Coffee Break: Marli Too Wedge

148 Comments

1. I love this.

   1. Me too. I really like the curve of the wedge part.

   2. Wedge’s make me look even SHORTER then I am, I think b/c of the fact that there is NOT a tall shapeley HEEL but a WEDGE. My sister can wear wedge’s b/c Rosa is much more svelte and taller then me. I will show her these b/c she LOVES Kate Spade.

      The manageing partner got into an arguement with the Maryland attorney, b/c he want’s 25% of the billiengs, and he is doeing about 1/10 of 1% of the work, just a ROBOSIGNER the manageing partner says. But he has us over a barell b/c we are NOT admited and ONLEY he can sign PLEEADING’s. FOOEY, b/c I have to think of economic’s when I am a PARTNER, and now dad is willieng to make me a partner b/c the manageing partner agreed to take only 50% of the buy-in this year, with the remaining 50% over the next 5 year’s ASSUMING the partnership meet’s some compleicated earning’s target’s that DAD negotiated. YAY DAD!

      We are headeing back on the train soon, so I have to leave to catch it. I will NOT be abel to do much with my iphone b/c the Amtrack has a VERY slow wi-fi. DOUBEL FOOEY.

      I also got 2 texts from Philip and Robert. I think they know there is another GUY in the picture so they are COMPETEING FOR ME! YAY!!!

   3. I love it too. I like the curve, and I like the grip. I feel like maybe I wouldn’t die walking up the stairs of my double-decker bus in these. Very cute.

2. Love these. Too bad it seems to be sold out in my size. I love my Karolinas though – fantastic pumps.

   1. How does the sizing run on Kate Spade shoes? I never tried them and my current black wedges are on their last leg (ha!)…

      1. I typically wear between a 7.5-8, and I wear 8’s in Kate Spade.

         1. What is the width like? My bunion-ed feet are picky.

            1. I’ve always thought that I’ve had wider feet (Cole Haans simply do not work for me – even their “normal” width), and the Karolinas are comfortable for me.

            2. Thanks! I may have to try these.

      2. I think SFBay has this pair (I got the Halle’s). I remember from asking for her advice that I ordered the Halle in my typical size, but that she had sized up 1/2 size for the Marlis.

   2. I looooooove my Karolinas. I have to resist wearing them every single day even though they are a bright color.

3. Wow that NYT article is awful! I do think there’s a way to write about a popular women’s shoe, but it’s definitely not THAT way. For example: “A woman must look put-together, but not as if she is a slave to fashion; she must look groomed, but never be spotted grooming.” You serious, bro??!

   Re the Marli Too: I hate the little square heel that many wedge-makers tack onto the bottom of an otherwise okay shoe. It looks like an errant fridge magnet or a mini After Eight. It doesn’t add anything aesthetically, but makes a mockery of the stability that wedges are supposed to offer.

   My wedge philosophy is that while a wedge heel adds stability, the extra weight makes it hard on my joints. So I only go for wedges if the wedge is made out of something light, like cork or rubber.

   1. I think the little square thing is needed to prevent excess wear. Obviously some designs have found a way around it. I think it is unattractive too, but to be honest, no one is looking that closely.

4. For some reason I just can’t get behind high, dressy wedges. What do you wear them with — pants? short skirts? long skirts? Am I the only one? I stay away anyway, because for me they seem to present a much higher twisted ankle/foot risk than pumps, but that is probably due to something strange in my gait.

   1. I can’t get behind dress wedges either. I think they are probably more comfortable but they are just so strange looking. I think they make my feet look kind of …. clompy?

      So yeah, I don’t really understand wedges.

      1. I think they make the wearer look like a Clydsdale, wearing its dress hooves.

         1. That is hilarious! I am now all self-conscious because I wear wedges all the time, I find them even more comfortable than flats after a long day (flats rule the short term but the lack of arch support eventually makes the wedge prevail). In particular, I wear the Ashby by Naturalizer almost every day.

            I wonder if anyone else thinks they look odd when I wear em – I pair ’em pants, skirts, dresses, everything!

            See: https://corporette.com/2011/11/03/coffee-break-ashby-wedge-pump/

            1. Plenty of flats have arch support. Doesn’t mean you have to wear them, but they do exist

         2. +1,000,000. Ugly ugly and dangerous to boot.

   2. I like low wedges, but the dressy wedges are odd to me, too. I want to like them, but can’t.

   3. I’m normally with you, but these ones in particular look great to me. They are pretty much the only dressy wedges I’ve liked. I’d wear then with pants or maybe capris. Not sure about skirts though.

      1. Yeah, I can actually see these with ankle-length pants or capris. Perhaps it was just a styling block (and certainly not my first one). I’m still not going wedge myself, though. I’ve got unstable cankles, so I’m out.

         1. I’m wearing some today with skinny ankle pants (I’m in a biz cas office). I like the stability.

            1. I’m in the market for skinny black ankle pants. Do you like the ones you have? I tried the GAP cotton ones but they faded too quickly. I’m considering the Michael Kors ponte pant but would love any recommendations.

   4. You are not the only one. I find wedges MUCH harder to walk in than regular heels. Give me a nice solid (i.e., not stiletto) 3 inch heel any day of the week. I could walk a mile in the heels I have on right now, and have run through airports in them many a time, but I’d kill myself if I tried to do that in a wedge.

   5. I like dressy wedge sandals/peeptoes. I think the exposed skin visually balances out the excess material in the wedge for me. I don’t like most dressy wedge pumps, but I love this pair.

   6. I love dressy wedges and wear them with everything. It’s so nice not having to worry about getting heels stuck in grates and sidewalk cracks.

      1. +1! I find wedges a LOT easier to walk in than heels.

   7. Love them! I have black patent Cole Hann wedges that are the best when I have to be in court and on my feet questioning witnesses for 5-6 hours a day. While I prefer the look with wide-leg pants, I do wear them with skirt-suits as well.

   8. Thank goodness! I find wedges really unprofessional — they are essentially very casual, but designers try to make them more formal, to limited success — and thought I was the only one. They are usually unattractive as well, but I don;t care about that as much as I care about their lack of formality.

      1. How are they less formal than pumps? Maybe pumps looks like you are going clubbing? Do we have to wear shoes made for men? Or ballet flats?

5. Related to the etiquette PSA at the end of this AM’s thread – life pro-tip. If you’re going to be spending time working at a coffee shop, everyone there coffee shop will love you dearly if you bring a power strip so you increase the sad and limited number of outlets! I just toss one in my purse on Saturday AM before heading to Starbucks to get work done and people are always really happy about it.

   1. *everyone AT the coffee shop. Not there. Clearly I need to visit a coffee shop and get some coffee.

   2. I do this for large-scale depositions, but never thought to bring one to Starbucks. Great tip!

   3. I do this when I travel too – power outlets are scarce at airports, and there are frequently enough north americans that my one adapter and power bar are very valuable. I do wonder whether it’s okay for power outlets to use one adapter and a power bar…but I’ve done it several times with no ill effects.

      1. Yes, i have a US corrency three-socket surge protector (with two bonus usb charging ports) that i always travel with and keep it with me for starbuck trips too.

   4. That’s a nice tip, MOA – though I wondered why the poor thing couldn’t just ask the outlet hogger if it would be possible to plug said phone into the laptop & share the outlet? There’s a lot to be said for just politely asking for what we need/want instead of simmering silently and then ranting about it online.

      1. I found another free outlet, but would have asked the outlet hog to switch if I hadn’t. It was a matter of principle! :)

   5. That’s a great idea! I’ll have to remember to do this next time.

      1. I think I would probably be disinclined to let a stranger connect a smartphone to my computer. That said, I wouldn’t hog the outlet if someone needed it for their phone.

         1. the stranger had his laptop and his smartphone plugged in. So it would be asking him to plug his own smartphone into his own computer

6. Has anyone here seen a chiropractor?

   I’ve had really mild low back pain pretty consistently for years with sometimes worsening pain (primarily when I sleep in a weird position or when I have bad cramps).

   Today at the gym, I’m pretty sure I strained my lower back pretty badly (doing a burpee…yeah..I have a weak core, obviously). It hurts to bend over, which made showering and getting dressed SO fun. I called our provincial health link line, and I’ve been given self-care instructions, when to see my GP, go to emergency, etc., but I was thinking that a chiropractor might be helpful too? Thoughts?

   I see a naturopath, and she shares office space with chiropractors, and a colleague of mine’s husband is a chiropractor as well, both have been spoken of positively by people I know who’ve seen them, so I have a couple well-regarded options, but I would also take tips on how to pick one. I am mostly hesitant about neck adjustments, so I can opt out of those, right?

   As an aside, I feel so old because of this. Ugh.

   1. I have heard mixed things about chiropractors – from “they’re completed quacks that can paralyze you” to “they solved my pain where no physician ever did!” but I’ve never been to one. I think you definitely want to look for the right person, since they will be messing with your spine and that can have serious consequences.

      One option (but I’m not sure it exists in Canada) is to visit a osteopathic doctor (vs an allopathic doctor/MD). DOs learn muscle manipulation (like chiropractors) but also complete a full medical education. You’d have to check though, not all of them continue to practice it through their career – many just do regular doctor stuff.

      In the US, they’re sort of “looked down on” by some MDs (as the lower-tier option – it’s easier to get into a DO school than an MD school) but I believe they have to pass the same boards and often do the same residencies as MDs. I have found that when I’ve seen them, they’ve been more open to holistic medicine as opposed to individual body-part or systems-based medicine (total generalization though).

      1. As a DO, this is one of the nicest ways I’ve heard a lay-person describe us. Thanks!

         Obv, +1 on seeing a DO. You may wish to do a search for OMM (osteopathic manipulative medicine) or OMT (therapy / treatment). All DOs get this training in medical school; not all of us practice it as attendings.

         Also agree with comments below that there are some good chiropractors out there, as well as good PTs. All of us who work with our hands as part of our practice have common roots but, over time, some philosophies / practices have diverged enough that we’re separate entities.

   2. I have some coworkers who go to a chiropractor, and yes, as momentsofabsurdity said above, they are looked down on. And so, I, too, was thinking, why should I go to them…they’re faux doctors!

      Well, after a ton of rave reviews from coworkers, I finally went. And it made a lot of difference, and he really knows a lot about anatomy.

      I’m sure there are many quack chiros out there, but if you go to one that comes with recommendations, they can probably help you out.

   3. So I don’t mean to turn this into a lecture on exercise/fitness, but since you mentioned having a weak core, I will say that a weak core will do you no favors if you have back issues. My SO has low back issues dating back to a car accident, and he makes a point of keeping his back muscles and his core muscles in very good shape, because when he doesn’t, the muscles don’t “hold” things in the right places and he’s more likely to experience back pain.

      1. Oh, I know, I’ve been working on it for the past year or so, and I’ve noticed a huge improvement in terms of decreasing day-to-day lower back pain. I’m well aware that I need to improve it, but it’s not an overnight fix.

         1. I’ve had a similar problem in terms of low back strain (and a weak core, which I have worked hard to improve). I believe that the low back strain is muscular pain and I doubt a chiropractor can improve that through manipulation. Every single time I’ve had this issue, I’ve been told to take ibuprofen (in a fairly strong dose) consistently for 7 days or so. I’d call your GP to confirm the advice and ask them for their recommendation on dosing, but I don’t think a chiropractor will help. PT might be beneficial though, if that’s easier to see someone.

         2. Second the recommendation for PT if it’s something you’ve already been working on. They might be able to give you more specific strengthening exercises.

   4. I’ve seen chiropractors on and off for many years (starting after a bad fall in college) and feel like I could not live without chiropractic adjustments. I am prone to bad headaches and muscle spasms in one shoulder (and, more rarely, low back pain if my pelvic area/hip gets out of whack) and the chiropractor really makes a difference. I see my chiropractor now maybe every 2-3 months, but I can really tell if I go too long between adjustments.

      And I’ve been getting neck adjustments for a long time and have never had a problem — in fact, they are what make my headaches go away.

      1. Oh, and to follow on the comment from anon at 3:59, most chiropractors — the good ones — encourage strength training, stretching and the like. I had two (when I lived in different citeis) who required patients to go to “back school” one evening at their offices to learn exercises to strengthen the core and the shoulders/neck. My current doctor where I live now gave me some specific free weight exercises for my shoulder muscles.

      2. I’m not trying to take away from what your chiropractor does, honestly – since it sounds like it’s really helping you, and you feel better and happier and healthier which is the most important thing. But for me, this (“I feel like I could not live without chiropractic adjustments”) is one of the red flags of chiropractors. So many people need to see them for years and years and years and they never actually … get better. I think that contributes to the “they’re quacks that steal your money” viewpoint.

         Ideally, I’d want the person to be advising me and guiding me to the point where they are instructing me on how to (and helping my body to) strengthen my muscles, improve my posture, perform PT, etc etc and eventually get me to point that I don’t need need them at all. Maybe I’m too “cure” or “solutions” focused, I guess. Someone telling me “well your muscles are just misaligned and you will need adjustments for the rest of your life” wouldn’t be very productive for me.

         1. I think you may be projecting a bit.

            “I could not live without chiropractic adjustments” makes me think she’s living with chronic pain, not that her chiropractor is a charlatan.

         2. I hear you, but a handful of visits a year is not a problem for me. (If I had a chiropractor tell me to come in 2 or 3 times a week, that would be a red flag.) And while I definitely could be stronger and have better posture, etc., there’s a limit to how much time and energy I have to devote to fitness. (And PT? My son had about four not-very-helpful sessions for a sports injury and our share of the cost in our otherwise good insurance plan was more than $500.)

            I find that I need an adjustment more after, say, lots of travel with long driving trips and/or flights, and lots of computer time. It’s hard to stay aligned (or healthy in many ways) in a stessful but sedentary job. So this works for me.

         3. Gee. Some people just use Percocet for chronic pain.

   5. I go to physical therapy for lower back issues and find that it helps a lot. I know you said you do core work already, but you might benefit from having someone show you particular exercises to target different muscles (I definitely did). My physical therapist also works on my back quite a bit at each session and uses heat and electro stim. Also, there is definitely an end in site for my therapy, although I hope to stay disciplined to keep up the core work and good habits I’ve learned (if the “I cannot live without my chiropractor” sentiment is a concern for you).

   6. I’ve mentioned it before but full disclosure: my dad’s a chiropractor. That being said, I find get adjusted very helpful. I fly home twice a year and while I’m there, I get adjusted. It’s hard to find a doc you trust after being treated by your dad for 30 years so I haven’t found one in my current town. Clearly I can live without getting adjusted often but when I do, I feel taller and more relaxed. There are good ones out there and there are bad ones. The best thing you can do is get a recommendation from someone who likes their chiro.

   7. For back pain, it’s best to take anti-inflammatories like Advil or Aleve round the clock (don’t let them wear off) for a couple of days before you have ANYONE touch it. Chances are any manipulation while it’s acute will make it worse.

      If you want to get some massage/chiro/whatever for chronic back pain down the road, more power to you. But don’t go there with a fresh injury.

   8. I have seen one after aggravating bulging disks in my lower back while working out. Honestly, I went several times, and while I don’t regret going, I’m not sure I got better more quickly than I would have just doing my stretches (that I got from the PT after my original injury) and taking ibuprofen. I had always been a skeptic, but my trainer recommended someone who was a chiro + a PT and also had a sports massage therapist on staff, which eased my nerves a little bit – and the massage was fantastic!

   9. Just wanted to add another view, although I’m late in the day. I’ve never been to a chiropractor (I was actually forbidden to by the doctors at the Shriner’s hospital where I was treated as a kid with scoliosis), so I can’t say much about them.

      However, I had spinal fusion surgery about 2.5 years ago and had lived with back pain for most of my life. Prior to adding 13 screws and 2 rods to my spine, my surgeon suggested the book “Back Rx: A 15 minute a day yoga and pilates-based program to end low back pain” by Vijay Vad, MD. Whenever I’m having some back pain, I do a few of the stretches and the pain is gone- it works for me better than any prescription pain medicine I’ve ever had, any PT routines I’ve tried, any professional massages I’ve ever gotten. I recommend it to anyone who has ever had any sort of back pain… and no, I don’t get commission!

      Hope you get to feeling better. Back pain is a PITA.

      1. Oh, I meant to say I lived with back pain most of my life PRIOR to the surgery. I’m actually much better off pain-wise than I was before the spinal fusion.

      2. Thanks for the reference. I’ve made a note of this book. Glad your pain has eased up since the surgery.

   10. I’ve never had accu or chiro, but the most awesome massage therapist I have ever come across is someone who the chiropracter’s office recommended to me. She clearly understood anatomy. She often did not use as much pressure as I expected, but her techniques really got the ache out!

   11. Yes! And I don’t know why I waited so long. IF nothing else, you get massages paid for by your insurance. Hello!

       1. A strained muscle is a very different thing than a herniated disc. I have had disc surgery twice. I have done A LOT of Advil, physical therapy and core work. And it still happened to me twice. To be honest, I don’t think anyone really understands how it all works. So, I would suggest to take it easy and do what feels good. Massage can be ok. PT works for some people. I even did cortinsone shots 3 times. But I have not found any one thing that helped 100% besides surgery and time. It takes a lot of patience. My last surgery was in January of 2010 and while the pain is so much better, I still have numbness and symptoms to date and probably will for the rest of my life. Best of luck!

7. Early TJ – Does anyone have a recommendation for a tax advisor in New York City (preferably someone who is familiar with the U.S.-Canada Tax Treaty)? Your input is much appreciated.

   (Sorry if this turns out to be a double-post. My last comment didn’t seem to have gone through.)

   1. Ooh, thanks for the reminder. I need to get my US taxes squared away now that the IRS has stopped ignoring us dual citizens who live in Canada… (Sorry I don’t have any helpful hints! Although from what I hear – US taxes are super complicated – Canadian taxes are fairly straightforward.)

8. There’s a Kate Spade surprise sale going on right now. Just for 3 hours and it started at 3 pm Eastern. I’ll try to post a link if anyone needs it.

   1. Define “need” :)

      1. Shoot, KC was right. It ended – while I was trying to get a link to the login and still contemplating a purchase. Sorry!

   2. Interesting, the email I got today said 12-3pm ET, but it seems to still be live.

      1. The one I got said it started at 3 PM Eastern or 12 noon Pacific.

         1. I was wrong – it said it was supposed to end at 3 Eastern.

            1. Not sure if they just took down the login page? If I go to http://surprise.katespade.com and click view all, I can still see the items.

   3. WHERE???

      1. On the internet.

9. Question re: seersucker suits for women lawyers in DC. I just bought the BR version (still available on the website – oddly the pieces are not called seersucker (just Vertical-Stripe Pencil Skirt, Martin-Fit Vertical Stripe Ankle Pant and Striped suit jacket). I bought the skirt and jacket at a BR store, and they do match and are a suit. My problem is that I am not sure if a seersucker suit is a good idea or if I will get enough wear out of it. I know I can split up the pieces but the other colors (black, grey) in my wardrobe mean that if I want to wear the jacket and skirt separately, I would have to invest in other pieces. Part of the reason I like suits is that they constitute an outfit.

   So here is the question: seersucker suit for women lawyers in DC, worn as a full suit (ie jacket, which has bracelet sleeves, so slightly shorter, along with the skirt) – yay or nay?

   1. I own a seersucker suit from Brooks Bthrs, and I wouldn’t wear it as a full suit here in D.C. That said, I see others who do and it looks fabulous. I just feel silly with the whole suit. (I break it up and wear the pieces all summer … so comfy and cool!)

   2. I say rock it.

      1. Yeah, I should have said that. I think my advice is based on how I feel in the full suit. If you will feel good in it, you’ll look good in it, and rock away!

   3. I’d wear it as a suit with the skirt, but not with the pants. The other thing to consider, though, is that you’re not going to get a ton of wear out of it — something memorable like a seersucker suit can’t be worn too frequently.

      1. I don’t think that rule applies in the summer. If it’s hot, you can wear your SS once a week every week from Memorial Day to Labor. It’s no different from any other suit really.

         1. hence seersucker thursdays!

         2. It’s different in that it’s memorable. I wouldn’t wear any memorable item more than once every three weeks (unless I was seeing a totally different crowd of people).

   4. I say yay! Unless you’re like me and you look like you’re wearing pajamas when you put on a full SS suit. Even so, you’re making me want to order both pieces esp. with the 40% off promo.

   5. Yay. It’s definitely a novelty suit but worthwhile if you already have classic suits.

      1. Thanks for the replies. I like the way the BR SS skirt + jacket combo look (not the pants) and it is a flattering suit on me, so Ia m leaning towards keeping it and wearing it a few times this summer. I won’t get as much wear as with a black suit, but SS seems to be a classic, so I can rewear other years. Also, I have a beige summer suit I only wear at most once every two to three weeks, but it is a nice classic alternative. I am putting the SS in that category – ie cant be worn often, but a good staple to have (esp when it is 100 degrees out there).

         1. Keep in mind that it’s probably lined in polyester so won’t necessarily be cooler. I still say rock it though but do not get the matching shorts. ;-)

            1. Yes, definitely no shorts. I am not even considering the pants. I do like the skirt and jacket – the cut works well with my frame. I was planning to buy a suit this year that was not black and preferably cotton/lightweight for DC summers, so SS seems the way to go, particularly as the suit fits etc.

      2. I have a seersucker blazer and wear it a lot in the summer months with a variety of solid color tops and skirts. I can’t imagine wearing it with a matching skirt/slacks. Here in Texas, we are Southern, per se, but I have not seen a full on suit anywhere. Not even in the stores. YMMV.

         1. I see them often in Houston. Both men and women!

10. In response to yesterday’s thread about the perfect sheath dress — which many of us pear shaped women just can’t wear, as much as we wish we could — I wanted to pass along a new source I found for inexpensive wrap dresses. Check out NorthStyle.com. As a disclaimer, I will note that there are a LOT of frumpy things in this catalog (think sort of a cheaper version of Coldwater Creek). But I recently ordered a couple of A-line or flare dresses from them, and they’re great! Not the highest quality in the world, just rayon, but a heavy enough rayon that you don’t need a slip underneath. I’d never wear them to court, but I will wear them to the office in the summer with a cardigan or blazer over them. For 50 or 60 bucks, it’s hard to go wrong. I’ll try posting some links to the ones I ordered that I liked.

    1. Here’s one: http://www.northstyle.com/itemdy00.aspx?T1=NA895%20NVW%204&ref=us

    2. And another: http://www.northstyle.com/itemdy00.aspx?ID=1,1396&T1=NA474+BR+4

    3. And this: http://www.northstyle.com/itemdy00.aspx?ID=1,1396&T1=NB402+BK+S

       1. Cute dresses but after 2 bad experiences shopping at North Style I will not shop there again. ever. The first order was for a skirt that said it was fully lined (which is why I bought it) and it arrived cheaply made and not lined at all. When I called customer service they looked at the website and the description had been changed so that the lining was not mentioned. I had happened to print a screen shot of the item before I ordered it because it was uncertain about the company and finally got them to refund the shipping both ways because of their error in the description.

          The second time was for a dress that was supposed to include an enclosed belt but it was missing when it arrived. The dress had obviously been worn for longer than necessary to try it on and I had to speak to many folks at customer service before I got my shipping refunded on this order.

          So proceed with caution if you order from North Style.

          1. I have gotten some good and some no-so from Boden. Still, most of their things aren’t hourglass friendly. Their spring stuff was on sale last week – and still seem to be on sale (<40% off). The faux wrap dress was a full faux wrap in the skirt – a great thing. But the pleats at the shoulders created more lumps/bumps/fabric folds over the bodice than a regular wrap dress. Perhaps for a pear figure it would be better.

             http://www.bodenusa.com/en-US/Womens-Dresses/Knee-Length-Dresses/WH519/Womens-Rosebery-Dress.html

             That said, this dress is great. Love the thick/soft texture ponte. Sort of a vibe on TWA/Pan Am "come fly with me" in my view.

             http://www.bodenusa.com/en-US/Womens-Dresses/Above-Knee-Dresses/WH518/Womens-Textured-Ponte-Dress.html

             for more of their wrap dress style, I would just suss out items on their sale pages. Beware; you may need to return more quickly than usual as Boden often requires that for a full return on the pricing. That being said, their quality of materials and finish can't be beat on sale!

11. Today, I feel fat, irritable, exhausted, and I can’t focus. In short…can today please be over soon?

    1. Can you take a short walk outside? I just ran to the post office and being in the sun cheered me up considerably!

12. Reporting back: maxi dress on a date.

    I ended up wearing it, even though I saw the comments about guys not really liking maxi dresses. I think I just was in the mood for it and nothing was going to sway me. I think I looked good though he did tell me I looked “really fancy” (to which I replied “What? I’m wearing a jersey dress, flip flops, and sunglasses on my head…” and he said, “But you’re wearing a long dress.”) So I’m not sure if he really “got” it, but I felt great, and he told me I looked great, so I’m calling this one a success.

    1. Guys don’t get them. But it’s great that you rocked it and filled him in on the casual nature of a maxi dress.

    2. I meant to respond to your post yesterday about the maxi dress. I’m glad you wore it. I met my SO wearing a maxi dress and he still talks about how I looked that night. They flatter me I guess!

    3. My bf’s favorite outfits on me are maxi dresses, so some guys do get them! Ymmv

    4. Yes, I think guys are generally confused by maxi dresses and see them as more dressed up than they are. But I bet you looked fabulous and I hope you had a great time too!

13. Gift help — my parents just bought a house a year ago. It’s the first house my mom has ever owned and she loves having her own yard. I’m thinking of getting her some kind of gardening something for mother’s day. Anyone have any recommendations? I’m thinking the $50-$75 range. If it’s on Amazon, even better.

    1. Gardener here! Does your mom do any gardening now? Do you know whether she currently has any gardening tools? Has she expressed any interest in doing anything particular in her yard? Happy to help but some more background would be great!

    2. Is she interested in growing her own vegetables? What about a book on growing vegetables, a variety of seed packs, and some gardening tools?

       Or, you could get her a gift certificate to a local nursery.

    3. You could do a gift certificate to a bulb catalog – something like Colorblends or Brecks. I’m a big proponent of planting a bunch of different spring bulbs so that you have something blooming all spring, year after year.

    4. I just discovered Burpee.com two weeks ago and conveniently found coupon codes on retailmenot! It seems like they often have free shipping codes and some sort of discount, so it’s worth checking out for the prices alone. However, their shipping is slow…I expected my gardening goodies to arrive last week, and they won’t be arriving until later this week. :(

    5. A pretty trellis, garden bench, or sculpture she likes?

14. For once, my Googling skills have failed me. I was trying to find out if there is any medical or psychological basis for putting children to sleep completely naked. As in, literally not a stitch on them, no undergarments whatsoever. I was over at this woman’s house last night and she put her two daughters (ages 2 and 5) to bed while I was there. They stripped off their regular clothing and went to bed wearing nothing, under thick blankets. This woman doesn’t believe in vaccinations and had home deliveries for both kids, so I’m wondering if there’s a theory behind this sleep method or if it’s just her own unique bedtime routine. I was too shy to ask directly because I don’t really know her very well.

    1. Dunno–some kids sleep hot…a lot of kids I babysit for peel their jammies off at night. She might just be preempting that. Also, if she’s hippy, she may not want the chemical fire retardants that are required by law to be on som jammies on her kids. Just my guesses.

       1. hippy hippie?

    2. I’m also trying to picture how you put that search into google…”safe search” notwithstanding, that sounds like a recipe for disaster!

       Sorry, no substantive input here, just amusing myself…

       1. Haha, well I only searched for things like children bedtime methods, etc., wasn’t too descriptive which is why I couldn’t really turn anything up.

    3. Sounds like “comfortable with your body” thing. I can’t say I’ve heard of any particular reason otherwise…

    4. How do you know this? Why do you care? What are you concerned about?

       I have never been comfortable in pjs. My son goes back & forth. We often put our jammies on in the morning on weekends and hang out in the house wearing them. My father never wore pjs before getting married. My mother was shocked I tell you, and he has worn them faithfully ever since.

       But seriously, as long as the sheets are washed regularly, what is your issue?

       1. There’s no “issue” – I was merely curious if there was a medical reason for it since there are for the other things I mentioned (i.e. no vaccinations -> some people say vaccinations cause autism, etc).

          I guess the main reason I was so surprised is not because the lack of PJs but rather the lack of underwear, especially for children.

          1. All the sans pj sleeping I mentioned above was/is sans undies too. Children are unlikely to get yeast infections, but for me, it doesn’t seem healthy to sleep in them more than “those” days every month. What’s your reason for thinking they’re so important?

             1. I think you’re being more than just a little defensive. OP was just asking a question about something she hadn’t seen before. Nothing in her post strikes me as judgmental or condescending.

          2. My boys always sleep commando in their pjs – they think it’s more comfy. And sometimes when I check on my youngest before going to bed he has his pj bottoms pulled down & his cute little bottom is sticking out from under the blanket. Always makes me laugh. He’s my ‘love to be naked’ kid for sure.

          3. There is no medical reason behind vaccinations causing autism. There was one study that found a link and it was FRAUDULENT and all but one of the authors recanted it. It’s never been replicated. It’s amazing to me how many people believe this. It is just like believing that the Earth is flat or that humans lived with dinosaurs.

    5. I bet she sleeps naked so the kids want to do the same.

15. How do you guys keep your relationship with your (romantic) partner healthy when you hardly ever see each other?

    My partner and I are about halfway into a completely crazy period in our professional lives in which our working hours never overlap–so I leave in the morning before he wakes up, and he gets home at night after I’ve gone to bed. We can usually manage to spend a few hours together on weekends (either Saturday morning or Sunday afternoon/evening, but not both!) but never a whole day. This schedule is likely to keep up through the summer.

    We’ve been leaving notes for each other and texting/IMing frequently, but not being able to spend quality time together is really starting to take a toll. Any ideas?

    1. Do you work near each other or near home? Some friends who both have very high pressure jobs but live near the husband’s office make it a point for H to come home to have dinner, even a brief one, and then go back to work when things are getting really crazy (not every night, obviously, but at least once or twice a week). Maybe you can coordinate something similar even if it’s a once-in-a- while you coming to his office to see him for 30 min. on your way home?

       Or if that not doable, what about taking coordinating coffee breaks together. I do this with my friends when I am really crazy and don’t have time for more interaction. For instance, I’ll text my friend that I will call her at 2:30 to get coffee and then talk to her while I walk to a coffee spot, get some air, clear my head, catch up. It takes maybe 20 min. total, but I feel rejuvenated and like a much better friend.

       Otherwise, just put everything extraneous on the back table – don’t worry about chores as much, hire help where you can, and try to have at least one quality block of time every week (e.g., Sat. night). If Obama could find time to take Michele out on date nights when running for president (and running the country), I think everyone else can find the time, too.

    2. Are your schedules so extremely different that you could go to bed right when you get home and be awake again by the time he gets there, and he could stay awake a little later than usual?

       Besides the real time texts etc, you might also want to leave videos for eachother, racy or not, as you’re comfortable

16. I am switching banks and have one check left to clear before I can close my old account. I wrote it to my hairdresser when I got my hair cut on the 13th. At what point is it reasonable to ask her when she’s going to deposit the check?

    1. Instead of asking her, just tell her that you will be closing that bank account and ask her to deposit the check by X date.

    2. It depends on the bank, but you can remove all the money except the exact amount to cover the check and ask the bank to close it once the check clears. The wonderful branch manager at my previous bank did this for me and emailed me once it was done. (This makes me really miss US Bank and I wish they existed here!)

       1. That was me. Kat, I would love love love it if we could get our names to auto fill again!

17. T/J: I just found out through a mutual friend that another friend is in the process of divorcing. The mutual friend asked if it was OK to tell me, and friend said it was fine, that she wanted to tell me. I want to call and offer her my support. How do you broach the topic? Not “I’m sorry to hear about you and ex,” I think, because she initiated. How about “Mutual Friend told me about you and ex. Is there anything I can do?” Seems kind of weak . . .

    1. Even if she initiated, “Im sorry to hear about this…” may be appropriate. Just because someone filed for divorce doesn’t mean she’s not sorry about what’s happening. But if you want to avoid any possible confusion, how about “Mutual friend told me about you and X. I’m sorry to hear you’re going through that. I just wanted to let you know that I’m here for you. If there’s anything I can do, please don’t hesitate to ask.”

       1. I agree. Just because she initiated the divorce doesn’t mean that she’s not sad. I also think that you could potentially be a bit more specific in your offer to help. If she’s moving somewhere, does she need help moving, packing, cleaning, etc. Suggest getting together for dinner or drinks in the near term.

    2. “Hey, it’s AFT45. Mutual Friend told me about your breakup. How are you doing?”

       Then listen.

       Offer drinks or lunch or a shopping trip or whatever your thing with her is.

18. T/J: I just found out through a mutual friend that another friend is in the process of divorcing. The mutual friend asked if it was OK to tell me, and friend said it was fine, that she wanted to tell me. I want to call and offer her my support. How do you broach the topic? Not “I’m sorry to hear about you and ex,” I think, because she initiated the divorce. How about “Mutual Friend told me about you and ex. Is there anything I can do?” Seems kind of weak . . .

19. Anyone ever had acupuncture for infertility? Or anything for that matter.
    It was actually recommended by my OBGYN, which surprised me, and I’m curious if anyone’s had experience with it.

    1. Yes. Well, not for infertility per se, but for issues with my cycle that were making it harder to conceive. There are a lot of studies showing that acupuncture helps with infertility, especially with the outcome in IVF. I think it’s one of the few things that Western medicine accepts that acupuncture actually helps with.

    2. It worked for a friend of mine after many rounds of clomid. I realize that isn’t a lot of evidence, but she credits it with helping with secondary infertility.

    3. Yes. No positive outcome to report yet, but I’ve been seeing an acupuncturist for 6 months now to address fertility issues. It’s pretty common among women going through IUI and IVF.

    4. Yes! I used acupuncture for assistance getting pregnant my second time. It took me 19 months to get pregnant with my first, and because of fertility issues over the past year, I decided to give accupuncture a try before heading down the clomid, etc. route. I started accupuncture in September and got pregnant in December. My advice: find an acupuncturist who is known for specializing in fertility issues. My course of treatment included: acupucture once each week, taking chinese herbs daily, drinking chinese tea daily, no hot baths, no cold drinks/cold foods (ice cream, etc.), charting daily. So not too many changes to make, and it seemed to work for me. Good luck!

20. Yay. Booty call on Hart of Dixie!

21. Ladies, urgent help please! I have posted a couple times about looking for a new job (i’m a junior/mid level associate at a law firm) and I just learned that I got an offer from a firm I am really excited about, of course the offer is contingent upon the lateral questionnaire/conflicts form I just received. One of the questions is my current salary and bonus information from the past few years. During my last review, I received a poor review which resulted in me not being bumped up to the next year’s salary (my firm is on lock step compensation). So of course I am going to fill out this form accurately and put my current salary, but do you think I should initiate the conversation as to WHY it is lower than my typical class year or should I not say anything and just wait until they ask me, if they do ask me? Thanks in advance for your input!!

    1. Don’t lie but don’t volunteer the “why”. Be prepared with an explanation if the question is asked.

    2. If asked you can also include other “grapevine” reasons if you really think they are true. I came from a firm that did stealth layoffs and when they economy tanked they basically gave everyone a bad review to avoid raises. When discussing salary with my current firm I said if it weren’t for the firm’s economic situation I would have been at X. While the firm never told it to me this way, it was extremely well known in the legal community and I don’t believe for a second that I got a “real” bad review.

       1. I feel that I am in a similar situation in that I received a bad review from one particular person in my group (who is the head of the group) and he is truly a known terror in my area of law in my city. During interviews other people at other firms have even brought him up. So I suppose I could point out that my bad review was from this particular person which might be better than just saying I received a bad review period.

    3. I wouldn’t assume that the other firm knows that your current firm does lockstep. So many firms moved away from that model and others only apply it to certain classes of attorneys. It may not come up.

22. These wedges are cute, but the best work shoe I have ever owned in my entire life are the Martina wedges from J.Crew. I have them in a tortoiseshell print and also in black and nude patent, and they are AMAZING. So comfortable, just the right heel height, and the shape of the toe is a lovely almond. Worth every penny. They also come in some beautiful suede colors I’m thinking about buying with the 25% discount J.Crew is currently running. Check them out here:

    http://www.jcrew.com/womens_category/shoes/wedges/PRDOVR~50472/50472.jsp

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