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Updated: Jun 24, 2024 144 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Check Stamped Round Dial Watch, 38mm

Coffee Break

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Nude Watches for Women | Corporette

Wow. I've started going through the Nordstrom clearance sale, and I can't tell you how excited I am to see so many beigey/rosey pink watches — a perfect “nude” watch, if you're pale.

Let me back up a bit — one of my favorite fashion movies is Audrey Hepburn's How to Steal a Million, and after watching it the first time I was absolutely obsessed with finding a light pink nude watch like the one she wore. I looked high; I looked low — I could not find a similar watch.

So the fact that there are so many (and part of the Nordstrom sale!) is very exciting.

This Burberry one is on a great sale — it was $495, but is now marked to $330. Burberry Check Stamped Round Dial Watch, 38mm

Here's a more affordable option from Kate Spade (the sale is chock full of the brand!).

Sales of note for 9.10.24

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Comments

  1. kellyn

    On the really low end of the price spectrum, compared to this, Stella and Dot has a watch that could be a dupe. Link to follow.

      • Anonymous

        Is that the right link? Other than the fact that they’re both watches with wristbands, a round clock face, and hour/minute hands, they look nothing alike to me. And the S&D one looks its price. Sorry.

        • **

          Why even bother saying sorry? You’re clearly not sorry because you’re being willfully obtuse. While I would agree it’s not “a dupe,” it’s obviously similar. I wonder sometimes if there’s only one really nasty Anonymous who has a huge amount of time on her hands or whether it’s just the go-to name for anyone who wants to be obnoxious.

          • Anonymous

            Actually I was sorry in the sense of, “I just don’t see it, sorry”. Someone is a little sensitive today. Disappointed in not getting some buys on your Stella and Dot affiliate link?

          • **

            I’m not kellyn, actually. I’m just someone who is getting annoyed with all the unnecessarily shrewish comments on here. Want to call someone out on some sort of affiliate link? Feel free. Want to play dumb so you can be insulting and then passive-aggressively pretend you weren’t trying to be insulting? Go find a website for teenagers.

          • Anonymous

            You’re still missing the point, so I’ll simplify for you–I was saying “I don’t agree with you [kellyn] that this watch looks like the posted one. I’m saying ‘sorry’ to convey that I’m not trying to be rude and call you blind, but just stating my opinion that they don’t look similar at all IMO.” You’re assuming the worst.

            Oh, and points for the super original username of “**” to pull you out of the Anon category you deride so much. You should alternate lowercase and capital letters too to go with your asterisks, it’s not “teenager” at all–xoxo!

      • Senior Attorney

        I like the S&D. Not exactly a twin to the Burberry, but I really like the band.

  2. Anonymous

    What are your fave soup or slow cooker recipes? It’s getting cold here, I’m looking for new ideas

    • Anon in NYC

      Wegman’s Beef Minestrone, modified to suit my preferences and the fact that I’m not buying some of the Wegman’s pre-packaged items. http://tinyurl.com/4cjr9bu

      I use about 1/2 lb of meat, no potatoes or pasta (sometimes I add them), 2 zucchini, carrots/celery/onion to taste, leeks if I have them. I usually omit the cabbage because I rarely have it on hand. I use a 10 oz. package of frozen spinach. I use double the amount of diced tomatoes and omit the tomato sauce. The friend who told me about the recipe adds sweet potato to her version of it.

      I brown the meat, but then everything gets thrown in the slow cooker on low for 6-8 hours. It’s a very flexible recipe, and tasty!

    • Anon in NYC

      My reply is in moderation, so apologies for the double post.

      Wegman’s Beef Minestrone, modified to suit my preferences and the fact that I’m not buying some of the Wegman’s pre-packaged items. I’m omitting the link, but you can search for the name and it should be one of the first links.

      I use about 1/2 lb of meat, no potatoes or pasta (sometimes I add them), 2 zucchini, carrots/celery/onion to taste, leeks if I have them. I usually omit the cabbage because I rarely have it on hand. I use a 10 oz. package of frozen spinach. I use double the amount of diced tomatoes and omit the tomato sauce. The friend who told me about the recipe adds sweet potato to her version of it.

      I brown the meat, but then everything gets thrown in the slow cooker on low for 6-8 hours. It’s a very flexible recipe, and tasty!

      • Bewitched

        Love this one too! Wegman’s Italian Wedding soup is also amazing, although not a crock pot recipe now that I think of it. I love the Crock Pot Chicken and Noodles from the website South your Mouth (don’t like the website name though). It’s more of a stew than a soup, delish!

      • Anon in NYC

        Also Tyler Florence’s Roasted Tomato soup from the Food Network. So, so good.

    • RR

      Slow cooker curried chicken from Real Simple. A google search should find it. It has ginger and greek yogurt.

    • Anonymous

      I made smitten kitchen’s broccoli cheddar this week, and just had some for lunch. didn’t even add cheddar, because it’s really good/rich tasting.

      also a huge fan of canilli bean and kale soup.

    • hoola hoopa

      beef noodle and curry chickpea from slow cooker revolution (a great book all around)

    • Moonstone

      Related: I got some good advice on programmable slow cookers from the Hive last week. Costco has the CrockPot version marked down to 30 bucks.

  3. anon

    Any tips on how to style very long (lower back-ish) loose curls? I’ve been mostly doing buns because nothing else seems to work. I prefer to leave it all down, but I probably shouldn’t at work.

    • Anon

      I have the same length hair (it is also naturally curly but I dry it straight most of the time) and I just leave it all down almost always. I work in a fairly casual office as a lawyer, but even leave it down when I go to court (including oral argument in our state supreme court.) I sometimes do a bun or a low ponytail or pin the front back with bobby pins, but that is rare. It is almost always down.

    • Anon

      I have the same hair – long, curly. To blow it out takes me an hour, so that’s not happening. It’s in a bun almost every day, because if I leave it down, it turns into giant frizz head. I like to wear it down when I have it blown out though, although I still put it up when in court just because I’m more comfortable that way, not because I feel like I have to.

  4. Anonattorney

    A lot of the comments on the morning thread expressed shock that a 19 year-old was sleeping with a 16 year-old. Is this the prevailing viewpoint among this community? If so, that’s a bit surprising to me. This was very very common at my high school – sophomore dating a senior, even after the senior went to college. Yes, 16 year-olds are young, but so are 18 year-olds. I don’t really see the moral distinction. Anyway, just curious!

    • Anon

      Very common in my area too, and frightening now that I have a high-school freshman daughter (who has not started dating yet, but I’m sure it won’t be long.)

      • Anonymous

        I feel pretty strongly that if I have a daughter, I want her to get an IUD in high school. Who knows where that technology will be by then, but I’d rather be proactive than reactive.

        No such coverage for boys, though.

        • Anonymous

          That seems like a painful procedure to put her through, especially if you’re not sure if she’s s*xually active. What about putting her on the pill (or the birth control shot if you don’t trust her to remember to take a pill every day)?

          • Anon

            I would also get an IUD for my daughter once she’s a teenager if she expressed an interest in pursuing higher education and had no plans of having a baby anytime soon. The truth is that it’s so much more effective than the pill, shot, etc. and requires no effort on her part other than the initial procedure. There are also less side effects than other birth control methods.

          • Anonymous

            Yikes, I’m glad you’re not my mom. She believed me that I wasn’t having $ex and didn’t subject me to something that would have been incredibly painful and unnecessary.

          • Anonymous

            Oh, I wouldn’t like, hold her down and force it on her! But, have a frank conversation and be like, “I did this at your age and assume you’re going to do it too, so let’s make good choices now and I am 100% on your team.”

          • Anonymous

            Also, I have an IUD. It was one of the most painful experiences of my life, but only for a hot second. Far less painful that I assume childbirth must be. It would be a discussion, but I would advocate for it.

      • Anon

        I have thought about this a lot (since I have a high school age daughter) and would like to force her on birth control and/or prohibit her from ever having s*x. However, I know that is not realistic or in line with my belief that she has total control and autonomy over her body. I have told her many times that when she is ready, I will help her obtain birth control and we will discuss with her doctor what the best option for her is.

        • Anonymous

          Maybe I’m naïve, but I’m still pretty sure my parents had no idea I was sneaking around with my HS boyfriend. I was the “good kid”. Been out of the house for 10 years now. Maybe they do know. But it certainly wasn’t “allowed” and I did it anyway.

          • Anon

            Exactly. I was also the “good kid.” I had excellent grades, always came home by curfew, was involved in lots of afterschool activities, etc., but was totally sneaking around all the time with my boyfriend. It made it all the more fun because it was prohibited. I’m trying to avoid that with my daughter and empower her to make safe, responsible choices, while knowing it is likely she will have s*ex while in high school at some point. I can’t control that.

    • Em

      I am young (in early 20s) and this was very very common at my high school too (wealthy area of the South).

    • Anonymous

      Yep, I found it really weird. I’m not in the US though, and the age of consent is 14, so, I’m coming from a very different place.

      I also think you likely can’t stop it, regardless of the age of consent, and 19-16 doesn’t seem that weird to me. 25-16 is messed up, but anything within 3 years age difference, after 14 or 15 years old seems about average.

      • Anonymous

        Especially since by law, all of these kids have to be in the same physical space together every day! I was 13 for half the year as a freshman. . . illegal to date a senior, but not practical with raging hormones.

    • Anonymous

      The outrage came from the fact that the OP was acting like her son (the 19 year old) was the “victim” in that situation. And people were saying that if anyone is the victim, it is the 16 year old girl.

      I would not say it was “common” in my Midwestern college town high school — a lot of my friends didn’t date until senior year or dated younger but dated people in the same grade but it was certainly not unheard of for sophomores to date seniors. But teen pregnancy, STDs, drug abuse, etc. were also not unheard of. Just because something happens somewhat regularly doesn’t mean it should be endorsed by parents.

      • Lyssa

        Also, a lot of people here seem to be equating “dating” with sexually active – at least in my high school (in the 90’s, so maybe I’m old), it was pretty normal for a couple to be together for a while without having sex. Not to say that it didn’t happen, it certainly did, but it wasn’t the rule (particularly if you’re not including the, er, Clintonion version of sex, which wasn’t viewed as the same thing at all).

        • Anonymous

          Yeah that’s what really what I meant when I said a lot of people didn’t “date” until senior year. There were exceptions, but for most people at my public school, “dating” as freshmen/sophomores was pretty chaste. There was one friend who, as a sophomore, did the “Clintonian version” as you put it, with her senior BF and it was a big deal. She was the first of my group of 20 or so people to “do anything.” And even she didn’t have actual s*x until junior year I think. Maybe I’m sheltered but most people I know were not s*xually active at 16.

    • Cat

      I was just such one 16-year-old, although we never slept together (he wanted to, particularly once he got to college, but I wasn’t ready). We ended up breaking up because he, perfectly understandably, was “over” high school and associated activities, while I was a junior and in the thick of it.

      A 2-year age gap in school year terms (which of course could be more or less of a gap in terms of actual age, as I was 2.75 years younger than my BF despite being only 2 grades apart) was very very common, particularly as boys tend to mature later than girls do, both physically and mentally!

      • anon

        I think it’s surprising that it would continue after the older one leaves for college. Yeah, I guess it happened sometimes in my school that a senior would date a sophomore, but those relationships ended after graduation. I think it’s a sign of immaturity (at best) that a college-aged guy would want to continue dating someone who has several years of high school left.

        • Anonymous

          I didn’t see too many of these gapper relationships in my high school. When I got to college, though, there were several guys from small towns who were “still together” with their high school age GF because the guy was too much of a chump to end it, but he was hooking up with girls right and left at college as if he was single.

        • Cat

          Yeah, in hindsight we should have broken up after graduation, but YOUNG LOVE. Good learning experience!

        • Anon

          This makes me sad. :( I dated someone two years older than me beginning my sophomore / his senior year of high school…and I married him! Once we’d finished college, of course, and we’ve been married for seven years and have two beautiful daughters.

          Maybe it makes a difference that DH went to the local community college after high school, and we both moved on to a four-year university at the same time. But young love shouldn’t be discounted!

    • Anon

      I was definitely thinking the same thing! I was shocked at the outrage given that this seems very normal/common to me.

    • Anonymous

      What I found most surprising in this morning’s comments was the many statements that the 16 year old was too young to be having sex period. I did not have sex until my mid 20s and tend to agree that high school is too young, but I had always assumed I was considerably in the minority in both that line of thinking and actual practice (I thought over half of teenagers had had sex at least once in the US?). Is it just that we all acknowledge it’s going to happen and there’s not much we can do about it, but still think it’s too young?

      • Bewitched

        I think 16 is still pretty young, but I guess it depends in part on whether she’s closer to 15 or closer to 17. See Guttmacher statistics below. Only 1/3 of 16 year olds have had sex in US (2014).

        Only 16% of teens have had sex by age 15, compared with one-third of those aged 16, nearly half (48%) of those aged 17, 61% of 18-year-olds and 71% of 19-year-olds.[1] There is little difference by gender in the timing of first sex.

    • SuziStockbroker

      Following, as I have a 13 year old girl.

      She’s mostly not interested in boys yet (she likes them in theory, and she likes them in books; but real life boys, not so much) but they are interested in her. Sigh.

      • Anonymous

        There are days I feel just like your daughter. I like boys in theory, but in reality, not so much.

      • Mpls

        I agree – I have know idea (and neither does my dad, since he has actually commented on this) what teenage girls like about teenage boys. Maybe they just don’t know any better, since they see their peers and figure that must be as good as it gets? But good on her for holding out for standards :)

        • emeralds

          I did not like teenaged boys! At all. I didn’t date until the end (like, senior prom) of high school because they were just–gross. Then I got to college and a whole new world opened up…

      • SuziStockbroker

        Well, I have a pre-teen boy as well, and I think he’s adorable. He’s also objectively handsome, although who knows, puberty hasn’t hit yet!

        My daughter did like one boy who liked her, about a year and a half ago (when all the boys liked her all of a sudden, and no she didn’t grow boobs right around then!). He was actually very sweet with her, and he read books a lot too so they had that in common. But he asked her out on a date and she said “no thanks, we are too young”.

        A couple of those boys are still pining for her (even though she goes to a different school now) and I have to say they are pretty sweet.

        But, they are only 13.

        • Ems

          this is all so cute…

          As a non parent, I have to say that my first “boyfriend” was in 6th grade, when I was 12 and we never even held hands. :) It was hard that my parents were like “no boys” because, ha! and I think it’s actually healthy to have parents know about boys, etc, and have young love, because that’s how we all mature. As relationships were not allowed, I grew up on rom coms and none of my college relationships worked out because I thought they’d be like rom coms. It’s too bad, because knowing how to date in college would have probably been better…

    • Anonymous

      The shock was from painting a 19 year old sleeping with a 16 year old as an angel, and the 16 year old as a conniving hussy.

      In general, I think it’s a bad idea though.

      • Anonattory

        A lot of the outrage was focused on that, but not all. Some of the comments were saying it was rape, and seemed to imply that it would be rape (and therefore morally wrong) regardless of the other issues raised by the mom.

        • Anonymous

          The mom kept saying “its ok, my son did nothing wrong, 16 is the age of consent” and so people were pushing back and saying “well, maybe he didn’t do anything illegal, but he did play a huge part in this pregnancy and made a dubious moral choice in sleeping with an incredibly young, vulnerable girl.” You’re internalizing this way too much. The outrage was based on the specific facts at issue here and the mom’s judgment of the girl. I didn’t see anyone making a blanket statement that “A 19 year old can never have a healthy, s*xually active relationship with a 16 year old.” This did not sound like a loving, comitted, stable, relationship by any means.

          • Anonymous

            True, but again, a lot of people were calling it rape or calling 16 incredibly young (which data shows is actually somewhat typical for first time activity). That is in the neighborhood of” blanket statement” to me.

          • Bonnie

            No it wouldn’t be. I haven’t looked at all the states but IME 16 and 19 year olds are legally free to have sex. Just because it’s legal doesn’t mean it’s a good idea obviously.

        • Twinkles

          Exactly. There was plenty of outrage about the age gap itself. I don’t find that age gap to be uncommon. I wouldn’t want any of my own children to be either party in such a situation, but uncommon? No. Rape based on that age gap alone? No.

          • Twinkles

            I should clarify my statement: in my state, like this morning’s OP’s state, the Romeo and Juliet law applies and would not be considered rape.

        • Lyssa

          I feel like there’s a massive lack of nuance in sex issues lately – it’s like people can’t see any gray area whatsoever between rape and perfectly mutually desirable and beneficial sex. There’s a lot of things that aren’t rape (or even close to it), but are still bad ideas, potentially predatory or exploitative, and likely to cause major harm. Sometimes, people are just jerks.

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      Agree with the others that I don’t think the shock was from the age gap, per se – it was more about how OP was positioning a 16 year old as an evil temptress out to “trap” her precious son. I think a lot of the, “FFS, you’re talking about a CHILD” posts were coming from a place of wanting to break through OP’s terrifying levels of extreme denial about her son’s culpability in the situation.

      Also, while when I was 16 I absolutely would’ve told you I thought it was no big deal that some of my friends had 19 year old boyfriends, now that I work with teens, I really do think the 16-19 age gap is inappropriate in a s#xual relationship. Kids change/grow/mature dramatically between 16 and 19/20, and I definitely find it squicky to think of my 16 year old students hooking up with 19 year olds, especially when the younger partner is still in high school and the older partner is in college or working. A 19 year old who is working or in college is in a totally different developmental stage than a 16 year old, and to me, it’s not really functionally all that different than, say, a high school student wanting to date a middle-schooler – they’re also only three years apart, but the difference in developmental stage makes the relationship inappropriate/inherently unequal.

      • Lyssa

        When I was 16, I seriously (by teen standards) dated a fellow a year older, but he had an older brother who was dating one of my classmates, and the way he could dominate her was really stark and pretty scary. She would do pretty much anything for him, and he was definitely exploiting her immaturity. I’m sure that part of that was just their personalities, but still, it was pretty gross.

    • Anon 2

      It’s not uncommon to see a high school senior with a high school sophomore. However, I don’t see many college freshman with high school sophomore and juniors. Typically, when one of the couple goes off to college they end up breaking up. That was true when I was in high school 20+ years ago, and it seems to be the case of friends and family with kids that age.

    • Bewitched

      From what I’m told (which is probably next to nothing), all the 16 year old girls in my town are giving BJ’s to boys rather than having s&x. I think that’s sad too.

        • Anonymous

          This. HPV can cause head and neck cancers, which I’m doubting most teenagers know. And where do you think people get HPV infections in the head and neck area from? Yep.

          • Anonymous

            Also, antibiotic-resistant gonorrhea is on the rise, and it can manifest in the throat. No thank you…

      • Anonymous

        It’s a safer option, pregnancy-wise, I’d rather that than more kids having babies

      • Lyssa

        As long as there is, well . . . mutuality, it seems like a good thing. I don’t put that in the same class as intercourse at all (because of the no babies and less risk of disease). I also would consider that less emotionally intimate, but maybe that’s just me. But if it’s a one-way street, then that is sad for other reasons.

        • Bewitched

          Pretty sure it is a on-way street….sometimes occurring on school grounds from what I hear.

    • Yes

      Started seeing the guy I would marry when I was 17 and he was almost 22. We did not sleep together until I was 21 however. We were both virgins and quite innocent about love. Both attending Big Ten schools in the Midwest, so sex was absolutely available to us.

      I’m 35 now, lest readers think that I grew up in a radically different culture.

    • Brunette Elle Woods

      The age gap did not strike me as being outrageous, but I can see how someone would have a problem with it. The attitude towards the female child was appalling. If I had a daughter, or son for that matter, I would be open about sex and stress that unsafe sex is not an option. At the end of the day, kids are going to do what they want and you have to hope that they make the safest decisions.

    • AN

      As an Asian outside the U.S., it is shocking that the majority of teens become sexually active in their mid/ late teens. That is simply not par for the course here. Parents are more likely to stress higher education and the pitfalls of sex at such a young age, rather that being so supportive of it. Not saying which way is right or wrong, just that it’s a shock to read some of the comments.

  5. Samantha

    I’d like a recommendation for the most comfortable gold sandals ever. Any takers?

    I am not a heels wearer at all, and would prefer minimal heels and a nice cushiony sole, for wearing to 2 upcoming weddings. I love the Clarks Dahlia slippers with the flowers on top, because of the very cushy heel bed. Something along those lines but dressy maybe? I tend towards frump in my footwear though and I need you guys to save me from that!

  6. Abroad for a year?

    I’m considering working abroad for a year (starting next summer) before I head off to grad school. The position is a yearlong and is relevant to my career interests. It would be working for the university I was at when I studied abroad for a semester in college (I’m 24 now) and had the time of my life – academically and socially.

    The position pays ok but I would have about 6k in savings/extra money if I needed it. I think it would be a nice transition period in between the real working world and going back to school (living off a lower salary, being in an academic environment, etc.) but this seems so huge – I’ve been a “real adult” for over 2 years now and this would definitely shake up my way of living but I think it could be a great growing experience. Has anyone done anything like this?? Pros and cons of their experience?

    • Maddie Ross

      Without knowing the details, I’ll tell you that one of my biggest regrets (if not the biggest) was not taking advantage of this sort of thing when I was younger. Do it!

    • Anonymous

      I’d go – living in a new city, experiencing new things, meeting new people, getting unique experience, you can afford it financially, it’s relevant to your career, etc.

      I lived abroad for a little while, it was the best thing I ever did personally and professionally. You’ll always have a conversation starter for interviews, etc.

      Go!

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      Do it. You want to, you can afford to – why wouldn’t you?

      Also, experience working internationally is a big selling point, from a career perspective, so while you might take a temporary earnings hit (which is the only downside I can maybe kind of see?), I think it would improve your long-term professional prospects.

    • Abroad for a year?

      Thanks for the positive feedback! I still have to apply (deadline is January) but I think I have a good chance of getting in because they have a lot of eligibility requirements (I meet them all though) and I would have a great recommendation letter (which is optional) -so I’ll definitely apply! =)

    • Aunt Jamesina

      Do it! I was abroad for two years making peanuts after undergrad (and with maybe $1000 in savings to start), and it was such a wonderful experience. I’ve never known anybody to regret living/ traveling extensively abroad in their early twenties, but I know plenty of people who wish they had.

    • Bonnie

      I lived abroad for 2 years before grad school and it was one of the best decisions of my life.

    • emeralds

      Do it! I did something similar for a year before grad school and it was the best possible decision I could have made with that time.

    • MJ

      Do it! My first job out of college was in London, and it was awesome to experience another country, see other cultures by travelling extensively and frankly, just learn to deal with my life well away from my parents. It was great. Only risk is that you fall in love–several of my analyst classmates married Brits and have never come home. (To be fair, they were there more than a year, and none of us were thinking marriage at age 21-22!).

      I will say that coming back from being an ex-pat is a little weird and lonely, because you have an adjustment period, but it’s generally pretty fast.

    • TravelAnon

      Do it! I’m very much back in the swing of the American career climb now, and I’m so glad that I traveled when I did. My friends are all envious. (Though of course that in and of itself isn’t a good motivation).

      It was fun; I learned a lot; it makes me a better worker and a better person.

      :)

  7. dress

    Getting married in the spring and looking for a dress to change into after the ceremony. Evening wedding, restaurant reception, fancy dinner with no dancing. I’m not necessarily looking to wear white at dinner — just a great dress in whatever color.

    I’m an hourglassish shape, around 145 lbs. I worry that my tastes tend toward the mother-of-the-bride end of the spectrum. I’d love a slinky gown that shows off my curves without showing too much actual skin. Some contenders, except they’re black, purple, and $1000, respectively… can I wear black or purple to my own wedding reception? Are these frumpy/tacky/not it?

    http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/lauren-ralph-lauren-sleeveless-mesh-beaded-gown?ID=814923&CategoryID=5449&LinkType=#fn=SIZE%3DRegular%26PAGEINDEX%3D2%26sp%3D2%26spc%3D150%26slotId%3D88%26kws%3Dguest%20of%20wedding%20dresses

    http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/nicole-miller-stefanie-v-neck-jersey-gown/4199227?origin=category&BaseUrl=Dresses

    http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/st-john-collection-liquid-satin-gown/4231353?origin=category&BaseUrl=Dresses

    Thanks for any help — you all have become my wedding sounding board, and I’m always grateful.

  8. Micromanaged

    My relatively new boss exhibits a lot of what I think are OCD tendencies and hyper micro-management. Everything has to be a very particular way determined by personal preference. He gets noticeably upset when things aren’t done in his way. He’s not very senior to me (same title, we’re both late 20s/early 30s), and I am finding myself increasingly irritated by every interaction with him.

    Yesterday during a catch up, I went to pull up a site via the company’s home page. While the page has a very long (50+ item) table of contents, it also has a fast and accurate search function. When I searched for what I was looking for, rather than scroll through the contents, he freaked out and actually made me go back and re-do it. It took about two extra minutes, because the link was listed under an unexpected letter. Mind you, this had nothing to do with my job (we were looking for the expense tracking site so he could approve something). I actually spoke up, saying something like “Some people use tables of contents, some search – it’s a personal preference and I find it is more efficient for me to search.” He looked at me like I was crazy.

    Every interaction is like this. He spends so much time focusing on bizarre minutia that the big picture really suffers. Rather than reading the content of a large important document, he will spend an hour fussing over the size of an image.

    He also has some physical ticks, which I know I should be compassionate toward. For example, he wears a bracelet and constantly (noisily) rearranges/shakes it several times a minute. I have family members with OCD and recognize these are things he has no control over. But in combination with the constant focus on meaningless process, I often just want to scream and run out of the room.

    I know micromanagement often means an employee just isn’t doing a good job, but I don’t think that’s the case here. I have never really gotten any negative feedback and things seem to be going well. I’ve also done the classic “how to deal w a micromanager” tips, like give him constant status updates, without much success.

    Have any of you dealt with this? I waste so much time appeasing him (e.g., organizing MY email folders a certain way that he thinks best, spending ten minutes looking for a conference room with the right kind of chair when plenty of others are available). My own mental health is starting to suffer from my constant agitation. Just breathe deep and accept it?

    • NYNY

      If you have the same title, is he really your boss? Or is more of a team lead type situation, where you all report to someone with a higher title? If that’s the case, I would bring it up to big boss. It makes no sense to micromanage trivia if you are meeting expectations with your work product, which it sounds like you are.

      If he really is the person you report to, I would try to have a talk with him about it, framing your questions in a “help me understand” format. Like, “I feel like we’ve been overly focused on process, to the detriment of product. Can you help me understand why it’s important to you that I organize my email folders the same way you do?”

      Failing that, start looking for a new job. Life is too short.

      • Anonymous

        Another perspective– depending on your role and your company, there may be options beyond finding a new job. I manage a team of ~25 in total, all mid-late career. For any of the high performers, I would rather see them move from my dept elsewhere in the company–or even to a new role in my dept–than leave, any day of the week.

        If you love you job–or at least your company– but this guy is driving you nuts, I’d recommend a few options:
        1. if you have a decent HR staff, set up time and talk to them. This only works if HR is decent–i’ve been at companies where it isn’t, but our HR director at my current company would be a great resource for this conversation. She’s come to me before with issues that my team members have come to her for a gut-check on and I’ve been able to make some tweaks to the way i run things.
        2. talk to your boss’s boss. If you’re both the same title, the Big Boss can’t be that out of touch with what you’re doing, I assume. Establish a casual rapport with her/him and once you have one, bring this up. I have monthly 1:1s with my direct reports’ direct reports. It’s not a lot–usually a 15 minute call or we grab lunch, but it helps me get a pulse for if things are going south downstream. Plus they like free lunch.
        3. talk to a peer of your boss that has a good rapport with your boss’s boss. Same conversations as #2, but this person can be a sounding board. “Hey, am I really doing things all wrong? I get the feeling working with so-and-so that nothing I’m doing is right and it’s all about process…is that normal here?” If that person has half a brain, they’ll share with with Big Boss or even give your boss a heads up.
        4. Have the “career growth within the company” talk with your boss. Figure out how to “move on” internally.

  9. DisenchantedinDC

    Looking at transition to a new job in the next couple months – any recommendations for any personal development, organization, productivity, etc. books or tools? Looking to streamline my workflow and improve the process I use to attack my to-do list.

    • elemenope

      I can’t recommend The 5 Choices: The Path to Extraordinary Productivity enough. Even just the first chapter is amazing and has helped me be so much more productive.

  10. Lorelai Gilmore

    I’d like to get a piece of “mom jewelry” for a relative this Christmas. I’m imagining one of those necklaces with names or initials of each of the kids. I see a bunch on Etsy, but would love personal recommendations for good manufacturers. She has four kids, so it has to be something that accommodates that. Thanks!

    • Two Cents

      I’d love to hear some recs too. I have wanted to buy some mom jewelry for myself for a while now but a lot of things I have seen look cheap/tacky.

    • Maddie Ross

      Not snarking, but are you sure she wants “mom” jewelry? I love the piece I have that reminds me of my daughter (I have her simple initial on a necklace from Tiffany) but I think some of the mom-specific pieces are a bit twee. One of the styles I don’t mind as much, esp. for a mom of 4, are pieces that just include 4 – 4 birds on a limb, 4 eggs in a nest. The name/birthstone ones don’t do it for me.

    • Lorelai Gilmore

      I’m not sure if she wants mom jewelry – but I’m also not sure what she wants. This is a sister-in-law and she is incredibly hard to buy for. I’ve been buying her Christmas gifts for the last, oh, 15 years — and she never likes anything, including gift cards. So this is as good of an idea as I’ve got.

      • NYtoCO

        OK– this is not really a comment for you as much as in general, but it is such a sad state of affairs (IMO) that gift givers know when the recipient didn’t like their gift. I cannot imagine ever, EVER telling someone who gave me a gift that I didn’t like it, with the possible exception of my husband (and only if I really didn’t like it, and only if it was very expensive). Seriously, how is that an OK thing to do?

    • Angela

      I detest mom jewellery and have to stop my face from flinching when someone shows one.

      Do you like your SIL? What about treating her to something fun like high tea and then her nails?

      • Anonymama

        I have to say, I really don’t get this. Most “mom jewelry” that I’ve seen people actually wearing is pretty subtle, like a thin silver chain with a few tiny names or something. I mean, I could see it being not something you’d want for yourself, but hardly seems to warrant more than an ” eh.” (And I’m a pretty picky/minimalist jewelry person myself) maybe it’s regional? what’s the ugliest mom jewelry that you’ve actually seen someone wearing in person?

        • NYtoCO

          Not the poster above, but the ugliest I’ve seen is a necklace with stick figures of each kid, with the heads being the stone of that child’s birth month. That’s what most obvious “mom jewelry” I’ve seen has looked like, which is why I generally think it’s ugly.

          This was probably all in the south, and I think the ugly mom jewelry might be more of a thing there (and also the midwest, who knows).

          Second, some of the more minimal mom jewelry probably doesn’t seem like it’s for that purpose at all, which is why the only obvious mom jewelry I’ve seen has been ugly.

      • Lorelei Gilmore

        We live on opposite sides of the country, so all of the experience or service gifts don’t really work. And while I like her, we don’t have much in common, alas. Makes gift-giving so hard.

    • lucy

      I have heard great things about Tiny Tags and would LOVE to receive one of these myself. Great idea for a gift!

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