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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
A crisp white top is a must for spring. This cotton blouse from J.Crew Factory has a slightly puffed sleeve and some decorative shirring for a not-too-basic look. I’ll be wearing this with a bright midi skirt for casual Fridays or layered under a colorful blazer for a more formal spring look.
The top is $29.50–39.50 at J.Crew Factory and comes in classic sizes XXS–3X and petite sizes XXS–L. It also comes in four other spring patterns.
Psst: Hunting for opaque white t-shirts for work? As of 2023, we'd suggest checking the double layer lines from Boden, Express, and Hobbs, as well as great sources for basic Pima cotton such as LL Bean, Uniqlo, Everlane, and Talbots. (This $268 tee also gets great reviews for opacity, and Elizabeth swears by this tee under $30!)
As of 2024, the best spots to check for nude-for-you undergarments are Gap, Old Navy, or Nubian Skin for tons of options — Victoria's Secret also has a bunch!
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
Ribena
This is cute! I love something that’s essentially a white tee with a little *extra*
Savannah
I am wearing this very top right now with jeans, and I love it. I also have it in the blue and white stripe.
anon
Oooh, I love the idea of this top in blue and white. That is my summer vibe.
Anonymous
Is it truly opaque and how tight are the sleeves?
Anon
May I ask you is it’s woven cotton or knit cotton?
Anon
It looks like it would be more flattering for those who are less chesty than for those who are bigger. To the poster who owns it, is that consistent with reality.
Anonymous
I saw a rev here (I think?) for a cami with a built in bra that’s actually decent. I want to say it was jcrew? Help! Thanks :)
Anon
I wear the ones from Uniqlo but I wouldn’t wear the white one out. I use them around the house. The black and blue ones look more like normal clothes but the white one makes the built in part too obvious.
Cat
That was me! https://www.jcrew.com/us/p/womens/categories/clothing/t-shirts-and-tank-tops/tanks-and-camis/perfect-fit-shelf-bra-tank-top/BF345
Don’t get the white for wearing out of the house, tried in IRL and the nips were visible. 34C and the M is good.
Anonymous
I’ve been looking at a few coach bags after hearing about them here. I think I’m interested in the Rogue 20 but am trying to decide between the black pebbled leather or the black smooth leather. In my mind the pebbled leather will show less wear and tear over time but the sales associate was saying Coach smooth leather also ages really well. This bag would be a splurge for me so I want to make sure it will last. And do they ever have store-wide sales? Some bags are 25% off now but not the one I am interested in.
Anon
I have had both and the pebbled will hide wear better. But it’s really a personal preference. I haven’t stalked Coach bags in a while so I can’t speak to the sales aspect. Part of the reason I haven’t been buying new ones is my old ones do, indeed, hold up so well.
Clementine
Yeah, I have a Coach Crossbody which I bought for myself for College graduation and it’s still in great shape. The lining is stained and old, but the black leather has some minor wear but looks ‘lived in’, not shabby.
(And at this point, this thing is 15 years old.)
Anon
My everyday work bag is 10 year old black tote (saffiano leather) from Coach. My go-to cross body is a smooth leather vintage Coach bag that was my grandmother’s, then my mother’s and now mine (probably 45+ years old?). They both look great and neither has been babied.
anon
I don’t think you can go wrong, and it really depends on your own personal preference and aesthetic. I personally love good pebbled leather and have found it to hold up well.
Anon
I want to put in a plug for the Coach leather cleaner and the leather conditioner. They will keep your Coach bags and other leather stuff (even and especially car seats) in tip top condition. It’s pricy for the size but worth it.
Anon
To rain on the parade a little, does anyone still even buy coach? I think of it as a teen brand from the 00s, not something I’d buy now and wouldn’t want to take to the office because it would signal something I wouldn’t want to be.
Trish
I buy bags based on price, quality of the leather, color, and functionality. I don’t like coach because of the lining. I have a few Michael Kors and Fossil bags that I love even though I know you are judging me for having them. They are decent quality bags for the money. What is it that YOU think I am signaling?
Anon
I see the brands as wannabe downmarket? Fair or not, not the vibe I’m interested in putting out there. For the money, I’d rather something like Cuyana that’s label-free or ClareV, more interesting and also no labels.
Anonymous
Your Cuyana bag is still signally strongly that you are part of a herd, not that you have your own style. Otherwise you would not be carrying something both so generic and so non-functional.
Anon
Huh, I like both Cuyana and vintage coach (never liked the logo stuff) and find both completely functional – that’s why I bought them. I don’t think I’ve ever used a bag for as long as I’ve used the Cuyana tote that I bought in 2018 (after meeting one of the founders at an event.) I like nice sturdy leather and don’t really care about labels.
Anon-na-nah
I was never into Fossil bags. I wouldn’t buy a Kors Michael Kors bag, ever. I *might* buy KS or Coach if I was enamored with the style/shape. It’s because I wore those brands in high school/college/early career and associate them with people in those age ranges and my lifestyle at those times which I’ve upgraded at this point. I’m not likely to buy a Tory Burch bag because I tend to think they’re overpriced, wannabe high-end luxury.
Anonymous
Ha! I can’t stand Fossil, but I like Coach, Michael Kors and Kate Spade. I don’t GAF about the views of the Cuyana tote set.
Trish
My Fossil bags are more than 5 years old. The brand has gone down in quality quite a bit, unfortunately. I don’t want any unlined bag and that includes borung Cuyan.
Anon
That’s why the vintage Coach are the best. No lining!
Trish
https://www.jaxdailyrecord.com/news/2022/aug/25/coach-says-its-gaining-millions-of-new-handbag-customers/
Anonymous
Seriously, why rain on her parade? Coach makes great leather bags, in classic styles that can be carried forever. She’s not proposing to buy the Disney collaboration you likely bought a decade ago.
Anon
Because I’d rather know before making a big to her purchase?
Anonymous
OP here and I’m definitely interested in all feedback! I’ve browsed Cuyana and Clare V and haven’t found anything I’m really interested in and the Coach bag I’m looking at doesn’t have really obvious labeling as far as I can tell. I’m looking to replace my black crossbody workhorse I’ve had for the last 10 years that is looking pretty tired. Definitely interested in recommendations.
Anon
Coach has had a renaissance! I just bought a new bag from them for the first time in years and years and I love it.
Anon
Yes I love bags so I follow some bag related things online and coach is suddenly everywhere — I agree they were meh for a while but they seem to be coming back.
Anonymous
The cloth logo stuff screams teen brand from the 00’s to me, but I think Coach leather bags are classic. I have a couple of purses including the cross-body I carry daily and my main court bag is a black leather coach and I get lots of compliments on it.
Cat
+1000, avoid logo canvas and you’re fine. Their leather totes and bags are classics.
anon
This sounds extremely snobby. I see women of all ages carrying Coach.
Anon
Oh it is. But before I take on the label of Bridget RandomF*ck with her capaciously large, subway shoe, bank robbing bag, I’d like to know and accept that risk.
Anon
We might need this:
https://www.etsy.com/listing/1464656343/
Anon
I’d say it’s more about the style of bag than the brand. Nothing wrong with Coach. I have a simple, classic crossbody from Coach and I don’t think it signals anything in particular. Now if you’re getting a bag covered in the Coach logo that’s different, but to me that goes for any logo covered bag. And it as a brand is most definitely having a resurgence.
Anonie
This was the case a couple of years ago, but the brand is officially “en vogue” again.
Anon
It’s popular again. Obviously not the logo print bags, though.
Anon
Coach has been around as a classic, reliable, good quality option for decades and decades. It is not the trendy option, which means you actually wind up using it much longer until eventually your daughter starts taking it…
Anon
This is correct. My young attorney daughter has nabbed all of my vintage Coach leather bags.
Anon
I have a 22 year old daughter and Coach going back to 1988. I feel your pain!
Anon
What? Coach has been around forever.
Anon
The poster is likely young, whose fashion reflects current trendiness and doesn’t yet appreciate how cycles work and what is classic. Honestly, it takes a long time to come around to that. That’s fine. Maybe she has money to burn and that’s how she enjoys shopping. That’s ok too.
Anon
There are those who are super concerned with being on trend, and then there are those of us who are not. At all. Non-obviously branded Coach bags are a good choice for the latter. And to take you off your high horse just a little bit, please consider that as snobby as you are about on trend brands, that’s about how snobby sartorial classicists are about chasing trends. To each her own style and don’t yuck others’ taste.
Anon
Omg, I have no horse in this race but was surprised to see a brand that was very derided pop back up. The poster indicated she didn’t want to make a mistake and I felt it necessary information to throw into the mix. I don’t personally care what you carry, do what you like. Also, I don’t make the “rules” but I sure like to know what they are, especially if I’m about to spend some money on something. I’m not personally yucking the yum, just pointing out that there’s a significant contingent that did for a long time.
Anon
The smooth leather is the classic look. If they’re still making it the same way (a big if) I will just tell you I have 30+ year old coach bags.
Anon
I just went and looked at the site. If I were buying a Coach bag today I would probably buy the Chaise crossbody, for me in the orange color because I don’t wear a lot of black, but black for anyone who does. It’s really hard to find a larger capacity cross body that lays more or less flat against the body, and this one seems to be made in the classic Coach style.
Anon
JCF is my closet these days. I can’t believe how they keep churning what I need in 2023. And sturdy items that take to the washer and dryer and yet manage to be workwear. Pennies per wear for most items.
anon
I am consistently happy with everything I buy from JCF. Can’t say the same for many other stores right now.
Anon
Yup I pretty much only buy JCF these days.
Anon
I went up a size over COVID and new items are 60% JCF with a smattering of BR and Sue Sartor and Buru.
Anon
I love when they have 50-70% off sale items, many of which are actually available in my size and good items.
Anon
Any recommendations for a similarly reliable store that’s not as preppy as JCF?
FWIW, am also not a fan of Loft or BRF.
Anonymous
I like the lower end Tahari brands like T Tahari. Good quality for the price, and not preppy or cutesy.
Anon
I like the lower end Tahari brands like T Tahari. Good quality for the price, and not preppy or cutesy.
Anon
Same! And the best part is they have inclusive sizing – I know I can find my size there.
Out of touch
I’m so out of touch but is JCF Jcrew factory? Or something else?
Senior Attorney
Yes, J Crew Factory
Senior Attorney
Heh I read this as “JFC” and almost spit out my coffee…
Anon
Haha me too!
Anon
Any specific work items (business casual) you recommend from JCF?
Anonymous
Love the gauze button up shirt. No ironing needed and very breathable—perfect for summer. Bonus: the white is not see through
Anon
Someone posted recently about “expensive suburban mom aesthetic”and it got me thinking about what that means. A very particular look came to mind for me—an Instagram mom wearing certain brands and styles, like an expensive fanny pack cross body and fancy sneakers. What do you picture? Which brands, styles, etc?
anon
Ruffle puff
Anon
I think I’m 2023 it is less athleisure and more frilly very expensive items. Tuckernuck, basically.
Anon
Yup tuckernuck is what I picture.
Anon
FWIW, I am in the SEUS.
Anonymous
Lululemon always and forever with several Cartier bracelets and a massive ring
Cat
yep, plus expensive sunglasses and obviously fresh, pricey highlights
More Sleep Would Be Nice
And don’t forget the LV neverfull in the white-and-tan checkered pattern.
Cat
I’ll raise you Goyard
anon
Which suburb? In mine, it would mean Vuori joggers with a Lululemon cross-body bag and On Cloud sneakers.
Clementine
This is like a fairly standard suburban mom uniform where I live (and definitely not what I was wearing yesterday on a WFH day…). Lots of athleisure on the weekends, but I also live in an area with a lot of working moms and a lot of ethnic/racial diversity so there’s really a mix.
Fancy suburban mom in my mind is Lily Pulitzer with a Neverfull and subtle designer sunglasses in a Range Rover.
anon
Standard suburban moms do not buy Vuori joggers or pricey sneakers.
Anon
The OnCloud sneakers are fresh and new. They most definitely have not been used in the rain, on 10 mile runs, or on trails.
Cb
The fanciest mom at the school gate looks like she rode a horse through a boden catalogue.
The trendy younger moms seem to be in mom jeans and trendy sneakers. Lots of long sleeveless puffers which I think are weird. But most people are in some form of athleisure.
anon
LOL at “she rode a horse through a boden catalogue.” I wish I were that posh.
There definitely seems to be a divide between what the young moms are wearing at school, and the slightly older moms. More so than I’ve seen before, or maybe it’s just that I’m now one of the slightly older moms.
Cb
Oh yeah, my kid goes to a big (for Scotland) socioeconomically very diverse school and there’s an older mum/young mum divide, not aided by the fact that the older mums tend to be newcomers, and the young mums tend to be locals.
anon
Ha, so I wear almost exclusively Boden and I’m downmarket at my kid’s school, where the look and price point are very Julia Berolzheimer. But my neighbors include two billionaires and two people who are C-suite execs at F50 companies that you have definitely heard of, so you’re definitely getting the richest of rich moms.
Anon
I’ve been wondering who Julia Berolzheimer’s market is. Clearly I don’t know any billionaire moms!
Anonymous
In my area it’s often actual horse clothes and boots. My friend lives in an equally fancy area and says all the moms are very conscious of what brand handbag and shoes she has. Here they seem to care about their kids, their horses and their husbands in that order. They don’t even notice I exist let alone what handbag I carry.
Anon
Expensive suburban mom is so completely outside anything I come across in my day to day as a childless city dweller, but I absolutely want to see someone who looks like she rode a horse through a Boden catalogue, that sounds fantastic haha
Anonymous
Hahaha great visual!
Ano
40 oz Stanley tumbler in hand
Anonymous
When I read “rich suburban mom” I thought immediately of the mom I had seen in the mall with Golden Goose sneakers, a cashmere poncho, a designer bag, an giant diamond ring, a very expensive haircut, and a 40 oz Stanley. Why would you lug one of those things through the mall unless you wanted to show off that you had managed to buy one? This was back when they were impossible to get your hands on.
Anon
As a long-time hockey fan, this “Stanley Cup” trend has been so confusing!
Bean74
Oh gosh, same! I read a column the other day in which the author was talking about Stanley cups rolling around the backseat of her car and my first thought was “Oh, must have been from a hockey team party. Cute favors!”
Uh, no.
Anon
This is apparently 100% how I dress. Not a mom and I don’t live in the burbs.
Anon
Haha same. I just like to be comfy and I LOVE my Stanley cup.
Anne-on
I think it’s very dependent on location. New England runs more classic/less showy than SEUS/Florida. For casual school runs it’s a lot of athleisure – Alo/Lulu/Tory Burch sport, very little makeup, beautiful hair with great color, subtle but very expensive jewelery (massive engagment ring/wedding band/anniversary band plus a luxury watch and maaaybe a braclet or two – I don’t see a ton of flashy jewelry). Bags are almost all designer, shoes are everything from designer (celine/golden goose) to nikes. For school events there is a TON of Tuckernuck/Lilly/Love Shack Fancy – very ‘I wear this to dinner on the Vineyard/Nantucket’. I’m always vaguely surprised by how much more jewelry/makeup I see in other areas. The aesthetic I see most is a very natural look with a strong undercurrent of ‘I invest in skincare not makeup’.
anon
Agree. Some of this is really foreign to me. I’m in the Midwest, which definitely skews more “girl next door/natural beauty.” I actually really love the Tuckernuck style but I don’t see people wearing anything like that, not even among the richest women. I would be so out of place in the SEUS; I could not hang.
Anon
SEUS here, and my newish hair stylist just moved from Idaho. She thinks native southerners have large heads with thick hair, and wear too much makeup and jewelry. As a native southerner I have to agree that she might have a point.
Anon
So I’m in basically the most expensive zip code in the SEUS and what you’re describing is exactly how rich moms here dress, so it’s not that different.
Another Anon
I am decidedly not in the most expensive zip code in the SEUS, but this is still all true for the wealthier women in our small city. Some people on here have such a bizarrely warped idea of the South.
Also, LOL at Tory and Lulu being “more classic/less showy.”
Meanwhile on Long Island
They’re doing so many Cartier bracelets that I think they could train biceps by lifting a glass of wolffer. (I am very jealous and would also like an arm full of Cartier bracelets and a glass of rose, please.)
Anne-on
Ha! My inner magpie agrees with you and would also like all the shiny bracelts :)
Anon
Ditto this. Clothes aren’t nearly as much a status market in Boston.
Economist in the House?
I love this: ‘I invest in skincare not makeup’.
Anon
In my area (Berkeley) it still seems to be expensive athleisure with a side of Patagonia.
Economist in the House?
The more interesting question, from my perspective, is not what they wear and how much it costs, but what the rest of their financial life looks like. If their husband loses his job, do they have to stop spending? Is their income mostly passive and/or inherited assets that generate revenue? I am in a very HCOL, very white/Christian suburb and have known families that lived in big, expensive houses, drove fancy, expensive cars, wore showy clothing – and then just stopped when one aspect of finances went awry.
Any economists in the house (I am not one) want to comment?
anon
So I’m not an economist, but I am a rich person and live in a neighborhood of even richer people (I’m the commenter above with the two billionaire neighbors). Generally, in our neighborhood/my kid’s school, you have the following strata:
– Actually super rich people: money typically comes from either a very, very big family-owned company that has been around for multiple generations (which means there’s a lot of passive income and investments in addition to continuing revenue from the business); founding and selling a company at a super high price point; being a c-suite exec at a name brand company and getting a massive pay package plus stock grants. Most of these people’s financial lives are so secure that any single economic event doesn’t really touch them.
– Rich established professionals: older law firm or Big 4 equity partners; doctors in high-dollar specialties or who do a lot of pharma/medical device consulting. These people also have a lot of $$ but would need to exercise caution if they experienced a setback – but they’ve made so much money for so long that they likely have tons and tons in savings. They have generally taken advantage of every savings vehicle made available to them, so retirement, 529s, etc will be funded to the max. They wouldn’t have to pull their kids out of private school if someone loses a job, but they might pass on expensive vacations for a while and just go to their second homes instead.
– Rich strivers (aka people who don’t like to admit that they are rich): younger or nonequity partners in law firms/consulting firms/etc, two-doctor families, people who own their own business and it’s successful but less established. This group would be the most impacted by a job loss, typically is living very close to the edge of their means, and in my experience, displays the most status & class anxiety and resentment.
From a fashion perspective, the third group is the most prone to very visible displays of rich mom status, probably because of the aforementioned status and class issues. The first group have been so rich for so long that they don’t even know what it feels like to have something to prove, and the second group has grown out of it.
Anonymous
The richest people I know are also the ones that you would have no idea were that rich based on what they wear. It’s inherited wealth/family money and they just work for fun/to have something to do and no, it doesn’t matter if they lose their job.
Clementine
I think this is interesting and something I think about a lot of ‘Utah Moms’- in my area, it’s common for either both parents to be doctors/lawyers/dentists/engineers or to see people who had prior careers and started businesses together. So like, thinking about some of the best dressed moms I know, one is a partner in a financial planning business, one is a physician, one is in Communications, another previously had a corporate career and now she and her husband have a significant real estate portfolio which has become their income.
I don’t live in a place where ‘family money’ is as common, but I have previously and the one thing I will say is that the women were often either Stay at Home moms or high prestige positions (Vascular Surgeon, BigLaw Attorney, etc.) or worked in the arts. There was very few ‘in between’ careers (teachers, congressional aides, nurses, etc.). People who previously had those jobs seem to switch to SAHM plus active on boards once they have kiddos.
Anon
Whenever I wonder why it feels like everyone else has so much more spending money than we do, I look at the average (median) 401k balances by age. Most people don’t save. Many can’t and that’s nothing to be ashamed about, but my standard for being able to afford even $200 playground sneakers is not the same as other people’s feelings of being able to afford it
Anonymous
That’s the difference between wealth and just having a big paycheck. It’s possible to appear wealthy by spending a paycheck but if the income stops you no longer appear wealthy. Wealth is investing your income and building your personal balance so you don’t have to rely on being paid. Your investments pay for your lifestyle.
Anonymous
I have been visiting expensive colleges with my daughter, giving me the chance to observe a variety of expensive suburban moms. The moms on the tours of the preppy colleges are about the only people I have seen wearing Golden Goose sneakers in the wild. Lots of large designer handbags and recognizable designer jewelry. At the crunchy colleges the moms are in straight-leg jeans with Patagonia puffers, pristine On Cloud sneakers, and a nylon sling bag or Fanny pack worn crossbody.
Anon
I’m in NYC and yet the only Golden Goose sneakers I’ve seen are on my paralegal, whose parents are hedge fund people in CT, and who puts her Chloe Marcie (hand-me-down from mom) on the floor next to her desk. She’s an amazing paralegal though, so no shade.
Anon
I actually have seen Golden Goose sneakers in the wild more than I would expect. Currently, I live in a city in the SEUS. I typically see them on people that are trying to look rich but don’t come from money, like very new money people. E.g., my SIL wears them and was a first-gen college student. She went to grad school and makes six figures but has a ton of loans and always gives off the impression to family that she is on a budget, etc. She wears exclusively Lulu athleisure as well.
older movie ideas
Posting this to the main site because I feel like I might get different answers. My kinder boy really loves Singing in the Rain. Mostly just the fun dancing sequences. My kids also like old movies in general – Mary Poppins, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, etc. Any other ideas for older movies I could introduce them to? Maybe even ones that are adult but appropriate for kids (6 year old boy and 8 year old girl). TIA!
Anon
The Sound of Music.
Cat
Yes but I didn’t actually know the movie continued after the wedding until I was on the older end of that age range!
Seventh Sister
We usually had to go to bed after the wedding if it was on broadcast – it’s a long movie.
anonshmanon
Willy Wonka
Anon
Yes, but only the original one! The new one is creepy.
I’d also add the Wilderness Family.
Anon
Bedknobs and Broomsticks?
Anon
Bedknobs and Broomsticks and The Wizard of Oz
Curious
The Music Man!
Anon
+1 to the Music Man. It’s delightful and very PG.
Anonymous
On the Town, Hello Dolly, Anchors Aweigh, Calamity Jane
Anonymous
Loved Calamity Jane at that age!
Anon
The original Parent Trap and the og Miracle on 34th Street. Bedknobs and Broomsticks
London (formerly NY) CPA
It sounds like they like older musicals. Some of my favorites are The King and I, Sound of Music, My Fair Lady, and The Wizard of Oz.
Trish
My son LOVED the King and I when he was little. And Les Mis!
Anon
Meet Me in St. Louis, especially fun around the holidays, but not holiday specific. Cheaper by the Dozen original, That Darn Cat, My Fair Lady
Anon
Bugsy Malone
Anonymous
Bye Bye Birdie
Anon
The Wizard of Oz, of course.
Anon
Easter Parade. The Andy Hardy movies maybe (it’s been a long time since I’ve seen them).
OP
I’m loving this list. Some they’ve seen but good reminders and some they haven’t – thanks all!
LawDawg
My now 24yo son also loved and still loves Singin’in the Rain. Other favorites are On the Town and Top Hat. Seasonally, it’s White Christmas. And for newer movies, That Thing You Do, which unfortunately isn’t streaming on any of my services for free lately.
Anon
I love That Thing You Do. So underrated.
Anonymous
I love that movie and some of my music school classmates played the Legends of Brass in the contest scene.
Seventh Sister
For dancing/singing – Meet Me in St. Louis, Oklahoma, West Side Story, White Christmas. Also the King & I, and Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (though the story is objectively *terrible* so many you could just show him the dances). The Fame movie is a bit adult but I’m a GenX so I 1) saw the whole thing on video and 2) adored it. Grease. Either Hairspray, but the original is affirmatively better and more interesting.
Sunshine
White Christmas in December! It’s one of our family traditions that I love.
Senior Attorney
The Band Wagon, On the Town, The Harvey Girls, Royal Wedding — any of the great MGM musicals.
Also for a great compilation of fun dancing sequences, That’s Entertainment — I think there are 3 of them.
Anon
Miracle on 34th Street! The B&W version is great, both my 5 year old and I love it.
Anon
I was thrown by kinder boy until I realized you meant kinder as in kindergarten. I thought at first that you also had an unkinder boy to compare this one to!
OP
Haha no but he is very kind! That’s funny!
amberwitch
Thanks for the interpretation, I was wondering as well:-)
Anonymous
The Court Jester
Anonymous
Maybe he’ll like figure skating or synchronized swimming as well – look for films with Sonia Henie and Esther Williams.
I really like Gentlemen prefer Blondes, and there are lots of fun sets. Anything goes is a fun musical with great dancing.
I’ve not seen any, but there were tons of «wholesome» teen musicals with mickey rooney and judy garland.
A
My Fair Lady
Roman Holiday
The Sound of Music
Maybe a little later on- to Sir, with love
Anon
Are window treatments hopelessly expensive, or do I need to expand my search? I want to replace some ugly roman shades that have unsafe cords with cordless shades or blinds, and the quotes I’m getting are $$$$ or close to. I’d just grab something from IKEA if the widths were right, but maybe non-standard widths in an older house is my problem?
Clementine
Go to Lowe’s or Home Depot. You can get semi custom ‘cut to size’ blinds which are easy to install yourself and cordless. Lenovo is the brand I’m thinking of.
They’re more money than I ever want to pay, but custom blinds would be cheaper if they were actually made out of $20 bills.
Anonymous
This.
Anon
I have an older home (1875) and have found the cellular blinds from Ikea have worked really well. Available in a ton of different sizes, may not match up perfectly but work well enough and I won’t have a fit if they get destroyed by one of my kids (putting them up roughly/somehow getting them dirty.)
Anne-on
+1 – the home depot cordless cellulose shades that I cut to fit were still more $$ than I’d like but not the arm and a leg of custom. I did have to get a handyman to install them but it was $1500ish for 12 windows and the install vs. $5k or up.
AnonSatOfc
yeah, customs are super expensive, and even big box stores are way more than you’d think.
I will say that really good blinds that fit your needs which last for 10 years are great, but if you’re not there then big box is the way to go.
Anon
Keep looking. Try somewhere local to you rather than the national brands. We used a local company to put blinds in our previous house, and at the time, they were about a third the cost of national companies. The blinds were still going strong 20 years later when we sold the house (well, today-we are selling the house today, and they are still going strong). I don’t know if they were a fluke or even if that company is still in business, but I remember there being a huge difference in price for very comparable quality.
Curious
Congratulations on the sale!
Anon
I’ve been reasonably happy with blinds to go — I got mid range white wood blinds. Not cheap but not super expensive either.
Anon
Ugh, yeah. I got some cordless cellular blinds from Lowes a couple of years ago for the windows in my house that are non-standard sizes and it was pretty expensive. I was pretty shocked at the price difference between the ones I could buy for the normal windows and the ones that were for the “special” windows. The cut-to-fit blinds were a bit cheaper, but I like the look and energy saving properties of the cellular blinds.
Anon
I used a s*te called blindster . com and it had customizable lengths and widths, very happy with my cordless cellular shades!
Anonymous
+1 for blindster!
Trish
I got mine at JCP for 50 percent off.
Anon
Thanks for the ideas and the encouragement that I may be able to do better if I look around a bit more!
Anon
Also see if there is a Budget Blinds franchise where you are. Not cheap per se, but very reasonable.
Anon
Their quote was more than $200 per window even for my smallest windows!
I will say their blinds honestly seemed really nice (better than the Select Blinds samples), but it just seemed like a lot per piece to me unless I really change my mindset on this (especially when anticipating HVAC and plumbing expenses that will probably be more necessary and inflexible than window treatments).
Anonymous
I avoided installing interior shutters for years because they were so expensive. I got them after 5 years in the house and my only regret is waiting 5 years.
Anne-on
White plantation shutters (real wood, with some extras) were 1/3 the cost of roman shades when I got quotes. I was also annoyed I hadn’t done it sooner as I thought they would be more expensive than fabric shades, not less!
anon
I used SelectBlinds for my special unicorn house that doesn’t have a single normal sized thing. They will send you free samples on the materials so for a couple weeks we had ten or so swatches taped up to our window to see how we liked them in different lights. Pricing varies a lot based on the quality of material, but they came in at about half the fancy places would charge. The downside is that you will need to install yourself which is super easy to do. My best advice is to buy yourself a good drill (e.g., spend a few hundred) since it will have more power and just make life easier over all.
Anon
Select Blinds is great. Reasonably priced, decent quality. Used them to do roman shades for whole house.
Anon
I have an older house and was able to find the right width on uncle Jeff’s
Anonymous
Another vote for SelectBlinds! We have cellulars and Romans from them. The Roman is a fake velvet that I actually think looks pretty $$$.
Anonie
I recommend looking for a local dealer – I used one for almost the same product as Home Depot, and the quote was 1/2 as much. Also branding/style/quality seems to make a huge difference in price point and (IMO) not a lot of difference in looks, so make sure you’re getting quoted for the least expensive option that generally fits your desired style and sizes.
Anonymous
How about just getting some magnets at a hardware or hobby store and make your own version of IKEA ringblomma with some cheap cord ones – just cut the cords and add magnets and maybe thin metal cords instead of wood or plastic.
Anokha
Has anyone worked with a Havenly designer that they’ve loved? I am looking for someone to help me plan my home office (starting from scratch).
Anon
Are they still around?
Penny
Low stakes question…perhaps for the retail accounting/tax experts: what are retailers’ policies regarding rounding of fractional cents from sales tax?
I returned and re-purchased the same item from the same Target location but ended up owing $0.01. I don’t care about the penny itself, but I’m annoyed by the principle of the whole thing.
Should they not apply the same rounding rules for 1/2 cents on both purchases and returns? My experience could probably be a glitch in the system but it’s totally giving me Office Space vibes….hah
Longer Story:
Seattle’s city sales tax is 10.25% (not looking to open a can of worms with a discussion on regional sales taxes).
For a $30.00 shirt, the total after tax would be exactly $33.075–obviously rounding needs to occur. I bought it with a bunch of other stuff so no idea how they rounded during the original purchase. But I returned the shirt two days later and received a gift card with $33.07 on it. Went to buy the same $30.00 shirt in a smaller size and the register showed the total as $33.08…not even 20 minutes after I made the return.
Curious
I might ping Target, as that sounds like a bug in their code that could be referred to a dev team and fixed.
Anon
Looks like a buggy implementation of the bankers rounding algorithm on the hundredths place.
Anon
Maybe when you bought it with other stuff, the other tax was also fractions of a cent and together they added to a full cent so rounding didn’t occur? This is fascinating, though! Maybe next time ask for an even exchange (do stores do that anymore or do you have to return and rebuy)?
Anon
It’s complicated. There are entire software solutions dedicated to calculating sales tax. Each state, county, and city has its own percentages and rules that need to be applied, and these rules can vary per item category or even by the price of the item itself.
My best guess is their point of sale system either has different behavior for sales vs. returns or there was an issue with the POS connecting to the internet. Depending if the system was in offline or online mode at the time of your transaction it could be relying on tax rules hard coded into the device or performing a real-time lookup. Sales and returns are totally different transactions so their POS might have different behavior for each scenario. Ideally the tax calculation is the same but I’m not shocked that the calculation occasionally differs by a penny.
Anon
This is a 1000 hour rabbit hole.
Anonymous
If you could have one food be calorie-free for the rest of your life, what would it be? Saw this question on Twitter and thought it would be fun here…
For me I think it would be pizza – I don’t eat it that often because I feel like the amount I need to consume to feel full is way too many calories – but my family loves it and orders it frequently.
anon
Chocolate chip cookies. They are perfect for every occasion.
Anon
Yup.
Anon
Ice cream
Anonymous
It’s a meal and it’s a burger with fries, from a restaurant. So terrible for you yet so delicious. Or maybe fried seafood.
I don’t care if McD’s has calories as it’s gross.
London (formerly NY) CPA
Pasta. I eat it frequently and it’s really versatile.
Cat
wine and cheese
Anon
Dark chocolate, the good stuff. Hershey’s can stay full of calories.
Anon
Pizza is a good choice!
I’m in Chicago, and my family used to love deep dish, and when I saw Gino’s deep dish pizza once as the #1 most unhealthy food of all time, it did give me pause…. But I still ate.
Anon
Everything in moderation!
I workout 6 days a week and track my macros but I also chow down on burgers, fries, pizza, beer / wine and ice cream!
Anon
You are lucky! Most of us can’t do this.
Or maybe your “chow down” is different from most of us.
I only eat a food item like that once every week or two, and it takes a lot of will power not to eat more. And it’s kind of unhealthy so….
Or maybe as my mother used to say, “just wait….. enjoy it while you can…..”
Anon
Anon at 11:47 here: to clarify, I am in shape but slightly overweight (BMI is usually right around 25-25.5). I try to eat well on when I’m eating at home / packing food for work and then enjoy myself when I eat out or go out for drinks (a few times a week). When I eat home cooked food I pretty much exclusively eat fruits, vegetables, eggs, beans, fish, chicken breasts or ground turkey, brown rice, quinoa, greek yogurt, etc. When I go out to eat, I’m likely to get a burger and a few beers. Could I be skinnier if I cut that out? Sure. Could I be healthier if I only ate produce, lean protein and whole grains? Sure, but that’s mostly what I eat so idc. But, everything in moderation.
And, sure “chow down” might be different for me than others, unless it’s a day that I lift I usually don’t have a big appetite so I almost always get a doggy bag at a restaurant.
here she goes
Anon, you’re missing the point of this thread.
Anon
You aren’t 50+ are you? I used to could do that. Sigh.
anon
I hear you sister.
My Mom warned me. I never really believed her.
Now I have a rolly polly tummy.
Gail the Goldfish
Ice cream in all its forms. I love it. I can eat way too much of it before I get full.
Hypatia
Wine or brownies or sour cream & onion potato chips or Gummi bears. All the things I have to restrict my portion size on.
Anonymous
Alcohol and cheese.
A
Ice cream
AnonSatOfc
Inspiration for 2023 casual office wear for professional women in their 40s? I’m doing the return to the office thing at a more casual company on a hybrid basis. My current “suburban mom lawyer in her 40s” work attire of dresses, blazers, and solid color slacks, and my off-duty clothes are generally the athleisure brands mentioned above. Many of my colleagues are wearing light denim wide legged jeans, and that feels out of touch since I wore those in the late 90s!
Anon
Swap in jeans for your slacks and sneakers for your shoes and you’ll be good to go.
Curious
I’m wearing Levi’s straight leg or boot cut jeans in light to medium washes; solid-colored, plaid, or floral tops, with an interesting textural detail if solid; leather shoes or nice tennis shoes; and nice jewelry. I often wear a long cardigan over it right now, puffer vest in winter. I feel like the puffer vest doesn’t work most places, though, just where I am.
Curious
Go-to leather shoes btw are Thursday Chelsea boots in winter and Nisolo huaraches in summer. My sneakers are floral Tretorns, because I don’t do white, and Tretorns are in. They get compliments. It mystifies me :)
Anom
For the Nisolo huaraches, do you have any recommendations on sizing? I’m a 7.5 with narrow-ish (but not officially narrow) feet. Go up or down?
Curious
hmm, I was a straight 9 before pregnancy and bought 9s, so I’m not sure — I think probably size down? I might buy both if you can take the cash flow hit and plan to return.
Anon
Eh, the puffer vest also fits right in in San Francisco. West coast/northwest for the win!
Anon
*Laughs in puffer vest while eating breakfast on the west coast *
Curious
*high fives all around*
Anonymous
Look at Veronica Beard for ideas on a current mix.
Anne-on
I buy a LOT of my ‘work’ (work from home) tops from JCrew factory these days. Something like the top featured today, a ‘trouser’ (or narrower flared) jean, and then a blazer with a casual shoe would work. Blazers will dress up the jeans, and a causual jacket (jean jacket, moto jacket) will dress down the dresses.
I wear a lot of loafers/drivers in the spring/fall, and flat sandals in the summer. In the winter I default to chelsea boots or a almond toe boot with a bit of a heel.
Anon
Has anyone here purchased a KAAI bag? I’m eyeing the Pyramid bag. It was featured in a post a while back and it looks perfect for the days I have to travel into the office with my laptop. But then I read some reviews about the leather being less than great on Reddit. Would love any reviews from ‘rettes!
Anonymous
I have the large pyramid in forest green and love it. The leather looks nice and seems reasonably durable to me. I have been able to wipe some marks off. I don’t think it would hold up to a lot of abrasion on public transit or under an airline seat, though.
Sunshine
I am on the board of a small non-profit in a niche sector. We are unahppy with the responsiveness of our current legal counsel, and we have agreed to find new counsel. I’ve been charged with undertaking the search. Other than looking at lawyers who specialize in our topic and their hourly rates, what am I looking for? We don’t have a lot of large work, but we have regular questions that take about 15 minutes on the phone or by email to answer.
Anon
I used to work as an in house lawyer at a large non-profit and had to find outside counsel several times. I definitely looked into specialization and hourly rates. I’d also talk with people at other non-profits sometimes to see if they had good experiences with a certain lawyer or law firm. There’s a guide called Chambers that has some useful positive information about lawyers. I wouldn’t trust most other guides. To be in Chambers, you can’t nominate yourself–it’s based on what your peers and your clients say about you. (That is not the case for lists like Super Lawyers, etc.)
Other than that, I looked for whether the lawyer had experience representing other non-profits. Also soft factors like whether they seemed to believe in our mission and whether our personalities meshed well. Sometimes I’d look for people who weren’t monumentally busy because that tends to lengthen response times. Consider whether you really need the foremost national expert on topic X or whether a younger lawyer who has more time will be good. There’s certainly a time and place for the former, but most routine questions can be answered by the younger lawyers.
Anon
Same poster — Another thing to consider is whether you’ll need advice outside the niche topic. If so, it can be beneficial to get a firm that has broader experience so that you won’t have to look for another firm to look over a lease or things like that. My former org had a local firm that handled most of our work, then we had a few very specialized lawyers if there was a conflict or if it was a really niche, one-off issue.
Anon
Honestly, with that volume it will be hard to command attention but much easier to find expertise.
Anon
Get them to join the board.
Anonie
To the prolactin OP from a few days ago: no answers/guidance for you but I was surprised when I saw your post because I am literally going through this right now, although complicated by the fact that we are currently 6+ months into trying for a baby (just one chemical pregnancy so far many months ago). Like you, my levels are just slightly outside the range of normal. I meet with my doctor this month to learn more! I have been having some other symptoms unrelated to fertility that I’m hopeful this explains. Wishing us both the best.
Anon
Thanks so much for following up. Could you say more about what kind of testing you were getting done? I know I’m going to have to self advocate with my OB. We are hoping to have a kid in about a year so I want to get this looked into first. Are you seeing an REI?
Also, FWIW, my periods are now irregular for me, but not “irregular” per the traditional definitions – ie my cycle length is within normal limits, but so much more variable and with spotting I never used to have.
Anonie
Since we haven’t tried for a full year yet and I am still in my early 30s, we are just in the early stages of looking for info about our chances of conceiving. No REI yet and hoping we get pregnant before that point. My GYN was happy to do a blood test for me when I made an appointment to come see him and that’s how this came up. I have just seen my results from the lab online and haven’t actually spoken to the GYN yet. My follow-up is scheduled for later this month!
I am not a doctor so not certain, but it sounded like it was some kind of blood test to check for thyroid issues and checking prolactin levels was part of it. Granted, I have been having some odd cramps in my pelvic floor, slightly lighter and stop-and-start periods (previously probably too heavy), and some other issues that seem hormonal so those symptoms may have helped “motivate” the GYN to let me test early. Still, it didn’t take a lot of convincing so hopefully that is your experience if you decide to look into this further.
Anon
Please do let me know how it turns out and I will do the same. I feel like it’s so important for women to share information about these things.
Anonie
Will do! :)
Anonymous
If you have new irregularity, will be helpful for your OB or RE to know which phase is variable. The pre-literal phase (I forget what that’s called) is less worrisome if it varies than the luteal / post ovulation phase. You can determine this by charting or ovulation tests.
Anon
I have some small diamond stud earrings and would like to buy dark blue enamel halos/jackets to mimic a beautiful earring I saw. Andy leads on where I could buy such a thing? My search strategies are failing me!
Anon
Barrio Neal has a lot of enamel earrings, not sure about halos. Try Etsy?
Cerulean
A branch jeweler, perhaps?
Cerulean
Bench jeweler!
Another one bites the dust
I’m really hard on my shoes. Maybe because I’m clumsy, but they always have scuffs and any heel I wear will always find a sidewalk crack to slip into. I noticed yesterday I badly messed up the tip of a shoe that I’ve worn 3 times. If you were me, would you focus on buying cheap shoes knowing they’re not long for the world, or would you buy more expensive shoes because maybe they’re better quality and can withstand abuse longer?
Curious
What price points are you thinking of for cheap vs expensive?
Anne-on
What’s your commute situation? I’m similarly clumsy and when I was full time in the office I wore casual shoes to commute and saved my good shoes for the office. I’d even swap if I needed to run out for lunch, which helped a ton with the life of my shoes.
Anon
I do the same, it really helps.
Cat
+2, if I’m outside I’m in sturdy flats – sneakers, Birks, etc. If we’re walking to dinner I will bring cute shoes in my ludicrously capacious bag.
Shelle
Somewhat related to price point, I always buy genuine leather shoes because a cobbler can buff out and polish scuffs which I don’t think can be done as easily for manmade materials? I also stick to black or dark brown boots and booties because they hide it better.
Anon
Don’t wear heels. No one needs to wear them, especially right now in fashion. I wear a lot of rubber soles lately, even on non-sneaker shoes.
Anon
I agree with avoiding heels when you walk outside for sure. I destroy all non-block higher heels in grates etc… For me, obviously I need to pay more attention to my surroundings when I am walking and not be staring at my cell phone.
But for you, I would take note…. Is there something up with how I am walking that could be causing this? Do you have some subtle weakness/foot issues/back issues etc.. that are throwing off your balance / gait? Sometimes an early sign of this is unequal wear on your shoes or easy scuffs/stumbles. Just worth thinking about. Sometimes a Tai Chi or yoga class or something that works on body awareness/balance can help. Or even check in with your doctor or PT if you have any subtle ?tingling/numbness in your feet or back pain or if friends mention that the way you sit/hunch/walk seems a little “off”….
Anon
I would add that you consider seeing a podiatrist and maybe get Rx insoles. I have a similar problem, and these help reduce tripping and other issues.
Anon
I find that some shoes really show wear fast. I had some Naturalizer loafers that looked terrible after only a few wears. Certain material like genuine leather (the grade, not shoes made of actual leather) seem to scuff very easily. Nicer shoes are worth the money for me.
Anonymous
I would buy good quality shoes in a shape that invites less damage. I only wear block heels now after having too many narrow heels get flayed by cobblestones and bricks. If the tips are getting scuffed go almond toe instead of pointy and/or have rubber put on the soles—it seems to protect pointy toes a bit by lifting them up.
Anon
Couple of things. 1) Like the poster who couldn’t believe her coat got dirty, you have to accept that wear and tear happens. But also that you can fix it! Polish your shoes, take them to a cobbler. Clothing and shoes require maintenance sometimes, and that’s fine. Way better than tossing them and buying new ones every time you get a scuff. 2) Stop, or at least minimize, wearing your nice shoes when you need to walk around outside. I leave most of my work shoes at work and commute in whatever’s seasonally appropriate (sneakers, sandals, boots). This has massively increased the lifetime of my nice shoes.
If you’re not willing to do those things, then sure, trash ’em and buy new ones every time you get them dirty.
Curious
I just caught up on yesterday’s afternoon thread. I really don’t want to open a can of worms, but Pugs: You’re a wanted and valuable presence here, and your wife is a wanted and valuable person in the world.
Anon
The only rudeness on that thread was against women expressing thoughtful opinions on a serious issue and not against Pugs.
Anon
“women expressing thoughtful opinions” – you mean anti-trans bigots?
Anonymous
We don’t talk about test*cle havers, yet there is a push for terms like uterus havers which erases women. Change yourself, pronouns, have surgery idgaf what you do with your own self, but advocating for language which erases women is not cool especially in a political climate that is working to strip women’s autonomy and reproductive choices.
Anon
+10000
Why can’t there be a middle road?
anon
This is where I land. You do you, and I’ll defend your right to do so. But when the language changes to the point where a woman’s experience is erased? That ticks me off. There’s gotta be some middle ground, here.
Anon
Please go outside and touch grass. You’ve been spending too much time on the internet and watching TV. This is not a thing. People are just out there trying to live their lives.
Anon
Totally agreed. I will Let use whatever pronouns you want. That’s that’s up to you and I will happily abide by what you want. But you don’t get to erase women
Anon
Yes, thank you – I added a similar comment toward the end of the day.
Anon
Honest question: where in the real world is this language shift happening? I see it mentioned here so frequently, and it just doesn’t match what I am seeing, mind you I live in deep blue Berkeley California. Nobody I know identifies groups of people by their reproductive system, unless we are talking about medical issues specifically.
Anon
It’s absolutely everywhere in my workplace, in the news, and among all my friends. I went to Berkeley two years ago for my master’s and it was absolutely everywhere there as well.
sfchic
I see it in the NYT and on NPR (which I listen to every day). I guess I notice it more because the anti-abortion movement is talked about regularly. So no more pregnant women – pregnant people or people with uteruses etc… I know it is more inclusive.
Anon
Another Berkeleyan and a person who tries hard to get personal pronouns right. I have a couple of transwomen friends as well. No one has ever referred to me as anything other than a woman. You all need to calm down and live in reality.
Anon
Well said!
Anon
No idea why my comment went to moderation as it does not contain any of the usual triggers. I’m increasingly disturbed by the level of hate spewed from women here who I guess define their womanhood based solely on what their parts and reproductive capabilities are. How sad for you. Please educate yourselves.
Anon
I agree. And I think a LOT of liberal women feel the same way.
Anon
I wholeheartedly believe that everyone should be able to live as their true selves without fear, harassment, etc. I will always support people’s right to gender affirming healthcare, to present however they want, and to use whichever pronouns and names they want.
That being said, I work in public health and I do roll my eyes when we have to adopt terminology such as “those who menstruate”, “those who have a uterus”, “people who can become pregnant / pregnant people”.
Prior to working in public health, I worked in a public safety field where it was really d@mn hard to be a woman. I faced a lot of harassment, I was often the only woman in the room, I ddidn’t get opportunities that the men got. I think having to have fought really hard for my place at the table as a woman makes it hard for me to remove using women-centric terminology. Especially because the same is not happening to men.
Anon
I’m in NYC and travel in very progressive circles and have trans acquaintances and acquaintances with trans or gender questioning kids. I also had a classmate who was a trans woman in middle school *in the late 90s*. I recently had a long conversation about periods with a coworker who is a transwoman (recently transitioned) in the office bathroom. I’ve tried 2 cases with an opposing counsel who is a transman.
I have NEVER heard anyone say anything like “uterus havers” IRL, and most of the time I’ve heard it is… here. If someone said “pregnant people” IRL then honestly it would not register in my head because I generally use gender-neutral language in most circumstances and am not looking for problems where there aren’t any.
Anonymous
What a thoughtful and nuanced take
Curious
What I like about pugs:
Pugs has funny one liners that make me laugh.
Pugs is a Midwest transplant like me.
Pugs likes pugs.
Pugs knows about flowers.
Pugs likes royal fashion.
Pugs has very detailed recommendations for bourbon.
Pugs once suggested a paint color to me (I think it was you, may be giving someone else credit)
Curious
What I like about pugs:
Pugs has funny one liners that make me laugh.
Pugs is a Midwesterner like me.
Pugs likes pugs.
Pugs knows about flowers.
Pugs likes royal fashion.
Pugs has very detailed recommendations for bourbon.
Pugs once suggested a paint color to me (I think it was you, may be giving someone else credit)
Anonymous
My comment wasn’t about you or pugs. I enjoy you both. Carry on.
Curious
thanks, anonymous :)
Anonymous
The women who are concerned about people who have gone through male puberty winning women’s athletic competitions? (Nope, it’s not only Lia Thomas. It’s 40-year-old mtf weightlifters knocking 20-year-old women out of the Olympics. It’s mtf people who just took up cycling but can somehow beat their female-born competitors by an hour.)
The women who are concerned about criminals who use their d*cks to assault women, then identify as women to get into female prisons where their next victims have no escape?
The women who are concerned that it’s hard to advocate for females as a s*x class when there is no longer a word– not woman, female, natural-woman, biological-woman– that expresses the issue without a roar of objection that said word is either phobic or includes folks with prostates?
Those women, who get called bigots every time they dare to say that humans can’t change s*x and that pretending otherwise has ramifications?
Anon
This. There is a reason that no one really talks that much about trans men – they are unproblematic kings! But I believe many (not all, but many) trans women bring all of the privilege of spending the beginning and most formative years of their lives as biological males, and it shows in the movement’s approach.
Anon
To your first paragraph – I’d just pause for a second and consider this: when we talk about equal opportunity in the workplace, the knee-jerk reaction will often be that the woman/minority candidate knocked the white male applicant out of the process. But that just cements the whole framework of it being a man’s world, and everyone is just taking a piece of what white men are entitled to. You make it sound like scores of trans women are stealing spots in the Olympics from sweet, entitled cis women (and the athletic ability between the sexes may to a large extent be shaped by nurture, not nature, but I don’t have time to get on that long-winded soap box today). When you argue that choice of words affects perceptions and value systems, I think you should be aware that your language is also actively affirming that cis gender people are okay in the world, and trans people are intruders.
Anon
Athletic talent is not a matter of “nurture” versus biological sex. Please educate yourself.
Hypatia
I think this is a hard conversation to have because not everyone is operating from the same acceptance that AMAB people become women after realizing and communicating that role in the world. And from what I saw on yesterday’s thread, a conversation that often goes sideways quickly. Because some think this transition is either ethically problematic or for some scientific/biological reason not possible (I disagree with both). I can only speak with anecdata that the ftm people I know appear a bit more conscious to the social space they inhabit than mtf people. And I can only speculate based on this anecdata that one group, ftm, enters a privileged class from a marginalized class. And the other, mtf, enters a marginalized class from a privileged class. The problem here is not trans people. The problem is that there is STILL NOT EQUALITY of the sexes. That gender transition is class transition. That women need safe spaces. That people who are AFAB experience serious harm and marginalization from birth. In my view, more equality of the sexes is the solution to much of the drama around mtf trans people. I also think a bit of humanity – benefit of the doubt, grace – is demanded here. When people are hot under the collar about AMAB people entering women’s role and spaces, take a beat and imagine how hard it must be to come to terms with this and exist in society – particularly in America right now when trns people are the subject of so much legislative persecution and remain so marginalized in society.
Anon
I commented above (12:01) but just wanted to say thank you for sharing a nuanced and informed perspective. These are the kinds of posts that can help people open their minds, as compared to others who immediately jump to labeling people TERFs. I appreciate you.
Curious
This also felt nuanced instead of like the weird ungrounded q talking points my dad spouts. Thanks.
Trish
Thank you.
Curious
I affirmed my interest in Pugs being here and mentioned none of the content. I’ll ask you to do the same.
Anon
I agree, Pugs. I like seeing your posts every day and I hope you stay with us, and the hate-filled people find a new hobby.
Clementine
Pugs, even your username just makes me smile. Your comments even moreso.
pugsnbourbon
Thank you so much! I like seeing your posts, too.
Anon
Learning how to ask, but not demand, is certainly a skill many need to learn.
Anon
I agree with your feeling about pugs, and I love your posts in general. However, I don’t think it’s really good faith to post something on a public message board and then ask that everyone respond exactly how you want.
Anon
No – and to imply that anyone was offensive to Pugs yesterday also isn’t in good faith. I’m sure she knows and understands that this is a complicated issue.
Curious
I hear you. What I don’t know how to do — and really want to be able to do — is offer repair for people who may feel attacked without re-litigating the prior day’s debates. Do you have any ideas?
Also, interesting reflection — I think we literally saw (and participated) in different conversations due to differences in when we read. I read in the evening, which is when the worst comments tend to get past mod. I was trying to shut down the horribleness, not demand a gag order on reasonable discussion.
Anon
It’s interesting to me that there are a number of people in the comments saying “we’ll I’VE never heard someone referred to as a uterus haver” in response to people sharing their experiences and telling people to “touch grass.” As progressives, shouldn’t you be, idk, believing women? I am a liberal woman who lives in the Midwest, and I have both heard and seen this language, particularly from friends who work in the healthcare industry. I am not a Fox News viewer, never have been and never will be. To immediately dismiss people’s experiences simply bc they don’t align with your worldview doesn’t actually seem all that…progressive. Of course trans people are vulnerable and deserve rights and protection. I’m not some hateful monster. I just don’t want to have to rewire the way I talk and engage with the world to accommodate 0.6% of the population or risk being called a tr@nsphobe. It’s exhausting.
Anon
So what you’re saying is that the Midwest is more woke than Berkeley? ok.
Anon
I didn’t say anything about Berkeley – was just sharing my personal experience, but thanks for proving my point lol
Anon
Ironically, the first time I really noticed medical websites no longer using the term “woman” was the Cleveland Clinic’s website.
Here is their entry for cervical cancer. Notice how carefully they avoid using the term “woman”:
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/12216-cervical-cancer
Anon
Yep they do that everywhere. Their site is particularly bad on this issue. I find that really bad because when women are looking for valuable information about their health, they are not going to know if it applies to them. About half of women, sometimes more, don’t know what a cervix is. “People with cervixes should get annual exams” does not resonate. It’s not inclusive.
Anon
Au contraire. I am a woman, assigned female at birth, as cis as one can be and I don’t have a cervix anymore. Lots of us don’t. Their wording makes it clear that I no longer need that annual exam, which wouldn’t be the case if they said “Women should get this annual exam”. More inclusive language benefits all of us.
anon
Maybe not. I am a different poster, but I am in the Midwest and a medical provider. The inclusive word choice is definitely the shift in the workplace. Maybe because of the medical context?
So I say – ok. Please make sure you call men “people with penises” on the clinic room viagra posters and “people with prostates” in the clinics screening for cancer etc… It is more inclusive for an actual useful clinical reason to be sure some folks down fall through the cracks.
Really – why should it be ok one way and not the other?
Anon
Also in the Midwest and have also heard this language in woke/progressive circles. No idea about Berkeley, never lived there, but I would guess I have more personal contact with political progressives here than I would living in a more blue area just because we’re a minority here.
Anon
Pugs seems to enjoy fashion as I do, and also I think she mentioned a self-portrait dress a couple of years ago as a suggestion to wear to the Kentucky derby, and that suggestion ushered in a Renaissance of dresses in my life. I also appreciate her perspective on a lot of stuff in general. thanks Pugs!
ANON
Curious, why would you start this up again? As to Pugs assumption/hope that it was only one or two posters who have concerns about themovement, no way. I am progressive who has always espected pronouns and individual people. That doesn’t mean that I am okay with sports companies continuing to give the same people, ie, people AMAB the majority of the ad campaign dollars. It does not mean that women who have been victimized will feel safe in places like DV shelters or rehabs with people who are AMAB but changed. As for why we don’t use our real names? Well, JK Rowling is still getting death threats from people who are supposedly non-violent.
anon
Thoughts on whether or not there will be mothers day sales this weekend? Thinking about if I should wait to make a purchase just in case.
anon
I have a couple pairs of workout pants that have a continuous drawstring. WTF do I do with this? I pull it tighter but it always comes lose with movement. Am I supposed to tie it? That seems like it would be hard to unknot? I don’t get it!
Anon
Yes, tie it – especially if they’ll droop uncomfortably otherwise. If it’s just a cosmetic flourish and it bugs you, remove it – but wear them hard enough that you know it’s not structural first!
Anonymous
Yes. Tie it. Pulling it without knotting it obviously is ineffective
Mrs. Jones
I would cut it and then tie a bow.
Anon
I have a couple of these and I tie in a bow. I’ve never had them come undone, but it’s definitely not my favorite pant design.
Anonymous
Any restaurant or other recommendations for Kauai? I’ll be there for 5 days in July. My husband and I will be staying on the South Shore, but plan to travel all around.
Anon
If you’re not staying at the Grand Hyatt, definitely plan on a sunset drink and appetizer in their lobby bar. Spectacular.
My kids always love to go to old town Koloa for a food truck lunch. It’s fun. The whole town is cute and has great shops.
Tahiti Nui on the north shore is a classic and with stopping in for a drink.
The only fancy place we ate last time was at Gaylord’s, but to be honest, I wouldn’t eat there again. It was ok, but I would honestly rather eat at hole-in-the-wall local places.
Anon
The fish store in Koloa has amazing poke!
We enjoyed the Beach House (is that what it’s called?) and the restaurant at the Koa Kea. But this was a decade ago.
Calrayo
If you go up to Hanalei, poke at Dolphin fish market is fantastic! Wishing Well (same area) has particularly good shave ice.
NYNY
Beach House is very good for a fancy night out and amazing sunset views. I love the takeout poke at Koloa Fish Market. Duke’s is a classic, low-key beach spot and their hula pie is iconic. And drinks and sushi at Stevenson’s Library at the Grand Hyatt is a great evening.
For activities, others can tell you about hikes and helicopter tours, but I’ve always loved the drive up Kokee Road to the Pu’u O Kila Lookout. Rum tasting at Koloa Rum Co is fun if you drink.
Anon
I thought Beach House was so disappointing. The view is nice but food is extremely meh. It’s Applebee’s type food at NYC fine dining prices.
Anon
Merrimans for the happy hour lilikoi foam mai Tia. It’s the best! Also Tahiti Nui has the best ones on the N shore.
Definitely get a pass for the Kalalua trail if hiking is your thing. You can’t get in without one. Also recommend splurging on a helicopter tour – it’s the best way to see the island since so much of it is not driveable.
Anon
JO2 is amazing http://www.jotwo.com/
Anon
I posted last week about being put on a PIP and starting a job search. I realized that my resume was last updated in 2019 and is terribly out of date.
I’ve googled a bit but am a bit confused – any suggestions on where I can find good templates for someone who is middle manager/director level? I’m currently a director level and plan to look at roles anywhere from senior manager-senior director, no VP. When I say templates, I mean where I can get good ideas not so much just plugging in my information (but that would be great, too).
Anonymous
Chatgpt
MBAMags
I’ve been surprised by how many people have their current resume on LinkedIn as an attachment, so that’s a place to see how others at that level frame their accomplishments.
Also, CareerContessa has some good templates/advice but can skew a bit junior.
Lastly, get in touch with your college’s career center. Most offer services to alumni and would be happy to review and help you refine.
OP
I’m 18 years out of my undergraduate program and 15 years out of my graduate program – I’ve literally never heard anyone at my level going back for this. Respectfully, is this a thing folks do after 5+ years of work experience post-graduation?
Anon
Different poster, but I agree, this isn’t something I’d do at your level. Agree with the advice to poke around LinkedIn. My best advice is a resume is a highlight reel not your permanent record. Keep it tight, high level, one page. At all levels. I’m an SVP and if I can keep mine to a page, you can too.
anon
What is your most elegant vegetarian dish to bring to a BBQ/potluck? I am going to a Fancy Person’s house for a BBQ and need to bring a dish.
Anon
Id bring falafel and hummus, and I’d probably buy it.
Clementine
Homemade hummus is so cheap and easy! It’s also the thing I always have the ingredients for.
Can of chick peas, blend in the food processor with about 1tbsp of the liquid (you might need more) for longer than seems necessary. Add about 1 heaping Tbsp tahini, the juice of half a lemon, some fresh grated garlic (or garlic powder if you must). Whiz in the food processor for another 90 seconds or so. Add salt to taste and drizzle in about 2 Tbsp good olive oil. Whiz again. You want ultra smooth, almost fluffy hummus. If the texture isn’t working, add the liquid from the chick pea can 1 Tsp at a time. I promise – it will be so good.
Anon
I’ve made it! And it has been good. But there’s a place up the street from me called La Mediterranee and I’ve never beat their hummus. It’s addictive.
Anonymous
I hard disagree with this recipe.
Anon
I tend to make something Indian. It’s never something other people make, my circles tend to have a pretty sophisticated palate, and it disappears fast. Roasted eggplant dishes or chickpeas/chole or a Pulao rice with some interesting nuts/flavors. The vegetarians/vegans are greatful.
Or stuffed mushrooms. Ideally take them out of the oven right before I come. If it is my close friend, sometimes I bake once there, if all other food is being cooked outside.
Anon
At this time of year, I would make a big platter of grilled asparagus, with lemon vinaigrette and freshly grated parm on the side.
Anon
What are they barbecuing? I’d probably bring a homemade cole slaw or potato salad (not the gloopy mayo kind), a veg/grain salad, or a fruit salad.
Anonymous
For a BBQ I would bring a big pot of bean chili, in a crock pot if you have one. It’s thematically appropriate and a real meal for the vegans/vegetarians
MBAMags
“Grilled” long lengthwise strips of zucchini with a mustard/ olive oil/lemon vinaigrette, topped with pine nuts and feta.
Bon Appetit’s Fresh Fruit with Cheese and Peppery Nuts is always a hit
The Bojon Gourmet’s Green Goddess Potato Salad
Sunflower
Smitten Kitchen’s One-Pan Farro with Tomatoes. It’s delicious at room temperature. https://smittenkitchen.com/2013/07/one-pan-farro-with-tomatoes
Anon
NYT sweet and spicy grilled vegetables with burrata. Skip the fish sauce. https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1021091-sweet-and-spicy-grilled-vegetables-with-burrata
If you don’t have a subscription you simmer golden raisins, white wine vinegar, honey, and red pepper flakes for a few minutes. While the sauce is cooling, grill a selection of vegetables. Arrange vegetables and burrata on a platter the drizzle everything with the sauce. Top with sea salt, black pepper, and basil leaves.
MBAMags
This sounds delicious! Stealing this idea.
sfchic
+1
Agree – this sounds wonderful.
But I would never skip the fish sauce! That is pure umami and would bring it to the next level.
Anon
I suggested skipping the fish sauce to make it vegetarian :) A dash of soy sauce is a decent replacement.
anon
Ah… yes yes. You are so right. So sorry!
It just reminded me about how my father wouldn’t let me add anchovies to a classic beef stew recipe I was making. And then I told him what was in his beloved Worcesteshire sauce….
anon
Something really yummy is caprese salad with peaches instead of tomatoes. It’s also good if you include cucumbers. And it’s just literally slicing stuff and then drizzle some good balsamic over.
Anonymous
Too early for peaches, but sounds great for summer
– Georgia gurl
Seafinch
Half Baked Harvest has a killer peach and cherry caprese. Extremely impressive.
Anan
My go to is Garlic Marinated zucchini from the Kitchn. It’s good as a side or can also be eaten on bread as a main:
https://www.thekitchn.com/recipe-garlic-marinated-zucchini-221250
NYNY
There’s a recipe in the NYT Cooking section/app for a puff pastry asparagus tart that is easy, delicious, and fancy af. I made it this week with ricotta replacing the goat cheese and creme fraiche and it was fantastic.
Anonymous
Another bag question. Is Kate Spade fashionable again? I had a nylon Kate Spade bag maybe 20 years ago but since then I thought it had become more downmarket. There is a bag with a knot on it that I really like, but will the brand give a Stein Mart vibe?
Anon
I see Kate Spade as a designer for twenty somethings who want a simple, nice looking bag and can afford good quality but not quite designer items. The purses that aren’t too cutesy are perfectly fine for 30+ women. FWIW I think nylon bags always look cheap, even the $200+ Longchamp ones.
Anon
My sister and her daughter are big Kate Spade fans. They shop the surprise sale and all of that. I think they like the colors and all of the matching accessories together. It doesn’t seem like it’s a big “look at my label” thing for them.
Middle income, non-urban, both work in healthcare.
Anon
I think they’re fine, but something most people buy at TJ Maxx or the local outlet mall.
Trish
Target and Walmart are downmarket. Kate Spade bags cost 300-400 dollars.
Anon
What trends are you sitting out right now?
Mine: rufflepuff, sneakers with tailored workwear – especially skirts and dresses, and oversized jeans. I will also be sitting out the return of low rises.
Your turn.
anon
Everything that you mentioned.
Large white sneakers. They are fug, and make my size 10 feet look like boats.
Cropped anything. No thank you.
Given where fashion is currently at, I’m happy that my style veers classic because at least I still have things to wear.
Anon
OP here. I have size 10 or so, EUR 41 feet. Big white sneakers are the worst.
Cat
crop tops & cutouts
giant bright sneakers. low-profile white ones I like!
mom jeans
rufflepuff to excess – nap dresses are just enough ruffle. Add big puffy sleeves and no.
Anonymous
What you said, for sure, plus anything with a puff sleeve ((so most current shirts), the non-shirt top, and ballet flats.
Anon
What is a non-shirt top?
Anonymous
bra, bralette, cropped tank, sports bra, etc.
Anon
OH! Yes, my belly and I will be staying away from those. Everyone can thank me for that.
Anonymous
OH! Yes, my belly and I will be staying away from those. Everyone can thank me for that.
Anne-on
Belt bags, mom jeans, oversized colorful orthopedic looking sneakers, birks (my feet just hate them, not a style thing), sneakers with work clothes, low rise jeans, bra tops/crop tops, sweatsuits (you can call them a matching set all you want, it’s still a sweatsuit), oversized double breasted blazers, and knit polo neck sweaters (they remind me of my dad in the 70’s, no thank you).
Anon
Rufflepuff and cottagecore. I know some commenters love J. Crew Factory but when I walk by their storefront the outfits on the adult mannequins look exactly like the outfits on the toddler mannequins. Hard pass for me.
Mrs. Jones
Crop tops, giant sneakers, low rise pants. I don’t mind the rufflepuff.
Anonymous
I avoid trends like the plague. I especially avoid trends that I was around for the first time.
I buy 90% of my clothes second hand and am always happily “behind” with what’s currently “in style”.
Lately I’ve been buying my casual t-shirts from the men’s section because I can still find 100% cotton shirts there that aren’t skin tight and that also go all the way to my waist.
Anon
Ruffled anything, puffed anything, smocked anything, and the creeping return of lower rise pants and jeans.
Anon
Y’all are missing out. Sneakers with workwear is the best thing to happen in recent fashion. You can walk for miles in the middle of your day without thinking about it. There’s no equivalent comfortable shoe out there. Free the feet and be on trend at the same time.
Anonymous
I will happily miss out, thanks.
Casual shoes are like winter boots for me, something to change into and out of for the commute, be that before and after work or to walk miles in the middle of the day.
Anon
I’m sure it’s comfortable. In fact, I did this look for commuting back in the Working Girl days. But I’m changing my shoes when I get to work.
Anonymous
I thought I was sitting out the white sneaker trend but somehow I’ve ended up with 3 pairs. The pre-ripped light wash oversized jeans I saw all over the mall the other day can stay in the 90s as far as I’m concerned, though.
Anon
Everything that everyone here listed. I stopped wearing heels, wear sneakers a lot more, and all of my new jeans and pants to straight leg styles, but otherwise I’m just wearing whatever is in my closet.
Anonymous
Any ideas for a thank you gift? One of my close friends who is a former work colleague recommended me to a company she consults with and the company just offered me my dream job. We’ve negotiated and the offer letter is set to come today. I want to send her something but am completely at a loss for ideas. I owe her so, so much.
sfchic
Take her out to lunch, and thank her profusely while you tell her about your new dream job.
And when she next needs help/support – be right by her side!
PJ
I sent fancy treats to the people who were my job references. (Not local)
Anon
OnCloud sneakers – how do those little holes in the soles of the shoe not get clogged with mud? I’m intrigued by them but it seems like they would quickly get gross.
anon
IMO, they are every day, knock-around shoes, not something I’d actually wear to work out in.
Clementine
Okay, they do have actual ‘running’ models, but they have smaller little squares.
They’re really REALLY comfortable for longer distances on pavement – I ran an event where I did two 5 mile legs and a 3 mile leg with no blisters, knee or hip pain. A friend runs ultras and really likes their ‘cloud monster’ model (it was too squishy for me).
I like them so much, I want to get a ‘stylish’ pair to wear on the weekends.
edj3
I run in On Clouds too and love them. I tried the Cloud Monster and it ran a bit short and too wide for me.
Anon
Are they designed to be worn on pavement only? I’d wear them to chase my kids around the yard, but I also don’t want to be cleaning those little holes with a q-tip on a regular basis.
frozen screen
Ok, I can’t take it anymore…
What is your favorite safe ad bl0cker?
anonshmanon
privacy badger
frozen screen
Thanks!
I was wondering about uBlock origin too.
I’m not sure why, but my new laptop with Windows 11 has been crashing all week only on this webs1te, with the Ad re-loads being the issue causing every freeze. Was never this bad before, so I wasn’t using a blocker.
Anon
Bluhell firewall
DC Anon
I use the AdBlock extension on Chrome.
anon
Or you can check out the browser Brave. No ad blocker extension required.
Anon
Looking for a casual but not workout sneaker that comes in a navy upper (white sole is fine/expected) for feet that sometimes feel the sides of insoles at the front, but narrow heels. Anyone have good luck in a particular brand with feet like this?
Anonymous
Allbirds wool sneakers work for me, same shape.
Anon
That came up on my search for color and size. I’m glad to have the recommendation on foot shape!
AnonSatOfc
I don’t have the wool ones, but I cosign the rec for allbirds generally. I just bough navy + white sole this week.
jm
Vionic Beach Pismo
Anon
I am looking for a script for a note to send to a colleague who I respect a lot, but do not have a very close relationship with, on the loss of his wife to complications related to alcohol addiction. I’m not a “thoughts and prayers” person. There will be no services for her, so I’d just be sending him a note along the lines of “deeply sorry for your loss”. I appreciate those of you who are much more graceful with these messages than I am!
Anon
I think if you’re not close, “deeply sorry for your loss” is perfect.
frozen screen
+1
Thank you for sending a card. And if you ever met his wife, and can make a comment about your memory of them (even if it is very small……. ) it is really appreciated.
And if you can help support the colleague at work by taking something off their plate, or asking if they want to grab lunch or need a coffee one day, that is great too.
Anon
I agree! I live in a thoughts & prayers kind of place (I am not religious), so I will often add something like, “I’ll be holding your family in the light,” or “You and your family will be in my thoughts.”
Anon
In the old days, these sleeves would be called “full” or “gathered.” I can’t stand “puff.”
Anon
Oh come on. You what they mean. I’ve sewn plenty of gathered sleeves in life and referred to them as puffy sleeves even back then.
Anonymous
Anne Shirley would beg to differ.
Anonymous
I think they have puff, but that the gathered part is more relevant to describe them, as is the weird smocked detail.
As a busty lady, this shirt would take me into milk maid territory.
Anon
Not sure how “the old days” is defined, but I wore “puffed-sleeve” dresses as a kid in the ’70s. Still, “gathered” sleeve is a nice alternative term. This sounds like a term a seamstress would use.