush to give myself a blowout, then I would use a straightener or curling iron to clean it up, but I finally got sick of fumbling with two hands and multiple tools.
Recently, I went to Mexico with 5 of my girlfriends and used the DryBar round brush to blow dry my hair and all of my friends were blown away at how I was able to achieve a smooth blowout in the Tulum humidity and begged to use it for the rest of the trip.
I like the DryBar brush for several reasons: first, it has cut down on my drying time. Second, I am able to style my hair as I dry it. It looks great, literally like a DryBar blowout. Third, it’s not as heavy and clunky as my other tools and my arm isn’t exhausted after I use it. Fourth, I can use this one-handed and check my emails or brush my teeth with my free hand. Fifth, I like that I only have to bring one tool with me now – especially on work trips, weekend get aways, to the gym; I’m no longer hauling a round brush, blowdryer, and straightener with me to do the same job as this tool.
I did a ton of research about the DryBar brush compared both the Revlon and Dyson blowdryer brushes before I actually purchased it, because I’m sick to death of buying hair tools that end up not being what I need.
Anyway, the DryBar brush and the Revlon brush are pretty similar in terms of size and features, but the DryBar brush is $150, while the Revlon brush is $50. What drew me to the DryBar brush is that it doesn’t get as hot as the Revlon brush – which some people love and some people hate. This means that the DryBar brush may take slightly longer (a couple minutes at most) to dry your hair, but with less damage. The DryBar brush also has a cool air option while the Revlon brush does not.
I also looked into the Dyson blowdryer brush, which is around $500, and actually comes with several different attachments to become a curling iron as well. It might seem pricy, but the way I see it, I’d rather invest in a quality product made by a well-regarded company that is built to last, leaves my hair less damaged, and prevents me from having to buy another product every year or so. However, after researching this product extensively, I found that it seems to still be in the prototype phase, and many buyers loved the product until it suddenly stopped working within a few weeks.
My suggestion to you in addition to the DryBar brush is:
Link to DryBar Brush: https://www.ulta.com/double-shot-blow-dryer-brush?productId=pimprod2012364
1.) Investing in a set of quality clips to use to separate your hair into sections while you dry it; separating your hair will dry it faster, allow you to have more control over styling it, and prevent you from damaging your hair from over-drying the same section.
2.) Get a good leave-in conditioner or blowout cream. Everyone is different in this regard! If you feel like a cream is making your roots too oily, opt to only use a cream from your hair that you would put in a low ponytail & down. Start applying at your ends and then work any excess upwards. You can use a spray at your root area if you feel like you need product to control your flyaways, here’s one that I like: https://www.ulta.com/bb-hairdressers-invisible-oil-soft-texture-finishing-spray?productId=pimprod2013130
3.) Sleep with your hair with a loose bun on top of your head at night. Get some good velvet or skin scrunchies for this too!! It will prevent your hair and skin from greasing each other up, it will prevent your hair from breaking off as you roll around in your sleep, and it will preserve your blowout for another day.
Dressy
Anyone want to do some vicarious shopping? I’d like a new dress to wear on an upcoming adults-only vacation with my husband. I’m looking for something s3xy, maybe even bordering on sl–ty, though still appropriate to wear in public and not, you know, embarrassing for a 40-year-old in decent shape. I’m skinny and have a very flat chest, so nothing that requires a bust, and I’m thinking I’m probably a bit past my skin-tight micro-minis days. Under $100.
I get tons of ads for Lulus in my sidebar – they’re cheap, but are they any good? I don’t need super-high quality. I’ve got my eye on this one, as an example of what I might have in mind, though the slit is a little concerning: https://www.lulus.com/products/feeling-coy-burgundy-scalloped-v-neck-bodycon-dress/848642.html.
potato
I found something perfect, except for the price which is bananas. It’s high in front (great for your build) but *very* low in back. Posting to give you ideas and now looking for a <$100 version…
https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/bottega-veneta-strappy-open-back-tank-dress/5527477/full?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FAll%20Results&color=orange
potato
Maybe this?
https://www.tobi.com/product/73383-tobi-mae-open-back-embroidered-shift-dress?color_id=104986
Anon
Is this for going out at night or casual day time wear?
Dressy
Night out – I’m thinking for dinner.
pugsnbourbon
What about something from Express or Reformation? I agree with potato on the high-neck/low-back combo – it’s an unexpectedly sexy look.
pugsnbourbon
Trying to get other people addicted to jumpsuits for all occasions: https://www.express.com/clothing/women/high-neck-open-back-jumpsuit/pro/07923862/color/Pitch%20Black/
I love this dress, might be a little plain for what you’re wanting but I think it’s really sexy:
https://www.thereformation.com/products/rumi-dress?color=Black&glCountry=US&glCurrency=USD&gclid=Cj0KCQiAkePyBRCEARIsAMy5ScsZAMnz4qLcOs0SjQjlTfxD8xEGHCTYZaADKD5Hql_6PsuNgCB8jx8aAtSTEALw_wcB
Monte
Love the Reformation dress and as a woman in her 40s, would totally wear if I could get away without a bra.
I personally love jumpsuits, but would avoid for this occasion — most men do not seem to respond positively. While male opinions shouldn’t be a factor most of the time, OP seems to want the outfit to be a turn on for her husband and there is a good chance the jumpsuit will be a miss.
Anon
I’m jealous of smaller-chested women who can wear a deep V and still look classy.
Dressy
But they’re always falling off me or gaping weirdly! I’m always jealous of larger-busted women who can look s3xy without extraordinary effort. :)
anon
Same girl, same. I have given up on low-cut stuff.
Anon
I think for the small chested it’s best to focus on something other than cleavage (sorry if that’s obvious)… so something that’s all leg or open back or really tight on a great rear end
Anon
I love LuLus! Currently wearing a dress from them. Always on sale. I get dresses for $20.
Anon
+1 and I love your Lulus pick. As a woman with a tiny ribcage, Lulus fits me way better than anything from Nordstroms for happy wear like you describe. It’s definitely juniors sized. Their brands are pretty decent on quality and the reviews are spot on. If something is terrible, it will be pointed out immediately (I haven’t seen too many “I hate this item but keeping it for the price” reviews).
emeralds
I know people who like Lulu’s a lot for wedding guest/party dresses, but I have not personally bought from them.
Anon
I have a few Lulus pieces. I am a fan.
Anonymous
How about this
https://www.etsy.com/listing/227546841/v-back-dress-open-back-dress-black-open?ref=shop_home_active_33&pro=1&frs=1
Or this
https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/leith-scoop-neck-midi-dress/5411237/lite?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FBrands%2FLeith&color=black
BlondeLawyer
Try ASOS if you don’t have luck at Lulu’s. Lulu’s has been hit & miss for me personally in terms of quality and sizing. I’ve had products show up that look nothing like they were pictured online, but I’ve also had products arrive and look identical to the picture. I’d advise reading the Lulu’s reviews for products closely and probably avoiding any products without any reviews.
Anonymous
Does anyone have any favorite heat protectants? Thanks!
Anon
Chi is kind of the OG when it comes to heat protectants and nothing I’ve ever used has been better or cheaper. I buy the little spray bottle and it lasts me six months (granted I only straighten my hair once a week at most).
Anon
Just got the OGX Protecting + Silk Blowout Quick Drying Thermal Spray and I really like it. Hair feels silky and doesn’t smell funny. $7.
BlondeLawyer
Here’s a couple that I like:
Bumble & Bumble Invisible Oil: https://www.sephora.com/product/hairdresser-s-invisible-oil-primer-mini-P426163?icid2=products%20grid:p426163
Caviar Anti-Aging Smooth Serum: https://www.sephora.com/product/caviar-anti-aging-anti-frizz-blowout-butter-P428076?icid2=products%20grid:p428076
Clementine
Today I got told by somebody that they don’t think I’m ready for the job that they will be vacating in the next year or so. Honestly, I don’t want the job (at this point in my life, I need my evenings and my flexibility); however, it still stung?
The same person said that I would be ready, but wasn’t yet. I don’t disagree with their point – why is this bothering me?
Monday
Nobody enjoys being told about their limitations. Seems very straight forward to me! We all want to make decisions on our own terms and to be the one to reject options, rather than being rejected.
Clementine
Well put.
A couple years ago, I rejected an option (it was absolutely the right call) and I still wonder a bit if that has resulted in me being rejected…
Anonymous
How is this a question? Someone was mean to you. Of course it bothers you.
Anon
I don’t think it’s mean, necessarily. It sounds like constructive criticism, which can still sting, but it doesn’t mean anyone was in the wrong.
Vicky Austin
+1 – it sounds blunt, but not mean or rude.
Anonymous
Constructive criticism would be something like I can see you succeeding if you do X or Y. Doesn’t sound like there was any discussion of such.
And rude because it sounds like OP wasn’t asking for the advice.
Anonymous
It’s bugging you because it’s an incredibly rude thing to say to somebody. There’s an arrogance in”I can tackle this but you can’t” whether true at this point in time or not. Doubly so on ego if it’s not an issue of skillset so much as willingness to put in effort (sacrifice time). It’s like saying you don’t have the grit even though, in my experience, it’s usually harder to put boundaries around personal time than devote more into professional. I’d be annoyed, too.
Difference is if you outright asked the individual. Only then can you assume an intention to save you from jumping without a net. (Bet even then, I’d wonder how pure the message…)
Anon
It’s condescending and rude, almost like they’re negging you.
Anon
I think context is important here. Did you ask for their feedback? If so, then it seems to me they were just being blunt. If it was an unsolicited opinion, then it sounds rude, arrogant, and uncalled for.
Anonymous
Somebody said the same thing to me when they left, and it was absolutely intended as a personal zing.
Clementine
FWIW – because context is important – this was my boss who should technically be my grandboss, but I’ve been doing the job one level up with the expectation that it’ll be mine shortly.
This is somebody who will be vacating the job via retirement and it’s a Big Deal job. Again, that I don’t want at this point in my life!
I think part of it is that I just need a vacation…
Anonymous
I’m trying a diet program where you only eat when you’re hungry, and stop eating when you’re satiated. It’s surprising how hard it is to turn off those “you’re STAAAHRVING YOURSELF!” voices in my head…
Housecounsel
This is much, much harder than it sounds.
Airplane.
The hardest part for me is to listen to my body when it comes to stopping eating when I’ve started to eat. So often it’s “this tastes good, keep eating” when it should be “I’m not hungry anymore, stop eating.”
Anon Probate Atty
+1
TheElms
It is super hard. You’re basically retraining your brain. Drinking water and eating more slowly can help a lot. Have a glass of water with your meal and make sure to stop eating to drink it during the time you’re eating. It will help with slowing you down but also help distinguish thirst from hunger.
Anon
If you can successfully do this it is a good way to maintain weight. Not necessarily a good way to lose weight as those existing fat cells are really good at keeping themselves fat by signaling hunger.
Anonymous
This is hard at first, very hard. But I am 8 months in, 35 lbs down, and find it very intuitive and easy now. I actually feel hungry sometimes (which I didn’t for a long time) and then recognize satiety easily. I feel great about the change and it feels permanent.
Anonymous
Success is largely dependent on what you’re eating. Nutrient-dense foods will keep you feeling satisfied much longer than processed, usually prepackaged meals. I can eat a frozen “diet meal” and feel hollow inside an hour later. I can eat an enormous salad packed full of almost every kind of veg imaginable and I feel fueled and full for a very long time. I’m down 13 pounds in 7 weeks. What are you eating?
Anon
Doing this made me realize how differently my body responds to carbs, proteins, and fats. Toast for breakfast? Hangry and clock-watching for lunch by 10:00. An egg white scrambled with veg for breakfast? Oh, is it lunchtime already?
I now only eat carbs with a protein, never alone. Turns out that my newly-diabetic friend was specifically coached to do the same thing, to maintain steady blood sugar.
Anonnz
This….sounds less like a diet, and more like the way we should be eating all of the time ;) (I know, I know, easier said than done what with social pressures to eat the treats people plop down at the office, etc etc).
Food is fuel, my friends. Not a reward. Not a punishment.
Recommended reading: French Women Don’t Get Fat by Mireille Guiliano.
Anon
My bestie gave me a stunning piece of birthstone jewelry for a milestone birthday. I adore it, but was a little surprised because in the past we agreed (at her suggestion) to stick to greeting cards and not do gifts.
I have three months to figure out what to do for her same milestone birthday. I’d like to do something in the same school of thought, but I know that she hates her own birthstone (emerald; she doesn’t like the color green).
Any suggestions would be appreciated. I’m willing to spend up to $200.
Never too many shoes...
These are alternatives to the traditional list of birthstones, so maybe one of the other choices will speak to you…
https://www.gemsociety.org/article/birthstone-alternatives-season-hour-day-even-guardian-angel/
Anonymous
I think the May birth month flower, lily of the valley, is very beautiful and kind of neutral/classic. Maybe a pendant or a scarf with that print? It’s not as popular as a gemstone, but maybe special because a bit more unique?
Vicky Austin
Art in colors she does like? There are birth month flowers, perhaps you could get her a beautiful print of those?
Anonymous
Mejuri sells necklaces with the constellation of your Zodiac sign which are very pretty. It just looks like a star pattern so it’s not obvious it’s a Zodiac sign. Other websites probably have something similar.
Pep
Satya also carries similar zodiac necklaces (at a lower price point).
Meara
Anyone have recommendations or disrecommendations for a sleeper sofa/pull out couch situation? I have a bedroom that I’d like to mostly use as a tv room/den, but also want something nicer than a blowup mattress to offer guests. But I’m afraid of paying $$ for a sofa that isn’t comfortable as a sofa OR as a mattress. Suggestions? Especially if there’s anything not an arm and a leg?
Anonymous
My mother-in-law has a lazy boy sleeper sofa (one with the mattress that blows up) and it is fine. It is perfectly comfortable as a couch and mostly comfortable to sleep on. It will never be as comfortable as a regular bed, but it is fine.
Anon
I have the same in a spare bedroom done so many versions of this – a pullout sofa, an ikea convertible thing, a different ikea thing. None of them were comfortable as beds, and the most recent Ikea wasn’t even as comfortable as a couch.
I finally went with a futon, which I know seems like dorm elegance, but it’s a comfortable bed and a comfortable couch and it’s the best solution so far. The guests I’ve had so far have been telling me they had an extremely comfortable night, which they never ever said about the sleeper sofas (my friends and relatives tend to be brutally honest.)
I spent kind of a lot on it – it’s a 100% wool filled, cotton covered high end futon mattress. I got a frame with mission style full arms so it looks somewhat more like a couch, but isn’t fooling anyone who looks closely.
I don’t know if the place I got it is local or a national chain but I will follow up in a few minutes with a link.
Anon
Mattress
https://www.thefutonshop.com/pure-rest-wool-cotton-futon-mattress/
Anon
Frame
https://www.thefutonshop.com/san-mateo-wood-futon-frame-cherry/
Sunflower
An American Leather pullout loveseat with a TempurPedic mattress. Very comfortable for sleeping. You don’t have to get leather—there are many fabric options.
Anon
+1 for American Leather. I’m told they supply pottery barn and others. Maybe a chair-and-a half that folds out so it’s less “sofa sleeper” like?
Never too many shoes...
I bought American Leather as recommended by this site and it is super comfortable as both couch and bed.
Anonymous
I have the Davis sofa from crate and barrel, have had for 8 years and still in great shape, highly comfy as a couch, and for a sofa bed very comfy too (but definitely not as nice to sleep on as a real bed. The couch has a large footprint so if you want something smallish it’s probably not right. But I highly recommend.
Diana
We got a nice looking one from ABC carpet and with a foam topper it’s great
Anonymous
So, I finally figured out why the coronavirus posts have been so nutty this week. Apparently, Fox News has been saying that this potential pandemic is a liberal plot. So that’s why anyone who asks questions about taking precautions has been getting flamed.
If you have older relatives who get their news from right wing media you might want to encourage them to read the CDC.gov site for less politicized health information.
Anon
I get my news from.rughr-leaning sources and have not heard that.
It s amazes me… leftists think anyone not like them is an ignorant lunatic.
Anonymous
When you are watching media that is so willing to ignore science, you become under educated.
anon
Can’t speak for everyone but I personally find you ignorant because of your inability to write coherently.
Jules
Yesterday Trump said the corona virus was the Democrats “new hoax,” but yeah, those on the left are the ignorant lunatics . . .
Bumblebee
I’m looking for a quote I saw a while back, maybe in connection with the 2016 election? It was something like a woman’s knowledge and decades of experience are no match for a man’s overconfidence despite ignorance. I can’t find it, anyone know what I’m talking about?
Lily
“confidence of a mediocre white male”
Celia
Yeah, ask yourself when you hesitate about something, “What would a mediocre white man do?” And do it.
Anon
Ok need some advice. On Friday my boss told me he was planning to provide a reference for a former colleague who was let go last year. The role the said colleague applied for is more technical and won’t involve working closely with people according to my boss. I am contemplating contacting the new future workplace (small industry) to let them know the real story. The colleague was a toxic bully with a hugely malignant personality. Over the course of several years she fired multiple people and eroded the confidence of so many. This person is also a pathological liar and draws people in by sounding competent and friendly and vulnerable as a ploy of getting people onside and extracting information. She spends most of her time gossiping and producing very little. Basically this person has damaged culture and undermined the boss who is now thinking of acting as a reference. He is mostly aware of this but is perhaps misguided or who knows that the motivation to provide a reference is.Am I being petty by contacting the person’s future employer? My boss may find out as not many people know and obviously I don’t want to breach his confidence but I would hate to see the same thing happen elsewhere. Help!
Anon
Yikes! Don’t do this. It won’t reflect well on you; you’ll look crazy, both to this other employer and your boss when he finds out. Plus, it’s not your circus and not your monkeys. Stay out of it.
Anon
ETA not to mention the things you describe aren’t things you can provide objective evidence for. This other employer will likely not even believe you if you do tell them. Why would they find you credible?
Anon
Anon here, agree though my thinking was that if I received an email with some unsolicited examples for a future candidate I would consider it prior making an offer. Everyone knows most official references are positive.
Anon
I hire people and would totally disregard an email like this. I would assume you had a personal vendetta against her. If you had conclusive evidence she’d lied on her resume or committed a crime involving dishonesty, it would be different, but sending an email calling someone a toxic bully just reflects poorly on you and is unlikely to influence the hiring manager’s decision.
I also disagree that all official references are positive. Many are simply factual (eg., confirming dates of employment) and I’ve had plenty of official references say things about a candidate that range from mildly negative (eg., “She’s a creative, hardworking employee who really contributes to the team but you should know she has some issues with punctuality”) to extremely negative (“It would be a mistake to hire her.”). Since your boss isn’t currently employing this person (ie., doesn’t have an incentive to get her off his hands) he doesn’t have any reason to lie. I think it’s a big and incorrect assumption that his reference will be unequivocally positive.
Anon
+1, plus your colleague may very well sue you if they find out.
The original Scarlett
+2 – nuts, stat out of it, not your circus, be happy she’s gone from your job, this could be taken as defamation, you expose your employer to that claim and you have zero credibility with new company anyway. It’s just vindictive and as a potential hiring manager I’d just assume you were someone with an ax to grind.
Never too many shoes...
Yes to this. And they will find out.
Stay in your lane here, friend. There is nothing to be gained and much to be lost. By you.
Anonymous
Worst idea I’ve ever heard
Go for it
Nope. Nope. Nope.
Not your role.
People ultimately show who they are and the new company will discover it and deal accordingly.
Anonymous
I’m wondering why a boss would tell an employee something along these lines that is absolutely none of their business. Sounds to me like there are boundary and discretion issues at play in your workplace. Tread carefully and MYOB.
Anonymous
HR has likely given your boss guidelines on how to handle references so you don’t get sued. Don’t do this because it is likely a violation of company policy on who can provide a reference and what he or she may say.
Ellen
Kat, OMG! I wanted to alert the litiegator’s in the Hive about this new product for automatic Breif Writing that I read about in Yesterday’s ABA Journal. I am going to print this out and show the manageing partner this on Monday, and suggest the entire HIVE do the same!
According to the Article, Casetext has developed an automated legal-writing product that purports to create an entire document with just a few simple clicks of the mouse.
The technology called Compose, which publicly launched today, automates the first draft of a legal brief or motion, dramatically reducing the hours attorneys need to spend producing a motion, according to San Francisco-based Casetext.
Casetext CEO and co-founder Jake Heller says he used Compose to draft a real 20-page motion in less than 30 minutes. He estimates the task would have taken anywhere from five to 10 hours without the technology, and notes other motions can take 80-plus hours without the use of Compose.
https://www.abajournal.com/news/article/casetext-launches-automated-brief-writing-product
They don’t say anything about billing, but if I can bill 80 plus hours for a breif that onley takes me 5-10 minutes with a few clicks of my mouse, I would have so much extra free time that I would not even know what to do with! YAY!!
Prep Rally
TMI Question: if you’ve had to do a two day prep for a colonoscopy, how bad was the day in between?
I’ve got one scheduled for Wednesday, and they have me scheduled to drink 1/2 gallon of prep at 6PM on Monday then another 1/2 gallon on Tuesday. I have 4 classes starting at 9:30 that morning, with a 45 minute drive on top of it. So basically what I’m asking is whether you think I’ll be done #$@%ing my brains out by that morning, or if I need to just assume I’ll be out and let me profs know ahead of time? I’m not sure if it’ll count as an excused absence since it’s indirectly medically related.
Thoughts? I wouldn’t be so stressed at missing this day if not for the fact I’m missing one class on Wednesday, the actual day of, and another class on Friday for an ultrasound (I don’t get much say in scheduling these things, my class schedule is basically a 9-5 job at this point so no matter when I schedule it, it’s eating into something else).
Juliska
Erm, I took those two days off before my colonoscopy, as recommended by my doctor. I stayed home, did my prep and was quite glad I had stocked up on soft toilet paper and gentle moist wipes. I think your proposed schedule is unrealistic; did you ask your doctor about it? Also, I think colonoscopy prep should count as a medical absence. What’s the alternative, you bolting from the classroom every fifteen minutes? But perhaps other people on here have had a different experience with the prep.
Anonymous
You should take Tuesday off. That is poop day.
Anon
Don’t plan to go anywhere after you drink the solution, period.
Word to the wise, Vaseline/aquaphor/A&D ointment is your friend. The wiping will make you raw. Apply generously as a preventative.
Elegant Giraffe
No way could I have driven 45 minutes and attended classes. Stay by the toilet.
Another anonymous judge
OMG do NOT try to leave your home until you have to go to the hospital. Having said that the procedure itself is totally fine. You’ll be wiped out after and make sure you don’t have to drive home, obviously. I’d say Thursday will be a write off, too. Sedation can interfere with cognition in a major way for up to 24 hours afterwards. Congrats to looking after yourself!
Diana
Any templates or recommendations you can share for announcing birth to the office, clients and various non-team colleagues? I’m due in a week and many folks have asked what the plan is and if I can make sure they’re on the email, etc. thanks!
Anon
I compiled a list of email addresses in advance, and then just sent a two sentence email that was something like “I’m thrilled to announce that __ was born on ___, measuring __ pounds and __ ounces. We’re both doing very well.” Include a photo or you’ll get a lot of replies pestering you for one.
Diana
Thanks!