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Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Jolene Gathered Long-Sleeve Top

A woman wearing a black long-sleeved top and black skirt

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

How pretty is this long-sleeved jersey top from Cinq à Sept? The asymmetric neckline is just a little bit unusual, but super flattering.

I would wear this with a pair of wide-leg trousers for a more casual look, or with my favorite suit to add a little bit of flair. 

The top is $295 at Neiman Marcus and comes in sizes XS-XXL.

Sales of note for 12.5

329 Comments

  1. I got a full-body 60 min massage last night. Hadn’t been to this particular spa before. Today, I’m extremely sore – my neck, lower back/above my pelvis, and one of my thighs. I have 6 meetings that I need to sit through. Tonight I’m supposed to “partner run” with my kids school as they do a mile for fun. Any suggestions for pain reduction and movement today? I’ve never been sore after a massage and am not sure why!

    2. Move – movement will bring bloodflow to those areas, and that will start the healing process. Take a lap before and after those meetings, even a small one.

    7. I would call the spa and complain and ask for your money back. It is pretty outrageous to be sore after a massage. I’d also ask to speak to the owner and inquire about the licensing of the therapist you saw. Ask for a copy of the license and report them to the relevant board. Others should not suffer after paying for a service like this

      1. Really?? I’ve been sore after every massage barring one I’ve ever had – that’s the point, to me, to work out the tension and the knots. The one that didn’t leave me sore I felt was a bit of a waste, but my skin did feel nice.

        1. Counterpoint: I’m an athlete and have never been sore after a massage, let alone sore the next day.

          1. So what if you are an athlete. No one cares. I am always sore and if I am not, they didn’t do anything. All of our bodies are different. That doesn’t mean it is worth a complaint.

      2. I’m always sore after deep tissue massages. That’s kind of the point. If you want less pressure next time, you can be clear about that and they should accommodate, but in the absence of a request for light pressure the masseuse didn’t do anything wrong.

      4. I’ve never had a massage where I wasn’t sore the next day. Even after drinking lots of water. This is an interesting response.

      6. Massage therapists ask for feedback. If you didn’t speak up to say that the pressure was too much, it seems unfair to ask for a refund. This is someone’s livelihood.

      8. Depending on how long it has been between massages and if I have a lot of knots, I am sore the next day. Things that help: Epsom salt or apple cider vinegar soak after a massage, drinking lots of water before and after a massage and advil. Any soreness usually goes away the next day.

    8. Not what you asked, but if you’re not feeling up to the partner run, don’t feel bad if you skip it or walk and let them run ahead. Think of it as modeling the importance of rest and recovery and talk to them about listening to our bodies and preventing long-term injury.

  2. I have been invited to sail for a week in Sardinia. I have sailed before but only for a day or two. Can you help me pack? Do/dont?
    Also if you have any recommendations for dinner/drinks in Santa Teresa near the marina, in La Maddalena (near Cala Gavetta) and in Portisco Marina that would be great.

    1. Fun! I’ve only sailed in the Caribbean but I just packed what I’d wear for a similar trip on land (bikinis, rash guards, summery dresses). You’ll go barefoot on the boat so you probably don’t need many pairs of shoes.

    2. Ohhhh,I am so very jealous. Are you going on a charter like The Moorings or some kind of similar sized boat/charter company? How big is the boat? Monohull or cat?

      First and foremost, no hard suitcases. Duffle bags are your friend. Exception being if you have some place to store hard suitcases on land/at base, but you should expressly confirm that before assuming. Admittedly I’ve only done this in the British Virgin Islands which has a very beachy underlying vibe so unsure what to expect from Italy. That said, my experience has been overpack bathing suits, cover ups, etc. Underpack sun dresses and “nice” clothes. Maybe others can opine relative to the location/vibe, but we basically lived in bathing suits, casual wear and then I threw on the two sundresses I packed probably 2x/each for a total of 3 hours per wear (so repeating the outfit was fine) for a quick onshore drinks/dinner. I’d also strongly recommend 2-3 pairs of flip flops/shoes that you’d wear on boat or on shore just because things can get wet and sometimes drying out takes a littlie longer with morning dews and such.

      1. I’ve charted very small (4 person max) boats in the Caribbean and have always brought a standard hard sided carryon. Definitely don’t bring like 3 giant suitcases but a normal carry on should be fine even on a small boat.

        1. It’s going to depend on the number of people relative to the size of the boat. Warrants OP asking to confirm. I’ve been on a 60′ catamaran with 10 people and hard sided luggage would have been a hot mess. DH and I did a 36′ foot monohull solo and it would have been fine.

    3. No specific recommendations because it was a long time ago, but I’ve sailed in Sardinia and had a great time. You don’t specify the season so I’m going to assume summer/warmish. For the actual sailing part, try to bring closed toe shoes that aren’t super slippery when wet. This is the original rationale for boat shoes, but other shoes can work too. Lots of people sail in flip flops, but it can be a safety issue in harbors or when doing a more intense sail. You don’t mention if this chill sailing or more intense sailing, but do bring layers and a good waterproof jacket because conditions can change quickly around there. Otherwise, a bathing suit, lots of suncreen, some pretty sundresses and sandals for dinner at a nice restaurant, whatever clothes you would pack for a beach vacation. Keep toiletries somewhat minimal because sailboat bathrooms are small, generally don’t overpack because space is limited. Ask if this is the kind of sail where bedding and towels are provided.

    4. La Maddalena is spectacular. It has been several years since I was there, so I don’t have up to date recommendations, but you will love the scenery!

    5. Way less than you think you need. Like 4 bathing suits, two cover ups, one dress, a t shirt.

      1. Yes this is a good idea. I have an iron stomach, especially on boats, but even I took a Bonine when we were crossing open ocean between two islands and I wanted to read. I think I would have been fine if I hadn’t been reading, but having the meds there was definitely helpful and anyone who is at all prone to motion sickness will really want them.

  3. Recs for a warm weather US trip for the week between Christmas and New Years? Flying out of Colorado and ok with anything domestic except Hawaii. 3 families with kids ranging 7-17. The most important considerations are somewhere where it is likely to be reliably warm with some activities for the kids.

    1. In the continental US only south Florida is reliably warm in the swimming sense, if that’s what you’re looking for, and even there you can have a snap of cold weather with highs in the 60s. We much prefer the Caribbean that time of year and PR and the USVIs don’t require a passport, but it’s kind of a haul for you. Would you consider Mexico? Lots of nice resorts, both all inclusive and not. If you absolutely want lower 48, I’d go to the Miami area.

      1. Yeah I was going to say, I’ve spent Christmases in Florida where it was definitely too cold to swim.

    2. The only warm weather part of the US that time of year is south Florida.

      Would you be interested in the USVI or Puerto Rico?

    3. I love St. Pete Beach. It should be reliably warm at that time of year, but YMMV for swimming (I’m fine with going in the water then because I usually swim in the Massachusetts ocean in the summer which is always chilly.) Great beaches, fun downtown and Tampa zoo is also a nice visit.

        1. The average high in St. Pete in December is 72. You can have a cold snap anywhere but mid-50s would be more than 15 degrees below normal and is presumably pretty rare. And average temperatures actually skew low these days because they don’t fully account for climate change…

      1. Yeah that’s my take as well. You’ve got to be a lot closer to the equator to be “reliably” warm over the winter solstice. Hawaii is the southernmost point in the US.

    5. Would you consider USVI? Otherwise, I think you are limited to Miami or the Keys. My parents live in southern California so we generally go there for Christmas, and while it is nicer than the Northeast, it is definitely not reliably warm.

    6. My family lives in Sarasota and every year we visit between Christmas and New Years. It’s regularly too cold to swim, although perhaps in a resort heated pool you’d be fine. It’s almost always lovely enough to be at the beach and on a boat, so if you’re not dead-set on swimming, that part of FL could be a good option. We live in the mid-south where it is cold that week, and my kids love doing all outdoor activities during that week (biking, mini golf, boating, collecting shark teeth, going to an aquarium…).

      1. Yeah even as far north as Destin is generally nice if the goal is “being outside without having to be bundled up.” And we actually have swum in the ocean in Destin both years we went at Christmas time (it stays surprisingly warm through the late fall – I believe December ocean temps are warmer than March) but we also have a pretty high tolerance for cold water.

        1. We did Christmas in Destin a few years ago and it was nice! A few days were warm enough for the pool, and even when it was colder just walking along the beach with a sweater on was lovely.

          1. Yeah, I think it depends what your expectations are. A lot of people were complaining about the cold when we were there, but we were coming from the Chicago area in the height of a pandemic and were delighted to be able to walk outside without winter coats and have coffee on the balcony.

    7. New Orleans? The WWII museum is good for all ages. I don’t know about swamp tours that time of year, but I know they’re popular with kids. I also have no idea what’s open that week down there.

        1. florida is not reliably warm at xmas. not sure who is telling you that but it’s categorically false.

        2. We went to NOLA last Christmas and in January a few years ago. If OP is looking for “lounging on the beach” type of warm, she won’t find it there, but I had lovely mild weather on both my trips. Second the WWII museum and the art museum across the street. I didn’t go on a swamp tour but I believe they were operating, and most stores, restaurants, etc. were open.

          1. DH and I went to NOLA one year during Christmas Week as we don’t celebrate. It was in the 30s in the evening and a high of 50s during the day. Apparently it was unusually cold that year.

      2. I live in New Orleans and frequently suggest it for Christmas. The weather is typically but not always great–not too much rain or humidity, mild temperatures, lovely to walk around in. There are usually still Christmas activities, including Celebration in the Oaks in City Park–carnival rides in Carousel Gardens + lots of Christmas lights throughout the botanical gardens.

        But New Orleans is one of the more expensive places to celebrate NYE, given the French Quarter’s reputation as a party atmosphere and the Sugar Bowl (college playoff game) at the Superdome on NYD. And it’s not exactly a family-friendly atmosphere. If OP’s interested in a long weekend between Christmas and New Years’, it would probably be great, but I’d suggest leaving by the 29th or 30th.

        1. I’ve been in NOLA for Christmas- New Years. In most of my photos I’m wearing a sweater of some sort, but a coat when the sun went down. It was nice but not beach weather.

    8. there is no place in the US where there is guaranteed warmth that week. Maybe South Florida or AZ.

    9. The only option is south Florida and even that might not be warm. This is why people go to the Caribbean.

      1. I’ve even seen people complain about the temperature in the northern parts of the Caribbean like the Bahamas that time of year! For me, it’s perfect, but I will swim in 70 degree weather and get uncomfortably hot if the temp goes above 80. But yeah you can’t count on 80+ even in the northern Caribbean that time of year.

  4. Low stakes question: Derm started me on prescription skin care about 2.5 months ago for rosacea and general skin improvement (azelaic acid and metronidazole morning and night; tretinion morning and night 2x a week). At checkup last week, we compared photos she took then and now, and even I could see marked improvement. So, what would you do with all the other products you had bought that now would be overkill, I think (The Dr. Dennis Gross two step exfoliator; snail mucin, the Vintner’s daughter two step serum, etc). I don’t think I should use them on top of what i am already using, so use on body? Give to a friend?

    PSA: She also started me on the lowest possible dose of oral minoxidil (1.25 per day) and whoa – that stuff works. Should not make such a difference in how i feel about myself, but not worrying about styling my hair to avoid the thinnest areas and worrying about what tall people saw when they looked at me has been a huge relief.

    1. If they’re unopened, I’d give to a friend. If they’re opened, you can use them on your upper chest and back.

      1. I sometimes leave stuff that didn’t work for me (with droppers or squeeze tubes, not tubs where you dip your fingers in) in the bathroom at my yoga studio with a little post-it. They always disappear.

        1. I’ve done that with unopened skincare & samples. I put it in a pretty cosmetic bag (one of those freebies with purchase) with a sticky that said “free” in the ladies’ room at my work and it was gone by noon.

          I would also not give opened skincare to strangers. If you have a friend who doesn’t mind that you’ve used part of a dropper or pump bottle, that’s different. Anything you stick your fingers into, trash that. Or use it on other parts of your body – back of hands, tops of feet, etc.

    2. Things like this are super popular on my neighborhood Buy Nothing group (even when opened / partially used).

    3. I would use the “left over” skin care products on neck/upper chest / backs of hands.

  5. Thanks for all of the Italy input yesterday-it was very helpful. Settled on a rough sketch of an 11 to 14 day plan that includes Rome, Florence and Venice, hopefully with some beach time snuck in somehow and saving Naples for another trip. Any other input or comments welcome!

    1. Do not fly out of Venice. We flew in and out of Venice on a recent trip. Flying in is fine, and then we took the fun boat into the city. Getting to the airport to fly out of is kind of a trick as it’s not close to town– we had to take a bus from the train station. In addition, there is only one runway and priority is given to incoming flights and then international flights. We were delayed two hours leaving because we connected in Paris and kept losing our slot to incoming flights.

    2. Make sure to do several days in Venice. Some people try to do it in 1 day or 2 days. I did 4.5 days and it was delightful! It’s especially lovely in the evenings when the day trippers head home and the city is reasonably quiet.

      1. +1 it’s absolutely magical once the crowds go home for the day. Also for a lovely dinner by the canal, try Ristorante Riviera.

      2. Counterpoint: I’ve been all over Italy and Venice is the only place I didn’t like. We stayed for 5 days but even without the day trippers it felt completely touristy and fake to me. The whole time we were there I kept saying to my husband “I want to leave and go to the real Italy” and I haven’t felt that way in other big tourist spots like Rome, Cinque Terre, Lake Como, etc. And we went in spring, so not even peak season.

      3. +2 – we spent 4 nights in Venice and wished we had 6. The peace that comes over the city at night is unbelievably different than the day crowds.

    3. The leather school in Florence is a great place to go for high quality leather goods at all price points: Scuola del Cuoio. I hope to go back to Florence in the next few years and will definitely go back here. You can get things monogrammed for free there too. I would also caution you about flying out of Florence. Apparently because of the short runways, if the winds are off you will get bussed to the Pisa airport. That happened to me last year and I missed my connection in London and it caused a bit of a headache.

  6. Talk me through emptying out the 4BR / attic / basement / garage / garage attic and outbuilding that they’ve been in for 40 years and is 10 hours from where I live now.

    I can go for a week after Labor Day and empty out the fridge and cabinets and go through the tons of paper clutter (every time I go into a drawer it seems like I find something important, like a diploma, alone with 10 years of property tax bills). Then maybe tag things to ship to various relatives and send them and donate what else is left. Rent a dumpster? At what point does it make sense to bring in junk people vs pack-and-move people for things like a china cabinet and some china and art that people want?

    I have a heavy metal sewing machine, tons of patterns, a wood chipper straight out of Fargo, and some huge things like riding lawnmowers (I’ve found two!). Prayers and advice welcome.

    1. Oh gosh, I was young when we did this at my nana’s house and it was pre-facebook etc, but some ideas.

      I’d clear 1 room and designate this as the room where “keepers” get stored. Anything that needs more close sorting in one side, anything that needs shipped on the other.
      Get some shred bags so you can just have those collected/dropped off.
      Are there friends/families who might have a kid furnishing a first apartment who would come and take some furniture?
      How rural is the home? Is it worth putting things outside and saying first come first serve on Freecycle/Nextdoor just to be able to clear out a bunch of the bulkier items / things that will clearly need to go? Don’t deal with pick up times, just say it’s out if anyone wants it. You could just keep adding/updating things and it might save you some money in movers/get things to where they might be used. I imagine this would help with some of the low hanging fruit.

      1. Have also done this, and strongly agree that you need a “keepers” room. I would use one of the bedrooms for this, because odds are there are big things (like a bed and dresser) rather than many things (like tons of little boxes).

        Bring a shredder and a scanner. Assign someone to run them. Realistically, you probably do not need to keep old tax documents if the homeowners are no longer living, and you probably do not need to keep super old tax documents if they are still living (research this to verify). I would not keep any paper documents other than marriage licenses, diplomas, that sort of thing. If it can be scanned and then shredded, do that.

        Take lots of photos.

        Do two scheduled charity furniture pickups — one on day 2 or 3, one on day 7. Your goal for days 1 and 2 are to get a keepers room set up and get pathways to the first round of furniture you’re getting rid of + getting those pieces emptied out. It is amazing how much easier this goes with the beds and dressers and stuff out of the way. (Keep at least enough chairs + tables as you think you’ll need to sort).

        Rent a dumpster, for sure. You may need more than one.

        Hire help. Seriously, hire help. This is physically demanding work. If you have someone (or multiple someones) who can carry boxes down from the attic, etc., your life will be so much easier.

        Make people who want things foot the bill of packing and shipping those things.

        1. Accountant here – general best practice inside firms is to keep about seven years of tax returns on file. I’ve never kept anything older than that in my personal life either.

          If someone died in 2024, keep 2024 tax documents so those taxes can be filed, of course!

        2. Keep copies of medical test results if they’re not definitely already digitized in a EHR.

          1. If the person is dead (and it sounds like 1/2 of this couple is), you can absolutely chuck medical records unless they relate to hereditary conditions.

    2. Have you looked for a service that could take this over? I know in my medium city there are companies that help handle all of this (estate sale, moving, shipping, storage, junk removal, etc.) for people moving into assisted living situations and for estates.

      1. Yes, and if you need a referral for a company in that area, call a real estate agent and ask. Go for a few days and pull out anything you want to keep, jewelry, paperwork, photos, etc.

    3. Hire this out. This is what estate sale people do. If there’s something specific you want, they’ll save it for you.

      1. I second this – a week is not enough time to get through a house of this size without serious help. Let them do the heavy sorting; meanwhile you work behind the scenes on coordinating with family members how they can get what they want. This is so overwhelming and it does not sound like you have other family members to help you so please hire some help.

    4. For the junk, my best advice is don’t call 1-800-JUNK just because you’ve heard the name before. Go to Yelp for the ZIP code and type in “junk removal” and you’ll be able to get quotes for 1/3 of the price of less. I had to insist to a relative that we not go with the “name brand I have used before” when it was someone else’s money we were spending. The local guys I found instead charged $350 compared to $1200 for GOT-JUNK.

      Also, take pictures. Most likely no one wants Granny’s sewing machine, but you can take a nice photo of it before donating.

      1. I want granny’s sewing machine! Seriously, those old metal machines without the bells and whistles are workhorses.

        1. Agreed, if it’s repaired and/or serviced, those old machines are like gold to a sewist. Offer it for free pickup and see if anyone takes it.

    5. If the house is suburban enough that there’s a local online group (FB is what my neighborhood uses but YMMV) I would suggest having a ‘free garage sale’ one weekend, giving away anything you don’t want, then get a dumpster for the rest. Of course this doesn’t streamline any of the hard work of going through drawers and finding things like hidden tax documents.

    6. Whose house is this and do you need all that paper work? I’ve never even looked at my own diplomas and property tax info is all publicly available online in my state. You don’t need most of that stuff.

      2. OP on this — I’m. The executor for one of them and have HCPOA and POA for the other, who will be going to a nursing home in my city, so wants some sentimental items and I need to go through papers prior to tossing in case there is anything financial in there. All I can say for now is that I will just be in one mutual filing company by the time I’m 60 after just starting in on this.

        1. Oh, if your parent is still living, honestly I would slow down and not put it on yourself to do it all in one week. Do you have to sell it immediately for financial reasons? If not, I’d use this visit to move your parent to the Nursing Home, and be sure to save/move what they want. Then start the work on figuring out what to save and separate. Going through papers/photos etc.. can take a long time. And deciding what to save and who gets what and how to dispense takes awhile. Then come back for a 2nd visit and empty the house with the assistance of one of those companies that can sell/donate/dump for you, and ideally clean the house so it will be ready for sale.

          I think it is a different situation when one parent is still alive, family gets along and wants to preserve items compared with when both have passed, and nothing in the house is desirable and gets dumped.

    7. Practical tips on the hiring out (assuming it is an option). Look at napo dot org to search for a professional organizer in your area – you can sub-search for “move management.” (I would also check with the facility the person is going to if there is a go to person in the area for these sorts of things.) If you find someone that works well, then you can delegate the tasks, the rules, etc. and they can bring people in to get it done. This works great for getting the personal layer before you get to the actual stuff to sell, donate, trash. Someone I’ve worked with the past will handle the scheduling of having the charity shops come for pick up, junk pick up, mailing out. They will also typically have contacts and can recommend an estate sale company to handle selling a lot of the stuff. The cheaper version is to just reach out to get the personal stuff out then hand it over to an estate sale company to sell the remaining contents of the house.

    8. If there is any dementia, you may need to check pockets and small boxes. My grandma hid her diamond jewelry in tissues in coat pockets and old purses. It took forever to go thru her clothes, dresser, closet, etc. She was convinced people were stealing from her. She was proven correct, actually, as some of the local “friends” were helping themselves to her vintage clothing, shoes, albumns, etc. We didn’t realize the extent until we did a full inventory. She probably saved quite a bit of valuables but we had to open and sort quickly thru everything even stuff that looked like trash.
      My mom and I made 3 categories – 1. definitely keep; 2. definitely go; 3 maybe (box, label well, and date with when you want to revisit; sometimes the “maybe” gets easier as you go thru the stuff and realize there are 12 of a thing; the idea is to keep moving – anything slowing you down is a maybe).
      This is a lot. All the best.

      1. OP here — this is helpful (and the sort of thing I’m worried about). I hunted around looking for one thing and found a piece of mail about a credit union account that no one knew about or remembered. Worth a lot more than the jewelry (I think — who knows if the gold-colored things are gold).

        1. My FIL stashed cash EVERYWHERE. When cleaning out his house, we found it in socks in the bottom of his hamper, under the ice cube trays in the fridge, in the pullout couch in the spare room, and just about everywhere else you could think of. Not to mention the random jars of quarters in the back of every single closet. We unearthed a tidy sum and I am convinced we missed at least 25% of the total because we didn’t have time to open every single book or look in every single envelope. I figure it will brighten someone else’s day when they find it. I also wouldn’t put it past him to have hidden some in the walls somehow, but we weren’t going to do any demo on a lark.

          1. When they cleared my depression era great grandfathers house they found 40k stuffed up the chimney. The treasure hunt commenced. All in all, there was a couple of hundred thousand or so – tucked in books, into the matting of pictures, bundles duct taped into the ductwork, under floorboards loosed for the purpose, etc. His children never were sure they found it all. If you’re dealing with someone who for whatever reason liked to cache cash or other small valuables, you need to check every item and go over the home with a fine tooth comb once it’s empty.

          2. In the 90s, my friend bought an old jewelry box full of costume jewelry at an estate/yard sale. The jewelry was worthless but the $100 bills tucked under the lining of the box definitely had worth!

          3. The number of $100 bills I found in books that belonged to my grandfather and that I kept makes me so sad about the fortune I likely gave away in the books I did not want.

      2. When I was doing something similar, the cash and travelers checks I found in a relative’s pockets etc, paid grocery bills for one year for one person.

    9. Pick the right people to help- the efficient people. Or maybe you are already it. We are about to do this with my grandmothers house in Maine, and my dad and husband are the designees to do the deed because they will make efficient decisions. Send me and my mom and it’s a trip down memory lane, tears, and would just never get done.

    10. Absolutely agree with hiring help. I hired a company that came over and helped me go through everything and put stickers on it: red for toss, yellow for “goes with me,” green for “goes with Mom.” Then when the sorting was done, they handled the packing and moving/disposal. It was a lifesafer and I could never in a million years have done it for myself.

    11. +1 to hire it out to a company that is experienced in sorting.

      You have limited time. You can either use it to spend with your elderly loved ones (or on managing their care) or use it to ensure their stuff gets handled exactly as you want, which may not even be perfectly aligned with what they want.

      I hired out sorting and cleaning out my childhood home. Do I sometimes wish I had XYZ thing the professionals missed? Absolutely. But, I’m not missing anything I need. And I didn’t have to abandon my other obligations and pleasures for a month to personally clear out the house.

    14. I know someone who threw a “last call” party when her mom passed. Invited all her mom’s neighbors and friends. Had already sorted some stuff the family wanted. Benefits is it is a second wake that is a bit happier. Also people will take what they need- like a handy neighbor took a bunch of tools and they actually get used. Or in rural areas you could try an auctioneer service. They will sort things into lots and have a day long auction party. Basically a rural version of an estate sale!

  7. Seeking Montreal recs for this week. I am here with family (husband and my teenage kids) and looking for ideas about where to shop. I’d love to find a second hand Mackage coat or a great rain jacket. Also open to great activities for a rainy day tomorrow. Just happy to explore with some direction from anyone who has tips. I’m in old Montreal and mostly getting around on foot, though I have a car.

    1. We loved the Biodome and Ecotorium as well as the Basilica. I felt very meh about the archeology museum.

    2. I don’t know if they still do them and you would need a car but I’ve taken a tour of Habitat 67. It was rainy the day we did it but manageable and we got to see inside a model apartment.

    3. Two sleeper hits – I’ve always been partial to St. Joseph’s of the Montreal cathedrals if you go that route. Everyone always does Notre-Dame which is admittedly beautiful (and still worth the visit) but St. Joseph’s is just more architecturally interesting. Biodome is all indoors, and like everyone likes penguins.

    4. It’s been about 10 years, but Eva B on St. Laurent is very fun and has a wide range of secondhand items. Generally St. Laurent or Mile-End/Plateau is where the “cool” fashion is located. Lazy used to have this giant $5 pile that you had to climb – magical when you’re a broke student, but perhaps not the place to find vintage Mackage. If you’re coming from the US, I would check out Simons for a classic, Nordstrom-like experience.

      1. they arw still thriving and now have an Eva D a couple of blocks down the street with more curated itwms – both are worth a visit.

  8. I met with the doctor yesterday to review the results from my biopsy and MRI. He confirmed I have breast cancer, stage 1A (invasive ductal carcinoma, hasn’t spread to the lymph nodes). Next step is a lumpectomy to remove the tumor and the sentinel lymph node, followed by 4 weeks of radiation, and 5 years of tamoxifen. This has been a shocking whirlwind for me since I first received the news I have breast cancer three weeks ago. Anyone care to share what I should anticipate with these next few months/years? I’m 45, premenopausal, and I’m aware that the medication may send me into menopause. Other than that, what should I prepare for with the surgery and radiation? The doctor said the surgery is fairly easy to recover from and that I’d be fine within a day or two. I’m in great shape with no other health issues, but I’m really nervous. I was not at all prepared for what the biopsy entailed or for that horrific MRI, so I’m trying to be better prepared going forward. Thanks for any advice, and my love to all of you who are facing or have faced similar or worse. I know I’m lucky I caught it early but its still scary and was completely unexpected.

    1. I’m really sorry you’re going through this and I’m glad they caught it early. Out of curiosity, what were the first signs that led to getting a biopsy? A mammogram?

      1. I had my annual physical breast exam in March, a mammogram in April, both were normal. I felt the lump myself by chance in June and got an ultrasound in late July, followed immediately by a biopsy. I have no risk factors, no family history of any kind of cancer. I’m overall extremely healthy. This came out of nowhere and I’m very grateful that I caught it and took it seriously. My doctor says that its just bad luck, which sounds right to me. Not that that makes it any less scary or upsetting . . .

        1. this makes me wonder if I should schedule my mammogram 6 months away from my annual exam to space out

          1. Good idea. I am high risk for breast cancer, and have either mammogram/PCP doctor exam/MRI/GYN doctor exam each year – 3 months between each.

    2. Grace Helbig, a long-time youtuber, recently went on this on this journey and has made a great series of vlogs on the experience. Sending best wishes for your recovery period!

    3. First, hugs, ugh. It’s not a club I want anyone to join.
      I was diagnosed at 46 after no symptoms, just a finding on a mammogram.
      Surgery—i had two tumors removed and some lymph nodes removed for testing that were clear. That meant they were doing surgery in my armpit, which really made my arm hurt to move. I took off a week, and frankly wished I’d taken off two weeks. It wasn’t the arm movement (I’m a desk worker), but the anesthesia really wiped me out.
      Radiation was kind of a non event? It’s logistically annoying to go to the place daily for 10minute appointments, but they don’t hurt. You get Rx skin cream to assist with any irritation, they recommend also slathering with moisturizer. I bought a couple radiation bras—my skin felt a little sunburned and that side would swell up by end of day each day, and I was goopy from all the creams so a soft cotton bra felt the best. I was tired but worked throughout. Took naps midday by the end and for a couple weeks after. I worked from home throughout.
      All that said, the mental was exhausting. I don’t remember a lot of it, the kids were young, it’s all a blur. I walked or did gentle Pilates-type exercise daily at home. I stopped all alcohol and tried to focus on eating, sleeping and healing.
      Tamoxifen…hmmm. It was ok for a while, I get really bad hot flashes in spurts (they get loads better in winter, if I don’t drink wine – there are definite triggers), sleeping is not the best. But is that because I’m now 49? It’s hard to say. My cycle is mostly done, but not over (I’ve gotten 2 periods in the past year)—again, what’s the drug and what’s menopause. If I stop all periods for a year, I switch to another drug (an AI),l that does something similar for menopausal women. W don’t love the tamoxifen it’s the devil I know and I don’t want to change since I’m just over halfway thru.
      A year after surgery, I was very angry with all of it and started therapy. Did that for a year. Recommend. Just lots of feelings and angst (about the initial treatment, recurrence, etc).
      Good luck with it all.

      1. Thanks, this is super helpful and I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. I have two young kids and we are two working parents so I’m definitely trying to gauge how much help we might need, in addition to any time off I might need. I might have my parents come for at least part of the radiation time if I’m going to be fatigued. And I will definitely plan to take at least a week off of work. Thanks for sharing your experience. (Also, I’m already in therapy, but I hear you on the need for help to process this.)

    4. Uggh that MRI. I was diagnosed with stage 1 lobular bc in May. Early 50s. No symptoms. Caught during my normal screen. Had to have a mastectomy so I can’t comment on recovery for lumpectomy or radiation but as far as tamoxifen what has helped me is lots of exercise, hydration and most of all taking it at night. Had some GI symptoms but those seemed to have calmed down. Oh and the stretches that you will probably get at some point after your surgery really help!! Good luck – you got this!

    5. If you want to post a burner email, I can chat. I am exactly 5 years out from finding my lump and received my stage 1B diagnosis in October (I did have a small micromet in one lymph node).

      You’re in by far the worst of it right now. It’s such a blow and it’s so, so hard when you are young, in shape, otherwise healthy, and have been generally told you’re low risk. You will get through this. There is a whole host of women who have walked this path who are happy to help. The best thing I did was talk to a women who was a friend of a friend and get the real skinny from her. It was so helpful. I am happy to do that for you if you want.

    6. Actually you have been through the worst. Finding out and choosing a treatment plan are the worst parts. The needle biopsy was painful and difficult and my nightmare is being trapped in a coffin so needless to say MRI didn’t go well even with Valium. Surgery is not bad and radiation is what it is. Not terribly painful just time consuming. The worst is truly over. Good luck to you.

    7. Hi–5 years out from pretty much the exact same diagnosis.

      The surgery is fine although the sentinel node surgery was the worse of the two incisions. That’s because your armpit is just full of nerves and well ouch.

      For me, radiation itself was nothing. The radiation fatigue (which not everyone gets and which I assumed I would not as I’m really fit) was intense. And it lasted a long time. Now I’m good but sheesh, that was also hard.

      I chose not to go on Tamoxifin for five years. This is a very personal decision so please don’t think I’m telling you that you should not take the drug. I’m just letting you know I didn’t as the risks were too high compared to the benefits.

      Regarding the entire process–ask questions, and ask again if you’re not getting answers or the answers don’t make sense to you. Also if you have a nickel allergy (I do), mention that. One method my surgeon uses involved a — well I guess it’s a wire–and it’s to guide the surgeon to the tool. Only it can have nickel in it. So be sure you mention that if that’s the case for you.

      Good luck–in five years, this will be a minor speedbump for you, I hope.

      1. That needle loc before surgery was absolutely the worst part of all of it for me. I passed out during the process. After the fact, they told me they could have put me under for that too. Definitely take that option if offered. Same with the radioactive blue dye to locate the sentinel nodes. At the least, ask for lots of good drugs first.

        1. Also that reminds me, your surgeon most definitely CAN do the radioactive dye after you’re under w/ anesthesia.

    8. I do not have guidance to provide, I just wanted to say I am so sorry this is happening to you, and you are getting good vibes from a stranger in NJ.

    9. That was me a year ago, except it was lobular, not ductal. I am 1 year and a few days out from surgery. My doctors told me that the best thing to do for myself was to make sure that I exercised regularly. I don’t know if it was that or if I was just lucky, but I didn’t have any effects from radiation other than some redness. I still have some soreness around the scar from the lymph node surgery (they only removed sentinel nodes and those were clean). I am on anastrazole. The first few weeks were rough – lots of sobbing and moodiness — but things have evened out. I know people who have switched from anastrazole to tamoxifen and vice versa. Different drugs affect people differently. As others have said, you are going through the worst part now. Keep moving from station to station and don’t get too worked up about what comes next. Concentrate on getting through each day as well as you can.

  9. How much do you watch your diet assuming you haven’t been told by a dr to do so? Mid 40s and I naturally find myself in the last few years watching my saturated fat intake as well as added sugars – though not going so far as carb cutting. Seems like middle aged type thing to do. I remember my dad really cutting back on ice cream and sweets at this age which I suspect was way easier for him as it is a habit to just eat those things rarely, as opposed to relatives who suddenly had to do that at 70.

    Yet when I look at my middle aged peers, seems like no one does that? I mean maybe they do and IDK but it seems like everyone is always going to ice cream with their kids or trying out the new fancy donut shop. Granted maybe they have zero family history but cholesterol and blood sugar are hardly rare concerns. Is this just not a thing our generation does like prior ones who were all about diet culture?

    1. Regarding it seeming like your friends are “always” going to ice cream or doughnuts with the kids: I doubt they are eating big sundaes every single day. It’s probably something that feels like a lot to you because you hear about it regularly, but is a once a week thing for each individual person.

      1. Additionally, OP will only hear about treat runs from people who do treat runs. I don’t tell my friends that I didn’t go for ice cream or that I skipped the new donut shop.

    2. Watching your diet doesn’t mean never having a treat!

      IDK, I feel like 50 percent of the women I know who are over 40 are doing something with their diet. It’s harder to tell with the men because they just don’t talk about it as much.

    3. Worrying about “saturated fat” is very 80s and most people don’t do that anymore, recognizing that all naturally occurring fats are essential macronutrients that contribute to health. You want to watch your diet, watch the sugar and carbs.

      1. I think it’s still recommended for adults w/bad LDL or apo-B numbers?

        I would not be restricting whole food sources of fat, sugar, or carbohydrate in a growing child’s diet w/out a specific medical concern. Ultra-processed is the new focus for kids’ diets I think.

    4. I enjoy eating healthy. I feel better when I do, and I feel crummier when I eat junk, in particular added sugar. I’m 35. I also like knowing I’m helping to reduce my risk of certain illnesses. I have 3 kids and we go out for ice cream maybe 3-5 times per summer.

    5. I’m early 30s, watch my diet (calorie count, not for specific nutrients), and am the least food restrictive of my friends, all of whom definitely watch what they eat. My husband pays attention to in a more holistic way – e.g., no more than 3 sweets a week. We often invite other families to meet us for ice cream but that’s definitely more like a once a week thing for us.

    6. Why does it matter if other families are eating ice cream without a side of diet culture? They can do their thing. Do your thing too.

    7. I’ve always had a pretty healthy diet and haven’t really changed now that I’m in my mid 40s (cholesterol, blood sugar, etc. are excellent). Long time vegetarian leaning vegan so I don’t do ice cream or eat out a lot, but I like to bake and sweets are definitely a part of my diet, though they’re usually healthier than what you’d buy at a store and eaten in moderation. I see no issue with ice cream or donuts once in a while as part of a generally healthy diet,

      1. Yeah, I missed the memo on that one. All of a sudden everyone wants 100g of protein a day, when did that happen?

        1. If you’re on one of the injectable weight loss drugs, high protein plus weight bearing exercise is highly recommended to counteract muscle mass loss. And I think there are a lot of people on these drugs, thus the emphasis on protein. I’m about to start one and am having to entirely revamp my nutrition to even come close, and am now obsessed with protein tips.

          1. That’s interesting, I did not know about the weight loss drugs and protein connection.

        2. I run, and there has been a steady trend towards properly fueling pre- and post-running, which includes encouraging fueling pre- and mid-run with carbs and protein and fat post-run. There’s also been a focus on muscle building and protein intake as a way to help prevent injury. It’s been a wonderful trend (no more bragging about running 12 miles fasted or whatever!), and I think it flows out of the research showing how exactly damaging to women the loss of menstruation can be, which happened in the 2000s/2010s. I think that trend is now getting spread out to women in general.

    10. Why do you care? It’s not enough to judge friends, so you now want validation with a long thread from folks weighing in on how superior their abstention skills are as well?

        1. Here. Fixed it: “Good on you for eating less ice cream than your friends.”

          Let’s all now have a discussion about it.

          1. I don’t remember when this site became a magnet for the miserable, but boy, the commentariat’s need to be as aggressive as possible has gotten exhausting.

    11. My glucose numbers are typically high, but in range (mid to high 90s) and many in my family are prediabetic (despite good diets and plenty of exercise). Family history also has high cholesterol (my cousin was a D1 wrestler and also on cholesterol medication), but mine is on the higher side of normal but much, much closer to normal than my glucose.

      I mostly focus on eating well – my main focuses are to eat my 5 servings of fruit and veg a day, ensure I’m getting protein, and to limit my processed foods. When I do eat junk (which is often!), I feel okay about it beacause I know my other meals are decent. I don’t actively avoid sat or trans fats, but by avoiding heavily processed foods, that certainly helps limit those. Ditto with added sugars – I have no issues with natural sugars at all but try to limit my added sugars but that’s easier to do when avoiding processed foods.

      I feel like, compared to my family, I hardly watch what I eat at all. Due to the prediabetes, most of my family members really limit their fruit consumption (both quantity and what types of fruits), whereas I still take the approach of if its a fruit it can’t be bad for me.

      1. re: your cousin. I have a good friend who is a runner &, to me, eats like a bird. She’s fit and appears thin, but she has always battled her cholesterol. We really need to look at that more as a hereditary issue than some sort of shame tax.

    12. I take my kids to get ice cream quite often, but I rarely get my own scoop. I will sometimes eat a bite of theirs, and I sometimes won’t.

      1. same here – I take the kids and they will sometimes let me have a bite, or I can have the leftover ice cream soup (no thanks). Very rarely will I get my own.

      2. do you not get your own bc you don’t want one or bc you dont want the calories or bc ice cream makes you feel icky

    13. Maybe w/the information era people are more aware of actual nutritional content? We used to go by stereotypes, but now we can look it up and see e.g. that a doughnut may be no worse than toast and apple juice at breakfast, or rice and duck sauce at lunch. I have definitely cut back on boring, unexciting, and bland foods to make more room for foods that are similar but taste better to me.

    14. I don’t watch my diet at all. I’m 39, in peri, and have gained quite a bit of weight in the last few years and am now slightly overweight by BMI, but whatever. I’m active, healthy according to medical markers and would rather enjoy life and die at 80 than live to 100.

      1. I think this is ok. It’s what I did in much of my 40s. Unfortunately those of us as we reach middle age/perimenopause will find things shifting. For me as soon as I hit menopausal transition I started gaining weight on the same diet, developed a belly and my blood pressure/cholesterol/blood sugar started shifting up for the first time. The gifts of hormonal shifts. And then when you are feeling bad with the interrupted sleep, hot flashes, mood swings, it really stinks to have to be thinking about changing eating habits. But I did enjoy much of my 40s!

    15. I think you’re seeing rare moments in other people’s lives vs the whole picture of yours.

      I try to eat a lot of protein and fat and vegetable/fruit carbs/fiber because it really does make my body feel better, and processed sugar really does make my body feel worse. That has become increasingly true as I’ve aged. But I do take my kids out to ice cream, I do eat birthday cake at birthday parties, I would go split a donut with my kids if they wanted to try a new grocery store. I just try to treat sugar like I do alcohol — it’s something that I will absolutely enjoy (in moderation) while celebrating with others, but the impact it has on my particular body means that it’s rarely worth it to me to indulge solo. But I have friends whose bodies metabolize sugar and alcohol better than mine (or who are less of babies about feeling a little sluggish, haha), and I don’t think their choices are less valid than mine.

    16. Many people eat a healthy diet most of the time (avoiding sugar, limiting simple carbs, no processed foods, more unsaturated fat than saturated fat) but relax their diet in group settings and indulge in occasional treats. Chances are you’re hearing about the exceptions and don’t see what they eat 80% of the time. Good for them if they’re not self-flagellating or waxing on about their low-carb meal plan.

    17. I’m 36 and I’ve started doing it in the last year or so because I feel so much better when I’m not going overboard on sugar and junk food. I definitely still have them and I definitely sometimes eat more than makes me feel good, but in terms of being aware of it, I’m already there.

    18. I am in my mid-40s and pretty much everyone I know is into healthy eating to some degree. Some are doing keto or avoiding sugar altogether. Even if they don’t say anything, people are obviously moderating themselves at potlucks etc. When families go out for ice cream the parents get a small with no toppings. Etc. For my part it’s mostly about avoiding sodium and ultra-processed foods, as those are what make me blow up and feel gross.

      1. Where in the country do you live? I have family on the West Coast who fits this description and family in the Midwest and Deep South who absolutely do not.

        1. Oh yeah, that’s right, those of us in the south are just gross trash people, how could I forget…

          1. No one is saying people in the south are gross trash people, but there are HUGE culture differences around eating (and other things too, like sunscreen) between the west coast and the Midwest/South. I live in a small Midwest city. I’m late 30s and don’t really know anyone who is super scrupulous about their diet, barring a specific health issue like Celiac. The fact of the matter is that many here are overweight, so while most people want to avoid obesity for health reasons, there is much less shame here in being slightly chubby than there is a fitness and diet obsessed place like LA or Miami, and a lot of middle-aged women just eat what they want because life’s too short. To me that’s a much nicer approach than diet culture.

          2. …I am obviously talking about my family specifically, and I absolutely did not call them “gross trash people,” because that’s not how I view them. I am impressed by your ability to make things about you!

          4. While Anonymous at 12:08 might have been blunter than I would have been, it does get old to have people stereotype the South and Midwest.

          5. I don’t know if you knew this, but saying “I know specific people who do a specific behavior” is not stereotyping. Stereotyping is saying “all people who are in this group do this specific behavior.”

          6. The comment started by saying “what part of the country do you live in” and then went on with the anecdata, clearly trying to extrapolate that your own anecdata applied to all in the area.

            No one would have jumped on you if you just said, I have different family members who eat differently.

          7. I just moved from the South to near my West Coast relatives, so that’s why I was asking — is this a regional thing, or is it a my family thing? The obesity rate is 8 points higher in the state I left than it is in the state I now live in, so it’s entirely possible there are actual regional differences at play…although part of that might just be that it is miserable to be outside in the South in the summers!

          8. I’m a Midwesterner and am sometimes frustrated at being painted with a broad brush especially when it comes to politics (pockets of my state are bluer than CA) but it’s just a fact that we have a lot more obesity and a very different culture around food. I get McDonalds probably once a week and am a healthy eater relative to most people here, even in affluent circles. I used to live in SF and Boston and no one I knew in those cities ate fast food with any regularity. The culture *is* very different and it’s not offensive to point that out.

    19. I watch my diet carefully and aim to get 100 grams of protein or more per day. I bring my breakfast and lunch to work, and cook dinner 5 or 6 nights a week. When I make my meals, I weigh and measure the ingredients and track them in myfitnesspal. I’m 45 and was 158 lbs at the beginning of the year, 138 now. But I don’t talk about when I get together with friends, because it is boring.

    20. My definition of “watching my diet” is eating real food at home much more often than not, and not worrying overmuch when I’m out.

      1. Same here. 43 and athletic. Perimenopause hasn’t started yet (regular cycles, normal length), FWIW.

    21. I think what has changed is how much people talk about it. I’m 39 and actively trying to lose quite a lot of weight, but given many people find diet talk either boring or triggering you wouldn’t know that unless I know you very well and you bring up food/diets in such a way that it makes sense for me to mention it. To friends and family I probably seem to eat as many treats and enjoy as many meals out as ever, but they’re not seeing the planning I’m doing of what to eat the rest of the week to fit those things in.

    22. For goodness sakes sorry we aren’t all performing health to your satisfaction?! I both care about my health, and take care of myself, and love getting ice cream with my kids.

    23. I’ve posted about this before. I’m on a medically supervised weight loss plan and have been since fall of 2022. First step was making sure all of my levels were OK, so lots of blood tests. The “diet” is basically calorie counting with a goal of a weight loss of 1-2 pounds per month and daily exercise (not gym rat stuff, I typically just make sure I take a walk for 30 minutes or more.) There are no “off limits” foods, though I don’t really drink calories if at all possible. It’s just not worth it to me.

      In terms of sweets, the calorie tracker has been the thing that helped me curb the evening sweets cravings. Basically when I’m done eating for the day, I’m done. If I have to skip a nutritious dinner in order to have “room” for ice cream, that’s generally a no for me. I’d rather have dinner.

      I don’t actually count calories anymore. I have a feel for what a reasonable serving size is right now & got there within about 6 months of being more rigorous about it.

  10. I Did the Thing and now I’m rewarding myself with a trip to our local coffee shop! And there’s a chill in the air! Happy Tuesday

    2. Greetings from the still muggy South. I did the Thing yesterday but continue to defer the outside Thing ’cause man it is hot out there.

  11. Thank you to everyone who responded to my question about wisdom teeth over the weekend. The procedure was a snap with the sedation and (knock on wood) so far the recovery has been a breeze even as a geriatric 39 year old with an impacted tooth. Just very mild soreness and I haven’t even needed Tylenol, let alone narcotics. I’m trying to be very cautious about my diet so as to avoid complications but otherwise am able to go about normal life. Very glad I finally Did the Thing.

    1. Fantastic news! My 17-year-old had her wisdom teeth out this morning and is now napping on the couch. I hope her recovery goes as well as yours.

    1. I’m more concerned about the protestors and their ridiculous vows to extend protests on college campuses again for another school year. Sure, no president or country has been able to resolve the conflict since 1949, but trust fund brats waving a homemade banner and blocking students who look Jewish from their education will surely make a difference! I don’t know why they even bothered trying to tar the DNC when there’s finally enough momentum to make us excited about defeating Trump. I guess they really don’t mind if he wins.

      1. It’s probably in the Democrat’s best interests to lose this one. Kamala is beyond horrible (if you actually do a deep dive into her track record), and would drag the party down for the next two election cycles.

        JD Vance will be the presumptive nominee in 2028 if the Rs win now, and I don’t think he’s electable. He doesn’t pull enough coalitions together. Then the Dems can bring in a popular national figure in 2028 and secure 8+ years in the Oval Office.

        1. Who on earth would that person be? Name me someone 40ish who could do that in 8 years.

          1. I love Kamala, but the convention made it clear to me the Dems have a very deep bench. I think there will be lots of good candidates in 4-8 years.

          3. If they are 40 now, they not OLD in 8 years and if they are under 40, probably too green right now to say either way. Sweet spot b/w experience and inexperience.

          4. Sweetheart, I hope you aren’t planning to be old at 50. Or 58. But if you keep thinking this way, you probably will be, and you will get left behind because your peers won’t be.

        2. LOLLLL to the idea that there will be free and fair elections in 2028 if Trump wins. JD Vance isn’t electABLE but he or whoever the nominee is will be electED even if it takes fraud to do it. Trump tried to steal an election already and *barely* failed. Like seriously, we were one Mike Pence spinal bone away from already living under a Trump dictatorship. Vance has no morals and won’t do what Pence did. Trump’s election denying is much more popular today than it was when it happened and is now accepted by the mainstream Republican party. If he wins again, he and other Republicans will be empowered to steal all future elections and it will continue long after he dies.

          1. LOL to the idea that Trump is going to get rid of free and fair elections. Anyone with a brain knows that the threats to our democracy aren’t from him.

          2. +1 to 10:33 — TRUMP is the one saying no one will have to vote in 2028 because “theyll have fixed it for us” — the fact that he isn’t even CAMPAIGNING now makes me worried. project 2025 has his puppeteers’ fingers all over it.

            if you truly don’t think democracy is at risk because of TRUMP, 10:53, you have not been paying attention.

          3. How do you explain what happened in 2020 as not being a threat to democracy?? Even if you don’t blame him for the full scope of the events of January 6, he clearly tried to influence both state and federal officials to overturn the results of the election. He told the election official in Georgia to “find” him a certain number of votes! How on earth is that not an attempt to prevent free and fair elections? And why do you think he won’t do it again with election officials who are more persuadable? There are already 2020 election deniers on many state boards of election.

          4. @11:08 – I agree that Trump/GOP is threatening democracy, but the example you used has been taken out of context. Trump was speaking to a specific audience – the segment of Christians who do not like voting – when he said that drivel. Some adviser had clearly told him that his audience for that speech contained some of those folks and that was a brain worm he was laser focused on because it was the one thing he was capable of learning that day He’s just too dumb to effectively share what is in his mind.

        3. What exactly is so concerning in her track record?

          Why would Vance be the next nominee? Pence is over.

          1. I hate the “if you did your research” critiques. It assumes that those of us who hold opposing views are just uneducated. It reminds me of my conspiracy-nut mother-in-law. Maybe we’ve already done the deep dive (I know I have) and still think she’s a great candidate and would be a great president.

          2. Take five seconds to look. She’s a lazy, blithering moron who bullies her staff and can’t be bothered to learn about what she’s supposed to work on.

          3. Okay, you sound deeply biased and unserious, especially when she’s running against someone who fits that characterization much more clearly. Do you often hold professional women to a different standard?

          4. I hate to say it but there are many people who tick the same boxes but she rose on the Wilkie Brown connection and that is just such an ick way to make your way in the world as a woman. Take as old as time though.

          5. @12:29
            Exactly. It is so distasteful. Presidential candidates are supposed to rise on the coattails of their wealthy fathers.

        4. I’m not totally in disagreement with your premise. I think if Harris wins, we run the risk of armed revolts that will pale Jan. 6th.

          1. We should definitely vote for Trump then, to avoid that. It’s for the greater good.

      3. as a jew who works on a college campus i despise the protestors. spend your time/money doing something actually productive

        1. The good news is that the mainstream Democratic party seems to be moving away from the fringe protestor positions as the election draws nearer and more is at stake. I’ve seen no love for the DNC protestors from any mainstream Dems, and much criticism, even from candidates like AOC who are calling for a ceasefire.

          1. jew hatred ages really well actually! looks just as vibrant now as it did thousands of years ago, even without botox. truly amazing.

      4. It’s possible they will start the protests again, but I think most college leadership will be able to head off stuff like encampments and building takeovers this time around.

    3. I loved it!!
      Jasmine Crockett is a rising star. Her speech had big Obama ‘04 vibes
      Steve Kerr and AOC gave my favorite speeches (the latter was a surprise to me because I don’t really align with her politically).
      Jamie Raskin had the line of the night with “he can’t take no for an answer from the American voters, American courts or American women.”
      The long ovations for Hillary and Biden were so emotional and well-deserved
      I never want to hear Fight Song again, no more 2016 throwbacks please
      The tan suit on the other hand is a throwback I can get behind and Kamala has never looked better!!
      Hadley Duvall was so heart-breaking and powerful. What courage and poise.
      Lots of excellent digs at Trump as expected, but I liked that a lot of speakers didn’t really center their speeches around him. I think Dems generally do better when we have talking points beyond “Trump bad”

      1. I thought Jamie Raskin was dull and flat.

        Hillary made me cry and Fight Song made me cry harder. I was not in the headspace to be taken back to 2016.

        1. I agree his delivery wasn’t good. A lot of the speakers, especially the three I listed, were much better on the charisma and engagement front. But the actual words in his speech really impressed me.

    4. I think someone was taking a jab at Jill Biden with her walk-on walk-off music – Fatboy Slim’s “Praise You”.
      But there was a lot more energy there than in Milwaukee. It is way more exciting to see people with a positive message than a negative, “America is broken and terrible” message.

  13. Elie Tahari has tops similar to this. They are really good quality, and always on a sale somewhere.

  14. A few weeks back in one of the Wegovy/ozempic/munjaro threads someone posted that they have had luck with the supplement Berberine. Anyone else using this and any anecdotal information or advice? I am plagued by food noise and planning my next meal but really no weight to lose per se and wondering if this may help with that?

    1. I’ve been losing weight on berberine, I think from eating less w/out trying to eat less. I am also low carb (for reasons) which massively cut cravings and hunger between meals for me, but I had plateaued in terms of weight before trying berberine. I don’t calorie count or restrict other than limiting carbs. I am working with a doctor.

    2. I’ve taken it off and on, I think I posted in that thread that it causes digestive issues for me. That said, it has helped with appetite and food noise. I took it late last year and maybe lost 5-10 lbs from it, now I’m trying it again and spacing out the dosage to minimize effects. It helps curb my sweet and alcohol cravings at night and makes me less likely to snack during the day.

    3. No experience with Berberine, but I’ve been on metformin for about a month and it has quelled the food noise and hormonal eating by 90% for me.

    4. I tried Berberine for about 6 weeks with no weight loss and no bad side effects. Then the side effects kicked in and I vomited multiple times over a couple of week period — took me a bit to connect the dots and realize it was the Berberine. Per online research, it is a Thing that these side effects can develop after taking for a few weeks. I stopped taking it and have been fine since.

  15. I am starting to suspect that one of my closest friends (law firm income partner) is difficult to work with. She’s gone through 8 assistants in three years. She has had two paralegals leave her “pod” for other teams at the firm. I work at a different firm. But I am starting to wonder what my own blind spots are. Is there an effective way for managers to figure this out?

    1. I mean, do your assistants or other staff routinely quit? That’s step 1. Otherwise, most firms have a system that provides feedback, and I’ve found that having an occasional check-in with my assistant/juniors/paralegals and whoever else works for you regularly helps. I’ll frame it as “how are you feeling about our workflow? Is there anything we could work on together to make it better?” I hope I’m an OK enough manager that people trust me at a base level, and I’ve gotten really helpful feedback on specifics this way, like “I need more guidance on this topic” or “when you put in this request, it’s helpful to include all of this information upfront”.

      1. Do most firms really have a system by which partners get feedback from anyone other than other partners? I have never seen this, but was aware that peers could keep peers from making partner at one large firm at my city. Otherwise, I have found law firms to be a cycle of bad management fomenting bad management, abusers rewarding abuse.

        1. It doesn’t really matter whether there’s a formal system or not. Good bosses solicit this feedback outside of any formal process.

    2. Here is a loose hierarchy, worst to best:

      If anyone, let alone multiple people, have quit working for you without another job lined up.

      If you hear any inkling that people actively avoid working for you.

      If you have higher than normal staff turnover.

      Your turnover is about normal.

      Your turnover is below average.

      Your turnover is below average, you maintain some relationships with staff after they have left, staff actively encourage their friends to apply to open roles because working for you is great, etc.

      1. These are good indicators.
        A few other obvious signs of an issue:
        – employee/coworker stops talking to you
        – openly cries because of something you said
        – makes resentful remark about you

        1. Oh boy this describes me and my boss. I’m about ready to quit with nothing else lined up.

      2. Haha My C Suite boss (F 50) had 5 of his 10 direct reports/VPs (including me) resign as soon as bonuses were paid in one particular year. I would say that was a sign.

        His management philosophy was:

        1) it’s not my fault so it must be your fault
        2) if I did sign off on that decision, why did you let me?
        3) If a woman is talking, I roll my eyes

    3. Some workplaces do 360 reviews and that teases out some of the blind spots.
      But you can really never know them all. And people are so complex. Your friend is presumably good friend to you, but apparently very difficult to work for. Different dimensions and relationships make it complicated.

      1. I would love to see a complete list of AmLaw 200 firms with 360 reviews for partners.

        1. I would be terrified to see the list of diagnoses that come out of it!! Sociopath, alcoholic… workaholic………

  16. I think I’m having a bit of seasonal depression here in Texas. It’s been a hot summer with really bad weather events and I grew up in places with seasons. I’m stuck here for the foreseeable future (friends, family, job, etc.), but help me dream a bit about a where I should live if I could. Ideally four seasons, but none too harsh (though I do miss snow), so maybe North Carolina? I was ogling the Blue Ridge Mountains in North Georgia yesterday, but I don’t want to live somewhere deep red politically. Somewhere with access to an airport and at least some culture or interesting places to eat and local activities.

    In the meantime, while I’m fantasizing about fall, any good suggestions for a long weekend fall trip? We went to Asheville last year (which was wonderful) and heading up to New England in September, but any other suggestions for a relaxing and picturesque long weekend somewhere in November that’s not too terribly difficult to get to from TX? I need something to get me through these last weeks of scorching weather until we get to our less-hot, but still unbearable “fall” weather here in Houston.

    1. Tip from someone in Houston. I accepted my fate on the electric bill and cranked the AC down to a delightful 70F. It has made a world of difference in my overall mood, with this being the hottest week of the year.

      1. Oh, my house is frigid. It’s just that my IG feed is filled with fall images and changing leaves and I’m fantasizing about crisp air, while looking outside at my dead grass and the literal visible heat waves. I’ve also barely gotten to use my pool in the past month and a half because of Beryl and its fun aftermath, but that’s my plan for this weekend (which should help a bit).

    2. NC, GA, TN, etc. are only mildly milder than TX right now. Climate change is impacting us all…

      1. They all have mountain areas that are substantially cooler than sea level though. I think that’s the answer.

    3. Park City, Utah. We live in the south and go in September each year, which is part of the shoulder season but the leaves are changing and the weather is still great. It will be hot in Texas next month, but lows in Park City will be in the 40s with turning leaves. Nonstop flights to Salt Lake are easy out of Dallas and Houston, but I don’t know about Austin. Salt Lake is a Delta hub.

      1. Utah or Colorado are the right answers here. Foliage will be stunning, mountains are great for mental health.

    4. I visited my mom in Connecticut this weekend. It was in the low 60s overnight and we slept with the windows open. Delightful.

      PS – I briefly lived in Texas and felt the same. My soul needed seasons and a break from the unrelenting sun and heat. I used to just get excited for cloudy days, just so my eyes could relax a little.

    5. Solidarity! Same boat and same place. For me this year, it’s not just the heat though that in itself as we write this is totally oppressive and unbearable, it was also Beryl and all the storms we have gone through the past few years. I guess it’s climate change that has got me down. DH and I lived in NY for a period, so we like that area for a getaway- Finger Lakes wineries, Adirondacks. New England is nice, though we were there last week and I wanted to cry, it was almost as hot as Houston and did not cool off in the evenings. The other thing that’s getting me through is just getting to a pool in the late afternoons. We don’t have one but my in laws do, so we are there a LOT!

    6. I’m someone who has lived in Texas 95% of my life, this is the part of the summer that always gets me and somehow it ALWAYS surprises me. This is when the summer starts feeling neverending and not in a fun way at all. It will end though. You could take a run up to one of the swimming holes or springs, especially in a week or so once UT and A&M are back in session and their students start clearing out a bit.

      1. I’m from Texas and have a mid-September birthday. My mom always said it’s still hot at my birthday, and she was correct. Summer doesn’t end in August in Texas. It ends closer to October 1.

      2. i live in TX too. school should start in October so we could leave town for August and September. These are by far the worst months. i’m not from here but from friends who are, global warming has made in significantly worse. DH is convinced that between storms and weather, it will be inhabitable in 20 years

  17. Reporting in from the Triangle area of North Carolina to say if you miss snow, we no longer reliably get it here. It used to snow at least once or twice a winter. We haven’t had any snow the last two years. I’d say we still get 4 seasons, it’s just winter isn’t as wintery as it used to be. Our summers are still very hot and humid (though honestly, this year June was brutal but July and August have been not that bad. I mean, still hot and humid, but like, normal Hell’s Front Porch hot and humid instead of Hell’s Sauna. This week is very pleasant and I’m a little bitter I’m inside working when it’s a high of 80 and low humidity in August).

    As for a long weekend, Shenandoah? Easy to get to if you fly into DC. Fall color will likely be gone by November, but still Fall weather.

    1. Not sure why that didn’t nest, but that was for the person in TX, obviously

    2. We don’t get winter in central VA anymore either, and the Blue Ridge mountains barely get any snowmaking weather. It’s depressing. We get all the heat and humidity of a four-seasons climate with none of the good parts.

  18. I posted yesterday afternoon about beginning to plan a cousins vacation for 2026 in New England. The parties range from mid-50s and single to late-40s with tweens to mid-40s DINKs to mid-30s with littles. A total of 13 adults and 6 kids.

    I got some great ideas that helped me narrow down what will work for us – thank you! And the gorgeous lake resorts that people recommended will work for some but not all.

    So I’m back with a refined query seeking ideas for where in New England we can go that will have sufficient lodging and:

    – A beach for sunbathing (or walking along in a sweatshirt, weather depending)
    – Outlets and/or cute towns for shopping
    – Light touristy activities like lighthouses or museums
    – Outdoorsy activities like hiking for the more adventurous among us

    Thank you, hive mind!

    1. Hill Farm Inn in Vermont is the most magical place I’ve stayed. They have houses for families and the nearby town is charming.

    2. Ogunquit/Wells/Kennebunkport. Budget will likely be an issue but maybe early enough you’ll have enough options to meet everyone’s needs. PSA: skip Old Orchard Beach.

      Alternatively, Lake Winnipesauke in NH. Meredith, NH is lovely, as is Wolfeboro. Lots of AirBNB options if you wanted to go that route, but plenty of inns and motels for the budget-conscious.

      1. +1 to the Maine recommendations. You could also look in Narragansett or Westerly, RI.

        I am sure there are places on Cape Cod that would fit the bill too, but I have never been.

    3. It’s not New England, but Prince Edward Island fits your needs. One example is Dalvay-by-the-Sea. Old historic inn with rooms plus separate 3 bedroom cottages. You can walk to a white sandy beach from the hotel. The entire Cavendish area is great for kids’ attractions but there are also some walking trails. It won’t suit anyone looking for a strenuous hike though. Nearby is Victoria, a quaint town for shopping for touristy things.

  19. i’ve been on semaglutide, then tirzepatide, for a year now. the food noise is gone. i barely eat. i’ve gone from 220 to 202.

    any ideas? i know it just doesn’t work for some people, but the not eating and not losing weight seems problematic, no?

    1. Try eating protein rich foods and weight lifting? Even body weight exercises. You don’t have to go to the gym.

    2. Talk to your doctor.

      Armchair diagnosis? Are you just not eating enough? Try tracking your food for a week or two to figure out caloric intake. That will help your doctor when you talk to them, too. Data is king.

    4. Are you eating enough? You will have to make yourself to eat sometimes – fruits and veggies are a good place to start.

    5. What do you mean by barely eat? I used to be on a Facebook mounjaro group and people would routinely post what they were eating with the comments “barely eating anything these days” but in fact it would be very caloric, just different kinds of food—almost all snacks. Have you stopped eating/drinking calories 3-4 hours before bed?

    6. OP – my daily average is around 1500; yesterday was 995 but some days are closer to 2000, but i’ll admit it’s not because i’m eating healthy food but i have a very small portion of something like lasagna or pizza. i’ve been shooting for at least 100 g of protein per day. weight training has definitely fallen off, though, going to start back up this week once my kid is in school again.

      1. Muscle weighs more than fat so I wouldn’t rely on the scale alone if you are also weight training. Try taking your measurements each month in addition.

      2. I got my best results water fasting for 24 hours once a week. I’ve read a lot about it so was comfortable with my approach. Maybe read up on it to see if it makes sense for you.

        1. ugh…. so what day of your work week do you not eat?
          Or is this how you enjoy your Saturday off?

          1. Any day of the work week. The busiest days are the best for it. I probably wouldn’t fast over a weekend unless I had something to occupy my time.

            My problem is usually I think about food too much and exactly what I want to eat and when I want to eat it. One day a week of fasting takes the decision off my plate entirely.

      3. Depending on how tall you are, you may still be eating at maintenance or just a small deficit at 1500 calories.

        I’m 5’2 and maintenance for me is 1500 calories WITH exercise.

        I have to eat 1200 calories and exercise to lost .5 lbs a week.

        I’d you’re not short it sounds crazy but it’s true. I’m trying to increase my maintenance calories by building more muscle but it’s a long road ahead.

        1. i keep hearing 1200 is not appropriate for most women even if they are short. not saying all women, but most women. it makes me think of when, in middle school, a girlfriend brought a bag of lettuce to lunch and ate it like potato chips, one piece at a time.

        1. This is usually unhelpful. Doctors don’t tend to have updated expertise on nutrition.

          1. OP, if you don’t have a doctor who specializes in weight loss, I recommend finding one who will be up on the latest science on semiglutides. You’ve been on long enough that maybe this isn’t the right medicine for your needs. Or maybe you need a dosage adjustment. Or there may be something else going on.

            I’ve been taking a different medication for 6 months, and see my doctor every other month for in-depth monitoring. These medications really behave differently for different people, and different doses can have dramatically different results.

    7. 18 pounds in a year seems like a fine trajectory for weight loss.

      Not being hungry is something to discuss with your doctor.

    8. I am on Wegovy. My loss is slow – 7.5 lbs in 5 months.
      I feel you on not eating, but I’ve noticed (and other people in forums have also shared) on the weeks I do prioritize protein and getting adequate calories, those are the weeks I see the best results.

    9. Do you really barely eat? Do you track your food, including portion sizes, even the stuff that “doesn’t count”?

      Congrats on your weight loss. That’s a sustainable number rather than a “crash diet” number of pounds, which would be likely to come back on quickly and bring a few new friends with it.

    10. Yes, it is problematic to not eat. Maybe you need to start a simple routine at breakfast, lunch of tasty, nutritionally dense food. Just eat the same thing every day, and a reasonable dinner. Not eating all day and then eating pizza for dinner isn’t great.

      You don’t want to start develop osteoporosis and other complications from poor nutrition.

      1. Just a note that water fasting is not the same as “not eating” and is not “problematic” if you do your reading and do it responsibly. Lots of people do it with good results for their health. Just because it makes you feel icky is not a reason to write it off as an option for other people who may find benefits for their life.

      2. Fortunately most people in this country aren’t at risk of poor nutrition from skipping a few meals. It’s good to give your body a break from digesting every now and then so it can focus on repair.

        1. I’ve actually found it’s very easy not to hit my RDAs when limiting calories! It may depend on height, metabolism, and activity level. It doesn’t really have anything to do with when I eat, but still.

          If anyone is assuming that their intakes are great without ever checking and even while trying to lose weight, it may be worth checking (this is a basic thing to do with a dietician). For me the discovery was helpful because it turns out I get very hungry when I’m not getting enough micronutrients, and focusing on RDAs helped me feel more satiated.

    2. Preserve (restaurant) was really good! There’s also the GameOn arcade if you want to kill a couple of hours, or walk the grounds of the Naval Academy

    3. Check the calendar for Rams Head On Stage to see if there’s a show worth seeing. If so, grab dinner at the Rams Head Tavern (attached to the venue) beforehand.

    4. As an alumni, I’m going to plug a tour of the Naval Academy. It’s beautiful and free! On a weekday, you can catch noon formation.

      Any of the ice cream spots downtown… I have a soft spot for the Annapolis Ice Cream Company (aka the penguin place).

      Where not to go… Pusser’s. Great location, terrible food.

  21. Help, where can I buy a swimsuit in person in Manhattan today or tomorrow? Looking for a simple one or two piece, with at least reasonable butt coverage, in a size 2-4ish. Preferably black but I’m not too picky. Thank you for any suggestions.

    1. I’m not sure any stores are going to have swimsuits at this time of year. Can you overnight something from Amazon?

        1. Stores are always three or so months ahead of the real calendar because people like to shop in advance. Bikinis come out in March even in locations where it won’t be warm enough to wear one until July. I took my kid back to school shopping a few weeks ago (admittedly in the Midwest where we go back to school in August), and there was nothing summery in stores at all. All fall and even some winter stuff.

    3. Macy’s or Bloomingdales, Victoria’s Secret flagship on 5th, Calzedonia, Everything but Water on the UES

    7. Have you checked Target? You can search the app and it’ll tell you if it’s in stock in your nearby store.

  22. I love this top and it would fit a particular wardrobe need, but a polyester top like this should be $85 at Marcella and not $295 at Neiman Marcus.

    1. Yeah I’m seeing this brand all over the place and I really like their pieces (even bought one) but whoo boy! The prices!

    3. I swear I had this top from MM LaFleur around 2018-2019. I had a similarly ruched skirt from them in the same jersey fabric that I wore with the top as a two piece dress.

  23. This may be a stupid question, but I’m having a hard time figuring out where to keep the backup key to a fireproof safe. It has a digital keypad but also a physical key that can override the digital keypad. The safe isn’t bolted down but too heavy to just grab in a hurry. If there’s a fire, I imagine I wouldn’t want to worry about grabbing the keys to the safe. For that same reason, I don’t want to hang it on my car keys which are also more likely to get lost or stolen. If I store it somewhere in my car, there’s a statistically greater chance of my car being stolen or crashing and then losing the key than keeping it in my house. What obvious answer am I missing here?

      1. Came here to suggest both of these. The advantage is that even if your house burned down, heaven forbid, the key would be intact.

    2. Keep it at work? In your purse? At your BFF’s house?

      I would just keep something like this in my car console and not worry about it at all, but I also don’t live in a place where I fear my car being ransacked or stolen.

    4. Just keep in your own home? Closet, office? If it’s not portable then leave it during a disaster and when you come back they can cut it open if the keypad gets damaged and you’ve lost the key.

    5. I keep it on my keyring with my car key. If I’m leaving, I’m leaving in my car.

    6. I put a small hook inside a cabinet in a random place to hang the keys for the gun safe. If there is a fire and you leave the safe, you will probably need to drill out the safe anyways so I wouldn’t worry too much about the key.

  24. Advice needed please- I’m a senior exec at a software company and we are really struggling with our team (both C level and 1-2 levels below that) with being on top of stuff, getting things done on time, and sometimes getting things done at an acceptable level of quality. I’m trying to drive results in a supportive way and without being a tyrant, but feel like we have tried lots of things that have created some improvements but this is still an issue. For some context, we’re a new leadership team that is running a company that’s the product of a merger between two other legacy companies, and so there’s a real culture shift for most of the org. I would super appreciate any advice!

    1. I experienced exactly this during my years in the C-suite from 2020-2023. I was pushed by my CEO to “drive results harder” (sort of crack the whip) but that was a huge mistake. In retrospect, I and my team should have gotten better at improvising and also recognizing when great is the enemy of good.
      Do some root cause analysis (5 whys comes to mind). Why aren’t the results being produced? Consider what people are telling you, and also what you’re observing. No one on my team would admit they were exhausted or burnt out but they were. Others were unclear on what exactly the result was they were trying to achieve. As a leader you may think you’re being perfectly clear, but they may hear something different.

    2. How recent was this merger? How’s morale? What’s the trust level in the new company and the new exec team? Are you trying to operate out of a new culture and drive results with a group of people who had all their hard work go down the drain, had their jobs change, had their relational networks disrupted, and all their familiar systems upended?

      Are people on board but just haven’t had a chance yet to regroup, regain personal energy, make new relationships? Or are you trying to drive results with a group of people who are so battered by the loss and change, or so out of sync with the new culture that have resumes out and are job hunting?

  25. Anyone live in Western Massachusetts?

    I am thinking about visiting the Berkshires this fall to go to the Kripalu Yoga retreat I learned about from this site. When would be the best time to go to see fall Foliage? I can either go the last week of Sept or the 2nd week in Oct.

    Has anyone gone? How’s the food? I have only been doing Yoga sporadically for about 1 year, but really love it. Will this be a good fit for me?

    1. October will be much better for foliage. With climate change even late September is too early for foliage in N. England except maybe on some mountains way up north.

      1. Thanks for sharing.

        How long did you stay? Debating how long to stay…. I have a lot of flexibility.

  26. What are the “rules” for wearing suit separates the right way? Are there certain color combinations or blazer/pant cuts to avoid or that always work? Same with dress/blazer combinations. I’m presenting at a conference in September and trying to figure out a non-suit outfit. (FWIW I am a cool summer).

    1. For dress + blazer the dress needs to be fitted at least down to just below the waist, and the jacket needs to be fitted and short. For both dress + blazer and dress + pants the fabrics should be of different textures, especially if the color is the same. If you want similar texture + same color it needs to just be matching.

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