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Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Lila Tuck-Front Short-Sleeve Dress

A woman in a black sheath dress with front slit

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

The Brits really know how to do tailored workwear, don’t they? This short-sleeved black dress from LK Bennett is just perfection. The elbow-length sleeves can be worn on their own but won’t bunch awkwardly under a blazer, and the V-neck is flattering without dipping into dangerous territory for the office.

Wear it on its own or with your favorite colored blazer for a more formal look.

The dress is $250 and comes in sizes 2-16. 

Sales of note for 12.5

291 Comments

  1. Am I the only one who thinks that an adult working on a bed is OK? I did my high school and college reading on a bed (and elsewhere) and that continued into law school and beyond. Eating table is slightly too high (for comfy reading or laptop use). “Open concept” is not conducive to work. A bedroom is a quiet space with a door. I don’t want a desk in it though (bad juju; house is too small for me to have an office and I am very close to work). I do several hours of work in bed each day still but also am in the office for the main workday each day; for the year our schools were closed, I guess I adapted to the bed and the “cloffice” for an even quieter spot for calls (clothes = more R value).

    1. I worked from bed for several hours yesterday and do regularly when I have quieter admin tasks that don’t require multiple monitors. I notice my back and hips hurt more than when I work at my regular desk in my office. I wfh full time.

      1. Agree with this. It’s a nice break from a desk but for longer stretches I need a stretch and some physical activity after. I like being able to have my feet raised some and don’t have that in my office.

    2. I literally never once used a desk throughout high school and university, I was a bed girl all the way. I had never worked from home before COVID so when lockdown prompted me to finally buy a desk, I ended up really loving it. It’s just so much more comfortable for working with a proper desk chair, it has drawers for storage, and I like that my bed stays nice and made during the day. Mine is in my bedroom too and it’s really no big deal. I like that there’s a mental and physical separation between work and relaxing. I also have to do tons of video calls and it looks more professional to be out of bed!

    4. I’m working from bed right now :) I have a desk which is fine, but honestly I’m always more comfortable when sitting in less conventional poses, so I always work part of my WFH days from either my bed or the couch or the patio chair where I can curl up.

    5. I think you can do whatever you want, but if you have a lot of video meetings it’s awkward to do them from bed. I frequently work in bed later in the evening because my kids are loud downstairs and my room is nice and quiet, but I don’t take any meetings there.

    6. Conceptually, I don’t have any issues with it. For myself, I avoid it; doing anything in bed besides sleeping exacerbates insomnia.

      1. +1 also I nap if I work from bed. Fine with others doing it though if it works for them.

    7. I view it as similar to working on the couch – comfy when I don’t feel like going to my desk, but in the long run, the unergonomic position is not great for my hands and wrists.

    8. I’m useless without my dual monitors but the desk will be moving into the bedroom when the baby comes so I’ll be in the room if not in bed. If anyone finds it unprofessional, they’re welcome to pay me more so we can move out of our two-bedroom apartment :)

      1. The bed video is weird but does anyone remember early interview week at NYU’s law school where you were in a bedroom? That always seemed so suspect to me (as an interviewer, always with a second person present).

        I only do camera/off calls from my bed, which is 75% of all calls for me. Mostly of them are in-office for me but west coast ones get done somewhere at home (and then there are WFH days).

        1. Different law school but I did OCI for some out of town firms in a hotel room with one male interviewer. The man himself didn’t do anything inappropriate, but it was weird. I don’t know why we couldn’t have met in the hotel conference room.

          1. It’s because there aren’t enough conference rooms and hotel rooms are a lot less expensive. It’s logistics.

          2. It just feels so wrong. So, so wrong. I’d rather be in a noisy Starbucks or an office lobby.

        2. Georgetown’s setup is the same, and I suspect others too. While I conceptually understand the discomfort or weirdness some have expressed, it never bothered me (as a student).

      2. Do people not blur their backgrounds or put on the generic ones? No one needs to see your actual space.

        2. No, I have white blonde hair and my head disappears with a blurred background. Absolutely not.

          3. It still doesn’t work. I also loathe them when other people use them, I think they’re very distracting.

        3. I find a blurred background very distracting because it cuts off part of people’s heads and their hands if they move them (which is me.) I just keep my background tidy and neutral & take all of my zooms from that spot.

      3. It’s so odd that people think it’s unprofessional. If you make your bed it’s fine. Unprofessional is seeing a messy background not a bed. Humans sleep and have small houses, don’t make it weird.

        1. My life is not instagram-worthy, so of course I’m blurring my background. If it’s not a bed, it’s a pile of clutter or maybe documents that don’t relate to the person on the call (so I blur in office if I have a lot of things on my desk or table). You never know.

          1. Super fair, I’m just saying it’s fine to not blur your background if you don’t need to.

        2. Humans do lots of things that are normal, not weird, and still unprofessional in some jobs. In my job, it would be odd – and yes, unprofessional, to take a call from your bed, or with your bed clearly visible if that’s avoidable (in 2020, everyone understood folks were scrambling, I think by now the expectation is, if you want to work from home, you’ve figured out a neutral background. If you’re sitting on your bed /and/ no one can tell, that’s a different matter

          If the place you want to spend political capital is making it evident you’re working from bed (or a hammock or a pool lounge chair), that’s fine – part of how professional norms change is people with capital start doing it! But I don’t think it’s accurate to suggest working visibly from bed or with a bed visible is /currently/ going to read as professional

          1. I’m sorry but I think it’s extremely unfair to say a bed cannot be visible in a camera shot in 2024. Not everyone can afford a living situation with a separate office. Not everyone can afford a living situation where you can position a desk without seeing a bed. Plenty of people have roommates and must work in their bedroom and the only setup that works involves showing a bed. Even people who could afford more space may not want to move – that’s fine. Plenty of people still live where they lived in 2020 so are still in makeshift offices.

            Regardless of cost of living and housing inventory, that should all be true. But, it should be doubly true given the housing market. The buying and rental markets have been insane in my city since 2020 – inventory is low, competition is fierce, costs are high.

            The background of any call should be professional, appropriate, and not obviously dirty. That’s it.

          2. Every video conferencing software has blurred backgrounds and virtual backgrounds you can use. I think it’s SHOWING the bed that’s unprofessional, not working from the bedroom.

          3. I’m not making an argument about whether it’s “fair” that a bed in view reads as unprofessional – just that it does. Lots of things that read as “professional” cost money that people don’t have.

          4. It may not be “fair” but it’s widely considered inappropriate. I would be very uncomfortable if one of my colleagues was zooming me from his bed.

          5. Then blur your background or use a digital one. For the umpteenth time on this blog, professional norms are not always fair.

          6. Need to be clear here: Zooming FROM bed is inappropriate; zooming and having a bed in the background is okay.

          7. My workplace, and I’m sure others, disabled the blur or fake background option. I do not know why, but I cannot change that. My desk is next to my bed. You can see my bed from my desk. If anyone is going to raise a stink about it, they can pay me more!!!

          8. I am SO GLAD that I don’t work in a stuffy workplace overly concerned with unfair “professional norms”. YIKES!

        3. A boss at a former job (where I made peanuts) once made a comment implying that my background looked unprofessional because you could see my kitchen.

          My response was basically “Sorry I can’t afford a bigger apartment with an office.”

          He shut up after that.

    9. The only time I ever do is in hotel rooms, and it feels awkward and unprofessional. I truly do not understand this as an option.

      1. I was worked from a tent. Once I got over anyplace but the office being unprofessional, I just focused on what worked for me getting my work done.

        1. I’m the poster at 9:05 – I totally am down with places other than an office for work, I just can’t work in a semi-reclined position. I have to be at a table. But I’ve worked at plenty of picnic tables and patios.

      2. Awkward, sure. I don’t really care if my workspace is professional unless I’m on a video call.

    10. I work FT and am in grad school PT; when I started grad school I lived in a 4 person apartment so everyone had to work in their quite small bedrooms; it would have been chaos to have people try to work in common spaces. I now live alone, but in a much smaller apartment. So, in both instances my desk is in my bedroom. I’m 29 and live in a HCOL – everyone I know is either working from their kitchen table or a desk in their bedroom – we cannot afford a separate office space!

      I had a professor who was insistent that for class not only could you not call in from bed (fine, lets keep it professional), but your bed could not be visible in the background of your video. It was SO out of touch!

    11. I personally prefer sitting on the floor with my legs extended in front of me and my back against something firm (like a wall, or a floor-length sofa, etc.). But since I don’t have a good floor location for this that isn’t in a major household traffic lane, I sit on the bed like this. As long as I’m not on camera this is fine, but for video calls I have to prop the camera up higher than just setting my laptop on my legs. I also can’t move on video calls because the bed is bouncy enough that it gives boat-in-waves vibes on the camera. During pandemic FT WFH I had a better on-camera desk situation rigged up but now that I am back in the office and only WFH rarely, that has been dismantled and returned to general household function.

      1. I’m a floor sitter too. I don’t WFH but at large conferences I can often be found at the very back sitting on the floor with my back against the wall. There’s always a decent number of people doing the same, so I guess a lot of us find this comfortable.

    12. Work wherever works! If it’s a video call, then I think a bed is awkward. Otherwise, you do you!

    13. I can’t work from bed, but I have a fluffy bean bag (the really lightweight kind with the polystyrene beads) that is my most comfortable place to work if I don’t want to feel sore afterwards. The desk + office chair set up was never designed for people with bodies like mine. I need to curl up to some extent to focus on my work and not on how uncomfortable I am and what hurts.

    14. I don’t think its a matter of OK or not. On a video call if you sit on a bed it should at least be in a way tht you can’t tell its a bed. I don’t like working in the place where I’m supposed to relax/sleep, but sometimes a comfy spot is good for admin tasks etc.

    15. I think that’s a straight path to neck, back, and hip issues. Besides, I want to relax in my bed, NOT work!

    16. I like to work on my laptop stretched out flat on my stomach on the floor, or in bed. Basically I like being flat on my stomach. I’ve done this since forever.

    17. I would have an issue if you were clearly in/on a bed on a zoom call.

      Personally it wouldn’t work for me. It makes my neck hurt thinking about it. I need my second screen & external keyboard. But my work is with numbers – lots and lots of them – not primarily writing/reading.

      1. The more I read everyone’s responses I truly am envious of people who can get work done in a portable way. I really can’t do it from a laptop screen, unfortunately.

    18. I think it’s a fine place to do work, but I don’t think it’s okay to do calls from bed.

      1. This. I frequently do solo work while sitting on my bed, but its highly inappropriate to call in from a bed.

    19. Personally I only work from bed if I’m ill because being in bed just makes me want to nap. I have a couch in my home office which I love to work from and it gives me the balance between being extra comfy and bringing work into what I designate as non work spaces. But before I had a separate office, I had my desk in my bedroom for quite a while. I think having a made bed in the background of a video call is perfectly fine. For all we on the other end of the call know, your office doubles as a guest room. If it’s unmade it looks sloppy and like maybe you just got up. If you are clearly in the bed, I also think that looks weird.

  2. Does anyone know of some kind of sensor I can put in my daughter’s room which is on a separate floor from us that will set off an alarm if the temperature goes out of range? Our baby monitors just do a phone notification which isn’t sufficient. The room is cooled by a window unit so I’d like to have a backup alarm just in case. I keep striking out on sensors!

    2. I know they have standalone audio alarms you can use to monitor the temp of fridges and freezers. I don’t know whether they will measure outside of the typical appliance operating temps. I also don’t know if they allow you to have the alarm in a different room (I have only seen wired versions where the temp probe is in the appliance with a wire going to the alarm on the wall just outside it). But something like that might be a good place to start searching.

    3. You may want to look into a Waggle. I think that it can send a text notification and you could program your phone to sound an alarm when it receives a text from that number.

      1. I’ve tried to look into this a couple of times while on calls but keep getting pulled away before I find anything. If you haven’t done so already, I suggest looking into temperature sensors for RVs.

    4. What? Why? This seems bananas, isn’t your house just heated or cooled for humans? You’re going to fuss with a degree or two?

      1. Not the OP, but we have an old house and sometimes the smaller bedroom will be 78 degrees even when our upstairs thermostat is set to 73 just because of the vent placement and circulation.

      2. No, she’s going to fuss because if the window unit stops working, the baby could be in a room that becomes dangerously hot, especially if that separate floor is a higher one. This is not at all bananas.

          4. Um, I don’t have central air either. Our house gets uncomfortable but not “dangerously hot.” It’s not a car.

      3. I have to agree with this (mom of four). I know “experts” give a small ideal temperature range of like 68-72, but babies have been existing in all temperatures all over the world for millennia. We keep our heat at 62 in the winter and the bedrooms pretty warm in the summer and dress appropriately. One of my kids actually thrives in the heat; he’s three and until recently only slept through the night during heat waves (while under blankets)!

        1. Don’t some countries have traditions for actually building tolerance to locally normal temperatures?

          More and more, I feel that guidelines and recommendations need to stop trying to find advice that will be good enough for everyone and start adapting to the reality that humans can be very different from each other. In pediatrics especially, I always wonder whether medical conditions that have diagnostic delays of 10+ years could be confounders. Maybe it would be more helpful to get advice on how to recognize the outliers and meet their needs? Or maybe I am wrong and 68-72 is just correct.

        2. I agree too. It surprised me how much babies are unbothered by cold or heat (my kids have a much larger range of “comfortable” than I do) and if they are bothered they’ll definitely let you know.

      4. I don’t think it’s bananas. I live in an older house and the rooms definitely vary in temperature a lot more than a degree or two. Maybe we should trust that people have their own valid reasons for asking questions and that we don’t know everything.

        1. We also live in an older house without central air. I keep an eye on the temperature on our monitor, but the baby seems fine up to about 77 (in a light gauze sleep sack with a fan in the room). If the room is nice and cool at the beginning of the night, it doesn’t seem to go over that even on in a heat wave.

          1. A lot of older homes that predated air conditioning were designed to handle weather and are both more comfortable and safer than modern houses sans central air. I know record heat waves can sometimes be beyond what the architects were familiar with, but I’m always impressed at how easy they can be to cool off with fans and window units.

    5. We have Google sensors in our bedrooms that sync up with our Nest thermostat, but I think you could use the sensors without the Nest, and just use the Google Home app to look at the temperature readings.

    6. Following! In a similar boat in a poorly insulated older apartment with single-pane windows. Some rooms, including the baby’s, get wide temperature swings. We just came off a prolonged heat wave and I take this very seriously.

    8. Search on amazon for this feature. We had a scary situation with our old house where the baby’s room got close to 100 degrees. (It was in the winter when our heat turned off and then turned back on and pumped all night!) My husband found a cheap video monitor that has this feature. You can set a range and it beeps at the temperature threshold.

  3. Does anyone else really struggle with replacing something perfectly fine because they want something nicer? It feels so wasteful (financially and resource wise) to me, but on the other hand – as mentioned yesterday – what’s the point of working hard if not to spend money on things I enjoy?

    FWIW, I get about 50% of my clothing second hand and my friends and I are constantly swapping special occasion clothes, so I probably consume less than most people, but I still struggle on going ahead and replacing something when what I have is serviceable.

    A few current dilemmas I have: I would like a new comforter for my bed. My current one is gray, and was purchased 3 apartments (5 years) ago. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it, but my bedroom is darker than it was in the past and I’d prefer a white one to help lighten up the room / compliment the carpet that I now have in this room. I find it hard to invest in home goods while renting, since things do change every year or two. I just turned 30 and would also like a new “grown up” bedroom, and I think the crisper white look would do that. I have my eye on two options that are both around $40, so its’ not breaking the bank. But, why get rid of a perfectly good item just for aesthetic reasons?

    I would also like a new, trendier pair of Birkenstocks. I have a basic pair now and they look really casual; not that Birkenstocks are ever fancy but I would like a pair that looks nicer with jeans or a t shirt dress. FWIW, I can wear Birks to work so they would get a lot of wear. Nothing wrong with my existing pair (4 years old), and I would obviously keep and still wear them, but who really needs two pairs of $160 sandals?

    1. I donate a ton of stuff, so I feel like I am doing a good deed by passing serviceable items along.

      1. Same. Having possessions that are nice looking is important to me and makes me happy.

        1. OP: Ha! I am still riding the high of getting a “trendy” vase from Ikea for like $12 over the winter.

      2. Just FYI, this does not constitute a good deed. We overconsume to such a degree that second hand shops throw out like 80%+ of it – I’ve worked at one. Serviceable is definitely not good enough for them to put on the floor. I am definitely a shopper still so I’m not judging, but I just don’t want this to factor into people’s calculations when it isn’t true.

        1. Ugh as a non over consumer, I feel like I have to overcompensate for the gross overconsumption of others. As someone who buys a moderate amount (I’m mostly minimalist, but I do like fashion) and mostly buys second hand, I shouldn’t feel guilty when I want to buy something new. And yet, I do because I almost feel like I should not do that in order to counteract others’ materialism.

      3. I mean, most of what you donate is probably getting thrown out or ending up in a giant pile in Africa, but sure, if it helps you sleep at night.

    2. I would ask yourself why you don’t matter in your calculus of priorities. Why is there nothing in there that values you? A $40 comforter shouldn’t be causing this level of angst.

      1. OP: I would say I struggle with this in general – I work in a helping profession and struggle with doing things that are purely for me rather than the overall big picture. I am an eldest daughter responsible people pleaser!

        1. You do not have to go through life categorizing yourself as a people pleaser! As though that is just some immutable trait. Truly the work you do now to fix that will have lifelong dividends.

          1. OP: After some extended family drama,I am happy to report that Im now only a people pleaser for people I care about AND enjoy. Sad to say, this is a big step :)

      2. I’m not OP, but I’ll explain why I have issues with things like this. It’s wasteful, and at $40 that duvet is certainly polyester and will outlive all of us on this planet. Personally when I’m making these decisions I genuinely can’t say I’m important enough to justify that harm to the planet when I simply could just use what I have.

        1. I think it’s also really good to practice living with “enough.” It has environmental and budget benefits. When so many Americans wouldn’t be able to cover an unexpected $400 expense, I have to think that they are a lot of people who might really get some satisfaction and budget improvement from carefully considering even small purchases.

        2. The amount of harm to the planet created by one new duvet is negligible.

          Of course it’s wise to be thoughtful about our consumption, but maybe not to the point of shaming ourselves over getting a new duvet?

          2. OP: Yes, but if everyone takes this approach then we’re in a bad place. My one comforter isn’t really one comforter…

          3. “It’s only one [whatever]” is part of the reason the planet is in the state that it is. You do, in fact, have some personal responsibility.

    3. Donate both items to Goodwill or a women’s shelter/other shelter if they’ll accept them and remind yourself how pleased someone will be to be able to have nice items.

      1. OP: Should have clarified, if something is serviceable I always, always donate it, put it on Buy Nothing, or something similar! I only discard things that really are too worn out to be useful or legitimately trash.

        1. I don’t feel any guilt about rehoming (if it’s actually going to a person and not just getting tossed in the back of a Goodwill). if someone else wants something, that’s just a win/win. Someone gets something they want and need, and so do I.

    5. I would have no problem purchasing the items you are interested in. Being minimalistic is definitely a worthwhile endeavor, but you spend so much time in bed – having fresh linens you are happy with is important. And the same with purchasing a second pair of shoes, even though expensive, if they are different and thus would have different uses (a little more dressed up versus super casual).

    6. I mean, it is wasteful! I have less trouble justifying the financial aspect if it’s something that really makes my life better, and I’m still saving plenty but I think it is worth thinking twice when it comes to the environmental impact. So in your case, if you wear Birks a lot and have money in the budget for them, I’d probably buy another pair, as it seems like they’d fill a hole in your wardrobe and you’d still wear the old pair. For the comforter, can you just buy a new cover for the old one?

      My version of this is the appliances in the house we just bought. I hate them all but am sitting tight for a bit before buying new ones, in part because of money and in part because of embodied emissions, though some are old enough that I’m sure new ones would be more efficient (and we plan to replace the gas stove with induction).

    7. OP here! I do think that my issue is less financial (at least for the cheaper options) but rather material waste. I donate a ton (I am a good revolving door at a few local thrift stores!) but I also know that thrift stores and charities that accept donations can be overwhelmed by donations and end up throwing quite a bit away where it ends up in landfills.

      I’m not a martyr for being green, but getting new things just to get new things seems wasteful? But I also want to have the apartment or wardrobe or whatever that I want.

      1. Our society is wasteful. We’re marketed to constantly, so we want new things. It sounds like you rarely give in to the urge, so one new comforter and one new pair of useful shoes hardly seems extravagant. Are you worried that if you give in to the urge once or twice, it’s a slippery slope to crazy consumption?

      2. Don’t donate to thrift stores – donate to your community on your local buy/nothing group.

        1. My impression is that our buy-nothing regulars are hoarders. Maybe it’s a small fraction, but I feel that the way you can’t time or sort items easily (but you can just go to a thrift store and look for what you need) lends itself to people who compulsively want free things (or are maybe opportunistic resellers). Yes? No?

          We have some problem hoarders in my family and access to things creates more things, and any sense of urgency makes their judgment go out the window about bringing new “but its serviceable” things into their houses.

        2. Why not thrift stores? You can get a tax deduction and take care of a bunch of donations all at once. One time I gave away a bed frame and I ended up wasting multiple days of time (the first person who wanted it went back and forth on available pickup days, the next person no-showed, the third person finally came and picked it up). It’s a lot of work to give things away!

      1. OP: dumb question here – I’ve never had a duvet with changeable covers just a comforter. Could I put a comforter into a duvet cover?

        1. Yes. But a cover can cost as much or more than a comforter itself, and now you own two items instead of one, if that’s a concern.

          1. The benefit is that you can wash just the cover, unless there has been a catastrophic spill.

        2. Yes! Measure it out. Macy’s has good ones that won’t be sheer – the gray won’t show through.

        3. You could, it wouldn’t have the ties at the edges to hold it in place though. You could sew some on, or use safety pins.

        4. I would also recommend looking at Ikea, they have good duvet covers and they’re very reasonable.

          If you’re worried about it staying in place, since as someone mentioned the comforter won’t have ties in the corners, I recently bought some “duvet snap clips” on Amazon to address this issue. You iron them on the duvet (or comforter) and duvet cover and they snap together to keep it in place. So far they are working great!

          1. Be warned that Ikea duvet covers tend to be weird sizes that only really fit Ikea duvets.

        6. Don’t do this. They aren’t designed to work with comforters, there’s not enough fluff to fill them out and it will look like you put a sheet around something as a fix and it will be the furthest thing from a grownup bedroom.

    9. I understanding wanting to reduce your consumption. If you wanted to be less wasteful, you could always get a cover for your comforter, but this assumes you can find the “right” cover. Alternatively, you could buy the new comforter and donate the old one — I’ve found that animal shelters will often take linens (most thrift stores will not). You could also post it in a buy nothing facebook group.
      Re: shoes – I have fewer than I’ve ever had, so I understand. It sounds like price is a factor on the birks; but I would happily fill a want in my closet (cute, comfortable sandals that I can wear to work and would spark joy).

      1. OP: Yes, I am probably “too okay” with spending <$50 on things, but struggle with pulling the trigger on anything more expensive (I went from making 60k a year to 95k a year this year, so financial flexibility is new to me!).

        Consumption wise, if something fills a hole I have no problem adding to cart, but duplication or anything that's a "want" I struggle with.

        1. I feel similarly, and I don’t think there is anything wrong with holding that tension for a little bit. Eventually, I end up treating myself for a special occasion, or when there is a good sale on, I find an amazing used item, or my husband gets the item as a gift. Overall, I still own tons of stuff that I love, so no harm done by pumping the breaks for a bit.

          2. OP: this conversation convinced me to get myself the Birks, which I’m treating as a belated 30th birthday gift for myself.

            I had bought a Dyson hairdryer (which I use every day!) as a combined new job / 30th birthday gift for myself, but I’m letting loose and also getting the Birks.

    11. Well, I have 3 pair of Birkenstocks, so I would be happy to enable you on that front! To be fair, my daughter has pretty much taken over one pair, so it’s really only two pair that I wear regularly. Like you, I have an older pair that looks more casual and wanted something that looked nicer this year, so I bought a silver pair. If they are comfortable and work well for you, I don’t see having two pair as wasteful. It will extend the life of both and improve your life, so go for it!

    12. I donate a bunch too but for a few items, or things that are in good condition I tend to use our local buy nothing group. People take things pretty quickly if they are in good condition from a smoke free home (we have pets, that’s usually not an issue).

    14. I do not struggle with this at all. There are things wrong with what you’re talking about, the cover is the wrong color and the shoes are the wrong trend. I wouldn’t hesitate to replace.

      1. Right, this is self-flagellation. Buy good quality items (natural fiber comforter instead polyester, birkenstocks instead of some cheap plasticky shoe brand) and don’t agonize over replacing them when they’re worn out or no longer meet your needs.

    15. Do you not have any spare blankets? I’ve regretted not having one before. When the power goes out in winter, two comforters makes a difference! Or when an unexpected houseguest shows up and is cold, it’s nice to be able to offer a comforter without obviously unmaking one’s own bed. If you have a car, I also keep a warm comforter in the car in case it breaks down somewhere cold. Etc. If you don’t have a car/space for spare comforters, ignore this idea though!

      I wouldn’t hesitate on the Birkenstocks. You’re sure to wear both pairs until they’re worn out anyway. Shoes don’t last forever, and real leather shoes actually last longer when they get a chance to “rest” between wears. (People who work on their feet will buy two pairs and wear them every other day for this reason.)

      1. OP: I do have a spare! My college (twin XL) size comforter is kept in my closet for guests staying over (on my couch) and I have a throw blanket in my living room for cuddling on the couch / when its cold in my bedroom. No car, so no need for a blanket there.

        I did end up just buying the Birks, thanks to comments here. My main hesitation with them was the price, but since they’re filling a hole in my wardrobe, I wasn’t nervous about being “wasteful” ordering them.

        1. I can understand being nervous about the financial outlay, if finances are tight, but it sounds like that’s not your main concern. Otherwise, I think you should explore your nervousness/anxiety around overconsumption because it’s negatively impacting your life (the word “struggle” and the amount of time spend agonizing just on this thread today).

          1. OP: While finances aren’t tight, I’m also not in a position to regularly be spending over $100 on things like shoes or clothing. My goal for all non-set spending (rent, utilities, parking, wifi, gym, and phone) is $1200 – this covers groceries, toiletries and household needs, socializing, entertainment, beauty, gas, and shopping. So, I can certainly make $100+ purchases, they have to be thought out. So, the $170 shoes are obviously a good chunk of this monthly budget.

            As for the anxiety over overconsumption: I go back and forth – I work hard and I want things and if I can afford them I should be able to have them and with corporations and governments being massive, massive polluters, how much do my individual actions really matter vs. the environment and this planet are a common good and every individual has a responsibility to be a good steward of our resources and take care of the planet and each other by not being wasteful. The environment is very much a tragedy of the commons, and while no individual “wins” by conserving resources, EVERYONE loses if no one conserves resources. I feel like the classic “Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, Nobody” story really applies here to conservation and consumption, and I guess I feel bad leaving it up to “nobody” when I could absolutely be doing my part?

          2. Not the OP, but I’m not sure about this perspective. Everyone likes to pathologize outliers, but it’s just as easy to say that people who lack concern around overconsumption should explore that, since their choices may be negatively impacting vulnerable people all over the world, and not just psychologically?

            Caring about something isn’t always a sign of pathological anxiety, and most people don’t care enough. It can be hard to care against the grain of society, and doing the right thing ethically is often just plain harder (more of a struggle) than doing whatever we feel like to keep our psyches calm. It’s too much of a burden on the individual to always make the right choices or even to figure out what they are, but isn’t there something admirable about caring enough to try?

          3. OP here again: I’m also very much not a climate martyr, and I do make unethical choices – I honestly feel like I”m not doing enough for the “common good”, but also I recognize that a) I am one person and b) I don’t have unlimited funds (ironically since I work in the public sector to “do good” but that means I can’t afford fair trade everything) and often ethical or eco friendly choices are more expensive. So, since I’m already making some less than ethical choices, I do want to make the ethical choice when I can if that makes sense.

          4. Yes, we all have a responsibility to make ethical choices (whether its relating to labor practices or the environment or something else) and very, very few people do! MORE people should be having this type of worry over unnecessary purchases.

          5. Yeah, I don’t think it’s OP who’s doing the wrong amount of thinking about consumption. Everyone should be mindful about what they consume, and at least from what she’s said here, it doesn’t sound like it’s crossed the line into excessive anxiety.

    16. I don’t know if you’d ever want a bedspread (and then you can fold up your comforter at the foot of the bed or donate it at a time when a local shelter is specifically asking for comforters).

      If I’m buying something for aesthetic reasons, sometimes it helps me to sort of “patronize” people who are doing work I think is important, even if it costs a lot more than e.g. Walmart. I’m thinking of artists and crafts people, farmers, etc. If you take this good care of your things, you’d be the perfect home for an heirloom quality quilt or comforter loomed or stitched by someone whose hobby ensures the survival of those skills into the future, or whose purchase helped support a cotton or linen or sheep farm that is prioritizing sustainable agriculture. This doesn’t solve every issue with overconsumption and overpopulation, but it helps traditions that have cultural value or a more sustainable economic value survive.

      1. Acquiring a used/donated item to replace a used/to-be-donated item may also feel better than just buying new.

    17. I read this and part of me thinks that you deserve to treat yourself without guilt and part of me thinks if everyone thought and acted this way we’d be way, way, way better off as a whole!

      1. If everyone was as contentious as OP we could solve climate change, but we won’t.

        1. Climate change WILL NOT be solved by people buying less stuff and putting the majority of the burden on individuals is unfair when it’s massive corporations harming the environment.

          2. I disagree. Change needs to come from the bottom up and the top down. There are lots of things that individuals can’t control, but most of those corporations are generating emissions to satisfy the desires of people who want to buy stuff they don’t need.

          3. This reasoning always makes me scratch my head, and I feel like it’s a way for us to let ourselves off the hook for overconsumption. Massive corporations aren’t harming the environment for funsies. They produce because we consume. Obviously the actions of one person won’t move the needle appreciably, but I think we have a moral obligation to not overconsume.

          4. Who is buying the things the corporations are making? They wouldn’t be churning out millions of pounds of plastic cr@p if people weren’t buying it. Supply and demand.

          5. Yes, they make stuff no one buys. They make two sets of tee shirts for national championship games and sent the loser shirts to poor countries.

    18. I would buy the shoes, because you know you will wear them a lot given that you already have a pair. Shoes wear out and it is good for your feet to rotate between pairs of shoes. So I would view this as getting a pair that will eventually become my primary pair.

      On the bedding, I would probably get a throw blanket to drape on the bed which will update the look and is an item with more flexibility than a comforter. Alternatively, I would get a duvet so you have more flexibility for design updates going forward. We have a duvet with two duvet covers that we rotate between. The covers get less wear and tear because we rotate them (I’ve had them for 10+ years). If I replaced the comforter, I’d use it for guests and donate the twin XL from college to a local animal shelter.

    19. If you want to go nicer, don’t get polyester. Buy a 600-700 down insert and a 100% cotton duvet cover. You can the duvet cover in a few different colors.

      It’ll be a few hundred but you’ll probably still think it’s nice in 5-10 years, rather than wanting to “upgrade” again.

      2. OP: upgrade was probably the wrong word – I have no issues with the quality of my current comforter and frankly I’d never be comfortable spending this much on one. The only reason I got this one 5 years ago is because I got a new sized bed and needed a new comforter. The one I previously had was ~15 years old and doing great (and is back on a bed at my mom’s house!).

    20. Yes to an extent but it’s also important to have things that makes your home enjoyable not just a serviceable environment. I get the overcompensation comments but by contrast I have a quilt made by my great-grandmother. I don’t use it but clearly we could ALL make our own home goods but highly unlikely we do. You want a blanket to make your home pleasing to you. You could donate the old one to shelters that often need blankets. You could also just buy a lighter weight white coverlet that meets your needs and use the heavier blanket in colder weather. I have tons of blankets because I’ve been cold natured all my life until I hit perimenopause. I’m not getting rid of them all but they might not all have hit their maximum shelf life. Buy the blanket.

    21. Put your old stuff up on free cycle or Facebook marketplace or Nextdoor for free and you will be surprised at how many people want/need it. Then you can feel good about moving on to what you really want.

    22. A bit more spendy, but how would you feel about a duvet and a duvet cover? That way when you next want a different look you are only buying the cover. The duvet itself ought to last pretty much forever. Added bonus is that the duvet cover is easier to launder than a comforter.

    23. Get connected to a mutual aid group in your area, particularly one serving newly arriving immigrant and refugee families. I have a number of neighbors who are involved and are constantly looking for dignity level basics like bedding, shoes, clothes, kitchen wares. Knowing that my old stuff is going to an extremely needed and productive place eases some of the waste worries you’re having.

    24. This isn’t what you asked but you could get a duvet cover and put your current comforter inside
      Boom
      Cheaper
      White
      Grownup
      New cover

  4. I’m planning on making a complaint at my workplace due to my personal information being released to coworkers (including medical info). Any tips?

      1. +1 If it was against the law you’re due some money. And there’s no better apology than cash.

    2. Document absolutely everything with names, dates, method of communication, and people present. Good luck.

    3. Was this a data breach or mishandling of data situation? Were other people impacted? In general this would fall under ADA. You of course can go talk to an employment attorney, but if your company has a privacy office it may be worth talking to them.

    4. Think about why. What do you hope to get out of this complaint? Are you a star performer? Are layoffs coming? Pick your battles.

    6. My tip is don’t. Your employer is not yelp. Save your complaints for when you have a real problem and don’t make yourself a problem child.

      1. You don’t think releasing an employee’s medical information to coworkers is worth complaining about? I’d be furious.

        What actually happened in my case was that one of my nosiest coworkers who was weirdly competitive with me told me my salary to the dollar. I asked where she was getting her information from & she said (name changed) “if Karen knows something it may as well be all over the internet.” Karen was our local branch office HR rep.

        I fumed about it for a while but then I called the HR person in home office. He said “I am very sorry to hear that but I’m also not surprised.” And then Karen was gone within a month.

        I have no regrets and I’d do it again.

        1. Releasing medical information is a HUGE deal. I’ve known two people who had bad medical chart mix-ups – one was told he had HIV (!) when it was someone else who did, and the other was given someone else’s discharge paperwork from the hospital with that person’s detailed personal and health information. Both were logged and dealt with extremely seriously by the medical providers. We even had an incident at work once where information about what state services people were receiving (e.g., Medicaid) was accidentally sent to the wrong email listserve and it was a massive problem.

        2. Exactly right.

          Releasing medical information also opens the door to disability discrimination. If the only people who know that you have clinical depression are HR and your manager, who approves a flex schedule on days when you go to therapy, that’s not the same as the entire team knowing about it.

          People can’t discriminate against what they don’t know about, nor can they create a hostile work environment over it.

    7. Just don’t be like my department EA who blew a gasket about “HIPAA violations” and ran to HR when my colleague mentioned their direct report was out with strep throat as the reason for needing to reschedule a meeting.

  5. I just saw on insta a reel of a wnba team walking in for a game (the way they do for nba teams) and I am here for it. I love sports + fashion.

    OTOH, these women are tall and young and athletic. Still aspirational looks for me (none of the above) but so fun.

    1. In my fantasy life, I’m living in a Title Nine catalog. That’s my kind of sports and fashion!

      1. That’s mine too, but in reality I’m too short for most of it. I’m perpetually frustrated that so little athletic and outdoor gear is designed for the average height woman (5’4”). I need the stuff designed for the gymnastics team, not the basketball team!

          1. Probably because there aren’t that many people who are exactly “average” size.

          2. lol. Do you not know what average means? MOST women are between 5’4″ and 5’6″. Have you heard of bell curves?

    2. I loved to watch it, they looked great and it made me so happy, but it’s certainly not style inspo for 5’6 me haha.

  6. I don’t even know if this exists, but are there remote start drip coffee makers? I have a programmable one, which is great, but I don’t always know when I’ll wake up and therefore don’t know what time to program it to. I’d love to be able to activate via my phone or a remote to start brewing when I wake up so by the time I get out of bed and into my kitchen the coffee is ready.

    1. we have our coffee maker on a little smart outlet, which can be turned on from the phone. We just use it to preheat the coffee maker but if yours has a toggle switch that you could prep the night before, it could work.

      1. Mine is a push to start, if you will, so I don’t think this would work. But, I could be wrong!
        Basically, the two buttons on mine are “brew now” or “brew later”.

    2. I used to have one with a phone app. I’m not sure they make it anymore, but a different one may exist now!

    3. Earlier this year I upgraded our coffee maker to a nicer programmable one from breville a thermal carafe. It does not have a remote start. I just make sure to program it for earlier than when I wake up and with a thermal carafe over a glass one, I find the coffee tastes pretty fresh for several hours after it’s made.

    4. My husband bought this tiny button-pushing device to remotely start our coffee maker. It sticks on the machine over the button. I will get a link and report back, so check back later. It works with our Smarthome devices and I also love watching its tiny plunger activate the button (I don’t drink coffee; he has it set up on a timer). Caveat that he’s insane with the smarthome stuff and very tech savvy so I’m not sure how user friendly this is.

      2. Oh this looks great! Do you know if I can activate it from my phone? I don’t have Alexa or Google Home and do not want to get one.

  7. I’m in such a bad mood today. My boss does this thing where she has to read my emails before I send them and she only ever makes tiny corrections that really make no difference. I’m so sick of it. I want to tell her that just because I don’t say something exactly the same way she would say it doesn’t mean it’s bad?

    Can I go home yet?

    1. Solidarity. My boss has a history of verbal gaffes (both positive and negative). I got shunted into a lesser role on a project because she wanted “the big guns” instead (someone with a PhD). I did experience some schadenfreude when her “big guns” replacement made a very obvious and easily avoidable error and they had to ask me for help.

      It might not sound like much, but trust me, I’m sharing the tip of the iceberg here.

    2. I had a boss like that, it was literally giving me panic attacks to send an email because I knew she would come back with edits which usually made clarity worse or are simply wrong (legally). I moved jobs and got a new boss but the damage is done and I now have this insane email anxiety.

      1. My old boss was like this with an informational newsletter I would send out to community partners. She always complained that I didn’t copy her on them. This is because the few times I did solicit input she would always get super focused on the wrong things and slow down my projects. I was always in a “seeking forgiveness” mode for sending her the FYI later along with feedback received from the community groups.

        1. Yes I did the seeking forgiveness thing too eventually which made her even more unhinged because I was ‘hiding’ things…

      2. I stayed at a toxic job with a micromanaging boss for too long. It caused problems for years and ultimately, I wish I had walked much sooner.

    3. Solidarity. I work for a micromanager whom only the CEO likes. Sometimes she’ll dictate what I should say with the most basic emails. I often adjust heavily knowing what she’s saying in unnecessarily aggressive and will hurt the bigger relationship.

    4. I feel this so much. I had a terrible boss who was a micromanager in the same way. It took me years to get over it.

    5. I think there’s only two solutions for situations like this: leave your job or make this bearable. If you can’t leave your job, an idea is to have a stamp card like when you visit a coffee shop: 10 times and you get a treat!

    6. This is so infantilizing and makes me sad to hear there are multiple bosses like this who treat professional adults like teenage interns.

    7. Who has time for this nonsense!?! I’m a manager, and I have zero time to waste monitoring every email from every person on my team. A brand new grad in their first job? Sure, send me the copy before it goes out if it’s sensitive. But especially for internal emails or messages to peers? Oh heck no, I don’t need to see that. These micromanagers need to figure out how to trust their people, because if you genuinely need to see every single piece of work product, something is wrong with your ability to hire, the team’s performance, or most likely, your management style.

      1. I posted a comment above about having a similar boss. I pre-dated that boss at the organization and the year before she arrived I had the best performance review of all 3,000 employees in the organization. I could not have been a more trust worthy employee.

      2. I have a client who gets extra micromanagey when she is stressed. Nitpicking communications, not absorbing information then complaining that something wasn’t mentioned when it was. On the other side, complaining how her plate is so full that she has to work weekends (which is not the norm). I just want to tell her ‘trusting me to do my job could be a start for your overfull plate’.

    8. Oh wow that is an awful boss. That kind of micromanaging would make me start looking for a new job.

    9. I’m sorry. I had a boss like this and being forced out was the best thing that ever happened to me. I will never forget getting screamed at because I had not ranked the cc’ed recipients correctly in terms of seniority even though it’s been 11 years since that day.

      1. Ah! I had to teach an admin who was fairly new to the workforce that she would be best served either cc’ing people alphabetically or in order of seniority. She asked why it mattered—I said that usually it did not matter, until it did.

        1. If your ego is so fragile you care about the order of cc you should not be in a position of authority.

          1. It’s not that I cared. I just didn’t want her to get dinged in the future by someone who did.

          2. Except there are So Many people in power for whom this kind of nonsense means So Munch, and unfortunately they are often the kind of people who take pleasure in keeping score and punching down.

          1. Yes, there are Big Bosses who care that they are listed first in the To field. Never underestimate someone’s ego.

  8. Help me choose! The Ecco Soft 7 sneakers that I love are part of the Prime sale in some colors. Can’t decide between taupe, white gold, and grey rose. I wear a lot of cool colors and gray/navy/ivory as my neutrals.

  9. looking for advice on maintaining a relationship at a lower level of friendship. During COVID I started playing tennis with a local woman, we were both working remotely so we played a lot and we had dinner or lunch periodically. I only know her from tennis and I always knew she wasn’t really someone i would be friends with under normal circumstances and life has gone back to normal and I’m just not that interested in being real friends with her (we have very different views on politics, race, marriage and divorce, the world in general, she is vane and talks about my weight, there’s more…) we are already committed to a once a week court with two other women through next year and I’m happy to play with her and be cordial (even friendly cordial!) but she does not seem to be taking a hint (in fact she seems to be noticing the hints and then loudly and explicitly ignoring them– she tells me how busy i am or how understanding she is that she doesn’t get mad that i’m short with her). Open to suggestions! i have been reasonably rude to her at this point which i don’t like and know doesn’t reflect well on me and she just keeps texting me, suggesting we get together, wants to linger in the parking lot…..

    2. You need to be direct here, you are the communication problem. People are not mind readers and ‘reading between the lines’ is not intuitive for most people. She’s giving you the benefit of the doubt and you can’t be honest with her.

      1. +1. Have the awkward conversation. I HATE when people think being passive aggressive or “hinting” is enough when they need to raise an issue.

      1. Agree. You need to move on and find someone else to play tennis with if you aren’t going to be friends with her. It’s not fair to lay out hints but then continue playing tennis with her. I think it’s mixed messages and unfair to her.

  10. On a recommendation from here, I am reading The Emperor of All Maladies, which is a giant explainer book about cancer. It is excellent and I’m maybe 1/3 of the way through. It is amazing to me that all of the diseases are lumped in as “cancer,” but they are not all the same. I know at least a dozen men who have had prostate cancer that was caught and treated. And a lot of women who caught and treated breast cancer (and two who died very young of inflammatory breast cancer, which seems to be a very different type of breast cancer). I know that there can be some cancers that run in families, but it still seems to me that this is hella random. OTOH, I also think that as we age, even if you do everything right, have a good overall health level, this may be the thing that upends everything.

    I’m not sure I have a question here, but more a sense of you never know when something might happen and you have maybe a year of a few months of sudden decline. I used to keep everything close to the vest and am not rethinking broadening every HIPAA waiver I have and giving someone a current (not springing) POA for me because of difficulties I’ve seen with others when a parent or spouse has been in sudden decline and needed to have someone handle bills or routine forms for them. And not every older person can manage the 5000 aps that are needed to navigate much of life these days (e.g., paying for parking in many cities now requires a cell phone and typing in a million tiny characters on a small screen — DEI ought to get on elderly access issues as more of a priority as people age and there are fewer people with adult children or people who can help them manage).

    1. As a BC survivor with a diagnosis before 40, I just want to emphasize some of your points – cancer is very very different, not just between body parts, but within the same body part. And it is, as you say, hella random. I promise all of you that eat well and exercise and are generally smug about your care for yourself that it is really only luck that has kept you safe. And finally, you’re never too young for disability insurance, life insurance if you have obligations, and healthcare POAs.
      (Oh, and in light of the vast variety of cancer iterations, it is HIGHLY unlikely that the government is “hiding” the cure so that drug companies can make money. That is banana crackers.)

    2. I’ve got to say, I get really tired of a relative’s views on cancer – she seems to think that she and her husband are going to be immune from bad health outcomes because they are active and watch their weight. This is all said in a superior tone (and with no mention of their heavy drinking). I never want her to get cancer – I love her. But it’s so superior and frankly deluded. She knows plenty of “healthy” people who have died totally unexpectedly of cancer, including dear family members of mine. No amount of evidence will convince her that anyone can get cancer and that being smugly superior about your weight isn’t protective. I find it very hurtful at times.

      1. I’m guessing the fact that she knows a lot of people who died of cancer is related to her need to feel immune from the threat (i.e., she is probably both scared and bluffing, even if she doesn’t realize it).

        It is hurtful though! My mom likes to talk to me about how her lifestyle choices and mental health and wellness practices help her manage her conditions successfully. I’m happy that she is able to make those efforts and benefit from them! But those approaches are so far from adequate for my household’s conditions (i.e. for keeping people out of the hospital!) that it’s painful to hear, and the implication is usually that we’re not managing “stress” or achieving “inner peace” the way we need to be. I know she’s worried about us and this is how she expresses it but… just… no.

        1. That’s exactly it – a weird toxic positivity that may or may not be due to fear and bluffing, but it’s very hard to hear. I also got plenty of thoughtless comments after my miscarriage (lots of the classic “oh well, you can try again”) and despite telling her directly that her comments were hurtful, she cannot. get. it. at. all.

      2. Be kind to them. It comes from fear. When I got cancer my fat friend said it was because I was too skinny. My runner friend said it was because I didn’t do enough Cardio. My housewife friend said it was because of career stress.
        Everyone wants to blame something else so they feel safe. Look at Charles and Catherine. They eat the best food, are slim and exercise, get the best of everything and they have it.

        1. I am sorry people said those things to you. That’s incredibly insensitive, not to mention untrue.

          1. Same. It’s unkind. Some people vomit stupid words because they are afraid and nervous and it all comes out of their mouths wrong. Sometimes “I don’t know what to say” is a line people should be told to remember and use.

            And yes, people with all the $ to throw at problems still get cancer or dementia and I’d like to think I’ll be lucky here but who knows?

    3. Thank you for checking in and sharing your thoughts.

      Two of my favorite areas of research on cancer that I think mostly postdate that book (IIRC):

      The biolelectrical studies by Michael Levin’s lab at Tufts (they study a lot of other things, but the cancer studies are some of the most fascinating to me).

      The ongoing “vaccination against canine cancer study” through Colorado State.

      I couldn’t agree more about DEI and technology; the status quo could be improved a lot!

      1. Thanks for sharing — this may be what I do my lunch reading on today.

        What I don’t understand is why you can live 80 years cancer free (from all outward appearances) and then, BOOM, something goes sideways and not only do you have it, you have either hopeful cases of stage 1 breast or prostate cancer or something like stage 4 pancreatic cancer (a death sentence), but with both, most people used to never even live to 80.

        And then there are the cancers of youth, with kids or people young enough to be just starting out, that seem to be so sinister and devastating. Maybe it lurks all the time within us? But I don’t get how we get to old age and then things blow up — like something goes out of warranty or stops working. But my thyroid endocrinologist insists that if we all live long enough, our thyroids eventually sputter (but that can be managed with medicine) and even with being able to grow a new organ (a placenta!) as adults, that organ is certainly time-limited (but also not needed for the rest of our lives either).

        1. The immune system typically gets weaker as we age (thymic involution makes it harder to respond to new threats; immune senescence makes it harder to respond to any threats). This is one reason why older people sometimes qualify for extra strength vaccines or extra boosters. I think this increases cancer risk as well, since the immune system is what we rely on to identify and destroy nascent cancer cells if everything is working the way it should. I’m not sure if that exactly responds to your observation, but eighty is a real tipping point for immune function.

          I think many cancers of youth are from genetic mutations.

          See if you can find some good Michael Levin talks. That lab is working on both organ growth and cancer management in animal models by manipulating avenues of cellular communication.

  11. Fashion/style question:

    I own the MM Lafleur Carmen blazer/jacket and the matching Cheyenne dress both in the grey sharkskin wool. They’re really lovely items, very flattering, high quality, and interesting-looking while not being too artsy for interviews or big presentations. I also got them on sale for a steal and they would not be replaceable for comparable cost.

    The thing is….I WFH 90% and when I do go into the local office, it’s casual, full stop (windbreakers, shower slides, leggings, sweatshirts, things like that). Most of my interviews in the last couple years have been Zoom for the first couple rounds and the in-person is business casual not formal, and a matching sheath dress + jacket would be overdressed and stuffy-looking. So in short, I just don’t have a use for them right now or in the past 2-3 years. As a final consideration, I wore these to two situations for terrible jobs that ended really poorly and they have 100% bad associations at this point, unfortunately.

    I asked on a fashion forum and the suggestions that came up (wear to a wedding/wear the blazer casually) really just highlighted how office-coded these are; they would 100% not be comfortable and wearable as casual street style items for my day to day life.

    They’re absolutely gorgeous and I have the room to hang onto them for the foreseeable future, and trying to sell MM Lafleur at my local consignment shop that used to take it prior to 2020 was a bust, so the resale value isn’t there right now either.

    Anyone else have a similar situation (expensive high quality still-fits workwear that you have no use for but don’t want to let go?) How did you handle it?

    1. Replacement for my body shape would be a month-long slog of shopping and tailoring at any price so I keep stuff like this. Not 5 iterations of it but this set seems like a keeper because about 10% of my life still just happens and I need clothes for everything.

    2. Why are you making this a drama? Just keep the clothes that you like, might want to wear someday, have room for, and don’t have other plans for. This isn’t a problem.

    4. I’d still wear these to a conference and accessorize differently to get past the bad associations. A very bright scarf or something else that pops would change the associations for me and also make them feel a little more approachable and cheery.

      Would you wear them if you broke your usual day to day routine and did something a little different that you’d enjoy? Where I live, there are some lunch places downtown where I still see people suited up, and certain museums and art galleries.

    5. have you listed it on MM’s resale site? you can consign it at a higher price and get paid when it sells with an option for cash value or store credit. or sell it to them for a fixed % off listed price and you don’t need to worry about it selling or drop shipping (presuming it’s in good shape). if you originally bought it at a discount the latter option may be good for you. I sent in a handful of items I had been wavering about listing and got something I know I’ll use more frequently

    6. Don’t you go to conferences or other in-person meetings? I save my good work clothes for those. I’m very casual for day to day.

      1. My in person meetings are so casual that at our holiday party people were doing jeans + a Target novelty sweatshirt or at most an “ugly Christmas sweater” and big meetings are barely smart-casual for most rank-and-file (which I fall into, role-wise). Conferences aren’t really on the radar in this job/company/role but could be in future roles so that might be a possible use!

    7. Either of these pieces sound perfect for an important funeral where you don’t want to spend any time or emotion on your appearance but you want to look appropriate and feel comfortable. And by important, I mean important to you. One where you won’t have the bandwidth ahead of time to shop, etc. So many posts here lament the lack of availability of quality suiting basics. You have a set you love. My vote is to keep it.

  12. I woke up this morning and looked at my closet and everything in it just looked boring and wrong. I have a relatively contemporary business wardrobe (I had a size change in 2021 and so all my clothes are relatively recent) but I clearly could use a refresh or something fun. I’m a size 16, 5’9, long-torso, business formal/casual dresser. My favorite current silhouette is wide leg trousers and a cropped jacket. Help me shop! Any suggestions for something great you’ve seen?

      1. Thanks! I love the shape and cut of that jacket but that color would make me look like death, but I really appreciate the suggestion!

        I generally am in the Talbots/JCrew/Ann Taylor price point, but could go up to Veronica Beard if I found something I loved.

    2. I would get some fun accessories. A red belt or shoes adds a little kick and red is super trendy right now.

  13. thank you, nao nao! captain awkward has multiple scripts on point (see slow fade, not being friends with a neighbor anymore…) these are great!

    1. I love her stuff! Occasionally she bicycles off a cliff into slightly hyper-ventilating about something but overall she’s so solid and helpful!

  14. Kindle question: I have an ancient iPad that’s on its last legs and I use it almost exclusively for reading. I’m thinking about getting a Kindle and using it only with Libby. Should I get a Kindle Paperwhite or would a Kindle kids be sufficient? I don’t want ads from Amazon on the Lock Screen.

    1. Not familiar with kindle kids, but I’ve had my very basic paper white for years and it’s still going strong. I use exclusively with Libby. Well worth it and the ads don’t bother me at all.

      1. Pro tip for Libby users. If you are not done with the book put Kindle on Airplane mode so they can’t take it back until you are done.

    2. I have an ancient paperwhite and later paid the fee to get the ads removed. I thought I wouldn’t mind them, but when smutty ones started appearing in the rotation regularly it was worth it. I’m not pearl-clutchy, I just don’t need that constantly on the screen when my 6 year old picks it up for bedtime stories. I really like how lightweight it is, and how long the battery lasts compared to my iphone or ipad.

    3. The kids one will be sufficient but I believe you’ll eventually have to pay the Amazon Kids subscription to keep the ads off. It’s included for something like a year or two. I have heard of a “hack” to just buy the adult Kindle and then chat with customer service to say a child is going to use it, and ask for the ads to be removed. No idea if this actually works.

    5. I don’t have ads on my kindle, and I honestly can’t remember if I paid extra for that, or it just is because I always use it in airplane mode.

  15. Halp! I just got made redundant, with 3 months pay. I think it’s taking people like a year to find roles at my level of seniority and sector, even when they accept something more junior and go into adjacent sectors. Scared and feeling very alone…almost 50, catastrophic divorce a few years ago which wiped out my savings, and I don’t have family I’m close to. I moved to get away from my ex so don’t really have friends either. Yikes this sounds even worse written down!

    1. I don’t know if this helps your mind or financially, but I have always planned on if I was laid off I would get a PT job just to keep some money coming in. The beauty of a waitressing or bartending job is you can work somewhere with only night hours which keeps your days open for interviewing, networking, and the like.

      1. Bartending was always my escape fantasy job. I’m past it now, but I’m friendly and have big boobs and a head for numbers. I always thought that would mean I’d do well!

  16. Quick Prime Day Q – I need a new vacuum (not urgently, but its definitely less powerful than it once way). Does anyone have any recommendations for one that’s on sale today?

    1. I have an older version of this one based on a recommendation here maybe 3 years ago and it has been great.

      https://a.co/d/3iQ8fdH

      Cordless is the big key for me. It’s easy to grab and just quickly use to vacuum an area or room, then empty & put back on the charger. It’s also lightweight enough for easy stair vacuuming, if that’s a factor for you. I have zero complaints.

    2. There’s been a lot of chatter about Shark, but idk that today’s deals are that different than waiting for another big sale day, a la Black Friday.

    3. I don’t know if it’s a technical problem that is causing these nesting fails, but I love them.

        1. I have a dog with a ton of long hair. I have to disembowel my Roomba constantly. If a Shark can handle boobs, I may need to order it.

    4. look up GoCleanCo on Insta, she buys and tests a ton and posts good buys for prime day. I always love the Shark Lift Away.

    5. not sure if it’s on sale but I love my Shark – great BF sales if you can wait til then!

  17. Be kind to them. It comes from fear. When I got cancer my fat friend said it was because I was too skinny. My runner friend said it was because I didn’t do enough Cardio. My housewife friend said it was because of career stress.
    Everyone wants to blame something else so they feel safe. Look at Charles and Catherine. They eat the best food, are slim and exercise, get the best of everything and they have it.

  18. I’m looking for a good hand lotion / cream that comes in a tube convenient for desk or bag that doesn’t leave my hands too greasy to work. L’occitane is out for this reason.

      2. The Norwegian formula that’s mostly glycerin? I know it works but it’s super greasy. I don’t want to put greasy fingerprints all over everything I touch. That’s exactly why I’m asking, I dont want something like that.

        2. I use it daily and as long as I use a small amount and rub it in…this hasn’t been an issue. I love this stuff.

    4. First Aid Beauty has a salve-like hand lotion that doesn’t leave your hands greasy. I do find the scent a bit medicinal. Juice Beauty has one that doesn’t leave your hands greasy and has a light lemon scent but it’s less moisturizing than First Aid Beauty.

  19. I’m starting part-time grad school this fall and need a laptop. The degree is non-technical, so I don’t need any specific specs, hard, or software. Currently, I have a Chromebook as my personal computer but I need to have the full suite of Microsoft Office and cannot use Google docs or other programs for my papers and presentations. I cannot use my work computer for personal use at all. My program is hybrid, so 90% of the time I’ll be Zooming into class and then doing homework either in my apartment at my desk or at a coffeeshop, library, or similar setting. It won’t be any heavy duty work – reading articles, doing research, writing papers, making powerpoints. Any recommendations for a computer that won’t break the bank?

    2. Check to see if your school provides access to Office 365 online while you’re completing your program – then you can access Outlook, OneDrive, Word, Excel, PPT, etc. in your browser on your Chromebook. The cloud apps don’t have all the functionality of the desktop apps, but should be functional enough to accomplish the work you describe.
      (Source: this is how I did it for my grad program.)

      1. My grad program provides access to O365 as well. However, if you need a laptop for cheap, you could ask the school if they offer refurbed laptops for purchase through their IT department or purchase new from Costco.

    3. I don’t have a specific recommendation but this time of year, Costco usually has some great deals on laptops in the $500 – $900 range.

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