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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 191 Comments · by

Wednesday’s TPS Report: Naomi Mix-Print Wrap Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS)· Under $150

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. BCBG Naomi Mix-Print Wrap DressHappy May, ladies! Today I'm liking this interesting wrap dress — the mix of prints and colors makes it really cool, and, I think, flattering. I like the high neckline and the 3/4 sleeves; I would definitely wear a slip beneath this. It was $228, then was marked to $129, but with Last Call's Mother's Day sale you can take 30% off everything, bringing the dress down to $90.30. BCBG Naomi Mix-Print Wrap Dress Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-3) P. S. Ooh, just found another cute BCBG wrap dress, this one for $87 and in a dark blue brushstroke pattern –I'm even more in love!

Sales of note for 9.30.24

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  2. inconflict

    Sorry for the off-topic. I am a frequent reader but not a regular commenter.

    How do you deal when you are stuck in the middle of office drama and conflict? My boss (owner of the company) and his colleague (also my superior but works for a different company) are in an all-out email war. They are both spouting miss-truths and things are continuing to escalate. I think that ultimately it may result in them severing ties. I am in the middle of this conflict because I play multiple roles in the project they are arguing over. The colleague thinks I did something behind his back (which I did, because my boss told me to do so) and also thinks I am not giving his deliverables enough attention (which is also true because my boss told me to stop working on them but didn’t tell his colleague). The boss has been calling the colleague out on shotty work product (true, he’s not paying attention to the methods I used when I send him my work), not producing enough work (also true), and being intransigent. They cc all of their nasty emails to me and my name is repeatedly mentioned. So far I have just tried to stay out of it and let them work their drama out but it is causing me a lot of anxiety and sleepless nights. Are there any strategies I can use to try and mediate this situation? Or would saying even a peep just get me into even more trouble?

    • Sydney Bristow

      I hope people have advice for you because that sounds awful! I’d also send this as a question to Ask A Manager.

      • I am a banana.

        Write a memo to yourself to file today explaining the situation. E-mail it to yourself so you have a time stamp of when it was created. Not helpful for now, might be helpful for later. Sorry you are in this situation.

    • TBK

      I’m confused. You say the non-boss is your superior and a colleague, but also say that he works for a different company. Are these affiliated companies? Otherwise I’m not getting the relationship.

      • inconflict

        I did make that confusing. How to word this without giving away too much… My boss and the colleague share ownership of the project I’m working on. They cannot sever ties easily because it is a contract. Technically my boss is the big boss of the project though. So if they did sever ties I would still answer to my boss. But to add complications to this: I’m a producer of work and my work actually goes directly to the colleague not my boss. He is the ultimate judge over the quality of my work. But my boss is kind of inserting himself in what I am producing (perhaps with good reason) the problem is that he doesn’t tell the colleague what is going on. Ughh, I’m making this sounds so much more complicated than it needs to be.

        • eek

          Are you the prime? Or is the “colleague” the client?

          Either way it sounds really weird and childish. I’d stay out of it unless the client is aware of the problem/is unhappy with the work. Be prepared to defend your work/guidance you received from your boss.

          • inconflict

            My company is the prime. Yes, I am trying to stay out of it. I do have almost everything going on in writing (since they just love doing this over email) so I suppose in many ways I’m in the clear. Yet it continues to bother me anyways. Even though their fight seems to have a lot to do with me, I have been able to stay above it so far. I’m just fearful that I’ll be dragged down into it at some point and that is what keeps me awake at night. It is very childish (but perhaps not as weird as I’m making it sound – sorry I’m just in a highly specialized field and if I used more specifics I feel like these posts could be traced back to me).

          • Meg Murry

            The only thing I would recommend is more email CYA – if your boss says “don’t work on client’s project, deprioritize it” I would email him and say “as per our conversation earlier I am prioritizing [other project] over [conflicting clients project]. However, [conflicting client] is expecting the report by Friday – please contact him and let him know it will be [late, incomplete, whatever is appropriate]”. If boss is telling you not to work on client’s project, he needs to let the client know so the client doesn’t blame you when projects are late or not to his standards.

            But yes, this is ugly and unfortunate. Do what you can to minimize your personal reputation, but if client has industry ties this is probably going to harm the company reputation, if not yours personally. I’m so sorry, its awful to be put in the middle like this.

    • Ellen

      You have to be very carful. In my firm, there is alot of INFIGHTEING between the lawyer’s OTHER then the manageing partner, who is SENOR to all of them. The rest of the lawyer’s all try to take credit for what OTHER peeople are doeing, so that the manageing partner will give them a bigger BONUS. I am NOT part of this b/c right now b/c I am not a partner, tho when I am I do NOT know what is goeing to be different. I HOPE the manageing partner will STILL give me the clotheing allowance — I better ask DAD to put it into the partnership AGREEMENT ADDENDDUM he is going to be drafteing with the manageing partner that cover’s my buy-in as well as my pay-out and my 401K and now this.

      I REEALLY have to discuss this earn-out stuff b/c I have NO IDEA what Dad was talkeing about. He said I do NOT have to pay as much in if the PARTNERSHIP does NOT make alot of money, but I will if it does, but then I get it back net of taxe’s? I wish I did not a D+ in Federal Income Taxe’s in Law school. The profesor did NOT like me b/c I would NOT go out with him. He was a wiry little worm with kinky hair and wire RIMMED Glasse’s and he worked for the IRS. Why would I date some one who had an IRS job? My dad said to stay away from him, but mabye if I did NOT, I would be smarter NOW on this stuff. FOOEY!

    • Viv

      It’s unfortunate it’s all going down over email. That always seems to escalate conflict rather than resolve it. If I were you, I’d sit down with my boss and just mention your concerns about the situation. It sounds pretty dramatic, and it’s perfectly understandable that you are feeling anxious since your name is being thrown around. I don’t know if this would resolve anything in particular, but it seems like you’ve been put in an unfair situation, and addressing it in person might relieve some of the tension. I think talking about it in person is the adult way to handle it, not that you will be claiming any responsibility for their problems.

  3. Sydney Bristow

    I want to like the dress, but the lighter part at the bottom and the brown trim is distracting me.

    Sorry for the immediate thread jack! I could use some advice on how to be happy and supportive for my sister who is newly engaged to a guy who is just generally not a good guy. It’s a long story as to why and as far as I know there has not been any abuse, but he is just not a good guy. They’ve been dating for years and I briefly expressed my concern about him at the beginning of their relationship but haven’t said anything since then. The rest of my family has repeatedly expressed their concerns to her and she felt alienated by this. I’ve been the supportive one who she feels she can talk to. Now that they are engaged, I’d like to continue to be able to be that for her. I think there may be some drama throughout their engagement, so I’d like to really be there for her. I’m having trouble with this though and feel like I’m faking it when we talk because I’m sad that she is going to marry him. I really need to learn how to accept it and be genuinely supportive. Any advice?

    • Anon

      I went through a similar situation. I suggest you take your sister to coffee or something, tell her that for your own conscience, you need to share some of your concerns but you understand and respect that she has made up her mind. Because you respect her, you’re not going to bring it up again, but you won’t have personal peace until you share with her. Since most of your family is repeatedly sharing their concerns, she probably won’t listen but you will be able to support her more genuinely knowing that your conscience is clear. In five years if she is unhappy, you don’t want her to say “why didn’t you tell me?” But then respect her, don’t bring it up again.

      • Monday

        Since Sydney said something early in the relationship, she could just refer back to it very briefly before doing as this comment advises. I’m sure her sister remembers, since it’s the majority opinion in the family and everyone else is still being vocal about it.

        Every single one of my close friends who married in their 20s are now divorced. I even asked for advice on this blog a few years ago about supporting them, and I heard here (and from others) some wisdom that didn’t make sense then but does make sense now: just be there and follow their emotional lead as best you can throughout. All of your own opinions stay under the rug whatever she does in the short or long term (ruling out abuse, of course). I know it must be harder when it’s in the family, but the principle is the same. One way or another, you’ll see her through.

      • Sydney Bristow

        Thanks for the advice. I decided when I told her the first time that I wouldn’t bring it up again and I still don’t want to. I’d like to be able to figure out how to be happy for her internally without bringing it up again.

        • Cella

          This is much easier said than done, but try to focus on her happiness about the engagement/wedding planning/ marrying her fiance. Be happy she is happy, maybe even try to appreciate the fiance because he is a big contributor to her happiness instead of focusing on his negative characteristics. I know it took me a long time to warm to my brother’s wife, and I still work at it, but I’ve gotten to the point where I know he is happy, and that is good enough (and I can remind myself that I love my husband, but of course there are some things about him that annoy some people).

          And in terms of her getting hurt down the road—marriages fall apart for so many reasons, including marriages between people who are equally fantastic on their own.

          Disclaimer: I am not sure if this holds up if he is not a good guy in terms of how he treats her/values their relationship.

          • Sydney Bristow

            Thank you, this is helpful. I’ll try to focus on her happiness and finding good qualities about him. The point about loving your husband but knowing there are things that others are bugged by is a good way to think about it from another perspective.

        • Anon in NYC

          If you don’t want to bring it up to her again, then I think you need to dig deep to find some good qualities about him and see why she may love him. My best friend has a husband that I didn’t love when they first got together (granted, he wasn’t that bad, but he had some not-so-great qualities), but I’ve reconciled my feelings with the fact that he seems to really love her and she seems happy with him. My feelings don’t matter – I want to support her, so I’ll support her in her choice to marry him (obvious caveats about abuse, which is not an issue here).

          • Anon in NYC

            I’m just guesstimating, but maybe about 1-2 years after they started dating. He has some temper and control issues (which sounds worse than it really is) that are still ongoing. I still get upset on her behalf because I think that something that he’s doing isn’t something *I* would stand for. But she seems to be happy and doing well, so I keep those thoughts to myself.

        • saacnmama

          Don’t have any advice but just want to say how lucky your sister is to have you trying so hard at this.

      • B

        I had a close friend get married in a similar situation. At one point once they got engaged, another good friend and I got together with her and said look, we need to let you know that we’re concerned about x, y, and z, and we need to tell you this. If you decide to go forward with it, we will support you 100% because we love you and care about you, but we can’t live with ourselves if we don’t tell you what we’re seeing. Fast forward 5 years and she got divorced. Not a surprise, and we ended up being a big part of her support system during that time. Honestly, I think it helped that we had laid out the issues way back when, even though she didn’t choose to heed our advice at the time, because I think it made it easier for her to talk to us as she was considering divorce and then going through the process. She told me during that time that she was glad that we said what we did when we did, even though she was young and determined that she could change him and wasn’t going to change her mind at the time.

    • AIMS

      I was in a very similar situation with my best friend. The guy she married was a jerk, he is still a jerk 6 years into their marriage and they’re probably going to get a divorce if not now then soon. At the time she got engaged, I’m not sure I approached it the right way but I basically decided not to say anything about how I felt. I think part of that was because she had decided to throw caution to the wind and not use birth control during the engagement so there was also a semi-unplanned pregnancy to deal with… But I’m not sure I would have said something anyway – though it may be good advice to gently voice your concerns. One thing I have learned since as she is going thru all her drama with the marriage is I think to myself, I just want her to be happy and if he’s part of that so be it. I don’t have to live with him and she is making her choices for a reason. This helps me accept her choices and be there for her through the bad times.

      I guess the other thing I’d add is what is it that you and your family dislike about him? And does she seem happy with him? Because the flip side of this is that sometimes we don’t see what’s great about someone’s relationship either. I remember some family friends first meeting my SO and being very not into him. They thought he didn’t love me and was aloof and there was all sorts of weirdness that couldn’t be further from the truth. It was really awkward for a while until I basically forced him to be super duper nice to them, their rudeness notwithstanding, to ‘show’ how much he loved me and also made it clear to them that I would not tolerate any grief about my relationship. I *think* they now like him but who knows? And the greater point is if they don’t, they’re terribly wrong not to think he is great to/for me. Is there any chance your sister’s situation may be similar?

      • Sydney Bristow

        I do think that they love each other so I’m going to try and focus on that and her happiness. Our concerns are related to some criminal activity in his past that I think he may still be involved with and some other reasons. My sister has very low self-esteem and doesn’t often stand up for herself, or put her own needs first, but I know I can’t protect her.

        I’m sure she feels very similar to how you felt and that we just aren’t seeing the positives of her relationship. In trying to be supportive, I’ve tried to make him feel comfortable when they are around the rest of our family. He is not a very nice guy and I’ve discovered that its worse when he feels unwelcome, which I can’t totally blame him for.

        • Godzilla

          I wasn’t reading too carefully upstream but please pardon my super expert online analysis here. It sounds like you really love and care about your sister. Why don’t you focus on strengthening your relationship with her and boosting her self esteem, introducing her to activities, friends, books, etc, that would give her the tools for a happy life, with or without a husband? You’re going to be sisters forever, with or without this man she intends to marry. You can support her in other ways without being thrilled about her fiance and really strengthen your relationship. I think that it could go a long way to giving you the inner peace you’re looking for knowing that you’ve helped your sister grow in general.

          • Sydney Bristow

            Thanks Godzilla. I do try to do this as much as possible. We are very close, but I live across the country from her so its hard. I do tend to send her books that I think she would find helpful at different points in her life. I’ll definitely continue to focus on our relationship.

        • L

          Ouch. The criminal angle is a hard pill to swallow. I think you could always frame it as you’re happy she’s happy. You want to really welcome the guy into the family, but you have you reservations because of X and you’re afraid they could impact her negatively. You’re going to work on getting past them and you’re always there for her. I think you raise the specific reasons – ala I like Bob, but his DUI is concerning because I worry about your safety. That might be easier for her to hear rather than thinking you just hate Bob outright.

          • Sydney Bristow

            Thank you. If I do mention something to her, I think phrasing it like that would be helpful.

    • TBK

      I echo what everyone else said (especially AIMS). I’d also add a few thoughts. First, just as AIMS said, is your sister happy? Ignore the guy for a minute and how *you* feel around him — since she started seeing him, is she happier? When she’s with him, does she look happy? If not, then focus on that. As in “I know you love him, but I worry about the fact that you seem to get quieter when he walks in. Why is that?” Or “You haven’t seemed as happy since the two of you got together. I know the family has been focusing on what they don’t like about him, but what makes me worried is the changes I’ve seen in you.” Second, approach this by asking questions. Ask her what she likes about him. Not in a way to get her defenses up, but asking her to let you see him with her eyes. Also, if there are specific things about him that worry you, ask her to help you see why those things don’t matter. Just asking the questions can help her process through the information and, possibly, identify places where there might be more of an issue than she was ready to admit. But I’d just reiterate what AIMS said. My friends weren’t big on Mr. TBK when I first brought him around. He leans a little right and my friends are hardcore lefties. Also, they have a certain zaniness that he finds overwhelming, which made him quiet and withdrawn. Now they all know each other better, they all get along fine. But they definitely were not fans when he and I first started dating. I still don’t have my mom 100% on board, but I promise that I am very happily married.

    • Sydney Bristow

      Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the advice. I think I instinctively knew what I needed to do, but your perspectives, ideas, and hearing personal experiences is very helpful.

      • Violet's Fan

        One more story here – from your sister’s perspective. My friends and family were generally not supportive when I got married at a young age to a less-than-stellar guy. In fact, my friendship with my best friend disintegrated because she was so vocal about what a mistake I was making. Planning the wedding was not nearly as fun and exciting as it should have been.

        After 12 long years and three kids together, my ex and I divorced. Yes…they were right, but even the fact that these people who were closest to me said something didn’t stop me from marrying him. I really needed support when the divorce happened and I got it to a certain degree. However, there were close family members who couldn’t help but say “I told you so.” I think it probably also took me a lot longer to do the right thing for me and the kids (i.e., get the divorce) because I didn’t want to prove everyone right. That resulted in YEARS more pain for me and the kids than was necessary.

        My advice? Go with your gut and say nothing. Your sister is her own person who is going to make her own decisions. Just try to be there for her no matter what happens…good, bad, ugly. That’s the gift I wish I had from my sisters.

    • NOLA

      My current SO often reminds me that he told me I shouldn’t marry my now-ex husband. But it wasn’t necessarily because my ex was a bad guy. Just that he thought we were wrong for each other. He was right. Oh well.

  4. T. McGill

    Both my boss and my secretary have kids that are graduating high school this year, and I would like to get each of them a small graduation gift. One is female, the other male, both will be going away to college in the fall. I’m thinking gift card — AMEX, for whatever they want, or maybe Bed Bath & Beyond for dorm gear. Since I don’t know them personally, I want something generic but useful. Also, if I go the gift card route, what is an appropriate amount? $50? $100?

    Thanks in advance!

      • Anon

        When I graduated high school, college and law school several of my parents co-workers gave me gifts. It was usually a card with money and I really appreciated it!

      • Anonymous

        Most of my high school graduation gifts (mostly cash and checks) were from my parents friends or my friends parents (who knew me but had no idea what my taste would be)

    • Cb

      That’s a sweet gesture and will likely be much appreciated. I think Target or a homegoods store would be great. Starbucks or a takeaway place or grocery store might also be appreciated if they get sick of cafeteria food.

    • rosie

      I think a gift card would be really nice–Bed Bath and Beyond is a good idea; Target or Amazon would be similarly useful for someone starting college and dorm life.

      In terms of amount, I don’t know where you work or what typical work gift habits are, but I would say that $50 each sounds very generous.

    • TCFKAG

      If it were me I’d go with Amazon (they can use it to get books or e-books or dorm supplies or whatever they want that way) and really I can’t see going above $50 for something like that, though it is a very nice gesture.

      • Meg Murry

        I’ve heard that the credit card gift cards can be a pain to use, because if you use them for less than the full amount, it’s a pain to find out the remaining balance – and then some places can’t spilt the bill for 2 payment types. This was years ago though, after a friend got a bunch for her honeymoon, and had a hard time figuring out which cards had balances and how to spend the last few dollars. Maybe things have changed, but I would either go for a gift card to a specific place like Amazon, Apple, Starbucks, Target or straight up cash or check. I know (back in the dark ages) I put all the cash and checks in my bank account, then used the money for textbooks my first semester.

        • AIMS

          This. I got a visa gift card from our broker and it was such a pain to use. I still have like $4-7 on it but can’t use it because I have to go online to fine out the exact amount because otherwise it can’t be processed.

          I would do target or Barnes & Noble. I think $50 is a generous amount, you don’t need to do more. I also think it’s nice to do this.

          • Anon

            That is interesting. I have never had a problem splitting the payments–like if I had $5 left and my pruchase was $20, I just said use the rest of this and put the remaining balance on this other card.

        • Young Consultant

          This depends on where you use it, not on the card. Target will always let you split the purchase, but many places do not. I have also found grocery stores to often let you split the remainder. I get a few of these a year from work and everyone is always discussing this topic of how to use the very last bit.

    • T. McGill

      Thanks for the suggestions, I really like the idea of an Amazon gift card. It is not as impersonal as an AMEX card, but not as limiting as a BB&B card.

      BTW, every time I have graduated, I’ve received gifts from my parents’ co-workers. It seems like a nice gesture to your colleague to acknowledge their child’s accomplishment.

      • Anonymous

        Honestly, I would go straight check. Thats what I got mostfor high school graduation. And I wouldn’t go more than 50.

    • KC

      I received a number of gift cards for high school graduation and they were all much appreciated! Target was great for dorm supplies and Amazon for books. With the exception of a few larger gifts from family, I think most gifts were in the $25-$30 range. I’d say $50 is extremely generous.

    • a passion for fashion

      honestly, i would just give them cash. Im usually very against cash, but i think graduation gifts are the one exception. The problems with amex etc gift cards are (a) you have to pay a fee to purchase them, adn (b) they are a PITA to spend, particularly in small denominations like $50 or $100 — you have to constantly keep track of the balance and you often wind up with a few bucks left of the card that doesnt get spent. score for amex, but cash is better

      • Alanna of Trebond

        Only, they may want to buy all their books from Amazon, since that’s usually less expensive than their college bookstore.

        I am an Amazon Evangelist.

        • Anonymous

          Yes. Amazon is amazing. And a gift of Prime would be great, although I think they offer one free year of it already to college students. But an Amazon gift card that can be spent on things to 2-day ship with the free Prime… yesss. :-)

    • College student

      As a college freshman, I would recommend:

      – Amazon gift card (books, computer stuff, dorm furniture)
      – gift card to the University book store (specific books, school spirit clothing. I recommend this because book stores are overpriced and its nice to have a gift card when you need to buy something from there)
      – Bed bath and beyond / Target gift card
      – Visa gift card (You can use them if you want to have money on you but don’t want to carry cash/your actual debit card)
      – Starbucks / ice cream store / college specific handout (Excuse to take a break without spending own money, will think of the person who is ‘funding’ your break when you use it.) My parents randomly gave me a $10 starbucks gift card through groupon and it was great, felt like my parents had bought me lunch that day. Or maybe I’m just sentimental

      College dorms aren’t very big so there’s not much room to have extra stuff unless its pictures/has sentimental value, so I wouldn’t recommend buying them something they may or may not need.

      • College student

        Also, actual cash is always great. Savings from my high school job + some of my graduation money is going to help fund my study abroad trip and my new laptop, which is after all a very significant and meaningful gift.

        All this might make me seem spoiled, but I’m not saying I got all of the things I listed, just saying they’re useful.

        • College student

          Or . . this is Corporette after all . . . gift card to a store to buy basic business clothes, if he/she is going into a field where they will need them. I ended up needing business clothes much sooner than I expected and they’re expensive.

    • In the Pink

      A swiss army knife. Liked by both sexes…useful, personalized with color/initials. Easy to order and have shipped. Functional. Doesn’t expire and doesn’t need batteries.

      • Alanna of Trebond

        I don’t think I used a swiss army knife the entire time I was in college, except during our get to know you Outdoor Action trip.

  5. TCFKAG

    I liked it until I scrolled all the way down – but I have to agree with Sydney that the bottom is….weird. Also sometimes wrap dresses in these fabrics show every bit of pudge on me if they aren’t substantial enough – really depends on the specific item. But it would go nicely with the wedges that Kat posted yesterday in a business casual office with a pendant necklace I think (if it was all one color.)

    Just a PSA to Mamabear and a reader whose name starts with S (not sure if its a moniker and don’t want to post your real name) – I answered your questions at my blog. Also, can people give me comments on the format and content here or in the comments if you’re willing? Thanks!

    • NOLA

      Hey – love your blog – and I really liked your suggestions for mamabear. Especially liked the red shrug with the shawl collar. What’s going on with the comments? Looks like everything posts as one post and the comments go in one place. That may be why it doesn’t work in feeds?

      I haven’t done much about sandals. I bought some really cute studded sandals from 6 PM (G by Guess). They have a zipper in the back and rubbed my heels badly. I hope that softens up!

      • TCFKAG

        Ah…so I figured out that on this website I have to post blogposts to another spot (the “blog”) and then I post a link to them on my main page. So now you can click through to the actual blog post which has a comments section at the bottom (non-Disqus and fresh for each post – but I’ve left the Disqus comments on the old posts for now because people had commented, but I may delete them) – I think I’d prefer the blog page to be my “home” page but I haven’t figured out how to do that part yet. Does anyone know Weebly and know how to do that?

        So yeah, you can either click on “Shopping Blog” at the top to see the better format or you can click through the link on any individual new post to see the blogpost for that post. Also this allows people to add the blog to their RSS feed – which I know people wanted. So thumbs up.

    • Bonnie

      I am a fan of BCBG wrap dresses. In my experience the fabric does not cling but is forgiving in patterns. I wash them on gentle and hang to dry. They do fit a bit on the smaller side and I usually size up to get more coverage too.

      • anon in-house

        Yay, so glad you shared this because I ordered the blue wrap Kat also recommended at the end of her post :D

    • In House Counsel

      TCFKAG or others,

      can you help with styling a dress for a outdoor afternoon wedding I’m attending this weekend. its the Anthro Tupelo dress and i’d like some suggestions on how to dress it up.

    • January

      TCFKAG – I loooove your blog! Which also means I hate it, because now I want to go BUY ALL THE CLOTHES. Well done!

    • Lynnet

      I’ve been really enjoying it ever since you linked to it here a week or so ago. I’m going back and forth on buying the blowfish sandals you recommended for NOLA.

  6. SFBayA

    That fabulous Tory Burch Walsh dress that TPS recommended a couple weeks ago is now on sale at Saks for $207 instead of $345. I just had Nordie’s price match. So excited!

  7. Sweater help needed

    I cannot for the life of me find a white v-necked cardigan. There are a million little crew-necked cardigans out there, but I like the look of a v-neck better over a dress so that the necklines don’t compete. What I want is something just like the Banana Republic Anna sweater, only in a v-neck. Can anyone help me find one? Something relatively short and fitted.

  8. Contract attorneys?

    Contract attorneys, I would appreciate any answers:

    What percentage of your billing-out rate do you receive?
    Is the contract straight-up hourly, or does it depend on the work you do? Doc review vs writing briefs, etc.
    Are you on a 1099 or W-2?
    Do you get office space or cubicle?
    If the contract is less than full-time, do you have face-time requirements?

    I want to work less because my firm doesn’t have enough to keep me busy FT, and I would rather work less than FT anyway. I don’t know whether to ask about going down to part-time or straight-up contract. I know that contract is generally considered less prestigious, fewer benefits, no path to partnership, etc. Anything else I should consider?

    • another attorney

      totally depends on the job and you often have no clue what rate you are being billed out to clients — you probably know the rate difference between what you get and what your agency gets. I think average rate for bigger cities these days is like 25-35/40 hour, though NYC could have gone back up again.

      you often get office space at our firm — shared usually, like a summer associate. And contract attys for us never, ever do anything other than doc review.

      Although you seem to be asking more about a staff atty position — which is like a full time (or party time) contract atty that works only for one firm and has no agency. If thats what you want, you might be correct to just ask about it, assuming your firm has such positions.

      • Contract attorneys?

        That is it – only for one firm, no agency. I currently work FT and am a senior associate, and want to continue at the same firm. I don’t do doc review since I am in a different area of law.

        • Meg Murry

          I think Diana Barry has commented before that she is an associate and part time at 80%. Maybe she’ll chime in later?

          Not a lawyer, but I have a friend who works part time as an engineer. I think she’s considered 60% – 40 hours is FT at her employer (and they get comp time for going over), so she works 24 hrs a week (either 3 days a week 8 hrs or 4 days of 6hrs depending on her kids and client schedules). She was able to keep the company health insurance, but the company only pays 60% of what they pay for FT employees and she has to pay the difference. They also accrued PTO based on hours worked, so same thing, she only gets 60% of the PTO. I don’t think she gets to participate in the retirement plan though. However, she and several of her coworkers went to PT around the same time, and when the workload dropped off, the ones who went to PT and were newer than her were the first to be laid off, so now she is debating whether she should go back to FT for more job security or whether she should stay with her PT schedule as long as she can and hope there are no more layoffs.

          • Diana Barry

            Yup, I am 80%. My position started out that way though so your firm may be different, but basically it is just like FT in terms of benefits but the salary is pro-rated and my progress is slowed wrt partnership. Feel free to email me at dianabarry r e t t e at g mail if you want. :)

    • Anonymous

      -I receive 100% of my billing rate because I don’t work through an agency – I got my job direct.
      -My contract is straight up hourly – but my work is also fairly consistent.
      -I’m 1099 and most contract attorneys I’ve met are.
      -I’ve had both cubicle and office space – depends on what the firm has available – I just prefer not to be in a group conference room if I can avoid it.
      -So, I think part of being a 1099 and a contract worker in general is that you have some control over facetime requirements – I generally try to be there most regular business hours but can work from home when I need/want. There was a period when I worked from home exclusively.

      I would agree with another attorney above though that it doesn’t really sound like you want to be a “contract attorney” per se, which I usually think of as a temporary arrangement with the firm (no matter how long-term the temp position is) – but you would prefer some sort of off-track or staff attorney position, where you are no longer considered partnership track, have decreased billable hours requirements, and are perhaps allowed to go part-time in return for reduced compensation. I think this is a pretty valid career path (especially in the modern world where, quite frankly, so many people are never going to make partner anyway) and is definitely preferable to losing your job entirely and I think I would chose it over going the pure 1099 contract route if given the choice. Not sure though, would depend on the terms.

      • Anonymous

        I may have misunderstood – I receive 100% of what is paid to me (no fee from an agency gets taken off the top since I don’t work for an agency) – I’m actually not sure what gets charged for my services to the client (I work for a place that works almost entirely paid on contingency or out of settlements so I’m charged at what is determined to be a “reasonable” rate by the court.

    • mascot

      What size firm are you at? I agree that what you may be seeking is a staff attorney role, although that still may be less pretigious than you want. If you go to a contract role, will you still be listed on the website/letterhead? Can you send out materials under your own name? For all purposes, do you appear publicly as a regular lawyer of the firm?

      • Alanna of Trebond

        I don’t think contract attorneys are ever on the firm website or use firm letterhead.

        • another attorney

          staff attorneys often do though, which is more like what she seems to want to do

    • Apple

      I know someone who does this. Don’t know the details but she was very happy from the move from full-time to being paid by the hour.

  9. Hopeful lateral

    I am looking to relocate to a new city in another state. A month and a half ago I contacted a recruiter in the new city who told me he thought he would be able to help place me in a firm (I’m a mid-level attorney). While he did send my resume to three firms, nothing worked out and the circumstances seem a little off to me. He has become rather unresponsive since. Yesterday I contacted another recruiter (with a different company) in the new city and I have a phone screening interview with the new recruiter today. Do I need to tell the new recruiter about the old recruiter? Do I need to “fire” the old recruiter? I am not worried about them both submitting my resume to the same firms because both are required to ask my permission first.

    • Cella

      You can definitely have more than one recruiter, but let the second recruiter know which firms the first recruiter has already submitted you to so that s/he is not wasting time there.

    • Woods-comma-Elle

      This may be a ‘know your market’ sort of thing, but here (London) one would always have more than one recruiter on the go unless the one was superfabulousamazingomg. In these circumstances, you may wish to let him know you are not using him anymore because of the unresponsiveness, so that he is aware of the feedback and may pull his socks up, but I wouldn’t generally fire recruiters or tell them I’m using others.

  10. DayCare

    TJ – I am pregnant – YAY! No one knows yet (I am only 11 weeks) so I cannot ask close friends/co-workers yet but I am dying to know…What on earth do you professional women do for childcare? A home daycare? Family member? Daycare center? Is the location near work or home and does it matter? What is the cost?

    Also, related question – if you have a baby (or babies) are you working full-time or reduced time? If reduced time, are you finding that it is hurting your career at all.

    Thank you all for your insights – I need so much help.

    • Diana Barry

      Congrats!

      It really depends on the city, where you are located, what your family is like, etc., as far as childcare is concerned. We live near Boston and when I was looking, the rates for daycares for infants were just about the same as a nanny (since I needed 4 days). I think one center was maybe 2500/month? Nannies generally start at 15/hr around here. It is also almost impossible to find anyone who will agree to be paid on the books. If you pay on the books, it is much more (at least $100/week more) because they want to net the same amount as if you were paying off the books.

      I didn’t look at any daycares near my work because in the city they are almost nonexistent AND more expensive. I looked at one that was on the way to work (didn’t like it) and one in the opposite direction (too expensive and already full!). I also looked at family daycares, but all the ones I found were either full or didn’t take infants.

      If you live in a metro area that is not as expensive as Boston, all forms of childcare will be less expensive.

      • DayCare

        Thanks, Diana Barry! I am actually live in a Boston suburb and work in Providence so your advice is particularly helpful. How did you find your nanny?

        • Diana Barry

          We used craigslist, but now I find that everyone is on either sittercity or care dot com. If you post your job and requirements you will get lots of applicants and can weed out easily. The good ones do tend to get jobs fast, so I would look now casually and then post your job when your baby is just born or whenever you will need them in the next month or 2.

          • Betty

            Agreed. We went through sittercity (also near Boston) for our nanny. You will get a ton of applicants but can cut through the list pretty quickly. We then called about 15 and brought 5 to our home. I highly recommend calling as a first step. You can see/hear a lot of crazy over the phone and avoid bringing them into your home.

      • Gus

        I agree with everything Diana Barry said, except the part about it being impossible to find anyone willing to be paid on the books. I live in Boston too, and our nannies (we had two, over the years) were always paid on the books, and so are the nannies of everyone I know (admittedly almost all lawyers). Personally, I had two reasons for wanting to pay on the books. One, I am a lawyer, and while I’m not a prig about it, I don’t really like to knowingly break the law. Two, and frankly more important to me, I wanted our nanny to feel like this was a “real” job, more like a career than just an informal babysitting gig. Paying taxes is what people with real jobs do, and so I felt that should be the situation for our nanny too.

        • Betty

          Also, in MA paying on the books allowed our nanny to apply for and receive state-subsidized health insurance. (She was incredibly knowledgeable about the procedure for this and we were never really involve in it.) We used Breedlove to pay our nanny and take care of the taxes. They were great and I highly recommend them.

          • Away Game

            Second the rec for Breedlove. More expensive than two other options we looked at, but they make all the taxes/paperwork so.easy.

          • AckAck

            I know someone who uses Breedlove and strongly endorses it.

            But the name makes me want to throw up. It’s godawful.

        • anon atty

          My firm makes us certify every year that we have complied with all of our tax obligations (which would include any nanny tax issues). Part of the reason we use day care and track how much we pay sitters.

      • pregomama

        I live in a south-of-Boston suburb. The centers here are $1800 and $2300ish (it’s a very “bright” center if you catch my drift) for 5 full/extended days of infant care. There are a few more in town, but we are choosing between these two.

        For us, our long term plan is to have Kid 1 (due this summer) in daycare, then when kid 2 (due ….sometime) comes along, get a nanny for both nippers.

        Our neighbor has a nanny, not sure of the legality of the arrangement, but she pays $20/hr for her two children plus some decent housekeeping (more than just the kid’s mess, but not deep cleaning.)

        Have you considered an au pair program? We don’t have the sort of room in our house for an au pair, but it has been a good arrangement for friends of ours.

        • pregomama

          legality meaning whether she is on or off the books…not if she is in the country legally, or anything else!

    • Blonde Lawyer

      I’m not a mom but my mom was a stay-at-home mom who provided in home childcare after school and on vacations for three other kids. It is an option not commonly discussed on here. My little brother wasn’t yet born and I LOVED having what felt like 3 siblings or best friends at my house every single day. Life wasn’t super structured. We could play, watch tv, eat snacks, romp outside or in the woods, nap, basically whatever we felt like. This is before schools assigned homework to elementary school kids. I’m sure it was much cheaper for the parents than regular day care. The kids all lived in my neighborhood and would walk home w/ mom or dad when they got out of work. My mom didn’t have the type of in-home daycare advertised on the street or online (well, because online didn’t exist yet). It was all just word of mouth. That won’t help you with your infant but I think it is a great option for a toddler and school aged kiddos.

      • MB

        I think in-home daycare has different popularity in different areas. I am in the western half of the United States, in a smaller metro area and it is definitely more popular here, and is seen by some people as preferable to a center. We found a great center for our son, but we definitely considered home daycare. My best friend has used the same in-home provider since her daughter was 4 months old – she now has two kids and she and her husband and kids go on vacation with the home provider and her family. That’s a best-case scenario. There are a LOT of bad, worst-case scenarios out there and people need to be very careful in how they vet an in-home provider. But bad stuff happens with nannies and centers as well.

    • Betty

      Congratulations!!

      I have had a couple of different type of childcare over the last few years. When I was in a bigfirm on the East Coast, we had to have a nanny. It was expected. I toured a few daycares in the city and, like Diana Barry said, they were nearly as expensive as a nanny. Plus, the daycares closed between 5:30-6:00 and there was no way I could guarantee that I could make pick-up everyday. We did pay our nanny on the books, and stated as much in our ad for the nanny (we went through sittercity).

      Now that our son is a bit older and I have left biglaw, he is in a daycare that is pretty much a home day care. While I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving my 4 month old at a bigcity daycare center, we absolutely adore his daycare now and plan on bringing our new baby there as well (I’m due in August). My husband and I commute in opposite directions, so the daycare is near our home. That way, we can both do some of the dropping off and picking up. It would be easier for me, and allow me to work longer days, if the daycare were near my work, but my husband would never make pick-up if that were the case.

      After the birth of my son, at a biglaw shop, I went back to work part-time (still working 40-60 hrs per week). It was only after I returned to work that I realized that part-time (and especially working from home) was viewed very negatively by the partners. Unbeknownst to me, they had had associates take advantage of the system before my time, and so I was immediately stigmatized. Not fun. I would say this is a case of knowing your office. Don’t be afraid to ask direct questions and ask others before you go out on maternity leave.

      • Diana Barry

        I forgot. I am at a small firm and started my job as an 80% person, so that has been the expectation from the beginning. Some partners view it negatively, but not my immediate boss.

        • Betty

          I’ve been meaning to ask … Did you negotiate 80% after finding your position or was it advertised as 80%? I’m in a government gig for now but want to move to a small firm in the next year or so and really want to go to part-time. I’m not sure how to approach this in the small firm context.

          • Diana Barry

            It was advertised as “part-time” – not sure whether they interviewed others or not, what their expectations were, etc. (I had worked with my boss before at another firm.)

    • V

      Congrats!

      We found infant care almost impossible to get in my city, but lucked into one center after I had to work-from-home for a month after my leave was up (THANK YOU MOM FOR STEPPING IN!). I knew nothing about babies, so I didn’t feel qualified to interview nannies (plus, for job-related reasons, I would have had to pay mine on the books). We switched centers @ 9 months to one closer to work and used it for #2 also. Good care is expensive, but with a good center I didn’t worrry about a nanny getting sick / having vacations / quitting abruptly (and have had co-workers struggle with that). I love the teachers at our center and am amazed at how much I’ve learned from them.

      I am not in the northeast, but a large city for my area and spend about 25K/year on two preschoolers now.

      Schedule-wise, I leave my desk around 4 so that I can be home in time to make something for dinner or so that we can do activities. When they were younger, I found that they sacked out for the night around 6:30, so I could nurse one last time and get to visit with them some before starting up work again, cleaning the pump, and all of that fun stuff. With my job, I can be flexible, but I am often working at home until late. I’d love to work less, but my job is like having a small business. I can’t really cut back, but I’m looking at adding a junior person since I think I have the business to cover that cost.

      Good luck!

    • Snarkster

      Congratulations! I use a daycare but have found babysitters on care dot com and I have friends who found nannies there. Personally, I like a nanny for a baby and a full-time preschool for an older child. I work full-time, but there are a variety of things you can do, depending on your job etc. I think it does impact your career to go part-time or reduced-time. That’s not necessarily bad, but every action has a consequence, you know what I mean? Best of luck for a happy healthy pregnancy!

    • Lyssa

      Congratulations! I’ll echo Diana and say that it varies widely. In my area (Tennessee, low cost of living), day care is certainly the most common thing (I don’t think I’ve ever met a person with a nanny), or family/SAHP arrangements. I have a 4 month old. My husband stays at home now, but we did do day care for a month while we were still working things out. In our area, the range for infants is between $800-1050 ish per month (it goes down a little once they get a little older). I think that there are some that are cheaper, but lower quality. We were paying the top rate, for a really good facility. I get the impression that the in-home ones are less, but (and maybe this is just because I’m FB friends with a girl who is absolutely nuts and is running one) I’d be nervous about the quality and safety.

      There are a lot of difficulties with using day care, though. The big one for us was the 6:00 pick up time – with both of us working somewhat unpredictable hours, that seemed like it could get challenging. Obviously, depends on your job, though. Also, you have to pack up everything for the kid every day (filled and labeled bottles, which get dumped if the kid starts but doesn’t finish them, sheets, diapers, etc.), which was a hassle. (Most facilities provide lunches for older kids, but ours did not, so we would have had to pack a lunch as he got older, too.) That said, I’ve worked with attorneys before (males, even!) who just started out a meeting (depo, whatever) saying I’ve got to leave at X to pick up at daycare, and no one complained, so I think most of the time it’s fine, at least in our more laid back area.

      One thing I would stress is that if you and your husband are both working the same number of hours, make sure that you don’t find yourself being responsible for all of the baby issues, pick ups, drop offs, doctors, etc. Of course, if you decide to reduce your hours, then it would make sense for you to take over more, or vice versa. I was the main breadwinner before the baby, so it wasn’t practical for me to reduce my hours (in fact, I just took a new job which has a lot more), but I could see the benefits if you don’t mind a hit to your career and earnings (I really do not think that it would be possible to avoid taking at least a small hit). I do miss the little fellow during the day, in a way that I admit I didn’t really anticipate.

      Also, I’ve known a lot of people who have a family member, like a retired grandparent, take care of the kid. I know that it works for a lot of people, but, personally, I’m not a big fan – it’s really hard for an adult child to control their parent, particularly if they are helping out for free, so you lose a lot of control. I’m really pretty laid back about not controlling every aspect of my kid’s life, but I still don’t want to completely give over control to another person and not feel like I can really say anything, which I think would be the case were I to give him to a parent during the day. My mom watched my niece for a while, and it seemed to cause quite a bit of family grumbling.

      • Meg Murry

        I pretty much ditto everything Lyssa said, except my lower COL city is in Ohio, not Tennessee. Costs are comperable to her rates listed above too, butthat’s at centers that happen to be very good but non-profit, I don’t know how many of those exist outside my unique hometown. I personally love our daycare center, but we couldn’t swing the 6:00 pickup time if my husband didn’t work right near home/center and have a flexible job. As it is, we are lucky to have family members nearby that we can call on in a pinch to pickup the kids if we’re cutting it close, and we also had a college student doing pickup and dinner one night a week for a while when we both had evening activities. There are a few centers in our area with extended hours (and even one thats 24 hours) but they cater to shift workers in our area, I think you still have to commit to a set block of time and pickup by that time.
        If you are considering centers, you may want to find a list of licensed ones and call to ask how long their waiting list is, and get on it if it doesn’t require a deposit. Some centers give preference to siblings and employees, so I know at least one center told me they would put me on the list but I probably wouldn’t get in before the kid was 18 months. I have friends that hired nannies that they were kind of “meh” about, so they put their kids on the waitlist for the center, then when a spot opened they put the kid in the center and took their time to find a new nanny they preferred.

        I would also second Lyssa’s comment about being careful with family as babysitters, because its hard to set boundaries. My MIL watched my son for 2-3 days a week when he was 2 and it didn’t go very well because she wanted to be “fun, spoiling, feed him sugar and skip naps” Grandma, and that just doesn’t work when someone is a primary caregiver – they need to be willing to enforce your rules and boundaries and not give in to temper tantrums and whining.

        Good luck and congrats! A good daycare or nanny can make a huge difference in how comfortable you are going back to work, knowing your child is safe, happy and healthy.

      • Hmmmm

        Question about in-home daycares vs non-home daycares –

        I am not a lawyer nor am I a parent, but for the sake of exploring this topic more. Are non-home daycares put under more regulatory or legal scrutiny?

        I’m thinking the scrutiny is more just that if there are 30 kids there at the non-home daycare, then there are 30 sets of parents/guardians that might pop in unannounced so more opportunities to detect something being “off.”

        Whereas if the worst happens, and I’m thinking and a child gets hurt or killed at the site of the daycare, are the legal penalties for the non-home daycare somehow greater? (On top of possibly being shut down.)

        • hoola hoopa

          In my state, in home centers can receive the same license as an institutional center. So long as you are comparing licensed providers, the oversight and regulations are the same.

          Naturally, unlicensed centers are unregulated. In-home providers are more likely to be unlicensed, but many home providers are licensed.

          I honestly don’t feel that having fewer families would provide less unofficial oversight because we all have the same interaction. In a home situation, I almost feel like I see more. I put my kids’ food directly into the kitchen fridge, for example, so I see everything that’s there and what’s prepped for the day. I usually hang around a bit and play with the kids and can observe the teacher. Many of the kids are part-time, so parents are coming and going all day. We are all essentially neighbors, too, so we see each other outside of daycare. Ultimately, it all comes down to trust and gut feeling – whether it be a fancy institution or a grandma taking in a couple of kids.

          I know nothing about legal penalties.

        • Blonde Lawyer

          My mom was a state-licensed provider and carried separate liability insurance above and beyond her regular home owner’s insurance. To maintain her license she had to deal with the occasional surprise inspection and meet safety standards like gates on stairs, plugs blocked, etc.

        • Samantha

          Not answering your question, but to the OP and others – I wanted to put in a plug for NYAEC-accredited daycare centers. I toured several (accredited and not) and find that their high standards (teacher education, teacher student ratio, space, outdoor space, and many, many other criteria) for qualification do translate into better care and a better environment for your child. Non accredited centers can be as good of course, but I frequently find that they at the very least have a higher teacher-student ratio than NYAEC requires.

    • hoola hoopa

      Congrats!

      We do a mix of SAH dad, my parents, and an in-home daycare. The mix has varied over time.

      Care at your home has the distinct advantage of saving you from getting the kids up and ready in the morning and running around for pick up and drop offs, which eats up a lot of time and is a huge hassle. It’s also nice because the kids can sleep in, which helps your weekends. Downside is that kiddos can get bored.

      I am really happy with our in-home day care. It’s less expensive, but it’s also just soooooo much more flexible than a center. IME, centers have established rules and routines, and expect families to bend to them. I like that our day care provider is flexible with nap schedules, dietary requests, etc. She’s also fairly picky about the kids she accepts, so there aren’t trouble kids. My kids love the social aspect. She refused to potty train, though, which was awkward.

      I did not cut back my time. It’s hard to maintain a full time workload with the slower morning prep, need to pick up kids by a certain time, and desire to get home to see them. I am generally short a few hours each week and make them up by working remotely in the evenings or weekends.

      A coworker/friend dropped her time to 0.8 after her first and 0.6 after her second. It has hurt her in that she does appear less dedicated and ambitious. She suspects she’s been unfairly passed up for promotion, but I don’t think *she* attributes it to her schedule change – but I suspect it’s a part of it. However, it has hurt her far less than leaving the workforce for those years would have. She is treading water a bit, but she didn’t lose any ground.

      • MB

        “IME, centers have established rules and routines, and expect families to bend to them. I like that our day care provider is flexible with nap schedules, dietary requests, etc.”

        This is a major drawback to a center. Our daycare center essentially set our family schedule – they made us sign an agreement that when my son was a baby/toddler, he would stay on the same nap schedule during weekends and holidays as the one he was on at daycare. They also would not let us send certain foods that they considered “messy” (brown rice) and while they had a mostly-excellent meal program, they did not tolerate it when we periodically made special requests that weren’t allergy-related. They also had extremely strict policies about drop-off, pick-up, and sick-kid-pickup timeframes. I get it – centers have a lot of kids to manage. Our center was NAEYC accredited, as someone else mentioned, and overall I loved the care they provided and my son entered elementary school already reading. But if you need a lot of flexibility, a bigger center may not be the right choice, as hoola hoopa said.

    • RR

      For us, a daycare center was the right choice. I didn’t want to worry about provider sickness or instability. A big center seemed “safer” to me as a first time parent because there are always multiple people around and they have cameras in all the rooms that I could look at during the day. We’ve been totally happy, but I know plenty of people who’ve been happy with family or with a small home daycare.

      Our location is near home so that we can split drop off and pick up. My husband is closer than I am, so in a true emergency it would probably fall to him to go get them.

      We paid roughly $24,000 for childcare the first year of our twins’ lives. That was with a discount for the second. It went down from there. I think we pay roughly $400 a week now.

      I’m full time, so I can’t comment on reduced schedule, but I’ve seen it work for others.

    • ANP

      Congrats! I’m writing in from a suburban town in the midwest, and we pay roughly $50/day. My kids are in daycare (at an employer-sponsored center) 3 days per week and they’re with a family member one day. I’m .8 time so I have them one day a week as well.

      I like the center-based model now that my oldest is in its preschool program — she loves her friends, the socialization, etc. I’ve had a hard time leaving my youngest (~3 months) there, through no fault of the center. If we were independently wealthy I’d have a nanny for our kids until they hit preschool and then send them out but alas that’s not in the cards for us.

      I’ve always been .8 time in this job and I know it’s not hurting my long-term career — I’m in an industry where people of my age/skill level are scarce and I’ve been fortunate to enjoy some big successes, so I feel good about where things are at. However, I’m currently struggling with the fact that I’m essentially doing a FT job in a PT schedule (and getting paid for PT work, natch). Not cool. Part of me wants to find a “real” PT job (~3 actual days per week) so I can be with my kids more…I’ve told myself to give it a few months before I do anything rash. I have to work, too, otherwise our family will have to downsize houses.

    • Ems

      I am in a mid-sized city in the northeast. We have a four-month-old, and for the last few weeks she has been in a center at $345 per week. We are happy with the center so far.

  11. Cella

    I know this has been discussed before- but any recommendations for house cleaners in Northern VA?

  12. Kim Kelly

    I had an interview for an in-house attorney position today. I bought a navy (on the lighter side of navy but definitely not blue) suit in semi-stretchy fabric (I was worried about it looking “clubby” but it actually looked pretty good). I ended up wearing it with a grey/brown silk shell. However, I really wanted to wear a red-checked silk top underneath. Would that have been way too much? With black shoes and a black bag? I’m happy with the way I looked, but I love the navy/red combo:)

    • hellskitchen

      Depends on the actual print, I guess… a solid red shell would have been unexpected but perhaps just about okay; a red checked print seems like a bit much for an interview, especially if the checks were big. I think with interviews it’s best to go safe and the grey/brown sounds like it was a good choice

  13. Tech Girl in MN

    TJ for shoes! I have a wide ball of the foot, very high arches, and a relatively narrow heel. This means wide width shoes with heel pads usually. I recently had an extremely unfortunate pedicure injury that means I need shoes without backs.

    I’m an IT consultant who works mainly with law departments and banks, so I try to dress more conservatively. I’ve only recently moved into consulting, so I’m still trying to build my wardrobe up.

    I’m leaning towards slingback shoes, as I feel like mules are too much like flip-flops. Does anyone have any tips on good brands or stores?

    • V

      What about clogs? You might use them for weekend-wear after your foot gets better. They are really forgiving for problem feet.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      Do you have any kind of wrap or bandage around your injury? If so, I think you could wear a flat professional shoe on the good foot and an open sandal, like the Adidas kind, or a medical sandal (blue velcro) over the wounded foot. It would be very clear that you are dressing different due to your injury. I have seen several men employee this look for sprained ankles that were wrapped but that they were still walking on. I always thought that the one professional shoe, one sandal thing was funny, but I guess it is to make clear “no, I’m not just wearing sandals to work for the heck of it.”

    • Tech Girl in MN

      Thanks for the tips – I don’t really have a wrap or a bandage. Essentially, the callus knife removed a chunk of my heel, leaving a deep divot that will take a couple of months to fully heal. I’ve been wearing my Birkenstock clogs for the last couple of weeks (except in the d*mn snow), but they look so frumpy, particularly with skirts.

      I was thinking of slingbacks because they will also help to deal with the narrow heel problem and be shoes I can use beyond the healing period.

      • A

        Honestly, I’ve never found a slingback that didn’t make the slappy sound (like a flip flop), but maybe I just walk oddly.

      • Samantha

        No advice but that sounds like a pedicure from he!!
        Hope your foot is better soon.

      • Island girl

        I live in the tropics. I wear slingbacks every day, and I highly recommend Naturalizer.
        And yes, I wear them to federal court, for both motions and jury trials.

        Did your pedicure people compensate you? They should — they must have an insurance policy. And you might want to report that place to your State Department of Health.

        Good luck to you,and watch for infections!

  14. Mindless tasks

    Hi ladies- looking for advice on how to deal with mindless tasks at work. For example, copy/pasting, creating figures with minor tweaks and re-saving them, repeatedly processing the same data with minimal input into technical software, etc.

    I have come to the conclusion that when faced with very repetitive, boring tasks, I make mistakes. Lots of em. I simply cannot concentrate. Even if I try to automate part of the process by writing a macro or script, the time while the script is running – even 30 seconds! – gives my mind enough time to go I’M BORED and zone out. I do things like, save files with the wrong name, click on the wrong option, or mis-paste when I get bored and zone out, so it’s a bit of a problem.

    I have found that listening to music helps slightly, because I can concentrate on the music and keep my mind focused. I have also found writing down the steps I need to do and checking them off to help somewhat. But I am curious if others have this problem and how they address it.

    (certainly outsourcing to junior colleagues is an option, but not always- sometimes they are all busy and my boss wants me to do the task, no matter how mindless).

    • Blonde Lawyer

      Is this something where you will be reviewing your work before submitting it and can catch these mistakes and fix them or is it something where you must catch them when you are doing it?

    • Suzer

      I have a similar problem – when I”m doing mindless tasks I can’t stay on task. I daydream, and that can lead to errors.

      One thing that helps is to listen to something interesting – podcast, NPR, etc. That seems to occupy enough of my brain to stay focused on the busywork.

    • hoola hoopa

      Can you break it up so that you’re only doing it for short bursts, wherein you can stay focused?

      Can you automate it to any extent? For example, find and replace in word and concatenation in excel? I do that a lot. It cuts down my effort and finishes sooner – but it also significantly reduces or eliminates human error.

  15. Aria

    Last month I met my boyfriend’s parents for the first time when we spent the night at their house and I brought both of his parents a [hopefully thoughtful] gift as a way of thanking them for inviting me into their home. We’re going back in a few weeks for his sister’s graduation and I’ll be spending the night at their house again — should I bring another host gift? Or at some point do you not have to bring something everytime you spend the night? Also, any thoughts on what I should bring (his parents don’t drink, so wine is out)?

    • Nan

      I wouldn’t do another gift for the parents, although you might want to get something for the graduate (alone or with your BF). While you’re staying with them, it would be nice to do something like offer to do dishes or help cook dinner, etc.— basic but often overlooked “good guest” stuff.

      On an unrelated note: I reflexively dislike people who don’t drink wine.

      • CKB

        Really? As soon as you find out someone doesn’t drink wine you don’t like them any more? How sad.

      • not a wine drinker

        I don’t drink wine because the sulfites give me asthma attacks. Thanks for letting me know that people like you are judging me! Not that I care… there’s more wine for you! ~clink~

    • cbackson

      I’m a bit sticklerish on these things, but I’d bring a small gift the first couple of times and I’d send a thank-you note afterwards. I have a good friend that I’ve stayed with a number of times over the past year when in her city for work (I’ll tack on a night at the end of a trip to see her), and I still send a little note afterwards, even though we’re peers.

    • Cb

      Maybe offer to make breakfast? I do a super easy but delicious omelette bar. People seem to like it and it is always good to have a solid breakfast at the start of a hectic day like graduation?

      • Veronique

        Another great option for breakfast is overnight french toast. You do all the prep the night before, then just pop it in the oven the next morning. Add some bacon/sausage or fruit on the side and breakfast is done!

    • Anon in NYC

      I don’t think it’s necessary. If you want to bring something, I think something small like mini cupcakes could be a good idea. They’re individual, for some people they would be a novelty, and people don’t have to eat them if they don’t want them.

      • hellskitchen

        I like this idea! It doesn’t scream “formal gift” but is still a nice touch. On a related note, I have elderly in-law relatives where the husband and wife are both diabetic and I never know what to bring as a gift. I visit them frequently enough that bringing flowers or formal gifts would look weird but fruit and dessert are out. Any ideas for food products that I could bring?

        • Anon in NYC

          Do they like to cook? You could get them a small bottle of fancy olive oil or a vinegar, or a small jar of salt, or perhaps a spice rub or herb mixture. If you want to get an already prepared item, perhaps something like fancy pretzels or spiced mixed nuts. I’m thinking specifically of two or three stores in Chelsea Market that have a variety of items that could just be put in gift basket.

        • Veronique

          I like to bring local foods products as a hostess gift. Cherries are a specialty in my area, so when I visited a friend a few weeks ago I gave her a gift box with chocolate covered cherries and cherry salsa. I also like to make a gift basket using the mini food products that they sell at places like World Market. They’re essentially sample size foods and can include everything from cheese to gourmet popcorn.

        • hellskitchen

          Fancy pretzels and popcorn would go down pretty well. They are not foodies and have other health issues which leads to a very simple diet but I could do savory snacks. Thanks for the ideas

    • Samantha

      Yes, I would say that anytime you’re eating a meal at their place (even breakfast), or they are accommodating you in some way, its nice to bring a little something for them. Doesn’t have to be expensive or big, mini cupcakes or something from your town, or a little thing for the house.

    • Marilla

      Flowers? You can send them to be delivered on the day you arrive — or you can bring with you, depending what’s easier. Otherwise, a small thing like chocolates or something for dessert or breakfast (e.g. a loaf cake).

      I don’t think you need to bring a gift every time — but the first few times it’s nice for sure, and always remember to tidy up after yourself, make the bed in the morning when you leave, things like that.

    • big dipper

      This is delayed, but when I first started staying over at my SO’s parents house, I used to send his mom flowers after we stayed with her. She lives in another part of the country, so it’s hard to bring something with me on the plane for a hostess gift, and I was in undergrad so I didn’t have much money.

      Especially the first few times I stayed, I didn’t know his mom that well so flowers was an easy way to say thank you without giving an awkward gift by accident. SO gave me the name of a local florist his mom uses, so it was easy.

      Now, whenever I travel I try to pick up something she might like (now that I know her better) and so when I stay over,I bring something from where ever I’ve been traveling. So I always have something ready to go when a visit pops up.

  16. Anon

    I just applied for an in-house position on a whim (a friend works at the parent company). It could be a good opportunity and they have already responded with a ton of interest (my background makes me literally a perfect fit), but I’m not sure I’m ready to leave my biglaw firm yet. How do you know when it’s time to go? As background, kids are not in existence or the near future, and I have a pretty sweet deal with my firm. My hours are not terrible but I still enjoy the high salary and freedom/lockdown that comes with a blackberry. I have no intention of trying to make partner – don’t even really want to be a senior associate (I’m early/mid level), so I will have to leave in the next, I’d say, 2-4 years. Oh and still have 5 figures of loans…. Thoughts? Advice from people who have gone through this?

    • darjeeling

      I would jump if the new situation seems like a good fit long-term. You never really know how long a biglaw gig will last and good in-house opportunities can be hard to find.

      • darby

        this exactly. I know several people w/ stories just like yours who didn’t take the in-house job when it was there & fast forward a few years, are having a hard time finding something & the “great” law firm situation isn’t so great anymore. Sometimes you have to make a move before you’re ready if you know it’s what you want long term.

  17. spanx advice

    I’d love some advice on the best style of spanx to wear under dresses. I need to tame my upper belly, between bust and belly button. I have the spanx hide and sleek slip suit, which works well for that purpose but I don’t like how it flattens my bust. I’ve recently bought 2 different styles of spanx body shapers with an open bust, but the straps are so far to the side that they show in the armpit area of my dresses. I guess what I need is the high-waisted spanx panties or shorts, but I keep reading reviews that they roll down. I was wondering if there’s a particular style that’s better than others? What do people wear?

    • Godzilla

      I used to be super self-conscious of my body and I would wear spanx every day. Misery. There was a high-waisted scuba gear type shorts that hooked into my bra. I gave up on wrestling with my clothes to go to the bathroom and wearing clothes that made me feel bad about my body. It was hot and made me feel gross but it did work to keep my body shaped. I wear more forgiving clothes now that make me look beautiful and are easier to wrestle with.

  18. I'm late! No, make that early!

    I thought I was 5 minutes late to an interview (not good, I know.) Turns out I’m 55 minutes early. Which looks worse? How should I explain that I clearly mixed up the time? Interviewer knows as I’m waiting in the lobby as he finishes a call.

    • Lyssa

      Could you say that you’ve had traffic/transportation problems in that area before, so you were sure to allow yourself a lot of extra time, but it turns out the trip was a bit shorter than you anticipated?

      Good luck at the interview! (I did that once, when I forgot to account for crossing a time zone for an interview in another city. Luckily, I figured it out before I got there and was able to just kill time nearby without tipping off the interviewers.)

    • Woods-comma-Elle

      Wrong time (daylight savings) on your e-mail settings showing it was an hour earlier? I assume you realised only when you got there.

    • Corporate Cowgirl

      I read that it is “better to be an hour early than a minute late” when it comes to interviewing. Looks like that applies perfectly here!

    • OP

      Thanks. Everything went well. We had a good conversation — this was a preliminary informal interview with the senior manager and I’ve made it on to the next round. All should be fine if I don’t get the time wrong again.

      He knew that I was an hour early; I was honest and said that I must have jotted down the time incorrectly when we set the meeting and I didn’t enter ‘interview’ on to my calendar for obvious reasons.

  19. Gift-Giving Advice?

    I am hoping for some unique and creative advice –

    I have a much younger brother who is a senior in high school. He, like me, will be a first-generation college student coming from a lower middle-class background.
    For years, he had his heart set on going to private School X in our state. In the past three years my parents have run into several medical and other problems beyond their control, and it basically wiped out all of their savings – and they are now 61 and 63 years old. It also created some difficulties that ended up with him missing a bunch of school and lowering his GPA, although his SAT score continued to rock out.

    He was accepted at School X, but because of his grades, just barely – and with no merit financial aid. After FAFSA, financial aid appeal, etc, it just became apparent that no magical grant or scholarship was going to appear, and that if he went to X, even with work-study, etc, he was going to graduate with more than $70,000 in debt. He had applied to a few ‘safety’ schools and also visited them. Yesterday (today being the receipt deadline) – he submitted a deposit to Safety School Y, which offered him a significant scholarship (including living, he’ll graduate less than $10,000 in debt) and a spot in their honors program, with a bunch of perks.

    He and I have talked on the phone about it a lot, and it was his choice – and I ultimately think he made the right choice. My parents supported him (emotionally) either way. Nonetheless, I know it has been an incredibly difficult choice for a 17-year-old to make. And now he’s faced with telling friends and family that he’s not going to School X, and, like he said, packing away hoodies, shirts, his bedroom rug, everything he has with ‘School X’ on it.

    What can I do/give him to best support him right now? I’d like to send him a present or care package, send him something that will be helpful and encouraging and just really useful. This is such a huge deal in his life, and I’m so happy/sad for him all at the same time, and just want to be a great support.

    Oh, and I’m 38 weeks pregnant, so traveling to see him right now is out of the question.

    • darjeeling

      Aw, I hope others have good suggestions for you. Your brother sounds like an awesome kid and I’m sure he will have a great experience at School Y, but I know that must be so disappointing to get so close to his first choice.

      This is a little out there but what about a mini fridge (I got mine on Amazon w/free shipping)? That makes any dorm room pretty rad if memory serves.

      • Anon

        Might want to check if those come in the dorms at his school, though. My undergrad supplied every dorm room with a fridge. Although maybe he’ll want one for (non-alcoholic, I’m sure) beer, so who knows.

    • Sydney Bristow

      Ok, this suggestion really comes from Gilmore Girls, but how about sending him a hoodie and merchandise from School Y? It sounds like he made a really tough decision, but it really does sound like the right one and shows his maturity/responsibility for making it. Pumping him up about the great things about School Y (for example maybe they have a good football team unlike the private one) could help.

      • CKB

        This was going to be my suggestion too. Get him something from his new school, maybe some info/gift cards for local student hang outs? I also think it’s important to acknowledge his disappointment while praising him for his mature decision, if you haven’t already (but it sounds like you have). He’ll probably need to go through the grieving process now that his dream school is out of reach. Poor guy, I really feel for him!

    • Gus

      I’d send him a t-shirt or other stuff from School Y on it, but I think the nicest thing you could do would be to send him a heartfelt letter (not an email) telling him how proud you are of him, and explain why. I bet that would mean a lot to him.

    • GirlMeetsWorld

      I think you do have to let him mourn initially about giving up his dream school (and transferring might be an option down the road) and then you have to get really excited about the new school, all the opportunities, the town, sports, restaurants, awesome profs, that honors program etc. It’s probably a tricky time because high school seniors are in the process of wrapping up their college selections so it’s a hot topic of conversation but graduation fun will start, summer break will start etc. and his original choice will become a memory. Also encourage him to attend whatever open houses etc. his new school has. Once he feels like he “fits” in the new school, he’ll forget about the other one.

    • Anonymous

      Speaking as someone who went through something similar when applying for colleges, I think the best think you can do is let him be upset for a while but then maybe try to find something for him to be excited about for school y. Maybe there is some “cool” local coffee shop, movie theatre, local “thing” that is associated with the school that you can get him a gift card to. You might try looking on Yelp in the area where the school is because people often make comments about places being college hangouts etc. which might point you in a good direction.

      For me, the best thing to do was to be positive and find ways to be excited about my college by reading about the school, trying to guess which dorm I might live in and start gathering things for my dorm room.

      As for other people at school, it is hard if you have been very vocal about wanting to go to school X because people will want to know what happened. But, on the other hand, this happens to a lot of people and most people will understand and not pry because unless people’s parents are footing the whole bill for college, people understand that decisions get made based on money.

    • Kate

      I went through a similar situation when I was that age and I completely forgot about my dream school after 1 semester at my safety school. He made the right choice and I agree with the poster above that once he fits in at School Y he won’t be able to imagine himself anywhere else. College is really what you make of it. I would just encourage him to keep an open mind while at School Y and that graduating without substantial debt is a very wise choice and will give him much more flexibility and career options when he graduates which is the purpose of college anyway.

    • Joanie

      I agree with all the other suggestions, but also maybe once your baby is born you can send him a picture of the baby in a School Y onesie for his dorm room. I am a lot older than my little brother, and when I had my first baby he was very excited to be an uncle!

    • same situation

      I agree, there isn’t much you can do..I had my heart set on studying in the States since I was in junior school…fast forward 2009 and suddenly the financial aid and scholarships everyone assured me would come had dried out. I would had literally graduated with $200 000 in debt if I had gone. Making the choice to withdraw was literally the hardest thing I had to deal with (I know, #1st world problems) – knowing I had put all the work in but because of ‘only’ money I couldn’t go to my dream school.

      BUT I ended up going to another great school (still overseas, I’m originally African) and while things were really hard in the beginning, having just graduated (!) I cannot imagine having spent the last couple of years differently. I made amazing friends, had a great time in a country I would have never otherwise been interested in, and now have a great job back home. I now realise that as much as undergrad was my ‘be all and end all’ at 18, I’ve still got my honours (4th year) and postgrad to plan for. So I’m still plotting my way to the US :-)

      To cut a long story short – there isn’t much in terms of material things that will make him feel better. Just be there for him and commiserate with him – being SUPER POSITIVE all the time will likely annoy him. But when he’s ready to hear it, let him know that things DO work out for the best, and to see this as an opportunity to meet people and/or live somewhere and/or have unique opportunities that he wouldn’t have gotten at the other university. Making a great group of friends is an easy way to forget the school wasn’t his first choice, so encourage him to live on campus, join groups…etc..

      And a bit morbid, I know, but whenever I found myself wishing I had gone to my dream school, I quickly reminded myself that I could have been run over and died on the first day. You really never know what can happen, so no point thinking ‘what if?’. If he’s as depressed as I was, this point may help :-)

    • TBK

      I think all the suggestions about School Y gear are great ones. If he’s a bit of a nerdy kid, you might also see if there are any books by School Y professors he might like. That is, to the extent he was excited about X instead of Y because of academics, something showing a Y professor as a leader in his/her field might help him get more excited about the prospect of how terrific Y professors are. Ditto for stuff on prominent School Y alumni.

    • SFBayA

      This could be construed as humblebragging, and I’m sorry, but I’m an overachieving chick like the rest of you so here goes – The other thing he might not realize yet that being a big fish in a small pond can be really, really awesome, not just in terms of perks. I could have gone to a “better” ranked school, but because I was on basically my own to fund college, I chose to go to a very good state school which gave me some scholarship money and was overall cheaper than the “better” school. I was very bummed about letting the “better” school go, but I did very, very well at the state school and graduated with top honors, which opened doors to grad school and other opportunities. Had I gone to the better school, I think I would have been closer to the middle of the pack in terms of intellect, which would have hampered my ability to get into a great grad school. I would have also had more competition for really getting to know my professors and working the system to get the best classes. In retrospect, it was pretty great to have the opportunity to shine at the “regular” school and I don’t regret my choice or the great people I met for a second.

  20. Moms in Las Vegas?

    My fabulous nanny of seven years is moving to Las Vegas. She cared for my kids from ages 2 and 4 till now 9 and 11. Changed diapers, made snacks, oversaw nap time. Now she takes them to activities. She is loving, kind, responsible. If you are a mom in Las Vegas and have any interest, or know where I can help her post her resume/look for a job would you be willing to contact me at c o r p o r e t t e l o b b y i s t at gmail dot com?

    • Island girl

      My daughter is an ICU nurse in Las Vegas. Her children are ages 4 and 7. She’s going thru a divorce and is now looking for a nanny. I’ll forward your email address to her and hopefully she can help your fabulous nanny, or even better, hire her.

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