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Something on your mind? Chat about it here.
Like a lot of you, I got a ton of stuff in the recent beauty sales — let's start a little open thread on what you got that you're liking!
One of the hits for me was this NARS Powermatte lipstick in Starwoman. I tend to be really sensitive to overly drying lipsticks — but this one is a gorgeous, deep red, it's easy to apply, it lasts a long time, and it's really comfortable to wear. I'm really happy with it! (It's $28 at Nordstrom, Sephora and Ulta.)
Something I like a lot but am struggling with whether to keep is the Armani fluid highlighter, which I actually got in two colors: a very light pink (#7) and a warmer pink (#8). I've been on the hunt for a new highlighter since my old favorites (Benefit, Glossier) have been annoying me, and I really like the Armani highlighters — but they're $42, which feels expensive, and I can't decide which color I like best. Problems, problems. I'm leaning towards the pinky highlighter because I like it high on my cheekbones, but I don't like it on my forehead and other highlighting areas.
Other products I'm keeping are the Fenty Gloss Bomb Cream Color Drip Lip Cream (Mauve Wive$), Sephora's Jelly Melt Glossy Lip Tint (only $5! Samba) and Sephora's Melting Lip Clicks Lip Balm (Blackberry, now out of stock, alas). I'm returning Dior Lip Glow Oil (goopy) and Givenchy's Rouge Interdit Vinyl Color Enhancing Lipstick (loved, but not enough to pay $34).
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Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anonymous
It has literally never occurred to me that you could return beauty products. Am I the only one?
Anonymous
Yeah I think so? That’s a major selling point at Sephora
Ellen
I love Sephora! I don’t sample since Covid, tho.
Cat
I know you could, and returned an item that performed poorly upon receipt. But mostly I only buy beauty products after trying a sample in-store.
I raise a bit of a brow at “I loved it but not enough to spend $34” though like… you knew it was $34 when you ordered it!!
Anonymous
That was what I used to love about Sephora–I could try a whole bunch of products in the store and only buy the one that worked. Now they never seem to have what I want to try in the store, and I feel icky about buying full-sized products just to try. I do occasionally buy mini sizes to try and throw them out if I don’t like them.
Anonymous
If stores would show their products on multiple different models then this wouldn’t happen. If you’re a makeup company then you should swatch your makeup on multiple skin colors. If you’re a clothing company then you should have models of multiple sizes and shapes. This information is out there – they pay all this money to instagrammers and whatnot but don’t organize it in a way that’s useful.
I don’t LIKE buying several colors or sizes because I don’t know which one will work for me. I would very much prefer to make a decision and have it work out. Very few/no people are ordering all this stuff to sit in their house playing with it and then return it. The vast vast majority of people want to like the stuff they buy! This isn’t a hard problem for companies to solve and I am completely perplexed why they seem so intent on making it so hard to buy things consumers want. I can only assume it’s more profitable for them to have these return policies than to organize their marketing efforts in an easily consumable way.
Anonymous
Most makeup companies now seem to provide retailers with photos showing blush, lipstick, eyeshadow, etc. on several skin colors. They also show foundation on a model so you can get a sense of the skin color. That helps some, but not nearly as much as being able to try several shades in person. It’s really hard to tell on a computer monitor which of the models resembles you the best.
TheElms
Nope. I had no idea this was a thing.
AIMS
Depends on the store, but Sephora has a great return policy. That said I would never use it just to sample items. More like, “wow that cream really made me break out, and I can’t possibly use it!”
PolyD
I ordered 2 Laura Mercier caviar sticks in the recent sale and one color really does not work for me. I’m going to return it today.
Really, I don’t understand the moral handwringing about returning things in accord with the store’s policy. I’m sure they’ve figured that allowing returns ultimately helps them make more sales, they’re not doing it out of the goodness of their hearts!
AIMS
I don’t think it’s immoral. But I think there is a level of good faith that is called for? Like I can see returning something bought in good faith that just doesn’t work but I think ordering 10 lipsticks knowing you want to keep only one just to try all the shades and basically make them unsellable is abusing the policy. It doesn’t mean you can’t do it! But you wouldn’t go to a store and start opening the boxed lipsticks to sample, right? You try the samples or you take a chance. Just because something is technically allowed doesn’t mean you do it.
Cat
+1 to AIMS, that’s exactly what I meant by my comment above.
Anon
Why not? I do all the time. Sometimes you get something home and it’s not as good as you would have liked. Sephora used to have a great return policy (return anything at anytime) that is no longer.
Anon
It’s just so wasteful. I think that’s what gets me. All of those single-use plastics. IDK if anyone can comment whether a person with say 10 lipstick orders and 9 open-box returns for a spendy lipstick eventually gets flagged / declined or not. It’s like ordering several entrees in a restaurant (you know you’re not eating them all, like you’re not possibly keeping all 10 lipsticks) and taking a bite of each and sending all but 1 back to the kitchen so you don’t have to pay for them all. If it’s not defective, that should be on you. Policies are designed with good faith in mind on both sides.
anon
Sephora rouge member here– this is an issue that should be solved with more sustainable packaging (and beauty is very much moving in this direction) but not a store’s return policy. If i buy something and i really don’t like it, back it goes. I am frankly too lazy to return stuff that i am just meh about, but i am not going to punish myself for trying something new if i hate it (I’m looking at you urban decay golden honey!). I shop at stores that allow returns for this reason- i work hard for my money, and i want to spend it on things i love. Sometimes, with makeup, you can’t tell till you apply it to your face. I agree it should not be the plan to buy and return (its like wearing a dress and keeping the tags on) but complying with the stores return policy is absolutely in good faith.
Anon
It’s still so wasteful! Unlike other items, they can’t resell. I think it should be like underwear: absent malfunction, it’s not returnable. And think of how big stores having these policies makes it really hard for your local or mom & pop businesses to compete with them. They’d fold with this level of waste. It just rewards the amazons and other behemoths and makes it unlikely we will ever be able to take our business elsewhere. And how does this hurt the smaller BOBs that they feature — do they eat the loss? Or does Sephora? Eventually these policies hurt real people.
anon
Anon at 2:58– the flip side of this is that I am much more likely to take a flyer and try small lines, black-owned lines, and other lines that don’t have the marketing or editorial punch behind them because i can try them risk free– that is how I became a Briogio junkie (before they were cool!). I think this policy actually SUPPORTS small and less well funded businesses. Also, I live in a major city and I cannot think of a single mom-and-pop beauty store == they may exist but I am unaware. Finally, actually going to sephora and sampling stuff is a luxury of time I don’t have. I work full time +, 2 small kids that I very actively parent, I coach the little one’s sports team, I have aging parents… something has to give. I for one am grateful that I can still buy fun makeup treats for myself because of this policy without having to give up time with my kids or folks on the weekend.
Anon
Your kids see what you’re doing.
Anon
Honestly, if you really want to support a brand, buy directly from them. But not if you’re a return-abuser — they can’t afford you.
anon
3:12 I am not sure exactly what you are trying for, so maybe I am misunderstanding but your comments feel super judgy. You are not supporting the brands the right way. You buy their products, but not from the right place. You are a poor customer they won’t want because you return items in accordance with store policy if they don’t meet your expectations. Perhaps you meant something different, and I would like to think so, but your comment comes off as very cringey.
Anon
That is a good point — the BOB is selling to Sephora at wholesale to them, so they may make it up on volume. But if you really want to show the love to a brand, especially a small one, buy direct from them once you know what you like. That way, they get a sale at retail prices vs wholesale.
Sephora can give a smaller brand good exposure, but direct sales at retail are what probably keep them in business.
Anon
“Your kids see what you’re doing.”
LOLOLOLOL. Anon at 3:08, cool it with the melodrama, please. You have an outsize sense of your own importance. Get it in check.
Anon
What a weird hill to die on. I’m not going to punish myself financially if a company has wasteful packaging and their product sucks.
anon
100
Anon
But if you just didn’t like the color or like it enough? Defective? Fine; I have no problem with that (and Sephora will ding their supplier accordingly; “I just don’t like it enough” — I have no idea who eats that loss, but it should be you).
anon
FWIW, it is no more wasteful to buy it, dislike it, throw it away, and buy something new. Returning a product really does not have any impact on the singe-use-plastic issue at all.
Anon
That’s true in one instance but ignores the larger picture. If I buy a lipstick with the intention of junking it if it just isn’t exactly what I wanted, I am going to be a LOT more intentional about what I buy than if I purchase it with the intention of returning it.
If you buy 7 lipsticks and have no intention of keeping all 7, you aren’t acting in good faith.
Anonymous
I always just assume returned items become the samples at different stores.
Anon
I think they have to trash opened returns.
Anonymous
Definitely would have to trash. Anything you can potentially ingest that has been out of their control can’t be put out for potential consumption.
AIMS
Abuse of the great return policy is why it’s now no longer!
C
I have returned makeup but I also really try to figure out what something looks like before I buy it if I can’t try in person. Laura Mercier caviar stick in au natural for example. I read all the reviews, looked at pictures at Sephora and Nordstrom, and finally pulled the trigger. It is not a natural pinky shade as described and as swatched actually, on me it looks *gray* and like I have a terrible hangover. I had this same issue with a Bobbi Brown cream eyeshadow too — in that case it wasn’t that the color was bad, it was just not at all what it looked like in the swatches or how it was described. Swatches looked terracotta but instead it was *just*… beige. And I already have a beige Bobbi Brown cream eyeshadow (that’s part of why I was so excited to see that they had one that was a “red-toned beige” that looked terracotta, because I really like the formula). But I also got one of the stila stay all day lipsticks that was described as a warm terracotta and just looks totally brown on. Dismayed, I went back…. and yeah, it matches the swatches. So that one I just ate the cost. But sometimes the swatches DO NOT match and at that point… if you’re going to want me to pay $30 for an eyeshadow, I’m going to expect you to be able to swatch and post appropriate pictures. I do legwork and try to find other pictures before I buy something because it is wasteful to return but if I’ve done the legwork I do really expect the product to be as described. If not for COVID I would never just buy expensive makeup online with no in-person try on. I would go to Sephora and swatch away on myself first.
Side note: if anyone knows of a cream eyeshadow stick in a nice shade and formulation that would show as terracotta on fair skin, let me know! The closest I’ve come is one of the glossier matte skywash colors (terra), but it does settle in my eye crease by the end of the day what with my oily eyelids in a way that the Laura Mercier and Bobbi Brown cream shadows have not.
Anokha
Sephora is really good about returns, although I do it rarely. I bought the Dry Bar three-day curling iron (based on the recommendations here), and it unfortunately doesn’t work for my hair! (I have long hair, and it keeps getting stuck at the bottom rotating base.) Back to Sephora it goes!
(Also, any other recommendations for a fool-proof curling iron?)
anon
best curling iron i have ever used (and i have tried a lot) is the hot tools- the basic gold one. I have spent more and come back to this. I have actually re-purchased it because after several years of heavy use, the barrel got super gunked (lesson learned- wipe down after every use, and it may just last forever!).
Anon
I’ve returned a lipstick to Nordstrom because it was a different color than pictured. I don’t return makeup though just because I don’t like it enough – I wouldn’t buy it and try it on like clothing.
Anon
I’ve never returned makeup before, But I’m considering it. The new Sephora waterproof liquor eyeliner is TERRIBLE (and the old one was my holy grail which makes it that much more depressing). The color/pigmentation are fine but it is sticky and feels like it’s gluing my eyelids open when I wear it. It was only $12, so I can easily eat the cost but I’m kind of tempted to return with the idea that if enough people do they’ll realize the product is no good (I also left an honest review online).
anon
Return it. Get something you love. You work hard for your money. It is no more wasteful than throwing it away because you don’t use it and buying something else anyway.
Anonymous
Oh no that’s disappointing, I love that eyeliner too!
pugsnbourbon
To me this falls under the “product is defective” category.
NYX Epic Ink eyeliner is between $8-$10 depending on where you buy it and it works well for me and my oily eyelids.
Anonymous
I have returned both skin care and makeup, but always because of a bad reaction. Lipstick made me bleed? Return. Shampoo gives me asthma attack? Return.
Leah
If you return a(ny) product to a(ny store) Sephora, the manufacturer refunds the retailer for it. I think this is great because 1. If the retailer is a small local store, they’re not out the cash and 2. People vote with dollars. If a product is constantly returned due to low satisfaction, it will eventually be discontinued, meaning less return/waste. Return away!
Anon
But what about returns due to flakiness? Do they even track “defectives” vs “changed my minds”? At least in clothing, they have the brilliant tick box for “ordered multiple sizes,” which lets them know there is nothing wrong with an item.
Dog doors
Talk to me about dog doors. I am doing a renovation on my new house and for the first time ever I have a fenced yard that is not shared with anyone (and is very securely fenced). I have a senior dog who needs to go out often, and while we’re still WFH and can let her out as needed, I could anticipate that sometimes she needs to go out when we’re not around. And she wakes me up to go outside 2-3am. We’re in an urban area with high property crime (garage and car break-ins). The dog door wouldn’t be visible from the street – you would have to climb a tall fence from a neighbor’s yard, but it’s not impossible. We also have a lot of raccoons. I know there are dog doors that only open for a dog with a corresponding chip on its collar, which seems like it would improve the security. Does anyone have any recommendations? Have you felt that having a dog door compromised the security of your home? We have a small child too. I’m a bit more scared of a human getting than a raccoon, although finding a panicked raccoon in my kitchen would be pretty scary too.
Anon
My dog is very large, so I do think about this when not wanting to add a dog door. He doesn’t need to go out terribly much (or is predictable, as are we thanks to no current work travel), but ask me in 5-7 years. He does dig on occasion, so all the more reason to prefer that he be let out with a human watcher.
Dog doors OP
My dog is large so any dog door that she will fit through could also fit a human. She doesn’t bark or dig (but her successor might, which would sway me against a dog door).
Anonymous
My dog is large too so that any dog door that he will fit through could also fit a human. For that reason, we do not have a doggy door. I would also be worried about what he would bring inside. (He has tried to bring lizards and other creatures in.)
Dog doors OP
OMG. My dog would probably befriend a raccoon and invite it inside.
Anon
I also have a senior dog but my fear with the dog door is what he will bring in with him!
Anonymous
Yeah–my dog would drag her “friends” or “snacks” in from the yard if she knew no humans were home to take them away.
Anonymous
I found a small dead bird in my unmade bed one night courtesy of my beagle and the dog door.
Ellen
We had a doggy door in my dad’s home on LI. The dog had to be pushed out and he always came right back in. Dad had it put in so that the dog could go out on his own to poop and pee, but he would not poop or pee unless we were out there with him. And then he would only poop or pee at a certain spot in the front yard, which was not in the fenced part of the yard, which was right under my window. Even when we took him out for long walks to the state park, he would specifically wait until he came home to poop and pee on our front lawn under my window. While this was probably OK in the winter, in the Summer, I couldn’t open my window without smelling all of the pee baking in the sun. The poop no one picked up because the gardener came once a week to do so. Yuck!
anonn
We’ve had the medium-sized Pet Safe brand dog doors for over 6 years with no problems. neither animals or crime. Our kids aren’t too interested. We live in the middle of the city, with a similar property crime problem. no one bigger than a 2-year-old would be able to get through the door though. It has covers you can slide on, which we do when we need to keep the dogs in or out for whatever reason, there are 2 flaps that I think works to keep animals out. We have possums and mice in our neighborhood.
Anonymous
I wouldn’t want the dog outdoors without a human in the house, for fear of her getting stolen.
Anon
No one, and I mean no one, is going to chance finding out what’s on the other side of my XL size dog door. Bad guys don’t mess with dogs, and even if they did, they’d be awfully disappointed once inside. I’d worry more about your toddler slipping out if it’s a big door (I could fit out mine if I had to, a toddler could easily). Mine is just an insert for my sliding glass door. I should have gotten one size smaller, because the remaining width of door for me to use is pretty narrow – too narrow to take a basket of clothes out to the line.
Anonymous
Sorry to burst your bubble, but bad guys absolutely mess with dogs. My home was broken into with two 70 lb dogs inside. The thieves brought treats for them and threw the treats in a corner to distract the dogs. When the same guys broke in another large dog-occupied home, they left a large tree branch inside, which was presumably used to hold off the dog. More recently, local thieves used restraints on a big dog to disable it. I consider my dogs to give me some protection, but not complete protection.
anon
I got one for my older dog and it was a life saver. No issues ever with animals coming in and my cameras do pick up raccoons, foxes, etc. in the yard. I do have a dog house outside with the back cut out to hide the door and prevent winds from blowing the flap; few realize there is a dog door there. i keep a rug in there and one inside so no tracks on wet days.
I did get the weather one with two flaps which helps but it still gets a bit cold sometimes. I also got one that was too big — try small first. I have seen standard poodles go through a small one so it may take more training pre-install but that helps with weather. If I could do it over I would only change placement—on a side away from prevailing winds.
I researched the automatic ones but at the time several owners noted their dog got locked out when the collar didn’t work. The risk wasn’t worth it. It is so nice not to have to worry about them on occasions I got stuck away longer than anticipated.
Anon
As someone who has had dogs her whole life, I think y’all are a tiny bit paranoid.
Multiple midsized to large dogs. Dog doors a child or small adult could fit through. In 40:years (between childhood and adult dogs) I have never once had someone break in, had my dog escape from my securely fenced yard, had a wild animal get in or had any other issues with my dog door. I do close it when we (meaning me and dog) are gone. And my fence gate is padlocked.
Essential+in+Texas
We’ve had Hale dog doors at two houses with 4 dogs. These dogs are all over 60 pounds and one was 100. My husband actually has gone through the door when we got locked out years ago. We’ve never had a pest come through. We are told they smell the dog and don’t want to come in. This goes to the back of our house/yard and we have two cameras facing the door at all times. We also have a security system. When we first installed a dog 15 years ago I was worried about it. And I can say, we’ve never had an issue and in fact, I think it makes our dogs (puppies and seniors…and everything in between) happier.
Anon
We have a dog door for our medium sized dog and am glad we installed it. It can be latched manually from each side so they can’t go out (for example when the lawn mowing man is working) or come inside when the nurse is here.
It saves hassle letting the dogs out and back in, especially in the mornings when I want to stay in bed a bit longer!
anon4this
How honest would you be when talking about your old job with a person considering it as their new job? I recently left a good position with the most toxic awful boss ever. Someone with an offer to fill my old position reached out to “talk about it” this week. He seems like a nice guy and it would be a very big switch for him, industry wise, so I suspect he may be burnt out himself, but he was a bit weird in talking to me and I could hear him typing the whole time so I assume he was taking notes & so I wasn’t too forthcoming. I basically answered all his questions as honestly as I could while still putting everything in a reasonably positive way and said it was intense and busier than most jobs of this sort but I didn’t say “run for the hills” the way I would have if I was talking to someone whose confidence I could trust. Part of it was that I don’t want it getting back to me if he turns it down because I somehow managed to leave the old job on good terms. It’s too late for advice but curious for your thoughts.
Also: just a word of advice for those on the other end of this – use a pen & paper if taking notes on the phone, and if you want someone to be more honest, make it clear that the conversation will not be shared!
Callie
I’m very matter of fact about it, but caveat it a lot with the fact that this was my experience, anything that might have changed since, differences in working styles etc. I pick one incident that is an example of how the boss was toxic and then say that it was very typical for things like that to happen. But as you said the level of honesty varies depending on how much I trust the person.
Anonymous
This is horrible advice. And even with someone you know, they may get hired and feel differently and repeat what you’ve said in some way. Other than closest friend, forget it. There are ways to give a heads up without giving details that can be repeated.
Anon
That is so weird! Like the whole thing is weird, including the fact that he reached out to you to begin with. I think you handled it fine, but again – so weird on his part.
Anon
Why is it weird to reach out to the person who previously held a job you are interested in? Info gathering should be part of the interview process.
anon
+1 I wish I could always do this and that they would be 100% honest.
Anon
I don’t think it’s weird either – why not ask?
Anon
Agreed. And I think people should pay it forward and help someone avoid a terrible situation. I don’t think it’s weird at all, it’s smart to do due diligence before taking a job. I’ve done it and been grateful for real information.
Cat
I try to stay very matter of fact about the pros and cons. “I found X Y Z things great about the position. I personally struggled from time to time with _________-, though maybe you’ll find differently.” The blank could be a “style difference” or whatever, something that is relatively neutral but puts the person on notice that they could be a PITA.
Anonymous
You handled it perfectly. I would not say anything to a stranger that I wouldn’t say to my former boss’s/company’s face. I would be much more candid with someone I was close with and trusted to not repeat what I said.
S in Chicago
I’d be hesitant to say anything for risk of getting sued or having my reference ruined. At this point, nothing you can do. I would NOT tell old boss you’ve talked with anyone obviously. Next time I’d say you feel awkward since you aren’t employed there anymore and it’s hard to know how things may have changed or restructured after you left—and so you want to be fair and maybe point them to Glassdoor. You don’t know if it has changed and if the position is exactly the same. Gets the point across without saying anything that could be repeated now or after the person is hired.
Anonymous
Tipping question: I am going in to have a minor issue with a haircut fixed. I already know she’s not going to charge me for the cut, but am I supposed to tip again? I gave her a generous tip for the holidays when I was there about one week ago.
Anon
I don’t think you need to. My stylist always says she’d rather fix it quickly fix something herself. It you were just in she’s knows you just tipped her. Sometimes if it’s me being Uber picky I’ll drop $10 – $20 for the fix but if you have given a generous tip a week ago I think you’re ok.
Anon
Sorry for my incomprehensible post above. Long week. To sum up, I think you are fine not tipping again!
Anonymous
I tip in this situation.
Anon
No tip required.
Anonymous
Are there any single episodes of podcasts that you think about all the time and recommend to people? For me it’s
– Throughline’s episode on evangelicals, “Apocalypse Now,” 6/13/19
– Why Is This Happpening with Chris Hayes podcast on Amazon, “Amazon’s Wish List with Stacy Mitchell,” 1/22/19
– Broad Experience episode on ADHD and women at work – #176
Anon
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/07/26/podcasts/the-daily/the-accusation-the-sunday-read.html
this is a must-listen. I was spellbound
Podcast Lover
Yes! This American Life’s episode titled “20 Acts in 60 Minutes.” There’s a particular story that made me sob while listening, and I get teary every time I think about it now.
Very new, but I texted many friends about the episode of Heavyweights called “Mark.” Highly recommend. It’s hilarious and touching.
pugsnbourbon
Episode 20 of the podcast This Is Love, titled Roselle and Michael. I listened to it on a walk and cried my eyes out in public.
Episode 4 of Radio Rental – a truly creepy story that stuck with me.
Many episodes of Criminal.
Podcast Lover
Thank you! Listening to this episode of Radio Rental now…
anon
I’m not a regular listener to Reply-All, but their Episode “The Case of the Missing Hit” is possibly my most favorite episode of a podcast ever. Full of twists and turns and immensely satisfying.
https://gimletmedia.com/shows/reply-all/o2h8bx
anon
Almost all of You’re Wrong About, but the Kitty Genovese one is a good intro to the entire show.
anon
Some friends are having an impromptu get-together tonight. I haven’t seen them since early October. I know I SHOULD go and probably would have a good time once I got there, but I’ve been dealing with some low moods/depression lately. It’s hard to muster the energy to get out amongst people when I don’t feel like I’m very fun to be around right now. What should a borderline depressed person do? Give in to my desire to hibernate, or get over myself and get back out there?
Anonymous
Go. You don’t have to stay long, but go. Being more isolated will not help.
Anon
Go.
Anon
I feel you, and have been in this same mental space many times. I always feel better afterward when I go instead of skipping the activity. Remember, you don’t have to go and be the life of the party, entertain people, or be your shiny best self.
Daffodil
I say go! For me, at least, half the battle when dealing with low mood / depression is just getting myself out of the house. I almost always enjoy myself once I’m out (and if not, you can leave).
Nina
Go for at least a little bit. Do whatever makes you feel a bit better, like a comfy favorite outfit or doing your makeup, and then go. It’s a Friday night, getting out of the apartment/office for a bit will help. You don’t have to stay that long but the hardest part is getting there.
Anon
I’m always like that on Friday nights.
I find that if I tell myself I will just go for an hour and then if I’m not having a good time, I will leave. And I never do that. But I always know I can, without beating myself up about it. Maybe try that deal with yourself. Take a shower, dry your hair, wear something soft but festive if you have it, otherwise just soft, and put on a little makeup if you wear it. Play some music while you’re doing this. If you drink and aren’t driving, pre-game with a small glass of wine while you’re getting ready.
I’m always glad I took the effort and went.
My advice does not relate to COVID concerns.
Anonymous
Tell yourself you only have to stay for 20 minutes/one glass of wine/whatever measure of time will motivate you. Nine times out of ten I end up enjoying myself once I’m there and I stay way longer than the time I gave myself permission to leave.
When you feel not very fun to be around – ask people questions about their lives, holiday plans, etc. People love to talk about themselves.
Formerly Lilly
Go but give yourself permission to leave whenever you feel like it. Decide on your excuse ahead of time, and when you’ve had enough, make your excuse and go.
Anon
I personally would try to go. I almost always feel better when I go ahead and push myself a bit to get out when I feel like hibernating. Counterpoint that if you’ve had a ton of social interaction recently and are feeling depleted by it I might come out differently, but it didn’t sound like it.
A.
Help me figure out where to take my family on vacation April 5 – 10 (spouse, me, kids age 12, 9, 6). We:
– Have recently been to Phoenix/Scottsdale, Maine, Orlando, and upstate NY
– Will be coming from the midwest
– Like good food and a mix of downtime (pool/water/something else) with stuff to do (easy hikes, good scenery)
– Are all vaxxed/boosted but relatively COVID-cautious; my kids are in in-person school but masked all day, our prior trips have been mainly driving to AirBNBs but we’re definitely open to flying. We want to stay domestic.
Travel dates are not negotiable. So far my best idea is to fly to Vegas, stay at the Grand Canyon two nights, then come back to Vegas for pool time and a few shows. But this seems kind of meh. Help!
Anon
Palm Springs?
anon
Moab! You have Arches and Canyonlands nearby, and lots of cool hikes. Good food in town. Lots of cool stuff for kids.
Anon
Omg yes Moab! Great vacation. Incredible beauty, local restaurants (no chains), kind locals- ah!
NYCer
Kiawah is generally nice at that time of year. You could go into Charleston too, if you want to spend any time in a city. Montage Palmetto Bluff and Sea Island are both very nice too.
San Diego is always a good option with kids. April weather in California can be iffy though if you’re expecting to go to the beach.
Anonymous
Hawaii or San Diego.
Anon
Puerto Rico.
Anon
Housewarming gift that isn’t food, a plant, or anything with scent? Friend has allergies to basically everything. All my go-tos are disallowed.
Anon
Pretty dish towel or dish cloths? A handy bin or tray of some sort for containing keys, wallets, masks, misc stuff when you come in the door?
Anon
Dish towels, Home Depot gift card
Anon
At this time of year, you could get them a holiday decoration, if they celebrate Christmas or something else seasonally relevant. We just got a couple of the felted wool garlands from Trader Joe’s, which were cheap but pretty and easy to drape on top of our mantle and curtain rods- unlike an ornament, they don’t require someone to have a tree.
anon
Socks or stationery? Just not wool or cashmere, clearly!
Cat
Pretty coasters or a trivet?
NYCer
A nice wood cutting board or cheese board. A serving platter if this friend likes to host. Add in a gift card to Home Depot, Williams Sonoma or Bed Bath & Beyond if you want to spend more.
Anonymous
Nice blanket, pot holder, really good tin opener, first aid kit.
Anon
A pretty pie dish. It’s the kind of thing I would never buy myself because my Pyrex are fine, but this gorgeous Italian ceramic pie dish my friend gave me is one of my favorite things. (And she was just encouraging me to bake more pies!)
Sunflower
Salad bowl and/or salad tongs?
Anon
This is me! Thanks for being a considerate friend.
A pretty mug or two cups and a teapot. Thermos insulated jug or a water jug (I have a stainless steel one I love). Kitchen scissors. Linen dish cloths. Christmas themed bathmat.Set of storage canisters. Beeswax wraps. Coir doormat (avoid anything with rubber as it off gasses and can affect sensitive people).
Disclosing Side Gig
When do you think it’s necessary to disclose a side gig to your primary employer? There’s no HR policy against it so long as it doesn’t create a conflict of interest. What I’m worried about with disclosing is the unfounded assumption that it’ll interfere with my primary job or that I’m on my way out. What I’m worried about with not disclosing is that my boss will find through another channel and it’ll appear as though I were hiding it. I’m leaning towards disclosing so as to control the narrative. The side gig is akin to a controller doing financial/business strategy advising to small business. The businesses don’t compete in any way. WWYD?
Anon
I would disclose in a neutral way, like in a one on one. I would make sure you are clear that there is no conflict and that you only work on it outside of work hours. If it’s short term, I would also mention that. So for example:
“XYZ company reached out to me about consulting on some business strategy. It seemed like a fun side project so I will be working on it over the next six months. It’s all outside work hours and I checked and it doesn’t violate our policies. I just wanted to let you know.”
Anon
Are you sure you don’t have to disclose? My organization requires you to disclose literally anything that pays you any amount of income. I did some freelance writing and got paid like $200 in an entire year and I had to fill out a bunch of paperwork about it, and get signatures from my boss, his boss, and that guy’s boss. It was so annoying that now I just work for causes I care about and donate my time.
Anon
I disclose, because I post about stuff I’m doing in my side gig on LinkedIn, where I am connected to some colleagues from my job. I provide contract consulting services to local nonprofits – I get paid small amounts of money to help out friends from a previous job who are now at different nonprofits, and need help with what I have expertise in. Sometimes I share on LinkedIn things they’ve shared (usually about their events, but sometimes about advocacy or awareness campaigns they’re engaged in; not anything really controversial). I have only been in my job a year and my side gig predates my current employment – I was clear in the interview process that I had this other work that I did, and that I wouldn’t let it interfere with my job responsibilities, but at the same time, I wasn’t going to stop doing that work unless there was a clear conflict of interest. In my case, my day job is working for a large for-profit company that’s headquartered very far away from where I am, so very doubtful there would ever be any conflict of interest.
I agree with your assessment that disclosing it makes it seem like it’s not a big deal, and hiding it could send a different signal. That’s why I disclosed. If I wanted to make this my full-time job, I would/could, but I don’t want to do that. I think it’s easier to address concerns when you bring up the topic, rather than when they have to approach you about it.
Not OP
Not OP, but I have a related question. In cases where employee’s last official date of employment is after the last day of actual work, does the employee have an obligation to disclose that they will be working elsewhere during the intervening period?
Anon
I would ask your HR. It’s company-specific.
LittleLaw
Please help me think of a present for my brother and his wife. Both mid-40s, live in VHCOL coast city with high paying jobs. They have everything or have the money to buy everything they need. Also, I’m on opposite coast so don’t see them enough to get ideas of fun things they would enjoy. They are in the “two small kids, mid-career, no real hobbies” stage of life. They don’t drink, have all the museum memberships, and don’t follow sports teams. Ideas? Please?
Anonymous
Nostalgic? Something they can do with the kids that remind you of your family growing up. Monopoly, ice skating, cookie baking? Maybe you have some pictures? Or you could do a charity they support.
Anon
My husband and I are the Midwest version of that, except we do have hobbies. I have no ideas for physical items, because with two small kids, my house is super cluttered. Things I would enjoy:
– gift certificate to a local restaurant (we have a few local chains that allow some flexibility with the food choice)
– a nice blanket (we never have enough but also it’s cold here)
– flower delivery subscription
– Bookshop.org gift certificate
– something silly and consumable like m&m’s with my kids initials or something
Katherine Vigneras
I’d send a Harry and David’s fruit box.
Anon
Milk Bar pie
Anon
We like receiving consumable food items that don’t take up a lot of space and don’t require thinking to heat or eat.
Levain cookies deliver, freeze well, and easy to reheat. These are a hit with me when I receive them and gift them.
Things that haven’t worked well for us: I personally do not like getting frozen pizza (deep dish from Chicago) because it takes up too much freezer space and takes too much thinking to reheat. H&D have been duds for me every time I receive them, which is sad because I know they are pricey and supposed to be good.
Anonymous
Kiwi crate for the kids, which is also kinda the gift of time for the parents. I’d ask them first though.
thanks for the recs!
Thanks for the recs for paint! I am now reading through Maria Killam’s blog and it’s great!
Anon
The Christmas cards I ordered are late to arrive, and now I’m anxious my friends and family will not receive the before Christmas. If I drop the cards off at a larger urban post office, does that help expedite sorting and delivery compared to a suburban locale? Or vice versa?
Anon
My cards got delivered a day after I mailed them, major city though but I wouldn’t sweat it. I always send one to myself to test that they got out. Even if they arrive later it doesn’t matter, they’re still nice to get. Take it off your list of worries.
Cat
Yes, it does. Though we didn’t experience any delays this year dropping them off at the local post office rather than the Philly hub (which is only a 15 minute additional walk… I was lazy). Cards to the nearby burbs arrived within 1-2 days and a few states away within 2-3 anyway.
Anon
Yes it does.
lifer
I send non-christmas-y, Happy New Year cards, and get them out whenever I can. No guilt here. Do you really think anyone cares about getting a Christmas card “on time”? They don’t, believe me. In fact, they may remember it more getting a card separated from the fray.
Anon
I love getting cards even into January, don’t worry if they’re late.
Seventh Sister
Anyone who doesn’t like that my Christmas card doesn’t show up until after Christmas doesn’t need one the next year!
Anon
I don’t think anyone really cares all that much about receiving holiday cards on or before 12/25. I get a bunch during the dead week between Christmas and New Years and it’s always fun to have time to pay attention to them (unlike before Christmas!)
MagicUnicorn
I have one particular card that always arrives in mid-February (and it’s clearly December holiday-themed) and I love that person extra because of that.
Anon
Random entertaining question ahead. I’ll be entertaining outdoors and want to keep some crispy apps warm for about 30 minutes (they will start hot out of the oven and will be good hot or warm). Is a glass dish better than ceramic? Should I cover in foil? A lid? I don’t want them to get soggy either. Is this worth pulling out a chafing dish for?
LeeB
I’d use a chafing dish if you have one.
Ses
+1 if it’s cold out. Could cover with foil but I think by the end of 30 min it’ll be cool
Anonymous
Ceramic dish will keep warm for a lot longer than glass (it’s a physics thing I in no way can explain).
If you have a crockpot with keep warm function that might work as well, but if you really have a chafing dish…
Senior Attorney
This is the exact reason you have a chafing dish, so definitely bust it out for this.