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Updated: Dec 27, 2021 315 Comments · by

Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Regent Jacket in Stretch Wool Crepe

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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An Asian woman with a pink blazer and black pants (legs cropped out)

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This rose pink blazer from The Fold is a work of art. I love the combination of the traditional lapels with the asymmetric fastening for a look that’s both modern and classic, and I really like the look of the matte black buttons combined with the soft rose color for a bit of edge.

With the peplum effect at the bottom, I would probably wear this with some slim-fitting pants or over a sheath dress, but honestly, you can’t go wrong.

The jacket is $525 at The Fold and comes in sizes 2–12.

A more affordable option in a very similar shade is from FRNCH; it's $54.97 at Nordstrom Rack (lucky sizes only).

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Easy hobbies

    Any recommendations for winter evening hobbies? I’m looking for something that can be done sitting on the couch, half watching tv or listening to music after a long day instead of doom scrolling social media for hours. I have been trying learn to knit but am finding it more frustrating than relaxing and it requires more attention than I was expecting.

      • Anon

        I will never not snicker at this term. My mind always goes somewhere else entirely.

        • Ribena

          Oh totally. I went on a first date last week with a man who told me he liked watching ‘adult cartoons’ and I giggled until he clarified. Unbelievably, he wants to see me again.

    • Anonymous

      Calligraphy books, paint by number, agree with the adult coloring book suggestion.

    • CB

      I am on holiday and finally opened an embroidery kit and it is so so nice. It is small, comes with everything you need, feels very satisfying. I definitely haven’t done it since I was 12 but it is really nice.

      • Anon

        Similarly, I bought my young adult daughter a little needlepoint kit (it makes a small cosmetic pouch) and she really enjoyed making it.

    • Curious

      I find crocheting with a large gauge needle and non fluffy yarn much easier than knitting.

    • Nina

      I’ve really gotten into jigsaw puzzles for this. Semi-mindless but still focusing and easily replaces the scrolling.

    • Anan

      Making no sew fleece blankets?
      Also I find the sticker by number kits very mind soothing.
      Water colour painting- so easy to make your own greeting cards with very little effort.
      Okay, not really a hobby, but I like to sort and fold my socks and underwear and mend clothes while sitting on the couch.

      • Anonymous

        I totally consider mending a hobby! Maybe I’m an old-timey weirdo though.

    • Anonymous

      Look up English paper piercing! You cut shapes out of fabric and temporarily glue them to paper and then stitch together. You can make small things like pouches or Christmas stocking or bigger things like quilts. I started a friend on it recently who had also been trying to knit and she’s loved it. I’d suggest starting with a pack of 1” hexagons, a charm pack of fabric (5” squares), sewline glue pen and needle/thread. Low investment which is good. Look at the Paper Pieces website.

    • Anon

      For me, doing something that requires all my attention makes me feel a lot better mentally.

    • roxie

      I second puzzles but also:
      – filing, painting nails, massaging rich hand cream
      – gua sha or other facial massage tools
      – gentle stretching or yoga while watching tv
      – cleaning my jewelry, reorganizing jewelry boxes
      – empty the contents of your junk drawer (we all have them!) in front of the tv and sort while watching

    • Anon

      I’ve crocheted nearly my whole life and this is the time of year I take on projects that veer into the ridiculous, either in size or complexity. Im also working at refinishing a few pieces of furniture I’ve picked up over the last year. Im a but of a novice at that and it’s meant a few extra trips to the store, but has been something good to work at in spurts.

    • Anonymoose

      I know this may not be what you’re typically thinking – but video games? For example, I play Stardew Valley for a while and I find it so relaxing to be in another world for a while. I have more recommendations too if it’s something you’re interested in!

      • Anon

        Not OP, but this is something I would be interested in. what other games do you recommend?

      • Anon

        I started playing Stardew Valley after I saw it mentioned here and I love it so much. It is wholesome and soothing. Don’t want to fangirl/geek out about it but happy to answer questions about getting started if people have them. The game was a real lifeline for me during Covid as it gave me a sense of normalcy.

  2. Anon

    I have some hiking boots that are supposed to be waterproof. I have a feeling that this means “for hiking” and not “will not take on water in a driving rain.” I got a wet foot when in a heavy rain (only one), so IDK if hiking books just lose this attribute over years. I think they may be fine for hiking (muck, wet grass, puddles) but I may need a pair of rain boots b/c I’ve moved to a place that is more rainy than snowy. Rain and 33 degrees for the next several months — is this what the fleece liners and Hunters are for? Or is there something better? It will go from rain/33 to rain/70 as the seasons progress, but wet feet in warm weather is less problematic. And there is a dog, so I often can’t just wait out the rain.

    Also, if you have waterproof mitten recs, pls let me know. My current gloves are merely waterproof-ish (and really hard to get fully dry).

      • Anon

        Not OP but I hate wearing rubber rain boots all day. I hate how my feet feel in them. I am in a rainy place and don’t own any.

        To OP, find the tallest hiking/snow boots, lace them securely, and wear your pants down over the top a little bit if it’s really pouring. Mine are Timberland.

        • Ellen

          Yes, rain boots are rubber, and wearing them all day makes my feet stink. My dad warned me about my feet stinking when I was a little girl and I never forgot that. So if you get rain boots, make sure to take them off when you get to work and slip into something that breathe’s.

          Women need to have clean feet if they expect men to attend to them, so keeping them dry will minimize odors that would otherwise chase men away.

    • Anonymous

      You need Gore-Tex mittens.

      I wear my waterproof hiking boots in driving rain all the time without issue. They will get wet if you step in a puddle and water comes in over the top. Gaiters can help with this. But for 33 degrees and raining, I’d go with insulated Bean Boots. Hunters are not good for walking. Don’t wear the Bean Boots when there is frozen stuff on the ground, though, or you’ll slip.

    • Cat

      you can purchase water-resistant spray (Kiwi I think) which helps to re-waterproof – yes, it does degrade over time. but this is exactly the use case for rain boots with fleece liners.

    • Anon

      You probably want rainboots for what you’re describing, but growing up in a very outdoorsy family, we definitely re-coated our waterproof hiking boots as a routine part of maintenance to keep them waterproof. I’m not sure with what, but it was a sort of waxy substance and I’m sure we bought it at REI.

    • Anon

      As someone who hates the slightest discomfort and is married to a gear guy, I can help you with this! If you’re walking outside in the rain you want Gore-tex. Salomon and Adidas Terrex make a variety of sneakers and boots that use it and I find them to be perfect for dog walking, light hiking, etc. You may need to choose a style that is more conducive to keeping water out at the top if you are having an issue with that, such as a higher top or sock fit. Having water repellent pants that go over the top of the shoe can help keep rain out also. FWIW I sold my Hunters as I found they just fill up with water in heavy rain. For the mittens, again look for Gore-tex. Outdoor Research makes high quality gloves/mittens.

    • Anon

      Did the water come in the top where the foot opening is or is there a defect in the boot? If it just came in at the top, buy yourself some gaiters or wear them with rain pants. If you’re not sure, test them out in the bath tub. The manufacturer may assist with a leak. I would just wear your hiking boots though rather than buying rain boots if the plan is to take walks in them.

      • Shenandoah

        This is what fishermen in Alaska wear. So I’m pretty sure it’s decent for waterproof winter-ready footwear.

    • London (formerly NY) CPA

      Bog boots are rainboots that are very well insulated. I find them quite warm and wouldnt wear during the summer.

    • PDX Transplant

      Sorry for the detailed reply but I went through a similar thought process when my trusty Sorel duck boots died this past year. So, from someone who moved from the mid-Atlantic region on the east coast to Portland, OR: we buy different shoes for different purposes:
      – one pair of hiking boots which were previously used for hiking & backpacking, now more of a camp shoe for wearing at the campsite while camping: La Sportiva Nucleo High GTX Hiking Boots; purchased at REI in 2018; (waterproofing is fine, have not had to re-do/touch up; I stopped using them for backpacking & hiking because I wanted lighter footwear);
      – one pair of hiking/trail shoes which are used ONLY for backpacking & hiking: HOKA ONE ONE Speedgoat 4 GTX Trail-Running Shoes; sized up a half size due to the goretex liner; purchased at REI within the last year & the waterproofing is great; and
      – one pair of warm rainboots for walks around the neighborhood/running around in the backyard/going shopping: JBU Martha Waterproof Duck Boots; again, purchased through REI. I went up half a size because the rubber part of duck boots always seem to cut into the top of my foot. These are more your regular type of rain boots (not lace up or closed at the top), but I have not had an issue with rain coming into my boots from the open top.

    • Another anon

      Goretex hiking boots (labeled GTX) are waterproof partly because of their coating, but mainly because they have a continuous goretex liner inside the shoe. Over time the liner develops holes as you walk and your foot flexes. When you start to get leaks in GTX boots you can try the external waterproofing solutions, but you’ll never return the boots to the starting condition in which the impermeable liner was intact. You’ve probably started to get a leak in only one boot because of a leak in the liner. Agree with the others that it is worth considering whether you want a hiking boot, a rubber rain boot, or something in between (like an LL Bean duck boot).

    • Nudibranch

      Wouldn’t you be better off going to a REI and asking a sales person for help with your specific issue?

      I don’t know why you’d think that a bunch of strangers on the internet would be better able to help you. You’re going to get a bunch of answers all relevant to that person responding, but not so much to you and your unique situation and you body.

      Go get a professional opinion and get something that fits your feet.

  3. Anon

    This is such a body-con jacket with slim arms that you’d have to wear over a sleeveless sheath, no? I’m not built like a linebacker by any means, but just struggle to layer a sleeve over a sleeve unless it is a silky blouse with long sleeves that button so they don’t get trapped above the elbow or otherwise stuff in oddly.

    • Cat

      yeah this isn’t meant to have a shirt underneath. If wearing with pants I’d just wear a deep v-neck short sleeved tee to prolong the need to dry clean, but not attempt a layered look.

    • Anonymous

      I think it’s meant not for layering but to be worn fastened with pants or a pencil skirt.

    • anne-on

      Yes, this is definitely meant to only layer above a slim tank or a sheath. I have a LOT of camisoles so I’d probably go with one of those, but a wool/cashmere sweater shell would work well here too.

    • Go for it

      Yes, lust a lovely lace bra is all that’s needed. I love this jacket!

    • Anon

      Yeah that sounds right. I love everything Kat posts from The Fold, but it’s too fussy for my lifestyle (and my wallet).

    • Anon

      I think if you wanted another layer you could use one of those knit silk insulating tees but it wouldn’t be meant to be seen.

  4. Ses

    To Curious: wanted to say that a lot of us Corporettes around the world will be thinking of you this week and wishing you well with your medical journey.

  5. Anon

    I found a lump. And I don’t have a PCP right now, and haven’t for about 5 years. I no longer live in the area of my prior PCP. I’m feeling paralyzed on what my next step is here without having a PCP. What do you ladies recommend?

    • anon

      This happened to me years ago. You don’t happen to be in MA, do you? Because that is where the PCP designation seems to have a weird importance in my experience. Search for an breast surgeon in your area and make an appointment. They will examine you and refer you for an ultrasound/mammogram. If appointments aren’t available quickly, call an OB/GYN office. Get in front of whoever you can see the earliest you can get an appointment, because whoever it is (whether a surgeon, nurse practitioner) can’t do anything until you get that ultrasound. Please know that there are plenty of non-cancerous lumps. That ended up being my case.

      • Anon

        Same — the ultrasound will let them know if it is solid or fluid-filled (that is what I had — a fluid-filled cyst that resolved on its own but was OMG scary).

    • Anon

      So sorry you’re in this situation. Most lumps are benign, but I know from personal experience that the waiting period between a lump and a mammogram can be torture.

      You need a referral to get a mammogram and ultrasound. Figure out which healthcare network you want to be part of, and find one of their primary care practices. This can be with a provider in family practice, internal medicine, or OB/gyn. Call the office, explain the situation, and ask for the next available appointment. They might be able to set you up with a telehealth visit just to expedite the mammogram referral, and then schedule an jn-person follow-up. If you post your city here, someone might be able to suggest a good provider.

      • Anon again

        ETA: you don’t need a surgeon at this point. You need the imaging — mammogram and ultrasound. Make an appointment with whomever can make that referral the fastest.

    • CHL

      Thinking of you! If you have Blue Cross Blue Shield you can usually call and talk to a Benefits Advisor who can help you find a doctor in your area.

    • OP

      Thanks so much all. I’m feeling slightly less panicked. I’m in the metro Detroit area in the off chance anyone does have a recommendation.

      • Anon

        On your health insurance app/website they probably have an option for telemedicine. I suggest this because you can probably get an appointment there today, then ask that doc for a referral to an ultrasound and mammogram.

      • Digby

        Not for a doctor, specifically – I don’t like my PCP/her office, and my OB-GYN just retired – but if you end up in the Beaumont system, I’ve had great service at the Beaumont Cancer Center in West Bloomfield – many mammograms, a few ultrasounds, a needle biopsy, and the staff have always been really nice, helpful and calming.

    • Nesprin

      Call your insurance company’s “find a doctor” function thing. If you have a HMO style insurance plan, you need to find a GP, who can refer you to imaging+ oncology. If you don’t have insurance, go to your state’s exchange.

  6. Anonymous

    I was supposed to travel to the US yesterday and spend time with my family over the holidays. Got my traveling PCR test back a few hours to my flight and it was positive for Covid-19 which REALLLY REALLY SUCKS!!!!!

    Now instead of seeing my family after five years, I get to spend the holidays indoors and isolated. Can’t even take a solo vacation or even go for brunch or anything :'(((

    • Anon

      Sorry!

      I got exposed last year right before Christmas so was surprise quarantining. I was ultimately negative, but it took so long to find that out that it wrecked Christmas anyway. I hope it is uneventful for you and you are a well-ish unwell person and it resolved quickly.

      • Anonymous

        Hi,

        Thanks for the kind comment and empathy. I am mostly FRUSTRATED because I am not sickly and have no symptoms so to speak. Like being in bed resting and healing would actually make sense but I don’t feel sick and don’t want to sleep all day.

        AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGHHH!

    • Ribena

      I’m so sorry. Are you able to get some indulgent fancy food delivered to take the edge off a little? Here’s hoping the inconvenience and isolation are worse than any symptoms.

    • Yep

      I am so sorry. I am also positive and spending Christmas quarantined instead of with my family. Luckily my husband and kids were negative but it’s hard to find a silver lining. Commiseration!!

    • Anon

      I’m sorry. You’re definitely not the only one. I’ve had one family member and several friends test positive this week. They’re all triple vaxxed and so far only have mild symptoms, but it’s ruined the holidays for all of them. One of them has a baby and a toddler who can’t get vaccinated yet and it’s incredibly difficult to isolate from. Hopefully they’ll all be fine.

    • anne-on

      I’m so sorry this happened, but first- thank you for testing, isolating, and doing your part not to spread this virus. Personal responsibility is how we’ll (hopefully) flatten the curve (again, ugh).
      Can you order a fun meal, put on some holiday movies, and try to treat it as an indulgent stay-cation? I’d also talk with your family as much as you can – maybe watch a movie together and chat or text throughout? If I were a local friend I would totally swing by to drop you cookies or something fun – reach out to your local people, I’m sure they’ll be happy to help cheer you up.

      • Anonymous

        I hope to get around to not being quite grumpy to enjoy the holiday movies which are my favorite kind.

        Had chocolate chip cookies which I indulged to clearing a box-ful. I think deserve my calories and I will nto feel bad.

        Half the time I just wanna punch something.

        • Bonnie Kate

          If you have the Peloton app, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND trying out the new boxing program. Punch punch punch punch. I’m normally a modern-hippie-yoga-peace-love-lala person but love the new boxing program so much. I would never do it with someone though because I look ridiculous but I’m kinda into that too.

        • Anon

          Just chiming in to say you definitely need calories to fight off the infection. Have all the cookies! And we hope you continue to stay asymptomatic.

      • Anon

        yes, thank you for being responsible. your disappointment and frustration is totally valid though. i’m assuming you were going to use PTO to visit your family. can you WFH instead to save your PTO and go visit your family another time?

    • Anonymous

      I feel for you. This is the longest time I haven’t seen my family in Europe (I’m in the US). I really miss them and it is beginning to get to me.

  7. Anon4This

    How do you thank someone who has helped you get a job? This is my first time in a senior level role. Two people were key for me – a family friend who referred me to someone internally; a former colleague wrote a reference letter. I plan on writing handwritten notes – but wanted to send a small token of appreciation, too – what is appropriate? thanks all.

    • Anon

      A note is fine. As someone who writes a lot of recommendation letters, it makes me uncomfortable if students try to give gifts that are too extravagant- this is part of my job and it’s awkward to feel like someone is trying to buy your recommendation. A note, a small treat (like cookies or candy), or a $10 Starbucks gift card seem reasonable, but I definitely wouldn’t accept much more than that, and I really don’t need anything other than a thank you.

      • Ellen

        I gave a college prof who was very helpful to me (but never got grabby) a nice bottle of scotch that my dad recommended and I picked up in DC. Unfortunately I learned that my prof died a year ago, but I never found out until now. I wonder how that happened b/c I am guessing he was not even 60 years old. I suppose it happens, but it makes me feel so vulnerable now that I am turning 40 next year.

    • Anon

      In general, I think a card is totally fine, but my last few senior level roles (and most recently, my dream job), I have given something more. For one I did a Harry and David gift basket; another I did a gift card to their favorite restaurant, and for the dream job I did a sizable gift card to a home furnishings website that she liked (I knew she had just bought a new house and was buying stuff). But again I think none of this is necessary as PPs have said.

    • anne-on

      A note is definitely fine. I had a mentor who helped coach/guide me into a new role (I found the role, she was a reference and helped as a sounding board through the process). I sent her a note and her favorite flowers but a note would have been just as appreciated I’m sure.

    • Anon

      A note with a bottle of scotch or an excellent bottle of wine. I feel like it celebrating my success, more than thanking them, if that makes sense.

  8. Anonymous

    Hopefully quick gift question. Baby just started daycare (this is week two). There are two teachers, and at least one floater. There is also a director for the daycare.

    Do I get the director a gift? What about the floaters? I was going to do 25/target gc for each of the two teachers (maybe a different year I will be more creative)

    • Anonymous

      We do gift cards for teachers and floaters. I don’t do anything for admin. Don’t know for sure but suspect they are much better paid than the teachers and I’d rather give more to the teachers and floaters.

      • Anonymous

        +1 – never be cheap with people taking care of your kids. Don’t be creative though – cash or cash equivalent is the way to go. We usually did a week’s worth of fee, divided among the teachers, cash in a card.

    • Anon

      I did $50 card for the main teacher and $25 for the floaters. And a tin of butter cookies for all staff to enjoy (nothing specific for the director).

    • Anon

      I don’t think the director requires a gift. You just started, so I would give something small to each teacher and the floater. I think $25 cash or gift card sounds appropriate.

      My son started 7 months ago. He has 6 teachers/floaters total and we split one week’s tuition (~$600) between the teachers as a cash gift. Didn’t give anything to the director as she does not interact with my child day-to-day.

  9. Anon

    A relative got fired from a toxic job last week. I’m pretty sure that unless you are skipping work or showing up drunk or caught stealing that you can generally get unemployment befits even if you are “fired” and even if they say it’s because you weren’t good at your job. [I’ve told the relative that “being let go” is probably a more neutral way to describe her situation; she was an at-will employee.] Relative is understandably concerned that work will fight this. My sense is that that’s not generally likely except for really spiteful workplaces and that HR people generally don’t want to be mixing it up with former employees (which might prompt them to sue). Also, this is all pretty automated now due to COVID and that by applying over the holidays, you’d be more likely to have the former employer miss its response window if it were inclined to fight it. She has no budget to even talk to a lawyer, but I’m not sure it’s complicated.

    • Anonymous

      It’s not complicated she doesn’t need a lawyer. If they do fight it they won’t win. She just needs to apply.

      • Anonymous

        That’s not true that an employer can’t win. They totally can, but she should still file.

      • Anon

        In my state, the unemployment compensation division can also find against a claimant even if the employer does not contest it.

    • Cat

      well yeah this is something people negotiate on their way out for exactly this reason, but whether unemployment is affected varies by state law, so… it may or may not be complicated but it’s not something you can advise on just based on “internet friend common sense.”

    • No Face

      Whether a terminated employee can get unemployment benefits is completely different in every state, so generic advice won’t cut it. Many employee-side attorneys have free consultations, so the relative should talk to one ASAP to get advice about strategies for applying for benefits. Do not DIY something so important.

    • Anon

      IDK — I thought it was more of a social safety net thing (as long as you aren’t committing fraud, like you never worked at the place) vs any sort of you’re right / you’re wrong sort of a thing. I guess 50 states + DC may do things differently?

      • Anonymous

        Where I’ve lived, it absolutely depends on WHY you are no longer employed. Fired versus a lay-off versus just decided to quit, for example.

      • Anon

        The employer fights it because having unemployment claims against them usually increases their rate (the % of total payroll they have to pay into the system.) In my experience in an adjacent field, the worst employers fight it the most.

    • Anon

      Unemployment isn’t the problem; the record of the firing is. Hire a lawyer to have this negotiated into a layoff.

    • Anony

      I was fired from a job and was able to receive unemployment benefits. My state requires an interview with both the employee and employer but my circumstances (toxic, hostile, discrimination, retaliation) made the state side with me and grant me unemployment. I didn’t use a lawyer or anything. I simply told my side of what happened and all the horrible cr@p leading up to it.

      • Coach Laura

        Yes, this was my experience although n=1 and it was 30+ years ago. I had a toxic workplace with bre@stfeeding jokes/putdowns in staff meetings, significant underpayment of women, and a bogus reason for termination. Company fought giving me unemployment. I had a one-on-one interview with the state employment security worker (a male, FWIW) and told my side of the story and I won. I didn’t need any proof or coworkers to confirm anything (although several guys offered to help).
        Very easy.

        Yes, it does vary by state but I’d be surprised if anyone needed a lawyer to fight the employment security agency although getting a lawyer involved might make everything easier. It may be that these things are done via phone or even email instead of a personal interview, especially given covid.

        With so many things these days, I use google. Stuck Subaru tailgate? Time to get a passport? I just use google to crowd-source. Put the name of the state and “unemployment benefit denied” in google and see what you get, with official sites and things like reddit showing up in the responses.

    • Anon

      It can vary widely from state to state. In my state, basically anyone who applies for unemployment will get it, even if the employer fights it, as our unemployment bureau places a pretty heavy burden on the documentation involved for the employer to justify a termination. People who have been terminated for drunkenness (which our state considers protected by the ADA if there’s a pattern indicating a substance abuse problem), theft, or other egregious reasons can still get unemployment. Your relative doesn’t need a lawyer at this point; she needs to just apply and then respond to any messages sent to her by the state asking for information. Often, the employer will lose track of deadlines, or just stop fighting, and the claim will be approved. If the employer does respond vigorously, your relative will need to make a decision about how long she’s willing to hang in to try to get her unemployment. Some employers will fight to near-death and if your relative is capable of getting another job, that’s a better option for her than trying to do a cage match with a tenacious employer determined to get the claim denied.

  10. Anonymous

    Help. Through a series of circumstances I’m suddenly hosting Christmas Day. I think I’m having something close to a panic attack. It’s a crazy time at work, I had a child this year and we moved a few month ago and nothing is quite finished. Worse, its too late to order a fun takeout meal so it looks like I have to cook for twenty people including vegans and celiacs. I hate being criticized for my cooking which I’m sure will happen. There is no real alternative to having these people at my house except for my husband taking my kids to his mothers without me, which had happened in the past and I find deeply awful.

    I’ve dropped the ball at work this semester (yes I’m graded like a child despite being a 40 year old professional) and am supposed to move heaven and earth this week so my boss can give me some December wins.

    Oh and my Christmas cards were only mailed this morning and my aunt mentioned yesterday that another family member was very disappointed he didn’t receive his yet. This is a mess. Everything I touch falls apart.

    • Anony

      You got this. Turn your holiday meal into a ‘build-your-own-pizza’ or taco bar. Outsource what you can. Assign each relative something to bring – drinks, napkins, paper plates, ice, etc. And don’t let your uncle being disappointed ruin your day; you sent your cards out before Christmas – I call that a huge win!

    • Anokha

      Your Christmas cards were mailed this morning? In my mind, you are #winning — we still have a stack of cards sitting on our dining room table. And, as a reminder, you at the tale end of year 2 of a global pandemic. Give yourself grace.

    • Anon

      Potluck. What kind of horrible family do you have that expects you to handle this on your own and has the gall to criticize you for not sending cards weeks ahead of time? Those are ridiculous expectations.

      • roxie

        yeah, I’m super concerned that OP has a toxic family and little help? And is interpreting it to mean it’s all her fault?

        OP none of this is normal and you, as you note, are an adult who can say no.

    • Anonymous

      That is too much for one person alone. Can you throw money at it and order in things ready made? Otherwise I’d delegate, make a main and ask other people to bring the sides. I think reach out to the other attendees and explain what you need and people will be happy to help! Or could you do appetisers and not a sit down meal? I think you need to put yourself first, if other people criticise you but you are looking after your own mental health that’s on them not you.

    • Pompom

      Oy, this all sounds hard. Just wanted to validate that.

      But also, on that last one, that’s not on you. Nope. That reaction is on your Great Uncle Buzzard (reflects on him, NOT you), and on Auntie Butthead who shouldn’t have communicated that to you. THEY are messes, not you. Remind yourself of that–you don’t have to concede to their expectations.

      • Bonnie Kate

        100% on the Christmas card ridiculousness. That uncle sounds insane and I’d be tempted to throw his in the trash. I wouldn’t really, but seriously what insanity. It’s totally normal, not late, for them to be going out this week – I know of two friends specifically who were doing them yesterday because they messaged me for their address.

    • Go for it

      In my family we do potluck for holidays. Host decorates, supplies beverages & 1 protein, guests are given assignments to bring.
      This evolved into a really good experience for all.

    • pugsnbourbon

      Whoa, that’s a lot!
      First – let go of the xmas card thing. Your relative is petty and rude.
      Second – it might not be too late to order food. Whole Foods or Fresh Market may have some take-and-bake type items.
      Third – can you make it a potluck? All of my family gatherings are potluck-style.
      Fourth – please be kind to yourself! You have a lot going on (baby, new house). People criticizing you says much more about them than it does about you.

    • txblue

      are you willing to post your city? I bet we could find a restaurant still taking orders in your city within an hour or two if you let us try

    • Cat

      Your family sounds awful with their expectations. Tell them they can pick up their cards in person at dinner… and assign everyone a potluck dish to bring.

    • No Problem

      Sounds like you have some relatives who need to learn to STFU. If someone were to DARE to criticize my cooking they would get the best “are you really criticizing your hostess who cooked you a meal in her own home” angry deadpan.

      Time to ask people to bring dishes, or come up with the simplest menu you can (simple beef roast, mashed potatoes with almond milk [for the vegans] on the stove, giant pan of roasted vegetables [olive oil, salt, pepper], plate of cranberry sauce from the can).

    • Anon

      AHEM. I think you need a primal scream right now. This is all coming down on you.

      You need to prioritize. I’m thinking Husband handles Christmas gifts and you let go of the Christmas cards thing. I literally send out New Year’s cards electronically so feel good about yourself!

      Is there someone in that 20 people group coming over who doesn’t suck? Call them. Say, ‘HELP’. And then assign people dishes. To the vegan and the celiac, stress that you want to make sure that they have food that fills their hearts and meets their needs, so ask if they can share their favorite X. You – roast a hunk of meat of some type. Maybe a ham? Serve dinner rolls and lots of wine. Everyone else brings ‘their favorite side’ or ‘their best dish’. Make it fun – everyone sharing their best dish/the thing they’re known for? Amazing! This can be handled at 7PM tonight. Text friendly relative or relatives to make it happen.

      I hear work is a stressor. Set up a 30 minute meeting with boss to check in and see about delegating. You want to be responsive and prioritizing effectively to meet your end of the year goals. Can you delegate to get some easy wins off your list?

      The only way out is through and the only way to make this work is to ask for help. Question: any chance you’re the oldest daughter?

      • anne-on

        Also, as the oldest daughter (who generally gets this stuff thrown at her because she’s ‘so organized’)
        I feel SO SEEN by this last line. *cry laugh*

        • Anonymous

          Op – and yes!

          Just spoke with my husband about this. We’re 40, it’s absolutely time my parents and aunt passed the torch! But we’re resentful that we’re the only people in our generation that are remotely capable of doing this. I feel like our siblings and cousins never really grew up: one family keeps a filthy home and they may be horders, one couple is in their 50s and can afford anything because being jazz musicians never really paid off, the vegans can’t have any meat or dairy in their home, the celiac has a million dollar apartment in Brooklyn that’s too small for anyone, others have poorly trained animals that can’t be around people- I love these people but I feel like holding it together for them is exhausting.

          • Bonnie Kate

            “I love these people but I feel like holding it together for them is exhausting.”

            oh I see you big time op. I’m hosting because my anxiety goes through the roof just thinking about my borderline-horder parents home, at which one of my siblings+family share and right now because of covid/career change/trying to buy a house. Sibling+family just make the hording situation a lot worse. I had to make a big time boundary that it is not my responsibility to clean my parents (they are healthy and very functional, productive humans) home years ago, and I still have to work really really hard to keep that boundary because it just makes me so anxious.

            We’re also hosting the Christmas Eve party on my DH’s side for the first time (not our house, in a hall because that’s the tradition) that my FIL typically hosts because my inlaws have turned into a super major argument between the two of them. MIL is super angry at DH (her son) for doing it, while FIL is going to be really touched. I suggested that perhaps the 30+person Christmas Eve party wasn’t about FIL/MIL’s relationship, and I think I shocked her a bit.

          • Tina

            All of these people can still bring dishes over to your place. I live in a tiny apartment in Brooklyn and we all decided to have Friendsgiving in the friend with the biggest apartments place, but all she did was decor and 1 protein, as mentioned above – we brought everything else potluck style.
            I’m sorry they’re putting you in this spot.

          • Anonymous

            Ha, welcome to being the only functioning adult in the family. Delegating is the way to go. You are the brains of the operation; let the perpetual teenagers do the actual cooking of the dishes you assign them to bring, pay for the beverages or desserts you assign them to bring, etc.

        • Bonnie Kate

          Yesss oldest daughter comment. This is such a real thing that I could go on for a long time about in a different thread.

          • Anon

            Also an older daughter, and as a side note for anyone who watched Get Back – I related to Paul so much!!

          • Woof

            Oldest daughter here, and I’ve had to give up the “any unmet responsibility in the vicinity is mine” modus operandi. Takes time and practice and self control, but it can be done.

      • Anon

        HA! My parents asked me over the weekend if I’d “reminded” my younger brother about mailing gifts with enough time to arrive by Christmas.

        He’s 43.

      • ToS

        Roast a spiral-cut ham as a protein.
        In the same oven you can bake potatoes and sweet potatoes and have a toppings bar – which will work for all dietary types and both types of potatoes.

        Have people bring everything else. Set up a public sign-up so everyone ELSE can see who is bringing what. There are literally thousands of dishes that are eaten every day that will work for all – how about your veggie or celiac person bringing their favorite chili or soup-that serves 10?

      • Daughter

        Woooord. As the only daughter I’ve been handling my mom’s rapid dementia, recent death, and estate. My dad let me know I’m his executor too, “so this is good practice.” I have two brothers, but their partners do all the Christmas shopping and life arrangements for them. Even in divvying up the estate, if I want an answer from my older brother I have to ask his wife. It was hard enough to get them to commit to a date for the funeral.

        I let holiday cards go this year (honestly, most years). Delegate. Potlucks are the way to go, particularly with so many restrictions. Or, alternatively, just saying no, this isn’t enough notice this year. Too much going on. Tiny unvaccinated human in an a not-quite-unpacked house with a lot on your shoulders at work. OR, possibly the middle road: an upfront message that there is a lot on your plate, that you will provide item A and item B (presumably a main and a beverage or two) and that everyone needs to bring a dish that feeds many and that they can eat with their respective dietary restrictions, and that if someone insults your cooking or house you may sit in the car and drink a bottle of wine on your own (a clear message with an appropriate amount of softening humor).

    • Anon

      Whole Foods online orders for Christmas are open until Wednesday. :) Ask people to bring side dishes!

      Also who cares about Christmas cards. Blame the mail being slow. I haven’t even taken my kid’s picture yet for my uncreated Christmas card, so you’re way ahead of me.

        • Anon

          I was just coming to say – pick up a few Costco roasted chickens and their pre-made mashed potatoes and dressing, a few bagged salads, some rolls and a couple of pre-made pies and some ice cream. (And a lot of wine.) Add appetizers (cheese, crackers, hummus, etc.); leave the gluten free crackers in the bag for the person with celiac. Also, tell the person with Celiac – I love you and do not want to kill you. Please bring something you can eat. (I have a friend and she basically will not eat anything that is not from a restaurant she trusts or in a bag she saw opened.) Ask the vegan to bring a dish.

          Throw away the Costco wrappers and put the food in your own dishes before people come. They never have to know.

    • anne-on

      First, this sounds deeply stressful and I’m sorry.
      Second – you can totally host. Get your husband involved STAT – you are in crunch time at work, he needs to pitch in. Tell your family you will be supplying the protein(s) and they are in charge of sides/drinks/desserts. Set up a google form/sheet (and by you I mean your husband) and set up the categories. I’ve done large work lunches with these restrictions and 3 types worked best – taco bar, middle eastern-ish – make your own pita, and chili bar. Pick whicever you think will work best with your crowd. Salsa/guac/hummus/tahini/chili toppings/chips are all easy to grab at the store. Main proteins can be chicken/beef/lamb marinated to fit your theme, with vegan beans in the slow cooker. Assign rice/farro/quinoa for a grain. Desserts are cookies/brownies/or a make your own ice cream sundae bar.
      You have my permission to use disposable plates/utensils/cups.
      And anyone who dares give you grief about the state of your house or your holiday cards gets told ‘oh, you’re right, it HAS been very busy here! Are you offering to host next year? I’m sure you’d do a lovely job and we’d be so happy to attend!’.

    • Anon

      Oy. So in your shoes, I’d take the opportunity to make Christmas Day whatever you want and I’d flip it into wine/cocktails and cheese and crackers and just forget about cooking, TJs apps if your husband can help pull things out of the oven, but no sit down anything. Call it a party, dim the lights, light candles and let the grinches host next year if they don’t like it. The card thing is someone being ridiculous and I’d personally strike them from the list. As for work, you do what you can, pick the thing with the biggest impact and set a deadline of Tuesday to get it done. And whatever doesn’t happen, doesn’t happen.

      • anon.

        I love this answer. Order some twinkle lights and do a bunch of appetizers and some desserts. Done and done. Little tip my mom taught me – boil some water on the stove with some cloves, cinnamon stick, orange rind, whatever you have around… then lower the temp and it makes the air smell soooo good and like you’re baking even if you aren’t!

    • Op

      Thank you all for the validation! I managed to put in an order with a local bbq restaurant- 8 pounds of brisket should be here by Christmas Eve. A case of Prosecco and one of Merlot can probably be procured tomorrow night (and one bottle will be opened). I will task two relatives with vegan gluten free veggie sides. I’ll task another with a vegan Mac and cheese. I’ll ask the celiac to bring something she feels safe eating, if she balks, I’ll reassign to her mother (my kitchen is so busy I can’t be positive I won’t cross contaminate- isnt that plausible?!) I’ll make a Mac and cheese and some cornbread (kid friendly dinner that’s also adult sides right?) My husband says he didn’t buy me anything yet and I told him to just help me out and he can buy me something after Christmas.

      • Anon

        Anon at 10:50 here: YAAAAS QUEEN.

        This is the way. You are legit crushing it – and the cross contamination thing is REAL, so look at how thoughtful you are!

        Oldest daughter here. My fam does this to me, but also blames me for being controlling. Well. Ahem. I’ve suggested you handle it and you’ve told me that it would make your dog too stressed out or that your house isn’t childproofed. I’ve even offered you could make it at my house. No. You choose to complain about me being ‘so rigid’ when nobody wants to set a time and you say, ‘Okay, so what if we showed up at 3 and ate at 4:30.’

        I’m 100% gonna start an oldest daughter rant thread tomorrow.

        • Bonnie Kate

          omg I want to be on that oldest daughter rant but I have out of office meetings all day.

          but yes, the times. jeezus I now set times just like that (show up at 1, eat at 2) otherwise people can’t put it together that we need time to prep the food you brought. also they’re always late.

          My DH (also an oldest) has very strongly requested that I add end times to this as well for all events at our house and when I touch base (aka remind everyone) later this week I’m going to do that.

      • anon

        Is instacart in your market? I can order from Total Wine, Target, local supermarket chains… it’s the only way I get through hosting the holidays + insane job + toddler. I don’t use it often but it’s worth it’s weight in gold in situations like this.

      • Anon

        Yeah, I have several relatives and friends with celiac and they mostly don’t want to eat food prepared by other people unless those people know how to prevent cross contamination and have time to be careful with it. That said, there are some good gluten free cornbread mixes, so that would be an easy thing to ask one of them to make if you want them to feel a little more included (assuming they like cornbread, if not, obviously don’t bother). You didn’t mention dessert, but ice cream/sorbet is really easy (ask them for brand recs, not all are gluten free), or just pick up something at a bakery where you can get a few gluten free versions of whatever you’re getting for other people. Or just ask someone else to deal with dessert and make sure to buy something gluten free while they’re at it. It sounds great!

      • Anon

        The fact that the celiac might balk at bringing something she can eat…. shaking my head.

        • Anonymous

          It’s more like “can you please bring a gluten free thing for yourself?” And she’ll say “ Oh it’s not a big thing I can just eat whatever!” So she’ll act like she’s balking at the idea of needing a separate dish but she’s really just expecting me to handle it. Then she’ll get all sad that no one can guarantee the brisket is gluten free and the cornbread has gluten and make a plate of vegetables. (Does anyone else have family like this? )So I’ll call her mom and then give up.

          • Anon

            I would be sorely tempted to tell her that you’re making mac and cheese. Ask her with a straight face if it’s okay since the noodles are organic.

            When she gets completely horrified, just say – oh, I’m so sorry, I can’t keep track of it all, you better bring a side dish that you can eat.

            Return deliberate incompetence to sender.

      • anne-on

        This sounds AMAZING – you are a rockstar.
        Also – your husband needs to buy you a spa day/massage, or if you’re not comfortable with that, commit to a whole month of taking the kids on saturday mornings so you can sleep in. And inform him NOW that he is in charge of stuffing your stocking. I cannot tell you how many man-child relatives I have that have not put one iota of thought into Christmas and their poor wife has an empty stocking despite doing all the cooking/cleaning/shopping for the entire family.

        • Op

          Haha yes! My husband made a no-grownups stocking rule. Last year I got a very unwanted novelty book and pair of socks with books on them. It was so strange and bad. I always got him good little treats and self care stuff, But I’m fine not to. I already have a massage scheduled post Christmas and I have half a mind to buy jo malones entire line for myself bc that’s what’s in my dream stocking anyway. He’ll be absolutely fine with this. I have a lot to be thankful for and I’m realizing that. My husband is incredibly generous and makes plenty of money- he’s just terrible with buying me gifts. He did buy nearly all of our children’s gifts so I’m grateful for that too.

          • Anonymous

            I wish my husband would let me buy my own stocking stuffers. He thinks gift-giving is his love language, but he is legitimately terrible at it and gets so stressed out and I wind up with a stocking full of useless stuff like alkaline batteries when he knows we have a full set of rechargeables. He gets mad if I suggest stocking stuffers that I would like because that’s “controlling.” I have tried suggesting that he let kiddo choose the stocking stuffers and that doesn’t work either.

      • Marie

        Just wanted to stop by and say you are totally killing it! Just stick to the plan and let everything else go :)

    • Anon

      wait, i dont understand. who are all of these people coming over? your side of the family? your husband’s? both? you could tell them you are all under the weather…. or just have people over for dessert and tell them to figure out what to eat themselves for lunch/dinner or order chinese food (and have a jewish christmas like i will be doing)

    • No Face

      Why on earth are you hosting? Busy at work, just moved, and a new kid means that you cannot cook for twenty people. Full stop. Don’t do it. Don’t set yourself up for being exhausted and miserable.

      I agree with the potluck style. Your husband’s job is making sure the house is clean and that there are sufficient clean dishes for everyone one. If your husband and the other relatives can’t handle that, then Christmas doesn’t happen with everyone altogether this year.

    • Anon

      You do not have to cook an entire meal for 20 people, most of whom have special dietary needs. Tell everyone it’s potluck and you will be providing a main protein and everyone needs to bring a side or a dessert. Then you can go get some drinks and a ham (and one of those frozen Tofurkeys for the vegans, if you want) and be done. I am gluten-free due to IBS and I always make my own stuff to bring with me anyway. Most of us with dietary restrictions would rather bring our own food to eat so we know it’s “safe,” believe me.

      While you’re at the store, grab some of those big, thick Chinet plates, some fun holiday napkins and some biodegradable disposable flatware (even my very non-bougie supermarket has that now) and a couple of floral arrangements in vases. If you feel especially generous you can grab some stuff from the prepared foods cooler or the freezer to set out for appetizers. If there’s a Costco near you and you have a membership already, that’s probably a great option to get everything you need in one trip.

      Don’t worry about everything in your house not being “finished.” Deputize your partner to get things put away (this is a great excuse to shove things in closets or under beds) and/or cleaned. If necessary, call your local Molly Maids or other cleaning franchise and tell them you need an “emergency cleaning” and be willing to shell out for them to come on Wednesday or Thursday. We had to do this once when a relative unexpectedly died and we knew we could not get the house cleaned in time for everyone to come by before and after the service, and it worked out really, really well.

      This may sound weird but – a couple of emails and a trip to the grocery store/Costco will solve the dinner problem. Once that’s sorted, focus on what you need to do at work to get your EOY results in. I was also once in a situation where I got the worst performance review of my life after I came back from maternity leave. It was straight-up discrimination (this happened to many other moms in the company and there was later a class-action lawsuit) but in the short-term I needed to get things together so I wouldn’t get fired or lose next year’s raise. Do what you can before the end of the week to get your a** covered, so you can make a case in your performance review that things worked out okay. The work stuff will have a longer-lasting effect on your family and your finances than Christmas dinner.

    • Nesprin

      You’re opening your home to 20 people- solve this problem with money instead of labor.

      This is why god invented stouffer’s frozen lasagnes, premade pie and garlic bread and bagged salads +/- veggie tray. Maybe roast some root vegetables for the unusual diet folk, or just ask the vegans and celiacs to handle bringing a thing they can eat. If they dont, well, veggie trays and salads for one meal is fine.

    • Anon 2.0

      Chinese take out. Dead serious. You are under stress at work and you’ve had a child, you don’t need this. . If they are all showing up to your home the can eat Chinese take out (maybe call around and see if there are bulk options), they can bring food potluck style, or you can order pizza.

      • FP

        Was going to suggest Chinese or Indian takeout. If not – get yourself to Costco and buy a ton of their premade stuff. They have wonderful party platters that you do not need to order ahead of time. I was there yesterday and you could easily get from the deli refrigerated area: Caesar salad; shrimp cocktail; enchiladas and lasagna; mac and cheese; mashed potatoes; cookie platters; Christmas-decorated cakes; fruit and veggie platters. If you insist on cooking, you could also get a ready to bake ham or some steaks to toss on the grill and surround it by premade stuff above. They also had multi packs of holiday paper plates/napkins.etc; floral centerpieces already in vases; and beer and wine samplers. Seriously. Go to Costco and get it done.

    • Ellen

      Look, its a COVID year and you did what you could. Don’t be hard on yourself. It sounds like your boss is in your corner even if you did F up, and you have a husband and kids so you have alot more than others do. Look at the bright side and lean on your husband now b/c I am sure you’ve been in his corner when he had issues. 2022 will be better for all of us, even tho it may not seem so right now for you. I am always hopeful that a man will turn up for me, as I am turning 40 next year, and my shelf life is very limited for conception, especially w/o a boyfreind. But I look at the brite side. I still look OK and have a decent job.

    • Anon

      Your family sucks. I give you permission to say no. You had a baby this year. You’re swamped at work. No. Use your words. Say it with me. No. Absolutely not. Christmas is not at my place this year. Enjoy your holidays, family, I will see you in the new year.

      • Anon

        I’d be real tempted to claim a case of Covid and pass on the whole thing, OP …

  11. Kitchen stocking stuffer?

    What is your favorite/ game-changing kitchen gadget or tool that is stocking stuffer sized?

  12. Flat pack furniture

    Any suggestions for flat pack furniture companies, please? Furnishing an old guest house which is about 19” wide in the stairway. Looking to furnish a sitting room (assembly-required armchairs are the biggest challenge!) and bedroom. Thank you!

      • Anon

        Thank you! I’m eyeing a few items…who knew IKEA would be en vogue, along with more expensive flat pack companies.

      • Anonymous

        +1 can’t beat it. I always get compliments! Also cb2 has good flat pack options.

    • anne-on

      I found wayfair to have comporable prices/quality and better selection than Ikea at the moment. You need to read reviews pretty carefully but we got an armchair, rug, and bookcase in this month about 7 days after ordering.

      • Anon

        That’s fantastic, thank you for sharing your experience! I was hoping for something like Wayfair, great point about reading reviews to understand assembly requirements. Thanks again!

      • anonypotamus

        One PSA about wayfair – once you find something you like, do a quick google search of the product name/company, because a lot of times you can find the exact same product for much cheaper. I was just about to place an order for 4 things (entry bench, nightstands, and a huge mirror) for about $650, which seemed like a good deal. I was able to find everything at Home Depot for about $400 and saw that many of the products were also available on amazon, Bed Bath & Beyond, etc. I find wayfair to be a great way to search for products because their filters are excellent, but many times you can find a better price elsewhere.

        • Anon

          I couldn’t agree more, thank you! I’m slowly learning this as well…though yes, their filters are awesome!

      • Anon

        Thank you! I was eyeing a chair through Google, didn’t realize they were flat pack though. Awesome.

      • Anon

        Ohhh, thank you. They have pretty pieces but I didn’t realize they were flat pack. Yea!

        • Anonymous

          I think Wardrobe Oxygen just posted a review and discount code for the company

  13. Anonymous

    COVID and family vent. Feel free to skip if you’re over it.
    I went to a holiday party last night for my partner’s extended family. Soon as we got there I noticed one of my in-laws and their two kids were all coughing pretty badly. I was horrified and wanted to turn right around and leave. Partner was upset as well but didn’t want to leave. If we had driven to the party separately I would’ve just taken myself home but we drove together so we stayed. I’m now horrified that I’ve been exposed (if not to COVID, then to a cold or another respiratory illness) and that this will impact the rest of my holidays plans in the next two weeks. Just venting that I am so furious that anybody would show up to an indoor gathering with a cough like that in this day and age. At the very least I wish they had told us before that they had a cough so we could’ve decided if we were comfortable being there at any point before walking in the front door. I’m furious.

    • Equestrian Attorney

      I get it, that’s annoying. Is it possible they were tested? I was recently at an outdoor gathering with someone who had a cough and mentioned they had been tested (negative) the day before. Still not ideal and we kept our distance, but better than nothing.

    • Cat

      legit regular old colds are going around fast this year — did you ask the coughing family if they’d tested? If they had and it was negative, maybe test yourself on Thursday just in case.

      • Anonymous

        They shouldn’t have been around other people with a regular old cold either. The only way it would be OK is the asthma scenario below (this is me too).

    • AIMS

      I would be mad too but if it’s any comfort regular coughs can last forever too. They should have said something in that case but I wouldn’t assume that you were necessarily exposed to anything.

      • Anon

        Yeah, you should have asked if they’d Covid tested. I have asthma and end up coughing badly for 3-4 weeks after even minor colds. I try to stay away from people for as long as I feel sick and I’d definitely covid test now and be extra careful around vulnerable people, but there have been periods of my life where I’ve had bad coughs for months on end and my doctors have never thought that I’m infectious during most of that time.

      • No Face

        I am much more forward about asking nowadays.

        My household has gone through many, many, many colds these past few months, with negative COVID-19 tests to match. A runny nose or cough can last forever.

    • Anon

      I’m sorry. I would test daily for a week if you can and definitely right before seeing any other friends or family.

    • anon

      My bf has the flu and sounds like a walking Covid machine (he got tested). But I understand your frustration. I went over to my neighbors’ house yesterday to chat and they never told me they were waiting on CV rest results (I never would have gone in the house!!) and of course the husband tested positive so that effs up my life until I get my own test results back!

    • Anonymous

      That is very frustrating and I’d also want to leave. Even if it’s just a cough, if there were young kids there, they’re putting them at risk of being excluded from child care for a couple days. And no one wants to be sick, even with a cold, for Christmas!

    • Anonymous

      I mean, my entire family of 6 has had a nasty cough for over a week. We are all vaccinated (so exciting to say that about my 5 year old!) and we’ve been covid tested a bunch over the past few weeks. We are all cleared to be back in school/work and no longer contagious but still hacking away.

      I do give people the obligatory “not contagious anymore and not covid!” when i start a coughing jag.

    • Anonymous

      I have a cough left over from a bad cold I got 4 weeks ago. I stayed home for 2.5 weeks and try to control the cough, but I am done isolating. I am not sorry.

    • Anon

      It’s so frustrating – and the problem with testing in this new variant world is that it seems that you have to rapid test immediately before the gathering. Rapid testing negative the day before, or even the morning of an evening gathering, is no guarantee. And PCRs are taking so long to come back they are also basically useless. Sigh.

    • Anonymous

      I’m so sorry, I would be furious. I don’t care if you’re not really sick, in this environment, if you’re coughing a lot then you need to excuse yourself from gatherings unless you can check in with everyone beforehand to confirm their comfort level. At a minimum, wear masks the whole time.

      Fwiw I’m a year-round allergy sufferer, when my normal-for-me sneezing is particularly bad, I dont go to large group gatherings and I check with people before hanging out indoors with them. If it was a can’t-miss event like a wedding I would wear a mask. I can’t imagine making other people uncomfortable and worried when I have the power to mitigate that.

      • Kayla

        You’re insane. In this environment you should not spread covid. But if you meet someone and they have an allergic or asthma cough, they’re not wrong to be out and about. They should be masked, you can ask if they’ve been tested recently etc, but hygiene theater is not the answer here.
        If someone has an allergic cough they can make sure to tell people that. But if you freak out even with that explanation and reassurance, that’s on you.

      • Anonymous

        Wait. I have to call everyone who is invited before going to an event because I have a lingering cough? If I cough at the event, I will make all the disclosures and explanations necessary, but I will not be pre-calling all the invitees to find out their “comfort level” and ask their permission.

    • Natalie

      You should ask. Depending on who it is you can still ask.
      I have asthma and after any illness I cough for several weeks after. If it was bad and I was at a party I would tell people about the asthma. But I’m not hiding away because of an asthma symptom.

    • Cougher

      I have a chronic cough that is due to gastroesophageal reflux disease. It is being treated. But I cough frequently. I also often mention it to people so they know I’m not sick. Of course, someone with a chronic cough could have Covid and not know it and could spread it. However, not all coughs are due to an infectious disease. I hope you remain well.

      • Anonymous

        Two people in the same household coughing is a lot more suspicious than one coughing and one not.

  14. Anon

    while i have plenty of other things to worry about today, now i’m worried about SCOTUS and Justice Breyer and the midterm elections. We all saw what happened when RBG stayed longer than she should have. I’m worried that within the next 5 years, there will be no gun-control, no access to abortion, etc.

    • Anonymous

      I’m pretty sure that shop has sailed. It sailed with everyone who couldn’t pull a lever for Hillary for whatever reason. Also, do you really think this country will be a democracy after 2024? I honestly do not.

          • Allie

            It’s over. First voting rights, then abortion, then the administrative state. The amount of whiplash and paralysis we’ll see in federal policy once ad law has been slashed will be not good.

          • lifer

            Well, you want to really help?

            Move to a red state and start volunteering for a voter registration drive!

    • Monday

      To everyone posting here with the grimmest predictions–and I’m with you–what are you thinking about doing, if anything? I guess we are just going to become another population living under authoritarianism with restricted human and civil rights? For those of you with kids in your life who are old enough to be somewhat aware, how are you talking to them about it?

  15. Anon

    I’m late to the party, but The Dropout (podcast series re Elizabeth Holmes) is good, making me more stabby than the original WSJ article I can still remember reading that exposed Theranos as a total fraud.

    Is there a LuLaRoe podcast? Or just a show? Is it this good? Is there anything else this good?

      • Anon

        I worked for a lot of big time Amway distributors a long time ago. The $ is all in running motivational conferences and selling successories-like motivational aids. It is definitely a winning formula for the person at the top of the downline.

        I’m not an auditor, but am now finding it fascinating to read the footnotes of financial statements (which I have to read through for work). I wonder, if you do that for a living, how to you know it’s for you? Do you ever find Things?

        • Senior Attorney

          I’m sure I’ve told this story here before, but many years ago when I was a young lawyer I took the deposition of somebody who (along with his wife) was very high up in an MLM and had made a ton of money. He just came right out and said “at first we were doing it wrong — we thought the way to make money was to sell the products, but it turns out the real money is in recruiting as many down-line people as you can and taking a cut of what they buy wholesale [and may or may not then sell].” He didn’t bat an eye and acted like it was a perfectly normal, ethical thing.

        • Monday

          You might be interested in the show On Becoming A God in Central Florida, which is about a fictional 90s MLM that seems to be based on Amway. It’s wild.

          Anti-MLM social media recently highlighted that Monat expanded to Australia, and a bunch of people “leveled up” a month before any of the products could even arrive on the continent. When pressed as to how that could happen if they weren’t a pyramid scheme (i.e. how do you level up with no products to sell?) one rep replied “I don’t know what you’re getting at here.” Even though the question included the very phrase “pyramid scheme”!

      • Anon 2.0

        Saving this to listen to asap. I was fascinated by the Lularoe documentary a few months ago so this sounds interesting.

  16. Non-Equity (and fine with it, but do you have to call it out?)

    Would appreciate thoughts on the following situation:
    – I am a non-equity partner in a small firm (20 attorneys) in NYC
    – we are actively recruiting for a variety of positions and doing lots of zoom interviews with paralegals and attorneys; for scheduling purposes, sometimes it’s two of us from the hiring committee interviewing a candidate at the same time – it’s usually a pretty easy give and take and has been relatively successful
    – most recent interview, it was an equity partner and I speaking with a para candidate
    – during the interview the equity partner (male), noted to the candidate that there are x number of equity partners at the firm and “then we also have our non-equity partners like [a, b, c, and d]”
    – from my recollection, there was no question from the candidate about the structure of the team or any reason that it would need to be discussed that there are two classes of partnership
    – I’m not shy about saying I’m a non-equity partner at the firm/with my colleagues, but I found it off-putting and unnecessary during the interview; would he have mentioned it if one of my male non-equity partners had been the other interviewer? maybe, but probably not
    – partner and I have a good working relationship . . . I don’t doubt that he respects me as a colleague; he is sometimes oblivious to interpersonal matters and communication styles generally

    So . . . curious whether this would bother others. In my shoes, would you just roll your eyes and move on? make mention to the partner? or would this not bother you at all because it’s factual (and the candidate probably couldn’t care less – the interview is about her, not me)? Thoughts? Thanks!

    • anon

      Leeeeet iiiiiit goooooooo!

      Who knows why he did what he did, but there is nothing you should do about it now.

    • Anon

      Okay, wow. The fact that you’ve written this all up means you’ve taken this way too personally. Even if he did mean it as an intentional slight — and there’s nothing at all to suggest he did — what are you going to do about it? You need to take it down several notches.

    • Anon

      It’s factual, it’s normal to describe the firm structure. If I was the EP and you comments me, I’d think you had weird issues.

  17. Anonymous

    I knew this was from the fold the second I saw it. So gorgeous. My pre-Covid dream work wardrobe was from there.

    • Anon

      King Flour cookie book. Da bomb. Really. So much butter, egg, corn syrup, sugar… You even put cream cheese in the pastry. I get so.many.compliments on them.

      • Anon

        Sorry –King Arthur Flour Cookie Companion. You can find it on eBay, likely most libraries… I bet the website has the recipe. If not, I’ll paste it for you.

  19. Anonymous

    I need wide width, normal calf width boots. (looking for the riding boot/knee high style, preferably flat or low heel, trends be damned!). I am scouring Zappos, Amazon, etc. but not finding anything in my size. I know I’m a decade late but any wide width suggestions?

    • Anonymous

      Naturalizer is usually my go-to. Inventory has been weird the last couple of weeks so I’d check the site frequently. Their site refreshes faster than the department stores that carry them.

    • Carrots

      I have a pair from Naturalizer that I love that is a wide calf and fits my big even for wide sized boots calves. It doesn’t look like they have my exact style since they’re a few years old, but their sizing may still work.

  20. Nina

    We did secret snowman over the weekend and on her wishlist one friend asked for either a gift card to a running store or something consumable because she didn’t want more stuff or clutter.
    I love that idea. I feel like if there is something I really want, like a particular coffee maker or hair dryer, that’s a bigger gift than you would give in Secret Santa.
    The exception is fancier versions of things you need anyways – I got some notebooks and candles that I love to have and use, but wouldn’t buy for myself.
    What gifts would you want that are consumable or that wouldn’t create “clutter” because you will use them up soon?

    • Anonymous

      Bath stuff like nicer shower gel, candles, fancy drinks, coffee, hand cream. A lovely flower arrangement could be nice too.

    • Anon

      My husband got me a fancy tea sampler a few years ago that I really loved. For me, I’d totally appreciate a nice bottle of wine, too. I like wine, but I’m not an oenophile and I don’t ever buy myself wine that’s more than, like, $15 max.

    • Anon

      I think this really depends on people’s tastes, so it helps if you know something about how they eat. I definitely like sweets, but we get so many cookies and chocolate things at Christmas that it’s nice to have something savory and/or healthy. Fancy olive oil, jams, crackers or nuts would definitely be eaten at our house. If they eat cheese or coffee or wine, those might be good (I don’t eat/drink any of those, but my husband would). Tea or hot cocoa mix. Fruit can be good (I do really like the Harry and David pears), but has to be eaten pretty quickly, so the timing is important on this one. Baked goods that can be frozen and eaten once I’m over my holiday sugar overload.

    • test run

      I like to get upgraded versions of toiletries that are not necessarily that expensive, but which I might have a hard time justifying buying for myself. In the past, I’ve asked for things like salon brand shampoo/conditioner, nice moisturizer/face wash, and body lotion. I could also see asking for things like nice nail polish, cuticle oil, floss (I love cocofloss), toothbrush replacement heads (I once told my husband I wish I could just ask for crest white strips for Christmas and he delivered!), etc. Obviously this is person specific and you’d have to know the brands they like, but this is one of my favorite types of gifts to receive, even if it seems kind of boring.

      • Anon

        My parents gift me Sonicare heads every year. They belong to a wholesale club and I don’t, so they get a great deal on a huge pack. It lasts me all year, I love it.

        • Anonymous

          That is a great use of their club membership. And I love having a year’s supply. I get myself an annual supply of these and several other items every January. I’d love to get this as my Christmas gift.

    • Anonymous

      I love getting things like olives, pesto, tapenade, olive oil, mustard, posh salt flakes. Cheese. With the exception of cheese, preferably something that does not have to be kept in the fridge before opening. Alcohol.

      I dislike getting jams and jellies because I don’t really eat that, but lots of people love jams and boozy berries, chutneys and things like that.

      Most importantly to avoid clutter gifts – no novelty things that are only produced to be gifts. Proper olive oil, not lemon infused. Mature cheddar rather than cherry almond something etc.

    • Anan

      Frixion pens in all the colors.
      Magazines or magazine subscriptions
      I consider books consumable because i pass them along as soon as I finish reading them.
      Fun snacks from other countries
      Cheese (the stinkier the better)
      Fruit
      Retro candy or sodas
      Movie passes (well maybe not these days)
      Park passes
      Boba tea kit
      Cookie or cake decorating sprinkles
      Bacon (said without irony)

    • Anon

      Tapenade, macadamias, preserves truffles, jams and gluten free crackers.
      Mixers/non alcoholic low sugar soft drinks (I’m in Australia and StrangeLove makes amazing and delicious tonic waters and sparkling drinks in nice glass bottles)
      Organic hot chocolate and marshmallows.
      Tea and herbal tisanes.
      Champagne.
      Nothing with artificial fragrances (this rules out lots of lotions, candles, hair products) but I do love palm oil free soaps from places like Beauty and the Bees.

    • Another anon

      Lottery tickets were always popular in a gift exchange I did for ~10 years

    • T

      Refill pouches of L’Occitane’s almond shower oil. I ask for it every year for my Secret Santa gift from husband’s family. I pretty much only ask for practical things – Costco membership renewal, YNAB renewal, skincare, haircare, household items that have broken in the past year/need replacing.

  21. Anon

    Does anybody know what a good deal from Artifact Uprising is? I want to get my wedding album done, but it’s not something that needs to be done for the holidays. They have 15% off right now, wondering if I should wait for a better deal after the new year.

    • Anon

      I think I paid for one that was 20% off, which isn’t a significant higher discount. I would just order now.

    • Anon

      They had 20% off around Black Friday. I used it as motivation to finally order my wedding album. Just received it and very happy with quality.

    • FP

      I think 20% off is as good as it gets, and that’s only a few times a year. I’d just order now.

  22. Work Friend in NYT?

    I don’t think Roxane Gay gives very good advice in her “Work Friend” column in the NYT. It doesn’t seem as though she’s worked in very many offices? I think I may be biased as I also do not love her other writing and I think that may be a failure of mine to be more open to other perspectives. Do others find this column insightful?

    • anne-on

      I don’t love her writing to begin with, and to my knowledge she never really had an office job so I can’t understand why her perspective would be valuable. I usually read it, get annoyed, and then click over to Ask a Manager. The comment section at AAM is a little over the top but I find Allison’s advice fair and reflects office norms well.

    • Anon for this

      I haven’t read her column but I know her professionally and she is insufferable. She’s pretty famous in her professional circles for making unreasonable demands, asking for things that aren’t given to any author (even white, male ones who are more famous) and then crying racism and sexism when people won’t kowtow to her demands. So I am not surprised her advice about appropriate professional behavior is way off base.

  23. Anonymous

    I bought amarena cherries at Trader Joes. What drink should I make with them?

  24. Anon

    A recruiter approached me about a high-level federal government job. It’s a newly created position acting as, essentially, general counsel for a new division of a federal agency that is intended to compete in the private marketplace (so kind of like the post office). It’s an interesting opportunity and I would be a very competitive candidate, although I have a great job that I’m very happy with. It would be nice to shift to more cash comp (it would be about the same totally package but a bunch of my current comp is in stock). And it would have a lot of visibility on my industry, which would be cool.

    All that being said – the recruiter sent over a nine-question questionnaire they want completed, with a note not to exceed SEVEN PAGES. It’s basically a bunch of the kind of questions you’d ask in a first-round interview (ranging from “describe your personality” to a request to list all your career moves and explain each of them to “describe a prior experience that illustrates your entrepreneurship”). Conservatively, it would take a couple of hours to do a good job of responding – maybe more. Is this normal federal legal hiring practice? It seems like a lot to ask, especially because unlike an interview, it’s all one-way: I’m not getting to ask them any questions and won’t get to unless they decide to interview me.

    • MND

      Not federal, Major Lindsay & Africa does something similar for in-house placements and it is exhausting. I have declined interviewing for jobs that were otherwise interesting because the process seems to shift all of the burden to the interviewee when much of the questions would be better answered in a 30 min conversation.

      • Anon

        Ahhhhh MLA is actually the recruiter for the position. I assumed this had to be coming from the agency because it seems so off the wall.

      • Anonymous

        Unless it is a retained search for an extremely attractive job I don’t jump through these hoops anymore. I did this for a recruiter recently before knowing the company, and ended up finding out that the person who would be my supervisor at the company had numerous harassment lawsuits pending. It was a huge waste of time. The recruiter did not have any other job opportunities that weren’t posted on public job boards and I ended up finding a better job on my own.

    • Anonymous

      Totally normal. I’m a government official and the application process/testing/interviews was probably 40 h total when all was said and done. It was worth it to me because government is genuinely trying to pick the best person and tbh based on the high quality of colleagues I have, I’d say it’s successful.

      • Anon

        It’s interesting, because honestly I probably will not apply for this job simply because I already have a really good one and the amount of time it would take to do this isn’t worth it when I’m not getting a corresponding opportunity to ask questions of them. From a skills perspective, I’m likely to be one of the most qualified (maybe the most qualified) people that they’ll see (it’s a very niche industry and I’m one of only a handful of lawyers who are familiar with the specific thing that they want to do). But perhaps part of what they are screening for is willingness to put up with a lot of bureaucracy, in which case, undeniably, I’m not the best choice.

        • Anonymous

          If you are interested I think it is worth asking if you can delay filling out the form until you have more information. I understand it may be a form required by the govt, but it sounds like it may just be a form for the recruiter.

        • Anonymous

          Even the ‘s*xy’ parts of most government jobs involve a lot of bureaucracy. The application process is a good proxy for the mundane elements of the cool things candidates desire (like negotiating international conventions, so slow, nothing like the UN on TV, I wish candidates would understand that).

    • Anon

      If the position is PSC (personal services contractor) rather than direct hire that’s normal. Some agencies rely heavily on PSCs. For example, we’ll over 50% of my colleagues at USAID we’re PSCs.

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