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Updated: Oct 31, 2018 207 Comments · by

Workwear Hall of Fame: Knit Blazer

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Olivia Moon Knit BlazerThese knit blazers from Olivia Moon have been around for a few years now, and they're always highly rated. This one is available in a bunch of sizes (including petite) in basic colors like black, dark gray, and light gray. It is $79.50 to $89.50 in regular, petite, and plus sizes. Olivia Moon Knit Blazer 2017 Update: We've added this blazer to our Workwear Hall of Fame — it comes in lots of size and color options and continues to get great reviews. (L-3)

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Comments

  1. Boden recommendations?

    Can anyone recommend a good casual/business casual Boden dress that is flattering for pear shapes? I like their styles, but the one dress I tried (Casual Weekender) clung to my hips and thighs in an unflattering way. I have a pretty defined waist, but I carry a lot of weight in my lower half. I’m looking for a basic, classic dress to wear to my casual workplace or out and about in the summer. TIA!

    • Anonymous

      Not a Boden recommendation, but you might want to try the sale section at Soma. The wrapped waist dress might work for you, or the knot front. I am not pear-shaped, but I carry weight in my stomach and don’t want clingy there. I would link, but sometimes Soma links won’t work to go to the item and go to the front-page instead.

    • anon a mouse

      Similar to you in shape — Look for one shaped like the Julietta or the Lindsey. (I am not a fan of the Lindsey because of the way the upper darts are shaped, but I have an older similar style that I love.) I have found that the dresses with waist definition and slightly flared skirts are very flattering, though I often buy the tall size to get the waist to sit on my actual waist. (If I believed Boden, all Brits have waists that start on their bottom ribs.)

    • Fishie

      The Ottoman Shift and the Zoe Dress are great. Ottoman is really loose on bottom, hides every flaw, heavy fabric. the Zoe is more form fitting, very Joan Holloway if you’re round on the bottom. Get tons of compliments on both and I am a major pear.

    • la vie en bleu

      ooo thanks for this question, I am going to note these recommendations, too. Yay!

  2. Nonz

    Sorry for the early TJ.

    I went for an annual exam yesterday and mentioned that I had sometimes been get what I thought were hot flashes on my period (I’m on BCP). My sister found out a few years ago that she has premature ovarian failure (ovaries stop producing eggs). I’ve talked to my previous doctor about this and she essentially said it’s really unlikely that I’d have it too, and dismissed the hot flashes and POF completely. However, this new doctor said, very matter-of-fact, that I could have this and it was one of her first thoughts without knowing that my sister had it as well. She said there is no way to prevent it and probably would only test for it if I was actively trying to get pregnant and came off BCP. Needless to say, this scared me big time. I am not engaged and not trying to get pregnant. I know there is no way to prevent it, but from what I understand if I’m still producing eggs I can harvest them for IVF. Does anyone have any experience? I’m thinking I should just go ahead and get tested so I know, but I’d have to come off BCP which I’ve been on for 11 years with no breaks.

    Thanks in advance! I’ve been feeling really down about this news/uncertainty and the way the doctor handled it.

    ETA – She tested my thyroid as well because I know this could be causing the heat intolerance. I’m not even sure what I’ve been experiencing are actually hot flashes (from what I’ve read of them I don’t think it is, it’s more of a heat intolerance).

    • Wanderlust

      It’s totally possible that it’s your thyroid. I’ve had hypothyroid for 20+ years, and when my levels are off, I get wacky hot/cold swings. Otherwise, it’s a completely manageable condition to have… just one pill every day.

    • Anon in NYC

      Hugs. No experience with this, but I don’t think going off BCP is something to be worried about. I decided to go off BCP years before my husband and I were trying to conceive because I was becoming increasingly forgetful about taking it so I figured its efficacy was much lower than intended. I did experience some side effects – slight increase in acne, slightly worse cramps, increase in s!x drive – but it was otherwise fine. Going off BC was fine for me, and if it lets you test for POF, I would do it.

    • Batgirl

      Hey, so I actually have a lot of experience with this. I didn’t have the hot flashes or the family history but I was looking into freezing eggs before my now-husband and I were very serious and got the blood work done. It showed that I had a low ovarian reserve (not a lot of eggs left) and that I would likely not have a ton of time before I wouldn’t be able to get pregnant at all. I was devastated, as you can imagine.

      I started looking into freezing more and ultimately, after almost a year of bad follicle counts (they do monthly ultrasounds to see how many follicles you have–if it’s low, that means you dont’ have a ton of eggs left. The more follicles you have, the better you’ll do with freezing (which is basically IVF minus fertilization and reimplantation), I ended up doing a round of IVF with my then-fiance and ended up with one embryo out of the six eggs we could harvest. Not great.

      Now we’re trying to get pregnant and taking it one step at a time. I got pregnant very quickly but then had a very early miscarriage so we’re back to the drawing board.

      I don’t say any of this to freak you out–just wanted to share my experience. If I were you, I would absolutely get blood tests to check your FSH and AMH levels. They are the tests that tell you how your ovarian reserve is. You may have to pay for the AMH one (not always covered) but it’ll tell you a lot more. But remember, nothing is really certain. If you have any indication that you may not have great numbers, I would freeze asap. It’s really not that bad of an experience and while it can be costly ($11-15K depending on where you go and whether your insurance covers the drugs), it’s worth it if you have reason to believe you’ll need it.

      I’m happy to answer questions and will check back later today!

      • Nonz

        Thanks so much for this reply. I’m wondering if I could have the ultrasound before deciding to go off BCP to see if that shows any follicles. My plan currently was to wait on the thyroid function test and then decide from there, although I know it could be both simultaneously or also the thyroid causing low egg counts. But I’d definitely like to have as many options as possible so I’ll likely go through with the testing in case I do need to freeze my eggs.

        I’m sorry you had to go through this but I’m glad to hear you are pushing through! Good luck!

        • anomom

          Not too much experience in this area, but an ultrasound before going off BCP sounds like it might not work: Isn’t the point of BCP to suppress ovulation? Anyway, good luck. The thyroid tests are quick and easy so that’s a good place to start.

        • Batgirl

          I’m not sure if BP impacts your follicle count. I will say that it’s a quick test and not a big deal at all (though it is…internal, if you know what I mean). I would call a reproductive endocrinologist and set up an appt asap — they can take months to book so book early!

          In the mean time, I would definitely get the blood work done. I don’t know why more docs don’t order it–it’s FSH and AMH. It will tell you a lot (though follicle counts are the most reliable indication).

          I also have hypothryoid issues and they’ve never indicate that they were at all related–though we regulate the thyroid because it can cause miscarriage.

          Thanks for your well wishes!

          • Nonz

            I couldn’t get in until March, but I figure this will give me time to get off BCP so that I can get a more accurate picture. I’m not in NYC unfortunately, but the place I found looks greats. Thank you again!

    • Anon

      A lot of my friends have had variants of this issue and I’d recommend going to a fertility clinic for further tests rather than your regular doc or OB. They’ll be a lot more versed in the issues and options.

      • Nonz

        Thanks, I just did this. I could tell simply from the website that they are likely more knowledgeable than my OB/GYN.

    • Baconpancakes

      From what I understand, female fertility is really hard to diagnose unless you’re actively TTC, and really hard to treat. I’d try to rule out everything else first – thyroid seems to be pretty common, easy to diagnose, and easy to treat.

      Regarding your doctor’s bedside, it seems like this doctor treats you more as an adult than your last one – congrats! However, you can’t get freaked out because she mentions it “might” be something. She’s informing you of the possibilities so you’re well informed, not telling you what it is so you can start freaking out. There’s no reason to think it’s more likely to be POF than thyroid, or any number of other things. Statistically, it’s significantly more likely to be thyroid.

      I know it’s hard, and fertility is a huge issue (I’m also quietly freaking out about the possibility of having trouble conceiving when I someday maybe ever in the hazy unknown future might possibly get married), but you have to approach this rationally. If you do the battery of tests, and it ends up being POF, you’ll have to decide how important it is to you to have biological children, and whether you want to/can have them now.

      ::Hugs:: You can handle this. It’s probably not a big deal.

  4. Anon

    Ladies, what’s one thing on your shopping list to refresh/update your wardrobe for spring? Can be for work or weekend.

    • Cb

      I’d like a new trench coat. Mine is 9 years old and while it’s in great shape, I’d like something in a more contemporary cut.

    • OttLobbyist

      Fun question for a Friday – a colourful trench or jacket; a coloured tote bag; Chelsea-style boot (for that awful in between boots and sandals time!) and some pretty patterned skirts or dresses for weekends. Clearly, the cold is making crave colour!

      • TO Lawyer

        Shoes for between boots and sandals time is key. I have this problem every year, mostly because it’s still cool in March/April but I’m so sick of all of my boots after wearing them for months. Chelsea-style boots is genius!

        • Anon

          I’ve been wearing the chelsea boots from Trotters a lot this winter. Highly recommended! They are so comfortable I wear them as commuting shoes to walk a mile and a half each morning.

      • AMB

        Ha – we live in the same city and have very similar shopping lists, though I got a pair of Blundstones already in the fall…

    • Basics

      Not just for Spring, but my every day office black pumps and my every day black handbag. Have had both for years, and they both need to be replaced shortly. Every time I go through this (every few years), I realize that you have to pay more and more just to get decent quality that lasts longer than a season. Not happy.

    • kc

      I just bought new sandals for spring/summer since I needed them for vacation. But otherwise, 3 new dresses, new jeans (desperately need these) since I can wear jeans to work. Maybe a summer-weight pencil skirt. New blouses. Basically a new wardrobe haha….

    • emeralds

      Shorts. Somehow I’m down to one pair, and they’re in a pop color that doesn’t go with all of my t-shirts.

    • Zelda

      I need new jeans and I want more summer skirts/blouses for work. Another pair of comfortable peep toes might be nice since they’re the only open toed shoes that I’m allowed to wear to work.

    • SuziStockbroker

      Not very springlike but I need a medium grey jacket to go over dresses I don’t want wear with a black jacket. I have a beautiful one that is medium grey with some light grey, blue, and taupe in a VERY subtle plaid pattern. Goes with a LOT but sadly is over 4 years old now and showing it’s age, particularly on the elbows.

      I also want a grey handbag and waited too long to pull the trigger on the Hobb’s Rochester bag in grey because of the insane shipping to Canada from the UK. Now it’s gone and I wish I’d bought it.

      Other than that I need some non black pointy toed pumps. Most of my coloured ones, which I don’t wear in the winter because I wear black tights, are almond toe. Maybe a grey snakeskin or there are certain purples that go with a lot of my clothes.

    • coconut

      would love a pair of chelsea boots. And a new knee-length down/similar coat. Low wedge black shoes for work. More than a flat, less than a heel.

  5. Wanderlust

    I like this blazer and am thinking about pulling the trigger, but does anyone know if the fabric quality is good? I can always use a cute blazer to throw over a dress.

    • Anon

      I have this and the sleeve seam came apart after a few months. Nordstrom repaired it for me for free, though.

    • Anon

      I ordered the blazer on Monday and I got a note saying it was back ordered and would ship out at the end of the month. Then it shipped out a day later. Haven’t gotten it yet, though.

    • NYC tech

      I have this. It’s kind of meh. Nothing particularly wrong with it, but somehow a little frumpy, and nothing special. I never seem to end up grabbing it from the closet.

    • Mary Ann Singleton

      I have it in black and I love it. Wear it all the time. I have several blazers and this is the one I like the most as it feels stylish and comfortable at the same time. I would buy one more in a different color but they don’t have my size.

    • Need a Change

      I have this blazer and the fabric has pilled up, after about a year. I don’t wear it all that much, partly because it feels a little frumpy to me (compared to all the shrunken blazers) and partly because the fabric is very casual. It’s not super-well made, either – the flap of fabric that curves from the front to the inside isn’t tacked down, so it sometimes flops open. I think the jacket looks better with casual wear, like jeans, than workwear.

  6. anonymous

    If you could ask something big or small of your partner that would make your life a lot easier, what would it be?

    • Cb

      Such a small thing but figure out a system to manage appointments / reminders / to dos. My husband has many wonderful qualities but cannot keep a weekly schedule in his head to save his life. I find it quite irritating to be told about things that aren’t immediately actionable or recordable (ie. telling me we need to buy a birthday card while we’re in the shower).

      We have a very equitable distribution of labour so I feel like I can’t complain but sometimes I feel a bit burdened by being the household organiser.

      • MNF

        Have you tried to set up a shared calendar on your phones? I also love the wunderlist app for shared lists (to-do, grocery, etc.).

        • Cb

          We have a shared calendar and keep our running to do list in Evernote but I still get a lot of ‘remind me to call…’ and ‘what are we doing?’ and I feel like constantly replying to write it down / look at the calendar when I can easily tell him is a bit harsh.

          I dunno, it’s not a major thing but perhaps a conversation about a system that works for him is in order. I’m massively systems oriented so it comes quite naturally to me.

          • Wildkitten

            We struggle with this too. I want the Amazon Echo so I can dictate shopping lists and reminders to it.

          • Sarabeth

            Meh, I think “you need to write that down, or tell me at a time when I can write it down” is absolutely a fine response. It’s what I say. I am very bad at remembering stuff like that, so I really can’t promise that I will remember. I say it in a nice, light-hearted way, but I have zero guilt about refusing to carry my husband’s mental load for him.

            Alternatively, if we’re in the shower or something, I might say “I’ll try to remember that, but no promises.” And I mean it – if I do remember it later, I’ll action the task. But if I don’t remember, that’s on him, not on me.

        • Moonstone

          We use the Cozi app on the phone. Sometimes the events are a little cryptic (“Flag event” showed up last week — wtf?) but he has gotten in the habit of entering events that affect us both. And it emails you Sunday night with your commitments for the week.

      • anon

        Are you me? No suggestions, but I totally get it. The burden of being the household organizer really weighs on me. I think many disputes of this nature all boil down to which person has a lower threshold for being bothered by the offending action. So in this case, my low tolerance for disorder/lack of organization makes me the default organizer, because he is not bothered by the the lack of organization, and therefore not jolted into taking an action or implementing any systems to handle it. To avoid getting burned out, I do try to only shoulder the organizational responsibility when it comes to our joint events/obligations. If he misses his friend’s birthday or forgets about an event that is solely his event, I feel like that shouldn’t be my problem, but it still pains me to see someone living in such a disorganized way!

    • Idea

      I honestly wasn’t sure if you meant “partner” in the managing a law firm sense, or “partner” in the spouse sense.

      But a lot of these apply equally, I guess.

    • Meg Murry

      Write things down on our calendar, and look at what I write! My husband is very laid back, and keeps a running calendar in his head of his own appointments and commitments, but is terrible at telling me when his are until less than 48 hours. As in, two nights ago, he said “We’re going to dinner at Bob and Sue’s place on Thursday night, I already arranged for a sitter” and I said “No, I have a [extracurricular] meeting that night, its been on our calendar on the wall for 6 months.”

      It ebbs and flows, but right now its at a low point. My 7 year old writes his own appointments on the calendar and checks it for pete’s sake – why can’t my 30-something husband?

      Speaking of – going to hand it to him this weekend and tell him to fill it in. No more baloney on me having to keep in my head whether this week is the 1st or 2nd Tuesday and therefore he has meeting ABC.

      • Need a Change

        We use Google Calendar and it’s been relationship-changing. We both can access it from our phones or work or home and so there are no more arguments. If it’s on the calendar, it counts as everyone should know. If it’s not on the calendar, no one can complain. Bonus is that the kids can enter their events onto the calendar too (we have teenagers) and check the family calendar to see if they’re free to go to a movie with friends or whatever they want.

        • Meg Murry

          Oh, I live and die by google calendar (I have 2 for myself personally, one for work, one for the 7 year old and two public ones for organizations I keep up where I am the secretary), but I also have a big one on the wall for family stuff that we all need to know. Getting my husband to keep information somewhere other than in his head, in scraps in his wallet or written on whatever scrap of paper he found handy like the electric bill is an ongoing source of frustration. In fairness, his spontaneity is a good balance to my type-A planner-ness and part of why our relationship usually works (he calms me down, I force him to organize sometimes, nothing too terrible goes wrong). And he is great about holding it all in his head and not forgetting – just not communicating it with me or holding my schedule or kids in his head.

          • Meg Murry

            I should add – I use Google Calendar to the point where I’ve almost considered mounting a cheap previous generation tablet on the wall instead of a paper calendar – but I haven’t quite got there yet, and I think it is a good habit for the 7 year old to learn to write things down as well.

            But has anyone here used a tablet as a family calendar? I’m thinking of one for the kitchen that could serve as calendar, cookbook and occasional pandora-playing device.

          • Kate

            Yes! I have thought about this too. We end up using a big dry erase calendar in the kitchen and it’s a pain to make sure it’s up to date… A tablet (maybe an old, refurbished one?) would be a lot easier, but I guess the charging might be a pain. I suppose it wouldn’t lose much battery power just sitting there, though…

    • KinCA

      Pick up after himself! He’s great at tackling big chores like cleaning out our hall closet or doing our landscaping (which I, admittedly, am not), but he is the worst about leaving clothes on the floor, not hanging up his towels, putting dishes in the dishwasher, etc. It doesn’t bother him to have our bedroom floor be littered with his stuff. However, it makes me crazy, and sometimes makes me feel taken advantage of that I spend 20-30 minutes doing these little things every day while he relaxes after work.

    • Anon

      Consistently putting his clothes in the hamper instead of throwing them on the floor.

      • Anon

        Or on top of the hamper! He clearly managed to locate the hamper – why couldn’t he manage to OPEN it?!?!

    • lucy stone

      Being a morning person. I’m not one either and we are THE WORST at staying in bed way longer than necessary not even talking or LGPing, just laying there. If he got up and at ’em in the morning, I’d feel obligated to do it too.

  7. Smooth exfoliant?

    Does anyone know an exfoliating face wash with a fairly smooth texture? (As opposed to rough grains or beads in it?) Right now I use a drugstore cheapie but am always dealing with leftover rough pieces on my skin. Thanks.

    • Anon

      I use cure natural aqua gel. It’s a smooth gel that you put on a dry face, wait a bit, and then rub/wash it off. It rubs off, taking your skin with it. I buy it on Amazon.

    • Zelda

      I add a spoonful of baking soda to my regular face wash every few days and it does a great job of exfoliating without irritating my sensitive skin.

      • la vie en bleu

        This. I keep a little jar of baking soda in my bathroom cabinet and use it alone or with my face wash as needed. Added bonus: Super cheap!!

      • WJM-TV

        I’d go with something like this. In many of the cleansers/scrubs with beads — the beads are made of plastic and not environment-friendly.

    • kc

      Lancome exfoliance confort. The beads are so small you won’t even know they are there, but they exfoliate so well.

    • samoyed

      I use aveeno’s simply radiant scrub and it is a game-changer. very smooth, no rough beads, does the job on exfoliating.

    • lawsuited

      I use the Clinique 7 day scrub – the microbeads are perfectly round and non-irritating.

    • coconut

      Philosophy Microdelivery has a very fine grit.

      I also do a lot of washcloth scrub just with water. I use the cheap fine-textured baby washcloths. Sometimes I might add a bit of baking soda or sugar.

  8. Anon

    My brother was convicted of 2 separate DUIs (and, I think, a few other substance-related charges). He was sentenced and start serving his time next week. He’s been given ~30 days.

    My feelings about what he did aside (it actually happened almost 2 years ago now- he was young, incredibly stupid, and got very, very hurt without causing injury to anyone else….which doesn’t in any make it right, but it does make it a little easier for the family to deal with), any insight into how I can help him through this from out of state? I don’t have any idea what he’ll be doing, or what kind of contact he will/won’t have/may want/may be able to have. I did some googling around and went down a terrifying rat hole about days in prison that I decided I needed to stop reading.

    So, for those in the legal system or those that have had friends/loved ones in a similar situation, any ideas?

    • 30 days

      In my state, you do <1 year stretches in county jail. People are generally segregated (so if you have pending charges on murders, you're not bunking with someone with TB and someone doing 30 days). It's not awesome, but it's not terrible.

      • Anon

        Yeah- don’t get me wrong. He deserves every bit of this (and more), and has no one to blame but himself. He’s young enough (early/mid 20s), though, that I’m hoping it doesn’t end up being a life-ruining experience for him.

        • Anonymous

          Right. But less than 30 days in county jail isn’t going to ruin his life. That’s what she’s saying. Send him letters, visit if you can, and that’s it. He’ll be okay!

          • 30 days

            Agreed: it’s not like it is in OZ. A big problem we had was GF of inmates standing on the parking deck and flashing the jail. If you looked over at the jail and saw everybody at the windows, you knew exactly what was happening.

            Outdoor exercise 3x a day at our jail for an hour (basketball).

            He might have time to read up on expungements, which he will want to do if he keeps his nose clean going forward. Some states treat DUIs as crimes (misdemeanors) and some just treat them as motor vehicle infractions. Also, he’ll want to see if he has any counseling services (AA in jail) inside and any workrelease options (we had sheriff’s roadside pickup and it was oversubscribed due to the boredom).

            Jail mail is searched for contraband, so I wouldn’t send much more than a letter. But put some $ in his account if you want.

          • Wildkitten

            My friend also played a lot of cards. So $ to buy cards at the commissary is good too.

    • Only from TV

      Is there some way for you to send him care packages or money to use in the commissary or even letters?

      • Anon

        How do I find out how to do those things (and what’s allowed/not allowed/appropriate/not appropriate)? Wait until he’s in and assume someone has contact info?

        It’s obviously not going to be the same as a summer camp or military deployment care package…

      • Bonnie

        You generally cannot send care packages to inmates but can put money in his commissary account and on his phone account. The facility can tell you how.

    • Tunnel

      Figure out his visitation rights and try to coordinate with family and friends to maximize the number of visits he has. For example, instead of having 7 people visiting him at the same time on a Sunday, try to spread it out as best as possible so that he could have 1 visit every day.

    • kc

      Visit, call, and put money in his commisary account asap (sometimes it takes a few days to go through). Hopefully with good behavior he’s out asap. The one person I knew who went to jail he said it sucked but wasn’t horrible. Have a party when he gets out.

      • Anon

        I’m actually not so supportive of him that I will be throwing parties- his friends can do that. I just want him to be through with it, have learned from the experience and move on (and positively) with things with no (additional) lasting issues.

    • Anon ADA

      My guess is, based on the short sentence, he’ll be serving time in a county facility. If that’s the case, the biggest complaint I hear about county is boredom, not any kind of safety concerns. He’ll be allowed phone calls, so make sure he has your phone number if he wants to talk, and he can receive mail, so write him letters. Having been through similar things with my brother, I found that my parents actually needed more support than my brother because they worry so much.

      • Anon

        This is helpful. I actually hope he’s bored out of his mind. I’ll figure out how to get things to him and have the kids make stuff to send his way.

        • Carrie....

          I think you have a good attitude. This short stretch should be very manageable for him, and keeping in touch with calls and letters will be appreciated. Honestly, it is good for him to be bored. I would not throw a party for him when he gets out. Let him know you love him and will be there for him. That’s plenty.

          I am really hopeful that this will give him time to think. He is so incredibly lucky he didn’t kill someone…

          I was almost killed by a drunk driver. He got off … with a tiny fine, and record expunged after 6 months if good behavior. He had a great lawyer, paid for by his firm. He was out entertaining clients at the bars/baseball game and then T-boned me on my birthday.

          Sounds like your brother has some complicated issues going on. This may be a time to help him transition to some sort of treatment/support program, if that’s what he needs. Good luck.

        • cbackson

          FWIW, my brother went through something similar. No jail, but his license was revoked and he lived 30 miles from school/work, in a rural area, so it had a very, very significant impact on his life. It 100% turned him around and he fully acknowledges how lucky he is that he did not hurt anyone.

          • Anon

            My brother had a DUI that really turned him around too. The hassle factor and cost were big deterrents to a repeat. I’m not sure his weekend in jail was.

          • Anon

            That is what happened to him the first time, after the first car he totaled (nobody hurt). While on a revoked license, he decided he was going to do it again, and totaled his work vehicle (not work’s vehicle, but the vehicle he drove to/from work). That’s how he landed himself in jail.

            I have no tolerance for the behavior, think he should be punished and I am extremely grateful both that he didn’t hurt anyone other than himself and also, honestly, that he hurt himself enough to have (in part) a major wake-up call. Paying for the legal stuff and fines has pretty much cleaned out his savings, too. I think for a 25 year old, starting from $0 is not that awful and helped with the wake up call too. He has a job, and will very most likely have one when he gets out of jail (he is in restaurant mgmt and the owner is a good friend).

    • Scully

      Support when he gets out is also important. It will be harder for him to get a job with a record. If he has a substance abuse problem, it’s an ongoing fight against relapse.

    • Wildkitten

      I have a really good friend who was in the same situation as your brother and what helped was having books to read in jail. You can probably send books from Amazon – the facility will have rules (like some don’t take hardcover books) so look them up. He can set up an Amazon wish list of books he wants to read before he reports for his sentence.

      • la vie en bleu

        yes, this, too. In fact, many facilities now require that you only send books via a licensed bookseller, you can’t put them in an envelope and mail yourself. So definitely have him set up a wish list before he reports.

    • Pesh

      I have mixed feelings about the suggestions to “throw him a party after he gets out’. I would definitely not do that. Accomplishing something deserves a celebration, but IMO completing a state-mandated prison sentence does not. Sure, it will be a relief when it’s over, but celebrating the fact that he paid his debt to society seems odd to me. To each his own of course, but I was surprised to see a few suggestions for it, so wanted to give another perspective.

      • Wildkitten

        I think it’s pretty common to have a low key “open house” type bbq when people get out of jail, so friends and family can drop by. I agree that a blow-out party would probably be a bad plan for someone with potential a substance abuse problem.

    • Anon for this

      My brother also was convicted of two DUIs, and my husband’s cousin is currently serving a long prison term. First, it’s important to visit as much as possible. Second, a lot of prisons do not allow care packages unless through a specified vendor- and then it can take a while to set up an account- so I would start this process now. You can also send money, although in some states a portion of whatever amount you send him will be diverted to repay any fees he owes in conjunction with his sentence.

      We always send care packages through the approved place- food, deoderant, etc. and we send money so they can buy food- prison food sucks apparently. I also found that some prisons let you send books/magazines through Amazon, and those are always well received (he might want to set up an Amazon wish list before he goes in- that way you can send him something from his list).

      I don’t know that there is any limit on the number of letters you can send- and it can help with the monotony of the day, so send lots.

      It’s embarassing and painful for the family members- good luck- at least it’s a short sentence.

    • Meg Murry

      Random item we learned about from an acquaintance who spent some time in our county jail was socks and /or flip flops. Apparently in our county they take away the inmates shoes along with their personal clothing, and provide cheap jail flip-flops or slip on shoes – which other inmates steal when the person is sleeping. The floor is concrete and gets very cold in the winter. The prisoners can buy socks or new approved footwear from the prison store, but only if someone puts money in their account for them.

      So do some digging and see if there are random items like this that are desirable to make the stay less miserable.

    • Chris

      I went through this many years ago with my younger brother. The facility he was in would accept packages if they were shipped direct from Amazon, so I sent care packages with books and goodies that way.

  9. Gift Idea

    My friend is the mother of three little boys < 4 years old. She's having leg surgery today. The recovery will be relatively manageable (she'll walk out of the hospital, however gingerly), but add the active boys, and I imagine it won't be easy.

    Suggestions for a small-ish gift to send her (<$50)? I know she has groceries/normal routine stuff handled, but I’d love to get her something that puts the attention on her and not the boys/family.

  10. Tunnel

    XP from the moms side: I am looking to finally get replacement for my 10-year old Longchamp Le Pliage bag (RIP – the zipper finally got stuck and there are some hole issues in the bottom corners that I lovingly ignored for a while). This bag was a total catchall – for work, for travel, for shopping, etc. But I noticed that the straps on the current large Le Pliage bags appear to be shorter (9″) than mine (maybe 12″?). Am I going crazy? Was there a change? Is there a different model I should be looking at? Halp!

    • LilyB

      send the bag back to longchamp- they will do the work for free or replace it if it can’t be repaired.

    • Anon

      Or can you buy the new bag and put the old strap on it (assuming it is the clip on kind)?

  11. Anonymous

    I was going to post something about how I screwed up an interview for a major dream job this week and I was really upset about it. But, then this morning, I was asked for letters of reference. So, for starters, Eeeeek! So excited. By way of asking for advice, who do I ask? My current boss would be my best one, but I don’t really want to do that (for obvious reasons). I have some people that I worked with at previous jobs, but that was right out of law school, and I was not doing the kind of high level work I’m doing now and would be doing at this new job. I can reach out to some professors for one of them. Is asking my current boss a terrible idea? (Its not a lateral move, and he would probably understand why I would *have* to make the jump if I got the job, but still . . . )

    • Anon2

      Do not ask current manager, but a peer or slightly more senior person at current job?

      • tesyaa

        I would not ask anyone at current job unless absolutely necessary, because people talk (unless you have someone you trust absolutely). Most employers understand that. If you use a reference from an older job, the focus will probably be less on specific work but more on talent and ability to produce results.

        Think about it – if you used your current manager or even someone else from your current job, and you didn’t get the new job for some other reason, would it be incredibly awkward?

        • Anon2

          tesyaa makes a great point. – I should have used that disclaimer up front. But, that is exactly how I got through the reference check exercise at my current job. I had two go-tos at my former job who were probably more friends that coworkers (one slightly more senior), but could honestly speak to my job performance. I trusted them inside and out, and so it wasn’t awkward when I didn’t get the first job I used them as references for.

    • Brant

      This is industry-dependant, but often references are more of a formality. If HR is going to be doing the reference checks, they’ll likely be having higher level conversations where your specific work won’t be that relevant. They’ll want to know that you’re reliable, not lying about experience, etc. If you use references you havent’ worked with in a while, just chat with them beforehand about what you’ve been up to.

    • NYC tech

      You can talk to the hiring manager and ask if it’s possible to provide your current boss as a reference, but request that they don’t contact them until the last stage of the hiring process. Chances are, the hiring manager deals with this type of situation all the time and will be able to handle it with tact (and likely give you a heads up before they are ready to contact your boss).

      • Anonymous

        This is a good idea. I can provide 3 references and then add that they can speak to my current boss at the last stage as a 4th.

        Yes, the situation where I tell my current boss that I have applied to this other job and then don’t get the job is exactly the situation I am trying to avoid!

      • Anon

        I disagree because you should never use someone as a reference without speaking to them first. So, if you don’t want your boss to know now, you can’t use him now.

        Is there anyone you work with, and trust, outside of your current organization? I generally try to have people who know me in different ways — former boss, colleague, and (because I’m a lawyer) an adversary with whom I have a good relationship.

        • NYC tech

          Right, I should clarify. My advice only applies if you have a good relationship with your current boss, and feel certain that they will give a good reference. You ask the hiring manager to contact your current boss last, and to give you heads-up before they do. That way, if the interview goes well and the hiring manager wants to contact your current boss, you can immediately talk to your boss about being a reference. I agree that talking to your boss before the other company contacts them for a reference is essential.

    • Coach Laura

      Do you have any former colleagues (especially those more senior) who you’ve worked with closely who have left your organization? That would be a good alternative.

    • Anon

      I highly recommend not telling your current boss, even if you have a great relationship and you think he will understand. My husband had a great relationship with his boss (went out to lunch all the time, our families did things together a few times, etc) and when he told her he was interviewing for a better job (better experience, better pay) she went psycho and refused to talk to him. Luckily, he got the job and got the heck outta there.

  12. Chi Squared

    I am in need of new bath towels! Any recommendations? I think there was a comment thread about this, but a quick search did not turn it up. Thanks!

    • Cb

      The nice ones (on sale) at JCPenney. They seem to be the only ones that don’t get crunchy after awhile and the colour selection and price are really good. I’ve also heard good things about Costco?

    • mascot

      We have some Waterworks Studio ones that I got from a flash sale site (OKL?). They are medium soft but pretty absorbent.

    • Miss Behaved

      I just bought some very nice big soft Calvin Klein towels for $9.99 at Home Goods last weekend.

    • tesyaa

      Lands’ End – wait until they have a sale like 25% off your entire order, which they seem to have frequently.

    • Sydney Bristow

      Oohhhh great question. We want to register for some really luxurious towels but I have no idea where to start.

    • Basics

      Wamsutta Duet at Bed, Bath and Beyond. Good range of colors. Last forever. Simple style so go with everything. Reasonabky priced, especially with BBB 20% off coupons (one per towel).

    • Lyssa

      We got some really nice ones at Pottery Barn a couple of years ago – soft, fluffy, very absorbent. I didn’t realize how terrible other towels were until I tried to use an old one after using those for a while.

    • L

      I’ve been really happy with the macy’s home collection turkish towels. They are SO FLUFFY.

    • LilyB

      the slightly more upscale line at target (Fieldcrest) has done very well for me (they stay soft and fairly fluffy after many washes). the color has faded a little but I got a deep purple so I expected some fading. Overall I would definitely recommend them, especially at that price point.

      • Parfait

        I have some of these. I didn’t like them at first, but they softened up eventually and have lasted a really long time.

  13. ALCAT

    Have you had ALCAT testing? Why? Did a regular doctor recommend it, and if so what type?

    Did you change something and did it help?

  14. Blue Anne

    I have a good friend who is really starting to get on my nerves, and I was hoping for some advice from the community here.

    We’re American. Both of us came to the UK to study subjects in the Humanities (him a few years before me), and both of us loved the UK so much we wanted to stay forever.

    After university, I acknowledged that although I loved my degree subject it wasn’t going to get me a job, and took admin work on a 2-year post study work visa. When that visa ran out, my husband and I got married, about a year earlier than we would’ve otherwise. Recently I’ve started as a trainee at an accounting firm. It’s paid fine, very stable, great prospects, and the work is enjoyable, if not my ‘passion’. All in all I’ve been pretty realistic and made some sacrifices and it’s working out great.

    Meanwhile, my friend finished his degrees, all the way up to PhD, getting more specialized into a subject which is REALLY COOL but… honestly pretty useless. He hasn’t landed a full time teaching position, and anything other than that isn’t enough for him to get a visa. Long story short, he’s had to leave the UK, and has bounced around getting short gigs in various places. These moves have also taken him away from some promising relationships.

    He’s now underemployed, overqualified, single, living with family, half a world away from his friends, and bitter. I understand why, and I do (did?) have sympathy for him. But every time he messages me, it’s to complain, and it’s gotten to the point where I want to shake him and yell “Wake up! What did you expect?! I’m not going to keep consoling you for making bad choices!”

    I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I also don’t want to spend time talking to this person any more. He’s constantly whining about not being handed the things I had to make some hard choices to get. Unfortunately he approaches me for sympathy often, as we used to be really close, and I can’t see any drama-free way to deal with it.

    Someone here must have faced a similar situation. Advice?

    • anonymous

      I used to be friends with someone like this, but it we weren’t that close. I tried to gently bring it up once that let’s talk about something else/something interesting! He’s very emotional and reactive, so that didn’t go well. I smoothed things over, but then distanced myself. We don’t live in the same town anymore, so it’s easy to avoid him. Some friendships just can’t be sustained. You and your friend seem like you were much closer, so I don’t know if this would be different for you. I just didn’t see any future to the friendship in my case.

    • Facing "failure"....

      Rough… I agree that you need to decide how much you value this friendship.

      I guess I would also look at whether or not his support of you over the years has been such that you feel you can help him ride this one out. I certainly understand if you can’t. But if it’s only an email or phone call every once in awhile….

      I am sorry to admit that during a rough time in my life, I had friends abandon me when I really needed support. And it really felt like abandonment. It just made my life worse…. It was a very different situation than this, but it really hurt.

      I now realize that people in general do not want to hear about problems/complaints/bad stuff…. It is human nature. I have changed the way I relate to people, but now have few deep friendships. Then it really sucks when you are going through bad stuff, especially when your friends all appear to have their stuff together.

      • Godzilla

        Yeah, I was going to say that one of the OP’s options is to do the “fade” that other people on here have complained about regarding their once-upon-a-time BFF. You can certainly do that. Or disappear altogether.

        Basically, you gotta do what’s best for you. Take your time to respond to him. I’m assuming text/email/facebook/e-chats are your primary modes of communication? Take a day to respond. 6 hours. Respond to non-complainy stuff only.

        Or you could be blunt and let him know how you really feel. That he needs to figure $hit out instead of complaining about not having what he wants. Grow up buddy, school’s over.

      • Susie

        It can be cultural (perhaps not in the OP’s case as she said they are both American, though possible if he’s first generation). In some cultures the only acceptable reply to “how are you” is “well, thank you” while in other cultures it is an invitation to spill out everything that’s bothering you physically and/or emotionally. I’m Hungarian and I have a hard time with this sometimes, and Americans can be quite taken aback!

    • Idea

      I have a complainy friend. I’ve tried, “Yeah, that really sucks for you.” I’ve pointed out that he complains about. everything. Sometimes I attempt some cheer-ups – hey, people have gotten through this before, people have gotten through similar times, problem-solve, but mostly, he just likes to complain. Everyone is against him.

      It helps me to have a mutual friend to complain about him with, or to check and make sure that he’s not THAT bad (i.e. just likes to complain, not desperately depressed or suicidal or anything).

      I have let the relationship dwindle very much, but not enough to cut off or end completely (thanks, Facebook). Not sure if any of this helps, but it’s totally OK to complain about complainy friend.

      • Ellen

        Yay! Fruegel Friday’s! I love Fruegel Friday’s and this Fruegel Blazer, tho it is a littel frumpy for my taste’s even if it is fruegel!

        As for the OP, times have changed. It sound’s like you were initiealy BOTH singel when you went over to the UK to study, and you eventualy realised that the Humanitie’s degree would NOT pay the rent. You also wized up and found a HUSBAND! YAY!

        In the meantime, this guy did NOTHING, and now he’s bounced around and is bitter. The ONLEY thing I wonder about is whether you were once MORE then a freind to him — that is, were you initmiate with him so that he look’s to you as someone he was VERY close to and could spill his gut’s out to? If you were, then guess what–it will be more dificult to get rid of a guy who you once dated, but now you are MARRIED and he is NOT and he still think’s of you as HIS port in the storm. If this is the case, I think the easiest way to stop the constant whining is to remind him that you are MARRIED to another guy now and you have to put HIS needs (and whining) first. You can also tell him that your HUSBAND does not like the idea of you being such a close freind to a guy — even tho you are physically separate and you are NOT haveing sex with him. Men are very posessive–look at Myrna’s brother. We have not even touched each other, let alone kissed or had sex, and he is already claimeing OWNERSHIP over me, like a chattle, and telling me that I can ONLEY see Donald IF he no longer is interested in me.

        Excuse me, but don’t we women get a vote in this matter? Are we to just roll over and do what men tell us? I say NO to that and for you, you say NO MORE WHINING from this guy, even if he is NOT an EX of yours. YOU are NOW MARRIED (thank goodness) and you do NOT want to do anything to disrupt your new MARRAGE. FOOEY!

        And if you are married to a Brit, you have other complication’s, as I did when I was dateing a guy from the UK. They expect alot of different thing’s sexueally from us women, and personaly, I am NOT comfortable with alot of the things they expect. DOUBEL FOOEY on men who expect us to treat their winkie’s like King Tut’s jewelery! For some reason, most British guy’s think we love their accents, and think we should treat them all like they are Paul MacCarney or Sting. Why so many women sleep with Mick Jager is beyond me, but I guess it is his accent and his MONEY! YAY, but NOT for me. So good luck trying to loose this GUY! DOUBEL YAY when you do!

    • Bee

      I’ve been on both sides of this. When I’ve been the complainy friend – sometimes it feels like the world is against you and you just really need someone in your corner. Or maybe you need to work through something you’re struggling with and talking about it, even if you’re talking in circles, helps you to process. Whatever it is, eventually it passes.

      For your friend, he may not have made the best decisions about his educational progress, but what’s done is done and there’s no way to change it now. Currently, it seems like he’s out there trying to find a job, it’s not like he’s lazing about doing nothing. He seems to really need someone on his side who will say, what you’re going through sucks a bag of d*cks, but you will get through it and everything will be OK.

      That being said, sometimes enough is enough and you have to limit contact. If your friend is doing something NOW that’s other than what he should be doing, tell him. Once. And if things don’t get better, start limiting your contact to times that you can be more receptive to his complaining. You have to exercise self care too, and listening to someone complain all the time is hardly doing that.

    • Anonymous

      I understand your frustration. If you want the friendship to continue then you should gently let him know that you appreciate that he is having a hard time but that it is also hard on you to constantly be receiving messages where he is complaining.

      Also I have to point out that as much as you have managed to get your career together, you do come across as ignorant when you brand someone else’s degree as “Pretty useless”. Sorry but that’s what I thought. He does have a useful skill-set but his problem might also be that he hasn’t learned how to sell himself. Whatever his degree is in, even if it’s a very esoteric subject in the humanities, he has to look for jobs beyond teaching, since that does not sound as if it is panning out. You can point out to him that there are lots of resources on the internet for “Alternative careers for PhDs”, use that as a search term in Google. I also recommend the book “So, what are you going to do with that?” by Susan Basalla and Maggie Debellius, a useful career guide for non-academic careers for those with advanced degrees.

      Also agree with the poster “Facing Failure” above, most people do not want to hear about other people’s problems so it could also be that since you were once close, you are one of a few people who is maintaining contact. During difficult times, very few friends stick around or even show concern and one can really feel abandoned and lonely. If things are really that bad, maybe he is depressed or could even become suicidal. So seeing a therapist as he maps out a new plan for his life may be helpful.

    • Anon

      I have a friend like this. She’s 30. Wicked smart girl, has two very marketable bachelor’s degrees. Used them in a high-paying, high-prestige job A for a few years post-college, decided she hated job A and quit. Took up low-paying, low-prestige job B in the service industry. Worked at job B for a few months, decided she hated it (because she didn’t get paid enough, wasn’t respected enough, her co-workers were lame, her boss was a “tyrant”, she didn’t get Saturdays off….). None of these things should have come as a surprise to her, and yet.

      She quit, and took a part time retail job she hates. She gets some money from her parents, and she has a boyfriend. She is essentially waiting on him to propose and refuses to get a job she likes more and that pays her better in the mean time. She is constantly whining- she’s broke, the boy isn’t proposing fast enough, she hates her job, she hates everything.

      I have been through unemployment in the past so initially I empathized greatly. Like you, I made the hard choices I needed to, busted my ass, and gave up my “passion” so I could pay my bills. Now I’m doing well. I have told Friend, when it seemed like she really wasn’t doing well, as gently as I could, my perspective- that if she wanted to move to a better job she really needed to put in a bit more effort, and that it’s not her fault, its just the way the economy is- especially when you refuse to use the degrees that you needed for job A but don’t have any other skills. I also told her that I thought it was dangerous to simply wait for a boy to take care of her. I told her that I was worried about her and I support her, but that I think she needs to take more, harder, steps to improve her circumstances. She vas very resistant to this message and has gradually been lessening our contact. I need a break from the whining, too, so I’m letting the fade take place, at least for now. I miss our friendship when it was good, but I don’t miss the whining.

      I really don’t know if this is advice- but I stand by my decision to gently push back against her on some of her ideas (ie, waiting for the ring as a source of financial stability, refusing to get a job because she might have less time to spend with boyfriend), as her friend. I’d have wanted someone to do the same for me. This may also subtly communicate the message that you’re less interested in endlessly hearing about problems and more interested in hearing about solutions. Maybe if he knows you’re not going to constantly empathize and validate his pain, but instead will push him a bit, he’ll stop turning to you as a comfort blanket.

      I say all this (what a novel, sorry) with the caveat that when I was struggling after grad school, I really appreciated the people who were there for me. It was the worst time of my life. But there’s a boundary.

  15. Anon

    Is buying jeans just a total utter crapshoot? I bought a pair in the store last week that fit really well but then read that you need to buy ones that are a little tight in the store. I bought a second pair of the same jeans one size smaller and they were quite tight, and after a couple hours, they are so loose as to be baggy. I haven’t washed them yet but don’t have a lot of hope. These are Levi’s 529’s. Is there a trick I’m missing? Should I get them taken in on the sides to fit?

    • Mpls

      Fabric content – how much elastic/spandex is in the fiber? Too much/too little (can’t remember the ratio) contributes to the stretch-out issue.

        • Mpls

          Hmm- the BR denim I have (and like and wear all the time) has 3% spandex (and 85% cotton, remainder polyeseter) and I haven’t had the stretched out issues that I’ve had with Gap and Jcrew jeans.

  16. Hildegarde

    A frivolous question for a Friday: My brother’s rehearsal dinner is this evening (hooray!), and I’m wearing a navy lace dress with a beige underlay, and magenta heels. It is cold here. I have black hose, nude hose, black tights, and charcoal tights. I can also run out at lunch at purchase another color of tights. Which would you wear? I feel like tights would look odd with the heels, but black hose might look odd with an outfit with no other black in it. That leaves nude hose, but for some reason I’m having difficulty seeing those as evening wear.

    I could also wear black heels, or brown boots, though that would be less fun than magenta. Any thoughts?

    • tesyaa

      I think black hose are ok with navy. Charcoal is a good color with navy and magenta, but the dress sounds dressy and charcoal tights sound casual. If the tights are on the silky side, rather than the sweater side, they’d work too.

    • hose

      Do you have navy hose? Maybe crazy…. but I kinda love the “column of color” with a pop of contrast with your shoes. Maybe wear navy hose instead of tights, if you can tolerate it.

    • Momata

      Assuming that nude is in the beige family for you – nude hose, because of the beige underlay on your dress. I’ve always thought the purpose of those kinds of underlays is to provide a s*xy faux-peep of skin, which will look really odd if your legs are a different color.

    • Hildegarde

      Thank you all! It sounds like nude hose is the way to go (nude-for-me is indeed a light beige), though the navy hose idea is intriguing.

      • Baconpancakes

        Wow, I’m wearing basically this exact outfit for dinner tomorrow. Black lace dress with beige under-color, red heels, was waffling on what to do re tights or hose. Mostly I was concerned about being cold, what with temperatures dipping to the teens. I’m also planning on going with the nude hose.

        After this, I’m looking into getting a pair of Wolford nude tights.

        • Hildegarde

          Yes, I think both lace dresses and pop-of-color shoes have been trends the last few years. I doubt either of them are so classic they’ll never go out of style, but I do like the look.

  18. applicant

    thanks for all of the suggestions about where to conduct a phone interview in the middle of the work day. I ended up going to a hotel lobby and finding a quiet corner of its lounge area. Perfect! interview went so well, they invited me to come in-person and it sounds like I might just get this job!

  19. black jeans for a short pear

    Can anyone recommend a pair of jeans for me? Here are my requirements:

    1. Must be inky black. No fading, marks, or grey hues. I want dark, solid, slimming black.
    2. Skinny and slimming fit.
    3. Fit and flatter a short pear. I’m 5’3″ and an XS/2-4 on top but a 27″/6-8 on the bottom.

    I love the look of these, but I know from experience that J. Crew is cut for a tall, thin, model-like build:

    https://www.jcrew.com/womens_category/pants/denim/PRDOVR~B1298/B1298.jsp

    • Carrie..

      I’m very similar in pear shape to you, and have had a hard time finding my perfect black jeans. One warning… be careful of high rise. I found that although they seem more comfortable around my big butt, they scream Mom jeans and make my butt look bigger and oddly flatter (pockets). While low rise often doesn’t work well either on a pear, a mid-rise is safest.

      • Anonymous

        I am built exactly like the OP and ordered these. Best fitting jeans I’ve ever had! Material has some stretch in it, but they’re actually thick enough to feel like regular denim vs. jeggings, which is a problem I have had with skinny jeans.

    • eh230

      Try Loft. I bought a pair of their curvy super skinny black jeans, and they are great. I am also 5’3 and pear shaped. They do have a bit of a higher rise, but I don’t mind that.

      • B

        I’m a pear too and love Loft jeans but I have to go up a size because the thighs are weirdly slim.

        Admittedly I haven’t bought any in a couple of years though. Has anyone else had this issue more recently? I don’t have that with any other pants, just Loft jeans.

  21. Gail the Goldfish

    Can I wear heeled tall boots to a funeral? Like nice black boots I wear to work? It’s going to be somewhere cold, but in my head, I think I can hear my grandmother (and women of her generation) being shocked that I set foot in a church in boots.

    • Baconpancakes

      No. If your feet aren’t solid blocks of ice inside low-heeled, sensible, clean black heels, you’re not mourning enough.

    • pickle

      I recently attended a funeral in Oklahoma where adult family members showed up in red pants/platform sandals.

      ETA: DH and I were the only couple in black. I don’t know if funerals have changed or if it was a geographic thing.

      • Parfait

        I went to a funeral where people were in shorts and flip flops. I realize I live in Southern California, and it was a hot summer day, but I was still faintly appalled. I wore a long short-sleeved dress and a big hat.

    • Anon

      I think it’s fine. I wore boots to a funeral on a wind-swept island off the coast of Massachusetts in early April. I still froze (should have worn snow pants, I think), but I don’t think it was inappropriate style-wise.

    • Anon

      I think it’s fine (and I can’t bring myself to wear pants to enter a church, so I’m pretty conservative when it comes to house-of-worship attire).

    • la vie en bleu

      please do. I think some of the older generations might think it’s odd, but it’s 2015. I think boots have become ubiquitous and acceptable footwear for women, and everyone can deal with it. ;o)

    • lucy stone

      Go right ahead. I recently attended a funeral with about 100 attendees. My husband, his father, and two other men were the only ones in coats. The average outfit involved leggings and Uggs. I think your grandmother and her contemporaries would be pleased you dressed up at all.

  22. Gah! So nervous

    If someone you sent your resume to a long time ago (dream job) writes out of the blue to say they aren’t currently hiring but want to meet you for coffee because they anticipate hiring in a few months (and she knows I would be meeting up on a work-from-home day),what should I wear? Suit like a formal interview? More casual–nice dress and blazer? Gah!

    • Susie

      I would not do full suit if she knows you are not coming from your office where you otherwise normally wear a suit. Nice dress and blazer sounds appropriate.

  23. la vie en bleu

    might be too late for people to see this, but does any one use view binders a lot??

    working in an office where everything is organized in binders from 1″ to 3″ and they want a title strip in the spine of every binder. I am so tired of wrestling trying to get strips of paper in and out of these binders!! Does anyone have any tips for making it easier, especially for not wrinkling the paper getting it into the smallest 1″ binder spines? TIA.

    • Cat

      I use mailing labels and just stick them on the outside of the opening – if that’s not feasible because binders have to be reused often, can you keep some card stock on hand? Cut up a business card and use the blank back for the titles?

    • la vie en bleu

      no they switch out binders constantly so don’t want to use stickers. But I love the card stock idea, we don’t do it so often that it would be that expensive. I’m going to try that. How did I know this crew would have ideas for me? Thank you!!

    • mascot

      Label maker labels don’t take much time to make and remove cleanly/quickly.

    • Wildkitten

      There are binders where the spine is part of the cover, so you can put a label in the cover and slide it over to the spine. I cannot figure out what they are called but they are life-changing.

      • la vie en bleu

        Sigh, I want these so much right now! Unfortunately, there is already a huge supply of binders here, they just switch them out with new materials all the time. I want these so hard I am going to cry.

        Right now I am going through a huge stack trying to pull the slips out of the spines and it is the worst.

    • WJM-TV

      Cut the paper skinnier than you need it to be (like 1/2″ for a 1″ binder) and always leave a tab of paper at the very top so you can remove it easily.

      • la vie en bleu

        yeah, this is what I try to do, but unfortunately, I’m not the only person who prepares these binders so much of this is trying to get the spine out of binders other people made where there isn’t a tab on top, they have slid way down. I was hoping for tips to get them out when they have slid down too far. And tips for getting the narrow strips into the binders when they are really long (lots of text) and they keep crumpling… sigh, why is this my life right now?

        • lucy stone

          Long tweezers. My paralegal has a pair of what I think are surgical tweezers that we use for this.

          • la vie en bleu

            !!!! This. Is. Genius. How did I not think of this. I am finding these this weekend. Wow, thank you!!

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