Performance Reviews: Running With Feedback

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1. I wonder what Ellen’s performance review went? The managing partner loves her but not Frank. I’m convinced she’s on the right track with men also, not giving of herself to the guys in NYC who are just interested in casual sex. Go Ellen!

2. Does anyone have tips for how to act when receiving feedback? I know from past experience that my natural tendency is to get very defensive when receiving critical feedback and would appreciate any tips on how to change this. I try to remind myself before receiving feedback to stay calm and be positive but I get so nervous when I hear feedback that I start blurting out dumb/defensive things!

   1. Make it a point not to respond (verbally or otherwise) in the same day. Sleep on it, analyze it, and go back the next day if you can.

      Also try to know what your weaknesses are beforehand, and go in with thoughts on how to address your own shortcomings if possible.

      1. +1. Focus on breathing if you feel your emotions welling up.

   2. I think you need to mentally separate out those times when it is appropriate to explain why you did something a certain way and those times when it isn’t.

      If someone is just telling you “in the future do x” or “please fix this for me to say blah blah blah” they likely don’t care about why it was done a certain way in the past and just want it fixed going forward. If instead you are being told there is a major issue because you do X and partner Y has always told you to do X, that is something worth mentioning as they will need to work out which you do going forward.

      This is a constant frustration for me at work because two of the staff I work with are super super defensive. I might say to staff 1 “hey, I saw two pleadings that were scanned as one in the e-file. Can you break them out into 2 when you have a chance?” Note I’m not mad that they were that way and I’m not even saying she put them that way. I’m just asking her to clean it up. Then I get a ten minute soliloquy on, “oh, I don’t know how that happened. It must have come in on a vacation day. Maybe number 2 did it. I always save it this other way.” I’ll interrupt and say “it’s okay, I’m not really concerned about how it happened or who did it. I just want it saved correctly into the file so if you could fix it for me, even though you didn’t do it, I would appreciate it.” And that is still not enough and she has to again tell me she wasn’t the one working on the file back when that pleading was saved.

      With staff number 2 it is constant “well the person I replaced never told me I had to do that so I didn’t know.” And I’ll say something like “that’s fine. The deadline is Tuesday though so let’s make sure we get it in time. And now you know going forward.” And I’ll still get a follow up email that says “here is the list of things former person said I had to do on A file. As you can see no one told me I had to do it.” And I’ll reply, “I believed you the first time. Not a big deal as long as it gets done. Thanks.”

      And then I want to ram my head into a wall. I actually complained about it to my husband recently and he said I’m guilty of doing the same thing at home. I try to be sympathetic but it just drives me bonkers.

      If you are in trouble, I’m not going to be asking you in a friendly way to just fix something. I’m going to be sitting down to ask why you are making the errors in the first place.

      1. Do you work in my office? Your description of the two staff members you work with are alarmingly familiar. I am so frustrated with all of the excuses that I usually just interrupt and do it myself.

         But agreed on the overall takeaway – don’t be defensive or explain why you messed things up. Just try to incorporate the feedback and move forward.

   3. Come with a notebook and just take notes of the feedback? That could help stay calm.

   4. A while back I learned a mantra to say in my head when I get feedback. It’s based on the idea that feedback is an assessment (quick definition below). Don’t know if it will help you, but I love it because it’s long enough that it lets me calm down.

      Background — assessment framework: Assessments are relative to a standard (so I may be loud in comparison to my sister but quiet in comparison to my mother) and also may or may not be grounded in evidence. Plus, sometimes a certain assessment isn’t something you have emotional space to work on at the moment, and you may accept it as fact but not be willing to discuss further at the time.

      So the mantra is:

      “Thank you for the assessment. It may or may not be grounded in evidence. I know that is relative to a standard. I [do/do not] accept your authority to give this assessment, and I [am/am not] open to further conversation.”

   5. I combat the defensive tendency by always starting with a genuine thank you for the feedback. As a senior person, it can be very difficult to deliver constructive feedback and, as a junior person, that constructive feedback is needed for growth and improvement. I try to recast any negative criticism as the senior person trying to provide me a path for growth and improvement, effectively switching your mindset from negative to positive. Criticism isn’t something to protect yourself from — it’s something to embrace!

      I’ve found that managers are so relieved and happy to encounter the positive mindset that they become more thoughtful with feedback and more willing to offer it in the moment rather than waiting until it’s required at the official review. The outcome is that I end up learning much faster and having a much better relationship with my manager than I would otherwise. Note that this works even if you disagree with the feedback. In that case, I’d start with sincerely thanking them for the feedback and then telling them about any plans you have to address the feedback and asking if they have any suggestions for how you can improve.

      If you’re getting negative feedback you think is off-base, it’s either because 1) your manager has a misconception of what’s going on, which means you need to figure out how to better communicate with your manager or 2) because your manager is a bad fit for you. If it’s a matter of misconception, you can fix that with communication (you don’t need to be defensive; just tell them you’d like to check in from time to time to get feedback on how you’re improving and make sure you focus on whatever the perception/communication issue is). On the other hand, if it’s a matter of a bad fit, you can either working on aligning your style to theirs, or you can find a new job (I’ve done both).

   6. One thing that helped me, particularly when I worked for very small firms (one or two partners) was to remind myself that doing my work the way the partner wanted me to do it was part of my job. I may have had a very good reason for a choice I made, but ultimately, my job was to do [whatever] the way the partner wanted me to do it. Thinking of it as part of my job really helped me accept criticism that was just a matter of taste or style.

      1. +1

3. I am very interested to hear the feedback here. I manage a large, senior staff and my reviews of my team are always quite critical. However, my team is full of absolute rock-stars. They always well compensated, get big bonuses, get promoted, etc– but I have a very high bar for my team that I reinforce during reviews. I do warn people about this when we do our mid-years, and again before starting the review. Nobody on my team gets “Great year! Keep it up! 6/6!” They get more like, “YXZ were accomplished as expected.” My bar is set very high and my team hits it, they just don’t fly over it. Keep in mind again that they are compensated for being all stars.

   1. Anonymous, speaking as someone who works underneath people like you, I hope your performance reviews also includes a “thank you.”

      1. Also include*

   2. It costs you nothing to say, “As you know, you did great at accomplishing x, y, and z. One specific thing A you did exceptionally well. That said, next year I think we can do x and y even better, e.g. blah blah blah.” I mean, I get if gushy is not your style, but it seems that accurate feedback for good employees can help them feel good about the job they are doing, and give them goals for the future.

      1. yes, our conversations are like that. I’m talking about the explicit document review and output. In my company, we have people that get a 6/6. I have never given that rating, ever. That said…the people scoring 6/6s get a 4-5% bonus and my 4/6s get a 20% bonus (and their salary is higher anyway). it’s all relative.

         1. Happiness studies show people would rather make less but get higher reviews. I’m pretty sure that assuming the difference was 25% of my current salary, I’d take 6/6 and the low bonus. And I’m not alone and some of them might feel that way. Soooo… yeah. Whatever helps you sleep at night?

   3. I had a performance review like that once. I applied for ten jobs before coming in the next day.

      Why are you asking for validation about this? You know it’s wrong. Your employees have those mediocre ratings that they then have to explain to anyone else when seeking a job that isn’t from you. They bust their tails every day and get told in their reviews “Eh, that’s just acceptable.”

      You NEED to examine your motivations for doing this, rather than asking for validation and justifying it with salary and bonuses.

      1. yup.

      2. +1. I’ve been in their shoes and it sucks. You’re disadvantage them compared to others. It’s also controlling for without you to explain, they look worse compared to peers.

      3. Late to the game, but 100% ditto to Bridget. You’re hurting them.

4. I’ll never forget the time I had an evaluation where the male feedback was “You’re great, for you the sky’s the limit. But you’re seen as too ambitious.” WTF? If I recall, my response was to say nothing because I figured I would reinforce the image of being bossy or “ambitious” if I argued back. But I wanted to scream.

5. One of the more interesting comments I’ve received was that I was “unflappable”. The feedback was delivered as a negative but the more I thought about it, the more I took it as a compliment. As an Executive Assistant, I pride myself in maintaining my composure under any and all circumstances, and I don’t think I’ve ever encountered an executive who would have preferred a “chicken little” type.

   1. I have been told something very similar. Most of my high profile work is incident management at the time the excerment is hitting the aeration device and I am usually unflappable and calm no matter what is going on. I was told that I am too calm and reassuring because apparently someone in management thinks this is apathetic and we should be openly distressed to show that we take the issue seriousl…. Whileas all my clients have always appreciated the “air traffic controller” approach.

      1. Yes, I worked at a place with similar excrement aeration :^) and maintaining my composure through two firm mergers, two firm splits, five rounds of layoffs, and 90% management turnover was an accomplishment in itself I believe. My direct supervisor was the “chicken little” of the group and did not do anyone any favors by acting that way.

6. I have been lucky to have excellent reviews over the years, but they always do throw in something for improvement. The best advice I got there is to talk to opposing counsel and joint defense groups with the same confidence that I talk to my internal teams. It really revolutionized my encounters with people outside my firm.

7. I’ve been told that I am too “nice” to customers. I work in sales, and people do not take nice people seriously. I still struggle with reconciling the image of what being a woman should be and what personality traits are most successful in a competitive sales environment.

   In terms of receiving constructive criticism the biggest tip I can provide is to keep in mind that your supervisor wants you to succeed. The criticism isn’t coming fro a place of ridicule or mean spirits, but a genuine desire to see you reach your potential. I never think of this information as negative, but as an area where improvement can be made, an opportunity to reach higher. I think this mentality has been the difference between succeeding and failing or finding a new profession. I do not have the “sales personality” naturally, it has taken a lot of learning for me to be where I am.

8. I would be interested in what you ladies think are appropriate questions to ask the Senior Partner giving the performance review. He always ends by asking if I have any questions and I’m never quite sure what to ask considering that the reviews have been generally positive and he goes pretty in-depth. Does it look as if I don’t care when I respond that I don’t have any questions?

   1. Not a lawyer- so take this with a grain of salt.

      What does this Senior Partner do particularly well? What are your personal ambitions, and what can you learn from him that will help you achieve them? Are there any ways that you may wish to ask for him to mentor you? Are there any career development goals that you want to put on record?

      I don’t necessarily think that it speaks ill that you don’t have any questions. You may be someone who takes time to digest the data, or you may be in agreement on your review and not have any questions or issues.

   2. If it hasn’t already come up as part of the review, I would use that as an opportunity to say, “In five years my goal is to be __ (Managing Partner, etc). Do have suggestions for things I should be doing now that will help me get there?”

9. Performance reviews can be a great way for you to gain more insight into your perception in the work place. Although most people dread the performance review process, it’s a great way to speak on your behalf. But performance conversations should not only take place once a year.

   The best piece of advice that I received was to “Speak up. Express what assignments you are fond of and what areas that may not be appealing. It’s good to say “YES” to assignments but make it known what projects appeal to you the most so that you can receive more of those projects. Managers can’t read minds.”

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