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Updated: Oct 30, 2018 166 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Audrey Milano Tote With Laptop Pocket

Coffee Break

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Big Red Work Tote: Lodis Accessories Audrey Milano Tote With Laptop Pocket Lodis's Audrey line is a reader favorite, but I don't think we've ever done a separate Coffee Break just for them. This laptop tote has has an interior snap closure, a flat bottom, tons of organization inside, and a really discreet logo (on the lower RH corner). It's available in red, black, and toffee over at Nordstrom and Zappos for $298. Lodis Accessories Audrey Milano Tote With Laptop Pocket Here's a lower-priced option. Psst: Check out our recent roundup of professional tote bags! (L-5)

Sales of note for 9.30.24

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Comments

  1. Vacation ideas

    I’m looking for vacation suggestions for a ten-day trip this coming November. Husband and I are late-twenties professionals who are looking to relax, explore, and celebrate the fact that we’ve paid off our student loans (!!!!!!!!). If we could plan our perfect day, we would head out on a moderately demanding hiking/running/biking day trip (we’re both competitive runners), take selfies in front of beautiful natural landscapes, have unique local cuisine for dinner, watch the sun go down while we lounge on the beach/make out, and then sleep in a comfortable but not overly lavish room. We have never traveled outside of the contiguous United States so we’re open to wherever internationally, and we have a flexible budget. Thanks in advance for any suggestions!

    • CPA Lady

      If you want to go somewhere outside the US, do that, but Hawaii would be perfect that time of year and ticks all of your boxes.

      • Mrs. Jones

        Hawaii is a great idea. I suggest staying on just one island instead of hopping around. Enjoy your trip and congrats on paying the loans off!

        • Anonymous BigLaw Associate

          Agree with this. Based on your description, I would recommend Kauai. Second choice would be Maui. I don’t see a need at all for a travel agent-these are easy trips to plan.

      • Anonymous

        Agreed. My normal instinct would be to go international, especially with 10 days and a “flexible” budget, but I can’t think of a place outside the US that meets your criteria as well as Hawaii does, given the time of year.

      • emeralds

        Yeah, Hawaii sounds like exactly where yall need to go. Maybe Costa Rica if you want to get those passport stamps.

    • Anonymous

      YAY congrats!!! That’s awesome. What about Hawaii? No single island perfectly matches your description, but you could do five days in Kauai for beautiful landscapes and some great hiking and five days in Oahu or Maui for some great dining (great beaches everywhere, obviously). And November is a great time to go – whether should be great and it will be low-season prices and not too crowded.

      • 2 Cents

        +1 I went to Hawaii on a cruise (boarded in Oahu, visited Big Island, Maui and Kauai) in November and the weather was spectacular.

    • LondonLeisureYear

      One tip is to contact a travel agent. They don’t cost money (they get a cut from the places they refer you to) but they will take out all the stress of planning a trip and be able to get you deals. I love traveling and sometimes love picking out all the details, but other times its really nice to hand it over to someone and they will narrow down hotels, flights, dinners, tours etc to a few choices and I pick and then they book everything.

      • Anonymous

        Many travel agents charge fees. Also sometimes they are not super upfront about the fees. A friend worked with one who told her that my friend wasn’t paying the agent anything, because the agent would take a cut of the trip costs. But then parts of the trip were priced higher than if she’d just bought them herself online and it turns out the travel agent was effectively building her fees into the trip prices. The one time I worked with one (and paid a $200 “research fee”), she was super incompetent and messed a lot of stuff up, even though she came highly recommended.
        In short, I hate travel agents and I would only recommend someone seek one out if you are a complete noob at traveling and the thought of booking your own flights and hotels totally overwhelms you.

        • LondonLeisureYear

          I am sure there are crappy ones- Maybe I have just lucked out? I am not an inexperienced traveler. I take an international trip almost monthly and I personally plan about 3/4 of them, but if its to an area that I don’t know well or am feeling overwhelmed by the prospect of planning they have been really helpful. I find them best at trips that people would go for relax/honeymoon type trips because they have the most experience planning those. Since I travel so much I am pretty good at comparing the costs of what they suggest, and knowing how much it would cost me if I was just planning it. Yes, its not going to be as cheap but thats part of the luxury of not having to think about logistics. It also really saved us during difficult travel times of the year (like xmas/new years) when it might be hard to get reservations at a restaurant in Europe because everything is closed due to the season or set up a tour guide because none of the regular tours are running due to the holiday. If its a country that doesn’t communicate much over email and I don’t speak the language then its super helpful to have a person to arrange things.

      • Vacation ideas

        Thanks for the recommendation. We’ve usually pretty competent when it comes to planning trips, but I understand how it could be helpful to have someone point us in the correct direction (especially considering how soon our trip will be). Likely due to a combination of my age and growing up in a family that never traveled, I have zero experience with travel agencies. Would you recommend going the online route (after a quick Google search, I saw Fox, Vayama, and Liberty) or working with a local office (we live in a major city)? We are AAA members, and I see that AAA offers travel services. Is that a decent option?

    • Bonnie

      If you want a vacation with a physical component, you could go hike Macchu Picchu. Definitely not tropical, but plenty of beautiful natural landscapes. If you do the full hike, you’d be sleeping in a tent but the right tour company makes it a very comfortable experience. Our porters carried all of our gear, woke us up with tea and we had 3 course lunch and dinner. You could spend the first part of your 10 days at a nice hotel in Cusco and take day trips to the closer ruins.

    • Vacation ideas

      Thank you everyone! Believe me; it feels GREAT to be socking that loan payment money away in a savings account. And the account just might be named, “TREAT YO SELF.”

      My husband actually initially suggested Hawaii (smart guy), but I’m still fighting this feeling that we should be going international since we have ten days and it could be several years before our schedules align to allow another lengthy trip. So I guess I need to think about what I value more: where we go; or what we do. My husband is firmly in the latter camp, and I’m starting to realize that that’s probably the correct one. Thanks all!

      • Anonymous

        Not sure if you’re still reading, but some of this might depend on where you live. If you live on the West Coast Hawaii could be saved for a shorter vacation. But if you’re on the East Coast, it is almost as far away as San Francisco and Paris are from each other – basically an international trip!

      • AZCPA

        Oh heck yeah. Hands down the most incredible place I’ve ever been and I’ve traveled extensively. If long trips are unlikely for you as a couple, consider making the trek to NZ, since you can do Hawaii pretty well in a shorter span. My ex and I did a trip that was put together by the Air New Zealand travel team (so no fees, and they did an AMAZING job) and I’d go back in a second and make my arrangements the same way.

    • Anon

      I’ll second all of the recommendations for Hawaii and Kuai in particular, but if you’re looking for something off the beaten path, I’ll throw out Bocas del Toro, Panama. It has tons of opportunities for beach lounging, hiking biking, snorkeling, kayaking, surfing, etc. Specifically I’d recommend La Loma Jungle Lodge for gorgeous cabin accommodations, a great location, and amazing food. You said your budget is flexible, but you can get a lot more for your money in Latin America than in Hawaii even if it’s a little more expensive to get there.

    • Anon

      Hawaii – highly recommend the Ritz Carlton in Kapalua. Also, driving up the coast of California, although you’d have to move periodically. Still, loads of beautiful scenery, great hiking, nice hotels. That was one of my favorite trips.

    • Katie

      Go to the Galapagos Islands!! Do a land-based tour rather than a cruise ship. We did Red Mango a few years ago. Lots of hiking, kayaking, nature walks, volcanoes, and ANIMALS! Beautiful scenery and wonderful hotels on each island.

  2. Anonymous

    Any recommendations for a good resort for a single woman (preferably all-inclusive)? I’m in DC, but am completely open on location.

    I just want to hang out on the beach relaxing for a few days, but would prefer not to be surrounded by couples taking a romantic vacation or by families with kids (i.e. no need to be reminded of the things I want, but don’t have, on my vacation)

    • Ellen

      You could go to Cancun, which is what I have done, as long as you are willing to put up with alot of local GAUCHOs, who will want to help you in EVERY which way possible, some of which is legal, and some of which is NOT desireable at all. Many of these Gaucho’s will want to provide you with “comfort” (their word), but you do NOT want for them to do that b/c it is just a code word for s*x. FOOEY b/c they think that b/c you are a single woman, from USA, that you have a VOREACIOUS appetite for local men, and that they can provide you with what you need. Some men also want to come to the USA, and see you as a green card, Dad says, but I NEVER let any of them even touch me for a massage, which were very inexpensive. Otherwise, the BEACHES are clean and the food is good (as long as you drink bottled drink’s). Good luck to you.

    • Mrs. Jones

      It’s not a beach, but Rancho la Puerta is very popular with women. Best resort spa in the world!

    • Anonymous

      I think this is a pretty hard request. Adults only resorts would be good for no kids but they would involve lots of romantic trips. Maybe a smaller hotel somewhere in Mexico?

    • anon

      No beach but Canyon Ranch has swimming pools, great spa and food, hiking, etc. and lots of women traveling on their own. If you call them, they offer cheaper prices than on their website.

      • Scarlett

        Second this kind of idea – Miraval is another one to look at, very zen/spa/mostly women either alone or vacationing with friends. I loved going by myself.

    • Anonymous

      It wasn’t an all inclusive, but I spend a solo travel weekend in Miami, and it was great. Hung out by the pool/on the beach all day. Restaurant on site brought me food/drinks at the pool. And there was good food to walk to, great coffee. I also took a cruise by myself – with mixed feelings – great to have the all-inclusive, liked being on the boat, but kinda crowded and not as much alone time as I had hoped.

    • Monte

      Tulum. Be Tulum in particular was lovely — not an all inclusive, but I didn’t feel that I needed to leave the property when I was there just to read, swim, and drink frozen drinks. And I think they do not allow kids under 12, which made it really great.

  4. Another vacation TJ...

    Zika-free destinations for a couples trip in January or February? We like good food and natural scenery and wildlife. We’d like to go somewhere warm-ish but we’re in the Upper Midwest so pretty much everywhere except Canada is warmer than home. The Caribbean and Mexico are out because of Zika, we’ve done Hawaii a couple times recently and we will probably only have a week so I don’t think I want to go somewhere as far-flung as Asia or Australia.

    • LondonLeisureYear

      I would contact a travel agent and email exactly what you wrote here and they can find you some good deals. You don’t pay travel agents – they get a cut for referring you to hotels etc, but I have always gotten better deals at hotels/resorts etc through them then I could have gotten on my own and little upgrades which are nice. One idea is Portugal – it will be mid 50s in Feb.

    • X

      Just so you know… you’re discounting a huge section of the Caribbean that isn’t affected by zika at all, e.g. the Bahamas, Turks and Caicos, the Grenadines, etc.

      I usually go to Puerto Rico and my brother’s family goes to the Dominican Republic. Next year we’re all going to the Turks and Caicos.

      • Another vacation TJ...

        That was my first thought, but it’s spreading quickly through the Caribbean. T&C now has Zika, according to the CDC website, and Antigua and Barbuda were just added to the list too. I’m worried that if we booked the Bahamas it would be there by January. I think the Caribbean would be my top choice if it weren’t for Zika though!

      • Anonymous

        It is now :( It was added last week. I’m TTC and was hoping to go there soon. NOPE.

        • Traveller

          Guess its all relative….70 and sunny beats the 50 and gloomy in the PNW (my reference point) or 30 and snowy (OP reference point). Perfect weather to enjoy just about anything outdoors – But agree its not beach-sitting weather.

  5. Anonymous

    Threadjack: I’m in my early 30s and getting divorced. My coworkers don’t know that my husband and I separated over a year ago. He’s attended work events with me, but therapy has only made it clear we should divorce. How do I share this news with my coworkers? Boss? I’m leaning toward “I’m getting divorced, and it shouldn’t affect my work but I want to let you know”. We have no children, its an uncontested amenable decision with no property, so I shouldn’t need time off for depositions or anything.

    A couple of my coworkers are quite gossipy. They love to pray for people…and make a big deal out of saying “I’m praying for you” if someone is ill, etc. Suggestions to handle them? Just say I’d rather not talk about it?

    Luckily, I hyphenated my name, so I’ll merely drop my married half (example, Mary Smith-Jones so I’ll go back to Mary Smith).

    • EM

      “It is a private matter, but thank you for your concern.” Then walk away and let them pray to your back. Maintain your dignity; you owe no one explanations.

      • Anonymous

        It sounds like the ‘prays’ are meant well and you want to avoid the bitter divorcee stereotype so I’d go with: “Thank you. Luckily, we both agree it’s the best decision.” + walk away.

      • Ellen

        EM is so right. It is always difficult when you split up, but even moreso when you agreed to take his Name. You at least kept your own name, adding his to it. That is probabley not to bad. I never wanted to do the hypehenated thing, primarily b/c I wanted (for cleint relation’s) to keep MY name last, and he wanted HIS name last for both of us. He wanted Barshevesky-Sheketovits, and I wanted Sheketovits-Barshevsky , tho I would convenientely just forget to use it whenever I could.

        As it turned out, we NEVER got married, so it was a mute point, but a lesson to the hive NOT to even go there if you do NOT have to. Keep your own name b/c you may find yourself lookeing to get rid of him a few year’s later, and this is one less mess to have to clean up. FOOEY!

    • AIMS

      I’d say what you propose but add that it’s amicable. I think it will communicate that a) this is not a tragedy you need their prayers for and b) that you don’t need to cry or bad mouth him. I think it would also help stem the gossip. If anyone presses you for details, I think it’s fine to just say you’re not looking to talk about it.

    • Neapolitan

      Ugh I’m going through the exact same thing, but already filed and just waiting for my state’s statutory period. People I’m close to at work know, and have known from the beginning but most don’t.
      I just told my boss today, after coming back from a vacation she assumed I went with my ex-H and asked about him, I said actually we’re not together anymore. She said she was sorry to hear that, I said it was for the best, and that was that. Not sure what will happen when I complete my name change though.

      • Anonymous

        I think this is the way I would handle it, personally. Of course, I can’t know for sure what I would do, but I think that I’d wait until it comes up organically and just matter-of-factly state that we are no longer together. Anything beyond that is not relevant to my coworkers.

    • Anon

      I wouldn’t even go into whether or not it will affect your work. Maybe book a substantive meeting and then start with –

      “I just wanted to let you know that Ex and I are getting a divorce. It should be finalized in [amount of time] and I will be reverting my name back to Mary Smith. I just wanted you to know. Now, moving on to [substantive matter], I think the biggest challenge here will be blah blah blah”.

      Short and sweet. Personal details are not necessary for the workplace and should only be shared to YOUR comfort level. Gossipy coworkers can be responded to with “Thanks, but I’d prefer not to discuss it” (said kindly but firmly).

    • Anonymous

      My colleagues haven’t made big announcements until it was final and they were legally back to their maiden names and then they just sent an email saying “I just wanted to let everyone know that my divorce is final and my name is now Mary Smith.” Sometimes they just say the part about the name and don’t even say why it was changed. People figure it out.

    • LondonLeisureYear

      You will have to probably go into HR because I bet he is on your forms as your emergency contact. Maybe go in and tell them that you are changing your name and ask what other paperwork needs to be changed with them, and they could probably inform your boss if you didn’t want to.

      • Anonymous

        He’s also on my health/dental insurance, FSA, and life insurance as well as emergency contact. Of course, it figures that the one and only HR employee is one of the “prayers” folks, so I’ll steel myself with some of the suggestions on it being a private matter when I go in to make these changes.

        • EM

          For an HR person to say that while dealing with business…that is supremely unprofessional. In my opinion.

          • Anonymous

            I know. And she’s been here 25+ years so she’s not going anywhere, unless its retirement.

          • EM

            Because I have the devil perpetually on my shoulder, I’d probably say, “If you really feel necessary to pray, let me give you names of some charities I’d rather you thought of.”

            All snark. Said with a thin smile. Or…

            “When my [mother, friend, pet dog] was diagnosed with cancer a lot of people prayed, but she/he/it died anyway. Why bother?” Or…

            “Will you? I’m going to pray, too. Pray that everyone here minds their own business.”

            I could keep going. The dissolution of marriage is surely hard enough without…well. I am sorry you are going through this.

          • Anonymous

            What’s so wrong about her praying for you? It shows she cares. Gossiping is a different story, but goodness gracious. It’s not like divorce is some super happy thing and she’s being a buzz kill or judging you for it. No doubt it is hard, her prayers are just acknowledging that.

          • potatochip

            @Anonymous443. Honestly, it never occurred to me that prayer-bestowing people were anything but sanctimonious until I read your comment. You’ve given me a new perspective on this. From my (as of 10 minutes ago perspective) it always came across as holier-than-though and slightly invasive.

          • lost academic

            @potatochip – I think it’s easy to think that, and I don’t think people who say it realize that it comes across that way to some, but it’s generally (in my experience) shorthand for those who do pray for “I’m so sorry for what’s happening right now and this is how I can show my support and caring”

        • Sunflower

          Don’t forget to name a new 401(k) beneficiary once your divorce is final.

        • Aunt Jamesina

          I think if your HR professional responds with something about praying for you, you simply steer the conversation by saying something like, “okay, so back to health insurance…”. You don’t need to make it personal when it’s supposed to be professional. If s/he feels awkward, that’s on them.

        • cbackson

          Just say “Thanks for your concern – I appreciate it” and move on to discussing the details of the situation.

    • Anon in response

      I just went through this. I didn’t tell anyone until the divorce was final; that way, I didn’t have to suffer anyone asking about how the process was going.

      I told my boss in the same manner that you outlined for yourself. For co-workers, I mentioned it to a few whom I’m closer to and figured everyone else would get the word eventually. I said something like, “I wanted you to know that X and I have split up. It’s the right decision for both of us.” I feel like that forestalled any “oh you poor thing” comments. Luckily no one I work with would have said “I’m praying for you,” but if they had, I would probably have said, “Thanks, but really, it’s all for the best.”

      My biggest problem was that “coming out” to people with this news was pretty emotional for me, even though I was on the whole extremely relieved about the divorce. I made sure I had a glass/bottle of water in my hand when I had these conversations, so I could take a sip whenever I felt like I was going to choke up.

      • NotYetDivorced

        I thought this was the situation I was in last year (amicable, NBD, no court dates needed, etc) but within a month it escalated rapidly and now is a full on legal battle that will not end. I told my direct supervisor early on, framing it as, I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be going through with this and everything will be for the best. And I’m very glad I did because it made it much easier as I’ve had to ask for multiple days off and schedule flexibility for court dates, lawyer meetings, etc. I’ve still got two more court dates to go, at the least, and I’m glad everyone in my office knows that’s why I keep leaving working/coming late, etc

        • Anon in response

          I am so sorry you are going through such a trying situation! You make an excellent point about possibly needing time off work. That wasn’t an issue for me, and the process was relatively fast, so I didn’t feel like I had to keep a big secret for all that long.

  6. Good furniture?

    I am a thrifty person who usually gets wood furniture from Craigslist (but I am a mahogany / Craftique person, so I get what I expect, quality-wise). Now I am wanting to replace some leather / upholstered furniture and have no idea where to turn. I just want this to be my last furniture purchase, at least as quality and needing to replace go. I could easily make a weekend trip to Hickory or High Point NC, but think that that’s maybe where things are / were made and not where you’d get a good shopping / design experience?

    I fear interior decorators — in my town, they give off an I-married-well-and-just-spend-$ vibe or don’t seem to be a good fit for a household with elementary-school kids (we’re not hosting a lot of Dowager-countess teas these days and don’t need a parlor or something that will wind up on the Homes Tour).

    • Shopaholic

      So FWIW, I’m single but I have an interior decorator for my new condo. I gave her a budget and she found me really good options within that budget so I don’t think it’s necessarily out of reach for most people. I just don’t have an eye for décor. I highly recommend it. At least someone can give you ideas/suggestions of where to look. I’m sure there are options in your city that are not just for extremely wealthy people.

      • banana

        How did you find your decorator?
        Signed,
        Closing on a house 2x the size of our condo next week

        • Shopaholic

          My real estate agent referred her to me. I trust him 100% so I went with his recommendation. My condo is almost 2x times the size of my current condo so I feel like I need all the help I can get.

          I considered the in-house designers at various furniture stores but all the pieces I needed would have exceeded my budget if I had to purchase from that store so this ended up being a better deal than buying the furniture on my own.

          • Aunt Jamesina

            I’ve never hired a professional decorator, but all of my experiences with furniture store decorators is that they’re really just glorified salespeople. I’ve had this experience at Room & Board, Dania, C&B, etc. They’re there to push product.

    • mascot

      We found an independent furniture store that had an in-house designer (in SC). He was able to suggest some really good pieces and designs and his services were free as long as we bought from the store. Ethan Allen has offered a similar concept in their stores forever and I know people who were happy to go that route.

    • Anonymous

      I had a great experience at Furnitureland South about 8-9 years ago shopping for a couch. The couch is still going strong. They have just about every style anyone would ever want.

    • Sydney Bristow

      If you have a Room & Board in your area, I had an excellent shopping experience there. Everything I heard from people here and in real life said that the quality is excellent. Ultimately we went with a cheaper option from another store but I definitely plan to buy from them in the future. The salesman was really knowledgeable, had a good eye, and didn’t make us feel rushed or pressured at all.

    • High Pointer

      I’m from High Point and honestly, not so much is made there anymore (Thomasville, Lexington, Drexel Heritage and a few others are obviously still HQed there, but much of the manufacturing is elsewhere, including overseas), but as far as a shopping experience, it’s still pretty much the best. Furnitureland South is enormous and they have many different styles. You can work as closely with someone as you want – either have them really serve as a designer, or just get them to order your pieces, or anywhere in between. And they employ designers that are a variety of ages, so lots of different POVs. If you’re close enough for a daytrip, I’d say it’s definitely worth it. Even my husband enjoys going to shop there when we’re home.

  7. Book recs for Franco/Italo-philes?

    I read Bringing Up Bebe recently and am now on The Lost Art of Feeding Kids (about an American family living in Italy). I’m finding these books are at least temporarily staving off my desperate need to move to Europe and have kids there :)

    Any other great book recommendations?

    (Also, it’s so incredibly depressing to read about the (free!) child care options they have over there, and then to think about how much we’ll be paying in NY when we have kids. I realize, of course, that there are trade-offs, but man…. so upsetting. Here’s to hoping that maternity leave/subsidized child-care options improve drastically in the US in the next 4 years…)

    • purplesneakers

      It’s not about childcare, but I LOVED the Seven Ages of Paris. Really gives you a sense of the history of the city, and of France in general.

      I also love the blog Chocolate and Zucchini. The author is French, and she talks a bit about French culture and food in her posts, it’s a lot of fun to read.

    • espresso bean

      For France:
      Paris to the Moon by Adam Gopnik
      My Life in France by Julia Child
      The Dud Avocado by Elaine Dundy

      For Italy:
      The Elena Ferrante novels
      Beautiful Ruins by Jess Walter
      The Other Language by Francesca Marciano

    • Francophile

      No book recommendations (because I am a former expat and hate the whole expat lit genre, sorry…) but would it make you feel better to know that the childcare situation is not as fab in France as you think? I lived in France for 7 years and had kids there so this is reality as I knew it: Childcare is cheap if you can get a public daycare spot but they are incredibly hard to come by and in many towns you can only get one spot so you are sol for your second child. And while the prices are lower than nyc, so are salaries. We paid 450/month for 1 child but we were earning 3000/month combined take home so it actually really hurt. We moved back to the us after the second was born but were looking at a total of over 1000/month for the two after all benefits because we were going to have to go private. For some added perspective we lived in a rundown 600 sq ft apartment with mold on the walls that was a third of take home pay. And our pay was considered middle class…

      Tldr the wealthy expat bubble bears little relation to reality although the mat leave is still better than here. No regrets about returning to the US as a working mom.

  8. Munchery

    Munchery has started serving my city. Does anyone have experience with them? Yummy? Good portions? Options appealing to kids?

    I don’t see us using them often (5 ppl = spendy convenience), but it caught our eye for the 1-2 times per month that we do take-out anyway.

    Side note: super annoying that they require you to log in just to view their menu.

    • Anonymous

      Yes, I’ve been very happy with Munchery. In my area they have some kid-friendly options (lots of pastas and they have burgers and sandwiches sometimes too). It can get a tad repetitive but I don’t think it would be too big a deal if you’re only using it 1-2 times/month.

    • AIMS

      Happy with their options and they have kid friendly items/portions. People complain about the limited menu, but I haven’t found this an issue since I don’t order often enough. Right now though I have a trial membership. I’m not sure paying the monthly fee is worth it if you are only ordering 1-2 month. I do enjoy that when I know my day is going to be hectic I can come to work and take care of dinner in 2 min. that morning. Much better than coming home tired and trying to figure out where to order takeout and then feeling vaguely guilty that I am spending money on take out again, that it will not be good for me, and that on top of it all I’ll probably feel crappy and stuffed after.

  9. Greensleeves

    I’m looking for wallet/purse recommendations and I’m hoping one of you will know where I can find the magical unicorn I seek! I want to really minimize my purse – I currently carry a Lo & Sons Pearl and I’d like to go even smaller. Ideally, I want something that replaces both my wallet and my purse and will hold the items currently in my wallet, plus my phone, car key, sunglasses, and a lip balm. I’ve found many great wallets that come with a shoulder strap, but most of them don’t look big enough to add in both a phone and sunglasses. I’ve found lots of small crossbodies, but most of them don’t have any card slots, etc for wallet items. Any suggestions? Thanks!

    • LondonLeisureYear

      Matt and Nat sometimes carry something that looks like a larger wallet.

    • CPA Lady

      I recently got something from Rebecca Minkoff that is really similar to the mini mac but it doesnt have all the tassels all over it, and the strap is leather rather than chain. It fits my keys, my iPhone 6+, sunglasses (but they are pretty flat), and a pile of credit cards and drivers license held together in a hair tie (because I’m super classy like that). I really love it. I got it at TJ Maxx for about $60.

    • Greensleeves

      Thanks to you both! The Matt and Nat Bee looks like exactly what I’m looking for!

    • Lilly

      Coach North/South Swingpack is about 8x8x1. It has two credit card sized pockets which will hold loose cards or a card holder. I have carried one almost daily since spring of 2013, frequently crammed full with the zipper forcibly pulled, and can vouch for its durability. It still looks new.

  10. Bumbling Along

    Online dating ladies: Does anyone have any clever/witty opening lines for Bumble?

    I usually try to find a random gif of something relevant to their interests, which usually gets a decent response rate.

    • Chem Nerd

      Not for Bumble, but I had an icebreaker question in my profile to help prompt messaging. I’m a chem major, so I went with “What’s your favorite element?” The answers were an interesting filter as well.

    • Anon

      I’m very boring with my openings and I just say “hi Name, how are you?” There’s really nothing else to say given how little information you have about the person. If a picture or their description interests you, comment on that too. It’s really just to get the conversation going. Don’t overthink it. Have fun!!

      • shamlet96

        +1 to all of this – I did this exactly and it’s precisely how I met my SO three months ago on bumble. :)

    • Anonforthis

      “Hey, you look like you like X a lot. Me too. Want to get pancakes next weekend?”

      Still together 15 months later, just met the parents, and he loves to tell the pancake story.

  11. Anonymous

    Help! After a year and a half post-divorce, I’m back in the dating game. I’m 32, and I feel foolish. I haven’t dated since I met my ex-husband at 25.

    I met a guy through friends, and he’s 43. Somewhat concerned 11 years is too large of a gap, but we have a common social circle and similar employment/educational backgrounds.

    I more concerned that I don’t even know how to date. After knowing each other 6 months as friends, we slept together. We subsequently went out to eat a couple times, first we split it, then he paid. We slept together after each time. Is this “wait till the 3rd date” no longer applicable? I’m happy to be getting some after a long time, but I do like the guy so I would consider a relationship.

    • potatochip

      I… think you need to clarify the situation. It certainly sounds like you’re dating but from this story I can’t tell if he (or you) wants anything more serious than a casual, possibly non-exclusive, relationship. Maybe ask him where he sees himself in five years. When he asks you the same say something like ‘well, I’d like to get married in the next few years’ or ‘I’ll still be living my fabulous single life’.

    • Anon

      You sound like a passive participant in this situation, like you just let this happen without discussing or considering the implications. Some people sleep together immediately, others wait months, and there’s everything in between… but there isn’t some societal rule by which you need to live.

      • January

        +1. As dreadful as a “what are we?” conversation sounds (ugh), the quickest route to finding out whether he is open to a relationship is just to ask him. I’d start with you saying you like him and you’d be open to a relationship and then asking him what he thinks about that instead of asking what he wants first (start from a position of strength, in other words).

    • tesyaa

      My parents met and got married when my mother was 26 and my father 37. Not only that, my father was from New York and met my mother while he was working in London (she’s English). They’ve been married 55 years and I don’t think the age difference has had any negative impact.

      • Anonymous

        This is off topic, but I hope you don’t mind me asking… your dad would have been at least 37 before they had kids then? How did having an “older” dad impact you growing up, if at all?

        • tesyaa

          Maybe there was more of a “generation gap” than if I’d had a younger parent, but my father (who was 42 when I was born) has always taken great care of himself physically and mentally so I didn’t feel like he was an “older parent”.

        • Anon

          As a 36 year old woman recently married to a 36 year old man, and we are planning to have children, I’m somewhat cracking up at “older parent” here.

        • Never too many shoes

          I am not sure that in 2016, 37 qualifies you as an “older” parent.

          • Anonymous

            I was really concerned about using that language. And I sincerely don’t mean offense at all. I have a significant age gap between myself and my husband who is older (than 37) and it may be a couple of years still before we can have kids. And I’m just… struggling with the unknown of whether I need to be more conscious of his timing because of how that may affect his relationship with our kids. I only have one “real life” example of a 40+ father having a newborn so I’m interested in collecting more anec-data. Truly didn’t mean to offend.

          • Anon

            DH’s father was 44 when he was born (MIL was 33). DH is 33 now, and FIL is pushing 80. In contrast, my dad was 24 when I was born. He’s not even 60. It’s odd, and even more odd that my dad could be FIL’s son!

            When I stopped trying to communicate with FIL as a father and instead treated him as a grandfather, our relationship improved 1000%.

        • CountC

          I’m 36, my father was 37 when I was born. I felt no discernible impact of that (in relation to my friends). Both of my parents are retired now (my mom is 7 years younger than my dad) and they are both still pretty active. I have friends whose parents are younger with more health issues so . . .

          • I'm Just Me ....

            Dh and I were 37 and 35 when #1 was born, and 40 and 38 when #2 was born. Besides being older than everyone at the PTA meetings, I don’t think that there are discernible downsides. Dh likes to play up the “back in my day …” with our now young adults, but they take it in stride and actually think he used to have good taste in music.

        • January

          My grandfather (WWII vet) was around 37 when he got married, I think, and around 40 when my mom (youngest of 3) was born. I’m not sure it’s so uncommon or even so new for kids to have dads that are closer to 40 than 30.

          (That said – my uncle, his son, had his first child at 40 and my grandfather died (suddenly) shortly afterward, and I was younger than 10 at the time. I wouldn’t base your decisions about timing on the potential impact on your hypothetical grandkids, though – that’s way out of your control).

        • Anon For This

          My parents were late 30s and mid 40s respectively when they had me, and I love them and have a great relationship with them, but it really did suck not having a chance to know my grandparents when they were younger and more active/aware like my older brother did (14 years older), and I’m really sad that I’ll have 14 years less time with our parents than he got. I feel kind of cheated on that front, although I know I’m obviously lucky to have a wonderful family and at least they’re handling ageing well.

    • anon

      “Is this “wait till the 3rd date” no longer applicable?”

      Well, no, because you already did. Which is totally fine! Relationships evolve in all kinds of ways… you do you as long as you’re happy and it’s all consensual. The biggest difference, I think, between now and 7 years ago is the proliferation of dating apps. They provide a way to meet a lot of decent guys you wouldn’t otherwise meet, but also require you to filter through more creepers. The abundance of so called “hook up apps” appears to have increased the number of people seeking casual things (or maybe just given those interested in that a larger platform) and so be aware of that and screen heavily if you’re not interested in a hook up.

      Are you still doing things with this guy? If yes, continue to do so. Ask him if he wants to do other things (rock climbing, walk in the park, painting class, go for a run, meet your friends for drinks, watch a sporting event). And talk to him.

    • AIMS

      Do you think that part of it is that the last time you dated was when you were 25 and at that point 43 would have seemed kind of old for most of us? I haven’t dated in years but I sometimes find myself reflexively thinking that about someone my friends will date, like “eek, he’s 45!” before I remember that “eek, we’re 35!”

    • ELaw

      I’m not sure what you mean when you say you don’t know how to date? It sounds like you’re doing just fine at dating!

      As far as slut-shaming rules about when to and not to sleep with guys, after how ever many dates or months or whatever, f*ck that noise. Be clear about your expectations (are you expecting exclusivity for example?) and enjoy yourself.

    • Anonymous

      I can completely relate! I was recently back to dating for the first time since college(and thinking, how do adults date??) when I met my now-husband. We didn’t know it at first, but we are 11 years apart in age. We slept together on the first date. We were always clear about what we were looking for in a relationship, in a partner, so I wasn’t concerned about any rules, etc.

      The age gap is really no big deal. We completely forget about it when it’s just us. Occasionally it’s apparent when we don’t get each other’s cultural references. The biggest ‘issue’ was that our friends didn’t really meld, but we have lots of friends – usually the between age – that we get along with as a couple so it’s not an issue. (We see the others friends solo or just put on a happy face). It’s also a factor for retirement planning and, for us, family planning.

    • ck

      You were friends for 6 months, and then slept together?

      Geez… that sounds perfect to me!!!

      Good luck.

  12. anon for this

    Unpopular opinion: I don’t like baby showers. I don’t mind them for a true friend, but I hate going for people in not as close with. I get uncomfortable. Everyone else seems to love them, though, so I know the problem is me. I wish I could find a way to enjoy them because I have three coming up!

    • anon

      don’t go! send a gift and don’t go. why would you even go for someone who isn’t a true friend? unless it’s like, your sister-in-law or something?

      • anon for this

        What about, say, your friend from a social group (sports league, book club, that kind of thing)? Everyone else in the group is going. Even if I’m not that close with the pregnant person, I feel obligated to go. I get a lot of invites like that.

    • Sydney Bristow

      You’re not alone. I don’t like them either. I try to focus on getting to spend time with friends and family.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t like when a woman has multiple showers. I always was taught that you have 1 shower and save items to pass down to future kids. Maybe a 2nd shower if its a different gender, but that seems a bit of a stretch. People just want expensive registry items. There, I’ve said it!

      I’m childless by choice, and I don’t like showers because I get asked when my husband and I will have children. Umm…probably never. And no, I don’t anticipate changing my mind.

      • Anonymous BigLaw Associate

        Thanks for saying it. I am married and have had four kids. I never had a shower for anything because I don’t want people buying stuff for me. I also don’t like gatherings of more than about 4 people.

    • AIMS

      Totally cool. I’m not a fan generally myself and didn’t have one. People seemed to be really bothered by that. I guess you can’t win? I don’t mind going to them when they are treated like a fun party though. So I think it really just depends on your friend circle. I’ve been to some that were pretty cringe-inducing and some that were awesome. And hey they’re better than most bridal showers at least?

      • Anon

        People were bothered by my lack of bridal shower and bachelorette party as well.

    • pugsnbourbon

      I haven’t been to all that many, but they can get pretty awkward. I usually have a couple of drinks and write inappropriate answers to all the party-game questions.

      • Sweetknee

        Just have to say, I love your user name pugsnbourbon. Two of my favorite things are my pug Moxie and a nice little bit of Woodford Reserve!

    • anon

      What I find so weird is the etiquette surrounding them. Technically your immediate family is not supposed to host. Why? And you are not supposed to put where the couple is registered on the invite… even though the POINT of a shower is to give them presents. Why dance around the issue?

    • Good furniture?

      I didn’t love them when babies were a foreign object and the people throwing them thought that games like measuring the girth of the mom-to-be was a) OK and b) funny. Or asking vegetarians to taste unlabled baby food and saying it “wasn’t fair” to the spirit of the game to say which ones had meat in them.

      So: rotten people give rotten showers

      I did love them when I got to see my friends and hang out, like at a party. Pre-baby, I just gave gift cards to baby places (or wine to hold until bebe turned 21). Post-becoming a parent myself, I do the same thing (and my shower involved an Ab-Fab rerun / general bender weekend and too much Thai / Mexican food).

    • Shots. Shots. Shots.

      I never get invited, but my distant cousins warm punch and weak mimosas are stuck going all the time and trust they don’t love it. I’ll meet you after its done, at a rando suburban bar at 4pm.

    • ELaw

      I have been to showers I enjoyed, and but more that I didn’t. Basically, I dislike structured parties with a lot of geneder-based rules that include playing dumb games and watching someone open presents. Showers I have enjoyed didn’t include those things. This also goes for wedding showers and bachelorette parties.

    • Anonymous

      I never minded them until I was pregnant because then people wanted to give me their babies to hold and looked at me like I was an alien when I declined. I really enjoy kids and of course I love my own baby to pieces but I’m really not a fan of holding strange infants. But that’s not a socially acceptable thing for a pregnant woman to say AT ALL.

    • SoCalAtty

      I don’t like them either! My shower was a “come have brunch with us on a Saturday, we’ll provide the food and drinks. No shower games. Just fun in a nice backyard with a pool” shower. Co-ed. Very casual and not shower-y at all. Since my favorite drink is the Moscow Mule, my friends did a “mule bar” with several different versions. (That I got to take pictures of but not drink!)

    • Maddie Ross

      Agreed. Also dislike. Really disliked my own more than anyone else’s too. It’s just so awkward.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve historically been less grumpy about baby showers than bridal showers. I’m down with going to a hooray-you’re-having-a-baby party. A, one, singular. Because one Big Life Event gets one party (and one, or zero, registries). But now that gender reveal parties (ugh that name) and sip-and-sees are a thing, I’m becoming much more grumpy about baby showers. At least gender reveals and sip-and-sees don’t usually have registries. Yet.

      • Scarlett

        Interesting – I’m grumpy about all showers (other than parties that are showers in name only) but prefer bridal to baby because if I have to watch people opening stuff, I’d at least prefer to look at things that I might buy (I could see that serving tray in my house but never that baby outfit).

  13. Anon

    My husband and I are childfree, and SIL did not invite me to baby shower and likely MIL supported and knew about this. MIL is still resentful we don’t have kids and excludes me (or supports SIL from doing so). While I understand and accept that this is SIL’s choice…I don’t know her that well, my husband and his brother — though caring — do not hang out together that often, I was wondering what gift to bring for when we meet the baby?

    • Anonymous

      Your favorite children’s book and/or a cute outfit. You don’t HAVE to bring anything but it’s a nice gesture to bring something small, especially if there’s already tension in the family.

      • Anon

        Thank you for this suggestion. I saw some great children’s books as I was passing by a bookstore the other day, so excited to actually buy them right now!

    • Julia

      The same one you would have brought if you’d been invited to the shower. But is that really your question?

      • OpAnon

        SIL has a large family, so not sure what she needs or would like…husband and I were going to give a cute gift and large gift card, but feel a tiny bit taken aback and slightly hurt(though this behaviour is not unexpected). We still want to give this, it just feels a bit ‘tarnished’ at this point….though trying hard not to think like this.

        • Julia

          In your shoes I might replace the gift card with something else physical that only the baby can use (rather than a cash equivalent the parents can easily just use to spend less of their own money). Or perhaps a savings bond in the name of the child.

          • Opanon

            Thank you. The gift specifically for baby’s use is a great idea, and I like acknowledging the little one this way.

    • ck

      Was your husband invited to the baby shower? No, I suspect? Then why would you expect (or want) to be invited?

      Sometimes baby showers are thrown by a friend, and honestly, if I was throwing a baby shower for my friend I would not even think about asking how to get in touch with her brother’s wife… especially if I didn’t know you. … especially since you don’t see your BIL and wife often anyway.

      A book is perfect, and brother should give whatever he was planning.

      • Anonymous

        On the other hand, I can’t image not inviting family (including in-laws) to an event celebrating an addition to the family. I would always expect to invite them

      • Opanon

        Husband and I were not invited, but MIL was. I was invited to the wedding shower, but not the baby shower– I didn’t necessarily expect to be invited, but I was just taken aback to be excluded. Of course, since this is close family we plan to give a gift regardless– sometimes it just stings, even though I understand rationally, it is not essential to invite family you don’t know well. It feels with with my inlaws that the gift giving is expected of us, yet we are not included in social events. (We give Xmas gift cards, birthdays, host gifts if we visit….yet it is never reciprocated… Again I understand about gift giving with no strings attached, and I have no expectations, but…sigh…it gets draining.

  14. Tomato Soup

    How much do you pay for tailoring/hemming?
    Where do you live? HCOL or LCOL?
    Do you go to a dry cleaner or a standalone/mostly standalone tailor?

    I’m in a HCOL area. I just gave my skirt to a tailor to shorten for $35 and I’m feeling like I paid too much :/ Used to buy off the rack so new to the whole thing. At least, I know he does a great job and to be fair, it is a wrap skirt.. I chose him because he came very well reviewed and I prefer going to a tailor (vs. a dry cleaner).

    • ck

      For a slightly complex skirt, I have paid that much. I live in the Chicago suburbs. And that was from my dry cleaner tailor. My Italian tailor would have charged that much for a wrap skirt, certainly.

  15. van anon

    I live in a HCOL city in Canada, and I was quoted 45 dollars to hem a pointe knit skirt. I took it to a tailor who did it for 15 — she used an invisible hem stitch– not top stitched hem. I think most (not all of course) hemming is straightforward. I can sew and hem myself– although I would rather sew a lined skirt from scratch than hem something;). Hemming is so tedious for me! That being said, a wrap skirt, especially if it is a drapey fabric and curved hem may take longer to stitch/ press. My mom has things altered quite a bit– she brings things in batches to the tailor, and actually “haggles” for a reduced rate or deal!

  16. SDAnon

    Any suggestions for work totes other than the one posted today? I’m looking for a leather briefcase or tote which will fit a 15 inch laptop and also several legal files. I’d prefer to shy away from the nylon totes from Lo and Sons and also the material of the Dagne Dover.

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