My Nixplay Review (And Why It’s a Great Gift)

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1. Hi Ladies, I want to plan a trip to the Outer Banks, NC, for next May. We’ve never been. I’d love your suggestions – where to fly into? Where to say? What to see (we’re not fans of AirBnB, so prefer hotels/resorts), stay in one place the whole time, or hop around? I’m thinking 5 days/4 nights. DH and I aren’t super adventurous for outdoor activities, but we can do hiking and stuff that isn’t dangerous. No kids. TIA!!

   1. Hm, I don’t think the OBX is quite what you think it is. The nearest airport is Norfolk, VA, about 80 miles away. It’s not going to be warm in May. Most people rent beach houses. It’s a very chill area that attracts lots of families. There’s no hiking or other “adventurous” outdoor activities – the area’s beaches and nature preserves. You can visit the different little villages, lighthouses, and nature preserves, but there’s no reason to change your accommodations – just pick a spot in the middle and venture out for the day to whatever you want to see.

      Outerbanks.org is a good planning resource.

      1. Also – stagger your coming and going to avoid the worst bridge traffic. Google it for time suggestions.

      2. In my experience, the OBX is a place to go if you want to sit around a rented house and do nothing. If you are looking for good beaches or hiking or a hotel, look elsewhere.

      3. This. Outer Banks is a place to go to rent a beach house with extended family and do nothing except play on the beach and swim in the pool if your rental house has one. May is not really beach weather. If you want a resort and more things to do, I would suggest the Charleston area.

   2. IIRC, there are mainly private rentals, often through brokers or VRBO, all along the outer banks. RTP might be the largest nearby airport. Norfolk if you are going to Duck / northern outer banks. The only real “resort” area might be in Corolla/Duck.

      Lots of rentals are for a week, at least as Memorial Day approaches, so you might need to lock into one place.

      I love climbing Jockey’s Ridge and watching the sunset from there. I also like the Elizabethan Gardens. I have been there a million times, mostly just for relaxing and not for doing things.

   3. There aren’t a whole lot of hotels/resorts; it’s mostly large rental houses. There are some chain hotels around Kitty Hawk/Kill Devil Hills, and some smaller B&Bs, plus Sanderling Resort in Duck (never stayed there, but it’s supposed to be nice). As for what to do, it’s… a beach. You hang out on the beach and do beach things. Wander around the nature preserves. See the wild horses. If you want more “things” to do or see, I’d suggest the beaches around Charleston instead.

   4. I agree with the above and would suggest maybe Hilton head instead?

2. Hi all – I’m about 5 months into my state court clerkship in my small state. I want to start looking for jobs. Any good way to go about it? I feel like blindly applying isn’t a great idea. I don’t interact with many attorneys currently in my role. Should I reach out to former bosses from my law school internships for advise? Should I cold email people at firms I’m interested in? Any sample language I should be using??

   1. Your law school career center should be able to help. But definitely not too soon.

   2. Second the suggestion of your law school.

      This also depends on what field you are going into, whether you are targeting firms in your geographic area, how well known your law school is in your chosen area, etc.

      Don’t cold-email people at firms you are interested in.

   3. I had similar circumstances many years ago (perhaps we clerked in the same small state). What worked for me was to network like crazy. I had had a summer associate position with one of the big firms in town when I was a 1L, so knew people from that, and I went on a lot of lunches. People were almost always willing to go to lunch with me and give me advice, and maybe mention someone else that I thought I should contact. I would also recommend getting in touch with the clerk alumni network, which was a big resource for me. Your judge may have a list of his or her former clerks – I would recommend starting by emailing former clerks of your judge who are local to the area. It’s usually easier to start with the more recent clerks.

      My law school was not very helpful, mainly because I was clerking in a different state.

      1. January is right, and again, I also agree that you should work through the judges you are working for, b/c he/she can be of great assistence, since they deal with lawyers who work with them (like me). I know my judge often talks to the manageing partner about people who work at the court who are looking for jobs (clerks only work for a few years b/f they cap out on salaries), so our firm is actually one where people want to come work if they are interested in a boutique defense firm that focuses on Manhattan and Bronx Counties in NYC. We are trying to expand into Weschester, but most of those places are all sewn up by lawyers who went to Fordam and Pace. The manageing partner wanted to establish a relationship with a firm in Grennich CT, but they wanted a 35% referral fee, which he said was to much, especialy b/c defense firms like us work by the hour, and that would eat into our profit’s to much. Life is not easy trying to make things work, between the hours, the stress and the s-xueal stuff we must put up with both in and outside of the courtroom, but we must do what we have to as attorneys and counselors at law.

   4. Ask your judge for help too! The judges in my state bring clerks to every networking event under the sun but ymmv. If your judge isn’t already doing this, ask what events you should be going to, what bar association sections or inns of court you can get involved in – usually they have special membership rates for students or clerks, and they might let you attend events for free.

3. Can anyone recommend a somewhat upscale and dog-friendly hotel in Virginia Beach?

   1. Have you looked into BringFido dot com?

      1. OT but I have a friend who is always coming up with stupid business ideas and her latest one is a website that tells you which hotels and restaurants allow dogs. Everyone she’s describe this to has said “So….BringFido dot com?”

4. Hi all – I am about 5 months into my state court clerkship set to end in August. I know now is the time to start looking for jobs. I don’t interact with many attorneys here at court. What do you all suggest: cold emailing firms I’m interested in? Reaching out to old bosses from prior internships for help finding people and firms that are looking? Do you have any email language suggestions of what I should be saying?? I’m more interested in corporate work rather than litigation, so my clerkship experience feels almost useless…

5. Can anyone recommend a good daily planner since we’re close to the new year? I’m looking for something that’s like a page a day with planning times from 6 am to 9 pm. A to-do list section is nice but not necessary. I don’t need the “vision board” style planners (I tried, sucked at keeping up with it) – just a basic “how I plan my day to go” planner that isn’t too thick.

   1. Passion Planner just released a daily version.

   2. I’ve really liked May Designs. They have a couple daily planners (I use a weekly layout so can’t recommend any specific one) so you can pick a style that works for you. The website is a little confusing, but use the “shop by inside page” dropdown to see the various layouts.

      I use the classic size. It’s small enough to carry around everywhere but big enough to write what I need. I also bought their leather portfolio to have some protection and to keep a second notebook for meeting notes.

   3. Hobonichi Techo?

   4. Leuchtturm has a weekly that I love, and I believe they have a daily version as well.

6. Those of you who exercise in the morning, how do you motivate yourself to get out of bed? I have the best intentions but I just can’t seem to drag myself out of bed when it’s still dark and cold outside. Even if I manage to do it regularly for a week or two, I quickly fall off the wagon.

   1. Honestly, I exercise at night for that reason. Morning exercise makes so much sense for my schedule, but I can’t stick with it. I’m very consistent about exercising ~9pm though. This may simply be a sign that morning workouts aren’t for you.

      1. Same. I’ve tried my whole life to make morning exercise work, I can’t do it. Some people are just made to exercise at night.

      2. Yep. Once I embraced the after-work or at-lunch life, it actually began to stick.

   2. This may or may not apply to your situation, but the best way I found to get myself out of bed on winter mornings when I was running was to sign up for a race in a few months that was slightly beyond my current reach — a 5k if I’d been running very little, or a 10K or half marathon if I was in good shape, to basically scare myself into getting up and training, so that I didn’t embarrass myself at the race. But YMMV — this also makes me think of Gretchen Rubin’s four tendencies, supposedly different people do better with different types of motivation.

      1. Lol you are a better person than me, a future race wouldn’t motivate me at all. What I’ve done is make getting up and working out as brainless as possible. Clothes, shoes, and workout bag packed the night before, including keys, wallet, and water. I lay out my workout gear next to my phone – which I plug in another room with a loud annoying alarm. I have no choice but to get up and turn it off. With workout gear right there, I usually do manage to put it on and leave since I literally only have to put the clothes on where I stand and walk out the door.

         1. Yes, this is the answer. My secret is to get to exercising as quickly as you can, so that by the time you’re awake enough to notice what you’re doing, it’s too late. Also, at some point if you do it enough, it becomes a habit and you don’t need the motivation anymore.

            1. “by the time you’re awake enough to notice what you’re doing, it’s too late” made me giggle. I like that phrasing.

               I did a 6 am small-group training for a few years. I was lucky because I liked the other people in the group and we had a shared chat/signup app – so people knew if you bailed and gave you (good-natured) sh!t about it.

         2. This is genius! Laying out clothes and signing up in advance for a class is definitely key (I’ve even heard people say they sleep in their workout clothes for this reason but that sounds really uncomfortable…)

      2. Applying Gretchen Rubin’s information about building habits (based on personality) was seriously what turned me from a sporadic-at-best exerciser to someone who manages to get it done 4-5 days a week.

   3. The only way I can do this consistently is if I’m doing a workout that I LOVE. Currently that’s Orange Theory, and it’s much easier for me to go on the days when my favorite coaches will be there. That particular gym also has a fee if I don’t cancel in time, which also helps because my night-self who wants to workout won’t cancel before going to sleep. I lay my clothes and water out before bed so I can sleep until the last possible moment, which also helps because I know I cannot snooze or I’ll miss it.

   4. It was a pivotal moment in my life when I switched from thinking about things I don’t want to do in terms of “being motivated” to instead thinking about them as “having discipline”.

      I hate working out. I am non athletic. I have tried tons of different types of workouts and I have not found some kind of magical one that I love and want to do all the time. Instead, I have picked the thing I hate the least and signed up for an expensive enough class that it feels like lighting money on fire if I don’t go 8 times per month (the class package I bought). This 8 times per month thing is key. It is enough that I feel like I’m doing something regularly, but not so much that I feel overwhelmed and quit.

      And I put it on my calendar and force myself to go as an act of discipline. And yeah, I feel better once I’ve gone, but motivation hasn’t shown up and waiting for it is a waste of time for me.

      1. This is such great advice. I think you also have to change your mindset to one that is: “I am a person who exercises regularly. I am a person who cares about health and fitness.” You don’t have to be a natural athlete to exercise OR care about your health!

   5. I have my lights on timers so they’re on when my alarm goes off. And my alarm is Lizzo, which I find very motivating.

   6. I’ve found there is a balance i need to strike in terms of how frequently i workout to be able to get up reliably in the morning to workout. if i only do it once a week, my body never resets and sometimes i can’t sleep because i’m stressed about waking up. if it’s 2-3 times a week, my body seems to be ok with waking up that frequently and doesn’t stress about it.
      Signing up in advance is also a must – I was going to a gym that didn’t do signups and it was really easy to justify NOT going any particular day. now i signup in advance – at least 1-2 days earlier – and that helps.

   7. sleep in my gym clothes. bag pre-packed (with change of clothes), lunch pre-packed. do not introduce any possibility of thinking between waking up and getting out the door. has to happen in under 10 minutes, otherwise i will end up back in bed.

   8. I need accountability. Workout classes that I’ve already paid for and will lose the money I spent on, or meeting up with a friend or a running group. Otherwise I just go back to sleep– and I’m a morning person.

   9. The only possible way I can do it is to meet friends. When my whole running group was out of town the week of Thanksgiving, I just could not motivate myself to go alone. I seem to do it only when others are counting on me or if I have paid in advance for an exercise class or personal training session. Actually, this is true for me at any time of the day.

   10. I turn the heat on in my bedroom. Honestly the number one thing that keeps me from getting up early in the winter is that it’s so warm and cozy in my bed and cold when I get out of bed.

   11. I have slept in my workout clothes and put my sneakers next to the bed so it’s the first thing I see when I wake up. If you don’t sleep in workout clothes but them on the floor next to the sneakers. It just has to become a habit. I would do Tuesdays and Thursdays. Everyday is too much. If you do a month consistently give yourself a reward.

   12. It is hard. I’m a devoted morning exerciser and have been struggling the past few weeks. Make it as easy on yourself as possible, and reward yourself like a toddler. Like yesterday I bought a Trader Joe’s candle set for like $8. For every week I stick to my workout goal (5 days/week), I get to unwrap a candle. I don’t have to resort to these tactics all the time, but in the winter? All bets are off.

   13. I have to be meeting someone. I finally ended up hiring a personal trainer, but meeting a friend would work just as well. I also pack all my stuff, lay out my gym clothes, etc. the night before so I can just put my clothes on and go.

7. I need a gift for my sister, who is mid 30s, actively dating but currently single, does not like or really need “stuff.” She has a dog and does not drink. Clothes are a little touchy bc she’s fluctuated a lot in size recently.

   I am looking for some kind of experience gift I think- but one that she can do solo or at least does not scream “you need a date” like a restaurant does.

   I sort of like the gift baskets someone posted about yesterday, but they both had Prosecco and I couldn’t come up with a good swap.

   Budget is $150 total, but I think I’d prefer to do a few things- or like a basket or group of items- vs a $150 GC somewhere.

   I thought about some barre or yoga classes as a way to get out and meet people but ultimately decided it was a “nice for me, may not be nice for her.”

   Mani pedi with some bath bombs and some tasty consumables? Anyone been to the salt caves in Asheville? Would that be worth it? Massage? Other ideas?

   1. Honestly, I would prefer the the gift certificate so I could have a spa day. That’s not something I would normally spend money on for myself. And some kind of toy or treat for her dog would be cute. I think it’s sweet when people buy stuff for my pets.

   2. Spa gift cert.

   3. I’m the person who suggested some of the gift baskets yesterday. I think for the brunch basket you could swap out for fancy tea (matcha tea mix? chai?) or nice coffee.

      I would also adore a spa gift card. I will normally get myself mani/pedis, but a massage is a splurge and a gc helps justify that. +1 to the poster above, I love when people get things for my dog.

   4. I would find a local spa place and give $130 there. I’d use the extra $20 to buy a head wrap towel, a bath bomb, and a spa-themed toy for Doggie (like a stuffed nail polish bottle or a gum-massage chew toy or a a stuffed coffee cup/ hot chocolate mug) to make a little themed basket for her to open with the gift card included.

      1. I fit your sister’s demographic and would LOVE this gift!

      2. This is adorable and amazing. Great idea!

      3. You could be my sister this Christmas :D

      4. I would adore this gift, and I’m admittedly picky about gifts.

         I’d also love a gorgeous cashmere wrap or blanket scarf because they’re so soft and luxurious, but I’d never spend that kind of money on it for myself.

   5. Art museum membership? Often there are special events/early openings for members. It’s a nice way to be out of the house without the “you need a date” message.

   6. I’d give her something stretchy and comfy from Lululemon or Ugg Ainsley slippers (fluctuating size is not an issue for either) plus a mani/pedi gift card.

      1. Nope nope nope. Lulu is hideous about and for larger people.

   7. What about offering to put it toward a flight or trip she wants to take? Or something useful that makes her life easier, such as gas cards, car cleaning, laundry service or housecleaning service, or offering to cover a bill for a month or two? Sometimes being on your own can be exhausting to feel as if everything falls on you, so having someone else step in and “handle” a task or chore can feel wonderful. Another option is to offer to cover the cost of a dating app upgrade plus the cost of a new outfit or hair cut, if you think she would prefer to double down on that aspect of her life.

      Often, stuff is just stuff, but being gifted something that feels supportive of her full life is worth a ton emotionally! (PS If you ever want to adopt another sister, I’m available, you sound awesome!)

      1. Lol I would be so weirded out if someone offered to cover my cable bill. But I’m loving the housekeeping and haircut ideas!

      2. Omg she’s single not dying of cancer. She doesn’t need help with basic adult living.

      3. Ugh I’d be so offended/annoyed if someone offered to pay for a dating app. I also think the cable bill idea is weird, sorry – not to pile on.

8. I live in a rental apartment and several months ago, new tenants moved in downstairs. w33d smell and loud music began on Day 1. (I am sickened by the smell, hate it on my clothes, and work from home so ongoing noise is a big problem.) After numerous attempts to talk with them (knocks on door, notes on door, etc.), I started going to the complex mgr. Lots of complaints, mgr. said he threatened to evict, then I met them and they said they never heard a word from the mgr. I found out he has a medical card so getting him to stop smoking is a no-go. Smell problems continued as did music. Well 2 weeks ago they had a baby. Baby cries like a newborn does- all the time. Plus it’s cold now so windows are closed up and the w33d smell continues. My guests comment on it when they visit, even when I light a candle. I’ve been continuing to document to complex mgr. who ignores my messages.

   I am considering moving out due to an opportunity to live elsewhere (out of state) beginning in March. My lease runs until May. Normally, I would wait, but the idea of living in this insanity for any longer than necessary is awful; the smell makes me ill and waking up every 2 hrs to a baby is exhausting and stops me from working at home the way I need to since the baby’s cries can be heard via phone or video conference. I’m NAL and do not know whether this situation is enough to get out of my lease early. Is there something I can be doing now to prep for the likelihood of winning that argument if I request to exit early without financial penalty? Thanks for advice!

   1. What does your lease say about early termination or causes to terminate?

      FWIW, I once moved out of a lease early, and I only had to pay for the days between when I moved out and when they found a new tenant and none of the penalties and such written into the lease.

      1. It says I’d have to give 30 days notice plus pay 1 month rent in penalty. In other words, if I can’t get out early to move in February to settle somewhere new by March 1, I might as well stay til May as I’d be paying for it either way… which I do not want to do if I can avoid it. But if I can show problems with quiet enjoyment (music noise, w33d smell permeating, and now a crying baby), maybe that gives me an out? (To be clear, this is a legitimate problem I’ve been complaining about since they move in below me in August, not a scam. I’m just seeing if this could work to my advantage, which would be nice considering I’ve had to live with this ridiculousness for months.)

   2. Legally, your landlord probably can charge you a termination fee or hold you to the end of your lease (whatever the lease says). Despite all the problems, I don’t think your apartment is uninhabitable.

      However, your landlord might

      1. Sorry–post fail.

         Your landlord might let you out of your lease because of the weed problem. Basically, you’ve been the squeaky wheel. Your landlord may also offer some compromise–like you keep the apartment clean and available for showing in February and March, and you only have to pay the period of any vacancy. The timing here may work in your favor. In my area, March is the best time to rent an apartment, and I would want to start showing in February/March instead of waiting until you move out and risking a long vacancy.

         You’ll seem unreasonable if you complain to your landlord about the baby. The landlord legally cannot do anything about a crying baby without violating housing laws (other than soundproofing between the apartments, if financially motivated).

   3. Where do you live? A medical mary jane card in many places does not give you license to smoke inside. And now that they have a child and are smoking inside? I’m positive they are in violation of some law exposing the kid to that. I’d follow up with the building manager and tell him that you were informed he never spoke to them. If he won’t follow up, I’d start calling authorities – housing agency that may have sway, apartment complex owner (who I’m sure would like to know their unit is being forever damaged), your equivalent of child services (especially this one – that child is being exposed to a controlled substance daily).

      1. You could do all this, but it would be soooo much easier to just move out. Ask the landlord if you can just move out without finding a new tenant. Given all of the complains you’ve made that they haven’t been able to correct, maybe they will just let you.

9. Looking for recommendations for socks that will last me a long time, without the elastic wearing out or sprouting holes around the toes or just getting threadbare within two years. I guess I need to stop grabbing a five-pack at the checkout lane and actually pay a little more. I keep getting ads for Bombas in my podcasts – has anyone tried those?

   1. I’ve tried them and I like them. They’re very thick and cushy. How many pairs of socks do you have? Because if you wear them frequently, they’re gonna wear out no matter what.

      1. Also if you wear your socks without shoes/slippers around the house, then that may also cause them to wear out earlier.

   2. Socks last two years. Do t be weird just buy new ones

   3. Darn tough socks ~ many iterations if thickness and heights ~ pricey but they have a lifetime guarantee. Made in Vermont.

   4. Smartwool, or the similar Costco brand sox. But then my feet are always cold.

10. I took a new job and I don’t like it. I left a somewhat stressful, often toxic workplace where I was slightly underpaid and without much chance for meaningful upward growth but was much appreciated. I took a job with better pay, less toxicity, a once-in-a-lifetime career trajectory, great colleagues and supervisors and I hate it. I took it because I thought I would always regret turning down such an amazing opportunity and would kick myself for not trying, but I hate it. I wish I could turn back time. I dread going to work, cry when I get home, and keep hoping this is just a bad dream that I will wake up from soon. There is no real reason, I just hate it.

    1. Gah, I didn’t finish! Has anyone else been in position? What did you do? How long do I make myself try to get over whatever my aversion to this new job is? Old job is struggling to fill my niche role and would take me back in a heartbeat, but the toxicity is still there. I wish I had used the new job offer to negotiate a raise at my old job.

       1. It seems like you don’t really understand where these feelings are coming from. Have you considered talking to a therapist? Maybe if you understand why you feel this way you will be able to make some changes. Also, I’m sure you have more options than either staying where you are unhappy or going back to a toxic workplace.

       2. Yes this is me – have given it over a year and am actively looking. No help but I definitely get it.

    2. sounds like you’re having trouble accepting your success in securing a much better opportunity for yourself….thinking this may be the after effect of working in a toxic environment. You can’t go back there….that’s just not smart or even logical. You’re in a better place and should be thankful for the position you secured, and proud of yourself for making this change happen. Maybe you are longing for the comfort of the previous position and you are going through a change/adaptation. I encourage you to stick with it vs. sliding back into old patterns

    3. What you are describing sounds like withdrawal symptoms. If you keep convincing yourself day in and day out that you are better off with the abusive ex than who, between berating you, tells you that you’re the best thing that ever happened to him than the normal person who is just trying to get to know you… you’re going to be in pain forever. So either therapy or really try to dig deep on your own. Are you used to certain reinforcement (appreciation that you mentioned) from the toxic place that you aren’t getting now? Is it like a drug that you feel you can’t do without until you’ve weaned yourself off?

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