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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
A cropped bootcut trouser is such a fun look for spring and summer, but it’s important to get the proportions right. I think the best look is when the pants hit just a hair above the ankle bone, so check inseams carefully and don’t be afraid to take them to a tailor to get them hemmed.
This pair from Frame has all of my favorite elements: a slight flare, pockets, and belt loops. I would wear these with a white blouse and navy blazer for a preppy, business casual look.
The pants are $298 at Nordstrom and come in sizes 00–12. They also come in black.
J.Crew Factory has a more affordable option for $64.50 in classic sizes 00–24 and petite sizes 00–12.
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Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
Ellen
Elizabeth, I wish I could wear a pair of these trousers, but seeing as I am already too short for most clotheing (by model standards), I worry about any trousers that make me look even shorter, as I love clam diggers, but only @ the beach, where I put them on over my bikini and then shlepp through the sand wearing my flip flops. There, no one really cares about how tall I am, and the men I meet on the beach are just focused on my body, which is still pretty much of a COVID mess. I am working on slimming down, but for now, I am just too big in the tuchus and stomach from all of the sitting in front of my computer and TV in getting through the pandemic. I am doing special exercises for toning up my upper body and firming my arms. I think that I will be able to be in fairly good shape by the time of my firms weekend outing @ the Manageing partner’s home. Wish me luck! TIA!!!!!
Anon
These just look like a laundry or weed wacker accident.
pugsnbourbon
I agree. I’ll do cropped legs, I’ll do flares, but I will never, ever do a cropped flare.
Go for it
+1
Anon
Don’t knock it until you try it, I’ve found it’s one of the most flattering silhouettes out there . . .
PolyD
I think it does look pretty cool on some people, but I’ve tried a few pairs and can’t get them to work on me. I do carry a little more weight in my thighs, so maybe that’s why? Makes me look like an X – bigger thighs, and then narrows way down at my knees, then the flare at the bottom.
I should just concede that this style is not for me, but I don’t know, maybe there’s a pair out there that works!
Carrie
Yes, for my body shape these are perfect and very flattering. I’m pear shaped with slender ankles.
On the other hand, the high waisted, cropped straight leg, firm fabric pants look terrible on me.
Anon
These look absolutely terrible on the tall, thin model. I would look truly ridiculous in these.
Anon
Agree. It may look good on someone, but it’s not her.
Anon
Agree. Fashionable or not, they are unattractive.
Anon
I can do an ankle flare no problem (which these probably would be on me; I’m a shorty). BUT never in this color.
Mrs. Jones
Agreed. I resolved years ago never to buy khaki pants or shorts again.
anon
I know the style is back, but this still looks so, so dated to me! My, um, generous thighs do not appreciate this cut.
Anon
Right? Apparently, so are long fully-leg pleated “fancy” shorts. Um, I did that in the late 80s (formal shorts!). Will not do again. I refuse to live in a world where I need to have pressed shorts.
Waffles
If this is fun, I will be happy to be very un-fun this spring. These pants might be the absolute least flattering cut possible.
Anonymous
Yes,especially in this colour
Anonymous
I recently talked to two friends who applied for jobs online and immediately received rejection emails. Clearly they were screened out due to the algorithm. They are qualified applicants according to the post, though. Any ideas for how to apply and not get screened out like this?
Go for it
Following with interest! It is frustrating.
Anon
I was screened out because I only had 4.5 years of experience in my field, not 5. Sometimes there’s no way to work around it and if a company is so rigid on their requirements, it’s a red flag for me.
AnonQ
Did their resumes include keywords from the job posting? If not, that’s one reason for a quick rejection by the software.
Aunt Jamesina
Are you in a position to recommend them to whoever is in charge of hiring?
Aunt Jamesina
… or if you don’t want to recommend them, I’d at least let your employer know that their system is screening out qualified applicants!
Anonymous
Some things you can’t control. I had a job title that didn’t fit well (picture “teapot innovation” where it was really “teapot content director” with 15 years of teapot content roles prior) . After working six months again as a “teapot content director” title, the interviews open so much easier this time around.
Anon
Not all postings are real jobs, some are just there to satisfy rules. Always try to find someone who can help get your resume before the hiring manager, cold applications are often rejected.
Anon
Did they have to identify desired salary? I think that’s an easy way that employers weed out (and it’s annoying but also if the employer’s comp is widely off from the employee’s desired comp, then it may be for the best.)
The Beagle Has Landed
I got some feedback from a resume service that was trying to get my business that the algorithm will immediately reject a resume with any sort of fancy formatting, tables, columns etc., all of which mine had, because it just reads text and the content gets scrambled if you have formatted in columns or a table. Also, algorithms will often reject a 2-page resume in favor of one. Apparently, bullets, bold, italics, and judicious use of color are fine. I think this is true, because I reformatted it into a boring, bland, and brief document, I started being moved past the initial electronic screening.
TCF
I write resumes as part of my business and this is generally correct with a couple of corrections.
One: review software (aka Applicant Tracking Systems or ATS) will not necessarily reject resumes if they include tables or weird formatting; it will just skip over those sections because they are unreadable. If a key portion of your resume information, like skills, is inside a table or graphic of some kind, you’ll be out of luck. A good way to test your resume for readability in ATS is to save it as a txt file and make sure you can read everything and in order. For this reason, don’t use the header and footer for any key information, including contact info. ATS skips those.
Two: I have never heard of ATS rejecting a resume because it is over one page in length. To the contrary, the modern trend is a 1.5-2 page resume once you’ve been out of school 5+ years. This is due in part to the existence of ATS; it gives the applicants more space to include keywords from the job posting in a Key Competencies section or similar.
Anonymous
Hi all, looking for recommendations for clothing steamers- this would be used mostly for button-up shirts – in cotton, linen blends, silk, etc. I don’t have the space or need for a full-on iron but would like my clothes to look a bit less wrinkled ideally (office is business casual but can be business formal when presenting to clients).
Anon
I have a travel steamer (search in the river site) and I love it. I use it for everything from men’s dress shirts, to my blouses, curtains – you name it. It heats up quickly and there is a fair amount of steam for the size of the water container. I also have curly hair and use it to refresh my curls the next day too. It was under $30 and just has a simple on/off switch. I will like a similar one in a reply.
Anon
https://www.amazon.com/Pure-Enrichment-PureSteam-Portable-Steamer/dp/B00ORC2Z2S/ref=sr_1_21?crid=1VAPZN3RU7K9T&keywords=travel%2Bsteamer&qid=1653311711&sprefix=travel%2Bsteamer%2Caps%2C103&sr=8-21&th=1
Anon
I have the full floor model Jiffy steamer. No regrets.
London (formerly NY) CPA
Same.
Anonymous
Europe here, Bosch front loader, super energy efficient:
I have no trouble with pilling, no trouble with smells. I never use fabric softener, only allergy friendly powder (or liquid wool) detergent.
I wash lots of separate smaller loads for things like merino, silk or cashmere. 30 C, wool cycle, 600-800 turns.
I wash nice viscose fabrics on delicate, 40 C, 800 turns.
I wash jeans and darks on mixed, 40 C 1200 turns. Fleece and sports wear the same. Bad quality fleece will get worn, but that’s not the washer.
I wash towels, bedding, underwear or other hardwearing cotton on 60 C, 1600 turns. These are the only things I tumbledry, everthing else hangs to dry.
I hand wash bras and fiddly cashmere.
Anonymous
Oops, that was not successful nesting, sorry, steamer OP.
For your steamer question: I have a hand-held steamer from Philips that I quite like. Use it on blouses while they are still hanging to dry, not on dry clothes. Also good for refreshing wool.
Anon
A fun Monday morning post. I want (need, OMG, need) to lay on a beautiful beach, read fluffy novels, and be utterly disconnected from my real life. Nearby nature and/or historic towns an added bonus, but not required. I’ll be traveling alone in August from DC. Where would you go?
Anon
Since it’s August: Newport, RI
If not August: Folly Beach SC (Charleston is nearby)
pugsnbourbon
My family loved Folly Beach when they went in 2019.
anon a mouse
Aruba. Direct flight from Dulles, outside the hurricane belt.
Marie
+1 Aruba is as close as you can come to guaranteeing perfect beach reading weather.
Anon
Really? I’ve only been to Aruba once but it was insanely windy and hard to read outside.
NYCer
I would go to Bermuda. Super easy flight from DC, and the beaches are gorgeous.
anon
+1
Anon
I was just in the USVIs and couldn’t believe how beautiful the water was. Bonus of being in the US so no passport or Covid test required. Turks and Caicos also has insanely beautiful beaches.
The Beagle Has Landed
+1
Anon
I am living your dream right now in Mexico. Great beaches, quiet, delicious food. I am visiting friends in Puerto Vallarta this time, but I have enjoyed Yucatan (just avoid Cancun) and some other remote destinations before.
Anon
Hawaii. Rent a condo near a resort, preferably one associated with the resort so you can pick and choose some resort amenities.
The most beautifully-situated hotel I’ve ever been to is the Grand Hyatt Kauai, near Poipu beach.
Coach Laura
Yes, Hawai’i condo attached to a resort would be my dream. I loved Waikaloa, which is north of Kona on the big island. Mauna Lani, Waikaloa Hilton or Marriott – are all part of Waikaloa Village. Near the airport, decent restaurants. Also Mauna Kea is a fantastic resort.
Front-Loading Washing Machines
I’m at my wit’s end with my front-loading washing machine ruining my clothes – any advice? I moved into a really nice, new apartment two years ago, but I hate the appliances, especially the front-loading washing machine (a Frigidaire Affinity), which I’d never had before. It’s energy efficient so it doesn’t use a lot of water, but I’ve noticed my clothes are pilling A LOT. I realized that unlike top-loaders where the clothes float around, in a front-loader the clothes are just constantly rubbing against each other – no wonder they’re pilling. I’ve had the maintenance team come, and they swapped it out for the same model from another unit, but it made no difference. I’m so frustrated with clothes I’ve had for year that never pilled (and don’t seem like the types of fabrics that would even pill) now pilling and looking awful. Any tips or advice? Do all front-loaders do this? I usually don’t use fabric softener, so i tried that, but I think it made it worse. I tried manually adding more water to each wash (by filling up a bucket), but it seems like the machine just drains the excess water to be at the level it wants. Would be so grateful for any advice on preventing the pilling, or getting my building to let me get a different machine!
Anon
Between damage to clothes and combating the funk, I wasn’t the least bit sad when my old front-loader died. segregating the clothes in lingerie bags helped a bit (at least for reducing holes).
Anon
My take is that you just figured out for yourself one of the multiple reasons why people hate water efficient front loading wash machines. I’m assuming you’re using cold water and that the dryer isn’t a factor (some fabrics degrade with heat). Here’s some advice from Whirlpool’s official discussion on “Can a washing machine cause pilling”: “Opt for a gentle, cold water wash or even hand wash your clothes.”
Anonymous
Hahahahah stop using our product
Front-Loading Washing Machines
OP here and yep, I wash everything on delicate, always cold water. I put almost nothing in the dryer, everything else goes on a drying rack to limit damage. So frustrating!
Aunt Jamesina
Maybe turn your clothes inside out before washing? So frustrating!
We have a pair of 1991 machines in our laundry room and my MIL thinks I’m crazy for keeping them and not “upgrading”
Coach Laura
My pair are from 1993 and I’m praying they don’t die.
NYCer
No advice, but we have had a Bosch front load washing machine for 5+ years, and I have not noticed any issue with pilling or ruined clothes.
BB
Same. We had a 10 year old Bosch, and it was great. It’s not the front loading-ness. It’s how well they engineered it, so unfortunately I think if you want front loading, you have to go more high end.
Annavia
In my country we only have front loaders. Never had any problems with piling. No bad smells either, but I always keep it open when not doing laundry
Woof
I agree, and also fighting the mold smell is such a drag. I am on the verge of dumping the washer and getting an old fashioned top loader.
Front-Loading Washing Machines
Check your manual, my washer has a little hidden latch that keeps the door slightly propped open, which totally eliminated the mold smell for me. I would have never noticed it since it collapses flat, but discovered it by accident when reading the manual for tips on preventing the pilling issue.
Meredith
Also switching to powder detergent really helped with the moldy smell. My washer has an auto dispenser for liquid detergent (which is super convenient), but the liquid inside would not rinse out completely.
Anon
Can you wash on the gentle cycle? I did this for years and it worked just fine until we moved somewhere with really hard water. We have the same washing machine (top loading), but now I have to use the full cycle, warm water, and more detergent to get things clean (like my shirts still smelled after washing without those things). If you don’t have hard water, cold and gentle will likely work fine without doing as much damage.
Front-Loading Washing Machines
Already doing all that unfortunately – I’ve always washed all my clothes on delicate, even when I had top-loader. My area does have very hard water (Indianapolis), but since I’m in an apartment, I can’t install a water softener.
Carrie
Ah…. this may be the problem. Can you add a water softener to each load, along with the detergent? I think you can purchase that separately. It’s worth a trial run. Ask your neighbors what they use.
I actually love my front loader, which is much gentler on my clothes than my prior top loader. I do have to be meticulous about wiping down the gasket and leaving the door open to dry. I also wash all my clothes on delicate, and hang all to dry. No pilling problems.
No Problem
Have you tried washing the clothes inside out? Another thing would be to consider whether you’re including any clothes with “rougher” fabrics or details in the loads where you notice pilling. Denim, anything with buttons/zippers, etc. Maybe those need their own load?
FWIW I moved into a place with a front loading machine a year ago and haven’t noticed any more pilling than usual. I also had a front loader for two years in college and didn’t notice any pilling.
anon
This is exactly why I’ve stayed with top-loading machines when I’ve had the choice. I’m sorry, this is super frustrating.
Anon
Same here. My mom moved into a house with a front-loading washing machine and hated it so much that after a year, they sold it and bought a top-loader like the ones she’s always had. It takes a lot for my very frugal mom to give up on appliance and just say “F-it, I’m buying something else.” So when our washer died a few years ago, we bought a new top-loader (Whirlpool) and it works great, no issues with getting clothes clean, having things get prematurely pilled, or having a constant funk in the washer. Top Loaders 4 Lyfe
Anon
#TopLoaders4EVAH
Anonymous
Never put towels in with any of your other clothes, especially the nice Lululemon stuff. For me this saved a lot of wear and tear once I made that change.
Anonymous
+1
It doesn’t fix all pilling, but it helps a lot. Towels get their own load, sheets get their own load, and clothes get sorted by color.
brokentoe
Honestly, I have more pilling issues with top loading machines than my front loaders, and I’m not even using delicate cycles all the time. I think part of pilling issues these days is simply poorer quality fabrics used in all clothing.
Anon
Yes – a lot of items pill even before washing (admitting I wear brand new clothing without washing it in most cases). But I have avoided the worst by washing on delicate and never tumbling dry clothing that I care about.
Anon
I live in Europe, so front-loaders are standard here and never had issues with pilling. I put my “sensitive” clothes (wool, silk, linen) into protective bags. I use fabric softener 100% of time for all clothes with the exception of workout clothes (softener would ruin them). Maybe try playing with the speed of spin cycle – I use high speed (high rotation) only for things like bedding and towels, everything else is on 800x rotation max.
I don’t think you adding bucket of water manually would have any impact – as you write, the machine will register it as excess water and drain it right away.
Try the garment bags and low rotation instead, definitely add softener.
Anon
My husband and I moved into my current house in 2003 and bought new Maytag machines – the Neptune line, front loader washer and gas dryer with more settings than I’d had before.
I’ve never had a mold problem, I don’t have to leave the door ajar, I don’t notice extra pilling etc. I am so, so afraid to ever have to replace these machines, based on basically every post here about front loaders!
Anonymous
I have an Aske front loader, which I love. No pilling problem. I mostly use the color or white cycles.
Repost after nesting fail
Europe here, Bosch front loader, super energy efficient:
I have no trouble with pilling, no trouble with smells. I never use fabric softener, only allergy friendly powder (or liquid wool) detergent.
I wash lots of separate smaller loads for things like merino, silk or cashmere. 30 C, wool cycle, 600-800 turns.
I wash nice viscose fabrics on delicate, 40 C, 800 turns.
I wash jeans and darks on mixed, 40 C 1200 turns. Fleece and sports wear the same. Bad quality fleece will get worn, but that’s not the washer.
I wash towels, bedding, underwear or other hardwearing cotton on 60 C, 1600 turns. These are the only things I tumbledry, everthing else hangs to dry.
I hand wash bras and fiddly cashmere.
Anon
This thread is so surprising to me. We love our LG compact front loader. We leave the door ajar after we wash. No issues with pilling.
Anonymous
If you could go anywhere in the world on your honeymoon, where would you go?
Anon
I think I’d get a small RV or Amazon-type van and just drive around to national parks, etc. I have always been a hotel person, but I think that a honeymoon gives you a bit longer where you could do things that retirees usually only have time to do.
IRL I went to Bermuda. It was great, but I could literally go anytime easily from where I’ve lived any time in my life (east coast US).
Anokha
I think it depends on how much time you have, and where you’re based. Assuming no barriers, I would go to Bali. It was a good mix of culture, outdoors, and relaxing.
anon a mouse
New Zealand. Lots of different things to see, and the long flights mean you really need to spend more than a week there to make it worthwhile. Ideally I’d do 2-3 weeks there. (Still regretting we did not do this for our honeymoon.)
AIMS
I have a friend who did 3 weeks in NZ and Australia and absolutely loved it.
I would love to go to Tahiti. Or Morocco, depending on the time of year. Or maybe just the Amalfi Coast because it’s gorgeous and classic for a reason.
AnonMPH
We did three weeks in NZ for our honeymoon and can confirm, it was incredible!
Anonymous
We did 2.5 weeks roadtripping around New Zealand: a day or two in Christchurch, one of the Great Walks treks, a day in Wellington and a few days in Napier visiting family and friends (and a number of wineries!), flew out of Auckland. The food was amazing, the people were lovely, and the landscape was gorgeous.
Anon
A trip where you really need two weeks. For me in the central US, Aus/NZ, Antarctica and parts of Africa and Asia would qualify. Anything else is pretty doable in one week.
(In real life we went to Greece and it was lovely, but I still regret not going farther away.)
Anon
Australia, for sure. I think I’ll always regret not going. I wanted to see koala bears and kangaroos, but my husband who’s been quite a few times (lucky duck) said kangaroos were jerks and he didn’t feel like a long flight. We absolutely enjoyed our fairy tale week in a crofter’s cottage in remote Scotland complete with fluffy baby sheep and cozy nightly fires, but we could have taken that vacation anytime – use your honeymoon to take that once in a lifetime trip – Africa, Australia – whatever you really want to do.
anon
Bora Bora
nananon
I can say with complete confidence that it’s everything people imagine it to be, and more. And since the hotels are placed far inside each reef, it’s incredibly quiet and super relaxing. Highly recommend.
Anon
I think you have to balance the desire for a bucket list vacation with the need for relaxing right after the wedding stress. For me, I’d say a beach destination that’s expensive and far away so you wouldn’t otherwise visit (Maldives, French Polynesia, Seychelles) or a European country with a coastal/island region (Italy, Greece, Croatia) for a combination of exploring and relaxing. I think Australia, Antarctica and African safari would be amazing trips but not ones I’d want to take right after throwing a wedding.
If I was taking my honeymoon today I’d go to the Maldives, but I’m 39 and have been to many of the places that were on my list when I got married at 25.
London (formerly NY) CPA
Tahiti/Bora Bora. Overwater hut would be a must! Definitely my dream for my hypothetical future honeymoon!
Anonymous
New Zealand for sure. Failing that, Bora Bora sounds good. Or Thailand.
Anon
I enjoyed Thailand a lot, but I’d be hesitant to honeymoon in Thailand or any other place (India, Africa?) where gastrointestinal illness is very common. Having GI sickness is definitely not conducive to romance. My husband got extremely sick in Thailand despite taking all the precautions you’re supposed to.
Anonymous
Fair enough – for me, Thailand would include visiting extended family along with actual honeymoon although I guess my spouse may have issues if they were not used to traveling to SE Asia.
Peloton
A few days in Chiang Mai, followed by a slow boat down the Mekong (springing for the nicer option), then a week at the Rosewood in Luang Prabang.
A
African safari followed by the Maldives
Anonymous
I’m so sick of people being drama queens about Covid. Yes it sucks your husband is quarantined in the basement because he was exposed. No. You don’t need him to stay there 14 days and you’re not going to get it through the pipes.
Anon
Merely exposed? My kids get a notification every day that someone at their large schools has COVID. But (especially if you are fully vaxxed) that is different from “you were in an office with a person who was feverish and actively ill who just tested + 2 feet from you for a significant amount of time”.
Anonymous
Our HR dept. sent out an email on Friday to remind people to NOT report positive COVID to them. So clearly we don’t care about exposure – even significant expose. And notably, about 20% of our staff was out sick for the past five days.
No Face
If this is social media, I am a huge fan of muting words on Twitter. You can be blissfully unaware of the whining.
Anon
Idk what you mean by this. Our family has been super cautious and i currently have two unvaccinated kids down for the count. One laying on me as i type with a high fever. I have it too. We feel like crap. Kids are missing their last week of school. I’m glad to hear some people are still quarantining rather than my friend who took her exposed child to an event at the JCC which requires a 10 day quarantine for unvaccinated kids who are unable to mask, like her kid.
Anonymous
I mean they dont have kids, they have a lovely basement, he can easily stay there for 5 days and test, and she’s not getting Covid through the pipes.
Anon
Does he even need to do anything though? I thought if you were fully vaxxed, you could ignore exposures and just test if you are having symptoms.
Clearly not all exposures are equal, but at most I get notices that my kids attend a school where someone (no idea if it is same grade, same class, = 6 feet away, same bus, etc.) has tested positive and it’s useless. I only test them when they have symptoms if these are the only clues I get.
I did get notice that I worked with someone in 2020 for a day who was + and we’d been within 6 feet of each other many times throughout a 12-hour shift. Per then-current guidance, I had to take 5-7 days at home and test and that was a PITA. That was before vaccines though.
anon
The problem there is the absurd requirement of the JCC, not your friend. I have a young child too and young kids simply get sick. Was Covid fun for us? No. Was it so bad that we need to shut the world down and impose mandatory quarantines, masks, and vaccines? Also no.
Amy
Quarantining due to exposure, when the person doesn’t actually have symptoms or a positive test, is ridiculous IMO. If you’re going out into the world, you’re being exposed.
anon
+1
Anon
This. People need to look at the CDC transmission map, not just the hospital capacity map. The transmission map is what indicates that going just about anywhere = exposure.
Anonymous
I’m way more tired of the flip side. I know so many people right now who are symptomatic and do five days or less of quarantining and then aren’t wearing a mask after and doing all the things (even if you feel better, you should be wearing a mask around others for another five days). Or they are around someone positive and start experiencing symptoms but aren’t rapid testing positive yet so are out doing all the things/flying until their PCR comes in the next day.
Anon
I’ve been experiencing symptoms since 2017 (moved to pollen vortex city). IMO I’m going to need to burn a fever or have something other than allergy symptoms after a known close exposure (the 2020 kind: 6 feet + 20 minutes + actually COVID will soon thereafter).
Anonymous
That’s the kind I’m referencing–like you literally went on a trip with someone positive or are hanging out at a conference with a positive coworker the whole day and are experiencing symptoms the next day but rapid shows negative so you go out and about with public activities unmasked (while your PCR comes in positive the next day). Three folks I know fall into the two categories just referenced and I am disgusted.
A fourth person I know was positive and sent her kid on a field trip (unmasked) with the positive the next day. A few days after being totally sick, she then went and chaperoned a dance unmasked without the full quarantine period that’s followed by masking.
It’s like folks have completely ignored when masking actually should matter, yet alone minimizing indoor group activities.
Anon
I do a rapid test if there are symptoms but only regard the second negative test +36 hours after the first as conclusive. When we did have a kid test positive, it was + right away and she was having symptoms.
Anon
I flew home on Saturday and a woman two seats away was talking about how her husband had just tested positive for Covid and she didn’t test because she didn’t want to know. While coughing non-stop. Lady, you should not be on a plane. At a minimum you should be wearing a mask, which she was not. Here’s hoping my KN95 protected me, but I’m testing for the next four days so I can isolate from my family ASAP if I got it from her.
anon
Why? That’s a serious question. Clearly the woman felt well enough to travel with Covid. If you and your family got it, you’d feel mildly ill too.I guess everyone’s calculus is different, but for me the pain of not seeing my family for four days would outweigh the pain of everyone having colds.
Anon
It is not just a cold. Long Covid is a real thing. Kids get MIS-C and possibly this new hepatitis from Covid. Even mild/asymptomatic cases are linked to all kinds of organ damage, including brain damage, heart damage, pancreas damage that leads to higher rates of diabetes, etc. I’m not going to stay in my house for the rest of my life to avoid it because the cost of that is obviously so high, but if I could avoid my family getting it by isolating from them for a few days it would 1000% be worth it to me.
Anonymous
Are you serious? Because it isn’t just a cold. It’s a significant cardiovascular illness and nerve-damaging illness for many, many people.
Anon
LOL are you a mom? Isolating from my family for a week wouldn’t be “painful.” I don’t know any mom who would be upset about a kid free week with a big stack of books and a long Netflix queue.
Anon
I can’t believe you’re serious. That woman is a selfish ass.
Anon
Yeah, catching a cold doesn’t impact our immune system for weeks and months afterward (or substantially increase our risk of a cardiovascular event for the entire following year, etc., etc.). You sound like you don’t know anything whatsoever about how this virus is different from currently endemic viruses.
Anon
There is no indication that the cases of pediatric hepatitis are related to COVID, actually, that has been ruled out. Seems to be related to adenovirus.
Anon
Because tests for past COVID infection are commonly false negative in the pediatric population, and adenovirus testing is commonly false positive in the pediatric population, adenovirus was always going to look more relevant to anyone not paying attention to the limitations of our tests. But I think the adenovirus theory was always pretty weak except as a thing to say to prevent the public from worrying too much about the pandemic, and they’re not finding good evidence for it as they look harder. I don’t think they have complete answers but they absolutely haven’t ruled out a connection to COVID.
Anon
It has not at all been “ruled out.” The CDC is downplaying it, but lots of other countries think there’s a link between Covid and the hepatitis. Studies out of Israel and Austria show way higher seroprevalence for Covid in the sick kids than you would expect based on sero studies of the general population. And Covid being involved doesn’t mean the adenovirus explanation isn’t also true. The current theory is that Covid-related damage is flaring up after an infection with an otherwise harmless adenovirus. https://www.reuters.com/business/healthcare-pharmaceuticals/coronavirus-may-be-linked-cases-severe-hepatitis-children-2022-05-16/
Anyway, that was just one example. There are certainly a lot of other long term problems that are much more conclusively linked to Covid. To suggest this virus is nothing more than a common cold is absurd.
Anonymous
Just adding – they haven’t ruled out a link to covid – one of the hypotheses is that prior infection with Covid may be causing issues that haven’t typically been seen before with adenovirus.
Anonymous
The woman is imposing the cost on everyone else on the plane. She doesn’t get to decide whether it’s worthwhile for everyone else on the plane to get COVID so she can see her family.
18 vaccinated people in my family got breakthrough cases of Omicron. For most of them a “mild” case caused brain fog and fatigue that lasted several weeks and was worse than the worst case of influenza they’d ever had. I don’t want that. I also don’t want the potential for all sorts of devastating sequelae down the road, which isn’t yet fully understood. And I don’t want my kid to catch it from me and have to miss summer camp after she’s spent the past two summers imprisoned at home.
Anon
What!? Everyone’s response to Covid is different.
Anonymous
I agree. Nobody cares anymore except people trying to fly into the US from abroad. Otherwise: You’re sick? Stay home. Move the drama to Monkeypox.
Anon
I have no drama for Monkeypox. It is apparently not a big deal in Africa b/c most people there have already had a smallpox shot. So if we need to, we can get shots. I had a smallpox shot as a kid, had chicken pox, had a shingles vaccine (had COVID shots). If I need to, I can roll up my sleeve again. But I bet it won’t get to that.
Anon
I’m just hoping there’s not a connection. We know past COVID19 infection can mess with immune functioning in particular ways. It would not be great if this made a lot of people more susceptible to other pathogens broadly.
Anon
The problem is that there isn’t a global supply of smallpox vaccine since the disease is basically eradicated. It would take months to mass produce.
Anon
Last I checked, it also doesn’t have the kind of safety profile we’ve gotten used to with modern vaccines. It’s totally worth it vs. smallpox. But where I live, we just had a hard time getting people vaccinated with a much safer vaccine with dramatically fewer contraindications.
KJ
Fun fact, chickenpox isn’t a ‘pox’ disease like smallpox or monkeypox, despite the name. It’s actually caused by a herpes virus!
Anonymous
You know what I’m sick of? People being drama queens about being responsible and testing and quarantining and isolating and wearing masks.
Anon
+100.
Anon
Annoying coworker rant from the weekend thread, continued.
Per the other Anon (and I am so sorry you have one in your office, too), I am calling her Jill. Jill is also sneaky and underhanded, tries to get out of work meetings by claiming to be covid cautious, but then goes to busy, crowded indoor lunches with people from other departments that very same day. Jill spends days complaining about being included on required work meeting invites, tries to decline, is told they are not optional, waits a day, then deletes them from her calendar anyhow. When we point out her attendance is really required, she acts like it is a “weird calendar glitch” about which she “has no idea how that happened” and she immediately begins bemoaning how busy she is, how heavy her (very light) workload is, how she will have to work so hard to get everything done and doesn’t know how it will work out. Jill claims she wants to grow in her role, wants to learn and take on more responsibility and higher pay, but her actions say she wants to live in the gossipy, underachieving middle school clique forever.
Anon
We have two Jills. Ugh.
AnonOP
Ugh is right.
When we hired her, our Jill said she was looking for a low-drama setting where teamwork is valued because the place she came from was rife with petty, catty behavior. I have distant connections at that place and know she was correct about that, but it looks more and more like she is the common factor. Whenever we have a slow week without real work-related stress, Jill’s drama ramps up in very juvenile ways. It is so frustrating.
Anon
Our Jill was told she needed to step up her work and level of responsibility during her review. She said she wanted training. Sent a calendar invite. Jill lives 2 miles from work. On the light rail. Also I’ve walked it before and it’s a lovely and safe walk, especially mid-day. Jill was late for the hour-long training b/c she was looking for parking.
Anon
I am assuming you are not her supervisor.
Even as someone who really loathes going above someone else’s head, in this situation, I would send her an email and cc her boss. Leave out the part about lunches, etc., and just say that you sent the invite (then attach it for reference), she accepted or whatever, and she deleted ir from her calendar and did not show. This has happened repeatedly. If this is an IT glitch, she needs to speak to IT because this issue is disruptive to work.
AnonOP
Correct, I have observation and delegation authority but am not her boss. IT already knows Jill is a bit of a flake, as does her boss, and we are 100% sure she is not actually experiencing technical difficulties. We are working on a plan to address her behavior but have some tidying up to do first to make the resolution easier on everyone else.
Anon
On Friday, I asked two people what was a good number to call them at for an urgent issue they e-mailed me about. It was well before 5. One person e-mailed me back late Sunday and the other is still AWOL. I don’t get it.
Monday
Connecting to the thread last week about retention problems, I feel like Jills are going to be the only employees left at complacent organizations after all the frustrated, competent employees exercise their options and go elsewhere.
AnonOP
I think our Jill believes the job market is her get-out-of-jail-free card, and I also think her boss is about to prove her wrong.
Anon
Same. Just b/c CWT is hiring people as cannon fodder, does not mean you can just go there. And you most certainly will have a short tenure there while you are even better paid. Enjoy!
Anon
It’s an oldie but a goodie — I love the book “Working with You is Killing Me” by Katherine Crowley and Kathi Elste if commenter advice is not sufficient:)
AnonOP
Thank you! This does look like a good resource, definitely more productive than me just venting online (which at least serves the purpose of keeping me from venting to my spouse about this all the time).
Black heels
Any recommendations for black heels that are appropriate for court and formal business meetings? I have a few appearances coming up, and I’d like to spend less than a hundred dollars since I won’t wear them often. Lower heel preferred. I’m mystified by what toe shape is on trend right now. I don’t need to be trendy, but I don’t want it to look obvious that I haven’t gotten dressed professionally in over two years.
Anon
Girl, no one has gotten professionally dressed in two years. That said, I always like a pointed toe for work, and I find they look better with lower heels. Marc Fisher makes a good one, I think Nordstrom carries them. I’ll look for a link.
Anon
https://www.nordstrom.com/s/marc-fisher-ltd-zala-block-heel-pump-women/4334360
Anon
That’s a 3 inch heel, which is not a lower heel by my lights.
Anon
Well it is by mine. Sorry my free service here isn’t what you’re looking for.
Anon
Your rude and bad advice is def not worth more than free.
Anonymous
I think a lower heel pump (1-2 inches) will look more dated than a medium block heel like the purple one linked above, and that you’d be better off with an actual flat than low heel.
Maybe something like this:
https://www.clarksusa.com/c/Laina-15-Buckle/p/26161497
London (formerly NY) CPA
I’m a big fan of Rockport brand, specifically the Total Motion line. I personally own several pairs. They’re really cushioned, so a bit more comfortable to wear even if the heel is a bit taller than you’d wear generally. They generally come in right around $100.
A few options:
https://www.amazon.com/Rockport-Total-Motion-75mm-Pointy/dp/B00IA1ZFGU/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=rockport%2Btotal%2Bmotion%2Bwomen&qid=1653320265&sprefix=rockport%2Btotal%2Caps%2C222&sr=8-1&th=1&psc=1
https://www.amazon.com/Rockport-Womens-Total-Motion-Stretch/dp/B079GGW79L/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=rockport%2Btotal%2Bmotion%2Bwomen&qid=1653320265&sprefix=rockport%2Btotal%2Caps%2C222&sr=8-2&th=1&psc=1
https://www.amazon.com/Rockport-Womens-Total-Motion-Black/dp/B079GCXFX1/ref=sr_1_3?keywords=rockport%2Btotal%2Bmotion%2Bwomen&qid=1653320265&sprefix=rockport%2Btotal%2Caps%2C222&sr=8-3&th=1&psc=1
Anonymous
I like the Malynn and Karina from Naturalizer. The block heel gives some steadiness. If you need to do flats and can get away with a slingback, the Banks is a good option as well (I literally walked across town once from a train station a couple of miles away and was surprised at how well they stayed on and didn’t rub).
Thank you to the Divorce Attorney 'Rette
Who posted last Friday, I Wish My Clients Would Do This: Thank you. Your advice deserves a wide audience.
Anonymous
+1 so helpful!
Anon
Which post? I would love to read it but couldn’t find it
NYCer
It was in the Friday afternoon post with the pink dress. The poser is a matrimonial lawyer and posted a list of things to do before/while considering a divorce.
NYCer
Poster not poser, of course!
Anon
Thank you!
Anonymous
Yeah, sorry — Weekend Open Thread with the bright pink, flowy dress.
I Wish My Clients Would Do This
You are very welcome! If even one person remembers it when considering ending their marriage, I will consider the time well spent!
Hawaii mom/daughter trip
I’ve google-searched old threads to little avail! Help me think about an ideal itinerary for a mom/daughter Hawaii trip? My mom’s 60th is coming up and I’d like to plan a week away. She has been to Oahu before once for a work conference, but I’ve never been.
Ideally we would rent a car, see some lovely beaches (but we’re not all-day-on-the-sand types), learn more about indigenous Hawaiian culture, possibly attend authentic hula performance, and have some nice local food. Welcome all recommendations or suggestions!
Does it seem reasonable to spend 4-5 days in Oahu and then 2-3 days in Kauai? Or is it better to just stay on Oahu? I think about 8-10 days total is what would work for us and my budget.
anon
I would flip it and do 3 days on Oahu and the rest on Kauai. It’s been 20 years since I’ve been to Kauai but it was my favorite island. Not too big and at the time, not too touristy. There is so much natural beauty and beaches.
Check out the site revealedtravelguides dot com. I got a lot of use out of their guide books and they have an app now.
Anon
Kauai is much more touristy now than it was 20 years ago.
Anon
My favorite Hawaiian islands are Kauai and the Big Island but for the things you want, Oahu is probably the best fit. With 8 days (certainly with 10) you *could* add a second island, but I’m not sure you need to. And I’m not sure Kauai is the one to add if you do a second stop.
This is a lovely idea. I just spent a week on a sailboat in the Caribbean with my mom for her 70th and I will treasure these memories. I wish we’d started doing this milestone birthday trip thing much earlier!
Anon
Thanks for the comments. We’d fly in to Honolulu, so that’s why I assume spend some time on Oahu.
anonymous
I’ve seen a lot of anti-choicers try to make hay from Aimee Arranmbide’s testimony before the House Judiciary Committee last week. Apparently, the anti-choicers have latched on to Dr. Arranmbide’s testimony that abortion should be available until birth and that men can get pregnant and have abortions. Without addressing the tr*ns issue, I’d just like to say that Dr. Arranmbide’s testimony on access is absolutely correct. The snotty Congressman asking about full term abortions mentioned killing a 10-year old or 2-year old. Well, I’ve got news for him. Although I’m smart enough to know the political limitations on admitting it out loud in our crypto-theocracy, a woman should always have the unrestricted right to choose whether to be a parent for any reason, and that includes aborting a 10- or 2-year old!
Anon
Whoa. I am firmly pro-choice in the first trimester. Science has pushed the viability window until close to 20 weeks. How can a 40-week abortion be OK in a world where infanticide is murder though? Seriously asking. IMO, it’s on this hill that Roe died.
Anonymous
No it isn’t. Don’t take the bait
Anon
Eh, I do hear that. I wish I didn’t, as it seems to be wildly out of step with how abortion actually works and is used and just tends to excite people (like if you don’t commit to abortion up to 40 weeks, you aren’t really a believer). Like if you give on anything, it’s a slippery slope. And b/c you give on nothing, you show that people who are pro choice must be pro abortion at any time at all. Both views are IMO missing the forest for the trees.
Anon
Um…I guess I have news for you? Most Americans are pro-choice to some degree and recognize there are many gray areas. Chill with your reaction to the political theater. https://www.axios.com/2022/05/21/what-abortion-polls-tell-us
Anon
I’m pro-choice but believe that we should put conditions on abortions after 24 weeks. Not meaning that you can’t get one, but it needs to be justified: 1. the pregnancy is due to rape or incest; 2. the fetus has serious abnormalities, chromosomal conditions, or tests positive for a fatal genetic condition like Tay-Sachs; 3. the health of the mother is at risk. It’s this way in many countries – abortion on-demand up to the 40th week of pregnancy actually is not available very many places. I believe that we should make surgical and medical abortions widely available and free or very -low-cost up to 12 weeks of pregnancy, and strongly encourage people who are going to abort to do it sooner rather than later. I believe if someone wants an abortion between 12 and 24 weeks that should be available, but would hopefully be rare. I do think there are reasonable arguments to be made that if a healthy woman has carried a healthy fetus for 24 weeks and the pregnancy is not the result of rape or incest, they can go the remaining 16 weeks and deliver the child and place for adoption. The number of healthy fetuses that are aborted solely due to the mother’s choice is vanishingly small, but it does happen and I do have a moral problem with the idea that someone can choose to abort a viable fetus for no reason other than their own choice – the same way I would have a problem with someone committing infanticide on a newborn or leaving their baby in a dumpster because they didn’t want to parent. Unlike an embryo, a 24-week fetus is fully formed and has “coordinated brain activity” that may mean the fetus is conscious on some level. The vast majority of 24-week fetuses who are healthy at that stage will be born healthy if the pregnancy continues. Historically, it was no problem for a woman to self-abort as long as she had not reached “quickening,” when she could feel the baby moving in her uterus, which is between 18-24 weeks for most people. Not that historical precedent should dictate everything, but having been pregnant myself, I do think there’s a big, big difference between someone aborting at 9 weeks and someone aborting at 30.
Anon
I agree with a lot of this, but it’s not actually okay to leave a disabled or “unhealthy” newborn in a dumpster either.
Anon
Oedipus got left on a mountain as a baby. Didn’t end well for either parent, really, now that I think of how icky the story is.
Anon
There’s a big difference between a kid who will be born with a mild disability – my kid had a friend in elementary school who was born without his left forearm due to amniotic banding syndrome; the kid got a robotic prosthetic arm; all the other kids were jealous – and the kinds of conditions most people get late-stage terminations for. Anencephaly, Trisomy 18, major defects where organ systems are missing – those are what are likely being referred to here. Nice attempt to inject that red herring into the discussion, but no cigar this time.
Anon
I think it is worth making this very clear. There’s a lot that falls between “perfectly healthy” and “birth defects incompatible with life.”
Annavia
A Danish woman wanted a late term abortion because the fetus on a scan at 20 weeks only had one arm. In Denmark abortion is free until 12 weeks, after that it had to be granted. Her request was not granted and she went to the uk and had a late term abortion.
Anon
I’ll be honest, I think horribly of that Danish woman. I used to work with a man born with one arm – he lived a super normal life. Literally his only work accommodation if you can even call it that was a special keyboard that allowed him to type faster with one hand. He was married, had kids, even coached one of his son’s baseball teams. He could do everything I could do – to the point where we generally forgot he only had one hand.
Part of having children is accepting that you don’t know what you’re going to get – if you get to 20 weeks and the fetus is viable and has a chance at a happy, healthy, and normal life, you should continue the presidency. I think situations like that are where the pro-choice movement loses a lot of people. To me, what that Danish woman did was appalling and basically murder because her child wouldn’t be aesthetically perfect.
roxie
But you get that to make your position a reality, states would actually need to greatly EXPAND access to early abortions, repeal existing restrictions like waiting periods and insurance bans and encourage the opening of MANY more clinics right?
It;’s a political pipe dream.
Anon
feel better now?
Anon
If you’re OK with killing 2 and 10-YO kids, you are maybe not the spokeswoman for the movement that you think you are.
Anon
I’m pretty sure this is an anti-choice tr0ll trying to prove that the pro-choice movement is ok with killing kids.
Curious
This.
anonymous
So you’re semi-pro choice but okay with forcing parenthood on an unwilling woman if the child is old enough? How old is too told, and why do you draw the line there? How is that different than the forced parenthood of the anti-choicers?
Anon
Or think about this: how do you go about convincing people to become OBs and OB surgical nurses and anesthesiologist and CRNAs if part of their job will be having to dismember 40-week fetuses in one hospital room and deliver that same fetus in another? I am pro-choice if it not looking like a baby. I would not perform a 40 week abortion. I would if <13 weeks. I'd get a bit concerned if it's approaching the viability threshold (and in my state, a stillbirth after 20 weeks is given a birth certificate and a burial and is not medical waste whereas an earlier fetus is medical waste unless the parents want the fetal remains, which happens after a miscarriage pretty to test for fetal anomalities not detected previously on U/S). If it is actually a baby, sorry; tie goes to the runner in this case.
Anon
I know some veterinarians already really struggle with this (for example, performing spays on very pregnant cats — I have heard of vets euthanizing each individual kitten-fetus as a mercy killing in cases where they will definitely not die just because they’ve been removed along with the uterus). Otherwise you can still see them moving around inside on the operating table. And that’s in a world where typically household pets can be euthanized at any age down at the county shelter. But it’s not what veterinarians are in it for, and I think we don’t actually want to start selecting for people who would be totally unbothered by this either.
Anon
I had to dissect a pregnant cat in high school and it has really stuck with me. [The gravid state of the cat was not known pre-cut and the teacher was pretty clear that had he known, we could have used the other mammal we needed to do, which IIRC was a pig.] Those kittens were pretty close to the baby kittens I’ve seen my friends’ cats have (in the country, where no one fixes farm cats).
Anon
I decided not to be an OB nurse b/c I really had problems with >20 week fetuses b/c so many people I knew had already had micropremies. I didn’t want to have a job where I would be unwilling to do parts of it (and yet did not want to have to work at only Catholic facilities as I am pro-choice but only to a point). I’m not even Catholic. I was OK with the drama of the ER because I was not asked to do that (and a lot of other areas of practice). But b/c I thought I’d be unwilling to do some things myself, and saw no good path to carving in just what I wanted to do, avoided the whole field (which is not good for people needing the rest of OB / GYN care). But think of that — who does a late term abortion and is their whole staff given choices about having to do that sort of work? Do they have access to mental health counseling should they feel they need it? Or have any coercion about opting out of that?
Anonymous
I know you’re a troll, but I’ll take the bait anyway. I am legally responsible for caring for my actual born child, but no one can force me to sacrifice my bodily integrity or my life for the child’s benefit, at least not yet.
Anon
Cool story, bro.
Anon
Ma’am, this is a Wendy’s.
Anon
You win!
Anon
I wish I thought you were just a troll, but because enough people I know personally have been advancing this argument: Yeah, nobody has the right to stop having living progeny out there in the world somewhere. Just because we have the right to stop being pregnant doesn’t mean that a 2 year old or a 10 year old or a perfectly viable fetus have no right to exist in this world with no relation to their genetic parents. The answer to patriarchy isn’t for women to become a Roman paterfamilias.
Anon
It’s a bit nutty. My window on this is skewed by knowing NYU friends who could not be more to one side of this and I think that by taking a very hard line (no restrictions), that crowd really makes it easy to forget that most abortions are first trimester and that viability is already the limit on abortion. And yet it drives people over to the fewer-choices side b/c it is really too extreme for most people to stomach. It also ignores the fact that most abortions are done on women who are already parents, so they are fully aware of how grave their choice is. The old Bill Clinton saying (safe, legal, and rare) is hated verbiage now but I think is where most of the the country lands and has no big problem with that.
Anon
Yep, there’s a reason democrats won more elections in the Bill Clinton era – they crafted positions that could actually win within the political system we have, which the current party (which I’m part of) seems completely unwilling to do. Instead they throw out things like “pack the court” which poll terribly and are wildly unpopular even with their base.
Anonymous
In search of an NYC restaurant that is pretty for oysters and rose with a friend and her toddler. Indoors or fully covered.
highlander
Mermaid Oyster Bar on Macdougal (or the other Mermaid locations). Sel Rrose. Maison Premiere in Williamsburg.
Anon
+1 to mermaid Inn, but the one on the UWS (80-something and Amsterdam). I find UWS to be more toddler friendly with wider sidewalks and more toddlers/strollers around. Also a few parks nearby and children museum of Manhattan a few blocks away.
NYCer
I agree. Before I read “and her toddler”, my rec would have definitely been Maison Premiere. But with a toddler, the UWS will be infinitely easier in my opinion, and Mermaid Inn is a great option.
Anonymous
Oh lol Miss Toddler wouldn’t be caught dead up town
Anon
Lure Fishbar? 2nd Mermaid Inn
Bette
Sel Rrose! Gorgeous restaurant, fabulous food.
Anonymous
Asking here instead of the moms board because of the work elements. I’m pregnant and am thinking through when to disclose. We primarily work remote and I am a relatively new manager.
Within the last month the team I manage doubled in size a number of new people. I am 15 weeks now. Part of me wants to wait until I’m 20 weeks to give them some time to adjust before I announce. Part of me wants to announce next week so everyone has time to plan.
All of this is complicated by the fact I think my boss, who is generally very nice, may be kind of weird about the whole thing. When a previous coworker was on leave he was constantly asking her to do work on her leave. I also think he may try to take me off some projects. Neither are good examples for a new team.
Thoughts on disclosing sooner or later?
Anon
Disclose when you’re ready.
NYCer
+1. I think the difference between disclosing at 16 weeks or 20 weeks is pretty negligible from a planning perspective. By that I mean, your team will still have plenty of time to plan if you disclose at 20 weeks, so if you prefer to wait til then, just wait til then.
Anonymous
No one needs more than 20 weeks to plan. Just wait.
Coach Laura
Or even 10, if you were to deliver early.
Anon
Either is fine and is lean towards later in your circumstances. Announcing at 20 weeks still gives a ton of time to plan, and sometimes too much time makes people more anxious and obsessed since with worrying about the transition. It’s also common to wait until after the anatomy scan to announce, though many (including myself) disclose earlier since it’s obvious if you are in person.
Anon
Wait until 20 weeks. That’s totally normal and gives them plenty of time to plan. I had a similar boss with my first and disclosed at 20 weeks. Both because of the boss and because I wanted to wait until after that ultrasound. I wasn’t remote but my boss wasn’t in the office much, it was winter (layers) and I didn’t show until close to 20 weeks. I was taken off a bunch of projects right after and did not meet my hours for that year. Totally different situation with my second. Disclosed at 14 weeks. Showed earlier and had different boss. Was not taken off stuff at all.
Anon
This is an unpopular opinion here, but very very few people aren’t visibly pregnant by 15 weeks. Even if you’re still wearing your regular jeans, people know you’re pregnant. I know someone will chime in and say “I didn’t disclose until 25 weeks and everyone was shocked because I’m so skinny and fit that my belly was invisible!” but trust me. People know. Your breasts get huge, your face gets fuller, it’s not just about what your stomach looks like. I would disclose now because I think it’s weird not to tell people you’re pregnant when you’re visibly pregnant.
Anon
Hahaha with my second I showed at 10 weeks. With my third I showed the minute the line turned blue.
Anonymous
Looking for feedback from anyone who has 2+ kids, with one on the spectrum. My youngest nephew (4) has just been diagnosed, and just starting to get access to some services. He’s always been a handful so this wasn’t a real surprise. How can I best support my bro/SIL (I’ll ask, but I don’t think they even know – I just see they are exhausted at the moment) – is it by spending time with my older nephew (6)? Is it by learning how to help with younger nephew so they get a break? Some combination? I’m sensitive to helping with the “easy” one, but I can see he may want some time when he’s the focus.
Anon
Parent to 2 kids, one with ASD-1 and one without (both girls). I think doing things with each kid individually would be great for each of them and the family. My ASD-1 kid is a compliant and bright girl who was diagnosed very late. B/c they are the same gender, they do a lot of activities together, but I’m starting to send them to separate sleep-away camps and do separate trips just b/c solo time has really let each blossom out of the other’s shadow. IDK how severely affected your nephew is (friends have kids who can never go to church, etc.), and if it is severe, respite care so the parents can get out solo would be good if you can manage with your nephew in his parents’ absence.
Anonymous
Siblings of spectrum kids (or other high intensity needs) often get less validation and less priority, walking on eggshells, having their needs disrupted or being standby helpers or peacekeepers. Don’t be afraid to give the “easy” one easy time and focus, and time alone with his parents. Help them to not let him become the responsible/easy/dutiful/nursemaid one, that only brews stress and resentment and destroys the sibling relationship.
Some things to consider doing with older nephew in the coming years: whatever fun stuff that will make younger nephew have a stressful meltdown that will make the thing un-fun or cancelled, whether that is a swimming pool, Disney World, cinema, camping or whatever.
Some things to consider with younger nephew: make an effort to truly get to know him and learn how to handle any stressful meltdowns, so that your brother and SIL can relax and know that when he’s with you they don’t have to worry that they’ll get a call any minute to come “fix it”. Maybe offer to come stay some weekends and let one of them have an afternoon off to go sit for themselves in a hotel room, or do a long run or have a glass/bottle of wine, if it’s currently where they need two adults to be home to feel on top of things.
Anonymous
I am sick of being a lawyer and wish I had a hard science/engineering type career. Is there any shot of me getting a scholarship or partial scholarship to go back and get a different degree? Looking for anecdata – I know every school has different options – but wondering if practically speaking it would be doable. I’m 30s, have made good money, but it’s all gone to paying off law school loans so I don’t have a huge pile of savings for school.
Anonymous
No.
blueberries
I don’t know about a scholarship for a degree, but I know a couple of lawyers who have down bootcamp-type programs to switch to software development. Those programs are cheaper and faster than a degree, though I don’t know about their quality or how to tell if they’d set you on the path you want.
Anon
Kind of. You’re going to have to fund your way through the prerequisites. I came to computer science from an unrelated field, so that meant math through Calc 2 or 3 & discrete (possibly linear algebra depending on program), a most likely three semester programming sequence including data structures and algorithms, then operating systems, computer architecture and possibly a few others. From there, there are some fellowships available. I’m starting one in the fall through the NSF, having spend the last approx 4 years knocking out prerequisites while working full time.
The trade off is that I’ll have a required period of federal employment, which for me, will almost certainly still be a bump in salary from where I’m at now. Your mileage may vary on that depending on what sort of salary you’re coming from.
Nesprin
Scientist here.
So hard science/engineering from law will take a ton of retraining- unless you’re thinking biology, calculus+ a huge slew of prereqs are a requirement. Before jumping into the deep end, I’d suggest getting an AA at a community college (which in CA at least is dirt cheap & can happen part time/nights + weekends) to see if you enjoy the coursework/ help figure out what kind of STEM you might find interesting. Scholarships exist, but you’ll be competing with a large pool, and if you’re not quite sure where you want to end up, you may do a ton of work for no benefit.
Is there any chance you’d want to stay in legal, but closer to the science end (i.e. patents) or handle grantwriting/contracts/scientific purchasing? (all of which could use legally trained minds but wouldn’t require a complete new education)?
Anon
So patent law actually does normally require at least a bachelor’s in STEM and life science patent law even usually requires a master’s or PhD in the scientific field. It’s a huge misconception that all lawyers have English or poli sci backgrounds. There are many of us out here with STEM undergrad degrees working in IP. There’s a separate exam for patent lawyers called the patent bar and you aren’t even eligible to take it unless you have a lot of college-level coursework in math and science. It wouldn’t really be easier for OP to switch into patent law than it would be to switch to a STEM field.
Anon
Plus there is demand for legal counsel for govt labs, helping them navigate what research collaborations they can enter into, how they can use their funding with the nebulous guidance from Congress, finding ways to deal with immigration restrictions (science is highly international), generally keeping them productive within a lot of red tape.
Anon
If you’re remotely decent at math, look at getting a CFA and/or just becoming a quant.
Anon
Not the OP, but what do you mean by “becoming a quant”?
Anon
Are you thinking about another undergrad degree, a certificate, or a graduate program? I think it’s somewhat unlikely you’ll get merit scholarships for the first two, but some grad programs pay tuition and fees and a stipend if you work as a TA or RA. These are usually research based programs (Ph.D. and research based M.S. programs), not professional masters programs, but not always (I’m a STEM prof and when I taught as a postdoc, I had TAs from a professional masters program for complicated reasons involving which departments offered which kind of programs and classes).
I think you need to have a good idea going in of what you want and how it relates to your previous training- this is much easier if you took STEM classes as an undergrad. If you didn’t, I agree that you may need to go back to a community college and take them. That’s a much longer path than if you can get into a grad or certificate program that accepts non-STEM majors and would build on existing background, rather than starting from scratch with a new undergrad degree.
MagicUnicorn
I think it is important to clarify what you mean by a hard science or engineering career. Then research and be honest with yourself about what level of education such a career requires as well as realistic job opportunities/saturation in the field, expected pay, and what kind of lifestyle those careers entail.
Anonymous
What do you actually want to do? There are a lot of career opportunity between lawyer and lab scientist.
PolyD
I work in a research org, and have a colleague who is a lawyer with some training in genetics/genomics. I think she did a special course for lawyers? At any rate, she doesn’t have a PhD in a hard science and I don’t know that she has undergrad work in a hard science either. Her area of focus is bioethics and genomic data sharing, especially issues around consent and privacy. Another former colleague also had a law degree and worked in the area of ethics around clinical trials.
I did a quick search of “genomics for lawyers,” and some Coursera stuff came up, so that might be a place to look. Otherwise, maybe some speciality training and work in patent law, as the poster above suggested?
Anonymous
What was your undergrad degree? If it was in the sciences or engineering, you might have a better chance at just brushing up your knowledge than jumping straight into Calc 3. I think Nesprin’s idea of attending some local CC classes is good. As for biologists… I was one and even though we didn’t have to take Calc 3 like the engineers, I took several semesters of statistics classes and it wasn’t as easy as people think it is.
Anon
Having a hard time and I can’t tell anyone in real life because I’m having ugly envy based on all my own choices. I left my job at the end of last year for a bigger opportunity that turned out to be awful and I went back to my old company, in a similar level. It’s the right decision for a variety of factors but today I’m struggling with the fact that I’m reporting to the person who has the job that they offered me when I quit (and really, I don’t want), there’s someone else in the job that I actually did want and probably could have gotten had I stayed, and I found out today I would have won a prestigious internal award for the work I did in 2021. Logically, I have a good job, I like it, and I didn’t want to seek out bigger / fancier roles right now because of life, but I am having such a moment of I’m a loser, I screwed up, I’m envious of those who “got ahead” in all this, etc. Any encouragement from the hive for when you logically have no reason to be jealous but you are anyways?
Lily
Maybe focus instead on realizing how lucky you were to get your old job back after leaving for another job? Many people would not have gotten that “second chance” at their company. If you focus on gratitude, it may drown out some of the negative feelings.
OP
Thanks! This is so helpful. I am having a little pity party – this was my choice and I was really lucky to have so many people advocating for me to return. Gratitude is the right response to that – I could still be in my terrible situation!
PolyD
I always like to remember, when I make a decision that didn’t turn out how I hoped, that I made the best decision I could with the information I had at the time. I didn’t set out to deliberately make a bad decision and I doubt you did, either.
Anon
Everyone is on their own path and you’re on yours. You don’t know the entire picture of what is going on with someone else – they may hate their job, they may love it – you don’t know.
I think long term you need to keep it moving forward, and that probably means continuing to look elsewhere, because backtracking to your old position is probably going to keep making you feel this way.
Anon
I think you should find a different job at a different company, or you’re always going to have these “what ifs”.
Anon
You’re obviously good at your job. They would not have taken you back if you weren’t. You took a risk, and it didn’t work out. But you will work hard and get more (and possible better!) opportunities in the future. It’s a temporary setback.
OP
Thank you for this. This is the exact narrative that I need to put on repeat in my head. I believe I will eventually move on / up and I’m no worse off than I was (and I know some things I didn’t know before). I got there once and I’ll get there again! Thank you for the encouragement!
Anon
Also, honestly, from my perspective, it’s awesome you found out that you would have received that prestigious internal award if you would have been at the company when the award was to be handed out. So what if you weren’t there to accept it! They were going to give it to you! They respect and value you.
I bet that there are people you work with who envy your guts in daring to try that other thing. And they envy that you dared to return when the gamble didn’t work out instead of feeling trapped or shameful. Looking at your situation from the outside, you’re in a great position. So, as you know, it’s just that your internal critic needs to give you a break! Hugs. Time will make this better.
Anon
If you were that in demand and well-regarded, good things will keep happening-may just be a little later than bad you stayed there in the first place.
Aaaasa
I always repeat the words from that commencement speech to myself: the race is long, and in the end, it’s mostly with yourself
Coach Laura
Think about 5 or 10 years from now: Will this be a defining moment in your life? I don’t think so. You’re valued, you did a good job and will again. And while you may not be (really) fulfilled now, it will get better. You can put your head down, do your best and be positioned for another opening internally. Or do a good job for a year or two and look externally again. I left a job when I had a good boss die, and the replacement was so bad. I tried to wait for a different job to open but didn’t and left for another company. I went “from the frying pan into the fire” and went through a period where I was very unhappy and blamed myself. But it passes, and it’s just a small 1-3 year blip on a 40-50 year career. Good luck!
Pre-teen shaving advice?
I could use some help introducing my daughter to how to shave safely and correctly. I, through the wonders of genetics, have never had to regularly shave- maybe a couple times a year in my twenties, but then I decided to stop in my thirties because it seemed like a lot of work for the little amount of hair I have. I’d always just done soap and water and my father’s razor (not literally. Well maybe literally once in high school before I knew better)
My ten year old daughter seems to have the hairy genes from my husband’s side of the family and already has more body hair than I ever did. I’ve been pretty neutral about it, but she started asking me if she can shave and I think she is feeling self conscious about wearing tank tops now.
So how can I set her up to do this safely and well? She is honestly not great about personal hygiene and can be a little absent minded. Or should I just do it for her? She’s mostly just wants to shave her underarms.
Anonymous
Do not do it for her! Buy her a Venus razor and shaving cream. Show her how to do it focusing on being gentle and letting the blades do the work not pushing hard. She’ll probably cut herself that’s part of learning. Also it’s time for deodorant.
Anon
Also: the razor may clog with hair. Do not try to get it out with your fingers!
Anon
I personally love the razors with built-in solid shaving cream. Use in shower. Be gentle with yourself.
Anon
I don’t think there’s a lot to it? Buy her a woman’s razor. Show her how to shave in the shower. Don’t shave her yourself – if she wants her hair removed, she’s old enough to do it herself.
Anon
I’m a little confused. You don’t care whether she shaves her underarms, but you think because she’s lax about hygiene she won’t keep up with it? Pick a side.
I’d show her how to do it once, with her own pack of disposable razors, and have her ask you if she has any questions. If you notice hair regrowth she hasn’t shaved, feel free to say not a thing about it.
Anon
One thing with disposable razors, you get what you pay for. Cheap razors are awful. I like the women’s Schick Quattro.
DC
I would recommend an electric shaver. Much less risk of cuts. Whenever I shaved with a real razor (even way past my teens) I would inevitably cut myself somewhere. Currently I use this one which I really like: “Panasonic Electric Shaver for Women, Cordless 3 Blade Razor, Pop-Up Trimmer, Close Curves, Wet Dry Operation, Independent Floating Heads.”
Anon
, , what about nair?
Anonymous
Is this like really a thing that people are taught how to do? I just stole a razor from my dad and figured it out. It’s not really rocket science to start doing it. Maybe when things get more advanced with electric razors or whatever
AIMS
It is a thing! I still remember nervously asking my mom about it before going to a water park when I was around 11 or 12. I was mortified about having hair under my arms and read a ton of old timey novels where razors were primarily used for suicide so naturally just assumed they were painful and there was some magic to how to use them. I was embarrassed to ask my friends. It’s totally okay to help your kid with this! Still grateful to my mom for her low key no judgments way of doing this!
And yes agree to get a non-cheap razor with safety things on it & a nice gel. Even if I just use hair conditioner to shave now, I think it’s nice for it to be a whole “experience” when you’re just getting started with this.
Vicky Austin
I was also an absent-minded teen who cut myself many times, so I get what you’re saying. I’d just tell her to use plenty of water, go slow, and get her good supplies – I personally like Cremo shaving cream and the Venus glide razors.
Saguaro
I started both my teens with the Intuition razor, which has the thick soap around the razor and seems to give less nicks and cuts. They eventually moved on to a regular razor and shaving cream but the Intuition was a really good way for them to start.
Cora
I swam growing up so I had. / wanted to learn how to shave. It really wasn’t that complicated. Buy her some shaving cream, a pack of disposable mens razors, and show her once, and then leave it up to her. Let her know that you will shave for her if she wants, or if she is nervous about doing it herself.
Anon
This, but not mens razors. I like Bic Soleil personally, but I think there’s a lot of personal preference involved in disposable razor choice. Buy something a step up than the cheapest.
Anon
If she uses real razors, definitely use shaving cream. Also, does your husband have a sister? My daughter takes after my husband and I’ve definitely pushed all kinds of things on to his look-a-like sister.
MagicUnicorn
As a teen (and an adult whenever I revisit the notion, TBH) I cut myself way worse whenever I tried using shaving cream or soap. Once I ditched products, I rarely nick myself. I personally like disposable Bic Soleil razors and just shave in the shower under running water.
Also agree with others; there is not really a lot of training required for this. I kind of recall a friend’s older sister telling us once what parts to shave (legs, underarms, bikini line) and which not to (arms, belly, etc.), and reminding us not to drag the razor sideways, but other than that it’s pretty self explanatory.
Anonymous
Tip I read somewhere and really liked- use cheap conditioner instead of shaving cream.
Anon
Yes, this is so much better.
Anonme
Depending how coarse the hair she’s concerned about is (it may be noticeable but fine) – it may be easier/safer to start with a dermaplaning device. They say the blades are one time use but they can be used more than once. You can go over an area more than once without irritation. No need for soap/lotion/conditioner/shaving cream. Perfect for peach fuzz. Smaller area/more targeted removal. https://www.target.com/p/spa-sciences-sima-sonic-dermaplaning-tool-2-in-1-women-s-facial-exfoliation-hair-removal-system/-/A-81606994?preselect=79368865#lnk=sametab
Seventh Sister
As the dark-haired daughter of a blonde-ish woman who didn’t need to shave much, THANK YOU. The Venus razors worked OK for my teen, also she likes the shave cream (I just got store brand). We both like the Harry’s ones, which are more expensive but easy to use. I got a bunch of cuts from cheap razors back in the day.
Doctor Recommendations
Thanks to everyone who posted Chicago area doctor recommendations a few weeks ago. I wasn’t the OP, but I had been procrastinating on finding a doctor and that post nudged me to get moving on that. I saved all the doctor info and scheduled an appointment this morning. Thanks for making it easier for me to stay healthy!
Anon
Congrats on doing the thing!
eReaders?
What is your preferred e-Reader/Kindle-type device?
How well does it work with getting ebooks from library systems (OverDrive)?
anon a mouse
Kindle paperwhite – hands down the best. Pay the extra for the ad-free version.
Your library should have an online tutorial to walk you through. Each library system is a little bit different, but you will probably need an amazon account to be able to deliver to the kindle.
Anon
Love my kindle paper white. So darn easy- it’s the primary way I get books. Is also waterproof (I like to read in the tub) and has a backlight (and in bed while my husband is sleeping).
CHL
I use my Kindle paperwhite frequently with the Libby app from our library. It’s super easy – there’s a little bit of set up but the instructions are good. You pick out books on the app and then click the button where you can read on your Kindle. Every once in a while I run into a book that is only available through the app and not the Kindle download but that’s rare. I read so much now!
Anonymous
+1. I also have Libby app on my phone and use that to send/download the books to Kindle, and all the time for audiobooks.
Anon
I love my Kindle Oasis! I’ve used Libby and Overdrive through various library systems and it’s always been super easy!
Anon
If you’re not committed to an e-ink device, I really love my ipad mini. I use it mostly for reading, but I like that I can also check email, web browse, or watch movies when I want to. My husband only has a bigger ipad and doesn’t read that much on it because it’s so unwieldy, so I think the mini size is really key if you want to use it mostly for reading.
I get most of my books from the library and have it set up to use the kindle app, which I greatly prefer to reading directly through Libby, but sometimes a book isn’t available in kindle format and I read in the Libby app instead. Like everyone else says, the library set up is really easy, regardless of device, and it’s easy to switch between the kindle app on your phone, tablet, or computer.
Anon
yup, I read on my phone with the Libby app. Works for me and no extra device!
Anonymous
I’m a rare Nook diehard, but honestly I think at this point the technology differences between most ereaders are fairly minimal and just depends on which interface you like better. My Nook works fine with Overdrive, and I know of people who will die with their Kobo ereaders.
Sasha
For the poster on the weekend thread who is considering joining a start up: I’m leaving my current job at a start up and going back into big corporate so wanted to drop my two cents. After dealing with what I did, I personally would never work for a startup earlier than Series C ever again. I would caution against taking any significant pay cut because in addition to the pay cut, you’ll also likely be paying more for your insurance and the retirement benefits will be worse or nonexistent. The equity is nice but it will be monopoly money for years and years before it’s ever worth anything.
If you’re still interested in this place, things to look for that bode well would be:
1) Real HR in place. An actual HR person, not just some 22 year old running pay roll.
2) A timeline for when their next round of funding will be coming in. A good startup should be constantly fundraising
3) If the founder has prior successful startup experience under their belt, that’s a very good sign
4) A structure around hiring, leveling, salary bands, and career progression. People think of start ups as places with no career ceilings but in my experience, the opposite is actually true. People’s careers stagnate fast because they outgrow their role quickly, there’s no money to level them properly, and their leadership doesn’t know what to do with them.
5) There is a real desire to get outside perspective and respect for new opinions. Early on, the founder has often just hired from their group of friends and that can get very cliquey very fast. The “OGs” can often be threatened by new talent brought in and external hires can be frozen out/not listened to. You want to see that the company is making an effort to diversify their hiring pool and not just pulling from their existing networks.
Also, I will say that right now specifically is a very bad time to be joining start ups. VC funding has dried up significantly in the past 6 months and a lot of startups are anticipating having down rounds this year.
coworking q
My husband has been working on his own consulting business for about six months now (based at home), and while it is going well for him, he’s said he is missing the engagement with other people. Any insight I could pass along to him? Coworking space? Entrepreneur groups? He’s friendly, somewhat outgoing but a little hesitant to make the first move (aren’t we all? ;)
Anon
I’m a sole practitioner consultant. I have a perfectly fine home office so no need for a coworking space personally. I get lots of collaborative time on my projects, I actively look to team up with others in my same situation to co-bid on projects (complementary skills for the win!) and I have volunteered with a couple of groups for my profession – mentoring and a women’s network. That has led to new connections and a lot of personal fulfillment.
Ideas for long trip in August
It turns out that I will be able to take a summer sabbatical after years of pandemic stress and near burnout. I am thrilled and want to pack in as much enjoyment as possible. Kids are mid-elementary ages and great travelers. We’re thinking this is a once-in-a-lifetime type chance to take an extended vacation and travel. DH has lots of PTO and flexibility to work from anywhere, so we’re not limited in that regard. We have some commitments in June/July but the month of August is wide open. What kind of trip would you plan? We were originally thinking 3 weeks in Europe (my family of origin is from there and we could travel around), but now I’m hesitating due to Covid rising and possible restrictions plus general instability/worry about the Ukraine situation. We’ve stuck to US only trips over the last couple of years but I’m running out of ideas that would be pleasant in August. We’re coming from a large city in the Midwest with lots of flight options and would prefer direct flights or driving. I’d love any ideas and could use some creativity from the hive!
Anon
I bet Lake Louise and Vancouver would be lovely in August.
AnonMPH
Go to Europe! It’s a big continent and the vast majority is not impacted by the current conflict. There will be Covid I’m both the US and Europe in August.
CHL
Yes! Go to Europe! We’re going with our elementary school kids to Portugal over the summer and if I had the money and time off, I would roam around for longer! Specifically with kids I’ve thought about London, Edinburgh, Rome, Greek islands, Paris, but there are so many places! Do it while they are still young enough to want to hang out with you and take time without missing activities, work etc.
anon.
My friends with older elementary kids rented a house in Porto for 3 weeks and said it was perfect. Dreaming about something like that when my kids get older.
Anokha
I would go to Europe too!
Anonymous
Do not waste this time! You can get Covid at home too. Go to Australia.
Anon
I agree Europe is fine from a Covid/Ukraine standpoint, but with a month I’d want to go somewhere farther than Europe. Europe is a lovely one week trip from the Midwest, especially if you’re near a major city and can fly non-stop. It’s probably not the right time of year for Australia and New Zealand, otherwise that would be my top suggestion.
NYCer
Nantucket and Martha’s Vineyard are lovely in August. But also pretty expensive and popular – you might have a hard time finding a house this late in the game. You could also consider somewhere in Rhode Island (Westerly, Watch Hill, Newport) or Maine (Kennebunkport, Portland, or even that area split with Bar Harbor / Acadia).
Alternatively, you could do Santa Barbara and travel up the CA coast (or even start further south).
If you change your mind and are open to international locations, I would consider Corsica and Mallorca.
Anon
Australia.
Nina
I went to Mexico for a bachelorette trip (near Cancun) and had a fantastic time. I also got the chance to use my Spanish, which was great. I’ve been on a solo trip before and really loved it, and I’ve wanted to go to Mexico city for a long time. Has anyone gone on a short trip to Mexico City from NYC, like a long weekend? Or a solo trip there in general? How did it go? I just want to walk around and explore markets / historic sites and eat good food. I love reading and history and my Spanish is pretty good – the other solo trip was a while ago but also to a Spanish speaking country.
startup lawyer
I think Mexico City is perfect for this. Stay somewhere trendy like Condesa and it’s very walkable. ubers are very cheap and there are so many good restaurants. One of my favorite cities
Anon
I did this on a long weekend and it was easy and amazing. Stayed in Roma. The archaeological museum is incredible.
Anon
Yes, I’ve done this several times from Chicago and it was amazing. Mexico City is such an underrated gem! I recommend staying in Condesa or Roma if you’re alone. I have a ton of recs if you want to post a burner email —I can share!
Nina
Looks like Condesa or Roma are the places to look! Just made a temp email – vimaga7392@hbehs.com – would love any suggestions. Thank you so much!
Anon
Just shared a doc with you. Have fun planning!
TCF
Sorry if this posts twice.
I write resumes as part of my business and this is generally correct with a couple of corrections.
One: review software (aka Applicant Tracking Systems or ATS) will not necessarily reject resumes if they include tables or weird formatting; it will just skip over those sections because they are unreadable. If a key portion of your resume information, like skills, is inside a table or graphic of some kind, you’ll be out of luck. A good way to test your resume for readability in ATS is to save it as a txt file and make sure you can read everything and in order. For this reason, don’t use the header and footer for any key information, including contact info. ATS skips those.
Two: I have never heard of ATS rejecting a resume because it is over one page in length. To the contrary, the modern trend is a 1.5-2 page resume once you’ve been out of school 5+ years. This is due in part to the existence of ATS; it gives the applicants more space to include keywords from the job posting in a Key Competencies section or similar.
Asking a Client to be a Friend?
Seems silly, and I think something similar was posted here before, but I cannot find it in the archives. I have a client around my age who I really like. (I’m an estate planning and elder law attorney). She and I have a great rapport. I’d like to ask her to hang out sometime and see if it could grow into a friendship. We are working on elder planning for her father and obviously I’m charging her for it, which is maybe why I’m feeling a little awkward. I want to make it clear that I’m “asking her out” as a friend, not for a business meeting. Is there a way to say this that doesn’t come off weird or awkward?
Anon
I would wait until whatever you’re working on is wrapped up.
Cornellian
+1 And then I’d wait another 6 months or something.
eertmeert
I think you have to tread lightly here. Approaching this from the client viewpoint, I would prefer to have the friendship evolve naturally from business related activities. So, ask her to lunch – on your firm. See how things progress from there. If your company has activities you can invite clients to, like a summer bbq, invite her to that. If your company has comp tickets to a museum or something, that could be another option.
If you had met her through a networking event and did not have an established client relationship, all bets are off. Or wait until the paid work is over to extend friend-only invite.
NYCer
I agree with this. I am also a T&E lawyer, and quite frankly, I can’t imagine inviting an existing client on a friend date. But I am also at a big firm in NYC, so perhaps our clients and their expectations are different. I do think it is totally fine to do what eertmeert suggested though – then give it some time and see what happens when your work with her wraps up.
Anon
Yep, this is the way (as someone who works in an industry where this relationship evolution isn’t uncommon). It’ll just happen naturally