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Updated: Apr 16, 2021 70 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Mayfair Beauchamp Backpack

Coffee Break

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Comments

  1. Anon

    We just found out that two of the new friends we’re having over for after-dinner drinks/hanging out tomorrow night have dietary restrictions. I was hoping to have food to nibble on with our drinks. Any suggestions for appetizers or sweets that are both gluten free and vegan? Ideally they are easily purchased or assembled rather than a long prep time since we both work full long days tomorrow. Thanks!

    • Anon

      Veggies and hummus is what I’d go for! Maybe some kind of salsa and either veggies for dipping or some kind of corn chip that doesn’t have gluten?

      • Anon

        For nuts or fruits, have the label handy to show them. Many are manufactured on equipment that processes wheat and can have cross contamination so I avoid eating those. Look for things marked GF to be safe. I agree that corn chips, salsa, hummus, veggies etc. are all good.

    • Anonymous

      Potato chips and Fritos are vegan. If you serve with vegetarian chili (the Fritos) and some cheese, that to me is a good winter appetizer.

    • Anonymous

      torilla chips and salsa, veggies and hummus, coconut milk ice ‘cream’ for something sweet.

    • Ghaent

      Corn chips and guac.

      Wow, I eat gluten free and dairy free so I feel like I should have a bunch of ideas but the vegan requirement is tricky.

      Bananas foster (rum, maple syrup, buttery spread, bit of brown sugar if the vegan is cool with that) with coconut milk ice cream.

      Dark chocolate, nuts, and grapes with ice wine.
      Honestly, I’d probably just go browse WholeFoods

    • Never too many shoes...

      Are these the only two people coming or are there others too? I would do veggies with hummus and a cheese/olives/nuts/fruit plate with regular and rice crackers. Something for everyone.

      • Anon

        We’re having two other couples over, so six people total, one will be gluten free and one will be vegan. I didn’t want to single out those two, and I don’t want to have too much food so was hoping to have one or two options that would be suitable for everyone.

        Sounds like a veggies/hummus plate and a cheese/fruit/nut/chocolate spread might be great options. (thanks for the tip to save the packages) And I’ll swing by Whole Foods and see if they have pre-packaged dessert bites I could have as a standby. Thanks for all the ideas!

        • Jules

          This is exactly what I woiuld do and have done (with vegans in the family and an ex who was GF). Whole Foods usually has a pretty good selection of vegan cookies and sometimes other baked goods; they also have a few GF choices, which are wrapped individually.

  2. anon CLE

    I went to a CLE where a biglaw partner, a white man, put on a fro wig to portray a hypothetical marijuana user.

    Is it ok if I don’t email the partner to let him know how this appears, which I don’t think was his intention, but obviously is bad?

    I don’t know the partner or anyone else who organized the CLE, nor am I senior in this niche field. The CLE is scheduled to be repeated.

    I saw someone recording the partner, so he may find out how this appears regardless of what I do.

    • pugsnbourbon

      How did you register for the CLE? Who organized it (IANAL)? I would reach out to that person/group and explain what happened and that it is unacceptable.

    • Anon

      No – he will not change; there is no upside to you; and word will get out.

    • Anon

      I don’t think this is an “appears bad” issue I think this is an “is bad” issue. I’m not sure what the answer is, but you are right to want to flag this.

        • Anon

          I think it’s almost worse? If you wear blackface at Halloween you’re not usually trying to draw a connection between black people and dr*gs.

        • Ellen

          Of course it was bad. People of all colors, creeds, sexes and other orientations all smoke marihuana, so there was no need for the partner to put on a afro wig. Dad says there are plenty of professors he works with who smoke marihuana, and that this was made clear before I was even born in the Animal House movie, where a white male professor smoked with his college students.

    • Anon

      I literally gasped. This is baaaaaad. I’m no longer in law so not sure I have any advice but holy wow. I can’t believe this is still happening in 2020.

    • Jules

      Yeah, this is seriously bad. It might not have been his intention to be racist, he may not understand that it was racist but it was, in fact 100% racist. If the presenter is unlucky, this will show up on YouTube and ATL. But I still think you should say something.

      If you’re worried about your name being involved and you being damaged in a small legal world, what about a complaint to the partner’s law firm sent with a burner email that does not include your name?

    • anonymous

      Consider submitting this question to Ask A Manager. I wish there was a way to call out this racist a-hole.

    • Senior Attorney

      Every CLE I’ve ever been to has had an evaluation form to fill out.

      • Anon CLE

        Thank you, Senior Attorney. I totally forgot about it in my hurry to get out. I still have mine and can mail it in!

    • TrixieRuby

      This is so not ok, it is just like blackface. Figure out where to report it, to whom, and then do it, even if you have to CYA somehow.

  3. Kids -> women's vitamins

    I’ve usually bought kids’ vitamins for my children.

    My older one (female) has her period and is the size of many adults. Even though she is still not an adult, I am thinking that if women’s vitamins give you iron (to counteract period) and folic acid (b/c a person with a period can get pregnant) and calcium (good for those of us who hate drinking milk), it would be OK to move her to adults.

    Bottle is out and I (for once) am thinking before just picking up another bottle (other kid has her own vitamins b/c picky).

    • Anonymous

      I took adult multivitamins starting at age 11 after a couple fainting incidents due to low iron during my period. my doctor pointed out that I was 5’6” at that age which is taller/bigger than many adult women so it was fine.

    • Anon

      I don’t think she needs folic acid. Adult women don’t take that one until they’re TTC even though accidental pregnancies obviously happen.

      • Anonymous

        Pretty sure folate (folic acid) is in many kids and women’s multi-vitamins, regardless. Prenatal vitamins have higher levels and it’s important for early fetal development, but folate is a B vitamin that everyone needs.

        • Anonymous

          It’s in cereal — I think it’s a thing to just have adequate amounts.

      • Anon

        I don’t know about this. I have read that RDAs were originally researched for men, and then adjusted down for women because women on average weigh less. But subsequent research has shown that women actually have increased needs for certain micronutrients compared to men.

        I have personally experienced that my doctors wouldn’t dose my thyroid meds to the point that they resolved symptoms until I pointed out that I wasn’t on birth control. Then all of a sudden they were willing to lower my TSH a little further, and I felt much better. I wonder whether nutritional intake is similar, and women are expected to just “go without” unless they are pregnant.

    • Anonymous

      Because you think your 12 year old would be carrying a baby to term if she got pregnant?

      This question is realllllllly weird.

        • Anon

          Maybe the OP doesn’t realize the folic acid is for the fetus and not the pregnant woman.

      • Anon

        I didn’t think it was that weird. She doesn’t say her daughter is 12. Also, just has much as forced birth is terrible, so is a forced abortion. If my teenage daughter got pregnant and genuinely wanted to keep and raise the baby with our assistance, I would facilitate that. My healthcare colleagues recommend folic acid for all women of child bearing age because there are little to no side effects but major benefits if you do have an accidental pregnancy.

          • Anon

            Are you saying you would force a teenager who wanted to keep an unintended pregnancy to have an abortion?

          • Anon

            Not the Anon you’re responding to and I wouldn’t force my child to have an abortion but I sure wouldn’t be worrying much about the health of the fetus if my teenage daughter got pregnant.

          • Never too many shoes...

            Depends on how old my child was. Underage where I make the medics decisions? Hell yes she would be having n abortion. Honestly, if my teenager seriously believed either that she was ready to take on parenting or some pro-life nonsense, I will have seriously failed as a parent.

        • Anon

          I hate the assumption that women are just walking pre-pregnancy vessels who should be fully prepared for reproducing at any time. I fully understand and appreciate the scientific evidence for folic acid supplementation and its importance for many women, but I get really tired of phrases like “women who are pre-conception” and “women of childbearing age.” Can we ever move past our biology, please?

          • Anon

            If you know you would abort, fine, don’t take folic acid. If you aren’t sexually active, don’t take folic acid. If you are sexually active and you would keep an unintended pregnancy, than take folic acid. I don’t get why that is so controversial.

          • Anonymous

            Also, I’m not convinced that 100% of young teens who become pregnant are completely voluntary participants (and that can happen to a woman of any age — force, alcohol, duress, manipulation).

            I’m just thinking of the reasons adult women’s vitamins are different that those sold to children: weight, if you menstruate, if you are pre- or post-menopausal, etc. “Gestatable” seems to sum it up.

          • Anon

            FWIW, I’m 34, married and have kids and my OB told me I should take folic acid 3 months before TTC each pregnancy. I’ve never heard the advice that all women of childbearing age should take it. I also think it’s just basic logic that a married adult woman is way more likely to keep an unplanned pregnancy than a teenage girl, so even if OBs do recommend this to adult women it doesn’t necessarily mean they’d give the same advice to teen (or possibly even preteen!) girls.

          • Ellen

            I disagree. I was born to be a mom, and I should be ready and able when a man with the right sperm seek’s to impregnate me. When he does, I will do my best to conceive with him and then bear him the child, which he will support together with me for bringing him into the world. That is what I was told and I have not strayed from my desire to bear children, even tho men just want the s-x, but not the responsibilities for their sperm finding and fertilizing my ovum.

      • anon

        huh? I thought the OP was just asking whether she can have her daughter switch to the same vitamin that she is already buying for herself, aka streamlining the household. That vitamin happens to include folic acid, but the OP has not actually commented on her daughter’s reproductive plans.

  4. Anonymous

    Question for the lawyers of the hive: at what point can an associate refuse work that is “student” work? I am a mid-level biglaw associate and am having an issue where a jr. partner keeps giving me ad-hoc research tasks that take up so much of my time and do not forward the development of the skills I am trying to develop. We have tons of students whose job is to do research, and I have a lot of other work (proper associate work) that is starting to suffer because of the huge chunks of time these research tasks are taking up. It’s also not great to the client to charge a mid-level associate’s rate for research that is well in the purview of students. I am thinking of saying that I don’t have capacity to take it on, but am happy to coordinate a student to assist. Thoughts?

    • AnonInfinity

      Your proposed solution is exactly what I’d do. I think you can’t really refuse any certain type of work until you’re legitimately too busy and doing it affects other work that is more appropriate for your level. Since that’s what’s happening here, I’d offer to coordinate the student’s work.

    • Anonymous

      OP here – I should say, even if my proposed approach is good for this instance, is there something else I could say that would discourage this partner from continuing to use me like a student? My offer to coordinate a student for this assignment might work in this instance, but I have a feeling I will still have an inbox full of more of this kind of assignment days later from this partner.

      • Anon

        Just keep replying that you’re busy and will pass it along to an intern over and over. Maybe the jr partner is expecting you to delegate it down / manage your time how you see fit anyways?

    • Anon

      It’s better for you to bill the coordination of the students’ work than for the partner to bill that.

      • Anon

        Do you have the authority to delegate the work? I would get an ok from the partner. Like maybe have a conversation along the lines of– “I really appreciate the work that you are sending me, but I do not currently have the bandwidth to do x at this time. Can I delegate x to Student A? Also, if this type of situation comes up going forward, can I delegate x to Students? I am happy to supervise them and coordinate their work for you. I just do not have the bandwidth to do x myself.”

    • buffybot

      Are you sure that it is expected that you do this research directly, versus managing those students in their research? Even if it’s being framed as “you do this research,” it’s quite possible that the Jr Partner just hasn’t considered the need to further delegate. Learning to manage and outsource to juniors is a key development point for midlevel associates. I would think you could proactively frame these requests as something you’ll take to those lower-cost resources and oversee and manage accordingly.

      • Anon

        +1 I would have assumed your proposed solution is what the partner is expecting you to do anyway.

  5. Anon

    Anxiety sucks. That as all. Yes I’m in therapy. Yes I have medication. Today it is not cutting it and I can’t wait to go home and lay on my couch with my dogs and watch the Bachelor on demand.

    • pugsnbourbon

      Hey – right there with you. I’ve had anxiety my entire life and it absolutely sucks.

      I know you said you have meds – I started taking a benzodiazepine on an “as needed” basis last year and boyyyy has it helped. The first time I took it I thought, “is this how other people feel all the time?” It may be something to try if you’re having lots of days like this.

      Hope you can get home to your dogs soon.

      • anon for this

        Just be careful. There is a reason benzos are so addicting. They are really best for managing anxiety attacks, in combination with a daily maintenance medication/therapy/etc….

        Just…be careful. I know too many people who developed problems over the years. And make sure it is a psychiatrist prescribing this and not a primary care doctor.

        • Anon

          Thank you both. I do have a benzo rx too but I am so so so careful with it. Anon for this is correct that so many docs, even psych docs majorly over prescribe this and people become addicted. Luckily, I worked in a quasi medical field (criminal justice based with a ton of mental health overlap) so I learned a ton about the standard of care. When I was present for a mass traumatic event and spoke to the doc that was then prescribing my ADD meds about it she just wanted me to take ridiculous amounts of xanax that I knew would kick off a lifetime of other issues. I got another doc and some trauma therapy and saved the xanax for the rare occasion that I really really needed it. I take less than 30 a year of the lowest dose.

          I did take a xanax when I got home (I won’t drive on it), slept under a weighted blanket, am working from home for the AM and suspect I will be feeling much better when I return to the office this afternoon. I appreciate the support.

          The hardest part about anxiety to me is when there is no immediate foreseeable end to it. When I panic in a car or on a plane I know I’m going to feel better when I get out of the situation. When I’m anxious for reasons I haven’t yet identified, I don’t know when it is going to stop and that just makes me more anxious. Seeing my therapist next week and we will discuss. Thanks again.

          • Anonamoose

            I also struggle the most with diffuse and non-specific anxiety — this is actually when my GAD is worst. Perhaps you’ve tried these, but if not: there are some apps that can help you check if you’ve been exposed to triggers you can’t identify; I’ve also found exposure therapy to help, because (after long enough) I now trust it will stop, and thus don’t meta-panic about omg-when-will-this-get-better. Solidarity!

    • AnonPara

      Commiseration. Struggled with it all my life. I take a benzo if necessary. But I, too, have anxiety about taking it. Last summer Hamilton finally came to my small city and I was so excited to go. The panic started in the lobby. Thought I could just work through it or just tough it out. By the time the show started I was over the edge. I kept telling myself I didn’t need the benzo I keep in my purse for just this reason. It was awful. I went to the restroom during intermission and decided to take it. It crushed the panic and I was able to completely enjoy the second half of the show. I now remind myself of that experience if I am ever wondering if the anxiety is “bad enough” to take the benzo. I’m actually in a pretty good place right now, but also remind myself that my anxiety is a chronic condition and may come and go throughout my life. I have a “team” of professionals I stay current with in case I need extra help.

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