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Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Kenley Dress

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. I always love The Fold clothes, and this simple dress with some lovely fold details at the top looks fabulous. I'd wear it with nude-for-me heels and maybe a pair of subtle but great earrings, or perhaps a fabulous watch or bracelet. It's fully lined, handwashable, and $425, available in UK sizes 6-16 only. Kenley Dress A more affordable option from Kenneth Cole is at Bloomingdale's, and Eloquii has a plus-size alternative. This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

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286 Comments

  1. I am looking around at my friends and inlaws. I see lots of people in their 40s/50s with no kids (and often no spouse, which is fine, but just noting it that it confines “your family” to your relatives from the family of your birth). On one side of my inlaws, there will be are lots of divorces/remarriages at the grandparent level, an unmarried aunt in her 50s with T2 diabetes and mobility issues, a set of parents approaching 50 (both with T2 and mobility issues) and . . . one 14-year old boy (historically, childcare fell on girls, but now that there are a lot more only children, those spare girls don’t exist anymore). Will he care for everyone?

    OTOH, my one sibling has 4 kids, but is divorced, so her kids might care for her (but might have the burden of caring also for dad/stepmonster, who has not been kind to them but might show up on their doorstep at some point). I’m assuming that I will take on my parents (or likely the survivor of them, since they will likely stay independent as long as they are two of them). I had kids very late (39/40), so by the time my kids are done with college, I will no longer be young (and if my parents are still alive, they may well be infirm).

    Maybe I should start eating more butter and bacon? Longevity (without health) looks to be pretty daunting not just financially, but perhaps I want someone who can bathe me when I can’t and lot leave me in my Depends all day (when my kids were in diapers, I had a 2-hour checking/changing rule unless they were sleeping; not sure what nursing homes do). And people to be nice and talk to me.

    [My best friend growing up in the NEUS had a “mother-daughter” style house where there was a built in 1BR for her grandmother, which meant that they were always together and the grandmother wasn’t in institutional care until the last 3 months of her life. She smoked like a chimney and walked about 5 miles a day in heels and stockings b/c she was a very old school Irish lady and never learned to drive but went out every day for Mass and cigarettes. ]

    1. If you eat more butter and bacon, you are likely to have neither longevity nor health. Or is your point that you would die before having to care for others? In either case, I understand the aging population is associated with many challenges at all scales – from the family to society as a whole. You are not alone in facing this! I’m there too.

      1. No — I don’t want to die before having to care for others — I am not sure that anyone will be left to care for me or even converse with me :(

        I will be growing old in a very different world — my parents had come from large farm families where the kid that never married (out of 5-8 kids, there would usually be one that didn’t marry at 18-22) could stay at home and farm and mom and dad just never left. And if that didn’t workout, by the time they were really old, they were likely great-grandparents with maybe 100 direct descendants, so someone could care for them. And various people would stop by with supper or a pound cake periodically, so the burden was also shared and you could socialize even when you stopped driving. We often carried older relatives, great-aunts and such, to church when I was little.

        No more — fewer kids, generations being 40 years apart, moving away to cities, means that IDK how this will go (not just for me but for the all of us). I’m still just in my 40s, but need to start doing some of that keep Scandinavian purging so my kids don’t have to sort through the junk in my house. My MIL just got a new hip and my husband is flipping out by how hoarded-up her house is, how it is not safe for her, etc. and we only live a convenient 10 hours away (she’s not moving; I told him he needs to call daily for proof of life never mind it is a good thing to do).

        1. I hope that when I get old, I can at least rely on my neices and nephew, as Rosa will be old herself, and my beneficiaries will be them, unless I get married and have $ex and a few kids VERY quickly.

    2. Just because you have kids there is no guarantee they will care for you when you’re older.

      I’m 41, married and no kids. I have no idea what I will do with myself when I get older. Maybe there will be a zombie apocalypse and it will all be a moot point.

      1. I am not married and will not have children. I plan to get myself to a place where assisted suicide is legal when my quality of life begins to deteriorate.

    3. Making people is not a retirement plan. Nobody’s children are obligated to care for them, even if there is no estrangement or bad blood. Even if your kids adore you and want nothing more than to dote on you in your golden years, they could end up living overseas, or having a special needs child that takes up all their time, or, or, or…

      Save diligently, prepare your estate and PoA carefully, and plan for the worst while hoping for the best. That’s all anyone can do.

      1. I imagine that I will outlive my spouse and when I am a widow I plan to move to near where my daughters are then living (or alternate between). I had them when I was older, so by the time I am old enough to stop working they may have young children and welcome a local grandparent. I see it as a mutual thing that I have seen with my newer immigrant friends and how my family used to be before we moved to far-away big city.

        My friends’ parents often moved closer to them (or a sibling) when they retired, so I think that this may become a thing. If my kids stay in the SEUS or PXH or somewhere not terribly expensive, there is an active senior community probably waiting for me :)

      2. I agree that you can’t count on your children taking care of you (who knows, maybe they’ll all die in a plane crash), but I do think children are obligated to care for their parents. People are generally obligated to care for other people, but being family and having been cared for by your parents impose a particular obligation.

        1. Morally, I agree with this. But it’s not an enforceable obligation, so you can’t count on it. (Never mind legitimate reasons that it may not be feasible.) I think that’s what people are getting at here.

          1. Sure, although we should still push for more solidarity in our culture (which may or may not work in time to help any of us in retirement).

        2. I think this is a cultural thing. In my family and most other Caucasian families I know, the children feel a moral obligation to be present in their aging parents lives, but that most often takes the form of moving parents to an assisted living facility near the children, so the children can visit often and actively manage the care. I don’t know any white people that plan to move their parents into their own homes or do the nursing care themselves, and very few parents would expect or even appreciate that (my own parents have told me flat-out they would not accept it even if it was offered because they don’t want to impose). Asian families are very different culturally, and it’s much more common for parents to actually live with children as they age.
          As with everything, you get what you pay for – my grandmother with Alzheimer’s lived in a facility that cared for her far better than family would have been able to, with excellent 24/7 nursing care, but she burned through $500k a year for the last few years of her life. This is a big part of why DH and I prioritize our retirement savings above everything else, even our kids’ college savings. We want to help them with college to the extent we’re able, but they’ll survive if they have to attend a cheaper school or take loans. We really don’t want to be a burden on them at the end of our lives, when they’ll have their own families and kids they’re trying to provide for.

          1. I think you’re right but it is more Anglo Caucasian families that you are talking about. I am definitely white (half Greek, half Eastern European) and I grew up living with my grandparents and my mother and I have talked about her moving in with us when she can no longer live on her own…and that is pretty normal amongst my peers.

          2. Gently, I think this has more to do with your social class than your race. I’m white, and my mother is currently my grandmother’s primary care-taker (my grandmother has Alzheimer’s). Among the people I went to high school with, many are currently in this phase with their own parents – white, rural, working-class community. Lots of multi-generational households.

          3. I definitely think there’s a Chinese filial piety streak in my thinking here (I’m mixed), but darnit, we’re right and white people are wrong! ;)

            I also spent a fair amount of time in nursing homes visiting my great-grandmother, and it was very dispiriting. Even when the medical care was good, the staff always seemed condescending, and they were all ugly. It made me sad.

          4. Regarding the Alzheimer’s/dementia issue: my father-in-law has it, and he is straight-up violent. He could not be in our home even if we were financially and emotionally capable of caring for him, because even in the advanced stages he is still a huge slab of a person and can overpower me. Several times he has taken me to the ground (shoving/falling on me) and injured me (wildly swinging and kicking).

            In theory, taking your infirm parents into your home sounds nice. But when dementia becomes a factor, sometimes you need to outsource to large strong orderlies.

          5. Oh, for sure, I don’t want to make it sound like this is a rigid plan. But the idea I’ve seen elsewhere on the thread that you have no obligation to your elderly (or any) relatives is really foreign to me.

        3. I do not agree with this one bit. My husband and I have parents who made various poor life decisions, and it’s not our responsibility to compromise our child’s upbringing and education or our own retirement security to bail them out or to enable their self-destructive habits.

          1. Wow, you sound nice.

            My mom died of smoking-related lung disease. Did we say “sucks to be you, mom, you shouldn’t have picked up that cigarette when you were 14, we’re outta here.” No, we did not. We cared for her until the end of her life because we loved her, and because we recognize that she was more than her disease.

          2. I think there’s a difference between taking care of a parent with smoking-related health problems and parents who have a pattern of irresponsible behavior and just push their problems onto their kids.

          3. Blaming someone for one bad decision made in their teens is not the same as refusing to enable people who have made a series of bad decisions over the course of their lives and likely continue to make bad decisions. And when you get married and have a family, your primary responsibility is to your spouse and children. I’d be livid if my husband thought we should raid our kids’ college fund or not properly save for our own retirement so we could take care of his elderly parents. That’s not being “nice” – that’s just prioritizing your parents over your spouse and kids.

          4. I agree completely with Anon at 1:36. We plan on supporting our parents to the extent we can but I’ve seen it with other relatives and friends. If someone repeatedly makes poor decisions or refuses your advice, why should you have to pay the price just because you’re their biological kid?

      3. Even if it was an acceptable retirement plan, the Op’s kids would graduate while she was still younger than 65. Hardly an age where most people are incontinent. :)

        1. Right? She’ll be 62. All the 62 year olds I know are in great health (and the ones who died younger than that typically dropped dead of heart attacks or strokes and didn’t need anyone changing their diapers).

          1. As a counterpoint, my SIL is morbidly obese and she falls, I can’t pick her up. It takes my husband with me assisting. She has bad hips now (early 50s) and high blood sugar that per family history will probably become adult-onset diabetes. That is a really, really bad disease, so it can lead to wheelchairs, amputations, and a need to move out of one’s home as it progresses.

        2. I think it’s maybe when when your kid is in his/her 30s and early 40s their lifes will be too-full and busy before you add an aging parent to the mix. If you were a younger grandparent, you’d be more useful perhaps to younger parents with kids, but an aging grandparent to young parents seems perhaps more like a curse than a blessing.

        3. As another counterpoint, my mom is in her 60s and has had her knees replaced (overweight with bird legs), but I just started having kids (mid 30s). Because of the knee replacement she is not supposed to lift babies or children, or carry them ( fall risk). So, she can’t babysit, or keep them overnight at least until the toddlers are out of diapers, cribs, and probably can climb into their car seats. Also, I have a 2 story house, so that’s hard for her too.

    4. I Worry about this as a society from a different angle. I think the US in particular is longevity obsessed without thinking much about the quality of life. Personally once my kids are grown I plan to put in place very detailed DNRs and plans for when I want to be treated vs not if health issues arise. We have lots of money stashed away for retirement but I have no desire to spend that on health treatments unless we can maintain a good quality of life. Otherwise, please send me the drugs to keep me comfortable and spend that money on plane tickets for family to come say goodbye and give them the rest to go live their lives

    5. I plan on using my savings from not having kids to pay someone to take care of me. But every one of my grandparents died in their early 80s before they got to the point where they couldn’t live alone, and all of DH’s grandparents lived/are still living in their 90s, so I’m pretty sure I’ll go before he does. Also hoping co-housing becomes more of a thing (we have some here) so I can at least live around a bunch of people and someone will think to check on me if they don’t see me for a week or something.

      But in all seriousness, save what you can and plan best you can and I think that’s all you can do.

        1. I read about a real life co-housing community called the Baba Yagas, which is a gruesome name but a good idea, I think.

          1. I think I’d move into housing where I was the neighborhood grandmother and everyone was 25-35, with maybe a couple of olds like me thrown in. Like I could keep an eye on your house when you travel and sign for your packages and you could shovel the walk. I would bake pies.

            Our local retirement center is building “independent villas” on its grounds to lure in younger retirees who don’t yet need care. They have a shuttle to EarthFaire and various chuches and medical offices.

          2. Ha, Anonymous at 9:57, that’s my mom’s neighborhood. It works really well for her.

        2. I am here for this and in fact discussed co-housing with my BFF. Both of us come from long-lived lines and our spouses both do not. We have discussed getting a 3 BR condo together in a Manhattan high rise with elevator access, a doorman to walk our dogs in the bad weather, grocery delivery, and all the matinees. I envision us as a pair of Elaine Stritch types in good hats enjoying martinis at lunch before going to all the galleries and then returning home to watch Cary Grant movies and have food delivered for dinner.

      2. +1 to co-housing. I personally find it ridiculous that so many retired couples or single people live in large single family homes.

        We plan to sell our home in retirement and move into a condo someplace warm or a retirement center. The studies keep coming out about how important having social interactions are. Loneliness is terrible for your health.

        Also, I resent people that hang onto huge homes that they don’t need. It decreases housing supply for young families and makes it even harder for a generation burdened by student loans to buy.

        1. “Also, I resent people that hang onto huge homes that they don’t need. It decreases housing supply for young families and makes it even harder for a generation burdened by student loans to buy.”

          Let’s be clear: it is their house and they are entitled to hang onto it for as long as they want to. It’s not for you to distribute homes to those whom you think most need or want them.

          The larger problem is that most people’s net worth is tied up in their houses, and the ability (and willingness) of young people to buy homes is slowly eroding. Homes are worth exactly what someone else is willing and able to pay for it, and I wonder what the plans are of Baby Boomers who are hanging onto their houses and hoping that someone will hand them a huge pile of cash for it in 10 or 20 years. It’s like — do you think today’s 20 year olds are going to look down the barrel of insolvent Social Security and Medicare, still be paying their student loans, trying to save up for their own kids’ college, and will decide that the best thing they can do is to take on a million-dollar mortgage? Or even a half-million dollar mortgage?

          1. Of course they have every right to do what they want but I’m also allowed to point out the very real problems their choices cause to the rest of society.

            And yes I agree completely with your last paragraph. I’m very curious to see what happens with housing prices in the next 10-20 years. I certainly don’t view my house as an “investment”. It’s a place where I live. If it’s worth more when we sell it great but I do think people are foolish to make this assumption. And even more foolish to think that just because their house is “worth” some appraised amount today that shows a big gain for them on paper, that in no way guarantees anyone will pay that price today or at any point in the future.

        2. I mean, as a single person who lives in a pretty large TH (and currently looking at SFHs), I can’t exactly fault anyone for living in whatever size house they want. My issue is with people who stay too long in a house they can no longer take care of. It creates so much loss and waste on both sides – the elderly person can’t sell the house for what it should be worth, and the new owner has to pay a lot more to fix, say, a 10 year old problem than it would’ve cost to fix 10 years ago.

          1. Yes. That’s what part of my comment was driving at. It also affects neighbors’ home values when the landscaping isn’t tended to, paint is peeling, the driveway is cracked, etc.

            Yes people can live whenever they want. I’m specifically referencing people who move to a house specifically for the purpose of raising kids there but don’t move on once that purpose is served. Both my parents and in-laws are perfect examples of this. They have houses that are way to big for them to maintain and there is no logical reason for them to stay there. They’d be much happier/less stressed/safer in a smaller home or in an apartment. The main appeal for both sets was the great schools. So it’s silly for them to continue to be paying those high property taxes when they haven’t had schooled aged children in decades

          2. I’ve learned that small houses are often actually zoned out of nice, safe areas of town (since neighbors want to maintain their property values). In general, there are a lot of unfortunate economic incentives that keep people in larger homes than they would otherwise choose for themselves.

          3. Anon @ 2:07, agree- plus a lot of states have tax incentives to stay in your house… in CA, your taxes stay pretty stagnant at the value you bought your house at (they increase, but not thaaatttt much), so downsizing might leave you with the same monthly payment, and a smaller house. Plus, changing houses late in life can be jarring. We remodeled my 100 yr old grandmother’s house a year ago (there were some safety issues, and it wasn’t that hard to throw in some cosmetic changes as well) and she constantly asked us where we had moved her and kept having to remind her she was still in the house, we just painted it, upgraded some stuff- that is something I totally didn’t think about when we decided to make the changes. For those saying you will co-live. That works great until at some point, for most of us, you need 24/7 care. Currently, if you are lucky, the cost of that is around $100k/yr (ex- said grandma). She somehow managed to be a wiz at finances, and have a ton of savings, but people can live a veryyyyyyyyyyy long time, and with inflation, money can go pretty quickly at a point. My parents lived down the street and still worked- while they would have been more than happy to have her move in, it’s not something she wanted (she was very independent) and it would have taken a very direct toll on my my mom who would have become her main caretaker (and once again was still working full time). As people continue to retire early, and we are stripped of many of the safety nets prior generations had (women who didn’t work and were caretakers; pensions; social security; living close to family; increased costs of… everything), it is going to become a crisis I believe the US will have to deal with at some point. For myself and my husband- I am very conscious of building this into our retirement plan- we are privileged, have great paying jobs and lots of savings, and I still think we will fall short and it scares the sh*t out of me.

        3. You can thank property tax laws for some of this. An older person on a fixed income often can’t afford the property tax step-up involved into moving into a different house. Here in CA you are grandfathered in at your purchase price plus 2% inflation per year. Even moving into a much cheaper house can be a significant hit at today’s prices, unless you live in a jurisdiction where you can carry forward your property tax basis if over a certain age, but even then, it’s not like you can move closer to your faraway adult kids and take advantage of this.

          Deferred maintenance is another issue. How will a person on a fixed income do the repairs necessary to sell the house? Or will they be forced into a “fixer” sale at a loss?

          Older people often feel pressured by their kids to keep the house they grew up in so that they can visit and stay in their old rooms, or just pressured to stay in a house large enough for extended family gatherings at holidays. There’s also the issue of adult kids needing to move back in with their parents that is fairly prevalent now.

          My husband and I are planning for retirement (his sooner than mine, within a few years) and these are some of the issues we are considering for the next 10-15 year time frame. We have a large house for our area (just under 3000 square feet in Berkeley) and are looking at all of our options.

    6. This is sort of annoying that we are a people who are very individualistic: I want to live in my own house, where ever I want to live, and I want to drive until I am a nuisance to myself/danger to others. Which is fine if you are 25. But not OK if you are 75 and your nearest relative is 15 hours away working in BigLaw and can’t easily drop everything to come take you to the doctor b/c you are having a procedure that you can’t drive home from (not that you won’t try). And who knows what is really wrong with you b/c you don’t always wear your hearing aids and you smile and nod when you can’t understand but you won’t sign any papers so I can get access and you won’t use the doctor’s app to keep up with your records b/c you refuse to get a smart phone.

      I am sure I will get a call when the mail has piled up enough that the mailman calls the police to do a welfare check that ends badly (and bet that this is becoming more and more common of a thing).

      Move closer to your adult children even if they aren’t caregivers. They don’t want to find that you went out with the trashcan and ran into a bear and are dead. I could put my dad in the worst neighborhood in my city and he’d be safer than when the bears come out of hibernation (so he is safe at the moment but won’t be in June).

      1. I can relate to all of this, but I also think our perspective changes drastically based on who we are in the situation. I suspect that when I myself am a lot older, I will also want everyone to leave me be and retain all my independence after it’s truly realistic to do so. I will probably have preferences that aren’t the most rational or safe–partly because I know I don’t have much life ahead of me regardless. I will probably prioritize my own wishes over those of other people and minimize the consequences in my mind, just like most of us do sometimes on other issues. I already deal with some of this with my mom (Dad is deceased).

          1. I don’t understand the attack. I assume this is related to yesterday’s thread. I agreed with some aspects of a controversial post, and then clarified to the extent I thought was necessary. Please let’s leave it there.

          3. It’s not an attack. Her whole post was about the stress and worry it causes people’s children when they refuse to adjust their independent lives as they age. You Won’t have kids, so there’s no issue!

          4. Sorry you are hitting this nastiness, Monday. Clearly something yesterday hit a nerve with someone. Of course you can relate to worrying over the independent elderly as well as knowing someone in your life (whether biological kid or not) will worry for you. I swear, sometimes this blog gets so mean. May we all have a community of some sort to worry about us, whether we’ve chosen to procreate or not. Geesh.

        2. Monday- sorry about the nastiness above, agree that the problem of caring for elderly (& being cared for as an elderly person) is problematic for most people… whether they have kids or not, are rich- poor- whatever. Sometimes things are out of your control (moving for work, dealing with a hardheaded parent/self (many older folks I know keep firing caregivers and end up in a home simply because they are not safe to be alone and refuse help), and so many more issues). To me, this is a societal issue that will need to be dealt with on a larger scale at some point.
          I have a lot of problems with the gig-economy, but if older people are open to tech, that does open up some avenues for them– at least until they truly can’t care for themselves anymore.

    7. I’m very interested in the growth of various kinds of intentional communities, like apartment blocks where people are deliberately living together to help each other out across generations, or L’Arche and similar communities focused on the elderly. I’ve also heard of daycare/nursing home combos, which sound absolutely lovely to me except also like hotbeds of respiratory illness (I don’t know how they solve that problem). My neighborhood/church has a strong sense of community with lots of meal trains and things like that. We don’t have a lot of frail elderly, but we did organize a visiting schedule when one member was dying of cancer, so I think it would be relatively easy to expand to the elderly (not for things like skilled nursing, but sending teenagers to help with taking out trash or shopping so they can continue to stay in their homes longer).

      1. My children are not my retirement plan. My job is to take care of them and I don’t believe the opposite is true. I realize there can be different beliefs, sometimes based on culture. I hope my kids want to hang out with me and help me if I need it, but I won’t count on their assistance. My parents’ purchase of long-term care insurance was a huge gift to me. It means my dad got care at home when he was dying. I am taking my mom for surgery in a few weeks because I want to, but that was not her expectation.

        1. For your last sentence, even going with an aging parent will probably not be easily done (I’m guessing due to geographic distance primarily, never mind that for every future 20-40 something, there may be 4+ people who need this sort of help or would welcome it). Never mind primary caregiving.

    8. I agree with the poster about maintaining moral values about family care and to do so by example. I fully plan to have my mother move in with me whenever she feels ready to (she is currently not ready and in her 50s). I have a separate savings account for her future needs, and I am basically saving for at home care that I will need to take care of her. Even if she can’t help with child care, any kids I have will see me helping to care for her and hopefully follow my example. If they do not, I will be dissapppinted.

      My father passed away a few years ago and for the last few years of his life my parents moved in with me, and I financially supported all of them. It was hard but so worth it.

      1. Oy, this is so individual. . . I hope that if your children decide they need to make different choices, you’ll reconsider your disappointment in them.

        1. This is the flip side of American culture. In many cultures around the world, a kid who does not take care of her parents would be judged by everyone, not just her parents. Here, it would just be that person’s parents apparently, and even random strangers like you would judge their parents for judging their kid…

          1. Agree with anon at 2:51. Millennials are the children of boomers – the “me” generation – and it shows.

      2. As I said above, my father-in-law is in late-stage Alzheimer’s, is extremely violent, and has hurt me several times. Your expectation of parents automatically moving in with children assumes that everything will go “right”. For your sake, I hope you don’t learn this lesson the hard way.

        1. For your information, your “father in law” is no where as bad as my grandmother, who was mentally insane and often yelled at me and publicly humiliated me when I was a kid. But we didn’t send her to a mental asylum and I grew up stronger and with greater empathy for people with mental illness. What you hoped I would not experience is exactly what I already experienced. Watching my parents and entire extended family group together to protect and take care of her is what inspires me to take care of my parents and put their interest above mine. This is the kind of moral value that should be passed down through the generations and through how we take care of our own parents. For your sake, I hope you don’t end up like your father in law.m, with a daughter in law who detests you.

          1. Are you seriously trying to say that Leah is a bad person for being unwilling to put herself in physical danger?!

            Yes it’s good values to take care of mentally ill relatives but I think any obligation (if you even think one ever existed) ends when your physical safety is at risk.

            I’m sorry you went through what you did but personally if my or my husbands parents were verbally or emotionally abusing our children, we also would pay for them to be cared for safely away from our children.

            When I got married, my husband became my family more than my parents and when we had children that became doubly true. Of course we’ll do what we can for our parents but no I’m not going to let my children be hurt by their grandparents.

          2. Actually, I interpret Leah to be criticizing Anon for a well-intentioned plan. Anon’s response to her is perfectly reasonable. I hope your kids/yourself/somebody will be able to take care of you should you get an unexpected and sudden illness. We all reap what we sow.

          3. Your response is unhinged and unwarranted. I pointed out that moving in a parent is a best-case scenario and that things can go very badly instead, and you decide to infer that I “detest” that relative? And you have no idea how to “rate” my experience compared to your own, so where you got the idea that one is worse than another is literally plucked from the air.

            You’re obviously unreasonable, and your interpretation of yourself as having developed greater empathy is laughably wrong.

          4. Leah, I didn’t even read your post earlier. I was responding directly to the original OP and laying out my own plan. Yet you leap in and accuse me of attaching you for not caring for your father in law and then whines about how he hits you on an Internet forum. I think it’s pretty who is deranged and seeking validation here. What do you want me to say? Poor you? You go girl for putting your father in law in a mental asylum?

    9. My siblings and I are planning to take care of my parents, at arms length- they won’t be moving in, but I’m the executor of my dad’s estate and I’m on my mom’s case to create a will (so nobody is the executor yet..). I’m a consigner on my mom’s checking account just in case. They are divorced, spry, and in their early 60s. My two siblings live in the same area as my parents and can check in and help when things come up- like when my mom needed help after a big foot surgery, my brother swing by every few days.

      My husband’s parents have one child-DH. They live across the country. MIL is an only child and FIL has deceased siblings. They are 72 and 79 and slowing down but generally healthy. DH is useless- my MIL jokingly-but-seriously says her best friend’s grown daughter will end up taking care of both her and her friend once FIL dies.

      If MIL does first, my god. I’m not caretaking FIL and I think DH would need my help in doing this just setting him up in a retirement home -> nursing home in his current state. FIL is crotchety and he and DH don’t really get along.

      MIL has said once FIL does, she’s planning to move to our state/area and put herself in a transitional care place (eg independent through nursing) so she can be close and visit/be visited but not be (too much of a) burden.

  2. This dress is lovely. A bit too much fabric embellishment for me. I loved their catalog but am wondering if anything there is pear-friendly (like for me, the Etsuko dress works, but the MMLF Aditi is a better shape for apples maybe (at any rate, I reach for the Etsuko all the time)).

    1. I introduced this brand in the comments a couple times and they carry Fit and Flare type of dresses. The Hapton comes to mind.
      I am a very pronounced pear shape: flat chested, narrow rib cage with wide hips and large glutes and thunder thighs

    2. I want to agree, but I worry about this being for a person slimmer then we are. With this being so fitted at the waist and my tuchus, I think I need to have a dress that is more of a jumper then this one. Kat, are you aware of women wearing jumpers like me? I know that when some of my freinds get pregnant, they wear jumpers for the first 2 months, but I think this can also be a good idea for us too. How about focusing on this for us, who are not plus sized, but with plus-sized tuchuses.

  3. DC ‘ r e t t e s – where should I go to get a blowout near 1500 K St NW? I am going next week for a conference and there is an evening event. I have short (chin length) hair so not terribly complicated! :)

  4. Just wanted to start off with I promise I’m not the “collared shirt” poster. I started a new job last fall, my last job was very casual, this new office is business professional, but we’re not expected to wear suits. Does that still count as professional?
    I need to get a few staples for spring & summer, mainly bottoms. What’s your favorite warm weather workwear item? I typically wear skirts & dresses more than pants.

    1. All of these new terms for dress codes are so confusing. I assume this probably means business casual but they don’t want khakis and polo shirts which some people wear in business casual environments now. I’d take business professional to mean nice slacks/skirts, tops that you would wear under a suit and professional dresses. I’d keep a blazer or two stashed at the office to elevate outfits as necessary. I would probably stay away from sleeveless unless under a blazer until you get a better sense of whether others in the office do that. I’d also avoid cardigans and stick to blazers to start

    2. I’m curvy, so I wear the Julie fit pants from AT Loft (others like the BR Sloanes, but they don’t work for me). I may wear with a designed-to-be-untucked blouse or a shell + jacket. I am always cold, so I often have sweaters, scarves, or jackets just for warmth and layering. I don’t wear two formal pieces at once, so I may wear suit parts solo or dress + jacket (not matching fabrics).

    3. There’s a blazer at Nordstrom, I think by Eliza J?, that has ruched, shorter sleeves. It’s perfect for summer layering. I have it in white and wear it a lot.

      I also wear a lot of ankle pants and slightly cropped ankle pants – particularly love the Sloan pant from Banana Republic.

      2. Same. I wear sloan pants, blouses or button-up shirts with a blazer or open front sweater (depending on what I have scheduled for that day). Heels or pointed-toe flats depending on my schedule for the day.

        I also have some knee-length 3/4 sleeve Boden fit and flare dresses (I’m pear-shaped so shifts are a no-go) in solid colors and wear those with a blazer and heels as well. Will switch for flats depending on who I’m seeing that day.

      3. Cosign. My office is technically “business formal” but we’re on the West Coast and only the C-level executives wear suits. My standard outfits are:

        Normal Day: ankle pants (I own BR Sloans in five colors), ~3″ heels, nice sweater or blouse, accessory (scarf or necklace)
        “Important” Day: pants or dress with blazer (but rarely an actual suit)
        Low-key Day (no/few meetings): Basically the same as “normal” except I swap out the ankle pants + heels for full length pants and flats

    4. Business professional to me says that you should still wear a blazer or blazer-like item. But since you’ve been working there for a few months now, I think you can copy what the other people in the office are doing.

    5. Sheath dresses with sleeves. Right now I’m wearing a Maggy London dress that has elbow length sleeves and goes to my knees. It’s a substantial-ish jersey, lined, with an abstract floral pattern in green and blue on a black background. I find dresses like this do a good job not looking too fancy next to the guys in khakis and polos, but also not too casual when we have a visitor in a suit.

    1. What kind of illness/pain? Keep looking for another doctor, try various specialists, depending on the type of pain go see a physical therapist and/or accupunturist.

      1. Agree. Keep looking for a diagnosis; insist on being taken seriously. Explore alternative medicine but as an adjunct and with the blessing of an MD you trust.

    2. Does your insurance offer a patient advocate service? If so, someone like that might be able to help you navigate next steps. Do you trust your GP? If so, push your GP on what your next options could be. Be aggressive – it’s hard if you are in pain, but you are your own best advocate.

    3. Even a cause, or diagnosis, does not equal treatment or cure.
      Work with what you have. Alleviate the pain and symptoms as needed. Adjust your expectations. Adjust your life. Rest. Reduce stress.
      Yes keep advocating and looking for new medical help. But even that may not help as much as you’d like

    4. I set aside time to do my own research. Many doctors are only as good as the questions we ask.

      Social media can be a valuable source of information. Hear me out. The sort of thing you’re looking for is a well-moderated Facebook group where you can talk to patients who have been down the path you are on before you. I recommend using a throwaway Facebook account for privacy reasons.

      What answers did other patients with your symptoms or test results find? What other tests did their doctors order? What doctors did they end up needing to see? A well-moderated group will exclude obvious MLM posts and disinformation, and you can look up anything new that you learn from other patients to see if it’s legit. (A free Medscape account helps. If you live near a research university, you may also be able to look things up on Up-to-Date or another database aimed at med school students.)

      You may find that your doctors “ruled out” a condition with a test that has a high false negative rate, and you need to revisit possibilities you thought were behind you. You may find that you’ve never been referred to the type of specialist you need.

      Personally, I learned that there are subspecialties within specialties, and even a specialist may not know the answers (or the questions) that a subspecialist will. Always keep in mind that while each rare condition is rare, rare conditions are not (because there are just so many rare conditions). If possible, learn your family health. Diagnoses can go in and out of vogue. If a condition that runs in families used to run in yours, it’s possible it still does.

      Once you’ve gathered some clues, you may find that there’s a patient advocacy group that looks out for patients like you. Don’t hesitate to reach out to them.

      1. I wrote this response assuming you’re getting mediocre care and still looking for answers. It is OKAY to take a break from this! If you were asking about how to manage while taking a break, I would write a very different response.

        I do think that connecting with other patients can help with just getting by too.

        1. I’m anon above and this made me think of something else to add: if you are in pain, treat the pain! Even if you don’t know the underlying cause. You may well need to be pain free to be able to manage the process of figuring out what is wrong.

  6. Do you think it’s okay to expose my medical condition to co-workers, or anyone else in my professional career?
    I have been suffering from migraines and cluster headaches for 20+ years. And I don’t think I can hide these anymore. If I have an attack I can’t help groaning and holding my temples with fingers with elbows standing on my desk. Everyone in my office would be staring at me and asking me if I’m fine. I just keeping telling them that I am okay. But I think everyone in the office have already know I’m not okay and lying. My working efficiency is also affected. I am afraid the issue could damage my career.
    Does anyone here has any similar experience or suggestions?

    1. Clearly you are not okay. If your coworkers are asking what is wrong, you can say you are having a migraine. If you are in the US, maybe you need to look at a medical accommodation.

    2. I know this sounds like a genuine question and I hope it is. However, the syntax is becoming very familiar.

      Anyway, to take this at face value, if you’ve had these for 20 years and have (presumably) been working at various jobs during those years, you take what you have learned in other job settings and apply it to this one. Take time off when you need to, apply medical treatments as you are able, and inform your supervisor when necessary. And there is nothing wrong with telling someone who asks if you are OK that you have a headache and are dealing with it.

      1. I agree that the syntax of this is very familiar. Gives me hope that this is a true poster and maybe even the same as the collared shirt poster–who could also be legit, albeit with terrible judgement regarding what is appropriate to post/ask about in this setting.

    3. I say this as someone with chronic migraine who has a headache essentially all the time: it’s not okay to routinely groan in your office and then tell everyone you’re okay. Obviously you’re not. You either need to be able to cover it up or come up with some plan to deal with it. And unfortunately yes, it probably will damage your career, but I think being the weird person standing in the middle of the office groaning and telling everyone you’re fine will damage it more. This will be much easier to handle if you have a private office or flexible working hours, but have no idea if those are reasonable options in your situation.

    4. Migraines are like not remotely a thing you need to hide. Also no you can’t stand around the office moaning but telling everyone you’re fine. Tell them you have a headache and go home.

    5. Kind of late to this- but I think it’s fine to say you have regular migraines. First off, it’s fairly common… second of all, it may help them accommodate you… in meetings, I will often will ask to sit not facing a window, and explain that it’s because the variation of light will trigger a migraine (amongst other things). Everyone is super nice and understanding.

  7. What kinds of volunteer work do you do? Any stories of especially rewarding work or organizations you’ve been involved with? Bonus points if in Chicago!

    I do a lot of one-off events, but I’m looking to commit to something more regular, maybe weekly. I’m interested in everything from tutoring or mentoring kids, arts and culture orgs, education, community services, politics, and environmental orgs. I keep researching organizations and getting overwhelmed by all the opportunities out there. I can realistically give a couple of hours a week, and maybe bigger commitments on a weekend once a month.

    TIA!

    1. I volunteer at a cats only animal shelter once a week for a couple of hours after work. I’ll be honest – I like interacting with animals more than people so that narrowed down my choices for me.

    2. I’m a volunteer tax preparer in Chicago through the Center for Economic Progress – a weekly commitment January-April. I really enjoy it, and it’s such an important service to provide to people since for our clients, their tax return is often the largest amount of money they’ll get at one time during the year.

      1. Sorry – nit pick. The tax REFUND is the money they get back. The tax RETURN is the form they file.

        There was an ad on the radio here that called the money back a return as well, and I spent a full minute yelling at the radio about how it was wrong.

        But yay for tax preparation! I’ve done that in the past (with the AARP, and I’m not retirement age).

        1. Lol! There’s a car dealership in my area offering tax prep if you buy a car, and they say they’ll “double your return!” I yell at the radio every time I hear it.

          1. The government is refunding you money you paid in, if you file your tax return forms. These are the specific meanings of the terms the IRS uses. And since the IRS is the one that controls the vocab in the conversation, it’s not a case of the English language evolving. It means there is a “right/wrong” answer.

            Look – I get that I’m being a total tax geek about this, but, shrug, it’s a pet peeve.

        1. Me too! My husband and I did it together and it was a great activity to do together as well :)

    3. I’ve done some form of literacy tutoring/mentoring in early elementary settings for about 15 years, since I was in college. In its current form, I read to a second grader during her lunch period every other week. This is easier to arrange through a corporate program.

    4. I provide animal rescue transport. You sign up for a leg of a trip that gets an animal out of a high-kill shelter (or other bad situation) and into a no-kill shelter/foster/forever home. People trade off the animal like a baton, so no one person does an unreasonably long distance.

      My husband likes it because we get to go for a long drive, and I like it because we get to interact with animals for a short time while knowing that they’re already spoken for. (We’ve had several foster fails, and aren’t currently in the position to risk more!)

      I used to work with Drive For Life, but Doobert is a currently popular group if you’re interested.

    5. I volunteer at our local homeless shelter. I take my 8 and 10 year old children and we serve meals (the kids literally carry the plates and place them in front of the residents), we help clean, organize supplies, and make hygiene packs or sack lunches for the people who don’t want to come to the shelter. (A van goes out into the city and hands out supplies to the homeless.) I sometimes lead story time with the children residents or bring supplies for a craft. We also bring cake, decorations, and small gifts for the monthly birthday celebrations for the children. What I most love is at the end of our “shift” my kids get to go to the playground and just play with the children at the shelter. We started doing this after my youngest saw a man asking for leftover food as we left a local restaurant. As we we getting in the car, he dug a piece of pizza out of the trash and ate it. It made my daughter cry. She wanted to go home and get her piggy bank and give him money. I thought she has such a heart for the homeless, let me see how I can help her to nurture that compassion. So I called up a few of the local shelters and asked if we could volunteer. There were not many that allowed kids to volunteer, but I did find one and we have been going most Saturdays for about three years now.

    6. I had a regular volunteer gig teaching adult ESL at Centro Romero in Chicago. I loved it.

      1. Ooh, this looks right up my alley and isn’t too far from where I live! Had never heard of this org before. I’m going to look into it.

        Thanks, Rainbow Hair (and all)!

    7. Mentor with Big Brothers Big Sisters! I hang out with my sister twice a month for 4ish hours at a time.
      Some Bigs do an hour here and hour there when they can fit it, it doesn’t have to be big chunks like I do. Whatever works best for you and your little. Really highly recommend.

    8. I take a pro bono cases in areas closely related to my primary practice area and volunteer with pro bono organizations that offer informational workshops and assistance filling out forms. There is more need for legal assistance than there are legal aid lawyers to provide it. (Is “legal aid lawyer” a dated term? I realize I heard it all the time in the 90s and early 2000s, but I don’t hear it too much anymore.) I get cases from LAF, CVLS, Heartland Alliance, and smaller groups related to my practice area.

      1. Not dated. I’m a legal aid lawyer and I don’t know another term I’d use, tbh. Law schools use “public service” and “public interest” law, which includes legal aid, but it’s not specific enough to describe the subset of lawyers who work at legal aid organizations.

    9. Check out Urban Growers Collective, a working farm in South Chicago. Good for getting your hands literally dirty, but they do great work with local teens too.

  8. I’m looking for a new pair of casual sneakers or slides for the spring. I love my Allbirds runners and might end up with either their new high tops or a pair of slides, but I thought I’d throw it out there and see if anyone had any interesting ideas. I’d need them to stand up to a walking commute of about three miles round-trip. What are you loving right now?

    2. I like the idea of slides but am awkward AF going down stairs without having them fall off.

    3. I’ve been loving the very inexpensive Nike Viale in the light gray. Low profile and very lightweight which I like.

    4. I bought a pair of Keds slip-ons last year and I wear them all the time in the warmer weather. I recently bought the Dr. Scholl’s Wanderfull. I have slightly wide feet and had to go up half a size, but I’ve been wearing them frequently.

      1. Yes I have these and I absolutely love them. The sole is substantial enough to be comfortable all day.

    7. Sofft Somers II. They run a bit long and narrow but they have leather lining so they stretch. I have a wide foot but they work for me. They weigh next to nothing.

    8. I love my new balance classics 574. They do look more like athletic shoes vs a cute sneaker, so may not be what you are looking for, but they are so comfortable.

      1. +1 This is what I wear on weekends and weeknights unless I am moved to make an effort to get dressed up (RARE).

    10. i bought rose gold leather keds last year (I think they are the kate spade ones) and I love them so much. they are so comfy (I added a Keds insole into them but they don’t really need it) and super cute.

  9. Does anyone have a favorite cardigan they’d recommend? I need to replace mine (primarily 3/4 sleeve Halogen cardigan), which are starting to look rough after several years of almost daily wear. Longer (slightly below hip) length with a v-neck are the most flattering for me. I’d like to keep it below $100, so that eliminates the MM LaFleur jardigans.

    1. They arent spectacular fashionplate stuff, but I like the plain AugustSilk cardigans with silk content (you have to look at the fiber content). Nice drape and theyve washed well fo 50+ washes. They hit me at the hip, even though I’m 5’8′ with a veeery long torso.

      1. I love August Silk for how they hold up. They wear like iron. I have had luck finding replacements on ThredUp for my basic black August Silk cardigan. I feel like I will have one in my arsenal until a very ripe old age.

      2. I used to buy the August Silk shells and cardis at Syms (gone but not forgotten!!) and then at Rack. Where do they stock them now? I probably need to try them to see how they are cut currently.

    2. I don’t have that exact style, but I have so far really liked my Uniqlo cardigans, and I believe they have a V-neck style. Since they run small anyway, maybe the sizing up will get you that extra length.

    3. Banana Republic Factory has some surprisingly nice cardigans. Their Premium Luxe and Forever ones are pretty good – caveat: I don’t wash cardigans (always wear a shirt under them) so I don’t know how they wash.

      And BRF is extending its 50% off deal through today.

      1. I wash cardigans and unfortunately my BR cardigans have not held up at all.

  10. I realize this will sound ingenuous, but: Does anyone work with a research platform /information services vendor that seems truly to have your interests (as the client) at heart?
    The reason I ask is I’ve been doing account management work for research databases for most of my work life (think Westlaw). I’m at a small company now where I’m in a customers’ advocate role, and it seems to me that no one else really cares whether our clients are happy and I have no power.
    Looking at my job completely objectively, nearly everything is on the positive side of the ledger: no stress, very bright, friendly coworkers, excellent work-life balance, easy commute, etc. — these are all great. But I feel demoralized and like I’m constantly pushing against those who have influence and power, to the point I’m considering moving on. Looking for another place to go where people really want to do well by the clients. ?
    Thank you for reading and for any suggestions!

    1. Consumer-facing companies like N0rdstr0m, LLB3an, or Z@ppos get this reputation, but for vendors who sell to other business it’s hard to imagine… for most vendors, if they ARE customer focused it doesn’t come across that way. They seem to want you to be just happy enough to (a) not be disputing things under your contract, and (b) provide a decent reference — or at least keep your mouth shut rather than badmouthing. Otherwise, they want to protect their revenue stream.

      I’d look for another role. Your current job is essentially requiring you to go to bat for lower margins, but eventually making it up on volume, presumably? That sounds endlessly frustrating to me…

    2. I can tell you it is NOT Uber. I had a horrible experience with an Uber driver taking me to where he wanted to go, driving erratically and road raging, and not to where I wanted to go, and I had to demand he let me out of the car in the middle of nowhere. Uber charged me for this ride and for cancelling it. I have tried appealing it with no luck.

      And that is because, and the reason I am telling you this, their customer service “agents” are bots, not humans. This is increasingly happening. So the bot looks at my trip and thinks it was legitimate. I can’t get to a human.

      It’s incredibly frustrating but I fear you are fighting an uphill battle. Customer feelings will never trump dollars. As long as people (not me!) keep using Uber, they don’t care.

      1. OP here:
        I’m so sorry for this experience. Thanks for the warning. I began using Lyft a couple of years ago and haven’t regretted it.

      2. Genuinely curious: why is anyone still using Uber over Lyft? Is there still a disparity between where each is available? I thought it was pretty common knowledge that Lyft treats drivers and riders better than Uber but have recently noticed a number of friends who are otherwise aware of such things still using Uber in my city where we have both Lyft and better local (non-profit!) option.

        1. I think Lyft isn’t available everywhere? I’m in Canada and we have Uber but not Lyft (as far as I know).

        2. Uber in my experience has been substantially cheaper than Lyft, though in the past few months Lyft has become much more competitive on price.

          1. I’m Anon at 11:09 and drove for both for a short stint (three weeks) three years ago. Lyft definitely paid better and Uber didn’t have the tipping option at that point, which made Lyft even better paying. Uber had better promos but I wasn’t generally willing to do what it took to get them (I didn’t want to drive after 7 pm or so and didn’t want to do a ton of trips b/c it was a part-time gig for me). Now I regularly ask my drivers which app they prefer and try to use the one they suggest for my next trip if the wait for a driver isn’t too long.

    3. I may be misunderstanding your role, but if you are in a customer advocacy role that reports into Customer Success in an information services/ research technology product, I’d try to identify how to measure customer happiness and its relationship with the LTV, or maybe track the helpdesk requests from high value clients and identify how product/technology/service can be improved to help with the most painful recurring issues.
      And if you can, track and make it an organizational goal to improve the NPS
      I know my response doesn’t address the question you asked but hopefully, it helps you accomplish what you’d like to for your clients

    1. Something that is clean, neat and professional. You hair in the picture looks fine for an interview. Don’t try anything new. Go with a style you are comfortable with.

    2. Keep it bland – you want the focus to be on what you’re saying, not the hairstyle. Make sure you’ve taken care of grown out roots, split ends, etc. and don’t touch your hair unnecessarily – some of us do this when we’re nervous!

  12. I asked yesterday afternoon about favorite socks to wear with booties and thought I’d try again this morning for a few more responses. I’m looking for skin color (pale) or something that won’t show too much inside my perforated uppers, and a heel that is resistant to slipping down under my foot, which drives me nuts. Thanks!

    1. I meant to reply yesterday and got sidetracked. I also didn’t check to see if these were already recommended, but I like the ones from Hue. They are the only liners I have tried that are comfortable and stay put. They make a very low cut style that has a grippy thing on the inside of the heel so they don’t slide off.

    2. I wear the no show socks from Old Navy that are $9 for a pack of 3. They’re a beige color which works for my skin and have a decently high cotton percentage. They’re not the best, most high quality socks out there but they get the job done.

    3. So perhaps this is very dorky/old fashioned of me, but I wear nude knee high stockings with booties. It looks like you’re not wearing socks at all which is a nice look, but they’re warmer than no-show socks because there’s no exposed skin (and if I’m wearing booties it’s probably at least a little chilly outside). And they always stay up because of the elastic at the top. They’re pretty cheap, too. I swear I’m only 35… :)

      1. OP here – I have to laugh because I’ve been wearing dorky knee highs and asked this question because I cannot wait for spring and I think i might not want to wear the knee highs in spring. (I’m also in the Bay Area)

        1. Something about this prompted me for an obvious answer–if it’s warm enough, you can also go “barefoot” in your booties. I wear socks with mine but only when it’s “cold.” I’m in Texas, so… that’s only a few weeks a year.

          1. I go barefoot in a lot of my shoes but my booties tend to give me blisters if I do that.

          2. I’m in Texas and at least wear cotton peds or super thin low cut socks with my booties. Uprotected feet with humidity always lead to blisters for me.

    4. Hue has, or had, very low profile nylon sock thingies – like the foot part of a nylon. They had rubber bits on the back of the heel and stay in place tolerably well. I found them at Macys.

  13. We need a new fridge. What do you like or hate about yours, and how important is water and ice in the door? DH wants a pricey French door style “because home resale value” but doesn’t want ice/water in the door because we don’t use these often and they are the first thing to break usually. Thanks!

    1. My water in the door is very tall – accommodates a full size water bottle/1L Nalgene type or tall glasses. Didn’t realize how awesome this is until I was at a friend’s house and you couldn’t fit her tall water glasses into the little space. Mine is GE Profile, I think.

    2. I love my water and ice in the door! Didn’t grow up with it and didn’t have it until I was 31 but it would be hard to live without now. With respect to resale value, I think the key is to stay away from the freezer over fridge option that was the standard in the 80s-00s.

    3. I like having water and ice in the door, but I agree with your husband about those being the first thing to break. Are you going to be moving in the near future? That might affect the choice. I like the french doors, but pay attention to the size of the usable freezer storage. We went from a top freezer to a bottom freezer and despite being almost exactly the same size, we couldn’t fit nearly as much in the freezer. We currently have a side by side and I hate it. I’ll replace it as soon as the ice machine breaks. The fridge is under a year old, so probably by this fall.

    4. Are you planning to sell anytime soon? if it’s not the next 5-8 years, then I wouldn’t worry about resale, and just get what you want to use. I assume styles/tech will change (or the fridge will break – nothing has staying power anymore). A new fridge is a fraction of the cost of the house, so it wouldn’t be a make/break decision for me on buying the house.

      And I can take/leave auto water/ice. Sure it’s nice, but a brita filter in the fridge works just as well for cold water.

    5. Having filtered water is a priority for me. For us, the easiest way was to do this through the fridge so that was a deal breaker. We’ve had it for over 6 years now and haven’t had any issues with it.

    6. Appliances break too frequently to do much for resale value unless you’re selling right now or going very high end. My tip is measured your space – had to replace ours recently and only one on the market fit (apparently refrigerators have grown by about an inch since our kitchen was done). Personally, I like side by side or freezer on top as I found the drawer/French doors version difficult to keep organized.

    7. We have a Kitchenaid french door that has filtered water inside the door on the left wall (as you face the unit) and an icemaker in the bottom freezer, but no water or ice in the door. We prefer to have door space for condiments (ALL the condiments . . . like 6-8 mustards, 8-10 hot sauces . . .).
      We are at 12 years and going strong, no complaints. My tip: take measurements of the space that you have for a fridge (including depth) because fridges are running bigger and bigger, but the space in your home for the fridge may not be . . .

    8. A couple years ago my mother got a new fridge that has shelves that are very adjustable and super easy to adjust. I didn’t realize how nice this was until we were prepping Thanksgiving dinner last year and we were able to rearrange and fit everything in the fridge nicely. Since then I’ve been resentful towards my own fridge and its mostly stationary shelving. So that’s something to consider, especially if you are a home chef who is making larger batches of things or taking on cooking projects.

    9. I personally don’t want ice/water in the door because I hate cold water. But if I did, I would just have a jug in the fridge and use regular ice cube trays, because ime the door water always tastes funny. And they do break.

    10. my parents got a subzero and my father (who is known for being incredibly cheap and took a lot of convincing for him to get this fridge) even sings its praises. food lasts much much longer. you can make a salad on a monday and leave it covered in the fridge and it will last for a week

    11. I like having a filtered water dispenser but didn’t want it on the front of the door because I was looking for a cleaner look. Got a Kitchen Aid fridge with an interior water dispenser summer of 2017, and it’s been great (other than the complaint below). One thing to note if you end up going the Kitchen Aid route: some of the interior dispensers can be operated just by pressing your glass up against a button, and others have the button on top of the dispenser (meaning it requires two hands, one to hold the glass and the other to press the button). I know this is a VERY silly thing to complain about, but it continues to surprise me how annoying I find it to need two hands to get water from the dispenser.

    12. Don’t buy a Samsung fridge. Their products can be okay but no customer service for appliances. We bought our side-by-side Samsung fridge 3 years ago and it has made a scraping noise every few minutes since 2.5 years ago. The issue is that if the fridge is not PERFECTLY level, ice builds up on the gears, and the fan blade or something like this hits the ice when it turns on. This is a known issue but Samsung won’t do anything about it. I really like that the ice maker for the Samsung is in the freeze door, rather than taking up precious freezer shelf space.

      1. +1 we have one at work that has been a problem since day one, and warranty service is non existent.

    13. The water line to our fridge leaked and destroyed our hardwood floor, so we ripped it out and will never get one with that feature again. I hate side-by-side models and think they waste a ton of space; I will only buy top-freezer models.

      The fridges we’ve liked best over the years have been Kenmore, but with Sears closing, you’d have to go to Amazon. Not sure that’s workable.

    14. My (mid 30s w/ 2 kids) husband & I jk that we won’t be ‘true adults’ until we have a fridge that has ice & water in the front. Will 100% splurge for this whenever our fridge breaks. Our house came with A+ super expensive appliances (sub-zero, viking, etc), but I still had the assumption that they will break at a certain point and I’ll have to replace them (in fact, we already replaced the washer, and are fairly unhappy with the drier and fridge at this point but are waiting for them to totally die on us). Because of this, I personally would not pay extra for nice appliances that I didn’t buy myself, although it’s hard to estimate how much a ‘wow factor’ of walking into a nice house increases the price.

  14. I’m trying to plan out furniture and decor for a good sized balcony. I’ve done this before for apartments but always went with what was affordable and looked good since we’d only be there a season or two. We own the condo, so I’d like to be a bit more purposeful with what we get so it will last longer. I’m also worried about critters burrowing into stuff. My balcony in college had a bunch of spiders hiding in the chairs so we never went out there. The balcony is covered, long, and skinny, roughly 14 ft by 3.5 ft. Does anyone have tips or insight, or a suggestion of where I can go for inspiration? Pinterest is all about looking good and not about purposeful design. Houzz seemed more about outdoor construction or landscaping and less about furnishing/decor, but perhaps I was in the wrong place?

    1. This is random but I have a patio loveseat from Wayfair (it was really cheap) and it’s my absolute favorite thing – I’m out there all the time and it looks much higher end than it is. I haven’t had any critter issues, but the cushion is removable and the cover is machine washable, which is great. I put out a couple plants, a pretty outdoor rug and a small IKEA table and call it a day, but you could probably elevate it a bit. For inspiration, maybe Apartment Therapy? They used to have great tips although these days they are mostly shilling for Ikea and Target , but I often search the archives for inspiration.

      2. Do you mind sharing where you got your outdoor rug? I’m not OP, but having difficulty finding an outdoor rug for my porch dimensions. Thanks!

        1. Not the OP, but I got 2 really nice outdoor rugs- 1 from target & 1 from lowes. I actually use the target one inside and it’s more ‘fabric/plush’ feeling. The lowe’s one is a plastic weave so I can hose it off.
          I have a larger deck, but I bought a gorgeous teak table from ikea, and really nice chairs from costco– the whole setup cost <$500… because dang, patio furniture can be insanely expensive. We have winters & in the winters I put whatever I can in the basement & cover the rest One day I want to add an outdoor couch type thing. Home Depot has a lot of nice stuff you can see in person too.

    2. I never buy anything with cushions for bug and weather reasons. We have the Ikea skarpo chairs, which are super comfortable and practical. They even have a drain hole, so if they get wet the water does not stay in them. They are big, so you’d have to decide whether they work in the space. But if so, add some small cushions, an outdoor rug, and a coffee table and it’s a pretty nice lounge space.

    3. I like the acacia wood furniture from Plow and Hearth, without cushions. It is affordable and holds up well over time.

    4. When I upgraded my upstairs porch furniture, I went with the faux wicker chairs from World Market. They have removable cushions and I keep them inside. Because they’re not real wicker, they’re easier to clean and they don’t rot in the weather.

    5. I highly recommend Swatchpop for projects like this. It’s really affordable and can give you help with a functional layout– and they can also help with finishing touches like cushions, pillows, outdoor rug, lanterns, etc. You can pay for as much or as little help as you want. You pay per “pop,” so the layout is one pop, help with cushion/pillow/rug selection is a “pop,” etc. There’s a pop called “Other,” and I always start with that and then let the designer tell me what other pops to add.

      Also, I have patio furniture with removable cushions that I keep in a storage bench and only put out on the weekends (when we spend time on the patio). This keeps the bugs to a minimum and keeps the cushions in better condition (not exposed to weather, etc).

    6. Something to think about but might not be a controlling factor for you: I have occasionally wished my patio chairs were either foldable or stackable. They are neither and that can make it harder to clear a place to sit directly on my balcony for things like potting projects or other outdoor tasks (spray painting comes to mind).

      1. +1 on stackable- I bought some super comfy stackable chairs @ Costco for our table. In the winter, it’s easy to stack & cover them.

  15. Anyone have suggestions for very plain, opaque silk tops? I have one of the cuyana silk t shirts and I’d love 2-3 more but having a hard time justifying $150+ for a t shirt. Would love to find an alternative <$75-100. Thanks!

    1. I don’t have any, but basic silk shirts is Everlane’s thing, I think. Talbots sometimes has some, as does Garnet Hill.

    2. I’ve had some luck at J Crew in the past and would have paid around ~$50-70 on a sale.

  16. How do you recapture the excitement from an earlier time in life? For example, I grew up in a small town and when I went to college it was like a whole world opened up to me; everything was new and I was so excited. I’ve never really felt that level (or anything near it) level of excitement since then, and I actually feel pretty blah about a lot of things. I’m super super invested in my career, so I think I’m looking for a new horizon or something to excite me work wise. I’m just about to finish business school and am going into consulting mostly because I looked around and didn’t find anything that was super exciting and this keeps some options open and is legitimately a good choice. But that’s how I feel about most things these days. I’m making choices that are good ones, but I feel kind of blah about them, they’re never actually what I really want, and I don’t know how to find what I want or how to be more excited about life in general. I have some hobbies that I enjoy but don’t get to do a ton of because $$. I like traveling and want to take flying lessons, but those generally need to wait and/or be rationed until I’m making more money, especially since I have a lot of loans.

    I’m 29 and married, no kids, and may not ever have kids if that matters. What do I do? Anyone been through this before and can lend some advice?

    1. I’ve definitely gone through periods where I experience this. I am a curious person and realized that one thing that quells the feeling for me is to learn new things. I try to read articles and books that challenge me and talk with my friends about all kinds of new ideas. We go to art exhibits and lectures in the community and live jazz shows and similar events. I also scratch the itch by taking up new hobbies that require some brain power. Even things like making a sourdough starter and learning about the science behind that. Meditation and focusing on being in the moment helps me, too, because I’m more focused on the joy of learning something new.

      I think a sense of wonder and excitement is something you have to cultivate by seeking out small pleasures and little things to excite you. That sense that the world is so huge and exciting isn’t something most people really feel every day, but you can certainly get it back by having new experiences.

    2. Do you live in or near a major city? Travel to the closest major city to you and really get to know it. I know you said finances are tight, but you don’t have to stay in a super nice hotel. Look up the best coffee shops and try them all out, try appetizers from the new hot restaurants, or even just order a drink and have a look around at the atmosphere, check out the lobbies of the cool new hotels, go to museum exhibits, etc. Bonus points if the closest major city is in driving distance. For example, I live in Northern Virginia and have decided that in 2019 I’m going to really get to know DC.
      I find getting to know a city and having new restaurants and activities to experience and talk about and recommend to people is exciting.

  17. This post reminded me, I have been meaning to ask Hive for help on dress shopping. Dreaming of warmer days, when I can throw on a work appropriate dress and go – but need help finding the right dress. Am CLO in Fortune 200 so think pretty conservative. I like knee to midi length, which I wear with some great heels. Love short to 3/4 length arms. HATE wraps (make me look and feel fat and constantly worried about exposure. Also, can’t do the shirt dress style, as it gaps. So, over the head with a zipper is ideal; love ponte for its smoothing effect, but can consider others fabrics that flatter. I’m a pear, around size 10, and cold shoulders, ruffles, tiers, high-lo, body con, high slits, all make me rageful. The usual suspects (all the BR, AT, Nordstroms, Macy’s, typical mall stores – even Talbots ) seem determined to make me look like a pre-teen, frumpy, or vampy. Any GREAT sources for professional, non frumpy dresses? HELP!

    1. I am wearing a Boden dress today that I think fits your requirements. I think you’d find a lot you like on the Boden site. Nordstrom has a few Boden pieces, but there is a ton more on the company’s site.

      1. Seconding Boden. I am pear-shaped and wear fit and flare dresses. Boden is the only place I’ve found fit and flare that still look professional. They are knee-length or even mid-knee, and a lot of the ones I own have 3/4 sleeves.

    2. Antonio Melani at Dillard’s. When I lived in Boston, I paid to have it shipped; it’s worth it.

    4. Boden, Boden ottoman fabric, Boden … all my work dresses are this. I did branch out into their shirt dresses and some have closely spaced buttons so I have zero gaping with my 34″ ribcage and 38D brazzier. (… from a professional fitting due to tilted ribcage, so no pearl cluthing is necessary).

    5. MMLF Etusko fits this bill. Simple, no fuss, professional, 3/4 sleeves, can be belted or not… easiest dress ever.

    6. Boden. Their sheath or aline dresses just don’t work on my pear shape, but I just got their Irene Ponte dress for work and it’s great. (And if you want something for casual wear, I also got the bernice and amelia jersey dresses and plan to live in them this summer). Boden’s waistlines run short (or high? They tend to sit above my natural waist and I am long-torso-ed, so whatever you want to call that)–on some of them, if you order a tall, the waistband will be a little lower (sometimes it’s just the hem length. They have garment measurements online and you can ask on the chat).

  18. i realize this is something i should be able to figure out from google, but my brain isn’t working this morning. trying to convert some ingredients in a recipe to US measurements. If it calls for 100g of frozen spinach that would be ? And 50m of oil or melted butter? thanks!

    1. If you don’t have a favorite conversion calculator, you can do measurement conversations by searching in google. “100g to oz” “50ml to tsp” and so on. It has a built-in calculator. :)

    2. A pound in about 450 grams, so 100 grams is about 1/4 of a pound (a little less, but since this is spinach it probably doesn’t matter). Also, I would recommend getting a scale if you’re into cooking – mine is small and switches from grams to pounds at the push of a button.

  19. Need recommendations for a sci-fi or fantasy book series to send a 75 yo man recuperating from surgery. The last time he had a major surgery I sent him the Hunger Games series and he still talks about how much he liked having something that kept his attention but was light(ish) when he couldn’t sleep.

    Any recs for something similar to send this time? He’s a big reader so I am hoping for something YA or YA-like that maybe he wouldn’t have stumbled across before. TIA!

    1. Daughter of Smoke and Bone series
      Chaos Walking series
      Shattered Sea series
      The Passage? (It’s a bit long.)

      1. I really liked Daughter of Smoke and Bone. Laini Taylor has a new series, too, that is off to an equally good start–the first book is called Strange the Dreamer.

        Maybe Red Rising by Pierce Brown.

        1. May be a little late. I loved Strange the Dreamer. The second one was a bit of a let down execution-wise, though the backstory she is developing is pretty good!

          1. Dang, I’m bummed to hear that–I’m still on the wait list at the library for #2.

    2. The Divergent and Maze Runner series are very similar to the Hunger Games – fast plot that sucks you in, dystopia, love story, etc. I didn’t like Maze Runner after the first book but YMMV.

    4. Half a King by Joe Abercrombie? I think that one is a trilogy. Or maybe Warchild by Karin Lowachee.

    5. Martha Wells wrote four books in the Murder Bot series (with a fifth one coming out in just over a year). I enjoyed them immensely.

      Alternatively, Pierce Brown’s Red Rising series might be good for him too.

    6. There’s always Harry Potter.
      On the YA side, my favorites are:
      Blue Sword by Robin McKinley (not a series, but The Hero and the Crown is set in the same world)
      Diane Duane’s Young Wizardy series (written before Harry Potter was a thing)
      His Dark Materials trilogy
      Tamora Pierce’s Tortall books (though these are female-focused)
      Sherwood Smith’s Crown Duel (currently published as 1 long book, was originally 2. She’s got an adult series, the Inda trilogy, set in the same world that starts out a little slow but gets much better)

      On the adult side, anything by Brandon Sanderson. They’re all good. Mistborn Trilogy is a good place to start, though. He’s got a YA series as well.

      1. Did you see the trailer for the BBC production of His Dark Materials? No air date set yet, but a pretty darn good cast. I hope it’s better than the Golden Compass movie that came out a few years back.

        1. I didn’t know a trailer was out! Just watched it and I’m super excited. Anything would be better than that Golden Compass movie. It was proof that even a great cast can’t save terrible writing/directing. I have higher hopes for anything done by the BBC.

    8. My grandpa enjoyed the Twilight books, but both he and I preferred Stephanie Meyer’s slightly more sci-fi, slightly more adult, stand-alone title, “The Host”. He also loved the books and movies of Outlander.

    9. Slightly different fantasy YA series that I unabashedly love is Six of Crows (set in 1800s Amsterdam, it’s a heist with some magical elements thrown in).

      1. +1 for Six of Crows. Also, for an adult fantasy heist novel, the Gentleman B*st*rds by Scott Lynch – although there are only three out of a planned seven books, and no sign of number four. :( On a completely different sci-fi note, Borne by Jeff Vandermeer is also great and not particularly heavy reading, and his southern reach novels are creeeepy if you’re into that.

        2. Oh I forgot about Locke Lamora series. That’s a good one. Re ever finishing, I have some vague recall from a few years ago that the author was working through some medical or mental health issues and said books would be delayed.

      1. Ooh yes, can’t believe I didn’t think of Naomi Novik! I love the first few Temeraire books, but in my oh-so-humble opinion they went a little off the rails towards the end.

        But I wholeheartedly ADORE both Uprooted and Spinning Silver. They are both outstanding.

    11. The Lies of Locke Lemora is a fantastic romp. Think Hon Solo but in a fantasy world similar to Venice.
      If he likes math and political intrigue I cannot recommend Neil Stephenson enough. His Baroque Cycle, starting with Quicksilver is quite possibly my favorite series I’ve ever read. However, it is above YA reading level, it is very fun. There are Pirates. He also wrote Diamond Age and Snow Crash. Both are more scifi than fantasy.

      Otherwise George RR Martin is fantastic. Game of thrones is an easy read, and a page turner. I’ve read some of his other science fiction, and its fantastic. He did several short story anthologies which are amazing, especially if he doesn’t want to get into a long haul book. I love short stories myself.

      If he likes older science fiction anything from Robert Heinlein is fantastic. And don’t forget Enders Game. Neil Gaimon’s American Gods is wonderful. I’ve heard amazing things about Terry Pratchet but have not read anything.

      Now, excuse me while I put all the books y’all have recommended on hold at my library.

    12. This isn’t young adult but I just read the Books of Babel series by Josiah Bancroft and liked them a lot.

    13. These are amazing recs – thank you! Keeping a running list for future birthdays, holidays, etc. as well as for my own reading list. Thanks!

      1. For younger kids but Suzeanne Collins did another series, Gregor the Younger, I think.

        1. Loved this series! Also– politics aside, really enjoy reading most Orson Scott Card book series (his more recent ones less so).
          The uglies series, the selection series, the lunar chronicles, matched, incarseron -all interesting- but is definitely geared to tweeny girls so ymmv.
          Also love all Neil Gaiman books and Terry Pratchett series– I find their writing styles a little boring, but the stories themselves are SO good it keeps me into it.

      2. John Scalzi’s Redshirts and then Lock In and Head On. The first is a send up of the Star Trek original series red shirted crewman problem, and the latter are the first 2 books in a planned series. The narrator of the series has a chronic illness that struck as a child and is physically confined to a bed, with his/her consciousness being projected into various mechanical bodies. You are never told what the narrator’s physical sex is, because it doesn’t matter, but the audio books for each can be purchased with either male or female readers.

    14. The Ender’s Game series and the Queen of the Tearling series are both great. One of my favorite authors, Carlos Ruiz Zafon, also has a number of YA books that are not a series but all have fantasy elements and are SO good.

      1. I just read Shadow of the Wind (and recommended it to the gentleman I’m shopping for now–he had read it many years ago). It was wonderful!

        1. Oh, he should read the entire Cemetery of Forgotten Books series, then! It’s incredible. Shadow of the Wind got me hooked. The fourth and last book just came out last fall.

    15. SM Stirling! Start with “Dies the Fire” or “Island in the Sea of Time.”. And seconding Neal Stephenson!

  20. I’m a biglaw midlevel in NYC and, after a less-than-stellar review, I’m looking to go in house. Any advice? TIA.

    1. Try to come up with positive reasons for going in-house, other than “less than stellar review” or “better hours” (even though lots of us have these thoughts too). For example, mine was “I’m really passionate about industry X and want to be more closely involved on the business side of things.” Also, leverage your ex-biglaw network – surely you know people from your firm who have gone in-house? Ask them for a casual coffee and advice. Could lead to a job, or not, either way it’s probably helpful advice.

  21. Recommendation for any kind of subsaharan cuisine restaurant in the DC area? I’m looking to try something new.

      1. Am currently watching through Gossip Girl for a 3rd time. No shame.
        Serena was going to take the SAT but Georgina came to town and drugged Serena so she would miss it. Chuck arranged for someone to take the test in Serena’s place when he realized she was going to miss it. So… less malicious? I think she ended up taking it herself later on.

    3. You would think these people would have the money and the sense to develop a long-term relationship with a particular college, then have a long talk with the development office about their needs for a new science lab or music hall. But this is what you do when you want to buy your kid’s way into school but are too cheap to shell out eight figures for it.

      (Was that sarcastic?)

      1. It may be sarcastic, but it’s not incorrect. I could figure out how to do this properly from one season of The Sopranos.

        1. I think it’s not that they didn’t know how to do this properly, and more that they coudln’t afford to do it properly. Felicity Huffman and William H Macy paid $15k for their kid to cheat on the SATs. No elite university is going to give your kid admission because you offer to donate $15k. It has to be millions and probably tens of millions. And it may not work at all. I have an acquaintance, who is the daughter of a billionaire, but barely graduated high school and bombed the SAT – her grades and test scores would barely have gotten her into community college on her own merit. Her father tried to get her into Yale (his alma mater) with the idea that he would become a very significant benefactor of the university. I don’t know the exact numbers, but it’s pretty clear to me he was contemplating gifts on the $10M scale and possibly on the $100M scale, and the development folks were well aware of that. It didn’t work, he couldn’t get her in. So it does happen.

          1. I worked in test prep in Los Angeles for a couple of years and saw this first hand…. anything less than a couple million dollar donation, doesn’t even get in front of the eyes of people who would make a difference in terms of accepting a student (this is specifically at 1 of the schools mentioned in the articles I read).
            Money buys you advantages… whether it’s one’s that we see as ethical (the BEST SAT tutor, summer college camps, and essay editor, tuition at top schools)… or ones that veer more twds straight up cheating the system….

          2. Looking at this from the university’s perspective: the elite schools get ten to twenty kids applying for each spot. Most of them are more than capable of doing the work and not failing out; however, they don’t get accepted because there is not enough room for every capable student.

            If a parent or grandparent is a very wealthy donor, then taking a capable, but not exemplary, student is not actually an irrational choice. The kid can do the work; the school gets a pile of money; the better facilities or increased financial aid offered by the donation attract other students, or endow a professorship, or do lots of other good things to improve the university.

            But that all changes when the kid cannot (or will not) do the work. That becomes a very tough conversation to have. It sounds like the kid whom they were trying to get into Yale couldn’t do the work, and no amount of money was going to change that.

            And yes, even if the kid can do the work, you’re talking a minimum of seven-figure donations. The people in this scandal were too dumb or too cheap for that.

    5. I’m only surprised because it seems like you can do SO many things to get a leg up on the college admissions game without explicitly cheating? Like going to a great school, getting SAT tutoring, all those expesnive ~experiences~ that make your application essay interesting, ‘college admissions consultants’, having famous parents, etc. … Do you really need to straight up pay for it?

      1. “experiential” things reek of privilege and at least my experience with college admissions are dismissed as privileged but misguided. I was admitted to an ivy league school and my guidance counselor told me that the most impactful things other than my grades in challenging courses was that I had multiple years of actually working jobs. According to her other than showing you aren’t a deadbeat, activities are really only meaningful if you are playing a sport / instrument etc. at a high level or doing some sort of community service that shows initiative.

    7. I’m not terribly cynical but none of this is surprising to me. Sad but not surprising.

      1. +1 My SIL went to an upper east side prep school and most of her friends’ parents did things like this, to say nothing of all the legal bribery (from extra tutoring all the way up to donating buildings). It’s been going on a long time, and it certain circles it’s the norm, not the exception.

    10. Morality aside, it just seems like a waste of money to me…so you get your kid into Yale, ok, that’s great but what about the rest of their lives? A Yale diploma opens certain doors, but it’s not a golden ticket for life and there’s going to come a point when you can’t bribe people to get things your kid wants anymore. I don’t know. I went to HYP and although I enjoyed my experience there, I don’t feel like financially it was worth the investment my parents made. I think I’d be just as happy and financially successful if I’d gone to a state school and done well. I’ll pay for my kid to go to an Ivy if she can get in on her own merit, but it doesn’t seem worth bribing anyone for.

      1. I think they probably know what they’re doing. Just about any outcome in life + an Ivy degree is better than the same outcome without the Ivy degree, right?

      2. Felicity was personally involved. Including faking her daughter’s disability to get special accommodations. F her.

    11. Today in everyday sexism, Felicity Huffman and William Macy, as a couple, allegedly used bribery to get their kids admitted. Whose picture is on every article? Felicity Huffman. Not her husband, the more famous actor, nor any of the men mentioned in the article.

      2. William H Macy was not arrested, so of course the headlines don’t mention him. Lori Loughlin’s husband was, but he is not a household name.

        1. I did not know that Mossimo was a real person, or married to That Actress from Full House! Was that A Thing people knew?! She’s not usually seen as a fashion person, and I guess neither is he, just a name….

        2. I read the complaint and I don’t really understand why William H Macy wasn’t indicted, but he wasn’t so I think it’s correct for the media not to use his picture.

      3. Also… jesus the pictures they are picking of each of them…. could they pick more atrocious ones?

        1. I’m appalled but not tremendously surprised. As much as I get a bit envious of the fancy fancy LA private school crowd when I see the clubby sweatshirts at ballet or the cute uniforms at the dentist’s office, my interactions with these kids (and their parents) does not suggest that they are so much brighter or better educated than my kids (or me). And the fact that their parents are going to this kind of extreme suggests their kids are completely subpar. Maybe my daughter won’t be able to “develop” her own line of perfumed jewelry for corgis, but she’ll be OK. More than OK as the daughter of middle-class professionals who give her plenty of advantages.

  23. Does castor oil work for growing your eyebrows? I recently took out a patch and after a couple of weeks, it is still not back. I’ve tried finding a pencil to color it in, but the options available for my yellow-y blonde (I’m a redhead with darker blonde brows) brows are still too warm for me. Does anyone have any suggestions?

    1. Go to a derm. Castor oil is “said” to help but there is no clinical determination that it does. A derm can prescribe a foam or cream to help the patch grow (hubs used some to grow in a patch of beard that weirdly just stopped growing – it took a few months but works really well) – but you will probably be using some sort of topical steroid to get it to do so.

      Also, a couple of weeks is not time in eyebrow re-growth – some women who overpluck patiently wait for months or years to get back to natural fullness. I’d just fill in with eyebrow pencil. Go to a makeup counter – ideally MAC who has lots of color choices – to match a brow pencil.

  24. Does anyone worry that the tide has changed fashion-wise and wide pants are going to replace the slim ones? I am 5’1″ with thick legs and this will not work for me…

  25. Anyone have any experience with spider vein treatments? Are they effective? I’m thinking of getting mine done as they’re getting more numerous and prominent and I really enjoy wearing dresses in the spring and summer. I have a scattering of spider veins and one fist sized cluster near my right knee.

    1. I’ve had the treatment done several times (10 and 5 years apart) and have seen improvement every time. You have to wait 2-3 weeks between treatments and it takes 4-6 treatments, so might want to start now. Some should disappear completely and some might just fade but will still be there.

    2. I use regular household vinegar as a fabric softener rinse in my dryer, and I don’t notice the smell.

  27. I recommend the Riftwar Saga by Raymond Feist. Fantasy not Sci-Fi but good fun reads and there are multiple trilogies as a part of the series.

  28. Are there any freelancers or accountants here who can point me to a good guide to taxes as a freelancer? I’m thinking of leaving my day job for freelance work soon and want to make sure I have a handle on the tax stuff first. I would love to hire a CPA but I’m in a very small town and can’t find one I trust – I went to one a few years ago (when our taxes weren’t that complicated) and he messed everything up and we ended up having to pay the IRS a lot of penalties and interest. So I think I’m going to be doing this myself. I’m married and my husband’s salary puts us in a very high tax bracket so I don’t expect to be pocketing that much.

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