Frugal Friday’s TPS Report: Ponte Elbow Sleeve Dress
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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. This week's guest posts are from Auntie M — welcome back!
Sometimes you just want to throw on a dress and a blazer and be done with it, right? This dress would be good for that. It's simple. It has sleeves. And it also has pockets! Which you wouldn't want to put too much in, because you don't want to ruin the line of the dress, but sometimes it's enough just to know that you have the pocket option if you need it. I'd get this in Berry Cobbler (or maybe Waterloo Blue, or Heather Gray), top it off with a black blazer and black patent shoes (what can I say? I love black patent pumps) and call it a day. It's available at Target for $29.99. Merona Women’s Ponte Elbow Sleeve Dress with Pockets
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I don’t care if it’s $29.99, this dress is a guaranteed pooch-enhancer, even for those who don’t have a pooch to begin with.
Was thinking exactly the same thing.
I own this and I disagree. It’s really flattering and I have it in two colors. You have to watch out though – there’s a similar Mossimo dress that’s much shorter and not as well-fitted.
I might just try it, given your comment. Thanks!
I have this dress too and agree it’s flattering. The only thing is you have to be careful with undergarments showing as it is not that thick. I usually wear a slip.
I’m a 14/16 and own this dress in 4 colors (Berry Cobbler, Waterloo Blue and 2 past season colors). It’s super flattering. I wear a slip (the Gap full slip) but I always wear a slip with dresses.
What size did you find worked best? I’m a 10/12 and trying to decide between M and L. Thanks!
I’m also a 10/12 and I got the Large.
I need extra room in the chest area so I wear a XXL in this dress. The XL fit’s but it pulls in the chest/arm area.
If you’re familiar with Merona sizing I’d say this dress consistent with their other items.
One option is to order both sizes and return what doesn’t fit to the store.
Agree with HSAL. Assuming it’s the same one they used to have, and it looks like it is, it actually looks good on. I have it in 2 colors that are starting to pill a bit, so may be time to order some new ones (they lasted about 2 or 3 years. It’s Target and $30, don’t expect miracles).
I would wear a dress with pocket’s b/c I need a place for my iphone sometimes when I do NOT want to hold it and when I do NOT have a purse to put it in. Also, I can ALWAYS blame the pocket’s if I start lookeing fatter then I should be. But it’s good that the pocket’s are in the front. Imageine if there were pocket’s in the TUCHUS? My dad would NEVER let me forget it! I have lost 3 pound’s this month at the GYM, and I think it look’s better so dad can NOT compleain. I was at 11,000 step’s yesterday and that is b/c I went to Macy’s and walked alot during the evenening even tho it was very HUMID out. FOOEY!
Myrna is pickeing me up early today b/c we are driveing first to Mom & Dad’s, then out to the Hamton’s tomorrow to avoid traffic. I do NOT want to put my batheing suit on yet, b/c it is to cold and my tuchus is to big. Is anyone else from the hive goeing out to East Hamton? I think that is where Myrna’s share is. So if I don’t post this afternoon, have a great Weekend to the HIVE!! YAY!!!! I may post from my iphone, but it will be alot shorter. FOOEY!
+1. I own it and wear it regularly, and almost always get compliments on it.
The dress is also on clearance for $12 in size XS. Link to follow…
I really like the looks of the green and teal options. Putting this on my list of things to consider buying. There’s nothing in the world like a dress (with sleeves!) that you can just throw on and walk out of the door in…
I have this dress too and it’s flattering. Has actually held up better than my LE dresses, so it’s seemingly good quality.
I own this dress is maroon and gray colors and think it is very flattering, and also the fabric is thick enough without needing a slip actually. I never even considered the need, even though it is unlined.
On the plus side, this sort of dress is very good at concealing an early pregnancy. I lived in this kind of dress in months 2-5.
It may not conceal as well as you think. I could tell my co-worker was pregnant for 6 weeks before she announced. I just didn’t say anything about it.
Was your co-worker wearing this dress?
Not this dress, but similar styles. It’s counterintuitive, but when concealing a pregnancy it makes sense to continue to wear your same style (maybe in larger sizes if necessary). If a person always wears fitted clothes and suddenly starts wearing floaty tops or pleated dresses, it doesn’t take a brain surgeon to figure out what’s going 0n (unless the person is a male, or past their childbearing years).
I don’t know that it “disguised” my pregnancy, but I wore several dresses like this (and this exact one in a different color) from about months 3-7 when I was pregnant. I owned this one pre-pregnancy and I really did not want to jump to maternity clothes until I had to (just personal preference) and this worked really well for that purpose. It’s also super comfy and like wearing jammies to work.
I don’t own this dress but own a few styles with the same pleats at the waist. If anything, they camouflage a pooch and are very flattering.
I guess it is just me who looks poochy with gathers or pleats at the waist. Oh well…
I find that whether these styles enhance pooch or not depends on where the waist is – on me, anyway. If the waist is actually at the bottom of my ribs (or any higher), then they’re fine. If the waist is lower, then yes, it does enhance pooch.
I’m extremely long-waisted so YMMV.
I have something in a very similar cut from Talbots. That dress has quite thick material so it’s quite structured. I feel like a million bucks in it and it hides both my pooch and my pear shape. I’d imagine if the waist hit at the wrong point on a person, it could make you look poochy.
I have a pooch and this style generally hides it, although I agree with Lily that it depends on where the waist is.
Ah respectfully disagree – as someone with a pooch, this style is completely flattering.
I don’t have this dress, but I have similar ones from Boden and they’re actually very flattering. I gained about 7-8 lbs over the last year (which I am trying to lose) and dresses like this one are one of the few items I don’t hate wearing right now.
I find that Boden’s new high waists transform my wee pooch into a suspected baby because they + a non-flat tummy = must be maternity wear..
I have things from past years that I adore, but I have yet to find any dresses this year that work.
I have recently come to the conclusion that I can’t wear anything from Boden. I’m apple shaped but everything from Boden makes me look box shaped.
Hmm… Mine are from past years. I wonder if that means I should not order more dresses from them – the catalog looks so cute though….
This dress seems like an ok business casual dress but I don’t think jersey dresses become more formal with the addition of a blazer. The pregnancy comments are funny to me because when I started wearing dresses like this after gaining a couple pounds, several people asked me if I was pregnant. BTW, not great questions for my self-esteem.
FWIW, Ponte isn’t jersey. They are both knits, yes, but ponte is a double knit (same on both sides, doesn’t roll, easier to sew with, some stretch to it) and jersey is a single knit (has a right/wrong side, curls where cut, lots of stretch). So ponte fabrics will have a bit more structure to them than jersey fabrics will.
Adding a blazer might not make it business formal, but could take it to the formal end of the business casual spectrum.
I never knew the difference between double knit and single knit. You learn something new every day.
I hate the word “pooch.”
Unless we’re talking about dogs.
I have several dresses in this style at a variety of price points, including this one. I’m going ot have to disagree wholeheartedly – it does not enchance pooch at all. In fact, it conceals it!
I bought this and it was an atrocity, sadly. I was so excited about it after all of the glowing reviews, but it really did not work for me. FWIW, I’m relatively slender (5’6″, 125-130 lbs) with an hourglass shape and a long torso.
FYI Canadians, Target does not ship to Canada………
I own this dress and I agree this looks better on than in pictures. But I’ve never been able to figure out how to wear something over it because the sleeves are long and thick. That really limits it for me.
I just bought it in Berry and Teal. Got an extra $5 off with promo code TGT83MEZ. Every penny counts!
I just want to say it somewhere:
Y’all, BIGLAW is crazy. It was crazy back when I was single. It is double-plus crazy if you have small children.
I think it’s time I started thinking like an NFL linebacker — good money, but it’s time to start planning for the next chapter in my life (which I think does not involve having a perfect second shift nanny who can juggle the many activities I’d like my children to do (swim team is the hill I may have to die on)).
I am not in law, but in academic medicine. …and can i just say that getting my kids to swim lessons has been the bane of my existence? truly……no. one. has working-family-friendly swim lesson hours where I live.
I feel ya.
Swim lessons break my heart. They’re like a symbol for all of the fun activities that I remember doing as a kid and that I’d love to do with my own children, but I can’t because I work full time and I don’t want to overschedule my kids on the weekend. I think the summer is really hard for this – I have this vision of long, lazy summer days with my kids, going on beach daytrips, generally relaxing into summer, and in reality, summer is just incredibly stressful because I have to cobble together care because preschool is closed. The world is just not designed to accommodate working parents, that’s for sure.
One of the commitments my husband and I made to each other was when we thought seriously about a second nanny, it would also be time to re-evaluate our work schedules. I’m not trying to be judge-y of others in ANY way, but for us, that was a line that we needed to cross very carefully.
Hence, why we are small town doctors who don’t get paid as much but see our children and have time for recreation.
When I was a summer associate in BigLaw lo, these many years ago, the partner who was in charge of the summer program had two nannies. I had a year-old baby at the time, and that should have been the tipoff that BigLaw was not going to be the place for me.
One my my friends works in consulting, as does her husband, and they had “1 and a half nannies” because neither of them was reliably able to get home in time to put their daughter to bed, but they didn’t need overnight care.
Law firms and financial firms, at least here, bemoan the fact that they don’t have more women. Can’t attract us, and can’t retain us.
Well, duh.
I want to see my kids (3 under 12). So, I leave at 5:30 most days and I don’t have a Blackberry.
Not as successful as some of the guys in my office that have stay at homes wives (pretty much all of them have SAHWs actually and I produce more revenue than quite a few of them).
I kind of think that’s on them though. Men deserve to, and should want to, spend time with their kidlets too.
Whether BigLaw and BigFinance will ever figure out that they are missing out of a huge talent pool, I don’t know.
So, no advice, just empathy.
High-five to a fellow member of the no-blackberry club!
High-five to use of the word “kidlet”. It made me laugh.
Ha, my dad hates it when I say “kid” (baby goat, according to him), so it’s morphed to kidlet :)
Good for you!
I just flat out refuse to have one. I’m the only broker in my office that doesn’t. Don’t care, market closes at 4 pm, nothing I can do in the evening anyway.
I can log on remotely from home after kids go to bed if need be. But I hardly ever do.
Waving the white flag. I’m exhausted. My eight month old hasn’t slept in over a month. I’m wrapping up my second full month in big law and just not feeling like I measure up. And seriously disappointed in the 20 pounds I’ve gained over the last two months. So, I’m asking, WHEN exactly does it get better?
It doesn’t get better, but you hope you get better at it.
And I don’t think that means working harder or feeling more disappointed in the 20 pounds or more guilty about your 8 month old. I think it means letting go of the disappointment/guilt/distress, loving yourself for doing the best you can do, and trying to enjoy as many small moments in your busy day rather than cramming more in to the point of exhaustion.
I found this article helpful: http://www.glamour.com/entertainment/blogs/obsessed/2014/05/zosia-mamet-glamour-column.html
I hated this article. With so many women in poverty and not enough family-friendly policies, power and money are exactly what women need! The fact that you might use that power and money to get more flexibility isn’t a lady-specific desire.
Actually, I think the point of the article is that you owe your life to nobody but yourself. We can be grateful for the women who paved the way before us so that we could vote, get an education, go into medicine and law and rule the world but yet choose that it’s not for us, individually.
The concept that it’s okay not to build an empire or kill myself to be the very bestest, and instead build a happy, comfortable life for myself felt ground-breaking to me when I read it. As a woman in the workplace I often feel like I have to work the hardest and be the best in order to belong there at all. This article made me realize that I bet a lot of men don’t feel that way and choose goals that they actually want to achieve because they want to achieve them. I choose goals because I feel like I must achieve them to prove that a woman in the workplace can achieve this, that or the next thing even though it takes a terrible toll on my relationships/happiness/well-being. This article made me realize that, and start to re-think.
Let me just say that, wow, taking on a new BigLaw job and having an 8 month old at the same time is a lot of work and it’s not surprising you’re stressed. Most people are stressed by either one of those things alone! So take a step back, breathe, and congratulate yourself on doing it! You go, mama! I know some days with either of those things in your life it can feel like you’re just surviving, not thriving. But it does get better. Likely, if baby slept before the last month, he/she will again. It could be teething or a phase. And similarly the job will get better. It might not get slower or more challenging, but the drowing feeling will pass as you gain mor confidence and get a better feel of the ropes around there.
It does get better. As the mother of an 8 month old myself, I feel your pain (although I have older children as well, so I have proof that this difficult stage passes). First, please consider some form of sleep training. I’m personally a fan of extinction cry-it-out (say good night, leave room, come back in morning) as giving the quickest results with the overall least crying for mom and baby, but there is a spectrum of options for your comfort level. This is the easiest age to address sleep issues. It does not get easier as they get older and more stubborn.
It’s totally normal after 2 months at a new job to feel like you aren’t measuring up. Honestly, you probably aren’t on par with people who’ve been there longer or on matters longer. But, that is built into everyone’s thinking with laterals or new hires. We know that you don’t come in fully formed knowing everything about our cases, firms, styles, the law, etc. It’s frustrating for everyone, yes, but you will get there and then you can help the newbies. Just give it time and keep plugging along.
The 20 pounds, I think you just have to give yourself a pass to not worry about it for some set amount of time. 3 months. 6 months. Try to let the first and second problems resolve before you tackle the third.
I promise that it really does all get better. Just hang in there.
+1 the sleep training rec! I’ve got two, and sleep training was one of the best parenting decisions we ever made. It’s like pulling off a bandaid — one or two nights of crying (the first night for about an hour; the second night for 20 minutes or so), and it was done. Everyone sleeps better and longer, and who doesn’t love that? Also, if you feel guilty, just bear in mind that it is MUCH better for your baby’s health and development to sleep through the night, not least because having a happy and rested mommy is better for baby too!
We’ve sleep trained. Extinction method. I can’t sleep while she’s crying so when she wakes in the middle of the night, whether I get her or not, I can’t sleep. And she’s been waking for the last month, often with a dirty diaper, due to stomach viruses. I can’t leave her with a dirty diaper and sick. She already had a rash from being so ill.
Also, when she was well and we let her cry, she screamed at least 20 minutes, often longer, for two months. Every. Single. Night. But she did then sleep for 9-10 hours solid. Anyway, not all kids are the same.
Illnesses are very hard. On top of two things that are monumentally hard. Luckily, illnesses are usually not in the accute phase forever. In football, this would qualify as piling on.
At least it will be a long weekend.
I promise you this shall pass. You may not see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I assure you, it is there. My now 7 year old woke up every 45 minutes when he was 6 months old. I sleep trained him (brutal but it worked), but then every time he was sick, it felt like I was taking two steps back. He learned. I eventually got sleep. And we survived. You will too. I promise.
Not sure if you’re still reading – but our guy was also extinction-proof. It didn’t make a lot of sense until I found Amalah, and read up on tension-increasers and tension-releasors. Short version – for some kids, crying releases tension for some kids, and they can learn quickly how to get to sleep; for other kids (my son), any period of crying increased tension, and turned into a several hour long weep festival with no sleep for anyone – even after weeks of trying. Read here for more info: http://alphamom.com/parenting/baby/bottle-weaning-sleep-training-other-baby-battles/
If this sounds like your baby, we ended up slightly altering the method of sleep training advised by this book http://www.amazon.com/Sleep-Lady%C2%AE%C2%92s-Good-Night-Tight/dp/1593155581 – Cliffs notes, basically, it was sit by crib for 3 nights, sit across the room for 3 nights, sit in door for 3 nights, and then sit outside door for 3 nights. Our guy needs to have some help calming down when he gets upset, and having one of us in the room to talk to him/soothe with hands at first while next to the crib/then soothing from our voice across the room, and this helped him not to get so upset that he couldn’t calm down, but he still fell asleep in the crib technically on his own, which then led to sleeping through the night. Anyway, we did this at 8 months, and it really, really helped. I didn’t have a problem with CIO, but it really didn’t work for us, so I’m a huge fan of modifying a sleep training method that matches your kid’s personality type (this is why Ferber also didn’t work for us).
Anyway, I was BigLaw at the time, and the lack of sleep made me despondent about it all. Looking back, I realize how much my lack of sleep colored my own perception of my performance. hang in there – you are probably doing better than you think you are.
Hang in there. I’ve found it easier to think of this as the new normal and every day/week helps me get better at juggling certain things.
And co-signing on CIO Theory’s comments — that described my now 21 month old daughter to a T. Several months of CIO and Ferber were super unsuccessful but the approach mentioned in CIO Theory’s comments (which was in the sleep lady shuffle book) worked for us and at 14 months, she began sleeping through the night. Phew!
If you have a significant other, could you treat yourself to one night in a hotel where he/she cares for the baby at home. I don’t have kids but I have heard that one night of real good sleep can act like a hard reset. My mom had to spend a night in the hospital when my brother was little. Everyone was so concerned about how she would handle being away. Her response – it was amazing, I slept, for real.
Yes, all bets are off with illnesses. We went through the never ending stomach issues around month 1-2 with our youngest. I second Blonde Lawyer’s recommendation of a night in a hotel, or at least with the monitor off in a place you can’t hear her while someone else (husband, mother, etc.) cares for her and you sleep. It’s amazing the difference that one night of sleep can make.
Oh, I missed that she’s been sick! That’s so hard on everyone. GL. You’ll get though it, I promise.
I was in your shoes, I started my Big Law job with my first born at 8 months old. It was Hard. I don’t know if “gets better” is the right phrase, maybe I just adjusted? I’ve come to terms that competing with associates sans kids is like comparing apples and oranges. To cope, I learned to be more efficient with the time I do have, and part of that is settling into the position. It just takes time.
I’m going on a limb here, but if you’re in big law and feeling like you don’t measure up, that could just be your firm/group’s dynamics. That’s how it is for me, and I still refuse to adjust to that kind of hazing. I hear that it will burn off after a few years, and it has already lessened, but I still find it ridiculous. Find a mentor, male or female, who can relate. This was particularly helpful for me–maybe life changing.
The other thing that really helped me, emotionally, was focusing on my kid. Our kids are only babies for so long. And even when they aren’t sleeping (and driving you crazy) it’s hard, but keep enjoying the time you do have with him/her–even if it’s a 2am snuggle session. I don’t miss the hazy head from lack of sleep, but my daughter could care less about snuggling now…I miss her being a captive audience. Your job (a job, any job) will *always* be there. Your baby will grow up.
Hang in there, you’re doing a great job. I’m sure your baby is fed, clothed, warm/cool (depending on if you’re getting a real summer right now), and loved. And, I’m sure you’re working hard and doing your best at work. That’s the most any of us can do.
I think that part of the first year in law, though, is unavoidably a sense of screwing up on a daily basis. Because you don’t know anything! And you’re used to knowing stuff! That’s universal, in my experience.
That’s refreshing to hear you say (and the mentor I eventually found). I’ve been told, “We expect perfection from our first year associates.” Not in the “motivate you to work harder way,” but in the “you’re not measuring up” kind of way.
That is a horrible thing to say to first year associates! I was, based on the reviews I received, a solidly performing first year and I still screwed up plenty of things. A partner I really enjoyed working with described it to us as “we have very high standards and expect your best, but we are not surgeons and at the end of the day if you make a mistake no one is going to die,” which I thought was a great way of putting it into perspective.
That perspective is what my mentor has given me–and the confidence to keep going. What’s worse about that statement is it was said not 10min after the speaker sent a client an email that was not intended for the client and had mistakes (grammar and mechanical) in it. My mistake that initiated that comment was a typo in a draft pleading–not entirely different, but certainly no worse.
Ultimately, we expect you to make mistakes – you just shouldn’t make them out of carelessness. Someone who is giving her best effort but sometimes getting it wrong is learning. Someone who’s phoning it in, not paying attention, etc., isn’t. That’s the difference.
Oh my gosh, cbackson! This reminds me of something I heard at lunch this week. It was an awards ceremony for outstanding teachers, and one of the teachers said she tells her students “It’s okay to make mistakes… we’re still learning!” And I thought that was such a wonderful thing to tell them, and would make such a safe environment for learners!
Shay-La, I had a similar experience as a first-year associate. The partner told me “You’re the associate on the case, so anything that goes wrong is your fault by definition.” Which, excuse me, is exactly backwards (as I figured out much, much later). He’s the partner on the case and HE is responsible, by definition, for everything that happens on the case. Gah.
I’ll answer your question: It gets better some time before the end of the second year. Until then, you are going to feel utterly incompetent pretty much every day. The learning curve is so steep, and the hours are so long, that you feel like you are running as fast as you can and still falling behind. It’s totally normal, and having a baby at home (I had a toddler when I started BigLaw) just makes it worse.
I used to take a break in the early evening for some baby time, and then work after he went to bed. Not ideal, but it got me through.
I do this and I don’t have a kid – just need a couple of hours daily to check in with my life. If it’s going to be a late night, I leave, eat, change clothes, and then get back to it. It makes an AMAZING difference.
This.
The first step in getting better always came with my kids at 9 months, so you’re close. Then ~15-18 months you slowly realize that you are treading water instead of drowning. Sleep training will make a world of difference. My pedi had to sit me down for a come to jesus moment when my first was 12 months old, and three days later I was sleeping all night and my world was right side up again. I shouldn’t have waited so long! (FWIW, Ferber’s method worked like a dream for my first who woke every 1.5 hours around the clock – it worked better than extinction for her, but it definitely depends on the kiddo).
Yes, I successfully Ferberized the Marine at 11 months and three weeks, and then wondered why I’d suffered so long!
The original Ferber method is truly amazing. It worked on my son in ONE night. I have no idea how.
I know! It took us, like, two nights. It was like a miracle.
There are a few points where it gets better:
1) when your baby hits 9 or 10 months. I think there’s a rough patch around 8-9 months – for us, it was about diaper rash, teething, and general misery. But we made it through. I also think that it takes a full 40 weeks to recover from a pregnancy. With my first, I didn’t completely feel human again until I had been not-pregnant as long as I had been pregnant.
2) Once you’ve been at your law firm for two years. I really think it takes two full years in biglaw to start feeling competent. This is a really hard job. Being a lawyer is hard, and complicated, and you’re constantly dealing with new issues and new ways of doing business.
3) Once you’ve been at your law firm long enough to be a “senior associate” or whatever your equivalent is. I’m an 8th year (of sorts) now, and it really is different. I have my own clients, delegate to others, am more confident, and have so much more control over my time. I don’t think it takes 8 years to get there, but you do have to be more senior to reap some of the benefits (like flexibility, believe it or not!) of a biglaw career.
Hang in there. Love your kid, get enough help with childcare so you can sleep, and just do your best at your job. If it’s really unmanageable, consider your part time options down the road. But for now, just take it one day at a time and trust that it will get better. I really feel for you. Good luck.
One more thing: there is a sleep regression somewhere around 8 or 9 months. It’s because babies are learning all sorts of developmental things and growing fast and their brains just sort of buzz and they wake up in the middle of the night. The good news is that in my experience, they emerge from sleep regressions with all sorts of new fun tricks and interactivity. This site has really helpful thoughts on it: http://askmoxie.org/blog/2009/03/a-reminder-about-sleep-regressions.html
Just to put in a vote against sleep training – I had my three kids while in biglaw (still in biglaw) – we sleep trained my oldest, and I hated every minute of it, so we didn’t sleep train my younger two but did modified cosleeping, which worked well for us. So to each her own. And it does get a lot easier as they get older. 8 months is hard because between trying to crawl and teething, those babies are a mess. I have to say though, I wish when I just had one that I built in more me time to exercise, get a pedicure, sleep etc. Either by asking DH or by getting a sitter. Now with three, it’s so much harder to fit stuff in because we’re dealing with multiple schedules/activities etc.
Canadian r e t t e s – any advice for an articling student that was not hired back?
That time of year.
From my friends’ experiences in this a few years ago, I think the best thing to do is get back out there ASAP- a lot of people will be in your position so you want to beat them to the jobs. If you have someone at your firm who can vouch for you, get them to write a letter of recommendation.
Take the weekend to gather yourself, then get back on the horse on Monday.
I’m sorry to hear that – it happens unfortunately. Please know it (likely) has nothing to do with your ability to be a lawyer or your work product. However, you will be a lawyer regardless so that’s a good thing!
I would take a few days to absorb this and on Monday, start your plan to find a new job. I have lots of friends who did doc review after they were called and before they found a new job and it paid well and helped fill in some gaps so that’s an option.
If the partners at your firm like you and you have a good relationship with some or all of them, ask them for help. Reach out to your and their network. Start by having coffee or lunch with other lawyers you know, even if they’re fairly junior. I had lunch a couple weeks ago with an articling student who wasn’t getting hired back but reached out to me because I knew him from law school. While I didn’t find him a job, I was able give him a few leads and will keep him in mind when jobs come up.
Good luck!
1. Don’t worry. Law firms without an articling program or with a small articling program that doesn’t guarantee a good match will be looking to pick up new calls in May and September. If you are in Ontario, keep watching the Ontario Reports, OBA website and TotalLegal website for job postings.
2. Ask the lawyers at your present firm for any help they can give. Although it can be difficult to ask for help, it often isn’t a big deal for them to write you a nice reference letter or recommend you when a friend mentions that they are looking for an associate. A lawyer at the firm I articled with liked me so much that she went above and beyond to secure a contract position for me when I wasn’t hired back, so it’s worth asking.
3. Let your personal networks know that you are looking for a position. Although you may feel sheepish at the moment, there are a lot of jobs that aren’t posted and are filled through word of mouth. I got a job because I mentioned to one of my law school professors that I wasn’t hired back and he recommended me to someone he knew who was looking for an associate. The personal recommendation put me way ahead of the competition (the firm actually contacted me to request my resume and an interview), so tell everyone you know!
Good luck! It will all be completely, perfectly fine.
Will just add to everyone’s comments – you need to get the partners at your firm working for you to help you. Your prospects will depend on what you’re interested in. If it’s litigation, you should be able to find a good match at a smaller firm or boutique within a year, likely less. Very few will hire until September but you may be one of the lucky ones and get something now. If it’s a corporate specialty group, you should have decent luck but may need to hold out for several months – get the partners in that group at your firm calling people and sending your resume around ASAP. This is not the time to be shy or sheepish. Hassle them – in a polite way. If you’re interested in straight corporate, all the more reason to get partners calling their friends now. It’ll be tough.
Go enjoy your summer though – don’t feel you can’t travel just because you didn’t get hired back. You really should!
Hey everyone, a couple of weeks ago I asked a question about pediatric EEGs and got some great responses. Thank you to all who replied. We ended up taking my son for an EEG at a local children’s hospital. According to our pedi, the results have come back “mildly abnormal but not concerning.” We have been advised to see a neurologist at the hospital for follow up but getting an appointment will take more than 2 months. I’d like to get my hands on the actual report but the hospital has not shared the full report with the pedi and will not give it to us since we are not patients there (yet). Do I have any patient rights here or recourse? Seems strange that they won’t give us a report on our child. Thanks Hive!
You are patients of the hospital if the hospital performed the test. You most certainly have rights to obtain the report.
Generally the actual records are the property of the provider, but patients are entitled to copies of them. Have you made a formal request through their medical records/health information office for a copy of all records on your child? If your child had a procedure at the hospital, then it seems that your child is a patient of the hospital. If you aren’t getting good answers, ask to speak with their HIPAA privacy officer or legal counsel. The Notice of Privacy Practices (you probably can find a copy on their website) should give you contact information.
This. You’re entitled to a copy, although you may have to pay a small fee for the records. Call their Privacy Officer and explain the situation and ask how you can formally request the records.
If the results are mildly abnormal, I’d be concerned. There is some variation of what is “normal” on an EEG – i.e. if you took a kid with zero symptoms, you might get abnormal results, but that wouldn’t be concerning because the kid obviously has no symptoms. However, your son does have symptoms. I will tell you that as a layperson, I could not interpret the EEG report myself in any way, shape, or form – but you could take the report to another doctor if you needed to. If this were me, I would push hard for an appointment sooner than two months. Two months is way too long to go without seeing a neurologist in person if your kid has symptoms.
In other words, you’d never do an EEG on a completely healthy kid just to see if is EEG was abnormal – because it very well might be, but you’d never treat him.
Sorry for the multiple responses. You want to find out if your son’s episodes are seizures, or if they are some other (benign) issue and not related to the EEG abnormalities. You do need to see the neuro, and two months seems like too long to wait.
Is the 2 month wait when you called, or your son’s ped office called? Call and make the appointment 2 months from now, then ask your ped’s office if they would be willing to call and ask if you could come in sooner or put you on the cancelation list. This is the advice we were given when we needed to get our son into a specialist from our ped – they seem to take calls from doctor’s offices more seriously than from laypeople with a referral, IME. However, some specialists really do just have that much of a backlog, unfortunately, and there may not be anything you can do but wait the 2 months.
This is also good advice – your doctor might be able to get you in there quicker. Also, note if your son’s symptoms are improving or getting worse. If they’re progressing or getting more frequent, you could consider taking him to the ER (not for the faint of heart). If your son is admitted, he WILL be seen by a neuro.
I agree with this, and also the fact that you do not have an immediate appointment can be good. When our child had to be seen by a specialist, our pedi called from our appointment with her and we had an appointment the next day, because it was something that could have been urgent (turned out everything was fine, but it had me completley worried that everyone reacted in the way they did.)
Normally I would agree with this – but not every pediatrician is familiar with seizure disorders, and in same cases, delaying treatment can be harmful. From the OP’s initial post a week ago, the symptoms were equivocal (they might be due to some other condition) – but relying on the pediatrician to recognize the seriousness of a neurological symptom might not be a good idea.
Thanks for your replies everyone. We tried calling ourselves for the appointment but will see if the pedi’s office can call. They are still trying to get the report from the hospital and fill out requests for that, so that’s the first battle. A close relative of mine is a doctor at a large east coast hospital so we were hoping to send the report to him for an opinion. I will however try and get an appointment sooner, perhaps with a different doctor. I’ll go mad if I have to wait until August.
honestly, why do you need the report if you are not a neurologist who can interpret it correctly and in light of your child’s other symptoms. I think that this may be a case of picking your battle- your first priority should be absolutely 100% to get good-quality care from a top neuro as soon as possible. All you will do with the report is play “google-doctor” and reach the same conclusion that because you don’t have medical school + residency + years of experience needed to diagnose and treat, you need to get in to see a top neuro as soon as possible. I really don’t get this mindset.
Because doctors are not always right. We may not be doctors but sometimes we can catch something important right in the narrative of a radiology report. I look at medical records frequently for my job. I had a PI client that fell down a flight of stairs. She was seen at the ER for wrist/neck/ankle injury. They diagnosed those right but failed to tell her that her brain scan showed signs of Alzheimers. It was right there in the narrative. Not part of the ER duties so it would go to the primary to follow up. Yet the primary probably got it and saw that it was related to an ER visit for a PI matter and didn’t read further. Client never learned she had Alzheimers until the case. This stuff happens ALL THE TIME.
I have my own medical stuff going on and I see multiple specialists. They all supposedly talk so I don’t get duplicate tests. My GI deferred blood work since my primary and neuro were ordering stuff but he wanted two tests for him including in their run. They said they would do it. He never checked back for results. I asked for my test results and saw that the GI stuff was never run! No one would have caught that but me.
I agree that google diagnosis is dangerous but at the same time there is much to be learned from others that have been there / done that.
I have learned about med side effects that my doc never attributed to my drug but once I posted on a forum for my disease I learned tons of other people had the same issue and their docs said it WAS their drug.
You really have to be your own health care advocate and getting copies of things is the first step.
Fine, I guess… but don’t expect the EEG report to be written in anything resembling English.
Just to be clear, I’m not the OP – just one of “those people” that double checks some of my medical stuff – knowing that I am not a doctor and may not understand all of it. I just try to be an informed patient.
If you go to another doctor (not affiliated with the hospital that did the EEG), they will probably require another EEG. If the EEG technician did not note any physical episodes in connection with the EEG spikes, there might be a need for longer monitoring, maybe 24 hours or more.
It’s quite possible that your son’s symptoms are benign, and a trained neuro might be able to tell you that within minutes. Your long-distance relative probably cannot, and if he/she is not a neuro, may not be qualified to read the EEG report.
The most reassuring thing you can possibly do is see an epilepsy specialist. If the episodes are benign, they will tell you that. If they’re not benign, you need their level of expertise.
I should have clarified – my relative (my brother-in-law, in fact) is in neurology and therefore can read the report and give us a sense of how urgent it is to get to a specialist for follow up. If I can’t get an appointment with the local hospital until August and the report seems concerning then I plan to find a facility where I can get a specialist appt sooner – locally or elsewhere. My priority is to get my son to a specialist asap but so far I have gotten nowhere with getting an appointment at the local hospital.
Give the hospital permission to release it directly to him then.
And just brainstorming- if your BIL is a neurologist, maybe he can use hus connections to get you in quickly with a colleague in your city. Hey, whatever works.
I’m a neurologist.
Call the office that did the EEG and ask them to send the report to the ordering doctor – your primary care doctor I assume? Then, that doctor can send it it you. The referring doctor always gets a report. It’s usually very brief and won’t be very helpful without a doctor who examines your child and knows the history though… . It is annoying that most clinics will not send you a copy directly, but yes – you can fill out a medical records request form and fax it and mail it in… But often they are very slow to mail records and sometimes they never send them. I hate struggling with getting records.
Once you see the real neurologist, they will repeat the study anyway, so the report isn’t that critical.
If you want to be seen sooner, ask to be placed on the cancellation list. And then call every couple days and ask if there are any cancellations. They happen all the time, and persistence pays off.
Thank you so much! Yep, we filled out the forms to get the records released to the pedi – he said it might take a couple of weeks for his office to get them from the hospital that did the EEG. And thank you for that tip about the cancellation list! I didn’t even know such a thing existed. Thank you, thank you!
Having recently been through the special h3ll of pediatric neurology, seizures, EEGs and MRIs, admission to the PICU and a prolonged stay, I can sympathize with the stress of waiting. While you are waiting for your appt, make sure you video the episodes, time them, and document what happened right before it happened.
I remember a lot of ladies were talking about wanting to see more A-line dresses, and I wanted to share with you the one I just bought: http://www.anntaylor.com/striped-boucle-dress/323442?colorExplode=false&skuId=16034068&catid=cata000012&productPageType=fullPriceProducts&defaultColor=0177. It’s fabulous and work appropriate with a blazer on top (except for super formal). I got a cropped white jacket to go with it (also from Ann Taylor although I can’t find it online). So many compliments in the office today.
Can you comment on the texture? It says boucle, but it looks a little strange on the site.
Ooh, I was looking at that one yesterday after I clicked on the skirt link. It’s super cute! I hesitated because I couldn’t quite see the fabric online. I assume it’s lovely in person?
Oooh, that does look nice. And it comes in petites! I’d also like to hear more about the fabric. I’m having a hard time picturing warm weather boucle.
Hmm… how to describe. It comes across as not super casual — it has a little bit of a sheen in the threading that makes it look much more substantial than a knit-type of material. It’s about the same weight as light-weight suiting and is fully lined. I really like it. You could make it a little more casual with sandals — although you would still look a little overdressed for a summer BBQ — or you can wear it with nylons and a jacket and make it look professional.
Does Kate Spade price match? I ordered a dress and now it’s on sale at Bloomingdales. Is price matching only a thing at grocery stores?
No and Yes.
I think Zappos price matches other sites.
Not any more. I asked not long ago, and they said they got rid of the policy because they wanted to focus on quality customer service. Humbug.
Nordstrom still does it. I ordered a pair of CH wedges from them last weekend that were on (final) sale from the CH website. They were actually very cute about it – “we love to match our competitors!!”
Yes, Nordstroms does. Their sales people frequently mention it to me when they know about a sale price elsewhere.
At the other spectrum, I think Walmart does? Big question mark, though. We don’t have one near us, so I’ve never actually been.
Nordstrom, Saks, and Bloomingdale’s all price match. Saks will only price match the other major department stores (vs. Shopstyle for example) because that’s who they consider their competition, but they do at least price match. Generally though, price matching is only at the time of purchase, not after the fact. After purchase, your only chance is a price adjustment if it goes on sale at the original store of purchase.
Retailers like BB&B and Target do this too. It is absolutely not just a grocery store thing.
Recruiting TJ: I’ve been contacted by a recruiter for a position that seems (from the description) to be pretty great, but I’m not familiar with the procedure of working through a recruiter at all. What should I expect, and are there any red flags to look out for? The position seems above my experience level, and I think would be a huge pay jump, but as we’ve been saying on this board, hey, men apply when they only have 50% of the experience required, so why not?
Ask A Manager talks about recruiters a lot.
Because I’m not a huge AAM fan, I’ll answer. Recruiters work for the company, not you so always keep that in mind. I’ve gone through them when they are doing an exclusive search but if they don’t have an exclusive, then I’d check and see if I know someone at the company who may get me closer to the hiring manager. You need to be careful about applying for the job outside the recruiter – if the position is posted and you go & apply, they won’t be considered the entity that “found” you so they may not put you forward. Recruiters can be great and can give you inside intelligence on the hiring process. I recommend meeting with them in person (if you can) – you can talk over your qualifications and if you’re not right for this job, they’ll tell you. Also good to have an ongoing relationship with a few in case. It’s a little different from “applying or not” in general.
Actually, recruiters work for themselves. They don’t work for the company unless we pay them a retainer. They will sell the company down the river in order to make a few more dollars.
I think you can have internal recruiters (part of HR) and external recruiters (consultant who is paid to find people). It’s the external ones that get the finders fee and will get cut out of the loop if you apply to the company directly.
I think what Anon was getting at is that the recruiter is getting paid by the company, not you. It’s thus in the recruiter’s interest to find someone the company will like, but not necessarily ensure that you will like the company (I know some payouts require the hire to stay a certain amount of time, but very few hires leave within that window out of their own self-interest in not looking like a job-hopper).
I agree that it doesn’t hurt to at least listen about the job, but I’d be wary of entering into any sort of agreement with the recruiter. In my market, there’s an oversaturation of recruiters and the fierce competition has led to a lot of unethical practices–one of the most common is the bait and switch, where they send you an email or call you with a job that sounds amazing, and you send them your resume for the purpose of applying to that job. Naturally, you then find out that job was just filled but he/she has X, Y, and Z “great opportunities for you” and before you know it the recruiter has carpet-bombed the market with your resume.
It’s typically the company that engages the recruiter to find someone for a position in an exclusive search. The recruiter may not get paid unless they find someone, so yes, they are typically “working for themselves” but you shouldn’t get lulled into thinking that the recruiter is working for you the candidate. They want to build a relationship with the company to get more searches.
I’m the internal recruiter (although we don’t call ourselves that in my industry) and I routinely work with external agencies/search firms on both a retained/exclusive and non-exclusive basis. When someone says “I got called by a recruiter” they typically are referring to the external head hunter/recruiter/search firm. To clarify my comment: internal recruiters (aka Talent Management or Recruiting Manager) work for the company to manage the recruiting/hiring/on-boarding process for the company; external recruiters work for a placement agency/themselves on some type of a commission basis and thus only get paid when they make a placement. They are not incentivized to work for the best interests of the candidate or the company but rather themselves. Obviously, if they burn too many employers their job orders/searches will decrease but really, they truly are out just to make a placement and get paid.
To the OP: Take the call, hear them out. It’s just a conversation. A reputable head hunter will give you the pertinent details, will only submit you to positions for which you agree to be submitted (and will not carpet bomb your resume all over town), and will only call you for positions for which you are qualified (or to ask you if you know someone who is). If, however, you have a good contact within the hiring company, use it! Don’t let the head hunter get involved – don’t discuss the position, don’t grant them permission to submit you, etc. My company prefers to pay a smaller referral bonus to the current employee who refers someone we hire and retain for a year.
Even if you are not really looking never turn down the opportunity to speak with a recruiter. They can give you lots of info on what your skills are really worth in the open marketplace.
The only “why not” is if its a company you might want to go for a different position for in the near future. I had a recruiter send me to a position that he talked me into being a good fit “oh, they want someone earlier in their career, 2-3 years experience is good” and wouldn’t tell me who the company was until I agreed to go on the interview. I went on the interview and it was NOT a good fit, and then the recruiter told me “oh, they really wanted someone with 5+ years experience but I thought you would be ok”. Then, because of the deal the recruiter signed with the company, I couldn’t apply at that company for 1 year for any position without the company having to pay the recruiter for “introducing” me to the company – and the locations for that company I really wanted to go to wouldn’t pay the recruiter fee for their positions. I also found out later that this recruiter had a shotgun/throw it at the wall and see what sticks approach and had burned some of my other colleagues similarly.
TLDR – ask around and see if anyone in your nextwork has used/heard of this recruiter – some are far better than others. Also google and see if the position comes up on Monster, Indeed etc – some shady recruiters try to turn in candidates they’ve “found” to positions that are openly posted, not that the recruiter has been already hired to search for.
Thanks for the great replies – this is stuff that’s definitely not on AAM. Exactly what I was looking for, thanks ladies.
FYI Calvin Klein has 50% off a ton of stuff right including all suit separates and a lot of sheath dresses, plus an extra 30% off some things. I ordered about $1000 worth of stuff for $400. I hope it fits because it looks beautiful and I haven’t made major wardrobe purchases in a long time.
Can anyone who has ever lived or worked in the UAE comment on your experience? My in-laws are considering a move there in the near future. In case it makes a difference, they are US citizens but not US-born (but also not from the Middle East), and they are non-practicing Christians.
My husband and I are currently living in Kuwait, which is admittedly different than the UAE. From what I’ve heard, however, living and working in the UAE is decidedly better than here.
The Middle East is usually a harder adjustment for women than for men, IMO. I have found that, as much as it’s technically acceptable for a woman to be out by herself, in practice it attracts the wrong kind of attention (I actually will not be outside my mom by myself). Also, even though Western clothing is supposed to be acceptable for women, I know that the (white) mom of an acquaintance wears an abaya daily.
That being said, I’ve had friends who loved life in Dubai. There were always things to do and places to explore. The huge number of expats meant that they made lots of friends from all sorts of places. Some of my friends are practicing Christians and found that they were able to freely attend church services, Bible studies, and the like.
My time abroad wasn’t in the UAE, but I have visited and have friends who have done it. One thing for your in-laws to keep in mind is that there is a pretty big difference between Dubai and other emirates, like Abu Dhabi. Dubai is the most open and the norms and customs that are more challenging for women expats are toned down. There is also just more to do in Dubai, and most of the expat wives (who are not working), prefer it there because it is a better quality of life for them. The difference is beg enough that, when I was visiting, a fair number of people would live in Dubai and commute to Abu Dhabi for work every day. Abu Dahbi was going to (has?) put in regulations to curtail this practice because to essentially took money out of their pockets.
As with any expat experience, it is always helpful to have a clear timeline on living there. 2-3 years looks good on a resume, over 5 can actually be a negative.
Thanks for these responses. As to timeline, it is indefinite (in-laws are at end of their working years and the plan is to work in UAE until retirement). So resume isn’t really a concern/consideration.
Does anyone have ideas for places to look for affordable, colorful statement necklaces without any metal showing? I find that I don’t really like having to deal with the tarnishing of silver/gold colors, but I do need some statement pieces in bright colors. I’m envisioning $30 or less.
My 90-year-old mom turned me on to this crazy place called Charming Charlie. They have every kind of accessory you can imagine, in every color you can imagine, all for super cheap (like, $6.00 sunglasses and $19.99 watches and yes, under-$30 statement necklaces). If you have one near you, that’s the first place you should check out.
Oh, and I see you can now shop online, and they do have some necklaces with no metal showing: http://www.charmingcharlie.com/jewelry/necklaces.html
+1 Charming Charlies. I would suggest you have a VERY good idea of what you want (ex. royal blue statement necklace) of you will 1. be very overwhelemed when you walk in and 2. walk out with the whole store.
Wow, it’s Claire’s for grown ups! Thanks!
OP: I’ve seen some fun stuff at JCPenny. I don’t have links, but it’s worth a browse.
Fake silver doesn’t tarnish. I have some necklaces from RiteAid made out of fake silver which I love. They look like sterling, are attractive styles, and cost about $7 each.
I think your best bet would be beads or natural stones. I have a bunch like this that I’ve collected in my travels over the years. Something like this maybe: http://www.etsy.com/listing/167406005/discounted-blue-stone-necklace-perhaps?ref=sr_gallery_20&ga_search_query=stone+necklace&ga_order=most_relevant&ga_ship_to=US&ga_min=15&ga_max=30&ga_page=2&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery
Or you could go for something without a lot of metal, like this: http://factory.jcrew.com/womens-clothing/jewelry/necklaces/PRDOVR~B0387/B0387.jsp
Or this: http://www.lastcall.com/Nakamol-Multi-Layered-Beaded-Necklace-Pink/prod23650035_cat5990005__/p.prod?icid=&searchType=EndecaDrivenCat&rte=%252Fcategory.service%253FitemId%253Dcat5990005%2526pageSize%253D120%2526No%253D0%2526Ns%253DMAX_PROMO_PRICE%2526refinements%253D&eItemId=prod23650035&cmCat=product
I’ve ordered a few beaded statement necklaces from Bellum and Rouge. I have 2 of the seven layer necklaces – green (http://www.bellumandrogue.us/collections/necklace/products/seven-layer-necklace-1) and purple (http://www.bellumandrogue.us/collections/necklace/products/seven-layer-necklace). I also have the Balls In Your Court necklace http://www.bellumandrogue.us/collections/necklace/products/ball-s-in-your-court-purple and it get’s a lot of attention.
I’ve ordered a few metal necklaces from Bellum and Rouge and they look cheap in person.
Bauble Bar (http://www.baublebar.com/categories/necklaces/statement/sort-by/price/sort-direction/asc.html) is a little pricier but they have a lot of interesting options.
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