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Updated: Dec 12, 2019 305 Comments · by

Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Printed Midi Shirtdress

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. I’m loving the print and shape of this shirtdress from Eloquii. I like that the top is relatively close-fitting and has an elasticized seam to help cinch in the waist. I might add a black belt for some additional visual definition (like this one, perhaps?), but I don’t think it’s as necessary as it is with some of the other shapeless shirtdresses that you see from time to time. This dress is $119.95 and available in sizes 14–28. Printed Midi Shirtdress Gap has a nice option in regular, petite, and tall sizes for $25–$79.95.  This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 9.30.24

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About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Anon

    A leather piece on my favorite purse (Milly, how vintage now!) broke this morning on my commute. Any shoe makers/leather craftsman/etc. recommendations in NYC? This bag was a gift from my mother, so I am willing to spend money to get it fixed. What broke is best described as like…little leather “ring” that the long body strap would latch on to.

      • Monday

        +1. I own one very expensive bag and was very pleased with their repair work. They accept shipped bags for repair from anywhere too! For a bag you really value it’s worth it.

        FWIW, the repair you’re seeking doesn’t sound like it would be very expensive.

    • Parfait

      I’ve taken a bag with a broken strap to a shoe repair place. They did a perfectly fine job.

  2. Anon

    Wondering what others will think of this. I work for a public school district. In June, I got a significant (17%) raise after asking and fighting tooth and nail for it. I did not get a promotion/title change. In October, I received written notice that I had earned a 3% raise based on my performance last shook year. There is an (unspoken) rule that if you get a promotion during the summer, you don’t get your performance raise from the previous year. But since I didn’t actually get a promotion, I was pleasantly surprised by the 3% raise but didn’t question it. I got an email on Friday night from HR saying that my 3% raise was made in error and I have to pay it back. Shitty right? And I assume there’s nothing I can do about it?

    • Anon

      This depends a lot on your state and your contract, but I would assume, generally, that you don’t get two raises in one year (performance plus a separate performance/COL raise). Most likely, they just processed through a 3% raise for everyone who didn’t get promoted and it was in error.

      • OP

        Thanks. I am at will (no contract). I assume that doesn’t make a difference?

        • Anonymous

          You’re a public school teacher with no union and no contract at all? Weird.

          No it doesn’t matter. It was a mistake, pay it back.

        • Anon

          If they told you that you were getting a raise, they can not force you to pay back the money you were paid at that higher raise. They told you that you were getting a raise and would be making X, and pay cuts can not be retroactive. However, they can decrease your pay going forward.

          • OP

            Interesting. My pay for December is being docked the amount I’ve been “overpaid” (roughly 1K). Thanks

          • Anonymous

            That’s really not true everywhere and a great reason not to get legal advice from the Internet.

          • Monday

            Where is it legal to give a retroactive pay cut? Ask A Manager frequently announces that it is illegal in the US, period.

          • BT

            No – that’s wrong. An employer can ask you to repay an error in payroll. It sounds like OP got a 17% raise, but also mistakenly got the 3% raise, and the employer wants the 3% paid back. That’s totally within the realm of reasonable. And not worth going to an employment lawyer over.

          • Anon

            You can be forced to pay back a overpayment that was an error. But here, they decided to give her a 3% raise and then take it back. It’s not like she was told that she would be making $10 an hour, but her paycheck was for $15 an hour – which I agree they could make her payback.

            Depending on the amount and how long you want to stay with this school, it’s probably not worth fighting but that doesn’t make it right.

          • Anon

            Did they actually “decide” to give her a 3% raise or just process a raise in error? It seems pretty obvious that she wouldn’t have gotten the raise on top of her other raise, so I’m confused as to why she thinks this would have not been an error.

          • OP

            Well, I received written notice in mid-October that I earned a 3% raise based on my performance from the previous school year (which I did absolutely hit the metrics that were laid out for a 3% raise) and then was paid at that rate for five months (October paycheck included a 3% raise retroactive to July, the start of our fiscal year, plus my November paycheck). I think it could be an error but it seems like a pretty…intentional one? It’s not like my most recent paycheck just showed a big increase with absolutely no rationale for the increase. Idk. It’s not a huge amount, my pay will be docked in December accordingly, and I don’t think it’s worth fighting with an employer who is otherwise pretty reasonable. Just leaves a sour taste in my mouth and wondered what others, who may have more experience in this realm, thought.

          • EB

            Employment lawyer here – I would say this skirts the line, which has been described pretty accurately above. In Texas (where I am), you can be asked to repay an overpayment. Debatable whether this is an overpayment. Yeah, it seems kind of intentional, but it might not have been, and it sounds like you know you were getting something that wasn’t in line with the policy. Arguments both ways. OP, if it was me, I would probably ask once if I could keep the money and make a case for it, then let it go and accept the lower amount going forward.

    • Anon

      I wouldn’t assume you have to pay it back, or even give up the raise going forward. They sent you a letter promising you the raise, then actually paid it for two months. That’s not just a payroll error. Depending on the law in your state, you might be entitled to keep it, I think you need to talk to an employment lawyer if you really want to pursue this. Whether it’s worth your time and money to do so is another question.

      • OP

        Yes – probably not worth my time and money. It’s not that substantial of an amount anyway. It just feels crappy.

      • Anon

        “I wouldn’t assume you have to pay it back, or even give up the raise going forward.”

        Unless she’s part of a union, which she said she is not, this is not the case. Raises are not protected by law, and employers can cut an employee’s pay rate (as long as it’s not for a discriminatory reason and follows company policy).

    • The original Scarlett

      Paycheck deduction rules vary radically by state, this is highly jurisdiction dependent

    • Anonymous

      When it is decided whether you have to pay it back, please ask HR whether it will impact any pension contributions made on your behalf with those overpaid funds. You may have to call your state pension office to also correct that error in their record keeping system.

      • OP

        Smart – thank you. I have reached out to HR to ask them to provide me with the accounting used to determine the amount I need to repay, but so far they have been unable to provide that information. I hadn’t thought about calling my retirement system to ensure accurate records, but I will do that! Thank you!

    • anon

      If we are going on “technical” then I think OP is the correct one, because technically she did not get a promotion rendering her ineligible for the 3% and met the metrics for the 3%.

  3. Anonymous

    Has anyone move to Charleston SC from the northeast? Are there things to do? Is it very “red” state/bible belt? Thanks.

      • Anonymous

        I mean, Chas is not like NYC. If you are expecting the NYC of the south, you will be very surprised/disappointed. Chas is lovely in many ways, but it’s not NYC (and I don’t care for NYC).

        • Anonymous

          I mean: liberal relative to the upstate. Not liberal overall.

          I think of Charleston as a city of drunks and trust-funders and Southern Charm hasn’t helped. Otherwise: lots of lower-paid hospitality workers and some military people. Housing is expensive relative to salary (e.g., if you are an accountant). Schools are not-great or bad.

          Also: lots of relative rich retirees from the NEUS retiring inland of Charleston (from there up to Myrtle Beach). That can make for some purple pockets. [And lots of health-care spending — that may be one source of white-collar jobs.]

          • Anonymous

            Annecdata: my college roommate moved there, as did her parents, as did her BFF from high school, and her parents. Chain migration from the NEUS is a thing. You can get decent pizza there. Not sure re a good cheese-steak,but at the rate people are moving in (it is so much cheaper! the taxes alone make the move worth it for many, as is the availability of single-level houses) that may happen soon if it hasn’t already. Mt. Pleasant seems to Charleston what Cary is to Raleigh.

    • Anon

      The snarky comments seem unwarranted. I did move there for a few years after living in New England. Not by choice, and I was happy when we got to move back. There are beaches, of course, and restaurants on par with an NE city, but the culture is indeed conservative and Southern. Sooo many bachelorette parties. It’s important to remember that Charleston is surrounded by hundreds of miles of nothing, and not just to the east. Savannah is basically the only place you can go without spending 4-6 hours in the car. And the car is a must, public transit is almost nonexistent and poor drivers plus high speed limits made me loathe to try a bike. Add to that the heat and humidity that made it miserable to step outside for half the year. For me it was all rather isolating, even though I was very taken with the aesthetic in the beginning. The French Quarter does look impressively like France. Also they have Publix? Good luck.

      • Anonymous

        I don’t get why people get stuck on the car thing. The way the Western Hemisphere works, outside of maybe 10 of the largest cities, you need a car. In the US, where I use NFL teams (outside of Green Bay and Buffalo) as a proxy for large cities, most of them are car-mandatory; for the others, they are often car-mandatory in maybe where 50% of the actual population lives (e.g., commute from LI or Westchester or NJ), especially if they have kids (find me an elementary or middle school on the metro line).

        Western Hemisphere =/= Western Europe, especially once you head into your 30s and 40s.

        • Anon

          82% of the country lives in urban areas, so there are probably actually a lot of people who don’t feel they need cars. And what do you care if that factors into somebody else’s lifestyle choices?

          • Anon

            I’m not sure why you think “urban” means “don’t feel they need cars”. Urban only mean small towns. A huge majority of urban areas in the U.S., especially those cities that developed after the 1940s were built with cars as the main transport. Honestly, some of ya’ll need to get out of NY/Boston/Philly corridor to another major city to see how normal (as in the vast majority of the country) live. Most of us aren’t snobby east coast centric and feel bad for you and your dirty expensive cities.

          • Anon

            Everything that Anon at 12:43 said. I love how everyone on here assumes that people living in cities are living in cities in the Northeast. No thanks, I’d rather die.

        • Triangle Pose

          I don’t get why you don’t get it. A lot of people (higher earning, cosompolitan, etc. etc.) don’t want to spend many hours in a car on a day to day basis.

          • Anonymous

            There is a big difference b/w spending hours in a car and being in a non-Manhattan city where a car makes life a lot better.

            E.g., Arlington VA: metro is great if you just go to/from work and work is somewhere on the orange/blue lines, but if you work in Shirlington or Fair Oaks or Bethesda (or your job moves within DC), a car is great to have, especially if you have kids who are school-aged.

            I have a .5 mile drive to my kids’ school (technically pedestrian-friendly) and a 2.5-mile drive to the office. Doing it all on foot, especially with a laptop bag and possibly groceries, is not easy and takes a lot of time, which is at a premium. At some point, something has to give. [And I’d love for my young kids to walk home from school solo, but with one busy road to cross and multitasking drivers and not enough light for when it gets dark early, that is something I am grateful I can choose to avoid.] Still: I am not spending hours in my car. I am in my car to avoid spending hours on transit / walking.

          • Anonymous

            I mean, I don’t want to spend hours in my car, but there really are not that many cities where you can get by completely without a car without sacrificing a lot of time. New York, DC (even then, having one made life much easier when I lived in Arlington and not DC proper), Boston, San Francisco, Chicago, Philly, maybe Seattle? Minneapolis (no idea on that one)? But other than those, I think you pretty much have to be willing to pay a premium to live in the city center (and deal with the hassle of trying to get things not in the city center. I’m thinking of Charlotte and Atlanta), commit to a substantially longer commute by public transit, or just drive.

        • Of Counsel

          As a Californian, I always find this amusing. I have lived in all three of our major cities (San Diego, LA and San Francisco) and the only one where a car and daily commute were not absolutely necessary was S.F – and that was only because I actually lived in the City itself.

          If you live in the South (except MAYBE Atlanta – although Marta is a horror) you are going to be driving. The good news is that (except for Atlanta and specific days/times/locations Charlotte) the traffic is pretty mild compared to Los Angeles.

          • Anonymous

            My commute is like 15 minutes in a car. But it is also not set up for a single woman walking alone after dark (esp. in a non-neon coat) b/c I’d have to go under a highway overpass / walk through a crosswalk for onramp to said highway, and many homeless live under the overpass and a couple of them are aggressive. There’s not enough pedestrain traffic to feel safe. Biking would be more dangerous b/c we can’t bike on sidewalks. And I wouldn’t want to lug home a laptop bag. And it rains a lot. So that is at least 45 minutes on foot. I could take a trolley 1/2 way there, but the wait time means that I’d be better off just walking. Trolley is mainly for charm or for tourists.

            Car is old and paid for. No reason not to use it. I have colleagues who drive easily an hour each way in traffic (or wait to leave until at least 7), but that is a choice that they make.

    • Cat

      Anecdata, but from what I hear, Charleston is struggling a bit from tourism overpopularity (a bit like Nashville)… but for people who actually relocate there, they can struggle to break into a social group.

      • emeralds

        That’s been my SIL’s experience moving to Charleston. She loves it overall and has no plans to leave any time soon, but she says it’s been hard to find friends outside of work and her dating options seem to be pretty horrible. She is frustrated on a semi-daily basis by how conservative the politics are. It also sounds like COL is fairly high compared to wages, at least based on her field.

        • emeralds

          Her “pro” column would probably be: access to the beach–she goes almost every weekend from like, March to October; very good food scene; walkable downtown area with a lot to do; and her core friend group. She’s been there for three years.

          • Anonymous

            I think in this aspect it is like NYC: expensive, but so much going for it in the lifestyle department: great food, stroll-ability (once you are in the downtown core; I had a 45-minute NJ Transit commute + PATH + walking commute, but I loved the walkability factor once I got into the city), on the water, lots of plays come through. Charleston airport is much more convenient than LGA/Newark and you just connect through CLT to the rest of the world. So many bands. So much culture. College of Charleston is a great and IMO under-rated state school that even the out-of-state tuition isn’t bad (SC does a lot of discounting to kids with high but not rock-star high test scores). Architecture.

            And it has much of the same drawbacks as NYC (expensive, roaches, wage dispersion appears to be bi-polar with not much in the middle; middle class people are generally squeezed out of the “fun” parts for living in).

      • Maudie Atkinson

        Chiming in to second that I found Charleston to be incredibly socially insular, like a lot of small southern cities.

        • Anonymous

          Maybe, if you are trying to break into “society.” But I think that there are enough transplants now that it has changed muchly over the past 5-10 years at a fairly rapid pace. I mean, I hear the same things re Minneapolis but would absolutely go if life suggested it (otherwise: too cold; otherwise wonderful). The reason it is prospering is like CLT: people from all over moving in.

    • Anon

      It is a very conservative area, probably not more conservative than similar-sized cities in the South, but noticeably more conservative than larger cities like Nashville and Atlanta. It’s also a very insular area that’s hard to break into as an outsider. On the latter point (being insular), I think the best analogy in the northeast is Maine, if you have any familiarity with that state. Though obviously Maine and SC are very different in many ways.

      • Of Counsel

        One note is that IF (and I realize this is a big if) you are a church-goer or willing to become a church goer, it gets much easier to get entrance into a social circle.

    • Anon

      Not about Charleston specifically but having lived in another similar southern secondary market, I’ll agree with what people are saying about those places being socially insular. Whether it was in the neighborhood or at work, it seemed like everyone had known everyone forever and treated you as the odd newcomer. I don’t just mean because they had lived in that house or worked that job for 10 years — I mean like they went to HS with their coworkers/neighbors or their coworker’s cousin was their friend from HS or their roommate at college; or their parents were friends growing up so they had known the family forever or that person’s wife is this coworker’s second cousin. It makes it hard to break it, and people DID act like I was totally strange for moving for a good opportunity. It was like they were constantly thinking/implying — don’t you have a family/friends where you’re from, you LEFT them for a job? Because to them it was unthinkable not to live within 15 min of your entire high school class and raise your kids together and send them to the same high school. Sure people were friendly enough in that southern way, but it was very surface level and they weren’t real friends — i.e. they were happy to chat at work but it wouldn’t even occur to them to invite you to their BBQ or their Christmas party. It just seemed like no one needed friends — they had all the childhood friends, cousins, etc. anyone could ever need.

      I know Charleston has a good number of transplants so maybe it’s a different feel but my understanding is also that these transplants are retirees or people who are age 50+ who are testing out a new market to see if their plans to retire their are workable. So depending on where you are in life, these people may or may not be those you end up interacting with much.

      • Anonymous

        I think a lot of 20-somethings also enjoy Charleston, at least for a few years. I think that 30s and 40s is much harder if you have kids (schools are bad, private schools are expensive, real estate is expensive) for good QOL there. And if you don’t have kids, it is easier to be in NYC-SF-other giant cities where that is more done at those ages. And that is probably true for 99% of the country — kid-living means that you can’t easily do all that makes a city great (and you need more housing, which is expensive, and you are about schools). So if you are 50, many places are great.

  4. Nelly Yuki

    Looking for recommendations for moisturizer with SPF 30 or higher. I have rosacea and combination skin. Aveeno with SPF 30 changed its formula within the last year, and now it’s too greasy. Same with supergoop sunscreen daily moisturizer. Any other ideas? Would prefer pregnancy-safe as we are TTC

    • anonymous

      Check out the blog 15minutebeauty.com for tons of pregnancy safe recommendations.

    • Anon

      Avene Mineral Sunscreen Fluid SPF 50+. Has never aggravated my rosacea. They also have a redness-relief moisturizer: Antirougeurs DAY Soothing Cream SPF 25 but if I am going to be in serious sun, I go with the mineral sunscreen.

    • Heather

      I have similar needs and have tried everything (including the ones mentioned). The only one that worked for me is the Paula’s Choice CLEAR ULTRA-LIGHT DAILY HYDRATING FLUID SPF 30+. I bought it because it was recommended by Franish. It is not grainy or greasy, you don’t feel it at all, and it never aggravates my very sensitive skin. HG for life!

    • Small Law Partner

      I’ve been using First Aid Beauty Ultra Repair Pure Mineral Moisturizer SPF 40 and love it.

  5. Anon

    I am a new supervisor to five staff. I would like to give each of them gifts but I don’t have much extra money. Do you have recommendations for gifts valued at around $10 each?

  6. This dress

    What boots would you wear with this dress? Riding-style boots? Heeled boots? Booties? All of the above?

    • Cat

      I’d pick slim heeled knee high boots — nothing slouchy or chunky — ideally in a suede finish rather than plain leather. The boots shown do nothing for the look IMHO.

      • Ellen

        Elizabeth, I am not sure I would wear this shirtdress as is, b/c if you wear it as is without a belt, it could look sloppy on my body, particularly b/c if you have my tuchus, you would not want to wear a belt and the loose fit could make you look even bigger around your wasteline. If I looked like the cute woman in the Peloton commercial, I could get away wearing this, but I don’t, so I would think about it b/f buying it.

  7. anon a mouse

    Can these Uggs be saved? I have a pair that are about 3 years old and still in great shape except they have a small hole on top of one big toe. I guess that toenail sticks up or is really sharp? Anyone know if they can be fixed by a good cobbler? I think even a few stitches would cinch the hole but I don’t know if that’s possible. They don’t have to look pristine, as I primarily wear them around the house and for quick errands.

  8. lost academic

    Has anyone had a recent conversation about Zika areas/TTC/travel with their doctor? I was up on all the latest information with my previous pregnancy but we’re about to start trying again – with a scheduled trip to Mexico in March. The CDC website isn’t particularly useful in that it seems like new reports have entirely died off and it’s not on anyone’s real radar, but I can’t tell if that actually means there’s a substantial reduction in risk. We’ll be there for a week so I want to plan accordingly.

    • Anon

      CDC says there are no longer active Zika outbreaks in the Caribbean. Mexico and all the other Caribbean islands are shaded the same color as the US (past or current cases, no current outbreak). However, someone on the mom’s board said her OB didn’t want her going to Mexico because of Zika (she was actually pregnant though, not just trying). I would definitely ask your doctor.

      • Doodle

        That was me. My OB said that the CDC has lost a lot of funding and has redirected its focus to other things so the “no new info” could be attributed to that. He suggested that I not take the risk if I don’t have to. Especially as someone who gets bit a lot anywhere I go. I would be traveling early/mid 2nd trimester. He said the calculus might be different if I was going much later in the pregnancy (of course there’s other risks to traveling at 34+ weeks).

    • anonono

      My understanding is they removed the warnings for most countries last year. I think it does represent a substantial reduction in risk or at least a clearer understanding that the risk has been low for a signficant amount of time. (Source: Traveled to Central America a year ago)

      • lost academic

        My understanding is that the warnings were downgraded because there were fewer reported instances of transmission, but that’s also probably more true since the resident population will have already gotten it and so new instances are both steeply down or not clearly identifiable as Zika – it does generally present as a standard virus, not markedly different from any other unless you have an affected fetus after all.

        But that’s why I’m wondering if anyone has specifically heard recently from their doctor about this.

    • Anon

      My fertility clinic in Large Canadian City will not proceed with IVF or insemination if you are planning to travel to an area with “Zika risk” – probably not the right term, so do not get pedantic on me please – during your pregnancy. There is a two month waiting period for females and a six month waiting period for males. They remain incredibly strict and serious about this. I am missing my sister in law’s destination wedding in Mexico for this reason.

      • lost academic

        That’s good to know, we might need to inquire with the one we were going to use if needed based on any new guidance they might be using!

  9. Anon

    Does anyone work a 9/80 schedule (9 hours a day with every other Friday off)? This just became available at my work and I’m considering it, although I’m hesitant because I have a very long commute (3 hours round trip) and I also ride horses two days a week after work, which wouldn’t really be possible anymore unless I managed to do lessons on the weekend instead (although I typically prefer to leave weekends free for travel). Still, I want to think it over because I always wished for this schedule in my previous job. Thoughts?

        • Annnon

          this schedule seems to be more and more common in engineering firms and defense contracting. My boyfriend has this schedule and loves it. So much flexibility for long weekend trips, doctors appointments on Fridays, etc. most people that he works with start at around 7:30 am so they leave the office at 5ish depending on how long of a lunch they take.

      • Ellen

        I work probably am @ my desk 70 hours a week, but must bill about 140, so I have learned how to be more productive with my time by multi-taskeing, and also figuring out which cleint’s to share my work products to facilitate what the manageing partner calls “dynamic billeing”, which he has pioneered in our WC defense practice. I would LOVE to be abel to take a day off while still being abel to bill dynamically, but that in and of itself would take extra time which I would also have to figure out how to bill. FOOEY! I have always wondered why can’t I just stop billeing and transform to what I called value rate billeing, meaning we just bill at the end of the job based on the greater of:
        1) $X (where X is what the manageing partner and I think we should get) or
        2) $Y (where Y is calculated as 50% of the amount ORIGINALLY claimed as potential damages by the WC claimant).

        I have NOT yet floated this idea to the manageing partner, waiting to hear what some of my classmates think (tho they are NOT practicing as counselors in the WC defense area). What does the hive think? Is this a viable concept? Any comment’s would be greatly appreciated, as I want to ask the manageing partner next week. TIA! YAY!!!!

        • Sarah T Caldwell

          If I could find a way to send this privately, I would. Your post cries out for an editor. Do you have one? I’m guessing you’re a lawyer, so do not present this idea to the managing partner in writing.

    • Anonymous

      DH works this schedule. What makes it work is that he is able to WFH sometimes to work during what would be commuting time. With your longer commute, could you WFH one or two days a week to get yourself extra time to get in enough hours. Like maybe Monday and every second Friday WFH?

    • Anon

      I would totally do it but not if I had a 1.5 hour commute in the morning and evening. As you said, it would eliminate your riding hobby. I don’t know your living situation, but honestly it might prompt me to move closer to work and take the 9/80 schedule.

    • Abby

      I have a few friends with this and I’m so jealous. You could ride horses every other Friday during your day off, you’re saving yourself a 3 hour commute every other week. You could take long weekends without using vacation days!

    • JTM

      I don’t work it now, but at a previous job I worked this schedule and I loved it, I still miss it to this day. It was a relatively easy shift for me to go to 9hrs M-Th and I really appreciated having a long weekend every other week, whether for travel or just to get things done on Friday instead of the weekend. However, my commute was only about 30mins. I worked with people who had longer commutes and they definitely arrived in the office earlier to avoid traffic and cut their commute time down – would that would be an option for you?

    • Anonymous

      I do 9/80, but I’ve had this job since I graduated college, so I can’t say how it compares to a 5/40. Do you have the option (and could you handle it) of getting in earlier rather than leaving later? Traffic might be completely different on the new schedule, too. I don’t do any laundry, errands, etc during the week, all of that is done on the weekends, but I do fit in a lot of hobbies after work during the week. My company is going to 4/10 next week, but I applied to stay on 9/80 because that extra hour each day would really ruin dinner with my family.

      The weeks you have to work 5 days feel long starting on Monday morning. You only have to do 8 hours on Friday, so it is a bit of a special treat to leave “early.” Four day work weeks put everyone in a better mood. Off-Fridays are the greatest thing since sliced bread. I get so many things done on 3-day weekends, but 2-day weekends feel so rushed.

    • nuqotw

      It’s a personal decision and there’s no right answer. I’ve seen people do this and love it and other people who would never do it because it wouldn’t work for them or they would hate it. It seems that you could ride on the weekends you work Friday and travel the weekends that you have Friday off – so you get to keep riding, and you travel less frequently but for longer times.

    • Anon

      I have a 9/80 schedule and a 50-ish minute commute each way.

      Advantages: long weekends every other weekend, the ability to do things like schedule doctor’s appointments on weekdays (important now that I’m in the later stages of pregnancy), saving gas and commuting time every other week, etc.

      Disadvantages: By the time the off-Friday rolls around, I’m often completely fried. It’s hard to get a workout in during the week because I’m gone 11 hours a day.

      Here’s one I didn’t anticipate: every time you take a “day” of PTO, it’s really 9 hours of PTO, not 8 hours. So if you have, say, 120 hours a year of vacation, it’s really 13 days, not 15 days. Now, you can schedule those vacation days to coincide with your off-Fridays, such that you only need to take 4 days (36 hours) of vacation to get a full week off, but that also limits you as to which weeks you take vacation.

    • Cb

      I work a compressed schedule giving me a morning off every week but I have WFH flexibility and a short-ish commute. I have a child so those mornings are childcare heavy but the ability to do laundry midweek, make appointments and see friends is really nice. A colleague works 9/80 and really loves it – she uses the Friday for travel or hobbies.

    • anon

      Have this schedule now and it’s one of the few reasons I’m still at this job. What makes it work for me though is that I have flex time along with the 9/80 schedule. So if I can’t get my 9 in, I have the opportunity to make it up later (or work ahead on the weekends). I even can utilized some amount of work from home.
      That being said: 9 hour days (plus lunch as applicable) with a 3 hour commute sound like hell to me. The extra 60 minutes really does eat into your day. It sounds like your currently schedule will need to be tailored to fit this new work schedule unless you can ride later in the day and not sleep as much going forward.
      Anecdata: Everyone is extra grumpy on the 5 day weeks.

    • The original Scarlett

      I’ve only seen people be successful with this where the whole organization works this way or the person has a very individual job, otherwise you’re always playing catch-up in the week where you take the day off. It’s easy to get behind and hard to coordinate with people working regular hours.

    • Anon

      I’m on this schedule and love it. But I recently came from biglaw, so I was used to working 9 or more hours a day already and I have a short commute. I’m not sure I would like it as much if I was used to 8 hour days or if I had a long commute.

      The biggest benefits are that I can schedule appointments for my off day and that it let’s me extend vacations by planning around the off days or plan a weekend away without taking a vacation day. I also tend to run all my errands on my off day, so I don’t have to worry about grocery shopping on the weekends and can get to other stores when they are less busy.

    • Suburban

      I’ve worked this schedule for the past 3 years. I like it because i was “accidentally” working about an hour later most days anyway. I mostly use the day to run errands , including hair and nail stuff, and send my son to daycare ( please don’t pile on the mom guilt hive…). It’s also really great if you tend to take weekend trips out of town. I like Friday because it helps transition to the weekend and because I’m not terribly productive on Fridays anyway. The counterpoint is that Friday is usually an easy day if you go to court,so some of my colleagues prefer to use Monday as their flex day.

      So all in all- I love it and it works for me. That said I’m considering switching to a five day schedule with a wfh day. However, that consideration is because of my work load increasing.

    • Anon

      We have four 9 and a 4 at my workplace, so kinda similar but not exactly. I have the choice to WFH on the shorter Friday so it’s worked out for me, not having to commute in for the short workday, and I get the rest of the day to run errands or make appointments. Not sure how I’d feel about 9/80. Seems like such a long stretch until you get that Friday off. Especially because at my firm we’re more like four 12 and a 6.

  10. Anonymous

    Thoughts on returning to the same place for a vacation vs. going somewhere new? I have vacation time booked for the end of January. I am not a beach person at all, so am planning to use the vacation time for a snowshoeing trip in the mountains somewhere. I went to a wonderful mountain cabin in Grand Teton National Park, Wyoming in the fall of last year and have thought about it very often since, but part of me is hesitant to spend my vacation time (and money) on a place I’ve already seen when I could spend it discovering somewhere new. Part of the reason I am drawn to go back is that I would be going in the winter and am not fond of winter driving, so this way I would already be familiar with the roads. The roads in Jackson Hole are also very flat. Am considering Glacier National Park in Montana but it doesn’t seem like they maintain snowshoe trails there. I have already done Colorado in the winter (Rocky Mountain National Park) and found Grand Teton to be more beautiful. I also did Yosemite when they had snow and the roads were absolutely terrifying (sheer icy cliffs). Any other mountain locations with great snowshoeing and not too scary winter driving?

    • Anonymous

      I have no suggestions, but those Yosemite roads were terrifying in the middle of summer without snow. I can’t even imagine trying that in the winter.

    • Cat

      I am definitely a fan of repeating a vacation occasionally — when you really just want to go on autopilot for the planning and relax, a repeat destination makes that much easier. You already have your “lessons learned” from the prior trip, you know the lay of the land, etc, so you don’t have to spend mental energy on navigating anew.

      • nona

        +1 – also, you can see a place you like change over time. Maybe you get to discover something new because you can dig past the tourist level.

      • Anonymous

        This. We do a combination of repeating and new places. Kids especially like going somewhere familiar. So we’ve gone back to the same place in Italy three times but we do different day trips at least 2 times during the week. It’s centrally located so day trippable with a car to a few different sites.

      • Anon

        This. I sometimes repeat, and I sometimes go somewhere new. Just really depends on what I feel like doing. It’s like reading. I could be reading hundreds of new books. But I keep going back to my favorites because they give me the satisfaction I know I’ll get. And there’s nothing wrong with this.

      • Senior Attorney

        Yes, I’m also Team Both. There is a special pleasure in revisiting old favorites.

    • Anonymous

      We always take the same beach vacation every summer. We do a fall trip to different locations so we can see different things, but there is something nice about returning to the same place every summer. It is more relaxing for us because we know our way around, we know good places to eat and what we want to do each day. So I say if you have somewhere you like there is nothing inherently wrong with going back.

      If you want to see something new, consider New Mexico. Both Santa Fe and Albuquerque have good trails for snowshoeing in the winter. (Check the snowfall measure before committing to this trip though. It varies each year)

    • anon

      idk about snowshoeing exactly, but ski resorts and National Parks near Seattle are usually relatively accessible. The biggest highways run straight out there, and all the amenities of a major metro are within a few hours drive. Or a few hours north, you could explore Mt. Baker and the much smaller city of Bellingham.

    • Anon

      No advice about your trip but I love repeating vacations. I’ve been to the same beach for a summer vacation for years now. I’m a creature of habit so I like returning to a familiar place where I know I’ll have a good time.

    • Anon

      I don’t get this mindset that someone you’ve already been is somewhere “not new.” There’s absolutely no way you did all that any given city or town had to offer. I can’t wait to get back to certain cities I’ve visited before because there’s so much more I want to do there.

    • Anon

      Total first world problem, but the repeating vs. somewhere new is something I really struggle with. We spend a week in a beautiful corner of New England visiting family every summer. I cherish that week but it means I really want to use the rest of my vacation time to explore new places. At the same time, I could go to France or Italy every summer and the Riviera Maya, Mexico every winter, because I just love those places and can’t get enough of them. The compromise is that we do repeat countries but try to see some new places on each trip. We’ve made three trips to Italy and two trips to France, but have visited new regions of each country on each trip. And we’re taking our second trip to the Riviera Maya this winter but are staying in a different resort.

      • anon

        I love a cabin in a small town somewhere. I’ve already started scoping out day camps in my favorite — my long term plan is when kiddo gets older to send her to day camp there while I telework for a couple of weeks.

    • TN

      This sounds wonderful! Any chance you might divulge details on how I can book this little cabin?

  11. anon

    Any tips for helping nails recover after a shellac manicure? I swear, I have to learn this lesson the hard way about once every year or so. Gel/shellac finishes are really hard on my nails, but they’re so pretty for about two weeks. :( Nail oil is probably my best bet, right? And maybe a protective clear coat?

    • Anon

      Honestly, other than keeping them moisturized, the only thing is to grow the damage out. I find dip manicures are a little easier on my nails than shellac as well. Oh, and never take the shellac off yourself!

    • anon

      Essie has a light pink nail repair polish that I use post gel nails. Gel destroys my nails too. I use the essie polish until my nails grow fully out.

    • A.

      This is going to sound crazy, but I’ve been using KISS press-on nails as an alternative to shellac. You can trim/shape them so they look natural and I’ve had a ton of people shocked at the fact that they’re not real. Also, my nails aren’t damaged after use and they last a really long time — up to two weeks! I’m hard on my hands, too — dishes, bathing kids, laundry, typing, etc.

      • Anon

        Second this, I exclusively am either bare nail or press-on nails – don’t be fooled, the literal press on nails with the sticky backs don’t last more than two hand washings. The ones that last weeks are use nail glue, but my nails are very healthy and strong underneath so long as you take care of your cuticles with pushing them back and oil and don’t roughly remove the press on nails.
        I recommend Static Nails over Kiss. Both are fine, but Static nails are thinner, just as strong, and come in a larger variety of trend and classic colors without the extra designs.

      • pugsnbourbon

        I am another KISS nails evangelist. I usually get 4-6 days out of them but I am pretty hard on my hands (hence the need for press-ons). But the static nails sound interesting so I’ll check those out too!

    • Anonymous

      Gel (shellac) and dip aren’t hard on your nails if the tech isn’t hard on your nails AND if removed properly. I’ve been doing my own at home for years and my nails have never been healthier, and when I do my friends’ they comment the same thing. An electric file should never touch your natural nail and even being too rough with a manual file can screw your nails up and damage the nail plate. And NEVER pick them off — soak in acetone (I like to add a little oil to the acetone to make it a little less drying, still works as well) until the product peels off then gently remove with a cuticle pusher/stick.

      Sometimes the acetone soak to get them off can make your nails soft but they harden up in a few days. If your nails are truly damaged from bad application, I recommend using cuticle oil a few times a day and the OPI Nail Strengthener (either the one for peeling/sensitive nails or the original one)

    • JS

      I thought the same thing until I stopped letting the nail tech use an electric file on my bare nails – there’s no need for it to ever touch your actual nail and that’s typically where the damage comes from. Also do not pick your nails off, always soak in acetone or wrap foil around acetone soaked cotton balls.
      Nail “strengtheners” actually make you nails more brittle and likely to break – nail oil is the way to go to keep them moisturized and not brittle. Look for straight jojoba oil if you can – it’s apparently the closes oil to the natural ones in your nails. But yes, painting them with regular polish or a top coat gives them a protective layer as break-prevention too.

  12. salary negotiation

    Forgive me if this is a silly question. I’ve only held two positions since I graduated law school and have little experience with salary negotiation. I’m expecting an offer soon for a corporate position with a standard corporate benefits package. I will not need to use the employer’s health/dental/flexible spending plans as my husband is a fed and his coverage is better. Can I use this as leverage to ask for more money?

    • The original Scarlett

      Nope, that’s a baked in cost whether you use it or not and if your H’s situation hinges, that’s a qualifying event to use your employers. Focus on what you bring to the position to ask for more.

      • Anon

        I don’t know, my salary statement claims that my employer spends $1000/month on their portion of my health plan (I contribute something, but much less). It seems like it’s certainly possible they could save a fair amount of money if she opts out. That said, I agree on the general advice to focus on what you bring to the position.

        • The original Scarlett

          Yes, many do this to show you the value of the benefit, but the actual costs doesn’t vary for individual opt outs by much (depending on employer size, of course)

      • Cat

        Yeah, I wouldn’t focus on this, because every year you could decide to opt-in to your employer’s plan (also if your husband changes jobs and it’s a life event).

        It is a real savings for your employer in the short term, but they don’t want to establish a base salary (difficult to drop in the future) based on your current circumstances.

    • Anon

      No, please do not do this. The health care plan costs factor in people who get insurance through their spouses, and you cannot legally promise to not sign up for it. When you’re talking about negotiating for more benefits, it’s things like vacation time or work from home.

      • Anonymous

        I had an employer do this when I didn’t take their health insurance and at the time it made a huge difference to me in my paycheck. My husband recently had a job offer where they offered a fixed amount (I want to say it was $200 a month) if you didn’t take the company healthcare. it’s certainly worth asking.

    • Anon

      I negotiated a small stipend to cover the cost of me being on my husband’s fed insurance instead of my employer paying their portion of my health insurance. So, the difference between husband insuring self or self +1 is around $2000 so I get that (divided by 26) in each paycheck. If I was to switch to my employer’s insurance, I’d lose the stipend. That’s why it is a separate line item. Also, double check the benefits at your new employer. At my prior law firm, the rates were much cheaper than the federal rate for health insurance. You don’t yet know if the plan is better or worse.

  13. Anonymous

    This is a rather frivolous question, but are my expectations out of line with reality? I enjoy having my nails done, and I’m pretty terrible at doing them myself. However, I find that it takes about 90 minutes to 2.5 hours to get my nails done at a salon – and this is for a gel manicure (no acrylic/similar nails, no SNS powder, no designs or multiple colors) and regular polish (not gel) pedicure (and not a fancy pedicure with additional services or anything). And this is when I go to a salon and I don’t have to wait at all. I am only about to get out in about 90 minutes if I keep telling them I have to leave at X time and they start on my manicure while I’m getting the pedicure.

    I feel as if this whole process should take about an hour from the time I sit in a chair to the time I walk out. Is that expectation unreasonable? If it’s not, does anyone have recommendations in the Charlotte area where you can get in an hour in an hour? TIA!

    • Anon

      Are you going to a fancy salon? I found that the nicer ones take longer to do these services, because part of what you are paying for is to relax for a while.

    • The Good Wife

      My nails are done religiously, and it takes an hour for a manicure (gel) and another hour for the pedicure (also gel). So I think your expectations are a bit out, unless you get a “four hands” treatment where essentially one person is working on your mani while at the same time someone is working on your pedi.

    • Anon

      In DC, I’m used to about 45 minutes for each, for 90 minutes total. That’s at actual nail salons, not spas that also happen to do nails.

    • Anon

      Under an hour is possible but probably unrealistic. FWIW I always ask that they don’t massage my feet or hands b/c my time at this stage in my life is worth more than what I get out of those massages. Helps with timing just a little.

    • Cat

      Time saving trick – just get a “polish change” rather than a full pedi. You skip the soaking in the tub & pumice part, but you get nice freshly painted toes all the same…

    • Never too many shoes...

      I think expecting a gel manicure and a regular pedicure in an hour is highly unrealistic but 2.5 hours is a bit slow. Typically, the place I go to would take about 1:30 – 1:45 for both.

    • Anonymous

      This is why I stopped getting my nails done. I don’t want to lose basically half a weekend day.

      • Anonymous

        Thanks all! Sounds like my expectations are unrealistic, but I could have sworn that where I grew up (West Hartford, CT area) it only took an hour for a gel mani and pedicure, maybe an hour and fifteen if they were moving slowly. It is frustrating to lose this time on a weekend ( I do not have time to go during the week). As a poster mentioned the other week, all of these beauty treatment items being billed as “self-care” is very frustrating and I don’t see getting my nails done as very relaxing at all. To each her own, but it just isn’t my self care (which is going a walk, cooking a new, fun recipe or spending some time laying on the couch reading a good book).
        So, more power to you ladies that get your nails done, get regular facials, and/or color your hair. I truly don’t know how you find the time.

        • Anon.

          I’m a little confused. You said in your original post above that you enjoy getting your nails done. Now it sounds as if it’s a burden?
          There’s always the option of not getting your nails done, but to keep them short and clean. I do that 95% of the time and only get a mani when I feel I have time to enjoy the procedure.

          • Anonymous

            I’m not the person you’re responding to but I’m confused by your confusion. You can enjoy doing something for 1 hour but not enjoy doing the same thing for 2.5 hours. For the first hour of our holiday dinner, I enjoy catching up with my conservative relatives, but by the 2.5 hour mark I’m beyond done. I enjoy running for up to an hour but I would probably die if I tried to run for 2.5 hours. Gardening for an hour sounds fun but 2.5 hours… anyway you get the idea.

          • nona

            +1 – if you don’t like getting your nails done…then don’t do it. Cut it out of your schedule and consider relieving yourself of the self-imposed burden your self-care.

          • Ellen

            Ugh! The mere thought of my ex gardening with me for 2 1/2 hours is completely gross! Considering he typically “peaked out” after about 2 minutes, that would mean about 2 1/2 hours of slobbering and empty huffeing and puffeing. I think no rationale woman would ever put up with that kind of crueal and inhumane punishment under the Constitution. FOOEY!

    • AFT

      I’m also antsy about this, but 75-90 minutes is pretty standard in my experience. If I find a place that can do it in 60-75 with good quality, I go back there. I agree with an earlier statement that some places may bake in some “relaxation time” – ime, that’ smore in the suburbs near my house, while city locations understand you’re going back to work and try to get you in and out.

      • AFT

        One way I combat the time s*ck is to only do pedicure every 2-3 times I do a manicure.

    • NOLA

      I have no time to get manicures, so I do them myself (and they last longer). If you can’t do them yourself and don’t have time to go to a salon, consider a stick-on product like Color Street. It truly is quick, especially once you get the hang of it, and it lasts forever. all you have to do is put on a top coat.

  14. no

    I’m about to embark on a yearly 12 hour trip up the coast with my dog. Last year, he whined the entire way. I tried benadryl, treats, ignoring him, frequent stops, none of it worked. I put him in a booster seat so he could see out the window. He is only happy with the window open (not an option on the highway) or in my lap (not an option at all). He’s never been car sick, no excessive drool, just whining (and he still gets excited to get IN the car!). Any suggestions to make this year’s trip less painful?

    • Anon

      Exercise beforehand, a crate and crank the air as low as it’ll go (wear a coat if you need to).

    • Anonymous

      Is he crate trained? He might be more comfortable crated. Long walk before you go (hire a dog walker if you are packing/sleeping) so he is exhausted and let him sleep in his kennel. Drive until he wakes up and starts fussing. Let him sit in the booster seat and look out for a while after the first stop. At the second stop, tire him out with a dog park and catch, then crate him again for more sleep.

    • TrixieRuby

      Many dogs are super happy in the car. Is he “socialized” to riding in the car? It is probably too late, but if possible, start taking him everywhere you go, weather permitting, so he adjusts to the car. Grocery store–he can wait in the car. Home Depot, Garden Centers to buy a tree/wreath, shopping malls. Dogs adjust to what is in their lives, so maybe that will help. Is your dog anxious? Maybe talk to your vet about valium or xanax for the car ride. Maybe he is whining because he is excited and happy! How about a beef bone, boiled so it is less gross, to chew on. My dog loves those. Good luck.

      • no

        Oh he is used to the car. He goes to daycare, Lowes, monthly allergy shots, etc. He usually starts whining after 10 minutes on those trips too, but because they are shorter I can handle it. He is a terrier, so generally anxious lol.

    • Anon

      I usually cave and leave a back window open enough for my dog to stick his head out. Open my window a crack to avoid the crazy noise it would otherwise make on the highway and then blast my heat and radio. I know it is terrible for gas economy but you gotta do what you gotta do when traveling long distance with a dog.

    • mahnamahna

      If you have time, get a prescription tranquilizer from your vet. I had a dog like this and nothing else worked. Even with a tranquilizer, she would fight going to sleep, so she would sit in the passenger seat and nod off like a drunk the whole way, but there was no whining or panting.

    • Anon

      If it’s just the annoyance of the whining that bothers you, if it’s super loud get a citronella spray collar or noise cancelling headphones that connect bluetooth to your car so you can listen to music while his whines are muted.

      • Anonome

        Driving with headphones is illegal in 9 or 10 states, and restricted in about 8 or 9 states, so check before doing this.

        • nona

          Yeah – don’t drive with both ears covered. Even if not illegal, it restricts your situational awareness and isn’t a good idea.

    • Anon

      I second the idea of anti-anxiety meds for the car! Our vet prescribed us trazadone, and it really helped take the edge off and knock our pup out for a 12 hour car ride. (We tested out a dose prior to the car ride to make sure she tolerated it ok.)

      • pugsnbourbon

        … I had no idea dogs could take trazodone, I’m going to call my vet about this today.

        • Anon

          Oh yes. Dogs can take trazodone, one of our dogs could not go to the vet without it. He is great in the car but once we get to the vet, it’s awful. A trazodone takes that edge right off. I know a lot of people use it for pets that have anxiety in the car; it will probably be just the ticket for your dog.

    • Coach Laura

      May duplicate other responses, but:
      -Melatonin works as anti-anxiety med in (most/many but not all) dogs. I’ve used this for anxious dogs (terriers and border collies) and for plane trips with great success. Makes them sleepy and doesn’t require a vet trip. Google to find dose by weight. Try it ahead of time to be sure.
      -Trazadone is great, if your vet will give you a prescription.
      -We tried Xanax and our terrier went bezerk while staggering like a drunk, so try any med first.
      -We tried a thundershirt on our terrier and it works a bit (mainly for fireworks). May not work for the whole trip.

    • Dealtwiththis

      I have no idea if this will actually help but one of my dogs would not calm down in the car until we purchased a harness for him to be strapped in by the seat belt. He is much calmer once he is buckled in and knows he won’t go flying if we stop. We got the Clickit Sport harness from Sleepypod. It’s the only harness that is crash tested as well!

  15. anon

    Fashion help needed! I’m looking for a shoe or bootie to wear when it’s cold but I don’t necessarily need a full-blown snowboot. Some water resistance would be ideal. I’d mostly be wearing these with jeans (both skinny and bootcut). Is a sneaker boot what I want? I want it to be at least somewhat cute, not purely functional. Specific recommendations would be super helpful; the details are what trip me up.

  16. Sparky

    Vicarious shopping help – looking for credenza/ buffet for under the tv but with storage so must have decent sized cabinets or drawers, flexible price range but preferably not $$$

        • Anon

          Look up the manufacturer Country Classic Collection. I believe their website allows you to search the stores that carry their goods. Just bought exactly what you’re describing from them — storage piece that I put a TV on top of with cabinets etc. below to store stuff away. It’s very simple, clean lines, real wood. They allow you to customize — not only picking the wood/stain but if you like something generally but want it to be taller/wider/smaller, have an extra shelf etc. they do customize without charging atrocious amounts for that. It’s all made in Lancaster County – so I have to believe they are selling in PA stores. I bought mine in Virginia at a furniture store that deals only in American made, real wood furniture – which is important to me. I bought a couple different pieces but I believe that one was about $700. (They are slow though — 6-8 weeks because they start making it when you order it).

  17. Hazel

    My fiancee and I are planning a wedding next June and a honeymoon in July. This will be our first real solo travel together (not counting visits to family, etc) so we’d like somewhere special but still budget-conscious. We’re located in Toronto, and both of us hate excessive heat/humidity; she’s also not very outdoorsy. We love architecture, food, walkable cities, history, museums, etc. We likely wouldn’t travel for more than a week (saving up for a longer trip to Japan in the 2021-offseason).

    So far we’ve talked about Quebec City and the English Cotswolds or Lake District. Any particular recommendations for those destinations, or any others we should consider?

    • Cb

      The Lake District is lovely but I’m not sure it’s worth a Transatlantic flight? If you do go, time it before the English school holidays as it’s cheaper / less crowded.

    • Anonymous

      If you love architecture and cities don’t go to the cotswolds or Lake District. They are all about tromping around outside. London. Dublin. Edinburgh. Vancouver. Or drive to Boston.

    • Anon

      London sounds like it would be perfect for your interests; it might be hot, it might not.

      • Senior Attorney

        +1 to London

        Also Quebec City is fabulous, especially if you splurge and stay at the Chateau Frontenac. You could also do a day or two in Montreal — the Basilica is really something to see!

    • Anonymous

      July is hot in a lot of Europe but Scandanavia would be great. I’d do Oslo or Stockholm.

      • Anon

        Stockholm is beautiful but in July you can get hit with a heat wave. I’m from NYC and went late August but I was cold.

    • Anon

      July is a really expensive time to fly to Europe…for example we just bought flights to Amsterdam for July that were $1750 per person, if we had gone in September they would have been under $1,000. If there’s any way you can delay your trip to the fall, you can probably save a lot of money (and September/October are still lovely weather-wise in much of Europe, though perhaps October less so in the UK).

    • anon

      DH and I “honeymooned” (actually a family visit) in the Cotswolds, and I would highly recommend Sudely Castle: lots of history (including a slightly creepy Tudor queens) and generally a very pretty place. Blenheim Palace was less to my personal taste, but it’s definitely…something…very opulent and lots of history from later periods. Tewksbury Abbey was also highly recommended, but I didn’t make it there.
      I couldn’t tell you where to find them (sorry), but DH also showed me a roman mosaic in the middle of the woods, and an incredibly old barrow, which were amazing–even if you aren’t outdoorsy it could be fun to pick up a SO map of the Cotswold Trail and look for cool stuff like that marked along the trail. I had a lot of fun taking landscape photos photobombed with sheep.

    • Anon

      I’m also in Toronto. If saving money and time are priorities, I’d second the idea for Quebec. I don’t think you can do Quebec City for a whole week, but Montreal and Quebec City makes for a great week if you haven’t spent much time in either. Montreal has great food and culture – love the art museum, there will be good music/shows, not to mention general night life… Quebec City is what it is, also pretty fun, especially if you want to get relaxing. The best meal I’ve had in my entire life was at a restaurant in Quebec City called iX Pour Bistro. Cannot recommend it highly enough. Seriously.

    • Sarabeth

      If you go to the Lake District, stay a few nights at the inn at Wasdale Head. It’s the most magical place. Hadrian’s wall is also easily accessible and super cool.

      That said – I love the Lake District, but the weather is always going to be a gamble. It’s a pretty rainy part of the world. So I’d do this only if you won’t be devastated by a rainy week.

      Ditto for Ireland, which would be another recommendation for your tastes.

    • Anonymous

      I’d play with google flights to see where you can fly within budget. You can enter something broad like “Europe” and it’ll show you a bunch of options.

  18. Warmest gloves?

    Hi all, does anyone have recs for very warm (ie for Chicago) winter gloves – preferably touchscreen friendly? That’s all my husband has asked for for Xmas, and I am striking out online. TIA!

  19. Center for Talent Innovation Report

    Meant to post this yesterday, as I don’t think I’ve seen a discussion of it here–

    I was reading a news article about a recent report called “Being Black in Corporate America” and ruminating on some of the takeaways. Truly interested in others’ thoughts on the report. This quote made me wonder if I do enough myself to advocate for folks: “White women are not seen as advocating for others.” Not interested in trolling, but curious about your thoughts, specifically;

    -Is this a fair assessment?
    -Do you advocate for others?
    -Is this just a matter of (false) perception?
    -Is the onus even on one group instead of others?
    -Any other thoughts.

    Thanks for indulging me. I truly wish I could discuss this in a more public setting but am worried about landmines.

    • Anon

      1) Yes, it’s absolutely a fair assessment. White women use benevolent sexism to their advantage on the regular.
      2) Yes, I do. I am a white woman. I’m not conventionally attractive and am over 40, which makes me invisible to a lot of folks. I’m okay with that – it’s good for watching and learning. I’m working at learning when to speak up and when to shut up and listen. Both are powerful tools for advocacy.
      3) No, it’s not. Many of my white women colleagues are perfectly happy in their bubbles and don’t want to chance their own discomfort. They act as if increasing opportunities for others will hurt their own opportunities. It’s not a zero sum game.
      4) Yes. Women should advocate for other women, including (even especially) for women of color.

      • Anon

        There are no upsides to sexism. Are you also arguing that black women use “benevolent racism” to their advantage? That could include managers tripping over themselves to look woke and support POC.

          • Anon

            It sounds like YOU need to. Benevolent sexism isn’t “beneficial sexism” – it’s sexism that operates under the guise of being helpful/grandfatherly/chivalrous. It’s harmful and not just a clever new tool for women to use to their advantage.

          • Anon

            Collectively, no, women don’t, but individual women most certainly do – at the expense of other women, especially those who don’t espouse those traditional feminine looks and values.

    • Anon

      – Not fair
      – Yes
      – No, I’m sure it’s true for some offices, but it’s not a blanket rule. I wouldn’t call it “false” so much as “not applicable to all.”
      – The onus is not on other people to advocate for you.
      – So tired of women always, always, freaking ALWAYS being expected to take care of others. I’m not your mommy, I’m your coworker. When will we EVER seen an article that takes men to task for not advocating for black women?

      • Anon

        “So tired of women always, always, freaking ALWAYS being expected to take care of others. I’m not your mommy, I’m your coworker. When will we EVER seen an article that takes men to task for not advocating for black women?”

        YES.

      • Anon

        The problem is that workplaces have diversity/inclusion efforts that primarily benefit white women, and that suits a lot of white women just fine. If you say it’s not your job to advocate for others, then you’re confirming what the study showed. That white women are not interested in advocating for others. But let’s not mistake that for feminism. It’s selfishness and a willingness to live in a racist society so long as you are ok. It’s not the kind of leader/person I want to be.

        And a lot of people are calling out white men, so I don’t know what that comment is about.

        • anon

          still waiting to see those efforts actually benefit women. Lip service is what I see.

          • Anon

            Yeah I don’t even know what efforts that poster is referring to? Any workplace that has REAL initiatives benefiting women, such as maternity leave and strong mentorship programs, isn’t limiting those opportunities to white women only.

    • Anon

      It’s a fair assessment only if you subscribe to the “I should be helping those behind me climb to higher heights as I climb” sort of working. No one is required to advocate for others and I don’t see anything wrong with a “me first” mentality when it comes to work, so long as you aren’t actively messing with someone else’s career. But advocating for others is a nice thing to do, particularly for people that you see have talent and potential but no other advocates. I do think there can be a systemic issue when people are only advocates for people that “remind me of myself” which 99% of the time translates to someone from a very similar background. This often leads to workers without connections, from poor backgrounds, or religous minority or ethnic backgrounds without advocates. It’s definitely something to be aware of.

    • Anon

      As a manager I advocate for all my talented employees equally. I certainly don’t go out of my way to advocate for someone based on race or if they’re not part of my group. Show me someone who does this and it’s likely going to be out of misplaced white guilt or because it’s a man who is attracted to a woman outside his group. My boss, a white man, has the same approach as I do. Why exactly is the onus on me to stretch and help others who I’m not responsible for but not on him although he has more power?

        • Anon

          I disagree with your snark. I find it more racist for managers to go out of their way to fawn over black employees in a way that is just cringeworthy and laden with white guilt (as this poster said). Haven’t you ever heard WOC complain about how when white people are “too nice” to them, like going way out of their way to be aggressively friendly and welcoming, they feel that it’s overcompensating? I have heard these complaints, a lot actually, and I take them seriously. It’s possible to advocate for all of your employees without singling people out based solely on their race.

          • Anon

            There is a gulf of difference between that and “I don’t see color” which is another way to say you don’t acknowledge any structural or systemic bias issues and you’d prefer to stick your head in the sand and pretend like we fixed racism.

          • Anon @ 11:55

            I AM a WOC – trust me, the snark is 100% warranted.

            You know what I find maddening and insulting? When managers say “I make my decisions solely on talent, work ethic and skill.” And wouldn’t you know…all the people they promote are white! Quelle suprise!

      • Anon

        I’m glad my entire team of 20 works remotely and we literally don’t see color. I didn’t know what anyone looked like or how old they were until we had a team event last year, five years into working with one another. This is one of the best teams I’ve ever been on and people value actual work performance much more than in other offices I’ve seen.

      • Anon

        I actually think this is fine. It’s failing to advocate for an employee because of their background or failing to intervene when you can when a colleague has no advocates and the only obvious difference between them and others with advocates is their gender/race/religions. Advocates often gravitate towards people like them (similar background whatever that background may be) and not as a result of purposeful exclusion. As a manager of any sort it’s honestly part of your job to encourage the development and growth of your talented employees. No one ever suggested weirdly advocating for an employee/colleague unrelated to your work.

    • Monday

      These comments are myopic and entitled. Sounds like “Karen” at her worst. Interesting that it’s 100% Anon so far as well. You can say that we’re all anonymous here anyway, but if that’s the case why not use your regular handles?

      Unless you were born with every privilege that exists, you had people advocate for and help you in order to get where you are today. Refusing to do anything of the kind for anyone else is not a good look.

      I agree that white women don’t do enough, but IME white men as a group really take the cake for total indifference. I’m a white woman and I do advocate where I see cause to do so, and yes it has bothered people at times. I still get a paycheck.

    • anon

      I’ve made it a point to sponsor non-white women in my organizations throughout my career. It’s obviously been more effective the higher up I’ve moved, but in general it feels like it’s been helpful for me (a white woman) to say “hey, you should consider offering this project to so-and-so, she’s been working on something that’s related and would do a killer job” and to keep doing that over and over until they start to get more opportunities.

      I have no idea whether the other women I’ve worked with have done the same – it’s unlikely that anyone knew I was putting these folks forward except for the senior person I was suggesting things to (who invariably was a white man, sigh). Which is to say, in answer to your question, I probably wasn’t seen as advocating for other women, but… I was. (I’m currently just working for myself, by myself, so a lot fewer opportunities to do anything other than mentor.)

    • OP

      OP here. Thank you for all the replies, and for the honesty across the spectrum of POVs.

      To the 11:29am Anon who asked “Oh good grief. What do you expect to accomplish by asking this?” My answer is “Just some basic introspection in response to a report that major news outlets (e.g. The New York Times) covered.”

      On a related note, I never understood why some people jump down others’ throats. Ultimately not my problem, I suppose. Thank you again, (most) ladies, for the constructive responses. Happy Holidays to all <3!

      • Anon

        Stay in your lane, sweetie. It’s not your job to tell other people when they need introspection, or what issues they need introspection on.

  20. CHL

    Are there any casual shoes that are currently cool for men in their 40s? Allbirds? Something else?

    • Anonymous

      I don’t know if they are cool or not, but I’m seeing a lot of people in my casual office wearing Olu Kai shoes.
      It’s the only time I’ve ever seen my (male) co-workers talk about a brand of clothes/shoes, because so many of them seem to own the same ones..

    • Anon

      My husband loves his Swims. You can basically wear them in water and have it be fine, but they also look nice. I actually got him two more pairs for Xmas.

      (ps I don’t know if this all makes them “cool”? I’ll let you be the judge).

    • Anon.

      I think Allbirds or something similar is exactly what you’re looking for. I was at a work happy hour recently and there were three guys wearing (and talking about) Allbirds. My industry is on the casual side of business casual and these guys were between the ages of 30-45.

  21. Anon

    I am not in a manger or supervisor role but I am helping my boss hire someone new and screening candidates for her. I am amazed – AMAZED – at the number of people who haven’t put any effort into their application, don’t send cover letters, have spelling mistakes in their resumes, or clearly haven’t even bothered to read the job advertisement. Is this normal?? I am wondering how we will even hire someone halfway decent.

    • Anon

      Yeah. A work friend of mine runs the program to hire new attorneys and WOW the cover letters are amazing (in a bad way). Typos. Obvious re use of cover letters (like it lists the name on top of a totally different employer). Then people will get into things that are just weird to put into writing — like they want this job because they just started dating a new person in our city who seems lovely and they want to try to develop that relationship; listing as their interest in the interest section as “my spouse.” Very strange.

      • OP

        I was shocked to see resumes that even had interest sections! I thought it was common knowledge to leave those off unless relevant to the job?!

        • Anonymous

          I haven’t applied for a new job in 17 years, but recently had a practice interview with my company in case I decide to move up to a managerial role. The rules for writing a resume are a lot different than what my college’s career services office taught me. Instead of an Objective at the top I’m now supposed to have a Summary of Qualifications. Instead of bullets listing my responsibilities I’m supposed to tell how everything I did benefited the company. Apparently because of my experience I’m supposed to now have 2 full pages, I don’t know when I was supposed to go from 1 page to 2, or when I have to go up again to 3 pages. A lot of resume rules feel like fashion trends to me, just a lot less fun to follow.

          My company doesn’t do Cover Letters, so I guess that’s a win for everyone.

          • nona

            it’s a marketing document – most of the “rules” are geared at helping a person tell a good story about their experience and how it applies to the potential employer. The specifics on how people expect to see can change with time (and between industries), but the underlying principle remains the same. We pay attention to the trends because the easier it is for someone else to understand your story, the easier it is to get the interview/hired.

        • Small Law Partner

          I like seeing interests sections on resumes, and see them about half the time for attorney candidates.

      • Anon

        As for wanting the job in a new city: law students and young lawyers are told to explain in cover letters why they want to move to a certain area, if it’s not obvious from their resume. Ergo, you will get a lot of people who are looking to break into new markets and will (truthfully or not) explain that they are moving to follow a partner.

        I moved halfway across the country, to a state I had been to all of four times, because of my now-husband. Let me tell you, that explanation happened – but it was also a lot easier once we were engaged.

        • Anonymous

          Right, but then you just state “my partner is located in xyz state and I look forward to relocating to ‘city where firm is located’.

    • Anon

      Yes, it’s normal. Best case is you end up with a few worth interviewing, and a couple that are so comically bad you get some good laughs out of the process. My most memorable one, recently, was for a director level position where the gentleman’s 8-page resume listed, among other things, that he was the valedictorian of his high school class, an Eagle Scout, secretary of the homeowner’s association (in the chi-chi part of town), and oh – How do you know someone was a fighter pilot? They’ll tell you! *Note – none of these “skills” were in any way germane to the position we were hiring for.

      • BSA

        lol Boy Scout folks LOVE to tout the Eagle Scout shit. I get it. you’re an eagle scout, not a goddamn Navy Seal.

        • Anon

          This guy was an Eagle Scout *AND* a fighter pilot. I read through his resume multiple times looking for the Crossfit or Ironman finisher line to complete the trifecta of doom.

          What’s bad is folks wanted to interview him because he was a veteran. I’m also a veteran and had to explain why everything about his resume screamed “insufferable douchebag”.

    • Anonymous

      This is normal, sadly. Even the PhDs we interview write terrible cover letters and CVs.

      • Anon

        Do cover letters matter for PhDs? My husband is in academia and he wrote and receives form cover letters. I mean, it would be awkward to send a cover letter to Harvard saying “I’ve always dreamed of teaching at Yale” but beyond a glaring and embarrassing error like that, my understanding is that they’re completely meaningless.

        • Anonymous

          We hire PhDs for research positions at a nonprofit, so yes the cover letter matters. IDK about the academic market, as my involvement in hiring for academic positions has been limited to sitting in on job talks.

        • No Problem

          I’m pretty sure she means job applicants who happen to hold PhDs, not people applying for acceptance to PhD programs at universities. For those, it’s not a cover letter but a personal statement and that is definitely not meaningless.

        • Sarabeth

          In my humanities discipline, they’re pretty important. We care about writing in general, so a poorly written letter is off-putting. But also, we get 200+ applications for most jobs. The committee can’t carefully read 200+ writing samples (which are 20-30 pages each), but we also don’t want to screen solely based on CV, because here are lots of excellent junior scholars who haven’t published significantly yet, and we don’t want to rule them out. The cover letter is where you sell us on your research enough to convince us to read the writing sample carefully, which is the thing that really matters at my institution.

    • Anon

      1. Normal
      2. Because employers don’t respond to 99% of job apps, most of them are hail marys. When we put into our ad that we will respond with results of initial screening, we received a lot fewer of these garbage apps. But then you have to actually respond to each saying they were not selected to move on.
      3. Networking or straight out of college is how you hire someone decent.

      • Anon

        Yeah, I mean applying to jobs is frequently like throwing your resume into a black hole, so I definitely have just fired off things without a lot of thought when I’ve been job hunting, just out of frustration. I mean, I’ve had actual in person interviews where I never got a follow up, so I honestly don’t feel bad for employers in general who have to wade through some bad resumes every once in a while.

    • Anonymous

      Cover letters are basically dead save for a few industries (thank god) so that’s why you’re not getting those, but not sure about the rest — maybe evaluate the listing and where it’s posted.

        • Anon

          What are you hoping to get out of the cover letters? Does the job ad adequately describe the role and desired qualifications in a way that an applicant can meaningfully draft a cover letter?

          Suggestion: have a friend in a similar industry read the job ad and give you feedback as to what type of person would apply, what your company seems to be looking for, what type of things she would put in a cover letter if she were applying for the job, etc. (For what it’s worth, I gave some feedback about a job ad to a very high-ranking person at my husband’s place of employment recently. Job ad is in my field, they struggled to get good applicants, and I basically said – look, from my reading of it, I would not be qualified because X and Y. Turns out that Y was always a very questionable thing, and they are re-working the wording to be more precise as to the actual requirements.)

    • Anonome

      This may be less applicable in the current job market, but when things were tight, applicants were sending purposely bad cover letters and resumes. People were running out of relevant jobs to apply for, and since some unemployment systems require you to take any offer, they were concerned that they would be stuck accepting something random and barely over living wage just so the state could kick them off the books. Thus, terrible applications to ensure that they wouldn’t be considered, but could still show that they were doing their due diligence.

      This was particularly obvious when hiring for admins, because it’s such an under-appreciated skill set.

      • Irish Midori

        Yeah, this was my thought. Some benefit programs require that you apply to X jobs/month, so people will just scroll through Indeed and click reply X times and call it a day.

    • CPA Lady

      Normal. We were trying to hire a tax preparer for my department last year and we got one resume from someone whose last job title was something like “juice maestro” who worked at a smoothie restaurant.

      No accounting experience.

      Hiring is a barren wasteland.

    • AlexisFaye

      I’ve had my “interests” section be a topic of conversation–and in one instance likely a hiring point–on more than one occasion.
      Also, my “non-relevant” background includes significant leadership experience, which folks also like to see as they think of my career trajectory.
      And I’ve never had a recruiter suggest I delete either.

      • nona

        Re: Interest section – keep it if illustrates something about you (aka, you have something to talk about if it comes up). If all you have to put in it is generic stuff (read, cook, run), then leave it off. It can be used for good, but isn’t a mandatory element.

        • Anon

          Eh, there are some of those interests that could translate into a topic of conversation, or show a quality that is good in an employee. If it at all comes up, I mention that I’ve run over a dozen half marathons, because it shows dedication and preserverence. Likewise, there’s a section on my resume about my published (sometimes nationally) columns, even though I work in a field where that is not remotely necessary.

  22. Bee

    Any rettes want to shop vicariously for me? I have a pair of H&M oxford boots that have help up shockingly well despite frequent wear for the past 2 years.

    https://www2.hm.com/en_us/productpage.0622963013.html?CAWELAID=120032800000936082&ef_id=EAIaIQobChMIx5j33Jmu5gIVheh3Ch1LRQnuEAQYBCABEgJ2t_D_BwE:G:s&s_kwcid=AL!860!3!367754967255!!!g!665440857736!&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIx5j33Jmu5gIVheh3Ch1LRQnuEAQYBCABEgJ2t_D_BwE

    I can tell they’re on their last legs and want to upgrade to something better quality and a little more stylish. Looking for black in a similar Oxford style, maybe with a pointed toe and a slight heel instead of what’s pictured? But has to be super comfortable for commutes and longer (2-3 mile) walks. Budget is ~$200

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