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My Mulberry obsession continues – although I've often said I prefer totes to briefcases for women, this one is a really classic but feminine take on a briefcase.
I like the fact that it has feet (so rare these days!!) and smartphone pockets, but do note that it's unlined.
The pictured Bayswater is one of the largest sizes; it's $1,650 at Nordstrom.
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Great Pick
I have the tote in this color and it is fabulous!!!
Anon
It is gorgeous!
Anon
I love it! Perfect colour, and possibly the perfect size to hold all my junk.
Etiquette Q
Hi. A friend’s elderly father has passed away. We talk regularly but I don’t see him often. Since I won’t be able to make it to the service, what should I do to let him know he’s supported?
Anon
Send him a heartfelt sympathy card. “I know you loved him a lot” is a nice sentiment a lot of people are afraid to say but was meaningful to me when in your friend’s situation.
If the obituary lists a charity in lieu of flowers, make a small donation to that. No need to mention that to your friend. Well-run charities will send a note to the bereaved about it.
Me
Adding to this. Put a note on your calendar and send the card in about 6 weeks. There is a lot of activity right now. Lots of cards flowing in. In six weeks, everyone has moved on with life, but your friend is still in grief. He will appreciate that you’re still thinking about him then.
My birthday was about 3 months after my parent’s death. A friend I see two to three times a year sent a card to me saying she knew this was going to be a really hard birthday; she didn’t have a cheer up message. I felt deeply understood. I cannot tell you how much I appreciated her expressing that sentiment….because it was.
For me, I didn’t care whether people donated to the charitable organization. We just did it because it’s what you’re supposed to do and we knew some people want to do something, and that’s what we have decided to do as a society.
Anon
It meant a huge amount to me if someone gave to charities in memory when someone close to me died.
I know for most it is just a token. But the charities were very person to my loved one and/or why they ded, and the fact that people took the time to think about it, go to donate, and actually do it. The vast majority of people do not. Definitely not my zillionaire relatives, but they don’t call either.
So few people in my circles take the time to even say their condolences in anyway. To take the time to donate or send a cord or write a sentence or two in a card was very touching to me. I remember every one.
NYNY
When I lost my mother, it was meaningful when friends sent flowers to my father’s house or to the memorial service (which was delayed significantly due to covid), and when they made donations in her name. But the most meaningful thing was that some of them kept checking in with me for months afterwards. A lot of people support you immediately, but grief really outlasts the support. So make a gesture now if you think he will appreciate it, but also call or text him next week and every few weeks after to let him know you’re thinking of him and are there for anything he needs.
Anon
I knew elder care was hard, I was not prepared for the different challenges that come up when you’re supporting your spouse who is taking care of their own parent. That’s all.
Me
I spent a year taking care of a dying parent recently. I was out of town about fifty percent of the time for 12 months. Fortunately, we do not have children, which made the logistics easier for me to do that. The most helpful thing DH did was he never complained or conveyed any negativity about my absences. He would tell me he missed me, but never in a tone that conveyed he wished I weren’t traveling to take care of my parent. He always dropped me off and picked me up at the airport no matter what time of day I flew out or landed. He came with me to spend time with my parent when I asked him to, but otherwise I did my thing and he supported me as much as he could. It’s a very tough life stage for everyone. My appreciation for a supportive spouse through it is tremendous, and I hope your spouse feels the same way about you.
Anon
I expect when we come out on the other side he will. Deep in the throes, it’s . . . hard.
Anon
I’m the one who posted below about my spouse helping me and he sounds just like yours. I never take him for granted. He’s even getting on a plane next week to help move my relative into assisted living (since I can’t fly at the moment).
Anon
I’m the one whose spouse is helping me. I’m so, so grateful. It’s damn f*cking hard.
anon for this
It is hard to watch your beloved spouse stress and guilt over their elder parent’s care and eventual death. MIL died just over a week ago and now the familial issues are really coming to light. His siblings are narcissists and have done little to nothing (and frankly one took serious financial advantage of MIL), and now my spouse is trying to figure out the mess of a very modest but complicated estate, despite not even being the named executor (the one who is doesn’t want to do it and never follows through with anything). I seriously would like to rage at these people and wring their necks but am biting my tongue so so so hard. My spouse and I almost never fight, but his dysfunctional family is a major issue between us when I try to draw some boundaries – these next few months will be ugly.
Anon
Hire an attorney and let the attorney do the probate work, if you can afford it. Remind flaky adult that being an executor comes with legal responsibilities and they can be liable for screwing it up. Ask if flaky adult child wants DH to handle that responsibility instead.
Anon
Is there a way to get out of being an executor if you don’t want to be one? My dh is my mil’s choice despite his repeated requests not to be. He would prefer to just let his siblings fight over things while he bows out entirely. He wants nothing from her. I’m dreading the day he has to do something.
Anonymous
Not sure if you’ll see this, but generally you can resign from the position and there are terms for appointing a successor. I’m not sure if you can resign before the person dies.
Me
Would your spouse consider walking away from everything? He may not get anything – whether that is money or items with sentimental value – but he may get peace from separating from these siblings. My mom comes from a similar family and her plan for 20 years before her own mom died was that she would fly in for the funeral and then leave while the vultures fought over the stuff. For her, being part of that fight wasn’t worth it. She executed on her plan and never regretted it.
Anonymous
We are just finishing up a 2 1/2 year long estate settlement and I wish this had been an option for us – it wasn’t because of the law in the country where a lot of the assets were located, you can’t disclaim a inheritance, I guess, except during a brief window, and the Inlaw, who was the executor, did nothing during that period to figure it out. So I had to go along for the ride. I wish we could’ve walked the hell away, instead of trashing the relationship with the Inlaw.
Anon
This reminds me of the Pippa bag everyone was crazy about 15 (?) years ago.
anon
oh fun – I thought of that bag too! The Modalu Pippa bag in this exact grey was my first designer bag. I still have it, and the fancy big box it came in stores all of my nice bags (I don’t have a ton of bags).
Anon
It’s a beautiful color! I always regretted not buying the Pippa bag, and I like this one even more but alas it’s way out of my budget.
anon
This one is so pretty! and more modern looking, although agreed out of my budget (by quite a ways :)) too. I was looking for a different bag and pulled out my cognac mini-Pippa and decided to use it for the fall for a while. Inevitably the little front pockets will annoy me after a while. :)
I did notice just now when I just googled (to make sure I was spelling Modalu right) there is a Modalu Pippa in grey on Postmark for $75. Doesn’t look like it’s in bad shape! :)
Charmed Girl
Ooh, you’ve inspired me to find my Pippa and pull it out to use this fall!
Fraud Question
I had two incidents earlier this year of people using my identity – one was an unemployment claim and another was a fraudulent attempt to open a Capital One card in my name. I froze my credit, reported each through respective channels, changed all passwords to super complex/random passwords and moved along. DH did the same. These were in roughly spring and summer this year.
Just got a letter in the mail that someone tried to open a Wells Fargo CC in my name and the letter is asking me to call WF to have my credit unfrozen so the application can be processed. I’m in the process of contacting WF to report the fraud.
On the one hand, the credit freezing is doing it’s job and this was stopped. On the other hand – why is this still happening? Is this just going to be a thing indefinitely? I’m already hypervigilant about my finances, take a very “trust no one” stance – I didn’t call the WF number in the letter, I went to the web s i te to find the number and called direct, etc. But, is this just one of those things that once you face an attempted fraud it’s likely to happen again and again?
Anon
Your info is on the “dark web” now. Freezing your credit was the right thing to do. My info on the dark web says hi to yours!
Anon
Ditto here. I expect to keep my credit frozen for the rest of my life because that genie is out of the bottle for good. Hi from my info on the dark web!
OP
Just learned that DH got an email (not a letter) from WF declining his credit card application, though the reason for decline did not reference a credit freezing, as mind did. His card application # in the email is the same application # I have in my letter. So, someone applied for a card in our names jointly I think…?
Ugh this is such a PITA. I just want to know what I can do to make sure we’re fully protected. As I said, credit freezing is doing it’s job clearly. Is that really all we can do? Monitor accounts, keep credit frozen and report fraud as they come in?
BeenThatGuy
I’m sorry this happened to you. Honestly, I had fraud issues multiple times a year back in the early 2010’s. Once I signed up for LifeLock, I’ve had no issues. I’m alerted to anything suspicious (you pick the settings) and it’s been great. For me, it’s worth the subscription price.
Anon
my identity was stolen and several accounts were opened (and then I promptly closed them) in my name a few years ago. everyone once in awhile a new “we can’t approve this cuz your credit is frozen” message comes thru and I figure it’s working.
the joint point is interesting! my theory is that my fraudster got access to my credit report as they seemed to strategically apply for places that I didn’t already have accounts with (e.g., if I have a Verizon account they opened a sprint account, I didn’t have a Kohl’s or Sam’s card and they opened those). I wonder if the joint account was an end run too to try to avoid the freeze
Anonymous
I am handling some matters involving ID theft where the person successfully opened the account and then defaulted. It has been very helpful to have a police report showing the fraud has been reported to authorities. In fact, it is the only evidence the bill collectors have demanded. So you may want to go ahead and do that.
OOO
Can anyone recommend a duffel bag for weekend trips? I have a Vera Bradley one but it seems very college-student-esque.
Anon
I have a Le Sportsac that still looks new after 12 years. Highly recommend.
Anonymous
Unless you are an insanely light and efficient t packer, my recommendation is do NOT get a cuyana weekender. I have one. It is gorgeous, but somehow, it doesn’t hold what I need it to and I end up bringing an XL LLBean canvas tote as a secondary bag to hold my computer, Dopp kit, and laptop/charging cords. I recently got the lo and sons large Catalina, and I’m hoping that works better with the way I pack. I will fully admit that I’m not the most efficient packer, but I just need a bag that easily holds three outfits, and extra pair of shoes, my Dopp kit, and my laptop.
Anonymous
Also don’t get the Everlane weekender. Wildly small.
+1 to le sportsac or the rando one I got from Amazon.
Anon
Roots Banff Bag is great! I have it in a darker brown that’s versatile. Link to follow.
Anon
https://www.roots.com/ca/en/small-banff-bag-cervino-56040062.html?dwvar_56040062_color=045
SSJD
Agree with the Lesport Sac recommendation. I also like the Andi bags. Also, the Lands End all purpose duffle is awesome. It’s not high style, but it gets the job done and is very affordable. I give it to teens as gifts all the time.
Hellooooooooo
Echoing Lesportsac duffle for the win! Usually lots on Posh and Mercari that are new or great condition.
Anonymous
what are everyone’s thoughts on membership clubs like costco vs sam’s club or other?
Anonymous
Costco makes sense for my family. We live in the ‘burbs and have a fair amount of storage for paper products and party size snacks. We also more than pay our membership with the discount we get on my allergy meds (generic claritin). Gas is also worth it for us. And fairlife protein shakes.
Sybil
I have a membership to both. Overall I vastly prefer Costco. I got my Sam’s membership for $10 so I’ve gotten my money’s worth but won’t renew, at least not at full price. Pluses of Sam’s include delivery/pickup, a nice selection of multipacks of our preferred brands (like Jack’s and Digiorno pizza), and online shopping is so nice and easy because the price is the same online as in-store. Downsides are weird cost-cutting measures – both the Charmin toilet paper and Bounty paper towels are narrower than the type I get at Costco or Target, produce is not great, the Member’s Mark brand stuff is not amazing, and it’s on the other side of town for me. Costco products are routinely better for me, and it’s more convenient.
Anonymous
Some of the costco products are really good. We get all diapers and wipes there, plus most of our meat and other shelf or freezer staples
Costco girlie
Costco gang represent.
I have a BJs just up the road from costco (MA, BJs-land. No Sams.) and I still take Costco anyday. I find them cleaner, I like the product choices better, I trust Kirkland brand, and if you shoulder the appropriate times (like, don’t go on a weekend afternoon and complain. my timeslot is opening or end of day just before closing), it’s a great experience.
anon
Costco makes sense for my family too. We live in the suburbs and have storage for paper products and cleaning products. We also have a second refrigerator/freezer in our garage, so we can stock up on meat and fish and put it in the freezer. DH knows enough about wine to pick out the good bottles. We also buy razors, my face cream, vitamins and OTC medications there. DH fills up his gas tank when he goes.
You don’t need a membership for this, but we also use Costco’s pharmacy and optical shop.
Anon
I was a Costco fangirl for the longest time, but I got sick of the terrible parking lot that is always full and the crowded store. I tried Sam’s on a lark and I have been converted. Scan to pay means you never have to wait in line. There is never a line for gas. The stores are pretty empty even on the weekend. Shopping there is relaxing and hassle free. Costco is so behind the times in terms of technology, like not being able to check to see if an item is in stock. Costco definitely has a better booze collection, but Sam’s has more of the foods my kids like to eat.
Anon
+1 I can’t face it. I patronize local businesses instead.
Monte
I am a single woman in a small apartment and Costco makes sense for me. The difference in gas costs ($1.10/gal cheaper than my local Shell), contact lenses and meds make the membership cost worth it, and everything else is gravy. I am not going there at 1pm on a Saturday because I would lose my mind, but going after work on a Wednesday to get a rotisserie chicken, TP, or a couple of pounds of frozen salmon is always a good call.
Shock
Just discovered that I was robbed. My bedroom window was broken and someone ripped my safe right out of the wall. Feeling so violated and also afraid it was an inside job, since they came and went from my closet and didn’t go anywhere else in the house. Do I have any hope of recovering the sentimental jewelry that was in my safe? I had all the jewelry left to me by my mom, grandma, and great aunt. None was wildly valuable, but there were things I was hoping to pass down to my daughters some day. I’ve obviously filed a police report, but should I be calling local pawn shops or anything to see if someone is trying to resell my jewelry?
Anon
I would definitely check pawn shops for the next few months. Also flea markets.
Anon
I’m so sorry this happened to you.
Canvass the pawn shops! Look on FB marketplace and Craigslist daily. This is a leg work issue. Move quickly.
Anonymous
I am so, so sorry. I was robbed in 2010 and didn’t sleep well after until I got a dog.
We had just moved in to our cute house in the safe suburbs and i left a window open. Burglar cut the screen, did a pass and grabbed a few things then left. DH kept an old valuable camera in a pelican case, which is also what many people keep Gus in, and thankfully this guy didn’t grab it bc the camera is valuable and very very sentimental.
Police told us he was after pills, sucks for him bc best I had was birth control.
I can’t believe they ripped the safe from your closet! That’s insane! I hope your neighbors have cameras that help catch these people.
Anon
I’m so sorry. I would ask neighbors that have nest cameras if they caught anything.
Runcible Spoon
I am so sorry this happened to you. I DOES feel like you were violated. Please take care and be good to yourself.
Anon
Many years ago, my mom found some of her stolen jewelry at a pawn shop. So, yes, it is worth a try.