Thursday’s Workwear Report: Belted Skirt (And an Early Look at the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale 2018!)

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.First off, big news: The Nordstrom Anniversary Sale has started! If you’re not familiar with the sale, this is the one time of the year when Nordstrom brings out NEW fall merchandise — and marks it all down for a limited time. It’s a great time to stock up on undies and bras, get limited edition beauty sets, and of course get a ton of great workwear and accessories for work. I’m still poking through the sale, but we’ve got some links to some early favorites below. Note that even though this is the Early Access part of the sale (meaning you can’t purchase if you don’t have a card for another week now), you CAN get in to take a sneak peak — as well as to sign up for your own Nordstrom card, get approved, and start shopping today. One of the early picks in our price range for today is this new Halogen skirt for fall, which is temporarily marked $58.90, but will return to $89 after the sale. I like the fun color, the pockets, and the fact that it’s machine washable — and it’s always nice to have the option for petite and regular sizes. Belted Skirt

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Nordstrom Anniversary Sale 2018 workwear early picks

 

Pictured above:

  • pants, now $150 (will be $229 after sale ends)
  • suit: blazer, now $94, will be $142; skirt, now $45, will be $69 after sale ends
  • block slingback pumps (reader favorite brand for comfort!), now $239, will be $369 after the sale (5+ colors)
  • stacked heel ankle strap pump (another really comfortable brand), now $149, will be $225 after sale (4 colors)

Also, a few notes from the Beauty sale (where there are lots of limited edition sets that sell out pretty quickly!): this Butter London primer/top coat nail set is $19 (down from $36) and free of all the bad stuff; and I know this Sunday Riley Triple Threat set ($49) will probably be one of the first to sell out (here’s my review of Good Genes). I’ve got this Lancer skincare set of bestsellers in my cart, and I’m seriously pondering this set of Living Proof Perfect Hair Day stuff or this set of Caviar Alterna haircare (here’s my review). This looks like a nice Kiehl’s Age Correcting set ($89 down from $131), as does this Clarins Super Restorative set ($159 down from $280) or this La Mer set ($330 down from $469). Good basics: this Eve Lom cleanse set ($60 down from $90) or this collection of MAC Idols lipsticks ($32).

Stay tuned for a deeper diver into the 2018 Nordstrom Anniversary Sale for workwear later today!

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Comments

  1. Junior In-house :

    Re-posting on today’s board….
    Seeking advice on whether/how to handle an issue with my line manager (in-house).

    I prepared a detailed internal note on a particular topic. It involved a lot of research, liaising with others accross the organisation and consumed a lot of time. I sent the note to my line manager because he likes to manage the communication flows to the wider team. He made not changes other than to replace my name with his on the note itself and sent out the note, specifically saying he had prepared it. In a later meeting he claimed to have “liasised with x, y, and z in the [other worldwide] office”. I got no acknowledgement or feedback from him either in public or in private.

    Should I just suck this up as normal practice?

    • This is part of life that I live (but am compensated for) as a JUNIOR partner. I do all the work, wrote all the breif’s and prepare all of the speeches for the manageing partner, but HE takes all the credit. Once in a while, he points to me and asks me to stand up at CLEs for recognition, but other then that, all I get is a decent paycheck, which I supose is enough, and when I get to be manageing partner, I guess I will do the same thing b/c he is to busy as the manageing partner to do any real grunt work like I do, even tho he is also admitted and in good standeing as a NYS Attorney and COUNSELOR at law! YAY for that!

    • Anonymous :

      Yes.

    • Variations of this are fairly normal, especially early on in your career. Although I did work with a partner who would pull this on other partners- it didn’t make him very popular with the client or the other partners.
      Take it as a compliment that he didn’t make changes to it and trusts your analysis enough to pass it along. Yes, it would be great if he said “we did” instead of “I did” but that’s not going to happen right now. And there can be legitimate reasons to channel communications through one person.

    • I’ve only been in-house at one company, but my boss wouldn’t do that. I’m not sure there’s a way you can respond to take credit if he won’t give it to you, but neither do I think it’s normal to fail to give credit where it’s due. A good boss gives credit.

      • Maybe people I know are unlucky, but I’m not sure good bosses are necessarily also normal.

    • I would bring this up with your boss in a short, professional, one-on-one conversation and ask if that is typical in your office, because it was not what you were accustomed to at [prior workplace]. I would say that you were proud he took your edits, but you felt as if sharing credit would have helped with your own career advancement and visibility in the organization, and would have also helped establish your reputation in the Co as a subject matter expert.

      This is a LeanIn moment. He might think this is typical. By even having the conversation, even if he says, “No, I will continue to take credit for reports that my underlings prepare, because that is the way I operate” or “Gee whiz, I didn’t think of it that way–I’ll credit you next time”–either way is a bit of a win because you will either know more about his personality and work style (will he ever be a sponsor, or are you there to make him shine…indefinitely?) or you will help him see that he could have been more collaborative in credit-sharing.

      A short respectful conversation about this should not hurt. Separately, beforehand, I would ask around discreetly to see if this is typical at your company, or merely typical of this manager. Good luck.

      • But the boss just showed OP how it’s done in this workplace, I think it would make OP look out of touch to ask about it.

    • Keep track of all you do and contribute so you can put it on your resume when you step up into a better role at the next company. Don’t fight that battle at your current company.

  2. Anonymous :

    It just started and the Nordstrom sale is stressing me out already. I’m not sure I’m prepared to deal with the bombardment.

    • Anonymous :

      I’m with you- I need someone to make a Chrome extension that blocks all Nordstrom sale stuff. Like I get it, it’s a good sale, but it’s neither the apocalypse nor the second coming. Chillaaaaaax.

      • Smart Idea :

        omg a chrome extension – that would be amazing lol

        • gingersnap :

          I have a friend who wrote a chrome extension that could be hacked to do this….it’s primarily for removing politics from your newsfeed, but you could add “Nordstrom” as a custom keyword and it would block it (I’m not sure whether you could edit the preset keywords to get everything else back to normal also, but it might be worth a shot?) Extension name is nonpartisan.me

    • ha, I shopped already. I’m not in the market for much new clothing this year, so went for the surgical approach: my annual Natori restock, and a new pair of cute street sneakers. I’m probably safe to skip reading all blogs for the next 3 weeks, right??

      • KateMiddletown :

        YES. I’m grabbing some beauty but secretly grateful for being in maternity/postpartum clothes for the coming season. #nodrama

    • I was having the same thoughts but then I logged on and bought 2 pairs of Blondo boots. Oops…

      Enough with the bloggers who are posting their “strategies” for the NAS. Stahp, please.

    • I just.. don’t get it. It’s a sale, not the second coming. Maybe I’m the wrong audience for a fashion blog, lol.

      • And I’ve learned you can get the same stuff for the same price if you wait for it to go on sale again after the anniversary sale is over. Haha.

        I like Nordstrom generally, and they seem to have a good customer service philosophy, but their social media marketing team has gone way overboard with getting bloggers to promote the anniversary sale.

      • And it’s not even that good of a sale.

        • I never find it to be as exciting as it’s pitched as being, and I’m someone who likes Nordstrom.

          • Same. That said, I only shop the sale in store because I’m in Canada, and I don’t want to pay huge duties and shipping fees.

    • Baconpancakes :

      It makes me anxious because I’m not ready to start thinking about fall clothes yet.

      But I will probably buy some undies.

    • I started looking this morning. I always end up wanting to look at coats, which I hardly ever wear. But I’m just browsing and trying to decide what to order, if anything.

      • And now, the shopping bag is all glitchy and I can’t remove stuff. Done messing with it.

        • Mine is the oppos!te – I now can’t add and my cart reads zero.

          It bugs me how insta-influencers get early access and the rest of us get the tech issues and can’t buy the normal stuff – jeans, some weather boots, a sweater, and then random stuff like Kiehl’s big-size shampoo, etc.

        • After all the tech disasters last year, I thought for sure they’d be properly equipped to handle it this year. What gives?

        • I must have put my information in 10 times to be able to add items. Then, I opened it up later and it showed 0 in the cart, but when I clicked on it, everything was there, but I couldn’t do anything with it. I just looked at it again and I could edit, but I’m still thinking about whether or not I want to mess with this.

    • I despise NAS because I don’t want to get a Nordstrom credit card, the website never works, there are too many items to sort through, and everything I want is always sold out in my size. Yet for some reason I still try to shop the sale every year.

  3. I really need some being-an-apartment-tenant advice:

    We received an email from our (small) management company yesterday telling us that as of July 23, they will begin replacing/modernizing our building’s one elevator, and that our building will therefore not have a working elevator for 6-8 weeks. From past projects of theirs we know that 6-8 weeks could actually mean much longer than that.

    Here’s the problem: I am 7.5 months pregnant with our first kid (due Sep 1), and we live on the 6th floor. This means that my eighth/ninth month of pregnancy, plus right after birth plus an unknown amount of time with a newborn/stroller, would be spent climbing 6 flights of stairs in an un-air-conditioned stairwell in the height of summer, to get to our home.

    Husband and I are shocked and unprepared for this news, and I think it hasn’t fully sunk in. I need help wrapping my head around this, including what implications we haven’t considered and what our possible options are. Our lease is due to be renewed (or cancelled) November 1, and we had planned to renew it- even though our apartment isn’t ideal for a baby, we love it for other reasons and really didn’t want to go through the hassle of moving.

    I don’t see negotiations going well with our management company. They have a history of announcing inconvenient last-minute news like this, and haven’t been accommodating/sympathetic when residents have complained in the past.

    What would you do?

    • Anonymous :

      First, consult your doctor. My guess is that something would have to go wrong for this to be unfeasible. I personally would need a cooling scarf or some ice packs to get up the stair without air conditioning. I would also make sure to get a stair-friendly stroller or alternative (which are nice to have anyway).

      I’ve seen people with disabilities express frustration that temporary construction can completely impede them from accessing buildings (including their own homes), so I’m not sure there’s a lot that can be done about how wrong it is that this is happening in the first place.

    • I'm just riffing ideas... :

      I would think you’re fighting a losing battle. You could try and fight for accommodations; as pregnant you’d be disabled? right? and if someone was in a wheelchair on the top floor they would need help. I don’t know where you are or what the ADA/disability laws could do for you. Ah, the joys of renting…

      If there’s space available in your building – maybe they could temporarily put you up in a lower level apartment? Or maybe they could put you up in other buildings they have?

      but all of this seems like a long shot with a small management company. It’s going to be a huge hassle for you guys anyway you cut and slice it. What if you ask to be emergently let out of your lease now and you find a new place asap, before you have the baby?

    • 1. Read your lease – are they obligated to give more notice for major projects or not?
      2. Take a deep breath; this type of work is bound to be massively inconvenient for SOMEONE regardless of when it occurs.
      3. If you’re worried enough to move, break your lease and leave. There’s likely a penalty in your lease, but under many state laws, the landlord has to use reasonable efforts to re-lease your apartment and only charge you for the months unable to re-lease. Also check out your rights to sublease, if any.

    • Anonymous :

      Move. ASAP. Break the lease refuse to pay them any more and let them chase you.

      • I hate to say it, but yes. Move. Now. Break the lease. 6 floors at 9 months (or post partum!!!) is likely something you could get a doctor’s note about.

        Like, I can’t even think about how horrible it would be to get my c-sectioned body up 6 floors on the day I came home. I had trouble getting up one flight so I slept on the couch the first night, and avoided steps for at least the first week or two. Let alone doing it in a cramped stairwell with no air conditioning.

        I don’t think you can overestimate how horrible this will be.

        • Here’s my concern about this option– our financial obligation if we do this. Our management company has 2 months security deposit, plus by the time we could possibly find another apartment, the elevator will be non-working– so this means not only paying a moving company to move all of our stuff, but likely paying them an extra fee to carry it up and down 6 flights of stairs.

          It kills me that we would be losing likely over $10k because of something that is entirely our management company’s fault.

          • Maybe get a medical note from your doctor saying that you require access to an elevator, and cannot walk up 5 flights of stairs for the next 16 weeks, then take that to your building and ask them what their solution for you is, while indicating that you are willing to move if that is the only solution provided they return your rent deposit.

            (I think you probably have to eat the cost of moving though.)

          • By the time you find a new place, you’re going to be looking at Fall anyway – September 1 leases are easier to find than others, right? (not that you’d want to move during maternity leave or month 8). You’re not going to NEED need a stroller during the hide in the cave postpartum weeks – you can definitely make do with a baby carrier, and unfortunately get everything delivered.

            Bottom line this sucks.

          • @Anonymous at 10:06 OP will need to leave the house to attend pediatrician appointments at the very least. Most baby carriers aren’t recommended for newborns, and no baby carrier (or stairs!) will be an option if OP has a c-section.

      • I should have mentioned– they have 2 months rent (almost 7k) as a security deposit. Does this change your answer?

        • lawsuited :

          Cancel the rest of your rent cheques and tell them you are moving a month from now so they need to apply your deposit to your last month’s rent. Accept the other month’s rent as a loss. Moving 2 weeks before you deliver will be terrible, but moving 2 weeks postpartum will be impossible, so staying for 2 months just to use the rent deposit is foolish. Also, you’re breaking the lease (for good reason) so this is exactly what the rent deposit is intended for.

          My general feeling is that as long as you move before your deliver you’ll be fine (but that’s unpredictable, so I’d think you’d want to move 2 weeks before your due date). I’d take walking up 5 flights of stairs at 8 months pregnant way before I would take walking up 5 flights of stairs with a baby and a stroller and a diaper bag and groceries at 3 weeks postpartum.

      • Anonymous :

        This.
        But be aware that it could make it harder to rent the next apartment (lack of reference from current landlord, etc.). I would still say it’s worth it for your own healthy/sanity, but just be prepared for potential consequences.

    • Anonymous :

      Honestly, I’d stay. Otherwise, you have a hassle you don’t need now. If you are city-no-car people, you bring up groceries one bag at a time. You can let someone else (spouse) do that for now. The glass half full view is that you will have no problems with losing the baby weight.

      • You really can’t stay. If you have a c-section, you will basically have to live on the sidewalk outside your apartment for a week or two because there is no. way. you are going to be able to climb that many stairs. Or any stairs.

      • Kat in VA :

        No. I’ve had four c-sections. Yes, four. I avoided the second floor of all our houses (three different locations) for at least the first week after coming home (and I was in the hospital for 3-5 days after each one). Un-airconditioned stairwell, six flights, toting a newborn in a carseat? No freakin’ way.

    • Anonymous :

      Sorry, my friend but you need to move. Like now. I had a complicated end-of-pregnancy and had to have a c-section and was not even allowed to go up the one flight of stairs in our house for two weeks after I gave birth. Even if that hadn’t happened, I cannot imagine what it would have been like to go up and down 6 flights of stairs with a newborn and all the accoutrements every time we had to leave the house.

      I don’t know if it’s a thing to ask if they can move you into an apartment on the first floor? If it’s not – start looking for another apartment today and contact both a lawyer and a local tenant rights’ association. Trust me when I say this – you cannot make this situation work. You must find another place to live ASAP. I
      m sorry this is happening to you.

      • Switch Apartments :

        Get a doctor’s note and request re-assignment to an apartment on the first floor if available.

    • Surely there are laws that require the building to be ADA compliant, no? What would happen if you were in a wheelchair? How is this legal?

      • Yes, how would this work for a tenant who cannot physically make the stairs work at all?

      • Anonymous :

        I am almost certain this is completely allowed under the ADA since it’s a temporary construction situation (and yes, wheelchair users complain about it a lot!).

      • Unfortunately pregnancy isn’t covered under ADA laws– I looked. I agree it’s ridiculous, I’m devastated and just want to cry for 2 days straight.

    • Just as a frame of reference, I walked nearly a mile each way for my commute during the summer 8/9 months pregnant, and then had to walk up one large flight of stairs, so think I’m reasonably hearty and I could not have walked up six flights of stairs daily. Just could not have.

      • Not to start a flame war, and I haven’t been pregnant, but people have been living in taller buildings for a long time, before elevators, and high-floor walk-ups are a thing. What would pregnant women have done in the past? Maybe because I live with a family member who uses a wheelchair, but this really is something that would make a pregnant person move?

        • I was wondering the same thing (and honestly feeling kind of poor), because relatives of mine and others I know have in fact done this (though only one had that many floors to go up and down while the elevator was down for months, and she took pregnancy leave so she wasn’t commuting to work the whole time).

          As for the past, I’m guessing moms were younger, more physically fit from not working office jobs, and C-sections were less common (or treated as a big flipping deal so you’d be carried up those stairs and then the doctor would come visit you for your follow-ups)? Also, the outcomes were probably worse!

          • lawsuited :

            +1 And add bed rest for the last weeks of pregnancy, and more family help post-partum to that list. Having been through it, it’s the 5 flights of stairs post-partum while caring for a baby solo that gives me pause. If OP had someone else with her all day to carry baby and baby stuff up and down those stairs, I’d be less concerned.

          • Anonymous :

            I think I left my house twice in the first month postpartum – once for a pediatrician appointment and once to get my hair cut. Only the former was necessary.
            She’s not going to need to climb the stairs daily or even weekly. Just get everything delivered.

        • Well for one thing, it sounds like this building has an enclosed stairwell which means no air conditioning or air flow. In a typical walk-up where the building has no elevator the staircase isn’t enclosed and can get AC or at least air. In the summer I would imagine this makes a big difference.

          I mean I think the 6th floor is the highest buildings are allowed to go? At least maybe in NYC. I don’t know about the past but generally the people I know who have lived on the high floor walk-ups were in their early 20s and not planning a family anytime soon.

          OP I’m seriously shocked this is happening and I sincerely hope things work out.

        • They probably would have not left for months. People often worked, gave birth, and recovered in the same room.

        • Yes.

          I also live with a family member who uses a wheelchair, and I’m surprised you cannot empathize with your experience.

          I have no idea what “past” you are comparing this to, but most women probably don’t voluntarily live in 6 floor walk ups when they are starting to have kids. Women “these” days work full time while pregnant so can’t stay home when mobility is harder. Women also have more C-sections because medicine has advanced and we try to save the life of the baby and the woman when we can. And you shouldn’t be walking up 6 flights of stairs post C-section for awhile. And complications of pregnancy happen all the time.

          • Pre-elevators is what I was referring to.

          • I guess I can’t empathize because it really would be untenable with my family member – not safe to carry a quadriplegic down that many stairs – and even then I’m not sure we’d move for what is a temporary inconvenience. I don’t think of most pregnant women as being anywhere near the same situation.

          • Interesting. Your post doesn’t really make sense. You say your family member would be stranded in that situation (so dangerous for a Quad…. who can get a UTI/AD so easily) yet you wouldn’t move? We would move for sure. Construction projects always take longer than projections. So dangerous potentially for the disabled family member.

            It isn’t a temporary inconvenience. It is a disaster waiting to happen.

          • Have you ever tried moving to a new house with a disabled family member? Not easy at all. I’d want to be put up somewhere else while the elevator is out, but can’t imagine the requests coming from a pregnant person.

          • I see …. so you are speaking from a place of resentment that your family member’s disability (Quad) is much more worth of sympathy and accommodation than the OP (pregnant woman).

            I’m the one with a family member who is a paraplegic.

            So yes, there are a few more legal protections for our family members and the situation would be much, much more dangerous for a Quad. But that doesn’t discount the OPs situation, and the reasonableness of this thread asking for advice. I would have the same concerns as the OP.

            And yes of course I know how difficult it is to find accessible housing when you are truly disabled and wheelchair dependent. It is AWFUL and the able bodied really have no idea how lucky they are and do not empathize enough.

            But this doesn’t discount this thread. And the danger to a pregnant woman. In summer. To try do deal with this situation. And the reasonableness of moving, since it is much much easier for her to find an accessible living situation than for us. And the reasonableness of her wanting to know all of her options.

            But if I ever see her parked in a disabled parking space….. ;)

          • Anonymous :

            It’s not really resentment – after all, you’re right; we’d probably get whatever accommodations we asked for in our family’s situation – all the ones being recommended here. It’s more . . . surprise . . . that the poster, and so many of the responses, are equating a relatively temporary, and usually lower-risk, situation like pregnancy, with a need to move, to involve lawyers, to forgo $7k in deposits. It just wouldn’t have occurred to me that that would be considered reasonable by so many people.

            After all, funds are limited, almost everyone is being inconvenienced to some degree, and repairs for an elevator are commendable.

      • I don’t think that it’s ever that helpful to do any “I did X when I was Y comparisons” but to the extent that it helps OP – it really depends. I was pregnant and lived with a baby in a 5th floor walk up with no issues. I also walked half a mile+ to and from the train every day. It was fine. In fact, I think I had a better pregnancy as a result of all this forced exercise; for my second pregnancy we were in an elevator building and I felt way crappier. Anyway, it really doesn’t matter what any one person could or couldn’t deal with. OP, I think a doctor’s note and asking your management company for an accommodation is the way to start. Yes, look into moving but also look into other things. Is there an area to leave a stroller downstairs? We had this in our old building and it made having a baby in a walk up much easier. Is there a way to put fans on the stairs? Or at least a small bench on higher floors so you can take breaks if needed? If you do have to move, call around. I’ve moved loads in NYC and moving from a walk up is actually not all that much more (and I’ve moved from 6th floor walk up to 5th floor walk up once).

    • anon a mouse :

      Are there any vacant units on lower floors? You could ask if they would let you move to another unit with fewer stairs. Or, if this management company handles other buildings, see if they would let you break this lease to get another one at a different building.

      You should also check with your local codes — the federal ADA might not apply but there might be something state/local that would help you.

    • Ask them to delay the project! They probably won’t but it can’t hurt to explain.

      • lawsuited :

        This is a good idea. If they could delay for 12 weeks (when you’ll be 6 weeks post-partum) it will make a world of difference for you.

      • Blueberries :

        Yes, a delay in starting the project (assuming there’s not an immediate need to start) might be best for OP if she doesn’t want to move.

    • Anon in NYC :

      Personally, I’d review the terms of your lease very carefully and consult a lawyer. You probably can’t (and don’t want to) stop them from performing necessary maintenance of the elevator, but you might be able to break your lease without huge financial repercussions. Of course, you’d have to pay a lawyer and also find a place and move, which is also not great.

      FWIW, I would not have been able to walk up and down 6 flights of stairs with a newborn. And even if you did everything to minimize how much you had to carry (i.e., babywearing, wearing a backpack, etc.), 6 flights is a lot to climb up or down. Not to mention your spouse going to/from work, getting groceries, etc. That sucks, a lot.

      • +1 I’d hire a lawyer. I think it would also just be helpful to have an objective outsider work with you on this. I completely understand why this would be very emotional and I think it would help to have someone to hopefully stabilize and calm.

    • OMG you have my sympathies. I would move. If it makes you feel any better: I am moving at 38 weeks pregnant (nothing I can do about construction delays on the new house) and it’s miserable packing/unpacking right now but being in an accessible place with a newborn baby is necessary. I found it difficult to walk up one flight of stairs after my c-section and can’t even imagine 6, especially in the summer heat.

    • omg, I should have mentioned, this is not necessary repair work, or at least their email notifying residents would imply that it’s not. Their language clearly suggests that because the elevator is becoming a hassle to maintained and they want to make improvements on the building, they’ve decided to do this. By no means did the elevator not pass inspection, for example.

      • Anon in NYC :

        I’d still consult with a lawyer about your options. NYC has very tenant friendly laws. The fact that you’re on the 6th floor, that you’re pregnant, etc. all could affect whether you’re able to get out of this lease without big financial repercussions. If that’s what you want.

      • Sounds like preventative maintenance to me, which honestly I would absolutely choose for most things and especially an elevator. Would you rather the elevator break down without warning?

    • This sounds awful, but I’d probably look at solutions short of moving, including asking for no rent for the tome when the elevator doesn’t work and then I’d just get an Airbnb or temporary place for that time period. Even if you still pay rent, that sounds cheaper or cost neutral to a move and less of a hassle. No, you won’t have all your things in the temporary place, but you can probably get what you need there.

      • I kind of love this idea of going to a pregnancy/post partum retreat!

        • Me too. I’d be tempted to go somewhere idyllic too, like get a country place in upstate NY, especially if you’re both on leave. I’m on the west coast, so maybe this isn’t great in the time period OP is talking about, but I always thought fall was supposed to be lovely there.

      • anon a mouse :

        This is a great idea – you could probably get a long-term discount for 3-4 weeks at an air bnb or residential hotel (like a Residence Inn).

      • That sounds like the best and easiest idea. And +1 to not paying rent while this is going on.

      • Senior Attorney :

        This is a really good idea. Expensive but not nearly as expensive as moving.

    • Is a short term furnished lease somewhere else feasible in your market? Or a residential stay hotel? If so, I’d make a temporary move while keeping the apartment you like. Might be less expensive in the long run and your credit wouldn’t get bashed.

    • Bettysmith :

      Counterpoint: I could have climbed 6 flights of stairs slowly and carefully about 1.5-2 weeks after my c-section because I wasn’t in that much pain. I wouldn’t do it more than once a day at first to avoid overdoing it. Yes going one step slowly at a time is annoying but do-able. I don’t see why you couldn’t do it very pregnant if there were no complications if you went very slowly and limited outings. An air bnb or temporary hotel seem like great options for the first few weeks post- partum- last weeks of pregnancy.

    • TALK TO A LAWYER. In my jurisdiction they would have to put you up in a hotel.

    • Some posts in here that were kinda of odd so I just wanted to say I feel truly bad for the position you are in. I do not think the number of stairs is reasonable for you to have to climb at that stage in your pregnancy nor do I think it would be good for you.

    • Thank you, everyone. Mostly, thanks for the sympathy. This really does suck, and I appreciate the validation that it does.

      We have a lot to think about! We are in NYC (some of you guessed). I emailed my doctor today and I was sort of surprised that her response was: even though it sucks, there’s no medical reason this situation won’t work (even if I have a c-section– she said to take the stairs slowly and one-at-a-time, lol). I think the best option here is a waiving of the rent while the elevator is down, and a temporary living situation (like an AirBNB)– I love thinking of it as a mini-retreat! My husband, on the other hand, seems to think this is a good reason to just move now and be done with it. We’ll see how reasonable the response from our landlord is. I also reached out to an NYC law firm that specializes in tenant-side disputes, in case our landlord’s response isn’t reasonable.

      Anyways, thank you guys so much. I knew I would get a lot of good opinions to consider. I’ll definitely follow up with an update.

  4. Ending a decade long friendship :

    I recently stopped calling a close friend from college after we had a confrontation over texts. Previously, it felt like we had been drifting apart already as she lives across the country and has started her first long-term relationship. I had called her about finding out that a guy I really liked dating turned out to be a complete liar and loser and how dissappointed I felt. She kept laughing and clearly took a lot of joy or scaudenfraud hearing about it, so I decided to end the call short. The next day she kept texting me to find out more about whether I decided to break up with him. I told her I did not want to talk about it and pointed out to her that it felt like she was taking pleasure in my dating failures. She denied feeling that way at all, which made me feel more determined to end this friendship. Looking back on this particular friendship, there have been many small things that I chose to overlook because we lived in the same city. Now that geographical proximity has been removed, it feels like I can see all her flaws magnified. I had always been the pretty and more successful one, and she had always been single, and whenever I started dating someone, she would talk about how bad the man was and encourage me to break up with him. I would always give her advice on everything, whereas the advice that she gave me in recent times seem to be so bad I can’t help but doubt her motives. Whereas my other female friends try to set me up with dates or give me good advice, it feels like she only calls if she needs advice from me and tries on purpose to sabotage every area of my life out of jealousy. At the same time, I am also really sad because her friendship has been the longest friendship I’ve had.

    We haven’t texted or talked since then. While I miss talking to her, I don’t feel that connecting with her adds a lot of value to my life because I have to always be on guard and question her motives. Has anyone been through anything like this? If so, what did you do?

    • Anonymous :

      You think of yourself as the pretty one? Look harder at the mirror.

      • +1

        You lost me at that sentence.

      • I agree in a way. Is it possible that your feelings of superiority (even if they’re quiet to you) are influencing the way you interpret her behavior?

      • Bingo.

        You’re an ugly person.

        (Also, fyi, if you’re actually a smokeshow, you’re going to attract the attention of a lot of men who don’t have your best interests at heart.)

        • More thoughts.

          You’re about 30 and your longest friendship is 10 years. No other college or high school friends.

          You think you’re far prettier and more successful than she is.

          When your friend denied wanting your new relationship to fail, you got angrier at her, instead of asking if maybe she’s telling the truth.

          Your dating relationships have not succeeded. You claim that she’s unfairly knocking them and that her advice is bad, but obviously, what you’re doing isn’t working.

          (I have a friend who can tell, based on bland one-paragraph emails, how the relationship will play out. It wasn’t easy listening to advice that seemed wrong but well-intentioned, but my life got easier once I did.)

          I don’t know whether or not you should stay friends with her, but I do know you need a lot of introspection to ask yourself why you can’t keep friendships going.

          • Wow some of you are vicious. The kind of person who would make these false assumptions and call a stranger on the internet an “ugly person” is not someone I would take advice from.

    • I have a friendship like this and I am trying to make more friends who are positive instead. You should too. I get that it’s hard when it’s a lifelong friend but that kind of toxicity never gets better.

      • Thanks, I agree. It’s been nice finding other women who are single and can emphasize with dating in NYC.

    • If we ignore the blatant way you look down on your friend, which is probably coloring the way you view her, the easiest way to break up with a long term friend is a slow fade. You having a “break up” talk or big blow out fight only feeds your not insubstantial ego, promotes drama, and will serve to intentionally cause your friend pain.

      It’s okay if you don’t want to be friends with someone who lives far away and who you can’t relate to anymore. But just admit that. There is no reason to put her down just to puff yourself in the process. Maybe she is a bit of a frenemy, maybe not, but be an adult about it.

      • I agree on this. I’ve had friend ‘break ups’ (have been on both sides of it, too) that did nothing but cause lasting pain all around. Slow fade would have been much kinder and leaves the door open if you both grow up and wind up being compatible again later in life.

    • You already posted about this a few weeks ago, including the line about being the pretty one. If you’re a real person, go back and read that post.

      • Seen This Message Before :

        I remember it, too.

        • Nope, my question was different. OP, I stuck to the slow burn option and it’s been fine. Thank you to the non-anons who offered responses that re-centered me and got me to JSFAMO.

          https://corporette.com/gilded-file-holder/#comment-3813184

    • These two things together are illuminating:

      I had called her about finding out that a guy I really liked dating turned out to be a complete liar and loser and how dissappointed I felt.

      whenever I started dating someone, she would talk about how bad the man was and encourage me to break up with him.

      Had she told you that this most recent guy was awful? And had you ignored her advice? And subsequently found out that he was just as awful as she’d told you? Now granted she shouldn’t have been all gleeful about her TOLD YA SO attitude. But if this is a pattern for you I can kind of empathize with where she’s coming from.

      Maybe I’m projecting. I have a friend – the pretty friend, as you consider yourself to be – whose relationships with men are disasters. They’re obviously disasters from day 1. Sometimes before day 1 – like his dating profile says he’s an “alpha” and is littered with shirtless pics of himself with scantily clad women. Really you’re surprised that that guy doesn’t want to get married and have babies immediately? I know she’s disappointed that I’m not more empathetic when these relationships inevitably implode. I hope she doesn’t think I’m gleeful about her pain but I’m definitely happy when she finally ditches the loser. So idk maybe your situation is different but maybe consider that your friend is trying to help you see some of your blind spots? And genuinely wants you to be happy with a not-a-loser?

    • Move on. The comments here can be quite harsh too so take what is useful from them if you can. There was a definite point in my life that I thought I was prettier and more successful that others and behaved in a way that I regret towards other people. It took three pregnancies (only one birth), depression and significant weight gain to get over myself. Hopefully it takes less for you.

      • I appreciate your candor. I have had friends like you.

        • I never said I was pretty or successful, just that I was compared to her. And she herself has acknowledged that she was insecure. Over the years, I have felt small instances where she didn’t have my best interest but would shrug it off. One night in college, we were walking in sketchy part of the city at night, and I noticed a guy was following us and was getting closer, I told her to run and we both started running for our lives. The street was narrow. Instead of giving me space to run parallel with her, she tried to push me and ran in a way so as to cut in front of me. Thankfully, we saw a police car nearby, and I decided not to confront her and to bury this incident in the back of my mind. But it’s never quite disappeared and I’ve always been aware of this selfish part of her. Now with the distance, it is easier to see her true nature. Anyway, I know what I felt when she laughed in my face. Ever since she got into her first serious relationship, she seems to gloat ever time I tell her about a date. And for your information, no, I am not some hot girl who always dates bad boys. I didn’t start dating until I was 26. Stop projecting onto me to be whatever mean girl anger you experienced in high school.

          • Anonymous :

            Um, you’re the one who seems to be perpetuating mean girl behavior with comments judging your friend and finding her lacking.

          • “I had always been the pretty and more successful one, and she had always been single.”

            “I never said I was pretty or successful….”

            Uh huh.

  5. BigLaw Non-billables :

    I’m trying to get a sense of non-billable work at law firms.

    – What year are you?
    – How many hours of non-client billable work (pro bono, recruiting, pitches, firm citizenship) do you do a year?
    – What is your firm’s bonus requirement, if any?
    – Are non-billables counted toward the bonus or is there some other non-billables requirement?

    Thanks!

    • Anonymous :

      I’ve been at 3 firms. I have found I need to plan on 200-300 hours of non-billables/year on top of my 1900 hour billable requirement, but that’s mid-law.

    • Midlaw:
      1900 billable requirement
      400 non-billables (this includes Jr. League, community work, organizing your files, cleaning your office, etc.)
      Bonus is black box. You have to hit the billable requirement, but you also need to be a good firm citizen.

    • Anonymous :

      BigLaw junior
      450 non-billables
      2000-ish bonus target
      Some pro bono is counted. Other non-billables May count to a black box bonus.

    • Large regional firm. 1850 minimum billable (1900 for bonus), 2200 “total hour” requirement, so either billable or non-billable for that 350 hour gap. The only nonbillables you can count toward bonus are pro bono hours (up to 50 hours count, so essentially you can hit you minimum billable and then do pro bono to cover the rest to get up to bonus eligibility).

    • 4th year; mid-sized firm

      1800 minimum billable requirement and minimum 1900 for bonus consideration

      Approx. 50 hours non-billable for marketing, firm events, CLE requirements, etc, which do not count toward billable totals but may be considered for additional discretionary salary bump or extra bonus

    • 3rd year. Small law (insurance defense). No hard “minimum”, although there is some unknown number that if you fall below you’ll for sure be sacked. Bonus consideration is on a quarterly basis, and its 200 hours per month for the quarter (2400 annual assuming no vacation). Zero non-billable hours count. I have yet to meet bonus eligibility, I’m closer to 160/month. I’m not sure how much non-billable work I do because I don’t track it, but I’m typically in the office between 50-60 hours per week to bill about 40.

      • Insurance defense is the worst. I had a 2000 hour billable requirement, crappy pay, and there were never got bonuses (well, correction, our “bonus” was a case of wine one of the partners bought. I’d have rather had the $200 or whatever it cost in cash). I got out of that as soon as I could.

        • Ha, I can’t drink wine (or any booze) due to migraines, that would be the worst bonus in the world

      • Anonymous :

        I work in insurance defence. My billable target is 1600 and my non-billable minimum is 250 although non-billable work doesn’t count towards target or bonus so I don’t bother tracking it.

  6. Back Pain :

    I think I strained my back yesterday. I didn’t do anything that weird, just bent down to look in a low cabinet and as I stood up, my mid/upper back kind of seized up. It’s loosened up since then so I can stand, walk, and sit normally, but it’s still pretty painful. Nothing like this has ever happened before, so I’m not entirely sure what it is, but I have a work event the next 2 days that I cannot miss and I have to be on my feet the whole time. I’ll also be carrying a bag with a good bit of stuff in it, although I can try to minimize the weight. Any advice to get through this smoothly and avoid making the back issue worse? Thanks!

    • Anonymous :

      When I’ve strain my back, my approach is hot water shower, Aleve, lots of water, and walking around to loosen up. Feel better!

    • Try getting up and walking around every hour during the day. Can you bring a rolling bag for your things? If not put them in two bags equally weighted so they don’t torque your back.

    • Another anon :

      It’s just seized up muscles. If you can get a sports massage asap, that would be ideal. What also works for me is doing self-massage. Try grabbing a practice lacrosse ball (harder than a tennis ball, softer than a lacrosse ball) and leaning up against a wall with the ball in between my back and the wall. Then I move around and basically use it as self-massage. You may have to dig in pretty good to get the muscles to loosen up.

      I also find that getting into the hip/butt muscle area can be really helpful in releasing locked-up lower back muscles. Similarly, if you’re having mid/upper back issues, focus on that area but don’t ignore your lower back, your shoulders, your neck, and your upper chest muscles. If you don’t have a ball you can use to target that area, try a foam roller at least, and have a friend or a partner massage the area. The key is blood flow and getting the muscle to relax.

      • pugsnbourbon :

        You’ve gotten good advice already. I would add that this is the time to prioritize comfort over style – I’d wear my most supportive shoes at the work event if I were you.

    • All of the above, plus light yogic stretching in small (2 to 5 min) spurts throughout the day, each time stretching just a little bit further as you can stand it (i.e. slight discomfort, not pain)

    • Salonpas patches help me enormously with things like this.

    • Go to the doctor and get some steroids and muscle relaxers. I did the same thing in January and, after trying to just get through it, went to the doctor. The meds helped the muscles relax. Hang in there.

    • I use stick-on heating pads when this happens, plus a dose of an OTC painkiller, and I’m usually better in a day or two. Foam rolling or rolling the muscle out on a lacrosse ball is also helpful.

    • Bathe with Epsom salt! It really makes a huge difference. Every doctor and physical therapist I have talked to about it agrees that they help more than just plain bath water, despite not really knowing why they help. $5 at the grocery store. I also exfoliate with it.

  7. war on plastic :

    Me again, with my war on plastic.

    First off, I LOVE the Lush shampoo and conditioner, so thanks for that rec.

    My makeup is ALL in plastic and none of the containers are even recyclable! Is there anything that can be done? Probably not but I thought I’d throw it out there and cross my fingers.

    • Not much that can be done with the products you have already used up unless you can find creative ways to repurpose the containers, but you can make changes to prevent that moving forward!

      The link below is a good start, and includes a link to the Appalachian Wildlife Refuge where you can send your mascara wands for reuse!

      https://www.goingzerowaste.com/blog/10-zero-waste-makeup-brands

      • Omg I’m totally doing the wands for wildlife thing now! I have more old mascara tubes hanging around than I care to admit and I’m a sucker for cute baby animal pictures. I also grew up near the Appalachians and love this as an opportunity to give back in some tiny way to an area that’s dear to me. Texting my friends to bring me their old mascara when I see them this weekend.

    • Origins stores accepts containers for any makeup brands for recycling.

    • I thought Mac and Origins would accept empty makeup packaging back, though I’m not sure if Origins still exists.

      • Origins def still exists! Bond No. 9 also accepts all perfume bottles, regardless of brand.

        • It also looks like you can recycle everything through here: https://www.terracycle.com/en-US/brigades

          • This is the beauty specific one: https://www.terracycle.com/en-US/brigades/personal-care-and-beauty-brigade-r#how-it-works

          • Thanks!!

          • I feel like I don’t “get” Terracycle. I have signed up for programs but am always put on a wait list. Do I need to just collect my stuff until I get moved off the waitlist? Is there no other way to send the stuff in?

        • Will Origins take empty skin care packaging? I assume so but just checking since you said makeup. I lvoe their skincare!

  8. Anonymous :

    Are you going to fix the replies issue and stop moderating everyone ever or nah?

    • I don’t understand why most of my comments just disappear, not even showing up as in mod, and then reappear hours later, way past the point of being relevant. Kind of kills the community vibe if you can’t participate.

    • Anonymous :

      Yes, the moderation isn’t working.

    • Nah I went to mod again with another boring benign comment.

    • Kat, the comments make your website. Please address this problem ASAP. We have been asking for better mos for YEARS and now it’s truly unacceptable. Do you want to keep readers?

    • still anon :

      I assume the extra mod-ing is related to complaints about trolls getting through? And yet one of the first comments of the day is from our dear friend Ellen.

    • I wish she would at least acknowledge that there is an issue/maybe she’s trying to fix it/maybe she just changed her policy and this large swath of us are now stuck in M0deration h3ll.

      Are there other posters who’s posts are going through every time? Is it just a subsection of us that are now having posts show up hours later, if at all, even if the posts are about…. grey hair?

  9. We’re planning our honeymoon and have narrowed down locations to Madagascar, Seychelles, Mauritius, and Sri Lanka. Our travel agent suggested we visit either Seychelles or Mauritius, but not both, and then put together a suggested itinerary for Seychelles. Seychelles looks absolutely spectacular, and I’m sure we will have a great time, but can you help us make our decision? Should we go to Seychelles or should we go to Mauritius? We’re looking for a combination of beach time and hiking/sight-seeing, like all kinds of food, enjoy fancy cocktails, and are looking to stay at a resort. The internet seems divided.

    • I would 100% take the Seychelles. Trying to do both seems like a lot, unless you like moving around a lot. Both were on our list for honeymoon this winter, but there is Zika risk, so we settled on Madagascar or Southern Africa. Just a heads up if you are interested in attempting to conceive any time soon.

  10. Paging StartupHusband :

    Anon from the end of the day yesterday. If the offer to send an email re how this is working for y’all is still open, email is retteburnermail at the mail of google. I really appreciate the offer.

  11. jumpingjack :

    I am so over Nordstrom sales. The checkout isn’t working. And when I call the 800 number they offer, I get a recording that customer care is unavailable.

    At the last sale, almost everything that I successfully purchased had the order cancelled because it wasn’t available. Yet it was still showing as available on the website.

    They really need to get their act together.

    • I have given up this morning. Browsed and threw a whole bunch of stuff I was considering into my shopping cart, but now when I go back, it initially says there is nothing in it, then I click on it and it’s there, but I can’t remove anything. Total waste of my time.

    • I just reamed customer service about their website not working. Again. I told the lady I understand it’s not her fault and my frustration isn’t directed at her personally but the company needs to know that this is totally unacceptable. I’ve been a cardholder for over 15 years and I’m never shopping another anniversary sale.

  12. frustrated :

    I got roped into this project that is really not my area, was supposed to take 3 weeks and it’s taken 5 so far, and it’s driving me completely nuts. I’m also kinda needed because no one else knows a particular technical skill, but idk how they planned to do this project (and do it in the future when I’m not available) when they have no one like that on their team. I just want off. Rant over.

  13. still anon :

    I posted yesterday afternoon about my father telling me that he was going to sue me. He left me a message this morning that he spoke with an attorney and that “we need to talk.” I can’t decide whether to call him back or not.

    a lawyer, thank you for your suggestion about language. I’ve tried to be honest and upfront with him, but obviously if this situation is reaching a level where he’s really pursuing legal action, I need to protect myself.

    Spent some time yesterday leaving messages for therapists that my EAP referred me to. They have remote counselors available immediately if I can’t find someone who can see me soon in person. Did some good self-care last night: met a friend, exercised, hugged my dog, ate delicious dinner that my fiance had waiting when I got home. Still sad.

    • Please do not call him back. He wants to fan the flames and escalate this. Do not engage. IF he is actually going to sue you, he has to serve you in accordance with state civil procedure rules.

      I’m sorry.

    • I would not respond. It was a gift, it was your item to do what you wanted with it. If he manages to find a lawyer terrible enough to take this on, wait until the lawyer contacts you then retain counsel to let the lawyers battle it out. I would not communicate with your father at all at this point. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this.

    • I wouldn’t. If he’s still talking about lawyers and suing, I view that as a sign that he’s not calm or rational enough to discuss it with yet. If/when he drops that threat, I would decide at that point whether I wanted to talk to him or not.

      • I really like this comment. he’s hot on your heels and still obsessing over the lawsuit thing.

        absolutely do not call him back or respond in anyway. if you guys were 3rd parties and in litigation or threatening suit – your lawyer would also tell you to maintain silence. nothing good can come of it.

        • still anon :

          Thank you, Torin. That’s helpful framing.

          He blows hot and cold with stuff like this. So over the past few weeks, one day he’ll be screaming at me about how we need to get a PI to track it down or accusing me of having sold it for my own financial benefit; the next day he’ll apologize and say he doesn’t want this to destroy our relationship. I think I’m done, regardless.

          It’s so sad. I got engaged this spring. It’s weird to think that he probably won’t be at my wedding.

          • Weddings and engagements can be tough when you don’t have the family relationships that you want/wish you had. Be gentle with yourself about it. It’s okay to mourn that and wish you had those things, while also recognizing that you should not get sucked back into a toxic dynamic.

    • Do not call him.

    • Agree with all the others. This is where you set your boundaries. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

    • I didn’t see all of yesterday’s responses so I don’t know if this has been brought up already but it sounds as if your father is experiencing some mental health issues. Now, I don’t think there’s much you can do about it right now because of his hostility toward you but try to think back on his behavior in recent years. Is this an aberration or has this kind of behavior been building up. Is there someone you can reach out to in your family that could possibly influence him to get some help. He sounds as if he’s losing it. I’m sorry – – I hope this does not sound unkind.

      • still anon :

        Not unkind at all–I wonder about this, too. I’ve thought for a long time that he might have some undiagnosed mental health problems, and he’s older so it could potentially be the onset of dementia. I’ve mentioned several times throughout this whole circus that he should talk to his doctor about the level of panic and anxiety that he’s feeling. But our relationship was never great to begin with and he has really taken a wrecking ball to it in the last couple of years, so even before this latest nonsense I haven’t been in the position to take a more active role trying to get him help. While there are family members I could talk to, unfortunately the last time my dad and I had a major problem they helped him manipulate me back into not cutting off contact entirely. I may still talk to them over the weekend if he hasn’t backed down by then.

        At the same time, he does have a history of going off the rails with conspiracy theories and frivolous lawsuits. So none of this is really coming out of left field–it’s just that I’ve never been the focus of it before. I can’t believe he’s doing this to me, but at the same time I can, because I’ve seen him treat other people very similarly.

      • +1

        My post yesterday never appeared due to moderation (so probably this one wont appear either), but I agree that he clearly is mentally ill. My father had very similar somewhat paranoid delusions that were startling similar to how your father reacts. It was totally devastating, and the way he treated me was so terrible.

        Treatment with a geriatric psychiatrist was startling effective. If you know your father’s doctor, and are brave enough to call them and speak to them in confidence, that sometimes can start the ball rolling. It is difficult.

        Remember, this is his disease talking. He likely does not have insight into his illness. But you have to protect yourself by distancing yourself and getting advice from a therapist.

        Big hugs to you. I am so so sorry…

    • still anon :

      Thanks ladies. I knew intellectually that calling him back was the wrong choice. Part of me wanted to give him one more chance to be reasonable, but that’s not where he’s at if he’s talking to lawyers.

      Guess I’ll start asking around for referrals to an attorney, because I’ll feel better if I’m doing something.

      How is this my life.

      • I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I hope you find a good therapist through your EAP.

        It just sucks so much when parents aren’t good at being parents. It’s not fair and it’s not your fault.

    • Also, I think you said yesterday you thought he was bluffing about actually speaking to a lawyer because his case obviously has no merit. I agree. Just wait it out. Hugs.

  14. I have never rented a car, what do i need to know? I have an upcoming trip to upstate NY and will need a car for me, DH, our toddler, and baby. We will be bringing all of our car seats and gear. Should I just go online and pick a company?
    I know this seems simple enough, but everyone here always has such amazing life tips, I thought I would check in.

    • They’ll try to upsell you on extra insurance. If you rent the car with a credit card, your card probably has insurance, and you don’t need the extra coverage from the rental company.

      • If you own a car and carry decent insurance on it, call your insurance agent. Often rental cars are covered by your personal car insurance (but you should check on that). Also the card you use, and are you renting through Costco or something can affect insurance. Rental companies will try to upsell you on everything from a car upgrade to insurance to gas to gps/ satellite radio. Be aware of what you need. Also when you return the car–take a minute to delete your phone from the radio if you have synced it up/ bluetoothed etc.

      • Check with your card company to find out whether they carry insurance. I just got a notice for mine that they were dropping this benefit. I guess that means time to change card companies.

    • If you’re a member of any bar orgs or alumni groups, they usually have discount codes. If you’re thinking of upgrading, it’s always been my experience that absent some amazing promo, your best bet is to book the most basic model and upgrade when you go to pick up. It’s usually much cheaper that way.

      • Anon in NYC :

        Also look for discounts through your credit cards.

        Try to book a car through a company where you can pick up the car at the airport as opposed to having to take a shuttle to the lot.

      • pugsnbourbon :

        Costco apparently has great deals on rentals, too – my FIL was talking them up recently.

    • Pay the upcharge to not have to fill the gas tank before you drop it off. So much less stressful.

    • If you are renting from NYC, think about whether you want to rent from near where you live or from the airport. The airports are generally cheaper, but not as easy to get to, and the price difference may not matter much depending on the number of days. Under no uncertain terms would I shlept your kids to the airport. (When I rent from the airport, I travel there, pick up the car, and then drive back to my residence to load luggage.)

      Check your credit cards to see if any of them already offer insurance coverage for rental cars.
      See if you have a corporate discount available.

    • Check whether the rental counter is in terminal or shuttle to rental company. Sometimes the cost savings is significant by shuttling, but we’ve also waited almost an hour for the shuttle so in terminal is preferable.

      • Rainbow Hair :

        Yeap! I hate driving anyway, but a remote pickup location can easily add 30-90 minutes to the gettingTF out of the airport time, waiting for the shuttle, waiting in line behind the people who got off the shuttle before you, blah blah. And then on the way home, there’s the stress of making sure you get to the rental car return place early enough that even if you wait forever for the shuttle, you’ll eventually get to the airport in time to make your flight. Eee sorry I’m being a grouch.

    • If you’re a Costco member, check rates through costcotravel.com. In my experience it’s almost always cheaper and sometimes you get a free upgrade or similar (plus always a free second driver).

    • Read all the fine print about your car insurance- it will likely transfer for a rental car. Don’t let the car rental company try to sell you on crazy car insurance for the rental.

      • Except. I’ve seen a lot of rental companies invent damage to their cars when you don’t take insurance causing a major headache after. As a result, I usually get it to just avoid the headache.

        • Yeah, it can be really nice to avoid the headache. I went on a group camping trip once where we chipped in for a rental. The driver ended up backing into a tree and totally busting out the back window. Thankfully he had got the full insurance and he just dropped it off at the rental place and that’s all he had to do. Totally worth the money.

          Also, how do you reach adulthood without ever renting a car???

          • Anonymous :

            Live somewhere where airports aren’t convenient to where you’re going and you end up driving everywhere? I mean, it’s not some big rite of passage…

          • Anonymous :

            Yeah, it’s not a rite of passage. You don’t fly to places where you need to rent a car and then drive somewhere. I do lots of road trips in my own car. I do lots of plane trips where i then use public transportation. No need to call out the OP for not having this experience yet.

        • BabyAssociate :

          This is why I take pictures of the car when I pick it up and drop it off and do not get the up sell insurance.

    • Delta Dawn :

      If you have AAA, there is a discount with some car rental companies. Also, some companies require you to be 25 or older (with exceptions if you meet certain requirements).

    • Gail the Goldfish :

      If they have a loyalty program where you can skip the counter and just grab the car and go, or have a separate line (most have some sort of program), sign up for it ahead of time. Rental car lines are the worst.

    • Take a narrated video of the car when you pick it up pointing all the damage you see. That way if you miss some preexisting damage, you will have evidence that it predated your rental. My brother just did this and avoided a huge charge for a broken recessed light that no one noticed.

    • Senior Attorney :

      Oh, and in my experience the descriptions of the cars are a bit misleading. When they say “compact,” they mean “super tiny sub sub compact.” “Full size” tends to mean “small car.” “Luxury sedan” means what I think of as “full size.” So be careful with that. With car seats and son on, you’re going to want “full size” at the very very least. I’d probably just bite the bullet and get a minivan if I were in your shoes.

    • Anonymous :

      USAA has really good discounts if you happen to be a member.

  15. Why does the Nordstrom website crash every. single. year. It’s so frustrating. I’m seriously considering not shopping there for the sale anymore.

  16. I’m 30 and recently my feet have been excruciating. I’m used to running around in cheap, skinny heels so I made the switch to high quality flats (albeit often with a pointed toe- I can’t give up everything!!) and got more careful about wearing the right size (I had the tendency to squeeze myself into too-small shoes). But my feet are still killing me, especially the pinkie toe on my left foot, which has almost an open wound on it? That’s not going away. And now that I’m wearing flats every day, I’m struggling to wear even reasonable heels for any amount of time, which is a problem since I’m getting married in a couple of months and would like a modest heel. Has anyone been through this and come out on the other side? I’m not ready to resign myself to orthopedic shoes yet!!!

    • Omg go to the doctor! Treat your wound! Start wearing comfort shoes that fit your feet. Lots of non old lady options.

      • +1. Start taking care of your feet now! You are young and do not need to deal with foot problems (and back problems) for decades.

    • You have an open wound and extremely painful shoes and you haven’t gone to a doctor and switched to sneakers? You don’t need advice here. You need to use your common sense. I don’t mean this to be harsh, but you need a bit of a reality check.

      • Not to defend myself entirely, but I JUST got insurance. And I thought it was reasonable to see if things would clear up on their own before dropping hundreds of dollars on a doctor’s visit out of pocket.

        • But you dropped hundreds of dollars on new shoes.

          • Where did she say that? High quality does not necessarily mean hundreds of dollars.

          • Anonymous :

            Anonymous @ 11:05, I am truly interested to know which brands I should look at that would allow me to replace several pairs of shoes with high quality pairs and not spend hundreds of dollars.

        • A single visit to a podiatrist does not cost hundreds of dollars. With insurance, it will likely cost less than $100.

          This is your health. It is more important than spending money on just about anything else.

      • SLOW. CLAP. I came here just to say the same thing but glad that someone beat me to it.

    • Flats aren’t good for walking around a lot – they don’t have enough support.

    • It sounds like your shoes don’t fit and aren’t supportive. You need better shoes. Wearing too-small shoes will give you bunions, if you think that has already happened see a podiatrist.

    • Baconpancakes :

      I have plantar fasciitis and still wear heels sometimes. The PT is in check, although I still don’t wear heels every day because I am also over 30 and it just doesn’t feel great. Commute in extremely supportive shoes that let your feet stretch. You don’t have to go orthopedic – look at Walking Company shoes, and be prepared for sticker shock. “High quality flats” are often still terrible for your feet because they are literally flat on the inside despite being expensive materials- you need space for your feet and if your feet are killing you, probably arch support.

      Find something cute for commuting and invest in some casual shoes. They won’t be sleek. You’ll have to get used to that. Depending on your office formality/style, there are some supportive, low-profile sneakers that look fashiony enough to commute in – look at Vionic and Taos. Otherwise, embrace fashion’s current trend of chunky clog styles and try some Danskos. Ask your fiance for foot rubs and rub your feet over a lacrosse or tennis ball to ease the tension when your feet hurt.

    • As someone who ended up with bunions before age 25, PLEASE go to a doctor. They can see if you have the beginning of bunions and advise what shapes of shoes and levels of support to look for to avoid making them worse. When I went in after years of foot pain, my x-rays had the doctor convinced I had been wearing stiletto heels every day for at least 10 years. This wasn’t the case, I had just been wearing shoes that were too small and narrow for my feet. Now I have permanent bone growths that make it even harder to find shoes that fit well and can’t be resolved without expensive and painful surgery. Go early. Learn what works for your feet and be kind to them.

    • Start being smart about footwear. Wear the correct size, buy higher quality shoes, wear flats, and don’t let wounds fester (literally).

    • This week, before you do the whole doctor route, stop wearing the shoes with the pointy-toes that are rubbing your pinky toe raw.

    • If you have been wearing shoes that are too small, you may not have a good gauge on what shoes are supposed to feel like. It sounds like you are still wearing shoes that do not fit. Shoes that give you open wounds should be tossed. I second the recommendation to go to a doctor. And get some help buying the right shoes for your feet.

    • No Problem :

      All of the above about wearing shoes that fit, but also put some moleskin on that pinky toe! Or on the insides of your shoes where it rubs, whichever works best. And get yourself some friction block to put on other spots that rub.

      FWIW I am always getting blisters or sore spots on certain toes, but it’s not because the shoes are the wrong size or don’t fit. It’s because all of my toes have hammertoes or claw toes, and I have bunions that are squishing them and making them worse. None of these deformities are from wearing the wrong size shoes or high heels or pointy toes – I’ve had all of them since at least my early teens, some as far back as first or second grade. It just runs in the family.

      • pugsnbourbon :

        Came here to mention moleskin! I also have weird-shaped toes (thanks Dad!) and I wrap the worst offenders with a band-aid or sports tape if I wear heels. OP, definitely give your feet a break from whatever shoes are killing you and let your pinkie heal. If you want to wear pointy styles, you may have to go to wide widths.

      • Anonymous :

        You can buy a shoe stretcher with pegs, to stretch out just weird area and make your shoes fit. Nordstrom will do this for free, fyi.

        • pugsnbourbon :

          You can also stretch leather shoes by warming them up with a hair dryer, and then putting them on while also wearing thick socks.

    • lawsuited :

      Go see a podiatrist. They have seen it all and will be able to help you. My podiatrist was pretty understanding of the fact that I wanted to wear non-sensible shoes some of the time, so made some suggestions of what to look for in heeled shoes to make them less harmful to my feet and what to wear the rest of the time to give my feet a break.

    • Also this may sound out of the blue, but try some yoga. It really helped me understand how to “plant” my feet flat where every bit of my toes met the ground, and stretch/wiggle my toes a bit, and feel how comfortable and good that feels! Good to do a bit of barefoot activity like that to really be kind to your feet rather than always encase them in tight containers!
      Also, if you currently wear shoes inside your home, take them off! If you do leisure activities like walking your dog or running to the store, wear slippers or sandals that really give your feet room.

    • Anonymous :

      Agree with many of the other comments, and wanted to add – after your wound heals, try wearing stockings/trouser socks with your flats. The trouser socks that are like sheer stockings but only go up to your knee can be nearly invisible when wearing pants and flats. This may be an old lady move but it has saved me from many blisters. Also, when you get new shoes, put a preemptive band-aid on your little toe if that’s where you usually get blisters. Good luck!

  17. Important question about the Nordstrom sale – GloPro or NuFace?

    • I recommend Kathleen Jennings Beauty blog – she writes these up regularly so search her website. She takes no free gifts and gives very good, honest reviews.

    • I have both, and they do totally different things. If you’re worried more about texture, GloPro, if you’re worried more about puffiness/skin not being as tight/lifted, go with the nuface.

  18. Horse Crazy :

    How do you keep your glasses on while you’re working out? I’ve tried contacts, but they don’t work for me. I do Orangetheory, so I need to be able to see the screens.

    • Have you tried the glasses sports straps? I don’t wear glasses, but this is what I would try.

      • +1 I do wear glasses but I leave them off to work out because they don’t stay on and I don’t do orange theory so I don’t need to read a screen or anything.

        The only other thing I can think of is to try a pair of sports glasses. My sunglasses stay put because they’re designed for running. I’m sure you can buy a pair and have clear prescription lenses put in them. This is an expensive option but if your prescription is stable they should last years and might be worth it.

    • I just push them up my nose constantly when they fall down, which is annoying. Hopefully someone has a creative solution!

    • This is funny. I have glasses and I hate contacts, so I just don’t wear them when I’m at Orangetheory. I can never tell where I am, though, so I always pick the machines very close to the screens. So basically, I will be following this conversation with interest…

      • Not OP but I’ve thought about doing the same, but personally I feel very vulnerable when I can’t see anything. My eyesight is horrible.

        • Horse Crazy :

          OP here – me too! Also, I squint when I’m not wearing them, and I end up with a headache. Not great.

    • A little odd but I found these ear hooks on Amazon that you can attach to your glasses to keep them on. They are removable and might be worth a try.

    • I recently bought two pretty different pairs of glasses and didn’t realize until the fitting that one felt more loose because the stick part that wraps behind the ear was shorter on one pair than the other.. you may need either a pair with a long stick (maybe they are replaceable or interchangeable?) or (I think) a glasses extender type thing, which do appear to exist.

    • I switched to wire/metal frames. The plastic ones, while pretty, didn’t bend behind my ear enough and I got tired of them sliding down. The metal ones tend to have a better ear fit (and can be adjusted more)

    • Could you get some sports frames (Oakleys, Goodrs, whaever) and see if you can get prescription lenses put in them?

    • What about contacts don’t work for you? If it was a dryness or discomfort thing, there are lots of options and you might find some that are better.

      • Horse Crazy :

        My eye doctor had me try 5 different pairs, and none of them made me see better – some of them even worsened my vision, because they rotated in my eye. Also, I had the hardest time putting them in – I almost broke down one morning because I spent an hour trying to put one in. I decided it wasn’t worth it, but that was before I did Orangetheory. The main reason I originally wanted contacts is because I was tired of switching between my prescription sunglasses and prescription regular glasses when I was going inside/outside. But I decided that the trouble I was having with the contacts wasn’t worth it.

        • What do you mean it rotated in your eye? Do you have an astigmatism and specialty contacts that need to be aligned? (My right eye is astigmatic and it just takes a while for it to “settle” into the right alignment. Occasionally, one just won’t and I toss it for another daily-use contact.)

          Or, did you put in it backwards, it bunched up and folded? That just gets better with practice. Stay calm, maybe see a different opthamologist, try daily contacts, and give yourself permission to throw them away and try another lens if the first doesn’t settle properly.

          A good opthamologist will be able to adjust between your glasses and contacts Rx to fix the vision issue. Also, going rapidly back and forth between glasses and contacts gives me an almost vertigo-esque feeling for about 15 minutes. Did you give the contacts time?

          • Horse Crazy :

            Yes, I have an astigmatism, and my eye doctor gave me contacts that are specifically for astigmatism, but they were horrible. My vision was either the same as it was with no glasses, or worse with a couple of the pairs. I didn’t give them time because my vision was unbearable – I never felt comfortable enough with them in to drive. Maybe I need a new eye doctor…

          • givemyregards :

            I would definitely try a new doctor! I have astigmatism in both eyes and also used to hate the weighted contacts, but if your astigmatism isn’t too bad, you can just wear regular contacts, or they also have non-weight contacts that are a bit thicker that partially correct for the astigmatism (I wore these for years). That might be an option if your’e just wearing them for short periods of time, as well. I also think the weighted contacts for astigmatism have improved a lot over the past few years – five years ago I couldn’t stand them at all, but I tried them again this year and they were much more comfortable.

          • Anonymous :

            I would get a new eye doctor. I have an astigmatism and wear contacts every day. Unless it is really bad, I can’t see why that would stop you from wearing contacts.

            For what it’s worth, I developed dry eyes in college and tried about 15 types of contacts before I find one that was very conformable. It doesn’t feel any different than when I have them out. And I still remember the nights spent at my parent’s kitchen counter when I was in 5th grade practicing putting them in – it took my hours!

    • Anonymous :

      I like the orange theory reddit page and somebody asked about this a week or so ago. You might have to scroll through the page a bit, but maybe there’s something helpful in there.

    • Croakies! Or more specifically, their “Terra Spec Adjustable Rope Eyeglass and Sunglass Retainer/Sport Strap. AZN has a pack of 2 for under $14.

  19. Might repost this earlier tomorrow, but any good bridal shower games that aren’t totally cheesy? I’ve been tasked with coming up with something. The host threw out something like a trivia type game. I want it to be short, easy, and not take a lot of coordinating (at the last shower I attended more time I spent calculating points for trivia than on actually playing). Thanks!

    • Hollywood Squares newlywed edition — the groom fills out a quiz beforehand, the bride is asked how he would answer, and then the guests try to decide if they agree with her assessment or not.

    • Not sure if this is cheesy, but at one shower I co-hosted, we did a purse scavenger hunt-type game. That’s probably not the best name for it. Anyway, each table was one team, and the host called out common-ish things that women might have in their purse. We had some obvious and some funny items. It was quick and most of the tables really got into it. We had a small prize for each member of the winning table. Ime, people get bored pretty quickly with games, so short and easy is definitely the way to go.

    • There’s a fairly recent APW post about this. I’d look there!

    • Have pepole introduce themselves, say how they know the bride, and say which song they are looking forward to dancing to at the wedding! Did this at a friend’s shower. Was such a nice, fun way to get to know people. We all laughed so hard when a really ladylike relative said ‘It’s Raining Men’!

    • Shower bingo, to be played while presents are being opened. You can pull some ideas from the registry and do things like “something white” or whatever, or just buy a pack of premade bingo cards. First however many people to get bingo get prizes.

      Be prepared for the older attendees to get a little rowdy. ;)

      • +1 This was a big hit at my sister’s shower and I’ve never seen a group pay such rapt attention to the bride-to-be opening gifts!

    • Don’t play games. Just don’t.

    • lawsuited :

      The clothes peg game allows people to choose the extent to which they want to participate, and doesn’t impede the mingling/eating. It doesn’t require much tallying either – at my bridal shower it was immediately apparent that my little sister had won because she was covered in dozens of clothes pegs.

    • New trend in my circle is to run a random timer. If it dings when your present is opened; you get a small gift. Very low commitment.

      My favorite is: no one says grooms name. You all get a small rubber bracelet (or paper flower pin, or whatever ) upon entry and if someone catches you saying the groom’s name she takes yours. Guest with the most after presents wins. It’s fun after a mimosa allows you to not particularly partake. A middle school aged niece usually wins, which is cute.

    • Horse Crazy :

      My friend did one at her shower where everyone got an index card, and you had to write down a sentence about a memory with you and the bride, but they were supposed to be somewhat vague. Then the bride got all the cards, and she read each one out loud and tried to guess whose memory it was. Some of them were hard for her, and some were obvious. Mine, for example, was “Stealing beer from the hotel party, shoving it in our purses, and making a run for it.” There were 4 of us at the shower who were at that memory, though, so she had to guess which one it was using process of elimination of the other people’s memories.

    • Anonymous :

      Toilet paper bride is pretty cheesy but fun and basically no coordinating. Split into teams, everyone gets a roll of toilet paper, each team picks a bride, create bridal look from TP

  20. I’ve never shopped NAS before so sorry if this is a stupid question. I normally buy a few Lancôme products (concealers and cream). Do these go on any sort of discount at NAS?

    • Anonymous :

      I was just browsing the page and I know I saw some Lancome mascara as part of the sale. Don’t know about concealer or cream specifically, but even if you don’t have the card for early access, you can browse the sale to see what they have / plan your strategy for whenever the site starts working again.

  21. Today in things that make you go ‘huh?’: New to my city and met one of the neighbors. Neighbor is a doctor, so emailed to ask if she had a recommendation for a doctor or clinic for our young children. Her immediate followup question was “Do you want a white doctor?”

    Umm…what??? This is a person with an abundant quantity of signage on her home and vehicle indicating she supports social justice in all its forms. The only thing I can think of is she is aware that we relocated from the midwest, so she must have some sort of bias that leads her to believe we only want to interact with white people?

    This post really doesn’t have a point. Just annoyed and confused. I didn’t realize moving to a large city from the midwest meant I would have to “prove” my inclusiveness.

    • Anonymous :

      I’d probably respond with some version of “Why would you ask me that?” It really is a bizarre question, regardless of the politics of the ask-er or (perhaps falsely presumed) politics of the ask-ee.

      • pugsnbourbon :

        Yeah, that’s so weird I think it might have been a typo or autocorrect problem. I’d ask what she meant.

        • Agreed, this sounds like an autocorrect error to me.

        • It’s nice to look on the positive side / benefit of a doubt, but white doesn’t really autocorrect to woman – there is only one letter in common. I’m sorry OP, this is a red flag moment on this contact.

          • Anonymous :

            I don’t think it’s a good idea to start making assumptions about how autocorrect interacts with people’s texting habits (does the texter use Swype? voice to text? custom settings?). I have no idea if this was a typo or not, but I wish I found the idea that it’s not implausible.

        • Anonymous :

          Definitely not autocorrect. She gave multiple examples of race/genders that we may or may not prefer.

          The whole thing was offensive, which I let her know in my response.

    • Anonymous :

      Maybe she meant “English as a first language” doctor?

    • Anonymous :

      Maybe it was supposed to be “woman” and auto-corrected?

    • Anonymous :

      Non white professional here. A lot of white people want white doctors, lawyers etc. Or they want a white man doctor/lawyer. I honestly have a busy practice and I don’t care. I basically just don’t want clients referred to me who want a white or man or Christian or 40 years of experience professional. It’s a waste of everyone’s time. Like, I don’t need someone coming to see me and then apologizing and saying I’m not what they were looking for and leaving immediately. I would be annoyed if someone gave me a referral like that. Hope this helps.

      • +1 – I’m a WOC. Trust me, more people care than you think. It stinks.

      • Anonymous :

        Yep. Our pediatrician is Asian-American. Most of the other doctors in her practice are white. She said that sometimes when she covers for the other doctors, their patients ask for a white and/or male doctor and refuse to see her.

        • Anonymous :

          The on call doctor who delivered my baby was Indigenous. She was relieved by how happy I was to see her (I wouldn’t have cared who showed up as long as someone got the baby out of me) and had some bad stories about people asking for other doctors when she was on call and there was no one else….

          Look foreward to telling my kid a brilliant young woc brought him into the world.

    • lawsuited :

      Maybe just respond saying “It doesn’t matter to us”?

      • +1 also think it’s fair respond with a horrified “ I hope I didn’t give the impression that we’d discriminate against anyone based on skin color.” But that’s just me, as a white lady in upper middle class trump country who is sick of this nonsense.

      • Honestly, I would stick with “why do you ask” as it allows OP to sniff out whether or not this is someone she wants to be associated with. I have never in my life been asked if I want a specific race or ethnicity of doctor when I asked for a recommendation.

        She didn’t ask about language, cultural preference due to a ethnic or gender sensitivity (ex. Hasidic female doctor for a Hasidic woman), or something that might actually be relevant to your condition (ex. Dermatology – doctors with darker skin often specialize in hyperpigmentation matters more than others). This definitely smells fishy.

      • Anonymous :

        Agreed. My sister is a doctor and she frequently gets patients who have specifically requested a female doctor. The doctor who posed the question is probably used to getting referral that specifically ask for something like this. I would just politely respond that it doesn’t matter to you.

      • Yes, I gave a pretty curt response that racial background should have no bearing on recommending a qualified candidate. I also let her know that I was offended that she thought it would matter to me and suggested that if she had a bias against the midwest, then perhaps she should check that.

        Also, it was definitely not autocorrect. She gave multiple examples of race/genders that we may or may not prefer.

        • Anonymous :

          ergh. look. as someone who does referrals people get really annoyed if you send them less than desirables or clients who aren’t on point.

          I realize you are offended (yay for white people endlessly being offended) but if she had referred you to a black or brown doctor and you had gotten upset that would have hurt her standing with that doctor. Maybe take five minutes and imagine how it feels when a client takes one look at you and says they need a doctor who has a Western education, or who speaks English, or who is Christian etc and then wants to talk to you about it for half an hour before leaving. I’d even rather have a potential client tell me to go back to India and walk out than have to listen to the “I’m not racist but” talk again.

          And to be clear here I was born in North America, I have a White passing last name, I grew up speaking English as a first language, I am Christian and I have no accent. I put up with a lot of this when I was building a practice.

          • Anonymous :

            Genuine question is preferring a doctor with a Western education a racist thing? I think I pay less attention to where they went to med school and more to where they did residency/fellowship, but I didn’t realize this may be prejudicial

          • Anonymous :

            They can’t practice here if they haven’t done a residency here.

          • Anonymous :

            The western thing is racist because if someone takes one look at you and decides you don’t have a western education that is entirely based on your skin colour. Every day you encounter people of colour with western education. And every day you encounter while people with degrees from the Caribbean and Ireland and various for profit international schools. If you care about credentials that’s one thing. If you assume that everyone who is black or brown didn’t go to school in your country that’s racist.

    • I would not interact w/this person. She is exhibiting behavior that is really the closest thing to racism that whites encounter. Assuming that folks from a certain geo area lack sophistication…without evidence to support this. GTFO

      • Anonymous :

        Or maybe you could sit down with your neighbor who you probably want a relationship with and talk to her about her experiences and the causes she cares about and about some work you could do together to address problems that you see in society.

        I mean, that question didn’t come out of the blue. Your neighbor probably has some interesting and informative stories about racism in her profession.

      • I’m not sure she made assumptions about “midwesterners” so much as you’re making assumptions about city dwellers. That is, you’re assuming that this isn’t an issue she’s encountered repeatedly with referrals (which the many doctors and professionals of color who have already commented should demonstrate otherwise). You’re assuming she isn’t exhausted of people being upset with her for not sending them to a white/male/christian/whatever doctor. That she isn’t tired of doctor friends saying “can you ASK if they are ok with a nonwhite doctor before you waste my time?”
        YOu’re assuming the people in the city you’ve moved to aren’t racist. I wouldn’t.

  22. Today I’m attending my first fitness class in YEARS. I am very excited. Bought a couple outfits and sneakers and now just counting down. I am tired and out of shape but so proud for having made that leap after years of promising myself I’d get on the wagon again.

    • Go get’em gurrrrl!!!

    • That’s great! I hope it goes well and that you stay motivated :)

    • Anonymous :

      Great work! I did the same about a year and a half ago and it’s been life-changing. I feel so much better and I’m so happy I took that first step. I hope you will be too :)

    • You are going to rock it! Just remember when you’re inevitably sore that means it’s working, and it gets better after 3-4 classes.

  23. A close friend’s wedding shower is coming up and I cannot attend. She has one of those annoying Zola registries where it’s unclear if she will even get the items on the registry or take the cash, so I won’t be sending a physical gift regardless. Should I still get something off the registry or just send cash? How much is customary for a shower? (Northeast non-NYC if that matters).

    • Anonymous :

      I do $50.

    • Anonymous :

      If I can’t go I don’t send a gift. If they have a Zola registry I buy the gift separately and then mark it purchased onZola.

      • Anonymous :

        Yeah I don’t buy a gift if I don’t attend the shower. But I’ll buy a gift if I don’t attend a wedding.

        My reasoning – you get 1 present to celebrate 1 event. The event is getting married. The shower isn’t celebrating some separate gift-worthy event; it’s just a party for people in attendance to “shower” you with gifts. So if you’re not in attendance then no reason to send a gift.

      • AnotherAnon :

        Minor TJ; I thought it was impolite to not send a gift even if you cannot attend. But the airplane seat etiquette yesterday confused me so maybe I am out of touch.

        • Anonymous :

          LIke the poster above, I treat weddings and showers differently. I don’t send a gift for showers if I can’t go. But etiquette for this probably varies greatly by region and social group. So do what’s considered polite in your group.

        • Lana Del Raygun :

          The rule is “invitations are not invoices” so you’re definitely not expected to send a gift if you’re not going!

    • Anonymous :

      if you’re okay with sending cash anyway, why not just use Zola? I really don’t see how it’s “annoying.” It’s a very convenient way for people to consolidate their registry. I used one, and never opted for the cash instead of the physical gift…

      • Anonymous :

        Seriously. I don’t understand why people are so judgmental and want so much control over giving GIFTS. Do you want to make the recipient happy? Then why do you care so much about the details of how they receive their gift.

        • Anonymous :

          It’s only annoying because there’s no way to have a gift shipped to the gift-giver on Zola, so that makes showers hard because you usually are expected to bring/send a physical, wrapped gift.

    • Just use the registry. That’s what it’s there for. Unless it’s a really close friend, I give $100. For a really close friend up to $600 but then it would be something actually nice like a spa gift. But really depends on your budget as well. No one expects a college student to contribute a $100.

  24. Anonymous :

    So – my dream job came up and I applied. I got an interview (later than some friends of mine did) and some of them have already heard back. I have heard nothing about the job either way. I do know my references were contacted. I think the interview went well.

    I have a 9 AM Monday deadline on something else that I would have to say no to if I accepted this job. The Monday thing isn’t a job but it is something I am interested in for sure and I would hate to lose both opportunities.

    I’ve sent a polite email saying I need to respond to something else (not a job but a position it would conflict with) by Monday and I haven’t heard back. Thoughts?

    • Anonymous :

      I don’t think there is anything else you can do without hurting your chances at this job. They know you have a deadline to decided, and badgering them will not make you look good. You will just have to decide whether you want to risk passing them both up, having to say no to this job, or trying to make them both work.

    • Take the sure thing first.
      You can’t say ‘yes’ later to something you passed on.

    • Senior Attorney :

      I also think you can bow out of the other thing if the job comes through. These things happen and generally people understand.

      • +1 – plan for the life you have, you can always make adjustments as needed as things change.

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