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Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Printed Short Sleeve Sheath Dress

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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Target used to have some amazing dresses that readers would recommend, and in fact, I still have one from a thousand years ago — but right now, I'm sorry to say that half of their work dresses make me wonder, “Did she forget to put pants on?” This one looks great, though. There are a lot of things to like (even with the slightly odd sleeves): the length, the black and white, the tie at the waist, the neckline, and the price too, which is $27 on clearance. It's machine washable and has a bit of spandex for comfort. If you have any favorite workwear at Target, do let us know, because I'd like to do a post on how to build a work wardrobe there. This dress comes in sizes 6-16. Printed Short Sleeve Sheath Dress Two plus-size options are here and here. This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 4/24/25:

  • Nordstrom – 7,710 new markdowns for women!
  • Ann Taylor – Friends of Ann Event: 30% off your entire purchase, including 100s of new arrivals
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off
  • Boden – 25% off everything (ends 4/27) (a rare sale!)
  • The Fold – Up to 25% off
  • Eloquii – Spring Clearance: Up to 75% off + extra 50-60% off sale
  • J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Up to 60% off sale styles + up to 50% off summer-ready styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Extra 50% off clearance + extra 15% off $100 + extra 20% off $125
  • Kule – Lots of sweaters up to 50% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – 3 pieces for $198. Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 50% off last chance styles; new favorites added
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Friends & Family Event: 30% off entire purchase, includes markdowns

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

389 Comments

  1. What are your best tips for reducing foot odor on the go? I’m on a business trip in a very hot area and I’m sweating more than usual, but I don’t have many pairs of shoes with me so it’s hard to rotate them and ensure adequate drying between wears. Are there any tricks you can do while out and about to reduce odor?

    1. Can you get to a drugstore? Dr. Scholls foot spray, the one in the yellow can, is good for reducing sweat. Also pick up some newspaper and dryer sheets to stuff in your shoes between wearings to absorb moisture and odor.

        1. +1 I pack extra dryer sheets and set/lean my shoes on the AC vent to try to keep get them dry.

    2. If you can’t get to a drugstore but you have spray deodorant/antiperspirant with you, use that. In a pinch you can turn toilet seat covers into a makeshift moisture-wicking insole.

    4. I use zinc powder (sometimes sold as antifungal powder, or as deodorant powder, or as medicated poison ivy relief–whatever powder at the drugstore has zinc as the active ingredient).

  2. I need some advice on good entertaining websites or blogs to follow. I am weaning myself off websites focusing on national news and politics because I’m just tired of all of that, and I want to find some more websites that focus on culture and stuff — something a bit lighter and more pleasant! (I’m not really into fashion, though.)

    Any suggestions for great websites to check out?

    1. Jenny Steffens Hobick is one of my favorites for entertaining. She’s early 30s? and used to be a caterer, so her recipes are always on point, but now she’s a SAHM (her daughter is so sweet and always helps her bake). If you like her style, she opened a little store so you can buy some of her accessories – candles, pillow covers, pretty baking items – she releases new collections every season.

        1. Not sure if you meant entertaining (as in amusing) or entertaining (as in Martha Stewart). For the former, I love diving in to the Houzz forums and discussions, especially the before and after, and various design dilemmas. For the latter, I love the recipes and articles on Serious Eats.

      2. Early 30s and her house is that perfect? I’m hoping for an early 30s age blogger who is still figuring out her style and trying to do her home (decorating, renovations, etc).

        3. Let’s not judge people for having their stuff together. She can have a perfect home if she wants without us shaming her for it.

    2. If you haven’t heard of it, McMansion H3ll on tumblr is a great diversion. I check through it every few months when I want something truly mindless.

      3. I LOVE McMansion H3ll. But then again, I think the best houses were built prior to 1940 so there’s that.

    3. Lowering the Bar is fun for legal-related humor, McSweeneys has great tongue-in-cheek essays, and The Fairytale Traveler is about a mom and son whose travels center on history from stories, movies, books, etc.

    4. Vulture is NY Mag’s culture blog. Lots of coverage of tv shows, award shows, and Hollywood-related things.

  3. Insoles that absorb odor (if your shoes aren’t too tight). I use cotton-bamboo insoles (that are washable) because they feel good (like walking on carpet) against my feet. There are also insoles that are meant to be used for a week and then thrown out and replaced with fresh ones.

    Antiperspirant spray is also good.

      3. Yep. I am pretty sure that I will reliably be able to see dresses like this and say, “Shame, she must have bought that during the Great Floofy Sleeve Trend of 2017.” 100% sure this will look dated in one season.

    2. Do you think it would work to cut off the weird part and hem the sleeves into normal short sleeves?

      1. I was wondering that, too. I don’t even really hate them, but I’m going to want to be able to put a sweater or jacket on.

    3. What about them? I feel like this is one of the less annoying deployments of the bell sleeve I’ve seen, since it’s unlikely to get in the way of anything, unlike the ones that come down to the wrist or forearm.

      1. I thought the same thing. I don’t love it, but at least I’m not dragging my sleeve through my food all day.

        Yes, I eat all day.

  5. I have a $10 IKEA office plant and the tips of the leaves are turning brown. I have no idea what kind it is. It’s about a foot tall and the leaves are long and thin, they look like blades of grass. I water it about once a week, when it’s dry. It gets lots of light. Google says the leaves turn brown from both overwatering and underwatering. Help.

    1. Does it continue to make new leaves, just after a while they start turning brown? This means the plant is generally healthy, but the pot/root volume is too small to sustain the plant. You can either repot into a larger pot, or take off the pot, cruelly remove a third of the roots and replace with fresh soil. For the second measure, it would be safer to find out what plant it is, to make sure it can take the harsh treatment. Both methods will lead you back to where you are now, sooner or later.

    3. Not sure what is wrong with the plant, but it sounds like a Snake Plant (also known as Mother in Law’s Tongue, rudely).

    4. I have a similar plant that would do this (turn brown at the tips), and a coworker suggested “plant food” and watering it from the roots instead of from the top. It seems to do better now. I use Schultz Plant Food, and you place the plant in a shallow plate of water after putting several drops of plant food in the water. I leave it for about thirty minutes. I don’t know much about plants and don’t know why this makes a difference, but my plant looks much better.

      1. Food gives it nutrients the soil may not have. Watering from the roots keeps it from getting water logged – the plants takes up the water it needs instead of drowning in whatever doesn’t drain out of the bottom of the pot.

      2. Thank you! Did the leaves go back to green, or did you cut off the brown ones and they grew back green?

        1. I pulled the brown ones off– though it had reached a point where most of the leaf, not just the tip, was brown. I had a lot of leaves that were still green, so I left those. Good luck!

    5. Take a picture of the plant. Google image search and drop the pic in. Easy to figure out what it is and what to do from there. Best

    6. Brown & dry usually means it needs more water and yellow means it’s getting too much. I’d try watering it twice a week or every 5 days (vs 7), and if it doesn’t help maybe move it out of direct light as not all plants thrive being in full sun.

  6. Whats something that you learned about from this site that you are super grateful for?

    On these hot summer days for me its: Monistat Anti Chafing Gel so my thighs don’t rub together when wearing skirts and dresses!

        1. Babyliss hair dryer. recommended here and it has served me well for the last year plus.

          2. +1 million. I have frizzy, dry hair and was totally skeptical until my best friend convinced me to buy this. IT IS WORTH IT. And you can use a coupon from Bed, Bath & Beyond as well.

      1. I beat a Tumi rollerbag to h*ck, so going to get a new one soon!

    6. Double-layering tights for warmth, which has the added bonus of holding up the fleece tights since their waistband never seems to last.

    7. How many women are struggling with fertility issues and/or have had miscarriages.

    9. Clear nail polish or iron-on patches for the backs of jean buttons to avoid nickel-related irritations.

    10. MM Lafleur
      Maybelline Age Rewind
      Say Yes to Grapefruit scrub and peel
      Zatidor eye drops for itchy allergy eyes
      Many, many book recommendations

    12. I came for the fashion advice and stayed for the career advice. I’m somewhat (husband would say completely) socially oblivious and reading about office politics has opened my eyes to what is going on around me at my own work place and what is acceptable and where to draw the line. I have also asked for advice anonymously and received some surprising (to me) and thought provoking advice. Thank you!

      1. This. A sizable percentage of how I present myself and lead others at work, I learned here.

        Spironolactone and garnier micellar water. My skin is finally clear at 35.

        All of my daily makeup – maybelline bb cream, kat von d liquid liner, covergirl mascara in the orange tube, and burt’s bees lipstick in ruby ripple (a fantastic bluey-red that is creamy and long lasting without being one of those “all day lipsticks” that dry me out.)

        Finally, weight training/new rules of lifting for woman which has really improved my body shape and makes me feel so much stronger. I was previously just a runner.

    13. To be more open-minded – which ironically I didn’t think I needed:). I’ve always been told how kind and empathetic I am, but I think I was privately a little quick to judge. Sometimes I’ll read posts and have an answer in mind, and then see other answers posted, other viewpoints and approaches to issues. It has made me stop and think more!

      1. +1

        I can think of a few times I’ve been humbled by responding to a comment and then later seeing a response that is wiser, kinder, and more open.

    14. PCA skin spf 45 (thanks, whoever recommended this!), and that I’m not the only one who worries about…everything discussed on this site.

    15. I’ve learned so much from this site’s readers!
      *Dry shaving for my face – I went to Easter Brunch with my mother and sister. We’re Italian. I looked over at both of them and their faces were covered with the (pale) fur that our older Italian lady relatives all had. I went -OMG I’m sure my face looks JUST like that. So I tried the dry shaving and it is fantastic. I used to home wax my ‘stache so now I dry shave everything. It made me feel much sleeker. I just use a fresh disposable razor.
      *Tights – I’m old enough that tights were not fashionable when I was a kid and I used to work in finance where we had to wear pantyhose. This winter I tried tights instead of pantyhose due to suggestions from this site and wow I loved them. I used to go through a pair or two of pantyhose a week because of runs. I wore one pair of tights all winter with no runs and loved the feel.
      *Vodka for inside suits – I use this now to keep the insides of my jackets, skirts and pants smelling fresh. I don’t have a BO problem inside the jackets so it just freshens them.

    17. I never shopped at Nordstrom before coming here. We don’t have one so I thought it would be too hard. Now I have a Nordstrom card and mostly buy my shoes there. Free shipping both ways got me! I used to be terrible about returning and now I return stuff I’ve ordered regularly.

  7. I had a CAT scan yesterday with IV contrast, and some of the contrast fluid “escaped” into my soft tissue. Apparently this is a somewhat common glitch and shouldn’t have any lasting effects. I’ve had these before and never had any reaction to the dye. But last night I didn’t sleep a wink and this morning am stuffy, itchy, sneezy, and generally feeling wretched. I think I’m having a mild allergic reaction.

    Has this happened to anyone else? Trying not to focus on it or consult Dr Google but it’s hard…

    2. Yes–I had an asthma attack in hospital the last time I had a CAT scan with contrast. I am asthmatic, but it was a really bad one and my mother (I was a teenager at the time) and the tech didn’t understand what was going on or why I wouldn’t be still. I was in anaphalaxis. Not good. Call your doctor and take an antihisthamine right away.

    4. I agree that this is likely a mild allergic response.

      Make sure that CT contrast is now listed on your allergies with your doctors and in the hospital computer. It is still a very mild allergy relatively. But it is very common to develop an allergy to contrast that gets worse over time. This means next time you need to have a CT with contrast you may have a stronger allergic reaction, so they may pre-medicate you with anti-histamines and a steroid. If you have a reaction again, you may not be able to have contrast in the future. That means you would have MRI scans in the future if you need a scan with contrast.

      Agree with taking an anti-histamine.

    5. I had a CT scan with contrast and had an instant allergic reaction approaching anaphylaxis. My lips were swelling, my throat started closing, and I broke out in hives all over. I piped up from inside the machine “umm.. something is wrong,” and they brought me out and injected Benadryl to stop the reaction.

      Take benadryl, call your doctor.

    6. Yes to telling your doc! I had a very very very mild reaction. My cheeks just flushed some after with red splotches. Regardless, I was marked as allergic, only have it in the future when absolutely necessary, and have to pre-medicate.

    7. Ditto to call your doctor.

      FYI, my husband is allergic to the most common contrast dye. There is an alternative that is fine for him. So if you need another, make sure they know you are allergic (reactions get worse) but know that you can still have the scan.

  8. What do you incorporate into your daily life to either compartmentalize or get rid of stress?

    I’ve always been high strung, but my parents and boyfriend have (probably correctly) pointed out that I’ve seem to have gotten worse at handling stress in the past year, to the point that it’s interfered with other parts of my life. I’m trying to incorporate daily exercise, conscious gratitude, and walks in the evening to relax. But I will be the first to admit that this area is not a strength of mine. I would love any suggestions of routines to add or even just quotes I should repeat to myself when I’m getting overwrought.

    1. What exactly are you stressed about?

      Things that help me:
      -Therapy especially CBT
      -deep breathing exercises
      -baths
      -journaling
      -looking at my schedule and taking one thing out
      -technology fasts

      1. Honestly, nothing sensical. Minor stuff seems to stress me out way beyond where it should. Even getting through my (manageable, intellectual but low stress) job each day becomes a test in my mind to blow everyone away and live up to my own high expectations. There’s also definitely a lot of ongoing nervousness about how the decisions I’m making now about my career and relationship will probably have long lasting effects as I get older and whether I’m making the right moves to get where I want to go (I’m in my late 20s).

      2. +1 to journaling.

        I have a lot of very similar anxieties to you, and sitting down and getting it all out on paper is so cathartic. For some reason, writing it down helps me put it in perspective in a way that I can’t seem to do when I’m just ruminating on the thoughts in my head. Also, the journal gives me space to write out ideas and plans and lists for how I’ll address the things I worry about – I would say I probably never do about 75% of the things I write down, but the process always lifts a weight from my shoulders. Also, now that I’ve been doing it a while, I can flip back through and think, “I have spent so much time and energy worrying about this stuff, and things have turned out just fine.” It’s another way to get perspective when you read a journal entry from four months ago where you were completely freaking out, and now you can’t totally remember exactly what was so upsetting.

    3. If you’re not working out ~ every day, I highly recommend it. I’m a distance runner, and I think working out is one of the only things that really keeps me from becoming a totally crazy person. I find that things that are supposed to relax me (baths, etc) don’t work as well. My mind is in a totally different place after a good workout. I highly recommend it.

    5. Meds

      Yours is getting pretty all encompassing, it seems.

      Anxiety workbook on Amazon.

      Once it is interfering with your life, and multiple family members are concerned and talking to you about it, it is time to tell your doctor.

    6. David Burns has some CBT workbooks that help you write out your thoughts in a way that minimizes/fights anxiety (sometimes, left to my own devices, I make myself *more* anxious by journaling because I can get really deep into “and then what if??! and oh my gosh probably this too!!”)… I hate exercising, but it does a ton to help with my anxiety. And pillz.

    7. Thanks for all the advice. I will definitely try these ideas (including therapy and medication if deemed appropriate by my doctor)!

    9. I’ve started doing yoga and it’s been really helpful. I’m not a terribly spiritual person so I wasn’t sure how I’d fare with it, but there’s something about yoga that really helps me to clear my mind and getting super sweaty and tired has been great for me.

    10. For compartmentalizing stress, my commute functions well for that. Develop some sort of “leaving work” routine, wherein you leave work stress at the office. If you need to be online outside the office, create “office hours,” when you disconnect completely.

  9. I”m assuming the Google advice was plants in general and not this specific plant (since you said you didn’t know what it is). You might go to the IKEA website and see if you can match your plant to the pictures they have and refine your google search.

    I’d start with watering less and moving into less direct light. I’d imagine that most of the indoor/house plants IKEA sells are the hardy, hard-to-kill type. Does the plant pot have drainage holes at the bottom? If not, the roots may be water-logged even if the top soil (and just underneath is dry). So once a week may be too much (depending on how much you are giving it).

    2. Duh, I didn’t even think to check the Ikea website. I didn’t think it would have live plants online but it does! And I found my plant! Much more effective than typing “long thin leaves plant” into Google…

      Apparently it’s a parlour palm and I’m probably overwatering it. Thank you!!

  10. I’d sort of like to start sending my husband sexy texts every now and then during the day. The problem – I have no idea what to say! We’ve been married since before texting, much less sexting, was a thing, so this is just not something that I’ve ever really learned how to do. Suggestions? I’m looking to keep things PG-13.

    1. How much you’re looking forward to seeing him tonight.
      How you can’t stop thinking about [that thing you did that one time].
      That you just caught your mind wandering to [your favorite feature of his].
      How you can’t wait until the next time you get to [whatever].
      That you decided to wear something special today and he’ll get to find out what it is when he sees you later.

    2. No suggestions, but I could have written every word of your post. So commiseration. :)

  11. How do you convince a friend who definitely needs therapy to go to therapy? She has had some mental health issues her whole life (depression, anxiety, a stay at a center for troubled youth) and has bad associations with therapy, but her father died recently, her job is insanely stressful, she has relationship issues, and serious body image issues. The rest of our friend group agrees with me that we have reached our limit of usefulness (in offering support/advice) and that more professional help is needed, particularly for grief therapy. However, she lashes out at us for even suggesting it and claims she is well aware of the benefits of therapy and will get it if she needs it. Suggestions for how to proceed?

    1. Also, forgot to note that she already has exercise and “self-care” dialed down, eats well, and meditates. It just doesn’t seem to be helping at all, especially with the grief over her father’s death.

    2. You can’t, really. You can push back when she tries to put you in the role of therapist, but other than that she’s going to grieve the way she grieves. Which doesn’t always require a therapist – mostly just time.

    3. She is going to have to want it for herself in order for her to actually do it. You said she already lashes out when you mention it, so I don’t think you can do more than just suggesting it gently.

      1. Yeah, this. Therapy is like addiction treatment- you have to ask for help. When she is ready, there are ways *you* can help: when I first sought therapy, it was tough for me to admit I was not okay, and so a friend called and made the appointment for me. You can be enthusiastic and encouraging, ask when the appointment is for accountability, reinforce that she’s brave for going, etc etc. But until she comes to the point of WANTING it herself, there is nothing you can do.

      2. I would suggest bringing it up one more time, and just saying, “I won’t bring it up again, but I just want you to know that if any point you decide you want to go to therapy, I will be more than happy to help you any way I can – finding a therapist, driving you to and from, being an alibi if you don’t want to tell other people, whatever you need.”

        And then you really do have to drop it.

    4. I think this one of those really hard things where you have to realize you can’t do anything. You’ve done what you can do, which is to suggest a friend get help.

      A few years ago, one of my close friends with mental health issues spiraled terribly – to the point I was gravely worried about him – and I threw myself into trying to get him help. I expended incredible amounts of emotional energy trying to help him. In the end, he went to a couple therapy sessions, said he didn’t like it just like he had never liked therapy, and quit. After a couple months, he eventually picked himself back up (to his normal levels of depression, up from crisis). I realized then that I had to pull back from this friend. He was 30 years old and had repeatedly chosen to live with his mental health issues rather than face them. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to get better – they might even say they want to get better, but saying isn’t the same as owning it. He and I have only spoken once in the past few years and he’s now marrying an abusive woman. He called me once out of the blue upset about how she was treating him, and I told him the same thing I had always told him (go to therapy, this is a pattern for you, you know you can change this) and I haven’t heard from him since.

      I myself suffer from serious anxiety and have dealt with depression in the past, so I know what it is to fight that oppressive cloud…but deep down there was always a part of me, however shriveled and quiet in the dark times, that wanted to get better. Two fantastic friends gently encouraged me over a couple bad months to seek therapy, and then ask for medication, and I did and my life has never been as dark as it was then and I’m grateful to them. But *I* had to realize I wasn’t satisfied with my situation and that I wanted to get better. No one can make that realization for you.

    5. Until I got to the part about her father dying recently, I was onboard with you. But the loss of a parent is a hugely traumatic event and it’s normal to be focused on your grief for quite some time. When you say you and your friends have done all you can for her, what do you mean? What exactly is she asking you to do? If she’s expecting you to play therapist and give her advice or she wants to talk to you about it for hours each week, I think the therapy suggestion is fair (but agree with others that you can’t make her go and once you’ve suggested it once further suggestions are unlikely to be productive). But if she simply appears really sad and mentions her grief and/or her dad every time you see her, I think that’s well within the range of normal and you could probably stand to be a little more sympathetic. It’s pretty common to lean on close friends during a time of profound grief, and if the trigger is really her father’s death, her grief shouldn’t last forever.

    6. If she is resistant to formal therapy would she be willing to try a support group, like a grief support group or a group for people with eating/body image issues? Particularly if there is one facilitated by a trained therapist that might be a useful starting point. I agree that you can’t force her to do anything, but this could be another idea to suggest to her.

    7. If she wouldn’t know what therapist to call, you can gather some recommendations, along with phone numbers and any other practical information she might need. And you can offer or have that ready for her if she ever become willing.

      But essentially you’re asking, ‘How can I convince my friend to do something she adamantly doesn’t want to do?” And there’s no solution to that. Even if you could convince her to go, she has to want to talk and engage with process; a therapist can’t magically create change in an unwilling client.

    8. There are plenty of lousy therapists out there, as well as good therapists who are bad fits for some people, so it’s quite possible she had a bad experience and wants to protect herself in her present vulnerability. I would let go of the message that she should see a therapist (or “should” do anything, right now). What may help more is if she has an opportunity to really talk through all the reasons why therapists are bad/unhelpful. Getting those objections out of her systems and hearing herself may–in time–help her see the gaps in her logic, and she may decide later to pursue help that she thinks will be better or different. But if your friend group is kind of past the point of listening, then she will need to work this out on her own. Either way, try to have faith in her even though she’s not well, and even if you have to set some boundaries for yourself!

      1. Yes, re: lousy therapists: I had an honestly horrific time trying to find a therapist. Like one told me I was a bad mom and that *she* would never do the things *I* did (consent to an emergency C section, take zoloft while nursing) because a mom should never put her child at ANY risk, no matter what the cost to the mom… and then I had a panic attack and ran out of her office. Others were more benignly terrible (“tough love” didn’t really help with my depression/anxiety, nor did insisting that buying an exersaucer would solve all my parenting guilt), and literally all of the therapists who specialize in postpartum issues in my area do not work nights or weekends (because moms = not working, right?) … and while I was feeling terrible, it was very very hard to pick myself up again and again to try to find someone. So I have a ton of empathy for this friend if she needs more time to get back on that horse.

        The best thing a friend did for me is say, “I am really good at calling doctors offices and insurance companies. If you need me to do any of the legwork — find out who takes your insurance, see who is taking new patients, any of it — please just let me know.”

        1. And oh god I JUST found out that my finally decent therapist is NOT covered by my employer’s new medical plan that goes into effect on 7/31 so… f*ck.

  12. Any advice for a 1 week family visit where one family member wants to spend hours a day talking about her ex? The visit is more for the cousins / grandmother (but the ex is the father of the cousins, so I would never discuss with them around and generally do not care to discuss anyone’s ex at all, ever, much less years after the split).

    All I can think of is that I may need to “do work” to get a mental break for myself. Daydrinking is not really an option during the trip (but I will be cashing in a big raincheck for that after the visit).

    1. Changing the subject
      playing card or board games
      taking a break to “work” but actually read a book/magazine instead

      Good luck!

    2. Just pivot the conversation every time. over and over again.

      Annoying family member: “Oh my gosh have a I told you what the ex did?!??!”
      You: “Do you have any fun labor day plans?

      Annoying family member: “My ex used to always play this song!”
      You: “Oh I forgot to tell you I got tickets for a concert next month! Have you ever heard Neil Young in person?”

      Annoying family member: “I will never be able to find a new person because my ex took all those years from my life!”
      You: “Have you seen those commercials for the new Guardians of the Galaxy blizzard at DQ? I want to try it. Want to go now?”

      1. This person will not pivot! And is irritated that you try to make her pivot. And will see your pivot and raise you a re-pivot. And now you are not being supportive. And you know that she is suffering. And the ex’s new GF is a piece of trash.

        . . . and now “I need to go respond to work e-mail b/c something’s on fire” b/c I just don’t have the skills to deal with this.

        My thoughts on other tactics are to be public (restaurant meals, driving in separate cars to various museums and outing sites) and have tasks (mini-golf, swimming pool) that I can be doing so as not to suggest that I am really going to be focused on ex-bashing or there are children around so no ex-bashing. This is like what you do so you can be safe on a first date with an internet stranger you want to meet, not an actual family member.

        1. “I don’t want to talk about this, it’s boring.”

          And then leave to go do something.

        2. I think your “first date” thinking is good here! Along those lines, do you have a couple friends who you could pre-arrange that if she really starts ranting, you will send them a text and they’ll call you, and you can step away to take the call?

          Is there anyone else involved with the visit with whom you can team up to head her off if things start to go south?

          Can you find random tasks to get you out of the house? Are there dogs to be walked, errands to be run, cars to put gas in?

          Good luck!!

        3. If you haven’t already, is it worth directly telling her that you don’t want to talk about her ex? Since the redirects don’t work, it may be worth a shot.

          “Lady, you have been divorced for X years and I don’t have any interest in discussing your ex. I don’t understand why you continue to give them so much power of your life, and am not interested in giving them any space in mine. I would love to talk to you about YOU, since you are still in my life, but if you are going to keep bringing up ex, I’m going to change the subject or leave.”

          1. You’d think that she’d know this, even because it’s what people assume or b/c I’ve actually told her that (which usually then puts me in the crosshairs for not being supportive enough and I get hung up on; live and in person is a bit terrifying). She’s like an addict. She can’t stop. I think that she’s lost most of her friends already. When she is sick and tired of the life she is leaving, maybe she’ll stop.

            It’s been 3? years? But the ex’s life is a well that she goes to again and again . . .

          2. “What is it I’m supposed to be supportive of? I have listened to this same refrain for the last 3 years and nothing has changed. Maybe it’s time to try something new! It sounds like you are well-rid of him, and have the opportunity to move on to something better for YOU. I say this as a friend, but you are the only one inflicting suffering upon yourself (assuming that’s objectively true). If you want things to change, YOU have to change. I’ll talk about that! What are some things you’ve always wanted to do?”

            But only if you want to go there – you are under no obligations to have the Come-to-Jesus conversation with her. I just remember have a similar conversation with a friend after a less-involved break-up (we were only dating, no kids, etc.). But at that point, it kind of felt like the break-up was the most interesting thing I had going in my life and I was fixated on it, since nothing else felt like it was going well. And it was the first time I’d had a big break-up like that.
            But if the person doesn’t want to listen, there are no magic words to make it happen.

        4. I’d see her re-pivot and raise her a re-re-pivot. “I’m being supportive by changing the topic to a more positive subject. Dwelling on negativity isn’t healthy. Now, did you want to come to DQ for ice cream or shall I take the kids myself?

          I would relentlessly pivot using the exact same language every single time. Do not engage. Respond to every attempt to re-pivot the exact same way. Make it super boring to talk to you about this stuff because she will know that she will get the exact same response and re-pivot every single time.

        5. I don’t have advice but just wanted to let you know pivoting doesn’t work with my mildly toxic family member either.

    3. Is the family member someone you have been close to in the past?

      Try to plan some activities that will help her get out, exercise, escape from her depression about her ex.

      Find and plan a trip to an Escape room. All the cousins, and grandparent can participate.

      Take a walk/hike/play tennis/go to a park for a picnic. Do something outside moving every day, and give complaining relative jobs to do (make the tuna fish, go shopping etc..).

      Let her talk some…… if you can.

      And then at some point say, “Can we take a break from the sad/ex talk? I think it would be good for both of us.”

      And remind yourself about what it would feel like if you were in her shoes. Empathy.

      1. I get the empathy. I do.

        Where I draw the line is 1) being expecting to participate, 2) for HOURS (like weekly, for hours), 3) contributing to something I sincerely believe is ruining her life further (so I wouldn’t watch an alcoholic drink, as it would feel that my presence alone normalizes what shouldn’t be normalized), and/or 4) in front of the children of the ex or while they are awake and under the same roof.

    4. Is there a reason you can’t just say, “I can’t talk about your ex any more. We’ve discussed it to death, and nothing is changing.”?

      Sometimes, the only way to get what you want is to say what you want.

    5. Put a time limit on how much time she can spend complaining.

      The first time she starts with the bashing, say “Toxica, I love you so much and I don’t want to see that bastard ruin our time together! Let’s not spend more than 30 minutes per day talking about him.”

      Then pull out your phone, set a timer, and when it goes off, say, “Okay, we’re moving on from him for the day! I won’t let him take over all our time together!” If she brings him up later, say, “We’ve already used up our time for today! We can’t talk about this!!”

      Repeat every day.

      1. I’ve done this. I had dear friends visiting the very week my divorce turned into litigation. I was so angry and hurt that I needed to talk about it, but none of us wanted it to be the focus of the visit. So we set a limit of 10 minutes of divorce talk at a time, and everybody enforced it. It worked out great.

      2. I did that regarding talking about work at home. Decided I could spend 10 minutes at the end of the day talking about something at work, but no more endless talking over every last thing. It wasn’t good for me and wasn’t good for the relationship.

    6. Have you considered just asking her not to talk about her ex? “Hey, I’m sorry, but I’d rather not talk about ex. Can we talk about something else instead?” If she rails against that or whatever, set your boundary. “Okay, I’m going to leave the room when you’re talking about ex, because it’s uncomfortable for me.” Then do it. Every time. You can’t control her, only your response to her.

  13. I’m on Day 14 of my first Whole 30 and am gearing up for a business trip — flying across country and back, will be gone for a total of four days. Any advice on how to make this work? I’m hoping that I’ll be able to find a Whole Foods or Sprouts in my destination city, but the travel days and required eating at restaurants with my coworkers make me nervous. Thanks for any words of wisdom!

    1. Map-search some places to eat ahead of time? I wish I’d done this last time I traveled, especially so I knew what would (or wouldn’t) be available in the airports.

    2. Pack lots of snacks with you instead of counting on finding an adequate grocery (or do your research ahead of time and find a Whole Foods or Sprouts near your hotel). For travel days, definitely bring your own food with you. You won’t find anything W30-friendly in an airport. Restaurants are definitely a challenge. I’m vegetarian so my restaurant options were pretty much variations on eggs + vegetables. If you eat meat, you can get most restaurants to make you a grilled chicken breast with roasted vegetables on the side. If you want to fly under the radar with coworkers and not have to make such a personalized order at the restaurant, opt for a salad with no cheese/croutons and dressing on the side, and add chicken or hard boiled egg to it. Or, find the menu item that looks most like plain chicken with vegetables, and ask for the sauce on the side or not at all.

      I found that Thai restaurants were the most W30-friendly for me since curry is just vegetables + herbs/spices + coconut milk, as long as they don’t add extra stuff to it. It was still tricky for me because tofu was a no-go, so I’d have to ask for an egg on the side. But if you eat meat, chicken and vegetable curry is a good way to go.

    3. You can have nuts on W30 right? Pack lots of those for when you get stuck, which may be often. Plan to eat a lot of salad with chicken.

      If you’re at a hotel, you can probably get eggs for breakfast pretty easily.

      Don’t be afraid to ask for whatever meat + everything on the side. Swap or get a side of veggies with everything.

      I’ve never done W30 but my high travel DH does the ketosis diet occasionally and I think a lot of the rules overlap.

    4. I feel like restaurants are pretty easy as long as you’re a meat eater. My go-to is a burger wrapped in lettuce, hold the chrede. Or grilled steak and plain baked potato.

  14. My hair dryer is in the twilight of its life, based on the weird sputtering sounds it was making this morning. Any recommendations for a replacement?

    1. The Beauty Department blog had a post (6-12 months ago?) on pairing hair dryers to hair types and what the different features (Ionic! Ceramic!) matched with different hair types. you might check that out.

    2. I like the Sephora brand one. It works similar to a more expensive hair-dryer but it much more reasonably priced.

      Also – the beauty department (yes Lauren Conrad’s beauty site but actually an awesome resource) had a series of posts a couple years ago about what features are good for what hair types, and then recommended some hair dryers in each category. I found that really helpful in narrowing down what I was looking for! A quick google should bring it up.

      1. Lol – I eventually stopped reading because it was driving me nuts (the post about the benefits of lemon water, for example), but that hairdryer break down was pretty awesome.

    3. I’m partial to the Conair Infinity Pro with the AC motor. I have super thick long wavy hair – and I can blow it out in under 15 minutes with that puppy. They usually last 3-4 years and at around $30 I don’t mind replacing frequently. Be forewarned though, if you have an older house it WILL trip the fuse. And even in my parents’ 90s house, my sisters and I have to be on different circuits to use two hairdryers at once (what fun around the holidays).

      1. +1. I spent years buying much more expensive hair dryers that my thick hair burnt through quickly. One time while on vacation my hair dryer gave out and I sent my husband to the nearest store, which was Walmart and he bought me a Conair Infinity Pro and it works just as good as my expensive hair dryers I had in the past,, was much cheaper, and has lasted for years now!

    4. Pricey but I looooooove my Dyson hairdryer. It really “sets” my hair in the shape I want it to be with a round brush. It’s also marginally quieter than a lot of powerful hairdryers.

      1. I’ve heard it’s not worth the hype, but I’ve been really interested in trying one. What type of hair do you have?

        1. Thick (as in many strands), not especially fine/slippery, with some natural wave but not quite curl.

    5. Check out The Sweethome’s reviews. They covered hairdryers and flat irons not too long ago, and I’ve found their recs to be right on point.

    6. I bought the Babyliss one recommended here before and it’s great. It’s pretty cheap on amazon, quieter than the Conair I used to use, and pretty quick drying.

    7. I love the bioionic 10x hair dryer. It smooths out my hair and dries super fast. However, I have very thick hair- might not be worth the price if I didn’t.

    8. I’ve tried many inexpensive and expensive hair dryers. My favorite is the Elchim 2001. It doesn’t have an ion feature, which some people want for extra smooth/flat finish, but for my hair, I don’t like the ion feature.

    9. I am on my second Amika, and when this one dies, I will buy a third Amika. My hair is just below the shoulder length, thick, coarse, porous, and naturally frizzy/wavy, but it will dry either to waves or smooth. I can do a salon quality blowout in 10 minutes with this dryer and Amika products.

  15. I started a year ago at a law firm in a niche practice in a mid size city, although I was previously in another city and have around 5 years experience total. Even though my firm is fairly relaxed about billable hours it causes me a lot of anxiety, especially because I generally don’t have enough work. (My whole area is like this, not specific to me). There are in house opportunities around my area in my niche but I’m worried about burning bridges in my firm. I’m also worried about how to frame my decision to leave. The people at my firm are great, and I love the work. The real answer is that I have constant anxiety about being behind on hours and feel like I can never take time off with no end in sight. How do I frame this at interviews?

    1. talk to someone senior at your firm that you trust about how the across the board low hours affect your standing in the firm. If you’re slow (and everyone else is), sometimes it’s a brief glitch and things will pick up next year, sometimes its the fact that your dept is a service dept and you’re never going to be billing the high numbers that the main departments use, etc. I think you need to know what the effect is on your career to decide how that’s going to affect your career to determine what the next step is for you.

      In terms of outward presentation, I’d say something like, “I came to Jones and Smith hoping to do a lot of ____. While I’ve enjoyed working on these types of deals/cases/etc. and learned a lot, I think [new opportunity] will present a better opportunity to [whatever.]”

    2. You don’t frame anything negative about your current practice. You apply for as many in-house positions, tailoring your resume to match the work they do. Then you go in and talk about how the in-house position is the right fit for you, not the other way around. Interview at as many as you can because you might still be stressed out at your in-house gig, but generally it’s pretty great not tracking hours!

  16. My annual review is coming up, tied to annual raises. This is the first time I’ve ever gone through the process.

    The lead on one of my big projects offered to help me prepare the materials my supervisor wants from me. Then as I was leaving the meeting, he told “btw, you should ask for a big raise, whatever the cap is”.

    I literally responded by blinking and saying “durrrr”. Not my best moment. And then I went home and had a panic attack. So now, of course, I’m going to get back to work and ask for the raise.

    At least I think I am? I’ve been told I should, and even given a number. The man who suggested it has no administrative authority, but he’s very senior and funds my position. I am fully aware that’s no guarantee I’ll *get* the raise, but I should ask, right?

    Time to woman up…but this is so hard for me!

    3. Yes! You don’t get what do don’t ask for, and that’s doubly true for money.

    4. This is so cheesy, but I often think of that line from the Matt Damon classic movie “We Bought a Zoo”:

      “Sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.”

      You will only need to be brave for the few seconds it takes to spit out the number you want. Just a few seconds of discomfort! You can do it!

    5. Yes. If the person who funds your role is coaching you, DO NOT BE A FOOL! This is the easiest raise you will ever have to ask for.

      Context: last time I wanted a raise, I had to basically write out a business case / justification for my raise. Ie market data + my role + my actual responsibilities + my colleagues salaries. And I had to get 2 of my bosses’ peers ready to fight hard for me, since all the raise $ at my level comes from one pot. Literally, I had our CTO and head of marketing convinced I was going to walk without it, so they told our president that they’d contribute some budget money into the pot for my raise, which enabled my boss to get my raise approved.

      My boss in theory wanted to give me a raise, but “couldn’t fine the money” aka didn’t have time to lobby for it. Did it myself, showed up and said “CTO is giving up .5FTE and the CMO is giving us $10k/year of trade show money. President is fine with it.”

      Two years later I had my boss’s job.

      1. Oh. I also coached someone that had been given a $10k raise that she needed to push for a $20k raise. She was so nervous she threw up, but she pushed back, her boss had to take it upstream, but he got the Pres to sign off on it and she got her $20k raise. Even though it was a 28% raise, which is well outside the company guidelines. She deserved it and was underpaid.

      2. Good for you. I know this is exactly the best possible situation to be presented with this lesson. I’ve just never had even a remotely reasonable job like this before!

    7. Thanks everyone. I feel like this had better be a kick-butt review, so I’m reading everything I can find to prepare!

  17. Shopping help! I am looking for a white blazer and never thought it would be so hard in the summer to find a nice one. I am tall – 5’10” – and would like a longer line blazer so that’s likely part of the problem. I tried on and liked the LOFT Cinched Sleeve Open Blazer enough that I was surprisingly willingly to overlook the dangling things from the sleeves despite my general preferrence for simple, full length sleeves. I loved that it was a bit more relaxed than a traditional suit jacket. But then I realized the fabric was really sheer and a patterned blouse underneath was entirely visible through every part of the jacket – too distracting. So, has anyone seen this unicorn blazer I am apparently looking for – white, long line, at least somewhat opaque?

    1. Sounds like something Express might have? I always forget about Express but they do have a lot of women’s suiting. a quick google search showed they had a few (I didn’t look in detail)

    4. I’m tall too and I love the bcbg tuxedo blazer. It’s long in the front, but shorter in the back so it looks good with dresses and pants. It’s opaque and machine washable.

    5. Also tall, and I have a Halogen open front blazer that fits great — I have it in orange, but it comes in white too.

    6. I got the J.Crew factory white linen one, and while it’s not exactly long line, it isn’t cropped. (I think that’s what you mean?) It wrinkles, because linen, but it looks quite nice.

    7. I am also 5’10 and found such a thing at Banana Republic! It was more off-white than pure white, but it is long line and very flattering.

    8. I’m 6’1″ and own the tall Jcrew Campbell blazer in multiple colors & fabrics – good length, simple design. They have other tall blazers, the Rhodes blazer is longer line but I don’t like all the pockets, they looked terrible in white since the double layer of fabric made them really stand out. Regent blazer is more casual but I’m not a fan of the collar. White linen & bi-stretch cotton Campbells are on sale right now, linen runs a little big.

      https://www.jcrew.com/p/womens_category/blazers/campbell/tall-campbell-blazer-in-linen/G3958
      https://www.jcrew.com/p/womens_special_sizes/tall/suiting/tall-campbell-blazer-in-bistretch-cotton/G3067

  19. Someone tell me what to do.

    Buying a new-construction condo, approx 850 sq. feet in Arlington VA, 1 bed with den. Do I want to spend 5 k on a 3×5 storage unit in the building? It’s described as a cubicle.

    It’s just me and husband and dog, no plans for kid any time soon. Is this worth it? I have no idea how to price a storage unit – is 5k insane?

    1. How insane the price is depends on how insane real estate is. It sounds crazy high to me, but I live in a much cheaper place than Arlington. How much stuff do you have that won’t fit in your regular living space? If you do have a lot of stuff to store, how averse are you to renting a storage unit nearby? 3×5 is a very small space, so I assume you could get much more feet/dollar at a storage unit rental but then you have the inconvenience of driving there every time you need something. It probably comes down to how much you value time v. money and how much stuff you have to put in storage.

    2. look at other storage nearby, the shirlington area has a few places I believe. See what you can get for that 5K a year. If you’re just going to store christmas decorations, for example, it might be worth a bit of a drive to a different part of arlington to pick up the decorations

    3. Do you need extra storage space? Can you buy a unit later if you turn out to need space in the future? Or can you sell the unit later if you don’t need the space?

      I would price a storage unit by looking at what the monthly cost would be at a self-storage place (only obviously way better to have in building).

    4. If you’re going to be there over the life of your mortgage, it seems worth it. If you’re there, say, 10 years… ~$40 a month.

      I would probably err on the side of getting one, on the theory that if you DO want one in the future (or buyers want one when you want to sell), it may be impossible to get one then. IF I had had that option in my building, I would definitely take it and put my little 2 foot christmas tree and wrapping paper and camping gear down there.

    5. My 1941, 900 sq ft, 2 bdrm condo in Alexandria came with a 4×6 unit. Even though my unit has crazy good storage, I’d be pretty uncomfortable without it. It’s where I keep my non-carry-on size suitcase, the Christmas tree stand (…and, um, 4 boxes of Christmas decorations), that one box of college keepsakes, and a box of painting supplies.

      I’d get it. It can only help resale and it’s worth it for the convenience. Unless you literally don’t have anything you’d need to put there. For comparison, when I lived in McLean, I was paying $165/month for a 10×10 Public Storage unit. So $5k seems kind of nuts for the size, but for the convenience, I’d definitely have to do it…because of my Christmas decorations lol.

      1. Yeah, you’d be surprised at how much value storage can add to your life and the resale value (if it transfers with the apartment). When I lived in a 1 bedroom with my husband + dog (no kid), we paid about $160/mo for a storage unit – can’t remember the actual size, but it was like a closet. We filled it to the ceiling with camping gear, luggage, office furniture, Christmas decorations, etc. Stuff that you don’t want taking up space in your apartment, but don’t necessarily want to get rid of.

    7. I guess questions I would ask include:
      How much space do you live in now? Is this a similar size space? Does the condo have good closets and built in storage?
      Do you have bikes you would want to put in there or other hobbies or holiday decorations or camping gear?
      Is it possible that parents or other elderly relatives would die in the next few years and you would want to take their heirloom stuff?
      What is the cost for a storage unit per month in your area?
      How long do you plan on living there?
      What happens if you change your mind later? Can you buy one later?

    8. If I could afford the $5k (I’m guessing you can, since you’re able to purchase a condo in Arlington), yes, I would absolutely purchase the storage unit (even if I didn’t think I’d need it) just for resale purposes. I’m guessing you’ll use it though, for things like holiday decorations, exercise or camping equipment, etc.

    9. Get one. It increases resale because so many people are consumers with too much cr*p. So even though YOU don’t need the space the future owners will

    10. Yes! We used to rent a 3×5 storage unit in a HCOL area for $50 per month and you would be surprised by the amount of stuff you can fit in a small area like that. And it’s great to get things like holiday decorations out of your main living area when you’re not using them. This would be a plus for me as a purchaser of your condo, too.

    11. YES. take the storage unit (condo dweller here). it will decrease the resale potential (or leasing potential) without one.

    12. No, not insane at all.

      This is quite important for resale.

      I would never buy a condo without storage.

    13. We use ours for holiday decorations, extra paint, suitcases. It is far from full but I’m really happy I don’t have to find storage for this stuff in the apartment, and it’s way more convenient than off site storage. I recommend you get some sort of shelving in there though.

    14. I’d get it. Your place will be so much less cluttered if you can put away seasonal things like coats, bikes, etc.

    17. Def. get it.

      And if you don’t need to use it, rent the space to someone else in the building. (make sure your bylaws allow this)

  20. Are cold-shoulder tops work appropriate? I thought that the answer to that question was an obvious no, but yesterday one of our junior attorneys was wearing a cold-shoulder top. We are business casual and sleeveless sheath dresses are common, but for some reason a sleeved blouse with the shoulders cut out had me clutching my pearls. Have I just gotten old and out of touch?

    1. Not appropriate. But also not bad enough that I think I’d say anything to the wearer unless it was for a client meeting or something like that.

      1. ^this. I wouldn’t do it, but wouldn’t say anything unless they were going to see external partners that day

    3. I’m actually curious about this! Would a sleeveless shell be appropriate in your office, or no? If no, I understand, but if yes, I guess I don’t see the difference.

      1. Understand your point, but I feel like there is a qualitative difference. Like the framing of the shoulders in a cold shoulder top emphasizes bareness in a way that sleevelessness does not. I feel the same way about cut outs.

        1. Agreed. I also think cold shoulder tops are different since they’re currently a trend versus a sleeveless shell or sheath can be classic.

        2. Agreed. There’s something about the trendiness of it that makes it not ok for the office either. Imagine a sheath dress in suiting fabric- office appropriate. Take the same dress and make it in a Lilly fabric or with a lace overlay and I’d say it’s now not office appropriate. Some things aren’t work wear even if they show or don’t show the same amount of skin as other things.

          1. Ah, this makes it make more sense to me. I have always worked in a very casual office, so these kinds of details are sometimes lost on me. But the comparison to the dramatic difference between a suiting sheath and a Lilly sheath helps me see what a faux pas it would be in a more formal office.

        3. Agree that the cutout emphasizes the bareness, the shoulder, and the skin — just like a floor-length skirt with a slit in it that goes up to just past the knee emphasizes the leg in a way that a knee-length skirt doesn’t. Therefore, cold-shoulder tops don’t say “ready for workplace focus” to me.

      2. I think it is inappropriate regardless of whether sleeveless garments are appropriate bc it is not situationally correct. It’s like the difference between a wool suiting fabric sleeveless knee length sheath dress, and a lace sheath dress with the identical silouhette. The lace makes it inappropriate.

    4. I also think they’re work inappropriate. They just seem to signify “casual”/”leisure” to me. But I have seen them marketed as work wear!

    6. No, not appropriate. Doesn’t stop all of the women in our HR department from wearing them on a regular basis though. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

      1. This is how I feel and also my office, except it’s not limited to HR and includes managers. Sigh.

    7. My fourteen year old niece doesn’t think they are appropriate for HER to wear. We went shopping this week and bonded over the “WHY??” of cold-shoulder tops.

      1. That’s awesome. My 11 year old daughter, on the other hand, took a pair of scissors to a perfectly good shirt and made it cold-shoulder. Ugh…

    9. I think it depends on what kind of cold shoulder we are talking about. If it is spaghetti straps and then poufy draping down by the elbow, that seems pretty clubby. But a plain blouse with split sleeves or just a cutout at the upper arm, in a casual office, I would not get in a twist about.

      But my firm is very accepting of pretty forward fashion (including lawyers with nose piercings and visible tattoos), so of course this is know your office.

      1. Man I really want (1) infinite money for more tattoos and (2) to work in a place (or make my work a place) where I’m confident that visible tattoos would be NBD.

        1. FWIW, I’m a biglaw partner and have 2 visible tattoos. both on ankles, so not huge. one has always been there; the other is recent.

          1. ooh do you mind saying what city you work in?

            i’m in-house but i’m also partial to giant tattoos — oops.

    10. I cannot look past my dislike for this style enough to determine if they are work appropriate. But I’d say no for many of the reasons people say here.

      I feel like I am living in a parallel universe, but I haven’t actually seen a live person wearing one of these.

  21. I was hoping to crowdsource some ideas here. My MIL has had a headache for over 5 years now. Some days it’s better, other days it’s worse, but it’s always there. She has seen a lot of doctors and has tried various medications (anti depressants, anti anxiety, and other stuff) and other treatments (PT, acupuncture, massage), but nothing has really helped. I’m not sure how long she has continued certain treatments (like the PT, acupuncture, massage) before abandoning them as ineffective. She has seen a bunch of specialists and nothing is working. I feel horribly for her.

    I know that some r e t t e s have migraines or chronic headaches, and I was wondering if you had any therapies that you found effective or explored that I could suggest she explore with her doctors. She has some mobility issues (shoulder and wrist surgeries), and is generally not very active. I’ve suggested yoga or swimming, but she hasn’t tried them yet. I’m open to anything – Eastern medicine, herbal remedies, whatever! Thanks.

    1. Is she addicted to pain killers? Possibly from the surgeries?

      Does she:
      -Grind her teeth at night?
      -Have sleep apnea?
      -drink enough water?
      – carry a purse or heavy camera that would be cutting into her neck in a weird way causing a tension headache?
      -does she have allergies? A friend’s mom had headaches and found out that she had mold GROWING IN HER NOSE and that was causing the allergic reaction (she was allergic to something inside her) and caused the headaches
      – does she journal to record what she did on days that it feels better?
      – does diet affect it at all? or drinking?
      – Does she remember what was happening when this all started?
      – does the type of lighting in a room change it?
      – could it be all in her mind and she experiences this pain as a way to get attention or to cope with something else? Maybe the headache allows her a good excuse to get out of activities she wants to avoid for example.

      1. Adding to this list:
        – could something be off with her inner ear? That sometimes causes headaches
        – Getting myofascial release massages has been successful with some of my friends headaches

      2. No addition to painkillers as far as I can tell. That mold story is horrifying!! I’m not sure about teeth grinding, but that’s a good point. I used to grind my teeth and had terrible jaw pain but no headaches, so I didn’t think of it. I think she has/is participating in some sort of sleep study, but I’ll ask about sleep apnea. All of your ideas are great (thanks!), and I’ll suggest them to her.

        I don’t think this is in her head. She still does things – travel, movies, dining out, etc. – and I’ve never heard her use her headaches as an excuse to not do something. I used to think that her headache would go away when her mom passed away (terrible thing to say, but her mom had been on the decline for 10 years and it was really stressful), but they haven’t. I personally think she needs a stress relief outlet (and believe that physical activity would help her), but she seems reluctant to try those things for whatever reasons she has.

        2. I used to grind my teeth, and I had a headache every morning for years. I had a night guard, but it didn’t help relieve the tension in my jaw, and I was clenching so hard that I snapped the guard in two. I was on anxiety medication as well, but it didn’t help enough.

          Then I left a stressful job, and I stopped clenching my teeth. A couple of months after I left, I realized that I hadn’t had a headache in several weeks.

          My jaw-clenching caused headaches and cracks in my teeth. I had to get one root canal and a crown.
          But my mother clenches her jaw as well, and she’s never had dental problems because of it. So, this may or may not be something that shows up at the dentist. On a positive note, when I went to the dentist earlier this year, he said there had been no changes in the density of my teeth since leaving my old job.

        3. Pain is “in people’s heads.” Always. Pain is the brain interpreting what’s happening in the body. Sometimes the brain exaggerates certain pain signals even when there is no tissue damage or real cause, because it is on high alert due to previous problems. For example, if you got bitten by a snake before, you may not have felt the snake bite, but suffer because of the poison. Later when you a piece of grass touches the snake bite spot, your brain says “danger, danger, this has happened before and we are prepared this time, alert” and you feel massive pain, even though there isn’t really a problem this time. So it’s not always a problem in your body, but can be psychological (not in the sense that you have a mental disorder, but that your brain is sensitive about pain signals). Some things that can help pain is counseling, just gaining awareness about how pain works, and things like cardio can give you boost the feel-good chemicals in your body. There’s more to it, but it’s worth digging into more.

    2. Has she tried essential oils? They’re all the rage and I know some are supposed to help headaches.

          3. I see your point, but pain is one of the few areas where placebo relief isn’t a total waste of time.

    3. Is she seeing a headache Neurologist at an excellent academic center? You haven’t mentioned a diagnosis or any neurologic treatments, so that makes me concerned that she hasn’t been assessed properly.

      If you mention what city she is in, I could look for someone to see for a second opinion. I would consider traveling somewhere if possible to see the best people.

      Did she tend to get headaches/migraines before this long one started? Or was this a brand new thing, out of the blue?

      My mother had horrible migraines for many decades. Many people with chronic headaches/migraine improve with aging, and many women have resolution of migraines with menopause. But some get worse. And new headache in the elderly is something special and concerning and needs aggressive investigation.

      And many people are not diagnosed properly. There are literally some types headaches that can last like this, and once the treatment is discovered, can be cured. Some are a chronic headache that can only be managed long term, and some need a Pain clinic.

      1. She is in NJ. I believe she’s gone to some top doctors in NJ, PA, and NY. She didn’t have chronic headaches until this started a little over 5 years ago. She is seeing a neurologist (she’s seen a few, actually). She has taken all sorts of medications and tried different treatments (chiropractor, acupuncture, massage, etc.) at the direction of her doctor. She’s had MRIs and other scans, so they’ve ruled out tumors and the like. I think one of the issues for her is getting a definitive diagnosis. They’ve thought it was one thing or another (and treated her accordingly), but nothing is actually working.

      2. Former 1-2x/month migrainer, here, and daily headaches. I tried everything. Then I cut gluten out of my diet, cold turkey, and have gotten only a handful of migraines in the last six years.

        It is an easy solution to try for a month. Also, for gluten-sensitive folks, dairy is sometimes a linked trigger – so may be worth checking that out, too.

    4. Has she tried an elimination diet? (I knew someone who discovered food coloring was the culprit, though I can’t imagine what colored thing she would be consuming daily unless it was some sort of pill.)

      Would she consider seeing an osteopath? (YMMV, but some specialize in pain treatment, and I’ve heard good things.)

      1. I’m not sure she has, but that’s a good idea. She eats a very limited diet (very picky), but she eats the same things over and over, so if the culprit is one of those things it could certainly explain a lot!

        1. Does she get enough potassium and magnesium? My DH is a very healthy guy but if he does not drink coconut water and eat a banana before and after working out, he gets horrible headaches. Water isn’t enough – he is very sensitive to his electrolyte balance – especially potassium/magnesium/sodium.

          1. That’s really interesting. She said that she’s been tested for vitamin deficiencies and is fine, but some of those things might not show up on a test.

      2. What about vitamin deficiencies? Many people are deficient in Vitamin D, in folate, and in magnesium, and these deficiencies have been correlated to headaches in some studies (as well as other, somewhat less common deficiencies).

        Whatever the source of pain, magnesium is great for relaxing tense muscles, and a warm epsom salt bath is a very soothing way to get more magnesium. And if scents don’t make her headache worse, epsom salts can be combined with aromatherapy/essential oils.

      3. I discovered that tomatoes/peppers/eggplant/potatoes were triggering my migraines when I finally did an elimination diet. The diet was a huge undertaking and absolutely no fun, but now my life is much better.

    5. I’m sure she’s done a daily journal by now, right? I had horrible headaches in law school – I was blinded by pain and convinced I had a brain tumor. (Only half kidding.) Pain killers made no difference. My doctor had me do a journal of everything I did, ate, and drank. It turns out I’m allergic to caffeine. Within 30 minutes of having coffee, tea, or dark chocolate, I’d want to curl up in a ball and cry. And I was taking Excedrin – which has caffeine – that was only making it worse. You never hear about caffeine causing headaches – it normally helps them – but it’s the opposite for me.

      It’s years later now and I still can’t have caffeine. (I can have a choc chip cookie, but chocolate cake or anything very chocolaty is out.) I had no problem with caffeine my entire life until then – grew up drinking lots of tea and eating plenty of chocolate.

      1. Caffeine is something she consumes daily, and I’m sure she has never thought of it! I’ll suggest it. Thanks.

    6. Has she had her house checked for mold? Including: water dispenser on the fridge and AC unit
      Has she lived in the same place for all 5 years? Does it get better if she stays in a hotel?
      Has she tried changing up the products she uses – maybe its a reaction to a certain scent?

      1. She hasn’t lived in the same house for all 5 years, but a good point about other environmental factors. I think part of her problem is that while her headache waxes and wanes, it’s always there – on vacation or at home.

    7. I think at least part of the problem might be that she is not active enough physically. I need to at least walk everyday. Other unexpected things that have made a difference is getting more replacement air to the bed room (added vents) drinking more water than I think I need, one cup of coffee and no more, keeping a headache journal so that I don’t take meds so often that I’m at risk for rebound headaches, no alcohol ever.

      1. I tend to agree that she needs some physical activity, but horse/water, you know?

    8. I am super anti-soda and I keep reading things about people cutting Diet Coke out of their diet and having amazing results. Does she drink anything like that?

      1. I don’t think she often drinks soda, but she does tend to have an over-reliance on processed foods (she hates to cook).

    9. This is something my mom struggled with for years – migraines, middle of the night painkiller shots, etc. In the end she had sinus surgery for a deviated septum. Her migraines stopped and now she has maybe 1 bad headache per year.

    10. Two ideas, I’m one of the migraine folks.

      1) Dry needling therapy was game changing for me and other ppl in my family with chronic pain. Not acupuncture, but very similar– usually provided by PTs certified in the technique. It sounds scary but it is unbelievably effective.

      2) My neuro is old school and I manage my migraines primarily using Robaxin, a pretty mild muscle relaxer. It is my first line of defense before any more heavy duty drugs and has really given me quality of life back. When I need it, it doesn’t make me sleepy or limp– just back to baseline comfortable.

      1. Good to know about dry needling. I’ll suggest it. I’ll ask about muscle relaxers too. She told me that her doctor wants to start at square one with her, which I don’t think is a bad idea.

    11. I agree with the diet, caffeine, mold, physical/muscle tension (especially likely with a shoulder problem), exercise, jaw-clenching/too-grinding, sleep apnea, and hydration suggestions, and I would suggest checking for allergies and for thyroid problems and non-apnea sleep issues (like problems with her mattress or pillow).

      I had chronic low-grade headaches (alternating with migraines) for years and it turns out my thyroid was the culprit.

      1. She does have thyroid issues, but not so bad that she needs medication. Thanks for the suggestion!

    12. My first guess would be hormonal/thyroid, but if it’s not that, could it be related to eyesight? If it’s a migraine, she could try butterbur, which is a supplement that is known to help. She could also maybe have a weird allergy, like sulfites, or even have it be something stupid, like chronic dehydration.

    13. My dad had headaches and it turned out to be a serious medical condition that was hard to diagnose, temporal arteritis. He needs to see a rheumatologist. Might want to consider seeing a doctor with that specialty, if she has not already.

      1. Thanks. She may have done so already, but I will suggest it if not. Hope your dad is okay.

    14. Botox for migraine has been a life-changing thing for me, and I feel like you could have been talking about me in your description of her.

    15. I hate to throw this out there but maybe seizures?

      There are some seizures called absence seizures or silent seizures that happen in sleep or just occur for like 10 seconds of starring and then the person doesn’t remember it but they can cause headaches.

      Might be worth getting it checked out though if nothing else shows up.

    16. Chronic headache sufferer here. I had migraines as a teenager that exacerbated in college to being chronic. Some days were full blown migraine episodes (1-2x a week), but every single day I had a dull headache that was distinct from a migraine. Some days were better than others, and sometimes it was hard to tell if it was a migraine, or just a bad headache day. What helped for me was Topamax. I have tried every med on the market and this is the only one that worked for me. My neuro has also been giving me Botox injections, has she looked into this?

    17. Late to the thread but thought still worth mentioning – if she’s seen a neurologist it may be something they’ve already checked for, but have they considered that she may had idiopathic intracranial hypertension (IIH)? I had an acute attack of this a few years ago and apparently it can often be missed (especially if the pressure isn’t severe enough to cause the issues which helped me get diagnosed, like blind spots in the vision due to pressure on the optic nerves). Might be worth taking a look at and asking about?

  22. do you have a signature on your personal email? if so, what information does it include? anything other than your name and phone number?

    1. Mine has my full name and cell number – if I’m emailing someone with whom I don’t want to share that information, I just delete it.

      1. Same. Mine has my name, cell, and email address, but I guess the email address is kind of unnecessary, huh.

    2. No, and I think they’re kind of weird tbh. If I need to communicate my phone number with somebody, I just put it in the body of the email.

      1. I kind of do as well. The only time I’ve seen this is when I receive emails from friends who I know are job searching. Then it makes sense to me – they will have their full name and phone number in their signature.

  23. Financial planning Friday? Do you all have a “target” number for your 401k that made you feel (will make you feel) like — ok, I’m on the right track? I don’t necessarily mean the long range target of $1 million or $2 million or whatever at retirement. I mean a more “doable” target like — I want to be at 100k or 200k at age 35 or whatever. It’s obviously a set it and forget it kind of thing, but I’m finding that it gets overwhelming to think about it over a 20 or 30 yr span and I find myself more “motivated” by near term goals and feeling on track. Anyone have any near term targets/ages that they’re working towards?

      1. I think this is understated, no? It’s 30: 1 yr salary; 35: 2 yrs salary; 40: 3x; 45: 4x; 50: 5x; 55: 6x; 60: 7x; 65: 8x.

        1. For those of us who started out with $200k student loans at 8.5% interest and aren’t married, it’s not feasible to have a year’s salary saved by the time you’re 30.

          2. I hear you, but you need to contribute to 401k to get the tax saving and any possible match. Then, take out 401k loans to pay off student loans to get the interest down. You gotta be smarter.

          3. Lol @ “You gotta be smarter.” I never said don’t save at all. I said it’s not feasible to have a year’s salary saved by age 30 when you have a higher degree and the loans that go along with it. It’s not even possible to save a year’s salary in a 401k in that amount of time. Most people graduate law school at what, 25 or 26? 5 years x $18k max 401k =/= $160k.

      2. 1x what salary though? Salary at that age? Salary at retirement? Somewhere in between?

    2. I sadly have not really started to think about this yet, but I’m interested to see what others have to say. I’m 30 and am still just working on paying off my huge amount of student loans.

      1. I’m 32 and still working on that too. Basically at this point I’ve resigned myself to working until I die because I have no idea how I’ll ever save up a million dollars.

        1. By starting right now. Set up an automatic deduction of $250/month to your 401k. Figure out what you have to do without to make it work. Then increase it.

          1. Not everyone on this s!te makes lawyer salaries. It’s nice in theory, but if I stuck an extra $250 in savings I wouldn’t be able to afford groceries.

          2. Fair. But if you aren’t saving anything for retirement you need to make the big changes necessary to do so.

          3. Doesn’t have to be $250/month – which I realize is a huge amount for a lot of people. It can be anything. It can be $50/month if that’s all you can afford. Most people (not all) in middle America, posting on this kind of website can find $50/month. Do you buy any of the clothes/shoes recommended on here? Do you belong to a gym? Do you grab a coffee 3x/wk? Cut out any of those and you can find a little extra cash. Alternatively do you have a family that gives you gifts for the holidays/birthdays? Can you instead ask for cash instead of a book or whatever or take that $20 that grandma slipped you and save that?

          4. I don’t make an attorney salary – not even close. I started with 6% of my salary to get the company match when I was 21 and steadily increased it every year by a percent or two. I will hit the maximum contribution this year for the first time. Caveat here is that I no longer have debt outside of the mortgage. I definitely wouldn’t have been able to make ends meet before car, student loans, etc were paid off.

          5. Agree on the starting to save while paying off your loans. You don’t need a huge salary. I am not a lawyer. I have made a salary of 42K and saved 10%. Now I have a better job at 62K (flexible w/time off) and save 20% and my company matches 3%. I have saved the difference in salary since my promotion for the past 3 years.

            Also when I made a lower salary all my work outfits were from the thrift store. I needed to save to catch up since I was laid off in 2009 and had 2 years where I didn’t contribute to my retirement.

            My financial advisor told me from my first real job paycheck in your 20’s I should strive to save 20% of my salary. That was always my goal and it took me years to get here.

          6. And don’t forget that standard 401(k) deductions are pre-tax – so your take-home won’t go down by the full amount of your contribution.

      2. You need to start contributing today! Figure it out. If you aren’t saving for retirement you can’t afford your lifestyle. Pay off loans and save at the same time.

        1. You may not pay down the loans as fast, but start saving for retirement now. Absolutely. Part of the way you get the number is by letting time work on the money – either in stock market growth, or at a bare minimum, interest on savings.

      3. Wait so do people wait until loans are paid off to start saving at all for retirement?? I know for some people that’s doable (biglaw or IB bonuses etc.) bc they can pay off loans in 5 yrs and start saving for retirement at 30. But for me, I’d be in my late 30s-early 40s if I did it that way — and then I would have missed out on 10+ yrs of compounding and growth. Why not put a small amount into retirement along the way even if that means that you aren’t paying off loans as fast as possible? Historically the S&P returns about 8% (across all yrs – some yrs will be a lot less) — are your loans at over 8%?

        2. I actually prioritized retirement savings and didn’t pay off my loans until I hit a higher salary point within Biglaw – I just made minimum payments. When I took a significant step up in salary (geographic move to a MCOL larger market from a HCOL smaller market, which involved both a raise and a drop in cost of living) and started getting larger bonuses, I threw them at my loans and paid them off over the course of about 3 years.

          1. Same here. I didn’t pay off my loans asap like all my biglaw colleagues bc when we graduated loans were at sub 3%. Focused on retirement and investments instead bc it could generate more than 3%. Still have the loans 12 yrs out of school for the same reason (I’ve paid them down a LOT faster than required but still not done with them). And despite all that I still don’t meet the “metrics” re 2x income at 35 3x at 40 etc — in very large part bc the decade in biglaw meant no match whatsoever. Moved to a different non biglaw job 2 yrs ago in a lower COL city (though still considered HCOL just not like Manhattan) — and I am SHOCKED how much of a difference an 8% match can make in just 2 yrs.

          2. +1 to this (although substitute in-house counsel with significant comp in bonus and equity grants for Big Law partner). I will make my final lump loan payment in August, and i’m so glad i didn’t wait to start seriously saving for retirement until i’d finished bc i have a serious nest egg now.

          3. Wow there old folks. Maybe keep in mind that your generation screwed the pooch for the younger generations. We graduated paying 8.5% on our loans in the middle of a recession when NO ONE was making that kind of interest except by screwing the younger generations.

            But, thanks again for reminding us that you were able to coast with something as simple as 2% or 3% interest. I’m SO happy for you. Also want to remind me how you made SO MUCH MONEY on your houses, that now I have to take out a JUMBO loan just to get a starter home?

            And while your at it, how about another complaint from the older generation about the millennial work ethic. That would be helpful too…

          4. All I have to say is that I’m never quite so glad I joined the military and got an Uncle Sam-financed degree and a decent paycheck starting at age 18 as when I read about student loan debt on this s!te.

            I’m 33, have $240k+ in retirement plus another $100k in investments, and my only debt is my (VA loan, so no down payment in a HCOLA) mortgage. I’m on track for 2x salary by 35. My husband is not, but I convinced him to start a Roth IRA when we met 10 years ago, and we’re both maxing 401ks now, so I’m fairly confident we’re on a good track.

        3. I had some loans at 8%, yes (graduated from law school in 2011). I was fortunate to be able to pay them off quickly, but not everyone is. For me, the only thing that beats paying off an 8% loan is a 401K match.

        4. Yea I’m the anony above. I pay a ridiculous amount toward my loans and hope to have them paid off in 3 years total. I had a lot of undergrad debt plus a lot of law school debt so it was VERY important for me to get them paid down while I’m in biglaw. I also put in some to retirement but just the small amount my firm automatically takes out of my check. Lifestyle is definitely not my problem, it’s that I’m highly prioritizing loans at this point. I know there’s a big debate as to whether that’s the right choice or not, but in the end my net worth is changing about the same either way, right?

      4. me too. I had 2 x-country moves and finally am settled into a job for the long haul so I am woefully (like it makes me sad) behind on “retirement planning” things.

        Plus I won’t get a 401k until my 1st anniversary here.
        BUT! I do have a Roth IRA and I have planned to go ballz to the wall on it for the next year!

    3. I am 38 and have about 125K between my 401K, Roth, and stock. I really want to get to get to 750K by 50 and a million by retirement. I am not including my house, but it is worth $400K. I carry no debt and paid off my loans.

      Even then I have spoken to recent retirees (couple) who said 2 million was the minimum they could live on!

      1. I’m about your age and I feel like I’m hearing the same — like when I started saving at 26-ish, everyone used to say “oh $1 million is the goal” (everyone being parents; older coworkers etc.). Now suddenly it seems like the talk is more along the lines of $2 million. This is specifically living in the northeast corridor — NYC and DC. I have to imagine it’s due to people realizing the true costs of healthcare later on in life. Ugh. Just when I figured ways to get myself to $1 million by retirement, it’s like the game got harder.

        1. The rule of thumb I’ve heard is that you should be able to live on 4% of your retirement savings annually for an indefinite amount of time. So if you have $1 million, that would be $40K. If you have $2 million, it’s $80K. Obviously it’s a lot easier to live in a LCOL area on $40K than in a HCOL area. But no matter what your living expenses should be lower in retirement, because you may have paid off many of your current expenses (house, student loans, daycare, etc.) and your general life expenses are lower if you’re not working (no commuter costs/parking, dog walking, business clothes, etc.)

          1. Yes, I heard that too. Also that current tax bracket of income payout should stay in the range of 12K-125K? i think?!?! As this will keep taxes low.

            If you go over the payout amount as a joint married couple the next tax bracket increases substantially.

            I figure the tax rules will all change by the time I am ready to retire. who knows what it will really be in 25 years.

        2. $2 million would be nice, or the equivalent. Don’t forget that having a guaranteed ?$20,000 per year in social security benefits is even better than having $500k in the bank. My focus is on supporting myself as long as I live. Not on leaving a legacy for my (non-existant) children.

          So you married folks with two social security benefits coming in retirement or a pension are in good shape with much less in savings. Of course, one spouse usually passes earlier than the other, so it is usually the wife who has to struggle longer on one social security benefit.

          Then the single folks like me always are only on one social security benefit and must learn to stretch things even more.

    4. We’re 32 and have about $75k in retirement. Our annual HHI is about double that, $150k. I wish we had more but neither of us has ever had an employer match and we prioritized paying student loans and paying our mortgage fast. We should be entirely debt free by 35 and since we plan to make no major upgrades to our lifestyle, we should have a lot of money to throw into retirement savings in our late 30s, 40s and 50s.

      1. I noticed you are saying ‘we’re’ and ‘our’ so I am thinking you are talking as a couple. I was always told to plan retirement as your own no matter what your situation.

        Just something to consider as you are planning for financial future.

    5. Not a super sophisticated answer – but I am enjoying those and learning from them – but for me every 50k or 100k is a sigh of relief in that “ok this only has to grow at 5.5% from now to retirement and I’d be at $1 million if I did nothing else.” That’s not to say that I won’t do anything else of course, but there is a “comfort” in past savings – esp. being in an unstable industry where it’s not clear what the future will hold – so I feel much less confident saying, ok I’ll be able to save a lot in my 40s and 50s.

    6. I am 33, and I have about $85K, about 1x my salary, in retirement. I don’t have any debt except my mortgage.

      DH is currently unemployed, but he has about $150K, about 2x my salary and 4x his last salary, in retirement. My understanding is that DH inherited a lot of that from his grandfather, and his father invested it in DH’s Roth during high school and college (when DH had earned income from summer or part-time jobs), until he started working full-time and contributing himself.

    7. I realize that this isn’t feasible for everyone, but I max my pre-tax retirement withholding. It never hits my bank account and I don’t miss it. I’ve talked to other people who put all bonuses and raises into retirement.

      If your work offers retirement plans, see if you get financial planning too. At my office, it’s free to sit down with the financial advisor who handles the company retirement plans and that person will map out what you need for retirement.

    8. DH and I want our net worth to be $1M by the time I turn 35. That’s just shy of 2 years from now and we are at about 780k.

      We have 2 kids and I’m only working part time now, so we aren’t packing away as fast as we were a few years ago, but we only have 12k left in loan debt.

      1. I guess specific to retirement we have just shy of 300k, about 140k of that is mine. DH has had historically better matching so my contribution to our long term savings is greater.

  24. Has anyone purchased a bag from Rough and Tumble out of Maine? Interested in how they’ve held up over time before making the purchase.

    Thank you!

    1. I am mid-thirties university administrator from a coastal town in the South. My normal style is sleeveless summer dresses and pencil skirts with open toe wedge heels or sandals. I wear sweaters inside as the AC blows cold with the humidity in the air. My daily outfits are appropriate for my workplace casual environment and I do wear colorful on trend outfits.

      I am attending a conference at Harvard in August and am wondering the following:
      Are open toe shoes appropriate for Boston in the summer? I prefer naturalizer and am thinking of purchasing these, http://www.naturalizer.com/en-US/Product/EC0223479-3016331/Naturalizer/Saddle+Tan+Leather/Paige.aspx

      Or these http://www.naturalizer.com/en-US/Product/EC0222314-3016082/Naturalizer/Black+Leather/Zinna.aspx

      Thoughts on a cardigan or a blazer for the conference? I just purchased this one last night, http://www.dillards.com/p/antonio-melani-jess-pique-blazer-jacket/506640940?di=04830010_zi_navy&categoryId=688131&facetCache=pageSize%3D96%26beginIndex%3D0%26orderBy%3D1%26facet%3D-100265110116111110105111327710110897110105%7C-11966108117101

      I expect Harvard is more formal ….what do others think?

      1. The blazer looks great; to me, the shoes look too casual and too fashion-forward/on-trend.

        It took me a long time to adjust to visible pedicures at work (vs. beach/weekend) when I moved from New England to the South.

      2. I went to Harvard for law school. It didn’t strike me as “more formal” than other schools in general. It’s a large university with a range of dress, so it totally depends on the specific conference you will be attending.

        I really like the blazer you bought. On the other hand, I personally would not wear the two shoes you linked to a business conference, but the legal profession is likely more formal than university administration. Is there someone you know who has been to the conference you’re attending before? Or are there pictures from a previous year that you can look at to get an idea about the dress?

        1. We do like our open toe pedicures here :) I have heard that from many people who moved here from up North or the mid west.
          Also looking at these pumps, http://www.naturalizer.com/en-US/Product/EC0215414-3013084/Naturalizer/Classic+Navy+Leather/Stargaze.aspx

          Yes, looking at the past pictures most attendees are older men and women in their fifties or sixties who have style by wearing scarves or accessories. I haven’t been able to master that look yet. Since I am usually 20 years younger than most in my profession, I struggle with imposter syndrome and feeling like I am playing dress up. Especially when I am wearing suits!

      3. As someone who works at Harvard, I see a wide range of dressing choices among conference attendees. You can get away with whatever you have already to wear at home. Also, people who live here tend to be at their most casual in August compared to other times of year, because it’s usually hot.

        Many residents in Cambridge/Boston walk a lot (I don’t even have a car for example), and for me the shoes you linked to would not be comfortable enough to wear even for walking across the campus.

        Another angle to consider is whether you are trying to impress the other attendees – in which case, perhaps go more conservative and away from the sandals – or whether you’re aiming for just knowledge from presentations, in which case, you can care less about fitting in.

        Have a great trip!

      4. I would go more conservative with the shoes. You don’t want to be remembered as the one who wore edgy shoes. I think open toe may be okay (hard for me to say how formal it is), but like Cole Haan Tali wedges kind of open toe.

        1. Thank you all for the responses. I really needed the feedback . Will find conservative walking shoes as I do want to make a good impression.

  25. I am doing a closet purge of dresses I never wear. Most are office appropriate, some are more casual but still structured: like you might wear to host a shower or to church. Any suggestions of where I might donate?Also open to consignment but I don’t know where I should go. I’m happy to just give them to a good home. Hopefully this isn’t rude but they just seem like the wrong styles for Goodwill. I would consider Dress for Success, but they don’t take weekend donations and I want these gone ASAP (they also wouldn’t take any of the casual options). Any suggestions? I benefitted from donations early in my career and would love to give back!

    1. Even the poors like nice clothes and goodwill benefits from selling them.

      Unless they’re nearly new and designer you won’t make much if any money from selling them.

      1. I shop at goodwill once in awhile and trust me: if it’s stuff you see on here, I’d be over the moon happy to find it. I am a nonprofit attorney and sometimes we have to dress way up on a hilariously low salary. Donate those.

        Also if they’re sizes 6-10 I’ll pay for shipping and take them off your hands. My username with e t t e at the end at the mail of google.

    2. Post on Freecycle in your town/community. Someone local who needs them will come by and pick them up.

      Call the nearest homeless shelter / battered women’s shelter / assisted living complex /church in a needy community etc.. and see if they might be interested.

      1. Freecycle! Thank you! I knew there was an easy solution to this that I just wasn’t remembering. TGIF!

        1. Please donate them to Goodwill! I go to work, host showers, and attend church, and finding an appropriate dress at Goodwill would be amazing.

  26. Regarding Target shopping, I’ve found the Merona blazers are actually great, and usually only around $30 (less on sale). I’m short waisted and they fit very well. Online, there are also some suiting dresses that match… I really like the “Women’s Cap Sleeve Bi- Stretch Twill Occupational Dress.” For whatever reason, the matching skirts aren’t as nice. The pants are fine but short (although there are long lengths online). If you wait for a sale or a BOGO, you can get a suit extremely cheaply.

    1. +1

      I was also pleasantly surprised by the blazers. I am also short waisted.

      The arms would have needed to be altered, so I didn’t buy in the end as I couldn’t imagine tailoring a $30 blazer.

      What does it cost to alter sleeve length, I wonder?

    2. I work in a professional role in an organization that is primarily non-professional roles and has a casual dress code. The Merona blazers are perfect for allowing me to toe the awkward dress code line without looking weirdly dressed up and they are super comfortable.

  27. A good friend just received a pretty devastating diagnosis. She lives in NW D.C. I’d love to have something delivered today that will let her know we are thinking about her. Ideally, a consumable. She is definitely into excellent food and wine, and is very health conscious with respect to what she eats (so maybe not dessert, which would ordinarily be my go to comfort delivery item?). I’d prefer not to send flowers. Does anyone have a recommendation? Thanks.

    3. If you have amazon prime, you could send her a selection of healthy snacks through amazon now.

    4. Something from Teaism? There are several locations, and you could probably get someone on UberEats or Postmates to pick it up and deliver it for you. Teaism has tea (obviously), and good cookies, but also a lot of really healthy Asian food including cute bento boxes.

  28. Repost from last night.

    Late post… Have any of you ever had a “complex migraine?” I was in the hospital Tues/Wed with one and I am still feeling a bit cognitively slow. Hoping to hear how long before you felt back to normal. For those who don’t know what it is, the symptoms are similar to stroke. Those symptoms happen first and then you get the headache after. I’m still feeling a bit slow cognitively.

    1. I have not heard of a complex migraine, but I when I get auras it takes me about 24-48 hours to feel “normal”. Avoiding screen time helps immensely. Hugs! Hope you feel better soon.

    2. I’ve never heard of “complex” migraines, but when I get a bad migraine, it takes a few days of “migraine fog” before I feel back to normal. I haven’t ever had to go to the hospital, though, so you may take longer to recover. If you’re worried, call your doctor.

  29. I was looking for examples on the Target website to sing praises about, since I generally am happy with everything I get there… but I kid you not, the first item on the “wear to work” page is a white short romper with a weird gauzy overlay. And the second item is a pair of tropical print shorts. What??? Links coming up.

      1. Walk Thru Romper Maxi ….hahaha! that was a laugh….

        Sadly, I would wear the floral shorts….haha! I really would :)

      2. A few people from HR have been temporarily rehoused on my floor while they’re getting new furniture installed. I’m tempted to ask them if I can wear that romper-maxi to work…

      3. Is this an example of “dress for the job you want”? Because I want my job to be laying on a tropical beach somewhere.

    2. Well, did they specify WHERE the women who would wear these work? Maybe it’s for people in the bride stand-in business.

  30. What are your thoughts on (women) wearing a Rolex as a daily watch? Being more of a minimalist style person, I can’t decide how I feel about it.

    1. I think it’s a great choice. I am very minimalist and I wear the gold/stainless Cartier every day and have for 15 years. I love that it goes with everything and is a beautiful piece.

      1. Which Cartier do you wear? I’m really drawn to the tank americaine, but have rarely ever seen it IRL. Seems like the other models are more popular.

        1. I like the tank Americaine as well and have been trying to figure out the reason I don’t see them as often as every other Cartier style.

      2. Jane, is that the Panther? If so, love. My mom has one and it just goes with everything!

      3. I have the Panther. My mom bought it in the ’80s and wore it for a long time. And then I inherited it from her. Although it’s over 30 years old at this point, I still think it looks fabulous. I wear it with jeans, shorts, dresses, and suits. Basically everything except black tie. Also, while battery replacements are expensive, they last a long time.

        Mine looks like this, but with two rows of gold and three of stainless. Never too many shoes, I hope your mom leaves hers to you as my mom did!

        https://www.tourneau.com/watches/pre-owned-cartier/panthere-yellow-gold-and-stainless-steel-quartz-w25028b5-VCA9703432.html?mkwid=s&pdv=c&pcrid=173478788534&pmt=&pkw=&gclid=CjwKEAjw-LLKBRCdhqmwtYmX93kSJAAORDM61RNEgW1V37dL-qP0O79Pin0pHzo7z7N5WCrE5f2umxoCACbw_wcB

        1. Jane – the two rows of gold is the exact one that my Mom also has (and I think she bought it in the 90s as well). I am an only daughter, so I presume it will one day be mine, along with the Cartier tank watch with the black eelskin band ;)

    3. Designer watches are one of those things I just can’t wrap my head around. They’re beautiful, but you can find beautiful watches for far less money (say, $1000 compared to $5000).

      1. You do you. Watches have kind of been a thing in my family and they mean a lot to me, so I wear my Rolex every day. It’s meaningful to me.

      2. Interesting. I actually find it more reasonable to splurge on a watch than a designer bag, that may quickly appear dated. Many people wear their watch every day for ….decades! And a classic beautiful piece is like jewelry that if chosen carefully, is timeless.

    4. I have worn my Rolex as a daily watch for nearly ten years, in dress codes from business professional to casual. I’m super minimal in clothing style and rarely wear any jewelry at all. Assuming you aren’t talking about one with a giant diamond bezel, I think it suits a minimal aesthetic well.

    5. I have a simple one that I inherited about 10 years ago and have worn it almost every day since then. I guess it depends on what version you get, but if it’s the bare bones kind, I see no issue. I’m the kind of person who only wears my simple wedding band and simple stud earrings every day as my other jewelry, so I think it fits in fine with a “minimalist” look. I wear it on weekends with shorts and a tank top as well as to work. It really goes with anything. That said, I don’t think I would ever have shelled out the $ to buy it for myself, but it’s become something I’m very attached to, but that is all a different story.

    6. I think a watch is nearly always appropriate, especially most ladies watches.

      Men’s watches are trickier – it drives me nuts when a guy thinks that just because he has an expensive watch, it’s appropriate to wear in formal settings. Guys with Rolexes seem to be the worst offenders on this – please do not wear your Submariner with a tuxedo. (You are not James Bond, and it was wrong when he did it, too.)

    7. I like. Considering an upgrade myself, either a Rolex or Omega.

  31. I recently found some stuff at Talbot’s that I want but I’ve not shopped there before and am curious about their sales cycles. Is it worth holding out for a sale or are they less likely to discount items? I feel like LOFT and the like have me suspicious of any store that expects me to pay full price for an item.

    1. Talbots isn’t like other stores. They only have REALLY good sales, called Red Hanger sales, a couple times a year. Their other sales are modest – 20% or so? No need to pay full price, but you definitely won’t be getting a steal at their regular sales.

      And if you haven’t shopped there before, know that their target audience is a more mature woman, so hemlines are longer and cuts are fuller.

      1. Thanks for the info. I actually tried these items on in store, so I know what you’re talking about. There were a couple of big winners and some not so good ones, so I can’t see myself shopping exclusively online until I get a better sense of how things will fit.

        1. I’ve been shopping there about 5 years and still have to go in and try. I wish I could do online exclusively as I don’t enjoy IRL shopping there.

    2. They don’t offer discount codes for full-priced items like AT/LOFT/BR etc. do. Some items will eventually make it to the sale section, but it’s likely to be a few months and there may only be limited sizes or colors at that point.

    3. Every catalog they send usually has a 25 or 30 percent off one item/your purchase coupon. Get a catalog!

    4. Usually they have more of a rotating teaser sales- 20% off one type of item (pants sale,etc). If you’re shopping in-store ask if you can get a price refund if something goes on sale the next week; my store has done this. Things usually don’t go on a drastic sale until seasonal big Red hanger sales as noted above, and most of these are items that didn’t sell well, frankly, although occasionally I’ve found things I like…

    5. I shop there fairly often. I’d say at least once a month to six weeks they have a coupon for 40% off one item (I get it either by email or in the mail), and they do have 25 -30% off sale in the store about every month to six weeks as well. Sometimes they have online flash sales. Never buy anything there full price! Either get it during one of those sales or wait for it to actually go on sale, everything there does. And I think they’re having their Red Hanger sale now actually. One thing that is VERY rare for them is free shipping, so if you ever see that offer definitely use it.

  33. I went to Uniqlo last Friday and had SUCH great luck.

    Recommendations:
    1. Woman Short Sleeve Bra Dress (the shorter one). I have it in blue and it’s just wonderful- might buy it in black, too. So soft, a really nice fit, the neckline is a bit wider in a way that’s very flattering, and it’s absolutely appropriate for a fancier day at a business casual workplace.
    2. Woman Short Sleeve Bra Dress (Geometric). This one has a tie around the waist and is just a really nice summer dress. I’m 5’3″ and it’s just below my knees- a bit long, but not midi. Really comfortable, very flattering.
    3. Women Jersey Wrap Front Sleeveless Dress. I got this as a gift in black and bought it in grey too, I liked it so much. Super comfortable, another really great summer dress. Can be made work appropriate with a higher cami and flats or brunch appropriate with sandals or heels and a bralette or lower cami. Would also be a great nursing dress, I’m guessing.
    4. Woman’s Dry Stretch Tucked Skirt. I bought it in both colors. The “brown” is more green but it’s a very nice, muted green. It has REAL POCKETS. Plus it’s super comfortable.
    5. Woman’s Dry-Ex Tank Top. I would wear this every day if I could, and I will be honest and say that come winter, it’s almost certainly going below blazers and cardigans. I got it in the berry color (“purple” online) and it’s GREAT. Ridiculously comfortable for barre but also just out and about. I want more!
    6. Didn’t buy it, but their Georgette ruffle-sleeve blouse was so pretty. Seethrough (which is why I didn’t buy it, in part), but super pretty.

    Total fails:
    The tie-front midi skirt. I looked like Jane from Tarzan. It was in khaki, but it would not have looked any better in any other color.
    Their bra-top camis. So, so short. Would have been funny if it wasn’t so, so awful.
    Their bras.
    Their jogger pants….How does one wear jogger pants in public?
    Their ponte pants. Um, they look like fancy sweatpants and I’m not wearing fancy sweatpants out of the house unless they make my legs look great, and these absolutely did not.
    Their legging pants. Throwback to jeggings, nope.

    Any other Uniqlo basics you just keep going back to? I know I’ll buy some of this stuff in new colors as it comes in.

    1. Be careful… anything that isn’t a true basic seems to disappear really quickly. See my beloved high waist mini flare skirt and crepe sleeveless dress which I bought in April that had disappeared by May :( Go buy new colors ASAP! I love everything at Uniqlo but usually things don’t work on my body, so I’m always sad when items I like get rolled out of stores.

      Aside from that, I actually really like the bra top tank tops for lounging around the house (I have roommates, so need headlight coverage) and the leggings pants. The bra dress did not work for me at all. Just some anecdata for others. In the winter I like the heattech tights though I find the sizing weird. And I like the underwear!

    2. I really like some of their basics — v-neck t-shirts, merino cardigans and rayon button-down blouses for work (which are very see-through, but I like the look with a cami). They also have great quality kid clothes for the price.

    3. I love the leggings pants! Fall/ winter weekend staple for me (the Heattech ones). I feel like they’re nice and slim but not painted-on.

  34. I have their down vest. It’s very light weight and doesn’t take up space. I always have it with me when outside with the kid. I’m sweating when I’m pushing stroller but you never know when she wants to stop and play in a puddle/climb on something and then I can put the extra layer on and be happy for her.

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