ByKate Antoniades Hours Updated
Comments 253 Comments

Coffee Break: Pro 1000 Rechargeable Electric Toothbrush

A box for an Oral-B rechargeable electric toothbrush and the black toothbrush next to it

I don't know why I never tried an electric toothbrush until this year, but when my dentist recommended one like this, the Oral-B Pro 1000, I finally did. I wish I had gotten one earlier, because I love it! When the rechargeable battery died the other day (my fault — I'd ignored the low-battery light), I had to use my regular toothbrush, and it just couldn't compare.

This brush is part of Oral-B's Pro series of electric toothbrushes. The top model in their high-end series, iO, is $380 (!), but Pro series starts at under $20, with the Pro 100. (I don't really need Bluetooth and AI tech in my toothbrush!)

My favorite feature of my new brush — besides the fact that it cleans better than a manual one — is that it uses a particular vibration pattern to tell you when it's time to move on to a new part of your mouth, giving each quadrant 30 seconds. It doesn't shut off after 2 minutes, though, so you can repeat any areas if needed. Another welcome feature: The brush head stops moving if you're brushing too hard.

If I were going to spend more on an electric brush, I'd buy a model that's a bit quieter with a longer battery life, but right now, this one's good enough for me. (You can always just leave it in the charger 24/7 and not worry about battery life.)

The Pro 1000 toothbrush from Oral-B is under $50 at Amazon and available in both black and white. It comes with one brush head, and in three months, you'll need a new one. (Lots of types are available.)

Sales of note for 1/1/25 (HAPPY NEW YEAR!):

253 Comments

  1. Any reasonably priced sources for lampshades? I’m looking for something cute between those $150 boutique shades and $10 Target shades. Christmas Tree Stores used to be good for this, le sigh. I’ve checked HomeGoods/Sense and the small selection is all white and gray right now with one pattern, an ikat/tie-dye that won’t work. Thanks all.

    4. The last cheap lampshade I got at Target is just so bad. I’ll be watching your replies!

    7. At Home! I think in store selection is better than online, but similar to homegoods. lots of sizes & options

    8. The last ones I bought and liked were from Pottery Barn, but I also found a ton on Amazon that were significantly cheaper. Not as nice as the PB ones, but better than Target’s. I agree that Target lampshades are awful.

  2. Can any New Englanders tell me the reputation of Berkshire Bank? An elderly relative is looking for a new physical bank and this is the closest one to her house, but the homepage has a photo of a Gen Z’er taking a duck lips selfie — not exactly inspiring confidence over here.

    1. America’s most EXCITING bank? I think that was their branding for a while.

      They got caught up with a big scandal related to a payroll/paycheck processing company which closed and lost a lot of $$. They closed branches around me but generally people are pretty neutral on them? No strong feelings which I think is fine in a bank?

      1. i have an home equity line with them – they are fine! no complaints other than their website doesn’t permit online payment for this particular product.

  3. I have a friend who I have not spoken to in two years. Although we didn’t talk frequently, in the past I’ve usually gotten some kind of emails or updates from her, not necessarily personally directed, but things like fundraising or activist type stuff, so more and more I think that she’s deliberately taken me off her contact list. Our last get-together didn’t go super great, but I wouldn’t have thought that was the reason (we went to a kid activity nearer to my house and my kid wasn’t having a good time, so I made my excuses and left before her). I miss her but I also worry that if I’ve offended her enough for her to cut me off completely, maybe I should just let it be? Or should I send an apology email, even though I’m not sure what I might be apologizing for?

    1. i would send a text… hey it’s been forever, thinking of you! can we get a dinner on the calendar? you’re spiraling with the apology…..

      1. This text is perfect. Falling out of touch with friends when life gets more complicated (young kids, family illnesses, jobs, etc) is perfectly normal and it’s delightful to catch up with old friends.

    2. Since it might make a difference to the discussion: What about your POV? Have you been sending her emails or messages or asking her to do things that she’s not responded to, or has she normally been the instigator of contact?

      1. Normally she does instigate, I admit, but that’s partly because I live in a more rural area and don’t want to drag her out here, plus she’s more social than I am. She’d invited me to a family memorial just a few months before I last saw her. The invite went out to what I would call her friends and family listserv, she sent stuff out pretty regularly that way, family updates, invites, as well as activist kind of appeals. So the memorial was a pretty big group, but my friend was as friendly to me as usual there, and I followed up with an invite to an activity near my house that both our kids could do, even though they were different ages. She came much later than we’d agreed, which isn’t like her, although I chalked that up to toddler difficulties, and then was kind of distant, and like I said, my kid wasn’t having a good time so I left early. Since I was kind of irritated about the tardiness and the way it went I didn’t reach out again, but I used to get emails and invites from her periodically (birthdays, friend gatherings, etc) but now it’s been long enough that I feel like I’ve been deliberately removed from her contact list.

        1. If you want to be back in contact, I’d recommend sending a text asking to get something on the calendar and saying you’ve missed seeing her or something similar. I don’t think you necessarily need to apologize if you don’t know what you’d be apologizing for.

          This isn’t what you asked, so please take it with a grain of salt if I’m wrong. If I were in your friend’s position, I might be slightly irritated that I always initiate with you and then you are distant/cold to me when you invite me once and I’m late because of kid trouble, which was exactly the same reason you were distracted and left early from my last thing. Like I said, that’s just what I’d presume based on what’s written here!

          If you think that could be what led to the distance, you could say something like “I feel like I was distracted or distant last time we hung out. I miss you and let’s try again! (Then propose a specific date and activity)”

    3. she might have switched to FB fundraisers or something and you’re just not seeing them because FB never shows anyone anything anymore. their algorithm is so bizarre.

      agree with the others to send a text, don’t apologize, just reach out. these past few years have been hard for a lot of people.

      2. ha, if I didn’t have friends I hadn’t spoken to in two years, I’d barely have friends. I’ve had friends for 30 years that are still my friends even if we don’t manage to speak very often. And I know for sure they feel the same way.

      3. I don’t agree with this at all. I’m 50. Most of my friends from college and I don’t get together but every 2-3 years. I see their day to day on Facebook, but we don’t usually talk in between. I have a friend I made at my first job. She now lives in another state. I just saw her while I was in her state for a work conference and it was like we lost no time. But prior I don’t think we’ve called or texted since 2021, when I let her know I had cancer (and she was one of the folks checking up on my postsurgery the most). As people get wrapped up with careers and kids, it gets harder to do the brunches, especially if you are at different points geographically or in life (different aged kids, married vs. solo, etc.). I don’t measure friendship by frequency but rather how I feel when I’m with someone. There also are degrees between best friends and great acquaintances.

  5. Hopefully a lighthearted post for a Monday! My family now has a puppy – a 10-week old black and white labradoodle, will be about 50 pounds when fully grown. She’s beautiful and very sweet and docile! And also currently nameless. We have some names in mind but would love some name ideas from ‘rettes! Current ideas are Rosie (short for Rosalita, a favorite Bruce Springsteen song) and Maple (as we have a lot of maple trees in our yard).

    Criteria: relatively uncommon. Would love something that has a connection to either New Jersey (in particular Bruce Springsteen songs or beach towns) or Michigan (the state, not the school as we’re MSU people). Would prefer not a human name like Maggie or Abby or Izzy, although Rosie as mentioned above is okay. I was leaning into Greek/Roman mythology names but my family hasn’t been hot on those.

    1. Gina. It’s in Living on a Prayer, the most sing-able older Bon Jovi song. How can she be anything else?

      1. Nj is filled with tongue twister town names. Ho-ho-kus, anyone? Other than Avalon, good luck. And lots of s*x (Middlesex, Sussex, Essex and Fort Dix). Nj, you are on-brand.

          2. We are not! More central NJ. I was trying to make Asbury work but that doesn’t seem to be sticking.

      1. Isn’t Brielle one of the daughters of one of the Real Housewives of Atlanta, the one who can’t sing?

    6. It doesn’t matter what her name is; you will end up using a series of nicknames that evolve over time. Ask me how I know.

    7. Ypsilanti, shortens to Ypsi?

      Or you could just do Ford as a nod to the motor city.

      Or – isn’t General Mills based in Michigan? You could name her Cheerio.

      2. Kellogg is in Michigan! I think something in the Snap/Crackle/Pop realm would be cute.

    8. Didn’t one of the kids in Beezus and Ramona name a doll Chevrolet? I’d love a dog named Chevy.

    9. Some ideas based on Jersey towns: Patterson (nickname Patty), Elizabeth, Camden (nickname Cam), May (Cape May), Edison (nickname Edie), Laurel (Mt. Laurel), Holly (Mt. Holly), Maggie (Maguire after Joint Base Maguire-Dix-Lakehurst), Montclair (or Clair), Lee (Ft. Lee), Belle (Belmar),Olive (Mt. Olive), Roxie (Roxbury), Roselle, Hazel (a stretch, but Hazlet),Hope (Hopewell), Madison, Florence, Callie (any of the Caldwells), Myra (Palmyra), Margie (Margate), Sandy (Sandy Hook, or beach related), Meera or Merry (a stretch, but Strathmere)

      1. It’s Paterson. One T. Jersey gotta be different. It’s sort of a tough place — not vibing for a girl puppy.

        1. I mean people name their sons Camden and as a Philadelphian I DO NOT GET IT, but they do it. Including a girl I went to high school with who is from the area / still in the area!

      2. There is actually a Hope NJ but it’s NW and you are central. Central like Tom’s River or Sayreville?

    10. I actually had a friend with a dog named Jersey as a kid, named after the Jersey shore. We lived on the West Coast, but my friends’ parents were from the Philly area and spent their summers on the Jersey shore!

    12. Sandy – a girl’s name but not super popular. Beachy and from 4th of July Asbury Park!

      1. Sandy is just wrong for a black and white dog. And now I have the Sandy song from Annie stuck in my head, oh no!

    14. What about Jenny from the chorus of Youngstown by Bruce? Gloria (for Glory Days)? Janey? Mary (Queen of Arksansas)? Sherry? Patti for Patti Scialfa?

    15. Oreo would be an excellent name for a black and white dog. Especially if you like oreos!

      Bobbi for the MSU mascot?

      I really love human names for dogs, so I’d probably choose something a little old fashioned wheret you’re unlikely to run into a human with the same name. Betty, Virginia, Polly. Names like that.

    17. 867-5309 Jenny is a NJ song. So I vote for Jenny even though you didn’t want names that are names.

    19. Nj town names for a girl dog that come to mind are Monroe and Madison. I kind of like Nutley for some reason too.

    20. Whatever you pick, make sure you can call it out loud, loudly, at the beach or in a park or wherever. This is why so many dog names end in the “y” “eee” sound.
      “Oreo” is a great name! Or “twizzler” if your family likes black twizzlers. Twizzy for short!

  6. Where are you buying underwear these days? Just regular, everyday underpants, nothing fancy. I’ve worn Soma Vanishing Edge for probably a decade, but the quality has declined considerably. Looking for something similar and would welcome any suggestions!

    1. I just keep rebuying. It may just be a me thing, but I went up to XL and that improved their longevity (L was not able to keep up with me). FWIW, I am 5-4 and 130#, and generally a M elsewhere. I just order what works and the current XLs are still going strong after about a year. Agree that prior ones were heartier.

    2. My everyday standby is currently Warner’s Blissful Benefits No Muffin Hipster after trying some competitors from Soma, Hanes, and Aerie. They come in cotton and in polyester so I look for the cotton colors. Though if I could find a similar cut in nylon, I’d prefer that to either.

      1. +1 I just replaced my Soma Vanishing Edge with Tommy John. They have a nice soft knit version as well as a SUPER lightweight woven one.

    6. I buy Auden Invisible Edge from Target. I like the th0ng style, so I can’t speak for the other styles. They don’t have them in very many colors, but I bought them in bulk and they’ve held up well, especially given my active, sweaty lifestyle. I agree with another poster that sizing up made my underw3ar much more comfortable and durable, highly recommend if you’re between sizes!

    7. Soma. I don’t buy the vanishing edge because silicone gives me welts, but I really like the Embraceable Super Soft brief and hipster styles, the ones with a lace top.

      I buy a 5 or 7 pack most every year (particularly for the new year, new undies = new me) and throw out the most worn ones in my drawer… but I don’t actually end up needing to get rid of 5 to 7 every year, so now I have quite a drawerful, which makes me weirdly happy. Like SA’s perfectly organized underwear drawer from the accomplishments thread the other day.

  7. I am loving the J Crew lady jacket so much I bought a JCF Lady cardigan also. It’s the right cut for me (short, short torso, flat-chested but with hips). How do you wear yours? I am defaulting to a simple white elevated tee, which I swear works well for many outfits. But how else do you style yours? Do you wear with dresses or skirts? My default uniform (in spring and now summer due to aggressive air conditioning) is:
    Lady jacket / cardigan + white tee + pants of some sort (usually cropped) + flat shoes (flats, cute white sneakers, loafers)

    1. Could you lean into the lady vibe and pair it with a bow blouse (the vintage name is an alternative name for a cat)?

  8. I’m bummed out because I don’t think we’re going to do a home addition we have been talking about for 9 months because the estimates are just too high for my husband to handle.
    Our house is small for 5 people. My two boys share a room which is certainly not a misfortune but I’m running out of creative ways to keep reorganizing and decluttering to make our whole house work. I don’t have a walk-in closet, I have a tiny one-rod closet. Again, not a misfortune but just not where I thought I’d be. My daughter has been taking drum lessons for over a year and we still don’t have a drum set at home for her because there was nowhere to put it until the addition is done. There are other major issues but no need to bore with the laundry list.
    Now I have to rethink all of it. We paid an architect $2k to get permit drawings. Estimates for the addition are between $200k-$250k. I’m fine with that. We’ve lived in this house for 17 years and barely done anything. The kids are getting physically bigger. Our HHI is now over $500k but we have chosen private school tuition (not a humble brag, I only just recently started making 6 figures, 20 years into my career). Our mortgage is done in 2027. What the hell have we been saving and maxing everything out for all these years if we can’t do this for ourselves? Moving doesn’t work because inventory is low, our rate is only 3%, etc.
    We have a meeting with our financial planner later this week to discuss, but I think my husband is too far deep into his frugal self to make this jump even if the financial planner tells him it’s ok.
    Well, I did tell him if we’re not doing it that 1) it’s his job to tell the kids because he told them about it way before I would have and they’ve been excited about it and 2) I will immediately commence smaller non-addition projects and purchases to make our house more livable because I’ve held off for too long already.
    Mostly just wanted to vent, thank you. I know others here are in a marriage with these “frugality” disconnects. We’re not alone! And it doesn’t mean my marriage is bad. I just want to get the decision made and get over it.

    1. Oh man, I am bummed out for you. And I would be raging mad if my DH were putting the kibosh on a quality of life improvement that we could afford even if the price tag is high. Here’s hoping the financial planner talks sense into him.

      1. Thanks. I actually was raging mad on Friday and he heard aaaaallllll my thoughts on the matter through angry tears but I have simmered down some. Mostly I’m mad for my kids.
        That’s it—he is evaluating purely on economics and I am evaluating on economics + comfort + enjoyment.

          1. Not knowing everything, I think $250k to “make his family happy” when other solutions might work too is expensive, TBH.

          3. Given that OP said the marriage isn’t bad overall, I doubt the husband is out spinning in his evil genius chair cackling “hahaha I love $$$ more than my family”. Talking with your financial advisor to get an outsider opinion on your financial status overall is a good next step, as is both of you thinking about how to express your overall goals and needs for your money

          4. $250k is a lot for most people, but they’re not most people: their household income is $500k/year. I think it’s a *very* reasonable expense relative to their income.

            Our HHI is less than $200k and I would not balk at all at spending $100k on a major house upgrade that was going to significantly improve our quality of life. In fact we have already put more than that into our house re-doing the kitchen and finishing the basement. The latter was functional and gave us increased living space but the former was purely cosmetic.

        2. But they are going to private school! You have made some choices and have some priorities. For most of us, we aren’t where you are or would definitely be there after 3 private school tuitions. It’s not like you are living in a single-wide, just not in grand style. Over the long run, the tuition likely helps more than any renovation.

          1. Yup. My family was always education > everything else. My grandparents, my mom, and I were all raised in smaller, less functional houses to free up money for private school. I plan on doing the same.

            Life is full of choices, and spending $$$ on private school is a perfectly fine choice but often comes with trade offs, even for the wealthy.

        3. When you divorce him, you can move into a place with a walk in closet.

          I am being sarcastic of course, but “absolute no, no negotiation, put the kibosh” responses are not the stuff of a long-term happy marriage. You should have a voice in this too!

          1. Well to me it sounds like the compromise is to do the other upgrades but not the full addition?

          2. Scheduling a discussion with their financial advisor sounds like a good precursor for a real “here’s what’s important to me; here’s what’s important to you; how do we slice this” conversation; not a move from a “no discussion, no compromise” partner

          3. “I think my husband is too far deep into his frugal self to make this jump even if the financial planner tells him it’s ok” that is not the stance of someone who is open to compromise.

    2. Ugh this is a bummer. My husband is also very frugal (much more so than me and unnecessarily so IMO) so I commiserate with you – it’s hard. It seems your current financial situation supports spending this money – so I hope your meeting with the financial planner will allow you to come to a joint decision that you’re in favor of.

    3. Get a big storage unit and put as much as you can in there. Can kid practice in an electronic drum set? That kid isn’t the first with h to is issue. Renters and city kids have this all the time.

      1. Haha, it’s funny you think my husband would agree to the ongoing cost of a storage unit.
        You are right, other people deal with this all the time which is why I say it’s not a misfortune. I just think it’s a shame we won’t give my kids and ourselves basic lifestyle upgrades we can afford, and wonder what they’ll think about that when they are adults.

        1. A storage unit is so cheap. If we needed more space, I’d never expand my house but would declutter via a storage unit. Much cheaper than 200K for a climate controlled garage in my area.

        2. You just said you were committing to projects to make the space more livable. Start here.

          1. Yes! You don’t really need his approval, in my opinion. Just get the unit and start moving stuff.

        3. He agreed to private school for 3 kids, so yes. What is a storage unit on top of that?

        4. I’ve had two storage units for a decade. Don’t repeat my mistakes. I’m so close to getting rid of them. It’s full of my husband’s family’s stuff. We used to have three. Easy to fill, much harder to unload.

          1. This. Aside from holiday decorations, if you put it in a storage unit you might as well just get rid of it, you won’t go retrieve it!

          2. Yes to the above. Other than holiday decorations, that is a feature and not a bug. The goal is more space and you get that with storage.

    4. can you talk to a realtor about how much the estimated additions would add to your home value? that might help him get out of the frugal mindset.

      1. This! Inventory is low and you’re short on space with a family of five. A bigger house might actually pay for itself.

          1. The realtor can speak to this but if you’re talking upgrading an ugly outdated kitchen plus adding square footage yes, I bet it would add quite a bit of value.

      2. you could also take a look at open houses in the area… go to ones in the price rsnge thst zillow estimates your house is worth now. then go $250 higher. see if it’s worth it…

    5. Get your husband to be the one to deal with re-organizing, decluttering, etc. Maybe when it’s his problem he’ll get his head out of his ass.

      1. THIS!

        Sorry not sorry. I have no tolerance for pointless frugality at the expense of the family’s comfort.

    6. If the estimates are high, the actual cost is usually 150% of that because that is just how things go. So maybe the estimate is affordable but not the likely overage? I had to tap my 401K because we would have been out of funds otherwise. It was so miserable because we just needed to finish and we’re also paying for a rental because we had moved out. Not everyone has a way to fund the unknown.

    7. Perhaps you could put your husband in charge of all the reorganization and decluttering, not just for himself but for the house generally and for the kids. Just explain that this has been falling to you, and you had a solution, so that if he is vetoing the solution without offering an alternative, you need him to take on these tasks.

    8. I grew up in a rental and could only take violin and practice with a mute. I promise I wasn’t harmed by not being able to play a bass. Or the drums. No one urban wants a novice drummer anywhere in their block and the violin was only moderately tolerable.

    9. How old are the kids and how small is the house? What do college savings and retirement accounts look like? Do you plan to stay in the house forever? Do any of your proposed changes to the house make it easier to age in place if you do want to stay forever? How much would smaller non-addition projects and purchases cost?

      While I’m not wealthy now, I’m certainly wealthier than my parents were so a) my life looks different than I always imagined my life would look like (I have options, like additions or home Renos, that my parents did not have) but b) I find it really hard to write the check for something that feels frivolous, even if it will make my life better or easier and c) I think its perfectly fine for kids to grow up in a small house and have to make “sacrifices” because updating or moving isn’t a family priority, even if that’s what a kid would like.

      1. Kids are 14, 11, 8. We will be in this house 10 more years, until my youngest is out of high school. Cannot stay in this house forever even with addition. House is currently 2100 sf max. Maybe 2300 counting unfinished basement.
        Retirement is maxed and on track, plus additional Roth’s blah blah. We have a rental unit rented out with a small mortgage left on it (under $35k) and our primary mortgage ends in 2027 which will allow us to allocate that cash flow, and current tuition, towards college. 529s also exist. We are not counting on grandparent support for college but it is very likely if I’m realistic.
        Non-addition projects may cost up to $50k or $60k. But none of those are going to give us another bathroom, another bedroom, and a proper but small master suite (our bedroom is currently the attic and my husband can’t stand up fully anywhere but the center of our bedroom and bathroom.
        I’ll be honest, part of it is both of our sets of parents live in large houses for just 2 people—houses with space we wish we had, and we are doing as well as they were at our age—and it feels like since we have not done anything to our house in 17 years we’re not really adulting.

        1. Okay, so with a 14 year old I don’t think I’d do the addition. You have 3-4 years left of all 3 kids at home when you really need the space and to me that isn’t worth $250k. but I’m frugal. FWIW, I grew up in a similarly sized house with 1 brother and 1 step brother (there half the time) and it never seemed cramped. Of course, layout matters more than space in houses so YMMV, but as a kid it didn’t bother me having the smallest house of most people I knew.

          When your youngest graduates, are you definitely moving or just moving sometime between the child graduating and you needing to move due to aging? If its 10 years and then we’re definitely out, don’t do the addition. If its somewhere between 10 and 30 years, I’d reconsider maybe changing the project from a full fledged addition to adding dormers to the attic to make a real master bedroom. Or, if there”s anyway to add a ground floor master (this is what my parents did).

          Could you finish your basement and use that as a bedroom, add a bathroom, and/or make it more living space? it doesn’t have to be finished-finished but could be spruced up unfinished and still work as a rec room. heck, even a totally unfinished basement is a fine place for a drum set.

          1. News flash, for someone in the throes of it now, kids do not disappear when they go to college. They come home for breaks and summers and may need a place to live when they finish their degrees until they get on their feet, which is increasingly hard for young people. A thoughtful parent does not de-bedroom a kid the moment they start college.

          2. Yeah, they obviously still have a room but it still frees up space by having a kid gone ~9 months of the year. Even non bedroom things like there are only two kids at home for most of the year who want to have friends over so the family room or whatever only has two people competing for hanging out there rather than three

        2. is there any chance your parents would switch houses with you if you asked? if you’re in the same area?

          can you just finish the basement and call it a day? that should be well less than $250, probably under $50k.

          1. Yes, I think finishing or semi finishing the basement would go a long way and help a lot here.

          2. I doubt you can finish a basement for $50k these days. It was $70k when we did it. We used a high end general contractor, but it was also 8 years ago and labor and parts cost a LOT more today.

          3. Honestly, finishing or semi finishing one yourself isn’t bad if you’re slightly handy.

          4. (i’m 3:50 op – we finished our basement in 2016 for $20k so i was trying to guesstimate higher with $50k! but we kept one huge space, vinyl flooring, added a bathroom with a shower/toilet.)

          5. If you’re adding a bathroom, no way you can do it for under $50K. We recently finished our 400-ft, totally blank canvas basement into two rooms, no bathroom or plumbing, nothing fancy other than some oak accents, and it was close to $70K when all was complete. Material costs alone is through the roof these days

          2. It can . . . if I do major work to de clutter and reorg which is already a challenge. We don’t have anything worth getting a storage space for, some new furniture and closet re-dos may help. I can do it but have been holding off because the addition would have meant our now shared home office would have become a playroom/music room for the kids.
            Can’t finish the basement, even the contractor said it wasn’t with it because it would require jackhammering out and sinking the floor with shoring up the foundation—waaaay too expensive for the minimal square footage it would add. My house is 100 years old, which is why the basement is not your average re-do.
            Anyway, I feel heard and supported and properly called out on things to think about and so thank you so much, everyone!

          3. As the wife of a drummer, I will just say that a space completely separate from the bedrooms, like a basement, is a great place for drum practice. Get some foam panels for soundproofing. They’re not pretty but what better place for ugly foam panels than an unfinished basement. Have a garage sale this weekend and make way for the drums!

            (And to answer a question above, no, an electronic drum pad will not do it for a serious drumming student.)

          4. Take a weekend and have your kids make space in the basement. Take some stuff to the dump.

    10. As a person who begrudges pennies, what helps me make big money decisions is having enough of a “cushion” to feel like even if it’s a complete waste of money, we’ll be financially okay. I’m not sure if that’s the kind of thinking that might help your husband, but if so, maybe reframe it as: if the addition costs $250k, will he feel better and be able to commit to doing it if you’ve got $400k set aside for it?

      1. Also, sometimes the sticker shock is real. If you’ve just recently gotten the quote, maybe let him sit with it for a while so he can come to terms with it. We just did some home projects and when we got the estimate, I was very unhappy and didn’t want to commit immediately. My husband assumed that meant I wasn’t on board, but I just wanted to have a minute to consider it once the numbers were actually in front of us, and I ultimately recognized that the work had to be done, and it wasn’t going to be cheaper from waiting.

    11. Oh man do I get this. When we bought our house, it was just us and our dog. And our house seemed huge. Fast forward and we’ve got 3 kids with an age spread – so the two kids of the same gender are 6 years apart which makes it odd for room sharing as they get older. We have long term storage and enough ‘space’, it’s moreso functionality and flow that are the issue. Husband is on team ‘less stuff’, I am on team ‘change the space’.

      HHI was $300k last year, house is worth around $500k but to buy a similar house with better flow and one more bedroom not on a main road would be $700-800k because we live in a super desirable neighborhood where a lot of people want that specific sized house that has been renovated. Looked at doing a bigger Reno and husband couldn’t stomach the cost… so we did some small changes and compromised by giving up our office/den/playroom and putting a kid in an awkward bedroom away from the rest of the family and redid the basement as a family/rec/play/exercise room.

      We’re making it work and I remind myself that we’re able to make a lot of more ‘fun’ choices because we have no debt except our mortgage and healthy investments… but when I walk through my awkwardly shaped kitchen and have to nag my children daily to put away their sports gear/backpacks/shoes daily I do still wish we had a more modern design. It’s also good for me because honestly? I get real messy if not kept in check but my space forces me to be super organized (my kids get that ADHD from me, not Dad). At least this is what I tell myself…. Lots of people make lots less space work.

        1. oh ALSO. I don’t know but sometimes I wonder ‘why do we work so much and so hard if we’re not going to use it.’ Like, it’s great that we can comfortably retire at 55, but also… 3 out of 4 of my grandparents died before 60.

          1. If I’m going to die before 60, I’d love to have some retired time before then!

      2. Even with an age gap, if the personalities are right then kids can share a room. My friend was the 2nd of 4 and the only girl, so she got her own room. Even though her two younger brothers were only a year apart, the eldest and the youngest shared a room (7 year age gap) because personality wise that was better than the younger two. Younger brother thought it was SO COOL that his high school brother shared a room with him, older brother was a really nice guy and a great older brother and was happy to take that mentoring role.

    12. Agree with your “if we’re not doing it” list! His job to break it to the kids and his to shut up and let you make the house livable in other ways if this one is not doable.

    13. While I don’t think kids need a consolation prize for not getting an addition (I am happy to explain to my kids that its my money and my budget and they can make their own decisions when they own a house), maybe you could agree to (in addition to your “make the house better as is” projects) use the money saved by not doing the addition to take a nice family vacation instead! Or, give the kids a budget to “re do” their rooms?

    14. How would you be paying for the addition? Cash on hand? HELOC? Would it get your husband over the hump if you save the money and pay cash?

      Can you start watching love it or list it with him?

      1. We have the cash. He just wants to retire at 56 (we’re 44) and move then so he’s fine with putting up with what we’ve got until then and he doesn’t want to over-improve our home for the market (we bought it for $400k in 2008 in what remains a very desirable neighborhood; anything bigger remotely close costs $800k-$1.2M). I can get there, but it’s still going to be money and work to make smaller projects happen and so I want to get the show on the road now that I’ve recovered from my rage. Also, that $2k to the architect could have paid for some other projects. Oh well.

          1. Agree. If this was your forever home, and your kids were younger… then maybe?

            Remember, it will be HELL for at least a year around a remodel and will suck up so much time/energy and will cost thousands more than they say.

          2. See, this is crazy to me! Sure, it will probably be one year of chaos, and after that, you have nearly a decade or more to enjoy a more functional living space. That’s worth a lot to me, personally.

            My parents did a big re-do after I left the house, and it sort of low-key annoyed me at the time even though I knew they probably couldn’t have afforded it sooner, unlike the OP and her DH. I would’ve enjoyed having some space for hangouts and such, especially because our family home was small and we were very much on top of each other.

          3. My parents also did a Reno after being empty nesters and I still think its crazy :)

            Admittedly, I don’t have a HHI of $500k, so in my life there are many more financial tradeoffs. I’d rather stay put and make the smaller changes, but then if I”m going to sell in 10 years I can ball out and get EXACTLY what I want. Rather than spending $$$ now as a stop gap for 10 years.

          4. 10-12 years is a big chunk of your life. Of course you should spend some of your hard-earned money to have a home you enjoy.

            Key word there is home. It’s your home.

            Not just an investment.

          1. I agree. I also think, as someone said above, children don’t disappear when they leave for college. They’re home for summer and winter breaks for at least four years and potentially longer, and then they eventually have families of their own and want to to visit.

    15. I know you’re concerned about what your kids will think but as long as you’re funding college when your kids are older they won’t harbor ill will about the lack of addition.

      1. This! I’d much rather share a room with a sibling and not have debt from school than the other way around! Plus, would saving money now by not doing the addition free up money for them down the road (speciality camp, family vacation, or a used car or something they’d benefit from sooner than “graduating college”)?

      2. I don’t think you can say for sure how kids will feel when they’re grown. I grew up in a very small and uncomfortable house and my parents paid for private college. I recognize that it wasn’t my money or my decision to make, but given the choice I would have much rather had a more comfortable house and state school.

    16. I feel this so hard. We sunk $ into architectural drawings with a budget of 250K. This was the height of Covid so the estimates all came back at 400-500. Hit pause. We’ve resigned ourselves to scaling back and have saved up enough to do work at 400, with only a small part through a HELOC to fund living expenses when we are out of the house for a few months. But now all the revised drawings are coming back at 600+. I feel like we can’t get ahead unless we sell, but then where would we go? We’ve been here for a decade and can’t rent an apartment in our neighborhood for our mortgage payment.

      Oh – and DH is the one who is most bothered by the clutter and the small space, but won’t do anything about it. Price of admission and all that.

    17. This has nothing to do with your finances. You can very obviously afford this. This is about your husband not addressing his mental health and you letting him.

      1. I mean, just because they can afford things, its okay for him to think this isnt the best use of their money. Maybe he’s thinking about college down the road? OP says they want to retire young – that certainly change the calculus of their finances. Maybe they’d have to pause family vacations while they do this reno? I don’t know the details, but I think even for wealthy people most decisions that come with $$$ also come with tradeoffs – if we do A then we can’t do B. But, if we choose C then we can do B.

        1. Yeah, how much did he ever want to do this addition? He might have other priorities.

      2. My HHI is $5 million annually and a $200,000 expense is still a huge deal for us. Her husband is not mentally ill for being uncomfortable about spending half their actual HHI on this project.

    18. What would the addition add on and what would your non-addition home improvement projects look like? Is the issue mostly space or layout? Just trying to get a better idea in order to give helpful recommendations…

      1. Addition would add an en suite bedroom (3 kids all currently share one bathroom with one sink) on one floor and then a full master suite with walk-in closet, full-height ceiling, and dual-sink bathroom and grownup-size shower (we currently have a one-sink vanity and a very small shower stall). Oh! And a door to our bedroom suite (currently all we have is a complete 180 on the stairs to give us privacy, there is no place to put a door that has room to open all the way). Our current master would become the shared home office and our current office would become a play/music room and our current “dining room” would finally be empty of Legos, haha.
        Non-addition projects would be new flooring (our carpet is disgusting and my kids are allergic to dust mites), new furniture (boys need loft beds with desks underneath, but will still have twin beds), getting rid of some furniture we were hoping to keep, having a closet design place come out and see if anything at all can be done with our minuscule closets, and a few other random things plus hardcore decluttering and purging in the hopes of making more room in the basement and dining room to accommodate instruments and family items.

        1. Is the dining room table your main “eating” table, and if not – I think that’s what I’d cut first to make space for either: kid bedroom (if it can be inexpensively closed off), or turned into your home office with current office becoming a bedroom?

          Unrelated – is there a way to pay for help with the decluttering and organizing that makes it less of a chore on you?

          1. The “dining room” is in the middle of our first floor and hasn’t been a dining room ever. We have an eat-in kitchen and that’s it, the dining room is the “playroom” because we hd nowhere else. Hoping to make it an extension of the tiny living room because it is all open to the kitchen and front door.

        2. OK, I was assuming you guys were in a 1.5 bath house or something, I think two full baths (with or without a half bath) is fine for kids? I was one of three in a two bath house (master bath + hall bath that kids used but so did everyone else!).

    19. You mention that you have a shared office, any chance that that could become a kid’s room for one of your sons? FWIW, my desk is in our dining room and my husband’s desk is in our bedroom. It’s not the most ideal, but we didn’t’ have another space when WFH started so here we are and it’s been totally fine. We did this full time for about two years, and now I’m WFH 3x a week and he’s WFH 2x a week.

        1. My office is my half of the bed. It has worked since I’ve had kids in an older house.

          1. Well, for the parents, bringing in that 500k a year, an office on the bed sounds… unacceptable. That is terrible for so many reasons.

      2. I have thought about it but the reason our shared office is not a bedroom already is that it only qualifies as a bedroom because it has a closet. It is literally not big enough for anything but a crib.

        1. Until my older sister went to college and I was able to swap rooms with her, my bedroom was only slightly bigger than a twin bed. Maybe give the kids an option if they’d rather keep sharing or if one of them would like to move in there?

          1. It’s a good use case for a loft bed, if one of the kids is willing.

            Source: my house is 100+ years old, I also do not have a walk in closet & one kid’s bedroom is a loft bed with a desk under it.

  9. Should I get a 1L or 2L lululemon belt bag? I’ll want to carry my phone, keys, mini wallet/cardholder, lip balm, hand sanitizer, hand cream. The 1L looks so small in photos but maybe it’s big enough?

    1. I brought my wallet into a store and physically tried it. Ended up with the larger one and have not once regretted it.

    2. 2L to be safe. I am petite (almost 5’1″) and carry around a 2L because I need to fit all that plus sunglasses as well. The size is not overwhelming or awkward on me, and I just could not make the 1L work with everything I needed to carry.

    3. I prefer the 2L because it holds my whole checkbook-sized wallet when needed. I had a 1L and passed to my daughter. It works, but it’s small.

    5. I have a 1L and it’s big enough to carry those things. I usually carry exactly that when I use it.

    6. I’m happy with the 1L for phone, sunglasses, credit card & ID, keys (small – no car), Chapstick, AirPods, with a little breathing room.

      Adding a wallet and two creams would be too much.

    7. 1L is tiny, good for a small phone, cards and keys and not too much else. I use it for traveling so the things I need are readily available, and tossing into a travel tote for the flight. Also good for walking when you just need your keys and phone. I do not want a large belt bag and I use a different style crossbody bag when I need more space.

    8. I like the 1L because it drops easily into a larger tote. If I need more than the 1L will hold, I just take a bigger bag.

  10. I have an upcoming engagement party to attend that is cocktail dress code. Is the below dress (link in comments) cocktail attire?

      1. Really? Because of the sleeves? To me it looks airy & the color is light and pretty. Paired with strappy, exposed-toe heels I think it looks like a lovely summer cocktail dress.

        1. I guess it depends where you are but I would be MELTING even at night in this dress in PA.

        2. It’s a long sleeved dress in a fabric with no breathability. You’ll look weirdly dressed for winter.

          1. Exactly: the fabric doesn’t breathe and that’s the problem. I’ve learned this the hard way (melted in a flow spaghetti strap dress in 85 degree weather because it didn’t breathe at all).

    3. I would lean no on “is it a cocktail dress?”, but I don’t think that should hinder you wearing it, if you’ve already got it in your closet!

    1. “During his campaign for Senate, Vance applauded the overturning of Roe v. Wade and supported Texas’s ban on abortion, which does not allow exceptions other than cases where the mother’s life is at risk.
      “Two wrongs don’t make a right,” he said in 2021 when asked whether abortion laws should allow for exceptions for rape and incest.

      When pressed about whether a woman “should be forced to carry a child to term” after being the victim of rape or incest, Vance said he rejected the premise of the question.
      “It’s not whether a woman should be forced to bring a child to term,” he said, but “whether a child should be allowed to live even though the circumstances of that child’s birth are somehow inconvenient or a problem to society.”

      That tells me all I need to know about his moral character.

      1. He’s making more a lot more sense ethically than people who are “pro-life” except in cases where it’s not the woman’s fault for being pregnant. My issue is with people who are politically anti-choice.

    2. Sounds like a smart move. A senator from a swing state, Ohio. I do not feel optimistic about the direction of this country.

      1. Super smart move. He’s young and has cultivated a “pulled myself up by my bootstraps” image that very much appeals to his base.
        There’s no way Dems can win with Biden now. I’ve lost hope entirely. We all enjoyed having a Department of Education, access to birth control, and separation of church and state while it lasted I guess.

        1. Isn’t he also really weak to criticism if Dems wanted to go that route? I’m getting a feeling like Dems want to give up at this point.

    3. well my friend primed me well to not care because right before the announcement he was texting saying that he was pretty sure it was RFK and that seemed like a crazy good move for Trump. My heart was pounding at that idea, while I think they’re both crazy I thought that that might totally move the needle…. Then within 5 minutes J.D. Vance was announced and it’s so much more expected than RFK that I’m like, oh okay that’s fine.

      1. i’m so confused — how is RFK ever a good idea? in any context? the man who ate dog and had parasites in his brain and is bats- crazy?

        1. Not a good idea for the country, but for winning elections having the guy polling at ~8% join your team is a reasonable strategy

      1. So much so. He doesn’t have moral convictions, but merely a sense of which way the wind is blowing. He’s already gone back on calling Trump “American’s Hitler” because it suits him to be in a position of greater power himself.

        1. Yep. He’s just a younger version of Ted Cruz in terms of total lack of moral convictions in my mind.

    5. Surprised. I thought Vance couldn’t deliver votes or money. I thought he’d pick someone who appealed to some voters at the very least.

    6. Terrible and I haven’t been as doomsday about the election as some here. But having both a president and vice president who will deny the election results and try to steal the election is… not good, to put it mildly.

      As much as I dislike Mike Pence (and I disagree with him about pretty much every issue) he did the right thing when it counted and upheld the election result. Zero faith in Vance to do the same thing, so I really think our democracy is in danger.

    7. Vance looks the part, which is all Trump cares about. And he’s in the pocket of Silicon Valley which means the disinformation bots will be out in force to try to sway the election.

      He’s an opportunist, just like the top of the ticket. Hated Trump until it was too lonely being a voice of reason. It makes sense. Hard to believe it changes anyone’s vote, though.

      1. But he doesn’t look the part, he has a beard, which Trump hates! Supposedly that was the main point against him. I strongly suspected that he was the pick when he came out a few days ago saying that the beard was okay after all, it makes him look like a young Abraham Lincoln (ha).

    8. I actually feel moderately positive – Vance isn’t well liked it respected outside of his demographic. Many moderate R’s I know think he’s a self-serving dumb@ss with no backbone or convictions.

      He’s not gonna be able to pull any moderates or less conservative R’s who don’t like Trump over to the ticket.

      Now, I don’t think that means those people will vote for Biden, which is a separate issue. But at least they’re not voting for trump.

  12. Seeing the reference to Emily Post on the thread this morning made me wonder, is there a modern etiquette guidebook that people have read and would recommend? I don’t have anything in particular I need help with at the moment, just a general curiosity!

    1. I think its hard because, as shown this morning, so much is regional, cultural, or class-based.

    2. The Emily Post Institute still exists and puts out books! They also put out a great podcast, Awesome Etiquette, which is very congenial and pleasant to listen to.

    3. Not a book, but I love the podcast “Were You Raised By Wolves?” The two hosts answer modern etiquette questions. Sometimes they’ll talk about what the “experts” say and how the advice is still good or whether it needs updating. It’s really fun!

  13. A couple of people have mention the Caslon linen blend pull on pants, any comments on sizing and/or if they strink in length? The description says runs large, so should I really size down? Might order both sizes and see how they fit.

    1. i own them and finally realized why i don’t like them: they’re puffy around the waist. i prefer the gauze pants from gap or the costco linen ones. maybe it’s a sizing issue but wdik.

    2. My early twenty something grad student daughter wears these all the time. They look a bit like pajama pants but that’s the look. They’re not puffy around the waist for her, but she doesn’t have my mama belly/apron.

      She’s tallish – 5’8″ and long-legged – so the length so the regular length is just right on her. They make a shorter length and she has one pair of those and they’re cute on her, but her preference is full length.

  14. Hello, I’m hoping for some wise advice in what is a very common situation – a break up. I’m in my early 40s, and was widowed in my 30s, with young children. So, great start! The kids and I are actually doing great after my husband’s death, some things are still hard but overall I’m really proud of us. And a bit over a year ago I fell in love again. It was like suddenly there was joy and hope in my life again, and this particular guy and I connected in a way that I’ve never connected with anyone, not even my late husband. He loved me too, really really. We were talking about getting married. But it is over – there were a lot of ways in which our life circumstances and what we wanted to do with our lives over the medium and even short term just did not mesh. I wanted to keep trying – it was so so good when we were together, and I thought there could be a way through those issues, and we might as well give it a go and see. He tried for a bit but in the end those factors weighted on him too heavily, and also he found our relationship hard even in the present because I have such limited availability (working sole parent) that we needed to squash our relationship into these tiny bits of time. It made him really unhappy to sort of have me but not have me. But guys I am just miserable now, I love him so much and without him everything is so grey. I also haven’t really accepted that it’s over, my heart is still so tied to his. But it’s still early, only a few days, and I suppose my heart will eventually get it. It’s just awful and I don’t know what the path back to happy is for me. I have see others get good advice from this group in these cases, and I hope someone has some wisdom for me.

    1. i’m so sorry, that sounds horrible. can you tell us more about life circumstances not meshing?

      you’re doing what you have to do as a mom for your kids. it’s hard but it’s the right choice. if this guy couldn’t accept those choices or made you feel badly about them then he wouldn’t have been a good coparent down the line anyway.

      2. Thank you :) On the life circumstances point, he has quite an international career – think world bank – and in the medium ish future would leave the country for work, for a few years, and then likely at future times. It was a big thing for me whether I could or would go with him. I had sort of concluded “maybe!” which I realise is not especially helpful but also very hard to say anything else at the level of abstraction the question presents. We had a couple of goes at figuring out that question – or at least a temporary holding pattern that would allow us to still be together for now – but always ended up hurting each other somehow.

        He never made me feel bad about any of the choices I made though, he was very supportive and in fact consistently said he thought I was doing the right thing for my family, and he certainly thought that should be my priority. It just wasn’t the right thing for him.

        1. In the long run, the breakup now will save you heartache in the long term. I can’t even fathom how that would work with kids.

          1. And also, arguably, he could’ve made life choices that would enable him to be with you and the kids more. He didn’t want to do that.

          2. Thank you, this is a good reality check. Yes he could have made life choices that would have enabled him to be more with us, and he didn’t want to. He loved me but the life I have is just not close enough to the one he wants, and I can’t really change mine at this point.

            In a way it is maybe a bit like one of us wanted to have a baby and the other didn’t. There is no amount of loving each other that can get around that. But when you’re in it, and you really do love each other, it feels like there SHOULD be a way.

      3. Agree with this. It sounds like he doesn’t love the whole her, the entire person she brings to the table. That’s hard to accept, OP, but you deserve someone who loves you as you are.

        1. Maybe, although I think that’s a bit unfair on him. I think he did love all of me, and truly saw me, but the thing he didn’t love was the fact that he didn’t really get to see me that much and even when he did there is always the risk – and sometimes actuality – of me being called away for some kid reason. For him, it was like he never really could be sure of the role I could play in his life, as it was always contingent. So he didn’t love that aspect of me but I’m not sure I’d say that means he didn’t love the whole of me – I mean no one would love that part of me! Just some temperaments might find it less of a deal breaker I guess.

          1. I think it would be different if a big job meant you didn’t have time for him, but it’s kids. You bring your kids to the table. It’s very much who you are.

          2. Yes that is a very good point anon at 6.05, I hadn’t thought of it like that but yes. You are right.

    2. I’m sorry. As someone who dated and loved a man who slotted me into his life as often as he could (kids) it was not enough and was the only thing we fought about—time together. I thought if he just loved me more (and he did love me) he’d find a way to make more time for us, but it never happened. It stinks and I know your position isn’t an easy one.

      1. Thank you, it’s helpful to hear this from the other side. I don’t think my boyfriend even thought that if I loved him more I’d make time for him – I think he saw very clearly the amount of sacrifice I made in making the time I did make for him, and knew that I did it because I really loved him. He also didn’t want me to spend less time with my children in favour of him, he thought it was good that I prioritised them. It just made him unhappy as my partner and ended up meaning we couldn’t continue, despite being very much in love. It is just horrible and thank you for replying.

      2. It’s an impossible situation when you want an involved parent to spend less time with their kids. Maybe it would work when the kids are older, but you’re never going to be a higher priority than the kids.

        1. Thank you. I think that’s the truth of it – it was just an impossible situation.

          I do want to defend him though – he did not actually want me to spent less time with my kids, he recognised that spending a good amount of time with them was the right thing for them and for me. But the reality of having that person as his girlfriend made him very unhappy.

    3. If he was considering marriage, it would have been his family. His stepchildren. If the kids needed something, you wouldn’t be called away from him by them; he and you would be called by your kids who would be his step kids. You wouldn’t have been a sole parent. Your relationship would have grown as you cared for your children together, not just in moments away from them.

      I don’t have advice except that for me, I wonder if this is part of how grief has unfolded for me (the happiness, having joy and hope in my life again, and really, really wanting it to work out even if it wasn’t grounded in what was realistic in my life as it exists, and the gray and miserable days after losing that light again).

      1. Your second paragraph… did you read my mind? That is EXACTLY how it is. I literally checked to see that I didn’t write this myself. Have you gone through something comparable? I’d love to hear any thoughts from the other side, if you are in fact on the other side.

        You are totally right in your first paragraph too. That’s how it would have had to be in order to work. But in his heart I don’t think he wanted that. There are some things you can do out of love, even if they’re not really your preference, but being in a family unit involving children isn’t one of them. Being a stepdad doesn’t need to be your lifelong dream or anything, but you’ve got to be at least neutral-to-positive about it.

        1. I don’t know that it’s really comparable to what you and your family have been through, and I’m not really on the other side. But I think for me at some times my feelings about losing all that happiness and unrealized potential has supplanted the original grief as what my mind turns over more or misses more immediately, but I wonder if the depth of feeling is from the emotion of both losses getting mixed together? And after feeling healed enough for brighter days, losing that again has also made me feel like I am not in control, like I want to be responsible for my own happiness, but what actually made me happy was someone else? It’s really hard.

          1. I think this is very much how it is. Thank you, that was a helpful reflection for me. Doesn’t fix anything, but self awareness and the ability to explain your emotions to yourself is to some extent its own reward :) I still feel absolutely miserable though, this sucks.

          2. I think the control issue is highlighted for me because in some ways his choice seems to uphold that ideal of the fully realized individual (responsible for their own happiness, captain of their own ship, where being responsible to raise children or care for parents is something you can and should just opt into or opt out of as meets your needs and wants for your life). There is something romantic about it to me (and falling in love is always very insular to the people in love!), but everyone was a child once and needed care, and self-sufficiency with no responsibilities is partly an illusion and partly a stage of life for most of us! I’m not saying he’s wrong (people shouldn’t volunteer for roles they can’t fulfill especially if they involve dependents! we need some people to take on incompatible careers!), but for me it stings a little because it feels like a choice and an ideal that’s always been a little bit more accessible for men than for women (even if none of us are truly in control of our fates).

  15. How imitating/mocking the disabled reporter in 2016 wasn’t the end of it, I will never understand.

    How this also isn’t the end still baffles me. And this is from 2002:

    Trump was at one point friends with Epstein. “I’ve known Jeff for 15 years. Terrific guy,” Trump told New York magazine in 2002, before there were any public allegations of wrongdoing against multimillionaire money manager. “He’s a lot of fun to be with,” Trump said then. “It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side.” – NBC

    1. Grabbing them by the p didn’t do it. People know what he is and it doesn’t seem to matter.

      And so sick of the fake “lower the temperature” talk. People seem to have even forgotten that the whole reason he needed to pick a new VP was the calls to hang Pence.

  16. Reposting for traffic. Adding to say I was promoted to role and got the highest level of rating for my last year (in a previous role I was promoted from) and that I wasn’t on a PIP and recently completed probation.

    “ I just got asked to leave my company. It was a difficult role, one of a small handful company of company directors, and my team complained about my to my boss (the CEO) which led him to dismiss me. In his words, he either had 1 problem or 5 (I had 7 total direct reports). For context, I’m one of very few foreigners in leadership teams, I was promoted to my role, I whistleblew about inaccurate (and misleading) reporting which had led to a fellow director being overpaid a bonus for about 10 years, and the company was underperforming which was part of the reason I was in role. I had last week off sick due to COVID which totally bedbound me. I found out end of today. What do I do? I have been offered to be paid 3 months (per contract) plus an additional month as a gesture of goodwill. They have a history of firing senior leaders and just paid a former senior employee a year’s salary to put an unfair dismissal claim to bed. I’m in England if it’s relevant. PS my awesome sister also reads this, and has also given advice (focus on kids, health, CV update, and try to get a year’s severance) and I wanted to see if anyone had anything to add. I work as a finance director in case anyone has leads in or near London, or remotely! (Tech, VC, and public sector experience)”

  17. I’m planning on making a complaint at my workplace due to my personal information being released to coworkers (including medical info). Any tips?

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