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I was listening to a podcast with Margaret Atwood the other day, and was struck by her low voice… which kind of made me think about my MIL's low voice. And how I often lower my voice unconsciously when I'm trying to feel more authoritative, or serious. It's been far too long since we talked about executive presence, so let's discuss… what do you do to feel more authoritative? What do you intentionally — and what do you do unintentionally? When you think of authoritative, powerful women you know, what traits of theirs make them seem more authoritative?
(Incidentally, here's a fascinating New Yorker article about why we may associate lower voices with more authority — Congress limited bandwidth allotted for radio stations, and most broadcasters eventually limited their signals to a “voiceband” range that only accommodated low voices as “bare minimum amount of frequency information needed to adequately transmit speech.”)
For my $.02, here's what I do to try to feel more authoritative…
- lowering my voice (yep)
- having planned speaking points (and thinking about them as bullet points) — if it's a prepared speech having at least the first 3 minutes memorized and practiced
- having better posture (or arrange myself in the chair in what I think is an artful way)
- not fussing with my appearance, like tugging at clothes or moving my hair
- (I stink at it, but I do try to limit fillers such as “like” and “um” — and be comfortable with silence for whatever time I need to answer a question thoughtfully)
There's been a lot written over the years about how a lot of these things are sexist and based on stereotyped notions of what men with executive presence look like… so I'm interested to know if you're doing things differently.
(In terms of what traits are shared by the most authoritative, powerful people I know or have seen speak, I think it's my last point – the comfort with silence to answer a question thoughtfully. But then that's a luxury that isn't always afforded to women if you're in a meeting with people who will talk over you…)
Readers, what are your thoughts? What do you do to feel more authoritative — intentionally or unintentionally? What traits do you think make someone seem authoritative in general?
Stock photo via Deposit Photos / iakovenko123.
Anon
When I misspeak I try not to get flustered or act like it’s something I need to be embarrassed about. Instead I correct myself slowly and clearly without rushing.
Also I have this ring that has a little hand flipping the bird. It’s too tiny for anyone else to really see. I wear that when I feel like I need a big boost of confidence.
Anon
‘I don’t understand this’ without embarrassment. Making it their responsibility to help me understand is basically a power move. Also useful: ‘I trust you’ and ‘I am proud of you’.
Anonymous
I lower my voice, I’ve learned to be comfortable sitting in silence, and I sit up straight and hold very still when I’m making a point that has a lot of emotion behind it.
An unintentional power move happened after I gave birth in a hospital. I was determined to leave the hospital the day after giving birth (I was deeply unhappy with how hospital staff had handled my birth, the baby and I were both perfectly stable, and I wanted to get my family out of that building and never come back).
That morning I took my hair down from a bun on top of my head and combed it, and I put on liquid eyeliner and red lipstick, because those are things that I do to feel put together and like myself. My hair had been up for two days and even after combing it out it was a giant crazy lion mane.
The hospital staff thought my hair and makeup were completely weird and each staffer was visibly taken aback when they walked into my room and saw me.
“Oh! Uh. You’re wearing lipstick.”
“Yes I am because we’re leaving. Do you have our discharge paperwork ready yet? No? Ok come back when you do.”
“Your hair’s really big.”
“Yes it is. What’s the ETA on our paperwork?”
I knew that bright lipstick was a good power accessory, but that was the most impact I’ve ever seen it make.
PM4Life
On Zoom calls I make a point of breaking out:
Collared shirt
Diamond earrings
Understated makeup paired with a classic red lip
I drop my voice a little (I’m naturally a middling soprano) and emphasis my British-extraction accent. I speak in definite statements and shorter sentences than I’d use when speaking casually.
I make a point of not reacting strongly and attempt to channel the insouciance of a lion that’s just eaten a zebra and is now a little bored.
I’m a small (kind of fluffy looking) woman working in a male-dominated, conservative arena (insurance) and I’ve found that this kind of approach helps me register as authoritative or at the very least, someone to reckon with. Prior to adopting some of these mannerisms, I’d have men speaking over me…in presentations that I was giving. It still happens, but much less.
Nonny
Off topic: does anyone know of a duplicate for Urban Decay 24/7 Glide on Lip pencil in the color Pandemonium? It is a medium soft purple. Extra brownie points if the dupe is drugstore price. thanks!