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Thursday’s TPS Report: Quilted Skirt Dress

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Loft Quilted DressI keep coming back to this quilted dress… I like the super super softness (reviewers note that it feels like a sweatshirt), the general shape and cut of the dress, and the fact that it's machine washable. I also like that it's available in gray and black, in regular, petite, and tall sizes 00-16. I'd wear it on a casual day with shiny silver jewelry, gray tights, and a bold pop of color somewhere — a red, a neon, maybe a nice fall yellow. It's priced at $79.50 full price, but try code OURTREAT to get 50% off. Quilted Skirt Dress (Here's a fun fit and flare plus-size dress with some texture to it — and pockets!) Seen a great piece youd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 12.5

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251 Comments

  1. I like the idea of this dress, but I think I’d stick to weekend wear with this one. Sweatshirt/quilted fabrics tend to go to frumpy-town quickly.

    1. Agreed. I like the style, but the last few things I’ve gotten from LOFT pilled or started to fall apart almost immediately. This just reads more casual to me.

      1. I was completely sold (as in, literally followed the link with intent to buy) until I saw it was Loft. I have some dresses in similar fabrics from better quality brands that I get a ton of use out of at my casual office, but since it’s Loft I agree it’d probably just be a pilled, mis-shapen mess after a month or two.

  2. I was completely sold (as in, literally followed the link with intent to buy) until I saw it was Loft. I have some dresses in similar fabrics from better quality brands that I get a ton of use out of at my casual office, but since it’s Loft I agree it’d probably just be a pilled, mis-shapen mess after a month or two.

    1. I am around a size 14/16/18, and I usually stick to the places that run regular sizes up to 18, like Ann Taylor and Talbots. Also, Target surprisingly has a good selection of work separates online (I usually do XL or XXL, but you have to try stuff on because they can be inconsistent). J Crew has some size 16 clothes online, as does BR. Honestly, almost all my wardrobe right now is Ann Taylor, with a few Talbots and old Eloquii mixed in (I loved the old Eloquii but the new one is not as much my style).

      ETA: Oh, and Boden! I love Boden. I find they run large in the upper sizes, so I can wear 12 in their tops and a 14 in their bottoms.

    2. My law partner, who’s probably in the 18 or 20 size range, likes Jones New York for suits and suit separates.

      1. Yes! I have recently lost weight that brought me from a size 18/20 to a size 14/16, and I still love NJY for suiting separates. Two reasons: 1) ALL their suits are sold as separates, so being a different size on top and bottom isn’t a big deal. 2) they have the same suiting most of the time in plus and in misses sizes, so if you need a plus size on bottom but a misses size jacket, there’s a method of doing that.

        Right now, I wear a 16 (sometimes a 14W) on bottom, and a 14/16 on top, so JNY is a good fit for me.

        Second recommendations for Target for dresses, skirts, and tops (I have had less luck with blazers there, but that could be my shape contributing — I have a large bust).

    4. Lots of Talbots, which is where all my suits are from. I also have great luck with Boden and Lands’ End.

    5. My office is very casual, but I’ve had good luck in the Women’s department at Macys, which often carries plus sized versions of some of the same lines as straight sizes. Some of their non-plus lines also go up to 14, 16 or 18, so you can try there, and if something isn’t fitting right you may be able to find it in the women’s section or order a plus size online. Most of the plus lines start at 14X, so there is a nice overlap where you can try for the right fit.

      Also a fan of Jones New York (both in their store and the line available at Macys).

    6. Nordstrom (Sejour brand in particular), Lafayette 148, Jones New York, Talbots. I can’t do straight sizes in workwear at all.

    7. An always-fashionable co-worker of mine swears by Nordstrom. We’re business casual, in case it matters.

    8. Love love love Talbots pants. I (used to) own about 10 pairs, all bought from a clearance outlet — where they send the clothes they really can’t sell. I don’t think I paid more than $40 for any pair. (And used to because I’m not the same size anymore and the clearance outlet by me closed…)

      And Macy’s. I love Inc, Style & Co, Alfani, and (when they carry it) Nine West clothing. It can be hit and miss, but they have some good things. I’ve had good luck, too, at JCPenney. Needed to try everything on, but Liz Claiborne and Worthington have some nice stuff.

    9. Macy’s (Alfani, Calvin Klein); Nordstrom (Sejour is the best); Talbots, and Dress Barn for really inexpensive stuff. Rinse and repeat :)

    10. I’m at the upper end of a size 16 and 5’5″, and I recently discovered Boden, and I LOVE it. A size 16 fits me perfectly. Also, I have previously ordered some of the “mini” skirts in a long so that they are work appropriate and love them. It can be pricey, but sales are frequent and clearance items can be very reasonable.

    11. Jones New York, Target (wonderful ponte dresses this season and work blouses), Old Navy, Ann Taylor, The Limited (for 14s), Banana Republic (16s online and in some stores), and Talbots (if you have a Talbots Clearance Store near you – not an outlet- they are awesome).

    12. You will probably laugh at me, but I love the Liz Claiborne suiting line at JC Penney. Regular sizes up to 18 as well as a good selection of plus and talls. The pants are great.

  3. Someone was looking for super narrow calve knee high boots on here. I just bought these gray Life Stride boots but they also come in black. They are on sale for $64.99 and Famous Footwear is doing another 15% off.
    http://www.famousfootwear.com/en-US/Product/32973-1032559/LifeStride/Dark+Grey/Womens+Yeller.aspx
    The downside is they are synthetic. The plus side, they actually look fancier than in the picture and with the right outfit, I’m comfortable wearing them to work and on the weekends.

    I have extremely narrow calves. This is not a humblebrag. They are disproportionate to the rest of my body and I feel like that meme that says “don’t skip leg day at the gym, bro.” But these are very near snug to my leg if I have pants or leggings in them. They do have an elastic piece in the back so they might fit wider calves too but I think these are the most narrow pair of knee high boots I have ever found.

    I can’t speak to how they last because I’ve only had them a day.

    1. I have a pair of Life Stride boots (wide calf over here – holler!) that have lasted two seasons. I LOVE them!

  4. Loft has a similar dress – saw it in person yesterday. Quilted with faux leather accents. Half price today with code ourtreat. I also picked up a new pair of work pants, 2 new tops and some accessories.

    1. Old N@vy has a nice quilted gray one that is more of a sheath shape too. I tried it on last week and it felt like I was wearing pajamas. Unfortunately it did not work for my pear-shaped figure, so I had to put it back on the rack.

    2. This dress is from the Loft. I’m not diggin it; it makes the model look like she’s 10.

    3. I own the black one with leather from the Loft and love it. I throw a blazer on top, and it’s appropriate in my business attire building. The grey one looks super casual in person, though.

  5. I am intrigued by the concept of this dress, especially after reading the comments on the sale page. Comfy and soft and sweatshirt like without looking like it, apparently. Anybody seen it IRL and know if it would work in a business casual office?

    1. I just bought it (sight unseen, unfortunately, so I can’t help you there), but I plan on wearing it to my biz cazh office with black tights and either boots/booties, or a t-strap type pump, a belted cardigan/scarf or cropped jacket that will work with the waistline, a spangly pendant necklace to break up the gray expanse over my chest, and if I’m feeling it, I think it would work with a simple blouse underneath like a jumper.

    2. I own it and love it. I’m planning to wear with a black tissue-weight turtleneck underneath. It would definitely work for a biz casual office.

      2. Glad to hear, too! I actually just ordered — only the second time I have done so based solely on a piece recommended here.

    3. I really like the sweatshirt dresses from Madewell – more for casual wear, but they’re really cute and comfy and have pockets.

    4. I’m totally ordering it. Of course now I’m looking at all the other things I could buy for 50% off too. That’s how they get you!

  6. Where is the best place to order a good quality photo book from? We want to put a few together for the holidays for our parents, grandparents, etc. A bound book with thicker pages would be great… any suggestions? Insider tips on sales? One company easier or more flexible with layouts than another?

    1. I have been happy with my shutterfly books. I find it fairly easy to customize and they regularly offer 50% off sales. I also think Adorama is excellent quality, but harder to work with.

      1. +1, I use shutterfly. I have to spend a few hours doing it every year, but they always come out nice enough for my parents. :)

    2. I’ve played around with Shutterfly, but I preferred the process on Mixbook.

      Always google “Shutterfly discount codes” or “Mixbook discount codes” before checking out!

      2. If you set up a book in Mixbook but don’t buy it right away they will pepper you with coupons.

    4. Check out artifact uprising – much nicer quality and cooler aesthetic than shutterfly. I also like pinhole press.

      1. I’ve ordered a couple of bogs from Artifact Uprising and liked them much better than the books I bought from Shutterfly.

    5. I’m a big fan of Blurb. You can customize as much or as little as you like, and if you prefer premade layouts, there are plenty of those to choose from. It’s really easy to use, and the final books are beautiful.

      1. IME blurb is a better quality product than shutterfly, although I was quite pleased with my recent shutterfly book (I had stopped using them for a couple of years due to what I felt was declining quality). For archival, I pay more. But for fun/inexpensive gift books, I’d do shutterfly.

        If you do shutterfly, watch for discount codes. I suggest getting on their email list. They are insane with promotion codes. Sometimes they are flash sales, I suggest making the book now and waiting to pounce.

    6. my publisher (bought by shutter fly but they still operate independently). I think it’s the best quality for non-professional books and they have lots of options so you can customize it yourself or use an existing template. I like the templates -they are modern and simple, whereas I think a lot of the other companies have cheesy templates.

    7. I made a photobook using MixBook after a European vacation was very impressed with the quality. They have layout templates but it’s also easy to customize and change the design if you want.

  7. I recently got engaged, and my fiancé and I are so excited to plan our honeymoon-a much needed vacation! We are having trouble deciding where to go. We do know we’d like to go somewhere farther away (so not Caribbean or Mexico) to take advantage of guilt-free time off. We want to be able to relax and lounge around (maybe even on a beach?) but also do some fun activities and explore a new culture. I would say “fun activities” to us is more cultural stuff than adventure/nature stuff. Good food is a priority. Going in mid-September, moderate budget (maybe $7-$8k?).

    Thanks!!!

    1. When considering our honeymoon, I looked at four possible locales – Hawaii, Greece, Costa Rica, and Argentina. We ended up going with Hawaii (two islands – the Big Island and Maui) and didn’t regret it. But I still want to go to the other three places (though I think Costa Rica may be a little nature heavy for you.)

    2. Off the top of my head, I’d suggest Italy. There are beaches, but the countryside is beautiful for relaxing, the food is fantastic, and there’s all the art/history/culture one could want.

      1. +1!

        FWIW, in 2008 we spent 3 weeks in Greece for $8k, including flights. It was fantastic.

    4. Malta. Far away enough to be worth the trip, incredible history , beautiful beaches, great September weather. If you have 2 weeks, combine with Italy or Croatia.

    5. How about Spain? Flying into Madrid is easy and the museums/food is amazing. Seville is just gorgeous, or if you want a beach Majorca/Barcelona would be good options.

    7. There’s a reason Hawaii is so popular for honeymoons. It’s gorgeous and easy and there’s a huge range of options by budget. I’ve done low budget condo rentals and rent a wreck cars on Maui, the four seasons on lanai, star gazing and volcano hiking on the big island, beachy down time all over. There really is something for everyone.

    8. Friends of mine got married in the Spring and went to Bali for their honeymoon; it sounds from their stories that it has what you’re looking for: beautiful, relaxing, interesting culture, far away. I’m not sure what the weather is like in September, and plane tickets might eat up most of your budget, but it might be worth investigating.

    9. Mid-September is hurricane season. If you want to relax and chill, I’d highly recommend Aruba. We went there for our honeymoon and it is outside of the hurricane belt. Congrats!

      1. +1 This is what we did for our honeymoon last September. Two weeks, four cities and on a similar budget to what you quoted. (A little more when you factor in spending money).

          1. Stay in Nice and visit Cannes, Villefranche Sur Mer, Eze, St. Paul de Vence, Monaco + Monte Carlo, Antibes, and St. Tropez. You can also cross the border into Italy. Very very easy and you can do as little or as much as you please everyday.

          2. Cannes (with a day trip to St. Tropez), Avignon, Bandol and Eze. We only stayed 2 days in Eze because we stayed at the Chevre D’Or which is gorgeous but expensive. (If you like food, it’s totally worth going just to go to the restaurant!)

            Also – We used a travel agent. If you haven’t used one, or weren’t planning on using one, I’d suggest checking it out. It didn’t add costs to our trip bc the agent gets a commission from the hotel not from you.

        2. Love the French Riviera (and eastern Provence in general). We stayed in Ste Maxime and took the ferry to St Tropez one night to go out, as well as drove to the beaches in St Tropez another day.

          Inland Provence is very quiet and relaxing. and its still not so far to do a day trip to St Tropez or the Calanques. It might also be easier to stay on budget if you go inland rather than the coast (I looked at flying into Nice, and staying there mostly, while hopping over to Monaco etc – it was out of our budget).

          I think the coast might be getting breezier by mid-Sept, but inland it will still be hot – it has the same climate as Napa, imo. Honestly I just wanted to lay by the pool at our B&B and go to vineyards, but Mr Snowy was all about sightseeing.

    11. Croatia! You get tons of beach, tons of exploring a new culture, fabulous food and it’s very affordable once you’re there (flights were the costliest part for us)

      1. YES. Croatia! We went to Dubrovnik and Hvar for our honeymoon in mid-September a few years ago and it was absolutely amazing.

        Highlights: eating in a beautiful walled city overlooking the water, drinks on the rocks outside the city walls, renting a scooter and driving around the olive groves, wineries and lavender fields of Hvar, and finding beautiful hidden beaches.

      2. +1 For Croatia. Super cheap (for Europe) and the people are amazing. Beautiful beaches around Split (center) and the islands (I went to Hvar). Should still be warm in Sept., but without the tourists. Very cool old Roman ruins in Split and if you rent a car, I’ve heard Plitvice lakes in the North are stunning (I didn’t make it up there). If you are into culture, you can get exposure to a lot of different cultures – Italian-esque in the North, and then in the South you have Eastern European and can do day trips into Bosnia, Serbia, and I’ve seen a few advertised to Albania. Croatia is my favorite country (out of 12!) I visited in Europe.

    12. Thailand. So. Beautiful. Have no idea what the seasons are there so double-check, but the most amazing place I’ve ever been….

    13. Japan? You can’t beat the food (seriously) and if you don’t speak Japanese it’s definitely good for quality time together since you will likely not speak more than a sentence to any other person while you’re there (unless you go out of your way to find expats/English speakers).

      1. I’ll be in Tokyo and Kyoto next month. Any suggestions for where to stay/what to eat/what to do? Thanks!

        1. Yes…at least a novel’s worth! Tokyo: If you are flying into Narita late in the day, consider staying at the Narita Rest House for your first night – a 5 minute walk outside of the airport, super basic but charming in an interesting way, and turned out to be so much nicer for us than dealing with train ride/possible transfer/wandering the SO confusing streets of Tokyo trying to find our hotel in the dark after such a long travel day. We stayed on the outskirts of the Ginza neighborhood, which was super convenient – close to lots of department stores (we ended up eating a lot of croissants/etc from the bakeries in those stores when we were too tired/lazy to research somewhere with English menus b/c they are self-service) and a 10 minute walk from Tokyo station. Eat ramen on ramen street in the Tokyo station – some of the best ramen in the world – but be sure to read in advance about how to use the vending machines if you can’t read Japanese. Hotels are expensive, especially on weekends, and rooms are small.
          Kyoto: we stayed in a ryokan (Hiiragiya Bekkan), so didn’t really eat out as our breakfast/dinner was provided there. A great experience but we stayed 3 nights, which I think was one night too long. Figure out how to use the buses and/or prepare to walk a lot. The subway alone isn’t enough to get to all the tourist sites (so, so many tourist sites). We are extremely fit and do a lot more walking than a lot of people in our regular lives and we could barely stand up after a full day in Kyoto.
          Um, let me know if you have any other questions, apparently I have a lot to say. I really struggled with the lack of English reviews of lots of hotels/other places when I was planning the trip so am glad to help if I can!

          1. Thanks! This is awesome! I’ll post some follow-up questions in the Coffee Break thread to avoid completely hijacking this one!

        2. When I was in Japan I had great luck getting private guides from http://www.toursbylocals.com. It’s not super cheap but not overwhelmingly expensive — say, $300 for a full day. And they will meet you at your hotel and take you wherever you want to go, and there is zero stress about figuring out the transportation or food or any of that. The guides speak English and there are reviews of each person on the toursbylocals site. I would totally do it again anywhere I don’t speak the language.

        3. I’d also recommend a driver (and probably a guide) for Kyoto. I went when I was visiting a friend in Japan, and she got us a driver (no idea what company, or how much it cost). It made getting around much easier and we got to see more. If I hadn’t been with my Japanese-speaking friend, I may have wanted a guide, as well.

    15. Turkey! Spend some time in Istanbul, then head to the beaches (I don’t have a specific suggestion on beaches). Also, I haven’t been, but I’ve had several friends that have really enjoyed Croatia for the beach/culture combo.

      2. Also, I would suggest the Witt Suites in the new part of Istanbul – they have AMAZING customer service. When we were staying there, they noticed from my friend’s passport that it was her birthday and sent up a cake a wine (at no cost). I can’t imagine what they would do for honeymooners.

    16. Congratulations! What about Morocco? Good food and beaches, fascinating culture. You could even plan an extended layover in Spain (Barcelona is amazing, but I’m not sure what their situation is on flights to Morocco).

    17. Bora Bora or Hawaii? We’re taking our honeymoon in June and have decided on Bora Bora (it’s about an 8 hour flight from California).

    18. We went to Bali on our honeymoon. They believe they live in Paradise, and we agreed. Some beautiful beaches (not Kuta, go to Jimbaran Bay) and Ubud was this darling cultural place with cool performances, great food, funky art/shopping/riding on elephants etc. You can also stay in really nice hotels but the mid priced ones are awesome too. (Eg don’t need to go $500 a night for awesome service). It was far away — LONG flight, but totally worth it.

      1. “Ubud was this darling cultural place with cool performances, great food, funky art/shopping/riding on elephants”

        Really? I know a handful of people who live in Ubud full-time (when they aren’t at Burning Man, that is)…it just seems like a bunch of people who got lost trying to find The Beach…

  8. Anyone have a good system for keeping track of at home tasks to complete? I have a good system for work but feel as though I could be more organized in keeping track of things like replacing lightbulbs, needing to set up new bank accounts, scheduling medical appointments for myself and kid, etc. My husband and I already have a grocery list and family calendar on the fridge that are updated and checked frequently. What kind of system do you use? Is it online or paper? If paper, where do you keep it?

    1. We use the outofmilk app for our grocery list, but I also use it to create multiple sort of running lists that either of us can check and cross off once completed. It is not perfect, but works fairly well for us.

    2. I have my work calendar or Google Calendars and have a “home” calendar on there too. Hubby and our teenage kids all have it on their phones and devices so anyone can view or add to it as needed. I can access from my laptop, ipad, phone, etc. It’s cloud based of course, so always current. I can see both work and home stuff at a glance. I also use Wunderlist with hubby for a cloud grocery list. Same concept and its a free app. With 6 kids, my law practice, and several side businesses, these tools keep me in check and on top of things. Hope this helps.

      1. I also use Google calendar for this kind of thing – set reminders to make appointments, etc. Heck, I have an reminder 4.5 years out to schedule my Mirena replacement.
        The other thing that makes a difference for me is I don’t leave a doctors office, dentist, etc without the next appointment scheduled (or a reminder in my phone for when I need to schedule) if at all possible. I am terrible about remembering to make those calls, which is why October is the month of appointments this year – its when I got it together to make all the calls last year, so now everything is coming due again at once. Working on shifting that for next year.

    3. I have my personal calendar synced on my phone and use the reminders tool on my iphone. For things I can’t forget, I set alarms on the reminders so they pop up on my phone. My phone is never far away from me so this is the best method I can think of

    4. I love my lists – check boxes all the way.

      Paper all the way. I love scribbling out things when I complete them.

      I tried electronic. Too unwieldy for me, and I didn’t check it enough or update it properly.

      I keep either a small spiral notebook or a moleskin in my bag at all times for this purpose.

      If you want a general list that your husband can see, then you either have to do something electronic that is shared with him that he also looks at. That doesn’t always work I find, as others may not refer to it the way you do. And for general “to do” lists may not be necessary.

      Sometimes a big list on the refrigerator or on a wipe board placed in a clear location is the way to go.

      1. I am also a paper-list person. I use Outlook at work, but my entire personal life and schedule is managed out of the day planner that lives in my purse. I tend to put short shopping lists on the block for the day I know I’ll have time to run the errand, but I also use the note pages in the back for longer-term home projects that I can check off. (Back pages also have a list of books to read, gift ideas for friends/family, password hints, all kinds of other fun stuff.)

        I also have a “things we’re out of/about to run out of” list on a whiteboard on the side of my fridge, so when I use the last of ___ I can just jot it down before I forget.

    5. You know you don’t need to replace light-bulbs pre-emptively, right? Just have a few on hand and replace the burnt-out bulbs. That’s not a schedule thing.

      1. But if she’s 5 foot 1 and her husband is 6 foot 3 it might be a “honey do” thing that he can knock out quickly if he has a list. Likewise if she’s running by the store and also needs to pick up something at the dry cleaner.

        We use evernote.

      2. Yes, I’m aware I only have to replace light bulbs when they burn out. : ) We usually have a few extra light bulbs for a time, but then they get used up and we forget to replenish the supply. Then we end up living with a burnt-out bulb for days/weeks/longer!

        1. For household supply stuff like this that doesn’t go bad (TP, kleenex, Brita filters, etc) I just wait until I see a sale and stockpile the heck out of them. Provided you have the space (we’re in a small house and I manage to do this with part of our linen closet) it helps prevent those midweek runs when you’re out. Costco periodically has awesome rebates on lightbulbs. I’m a list maker, and this helps take a few small things off of my mental list.

    6. Sometimes I use Google Reminders. Open Google Now on my phone, then I just say, “OK Google. Remind me to pick up my glasses tomorrow.” And then she asks if I confirm and I say yes, and tomorrow my phone will beep to tell me to get my glasses. On the confirm page you can change anything you need – remind me tomorrow afternoon, or tomorrow morning, or a scheduled time. She usually gets it right if you say everything you need in the initial command. You can also set them as recurring reminders – like, “Remind me to pay student loans every month” or something.

    3. I have never heard of this before and just googled it. If anyone uses it, could you tell how you like it?

      1. On a related note, has anyone used anything similar to SoFi with good results? SoFi is not available in my state.

      2. I’m loving SoFi so far. Applying was easy. As an example, they had trouble getting in touch with my registrar to verify my degree. They let me take a cell phone pic of it and send it in. Everything is done electronically so no forms to mail back and forth. I signed something letting them deal directly with my loan holders so I didn’t even have to gather the info of how much I owed. They take the right amount out each month and I’ve had no glitches. They even sent me a t-shirt and it is the softest most flattering t-shirt I have ever owned LOL. Their customer service is very friendly and responsive.

        Also, for those links, you get $100 if you go with them and I get $100 for referring you if you apply.

      3. I use it for my law school loans and it’s great. Got my loan payments from 6.5-8% down to only 3% (in addition to consolidating 7 loans into 1, which helped my credit). Their customer service is also very good, at least from my experience.

        http://friends.sofi.com/3bVfC

        1. Can anyone who has used SoFi comment on the difficulty/ease of paying extra money towards the loans?

          1. Very easy and simple. I do it monthly. Just schedule an additional payment in addition to your auto-pay.

      4. Does SoFi still have a list of qualifying schools? When I first looked into it (about a year ago), my school was not on the list so I was ineligible. I just checked out their webs!te again but couldn’t find an updated list!

        1. I think it is open to all schools now though some states may not have given SoFi lending approval.

  10. I posted a few days ago that I’m ready to ask my H for a separation. Well I can’t seem to get the courage to do it. I have the courage to meet with a divorce lawyer (done!) and tell work what’s going on (appropriately and briefly), but saying anything to H is proving impossible. Advice? Kick in the pants? Good reasons to wait? It’s been suggested that I tell him in a public place, without the baby around, but that feels like over-engineering what should be a simple conversation (“I don’t want to live with you anymore. Please move out.”).

    1. Do it. You deserve this. And you’ll feel better without the anticipation hanging over you. What ever happens, happens. Once it does, you can start to move on.

    2. If you can’t find the courage to do it for yourself, think about it as doing it for your baby. And please keep going to therapy – and be honest in therapy about what is actually going on in your relationship with your husband.

      1. You do have a therapist, right? Role play with him/her. This is not uncommon. Maybe a phone session before you do it.

        Once you say it, you won’t believe how relieved you feel.

    3. You are intelligent, driven, caring, and compassionate. You want the best for those around you. You support people in their hard times. You deserve someone who wakes up every morning feeling so lucky to be with you, and your H is not that man. Please let today be the first day, the first step, towards finding the happiness you deserve!

      1. I second what Diana Barry says. Heck, if I lived in NYC, I’d totally meet up with you, watch your daughter for you, and then take you out for a huge glass of wine/huge ice cream sundae/whatever afterwards. Unfortunately, I don’t. But I hope my message is still clear – you have a community of internet strangers with no skin in this game who are absolutely on your side and want the best for you.

      2. If I missed the backstory, please correct me- but is this just a run of the mill don’t want to be married anymore? I can’t imagine my spouse telling me with someone else there. It would be a sucker punch times a million.

        1. There is a potential back story of a husband with anger issues (and severe narcissism)

    5. Have you ever broken up with a boyfriend in the past? It was probably really hard to muster the courage to say it, but I bet you felt like a huge weight was lifted once you did. Try to remember that feeling (or that feeling of relief from another time when you did something difficult) and use that to motivate you. Or ask yourself which is worse: having that difficult conversation or staying in your marriage, as-is, indefinitely? What will you wish you had done five years from now?

      Good luck! You can do it!

    6. Anytime I have to have a really difficult conversation I set a short deadline for myself (ex. I will do it by 5 pm on Friday) and then I tell someone or several someones close (mom, husband, sister) about it. I have an extreme fear of disappointing others so having to confess to that person/people that I didn’t work up the courage to do it is usually enough to motivate me to get it done.

    7. I think (no snark intended) that the best way to get it done is to think about what happens if you don’t tell him. It’s already been 2-3 days. Wouldn’t you have been happier if he wasn’t around for the past 3 days? Now look forward 3 weeks. Three months. If you don’t tell him now, you will have three more weeks (or more) with him. That would be intolerable for me (I’m envisioning stress hormones pouring into my gut every time I walk in the door of our shared residence and he’s there).

    8. Hire a singing telegram to tell him for you while you aren’t there? That would be awful and evil but in a tv show it would be really funny.

      I totally chickened out on breaking up w/ a long term now ex boyfriend. We were long distance too. I ended up writing him a really long letter, calling him and then reading it to him. I couldn’t wait until we would be in person again.

      While I think things like this should be done in person, if you can’t, for your own mental health or safety or whatever, then do it however you can do it. That might mean calling him and telling him and then making sure you have a friend or family member with you when you go back to the house.

    9. This is obviously not the same but when I broke up with a live in boyfriend of 5+ years, in order to get up the courage, I made plans with a friend for later that evening (the plan being sitting around with a bottle of wine while I tried to deal with the emotional fallout) and told my parents I was going to do it. It made me feel like I finally needed to pull the trigger because I had just put my support team on high alert. I also decided that I would get home from work before him and tell him we needed to talk as soon as he walked in the door. Having a plan in place made it easier to follow through so I second the suggestion to role play this/plan with your therapist.

    10. Just do it. Do it tonight, after work. You know your husband, if you feel he’d be violent, do it in a public place. If not, do it wherever. If you need motivation, text him and say that you want to set aside some time tonight to have a discussion. Then you’re on the hook to have it.

    11. On option would be to have him come to your therapist’s office with you and do it in the session (the therapist can even step out for a moment). Scheduling it in that way might help you do it (plus ensure safety for you).

    12. Do you have a plan? Do you think he will move out or do you think he will refuse? What does your lawyer say about changing the locks?

      I would not do it until I had a plan. Like, packing a bag for him and checking him into a hotel and pre-paying X nights. Or leaving with the baby for Y nights and saying “when I get back on Saturday I expect you to be gone.”

      I think once you have a plan, it becomes a lot easier to say “I need you to leave. Here is a key to a room at the Marriott. I have pre-paid for 5 nights and after that it’s up to you to figure out where to go. I have packed your bag and I want you to leave now. Please call me when you have a plan for retrieving the rest of your stuff.”

      And yes, if you can have somebody with you when you do it, so much the better. Do you have a male friend who can be there?

    13. DO IT! My sister is going through a divorce now with her husband of 10 years who is mentally abusive to her and the kids. She is now regretting not doing it sooner. It is tough but she keeps reminding herself is best for the kids (who have already been living with this for 5 & 9 years) and that she does not deserve to be unhappy for another day. Please, please move forward for the both of you!

    14. I had a very hard time figuring out how to tell my abusive ex-boyfriend that I was leaving. There always seemed to be a reason to put it off. Finally I hit a wall and knew I couldn’t keep going. Granted I was planning to move away (and no kids), but I told him, “I’m just not happy.” It ensured there was no explicit blame on him and that he couldn’t fix it.

    15. I dumped my psycho ex at a baseball game (granted not the same as a husband). It wasn’t clean, it wasn’t pretty. But it was in public and it was a safe place. I had been gearing up the courage to do it for a long time and then just did it. He hasn’t respected you or treated well at all. It doesn’t have to be clean or perfect. It just has to be done.

  11. Oh, love this! Bought it! Thanks, Kat. Great rec.

    It pushed me to finally purchase the casual tunic-y tops that were living in my cart, too, but at 50% off. Excellent!

  12. Do you tip your tailor? Maybe not the random tailor you might go to once or twice at the dry cleaner, but a regular tailor (always the same person) that I take all my stuff to?

    4. Thanks everyone! And glad to hear I haven’t been stiffing my wonderful old Italian tailor for years. :)

  13. What is your favourite brand of underwear? My underwear drawer needs a refresh, and I just get so sick of buying underwear I hate. I prefer thongs or boyshorts, both in cotton if possible, I have a generous booty and bikinis don’t work well for me.

    1. I like nordstrom’s brand shimera. I don’t wear them, but believe they make boyshorts also. they seem to hold up well in the wash, etc.

    2. I also have a generous booty and hanky panky (original, not low rise) work well for me.

      1. Agree, the low rise are not good for those generous in the hip and booty area, but the original cut are fab!

    3. +1 for Hanky Panky original. If you’re not picky about color, lastcall.com has them on sale for $9-10.

    4. Marks & Spencer’s. There was a discussion on Ravelry recently where many Europeans and Americans talked about stocking up for ages to come when they came to the UK

      1. I remember their tights being amazingly soft and comfortable when I was a kid- they used to have stores in Canada, I should really make an effort to visit London in the near future…

      2. YES. M&S all the way. They don’t have any stores in Canada now, and I am ashamed to say one of the most exciting things I did when I was in Singapore in the spring (well, exciting to me, anyway) was stock up on undies from M&S. OMG. Amazing.

        I also wear M&S tights. I have extra pairs stocked in my bottom drawer just in case.

      3. I do this with their bras! My bff is in London right now, likely buying all the bras at M+S because they actually sell lovely bras in the big sizes.

    5. Hanky Panky. I am a convert from this board, and from my Nordstrom’s consultant pushing even more.

      I also am a pear with a big butt and nothing stays put so I realize that Hanky Panky thongs are the way to go. I have a few pairs of HP boy shorts too, but prefer the thongs. For me I have some of the low rise and high rise and wear either depending on the type of pants/skirt I am wearing.

      I also used to prefer cotton, but honestly they show more panty lines and the boy short edges do not stay put. So I save the cotton boy shorts for under more loose fitting pants/jeans and HP for everything else.

      I wait for the sales and then buy HP. It means my colors are often a bit off, but close enough.

    6. In all seriousness, can someone explain the point of thong underwear? I understand it perhaps for s-x appeal, but if worn to avoid lines, why not just go commando? There’s nothing in the garment to serve as a barrier to your clothes/outer layer?

      1. There is fabric on a thong that covers your ladybits, it just doesn’t cover your behind. The lack of barier isn’t an issue for your behind which is just like leg or arm skin and has no secretions. You really just need your undercarriage covered. Going commando sounds really uncomfortable and I think the seams on most pants would….chafe.

      2. There is enough fabric in the middle to perform barrier duties. :) I also find with the HPs and other high quality ones that they actually ride up LESS than the bikini counterparts.

        1. Yup, for my round derrière, bikini and boy shorts just mean there’s more material that inevitably ends up in a wedgie.

      3. What? Have you ever tried on a thong? There is more than enough fabric to serve as a barrier… Unless your thong is crotchless.

    7. For cotton boyshorts, I love Hanes women’s boxer-brief style (available at Target). They’re long for under pants but I also have a generous behind and appreciate underwear that keeps my butt covered at all times.

    8. HANKY PANKY low-rise thong. The ONLY underwear I’ll wear. I have at least 60+ pairs.

      2. Sixty? Really? How often do you do laundry? Where do you put two months worth of dirty clothes? Where do you put two months worth of CLEAN clothes?? I have so many questions about this lifestyle.

        2. I can easily wear two pairs in a day (gym etc) and I don’t wash my other clothes daily. 60 is a lot but doesn’t mean she has 60 of everything else too.

        3. 60 thongs don’t take up a lot of space compared to 60 t-shirts, sweaters, coats, pants, or even boyshorts.

        4. Have you seen what a thong looks like? 60 of thise is a tiny fraction of one drawer. And yes, I do laundry every day. Your comment was obviously not made in good spirit.

    9. I have some bikini Hanky Pankies and the behind in them is ginormous. If you are ever desiring a bikini, you should wear them. Otherwise, the hipsters are nice, too.

  14. TJ – Does anyone have tips for how best to wash a washable wool suit. I finally bought a JNY one, which I love, and am terrified to ruin it.

    1. Wash inside out on delicate cycle, hang dry. If you’re really concerned you could also put the individual pieces in lingerie bags but that may create more wrinkles. Always wash the entire suit at the same time so that it wears evenly.

    2. What are the guidelines for washing synthetic suits? I have a CK Nordstrom Rack one with no rayon or wool in it, and it says “Dry Clean Only,” but I accidentally washed the skirt once and it looks fine. Just needed the steamer and a lint brush. Do I really need to dry clean these kinds of clothes? It feels like a huge conspiracy between the garment makers and the dry cleaning industry.

    3. I have a ridiculous amount of JNY washable wool suiting. I do it basically how Zelda recommends above — I turn the pieces inside out, and wash on a delicate cycle. Usually I hang dry.

      However, about 1/3 of the time I also tumble them dry (but again on delicate/low heat). I’ve got several pieces that have lasted several years this way without having any issues. They’re not all that delicate, so don’t be too concerned about ruining them.

  15. In search of business casual still. Any rec’s for favorite smaller stores in Raleigh? Looking for a Talbots type vibe for quality conservative pieces, hoping to get by around 100$ per piece. I know it’s a long shot- lots of boutiques here but geared more to expensive casual wear, in my experience. Otherwise it’s Talbots, Dillards and Macys…also any experience with Brooks Brothers (quality, fit)?

    1. I love Brooks Brothers clothing. The quality is excellent. They have several different fits in shirts, as well as pants, so once you find your fit, you’re set. (jackers, too, have different fits.) Theres’ also a younger, more casual line called Red Fleece. It’s a little price-y but they have frequent sales events,and if you have a Brooks card you get rewards gift cards, which add up fast. They also have a corporate card program which gives you 15% off reg. price merchandise.

      1. Thanks. I despise shopping so I love the ability to find a favorite store and fit, and stick with it!

    2. As a Raleigh native, I wish I had a better answer for you. But, no, there are no boutiques that sell clothing in lower to mid-range prices (although I hope someone can prove me wrong!). Check for sales at the Cameron Village and North Hills stores; those are your best bets for non-mall stores. Also, I second Brooks Brothers. I’ve been wearing it since I graduated law school at 25; it never felt old/matronly to me. I’m slim and non-curvy, but even so many of their cuts work well for me. And unlike a lot of other chains, their quality hasn’t noticeably declined.

    3. Have you kicked around Cameron Village? It seems to have neat independent stores in it. Maybe it’s more casual than what you need.

      Also:
      Cameron Clothing 4351-111 The Circle at North Hills Raleigh, NC 919-420-0411

      Fine Feathers 143 West Franklin St. University Sq. Chapel Hill, NC 919-942-3151

      Just b/c they are listed on the Nina McLemore website as carrying her stuff.

      1. Thanks. I’d just dismissed NHills overall as too trendy and $ but Cameron Clothing looks great- I will check them out for investment pieces! I don’t mind stretching my miserly budget for a few quality items that won’t go out of style.

  16. Is anyone willing to share how they keep themselves organized at work? For reference, I’m in a deals based legal practice. I’ve cobbled together a system, and I’m not missing deadlines or forgetting tasks, but I just feel disorganized. Or like I could be pulling relevant documents faster.

    I’m looking for suggestions on how you maintain a running list of tasks, how you organize your documents for the deals, and how you organize your precedents / useful research. I feel like items #2 and #3 are what I’m struggling with – probably because they are “lower priority” when getting a deal done.

    1. I’m not legal, but in a deal-based finance practice, and I’m looking forward to ideas. I have a master task list everything* goes on, with each deal on its own line, and it works great until I get so busy I don’t use it. My other issue is paper. . . I’m drowning in paper and when I need to be organized most (end of quarter), I don’t have time to handle it.

      *both action items and things I’m waiting for others to do, plus brief notes (like target closing date, who on my team is handling)

    2. I’m in deals-based legal and find my biggest challenge is keeping a good list of working documents v finalized documents v what already went out to the client and in what format. I think having a really well-organized email system is a huge plus, but I’m looking forward to hearing input from others on how to be better organized at work.

      1. If you are not adverse to having paper working files, having a file with each deal document behind a separate tab and numbering them works for me. So I might have tab 1 – loan agreement tab 2 – intercreditor tab 3 – security assignment etc. Then within the tab, I put in the drafts with most recent on top and number them on the top right corner (1 – first draft sent to client on x date, 2- client comments y date etc). If you have a good secretary/paralegal/junior you can get them to update these for you, especially as this always goes out the window for me when a deal kicks into high gear.

        1. Yes, I do this too – and am also deal-based. But I’ll go into a bit more detail.

          Presumably you are using a closing agenda for your deals. The trick is to keep it 100% updated (like, update it every day and send it around to the deal team at the end of the day). Then the tabs in your paper file that Woods-comma-Elle refers to will correspond to the numbers on your closing agenda.

          The real trick to being organized in a situation like this, though, is to go one step further with your closing agenda and have a document status column that you update practically every time you touch a document. My system is:

          TBD – to be done
          INT – task has been initiated
          DFT – document is in draft form
          SET – document has been settled
          OFE – document is out for signature
          COM – document/task is complete and the final, signed version is in the paper file.

          I also tell juniors – if you have a box of paper files on a deal, and are in charge of that box of paper files, don’t let anyone else touch it, remove anything from it, rifle through it, etc. Guard it with your life.

          With respect to precedents, I am old school and have a series of binders on a shelf – e.g. Share Purchase Agreements, Asset Purchase Agreements, Information Circulars, Limited Partnerships, Supporting Agreements, Due Diligence Matters, etc. Each one has a table of contents and they get updated whenever I find a useful precedent or an improvement on an existing precedent.

        2. Please don’t have a paralegal do your filing for your. That’s not an appropriate use of paralegal resources. that’s secretarial work, which your assistant should do. If you want your paralegal to do that, have him or her forward the draft to your secretary. Paralegals are _not_ your assistants.

          /endrant

          1. In my firm we frequently have paralegals doing “filing” in more complicated cases where organization is key and it is considered a billable task. “Paralegal” work is anything that the client can and will pay for and that the supervising attorney wants done.

            And honestly my assistant is way busier than my paralegal and does not have time to organize my deal binders. If I give it to a paralegal and he/she hands it off to my assistant I would be seriously pissed off.

    3. I need my Emergent Task Planner to keep each day organized. How to organize beyond a single day I am still working on.

    4. I really like Wunderlist. You can open several different lists, so you can keep track of your to-do list, others’ to do lists, etc. You can also sync the account on your desktop and through all mobile devices.

  17. Have any of you taken the time to come up with/write personal mission or values statements? I’ve seen the concept come up in a few self-improvement/career development type books, and I’m curious if any readers have done so, and if it was a meaningful or worthwhile exercise?

    1. No, but that sort of thing does absolutely nothing for me other than create an extreme urge to roll my eyes.

    2. Not yet but its on my to do list. I think it will help me be more intentional about what I want to do in my outside-of-work time and might also help me update my resume with an eye towards my next steps.

    3. I have done it. For me, it was just a formalization of what I have already thought about vaguely in the back of my mind over the years. It was a good exercise for me because it was an opportunity to refine, solidify, and clarify a lot of things I was thinking about.

      For other women in the room, I don’t think it was helpful. They simply weren’t ready and were caught off guard. They scribbled something down to satisfy the presenter and probably never looked at it again.

      If you aren’t already, I would start with just mulling over what your values and mission might be. It will change over time and might take few months until you are at a point where this type of exercise would be valuable.

    4. I once met an amazing woman at the Women on Wall Street event and she told me that once a year, she writes down her goals and evaluates the goals she wrote last year against her personal LT goals (which I think is somewhat like a personal mission). She said that it really helped keep her centered and with an eye on keeping what was important to her (family, job, finances) on track. It’s always stuck with me because she was such an amazing “omigosh I wanna be just like her in 10 years” type of person.

  18. Help! Suddenly I have no shoes. My only pairs are gross worn-down black Payless flats and some dog-chewed sandals. Plus some random formal/not everyday shoes. I don’t even know how I got here!

    Where would you start if you needed to build a shoe collection from scratch? Focus on: comfy work shoes, boots for winter? And I am on a mean budget (hence being shoeless), so under $60 would be ideal!

    1. DSW?

      I’m also interested in responses. When I lost a lot of weight this year my feet got skinnier (who knew that was a thing) and now 3 pairs of go-to work shoes no longer fit, and another pair that did fit died around the same time.

    3. As someone with hundreds of pairs of shoes, I cannot even conceive of this problem, but I regularly sell gently used/nice shoes at my local thrift store. I’ve also bought shoes there too. The idea used to gross me out but a little alcohol wipe down inside the shoes and sticking to dress shoes (v ones w squishy interiors) helped me get over it. Short of that, lots of good deals on nice brands on places like 6pm, sole society, and gilt.

      1. +1 resale shops

        That Payless heel that was recommended here…. costs like $20. I finally bought a pair. Comfy, look fine, great deal. Perfect for basic heels for people on a budget.

        I have two pairs of patent leather Payless heels – nude for me and black.

    4. I got some very comfortable black flats at Kohl’s for about $30 when I was pregnant if you’re the type to wear flats to work.

    5. What holes are you trying to fill, both work and casual? Assuming both, I think I’d start with one pair for work and one casual pair: think a pair of basic black work shoes (or nude-for-you, if you prefer) in whatever style you’d be comfortable wearing all the time, and a casual pair, like Skechers Flex, for everything outside of work.

      Depending upon where you live, boots can wait a bit, and if you wait you can probably find them cheaper.

      Check DSW’s clearance for deep discounts. Join their Rewards program (free) and you can get free shipping. 6pm also has good deals but you pay for shipping and returns.

    7. Cole Haan outlet. They might be over $60 but they’ll be high quality staples so you won’t need as many pairs.

    8. And honestly? I’ve had reasonably good luck at Payless and you can’t beat their prices. Also Target. Neither place has real leather shoes, of course, but the styles are fashionable and my not-all-that-fussy feet find them reasonably comfortable.

    10. I’ve gotten amazing deals from Amazon – like $60 for a pair of $300 shoes, but randomly they were only available at that price for my size and are still full price at all other stores. I don’t know what the algorithm is but I love it. :)

    11. Personally, I can’t stand Payless shoes (the plastic makes my feet sweat) but I know vegans seem to like it.
      I would look at the local Goodwill/Salvation Army type thrift stores for better quality shoes. You wouldn’t believe what people donate! Also the DSW clearance racks and Marshalls/TJX type places.

  19. Nonfiction book recommendation:

    Excellent Sheep: The Miseducation of the American Elite and The Way to a Meaningful Life, by William Deresiewicz.

    I just finished this and am still reeling with a mix of vindication, inspiration, discomfort, anger, I could go on. I can’t do it justice in summary, but it’s about elite higher education in the US and how it influences so many aspects of life, based on its very narrow conceptions of what counts as “success,” “achievement,” “leadership,” “service” and so on (concepts he attacks as being, at this point, mostly superficial). He discusses the consequences of being indoctrinated, even beginning in childhood: how it affects our senses of self, our relationships to others, and our purpose in life (or lack thereof).

    Yes, he does address income inequality and what this all means for kids who never had the chance to go to an elite school. In fact his conclusion is about how this system perpetuates and pretends to justify class stratification, while being supposedly based on merit.

    I strongly recommend it here because I think everyone working in professional fields, regardless of where you went to school, is affected by the mentality he’s talking about. It also reminded me of the Ask Polly column someone linked to a while back, in which so many commenters said they could see themselves.

    It is substantive all the way through, cover to cover–you can’t skim the introduction and get a grasp on his arguments. There’s also a lot to debate within it. In other words, he walks the walk in terms of returning to intellectual rigor and really challenging yourself *for its own sake*.

    If anyone reads or has read it, I’d love to hear your thoughts. I am a recovering sheep myself, and doubly complicit in the system because I then became an instructor to the herd.

    1. I’ve got this one on my list. Looks like I’ll have to move it up the list!

    2. I’ve read this book, and I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand, I think that it does point out a lot of things that are wrong with the ‘elite’ higher education system. On the other hand, I was saved to some extent BY being a sheep. I didn’t know what I wanted to major in when I went to college (poor kid, suddenly at Ivy League, totally out of my comfort zone) and almost majored in religion, which I was interested in. Luckily for my career and family, my roommate and friends were all engineering majors so I ended up picking chemical engineering blindly and survived by being validated by grades and achievements. And thank god I did. Majoring in engineering allowed me to have leverage my quantitative and analytical strengths and although I’m not currently an engineer, I would NOT have been able to pursue my current career trajectory without majoring that background! I’m glad I just ‘followed’ my friends and roommates into a STEM degree to some extent because it has worked out so well and I’m happy with my career now – if I had majored in religion, I’m not sure what I would have done. Maybe it would have turned out just fine, but I’m thankful for having that structure around me when I wasn’t sure at 17.

  20. Does anyone have experience with Loft’s curvy line of pencil skirts? It seems like the size chart stays the same regardless of the item, but I have to imagine the hip measurement in a curvy style skirt is larger than the regular. I have the online shopping itch today and want to take advantage of the 50% off, but no clue about sizing! I have approx a 30″ waist and 43″ hips. I so want these curvy skirts to work for me!

    1. I have several. I wear my regular size and they work well for pear shapes. I have found some have more give than others–it’s a fabric issue. The cotton blend ones are tighter than some of the other ones (I think one is their “scuba” knit and the other one I don’t recall-twill something?)

    2. I wanted to ask this question to WRT Ann Taylor – they have a Tweed Pencil Skirt and a Curvy Tweed Pencil Skirt, but I’m not sure what the difference really is since they don’t go into specifics on the measurements. Presumably whatever the answer is for LOFT, it would be the same for AT?

  21. Has anybody attended one of these “life coaching” retreats? If so, any thoughts about the experience?

    I’m curious because it sounds like an interesting experience, but then I already have networks that I’m cultivating, am busy in my legal career, and the $3000 could be used toward a fun trip with my friends/family instead.

    1. Before spending money on something like that, I would highly recommend reading Bright-Sided by Barbara Ehrenreich.

    2. I’d be careful with these. I know some are legit, but a family member of mine got sucked into one that’s basically a cult. He’s become a disaster and someone I neither like nor respect. Also legitimately sketchy.

    3. What are you hoping to get out of it? It sounds like there’s no need for it to fill in your life.

      1. Perhaps you’re right. I guess I’m just feeling like my law friends are not really GOOD friends, the type to be there when you need them b/c of the way some law ppl are? (or I just got unlucky) and my college friends are scattered all over the world, and this retreat would be to help me hone in on what I want to do/out of life after I’m done being “excellent sheep.”

        1. I think this is very common, and I feel the same way. It’s difficult to make friends after college, and new relationships feel very surface-level. I think it just takes time and effort. I sympathize.

          As for what you want to do with your life once you’ve “made it”, I’d say put that $3,000 towards a personal retreat (cabin, beach, forrest) and spend some time envisioning different ways your life could look. Make a list of your passions. What fulfills you, etc.? Know thyself!

        2. I *highly* recommend taking that $3000 and spending it on a week at Rancho La Puerta instead. This could absolutely be your personal retreat. Lots of casitas set aside for women traveling solo, delicious and healthy food, hikes in nature, all kinds of sports/workouts/classes. It’s incredibly renewing and fulfilling. They will also have all sorts of (completely optional) lectures and seminars on the life coaching side of things, and you can meet lots of very interesting potential friends there.

  22. Has anyone ever used Italki, Verbling, or any other online language exchange service where you use Skype or Google hangouts to have a conversation with a native speaker? I’m learning Italian, and while Meetup groups are nice, they can be large and overwhelming, and there aren’t that many native speakers. Plus, in my city they don’t meet that often. I’d like to schedule something more regularly with a native speaker, but I’d feel better using a site that comes recommended.

    Would also love to get any other recommended resources or language learning methods from the hive!

    1. I have not used these (yet) but think they sound great. I took an immersion class in a foreign country and the skype classes seem to try to get as most of the benefits as possible when you can’t skip work and travel. Can you try one before you sink a lot of money into a package?

    2. I think you can find people to skype with on Live Mocha. I haven’t used it for skype, but I’ve used the written part where a native speaker corrects your assignments (and you correct someone else’s). It’s free.

    3. Thanks to both of you! It looks like you can do free trials on Italki, and I’ll check out Live Mocha as well.

  24. I’m looking at the lady day coat at jcrew and it’s gorgeous. Anyone have it and want to comment on fit/quality, whether it’s worth buying (although not at full price)

    1. Love the Lady Day coat! I have it in two different colors! I’d recommend sizing up one size from your regular size, maybe even two sizes if you wanted to wear it over super bulky sweaters. I’m 5’4” and maybe should have gotten a petite, because it hits a little below my knee.

      1. would you pay full price for it? If not, by what percentage would it have to be marked down before you’d think it’s worth it?

        1. I’m always hesitant to pay full price for anything at JCrew. I like to wait until the item goes on promo, then try and pull the trigger when they run an extra 25 or 30% off sale. Looks like I got one for $109, the other I think was maybe $150. But I think I got them both after New Years, so you may not be as lucky this early in the season.

      2. I have it – my usual size in J Crew is 8 for jackets and I got it in a 12 tall. Any smaller and it wouldn’t have fit over suit jackets.

    2. I bought one and it has narrow shoulders. Even with a tall, I have to size up two sizes and it was still a little tight (and the body too big). If you don’t have wide shoulders it is a pretty coat.

      1. I have the Lady Day and also think it’s a gorgeous coat, but agree that it has narrow shoulders. In some respects I feel like the Hulk when I wear it. I’m an average sized person with proportional shoulders (at least what I consider to be proportional), and I am constantly ripping out the lining of the underarm area even though I’m not hard on it.

    3. I’d search for reviews for it by posters here- I have one that I got in late 2008 (wow, almost 6 years!) and I love it. I saved up for it (aww, grad school) and bought it on sale. I get compliments literally every time I wear it out of the house and it has held up pretty well. The shoulders do run narrow (and I’m very petite) so my size 0p coat has had some tearing in the lining in the arm pits in recent years (from when I stretch I presume).

      But I’ve read from people here that the quality has gone way down in recent years, which might make the price tag worth balking at.

    4. I disagree on the sizing up two sizes. I would say one size up from your normal J Crew size (so maybe that is two sizes up from your higher-end size…). I have a 10 tall but am generally always an 8 at J. Crew. I like the tall event though I am only 5″6 with average height arms. The arms are a smidge long…but it’s a coat and I’d prefer that, but the body is a great length. If there is a particular colour you want, don’t wait for the sales. Otherwise, definitely wait for a 25% off or something.

  25. Does anyone else get really blah feeling during their time of the month? I’m on BC where I only get it once every 3 months and it surprises me every time how low I get. I’m cranky and want to eat all the food in the world.

    Ugh, sorry, I just need to complain.

    2. I get depressed enough during Special Lady Time that I am considering seeing a doctor about it. Seriously, I’m generally a very happy person and regularly, the 24-48 hours prior to my period, I can’t stop crying and find myself considering suicide. It’s so abnormal for me that I feel like it’s more than just PMS. I was on the pill most of my adult life, so I’ve only had cycles for the last few years, and it’s been an almost terrifying experience.

      1. I know Im really late to this, but I hope you see this note. If you´ve had thoughts about hurting yourself, please hit pause on whatever you´re doing right now and call your doctor. Don’t wait until you feel bad again to call – you are too important to wait. Much love and internet hugs.

  26. We’re going to a wedding mid november that is black tie (no optional tagged on the end) for a law school classmate. We’re on the periphery, so won’t know too many people, other than the other classmates who will be there. The wedding is in an old, historic hotel, and many of the guests in attendance will be very wealthy (and thus, own a tux and not have this problem). DH does not own a tux, and has made it through each and every one of his friend’s weddings (he’s much older than I am) without one. He’s going to put up a good deal of resistance to buying or renting one. He owns a dark charcoal suit that is new and very nice. By the end of 2015, I expect we’ll have attended 3 or 4 black tie weddings for my friends. He’ll push back on me each time (cultural/small town upbringing differences?) about dressing up that much. In the past I’ve kind of just let it go and chalked it up to “you do you, babe,” but now that it’s my friends and social circle involved (as opposed to his), I kinda want to push back a bit.
    But first – was wondering – when it is inexplicably stated that the wedding is black tie, are there still people there in suits and not tuxes? Do I need to push it on this point alone?

    1. To me this isn’t even a question. Either he buys or rents a tux or he doesn’t go. It’s simply rude.

      That being said, yeah their might be someone else there in a suit. Who cares? He should be wearing a tux, you want him to, they’re your friends, so he does it. Of you start wearing thong bikinis to his family functions.

      1. Please. It’s a wedding, not a state dinner. The only person who will truly roll in their grave if he wore his charcoal suit would be Emily Post. That said, it if makes you uncomfortable, let him know you really won’t feel comfortable unless he’s wearing a tux. And maybe buy him one. There are passable ones for $300 ish at Joseph Bank’s. And since he’s an adult, there will be other occasions where it will come in handy for him to have one.

      2. Yeah, I get what you’re saying Anonymous, and I generally agree with dressing according to the host’s preferences. But there are some fights (conversations, discussions, whatever) not worth having, and I’m trying to evaluate whether this is one of them.

        And, I already convinced him to buy the charcoal suit only two months ago. So there’s that.

        1. I wouldn’t pick this fight personally. I’d give him info on the event & let him decide what he wants to wear. Ultimately it’s on him not you. And if you’re not close to the couple getting married, I really wouldn’t spend extra money on something he’s unlikely to wear a lot.

    2. Black tie means a tux. Yes, there may be people there in suits. I think if you want him in a tux, he should wear a tux. Try figuring out the cost per wear of a tux when determining whether to buy or rent. My husband and I do not frequently attend black tie events, but we anticipated he would need to wear one 3+ times. He wound up purchasing a tux when he realized it would be less expensive than renting one 3 times.

    3. I’m torn. I’d want him to be happy, even if that means looking a little funky, but I also love a man in a tux. But I’ve worn cocktail length dresses to black tie events myself because, YOLO.

    4. If he’s going to this many black tie events, then he’s reached the point in his life where he just needs to buy a tux. Assuming he gets a classic style and doesn’t have a significant weight change, he’ll probably get years of use out of it. He can find one for less than the cost of multiple rentals.

      1. +1

        Mr. Senior Attorney got a great tux on eBay, of all places, for not much more than the cost of renting one just once, and it looked fine. (It helped that he fit an off-the-rack size.)

    5. There may be other people in suits, but to me that does not give him an excuse to disregard the dress code. If his suit was black, I think it would be easier for him to fake it but charcoal gray is definitely not an evening suit. With that many black tie events, he should just get a tux. He can actually get a cheap one for about $150: http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/izod-black-tuxedo?ID=447287&PartnerID=LINKSHARE&cm_mmc=LINKSHARE-_-5-_-63-_-MP563&LinkshareID=J84DHJLQkR4-igcPts1oigmTCxymkQc54w

    6. I’m in the minority here, but if my SO wanted to wear a suit to a black tie event because he already owned one rather than buying or renting a tux that he may not get that much wear out of, I would not fight him on that. I’d tell him that a tux would be appropriate for black tie, not a suit, and I would be more comfortable if he wore an appropriate tux rather than a suit. If he still wanted to wear a suit, I wouldn’t push it any further.

      It be a different matter if he wanted to wear jeans to a formal event, but a suit for black tie wouldn’t bother me too much. May also be based on my general opinion that it’s a bit rude for hosts to insist on such specific attire that not everyone is likely to have in their closet for events like a wedding (i.e., where the hosts may be wealthy, but all guests may not be). I have the same feeling about parties that require certain colors of clothing. I may decline to go if I don’t have or want to purchase the specific item, but I won’t think badly of someone else who choses to go and substitute a relatively close facsimile of the required dress code.

  27. I’ve been seeing a lot of pleated leather/pleather skirts lately. I love the idea of wearing one but I’m uncertain about the fit and wearability. Has anyone purchased one? Love it or hate it?

    2. I bought the pleated dark brown pleather skirt from Ann Taylor a couple of weeks ago. Love it, although I had to size up two sizes because it hugs the tummy.

  28. How did you and your SO get together? Did you say something? Did he make the first move? Just curious.

    1. We lived in the same dorm building during undergrad, and our RAs were really into “building socials” – ice cream parties, karaoke night, etc. One time, we all went out to the Buffalo Wild Wings down the road from the school, and the two of us were kicking everyone else’s butts at the classic rock trivia questions they were running. We started talking on the way home, and seven years later we haven’t stopped. :)

  29. Question for the hive – I have a job interview coming up at the head office of a company that was founded not very long ago by X. Smith. The person I had the initial phone interview with was Y. Smith, and I will be interviewing in person with the current CEO, Z. Smith. Do you think that it would be appropriate to ask what my interviewer’s relationship is to the founder? Like “Are you X’s son?” or “are you Y’s brother?” I am genuinely curious, and also want to express how genuinely impressed I am with how this family has grown this very successful business. Or would you say it’s inappropriate to ask? TIA!

    1. I think might say “Are you related X Smith?” DO NOT guess at the relationship. That seems fraught with peril to me. (“Is X your son?” “No, he’s my brother.” Oops.) And then be prepared with some intelligent follow-up question or remark (the likes of which escape me at the moment…).

    2. How about you ask what brought them to the company? That gives them the opportunity to explain, deny, or downplay any familial ties. Then you can go from there.

    3. Do they have bios online? Can you google them? I find press loves to write about family businesses, so I’d be surprised if they hadn’t been profiled.

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