How to Be Happily Single… on Valentine’s Day
Last Valentine's Day, a number of readers requested a post on how to be content as a single person on Valentine's Day. While I've had a ton of single years, I've also been married for almost ten years now. So I asked my good friend, Auntie M. — who knows a thing or two about being a singleton on Valentine's Day — to offer her thoughts… – Kat
I have spent a lot of holidays alone. I’ve also spent plenty of holidays coupled up, but if you can name a holiday — Thanksgiving, New Year’s Eve, 4th of July, my birthday, certainly Valentine’s Day — I can tell you about the time (or times) I spent it on my own.
Here is what I’ve learned:
It can actually be pretty great.
If you’re facing a holiday solo, my first suggestion is to travel, if possible. Get out of town. Go somewhere new. It might be kind of a bummer to spend an important day alone at home, but it’s kind of badass to spend it in an entirely new place altogether, right?
I’ve spent multiple New Year’s Eves surrounded by strangers in some pretty far-flung places, and, yeah, I didn’t have anyone to kiss at midnight, but I do have some amazing memories — and some pretty respectable stamps in my passport.
If travel isn’t a possibility, find a way to engage in some meaningful self-care. For me, this means some kind of spa-type treatment, like a massage at a fancy place I normally wouldn’t visit, followed by a meal I find truly delicious (plan ahead so you can make something yourself and avoid the V-Day crowds and price hikes at local restaurants).
Or, take care of yourself in other ways — a relaxing nighttime yoga class, maybe, or a night of watching your favorite movies or TV shows.
Whatever you choose, just make sure it’s something that you truly enjoy, and not something you think you “should” do. Take a night off of from “should,” and, well, treat yourself.
My final go-to trick for spending a meaningful holiday solo is to set up new traditions for myself — something I can carry forward to future holidays. I do this on New Year’s Day, by doing things that are symbolic of the year I want to have (working out, cooking something healthy, finding things I no longer need that are in good condition to donate to my local charity shop).
There’s no reason why this can’t apply to Valentine’s Day as well. Get creative, and come up with new ways to spend Valentine’s Day that you can do in the future, with or without a partner.
Valentine’s Day marketing is everywhere, but the truth is, you don’t actually need to feel burdened by the constant messaging that your value comes from being in a relationship. You are valuable regardless, and you are entitled to feel good about yourself without relying on another person to validate those feelings.
Give yourself permission to make the holiday your own, and only do those things that reaffirm what you love most about yourself.
Readers, what are your best tips on how to be content as a single person on Valentine's Day — or to otherwise be happily single? Do you have traditions for spending holidays by yourself — and what are they?
I am happily single today (and every day). It’s not always 100% happy (sometimes I wonder what’s wrong with me when I haven’t hit the same milestones as my friends in terms of marriage and kids) but I know I will leave work today and go home to my beautiful apartment I decorated myself, order the food I want to eat, slip into my comfortable bed with soft clean sheets and watch whatever I want on TV, all my myself. It’s a good feeling. The nice thing about being single is every day is Treat Yo Self day.
“The nice thing about being single is every day is Treat Yo Self day.” I’m in a relationship now but that is so TRUE.
AMEN to the last sentence!!
This is a good attiude. I try to live like this also, but I also enjoy haveing a guy to do stuff with, both out as well as inside my apartement. Today I am home reading the p’osts late b/c I was so busy at work. I do NOT miss having a boyfriend like my ex, who got me stale chocolate from CVS, and then expected s-x from me on demand. FOOEY! Now I am like you; doieng what I like when I like and not haveing to do what some schlub wants me to do just b/c he has the ability to excite me. DOUBLE FOOEY!
I think this whole idea is stupid. I’m single. I wish I weren’t. Valentine’s Day is kinda sad. I don’t see any point in trying to be happily single. J am happy. I am single. I am not happy about being single any day, especially today.
Hey friend. I am in your shoes and have been single most of the last 7 years (I am 38).
This might sound like a strange twist on positive thinking, but I have found it helpful to reflect on the truly toxic people/relationships that I have endured in the past and then spend a night being thankful that I am PAST those! Even if I am sad to be single, I can be happy that I am no longer hung up on Boy X or wasting my night and money on Boy Y or facing a night of bad gardening with Boy Z.
Hugs.
Same. My single life is objectively great, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want someone to share it with. Today just rubs salt into the wound.
Yup. Exactly this.
I am planning on going home and drinking wine on my couch though, so there’s that.
+1 so much
me too. Hugs to all of us. Men do have a couple of things goeing for them, and we miss that on a day like this. But tomorrow is another day, as Grandma Leyeh says, so I look forward to it! YAY!!!!
I mean, this may sound like a stereotype, but… cats. The answer is cats. I had some wine, ate some olives/cheese/pasta, and watched Kitten Rescuers on Netflix while exclaiming to my cats about how adorable the onscreen kittens were. The cats were unimpressed, and the little one tried to eat the cheese out of my olives. Jerk.
Anyway, I had a perfectly lovely Valentine’s Day with my kitties. The bar for romance is so low with them, all I have to do is give them treats.