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Something on your mind? Chat about it here.
Happy Labor Day! We've already started the sales roundup (you can see the long list below — lots of good ones of note!) — but one of the top things I'm liking is this pretty plum t-shirt from Ann Taylor.
I like the details like the square neck and the faux leather trim, as well as the fact that it's so easy to wear for both work and weekend. I even think the faux leather trim adds a bit of visual interest if you're just doing a video call.
The top was $64 full price, but is now marked 30% off to $45.15. It's machine washable, and available in regular and petite sizes XXS-XXL.
(Also love: this plaid tweed jacket — great with jeans or for a work outfit.)
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Italy hotels
Trying to branch out beyond the Marriotts I stay in for work (and are way too expensive in these cities)… so I’m asking the well-traveled women here for recommendations for hotels for a family of 4 in Rome, Venice, and Florence. We don’t need luxury, but do need comfort & cleanliness. One family member has a chronic health condition that can be relatively well-managed with sufficient rest. We don’t need breakfast on site, but if it’s included, we won’t turn that down either!
Anon
Breakfast is included at most hotels in Italy. The food is unlikely to be amazing (Italians don’t do pastries & bread as well as the French) but it will be perfectly adequate to fuel you up for the day.
I liked San Firenze Suites in Florence – good central location and we got a “suite” (really, a junior suite, they tend to be liberal with the term “suite” in Europe) for a very reasonable price. I would encourage you to get at least a junior suite. Four people in a regular hotel room will be tight, especially if someone needs extra rest.
Anonymous
+1 on getting a suite (or two rooms). Hotel rooms in Europe generally do not have space for 4 unless it’s a party crash pad for friend groups with bunk beds or similar. If you want two queen beds in one room you really do need to book at an American chain hotel.
I made an earlier comment about the NH chain, but I didn’t realize you were 4 people for one room. You won’t get that with an European chain.
Anonymous
My family stayed in an NH hotel in Rome. I liked it and the breakfast was great. But we were all adults in rooms with one bed.
Anon
I actually find pastires in Italy to be amazing – a great variety, many things I haven’t seen elsewhere and we still talk of the pistachio cream croissants. We never get the breakfast option in hotels though and just have breakfast in a different cafe every day. Florence especially has great pastry shops in the back streets. And that way you know you will have great espresso available with your breakfast.
Anonymous
The NH chain normally have comfortable rooms in Italy, at least the superior rooms. A lot cheaper than Marriott, so might be too simple for you, but worth checking out.
Lots of Italian hotels have very firm mattresses and pillows. Very, very firm. So unless that’s what you actually like, it’s worth checking reviews at places like bo0king dotcom and tr1padvisor to see if there are mentions of beds and elevators and lifts, if your family member will need a lift. Same for smoking, some places are still not all non-smoking.
I’ve never had a non-clean hotel in Italy, 2 star and B&Bs have tile floors everywhere, so super easy to keep clean.
Anon
Just make sure there’s air conditioning (speaking from experience).
Anne-on
I’m not sure what the minimum stay requirements are, but we recently used One Fine Stay for a family vacation in Europe and were very impressed by the ease of use in booking and level of service from the team on the ground. They seem to have properties in Rome and Florence.
Anon
Another vote for OFS, we always book apartments through them in Europe and have had many wonderful experiences.
NY CPA
I stayed at Hotel Bel Sito in Venice which was well priced, clean, and a fantastic location. I got a room-only rate, but there was a B&B rate available.
NY CPA
Oh and it had an elevator which was a requirement for me.
Anonymous
The Hotel Paris in Florence. Great location to the Duomo other sights and short walk from the train station. Our family of 2 adults and 2 older teenagers had a ton of space. Very clean and comfortable.
Emma
In Rome, we enjoyed Relais le Clarisse in Trastevere. It’s a little out of the centre but Trastevere is a cool area, and there is a tram that takes you to the centre in 15 minutes. They had AC and a pretty decent breakfast served in a pretty courtyard. The price was very reasonable and there was a fantastic coffee shop right next door.
AIMS
This may seem like a silly way to go about it but for Italy, check out the Rick Steves guide to Italy. Years ago, we ended up at the Hotel Europa on his recommendation and it was very basic but clean and lovely and central to everything we wanted to do (http://hotel-europa-florence.florence-hotels-it.com/en/#main).
The beds will all be hard, btw. We stayed in very fancier places in Venice and Rome and nowhere had a soft enough mattress (stark contrast from every place in Holland, where the beds were so cozy I could barely get out of bed in the morning). I think your best bet is just a central location that is easy to come back to for frequent rest tops.
NY CPA
Second the recommendation for Rick Steves guides. I’ve been pretty happy with his recommendations I’ve used throughout Europe and the city walks help you hit the highlights and sometimes have fun commentaries.
Anonymous
With a family of 4, you might be better off doing Air B&B, but for hotels, I last stayed at Hotel Damaso in Rome and Ad Astra in Florence. Ad Astra is delightfully unique/slightly quirky in some of the rooms (it’s a converted mansion); this was right before the pandemic and I’m not sure what their prices are like now to know if it’s less than Marriotts. It is on the “non-touristy” side of the river, so can be a bit of a walk if that’s a concern.
Anonymous
out of curiosity is anyone trying to invest in the cannabis business? feels like it should be a growth sector since it’s being legalized more and more but the one ETF i’m in is tanking.
Anonymous
It’s really overvalued
Anon
Definitely not. The industry is tanking in my state.
Anon
I feel like that time has passed? The dispensaries in my city that popped out overnight, half a dozen within a line or sight, are not all going to make it.
Anon
+1
The really early investors that nabbed the first licenses in my state made a quick fortune. But now it is not as promising.
I mean, if you have mad money you want to throw at individual stocks for fun, I’d definitely invest in it before bitcoin (!)
Anon
+1 you’re a day late and a dollar short
Anon
I just read an article in a major national publication like CNN or WaPo about how the legal cannabis industry is collapsing, so it seems like a bad investment to me. (Caveat that I don’t “invest” in things and just have all my money in index funds.)
Anonymous
It still is a sector that has limitations because banks and a lot of investors can’t put money into a business that is illegal under federal law
Cabins by the lake
all this talk of vacation homes has made me start thinking (again) about a cabin driving distance from Chicago in an area with hiking or a lake. anyone have any great suggestions for towns where you can get a not-fancy at least 2 bedroom within 3 hours of Chicago, for 300k? less is even better!
Anon
Do you want the house actually on a lake? Or within driving distance of a lake that allows day boaters? If the former you’re going to have a hard time with the $300k budget.
Anon
Look at Monticello or Cedar Lake in Indiana.
Cabin by the lake
thank you! I will have some fun Zillow time with those town names!!!
Anon
Not Monticello unless you want to be surrounded by rednecks with intense MAGA views. I’m an Indiana resident and Monticello is very much rural Indiana with all that implies culturally and politically. Southwestern Michigan is way less red than most of Indiana. I also think Lake Michigan is a million times nicer than the lakes near Monticello, even if you exclude the cultural/political stuff.
Anon
I know you said not-fancy cabin, so please ignore if this is the exact opposite of what you want: Osthoff Resort has condos for sale in your price point.
Cabin by the lake
oooh, that does look so pretty. thank you!!! pools and everything!
Anon
Kinda far though, to go for a weekend.
A.
I live in SE Wisconsin (Chicago transplant) and there are TONS of lakes down here that suit what you’re looking for. Not Lake Geneva or Lake Como, but use Zillow’s map search and start poking around. The further north/west you go, the cheaper it’ll be. You’ll also find condos on Brown’s Lake in this range.
Anon
Does the Reiss website ever have across the board discounts?
Anonymous
I think I’ve seen them but they’re really small like 10% iirc
Anonymous
When is it too soon to spend a holiday weekend with someone? Just met a cute guy two weeks ago and we’ve been talking about hanging out one day this weekend, but now he’s suggesting hanging out two separate days — don’t want to take it too fast
Anon
I’m not sure how hanging out twice in a long weekend could be too fast if both people are excited about it. It’s not like you’re agreeing to marry the guy.
Senior Attorney
If you want to, go ahead!
Anon
No problem!
I’m mean, it’s not like he’s asking you to Xmas Eve and Xmas with his parents, right?
anonshmanon
Yeah, to me it’s only the big holidays that would cast a certain ‘this is serious’ vibe on a relationship. Labor day is not it for me.
Anon
It’s two days. It’s not time to pick out a wedding dress yet. Spend two days with him if you think you would enjoy his company. If not, don’t spend two days with him.
Anon
Girl, I got engaged a month after meeting my husband. There’s no such thing as too much or too fast if it feels right. If you’re feeling it, go for it!
Anonymous
Never! Go hang out with him and have fun!
Anonymous
Hangin out on two separate days is not spending the weekend together. If you want to see him twice over the weekend, go for it!
Anonymous
Two separate days is not a holiday weekend, it’s two separate days over a holiday weekend. (Yes, there is a difference).
We had three dates in 5 days a couple of weeks after we met and are still together nearly 25 years later…
Cabin by the lake
thank you! I will have some fun Zillow time with those town names!!!
Cabin by the lake
oooh, that does look so pretty. thank you!!! pools and everything!
Anon
This is a long shot, but the powers that be have decided that I am to organize a small in-person workshop in Chicago, with none of us being local or familiar with the city. 30 people for 2 days. Any recommendations for a venue or even just a part of town that I should target/avoid? It should be reachable from the airport, and does not need to be fancy, as long as there is wifi and we can keep the coffee flowing.
Anon
What sort of vibe/industry?
Anon
Academic research! Government expense restrictions. Everyone is badly dressed and underpaid, but it’s fine because we are saving the world.
Anon
The O’Hare Hilton is a serviceable business hotel if you want to be *right* near the airport. My mom and I are both academics who’ve had conferences there. Obviously not super convenient to the city, although people can take the L in fairly easily.
AcademicsUnite
Wait, you just described my faculty!
Anona
Check out Gleacher Center at the University of Chicago.
Chl
Different vibe but maybe catalyst ranch? Not a place, but second city does business workshops that are really good.
Madrid Hotels
A friend and I are ending a trip to Spain with a few days in Madrid. We will mostly be taking day trips so I’m hoping to stay in the Prado area (within walking distance of the train station). Any hotel recs for that area?
Anon
The Ritz (now a Mandarin Oriental) or the Palace (now a Westin) are the classics. If you stay at the Palace, have a drink at the Ritz (drinks come with original ritz crackers! At least, they did when I was there pre-Mandarin Oriental).
Kate
We were on a budget and stayed at the Hotel Mediodia last November. We found it clean, safe, and convenient. Had an amazing view of the Prado too’
Anon
In 2017 we stayed very close to the Prado at the Mercure Madrid Centro and walked to/from the train station. Basic hotel, fine stay, moderate prices.
Anonymous
What’s on everyone’s end of summer bucket list? I’d like to go fishing with my son, maybe kayaking if it’s warm enough
Anonymous
This Maryland girl wants a crab feast.
Anonymous
I’m looking forward to turning off the AC at night and sleeping with the windows open.
fall
+1
September used to be the most beautiful early fall weather in Chicago.
Now we are hitting 100 again this weekend. Climate change.
Anon
Get my faxes done. I have an automatic extension until Oct 15 due to the winter storms here in CA and boy have I procrastinated.
Anon
One that we ticked off last weekend: hit an outdoor water park.
Have certain friends over for a barbecue.
Take a day trip to an outdoor museum, or a beautiful bikepath area. Or both!
Go on as many hikes as we can.
Start the switch from frozen desserts to baked fruit desserts (crumbled, toute, clafoutis) with summer fruit while it’s still available.
Hit the farmers markets (best time of year).
Related – eat all the local tomatoes – now is peak tomato season where I live.
Anonymous
Outdoor music. BBQ now that it’s cool enough to eat outside.
Kate
Looking for some examples and help understanding! I’m mid-30s, rarely date, had two long-distance 1-2 year relationships but have never pictured myself partnered long term. I understand I am wired differently than other people. I’m trying to be empathetic and supportive for a few friendships.
Three of my close friends went through breakups in the last 1-2 months. They are all having a hard time. They’re all in therapy. They each downloaded dating apps within hours of the breakup. They go on dates and don’t enjoy it but then obsess over whether their ex saw a Story. It sounds physically painful not to text an ex, but also painful to not talk to them. The situations are different: one was in a relationship for 2 years, broke up part due to a move and also he wanted to date others. One, they met 6 months ago and he never wanted to be exclusive so she cut it off. The third, same-sex, they met online and dated for 2 months, but only saw one another 5-6 times as they both travel a lot. None of these friends know one another (live in different cities). I talk to each multiple times a week, usually phone or FT or text. I have asked how to be supportive and whether they want to vent or cry or have me suggest things for them to do. I respect they’re struggling but I also have not been able to understand why it is hard to block an ex if they don’t want to look at the text history anymore, or why they are going on crap online dates so soon after a breakup, etc. I am mostly listening… I haven’t said anything about the dates or texting – it’s totally their choice, it just sounds like they are putting themselves through more pain. Looking for stories, resources, anything to help me be a better friend to them! I apologize if any of this sounded insensitive – I genuinely want to support them, and am not sure other than listening if I should be doing anything else.
Elle
I read a book a while back called the chemistry between us about what happens in your brain and body when one falls in love. For some people it feels like an addiction. It takes some time for people to move on and “get it out of their system”. I would really think about your health and well being, it’s okay to screen some of their phone calls if you’re not in an emotional place to help.
Anonymous
Since you have no actual experience to draw on, I would say this is where you bow out of trying to help, and stick to listening.
It might surprise you to know just how helpful it is having someone who only listens.
fall
In an odd way, for some people, the pain of break-ups is actually something they don’t want to end…. completely. They feel a ?need to go through it. Or a compulsion to continue the pain. And sometimes there is a bit of fascination/ ?pleasure in the process. I know that sounds impossible, but it can be true. They don’t want to delete all the texts, and block the numbers, and get off social media to stop stalking their ex. Even if you (they?…) know that is the healthiest thing for them to do. And there are a lot of easy ways to rationalize this to yourself.
How many of us have some unhealthy tendencies? Pretty much all of us. For me everything from procrastination, to anxious tendencies that I should address in better to bad food/exercise habits at times. Do I follow all the “rules” to do it the right way, when I know them well?
No. I’m human.
Yes, some of us are programmed differently, and then cannot relate at all.
You are a good friend for separating your ‘logical’ impulses and letting them vent, continuing to support. But it’s a lot… with 3 friends. It is ok to wean down the calls, and set some healthy boundarie.
Anon
It sounds like you’re being a great friend! I think everyone responds to break ups different ways. I definitely remember how much my last break up hurt (almost physically) and I do think it was a combination of the chemical come down/oxytocin loss, fear for the future and actually missing my ex. Around the same time period a couple of my friends also had break ups, and it did seem like the group of us were doing… not great for a while. I do think the 2-3 of us who went no contact ultimately got over it quicker than the ones who didn’t. If it help- all 5 of us are now happily married (all to non-ex people), but it did take a couple of years to get to everyone being happy with their situation and some only really got over their ex when they started dating their new partner.
Anon
I can’t really explain how to understand what you’re friends are going through, even though I have been there. Sometimes you don’t make good decisions even though you know it’s not what is best for you. This may be a situation where you’re never going to he able to understand, and it’s best if you accept that and continue to be supportive. You can also decide it’s too much and back off, as was suggested above.
I know you aren’t asking your friends any of this and I know you are trying to be a good friend . . . I dated a guy once who could not understand why I would feel X in a Y situation bc that wouldn’t be how he would feel/react and it was so exhausting trying to explain to him that I didn’t need to understand, I just needed him to believe my feelings were valid and help support me when and how I asked as long as he was capable of it. Anyway, that’s why we broke up. I tell this story only to give you an option that is accepting you won’t understand and being okay with that (while offering whatever support you are capable of and want to provide).
Anon
Looking for recs on where to purchase basic, solid gold jewelry like gold hoops and chains. It seems like all my gold plated jewelry has tarnished so I’m looking to replace with more durable items.
Anon
Mejuri is great for this. I have a few pieces and have been very impressed.
Anon
eBay. Local jeweler, who might give you a discounted price if you pay cash.
Monday
Automic Gold!
Sports bras
Thanks for all the advice on sports bras last week. I bunch arrived that I bought online.
And was shocked….. I couldn’t get a single one on without practically dislocating my shoulder. I finally gave up. There’s no way.
These are all basic pull on styles, several different variations. I ordered the correct sizes based on online measurements. I am a small/XS by measurements, but I am almost 5′ 8″ and maybe my upper body frame/shoulders (which aren’t super wide) just are no match for this type of compression fabric.
Any pointers? Are there just some people who can’t get a sports bra on?
Or is there a trick to getting them on? And then you have to spend time fixing everything, flatting those silly n1pple pads that get mushed up and adjusting all the straps/layers. Or maybe they relax and stretch out with a few wears/washes and this is just a painful breaking in period?
Any tricks to getting on/off?
I went and tried some on in person today, and tried bigger sizes, but then the fabric in places was bunching and clearly not laying right.
Anon
Nope. No tips or suggestions. I am small busted but big around due to weight gain. I have tried on every brand and siz and haven’t found one that works.
ArenKay
I vastly prefer front zip for this reason; if it’s hard getting them on, it’s way harder getting them off when everything is sweaty. I do have wide shoulders.
Anonymous
I have a wonky shoulder and so switched to front zip sports bras.
Anon
I am usually between a M and L in shirts, 38A, and size up to an XL in sports bras in order to have a fighting chance of getting them on without injury. If I went by the size chart it would be a torso tourniquet.
Anon
I would bet you’re not a 38A. Have you tried a bra size calculator based on the European method? Red d 1 t abrathatfits has one.
Anon
You’re right, I’m actually a 38AA according to every single measurement guide out there. However, I usually opt for a 36A or 38A because that’s what actually exists without going for suffering custom made. A 36A with a band extender fits about as close to perfect as can be.
anon
Also 5’8” and even at my thinnest usually needed at least a medium, if not a large, in sports bras. Abd I’m not especially chesty.
Anon
I think sports bras just run small, especially in athletic brands. I am 34a and I can’t wear anything smaller than an M for sports bras (nike, under armour, etc) even though I wear S in most tops and dresses.
Anon
I never, ever wear pull on sports bras (32DDD). There are two Wacoal sports bras I like that have hooks (although I size up the band to a 34 for one) and an UnderArmor front zip.
Anonymous
I’m busty and only wear sports bras that open/close like normal bras. Actually the only one I use is Panache 5021, but that doesn’t appear to come in smaller cup sizes.
OP
Thanks everyone.
Where do you recommend going to try on a bunch of different styles/sizes, since it seems like I would need this?
Anon
Would check with your local running stores (one of ours doesn’t carry sports bras, but one does) or D*ck’s Sporting Goods.
Anon
Nordstrom / Wacoal
Anon
Target. Their athletic clothing punches well above its weight. Since it sounds like you’re not too busty, you can probably fit just fine in some of their less constricting versions. I have some of the old Champions C9 ones that are going on 15 years old and still in use for not too impactful activities.
Anon
I can’t do the pullover one. I have a history of injury/ongoing shoulder problems on one side, and things like that are out of the question. At best it hurts to put on, and then taking it off is worse. At worst, I could reinjure myself.
I will only wear zip front or back clasp sports bras for this reason, and I highly prefer the zip front. The back clasp can be really hard to do because sports bras fit so tightly, and clasping it in front and scooting it around is like rug burn city.
Anonymous
Go to Target. They carry numerous styles in a variety of sizes. Seriously.
Anon
Omg I hear you. I am 5’7”, very small busted, 110 pounds, and sports bras are the worst.
Purple hair
I think I need someone to talk some sense into me.
I want to dye my (very dark brown) hair a very dark shade of violet. I was thinking of using a 4-6 week semi-permanent dye.
I am over 40 (I am told I look like I am in my late twenties or early 30s), a mom, and a professional. I work in a very casual and creative company (facial piercings abound across all age ranges); I tend to dress a bit more conservatively since I am in the legal department. I don’t think my hair would cause an eyebrow raise at work, but I do worry that it might give off “mutton dressed as lamb” in my day to day life.
What do you all think?
Anon
That will look terrible. It doesn’t look good on a 20-something either. If we were chatting IRL, I’d probably tell you some variation of “go girl, do it” so take anything your friends say with a grain of salt.
Anon
Let her live her life! OP, go for it. I’ve had good luck with Arctic Fox. It’s semi permanent, so even if you don’t love it, then it will wash or grow out. Ignore the haters and get your fun hair!
Anon
Sorry but it just looks absolutely unprofessional and desperate. I’d never say it to anyone’s face but I judge it hard when I see it IRL. Also, while it’s “just hair,” everyone sees it. What if you have an opportunity for your dream job, big presentation to a more conservative crowd, etc etc., do you really want to worry about fixing your hair? Most people aren’t thinking “badass,” they’re thinking “what’s up with that hair.” Like it or not, your appearance sends a message.
Anonymous
How old are you, 4:52?
OP asked for opinions, and is old enough not to need to be told she can do whatever she wants regardless.
People giving opinions and reasons advising her not to do it are not “haters”.
anon
If you don’t need to bleach your hair, do it and see if you enjoy it (since it’ll wash out anyway). If you need to bleach first, make sure you figure out the color of your natural hair if you need to dye it back until the bleached part grows out.
If it’s dark enough to only look violet under bright lights, it likely won’t be noticed by most so you can try it and see!
Anonymous
If you are determined, make an appointment with a hairdresser and discuss it.
I would honestly rethink it, though, purple is one of those colors that can fail miserably no matter how old you are.
Anon
Unless you bleach out your hair and then color it, it won’t look great. And then there’s the upkeep necessary to keep it looking good. I love the idea of wild colors, but the reality of the upkeep makes it a no-go for me. I’m less worried about looking “mutton dressed as lamb” than I am “People of WalMart”.
Anonymous
Your hair will have a little bit of a purple tint in the sun. It won’t look violet unless you lighten your base color first. You can give it a shot, but it won’t be a dramatic change.
Anon
I don’t think hair colors like you describe really flatter anyone regardless of their age so the mutton as lamb issue is not relevant. However, if you want to do it as a way to express yourself, it sounds like you are in the right setting to do so without repercussions.
Anonymous
YOLO, just do it. If the worst thing that can happen is people think you are not dressing your age, so be it. If this doesn’t involve bleaching your hair, I don’t think you can do too much damage.
lifer
Many years ago, when I was starting college, I stayed with a student at Oberlin. She had beautiful, thick, dark hair that I thought was a shade of black, but close up she showed me it was a deep dark aubergine. It was gorgeous. I have never seen anything like it since.
I suspect it is very difficult to reach a color that she had, as I have never again seen it in the wild. It also looked incredible with her skin tone. She wasn’t working in a conservative environment…. she was a 20 year old at Oberlin, and a bit crunchy but naturally beautiful with perfect olive skin and no make-up.
Why do you want to do this? What are you hoping to achieve?
I would do it. Now, before summer happy vibes die. It’s only 4-6 weeks. If it comes out bad, just tell everyone you had a bet with your daughter/sister/best friend/online friends and lost (!)
But sadly, I suspect it will not look as you hope.
AIMS
The thing is that your very brown hair will not really take to semi permanent dye like this. Your most likely outcome will turn out like those slightly unreal looking dark red home dyes that look kind of purple and unnatural but are typically sold by Nice n Easy etc. at any drugstore. If you actually want violet, even dark violet, it will require stripping your hair color etc., which is a much bigger commitment than 4-6 week semipermanent. No advice on whether to do it but just something to consider. To the extent I have an opinion, I personally think manic panic type colors look cool on the very young and the much older (70+). Everything else feel kind of boring in a way that’s hard to explain.
Anon
My boomer mom was just telling me about all the younger / gen X women she knows who are dying their hair unnatural colors. Her reaction was clearly a mix of “it’s great that people do what they want” and “but it’s not classically flattering,” haha.
I have the same stereotype where I live that this is a geriatric millennial/xillennial/gen x thing to do right now. If this bothers people, I think it’s probably because they have bad attitudes about middle aged women generally, like nothing we do can be cool until we’re “old old” and then we come across as liberated again? But I think this look is actually trendier for women our age than with younger cohorts right now, so I wouldn’t worry about it coming across as trying to look young.
If you want to consider getting it done professionally, Instagram will show you which salons near you do a good job.
Trish
After I turned 50 I got a job in a law school. I decided to dye the underside of my brown hair a darker teal blue and I loved it! The blue on my face would have been clown-like. Maybe look for a more subtle way to enjoy the fun color! Also, get it done professionally! Even the salons have a hard time with colors.
PolyD
Pre-pandemic, when I was still getting my hair highlighted (it is naturally dark blonde and I got very thin highlights) I would have my stylist add a few streaks of purple, or blue, mostly on the underside of my hair. I wore it mostly one length but with the ends kind of chopped up, so you could see flashes of the colors.
I got a lot of compliments on that, but my office is not known for being super formal or even well-dressed. I’m 55 now, so I was probably in my late 40s – early 50s when I did this. It was fun. I only stopped because I don’t really get my hair colored anymore.
bird in flight
Go get it done professionally. It’s a fun one off thing for you, might as well do it right so you get the fun you want.
Fwiw I was at an industry event a couple weeks ago in my casual male dominated industry and there was an aerospace engineer in her 30s/40s (I’m a horrible judge of age generally) who had brown straight hair dyed light blue on the bottom half. She made the most important presentation of the day, looked bada88 and was taken completely seriously by everyone (mostly middle age dudes) in the room.
Anon
+1. Treat yourself and get it done professionally. A good colorist will figure out a shade that works for your skin tone.
And if you hate it? It’s hair. Dye it back or cut it. Life is too short.
Anonymous
Have a look at this Brad Mondo video – it’s basically an ad for his product, but it’s also a great view of how different bright colors work. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KKVzv58SPzs
The model doesn’t have *very* dark hair, though, I would say she’s more of a mousy medium brown, no darker than a 4.
Anonymous
Agree with getting it done professionally. I’ve also thought about doing this but my stylist told me there’s no way with my dark hair unless it’s lightened first. It’s still the temporary color that lightens over 6 weeks. It’s just hair color. If you hate it, just change it.
NaoNao
A couple things based on my own experience:
I have medium very ashy brown hair with 40-50% gray. When I started my ‘journey’ I had just below shoulder length hair in very good condition. It’s taken years to get back there, FYI.
In my mid-30s I bleached the bottom 1/3 or so and “dip dyed” it purple and loved it. That kind of set off a few years of exploring unnatural hair colors until part of the hair broke off (!!) from the bleach and I had to go with a short cut.
Aside from the bleach issue, before that, it was really hard to make the unnatural hair look sleek, chic, and polished or professional. The amount of money it cost to have it done professionally was very high–and it was frustrating because of the nature of the color, it didn’t last much longer than my own efforts, although it did look more consistent and more upscale. It’s tough to find professionals who really know what they’re doing with bleach + unnatural colors and I wound up getting dark violet-blue when I wanted silver one time because the salon really didn’t know what to do or how to advise me. And that was $400.
The dyed hair was hard to cover with natural-colored dye when and if I had an event or interview, and the condition overall was tough to handle–the bleach really damaged it and dried my already-dry hair out further.
Unnatural hair in the purple and red family can look very aging–there’s an eggplant red/purple shade that older women favor that I think is a dead giveaway “I’m 50! and I think I’m quirky and fun!”
I wound up experimenting with a different type of unnatural hair color (non bleach) and then getting back into the bleach cycle during the early pandemic–and again I wound up having to cut my hair into a longer pixie to get rid of damaged hair. Now I realize it’s just too much hassle and it’s *never* going to look like the Pinterest or IG pics, those are staged and edited big time.
It doesn’t look upscale, it looks punky and counterculture or pin-up model-y at best. I think unnatural hair can be really cool looking and stylish on the right person, styled the right way. I love bright neon yellow hair for example–but it’s a very hard look to pull off with corporate style.
So in short:
Unnatural colors without bleach will hardly show up on dark hair and will wash out very quickly–and you may find yourself dabbling more and more with bleach to get that color, and upping the ante more and more
Bleach will *destroy* your hair over time and it can be unpredictable when and if they hair will break–and that’s unsalvageable
Getting a pro to do it is expensive, and doing it yourself almost always looks haphazard and amateur
Honestly…women have a hard enough time getting taken seriously and being seen a professionals and experts. Bright unnatural hair isn’t the move for mid-career mid-40’s women. *Maybe* a few strands of a highlight that glints in the sun blue or something.
I also think that the whole “I’m 40 something but people swear I look 24” is…misguided to be polite. People have no idea what 40 looks like anymore and many assume it’s what 60 something-s look like, most people are very well aware women want to be told they look younger and the benefits of flattering people/dates/customers/family members. I also don’t think that looking young + unnatural hair is a benefit or a good strategy in a corporate job, especially for a woman.
Anonymous
I have 8+ billable hours ahead of me today, plus I have a huge pile of admin tasks that need to get done. I was hoping to be in the office all yesterday but ended up with a sick kid, so todays all I have. Luckily, the office is mostly empty today so I shouldn’t have too many interruptions. Any advice for really locking in?
Major Tasks:
– review and approve bills
– clear out inbox
– actual work (two contract reviews, about 3-5 hours each- one due tomorrow AM the other due Weds AM)
I’m traveling the rest of this week, including tomorrow, so that’s the urgency!
lifer
Do the hardest stuff NOW as early in the day as possible, use caffeine to push you, add music if it helps. Save the admin for late, when you are brain dead and burnt out. Favorite take out foods for dinner as a reward.
Anon
Has anyone bought 14k gold jewelry from Saks Off Fifth? The prices look very good but I can’t tell how heavy the pieces are or overall quality.