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Updated: Jun 13, 2024 211 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Nodde Bag

Coffee Break

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woman models a tan leather bag with an intricate knot detail across the time; she appears to be wearing a yellowish beige overcoat while walking across a white sand beach

Ooooh. I saw a woman wearing an amazingly simple but elegant outfit of white pants, black top, and a caramel tan crossbody with those tan slide sandals everyone has. You guys know me, I love color for my bags — but this is the first time in my life that I said, huh, maybe I DO need a tan bag.

This Polène bag is probably at the top of my list… I love the intricate knot detail.

The bag is $540, and available in 8 different colors.

Hunting for a great professional purse? In 2024, readers are loving affordable crossbody bags like those from Cuyana, Lo & Sons, and Madewell.

In terms of a designer bag to suit your life as a professional, readers have been loving affordable(ish) luxury brands like Polène, Tory Burch, Strathberry, DeMellier, and Mansur Gavriel, as well as more designer bags like Chloé (particularly the Marcie line) and Mulberry. (If money is no object, Loewe and Bottega Venetta are always worth a look!)

Sales of note for 9.30.24

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Anonymous

    Can you bake or somehow cook peaches? I would think so as peach cobbler is a thing. I’m not looking to make an intricate dessert nor anything super sugary, but may have brought more fruit than I’ll consume fresh but these days fruit being an expense, I wouldn’t mind somehow cooking some up and putting them in the fridge or freezer for a snack in a few days.

  2. Anonymous

    All three of the brown slides are gorgeous. I have a (minor) health issue that causes one of my feet to retain water on the top of the foot. I usually deal with it by buying shoes that are somewhat open on top (ballet flats, for example) or very adjustable. Buying a bigger size doesn’t help because of the placement of the swelling. Anyone with a similar situation (or otherwise) who could recommend a shoe that would approximate the look of these slides, while still accommodating my frequently enlarged foot?

  3. Anonymous

    we haven’t had a good secret thread in a while… what haven’t you told anyone but wish you could? mine is pretty boring, but i’m on tirzepatide. keeping it from my parents and brother but not my husband. down about 20lbs and no one’s noticed yet, which tells you a lot about how much I have to lose.

    • Anon

      I have a parent with an advanced stage cancer that will be fatal. I’m learning all sorts of new vocab, the latest of which is cachexia. Greek origin. So sad — it feels like you are sitting there, watching someone slowly die from this (which I guess is secondary to the cancer). I’m not sure why this wasn’t caught earlier — going from 150-160 to 120 without trying should have been a red flag before the weight loss got to that point.

      The secret: for every giant accomplishment I have that was tough to get, I do wish I could take a 1-year LOA to help both of my parents out. A bereavement leave of a few days doesn’t begin to encompass how dying works sometimes. And I own my own small business, so that’s not feasible as we never scaled up to where I have any redundancy.

      • Anon

        I’m so sorry. Sending you so much love. Please give yourself as much grace and space are you’re able to.

      • Anon

        I know people complain about getting weighed at the doctor, but unexplained weight loss is often the first sign of cancer or other serious conditions. It’s one of the red flag symptoms that will get you taken more seriously and more readily approved for tests you might not get otherwise, but it’s hard to track if you don’t have a regular record of your weight. I’m really sorry to hear about your parent and sorry that nobody caught it sooner.

    • Vicky Austin

      For me the best part of my SIL’s wedding weekend was the massive clear-the-air fight I had with my husband afterwards.

    • Anon

      I think we overpaid for the condo we just bought. Feeling regretful but can’t tell anyone.

      • Anonymous

        I think most people feel this way right after buying but then the property appreciates and you kind of forget about it. If you like your new home, try to just enjoy it!

      • Anon

        I sold my condo for exactly what I paid for it which was a bitter pill to swallow (lived there 3 years and had to move due to work). I still wound up saving money in both tax deductions and not having to deal with rent hikes. I’m sure if you’re there 5+ years it will appreciate!

    • Anon

      I hope my family member with dementia doesn’t live another 10 or 20 years like this. If it were me, I’d take a heart attack in two years any day. I feel so awful for her and scared for how much worse it will get.

      • Anon

        A woman in my extended family was diagnosed with dementia in October and died the following August. It was enough time to be able to make the trip to see her but… I don’t think she lost much by going that soon.

      • Anon

        Same. I know she doesn’t want to live that long either – once she forgets who people are, she has said she hopes she dies.

      • Anon

        I think this feeling is very common among dementia patients and their caregivers. Once your mind is gone there isn’t much point in the physical body continuing to be here. Hugs to you.

    • Anon

      How huge of a mental and emotional toll being long-term single is taking on me.

      • Anon

        The assh*t in our neighborhood is redeeming himself in my eyes by taking such good care of his wife with demential. IDK how he has managed her in a 2-story house (since COVID), but she has never wandered off and she always looks good and walks outside with him and their dog a bit each day. He is not from the generation that ever took care of anyone and I never hear him complaining (and he complains about everything else).

      • Anon

        I felt this way a couple of years ago. Crippling fear I’d wind up alone, feeling less lovable than my coupled peers, anxiety about trying to date. I’m now in a loving relationship with the man of my dreams and we’re getting engaged next year. Hang in there – your brain is probably telling you a lot of things that aren’t close to the truth. sending you a lot of love.

        • Anon

          Out of curiosity, why aren’t you getting engaged sooner if you’re so sure about getting engaged?

          • Anon

            Mostly just logistics – we don’t have bandwidth to plan a wedding right now and neither of us feel any particular rush.

          • Anon

            I feel like if you know you’re getting engaged, you’ve had the conversation and are actually engaged! Make it official. :)

      • Anon

        Hugs. I was single for 4 years before finding my current boyfriend. It doesn’t sound that long I suppose, but I completely understand the emotional and mental toll that you speak of.

    • Seventh Sister

      I’m 99.9% sure I figured out how a celebrity-adjacent breakup/scandal went down. It’s not like I can’t tell anyone, but more that I don’t think anyone would care outside of a few superfans.

    • Anon

      I’m choosing to date a man I like and am compatible with but am not attracted. I’d rather be in an almost but not quite platonic relationship with a good man I trust than in love with a man with red flags. I’d also rather “settle” in this way than continue to be single.

      It seems to me most people I know are in love but also settling. At least I feel like my relationship is very emotionally, financially, and other ways stable.

      • Anon

        I’d say 70% of couples I know have glaring incompatibilities and make each other miserable in some way or another, so choosing someone who makes you happy and safe is a great option in my book :)

      • Anon

        30 is young! You have decades ahead of you. Live life as your true self now!

      • Anon

        You can never go wrong by reading Emily Nagoski’s “Come As You Are.” It won’t answer that question for you, but will give you the tools to understand desire, responsiveness, and the like.

    • Anon

      I daydream about being single without children on a regular basis. I love my kids dearly and my husband is great but I honestly think I’d have been perfectly happy being single with lots of pets.

      • Anon

        How old were you when you got married and started having kids? I’m a little worried about giving up my single life, but I think delaying marriage/kids to my mid thirties makes me feel like I’ll get to enjoy both. I’m 31 and dating someone now and feel like I will likely marry him but I’m also in no rush.

        • Anon

          I had kids at 31/34 so not super young. I have late diagnosed AuDHD and both kids have neurodivergence’s and need a fair amount of support. It makes for parenting on hard mode. We have a lot of paid help so I can get breaks but still.

        • Anon

          Not OP but I think delaying a kid to my mid-30s (and only having one) were some of the best decisions I’ve ever made, and I’m crazy about my kid and being a mom. I wouldn’t have been devastated if it hadn’t worked out fertility-wise so there was little downside in waiting, and by delaying and giving myself time to be an adult who was just focused on myself and then just myself and my spouse, it made motherhood so much more fun when it finally happened because I’d fully lived that stage of my life and was ready to move on to something else.

          Of course as OP mentioned there are things that are out of your control, like a child having special needs, and I’m not saying I’d feel exactly the way I do now if I’d had a harder parenting journey, but I’m fairly certain I would have been completely miserable if I’d had a kid in my 20s.

          • Anonymous

            My husband did not want kids and I felt ambivalent about having them until it wa too late. I’m turning 50 and I am mourning the loss of children I never had.

          • Anon

            Same to ALL of this. It’s fun to share my life with my kid, rather than feeling like I missed out to have a kid.

    • Anon

      I’m beginning to suspect that my husband is gay. I absolutely hate, hate, hate saying it, because it sounds like a childish insult, but it’s not.

      • Anon

        What’s leading you to think this? I’m the poster above who isn’t so sure she’s straight and feeling very confused.

        • Anon

          Oh gosh, first, my heart goes out to you and I will be sending good thoughts your way as you figure out your sexuality.

          It’s a lot of small and medium things that all point in the same direction.

          Starting off, he doesn’t move and didn’t grow up in the same circles as most of the commenters here. Very conservative, very religious, his parents and his brothers waited for marriage, strong emphasis on building a family and being a husband.

          So I think he – anyone in his family, really – would probably repress it. He genuinely wants a wife and kids; specifically, he *wants to want* a wife and kids. So if he had that orientation, he would still seek out a woman for hearth and home.

          He isn’t attracted to me. There are a lot of things that I’m okay with in isolation. but together, paint a different picture. Waiting for marriage. Not into heavy petting before marriage. Not initiating once married, not liking when I initiated. It took me a while, mostly because I was so relieved to not be pawed at mercilessly: he’s just not attracted to me. I am… very attractive.

          Then there are things that just wrecked me: hostility towards my body and eventually, hostility towards me. Maybe he’s a narcissist, but he’s also a wonderful father and a great son, brother, kind to his colleagues (he’s been at the same place for >10 years), all that. Other things that just wrecked me: obvious foot-dragging related to anything in the bedroom. Our toddler is less obvious about stalling!

          This one won’t be easy to explain. I’m very clearly a woman in appearance; mentally, I “read” as a man. My hobbies, interests, natural speech patterns, all that, are very masculine. In fact, when I wrote pseudonymous commentary in the aughts (initials only), many people thought I was a man. Turns out, H was among them; he remembered me and thought that I was basically the best thing since sliced bread. That was a super cute story. Now I wonder.

          So I have no idea. I don’t know if he would know, either, or would just shove it all down. Or maybe he didn’t know until we got married and he discovered he didn’t like being intimate with me.

          • Anon

            Thanks for sharing. As I’m realizing, growing up in a heteronormative environment makes it hard to realize you’re not straight…

          • Anon

            My first husband left me because he was gay. It was awful, not least because he got a huge amount of support for “living his truth” amongst our social circle. There was a lot of pressure to be supportive and say we were still going to be best friends and all that, and my betrayal and hurt was clearly viewed by many of our friends as inconvenient. It sucked.

      • Senior Attorney

        I suspected the same thing about my first husband and although he never came out, I still suspect it. I read somewhere, a long time ago, that if you suspect your husband might be gay, he almost certainly is. I think that’s probably true.

        • Anon

          That makes sense: if you’re physically and emotionally intimate with someone and sense something is off, you’re probably right.

          Odd question: where is your first husband in the birth order? Does he have older brothers?

          • Senior Attorney

            No he was the oldest of two, and was the only untiil he was 10 and his sister was born.

    • Anon

      I’m successful on the outside, but I only have $300 in my savings account and about $4k in retirement accounts. I’m 31.

      • Anon

        31 and 39 are still so, so young. A lot of people don’t start saving until later, and you can still amass a ton of savings once you start at any age. If there’s a psychological block to saving, there are a lot of wonderful resources online about how to start to change your relationship to money and set realistic financial goals. There is no shame in this and there is always time to start.

      • ANON

        Ugh same. I’m 35. It’s depressing to work with younger colleagues who are higher in the food chain and making more than I am. I feel like I’m never going to be financially solvent despite doing my very best.

      • Senior Attorney

        I had a negative net worth at 40 and I am sitting pretty in retirement 25 years later (and I didn’t marry the money). Best time to start getting serious is 10 years ago, second best time is now.

        • Anon

          Senior Attorney, do you have any advice on how to improve finances late in the game? Thanks to law school and low paying jobs, my finances are nowhere near where they should be in my late 30’s.

          • Senior Attorney

            My best break was taking a government job with a pension. But beyond that I had both a 401(k) and a 457 account, both with matches (again, good government job) and maxed them out starting at about 40. Government or big employers can help you catch up.

          • Senior Attorney

            Also I was really focused on finances and once I got out of debt I avoided more debt like it was a second job. I cash flowed my kid’s college, for example. It’s only very very recently that I’ve been living large.

      • Anon

        I was about the same at your age, my soon to be husband had maybe $50k in his retirement account? 13 years later our retirement accounts are ~$1.2 million. We’ve never earned more than $160k between the two of us, though it certainly helped to have two incomes instead of one and we’ve really benefited from the run up in stock prices over that time period. Obviously different people have different financial situations that can make things more challenging, but once you’re in a position to save regularly (i.e. making more than you spend), it’s truly shocking how fast it can add up, which has motivated us to save more. I also really like the Frugalwoods for inspiration, even if I’m not that hard core about everything.

        • Jamie

          How do you learn more about 401k and other tax rules? I worry about  missing out or not knowing about specific tax laws and getting penalized later in life for *something* someone, or the law, expects me to know but I don’t until its too late and by then I’m older and would despirately need the income. Senior Atty or others, any advice or research sources specifically?

          • Anon

            Employer retirement accounts like 401k are pretty easy because the employer is in charge and has to follow the rules. There’s a maximum yearly contribution and they shouldn’t let you contribute more (just be careful if you have multiple employers in the same year, as they won’t know how much you contributed to the other job’s plan). If you want to withdraw early, there are some penalties, but as long as you leave it in, you shouldn’t have to worry about that (even if you do, it’s not that hard, you just pay a 10% penalty and regular income taxes on the withdrawal, and depending on the circumstances, you might not even have to pay a penalty). I just google these things when I have questions, but Bogleheads is a good resource, and definitely read your employer’s information on their plan(s). Large employers usually have pretty good websites, but I assume this varies.

          • Anon

            I was recently inspired to talk to a financial advisor after reading the comments on a Culture Study post about how to find the best… [service provider]. There were so many people who were embarrased they didn’t know this stuff, so many people saying it’s never too late, and so many recommendations for kind (and female) financial advisors!

    • Anon

      I miss my ex terribly sometimes even though we broke up 4 years ago and I’m in a loving relationship now. I hate how I think of him almost every day.

      • Anonymous

        I feel this so much. And I’m married 15 years. I miss hearing ex’s thoughts on things and just normal jokes we used to have with each other. I love my husband and our life together and would never ever leave. But it’s that “homesick for a person” feeling, and that person is ex. I don’think I’ll ever not miss him at this point.

    • Anon

      My best friend cut me out of her life because her boyfriend wanted to sleep with me. I used to think of her as a soulmate-type of friendship, and the friend breakup took a lot of grieving. I resent that she punished me instead of him (when I couldn’t have been less interested) and now I find myself hoping that he cheats on her or betrays her in some way so she’ll finally leave him. Ideally, this would happen before they get married, but I think the more likely reality is that they will spend eternity together with him continuing to be critical, mean, and manipulative, and her performing acrobatics to justify his behavior and try to convince everyone they have a perfect love story.

      I wish I were evolved enough to hope for the best for them, but I am disappointed every time I find out they are still together. I want vindication through him proving himself to be the worst.

    • Anonymous

      I cracked a molar over a year ago and I still haven’t gone to the dentist due to phobia + procrastination + legitimately busy.

      • Anon

        My husband got away with this for more than a year. He does have regrets about how it ended though (expensively and with insane amounts of pain that these days they just give you a Tylenol for!).

      • Anon

        Give yourself a ten minute timer to find a dentist on Zocdoc and book an appointment. It will be so much easier than you think and once you have an appointment, it will all take care of itself.

        –Signed, someone who put off a dentist appointment to fill a cavity for 1.5 years and now have no idea why I didn’t do it sooner since it was so, so easy.

      • Anon

        I can relate but for me it’s more of a financial concern. I had a cavity between two teeth that required crowns and then chipped a tooth that also required a crown. My insurance has a max payout of $2K each year. Could be the dentist doing unnecessary work but these teeth also had old cavities. Best advice is to get them all fixed asap. It only gets worse the longer you wait!

    • Anon

      IDK how bad other cancers are, but the digestive ones (pancreas, liver, stomach, intestine, colon) are just horrifying. You can feed yourself from the outside, you can put in a feeding tube. But I feel like I am watching a relative slowly starve to death from the inside.

      • Anon

        Hugs. It is so, so hard to watch people we love in pain like that. My grandfather had a feeding tube for the last ten months of his life and I wish we’d just skipped that whole part. Sending you so much love.

          • Anon

            It really is odd that it’s considered the ethical thing to spare animal’s from the pain of dying slow deaths, yet we go to the ends of the earth to prolong the dying process in human beings through interventions that will at best add a few months in the same (very painful) condition. Part of me wonders if it’s just our own aversion to death / wanting to deny it as a natural part of life. I think it adds to the guilt that can accompany DNRs or hospice care.

          • Anon

            I think it’s horrifying how we deny palliative care to animals and hope it will be available for me when I am dying but still alive.

          • Loofah

            In the next 15-ish years a LOT of boomers are going to pass away. I truly think that their children (my generation) watching this happen will end up pushing forward with things like medical assistance in dying and other options.

          • Anon

            The denial in this country is just astounding. I am in the medical field and it’s astounding how many people have never had conversations related to end-of-life with anyone until they’re critically ill.

      • Anonymous

        I don’t know if this gives any comfort. But one of my closest friends had a grandmother in that situation. He told me when she went days without eating that she said she didn’t feel hunger. I didn’t believe it. But a few years after that I had colon cancer surgery. Immediately after the surgery I wasn’t feeling hunger. And even as I started to switch back to a normal diet, I wasn’t feeling normal hunger. I lost 30 pounds (that I needed to lose) without even trying in just a few weeks. Since then I’ve gained it all back (and then some) and will bite anyone’s head off if I skip breakfast. But knowing that it’s possible to be in a state where you’re not feeling things from not eating has given me some peace when I think about future unknowns.

        So hard to watch though. Hugs to you and your loved one.

    • anon

      My husband dreads being away from me so much that I have gently suggested he should get therapy. He will be angsty for 2 weeks for any upcoming travel. He’s been gone for 2 weeks and I do miss him, but I am generally ok on my own and I enjoy not having to choose between couples time and hobby time.

    • anon

      One of my kids has been at an overnight camp all week. I can’t deny how much more peaceful our house is when he’s away. He’s a great kid, of course, but has a super intense personality with some neurodivergence thrown in. Parenting him has always been hard, and I hate myself a little for feeling that way and somewhat dreading going back to intense parenting when he comes home even though I miss him. His sibling is just … easier.

      • Anon

        Parenting a neurodivergent kid is tough. Don’t blame yourself for feeling this way – most parents with emotionally challenging kids do. He will grow into a wonderful adult and develop healthy coping mechanisms, and these years will feel like eons ago (you’ll wind up remembering most of the positives). Let yourself be human and don’t feel bad for recognizing some personalities are easier to parent than others.

        • anon

          I appreciate this, I really do. He is truly a wonderful kid and has so many gifts and talents. But it’s super hard, even now that he’s a teen, there hasn’t been much respite over the years.

    • Anonymous

      Such mixed feelings about my sister lately. She’s been mean over the years. Mean is her default for handling her own loneliness, lack of friends, lack of confidence and my parents always allowed it because awww she’s just lonely or frustrated or on her period. Mind you she isn’t 20, she’s in her late 40s. So you can imagine how that worked out. Parents are old now with their own issues and she doesn’t scream at them anymore, so who does that leave – ME? But then at the same time guilts me and our parents with – but who else do I have to talk to in life?? Uh so maybe be nice to me then??

      The meanness has been about everything including things that I have no fault in like my dad’s health and most especially me losing my biglaw job – the horrors of not making partner in NYC when 99 percent of people don’t. But over the years I’ve heard her say everything from I should take any awful job at any awful salary to I should be willing to take paycuts to whatever else. I didn’t listen to her – held out, landed a good post biglaw gig, and as I now want to leave that gig, I hold it close to the vest and talk with friends about it. Fast forward a decade, volatility hits her finance job and suddenly it’s all you think I DESERVE a pay cut?? I’ve worked TOO DAMN HARD blah blah. As if I never worked hard in biglaw. I know it’s a her issue and she’s a nasty person who just doesn’t want me to get ahead of her, who then turns on the charm when she needs me – right now she needs me to be her career coach because she doesn’t talk to other people, network etc. And of course mommy and daddy always side with her and make me the bad guy because AWWW she’s your older sister, you should WANT to help. They just gaslight that she’s mean even when she has said stuff IN FRONT OF THEM. Not going to lie I’m a bit salty that I was unemployed for 18 months post biglaw to find the right gig and am struggling again to find a next gig, and she had to apply to one job online to get it. I know life is like that, law is over saturated etc but damn some people do get exactly what they want. But then part of me STILL wanted her to get the job bc I don’t wish bad for her, I just wish she’d get some self awareness and kindness.

      And since people say cut off etc. – I’m in my 40s and long term single with no prospects for relationships. I do have casual friends and talk to people though no besties, have hobbies etc. But this is my family . . . sigh.

      • Anon

        This is so hard. My mom is going through something very similar with her sister. Is it possible to somehow set boundaries around what you are willing to talk to her? Like not discussing your work or job search, or recognizing there are areas she just won’t be able to provide you the kind of emotional support you may want? It has been helpful for me in some relationships – not allowing people the space to criticize me as much by not sharing things about myself that may make me vulnerable to their judgment (even if it’s sad to not be able to talk to them about).

      • Anon

        My secret is about my sister. We are in our 50s so it’s ridiculous, but she’s always had a huge grudge against me. Most of the crappy stuff she says about me is behind my back, and since it’s family of course it gets back to me. She tells outright lies about me and how awful I have been to her for our entire lives, and none of it is even close to the truth. Like it’s just wildly made up. A couple of times she has lost it and said things to my face that I am sure everyone reading would find unforgivable.

        I’ve kept my distance from her for more than a decade and have just accepted that we are not going to have more than a superficial “happy birthday!” level of communication.

        However, more recently we were both at a family wedding and I could tell she was trying really hard to be nice to me and have fun with me. I was basically one of the only people she knew there. She even said “let’s find a quieter place to catch up” meaning at the wedding, but maybe after the toasts were over.

        And what I actually did was faked that I wasn’t feeling well and left the wedding as quickly as I could after she said that. That’s my secret.

        • Anon

          My sisters are awful and life is better off without them in it. At one point, I realised that if we weren’t related and I met them socially, I would actively avoid them. So, why torture myself?

    • Anonymous

      Still terrified of Covid. Pretty sure I’m the only one left on the planet. So I go to work masked the days I’m required and have picked days which have the least amount of coworkers – Fridays. No restaurants. No travel. Darting in and out of stores. And obviously not socializing. I know there are ways to socialize outdoors etc. but I’m so embarrassed telling anyone that I don’t do indoor things when people are back to normal, that I just stay home alone all the time. I didn’t have super close friends to begin with so it’s not like anyone is missing my company. I know I sound mentally ill but I’m really scared of a condition getting worse and while drs tell me there’s no guarantee that would happen, I also know that doctors can’t guarantee safety either – no one can. I’m bored and lonely and desperately want to fly on a vacation to Europe and come back and try to interview for new jobs and go buy a house yet am holding myself back.

      • Anon

        So many people are still avoiding COVID for medical reasons. I’m sorry that you have found yourself doing it alone! It is true that it is hard to socialize outdoors with people who don’t understand the risks. But I hope it won’t keep you from interviewing for new jobs, buying a house, or whatever else you can do in a mask or outdoors (a vacation in Europe sounds lovely, but if you are ashamed of masking, maybe a destination where masking is already normalized).

        • Anonymous

          OP here – support from an internet stranger means so much when everyone IRL just tells me to get over it. I am ashamed of masking now. Not so much in Home Depot or the grocery store because I don’t know anyone in those places but when I am with people I know. So searching for a job seems like a tall order because really you go into an interview masked, they’ll decide you aren’t going to be the team player type. I do have one friend who has convinced me I can buy a house, as she is the only covid cautious person I know and she just bought one – masked the entire time like when visiting others houses on sale, closing etc. Her take is – agents want commissions, if they come from a masked person so be it.

          And this board has somewhat convinced me that if I can get myself up for masking for a flight, Greece may be a vacation destination because you can structure it to just be outside the whole time, many of the hotels are tiny buildings built on the side of a mountain where you have your own balcony etc. so you are far from others. I’ve never been someone who looked to Asia as a vacation destination but if I’m being honest, Seoul seems like a great trip. Again LONG flight to mask on but once you’re there, masking isn’t weird in that culture. In any event either trip will have to wait until fall – cooler weather, less packed planes as school reopens.

          • Anon

            You can definitely buy a house with minimal exposure. I just bought a house without even leaving my house, and while I wouldn’t recommend that if you can avoid it (we had to move quickly and were on the opposite side of the country, but were moving to a place we’d lived before, so we were already familiar with the neighborhood and knew what we were looking for), you can certainly mask while visiting houses and then do everything else remotely. Nobody seemed to have any problem with handling everything remotely.

          • Anon

            Go with a high quality mask! A lot of places in Europe are very good for Covid cautious people, assuming you travel when the weather is mild enough to eat outside. My husband and I vacationed Covid-free in Italy, Spain and Portugal in 2022/2023 and did everything 100% outdoors, except for visiting a few museums/churches with masks on. And some of those trips were in March with high temps around 60F. In the US (at least in my part of the Midwest) it can be a struggle to find outdoor dining in that kind of early spring weather, but Europe has such a culture of al fresco dining that if the weather is halfway decent you can sit on a patio at most restaurants. Mask-wearing was less common there than in the US at the time,, but no one said anything negative to us at all, and several people saw asked masked and asked if they should put masks on. I’ve found people in Spain/Italy/Greece to be exceptionally kind and welcoming to American tourists.

          • Anon

            My husband and I masked up and bought a house and moved into it. Nobody really cared; I think the only awkward moment was when the realtor wanted a picture of us holding the deed, but that was when it was literally over.

            I love the idea of visiting Greece or a similar part of Italy when the weather is right.

      • anon Bay Area

        I love socializing outside and totally wouldn’t blink at someone telling me they have a health condition and so prefer to socialize outside. No need to explain in any more detail than that.

      • Anon

        Covid was a really weird time with so much fear and unknown when it all started. It sounds like that really got you and is still there, which is understandable but doesn’t mean you have to continue to live with it. It might be worth getting the medical opinion from your doctors about your condition on what you should still be doing, and then work with a therapist about implementing changes and dealing with unknowns.

      • Anon

        I just talked to one of my best friends who manages a global team. There’s some wave of COVID going around in Latin America and APAC right now that means she suddenly has over 50% of her staff in those regions out sick at once. It’s spreading like wildfire – a bunch of people showed up for an offsite meeting & almost none of them came back for day 2.

        I think we all need to brace for it in the US this fall if not sooner. Stay masked.

        • Anon

          For a lot of people, it’s not more than a cold, often even less than that. Especially once you’ve had it and all the vaccines. I no longer care at all if I get it. I’ve had it, it was no big deal, it’s the least sick I’ve ever been. It’s one thing if you have a health reason to be worried about, but the vast majority of us do not need to “stay masked.”

          • Anon

            50% of the office being out sick sounds like a much bigger deal. The Hong Kong manager said it’s the worst since the second wave.

          • Anon

            Same, I had it and it was somewhere between allergies and a mild cold. Flu A this winter made me way sicker. And I have asthma and two autoimmune diseases.

        • Anon

          Ugh I’m so afraid of this. I *think* I want kids but it also seems like an expensive, stressful, too busy slog and what if I regret it???

          • Anon

            This is why I’m not having kids. I don’t make enough to live comfortably with kids near NYC and if I leave NYC I leave my family. I don’t think I’ll regret it but sometimes I wish I could afford it and have to 2 kids with a part time nanny. I feel like it’s a lose lose if you live in the US.

    • Anon4This

      I am so burned out that I cry all the time but am paralyzed by fear that I will never find a high paying job again.

      • anon

        Do you have to have a high paying one, like to pay off loans/supporting kids alone/no other options?

        Because I was a high powered, 5 degreed, competitive, top of everything for years and totally burned out like you with the crying. And I am SO SO much happier now since I stepped off that stressful path. It is amazing to me how wonderful life is, and how many simple things I never appreciated. You don’t need a huge amount of money to live well, and if you think you do, maybe you need to surround yourself with a different set of friends/colleagues.

        You can do it. It can be better.

        • Anon4This

          This is what’s so embarrassing about the whole thing. For a long time, financially, I felt like I couldn’t. But there’s been a recent change in our financial situation and that’s no longer true: I could never work again and we would be okay. But I am too embarrassed to tell anyone that out loud, and so even though I don’t HAVE to work, I am still working. I manage a team, I smile at work, I get stuff done, and I cry daily because I am so, so tired.

          • Loofah

            Please take FMLA or STD leave (whatever you’re eligible for) as soon as possible. It’s truly not something to be ashamed or embarrassed of. And if neither of those work, this internet stranger gives you permission to quit.
            You deserve a life that doesn’t leave you exhausted and crying every day. I hope you start feeling better soon.

          • Anon4This

            Thank you. This comment alone made me cry. It has gotten so bad, and I think it’s so hard because no one really knows.

          • Anonymous

            Please, please, please take a break very soon. It sounds like your brain may have gotten so locked into just putting your head down and gutting it out that you’re not able to break out of the “trudge, trudge, trudge” pattern. Please take a break so you can get some perspective. (Also, from an outsider who isn’t locked into your world . . . it’s not remotely embarrassing to have enough money so that you don’t have to work. It’s not embarrassing to be a woman without a job for a while. It’s not shameful to be able to be at home at 2pm and take a nap and then go to the grocery store and then come home and sit and read a book. It’s NOT shameful or embarrassing. You aren’t letting the side down by quitting. You’re not betraying your hopes and dreams. You’re not being disloyal to your team. You’re not betraying feminism. You’re not being lazy or anti-achievement. You’re simply acknowledging that you’re a human being who has reached your limit, and you need to make a change and regroup before you break entirely.)

    • Anon

      I really enjoy my boyfriend platonically. He’s great and is a great life partner but I just don’t enjoy gardening with him – honestly I find it boring.

    • anon

      I’ve been a group text for 6 months and it took me until today to figure out who one of the phone numbers is.

    • Anonymous

      I’m really regretting that I didn’t get to know my grandfather better when he was alive – and he was alive until I was about 28 so I had time. He was a pretty successful business man in his country, I think just listening to him talk about his businesses and asking him questions about his life would have served me so well – maybe not back then as I was in biglaw just working a job but now when I REALLY want my own business and am desperately confused and need someone to guide me and tell me to go for it.

      But then maybe it wasn’t my fault. My aunts and all the women in the family where huge gatekeepers regarding the grandparents. Sure we could visit and answer the few questions asked about school but if anyone dared ask him questions, they’d get all hot and bothered and accusatory that you were prying into things that weren’t your business – even though they did not own the businesses, know the finances etc., it was all my grandfathers. But it was a put you in your place kind of thing from the elder women – even though my grandfather would never have been like that if you wanted to talk privately and he sensed that you weren’t going to go blabbing all over the place – which as a reserved person I wouldn’t. Maybe if that wasn’t the environment, I would’ve asked questions when I saw him as a teen and college kid. Sigh – so much wisdom lost.

      • Anon

        I have a lot of regrets about seeing my grandparents so little when pursuing my education and career. I know I was living my grandmother’s dream but she could have lived it through me more if I’d flown back home more

        • Senior Attorney

          My grandma was born in 1903. I just want her back for 15 minutes so I can ask her about the Spanish Flu pandemic, about which she never uttered one. single. word.

          • Anon

            Both my grandmothers were also born in 1903. I wish I had asked about their grandfathers and uncles who had fought in the Civil War.

          • Anon

            My grandmother was born on an Indian reservation around then and lived there until she managed to snag a non-native husband in her late 20s & move away. She never spoke about it again and never acknowledged her native heritage. I would have asked her so many questions had she been open to it.

            My last living uncle has turned MAGA and fervently claims that he is/ we all are 100 % white. (As if white is a heritage). It’s very important to him.

    • Anon

      I feel so behind in life compared to my friends and peers and as a result I feel so ashamed.

      It’s ridiculous I know. I make 6 figures in Philly but feel poor compared to many in my circle. My friends probably mostly make 100-130k, but they’re all partnered so their HHI is doubled. They get a loving and supportive partner AND double my HHI? It feels so unfair. Like I’m being doubly punished for being single.

      • Anonymous

        I feel you my friend – same situation in DC. I always think of it not as much in my daily income but in my ability to buy a house. If I was married to someone of relatively equal salary, it would be as much of a struggle as it is now. Plus yeah having someone to love me and support me.

    • Anon

      My husband wants to move back to his home country and it fills me with dread because I’m not sure our relationship is worth it anymore.

      • Anon

        My husband wants to move back to his home country and it fills me with dread because I’m not sure our relationship is worth it anymore.

        • Anon

          +1 especially internationally, where your options for work may be severely restricted due to visa issues.

        • Anon

          +1,000. Moving to his home country will mean sacrificing everything matters to you for him, and will requiring building an entirely new life in a place where you don’t have community, your career, or family/friends. Do not do that if the relationship doesn’t feel 110% worth it and the leap doesn’t feel exciting.

        • Anon

          I don’t hate the new location, I’m just not sure if we like each other enough anymore to make uprooting my life worth it.

          • Anon

            Move or not, I’d consider divorce if you don’t like your husband anymore, assuming this is not just a rough patch.

          • Anon

            Different perspective: if you aren’t in a great place in your marriage, it’s a ridiculous ask. Why ask your wife to move to your home country if the marriage isn’t on very stable ground?

            It sounds like his way of forcing the end.

      • Anon

        This sounds like the poster from a few months ago and everyone assumed he was from India. There was a ton of backlash and drama in the comments. I think y he poster said boyfriend so probably not the same person but I definitely would divorce before moving.

          • Anon

            Yea I’m often skimming this site while working so I’m not going to remember every single detail.

    • Anonymous

      I’m ready to scream at my boomer parents who seem to think – I don’t want to or it inconveniences me or I don’t like it or x isn’t a meal in OUR CULTURE – is a valid excuse for an adult even in the face of dr advice. Just freaking do it.

      • Peloton

        My husband’s parents do this too, and it drives him nuts — and yet he does it too, and it drives me nuts, haha. I’m sorry!

    • Anonymous

      One of my parents died a few months ago and I don’t know how much longer I can keep biting my tongue from saying to my family “I’m the only one who really loved him!”, which I know to be true but no one would forgive me for saying.

      • Anon

        Don’t say it. My sister said something like that to me. It was extremely far from the truth.

        • Anon

          This. I’m so sorry for your loss but you can’t presume you have insight into everyone else’s feelings and history.

    • Anon for this one

      I think I have a screen addiction, and it’s frustrating that all of the discussion about screen addiction focuses on teens, gamers, and, for lack of a better term, layabouts. I would like to see solutions targeted to adult professional women (and men), too. It’s like we know there are high-functioning versions of other addictions, but no one wants to talk about the high-functioning version of this one.

      • Anon

        The book How to Break Up with Your Phone is more thoughtful than the title makes it sound and definitely aimed at high functioning adults, so it could be a place to start.

        • Anon for This

          I’ve read it but did not find it applicable for an actual screen addiction (as opposed to someone who is dissatisfied with their phone usage but feels in control of the ability to change it). Strongly recommend to anyone who is evaluating their screen time, though! Worth a look. Also liked Dopamine Nation by Lembke.

    • Anonymous

      I am worried about whether I am capable of being in a long-term committed relationship. I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year and feel good about it, but last night I got a late night text from an old (just-s€x) partner and I’ve spent much of the day thinking about how to respond next time and how there is zero chance I’d ever get caught if I met up with him. I think it is more that part of me wants to keep that connection in case of a breakup more than really wanting to cheat, but I’m not sure.

      • Anon

        So I’ve been happily married for a decade now, but before that sounded just like you. I’d think hard about whether this is the sign that your boyfriend isn’t actually right for you. I never had those thoughts once I met the right person and oh boy, could I obsess over a text like that when I was with the boyfriends that came before DH.

    • Pep

      I’m on Wegovy. I’ve been on it since February and only my doctor and pharmacist know. I just don’t want the judgment, and constant questions about my progress.

      I’ve lost about 20 pounds and people are starting to notice. If they ask if I’m losing weight, I just say, “yeah, a little bit” then change the subject.

  4. JTM

    Speaking of bags, any recommendations for a lightweight tote bag for vacation? I’d like to have something when I’m out sightseeing/buying souvenirs.

  5. Anonymous

    What are your favorite kinds of each liquor? I live in a state controlled state so our choices are pretty slim (all liquor has to be approved by the state agency and only a few stores can sell), but have a road trip coming up to an open state so I need to start making my list. We like whiskey, bourbon, rye, gin, and vodka, and always interested in fun liquers for mixing or sipping.

    • ALT

      Hendricks gin is my favorite. I just bought a bottle of Blue Whale (maybe it’s Gray Whale) gin but haven’t tried it yet.

      • Josie P

        I love Hendricks too. I like Empress gin for when you want the purple color, but it tends to give me a headache. I usually do Tito’s for vodka and Bulleitt for bourbon and rye, but also like Whistlepig.

      • Anon

        I’m a Hendricks girl too.

        I’m agnostic on Vodka. I like the occasional vodka cocktail but I think once you get past the rock bottom bargain brands, I think they’re all the same.

        I don’t like brown booze so no help there.

        But I do love Cointreau liqueur. It makes every drink super delicious. I’m brand name only there. No generic Triple Sec for me.

    • DC Inhouse Counsel

      For gin, I love Barr Hill for botanical forward and Sipsmith for London Dry style. For mixing liquors, Luxardo Maraschino Liquer is used in so many good classic cocktails.

      • Josie P

        Yes! Luxardo and then I also like Domaine de Canton for ginger liqueur, St. Germain for elderflower, and green Chartreuse if you can find it.

    • Senior Attorney

      Hendrix gin, Makers Mark bourbon, Campari for making negronis and spritzes.

    • Anon

      I actually really like Aviation gin, but Hendricks is easier to find. And New Amsterdam is okay.

      My stock bourbon and rye is Bulliet, but I really love trying different labels. High West is one of my favorites, and Weller’s has some fantastic options.

      Vodka is not interesting to me, especially not Tito’s (I think it tastes harsh, like mothballs). I usually stick with Svedka.

      If you like manhattans, pick up some good vermouth. That Martini & Rossi stuff is ubiquitous but so boring compared to other offerings.

  6. Anonymous

    If I wanted to buy a linen shorts set for myself (a grown @ss woman) where would you recommend looking?

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