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Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
anon
Not to beat a dead horse, but when I saw this article this morning in the NYT, it made me laugh. Some of the advice in it is actually useful, though. As a person who has never had any trouble saying “no” to social invitations (perhaps to my detriment), I found the whole convo re: bachelorette parties/weddings quite fascinating.
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/07/16/fashion/weddings/go-broke-or-go-home-bachelorette-parties.html?action=click&module=Features&pgtype=Homepage
Anonymous
I have a friend merrily heading off to drive from NYC to Charleston for 2 nights for a party. So many eyerolls from me when she came looking for sympathy about that. Say. No. If you feel guilty, figure out where they are drinking and phone ahead to buy a round. Only you can save yourself!
Huh
Huh, I never thought about this, buying a round of drinks remotely, that’s an excellent idea! It shows that you are still thinking of the bride and happy for her and would like to contribute a little something to her celebration, but not using your time or a substantial amount of money to celebrate.
Abby
My husband’s cousin did this for both his and the cousin’s BIL’s bach party. There were flight issues for his BIL’s party so he didn’t make it, and instead sent money to my husband to get a round of drinks on him. For my husband’s bach party, he had a newborn, and did the same thing. It was a really nice gesture
CHL
I tried to do this once with mimosas and they ended up charging me for the whole brunch – which I didn’t find out until I got the effusive thank you call from my SIL! At least brunch is an inexpensive mistake!
Anon
“People now look at pictures of others who might have incomes 10 to 100 times what we have, she said. But we don’t see that in the pictures. We just see the trips and the dresses and the gifts, and so it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking, well that’s normal and I should have that, too.”
For some reason the current generation of brides seem to think these are very long-standing traditions when in fact it’s a relatively recent thing. I will be glad when it’s over.
Anonymous
My work-friend just (I mean literally within the hour) lost her best friend to cancer. She went home for the day but is planning on coming in tomorrow, any ideas what, if anything, I should do for her?
anon for this
Send food to her. Now, but also in the weeks to come. Grief is so hard and unpredictable that it’s hard to know what any single person will find comforting, but we all have to eat. We remember the friends who helped take care of us when we were struggling in our own grief.
Never too many shoes...
So much this – when my father was sick, I remember the friend that came and took me out for brunch where we talked about everything but my life, the friend who took me out to see the dumbest movie where we laughed hysterically, the ones who called before, during and after the fact.
Inspired By Hermione
Yes. A close friend came over and just sat with me and her and her BF took me out to brunch the day I found out my best friend was going to be taken off life support. They tried to involve me but mostly just were there as I picked at food and tried to not cry. That night they came back over and we went to a parade I wanted to go to. Thinking about it now, I don’t know how or why I wanted to do that but I did and they went with me and made sure I at least ate a few little things at a bar. They also bought me a drink and I have no tolerance so I was sleepy enough it knocked me out that night.
Also, another thing I thought of- if she drives to work, if you can, give her a ride this week. I pretty much cried nonstop the first few days and driving while crying isn’t safe.
anon
ask if she wants to grab coffee or lunch to just talk. If not, bring her something comforting/soothing, like a box of her favorite teas.
Anonymous
Buy a box of tissues and unobtrusively place it in her office
Inspired By Hermione
This was me last summer and it was/is the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. Cancer, too. Anything you can do to make her life easier would have meant a lot to me. Coffee, invite her to lunch (although she may not want to be social), face wipes on her chair (Kleenex did not really touch it after I was crying. Face wipes helped me look a bit less like I’d just sobbed silently for an hour), water or tea or soda or whatever she likes.
I feel bad saying this but in the days after my friend, I objectively appreciated my friends but I was vaguely resentful that they were still here and my best friend wasn’t. It took a lot of energy to show the appreciation I knew was way below the surface. I wanted her to be there to help me through it not anyone else. I needed people around me but also hated it.
Also, mark the date down in your calendar for next year so you can let her know you are thinking of her on the one day anniversary. I’m very close to that and a friend remembering would mean so much.
If you’re close enough, after-work and weekends were (…are) the worst. I was incredibly lonely and missed her so bad it hurt. So someone asking me to get together on the weekend helped.
A friend also got me a huge bouquet of flowers about a week after. It was nice.
Anniversaries, even the littlest ones (a week, two weeks, a month) crushed me for the first like, three months. The funeral was it’s own special level of misery and I needed a lot of active listening.
You can’t make it better. It’s going to be hard but anything you can do to let her know you’re there and remember and know she’s going through it will be appreciated.
anon a mouse
+1 on the anniversary of death. Also, if you can find out when her friend’s birthday was, send her flowers or a card on that day, it will be a hard one.
Anon
I like the advice of sending food—it’s a really kind thing to do. Grief is really individual. When my dad died of cancer, I really needed spaces where I could just get on with what I needed to do and not talk about my loss. It was many months before I wanted to talk about my loss with friends.
Law mama
Check in tomorrow or next day and see if there is anything you can take off her plate so she can take time to grieve. Maybe she wants or needs to be at work, but sometimes when you are in shock you just go on auto-pilot and need someone to help you go through your actual to-do list or calendar to realize it’s fine to stay home or take a day or two off.
A.
Interested to know what trouser cuts are “in” for fall, with the caveat that I’ll of course wear what feels best! I still like skinnies but have seen a lot more wide-legs in stores. Gauchos for fall? Crop kick flare?
Anon
I don’t have an answer but at what time of year do the…idk fashionistas? magazines? bloggers? decide what will be in for fall? When do we look ahead to see trends?
thehungryaccountant
Does anyone have a holy-grail product for UTI prevention?
I’m on antibiotics for the one I’m currently fighting, just wondering if the hive has any advice beyond “pee after s*x” and cranberry juice.
Anonymous
When I stay well hydrated it helps.
anononon
My doc gave me some antibx to take after every time (I asked based on the advice I received here). They work like a charm. I went from having one every couple of months maybe to never except the one time I forgot to take one. Also, I just learned there is OTC pain med for bladder pain that really help in the moment.
Z
Really just peeing after. Every time I forgot/fell asleep right after, I would wake up with a UTI. So I make sure to do that and I don’t get them anymore. Clearly YMMV, I don’t have other tips besides drinking lots of water.
Vicky Austin
+1 – I’ve never had any other occasion to use the phrase “pee religiously,” but it applies here.
Rainbow Hair
The doc I saw when I was getting a ton in college told me “I’m going to turn you into niagra falls” … gross, but it’s stuck with me.
Vicky Austin
Hahaha! I mean, also yuck. But still funny.
Ellen
+1 I always drank alot of water when I knew my ex was frisky, and then was readily available to go to the toilet after he satisfied himself. Personally, I got UTI’s in college when I did NOT know about the peeing routine, but once I did, I learned to pee right after he was done, which was usueally within minutes. So make sure to drink alot and early, b/c it takes more time to get thru your system then it does for your minuteman boyfriend to be done. FOOEY!
LawDawg
There was an article in the NYT earlier this week about how UTIs are becoming resistant to more antibiotics. Having recently experienced this it was good to know I was not alone. Don’t mess around. Go to the doctor and get a culture (not just a test for whether or not there is an infection) so that you can attack it with something that will really work.
Natalie
After 20 or so years of UTIs, my doctor finally gave me a scrip for antibiotics to take prophylactically after s*x, to prevent a UTI: take one pill afterwards. That’s it: it worked like a charm and I haven’t had one in the years since.
In-House in Houston
I thought antibiotics were supposed to be taken for several days, not just one? What am I missing?
anon
Whenever you go pee, don’t rush it. After you relieve yourself, stay for a minute and try to relax, often there is a little more. Sometimes we are not taking enough time, and that little bit can be enough to let bacteria grow.
anon
Cranberry juice doesn’t work because it has so much sugar, but a strong cranberry extract or tea might help. I think I recc’d Traditional Medicinals on another thread earlier this week.
Anonymous
This. Most cranberry juice is packed with sugar which just encourages the UTI.
Rainbow Hair
“Staying well hydrated” is an understatement. I pee every hour (and always after s3x).
I also had success with taking D-mannose regularly, and have friends who swear by it.
anon
D-mannose. One teaspoon in water every day. I’ve not had a UTI since I started it years ago. Cranberry was too irritating for me. Get the pure d-mannose powder (or capsules if you prefer). I believe the theory is that the d-mannose molecule binds to e-coli (the cause of most UTIs) and flushes it out before an infection takes hold. Don’t worry that it’s technically a sugar – it’s not metabolized in your body.
Anon
Yes 10000000%. D-mannose is a miracle – have not had a single UTI on it.
Anon
As someone said peeing afterward but what helped me is getting a bidet, which kind of rinses the whole area with clean water (and is pleasant to have in general). I got one of the 40 dollar toilet attachments that sprays; they also have some with handles so you can wash.
Also – is this with the same person? Do you think it will help to have them wash down there first as well?
anon
I used to hop in the tub and splash off under the faucet. More directly and with more water than a shower would–almost like bidet, I guess, although I’ve never tried that!
Anonymous
Agree with all the advice here but also I keep Azo on hand to deal with the pain in between when I realize I have one and when I can get my hands on antibiotics (and when they start working). Not exactly a preventive measure, but thinking ahead. Most uncomfortable feeling in the world for me.
pugsnbourbon
+1. When I feel that … sensation, I pop an Azo (on a full stomach), start chugging water, and call my PCP.
Anon
I wipe with wet ones after having sex (before urinating), never get in a hot tub or take a bath, and always change out of a wet swimsuit immediately. Those three things really, truly help me.
Anonia
Boxers or no underwear when possible at night, my doc also suggested using a hair dryer on the cool setting after showering to help dry things out. Cotton underwear only. Lots and lots of water. No body wash/soap down there, just rinse. These all sound like yeast infection solutions, but they’ve worked to clear up my UTI’s. I rarely have yeast infections, but had frequent UTI’s (lab confirmed) until I did these things.
Anon
My unholy trifecta is stress, too much sugar in my diet, and dehydration. Any two of them and I get a UTI.
Anon
Everything people said +silk panties. I love these.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B06Y64DMQ5/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
Hildy
Daily Vitamin C! I used to get very frequent UTIs until a nurse recommended this to me, something to do with the PH. Not sure why or how it worked but I haven’t had one since.
Anon
This may be too late, but there’s a supplement called Ellura that’s quite expensive but has honestly worked miracles for me. I haven’t had a UTI in at least 2 years while using it. I recently started adding D Mannose as well so that I could use less of the more expensive Ellura and it’s been a good combo. In addition to this I do take frequent urination very seriously and never “hold it”.
anon
+1 for Ellura. I had a recurring UTI and saw a urologist, who recommended Ellura. It cleared up the UTI I had (without additional antibiotics) and has prevented me from getting any more. It is expensive, but so worth it.
anon
In keeping with the themes of bach parties and who-do-we-boycott, I would put out a plea to consider the impacts of airbnb before you use it. It’s well documented that the benefits go to the wealthiest and the detriment goes to the vulnerable; and very few places are even trying to regulate it enough to keep up.
I always book traditional hotels or true bnbs.
NOLA
Some neighborhoods in New Orleans have virtually been destroyed by the proliferation of airbnbs.
Anon
I’m not tracking this issue – can you elaborate? Is it the loss of hospitality jobs?
Anon
No, it’s the loss of long-term housing.
Anon
That is one impact, yes, but also affects home availability and pushes non-investors out of certain markets. That cute 900 sq ft bungalow that some investor bought cash could have been small enough for a young person to afford to get into the housing market without the proliferation of Air BNB
Vicky Austin
Never been to NOLA, but I’m guessing people who can afford to have multiple houses buy one there, then rent it out half the year, and now what used to be a neighborhood of people who actually lived there is now no different than a street full of hotels.
Anon
A lot of time, it ends up being more financially beneficial for a landlord to rent an AirBNB out rather than renting to long-term tenants, so the prices for housing for long-term tenants shoots up to the point that it becomes inaccessible to the average resident.
Anonymous
As a landlord, I would dread having an AirBNB. I want to find a tenant once every couple of years and then not worry about things or how many *s I’m getting on my reviews. Doing that daily or weekly would be such a chore. How do you not lose $ on the cleaning fees or the random stray roach that gets complained about?
Maybe these hosts are semi-retired but I don’t have the time to deal with an AirBNB even in my own town.
Anon
I believe there is a subset of property managers who specialize in managing AirBnb type short term rentals. I agree with 3:29 Anon, though. I’m an accidental landlord from the recession in an area where homes still aren’t moving and being a landlord sucks. All it takes is one lousy set of tenants to erase any positive cash flow. I can’t imagine dealing with the headache of turning over a house/apartment weekly.
anon
Mostly the huge loss of housing, and the loss of jobs, and the loss of tax revenue (although a few places are trying to address that…with little success…)
https://www.citylab.com/equity/2019/02/study-airbnb-cities-rising-home-prices-tax/581590/
Anonymous
I lived next to an AirBNB during our city’s sports tournaments and it was h3ll.
I have a job. And young kids, so we are busy during the day and don’t stay up past bar closing time puking in the driveway. We don’t have 10 people on the deck being loud at 2am. And since they paid $$$ to party and don’t have to deal with us long-term, they are rotten temporary neighbors.
We are in an otherwise quiet neighborhood. If I wanted to live next to a frat house (which would be great for finding labor for driveway shoveling and moving heavy things, so with some actual upside potential), I’d have bought a place next to one by our local State U campus.
Anonymous
AirBNBs are an issue in Jersey City right now – they’re driving up rent prices, and it’s NYC tourists that aren’t even visiting JC, so there’s not even any positive impact on the local economy. And they’re loud, crappy neighbors.
NOLA
It’s a number of things. Partly, what Vicky Austin describes. People can’t afford to rent in those neighborhoods anymore, because the rents are driven up, due to Airbnb making more money than the average rental. The people renting at the Airbnbs have no stake in the neighborhood, so they can be obnoxious and leave trash, with little recourse for the people who live in the neighborhood. Plus, it erodes the tax and voter base. In short, a mess.
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2019/mar/13/new-orleans-airbnb-treme-short-term-rentals
Anon
Eh, New Orleans was facing a housing crisis long before AirBNB even existed. I’m not saying AirBNB doesn’t contribute to these problems mentioned in this thread, I just think it’s a little disingenuous to lay the blame on AirBNB as though if AirBNB went away, it would magically disappear. I’m a lifelong New Orleanian and I kinda feel like this is being overblown.
Anon
+1 – been trying to be more conscious about this. I
anon
I listened to a podcast about this. In New Orleans, the issue is loss of affordable housing, but also loss of culture and community. If half the neighborhood is a short term rental, people don’t know each other.
NOLA
My comment is in mod, but it also erodes the voter base. It’s kind of a mess.
Monday
I also live in a tourist destination area that has been harmed by AirBnB. All but the most affluent are priced out of certain areas, which are dominated by AirBnB, so it feels like an open-air resort or something. Folks there are not paying local taxes or volunteering in the schools, let alone doing any kind of service-oriented job that actually serves the area. All of those folks with their salaries have to commute in.
I’d actually say that the trend of lots of travel in general is undermining community. I’m tired of people saying they just want to live all over the world and never put down any roots. Air travel is terrible for the environment, but even more than that, I feel like it’s out of fashion right now to be committed to a place, either professionally or personally.
anon
I wholeheartedly agree with your second paragraph. Our culture has become individualistic almost to a fault, IMO.
Vicky Austin
This is a really interesting take – we’re not staying put like we used to as a society, are we.
Hildy
Monday – this so, so, so much. I feel like so many of my friends define themselves by their love of travel (which, by the way, isn’t a personality trait or the slightest bit unique). We intentionally take local vacations we can drive or take the train to, and if we do travel by air it’s generally to see family and we try to do longer and less frequent trips. We also commit to our local community and because of that don’t want to ‘get away’ from people and a neighborhood we love. People jetting off for a quick weekend away especially drives me crazy – if everyone behaved this way the world would pretty much collapse tomorrow, we don’t get special privileges because we’re affluent.
Aggie
I have noticed the problem less in towns that were vacation rental heavy prior to AirBnB’s invention (Hilton Head, Destin, OBX, Galveston, etc.) For these towns, AirBnB is just another avenue to advertise.
However, in Austin for example, short term rentals are cannibalizing what was previously affordable long term rentals – and reasonably priced single family homes. Entire multi generational neighborhoods have been replaced with blocks of AirBnBs that continue to grow. The homeowners that remain are left dealing with increased traffic, late night partying and stressed out resources.
Anonymous
Right. I don’t mind it for a beach town that is already just vacation rentals but it kills cities. It’s cheaper because you’re not paying for all of those costs.
anon
Actually, I grew up in a resort town that now can’t maintain even basic services, because there are no workers available. The one, most expensive, business (it doesn’t officially operate as an all-inclusive, but you can use it that way) now hires seasonal workers from overseas. So yeah, even those places will eventually be destroyed by the same trends.
Anonymous
I shared a plane trip with local officials from a place that sounds like where you grew up. And a similar place is a couple of hours from where I live. The resort area imports guest workers, usually students, who want to come to the US and work in restaurants and hotels and work on their English and have a bit of cultural exchange. They are provided housing. Local teens and college kids won’t do that sort of work (and since it’s seasonal, adults there often want a 12-month job, so they are only interested in those jobs as second jobs).
[And the one college kid I know well isn’t really interested in working. He has housing paid for and a car paid for and wants to “intern” at something interested vs having some grueling non-fun job. Real life is going to be a jolt.]
Anonymous
AirBNBs always seem a bit sketchy to me. How do you know they haven’t hidden a camera somewhere? I don’t worry about that in a Hilton — the more assets a business has, the more risk-adverse they become and they do things right (or right-ish) to protect them. A skeevy AirBNB host who is just a renter anyway has way less to lose.
And ratings are for things like if it’s pretty and if it is clean. Not the hidden camera you didn’t find.
[But honestly, my biggest concern is when I travel solo, that it’s a sketchy guy who will let himself in when I am asleep and hurt me. Hilton and Marriott give me a nice deadbolt. I camp in a group and I AirBNB in a group. I hotel when I am solo.]
Anon
+1 I don’t use AirBNB mostly because it seems far less safe than a hotel to me. Even if I’m with my husband, I still don’t want someone burglarizing us or drunk people barging in in the middle of the night. I also find hotels way more comfortable – I can’t fully go into vacation mode when I have a full kitchen and no maid service. I feel like I should be cooking and cleaning up, which is the opposite of what I want to be doing on a vacation.
Worry about yourself
True. And I’d certainly never rent one alone because I’ve heard stories of people who thought they’d have the place to themselves, but they got there and oh, the owner is there, and he’s quite “friendly” . . . Although if it’s a family house that rents out their spare bedroom or basement for extra cash, that’s fine, as long as it’s disclosed up front, some people are fine with that!
Anonymous
Same. I never use AirBnB, I think it destroys the culture I want to go see.
Huh
That’s interesting. We strongly prefer to stay in AirBnbs because it allows us to stay in a local neighborhood not frequented by a ton of tourists, so I feel like we actually get to see a different part of the city. Also having a full kitchen with small kids is invaluable.
Anonymous
It takes an apartment away from those locals you want to see and, as it proliferates, destroys that experience. But if you think having a kitchen on your vacation is more important you do you.
anon
ugh, is this kind of judgment really necessary? so obnoxious.
Anonymous
…And comments that are this rude destroy the experience of this board. But if you think demonstrating how superior you are is that important, you do you.
Anon
I’m a mom and I feel the opposite – I find eating in restaurants so much easier with kids. Kids generate so many dishes and so much mess, I would rather go out and outsource all of that (plus the cooking) to someone else. And unless you do a lot of cleaning (which I don’t want to do on vacation), the rental apartment will get super dirty super fast if you’re regularly eating there with kids.
Huh
Fair enough. We have some major dietary restrictions in our family so eating out is a lot more difficult for us. And eating in is so much cheaper. We still eat out, but it’s so nice to have a kitchen to make some pasta or a sandwich in a pinch. For this reason, we also like to stay at a Residence Inn, but if you won’t find them in smaller towns which is why we mostly do Airbnb.
Ellen
I agree. Personally, 4 and 5 star hotels are more predictable. Myrna wanted to stay at an air b and b, but I said no b/c I heard there were guys who did have spycams installed in the toilet that wound up taking pictures that were posted on Instagram. I would NOT want people to see me in the bathroom, whether I was batheing or making, so that is why I refused to go with her and stayed at a Mariott Inn, which was pretty clean. YAY!!!
Worry about yourself
I agree in theory, but I’ve rented some properties through AirBnb with friends when they chose to and I was just along for the ride. I have to admit it’s handy when you need to go somewhere and it’s slim pickins on hotels.
Just be very, very careful what you rent. Renting someone’s vacation home, or a condo someone lives in most of the year but rents out when they go on vacation for extra income is FINE, that’s what the service is for! But there’s gotta be a way to verify that it’s owner-occupied to some degree. If it looks like a condo that was purchases to rent out on AirBnB year-round, stay away!
Anonymous
Um no. You do you but don’t be congratulating yourself about it
Worry about yourself
I wasn’t congratulating myself? I was saying it’s fine to just avoid it, but it’s also fair to be reasonable and use it for its intended use.
Anonymous
Can you explain why? Never stayed in an AirBnB as to me travel = luxury hotel. But what’s the difference between one that is rented out occasionally for income vs. one that was purchased just as an AirBnb investment property?
anon
The answers up thread address your question.
Cat
In theory, an Airbnb that is someone’s “real home” means that Airbnb hasn’t supplanted a real long term resident.
That said, obviously this is unpopular to admit, but I love Airbnb… would happily stay in a hotel if it offered something similar at a reasonable price — i.e., studio-apartment style living WITHOUT the bloated overhead costs of a large staff, daily cleaning, gym/spa/pool amenities, toiletries, etc etc.
Worry about yourself
I also really appreciate a nice, boutique hotel and I often get good deals on them via Groupon, but if I’m going to a city for an event and there aren’t many hotels (and most of them are either expensive or super far from the event) and my boyfriend’s like “let’s get an AirBnb with some friends” I’m open to the idea. At the very least, if that’s the plan, I’m not gonna be a stick in the mud about it.
Yup
Yes, I’m surprised by the Airbnb hate here. We have stayed in them several times (very nice places in great neighborhoods) and have always had a great experience. Works best for us because we are a large family and all want to be together on vacation, so getting two separate hotel rooms defeats the purpose. As someone else said, I also love having a full kitchen to make myself chai in the morning or a grilled cheese or pasta, without having to order in bad room service in a hotel. We always stay at them when we have large family reunions (15 plus people). We are courteous to our neighbors, are not loud, and always keep the place pristine. I do see being annoyed at those who treat it like a frat house but many of us are not like that.
Anon
LMGTFY
emeralds
Yes, I’ve been thinking about this one recently. I stayed in an AirBnB in London last year, and ended up having a long conversation with one of the building’s actual residents about the issues short-term rentals were causing in the London housing market. After I got home I started reading up on it a lot more. And that was the last time I stayed in an AirBnB.
Edinburger
Thanks for raising this – it’s a big problem here. Even quiet considerate guests are occupying a hotel in what should be housing and create the wheely-suitcase noise on the stairs at odd hours.
Anon
I live in Nashville, and this has been a huge problem here, though luckily, they are phasing out most non-owner occupied rentals. As a lot of people have pointed out, the problem is not the rentals that are someone’s actual home that they are renting out for the weekend. The majority of the non-owner occupied rentals here were owned by investment companies out of Atlanta, so the income was never going back to the community. The houses also often were cheaply built and eyesores. We are a growing city, so there was never enough housing stock here anyway, and these definitely drove up housing costs for a bit.
As a resident of a neighborhood with a lot of AirBnBs, we had a hard time meeting neighbors. Restaurants started coming in that were marketed towards tourists– everything was instagrammable and brunch-themed– not locals. We routinely would have people playing loud music late at night, blocking mailboxes, etc. There was also a strip of them near an elementary school where people would routinely play beer pong near the playground and have large inflatable p*nises visible from the playground. I am firmly anti-AirBnB.
Coach Laura
There was an article in the Seattle Times this week that gives the pros and cons and talks about some of Seattle’s policies to limit AirBnB (that may or may not have worked). https://www.seattletimes.com/business/real-estate/this-belltown-condo-building-is-a-hive-of-airbnb-guests/
Worry about yourself
Since we’ve discussed “Am I the Ash-hole” here before, I thought some of you might like this thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cdypge/aita_for_telling_cashier_that_wasnt_the_girls/
Basically a woman overhears a girl planning to use her dad’s credit card to buy boots in a department store, and decided to tell the cashier she’s “committing fraud” even though the girl insisted she had permission. I think it was none of her business, but I’m curious what y’all think.
Anon
Today on this site is exhausting. No Amazon and no Wal-Mart because you should drive around and pick up everything you need. No, wait, don’t drive, bad for the environment. Don’t airbrb. Don’t take a job with travel because it’s not responsible as to the climate. I thought I was a reasonably enviromentally conscious person and I believe in social justice but there are a lot of rules being thrown out there today.
Anon
+1 million. It’s really a bit much today.
Anon
+2
yes
+ 3 million. Way too much.
Anon
I’m so sorry you have to scroll past all those comments. Your life is so terrible.
Anonymous
It’s such an inconvenience other readers try to be conscientious.
Worry about yourself
I don’t think anyone’s trying to throw rules at you, people are trying to educate each other about how to be a conscious consumer. It can be frustrating when it feels like no matter how hard you try someone still thinks you’re trash because you still do the one thing they think is bad. No one can be perfect and we need to pick our battles, and we can absolutely discuss these choices without getting nasty. No one here is going to break down your door and arrest you because you ordered toilet paper on Amazon today, calm down.
anon
I don’t think anyone is giving anybody “rules”. These are conversations that society at large should be having.
lsw
+1
anon
Yes, if you check our bylaws you will understand that Rules proposed by “the hive” are automatically binding on all readers. There’s not even a requirement that the majority be in favor before the Rule has the force and effect of law. Consider each thread your notice and comment period, and be sure you follow the appropriate procedures to exhaust administrative remedies before filing an appeal with Kat. Er, the court.
anon
meh like everything else, i scroll past the posts that don’t interest me.
PolyD
I do what I can and don’t worry about the rest. Honestly, I’d rather throw money at candidates that support my values (cleaner, more efficient energy, a not-insane immigration policy, affordable health care for everyone, affordable college for everyone, better corporate regulation, pro-choice, not racist) than worry about if I am using the right merchant.
Anon
+1 I am reminded of the episode of the good place where they explain that today’s world is so complicated that literally nothing you do can have a positive impact. Like the guy who buys his grandmother flowers ends up getting like negative 50 points or something.
I try to educate myself and be a responsible consumer where I can but sometimes the comment section on here can be a bit much and makes me want to stop trying all together since I’ll never be good enough.
Anonymous
Thoughts and prayers for you on this rough day.
Anon
Obviously, the best thing anyone can do is to stop existing.
Hildy
All of the things you cited are critically important and have real impacts on people and the world, it’s important to discuss them frequently and examine your individual behavior often. What’s most important to me personally is that I am able to look back and believe that made life choices in line with my ethics, not that I just went along with the crowd or did what was easiest, and I appreciate hearing others thoughts on these issues.
Anon
Looking for feedback on a scenario at work….a misogynist and chauvinist colleague that caused a lot of trouble/complaints raised to HR has left the company (good riddance). Male colleague I have known a long time is keeping in touch with said problem person (phone calls, visits) and sharing updates with me and other colleagues. I have no interest in this individual’s status or updates and sort of surprised that colleague continues this alliance and thinks others (including female colleagues) want to hear updates. As a result I’m distancing myself from chatty colleague as I’ve lost respect….seems strange to me but I’m not a guy so clearly I view the transgressions as very bad and male colleague could care less…yucky…thoughts?
Anon
It’s “couldn’t care less” – if he could care less, he does care. Sorry, pet peeve. I think you have two options here: act uninterested/change the subject when he brings this guy up (probably what I would do) or tell male colleague directly “hey, X was kind of a pig, I’m happy that he’s moved on and am not interested in discussing him.” I wouldn’t say this to your boss but if your male colleague is at your level and you’re friendly with him, I think you could say something like this, in a friendly way, at least once. Then I would probably just drop it and if he keeps bringing the guy up just say “That’s nice. What are you doing this weekend?” Repeat as necessary.
Anon
Thanks…OP here…that’s a great way to handle it. Guess I have to get over my surprise that colleague doesn’t have greater sensitivity to start with. And thanks for correction on my phrase:)
Anon
I hate people who correct “could care less.” You obviously understand the intent and really, truly, nobody likes a pedant.
Anonymous
Why not just say “you know, I’m actually not interested in updates on ScumMan.”
Anon
Hahahahaha Love it – thank you!!!
Trunk Club
Piggybacking off the above… here’s a positive review: Trunk Club!
Where have I been and how have I not signed up sooner?! I just came back from my first in-person appointment after receiving three trunks in the last 45 days and it. was. outstanding. My assigned stylist is not from my home city but was visiting my location for the week and so I got to meet her in person. I’m really shocked but how much I like the service. I had a baby 15 months ago and I’m still carrying a lot of weight. I’m already hippy and curvy and struggle with image/perpetually feeling frumpy but I work in a very polished industry. I don’t have a Nordstrom card and I could care less about this anniversary sale, but I’m really impressed with this service. So far I’ve kept an Eliza J dress, Boden pants, an expensive and really high quality tweed blazer, and I just bought two more dresses at my in person appointment.
So, there ya go (unless someone $h! ts on this service… in which case, boo to you – this body conscious working gal feels like a million bucks today).
Anon
Congratulations! Great to hear a positive review! Can you share the cost of this service?
Anonymous
Plus one. I think one’s love of Trunk Club is highly dependent on whether one gets a stylist that matches. I used it on and off before with a stylist whose fashion sense was FAR from my own and was mediocre about it. That stylist left Trunk Club and I got another one who could basically be my twin, and I LOVE it. I’ve unfortunately kept so many more things since the switch. The old stylist had a very feminine but also loud style, so she chose quite a few experimental pieces for me in bright colors, none of which I’d actually wear. The new stylist is a little tomboy/street style like I aspire to be, so she has been sending a lot of cool neutrals, interesting jackets, and feminine but not over the top blouses. In 3 months I’ve kept a suede moto jacket, some distressed shorts, a sheer white shirt, and a cool floral toned cami.
Costs vary depending on what you buy.
Ribena
I want to apologise for the tone I used about air travel on the morning thread. It was sanctimonious and an overgeneralisation. I’m sorry and will do better in future.
not your nurse
Is it cruel to break up with someone for being sick too often? I’ve been dating my current partner for two years, and they are sick about every other month with something common but seemingly debilitating for them (throwing out their back, bronchitis, etc.) — this involves being bedridden and asking me to keep up with all the chores, bring them food, etc. When I gently challenge whether they are ndeed ill enough to warrant this they says I am being insensitive (which is fair, frankly, I think (benign) illness sometimes warrants just powering through it). Am I overreacting? Is this normal/should I just get used to it?
Anon
Not normal. Sounds like a persistent case of man-baby/man-flu, although I note your gender-neutral pronoun. Get out while you still can.
Ellen
Be glad the doosh is gone, and ignore it when the guy who’s still there gives you updates on the doosh. Dad says there are alot of people qualifying as dooshes, and we must all learn NOT to obsess over them, particularly AFTER they leave the company. My ex contacted me yesterday, and asked if he could use me as a reference, b/c I am a partner at a law firm. I told him I could not be objective, and he should not be using a person as a reference who he has had $ex with.
Anon
Phrased like you did: yes, it’s kind of cruel. People can’t help being sick and there are already huge issues with the “power through it” culture, especially when it filters down to people with chronic illnesses.
But, it sounds like there may be bigger issues at play. It sounds like you might feel taken advantage of, and that is not a good place to be for a healthy relationship. It also sounds like you and your partner may not speak the same love language and that’s causing issues.
EM84
I live alone and when I am sick, I simply limit my chores to bare minimum (e.g. put dishes to the dishwasher, spray sanitizer over bathroom surfaces, start robo vacuum cleaner remotely). Everything else can wait 1-2 weeks, while I am healing. Obviously I have groceries or foos delivered to my door. I don’t expect anyone to pick up my chores routine or babysit me. It would be nice, but definitely not expected/demanded. And I would not appreciate such demands to be made to me. Are you perceived as insensitive? Ok, maybe your values/expectations are not aligned, in which case, count your blessings and move on. You are not splitting over frequent sickness, but because of compatibility.
Anonymous
I think this is a fair reason to reconsider the relationship. You are not their nurse nor have you exchanged vows to care for and support them “in sickness and in health.” Even without having to do their chores and feed them, I’d be pretty annoyed by a partner who was just routinely unavailable for common things like date nights, events, family visits, vacations, etc. When my husband and I were dating he went through a period where it seemed like he was sick ALL THE TIME. I constantly had to go things alone where everyone else brought their partner and it totally sucked. He started taking better care of himself though (and/or just sucking it up a bit) and it hasn’t been an issue in years.
BeenThatGuy
I dated this man for 3 years. There was always an ailment or a reason to need caregiving. I felt trapped. In his case, most ailments could have been lessened by better hand washing, better eating habits, better sleep habits or taking his daily medications religiously. But he refused to change anything about his lifestyle. Trust me, it will not get better.
Anon
How do they act when you’re sick? Do they automatically pick up all the chores/caregiving that they expect of you?