Coffee Break: Temp Tech Cable Rib Tights

89 Comments

1. Most reliable strapless available from Nordstrom or Target (need to mailorder)? Not a lot to hold up (30D, which is the volume of a 34D on a smaller ribcage), but weird band size. Or just go with the stick-on ones? If so, any good brand recommendations?

   Have an event to go to and only dress that has fit is strapless. And while I through I owned a strapless bra, it is nowhere to be found.

   1. Off topic but I’m also a 30D and I have the worst time finding bras – any suggestions for brands that work for you?

      1. OP: I’ve found Betsey Johnson ones that I love (and have to hunt around a bit for now). The Natori one’s sizing was a bit off? I may need to go to DD in Feathers but never tried. D didn’t work. Also, Calvin Klein is OK but some are a bit bulletproof and I don’t love that much foam except when I’m cold.

         And for other posters — D is misleading. The girls are lemons. I just have the ribcage of a 5th grader. But hips like Godzilla, so total triangle-shaped.

   2. Stick on. Whatever from Amazon.

   3. I think you mean the volume of a 34A on a smaller ribcage, in which I think a stick on could work. If you do mean the volume of a 34D, I can’t see a stick on bra working well.

      1. It’s a monday! Yes — I think it’s like a 34B volume on a ribcage 4″ smaller. Or thereabouts. Lemons. Not melons or grapefruits.

   4. I don’t know if I’d go with stick-on with a D cup. I’m a DD or DDD and definitely need some holding up, but then again, I’m old. Soma and VS don’t go down to 30, but Bare Necessities has a few brands that do.

   5. If you’re interested in stick ons, I love backless everything and own “Nippies” that I bought on Amazon. This bachelor contestant, Sharleen, from years ago has a blog (All the Pretty Pandas) and she has a post about them if you need convincing. She wore everything backless and raves about them – they work really really well and are washable.

   6. I’m a 32C, which I think is the same volume as a 30D, and I like the basic silicone stick ons that you can get at Amazon or most places bras are sold. They stick by themselves, stay put (except for exceptionally sweaty situations), look natural under clothes, and there are no lines.

   7. Trick I was told when fitted for a strapless at a real lingerie shop, is to go for one bandsize down. I’m 30DD, so went with a 28DDD (not easy to find…) the last time I needed one about 2 yrs ago. I would not in a million years use a stick on, but I’m 43 and BF two kids, so gravity is not my friend. Try panache or fantasie. Can be found at bare necessities, herroom, nordstrom, amazon. Or your local lingerie shop.

   8. Calvin Klein for strapless, as options are limited. Natori or Third Love regularly

   9. I love the Wacaol Red Carpet strapless bra, and it is available in your size, but I am at the other end of the boob spectrum from you, so it may be a bit more bra than you want or need.

2. Does anyone do video/streaming HIIT workouts? Which ones do you like?

   1. Fitness Blender is great for this.

      1. +1

   2. obe! you have to subscribe though. but worth it!

   3. Nike training app. Tons of videos, 6-46 minutes, as you wish.

3. As the holiday season is nearing, does anyone have sites/stores that they use to send “corporate” gifts — think gifts to clients; prospective clients. People that you are friendly with and have future business prospects with but aren’t your friends/family so you don’t know them well and don’t want to get overly personal on gifts. Ideally I’d like to send food type gifts that the recipient can just open and share with their staff; I don’t want to send stuff because I dont know everyone’s personal taste and I know some people don’t like random clutter in their offices/homes. I know my law firm partners used to send these out from certain services but IDK what they used (don’t work there now – so can’t just ask). All I can think of is Harry & Davids, but I’m sure there are a few others.

   1. Mouth (indie food)? Lots of options for wine gifts too.

      1. Yes! I’ve ordered many gifts from there … fantastic service, amazing goodies!

   2. A TON of people have ethics prohibitions on getting gifts from people seeing business from them. We just send cards now.

   3. Years ago my court reporter sent a big box of Godiva chocolates to the office and everybody loved it. Expensive but splashy.

      1. This is just like me! My cleints all know that I love all chocolate, but particularley Godiva Dark Chocolates, so they all send me boxes of them, b/c I make sure they know what I like. I usually wind up giveing alot of the boxes to the staff, but reserve at least 3 boxes of Godiva Dark assortments for myself. Dad also gets a box of Godiva’s just to keep him from kvetching at me that my fat tuchus is not going to be getting any slimmer eating all of these chocolates, b/c I tell him the box of Godiva’s I am giving him will keep me from eating it myself and making my own tuchus even fatter! I have learned to keep him from yapping at me just by palming off a box of Godiva’s on him and mom! YAY b/c mom likes Godiva dark’s too, and Dad has long since given up on mom slimming her own tuchus down b/c she told him that it is a matter of heredity from Grandma Trudy, and that both me and Rosa will eventually both have her tuchus! I know that is true, so cherish the Godiva’s while I can! YAY!!!

   4. H&D is part of an affiliated family of food-basket type places like Wolferman’s (kind of hard to split up, but their English muffins are yummy), Cheryl’s cookies, etc. Cheryl’s cookies are rich and delicious – they are one of my hardest to resist treats if someone sets a box out.

      Godiva does a tiered box thing that’s very dramatic to receive and offers plenty of variety in individually wrapped candy.

      1. Costco carries some fun gift towers as well, including Godiva.

   5. Local companies do this, too – it’s great to be able to support a non-chain. Does your state produce nuts, maple syrup, a special candy, etc? Heck, even our trendy local cupcake place ships nationwide.

   6. John and Kira’s has wonderful chocolates, including whiskey figs

      1. Those sound incredible

   7. I think any kind of sweets, fancy fruits, fancy breads, crackers, and cheeses, or chocolates will fit the bill – essentially anything that can be unwrapped and left in the kitchen for people to help themselves too – ideally with a note re nut allergies (I think anyone with a milk or other common baking good allergy already know not to try unknown goods). For local clients I know have a sweet tooth a cookie or regionally favored pie/cake delivery to the office works well too. I wouldn’t do anything like fancy oils or something that has to be taken home to be used.

   8. My Grandma’s of New England if you’re in that region. Coffee cakes that they mail order for you.

      +1 for whoever said regional specialty of your area.

      1. I used to sell those in PNW, and they were awesome.

   9. A consultant we hired sent us Vosges chocolates, which have weird/interesting flavors and were a big hit in the ofice.

   10. I love ordering from Zingerman’s in my hometown of Ann Arbor, MI. They’re well known enough that people are frequently delighted to receive things from them, but they’re not so well known that I think “oh another Harry and Davids” box.

       1. I can’t help with this topic, but hi from Michigan! Went to school in AA & lived there 4 years post grad (:

   11. I don’t know where you’re located or what your tastes are, but I’ve never had anything I disliked from these folks: https://info.whiteoakpastures.com/business-gifts

   12. A little late to the party, but can’t recommend Fairytale Brownies more highly. Freeze well (if you want to buy now and deliver over the next month-ish), individually wrapped, a bit unusual, wonderful customer service the few times I’ve contacted them (no problems, just questions), and straight-up delicious. VERY easy to upload a logo or photo for the gift card–no “corporate” minimum for that, I’ll send a photo of my kids in the boxes to friends.

4. Last Friday had a thread about dealing with endless “why are you single?” inquiries. I am looking at 40 and have been single for almost my entire 30s. Nobody ever asks me why this is, either directly or indirectly via expressions of disbelief, asking about my dating life, etc.

   I am starting to think that this is because everybody except me KNOWS why I am single. I go out a lot, I sit alone at bars for dinner, drinks, etc., I pursue hobbies. Nobody talks to me. Older ladies talk about the relief of feeling invisible in public after a certain age…well I have been invisible to men since the age of 25 or so. I am conventionally cute, though kinda plain Midwestern, and 5’4 with a good figure – 26 inch waist.

   Anybody else have this problem of everybody seemingly knowing why you are single? How can I get access to this knowledge so I can improve my deficiencies that are so obvious to everybody except me?

   1. Do you date via apps? Have you let your friends know you’re looking? I used to have a vibe like that; I had to change my body language a lot to seem more approachable to people.

   2. Here’s a quick test: do you have friends in your life whom you’ve had for at least 15 years? It doesn’t matter if they live in California and you’re in Indiana and don’t see them often. Do you have friends who go back for more than a decade?

      If so, you’re single because you haven’t met the right guy yet. I’m telling you, if you have the emotional maturity to form a long-term friendship with someone, or to have good relationships with your family (but this often depends on your family), then you have what it takes to be partnered up.

      1. +1000. So much this.

      2. They don’t know why you’re single. I promise. I wondered this about myself for years.

         A few questions: do you want to not be single? If so, do you put yourself in positions where you could meet new people? On the other hand, if you’d honestly rather be single, then great – own it!

      3. This is great! I’d also ask, do you have any new friends made in the last 1-5 years? Obviously, they aren’t going to be as close as the 15 year friends. But, if so, it probably means you continue to have the skills to form new relationships.

   3. Ugh.

      Is there anyone out there worth dating? In the whole wide world? No? Then perhaps that is why. Yes? Then perhaps you’ve not met him (or you have and you just haven’t clicked). And you know what, if there are datable people out there, then you have to put yourself on that list, no?

      FWIW, IIRC, in your 40s, I think the odds ratio shifts and there are more available men than women (due to divorces I guess), so while the odds may be getting better, that’s odds generally and not necessarily someone who’d suit you.

      Tell these people to go ahead and arrange your marriage. In another country, perhaps in another era, a good friend or family member would have already done that. And you’d be a good spouse, right? I want to see a word other than the one where everyone is here to criticize and no one is here to help.

      1. I love the top and bottom paragraphs but don’t understand the middle one. Why would more men than women be single due to divorce in their 40s?

      2. I think what 3:41pm is saying is… the odds are getting good, but the goods are getting odd…

         1. Yep. I have way too many single female friends who have been on way too many dates with guys who want to talk about nothing but their greedy ex who never disciplines the kids and blah blah blah, his life is a nightmare. And P.S., he certainly didn’t contribute to the nightmare that is his life by sleeping with his assistant or anything. The odds are good, but the goods are certainly odd. Or gross, YMMV.

      3. It’s the opposite: after age 40, there are more single women than single men. (Men die at a younger age.)

   4. I really highly doubt that everyone know why you are single. I strongly suspect that it is simply that you are friends with and otherwise associate with people who are polite. It’s not nice to ask a person why they are single, and only rude people do it. Congrats, you are not hanging out with rude people.

      1. +1

      2. This.

      3. +1 It’s just that you have good friends. Don’t start questioning their motives.

   5. You’re listing your waist size? Feels like a tr011 but maybe you just don’t have rude people in your life.

      1. Getting those vibes for sure . . .

   6. Do you have RBF? I do hardcore, and have pretty much never been hit on in public at any point in my life (including when I was conventionally pretty attractive in college). People also literally never acknowledged that I was pregnant until I was over 40 weeks pregnant. My husband and my friends tell me I look very unapproachable and intimidating (some people say scary) so I don’t think I welcome any type of random conversation, flirting or otherwise.

      1. This is me too. It’s actually kind of nice (when you’re not trying to meet people). Nobody ever touched my belly when I was pregnant, which was a great relief.

5. Is this weird and if so how do I talk about it? BF and I have been dating long distance for over 6 months. We met when we were long distance. I make about double what he makes. At first, we split our joint costs pretty equally. He was even surprised when I covered one of our fancy dinners (he had paid for the last fancy dinner). As this goes on, we’ve increasingly defaulted to me paying for nearly everything – hotel, meals, tickets to events.

   This last time, I had to work for part of the trip while he did his own thing. He charged two meals totaling over $100 to the room (which was on my card); I wasn’t even with him for the meals. I asked him to please not charge things without asking me and he apologized (but didn’t offer to pay me back). I think I need to talk to him about how we share expenses – I don’t want to nickel and dime him but I don’t want to feel taken advantage of either. Advice on how to approach this conversation?

   1. ‘I’d prefer if our default is to split costs jointly’.

   2. I honestly don’t think of it as nickel and diming if you generally just do up expenses and split them proportionally. When my now husband and I were dating, we flipped roles of who was making a bunch more twice. Each time with trips we’d add up generally tickets + lodging + food + misc (maybe I omit the $7 trip to the convenience store) and split it 2 to 1 or however. I would never have charged his card for things I did alone. I think you should set some ground rules and things like that – it’s also not awkward! if the relationship progresses you’ll have to talk really candidly about money, so why not start now?

   3. “I reviewed my bank account and realized I’ve paid for (everything, or X of Y) things we’ve done in the past number of months. I am not OK with this. I need to go back to our original spending arrangement: _____________ (insert some good boundaries. you aren’t paying for his room service. You are only going to pay for half of the events you guys do together, or for your half of any trips, etc)”.
      Stop there and see how he responds.
      If he genuinely did not realize and responds positively, great! If he responds negatively that’s not a reason to cave on your position.
      Do not let this keep happening if it is causing you frustration, or keeping you from meeting your financial goals, or any other negative to your life. He has a job and at least at one point could afford to take you out. Further you guys are dating, and not in a married situation where you are the sole breadwinner. Why do you have to pay for everything?
      Given the income disparity you may need to adjust the types of places you go to or eat at in order for him to afford to pay, and hopefully you can work that compromise out.

      1. I’d probably approach this softer but get to the same result. Next time a bill comes, don’t pay it. See what happens. Ask his to book the travel.

         1. Agreed, I’d probably use softer language but the same stance.

   4. “Hey, we’ve been together for six months. Can we have a talk about how to best share expenses? I don’t want to nickel and dime you, but I want some sort of equality in the arrangement. What are your general thoughts?”

      1. This. It feels like a huge thing to bring up, but it doesn’t have to be.

   5. If you have the conversation and it goes well, a good website my husband and I used while we were dating was Splitwise, and we still use it for friends trips & weekends. You can add who paid for what, and at the end it calculates who owes what. It feels less “cheap” than asking for a venmo for each individual expense.

      1. We didn’t use an app, but when my husband and I were dating we would keep track of what we paid for while on trips, and then settle up at the end.

      2. Splitwise is AMAZING, especially if you’re traveling with groups.

      3. We did this and continued it into our marriage, and it works well. Now that we have a house, we will probably (finally) open a joint checking account, but still use splitwise for stuff that ends up on credit cards because of points or whatever.

   6. I agree with everything said above, but just wanted to add that I would consider travel costs too. If you guys generally switch off visiting each other, that’s not a big deal. But if one of you does the majority of the travel to see the other, because of a flexible work schedule or whatever, I think that should be considered. In other words, I wouldn’t be so upset about paying the majority of the costs to eat out or whatever if he is the one who is always paying for airline tickets. If, however, you are paying to visit him and paying for most everything during the visit, I agree that’s a big issue.

   7. I find the room service thing to be weird and disrespectful. My husband and I were dating when I was a student, studying for the bar exam, looking for a job, etc. (read:broke). He paid every time we went out, and I paid for groceries and cooked a lot of our meals. I never would have thought he would pay for me if he wasn’t there–especially for such a large expense.

      1. +1 This also stood out to me as not OK. Like, it’s one thing to have the partner with more money pay for more of the collective expenses, but this is just rude, as is the fact that he did not offer to pay you back when you said something.

      2. 100% agree. The room service thing is weird.

      3. Yeah, the room service thing (twice?!) is really weird. Enough so that I’d be thinking more critically about whether there are other red flags in his behavior.

   8. Just another example of working this out in my longterm LDR. For years, we kept all receipts for the expenses of our visits, including all travel. We split it proportional to income and settled up every month or two. This was pre-smartphone, so there are probably apps that make it much easier now. If the relationship is solid, this should be a pretty straightforward conversation to have.

   9. I think if he did what you described more than once I would feel differently than if he did it once, you addressed it and it stopped. I’m of the camp that (generally), once is forgivable; twice is not. I’d have a conversation, tell him it’s just adding up (no need for anything fancier than that – it’s reality!), reset expectations, agree to talk about who pays for what either as a matter of fact or on a one-off basis, and if it keeps happening/he doesn’t respect the conversation, consider it a bigger flag.

      DH and I were long distance when we met and stayed that way for the first 15 months of the relationship. I wasn’t making bank but I was easily 2x his criminally low salary. He always operated that the default was 50/50, though I did what I could to prevent that from happening. He would sometimes really try hard to pay but I would either refuse, or we’d do 2/3 : 1/3 split, or I’d pay for the tip and he only paid for half the meal. We came up with things that worked and were handled ad hoc and never expressly discussed. Thinking back, he never once took advantage of that (no gratuitous room service, for example) and to the day we combined finances tried to pay his half.

      FWIW, though, I knew I was entering into a LDR which involved flights with someone with little means at the time. While never explicitly discussed, I mentally agreed to footing much of the travel cost because I could. Either I went to see him more frequently than him to me or I’d “buy” his ticket with points or miles. I decided for myself that he was worth the literal price of admission. 12 years and one kid later, it would seem that was money well spent. Good luck. Money is awkward.

   10. Nip this in the bud. It’s not just about money. It becomes about the division of labor in the household.

       1. Not trying to be snippy, but you need to find out if he’s being thoughtless about this or if he’s always going to try to get the best deal for himself. Very important too is how hard is it to negotiate a fairer split with him. Early in my marriage my husband was unemployed, yet I was somehow still doing 90% of the housework. I deeply, deeply resented that (even just remembering it is getting me worked up). It was not a great start to our marriage – and almost led to us being divorced before our 2nd anniversary.

6. Nice tights I guess but this outfit….

7. test 123

8. Not sure if I’m looking for advice or just to vent:

   My mother chronically uses really, really overwrought language, and exaggerates wildly. Some examples: she just told me that I am “down to the wire” on getting a nursery together for my child (due late January/early February; my husband and I have a combined 8 weeks off between Thanksgiving and mid-January). She always says that things will cost three to ten times what they actually cost. (Example: she says that a day trip from San Diego to Catalina Island is $700, “minimum”.) She can’t just say that people were rude, mean, or snippy to her; she has to say that they ‘threatened to kill’ her. She wildly exaggerates her own accomplishments, ex., claiming she’s run marathons when she’s never done more than walk a corporate 5k.

   I’ve learned to mentally discount what she says, and have been doing so for a solid twenty years. The problem is that now a lot of things in my personal life were/are at an actual crisis point (think: severe health challenges that went midway through second trimester, combined with a demanding job, all while my husband was gunning for a promotion, plus some members of his family were very ill), I have absolutely no bandwidth whatsoever for the emotional labour of managing her manufactured crises.

   She’s flying up for Thanksgiving and staying with us, and I’m just… dreading five solid days of OH EHM GEE CRISIS!!!! drama llama. Oh, she’s also trying to force/cajole/guilt her way into the delivery room (because no one else but my husband is, so she wants SPECIAL STATUS of being THE ONLY PERSON WITH SPECIAL ACCESS), and honestly the thought makes me almost ill. Like, she literally doesn’t understand that “No one but Rick” means “Drop it while you still have dignity attached to my refusal.”

   1. I can’t believe you’re talking like this about your mother. She is your mother, be happy she is coming and treat her as nicely and kindly as possible.

      1. Completely disagree. You need to have healthy boundaries even with family, and the last thing you need when pregnant is unnecessary stress. For the visit, I would try to ignore the exaggeration that don’t really matter and flat out refuse to discuss her being in the delivery room anymore. If she continues to try to discuss it, I would tell her that your answer is final and get up and walk away. And personally I would have a more global conversation with myself about how close for relationship I want to half with her going forward.

      2. WOW, okay, you must have adult kids that you treat terribly and think they’re just ungrateful. Just because you’ve given birth to somebody does not give you the right to be a narcissistic piece of cr ap.

      3. Um, she gave birth to me and shortly later left men moved hundreds of miles away, and trotted me out when she wanted to look like a good mother.

         She was in her 50s before she even really tried to be a mom.

   2. I don’t think this stuff is all in the same category. Comments like the cost of a day trip to Catalina (who cares!?) or being “down to the wire” on the nursery are best ignored. She’s not really harming anyone by making them and ignoring is the smoothest path.
      I would stand firm on boundaries like not having her in the delivery room though. I’d have one conversation where you say, “Mom, I’ve explained it’s just going to be me and Rick in the delivery room. This is not up for further discussion.” And then every time she tries to discuss it, change the subject.

      1. I don’t know though, it’s just exhausting and wears you down when EVERYTHING is elevated like that. It’s very draining.

         1. Yep. Part of this is drastically different personalities (I am tremendously thankful I wasn’t a rogue wave of recessive genes and am similar to my parents), and part is overtly obnoxious (insistence on being in the delivery room).
            For the low-grade stream of exaggeration, I’d say to keep your visits shorter and kind of ‘mhm’ your way through, correcting her only when it actually affects you or your plans. I agree it’s tempting to say “TEMPER YOURSELF” but that sounds like it would go nowhere…
            For the delivery room, can you enlist others to help you shut that down?

         2. Yes, thank you – I describe it as “a constant state of high alert.”

   3. I agree your mom may be a little daffy, but we all are, including even you, OP! Be glad that you have a mom who loves you and wants to be a part of your life. There are so many OP’s on this website that would love to have their mother still alive and there for them, but they are no longer with us. Yours still is, so cherish her while she is around, b/c she won’t be foreever. I shudder to think what I will do when my mom and dad go, even tho they do and say things that sometimes get me upset; but I know they do and say things b/c they love me and want the best for me. Dad does all my finances, and mom always cooks for me and whenever she travels to the city with Dad by car, she fills my refergerator with food she prepares from SCRATCH, which is what Dad loves. He says that I have a tuchus but no husband b/c I can’t cook and all I do is buy prepared food from Whole Food’s and Fairways (which is right), but I still think that it is better then calling for takeout at Seamless every night, like Myrna. I know how to use my stove, and occasionally make Wedding Chicken and have even tried bakeing some of my own cookies. So OP, remember that your mom is there for you and enjoy her @ Thanksgiving! YAY for MOM’s!!!!

9. Givenly

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