Coffee Break: ‘Metro – Eat Cake’ Leather Strap Watch

90 Comments

1. Eating cake for breakfast could help you lose weight! Do what the watch says!

   http://www.theglow.com.au/health/cake-for-breakfast-to-lose-weight/

   This is a diet I could get behind, at least for a little while.

   1. I love cake, but am very lukewarm on breakfast – this watch is the accessory I’ve been waiting for! (And on a serious note, I love the ecru band and rose gold face.)

   2. Thanks, Marie Antoinette!

2. I just bought the BR pinstripe pantsuit WITH matching vest – assuming it fits (and I’m not…) what, apart from a white button-down can I wear with it? Vest optional. I’m used to skirts and tucking in. Pants are harder to tuck into successfully. Plus – pinstripe… more difficult.

   1. I’d go watch House reruns to get inspiration from Dr. Cameron on wearing a vest.

   2. Sweaters? Blouse/shells – pull over the head-type with a button at the neck (front or back)?

      Solid colors to complement the pinstripe.

      1. I have a pants/vest set (no jacket), and wear blouses with buttons up to the neck, or a shirt with an embellishment around the collar, or round collar shirt with a statement necklace. Turtlenecks look bad, and v-necks can look weird (at least on me).

      2. I like vests with crewneck sweaters or blouses with bows or that button to the collar. I agree that V-necks generally look funny with vests.

   3. Treat the pinstripe as a solid…you can wear it with striped top or a print.

3. Have any of you made the jump from small law to mid or biglaw? How was your experience? I see many posts from those escaping biglaw but nothing in reverse.

   1. Me.

      I went from a 10-15 person firm to a 200 person firm. Large city but not NY or LA, so we’re fairly large for the reason but not classic BigLaw. I understand that my firm has flirted with the bottom of AmLaw 200. I loved loved loved the people I worked with at my small firm, but moved to this firm to work in a practice area I preferred. I was recruited directly by partners I knew.

      Pros: Better practice area (more sophisticated work, better clients, more interesting to me), more money, more exit options. Recruiters call me all the time. I feel like my exit options out of here will be broader than at my old firm, where the exit options would have been… another similar firm.

      Cons: Firm politics. Holy crap. I’m sure small firms have firm politics, but mine didn’t seem to. Or perhaps I was just winning at them and didn’t notice. But big firm has lots of politics, lots of ugly personalities, lots of power imbalances. Getting stuck with a few partners who have no power, like you but don’t fight for you, or who are terrible can torpedo your advancement in the firm. It’s harder to build a reputation with the majority of partners because there simply are more of them. It’s harder to transition to different partners. Larger firms also seem to allow egregious personalities to flourish. I get the sense that a small firm is less likely to retain partners who abuse associates because a) everyone’s closer and friendlier so there’s more accountability and investment in individuals and b) small firms are less interested in churning through associates every year and c) greater chance of harming the firm’s reputation. I’ve gotten the impression here that the partners are so worried about watching their own backs, and so interested in toeing the party line, that the atmosphere for associates is very unsupportive.

      Oddly, the hours are roughly the same.

      1. Thanks. This is helpful. Better practice area is the main draw, but I hadn’t contemplated the change in politics. Right now I know everyone and how to manage them well, so it would be a big shift.

   2. Sort of. I used to work at a small-by-NYC standards firm (about 50 lawyers) that specialized in one particular area of law, and I worked for an even smaller team within that firm (about 10 people). I moved to another state and joined a firm that I would consider “Regional BigLaw” (about 500 lawyers total).

      Bigger firm is so much better on pretty much every front for me. More support, better clients, pays for things like CLE, etc. In contrast to anon associate above, the politics/atmosphere is so much better at my new firm compared to the small law firm. Small law firm was truly dysfunctional and because it was small, you couldn’t get away from the toxic people. Also, my hours aren’t any worse–they may even be better. I don’t think it has as much to do with the size of the firm as it does with firm culture and not being in NYC. And my salary almost doubled. So yea, basically leaving NYC /my small law job was one of the best decisions I ever made.

      1. I ditto Gail’s sentiments.

         I went from 50 lawyer firm in NYC to true biglaw (AmLaw top 50) and absolutely love it. I did also change practice areas, and of course there are politics, but as Gail said, you can’t get away from toxic people and in my smaller firm there was a few characters and one toxic partner that made the whole place awful. There are politics in biglaw but nothing toxic like my old place with that added trouble of not being able to get away. I also like that there are women and diverse partners in biglaw as role models.

         As I am earlier in my career, to me, the hours now are worth it to build a long-term career, but even with the increased hours, I find them productive hours of being part of team and learning and less of it being last minute due to partner failure to plan ahead or senior associate dumping it on me on Friday so senior associate can have a weekend.

         For me, the switch was great. I regret not doing it sooner. I think it really depends on practice group and the people in it. I feel fortunate to be part of my practice group at my firm and to have gotten assignments with the people I work with.

   3. I went from a 12 person firm to an AmLaw 100 firm. I second much of what has already been said. For me, pay was double, but the hours were much much worse. Yes, much more office politics, but the general feeling was still much more civilized – I like getting paid on time and having an HR department. For me, the work was different, not necessarily better, and it was a pretty steep learning curve.

      Most important to me was the instant credibility that I had. Recruiters were calling constantly, and it opened up a ton more opportunities that 100% I would NOT have had if I stayed in small law. Now I really do have the unicorn job in house, and it’s amazing. Putting in the time sucked, but it was totally worth it. That said, I still miss my small law job, and the people. But I’m in a HCOL area and I couldn’t make the numbers work.

   4. I went from a 15 person to a 500 person firm.

      I agree the politics was a huge change. It was weird to have 85 levels of management and different group/regional managers to report to. Even though the big firm I was at tried to not boil the attorneys down to just numbers, it’s really hard not to do that when there are so many people so be sure to keep track of everything you do (all non billable stuff like CLE, marketing, what you drafted and argued, client praise etc). You may be asked to do a self evaluation which I never did before my switch.

      Also I was shocked the technical abilities at the bigger firm were far less in several ways than the smaller firm. Plus there’s weird stuff like having to sign out laptops which nobody cared about at the smaller firm bc we all just knew.

      I also oddly had a new colleague try to wiggle his way into client relationships I had. He was definitely an exception and I liked basically everyone at the big place. But just be aware of political motivations that people might have

4. We’re having friends over this Saturday to meet our new baby and I am at a loss for what to make food-wise. I’d like something easy to prep ahead of time and that can be enjoyed whenever, without a formal dinner as I am not sure how hungry our guests will be. I don’t own a slow cooker. Right now I can only think of baked ziti. Ideas?

   1. They should be bringing you food, honestly. Are you sure they aren’t planning on that? No one visited me without food of some sort, especially at dinnertime.

      1. Ditto!

   2. Baked ziti sounds like a full meal to me. (Though as I type this, I’m having vague memories of people in some parts of the country having ziti on hand as a casual food.)

      I’d go with cheese, crackers, olives, and dried fruit. Put them out if you need them; if not, back in the cupboard they go.

   3. If your friends are not bringing you food (mine did), do any of the following:
      – frozen hors de ourves from Trader Joes (thinks like spinach/feta triangles, gyozas, whatever that you can just pop in the oven and serve)
      – bread and cheese
      – roast chicken and bagged salad

      all of that is less work than baked ziti…but baked ziti would be fine too. Make leftovers for yourself!

      1. I 100% agree that your friends should be bringing you food, and I did that when I visited all of my friends who had babies or I sent a gift basket before I visited, so I was unpleasantly surprised that literally none of my friends reciprocated. (I obviously didn’t bring people food with the expectation of reciprocity, but I was surprised nonetheless.)

         OP – I agree with frozen hors d’oeurves, cheese and crackers, a crudite or fruit platter that you can pick up at the grocery store, or baked goods like croissants, banana bread, etc. Basically, don’t create work for yourself.

   4. Order. In. This is NOT an occasion where you have to entertain.

   5. They’ll probably bring food. If not, you order in. Definitely don’t cook.

   6. For the love of all that is holy DO NOT COOK. If you can’t stop yourself from serving food – order pizza or get your husband to pick up some cheese and crackers and olives and That.Is.It.

      Your friends will be too distracted with your sweet baby to care about food anyhow.

      I get you are supermom. But in a year I guarantee you will agree with what my dear friend with older children said to me after my first baby was born and I was also insisting on holding down the role of hostess for my inlaws – “you just THINK you’re fine.”

      Save that cooking energy to love up that baby of yours. And Congratulations. I wish this forum had a way to post baby photos!

      1. ORDER HEART SHAPED PIZZA.

      2. No kidding. Do not waste mental or physical energy playing hostess, unless cooking is the thing that brings you the most joy in the entire world.

         Ordering in food is fine (and it can be pizza or Chinese, it doesn’t have to be fancy). Having your husband pick up some prepared foods that will last for a few days if your friends aren’t hungry (I’m thinking of things like quiona salads, etc available at the deli counter).

         If you really actually do love cooking, a vat of soup, stew or chili could work – you could make it tomorrow, let it simmer on the stovetop as long as you want, then reheat on Saturday – and if you don’t wind up feeding it to your guests you can freeze it in small portions.

         But unless you specifically told people you were feeding them, or invited them over to arrive at 5 or 6 pm, no one expects to be fed by brand new parents. And if they say “what can I bring?” tell them to pick up takeout.

5. My grad student husband is attending his first major conference in cancer research later this year. His PI has suggested that I go along with him for the trip, but I wondered how “done” that was. I have annual conferences in my work where a few spouses attend, but they’re usually the exception. Is it more common in research/academia? I’d love to get the almost-free vacation, but I don’t want him to miss out on networking opportunities because I’m around.

   1. Super common, especially if it’s a cool location. Amuse yourself or work with the free room while he’s doing must-do things at the conference and maybe stay a day or two after to do vacation-y things. Or it’s likely he can (and will want to) play hooky for part of the conference. I would say that in my academic conference it’s not SUPER common, but it’s fairly common. Part of it is that not a ton of my fellow grad students have SOs, or SOs that are serious enough to be going on trips with them.

      1. Agreed. Go and have fun. You are MARRIED and he has to work, not you, so have fun. Just make sure to treat hubby well at nite, meaning be VERY ROMANTIC. IF you are liberated, you will BOTH WILL BE HAPPY! Yay!

      2. I’m an academic as is my partner. We’ve tagged along to each other’s conferences and see others do the same.

      3. We wouldn’t get any holidays if my husband didn’t tag along on conferences (a week in Bordeaux, yes please) but I agree that the spouse should be doing their own thing and be flexible if their other half has unexpected networking opportunities. Most of my colleagues don’t bring their spouse but it’s either because they don’t have one or they have kids.

   2. In my Corporate World, it’s often done but the spouses are totally invisible. That is, they fly in, mooch off the free hotel room, but basically do their own thing [pool, spa, shopping, golf] during the conference (including at meals, with the VERY rare exception). Then the couple will stay the weekend (or fly in early) to do Couple Activities.

      On a few of the more sales-y conferences I go to, there are a few events for spouses to attend that they can pay to do…but it’s bad enough getting paid to go to them for me; I’d much rather be napping in the sun somewhere.

   3. Actually, I disagree with the other poster. When I was still in grad school in Genetics in Boston, first… it was rare that grad students were married. And second, the last thing you should be doing is hanging out with your spouse at a conference. He probably only gets to go to one big conference per year. He should be meeting people, bonding with his lab, going to lots of talks and conference related stuff. Once you’re a big professor, you give your talk… go to a handful of others… but mostly socialize and may spend more time with a spouse. But you shouldn’t do this when you are a junior grad student.

      It is incredibly generous for his boss to suggest you attend. We always had to share rooms to keep costs down, so keep this in mind. This is not typical.

      So if you go, I would keep it on the down low and encourage him to spend time at the conference. Entertain yourself alone, and spend an extra day with him before or at the end if you want.

      It is not a vacation.

      1. +1.

         When my husband was a PhD candidate, I tagged along on a few trips. However, as Academia points out, you aren’t there to have fun-time-with-hubby during the conference itself. If the conference was 4 days, I’d typically fly in the morning of the 3rd day, spend the entire day sight-seeing, meet up with hubby and tag along for the gala event the 3rd night (typically at science-y museum, fun), sight-see during the 4th day, and then we’d spend a day or two together (or visiting with friends) at the end. If he was presenting a paper, I’d show up for his presentation and then disappear again.

         I was typically the only “plus one”, likely because most other grad students we knew either had fellow-grad-student spouses or stay-at-home-spouses, so the extra airfare plus hotel plus food etc. was out of reach.

         1. Agree with this viewpoint. Go since the opportunity has been presented. But plan on entertaining yourself most of the time. You can tag along to dinners that he could be having with lab mates or go to the big banquet dinner if there is one. Like others say he is there to network, it’s not a holiday.

      2. Thanks, this is helpful. I would definitely anticipate spending the vast majority of time on my own. I fully recognize the vacation would be for me, not him. I stop by his poster session just to see it, but that would be the extent of it. My concern was more of the after-hours type – I don’t want him to feel like he needs to spend time with me if there would be unofficial opportunities he’d miss out on. Cost isn’t an issue in this particular case (travel scholarship for him specifically, not lab funds), but that’s still a good point to keep in mind. It’s at a beautiful resort in a touristy location, so I’d have no problems entertaining myself.

         1. Than I think this also would need to be a “know your husband” type of situation.

            Would he opt out on dinner invites and happy hours in order to spend time with you (even if you told him not to)? Then send him on his own. Would he actually listen to you and only see you at night? Then consider going. Would he never in a million years go out to dinner with anyone but go back to his room exhausted from all the social interaction and order dinner in? Maybe go then as well.

            Is his PI going, and is the PI bringing their spouse? It is possible the PI suggested it so s/he doesn’t feel guilty ditching your husband to hang out with their own spouse?

            If the whole lab group is going, let him go bond with them. If it is just him, or just him and PI, maybe consider going.

      3. Academic spouse here. I have gone to conferences with my husband and the amount I see him depends on the conference. He has attended some conferences where he went only because he was an invited speaker, and had no interest in the rest of the conference. At those conferences, I basically have half a day each day to myself while he makes an appearance and then we spend the rest of the time doing touristy stuff together. At other conferences that are more central to his field, when I go I plan on being alone (including for dinner) except for meeting his friends for drinks after dinner. I only go to those conferences when we are planning to stay afterwards for vacation.

   4. Is it a place that you’ll enjoy visiting for its own sake? If so, go and know that you may end up having lots of time alone. In my corner of the academic world, it’s totally acceptable to invite a spouse to tag along to dinner, etc, but it seems incredibly boring for the spouse. My husband would rather eat glass than spend an evening listening to me gossip about other academics.

   5. Hmm, I think this is a little strange. I’ve been to a couple dozen scientific conferences as a grad student, postdoc, and faculty member, and my husband has only gone with me to one, which was within driving distance and he also had work to do in the area. I’m not sure I can ever remember meeting a spouse at a meeting, unless the spouse was also an academic. This seems like the sort of thing that old men with stay at home wives might do, but is pretty unusual for younger people. The only possible exceptions would be if the conference is a vacation destination, in which case a spouse might show up at the end and then spend a couple days on vacation, like one of the commenters mentioned above, or if the spouse is taking care of young child and wants to have the baby near mom.

      1. Disagree that younger people don’t do this. My H and I are both professors, and we’ve both been to each others conferences, either when the location was appealing and we wanted to visit friends before/ afterand one of us could take time off, or when our baby was tiny and I needed to bring her for nursing and H was able to come too, to provide care.

         In all cases, the non-pressenting spouse has been self-sufficient, and we’ve only seen each other at the tail end of the long conferencing days. We do this much less now that kiddo is bigger (requires a plane ticket!) and is generally more comfortable staying home.

   6. My husband is a prof at a research university. While I wouldn’t say it’s Not Done, I think bringing a spouse along is more common among permanent faculty, rather than grad students and post-docs. That may be in part because more of the junior people have spouses or partners who work outside the home and more of the senior people have a partner who primarily takes care of the kids. But I also think it’s in large part due to the fact that (at least in his field), at the more junior stages of your career, conferences are all about networking and meeting people who might help you with the job search. Meaning that you are not only 9-5 at the conference, you are also having breakfast and dinner with colleagues and sometimes going out to them with a bar after dinner. Inviting a spouse to these things would be awkward as a junior person, and would also be boring for the spouse. So I say, by all means feel free to go along, especially if it’s in a cool location, but accept that you may very well be on your own all day, not just during the “work day.”

      FWIW, I have yet to go to a conference with my husband, but that’s largely due to the fact that I have the US standard 3 weeks of vacation time and have chosen to use it on something that can actually be a true vacation with my husband to a destination of our choosing, and not where I’ll be on my own 90% of the time. If I were unemployed or had a similar academic schedule, I would definitely tag along, especially to some of the more interesting locations (he once got to go to Croatia!).

      1. I’m in academic medicine. This is done quite often (a lot of my colleagues are married) but it is done so as to be invisible.

         If you were to ask them “is your husband here this week” the attendee would say “oh yes, he’s at the museum today, he’s having a great time” but you wouldn’t see him at the conference, he wouldn’t join the dinners, and if you hadn’t asked you would never know. The spouse is essentially having a solo mini-vacation where they share a hotel room with the academic, but don’t see them otherwise.

   7. I know this is late to the party. My experience comes from non-academia science type conferences. In those, the wives often played an important part with shall we say less socially outgoing husbands. Basically, the wives get together, have fun, and then help the husbands network with each other. It’s a careful balancing act, but in some situations, the networking opportunities are actually better when the wives come along.

6. Can anyone advise me on how/whether to get a custom, fitted bra? I recently realized that I’ve never had a bra that was actually, truly comfortable to me. I’m on the small side, about a 32A, and even the A sizes I’ve bought at retail stores tend to, well, gap open a bit. I’m wondering now for the first time whether I’m an odd shape, or just have picky preferences, and whether custom bra fitting would help. Is this a thing people do? How, where?

   Thanks!

   1. https://www.reddit.com/r/ABraThatFits/wiki/beginners_guide

   2. Go to a good bra store and get fitted first. My city’s main bra store does band/strap length/strap placement alterations (so your challenge is cup size and placement relative to the middle of the front).

      1. This sounds amazing–would you be comfortable sharing the store name and city?

   3. For your size, which was my size pre-pregnancy, look at Lulu petite – they carry bras and brands that are specifically fit for smaller cup sizes. And get measured at a local specialty lingerie store, or Nordstrom if you don’t have a specialty store near you. You may find you’re a 30A, for example, or a 32AA. If the cup gaps open, you’re not a 32A in whatever brand that is that’s doing that. You probably don’t need a custom bra – you need a different size and/or different brand.

7. My husband and I have been together for about 8 years. He has one younger sister and I have no siblings, so his sister is the only other person of our generation in the family and the only (biological) aunt my kids will have. There’s no drama and we are always somewhere between civil and cordial to each other at family gatherings, but have never become close. She’s both very shy and somewhat standoffish, so I didn’t try to force myself on her when we first met and figured we would become closer naturally over time, but it just hasn’t happened. I’ve always been nice to her (I think), including having her as a bridesmaid in our wedding, acknowledging her birthday every year and attending her graduations and various other life events, but we’ve never developed a deeper relationship. I guess I’m wondering both how common this is and if anyone has any advice. It seems like most of my GFs are super close to their sisters-in-law and I’m having a hard time with the fact that I don’t have that kind of relationship, especially as my husband and I start TTC…

   1. This is me, and it works for us. I used to get hung up on it, but it is what it is and everyone seems otherwise content. I think children might bring everyone closer together, but until we have them I’ve decided that I can’t force a closer relationship (I think I was trying for a a while…). She has to want it and show she wants it, too.

   2. I would say that that is pretty common. I would call myself somewhat shy and standoffish, and this would mostly describe my relationship with my 3 sisters in law, even though one of them was a classmate who I was actually friendly with before I even met her brother/my husband (she actually introduced us). For me, I have a hard time coming up with things to talk about when I know the person well enough to know the basics about them (so I can’t ask them about their job or pets or whatever superficial things), but not necessarily well enough to have deep conversations, if that makes sense.

      If you let it be known that you’d like a closer relationship, that might help – maybe ask her out for a girls’ day – spa or manicures or that sort of thing.

      All that said, I know that my sister in law who’s close to my age and lives nearby is pretty close with our kids – since our kids can play together and we can invite the whole family over, that happens pretty naturally. I might not go out one on one with her, but we still play a large part in each other’s lives. (For the other 2, one lives far away and the other is brand-new and a lot younger than me.)

   3. I have one SIL. We are civil and friendly in person, but not close (and, as my husband knows, I don’t like her at all). We are very different people with very different priorities and interests, and I think anything more than getting along is unrealistic.

   4. I think that’s normal. That’s the relationship I have with my brother’s fiance – we get along fine and seem to enjoy each other’s company, but we never spend 1-on-1 time together away from my brother or the rest of the family. That’s also the same relationship I have with my husband’s sisters. Only one of my husband’s sisters has a close friendship with another brother’s wife, and those 2 women were friends first – that’s how the wife met the brother.

      The close friendship between siblings-in-law seems to be more common in my parents’ generation (60+) than it does in mine (20-30s), at least in my family and friends.

      1. I think the older generation is closer because they’ve had 20-30+ years together. For people you primarily see at large events and holidays, it is going to take time to get close because bonds have to form and shared experiences have to turn into memories. I think that BIL/SIL relationships partially get better with age because they will always be there and you have something in common. Some other friendships may cool over the years as people move and start families, but you will (hopefully) see BIL/SIL every year or so at holidays/big events.

   5. This is me too. When my BIL met her and got married I hoped the relationship would be similar to the ones I have with my sisters and my husband has with his brother and I’d have an ally to help with MIL. It didn’t materialize that way. I’ve been sad about it, our oldest girls are only 6 months apart and I also thought they’d be BFFs but SIL is standoffish so now I am too.

   6. So, would you be close to your GFs if you only saw them at their graduations, birthdays and presumably holidays? Probably not. While I agree with others that it is totally normal to have a friendly-but-not-friends relationship with your SIL, if you do want to become closer I think you need to do some normal stuff with her rather than just high and holy days. Invite her over for dinner on a weeknight, see a movie together, invite her to check out a store or market that you think you might both like, do a class together, or whatever else you would do for fun.

      1. +1 – and if she seems standoff-ish, it’s probably because of the aforementioned shyness/quietness/introversion you also mentioned. Find some sort of small patch of common ground to start with (favorite actor – go see a movie, favorite activity – take a class together, like trying new restaurants – go together) and build on that. – basically the same way to make any sort of friendship.

   7. My husband and I have been together 11 years and I am the in-law with the longest tenure in the family. I have four sister-in-laws (two are his sisters, two married his brothers). I was never super close with any of them, we were friendly at functions but didn’t talk a lot outside of those. Now three have kids and we have a baby on the way, so we’ve become closer chatting about kid stuff, but it definitely takes time.

8. Any recommendations on big (but cheap) sunglasses? I need some (esp. that have a soft case, or will take sunglass case recommendations), but will need multiple pairs (car, purse, travel bag). Relatively inexpensive (will need a few pairs and I am clumsy / rough on things) too, please.

   I don’t need corrective lenses but also don’t want to spend 100s of dollars on sunglasses that are never where I need them when I need them.

   (I have dark brown eyes and the sun doesn’t usually bother them, but I find myself either driving into the sun in the afternoon or somewhere where I am caught at an event where I can’t make eye contact b/c the sun is too bright).

   1. Costco?

   2. Uh…Target? Any drugstore? Kohl’s, Wal-Mart? Any of those places should be able to get your a $15 pair. Likely won’t have a case though.

   3. Is there a Warby Parker for sunglasses if you don’t have a prescription? Esp. if for Holly Golightly-style big round sunnies.

   4. Costco. Marshalls/TJMaxx/Ross type places. I would go there and try a few on and then get a couple.

   5. I get all mine at TJ Maxx. They are 9.99-29.99 and I buy 2-3 pairs at a time, which last me a season or two. I had a great pair that were going 2 years strong until my 2 year old stepped on them. Ugh.

   6. I spent $20 on my from ASOS – last season’s version of this: http://www.asos.com/ASOS/ASOS-Flat-Top-Sunglasses-With-Cut-Away-Detail/Prod/pgeproduct.aspx?iid=6123592&cid=4545&Rf-800=-1,22&Rf-400=53&sh=0&pge=1&pgesize=36&sort=-1&clr=Tort&totalstyles=76&gridsize=3

   7. If you want cheap(er) polarized sunglasses, I’ve had luck at TJMaxx and outdoor stores like Bass Pro. The polarization makes a big difference on glare.
      But honestly, making a habit of wearing them means that you will get used to taking them with you when you go places. They will become just as essential as phone, keys, wallet. Your eyes and skin will thank you.

9. …just saw I bled on my freaking light-colored office chair. OMG, guys. I have never had this happen to me, and I cannot believe it’s happened. What do I do>!

   1. Cold water, paper towels and your spit. Your saliva is magic at getting out your blood stains.

   2. Hopefully one of these can help?

      http://www.rd.com/home/cleaning-organizing/how-to-remove-blood-stains/

      When removing blood stains from clothes, I use cold water and a lathering soap which always works well, and should still remove the surface stain from the upholstery.

   3. And just be glad it is YOUR office chair. Someone had an accident on one of the guest chairs in my boss’s office. I only know because I overheard him ordering the cleaning service. He never told anyone who bled on the chair and I certainly didn’t want to know!

   4. Hydrogen peroxide. Check your office’s first aid kit for it. Blood should come right out.

   5. Rub the stain with ice. Works best when the stain is very fresh.

10. ftw, I just gave my two week notice last week, and now I am sick (and going through tissue at an alarming rate), and am going to call in sick tomorrow. I have all this sick time I will be losing and I know that makes me look horrible, but damn, I’m sneezing all over files and snots flying out of my nose– despite all the meds I’ve taken.

    1. Nah – if you were sneezy today, your colleagues are glad you won’t be getting them sick tomorrow.

11. It seems like if I want to get something done right I just have to do it myself. I’m local counsel in a case and I’m getting sent pleadings I could never file in court without making major changes. This isn’t little local procedural stuff. Substantive legal stuff. I’m dealing with a borrowed assistant and I swear she just screws her work up so I don’t ask to give overflow to her ever again. I get that my handwriting isn’t perfect but at least try to write a sentence that makes sense. I even said I added a couple of more facts on the side here that need to go into paragraphs x and y of the complaint. You can break them into different sentences or tack it onto one already there, whatever makes it read best. I got back one giant run on glob of all the facts I had wrote on the margin with no attempt to put it into complete sentences.

    It’s times like these I wish I didn’t have professional responsibilities. It would be great to be able to say you know what, no one else cares about their work or this case, I won’t either, and toss it in the mail. But my bar number is on it so I can’t do that and I’m genuinely a good person.

    I’m just fired up because I have much more important work to do for a partner right now and that same partner gave me this cluster to fix because he was at his wits end himself. Love being the go to person. Hate fixing mistakes that a middle school student shouldn’t make.

    1. Wow. Typing that out made me feel so much better. Thanks! Carry on.

    2. Idk if you’ll see this comment, but I could have written this so. many. times. Being local counsel sucks. Working with an assistant who doesn’t care about the work product REALLY sucks. The only thing I can suggest is that you enter your own edits if you’re using a borrowed secretary. It just creates more work for you to have to look for their mistakes. And man does it make you appreciate good staff.

12. I don’t know if I’m asking for advice, an ear or reassurance.

    My husband wants a separation. We have a toddler together.

    I’m torn apart thinking about my daughter having to split homes and can’t imagine our family being undone, all the hopes and dreams and plans.

    I was the one who posted a few months ago about my husband needing some time apart to think. Well it turns out he wants to split.

    I know I have to focus on myself and my daughter – taking care of us. And I have to have a good relationship with her father so the split will be easiest for her. He sends me mixed messages sometimes – being nice in some ways and at times acting normal.

    I’m torn apart. It will be hard at work tomorrow but I’m lucky to have a good job. There’s a lot on my plate in my personal life. I can’t stop crying.

    1. Hey, just wanted you to know I read this and am keeping you and your daughter in my thoughts. It is a lot. You can do it, and you will because you have to, but if it takes work and tears and calling on everyone you can to help do that and don’t worry. You don’t have to get this perfect, just the best you can. Sending love.

       1. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.

    2. Posted in the wrong place, reposting to make sure you see it.

       Oh, honey, that is so, so rough. But you WILL get through it, I promise you. This time last year I had just moved out after more than 25 years of marriage, and H and I were essentially not speaking to each other. We did not have a young child, which I know makes it so much harder, but still it was utter misery. Somehow, though, we managed to get through the horribly angry and bitter time and make real peace. We talk and see each other frequently and have agreed that we always will be family. A year ago, I absolutely would not have believed that was possible.

       You are right to focus not just on your daughter now but also on taking care of yourself. It’s okay to cry — and if you can take tomorrow off work, do it — and it’s okay to lean on other people. Your friends and family will be there for you, I am sure. All the other ‘r*ttes will be too, if you repost in the morning. And you are also right that you will need to maintain a good relationship with H for your daughter’s sake, but it’s okay for now to be hurt and angry and to keep some distance from him. Fooey on his mixed messages.

       Sending you warm hugs and warm sympathy

    3. I promise you that your daughter will be just fine. Having a mom who cares about her this much is all a little girl needs. The rest is bonus.

    4. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Of course you’re sad and distracted right now – having to process the loss of your past relationship with your spouse and rethink the future for you and your daughter is a lot, but you’ll do it and you will be fine. The only way out is through, so reach out to everyone you need to help you through.

       And don’t worry too much about your daughter. My best girlfriend’s parents got divorced when she was 3, so she doesn’t remember a time when they were married and has developed equal, happy relationships with both her parents.

       1. Thank you Jules, Wildkitten and lawsuited. All your replies really speak to me and I truly appreciate them. I’ve cried so much my teeth hurt ha.

    5. I’m sorry you’re going through this. My parents split and then divorced when I was a toddler, and it sounds like it was a lot more acrimonious than your s is. I know this isn’t what you always dreamed of for your family and your daughter, but she will be fine. I really think that my parents’ divorce and everything that ensued afterward made me a much stronger and more resilient person, and I really would not trade that for anything, which is what I tell my parents whenever they express guilt. I know no one wishes to raise a child like this, but in many ways I think I was better off this way. There are good things about it too.

    6. If you are in NYC, I’ll take you out for a drink. I have a toddler and I’m working on getting a divorce too.

13. Oh, honey, that is so, so rough. But you WILL get through it, I promise you. This time last year I had just moved out after more than 25 years of marriage, and H and I were essentially not speaking to each other. We did not have a young child, which I know makes it so much harder, but still it was utter misery. Somehow, though, we managed to get through the horribly angry and bitter time and make real peace. We talk and see each other frequently and have agreed that we always will be family. A year ago, I absolutely would not have believed that was possible.

    You are right to focus not just on your daughter now but also on taking care of yourself. It’s okay to cry — and if you can take tomorrow off work, do it — and it’s okay to lean on other people. Your friends and family will be there for you, I am sure. All the other ‘r*ttes will be too, if you repost in the morning. And you are also right that you will need to maintain a good relationship with H for your daughter’s sake, but it’s okay for now to be hurt and angry and to keep some distance from him. Fooey on his mixed messages.

    Sending you warm hugs and warm sympathy.

14. Thanks for all the replies. My other reply is stuck in moderation.

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