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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Controversial take: A white blazer is an absolute must for winter workwear. In the summer, I like wearing it with bright colors, but once the weather gets chilly, I’m going for a classic black-and-white look.
I would wear this ruched sleeve Cinq à Sept blazer with a basic black sheath, black tights, black booties, and some chunky gold jewelry. If you’d rather brighten up the dreary winter days with color, it also comes in a really pretty magenta.
The blazer is $395 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes 0–16.
A couple of more affordable alternatives are this Calvin Klein blazer (14W–22W), on sale for $83.40 with an extra 30% off, and this Calvin Klein blazer (straight sizes; lucky sizes only) that's $129.
Psst: I just saw that Donor's Choose is matching donations today — teachers who need money post specific classroom projects and you can donate directly to the teachers. I like that you can search by zipcode or by keyword. If you know of other places that are matching donations, please shout them out in the comments! – Kat
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Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon
Do you think the Omicron variant warrants postponing domestic (within the U.S.) vacation plans? I was about to purchase airline tickets for trips as soon as January and as late April, but am now wondering if I should hold off.
Anon
No. Get your booster if you haven’t already.
Anon
+1
Nesprin
Agreed- it warrants protecting yourself with the highly effective tools we have available, namely masks and vaccines.
Ellen
I do not. Now that have been double vaccinated (with Pfizer), I am happy to be able to return to normal life, and I will get a 3rd booster when I am eligible. If you have been locked in (like me), you should look forward to doing what you wanted and by January, the picture will become more clear. Get the tickets now, and in the worse case, you can cancel, but I don’t think you will have to if you are fully vaccinated against COVID. You should also get a flu shot, like I did, so that you don’t get sick with the flu and think it is COVID.
I think we need to ask the Chinese once and for all what they did to let the COVID out of the bag. That way we can be sure it will NOT happen again. FOOEY on COVID.
Elizabeth, I love this Nordstrom blazer, but every time I wear a white blazer (or blouse), I inevetibly wind up getting Marinara Sauce on it. So my warning to the HIVE is to avoid all red sauces and also any kind of soup, b/c no liquid is good for keeping it white. DOUBEL FOOEY!
Cat
No. Lots of clickbait headlines but early evidence is showing this is perhaps more tr-nsmissible but not severe. Get your booster.
However, I wouldn’t buy basic economy or whatever the cheapest fare class is (i.e., a fare that doesn’t give you no-change-fee flexibility). More for protecting against the financial & logistics risk of catching Covid than fear of illness…
Anonymous
This is untrue. There is no “early evidence” of the kind. We do not yet have data on whether the Omicron data results in more severe illness. One anecdotal statement by a South African doctor to the news media isn’t evidence.
Anon
I say book refundable tickets in case you have to cancel (like you get exposed to Covid, get sick, some things are closed wherever you want to go etc)
Anokha
Yes. Refundable tickets or travel insurance. I also think it depends on where you’re going — I might pause about flying to places with high transmissibility rates and/or no mask mandates.
Anon
Agree with this. I work in public health education and think the Delta variant and high numbers of unvaccinated and unprotected holiday travelers is enough to put travel plans on hold. Maybe postpone a few months when the crowds thin.
Anonymous
Not at all
Anonymous
This board tends to have a lot of posters who are several weeks if not months out of date on their Covid related advice. The Moderna CEO just said he’s concerned our vaccines won’t hold up, and the two drug makers that produce the current monoclonal antibodies in such wide use in the red states have each said those treatments are not going to be effective. And the data from South Africa is so new we don’t know what the hospitalization rate will be for the at-risk. We just canceled our Christmas travel.
Anon
How can we be “weeks or months” out-of-date when the information about Omicron just emerged a few days ago?
Also, have you seen the articles where the doctor in South Africa who first raised the alarm on the variant has said that the people infected with it only have “mild symptoms”? There are tons of articles about that out there if you care to go look.
Let me fix your statement for you: This board tends to have a lot of posters who overreact to the slightest hint or indication that there might be a problem related to Covid, whether or not the evidence or available information demonstrates it’s actually something to be concerned about. Not all of us feel like overreaction and panic is the default best response to any new information that hits the news. I’m sorry you feel that way and that you canceled your travel; please understand that exhorting other people to overreact and panic is irresponsible.
Anon
The doctors in South Africa report seeing people with debilitating fatigue. As a medical symptom, yes that is “mild”. However, if you knew some of those with post Covid fatigue, you would know that it is a very real hardship in the work and personal lives of some people and should not be dismissed lightly.
I’m in a red state where Covid has burned through communities and there are far too many people struggling to function normally. I have reduced sympathy for those who chose not to get vaccinated and wear masks and ended up this way. I have great sympathy for those who did everything they could to avoid it and ended up like this. Regardless of who is to blame for their own conditions and who are victims of idiots sustaining high transmission rates, I am concerned that the “mild” Covid symptoms are going to result in a very large group of people in the future who will have ongoing medical issues and lack of functionality, and the impact of this on our medical systems and work forces. In Covid terms, “mild” means not hospitalized and not on oxygen. It does not mean it’s a symptom that will not impact your life and your future.
Anon
You’re going to have to accept that a lot of people are going to make different risk calculations for you. And to be honest, your fear that future health care systems and economies are going to be hurt by long Covid doesn’t seem genuine. It seems more like an excuse to bash people’s current decision making.
Anon
Cool. Come back when you have some actual data or research to back up all this conjecture you just dumped out; can’t wait to see the clear evidence-driven connection between a variant that emerged a week ago and the widespread devastation of our healthcare system and workforce.
Wheels
Seconded, as someone who had a ‘mild’ virus and hasn’t been able to work for eight years.
Anon
Wheels, this isn’t meant as any kind of slam or snark, but is a blog for “overachieving chicks” that’s centered around work fashion someplace where you get a lot of value out of the conversations? I just have a hard time wrapping my head around why someone who hasn’t worked in 8 years would gravitate toward this forum as a place for dialogue and community. I work, and am relatively well-off for my area and sometimes I feel like some of the conversation here is unrelatable.
Anonymous
You didn’t read the entire article if that was the conclusion you drew. Hospitalizations are up for children, although that may be the result of extra caution while we all figure this out. The rest of the cases are not old enough for us to have adult hospitalization data.
Anonymous
Every time there is a development, people post with old data from before the development. Like for months posting that Covid is not spread through the air when the actual science had moved well beyond that. Posting that all you need is a booster is similarly out of date given the news yesterday about the Moderna vaccine. In addition, even with Delta, as noted by another poster, long Covid is just as likely with a vaccine as without one. So the advice to get a booster and party on is pretty risky. Finally, the note about antivirals being enough isn’t very reassuring given they only decrease serious cases by 30 percent. Not coverage you want to rely on if your vaccine is now out of date. Basically, we woke up this morning in the same boat as one of the nations that rolled only partially effective vaccines.
Anon
Weird flex, but ok.
anon
LOL, omicron was discovered last Tuesday. 7 days ago. Listen to The Daily podcast from this morning, 20 mins that you’ll find helpful.
Anonymous
The emergence of the Omicron variant just confirms what we already should have known: nothing is going back to “normal” for a while, all plans are fluid, and it is a financial risk to book nonrefundable reservations for anything.
Anonymous
My life is, and has been back to normal for months. I wear a mask when required, otherwise, normal life is here.
Anonymous
Kid yourself all you want, but when your kid’s school closes because too many teachers are out sick or you are forced to quarantine abroad because travel restrictions are suddenly imposed you will realize that life is not actually back to normal.
Normal
It is. This is the new normal. We’ve lived like this for a year and a half and there are no signs of things letting up. So we adapt, we recalculate risk, and we continue living. For me, that means I continue traveling to see family and friends and enrich my life, while taking new precautions. For you, that can mean that you continue to react as if it is March 16, 2020, but that will not be my new normal.
anon
I’m keeping an eye on things. Are refundable tickets an option?
London (formerly NY) CPA
I just booked airline tickets to the US for February. Even though they’re not cancellable, I made sure that I would be able to change the flight (so basically receive a credit for what I paid for the tickets). If the trip doesn’t happen, I’m sure I’ll fly American Airlines again at some point. Just make sure you know what the airline’s change/refund policy is in general and what the specific terms of your ticket are.
Anonymous
Refundable tickets or travel insurance only. Don’t you remember in the last week of February 2020 and the first week of March when everyone on this board said Covid was a non-issue and that anyone who was concerned was crazy? That was 700k deaths ago. The response here are meaningless. I don’t know any better than anyone else what the variant will do, but I do know that refundable tickets are a smart move.
Cat
um, if you read the responses, most people are saying “not that worried, but purchase refundable tickets just in case,” not being blase and saying the OP is overreacting…
Anon
Your constant beating of that drum is starting to get a little wearisome, just FYI.
Anon
Fwiw I was one of those people saying “go!” in February 2020 and I stand by that advice. Had I known it would be the last trip for two entire years I would have been even more emphatic about going. The risk was actually low then, compared to what it was in most of 2020 and some of 2021.
Regardless all the experts are saying this is NOT Feb/March 2020. We have way more testing, vaccines that are almost guaranteed to provide at least some protection against severe disease, and antivirals that are 90% effective against severe disease and unlikely to take a major hit against Omicron (unlike vaccines, antivirals don’t just target the spike protein). There is literally not one legit expert suggesting we’re going back to March 2020 and to suggest that we are is total fear-mongering.
Anonymous
My point wasn’t that we are going back to March 2020 (although our testing in the U.S. is just as much of a shambles now as it was then). My point was that this board was the wrong place to go for sound advice about how the pandemic was going to go. If people want to buy non-refundable tickets, be my guest, but I wouldn’t – especially not with travel bans going into place as we speak.
anon
How the heck are our tests as bad as then? We have home testing, drive by testing all over my major city, etc.
Cat
literally everyone on the thread recommended buying tickets that you can change at no additional fee just in case so… ok
Anon
Completely agree, 10:45.
Anon
I mean, I went in February. I didn’t call off work travel that had me traveling cross country every week of Feb 2020. Then I got sick in the first week of March, the sickest I have been in years. Couldn’t get tested because I hadn’t been to China. I was sick for weeks and coughed for the next 4-5 months.
Traveling in February 2020 was a bad decision, in hindsight.
Anonymous
+ 1. Everyone jumped down my throat when I said in January of 2020 that we were taking extra precautions given the news out of China; some my neighbors have family in Wuhan and the news they were getting was really bad. So don’t call me an alarmist. Read the actual news, not some random Twitter feed, and take extra steps now to take care of your families.
anon
As someone who works in a job that for better or worse can disrupt vacation plans (no comments on work life, this is the price of the $$$ I get paid), I have spent the last decade knowing that you never know what will come up before a trip and if you have to cancel it – whether for work, getting a garden variety cold/flu, family decides to plan a milestone party. We’ve all been in this boat for years with booking vacations in the future, COVID is just another wrench that ends up in our plans. Book tickets that are either refundable or you can handle losing the cost of. If a refundable ticket is 3x the cost of a non-refundable, just book non-refundable rather than spend the extra money.
No Face
I agree with the consensus. Get a booster if you haven’t yet, and stick to refundable tickets.
anon
Listened to The Daily podcast this morning – it was quick, about 20 mins, I’d recommend it. Interesting commentary around travel restrictions in general (spoiler: not helpful, really only damaging). Plus what others said: we don’t know enough and won’t for about two weeks. No need to panic or alter life until more is known. Booster, mask and otherwise apply common sense.
Anonymous
I would strongly disagree on the travel restrictions not helping. If you can delay community spread, the medical community will have time to figure how to handle the new wave of patients. The 2020 restrictions were put in place too late, months after the spread to numerous provinces in China. Earlier would have slowed spread while the US learned basics about treating these cases.
Anonymous
I’m sticking to domestic travel for the foreseeable future. I feel like the travel restrictions within the US are easier to navigate than across an international border. I don’t want the stress of potentially getting stranded in another country – I feel like I couldn’t relax all vacation with that hanging over me.
Anonymous
The answer to this depends on how you want to handle endemic covid. Do you want to avoid getting covid completely or will you be ok minimizing your risk but resume life close to normal? Either answer is fine but it will change your answer. The vaccination rate in the US is imperfect but it far outstrips what the developing world has been able to achieve, meaning that new variants are going to keep coming for the next few years. Personally, I’m low risk and triply vaccinated. I have no problem taking a test before seeing my triply vaccinated parents and in-laws, if they request it. I assume I will be exposed to covid in the coming years, and possibly even get a breakthrough case at some point. But I’m not willing to put my life on hold for 2 more years.
Anon
Agreed.
Anonymous
Have you met any of the mild case survivors with long Covid? A low risk friend now can’t climb the stairs without suffering shortness of breath and heart palpitations. It’s really scary. I would like to defer my inevitable case of Covid until there is a better roster of treatments
Anonymous
That’s a reasonable decision! I am making a different decision for myself, based on my comfort with the risks.
Anon
Exactly.
Used luxury bag - yay or nay?
Hi all – I am thinking of purchasing a luxury bag that I have been eyeing for a while (on and off for a few years now), and am tempted to purchase a used version that is in good condition. Has anyone purchased second-hand luxury bags and can help give me some advice on which sites are reliable? While I can afford to buy new, I am not sure how much use I will get out of the bag (from experience, I tend to hoard nice things instead of using them), and the ability to re-use something already out there is also appealing to me. Thanks!
PolyD
Jean Wang at Extra Petite has had some posts on buying luxury bags, both new and used.
Veronica Mars
Fashionphile is very reputable and their “very good” ranking for condition is (in my opinion) near excellent. I’ve been very happy using them.
Anon
Yep – would second this. I’ve used them to purchase a few bags in colorways that are no longer sold new and was very very happy with their service and the bags themselves.
NYC Girl
Yes – big fan of second hand luxury goods (cost effective and good for environment!). Fashionphile is great and offers returns on most items (so you can check out quality yourself before committing). The Real Real has a huge selection but most designer bags are final sale. I’ve also purchased and sold via Julia Rose Boston (you can search her on Instagram – she also has a website). She’s an independent seller but a ton of fashion bloggers use and recommend her. Her consignment rates are also much higher than the Real Real or Fashionphile (if you’re ever looking to resell). Rebag is another one – but I have no personal experience.
s in Chicago
I’ve used Yoogi’s Closet several times. Descriptions are very detailed and accurate I returned once (I’m tall and the strap wasn’t a length I liked) and the return process was super easy with a fast return.
No Face
I see no downside.
Anonymous
I don’t think I’ll ever buy another expensive bag that isn’t second hand. Over the summer I bought my first ever luxury bag from a store. The second time I wore it out, it got horrible color transfer. (PS thanks to everyone here for their help!) Cue weeks of fretting before I was finally able to get it mostly back to normal, but you can see a little wear where the color transfer was. And of course now I’m afraid to take it anywhere. So it sits, unused, on my dining room table. Meanwhile, I got a secondhand Chloe from Fashionfile that was in beautiful shape and I take it everywhere. It was a several hundred dollar savings, but the main benefit is that I won’t feel horribly guilty if something happens to it.
Anon
I’ve only bought one but I got it on the Real Real and have been overjoyed.
Anonymous
My advice is to look up the retail new price to make sure you are getting it cheaper used. Sometimes they are even more on Fashionphile. I think Fashionphile is much better than Real Real.
OP
Thank you everyone! Will check out Fashionphile and some of the other resources.
Go for it
Help please wise ones:
I am considering putting my foot back into online dating apps. Over 50, long divorced, adult kids who sometimes live with me.
All the tips you have…….
test run
Everyone will have their own advice based on their experience – and some might disagree with mine – but my approach was “go on a first date with pretty much anyone who asks, but be very choosy about second dates.” This helped deflate some of the stress because I wasn’t putting so much pressure on every first date to be a success. I’d also recommend getting off the apps and meeting up in-person as quickly as possible – I wanted a boyfriend, not a pen pal. I know some people like to do phone calls, etc. beforehand, but I think if you develop too much of a “relationship” by text/phone before you meet up, it can make it difficult to actually gauge your connection in real life and you’re more likely to fall into a sunk cost fallacy.
All that to say, good luck and have fun!
Anon
This! Great advice. I met my husband through an app and this was my strategy. Many men, regardless of age, are terrible at making profiles or communicating via text. I went on many many first dates and only a few made the cut for a second or third date.
I advise against drawing out the time you spend texting or chatting before meeting in real life because their online or text persona can be vastly different. Have fun!
Anon
OTOH, I had the best texting relationship ever. Dude should have been a writer in the classic Hemmingway mode. Actually, he was classic Hemmingway, down to the booze problems. But he was such a good writer! If you want to avoid a penpal-wth-benefits situation, meet up asap and then see if there is a spark.
Anon
I met my current (second) husband on an app and I agree with all of this. Don’t let the email / texting phase go on too long. Some people are great online and terrible in person, and vice versa.
Most of all, go on every date hoping to have a nice time but with low expectations for meeting The One. I regarded my dates as a way to get out of the house and a fun thing to do, and I had a great time.
anon
Go in with very low expectations. I kid! Kind of.
For me, having very clear deal breakers and sticking to them has saved me a lot of emotional energy. I also move to an in-person coffee or drink meetup asap. I do ask for last names prior to meeting so that I can at least do a quick internet confirmation of who they are (to the extent you can truly know). I hate messaging too much pre-meeting as I have found it gives a false sense of compatibility. I also am very quick to say thank you but no thank you when the person is not right for me. I’m 41. I know what I want and I am not wasting my time on what I don’t no matter how cute or good on paper he is.
Be prepared to need to take breaks also. My area is a desert for eligible older men who fit into my wants/needs (no kids – very challenging at my age). I get frustrated because I am a good person and make a great partner and want to have someone to share my life with, so when it’s dead end after dead end, I get burned out. Taking a break helps me reset and get my head and attitude back in the game to be able to give people a fair chance. I also ALWAYS trust my gut. Always.
Anon
Don’t take anything personally. That’s my biggest piece of advice as a long-time dating app survivor. There will be ghosting, flaky men, jerks, bad dates – none of it is a reflection on you.
Anonnymouse
Best piece of dating advice I’ve heard – for anyone – was to have high standards but low expectations. takes a lot of the pressure off!
Senior Attorney
Agree with all of the above, and add: Don’t chase boys. If a man wants to be with you, he will move heaven and earth to make it happen. If you are always the one to initiate contact, and/or he’s “busy with work,” “has a lot going on right now,” or whatever… he’s just not that into you and you need to move on. When I was dating I had a rule that I wouldn’t date anybody who wasn’t thrilled to be with me. It cut way down on second/third dates but also cut way down on angst.
Go for it
OP here
You all have been so helpful! Thank you.
Anonymous
After reading about it here I finally measured myself using “a bra that fits.” It suggested two sizes for me and I ordered a bunch of the specific bras they recommended. The first one came yesterday (in the smaller size) and it has got to be the most laughably poor fitting bra I have ever tried in my life. The band is fine but the amount of excess material in the cups is truly ridiculous. I guess I must have measured wrong, but wow. Commiseration?
Anon
I also find their measuring system to be wildly inaccurate, if it makes you feel any better.
Anonymous
Same. Giant cups.
Anon
Giant cups and super tight bands! I can’t breathe like that.
anon
Same here. I do a much better job on my own, it turns out. The recommendations seemed VERY off for me, and I wear a standard size. No special boob needs here.
test run
Their measuring system ultimately worked for me, but it took me forever to understand the whole thing about shape (shallow vs. projected – for some reason my brain wants them to mean the opposite of how they define it on the site) – I had also been wearing bras that were too small for so long that I had to get used to all the tissue actually fitting inside the bra. But yes, commiseration. It’s a huge pain and requires much trial and error which is incredibly frustrating. If you can, I just ended up spending like an hour in a nordstrom fitting room trying on no less than 30 bras until I figured it out. It sucked, but at least now I can order replacements online.
this!
Yup, I went to Soma and tried on nearly every bra in the store, in at least 3 sizes. I put my shirt back on, I walked around, I did some light jumping jacks, I bent over, I stretched, I sat calmly, and finally came home with 3 neutral colors of the same style. I’ve been buying that style for over 5 years, in the same size. I hate bra shopping, so if I have to do it, I put those things through a thorough test in the dressing room!
Anon
100% this. ^
You have to account for the differences in root, full top or bottom, etc. Just going by measurements is not enough.
I tried on a dozen different bras in the same size before I found one that fit, and it’s the best fitting bra I’ve ever had. The rest sucked.
Go hog wild on Bare Necessities (or equivalent) and return what doesn’t work. I went from a 34D to a 30G and I am so much happier with how my clothing fits.
Anon
This was my experience too. The problem is that bras aren’t actually sold by all the necessary measurements. Band + cup size isn’t enough; my measurements weren’t wrong in that I’m definitely 30DD (smaller band, larger cups did result in a wildly better fit for me), but a lot of 30DD bras still don’t fit me well because I’m petite, and all that shallow/projected stuff does matter as well.
Also sometimes it feels like shopping for jeans, because sometimes two bras in the exact same labeled size have ludicrously different physical dimensions? Though part of me suspects that’s been an “Amazon sells counterfeits” issue when I’ve encountered it.
Anon
Also, high/tight vs trying to sneak into my armpits. Mine are #2.
Shelle
I echo this and some of the other comments about how much trial and error is involved. I recently went through this process and had to find my new size and then figure out my shape to get specific recs. Then I crawled around on the subreddit looking for extra tips from people who fit that description, for example for smaller band sizes to try sizing up a band and/or use a band extender for comfort. I learned along the way that black bras have a tighter fit because of the dye used! I really don’t blame anyone for feeling overwhelmed. But I’m comfortable for the first time in my life.
Anon
If you have to use a band extender to be comfortable then the bra doesn’t fit, right? Am I insane?
Anon
You use an extender to prolong the life of the bra because the band stretches out over time. It makes sense from a $$ perspective, especially because good bras are expensive! But I’d rather just replace my favorite bras every year or so, even if they’re $60.
Shelle
Good question! I went up a band size but the cups were too large. I went down a band size and the cups were too small. With a bra extender it was juuuust right. I felt like Goldilocks in the worst way…
Anonymous
If you have access to an independent bra store where you live, go there. In NYC, I’ve had good luck at Iris Lingerie in Brooklyn and Linda’s in Manhattan.
No Face
I think you’ve got to try in bras in person. When I last tried on bras at Soma, I tried the same size in many styles. One style fit perfectly, and the rest were ill fitting in different ways. And that was all the same brand!
SF Attorney
Yes – in person with a sales associate. I have done that several times at Nordstrom and quickly and easily find bras that fit well.
Cora
Their measuring system worked extremely well for me. It changed my bra-wearing world. But the shape thing probably plays a role too.
Anon
Haha yes. I’m a big believer but I tried on and returned at least 10 bras. The calculator was actually pretty spot-on for me but I had to get a style that was right for my shape (a ton of projection from the bottom.) I am a larger lady (38 band) and I also found that I was picking up too much back fat when I measured the fullest part of the bust, so I left the back of the tape in the same place as the band for the full bust measurement and I got a much better fit.
If you are comfortable posting fitting pictures on abtf, they can help you figure out what’s not working with the bras you do have.
Anonymous
I just did it and got my normal UK size of 28HH right away.
I do have a very narrow back, ridiculously full and large bust and any sort of calculator for so called normal breasts just say “we don’t carry that size” or similar. To actually get a working size for me is extremely rare – full marks for this calculator!
Ribena
Does anyone have any experience/ warnings about dating people you’ve met through work? In particular, a guy from a team at the supplier for a project I’ve been working on. I’ve seen him on ‘the apps’ so I know he’s single and looking.
Anonymous
Looking, but may or may not be single.
Anon
Or you could just give him the benefit of the doubt and not assume right off the bat that he’s a pos.
anon
Understand that you may have to leave your job, either because it works out and you become a couple or because it doesn’t. It may also harm your reputation in the workplace if others think it is impacting your opportunities.
I’m clearly one of the ones for whom it did not work and I had to move on, but I know so many work couples that are now married that I can’t honestly say it’s a bad idea.
Cb
I met my husband at work! If it was someone I would be working with directly over the long-term, I don’t know if I would, but if it’s temporary, go for it! It wasn’t a career job for me which factored into my decision a lot. I’d connect on the apps rather than through work communications systems.
Remember though, you live in a village. If you meet for lunch and have a smooch, your co-worker will definitely walk by and tell the whole office “Ribena and Josh are FINALLY dating instead of just making moony faces at each other!”
Anon
I’ve done this, and it made my life a nightmare (he was cheating, told everybody that I was the cheater). I couldn’t even get away from my nightmare of a life at work, because some of the people he was spreading rumors to were my colleagues. I would never do it again personally. Tread with caution. He might have a good “work personality” but doesn’t always mean that he’s actually a good person.
Anon
My last company had so much of this, the family tree was a wreath.
Even when it goes well, it sucks. The men get high-fives and promotions, the women get whispers and side-eye.
Anon
The family tree was a wreath is my new favorite expression …. and having recently delved into Ancestry, is apt for my dad’s side!
Anne
I did in my 20s twice. I made it VERY clear from the beginning that my work was my priority and that I did not want the relationship discussed at work or to impact work in any way. I only dated guys who I did not work with directly and who seemed to get that I was not messing with my job for a relationship. Honestly, it went great and I’d do it again.
Anon
Does anyone regret buying a motorized standing desk? I’ve had my eye on the Fully Jarvis for a while. Today is the last day of Fully’s November sale, and I’m trying to decide whether to go ahead and make the purchase. If I don’t get the Jarvis, I’ll probably go with the Ikea Bekant (non-motorized, but adjustable to the right sitting height for me). I just can’t decide if the extra $500+ is worth it for the option to stand.
Anonymous
Do you know you actually enjoy working at a standing desk? We have Varidesks in the office (not motorized but very easy to raise and lower), and after the initial novelty period of about two weeks no one actually used them in the standing position. I found it too hard to concentrate while standing.
Anon
Same here, I have one at my office and never stand with it because I don’t think well that way.
anon
Same here. I thought I’d love a standing desk. Turns out, I can’t actually work that way!
Anon
Glad to hear others feel the same as I do about standing desks. I had a motorized sit/stand desk at my last job, which was in-office until the pandemic. On days where “work” was primarily non-video conference calls, the standing desk was great. On days where I had to do research work and typing, I never used the standing feature because I just could not concentrate on typing, shuffling books/notes, and assembling my thoughts into something reasonably linear if I was standing up. I thought about getting a standing desk for my home office but instead, on non-video conference calls I make it a point to stand during the call; I don’t need a standing desk to do that. P.S., recent research has indicated that the “standing is the new smoking” hysteria was overblown.
Senior Attorney
Same.
Sloan Sabbith
Same here, even with the pad to stand on my feet hurt and it was distracting. Some people at my office use and love them but I tried it for about six months and almost never used it.
Anon
I have a Fully Jarvis and really like it. Even if I’m not standing it’s nice to easily adjust the desk height and I like the monitor arms and little plug inserts on the desk top. I don’t really stand that often, but I have a toddler so it’s nice to be able to put up the desk at the end of the day and make sure everything is out of reach.
WCEC
I also love my Fully Jarvis for its adjustability not necessarily only for standing. But I have short legs so regular adjustable desks are too high for my ideal ergonomic sitting position, I had to get the extended option. Don’t know if you’d need that or if the ikea desk has it.
I don’t like working standing up as much as I thought (easier for me to slump into bad posture) but I still like having the option.
Gail the Goldfish
I have one at both work and home and love them. I usually only stand for about an hour a day, but it’s worth it because it’s that post lunch sleepy period and helps me power through. That being said, the one I bought for home wasn’t $500, it was like $300. I have the non-L shape version of this (which they don’t seem to sell anymore): https://www.amazon.com/SHW-Electric-Adjustable-Computer-L-Shaped/dp/B082BHWCRW I actually like it better than my (presumably more expensive one) at work because this one lets you save your preferred heights to a button.
DB Cooper
Random stocking stuffer or “what to get me” list idea, should you need one–if you like the fit of the Amazon Basics underwear often recommended here, try the women’s underwear at https://svahausa.com/collections/adults-underwear-and-swimwear
Women-owned small business, great prints on all their clothes. Their dresses have pockets!
These unders are slightly on the thicker side (more like a t shirt material) and stay put all day–a fun “touch” that amuses my kids to know I have characters on, too. I wore the T-Rex ones for a tense work meeting yesterday and felt secretly strong. ?
No relationship, just a satisfied customer.
Anan
OMG!!!! I love their stuff for my kids but never click over to the adult stuff….
This makes me so happy. I was going to restock with boring underwear and now I don’t have to!
anon
I’m feeling pretty pandemic-discouraged at the moment. Both of my kids have gotten their first doses of the vaccine, which is great. But I am so hesitant to book vacations or anything else, not knowing how things might evolve. I feel like we’ve missed some prime travel years with our kids. They’re at the ages where travel can be fun and not a total slog. And we finally have the money to do it. I’m not overly worried about them getting seriously ill, but I do have concerns about picking up something and passing it along to a vulnerable family member that we’re in close contact with. And if we’re being honest and following the rules, they would have to sit out of school for an additional period. Planes and airports skeeve me out right now, and we’re very limited in cool destinations within driving distance. Guess I’m not sure where I’m landing on “live our lives and accept the risks” vs. “this is a really dumb idea.” Promise there is no judgment to anyone traveling at the moment. I’m just trying to figure out what feels right to us and how to best calculate risk. (Soooo flipping tired of this.)
Cb
Oof, before this week, I was feeling pretty ok about our Christmas trip (UK to Portugal with unvaccinated kiddo) and now I just don’t know. The UK seems highly unlikely to roll out vaccines to elementary aged kids so it isn’t a case of waiting a few months…
Anon
It’s really hard. I’m tired too. I miss getting to hang out indoors at a friends house with all of our kids. I’d say if your main concern is your family member, unless they live with you, can you plan to just not see them for 1-2 weeks when you return? School is the tricky part, it’s really disruptive to have kids out for a week for a trip and then another 3-5 days for quarantine, but you have to follow the rules – it’s part of the social contract.
anon
Yes — having to stay out of school is definitely a factor. Some friends of ours just returned from a cruise and their youngest has to quarantine because she’d only had her first shot. When all is said and done, that kid is missing 2 weeks of school, which I would not be okay with.
Staying away from the family member for 1-2 weeks would be tricky. Doable for the kids, but probably not for DH.
Anonymous
Your husband should realize that’s part of the deal in keeping that person safe. How is that not doable? And is the vulnerable person also not able to have a voice? (I say this as someone with cancer who has had to tell many friends lately that I’m not up for indoor visits with them given their own travel, large gathering at Thanksgiving, etc. etc. I hate doing it but I also recognize that nothing to them could mean a huge deal to me. Heck, I’ve even had to speak up to request medical staff to use masks around me. It’s not fun to have to stay apart or put conditions around being indoors together, but sadly it’s just the reality these days.)
anon
Thanks for jumping to the worst possible conclusion. It’s complicated because it’s his mom, for whom he takes care of some household stuff. Of course he recognizes that he needs to keep her safe, jeez.
Anon
Different approach to a similar question – could you hire someone to support MIL while you are gone/quarantining? Hopefully if it’s a good relationship she’d be open to making this work to allow you to go on vacation and still be safe. As for school, go on a trip right before or during a scheduled school break so your vacation + quarantine period doesn’t erode too many school days. I don’t think COVID is going away anytime soon so if vacation is important to your family, you need to figure out best way to make it work.
Curious
Solidarity. This is hard.
Anon
i’m kind of jealous your schools have rules. last year my kids’ school had rules about quarantining, but they are gone this year even though my kids (3 year old twins) are too young to be vaccinated . i know at least one kid in their class went to Disney for Thanksgiving and i keep waiting for the email…I’m going to be pretty pissed if my kids are out of school for 2 weeks bc someone couldn’t wait another 6 months to go to disney world. i totally understand that some people have a different risk tolerance than i do and that’s fine, but couldn’t you have gone to disney world over the summer so you wouldnt potentially infect your kid’s class at school
Anon
OTOH, I feel like everyone is a germ vector (you stayed home, but relatives travelled to you; you went to a movie; kids went to a birthday party and it was cold/rainy so it was inside).
My kids eat lunch in a large public school every day and so far disaster hasn’t hit us. Their peers are 30% vaxxed at best (middle schoolers aged 11 and up). I am shocked at our good luck (and now I’ve probably jinxed us). But we don’t generally spend any more risk dollars than sending them to school (local family are hippie antivaxxers and won’t vax their kids, so happy to avoid them, but they are living their best lives and I’m also shocked that they haven’t gotten it yet, as there is nothing they’ve not done at this point (thanks to FB, we get pics of everything, so the contract tracing they may eventually do will be easy)).
anon
Another six months, ha ha ha
Anon
there should at least be a vaccine for 3 year olds by then. i dont expect covid to ever be completely gone
Anon
Go and take an at home test before you see vulnerable family member.
Anon
This.
Anon
No at home tests are only for the symptomatic. I agree with testing but get a PCR.
Anonymous
I am in the same boat. When COVID hit, we had just paid off law school and my law school baby had just turned 13. We were planning to send her to an amazing summer program and start taking all the amazing trips we’d put off. Now she is a high school sophomore and our time with her is running out, but we still don’t feel safe making any travel plans. I don’t know how we’re even going to manage a college tour. Summer programs are finally running again, but with no boosters for teenagers and Omicron on the way I think that will be a no-go as well. Plus that, virtual school was a total bust and the fallout has pretty much wrecked this year too. I feel like Covid has robbed her of her high school experience.
anon
I’m really sorry. I feel terrible for the high school and college students who haven’t been able to have many of those formative milestone experiences.
Anon
What kills me is that private schools in my city are having all of the things. Public schools had football last year, but no band, orchestra, dance recitals, or dances (homecoming, middle school, etc.) or even tried to have what could have been done outside. This meant a ton to the football kids, but if you were a kid who was in the art club or AP art, you never had an art show and never got to display your work. Ditto science fairs and robotics clubs (or the many after school activities that are terribly meaningful to the later lives of students that they used to do together with a faculty advisor: newspaper, literary magazine). Everyone trying to do things a la Emily Dickinson, alone in an upstairs room, was totally miserable (que up the Sad Girl music, it’s spot-on).
Anon
*cue
Seventh Sister
It hasn’t been quite that bad in my city, but close. Private schools moved heaven and earth to get students back to most stuff, mostly in person, while my kids’ public schools continue to screw around with Zoom for things that could be done in person.
Anonymous
It’s only a no go if you decide to let it be one. Your fully vaccinated teenager can do a summer program and visit colleges.
Anonymous
Oh, look, another Covid denier. Just because you want it to be safe doesn’t make it so.
Anon
I mean, college kids are in college, so how is a 17YO kid really that different? COVID is something a teen learns to live with and manage, same as other front-line workers and the rest of us. Wear a mask. If you hook up with a different person every night, you might get a cold or COVID or something else — this is a lesson you learn the easy way or the hard way.
Anonymous
This is the most bizarre comment. COVID risk is not limited to “hooking up with a different person every night.” It depends not only on one’s individual judgment and precautions but also on societal and institutional precautions and the judgment and precautions of nearby people. I would have a very hard time letting my teenager live in any type of roommate situation right now.
Anonymous
Assessing risk doesn’t make you a Covid denier, and claiming that it does hurts our message. You’re taking your life in your hands every time you get in a car, train, or plane. You also take precautions to limit that risk as much as possible. If you personally never want to get in a car that’s ok. But that doesn’t mean you can call other people reckless for getting in a car and following safety rules. If you call every driver reckless regardless of how safe they are, you’re going to get dismissed as crazy. There are lots and lots of focus denier out there, let’s save our condemnation for them.
Anon
Letting a fully vaccinated, masked teenager take a college tour is in no way Covid denial?
Anon
Exactly. A teen on a high school campus seems to have more risk than a teen on a campus tour, where they are likely outside walking around a bit more and looking at buildings vs being inside of them. If you are flying / taking transit from Bates to Harvard to NYU to Penn to Georgetown to USC to Stanford, well, maybe the college tour part of this isn’t where the risk is. Surely there is somewhere local to give you a flavor of small/medium/large. Then apply. Then see where kiddo gets in. Visit those spots.
It’s like, seeing a video of Portugal or Mount Everest, I get a sense of whether I’d like either (no thanks, Everest, I’ve camped enough in COVID not to want to do it at high altitudes with dead bodies lying about). I went to NYU and hated it (the school), but I was 100% right that I loved Greenwich Village.
Anon
Boarding schools are happening. There is one in my parents’ town and they seem to have it managed, with kids living in doors with house parents (often families with kids too young for shots). They don’t seem to be having any drama even though many students are international (and have to stay). I would definitely let my teens go to their summer programs if they have them this summer. My kids are sick of camping and have managed their inside-risk fine since school restarted.
Anonymous
I’m not a denier. This kid is fully vaccinated and not high risk.
Anon
Do you really think you’re doing yourself a service by calling anyone who makes a different personal risk calculation than you would a Covid denier? What do you think you or society gain by that?
Anonymous
To take a college tour you have to fly there, stay in a hotel, eat in restaurants, etc. The tour itself is quite safe if masked. It’s the travel that’s the problem.
LaurenB
I see nothing wrong with a fully vaccinated teenager going to visit colleges with vaccinated parents, wearing masks, etc. Just to be safe, though, pick colleges in blue states or blue areas of red states, which is kind of a good idea anyway.
Anonymous
Ever heard of breakthrough infections? So far I know six adults who had them, most less than 6 months out from full vaccination. One of those people got long COVID. Next summer, teenagers will be 12+ months out from vaccination.
Anon
They’re finally doing boosters for kids so teens should get a booster before the summer.
Anon
OMG this is great news! Teen vax rates are so low in my city that waning immunity of my teen is a legit concern (and waiting 6 years until she turns 18 was not sitting well). It looks like this will be with us for the long haul, so I’m glad there is some movement on this.
Anonymous
Where did you learn that booster trials were underway for teens? The only information I can find is that Pfizer is applying for authorization for boosters for ages 16-18. Nothing on trials for younger kids.
anon
Many others too. Teen suicide attempts went way up during covid lockdowns. The kids really are being robbed of normalcy and at this point I think the psychological impact caused by covid restrictions is far greater and more worrisome than the risk of covid
Anon
A friend’s coworker’s 12 year old committed suicide earlier this year (in the spring). No prior attempts, and they knew he was struggling but didn’t realize the extent. It’s been really, really rough on a lot of kids and teens.
Anon
Aren’t college tours mainly outside? I’d honestly do as many as you can locally or with a quick drive, just to give her a feel for large vs medium vs small, urban vs college town vs rural. Even if it’s not where kiddo ultimately goes, she will know if she needs to weed out University of the South or W&L or NYU or Clemson or Miami Ohio or Ohio State (or whatever) or whether those schools are 100% her jam.
Anonymous
We are touring the local schools, but she wants to attend school far away and understandably would like to see the school before committing.
Anon
That’s fair, but she still has to get in, no? Isn’t that what admitted students’ weekends are for?
Anonymous
I see that you have not been exposed to the college admissions rigmarole lately. Colleges now factor in-person visits and even the frequency of website visits into their calculations of how likely a student is to accept an offer of admission. They are trying to maximize their yield rates, so the more enthusiastic the student appears the more likely they are to get in.
For some competitive colleges you have to apply under a binding early decision program if you want any shot at getting in, and it would be insane to do that without visiting first.
Anonymous
That is not true any more post Covid.
Anon
Nah, I just live in the land of giant SEC schools that don’t care about if you love them back (of course we do, football and ‘MURICA and all that) and the understanding that schools like Mount Holyoke / Williams / etc. are not insane at not visiting during a pandemic. They think we are germy COVID-denying MAGA freaks and don’t want our germs and we accept all internet cookies from them so they know we are interested. It’s a crap shoot anyway.
Anon
I don’t know the answers, but I’m right there with you. Both kids have their first shot and we both have our boosters. I feel like we’re missing their prime travel years, but I also feel like we HAVE to prioritize in-person school right now, because last year’s virtual school did not go well with either kid and they’re significantly behind. We did a few outdoor summer/fall activities (sports for each, and a summer camp that was mainly outdoors or masked indoors) and had as many outdoor “playdates” as we could, but with the weather turning too cold we don’t have things lined up for the winter. I can see the burn out/ fatigue/ cabin fever already settling in to their eyes, and it hurts to not know if it’s safe to fix it.
I’m so sick of this risk calculus where the parameters are undefined and constantly changing, and equally valid priorities are at odds with each other. And I feel like the general consensus is just for parents to have figured it out already, stop whining about it.
Anonymous
Why can’t they see friends in doors? They see them at school already
Anon
Most elementary schools here are not mixing between classes. They may see each other at recess, but for the most part if a friend isn’t in your classroom this year, you’re not seeing them at school. Also, there are several schools in our town, so a friend from sports (or summer camp friends) will likely not be in your same school.
Regardless, for the ones in your classroom or at recess, you’re only seeing them masked. Yes we can mask indoors but different families have different rules on that and it gets tricky for younger elementary kids to know what to do and then do it consistently. And even with that, most families we know aren’t doing multi-kid playdates indoors. Playing one on one is nice but it’s not the same as a big soccer match with your team, or with several kids running around the park. So yes we can (and will) do some limited interactions over the winter, but it won’t have the same mental health boost as we were able to get in the summer.
Anon
I say go back to normal and quarantine before you see your vulnerable family, assuming they don’t live with you? But it is hard and I’m worried that by the time my 4 year old gets vaccinated new variants will have effed everything up. She had just turned 2 when the pandemic started so it wasn’t that hard to stay home because who wants to travel with a 2 year old anyway? But 4 is a super fun age, she’s so much more mature and gets a lot out of traveling and activities and playing with other kids and it really sucks to be missing so much normal life stuff now.
No Face
Travel when your kids are fully vaccinated. The risks are relatively low.
No Face
More thoughts: figure out your goals and needs for your family, and make plans based on that.
I do not have the goal of eliminating the possibility breakthrough infections, for example, so I am comfortable taking on certain risks to improve our quality of life. I also do not think that covid poses a huge threat to my toddler, the only unvaccinated person in my house, so the vaccinated family members engage in certain risks. If covid was a large risk to my family, I would make different choices.
Anonymous
My goal is avoiding long COVID, which means avoiding any breakthrough infection. I do my best to avoid Lyme disease and other infections with a high probability of lifelong sequelae, too.
The singular focus on avoiding hospitalization and the minimization of the significance of “mild” infections is going to have enormous human and economic consequences for the next several decades. Health care costs, lost productivity, etc.
Anon
How long do you plan to avoid long Covid? Do you have an end date in mind? Is something going to change in the future? This virus is here to stay. So is your plan to never travel again? Just curious what you’re doing to avoid long Covid and how long you plan on taking those precautions?
Anon
Not as enormous as hiding in some kind of lockdown forever.
No Face
I reduce the risk of long COVID through vaccination and mask wearing in public indoor spaces. I am not trying to eliminate all risk, and I think the steps necessary to eliminate the risk would cause far more harm.
I spent a year in pain needing physical therapy multiple times a week because of a car accident. I still drive because the very real risk of another accident is not outweiged by the numerous benefits of driving.
Anonymous
12:05, I am waiting for society to wake up and require universal vaccination.
Anon
I mean, that is a choice you can make. Since we are not eradicating COVID, I’m not sure what your long-term plan is, but obviously you’re entitled to make changes for yourself.
For what it’s worth, I have long COVID – my sense of smell is not completely back to normal and I still have lingering coughing several months after recovering. It’s not a big deal, frankly, and I’m comfortable with my past risk decisions even though I did ultimately get COVID and still am dealing with it. And when people look at estimates of the prevalence of long COVID they need to understand that it’s not all (or, I’d guess, even mostly) the people you see in the news with debilitating brain fog and crushing fatigue and all that. Anybody who has symptoms that last longer than 3 months is in those numbers, even if they’re mild and don’t really affect daily life, like mine.
Anon
I have a chronic medical condition that has lasted about 4 years (it is typically an acute event, but I am special with the bonus rounds of it). Life just goes on and you adapt. It waxes and wanes. I wouldn’t have wanted to put my life on hold this long and I’m generally COVID cautious but will spend some of my risk dollars here and there where it seems most beneficial (went to Lessons and Carols service this past Sunday and it was so beautiful and definitely worth it (masked, vaccinated, had my booster)).
Anon
So, just curious. What happens when you do all this stuff that limits your life activities to avoid Covid and Lyme disease, and you get a pancreatic cancer or brain tumor diagnosis (which we don’t know how to avoid) and find out you have maybe 18 months to live? Are you going to have regret for all the things you didn’t do, out of an (over) abundance of caution, if you end up dying of a terminal illness at, say, 50 years old? Because I know way more people who have died of cancer in their 40s and early 50s than I know people who have gotten long Covid, Lyme disease, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, etc. “Everyone’s risk calculus is different” and here’s mine: I’m going to live the life I want to live, going the places I want to go and being with the people I love, while I have time to do it. Because my college roommate who just died of ovarian cancer at 46 didn’t have nearly the time she thought she would have to live the life she wanted to live, and her dying regret was that she hadn’t taken the trips, spent the time, taken the risks, done what she wanted to do, etc. No one gets out of here alive, and none of us know when our day is coming. You can be holed up in your house, isolated from people, smugly feeling that you’re safe from Covid, and a blue-ice chunk can fall out of an airplane, punch through the roof of your house and kill you. I think some people here are conflating “scared of Covid” with “scared to live their life” and it’s frankly, very sad to witness. It smells like untreated depression or anxiety to me, not prudence and good judgement. If this is really social anxiety, agoraphobia, misanthropy, or some other flavor of not liking people and/or not wanting to be out in the world, just be honest about that and stop pinning it on Covid or another boogeyman illness.
Anon
And: I respect that my parents want to see their grandchildren even though they are back in school and one has only had one COVID shot. I want that for my children also. I wouldn’t push if my parents weren’t open to it, but since they are, I want them to have that opportunity. They may not have another chance.
Anonymous
12:46, that is exactly what pi$$es me off. Because our elected leaders have been leaving everything up to individual choice, and because individuals have refused to take responsibility for wearing masks and getting vaccinated, we are still letting the virus spread unchecked and mutate. If everyone had worn masks from day 1 and everyone was now required to get vaccinated, conditions would look a lot more like they did in back in June and many activities such as travel and attending concerts might be relatively safe. But thanks to everyone else’s poor choices, I am stuck at home watching my life slip away and worrying that I will die of cancer or something before I get to experience it.
Anon
Anonymous at 1:07, here’s the thing. We can sit here for the rest of our natural lives and bemoan what could have been and what should have been and how things could have been different. It’s not different, and no amount of moaning and groaning and lamenting and Monday-morning quarterbacking is going to change the situation we’re in now. I wish things were different too, believe me. But it is what it is. There was a moment where we could have kept the genie in the bottle, but that moment is long gone. The choice now is, live in resentment and fear, or use good judgement and reasonable caution and move forward. I know which choice will result in my having a satisfying, meaningful life where I can say at the end – whenever that comes – that I don’t have regrets; I did what I could to be present in people’s lives and give love where and when I could give it. That means I will get on planes to go be with people, or go to restaurants or concert halls or baby showers, or do other things that expose me to Covid, because without doing those things and showing up for the people I care about? I don’t feel like my life’s worth preserving anyway. I’m not here just to exist.
Anon
Am I the only one who lives in a place where the hospitals are being crushed by cases still? I’m following the precautions I follow because I’m taking my doctor’s advice to avoid breakthrough infection and long COVID given my risk factors, but also because I support the doctors and nurses who STILL need us to flatten the curve. If I do show up with cancer, I want there to be a doctor available to see me and for elective surgery to be on the table. (Am I the only one who has had a hell of a time trying to get in with any kind of doctor lately, or who has dealt with the kind of mistakes that happen when the healthcare system is drowning?)
Anon
I feel this way sometimes too, but I try to put this in perspective as a global pandemic that happens less than once in a lifetime (so far) and it will be a moment in history where we look back and think about how different our lives were during this period, like living through the 1918 pandemic or a world war.
Anonymous
That’s fine for adults. Kids are losing their formative years and there will be lifelong consequences.
Anon
As they did in previous pandemics and world wars. We just cope.
Walnut
My grandfather spent several of his teenage formative years fighting in WW2. The results were not pretty, the impacts to his family were not pretty and I don’t wish it on my children.
Anon
Yeah there’s a reason the silent generation and boomers are pretty effed up, and a lot of it has to do with the after-effects of two world wars and a major depression. In other countries, the generations immediately after wars or major disruption also see major impacts. Yes they coped, but not usually in a very healthy way and not without long-reaching consequences. Part of being in the enlightened age is trying to avoid repeating the same mistakes our ancestors made, not just shrugging and saying oh well.
Anon
@Walnut and 3:56
And? What are you going to do about it? Go back and change history?
My kids are in college, and their college experience has been a mix of campus shut downs, remote classes while living on campus, no parties, and few new friends. It’s different than my college experience. What are we going to do? Shake our fists at the sky like Abe Simpson?
We accept that we’re living in extraordinary times, we cope, we adapt, we move forward as best we can.
Fed-o
We caught COVID while traveling this summer, including the three of us who were fully vaccinated. My best advice to anyone looking at traveling is to have Plan B and Plan C for getting home or delaying your return, especially if you are outside the country, where you will 100% be stuck if you have COVID. In our case, we had flown across the country and were scattered in three different states for various reasons. We had to abort plans, gather, and drive 22 hours straight home via rental car when two of us caught COVID. By the day after we arrived, the other two had it as well–there was just no getting around being trapped in a car with COVID carrying family for that long. Trying to figure it all out with a 103 degree fever was the pits.
It was a long, miserable, expensive detour at a time when two of us felt like absolute garbage. I say all this not to dissuade people from living their lives and pursuing experiences, but to encourage anyone to factor in “what if.” As someone who works in international travel, I always always urge people to have health insurance that covers them if they travel overseas and now I’ll add that you should have the funds and tentative plans to either return home domestically or extend your trip overseas should someone get sick.
Anonymous
I live my Juliet sweater jacket from JCrew. But I need something about a foot shorter to not look crazy over long ruffle puff dresses (office is freezing and I don’t want to look too much like a circa 2000 Olsen Twin). Does this exist? My cardigans are too tight especially in the sleeves to work with anything but a sheath, which I’m out of due to some COVID 15.
Pep
If you do a search for cropped cardigans, you’ll find choices that hit at the waist or high hip.
PolyD
I think J Crew Factory had some similar sweaters that weren’t as long. Not sure if they still do.
Anon
My question is why you’re wearing ruffle puff dresses go the office. Not to be snarky but that seems like a strange look for a professional setting. Aren’t they called “nap” dresses?
Anon
Eh, you’d be surprised at what flies here now. We were casual before the pandemic. Now we are Mad Max with spreadsheets and fashion sneakers. “Eclectic casual”?
PolyD
Ooh, if I ever go back to the office, Mad Max is going to be my fashion goal! Maybe I should buy that leather dress I saw the other day….
Anon
I guess I’m fine with Mad Max at the office if it runs more badass b1tch than little house on the prairie.
Anon
I think that the nap dress is smocked. I’m not all that twee, but I am in more forgiving midi dresses vs sheaths or fitted dresses. Any any flat shoe/boot. Stuff is just more flowy and less tailored to the point of don’t eat the large burrito at lunch.
Anon
+1 I don’t think throwing a blazer on top makes it any better.
Anon
I swear I can’t find a blazer that can fit over anything that isn’t really trim-fitting. Like my normal size is X and to get something to fit over anything but a sleeveless sheath, I need to go up to X+2 sizes (so normally wear 6, need a 10 blazer to fit). And I have narrow shoulders and skinny arms. Stuff is bulky now or has a looser fit, so there is a greater volume of material to get stuffed into sleeves. And for coats, I’m not buying anything smaller than a large (so IDK what size L does except wear only base layers?).
Anon
Yes or no on getting the flu shot and Covid booster at once? My doctor is encouraging it to streamline appointments.
(If it matters, I had J&J in March, and want a Moderna booster, based on what I’ve read regarding efficacies of the different combinations.)
Party Animal
I did both at the same time a few weeks ago (20 weeks pregnant FWIW) and so did my husband. Same combination- J&J in March, got the Moderna booster. We both were fine. A little run down for a day, very sore arm. Would do it again.
Anonymous
+1. I did the same. Sore arm, a little run-down the next day–but I used it as an excuse to be lazy and watch a couple of movies I had wanted to see and make a crockpot of chicken noodle soup. Turned out to be one of the best days (for me) of the year. Turned out to be the right decision at the right time for me.
anon a mouse
I’d do it because I’m all about efficiency, but not have anything critical the next day. Anecdata: a friend took a few hours off work to get her flu/booster around 2, then ran a couple of errands, ate dinner and went to bed around 7. She said that after 12 hours of sleep she felt totally fine.
No Problem
Yes. I did both in the same appointments in different arms. The bonus is that the arm you get your covid shot in will hurt a lot in the day or two afterwards, and you won’t even notice that your flu shot arm feels a tiny bit sore too!
anne-on
If you do it, schedule it on a Friday and clear your weekend. I got my shot around 10am Friday, was starting to feel icky by 3ish and was running a fever/achey/tired/weak until Sunday mid-afternoon. It’s not hard to get appointments for both flu/booster shots here so I don’t plan to do it again – usually the flu shot is NBD, and I was expecting to feel ‘off’ after the booster but this reaction was much worse than how I felt after both shot 1 and 2.
anon
It’s fine, but plan to not feel great for the next 24 hours.
Anon
24-36 for me, just from a third Moderna shot. First 12 hours were fine. Not the 24 that came later.
Deedee
Exact same experience here!
Anonymous
I had both last week and was fine. My response was less than to Moderna shot #2. I have never had any response to a flu shot in the past. But YMMV, as evidenced by the recent long thread of many people’s varied booster reactions. You are running late for the flu shot, and I assume you have built in some flexibility for potential reaction to the booster, so I would just get both. If you are like most people, you wont even go back for the flu shot if you skip it now and you haven’t done it before now, so you probably are like most people.
Cat
I did them separately… would go for your Moderna first and wait on the flu.
1. Not sure if they give them in the same arm or if you have to use both, but I’m a side sleeper and would be miserable with both arms out of commission for a few days.
2. I am still WFH and see getting the flu as a fairly remote risk, so did not have a concern with waiting.
3. It takes literally 5 minutes to walk into any pharmacy for a flu shot so the appointment hassle isn’t a burden IMHO.
4. I knew I have no side effects to the flu shot other than a sore arm and wasn’t sure how Pfizer 3 would go. (If similar to 2 I didn’t want to exacerbate the side effects! As it turns out, 3 for me was in between 1 and 2 as far as side effects go.)
Anonymous
I wouldn’t combine it unless you’re ready to be knocked out for 48 hours. Hopefully that won’t happen (I did both flu and boost for Moderna at once) but you haven’t Moderna-Ed before, and don’t know how it will stress your system.
Anon
I would do it. But I also had no reaction to the COVID shot or my booster.
anon
Unless you have other concerns, there isn’t a need to go to your doctor for the vaccines. I always get my flu shot at Target/CVS, and I just got my booster at Rite Aid.
I felt worse after my Moderna booster than I did after the previous 2 shots (also Moderna), so I was glad I spaced them out (got flu shot in September, got booster last week).
Anon
My husband got both at the same time and was totally fine afterward, but my boss signed out early yesterday and is off today because she got both at the same time, and it knocked her flat. The experiences seem really variable. I got my booster separate from my flu shot; I had a pretty miserable time after my booster but no symptoms at all – not even arm soreness, really – after the flu shot.
Anon
I can’t believe there are people who haven’t gotten flu shots yet! Get on it, folks!
Anon
OP here: I was specifically told I had to wait for post-op clearance from my surgeon. Shots can mask infection by causing fever.
hi hi hi
I did both (Pfizer in one arm, flu shot in other) and would do it again. Got it around noon on a Tuesday. Woke up in the middle of the night for a couple hours from being hot, but by about 10 a.m. on Wednesday was fine… better than shot #2.
Anon
I did both. I think they were encouraging people to do so for public health reasons – perhaps people are less likely to go back for another shot. I had an enormous reaction to my booster but I also had an enormous reaction to Pfizer #2, so I have no idea whether the flu shot played a role in that. If I had to do it again I’d do them separately, just in case that would have helped.
Mrs. Jones
I did both at once. Booster arm was sore for one day, and I was a little extra-tired the next day, but that’s it.
Anonymous
I did both in different arms and had a lot of side effects. It is hard to say which shot caused it. I had the shot on a Friday and spent the weekend with a high fever (up to 103), body aches, lethargy. Still worth it to be protected, but I felt miserable.
Anon
I got both, one in each arm so both of my arms were sore for couple of days. I personally would have done it separately because I am a side sleeper and I didn’t sleep well for two nights. No other issues.
Anonymous
Had Moderna for all three shots. The booster shot at the same time as the high dose flu shot but in different arms. For me. high dose flu vaccine, because of my age, leads to more noticeable reactions than the usual flu vaccine but they only last for 12-24 hours.
Anonymous
I was much more excited to post this question before reading the above questions but… where should my husband and I go for a long weekend? My mom agreed to take our three young kids so we could take a break for a few days. I’m thinking of March, leaving on a Friday morning and returning Sunday evening. Somewhere warm but without a spring break crowd, and to minimize wasted time, a direct flight from DCA and little travel time from the destination airport strongly preferred. He enjoys very low key vacations (e.g. sit by a pool and drink pina coladas) and we love good restaurants.
Anonymous
St. Lucia
NYCer
If you’re up for an international destination, Turks and Caicos is very easy. Nice hotels that are close to the airport, some good restaurants, beautiful beaches, etc. Not sure what the flight situations is like from DC though.
Domestically, Montage Palmetto Bluff in South Carolina is very nice. (It is about a 45 min drive from Savannah airport, but at least the flight from DCA would be super short.) Weather might be variable in March though.
Anon
I wouldn’t do Turks from DCA – no direct international flights, you’ll have to connect through MIA. Look at the travel times on this one first.
If you can, I’d do a domestic destination – only international flights to DCA are those where you can pre-clear customs on the other end (Nassau, etc)
NYCer
Ah, if no direct flights to Turks then I agree. Sorry!
Bermuda is cold in March in my opinion. Puerto Rico? There are nice resorts that would not be spring break heavy. USVI? Miami? Again, if you stay a nicer hotel, you will largely avoid the “annoying” spring breakers.
Anonymous
Oooh love the Puerto Rico idea, thank you!
Thank you everyone! Lots of fun planning to do.
thoughts
Bermuda
Close flight. Beautiful time of year to go. Direct from DC flight.
Cat
Bermuda’s Covid requirements are too irritating for a long weekend IMHO, although normally I would agree with the suggestion.
What about St. Thomas? Still domestic but reliably beach weather in March.
anon
Bermuda in March is too cold for me to enjoy the beach/pool! I’ve been five times – I love the island – but it’s not where I would go to enjoy a beach/pool in March.
Anon
Can you leave Thursday night? That way you have more than one full day ‘off’ from travel.
Anon
Today’s edition of Female Felons (or Current Defendants on Trial):
How do you pronounce “Ghislaine”? I had assumed a hard G and that the S had a bit of a Z sound. On the radio now, I am hearing it more pronounced like “Elaine.” Is that right? Right for this defendant if not generally?
Also, I read a brief summary from Elizabeth Holmes’s testimony but no color commentary from anyone in the courtroom (I feel like there is a twitter feed on this I’m missing). Any good sources to try for my lunchtime reading? After the text exchanges b/w her and Balwani, she is definitely throwing him under the bus.
Anonymous
Ghee-laine. Google it there are videos teaching the pronunciation
Anon
It this French? I took a year of French and as a kid Hooked on Phonics, it absolutely made sense to read, but I could not hear spoken words and relate them back to a word I’d read b/c it seems like you pronounced only about 25% of the letters. I also 1000% could speak it in a way that makes native French speakers break out their English. I did fine with Latin and Spanish and Arabic.
Anonymous
The French pronunciation would be something like zhih-LENN.
Anonymous
It’s a name of French origin pronounced differently in England, where she is from, than France.
Anon
I do not get how the world manages in English. “Talliaferro” pronounced “Toliver.”
Gloucester.
Thames.
Anonymous
Worcestershire.
Anonymous
The joke with Massachusetts town names, most of which borrow from English place names, is that you pronounce them by simply removing the vowels (Leominster, Worcester, Billerica…so round here, it’s a Borcester shot).
Anon
Cholmondeley = “Chumley”
Featherstonehaugh = “Fanshaw”
Beauchamp = “Beecham”
How? How? I don’t understand.
Anonymous
Ralph = Rafe
Seventh Sister
I took German in school, and I’ve been watching some shows in French. I feel like about 25% of the letters in French words get pronounced! It’s super hard when each and every letter in German is pronounced (spelling and pronunciation are the only easy parts of German).
Anon
German is a language that puts words at the ends of words (rinse; repeat).
Anonymous
Yeees re French making no sense. I’m doing Duolingo for French right now and the pronunciation is SO HARD. I frequently yell “what happened to the other letters?!” at my phone. This is harder than Arabic, which I took in college and legitimately couldn’t make the sound to pronounce two letters.
Anon
I read most of my news and never in a million years would have guessed this is how you pronounce it. I have learned something today.
thoughts
The podcast “The Drop Out” is doing a pretty good 2nd season all about the trial. The episode released today will focus on Holmes’s testimony, I believe.
Anonymous
It does, but only the early part of her testimony. The rest (i.e., the part wherein she trashes Balwani and tries to excuse her conduct my making herself into a victim of many) will be the subject of next week’s show.
Anon
I watch a lot of English bloggers talking about skincare, cosmetic, and perfume brands, many of which are French brands, and the English pronunciation of some of these names cracks me up.
Anon
Can anyone suggest a book about nutrition that’s written for regular people? I think understand why certain foods are good for me might help me be better about eating those foods and more interested in cooking generally.
Ribena
I bought “Healthy as F ck” on the recommendation of someone here but haven’t yet read it – it looks to fit this requirement though
Anon
I like Marion Nestle’s books. A lot of them are more about politics of the food system, but I think there’s one that’s more aimed at what you’re asking for.
Mark Bittman also has some books about food systems and nutrition and some that are actual cookbooks and some that do a little of each, so those could also be worth checking out.
Anan
I read Mark Bittman and David Katz’s book How To Eat and thought it really succint and practical. Helped me develop some core principals to meal planning.
Anonymous
Harvard guide to healthy eating (I think it’s Eat, Drink and Be Healthy) is reasonably good and was updated in 2017 I think.
Anon
DH has a work meeting (covid pending) at the Ritz in Laguna Niguel, CA in March. I am thinking of tagging along since we have not had a solo trip since our kids were born 3+ years ago (thanks Covid) and it is fairly close to our 10 year anniversary. the hotel has ok reviews, but sounds like it is a bit dated? if we are going to add on a few days to our trip, should we stay there the whole time? find another hotel to stay at? any recs of things to do in that area? places to eat?
Senior Attorney
I was going to say it’s an AMAZING hotel, but then I realized that my experience is from attending a wedding there, like, 32 years ago. So… carry on…
NYCer
I think the Ritz Carlton is still a very nice hotel and would probably just stay there the entire time if I were you. The Montage in Laguna Beach is another (nicer, IMO) option if you would like to switch hotels. The Resort at Pelican Hill is also a very nice option, though it is in Newport Beach not Laguna.
A few Laguna restaurant recommendations: Nick’s Laguna Beach, The Beachcomber Cafe (Crystal Cove), Rooftop (amazing views from you guessed it, a rooftop bar/restaurant)
There are some good hikes in Laguna and Crystal Cove – you can find more info by googling. Laguna Beach has a cute downtown with some nice art galleries. I would also probably spend a half day walking around Balboa Island in Newport. Renting a duffy boat in Newport Harbor and cruising around for a couple hours is always fun.
Doodles
I haven’t been but I’ve done multiple business trips where I add a few days on and my spouse joins. I never find it worth it to spend time changing hotels. Unless the hotel is awful, I spend so little time at the hotel that I don’t want to waste time repacking and moving to a different hotel.
NYCer
I have a longer comment in moderation, but I agree with this. The Ritz is FAR from awful, so I would just stay put if I were OP.
Anon
+1
Anonymous
What charities is everyone giving to today?
Anon
Thanks for the reminder! I’m giving to the local domestic violence shelter. They do a ton of great work in my community.
Anon
Ha! Giving for me is always what I do on 12/30 and 12/31.
Sunflower
Planned Parenthood.
pugsnbourbon
Relatedly, my state’s abortion fund and the Yellowhammer fund.
Anon
My local children’s hospital and Road Dogs, which is the rescue that entrusted me with my wonderful, now very pampered after a hard life, English Bulldog.
Anon2
World Central Kitchen
kag
Give Well
anon
local foodbank, local independent online newspaper, climate action are my regular ones. For end of year, I am considering doctors without borders, a large open source project (not as big as wikipedia, but similar spirit), hefer (sp?)international, possibly something defending the rights of atheists, still need to research something for racial justice. This may sound like a lot, but I am doing donations in lieu of Xmas presents, and so I am picking charities that fit my family members’ interests.
Panda Bear
Local cat shelter, where I adopted my beloved kitty from.
Anonymous
Not my nonprofit employer, which just sent an e-mail soliciting donations from employees. I already accept your terrible salary. Now you want me to give part of it back to you?
Anonymous
I never understood the concept employees giving to their nonprofit employer. Apparently certain grant funders look for a high percentage of employee giving as a metric used to rank grant candidates and it baffles me.
Anon
Trust Women Foundation, which runs a clinic in Oklahoma City that has been inundated with women from Texas seeking abortions. They could really use some help if anyone has a few bucks to spare.
Jules
Thanks for this rec
anon
Local zoo!
Anon
Not donating today because I schedule it differently, but I give to a local art museum, a local Christian organization that provides emergency housing, food, and utility assistance; my church, our local food bank, and several local conservation organizations.
Anon
Still a fan of the Southern Poverty Law Center. The name is much narrower than the mission. They fight hate crime.
Anonymous
SPLC is hugely controversial.
https://www.newyorker.com/news/news-desk/the-reckoning-of-morris-dees-and-the-southern-poverty-law-center
anon
I don’t want to minimize the racial discrimination and sexual harassment portrayed in this article, but two thirds of the article seem to be busy taking offense at the SPLC being successful at fundraising, paying professional salaries and having an impressive headquarters.
Anonymous
I cocounseled a really hard pro bono case with SPLC and was profoundly impressed by the quality of their lawyering and their passion for justice.
Anonymous
Ms. JD
We’ve got it
Just another breakthru story for your enjoyment: my fully vaxxed and boosted husband has covid – has a mild head cold and lost taste of smell and taste. We all were just in a car for 9 hours on Sunday, coming from my elderly MIL. Kids went to school M then hung out with my elderly parents. Husband lost sense of smell/taste around 7p last night. We’re scrambling to all get tested now but kids are out of school for a week at least and we don’t have childcare b/c my parents watch the kids.
We are the most covid-cautious people you could imagine. Mask up everywhere. No indoor dining. Mostly curbside shopping.
my 10-year-old’s middle school removed the mask mandate in November (he still masked) and he had a mild cold before we left on Tuesday (yes, kicking myself now for not thinking to test him before we left). My husband got his booster shot 11/21. Both kids (10, 7) had 1 shot. All Pfizer.
Anon
Sorry to hear, but glad it’s mild in everyone so far.
Anon
My theory is that the 10YO is the weak link. Maybe the 7YO. They eat at school. My guess is that no more than 10% of local kids their age also got 1 shot, so while I’m glad these kids can finally get shots, I hope people are already working on a booster plan for them b/c in X months, it will still be relevant.
Anonymous
I hope it stays mild and no one else gets sick, and may your children enjoy the screentime fiesta. My husband and I got breakthrough cases from our son at the end of August. It was a huge hassle at the time but also oddly liberating. This thing we were afraid of for so long finally happened and it wasn’t that bad.
Anonymous
If the case is mild, vaccine seems like its working.
Anon
In fairness, sounds like your H got the booster a little too late…
anon
They only authorized boosters for all adults on Nov 19. Her husband got it two days later.
Anon
Not true. They were widely available a month earlier. If he didn’t want to get one, on him.
Auburn
Cmon, how is this helpful? Yes they were widely available, but CDC guidelines were only for 65+ or immunocompromised. The OP is clearly doing her part to stop the spread. Unfortunately, breakthroughs can happen regardless of how cautious you are. It sucks, and it’s not OP or OP’s husband’s fault. The pandemic is hard enough without people turning on each other. Please don’t.
Anonymous Canadian
I can’t comment on the veracity of this reply but I can make the following observation: “Gee, folks, the tone on this site has really deteriorated.” This is only one of several recent posts I’ve read that make my stomach drop a bit.
Things are tough enough for everyone, could we not try a little kindness, particularly for parents who are getting themselves and their children vaccinated?
Anonymous Canadian
My comment is pending moderation but should have included the following:
OP, you have my sympathies. This virus is insidious and your situation is an illustration of how we won’t be out of this pandemic until a critical mass of us get vaccinated. You’re doing all you can – don’t beat yourself up. Hope everyone’s symptoms stay mild and you enjoy a little break from reality as much as you can.
Anonymous
He had been scheduled for one earlier but it was cancelled. Plus he works from home and doesn’t go anywhere so his thinking was he was relatively low risk.
Anonymous
Sounds like the 10-year-old is patient zero.
This is the exact scenario I fear in Virginia once mask mandates are prohibited in schools come mid-January. Other kids stop masking. My kid hopefully still masks, but realistically she may take her mask off to avoid bullying and lie to me about wearing it. She gets a breakthrough infection, is quarantined for 10 days, and automatically fails all her courses because 10 absences with or without an excuse = automatic failure. Her dad and I then get breakthrough infections.
Anonymous
To piggy-back on yesterday’s discussion on what to gift elderly people, I recommend gifts of service. For example, one year when I asked by 85 year old grandma, who had drawers clogged with unused gifts, what she wanted for Christmas she said she would love it if I would polish her collection of silver picture frames. She had all these family photos in tarnished frames and it bothered her every time she looked at them but couldn’t manage to polish them herself because of her arthritis. So I made them sparkle for Christmas and she was very happy.
Senior Attorney
What a lovely gift! Well done!!