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5/24/24 Update: The Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale has started — see our big sale roundup! Also, sign up for our newsletter to stay on top of all the great sales!
The below content is about the 2018 Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale.
Something on your mind? Chat about it here.
I kept meaning to do another round-up of bags and accessories in the ongoing Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale, but time has gotten away from me, so I'll make this our Weekend Open Thread.
Tons of great stuff (particular notes on brands in the sale after the jump, as well as some particularly lovely flats and pumps all under $100, along with some more splurgey fun bags) — I'll also try to update our other big workwear roundup, although at least check almost everything was still in stock.
Happy Weekend!
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Accessory Brands of Note in the Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale 2018:
- Bags: Lots of Botkier, Claire V., Hobo, LODIS, Longchamp, Marc Jacobs, Rag & Bone, Rebecca Minkoff, Tumi, Tory Burch,
- Shoes: Good numbers of AGL, Aquatalia, Aquazzura, Børn, Cole Haan, Franco Sarto, Halogen, Linea Paolo, Louise et Cie, Marc Fisher, Manolo Blahnik, Naturalizer, Paul Green, Salvatore Ferragamo, Sam Edelman, Trotters, Vince Camuto, and Weitzman
- Jewelry: Bauble Bar, Bony Levy, Gorjana, Michelle, and Nadri,
- Beauty: Lots of Ahava and M.A.C.
Flats Under $100
![](https://corporette.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/nordstrom-half-yearly-sale-2018-flats-under-100-1.jpg)
Pictured above, $47-$89 (* come in lots of colors): rose* / black / purple* / brown
Pumps Under $100
![](https://corporette.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/nordstrom-half-yearly-sale-2018-pumps-under-100.jpg)
Pictured: $59-$99 (lots of colors in most): rosette* / black / black* / red*
Not pictured but also lovely: strappy ($83), strappy ($146), pump with cutouts ($221)
Stylish Bags in the Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale
![](https://corporette.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/nordstrom-half-yearly-sale-2018-bags-in-the-sale.jpg)
Pictured above, $113-$320: pink* / black tote* / convertible crossbody* / orange*
What have you found that's great in the sale this year, ladies?
Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon
If you hated your job of 3 years but knew you only would have to be there for 1 more year because a) you and your partner were moving a year from now and b) you were starting grad school next fall….would you stick it out for 1 more year or look for a new job that you were happier with, knowing you would only be there for a year?
Betterandbetter
How badly do you need the money? If you could realistically swing it financially without your salary I would look for another resume building experience where the expectation isn’t that you stay long term. If you can’t then I wouldn’t change jobs unless I meant to work a couple side hustle type gigs. Caveat for if it’s really affecting your health. Then yes leave post haste unless the resulting financial strain will be worse than the job hating.
Anon
We need the money so it would just be a lateral move to a place that hopefully sucks less
givemyregards
I’m all for leaving jobs, but I think in this case I would stay. Since you’ll be going to grad school and (depending on the field) either doing internships or new jobs in that field that might have you promoting/moving around, I would keep this job as a solid base of work experience. Plus, it takes a year to get to know a job in the first place, so even if the job is better, all you’re going to experience is the sort of stressful ramp up period. Plus, even if you start looking now, it can take so long to find something that it really won’t be worth it. But ditto to what betterandbetter said about this going out the window if it’s seriously affecting your health.
Ellen
If I had my choice, I would quit. Working where you are NOT valued is FOOEY! I had that where I served supeenies. The men there used me for my boobies and tuchus, which they would NOT hesitate to grab as I walked through the office. DOUBEL FOOEY on them b/c they were NOT my boyfreind, so they had no license to do any of that.
K
I would keep it unless I was having health issues from the job being so stressful.
Anonymous
I was in a situation where my stressful job was making me sick. I leaned way out and started taking classes at night. The distraction was very helpful in reminding myself that I wasn’t going to be there for much longer. I did still occasionally apply to dream jobs as they were posted but job hunting was not my focus.
Anonymous
Keep it. Finding a new job could take months, and then you have a short stint on your resume.
Anonymous
I would stay, but lean the h*ll out. Do the bare minimum, focus on your physical and mental health, don’t stress out if you get poor reviews, etc. because you’re not going to be there for much longer. (Assuming you have positive references from other jobs – if you need your boss at this job to be a reference then I guess this probably isn’t a great idea).
Coach Laura
I’m going to go against the flow and say to look for an opportunity: If you find the perfect one and they are ok with you being there for only 9 months, then take it. There are positions that are short term like that – maybe replacing someone on sabbatical or maternity leave, for a time-limited project or program or to handle a temporary increase in volume.
Anonymous
When I’ve been in your shoes, I’ve found that giving myself *permission* to look for a new job and send out resumes is sometimes almost as good mentally as actually finding a new job. It’s the hope. And just because you may get an interview doesn’t mean you have to a) go on it or b) accept the job if they even offer it to you.
Anonymous
Look for something new! You may find a job that you love that will allow you work part time while going to grad school. Or maybe find a job that will pay for grad school! Those do exist! You may find a job that will have a location wherever you are moving or that will allow you to work remotely. Just see what’s out there.
Lights!
This may be a silly question but can anyone with one of those giant arc floor lamps comment: how stable are they?
We have no ceiling lights in our living room and I was thinking of getting one of these because our current set up of table lamps and one straight floor lamps doesn’t create good light but we have two small kids and I’m wondering if this is a recipe for disaster. But maybe they are designed to be sturdier than they seem?
Other lighting ideas welcome. Also, does anyone know how much it would just cost for an electrician to put in some recessed lighting? Thanks!
Anonymous
They have a weighted base, so they won’t tip over or anything unless someone tries to do chin ups on the arc or something like that.
BabyAssociate
I have one for the same reason, no overhead lighting. It has a huge marble base and is essentially unmovable.
Anon
In order to get a stable one, you can’t cheap out. In my experience the cheap ones aren’t weighted well and can be tipped over easily.
Anokha
We have an arc lamp from CB2 and it’s been pretty stable (despite our toddler’s best attempts to climb it). It wobbles, but has yet to fall over.
Anonymous
I have the target one. It’s much smaller, but very stable.
Anonymous
You can do a plug in pendant lights with a cord, and just hang the cord from a hook (or hooks) in the ceiling.
https://www.lampsplus.com/products/pendant-lighting/type_plug@in/
Aunt Jamesina
I have one with a marble base, and it’s very stable. You’d have to basically hang from the end of the lamp to get it to tip. But it was purchased on Amazon about 6 years ago and isn’t for sale any more.
Never too many shoes...
Here in Toronto, the going rate from an electrician is about $150 per potlight. But it solved your lighting issues forever…
Anonymous
I’ve just got a slew of mosquito bites — and they’re driving me nuts. Have you found any drugstore salves that work well for toning down the itch?
Anon
Afterbite
givemyregards
+1
Anon
Another +1. Anecdotally, I’ve also found that taking an epsom salt bath takes the sting out of mosquito bites and they seem to shrink and heal up faster.
Anonymous
Benedryl usually makes a topical cream or gel that works. The gel has worked better than the cream for me, but I struggle to find it.
Signed – Mosquito buffet.
Anon
Caladryl
K
TBH I just put a band aid over them and that seems to be enough to keep me from scratching most of the time. Benadryl has a bunch of sprays/lotions/gels that have worked pretty well for me too.
Cookbooks
Aveeno 1% hydrocortisone anti-itch cream.
Anonymous
My favorite remedy is an ice cube pressed up against the bite.
ToS
One old-school trick is to put the stung area under hot water, like as hot as you can stand (shower head, or even work sink, until you feel the histamines release, and you should have a break from the itchiness. For me it’s over an hour, though YMMV
Anonymous
You can also do this by heating a spoon (hold it under the hot water) and then hold that against the bite.
Anonymous
What does that feel like??
nutella
The fast way to this is with the hair dryer! Hover the dryer over the bite for as long as you can stand the heat (like 3-5 seconds) and do it maybe 2 or 3 times. It somehow dries up the stickiness that makes the bite itchy. Caveat is that this will make them bright red, so do so at your own discretion.
Flats Only
Gold Bond Medicated Powder. Not sure why this works, but it saved me from poison ivy agony.
Veronica Mars
Get a plug in chandelier and drill a hole in the ceiling for a hook. You can run the cord across the ceiling and down the wall (hidden by mirror or curtains). Kid friendly and the cheapest option. PB kids/teen has a few nuetral plug in options or look to World Market.
Full of ideas
Ikea has these, also they have cord hiders that you can paint
Best carry-on?
Talk to me about your favorite carry-on suitcases. I’m finding that mine, which was fine as recently as 2-3 years ago, is now regularly being checked at the gate #annoying
So I need to downsize a bit. Is the Away one worth the hype? What else would you recommend for $200 or less? And is hard shell really better, or does it just LOOK better?
Anon
Following as the same has been happening to me recently! I think they may have changed the size requirement because my suitcase was sold as airline size compliant and I never had any issues until now. Now it won’t fit in that thing at the gate even if it were completely empty.
Anonymous
Is it checked due to congestion or because they say it’s too large?
Anonymous
The last time I needed a new one, I just went to TJ Maxx with a tape measure in hand and the measurements from the strictest airline I fly regularly. (I think it was American. Southwest is one of the more chill domestic airlines – no surprise.)
LAJen
I just went through this process. I did not find the Away back worth it because a) you can buy packing cubes which I think do a better job of compression and organization; b) you can get a much less expensive and better sized/shaped battery for charging whatever you want/don’t really need it attached to your carry-on, especially now that you have to remove those batteries if your bag ends up checked; c) the Away does not expand at all, so if you shop during a trip and want to check on the way home, you have zero additional space; and d) the Away is shockingly shallow because of how much space the structure of the bag takes up.
I’m a major fan of Delsey bags, but nearly every single carry-on I tried from every brand was actually too big for the airline mandated measurements for carry-ons, including (to my chagrin) almost all Delseys. I ended up with the Samsonite 21″ Freeform spinner (link to follow), which did a great job of fitting the airline’s carry-on limits and also fitting an absurd amount in it when used with eBags ultralight packing cubes (enough for multiple outfit changes a day, 4 pairs of shoes, three purses, and more for a 5-day trip). I just got back from the first trip with it, and it held up perfectly, no nicks or anything even when I gate checked it by choice on the way back. Not sure how it will be over time.
Anonymous
Link: https://www.amazon.com/Samsonite-Freeform-Hardside-Spinner-Black/dp/B01M0LQOIL?th=1
LAJen
*bag (not enough coffee today)
Anon
I bought the Delsey Helium Shadow 3.0 ‑ 19″ International Carry-On Expandable Spinner on recommendation from here. It was not checked on 4 different international flights recently, where the carry-on restrictions are even smaller than domestic (in the U.S.)
BigLaw Sr Assoc
Yeah, if you get an “international” size carry on, you should be fine on all U.S. flights. I have had a Tumi Vapor hard side case for over 5 years. Can easily pack for a week in it, and have done up to 3 weeks.
For your price range, I’d checkout travelpro. I have one of their checked bags I used for longer/international trips with very low weight limits for carry-ons, and it is great.
Anon
Last fall I was in the market for a bag and looked hard at Tumi, but I know it’s being produced by Samsonite now and the quality is decreasing. I ended up throwing up my hands and purchased the cheapie 20″ Kenneth Cole Reaction Renegade suitcase. I don’t totally trust the zipper, but I actually quite like the bag – it’s expandable and has great interior pockets, compression and organization. I’ve flown with it twice to Europe and a few times domestic and it’s held up so far. It’s actual measurements are slightly larger than international standards but I’ve never been checked, even on normal inter-European flights on carriers like Norwegian/KLM/SAS.
I’ve done a little research and will probably overcompensate and splurge on Victorinox, Briggs & Riley or Hartmann next time, but for now I’m totally sold on hard-side and I’m going to use the cheapie until it gives out.
Scarlett
I love my Away bag. I have their smallest one and haven’t run into issues since the battery pops out. I find the compression system lets me pack way more than cubes ever did and I can go for about a week with their carryon. I really like the charging feature too.
Minnie Beebe
Not under $200 (well over, though not into Tumi territory), but I recently bought a Briggs & Riley international carryon, which has a compression system, both straps and a racheting system. This bag is amazing! You raise the sides up all the way, pack your things, zip the internal straps, zip the outside, and then push down on the sides to compress the bag down. It’s maybe not the best if you’re trying to avoid wrinkles, but it does have a dress/suit insert and I find that my dresses don’t get too wrinkled.
I generally wear seasonless wool stuff for work travel, and unpacking as son as I arrive, and hanging things in the bathroom while running a hot shower works to remove most of the wrinkles.
The international size is a bit narrower than domestic size (DH has the domestic size bag) so if you’ve got particularly wide shoulders, the dress insert might not quite work. But for me, it’s great.
Anonymous
I LOVE my Briggs and Riley carry-ons.
I just wish they made a slim model that would work for the small crj jets.
Anonymous
How much did you vacation growing up? In my mid 30s now and it seems like every friend, colleague etc is always on vacation, planning the next one, or returning from one. Occurs to me that I’m not particularly used to that bc we like never went on vacation growing up. Immigrant parents but middle class – but saving and work was #1, not making memories. We took 2-3 trips back to their home country, which obviously had to be expensive flights around the world, and a few driving trips and that’s it. Am I the only one who grew up like this??
Anonymous
No. My husband is not from an immigrant family and they took maybe 3 vacations. Now we take a vacation every year, but it isn’t the big international trips that a lot of our friends take (because we probably stockpile more into our savings/retirement than they do).
Anonymous
Well, I grew up upper-middle class. I was really fortunate to go on summer vacations every year with my family. But compared to my friends at prep school, that was nothing.
As an adult with a lower income than my parents made around the same age, going on a proper holiday (like, going on an airplane somewhere and staying in a hotel) is not something that happens very often. Luckily I’m happy with staycations since I’m pretty much a homebody anyway. My friends travel way more than me so I know how you feel. I just don’t have the money. I could save up for a big trip but I really like to buy shoes and clothes.
Anonymous
We sometimes went to the beach, not even every other year, either 2-3 hours drive to the Jersey shore or a 10ish hour drive to the Carolinas. I think some of my friends took a regular summer beach trip for a week, but not everyone. I think travel in general is more popular now. I travel a lot internationally now, but that’s because when I have kids I’m not planning to take them on these kinds of trips with me.
Blonde Lawyer
Growing up we had a yearly one week vacation to a hotel on the beach an hour away from our house, except for the one year, when I was 7, that we went to Disney.
Anonymous
Nope. Me too. We went on three vacations that I remember in my entire childhood: the San Diego zoo, the Biltmore, and Puerto Rico. And these were all weekend trips, not weeklong, IG-worthy things. If we needed a vacation any other time, we drove to my grandparents.
Now my husband and I will take a couple 3-4 day trips throughout the year (skiing in Vermont, New Orleans in the spring, etc), but they’re not extravagant by any means (borrow a friend’s condo for free, saw a crazy-good airfare deal, etc).
east coaster
Working class family growing up — my parents took us on a vacation for a week every 4-5 years, but never an international trip. A couple beach trips, a couple mountain trips.
Now I try to travel abroad 1-2 times per year (cheap flights & airbnb make it affordable for a professional with no kids, so I can still max out my retirement accounts). But I doubt I’ll be able to keep this up if I have a kid or two (having to pick kid-friendly destinations makes it a little less appealing, so I’d probably not bother… why not just go somewhere cheaper that doesn’t require taking a kid on a long flight)
Anonymous
My husband’s family rarely took vacations and when they did they were road trips to go camping. He didn’t leave North America until he was in graduate school.
My family traveled a lot, usually one international vacation every 3-4 years and in the years we didn’t leave the US we would still do something fairly expensive like flying to California or Hawaii from the Midwest. Plus we flew to visit my mom’s parents every year (I think they paid for it though, I’m not 100% sure). But it was definitely not the norm in my Midwest public school. I had been to Australia once and Europe maybe 3 or 4 times by the time I started high school, but I was pretty much the only person I knew who had been either of those places. Most of my classmates took regular family vacations but they were road trips to visit relatives within the continental US or maybe an occasional (like once every 5-10 years) trip to Disneyworld or Caribbean cruise.
Anonymous
Annual vacation = 12 hour car trip (no A/C, no radio/ black plastic seats) to rural area in SEUS where my parents are both from, sleeping on grandma’s extra queen bed (with a canopy!) or pull-out couch. It was nothing but awesome b/c I got to be on an actual farm with my cousins and “drive” tractors (steering while my grandfather drove). They had a metal roof and thunderstorms were absolutely wild.
Cookbooks
We went maybe every other year or so. My parents are from India, so they liked to save up as many vacation days as possible and then go to India for several weeks every few summers. I never considered these vacations, per se, as a kid, since it was mainly just visiting a lot of family.
Lana Del Raygun
Every summer we did a week camping in the state park and roughly a week visiting family in Canada, both by car, and then basically didn’t travel otherwise (apart from moving) unless it was for a family event like a wedding.
Lana Del Raygun
This was in a (non-immigrant) academic family, fwiw, so not a lot of money to throw around but also not working class, since it sounds like that’s part of what you’re interested in.
Anonymous
+1
My parents were both professionals and from very modest/poor backgrounds. We went camping and places within driving distance only. Once a year at Christmas we would drive 2 days (each way) to spend 7-10 days with relatives and that’s it. I don’t think we ever took a family vacation that involved an airplane.
Anonymous
I’m on only child of a single mom. She really prioritized travel when I was growing up. We went to St. Barths, Ecuador and France before I was 6, then after that we started going to Mexico pretty much every year (a mix of beaches but mostly cities — we didn’t stay in fancy places but weren’t slumming it either). We also rented a house at the Jersey Shore for a week for a few-year stretch. And we visited my cousins in CA three-ish times, and went to Disneyland each time.
On the flip side, I never had one of those traditional camping or road trip vacations where you go to a national park.
As an adult, I’m averaging one big international trip every other year, with a bunch of smaller trips in between (usually domestic but occasionally Caribbean or Mexico). We’re expecting our fist kid, and I’m a little sad that travel will become harder/more expensive.
cat socks
When I was in elementary and middle school my vacation consisted of going to India for a couple of months during the summer. Once I was in high school we took some bigger vacations – Hawaii, Disney World, San Diego. But we never went on vacations over spring break or during the holidays.
Bluestocking
I grew up solidly middle class with first-generation professional parents in a rural LCOL area in the Northeast. We took a 1-week trip to the beach almost every summer. As I got into my teens and my parents paid off their mortgage, we started taking an additional trip most summers, usually a long weekend to a national park or somewhere semi-educational like Washington D.C. We always drove and our most common beach destination was 4.5 hours away. We never went further than a 10-hour drive, except the few times we combined our beach trip with visiting extended family in Florida.
Anonymous
Grew up middle class, but with parents who always reached for more house and education (their own loans and then their children’s) than they could really afford. So that was where the money went, and it’s hard to judge them for those values.
There was one trip to Disney when I was about five. Otherwise, I was only in a hotel when we moved from state to state or drove Older Sibling to college.
“Vacation” meant a day trip to the beach. Other than that one time at Disney (which I don’t really remember) I simply didn’t have those “family vacations” that sometimes seem to be a ubiquitous cultural touchstone.
I did a few years ago go to Aracadia National Park with my parents. My dad got out of the car to pay, only to be told that as he was a senior citizen his car was free. He got back into the car and said that he’d never been able to take his kids to a place like this when he was young and couldn’t afford it, and now that he could afford to pay they didn’t want his money.
And now I’m sad.
Anonymous
Huh? A week’s admission to Acadia (not Arcadia) is $25 for a car. Not exactly something you have to be wealthy to afford… Maybe he couldn’t afford the gas and hotels to take his family on a trip there, but that doesn’t really have anything to do with the park offering senior discounts. And fwiw seniors aren’t free at National Parks although they can purchase a lifetime pass for less than $100, which is a very good deal.
Anonymous
[deleted]
Anon
Um, your comment is way nastier than the one you’re replying to. Correcting her misspelling might be a little condescending or unnecessary because it’s clear what the OP meant, but it’s not “needlessly cruel.”
Anon.
Get help.
Anonymous
Well I was a single parent, and I took my kiddo out camping as our way of getting around and seeing the region. Good to know that your dad was at least interested in that for his family. I was young enough as a parent to tolerate tent camping. Other varieties (pop-ups, etc) were beyond my budget.
I hope you let your Dad know that you appreciate what your parents did. And made a fine joke about helping him spend his money on other forms of joy. People believe all sorts of things. I offered to bring my mom with me to a conference with the youngest kids, and she spent a week trying to convince me that the crime in LA was t e r r i b l e. (We were Santa Monica/Malibu/Pepperdine) She went and ultimately had a blast. Couldn’t believe Getty was free. Had a lovely time with her grandsons exploring the piers and beach…so keep going out with your parents. We have all sorts of “different times” and can make the most of “now”. Both of my parents knew lean times in their childhood and were extraordinarily frugal raising us, so part of her protest was being uncomfortable with not-visiting-family as a vacation construct.
pugsnbourbon
I have a relatively large immediate family, so flying vacations were out of the question. When we were able, we’d drive to Florida (19 hours!) to spend time with my dad’s family and go to the beach. We stayed with relatives for part of those trips, so we could afford to go to the parks.
As an adult, I am astonished that my parents were willing to put themselves through so much so that we could go on vacation, and that my relatives were so generous to let us stay with them. We did those trips maybe 8 times in my childhood, and I remember them very fondly.
Anonymous
We “vacationed” almost exclusively to see family, especially when us kids were <8 years old. One set of grandparents was a 9 hour car trip away that we did at least once a year, but usually twice. My stay at home mom and the kids would stay with the grandparents for at least a week, but sometimes two or three, while my dad returned earlier. Other family members we would go for a week every couple of years. We took 4 major vacations, twice we spent a week at Disney and twice we did a camping road trip for two weeks at a time. My dad lost his job when I was 16, otherwise, we probably would have gone on 1 or 2 more vacation vacations due to not having as much family to visit and increased financial ability.
My dad and I had a conversation recently about this, his family never went on vacation unless it was to see family. He grew up poor, not poverty line poor, but still poor. I grew up upper middle class. I vacation a lot more than they did (something every year, and aim for a bigger/out of country trip every 2-3 years) but I also value traveling much more than they do.
Baconpancakes
We traveled a lot, which was fantastic, but they weren’t called vacations. When we lived in Japan we went sightseeing at least one weekend out of a month, same in Spain, but we traveled and camped on “trips” and not vacations. The difference wasn’t just semantic – you were expected to learn and experience, to become a better person, not to enjoy yourself and relax, the way my SO’s family vacations. My mother grew up very blue collar Midwestern, so her attitudes were strongly informed by that, even once she was an officer in the military as had the resources to do things like go on vacations.
Once we were back in the States, all of our trips were to spend time with family. I have seen depressingly little of the United States, despite the privilege of a lot of world travel. The idea of taking a week to go do something fun was unheard of.
Anonymous
Our vacations were visiting family in other states. All road trips. Stayed with family, and the people and novelty were fun. We were in rural Texas (driving from MD in a large station wagon) and my other grandparents had a house that I now know was close to the Outer Banks, but since we we’re driving, often the closest we would get is driving along a few miles to check the crab pots. We might get to a beach once during the week if it was summer. There were 5 of us and my parents paid for Catholic school, so there were a fair number of peers that did the same. We were teenagers when we figured out this place called Ocean City. We actually got there when we could drive.
I’m old enough now that my grown child has a house in Colorado Springs, and I’m like YAY!!!! But yeah, I vacationed with my kids – more camping than anything with hotels, and I’m quietly stocking Disney passes for something big later.
BigLaw Sr Assoc
My family was really poor so we never went on vacations. The only long trip I remember is when we drove to Mexico for my grandmother’s funeral.
However, I go on numerous vacations a year now. I feel like there is some judgment here for people who do that, but it is the only thing that makes my crappy job (and my husband’s crappy job) tolerable.
Anonymous
Do your friends have kids yet? I have a lot of friends who traveled a ton before kids (like at least 1 international trip a year), and most only take trips to visit family or maybe a weekend at the beach once they have kids. So, maybe it’s not so much a change in life style, but that you are comparing different stages of life.
Walnut
In the “good years” we’d drive to a regional tourist destination about six hours from our house for 2 or 3 days (including the drive). These trips were driven by a surprise rain storm that would allow us to leave the farm for a few days.
There were a series of years when I was in junior high or so that family vacation was a day trip to the county fair. Those were some of the best years because all my friends were just as broke and were at the fair as well. Those were some pretty hoppin’ years at the county fair.
Anonymous
That sounds very nice and wholesome!
Walnut
Oh, don’t worry. We found ways to have lots of fun that would not have garnered parental approval.
Anonymous
I notice the same thing with my neighbors and colleagues. I often take it as humblebragging, which shows you how foreign vacations are to me. Like other posters I remember maybe two in my childhood. My parents don’t handle unusual situations or spontaneity well so it was more stressful than anything else.
I thought I would be better about it as an adult, and I’m adventurous, but dealing with TSA and the lines makes it so not fun.
Anonymous
I was just discussing this with my parents. (Depending how long ago you grew up, probably), flights are comparatively much cheaper than 30+ years ago. But it also of course just depends on people’s disposable income and spending preferences. My parents are what I would describe as upper middle class now but not when I was little. We typically took a one week trip to visit my grandparents out of state each year, paid for at least in part by my grandparents, and a similar trip every other year to visit my other grandma (who also visited us more often). We sometimes took a weekend trip to the nearby beach. When I was older we also took a yearly trip to an in state mountain resort area, but couldn’t afford it when I was little. We took about 3 international trips that were tied to my dad’s work.
anonypotamus
I wonder if some of this too is a side effect of exposure to more details through social media – when I was growing up, I knew what my family did for vacation (approx 4 day trip driving to the coast and staying in a tiny motel) but could not have told you what other families did for vacation. I think we just didn’t have as much exposure to how other people were spending their time/money. I might have noticed if kids in my class were gone from school or came back talking about Disneyland/a cruise. Some too might be exposure bias (highlight reel) syndrome. I certainly don’t post a lot or talk about work, because I don’t find that very interesting to share, but will post more pictures when I am doing fun things, which for me means travel (or at least staycations exploring where I live). This is prompting me to actively start plotting my next getaway though…
CountC
I grew up solidly middle to upper class. We went on a few vacations when I was young, but once we moved when I was 7 never again. My parents don’t really travel. My dad goes back to England once every 10 years, if that? My mom flew to see my sister once.
That said, I went to horse sleepaway camp for a month every summer, so it wasn’t like I was deprived! I do one big trip a year now, but I didn’t start that until around 33 years old.
Anonymous
Grew up upper middle class, possibly lower upper class? We went on a trip pretty much every school break always. Lots of European vacations, lots of ski trips, a few beach trips to Mexico and the Outerbanks here and there. Thought I’d chime in because I actually didn’t love it. There were a few trips where I just flat out wanted to stay home and I got left behind with my grandparents. I had a lot of anxiety as a child and just wanted a week off to relax at home. A trip to a state park/camping sounds delightful and I wish I’d done that instead. (I know, I’m ridiculous).
EM84
Non-US perspective:
My parents could not travel internationally until their mid-30s – it was 1970-1980 and to getting out of the Eastern Block was rare and even if you could gret the permission, the cost in the West were beyond the means of average working class people. So until 1990, they travelled mostly around their country and closeby states and later took me on those trips. Unforgettable moments, I am lucky to know my homeland that well.
Come 1995, several years after the fall of Berlin Wall, and everyone was hungry to discover the world beyond the Wall. My parents prioritized saving up for travel and every year, we took an organized bus & camp trip to European countries, mixing beaches and sightseeing. And usually we managed to do a second trip to visit our extended family in (prior Western) Germany. In hindsight, I have no idea how they managed to finance this on their modest salaries, but we lived a simple life otherwise All these trips probably formed me as an adult and I travel (lot more) each year. For me, travel is a way to discover a nee country, their piece of history, their culture, and also to be mindful of diversity and appreciate the fact that not always your opinion or your way of doing something is the universal or right one.
I usually get to make one longer discovery trip (go out for 1month to Vietnam, Mexico, New Zealand etc) every 2 years (accruing and combining holiday from 2years) and several (5?) shorter trips (week-long trips to different regions of Italy, Spain, the UK, city breaks) every week – all thanks to cheap flights,being located in Europe (all European destinations within 2.5h flight range), AirBnB and prioritizing travel before other hobbies.
I plan to bring my parents on a trip with me, just to continue the tradition of discovering the world together, but was not able to do so yet (they had health issues preventing the from extensive travel).
My sister took travelling to an even higher level and toured around the Americas for 3 years, so it surely had a profound impact on us.
Anonymous
Our family never went on vacation. Visited Florida once before we moved to Florida. Went to Disney once. First time on a plane was at age 19. My son has been traveling with us all over the country since he was 3 months old. We both travel for our jobs so we squeeze in extra days and take advantage of the hotels. We also think traveling is a priority as opposed to getting newer cars, for example.
Anonymous
We went to our summer house every summer but did not do much travelling otherwise.
Cat
One two-week beach vacation each year, plus driving trips to visit each set of grandparents. I vacation WAY more as a 30-something than my parents did… one of the joys of the DINK life!
Anonymous
I mean, I think this is more about how much money you make and how much you prioritize vacations than about being DINKs… I also vacation way more than my parents ever did and I have two small kids. We can afford it and we like to travel and yeah travel with little kids can be stressful but it’s also incredibly rewarding imo.
Charitable giving
Any recommendations for donor advised fund providers? And any comments on if they’re worthwhile if you’re not mega-wealthy/don’t need to time tax deductions?
I’m looking into using one primarily because I want to give appreciated securities to charities, and it’s proving to be logistically not so simple. It seems easier to give all the securities at once to a donor advised fund, and then have the fund write checks to charities (some of which are on the small side).
Anonymous
Fidelity. We did exactly what you want to do. We are not mega wealthy, but as you know, doing this makes a ton of sense tax wise regardless.
MNF
Local community foundations will probably have options for this as well.
Pen and Pencil
I can only comment from the non-profit side of things, Fidelity is easy to work with. Honestly getting securities from a donor is almost always minor nightmare unless they have a private banker/lawyer/someone who does this regularly/donor-advised fund doing it for them.
Rainbow Hair
Hey smart ladies. I’d love to hear your strategies in terms of tone/communication with people who don’t take you seriously. I’m dealing with things like, Joe poses a legal question to me, because my job is to answer those questions for him. He doesn’t like my answer, so he says, “Well, Paul said he thought it was fine. You know, he has a law degree. Maybe you can talk to him?” Paul is not (a) Joe’s lawyer, (b) Joe’s employer’s lawyer, (c) a practicing lawyer, or (d) the person who gets to make this call. But Paul is otherwise important so I can’t just tell him to go scratch. So then I have to get into this conversation with Paul, being polite even though humoring him about this is the last thing I want to do, and ARGH…
I don’t know…. this question has got away from me a bit. I guess I’m currently debating between the jovial, we-are-all-bros approach “sorry to be the killjoy lawyer again, but [legal conclusion]” and the colder “per my email below, [legal conclusion].” (In my less fine moments, I go with, “Joe, I’ve let you know that [legal conclusion]. I understand that you don’t like that, but I can’t change what it is. If you’re apprised of the risks and still want to go for it, that’s your call. But I am not going to tell you it isn’t [legal conclusion] because it is.”)
Anonymous
Do you have reason to believe this is personal? It sounds more like his personality is ‘dude who’s “aw, man, really?” just checking’ than questioning your expertise. I think I’d keep on with any of the approaches you’re using now (they all sound good), so just go with whatever fits your mood and the situation.
Rainbow Hair
Hmm I’m not sure it is personal, true. I think it’s more just that he’d much rather do what Paul, his buddy who agrees with him and has lots in common with him, says is OK. But it does result in him not… well, maybe “not taking me seriously” is overstating it, but “not taking my answer the first time.”
Lana Del Raygun
I would go with the “killjoy lawyer” approach, because it seems more likely to preserve a friendly relationship and also because it sounds like your job is actually to kill his joy (aka delusions) so that’s not a bad rap to have.
Blueberries
Do you know why Paul thinks it’s ok and can you just address that point? Something like, I checked with Paul, who thought it was ok because [general legal principle from law school], however because of [specific statute on point], I have to continue to advise [original advice]. The current state of the law is quite clear on this point, so I don’t see a good argument that [other thing] is permissible.
Anonymous
+1
Rainbow Hair
OH this is interesting. I wonder if there’s a way I can engage with Paul’s reasons rather than just his conclusions… I wonder if I can get Paul to articulate coherent reasons (Paul’s tone shows that he thinks I’m dumb for disagreeing with him, of course).
Ellen
I know a guy named Paul, and I wonder if he is the same doufus you are referring to here. The Judge has a law clerk, who’s freind is named Paul, and he is CONSTANTLY asking the judge’s law clerk if I am available to “date”, the clerk says it means am I available “emotionally”, but it really means will I have s-x if he takes me out to dinner! I tell him no, going out to dinner should not give him license to pull his pants down (or mine, for that matter). So the clerk tells the Judge and Paul and Paul then tells the clerk and the Judge that I am emotionally immature! Can you imagine? How dumb does he think I am that I somehow would have s-x with him if he takes me out to dinner? I have never even been formally introduced to him — I met him once when I was returning a book to the Judge’s chambers and he was sitting there. He IS a lawyer, like the Judge and his law clerk, but why should that make any difference? I do NOT have s-x with any man just b/c he takes me to dinner! FOOEY! I do NOT like him somehow getting the Judge in the middle of my s-x life by bringing this up with him. I think it is a breech of ethics for the Judge to be forced to think of me as other then an attorney at law, in the courtroom, not the bedroom with a schlub like Paul. FOOEY!
Anon in NYC
Hmmm… how is Paul connected to Joe? If he is not Joe’s personal lawyer, or Joe’s employer’s lawyer, or a practicing lawyer, or someone who has any authority whatsoever about this legal claim, do you actually have to speak with Paul about legal strategy?
My natural inclination would be your example of your less fine moment, so there’s that. But I guess if Joe is willing to pay the bills for you to run down a sketchy legal theory that Paul has floated, I’d do some research and send an email to him outlining all of the reasons why what Paul suggested is not the best course of action. And be very clear in your email, “Joe, you said that you wanted me to run down X. I’ve researched X and do not recommend this as a course of action. Per my email on Y date, I continue to think that Z is the correct legal conclusion.”
Torin
Ugh, this happens to me all the time. It annoys the piss out of me, and I don’t have a good one-size-fits-all strategy for dealing with it. I have recently started trying, “You can certainly ask him, he might see something I don’t. Tell him to come talk to me if he does.” Make _him_ go talk to Paul.
Anonymous
Thanks for asking this – it happens in many contexts.
Anonymous
I think you’re taking this way too seriously. Do your job.
Rainbow Hair
Tell me more? Like, which part am I taking too seriously? I am definitely trying to do my job, and the whole problem is that I run up against people who would prefer that I didn’t do my job?
Anonymous
I think I understand what 7:35 was trying to say. i”m not a lawyer, but I’ve had some jobs where i was the one saying that no, the IRS wouldn’t let us do that. NO, we can’t do that, either. No…no…no… I was annoyed and frustrated when people wouldn’t listen to me, when i merely had our best interests in mind.
Now, my jobs are on the other side. I’m the one who just wants to get on with it and do the thing, and i have nitpicking rule-keepers around me saying, No, we can’t do that. I want to come back with, Of course we can– lighten up. I’d be the one now saying, Paul said we could.
It’s not that they’re not taking you seriously, it’s that your role as the nitpicking rule-keeper isn’t one they want to deal with. Yes, these people DO prefer that you don’t do your job. So of course do what you were hired to do, but you can’t make people WANT to have you doing it, and you can’t force them to listen to you if they are determined not to.
Anonymous
This is my third attempt to post this – seriously annoying.
Guys. I’m miserable. I’m 14 weeks along and nothing fits. I’m up 4 pounds but feel like it’s 20. And it’s starting to get hot here. I’m in big law and don’t plan on announcing for another 2 weeks (is that overly optimistic?)
I need some cool (temperature-wise), kinda loose, but still biz casual appropriate dresses to get me through the next couple months. I’m desperate. Any suggestions appreciated!
Anonymous
Check out J.Jill. And bonus, everything is machine washable (great for after baby). Not everything they sell is work-appropriate, but many more things than you’d expect are.
grapefruit
+1 I’ve had good luck with ponte pants from jjill lately, which is a new store for me bc I couldn’t find ish from my normal stores.
AIMS
Along the same lines is Eileen Fisher ($$ but can be found on sale) and lots of stuff from Garnet Hill.
Anonymous
Look at Boden’s knits dresses. Buy a size up – you will likely go through the same nothing fits phase post-partum too.
nesprin
white house black market reversible jerzy dresses. washable, different cuts, 2 colors and stretchy.
Lana Del Raygun
I’m looking for a rain coat or jacket that provides as little warmth as possible. (I live in the DC area, aka a miserable swamp where it’s still warm even when it rains, and my current jacket has a flannel lining.) I basically want a rain poncho that doesn’t look like a rain poncho, hopefully with those weird armpit vents. Is this even a thing? Everything I’ve found so far seems to have some sort of lining.
Anonymous
Howdy, fellow swamp dweller. This guy has been good to me, though it’s still not awesome when it’s super hot and gross. (I mean, will anything really be?) https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B06XFP7YWF
Aunt Jamesina
IME experience this doesn’t really exist. Any fabric that’s going to be water-resistant or waterproof traps heat and inevitably becomes a sauna. I go for an umbrella in this case.
Anonymous
LOVE my Marmot PreCip – which has armpit zippers actually in addition to vents, and is unlined and reasonably breathable for a rain jacket.
Torin
+1 I have one of these.
Try REI or similar outdoors store. They should have lots and some may be on sale.
Anon
But if you really want a travel poncho, Eddie Bauer has one. They have some micro-thin rainjackets, but I think Patagonia’s super-lightweight fabrics are better for breathability than any high-tech jacket I’ve ever bought from EB.
Anona
I have a North Face goretex jacket (dryzzle I think it was called?) that has those armpit zips. You want something breathable like goretex material. I’m comfortable running/hiking in the rain with it.
ToS
I have something that I found on deep discount at REI and bought it a size larger than typical, and it has been a win. The size helps with some interior air circulationI . wear it infrequently enough that I can’t cite brand. AND REI carries Marmot, so you can try things out.
Anonymous
Target has a lightweight anorak rain jacket that is cheap and actually really cute and pretty lightweight as far as rain jackets go. Also in DC and I’ve gotten a lot of use out of it in the past month since I bought it.
Anonymous
What you want is an umbrella.
Full of ideas
Columbia Pardon My Trench is a rain jacket that still looks cute and has some texture (so not super plastic looking) although I found sizes to run a bit small
Anonymous
How’s Nashville from a “diversity” perspective? Meaning are non white tourists looked at differently or is everyone having a great time so no one cares? Normally I wouldn’t even think of this but some family went to Dollywood, silver dollar city (different cities I know but same region) and got some “go back to where you came from” comments. Muslim but no one covers though modest dress (no shorts despite heat) so that plus skin tone and they stood out. Would you expect something like that in Nashville esp in the tourist area (music row)? Kind of want to go to Nashville and now I’m wondering.
Anonymous
Yeah, Dollywood and Nashville can’t really be considered the “same region.” Nashville is a major U.S. city with 2 million people in the metro area. Pigeon Forge has a population of 6,000. You’re talking about the cultural differences that you’d get, well, almost anywhere in the West these days with rural vs. urban (see, e.g., Brexit, Marine Le Pen).
I wouldn’t consider Music Row a “tourist area” – it’s really just a street with some restaurants – but yes, Nashville has Muslims and has people who dress conservatively and people won’t care.
Anonymous
Nashville is to Dollywood what Walt Disney World is to Miami. Which is to say, they are in the same state, and yes, I suppose a section of the same tourists go to both, but there are some tourists which will never go to the former, and some who will never go to the latter. As far as Nashville tourists go, yes, they do veer white and conservative, especially on Lower Broadway (you will see a fair share of redneck pride type things), but as a city, Nashville is relatively liberal and diverse (at least as southern cities go). I would be surprised if you received that type of horrible treatment. And if you did, it would definitely not be from Nashville residents.
ToS
Nashville is a college town – Vanderbilt is there, so it’s better than average, but yes, it skews white. I was there for a conference and live country music isn’t my thing, but BB King’s House of Blues was comfortable. Saw author Ann Patchett at Parnassus Books, and took the bus from downtown to get there (pre-Uber) there is plenty to enjoy.
Dollywood, while I really, really appreciate all Dolly does for childhood literacy and really connecting people, is inhabited by tourists who might not have seen much of the world. Hateful behavior can crop up anywhere, but in Nashville, you have the whole city, and the fabric of a college community to help it be progressive.
Walnut
Isn’t Silver Dollar City near Branson, MO? If that’s what you’re referring to, Nashville is not a comparison.
Anon
Yeah, I would not call Missouri and Tennessee the same region. Agree with previous comments that Nashville is totally different than rural Tennessee (or Missouri). Much more liberal and diverse.
Geraldine
I think that every city is like this. You will have people that frown on different people, particularly if they have a bad reputation. This is unfortunate, but real. If you are from such a group, you must work doubly hard to overcome the reputation that others have created and you inherited. That goes for every group. You should also try and reason with those of your group to try and do whatever they can to improve the reputation you now have.
Rainbow Hair
Ugh I’m sorry your family got that treatment anywhere!
My impression from having spent a grand total of like 4 days in Nashville (so, y’know, grains of salt) is that you might not want to *live* there (like, I would not be surprised if you encountered insidious discrimination in employment etc.), but are likely to be fine visiting.
Anonymous
How much would you expect to pay for a gym membership in manhattan – one of the big gyms like equinox or city sports?
Anon in NYC
Equinox will be in the $200-250+ range, depending on the specific gym and the membership you purchase.
Anonymous
Holy moly!!
Anonymous
If you like classes, classpass is ~$135 a month. I haven’t done it in awhile so I’m not sure who all participates, but there were hundreds of choices.
Anonymous
equixox is a high-end gym, at least over $200. City Sports is more reasonable, closer to $100.
IHHtown
Wow, I forget about things like gym membership in cost of living. Here in Houston, Equinox is 170 for a basic membership, and we also have mid tier gyms that offer the same things (like Lifetime Fitness) but less upscale, and your standard LA Fitness and 24hr run as low as $30/mth depending on the deal you get.
JuniorMinion
For equinox, check if you have a corporate deal. I think my membership was only $125 – $150 / month and they waived initiation with corporate discount. I sprung for it as NYSC was already charging me like $89 / month for no classes and crappy equipment.
Anonymous
This varies so widely. I went to a one gym access Equinox in midtown east and paid about 160ish I think but that was WITH a discount negotiated by my firm. My husband went to 24 hr fitness in the midtown east until about a month ago and paid 79 a month (don’t think with any discounts, but it is near his employer so maybe)
Salary negotiation
I just received an offer for a job that I really want, but I think the proposed salary is a lowball offer and I need to counter (the offer was for significantly less than I make now and I know they pay others with the same level of experience significantly more). I’ve never negotiated salary before – any tips/email scripts? Thank you!!
Anonymous
“Thank you for the offer. I’m so excited about the opportunity to join the X team, but I was hoping for something more like $X. Is that something you could accommodate?” Obv fluff a little bit.
Aunt Jamesina
I like this, but I’d change “I was hoping for something more like X” to “I was hoping for X”.
Anonymous
I’m the poster who wrote that – good edit! I should have caught it myself! Make the direct ask, not a “well, I wish you could…” ask.
Celia
Why use “hoping” at all? Why waffle about it? Be more assertive!
Anonymous
Ask a Manager has really good advice on this topic. I’d recommend searching her page.
OP
Thanks all!
Grill Baby, Grill!
What are your favorite things to grill that aren’t chicken breasts, burgers, brats, or corn on the cob? We’re grilling out this weekend but I want to change it up a bit. Bonus points for veggie ideas with lots of flavor, but I’ll take anything new!
Anonymous
portabello mushrooms. I think you can basically grill any vegetable with olive oil on it (zucchini, peppers). Later in the summer you can grill peaches.
Grill Baby, Grill!
Do you put any seasonings besides olive oil? I think my usual herbs/spices might burn on the grill, but zucchini, for example, seems so bland with just olive oil! Or maybe I should just get used to actually tasting my vegetables themselves :)
Torin
Salt, pepper, garlic powder, almost always. You can try cumin, coriander, and cayenne too, if you like those.
Anonymous
We brush liberally with olive oil, then salt and pepper and grill. Then when serving, drizzle with excellent balsamic vinegar as the finishing step, which is essential!
Sunflower
Trader Joe’s chili-lime salt.
Anonymous
Not sure if this qualifies as new enough, but they’re really delicious! https://www.skinnytaste.com/turkey-burgers-with-zucchini/
Baconpancakes
Slice zucchini, small spring onions (golf ball sized), eggplant, tomatoes in half. Soak for 20 minutes in a mixture of red wine, olive oil, minced garlic, salt and pepper, and any spices you think would be fun. Throw on the grill, add salt and pepper to taste. The eggplant soaks up a ton of wine and looks frighteningly dark, but it’s easy and delicious.
Grill Baby, Grill!
Ooh, this sounds delicious! I don’t think I’ve ever heard of marinating vegetables in wine, but now I’m super excited to try it!
Baconpancakes
It was a college years discovery, when there was an open bottle of last week’s wine hanging around and a bunch of veggies leftover from the local food co-op I ran.
Anonymous
Rosemary kebabs: cut up some zucchini, onion, eggplant, mushroom, etc, drizzle with oil/salt/pepper/herbs, and then thread on rosemary sprigs.
NOLA
Asparagus! Also, pork tenderloin marinated with balsamic vinegar and rosemary. Delicious!
Anonymous
Those baby peppers are no work at all – toss in EVOO as usual and some spices.
Butternut squash cubes if you are using a vented tray.
Roasted red potatoes or fingerlings. Especially with minced rosemary and garlic.
Pineapple soaked in coconut milk. For dessert with ice cream!
trefoil
Almost any veggie, but especially eggplant and zucchini, brushed with balsamic, garlic, rosemary/thyme, and olive oil. I’ve done sweet potato, broccoli, cauliflower, and squash, too.
This week, I made pasta with grilled peppers, mushrooms, onion and baby tomatoes — all cooked in a grill basket until the tomatoes just burst, then tossed with pesto.
S in Chicago
I don’t cook. But one of my friends often grills watermelon when she’s having folks over. It gets a nice crsip to it like creme brulee. HEAVEN.
pugsnbourbon
Related, big chunks of pineapple! Thread onto skewers, serve with ice cream.
You can also grill peaches and nectarines.
Scarlett
Pizza! It’s fast on the grill, and has a little wow factor
anon
Pork tenderloin… marinate in a teriyaki sauce (I love Soy Vey brand).
Anonymous
Flank steak. Our favorite almost-no-effort Friday night summer dinner is grilled flank steak with grilled veggies (other ladies have already covered how to do that very well). I put it in a glass container to marinate all day while we’re at work (takes about 5 minutes to prep in the morning) and then throw on the grill, medium-high heat, for about 6 minutes per side (less if you like it rare). The key with flank steak is to slice AGAINST the grain, if you slice with the grain you get very-unpleasant-to-chew steak rubber bands. We have flank steak and veggies and beer, if I’m really ambitious I make rice pilaf, usually I just heat up some naan bread from Costco on the grill with everything else. Really nice and easy.
Sr Software Zookeeper
Shishito peppers are an absolute mainstay appetizer in our house. (We started traveling through SE Asia last year and our spice levels are now way higher than normal, so finding the ‘hot’ one out of the batch is our favorite new game.)
Burgers that you’ve pre-mixed with Hainanese Chicken Rice Sauce, served with aioli and cucumbers that have been just barely pickled in rice vinegar, sugar, and salt.
Anonymous
peaches!
Baconpancakes
Do any of y’all have Fitbit Altas? My office is offering a $50 discount on Fitbits and I was thinking about upgrading from my Flex.
Anyone have covers/bracelets that don’t look like sports equipment? Ideally in gold?
Anonymous
I have an Alta HR and do like it. I like that it gives more info than the Flex (and that it can double as a watch). I have a leather band in blush and like that too. I’ve not been too thrilled about the bangles and other metal bands for Fitbits overall. I think they are bulky and move too much.
mascot
I’ve got a rose gold Milanese loop band in rose gold on my fitbit and like it. Try Amazon for a bunch of inexpensive options
AZCPA
I have the Alta HR. Features wise, the HR monitor is decent though not super accurate during exercise. Step tracking about as accurate as other similar devices.
I liked it until I developed an allergic reaction to the metal where the band clips in (so not solvable by changing the band). While I appreciate getting notified of calls and texts on it, you can’t actually answer or respond from the device.
I resolved my allergy issue by putting it in a silicon belt clip that covers the whole device and clipping it to my bra. I still get the notifications, plus the step tracking and hear rate seem more accurate. So now I don’t worry about it looking like sports equipment or competing with my watch.
Ellen
Dad just gave me a new Fitbit Charge 2, and it does EVERYTHING, including telling him what I am doieng and where I am doeing it. FOOEY! I supose it is a good thing, but I worry that he can monitor everything I do on his iMac — not only steps now, but also my pulse and sleeping patterns. Myrna says he will even be abel to figure out if I am having good or bad s-x!!!! She says if I have a man in my apartement, particularly if he sees that I am not sleepeing through the night, he will know something is up. If my blood pressure goes up, he will know that I am haveing s-x. FOOEY! Is there no more privacy for me, even in the confine’s of my bedroom if he can monitor everything I do from LI?
It’s one thing if he is trying to sleep in the room next door and wakes up if he hears noises comeing from my bed, but to know from 50 miles away when I am haveing s-x? Will he be abel to time when/iff I get the big O or not? I think if he can figure out who is haveing s-x with me in the room, he will force me to marry him! DOUBEL FOOEY!
ToS
Nashville is a college town – Vanderbilt is there, so it’s better than average, but yes, it skews white. I was there for a conference and live country music isn’t my thing, but BB King’s House of Blues was comfortable. Saw author Ann Patchett at Parnassus Books, and took the bus from downtown to get there (pre-Uber) there is plenty to enjoy.
Dollywood, while I really, really appreciate all Dolly does for childhood literacy and really connecting people, is inhabited by tourists who might not have seen much of the world. Hateful behavior can crop up anywhere, but in Nashville, you have the whole city, and the fabric of a college community to help it be progressive.
Seeking Food Gift Suggestions
Looking for a fancy jam food gift. Any recommendations? Low sugar not necessary but would be plus. I found this Jamnation Citrus Delight Gift Set through Uncommon Goods (link to follow), anyone tried it?
Anonymous
https://jamnationjams.com/collections/gifts/products/citrus-delight-gift-set
Anonymous
I can’t tell if you mean “low added sugars” (but any amount of concentrated fruit sugars) or if you mean “low total sugar content.” If the latter is still a plus, I really like Nature’s Hollow.
Anonymous
Sqirl has mail order.
Angry but trying to be calm
I am a senior associate in a firm with a 1950 billable hour requirement. I do not meet that and never have in 4 years with this firm. This was discussed and agreed to before I accepted the job. My value is that I know how to run a case, know what needs the partner’s attention and what does not, and keep several very difficult and high maintenance clients off his back. I have my requirements in writing. Although I did not take a pay cut (and make more than several other associates at my level), I note that my receivables are at par with theirs because my boss does not have to cut my time.
The problem is that one of the other associates somehow came across a document that someone in HR had accidentally saved to a public folder and now I am getting a lot of flack from other associates. It is mostly just snarky comments and passive aggressive BS (with a few muttered comments about what services I am providing the partner that are genuinely offensive), but I am getting a little tired of it.
I can think of a lot of snarky things to say about the quality of their work and billing, but I really want something that will shut this down without creating new issues. Any suggestions?
Anon
“I have a lower billable hour requirement because I don’t waste my time being concerned with the personal business of other associates. My suggestion is to follow my lead and see if your work product improves.”
Snarky, sorry.
pugsnbourbon
I don’t work in law but that sounds incredibly annoying.
I’d ignore the snarky muttered comments as much as possible, but I’d shut down the offensive comments about services. “That’s inappropriate and offensive. Stop.” Stone-faced and calmly delivered. They’re the ones out of line, not you.
Full of ideas
Wow, thanks HR… I’m also intrigued by your work arangement, in BigLaw and you don’t meet 1950 hours seems like an alternate universe. Your peers are likely just jealous. Maybe you can remind them they don’t have to deal with Clients X and Y.
Curious, do you get market bonus as part of your deal?
Anon
I logged onto my husband’s PayPal account to pay for some yard furniture bought through a moms group on FB. He gave me the password and knew I was logging on for this transaction.
I was trying to track down the invoice and the activity section showed $1500 being paid to online poker in the past 5 months. He told me he had a problem with online gambling in college (before we met) and I’ve never heard him talk about playing poker or seen him playing anything online.
This is giving me a pit in my stomach. Would this worry you? I’m going to have a conversation with him and ask him what’s going on. Has anyone experienced anything similar?
Anonymous
I haven’t experienced something similar, but yes, this would worry me. Just like I”d be worried about anyone I loved if they were returning to a problem behavior, or had possibly been practicing it in hiding all along.
This conversation will probably need to be the first in a series of conversations.
You can do this.
Anonymous
It wouldn’t bother me if I found out my husband was spending $300 per month gambling because we can afford it and I spend a similar or higher amount of money on things I want but don’t need (clothes, travel, expensive coffee, etc). But my husband has never had a gambling problem and I would feel differently if he did.
Full of ideas
Even if you can afford it, which it sounds like maybe you can because you can’t even notice, it still seems like a problem. You didn’t know about it; he didn’t tell you about it; so what’s the current status? Talk to him but just be aware that he might be very defensive.
Bette
Start at the top of your range so you have room to negotiate down. Do not counter with exactly where you want to be.
Also, people like to “split the difference” mentally so if the offer is X and you want to be at X+5, then counter at X+10.
Finally, don’t be afraid to provide industry benchmarks.
Bette
Replied to salary question below!
Congrats!! Ask for what you deserve
Horse Crazy
I applied for a job a few weeks ago, and just got an email from them today, asking to schedule an interview with me – there was no other info in the email besides potential interview times. I replied with the time that works for me, and they replied and said they needed a portfolio of work plus three new pieces of work that they gave me prompts for (it’s a community/media relations job). The interview is next Thursday, and I’m currently traveling for work until Wednesday evening. I don’t have time to do this portfolio – I likely would have asked to do the interview the following week if I had known I had to prepare that much (they said they were flexible with times, but I signed up for the one that worked schedule-wise, not knowing about all the preparation I’d have to do). What should I do? I’m away from home, and I barely have time to gather examples of old work before the interview, much less create three new pieces. Thanks in advance for any advice.
Houda
Old work examples are fine but a company who tries to get free labor is just shady to me.
s
Can you try to get a later interview time by saying unanticipated work travel?
I don’t think it’s that unusual to request some sort of project (I work at a publishing company). We usually ask for a take home test to be done for many positions and not just editorial or marketing (project manager, developer, etc.). Sometimes it’s paid a nominal fee but only if it’s more than a few hours to complete. This isn’t a request for free labor–it’s an assessment of how well the person’s skill set appears to fit typical challenges in the position (what would you do if X, create a sample schedule based on A,B,C, what’s wrong with this ad, etc.. For me, I appreciated it (maybe not at the time). But I felt comfortable with the test, which made me feel like I would do well in the position. There’s also the matter of knowing you’re seeing the person’s true writing skill–not something that was heavily fixed by an editor.
Horse Crazy
I chose the latest time they gave me, which was the only one that worked because I was still out of town for the others, and I mentioned that it was the only time that worked because of travel (they asked for my top 3). So I already mentioned the travel to them…I’m not sure if they would be ok with me asking for a later time.
My problem isn’t that they’re asking for the work – I totally understand why. It’s that I don’t have time because I’m traveling.
Full of ideas
This isn’t a great answer, but if you want the job that bad — find the time
Anon
“Hi, company,
Thank you for your email! I’m looking forward to meeting with you Thursday.
Per my previous email, I am travelling and will not return until shortly before the interview. As such, I will have the requested materials to you on Monday the 11th.
Regards,
Horse Crazy”
Thing is, this is YOUR time. You aren’t a salaried employee asked to complete a task during normal working hours; you’re not a salaried employee being asked for an occasional weekend of work; you’re not a freelancer who could reject the assignment if she didn’t have time. If they get mad, and are treating your FREE TIME this way now, how do you think it would be when you’re salaried? Just be nice about saying no, tell them when they can have it, and if they get mad, celebrate on the bullet dodged.
NYC Apartment Hunter
I’m currently living in NYC. Midwestern girl and totally clueless on most things city-living related, but slowly getting. my bearings and totally loving it. I’m working for a big law firm. I’ll be leaving for a year for a clerkship and then will return next fall. When do I start looking for an apartment? High priority is easy accessibility to Metro North. Where should I look? I’ll be making a comfortable salary and want to live in a more residential, quiet neighborhood. I’m thinking somewhere in the $2.5k to $3.5k range for a proper one bedroom, but I could be totally naive on thinking that’s enough. Definitely somewhere very safe to walk around at night for a young single woman. Tentatively thinking UWS or UES. I’m living in Midtown right now and not liking it at all.
Murray Hill or Kips Bay
Try looking between 14th and 34th street on the east side (east of 5th avenue), in Gramercy/Murray Hill/Kips Bay. Many of the streets in that neighborhood are quiet and residential, particularly near Gramercy Park and Madison Square Park, and it’s a 15-20 minute walk or 10 minute subway to Grand Central (since you mentioned the Metro North). I lived on 27th street until 2016 and paid $2.7K for a very nice, large one-bedroom in a doorman, elevator building. I’m sure prices have gone up since then, but they should still be in your range. If you want to be near Metro North, I would avoid UWS — that’s very far from Grand Central and getting crosstown to the 125th street stop is a pain. Also, re: safety, pretty much anywhere in Manhattan is completely fine and safe walking around at night alone as a single women. You will almost never actually be “alone” because there are so many people around at all hours of the night. I felt safer living in NYC than any other city in the world. Re: when to look, apartments usually go on the market at most 1-2 months before they’re free, so you probably won’t be able to look much earlier than that. The rental process moves very quickly; have all your paperwork ready when you go look in case you have to move quickly. Also, some law firms pay for broker’s fees (mine did). Find out if yours does, because that makes the process a lot easier. You can find apartments without broker’s fees but it’s more difficult, and for a new resident of NYC it will probably be helpful for you to work with brokers.
Anonymous
I think you should be fine in that budget. Agree to check out Murray Hill, also Gramercy Park and Tudor City. Tudor City will have mostly very small apartment but you can’t beat the proximity to grand central/metro north. And they are super charming. Where in midtown are you? I personally like the area in the east 50s around 2nd ave (turtle bay), but it may not be what you’re looking for. Def don’t do the UWS because it’s too much of a pain to get to the east side if that’s a priority and I don’t think you need the UES because it will just add to your commute and that 20 min will be better used elsewhere.
About a month out is when you should start looking.
Anon
Do you want to take over my lease on UES for a one bedroom plus den? My monthly rent would be $2400/month and you get to skip a broker’s fee. I am in biglaw and looking to move somewhere downtown. I also want to add that I also clerked and returned to biglaw all while living in this apartment. I’m at jen b i p p at gmail.
NYCer
Just an FYI, if you live on the UES, you can get the Metro North fairly easily at Harlem-125th Street.
That being said, I am a huge fan of the UWS, but I have no need for proximity to Metro North. Lots of subway options to get to midtown. Very neighborhoody and safe.
LittleBigLaw
I’m the primary breadwinner in our family. DH has always been incredibly supportive of my career and we do our best to share parenting/household duties evenly. The problem is that my job, while generally more demanding (1900 hr/yr req), is much more flexible than DH’s in terms of time off, sick leave, etc. Because of this, anytime a child is sick or a service person has to come to the house or whatever unexpected thing happens, I’m usually the one who leaves work to deal with it. It feels like we are prioritizing DH’s job by default – even though that doesn’t make sense on paper for our family. Has anyone else dealt with this? Also, because DH’s job is a typical 9-5 arrangement and our kids are very young (so bedtimes begin around 7:30), I struggle with the self-discipline needed to stay late and get my hours in. I’m lucky that my office has a very, very laid back attitude with little expectation for facetime. But while my partners’ attitudes toward flexibility and facetime are wonderful for the demands of being a working mom, I guess I’m just struggling with the day to day motivation and prioritization needed to be successful in BigLaw long term. Tips?
Flats Only
Figure out how much of your DH’s time off can be devoted to sick kids, and have him reserve days for that. Remembering that he’ll also need a few sick days for himself just in case, and time around holidays and for any vacations you planned. You and he can then switch off 50/50 on kid sick days until he runs out. For the plumber, etc. you should cover those assuming you can work from home and he cannot. For the early bedtimes, can you come home in time for family dinner at 6:00 PM, and log back on after your kids are in bed? Figure out what aspects of your work you enjoy/find relaxing, etc. and plan to do those in the evening if possible. Dinner can come from nanny, crock pot, DH cooks when he gets home, etc. Then you can cook on the weekends to give him a break, and perhaps make something that will leave leftovers for later in the week.
Anon
You need to reframe your thinking about how flexible your job is: there are limits, but your firm is allowing you to set those limits rather than setting them for you. That doesn’t make them any less real (and no need to tell you that promotions, bonuses, retention, etc.) will reflect that.
At the beginning of every week, figure out how much time you need to get your work done and hit your billables target, then plan out with your DH when and where that will all get done.
Anonymous
This may sound a little insane, and feel free to tell me its insane… but for those of you who don’t have kids but are thinking you might want them someday, does global warming ever factor into your decision making? For me its not that having a child is bad for the environment (it is), its, how can I bring a child into this world that will suffer the potentially extreme consequences of environmental change?
Anonymous
Go listen to the old Kingston Trio song “Merry Minuet.” Every generation thinks theirs is the worst. Not every generation had Trump, of course…
Anonymous
How is your anxiety level in general?
Anonymous
Climate change isn’t going to destroy the world within your child’s lifetime. It’s going to present huge problems for poor people and those in low lying areas and is going to cause a lot of death and destruction (probably much more than it already has) but people who have resources and can afford to move to the safer areas will be fine. I think there’s a decent chance civilization as we know it will end in my kids’ lifetime but it will be from nuclear war not climate change.
Anon
Yes, it is a factor in my decision-making. I don’t want to selfishly bring a child into a world that may not be habitable within its lifetime.
Anon
No.
Anonymous
Yes. I think humans will figure things out for themselves, but every other species on earth (and plenty of vulnerable humans) will be sacrificed along the way as needed.
Anon
I’ve got two children and this is something that gives me a lot of anxiety. I love them to pieces and wonder if they will have the opportunity to have kids themselves. I didn’t really feel this way until after the last election. Before I felt hopeful we would find solutions and make the world better. Now I fear the worst.
Re clinate change and potential.kids
This was covered in this weeks nicole cliffe column in slate dot com
Relatedly when I hear from others that the world makes them doubt having children, I wonder if Martin Luther King’s mother felt the same way. Or Moses’ mom, a slave. Or yes, the Virgin Mary. You never know if your kid will grow up to solve the world’s problems.
Alternatively you could foster or adopt unwanted children now, if you so desire.
Anonymous
I wonder how people in Syria or Afghanistan are having babies but they are. We just do and hope for the best.
Velma
Family planning is a central concern in relief settings, where most women have very limited choices and resources: https://reliefweb.int/report/jordan/among-syrian-refugees-dispelling-myths-about-contraceptives
Anonymous
None of these people were dealing with population size itself as a threat. I have no particular reservations about giving birth to a child who will meet with hard times (my life has been hard in some ways, but it’s been worth living; many people with much harder lives have made the same choice–I don’t think life is about avoiding suffering). It seems more likely to me that my child would do all right, and yet still contribute to a worsening situation. I am uneasy with that idea, though I don’t let it control my decisions.
Dating Woes
Ughhhh I had the worst date of my life last night. It was so so bad: I drove 1 hour in Atlanta rush hour traffic, he was 30 mins late, the event we were doing was canceled, drove 30 more minutes to Plan B and he “decided to head home because feeling sick” on his way when I’d already gotten there. And lately all of my other dates have been very meh.
Is this a sign to stop dating for a while? How do you find quality guys you’re excited about? I’m feeling so down about everything re: dating, why is it so hard?!
Anonymous
No answers here, but try not to give up. Doesn’t sound like a date exactly, but someone who changed their mind.
Lana Del Raygun
This is definitely a him problem, not a you problem. Is dating making *you* more happy or less happy? Continue if it makes you more happy; quit if it makes you less happy; laugh pityingly at dudes who are as bad at dating as this guy.
Work wear related
Looking for advice.
Background: I work in a big law. Mid 30s. Married. Two kids. Both of us are earning well, and paid off our college loans. Recently I started feeling that I am spending too much money on clothes/ beauty products . ( I shop very frequently) . I never felt like this before. I recently started volunteering with a children”s NPO. Or maybe it is mid- life crisis.
So to reduce my spending on clothes, I am thinking of wearing black tops and different colored bottoms to office every single day. If I buy 10-15 ( again buying ?) different black tops of various sleeves /Patterson’s/ cut it will not feel like a repetition. Please note our office has business casuals as work wear policy.
Do you mind if your coworker comes wearing black every single day? I am presuming there are a few partners/ senior associates ihere. Do you mind if your associate shows up in black everyday? I understand that what I wear is my personal choice. But I don’t want to make others uncomfortable.
Thank you in advance,
Anonymous
Good for you for recognizing that you want to live differently, and thinking about a plan to get there!
A few thoughts:
* If you want to be less noticable, wear black bottoms and different colored tops.
* Is black a color that makes you look really good, bright-eyed?
Why not just…cut back on shopping, which is what you want to do? I wouldn’t shop your way out of a shopping problem. If you’re going to plan black/colored bottoms outfits every day and be content with those, why couldn’t you plan outfits out of your current closet and be content with those? I know, it’s doesn’t have the special fun of fresh clothes and starting something new — but isn’t learning how to live without the “special fun” part of the point?
Reverse It
I think black bottoms and different color/patterned tops makes way more sense, makes more outfits and you’d spend much less money pulling it all together. But why don’t you just put yourself on a shopping ban or a monthly limit (that rolls over) and focus on what you can use from your current closet? Your solution sounds like another way to buy a ton more clothes.
Anonymous
No don’t do this. The solution to buying too much is not to buy a whole new wardrobe but like props for that excellent rationalization! Wear the clothes you own. Spend 6 months not buying anything. Problem solved.
Lawchica12
Give yourself a monthly spending budget/limit for clothes and beauty. In my Mint tracking, I’ve given myself an “allowance”of $50 for those random monthly impulse purchases. I also keep a list of things I need as I take notice (i.e. replacing cardigans, tights, etc) and then keep an eye for the big sales after Christmas, 4th of July, etc,
Take a really good honest look at how much you’ve been spending the last few months and then choose an amount that feels better to you. It sounds as though you have a good amount of clothes already, so why not use what you currently have and slowly replace & trim down your closet as they wear?
Also, is it possible you’ve been using shopping as retail therapy for stress, boredom, etc? When I started tracking my spending, I noticed I was constantly (over) online shopping on Saturday nights, and became purposeful in finding other activities to avoid this.
And thanks so much for volunteering with the Children’s NPO. I represented children in foster care for 5 years, and it definitely changed my perspective of what’s important in life.
Anon
Not the answer you are looking for, but this is not a good idea. You say that you’re shopping too much, and your solution is to… shop more. That’s never the solution. Even if it were, my bet is that in six months, you’ll decide that black tops plus coloured bottom is a weird look, not flattering, too noticeable, too something, and you’ll “need” a new wardrobe, or different tops to go with those different bottoms, or something.
Don’t shop for anything but CVS stuff (shampoo, deodorant, etc., as needed for replacements) for the next two months. That will help kick the “habit” of shopping.
Horse Crazy
To answer your question, no, it’s not weird. But don’t buy a whole new wardrobe because you want to stop buying! Do you hear how crazy that sounds?
Anonymous
This is a bad idea. If you really want to stop buying things, the way to do that is to actually stop. Not rationalize buying an entire new wardrobe. You don’t need different clothes, you need to work on your will power.
Velma
A personal work uniform makes perfect sense, especially in business casual offices where there’s not the obvious fallback of wearing a suit. My own experience in a dressier business casual office is that part or all black is typical for many women. Brands built around wardrobe capsules (Eileen Fisher, MM.LaFleur, etc.) lean heavily on a core of black items.
I agree that black bottoms with colored/patterned blouses, blazers, scarves, etc., is a more common choice.
+1 not to shop to reduce shopping! It may be a good time to try a three- or six-month shopping freeze, in fact. Use the time to try out uniforms already in your closet. Find out what feels good and looks appropriate, what sort of outfits are functional across a couple of seasons in your climate, what particular items you intend to wear but never do, and so on. Take photos of outfits you especially like.
Then start editing your wardrobe; keep items in storage if in doubt. After a period of time, you should have a lot more clarity and be ready to develop a shopping strategy–if you need any new items at all. Also consider secondhand shopping, when the time comes.
Think of this as a work project: stop the useless churn, focus on objectives, create a strategy and assess ROI–THEN spend money/time adding new items. Godspeed!
OP
I appreciate for your suggestions.
I will freeze shopping till end of summer. Then slowly transitition to Black bottoms. I have two unopened shipments from Macy’s ( both are end of April purchases) and one from express which I plan to return this month.
I used to spend around $300-$400 every other month . A few items I return, but mostly I keep. Every 4-5 months ( live in 4 seasons weather) I purge out the closet and donate dress to Lupus or similar organizations. Used to be my way of “ giving it back”. Pretty narrow . I am happy now that my volunteering and yoga practice has helped me to see the other side.
Talia
I am 32 years old with 2 kids. I am hoping to move to NY from Scranton in search of work and a new life. I worry that I won’t find a relationship with my 2 kids, so they will stay in Scranton with my mom. Am I being realistic? Will men in NYC be interested in me for a relationship? I eventually want to bring them to live with me but not until I find a job and a man.
So Done
Ugh. I have SO MUCH WORK TO DO. And I’m procrastinating big time. I’m reading the internet and eating Jelly Belly’s, when I should be in front of the computer, making headway on the TWO presentations I have on Tuesday, neither of which I’ve started preparing for.
Just venting. No one here can help me, but I just needed to say that I don’t wanna work today.
Sigh… Maybe a quick nap is in order, then nose to the grindstone.
Anonymous
i’m sitting in the office away from my child this Sunday afternoon because I have so much work to do, yet here I am reading your comment on this s!te. Solidarity.
Anonymous
I’m moving to Geneva! I haven’t lived in a place that it snows in forever – advice, both for traveling, and things to get in preparation? There was a pair of boots on here that were cute and recommended for good traction on ice, but now I can’t find the post.
Anonymous
Buy winter stuff when you get there! You don’t need it now; no need to move it with you.
Velma
+1
Unless you’re moving over the winter (and probably even if you are), it makes sense to buy what you need on the other end–both to save on shipping and to reflect local norms. Do people wear puffers to the office or wool dress coats? Is there some type of boot that the women commuters all seem to wear? Etc.
Congratulations. Sounds wonderful.