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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
My allergies may be killing me, but at least there's one good thing about the changing of seasons: sales. In addition to the Intermix sale we mentioned yesterday, Last Call by Neiman Marcus is having some pretty great sales, with a lot of workwear pieces in the bunch. For today's TPS I like this watercolor-y peplum top (was $130, now marked to $36), which I think would look great with gray trousers and a cardigan that picks up one of the colors in the top. I've picked out a few other favorites from the sale, below (hover over the pic for brand/sale info). The sale ends 4/17/2013. Romeo & Juliet Couture Paintbrush-Print Peplum Top
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Sales of note for 9.19.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September, and cardmembers earn 3x the points (ends 9/22)
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles — and 9/19 only, 50% off the cashmere wrap
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Anniversary event, 25% off your entire purchase — Free shipping, no minimum, 9/19 only
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- Tuckernuck – Friends & Family Sale – get 20%-30% off orders (ends 9/19).
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
KC
I think I’m starting to tire of peplum, but this is a really neat print!
Neha
I agree, the print is lovely. I sorta like peplum, but I feel like it will look dated in a couple of years. I guess I’m just getting old and prefer to spend money on classic pieces instead of trendy items.
Anonymous
I hear you. +1.
N Jones
I love the print too….just don’t like the peplum at all.
For lack of a flowy bottom a shirt did not sell…
Equity's Darling
I like the Cityscape one, for 87.50, I think I may order it.
So, I recently had myself actually sized for bras, and for the first time, I have lots of bras that actually fit my cup size/band size, which is amazing. However, I’ve encountered a problem- some of them are too tall for my torso- the underwire digs into my armpit, and it is obviously quite irritating. They’re definitely the right cup size and band size. Does anyone else have this problem? Solutions? Is it just the type of bra? The only brand I don’t have this problem with is Freya (and really, I have three of their bras, so I’m guessing the entire line is fine, though I could be wrong).
Also, I know we’ve had this discussion before, but I’d love to hear what everyone’s beauty splurges are! I know mine – Skoah face products – they’re, in my opinion, quite pricey, but my skin has never looked better. Oh, and nailpolish, I guess, since I’m a sucker for Butter London and Deborah Lippmann, and $20/polish is, realistically, sort of obscene.
NOLA
I think the problem with the bras could be just what you’re saying. The type/brand of bra. Even within one brand, I find that some bras (even in my correct size) work better for me than others. Your shape determines some of it in addition to cup size/band size. Two different women with the same cup and band size could be shaped very differently in terms of where you have fullness, etc. You just have to figure out what works for you – unfortunately, it’s a lot of trying on and trial and error.
Equity's Darling
Gah, I would have thought that getting the right sizing would solve all my problems- so the trial/error re: bras continues.
New L
I used to work in bra sales, and I would recommend you try on a bunch of different styles in your correct size, even ones that you would normally shy away from. You may be suprized as to what style you find comfortable. The most obvious difference is full coverage v. demi cup–demi’s typically have shorter underwires that don’t go up so far into the armpit. Balconette stypes also may have less underwires. Strap placement (e.g. wide-set straps close to the shoulders as compared to narrower set straps) can also make a difference. Unfortunately, there can be a lot of trial and error, and it will take some time in the fitting room.
anon for bras
is this true with the common problem of whether straps fall or not? I never used to have this problem, but i have it with every bra i own now, regardless of the age of the bra or style. Ive been fitted a number of times in the last few years and it always comes out the same, so i think im wearing the right size. i try the bra on in the store and it seems fine, then w/in one or two wearings, the straps are falling. i adjust the straps up, down, ive tried everything, to no avail. i just dont get it.
Equity's Darling
Thanks for the tips NewL: Based on my current bras, balconettes seem to be the most comfortable and fit the best, though I don’t love the shape they give me… and the wider straps seem to be more comfortable, instead of putting pressure on my neck. Any other suggestions for brands/styles?
New L
For straps falling down, look for styles where the straps are closer to the neck, like a full coverage. The shape of some women’s shoulders causes this to be a problem. As a knowledgable sale-person what styles they recommend- this is a somewhat common complaint. You can also try a “bra strap holder” that holds the straps up (comes in both racerback and not. It won’t work with every outfit, but might be useful for everyday wear.
I don’t have any suggestions for specific brands/styles– it’s been a while since I worked retail. But I would recommend somewhere that has an excellent return policy, like Nordstroms.
momentsofabsurdity
Ooh, beauty splurges, fun!
– Philosophy Microdelivery Peel. OMFG so much money. OMFG… so worth it. I’ve now tried two drugstore knockoffs that weren’t nearly as good.
– Diorshow mascara. I know people have mixed experiences with this one but I love it and it’s totally worth the cash for me. Never clumps, stays on, easy to take off, etc.
– Gel manicures over regular ones, because I chip polish like crazy and I’m super hard on my hands
And just for balance, my best beauty save is Aussie 3 Minute Miracle, which is still the very best deep conditioner I’ve ever used and (bonus) is crazy cheap.
Famouscait
I want to hear more about Aussie 3 Minute Miracle. What else have you tried that it out performs? (My Redken All Soft conditioner bottle is upside down and almost empty, so I’m looking for a replacement).
momentsofabsurdity
Let’s see I’ve tried —
– The Body Shop Rainforest Moisture deep conditioner – this was messy/goopy and really made no difference to my hair. Totally do not recommend.
– Garnier Hair Mask – this worked okay but didn’t really have super noticeable results
– Morrocan Oil deep conditioner – this actually worked really well – but honestly, no better than the Aussie brand one, for 6x the price
For reference, my hair is naturally curly and somewhat coarse, but it’s chemically straightened. It’s not hugely damaged or color treated, but it is definitely naturally a bit coarse and it is *very* noticeable to the touch when I’ve used the Aussie treatment – it’s much softer and silkier. It also has a nice smell and rinses out reasonably well (I have long hair so I hate sitting around forever under the shower trying to get all the deep conditioner out of my hair).
Anonymous
Does it make it shinier? My hair is soft and silky but not shiny – I know, lots to complain about over here.
momentsofabsurdity
My hair is super shiny naturally (I know, we got big problems), since it’s jet black, so I haven’t noticed a big difference in shine no matter what I’ve used. Maybe someone else can chime in on its shininess features.
Famouscait
Hmmmm…… I may have to try it!
I would like to splurge on the Frederic Fekkai 3-Minute Technician Color Care Hair Mask that I tried while staying at friend’s house, but I can’t get past the $35 price. However, I will say that it totally changed my hair (which is not even colored, but who cares! Everyone deserves silky hair, right?) Perhaps I can stave off the splurge with an Aussie Miracle. Thanks for the recommendation!
big dipper
I credit Aussie Three Minute Miracle with a huge turn around in how healthy my hair is. My hair is much shinier, the texture is less “rough” and after I had been using it for 6 months, my hairstylist commented on how healthy my hair had gotten.
For reference, I have thick, wavy/curly hair (Curly Type 2A), that I dye at home 4-5 times per year.
KC
I love, love, love Aussie 3 Minute Miracle. Haven’t found another product that gives the same shine and softness, so I’m really glad it’s affordable!
Equity's Darling
I’m intrigued by this 3 minute miracle, I’m going to try to pick some up this weekend :)
Anonymous
Three minute miracle is amazing on my fine hair. And it smells like the beach.
anon
My hair is curly, frizzy, and dry so I’m always looking for deep conditioning products. The best I’ve found HANDS DOWN:
Splurge: Nexxus deep conditioner– smells wonderful and worth every penny. That being said, I can’t afford to buy it regularly, so I use it only when my hair is in TERRIBLE shape.
Bargain: Aussie 3 min miracle. I always have one in my shower.
Marilla
My splurges are Makeup Forever HD undereye concealer ($32 for a little bottle), and MAC blotting powder (also $30ish). My eyeliner USED to be fairly thrifty ($7) but Sephora has jacked the price up repeatedly over the past 5 or so years. Everything else I buy at Costco or I buy at Loblaws when there’s some crazy sale (e.g. shampoo normally at $6 is now sold twinned with a conditioner for $3 for both, making each $1.50 — my linen closet is full of shampoo and conditioner as a result!).
Yes to Butter London nail polish too.. most of my polish is OPI but I have one Butter London in a dark blue and I love it the most of all.
R in Boston
I have the same problem with some bras. Certain specialty bra shops can cut down the wire for you. I have never asked if Nordstrom can do this, but it would be worth an ask if that’s where the bras came from.
Equity's Darling
Hmmm, I had a really hard time finding bra speciality stores in my city (I could only find two), and neither seemed like they would offer alterations. No Nordstroms here (yet! fall 2014 can’t get here soon enough), and I did not buy my bras at Holt Renfrew, our equivalent, because…well, they’re just awful on so many accounts. They sized me incorrectly, which I know because the two speciality stores I visited came up with the same size, but a different one than HR, and on top of that HR didn’t even have my size. Plus, their customer service is generally dreadful.
I’ve worn the bras a once each, so I doubt I’ll be able to return them to store. C’est la vie I suppose.
R in Boston
Ask anyway! The first place I found that did this didn’t advertise it as a service. I just happened to mention the wire issue to the woman at the check out when she asked if I had found everything ok and she was like “oh, we can fix that”. (For anyone in the Boston area, place in question is Lady Grace.)
I have also put a little piece of moleskin over the top of the wire if it isn’t long enough to justify cutting it down. Seems to help on the irritation front.
Nonny
Fall 2014? Oh my goodness, I think I have to wait an entire *year* longer than you….
On the bra front, seriously I just recommend a trip down to Seattle (? Your nearest equivalent?) in the next long weekend. I don’t even think we have an equivalent to Nordie’s selection/fitting service.
Anonymous
That is a brilliant idea!
I have the same problem, underwire digs into my underarm for bras that otherwise fit well. I now have plans to rip out a few stitches from the seams and use wire nippers to reduce the underwire length this weekend. This may save some bras that I rarely wear.
TO Lawyer
ooo beauty splurges! This is a fun topic for a rainy and dreary Friday. I love Armani foundation, even though my skin is generally fairly clear and tends to behave itself. And UD eyeliners and MUFE mascara. Actually I just love Sephora. I can spend hours just wandering around looking at all the pretty things…
Anonymous
Creme De La Mer, the stuff is awesome and oh-so-expensive.
Kerestase hair products, Mason Pearson brush.
That’s it, really. Drugstore is just as good for everything else and even the drugstore is getting expensive.
Anonymous
Which Kerestase products? I’ve heard such good things but felt overwhelmed when I considered buying some. I have straight, non-colored, hair. I have lots of it but each strand is really thin, so I don’t have a lot of body. It’s wavy when I don’t blow dry it all the way, which is frequently the case. I’d like more shine.
Any recommendations for a Kerestase product to buy? I’d like to try it to see if it’s worth the hype.
Kanye East
It really depends on your hair and what you’re looking for. Kerastase products have sulfates, which can be extra-harsh on color-treated hair, and parabens (which I just hate for a million reasons).
Also cannot believe they still make Aussie 3-Minute Miracle. I haven’t seen that stuff in decades.
migraine Sufferer
I use the Kerastase for colored hair but don’t have colored hair. It makes my hair so silky. I use the hair mask.
LawyrChk
It’s probably a combination of the cut and brand. Full cup bras (particularly in larger cup sizes) tend to have higher underwire on the sides. If you can find a full cup bra that doesn’t come up to high, great. Otherwise, demi, 3/4 cup, and racer bras tend to have lower underwire in my experience. I’d try using chalk to mark the point on an existing bra where it bugs you, and match that underwire shape and the height on the side against any new bras you try.
SoCal Gator
My new favorite splurge is Kate Sommervile products. I started with Quench, which is an intense skin hydration treatment. It really helped with the fine lines around my eyes. Then I added the Cyto Eye cream for dark circles. I also love the Exfolikate, which makes my skin so soft. Finally her self tanning wipes work extraordinarily well, especially if followed by the new tan extender cream. These products are really expensive, but worth it! Also, at Nordstroms they will give tons of free samples so you can try before you buy.
And a PSA, Sephora is having its VIB sale with 15% off if you are a VIB customer.
Leslie
Beauty splurges:
– smashbox primer
– MAC Studio Fix liquid foundation
– Pur Minerals 4-in-1 foundation
I find that this trifecta of overpriced face products gives me really, really great results. I have naturally very clear skin, but my complexion can be a bit blotchy/ruddy and this does a great job of evening things out and making me look flawless.
Other products I love – Nars Orgasm stick blush (so fast, so easy….pricey but lasts FOREVER), Shu Uemera lash curler. I also use mostly MAC shadows, but I don’t find them all that pricey.
I can save on Mascara (maybelline) and eyeliner (revlon colorstay). Lipgloss, I’m 50/50. I don’t notice a huge difference between drugstore and department store brands.
ANd re: the shirt…I like peplum, but I’m not liking that print. I think it’s messy looking.
Sydney Bristow
I love my Smashbox primer too. In general, I buy expensive makeup and nice brushes, which is ridiculous since I rarely wear makeup at all.
Equity's Darling
Hmmm, I’ve been looking for a lash curler for a while, maybe I should pick up the SU one…
Sydney Bristow
Oohh on that topic, Sephora used to carry a narrow lash curler that I loved but the squishy part fell out when I was traveling and I lost it. I cannot find anything like it anymore. It was almost flat across and about a third as wide as the regular lash curlers that are curved and grab all your lashes at once. It was perfect because I always seem to pinch my eyelid using the regular ones. Has anyone seen anything like that recently?
Anonymous
I believe you’re referencing the Shu Uemura mini eyelash curler (its the only one I’ve ever seen thats tiny and flat like that)
I think they may have discontinued it so I’d hunt amazon or ebay in hopes of finding a new one (its not on the Shu Uemura website)
Sydney Bristow
Thanks! I’m pretty sure the one I bought was Sephora’s own brand, but they discontinued it too. I’ll start the hunt for the Shu Uemura one.
Ellen
Great pick, Kat! This is a great deal for FRUEGEL FRIDAY’s! Yay! That’s why I love Fruegel Friday’s!
I do NOT have a thread jack, but did wonder if the hive has ever expereinced a situation where they were workeing with a senior attoreney who was NOT ever goeing to be a partner, and she got very jealeous of a younger FEMALE associate who was bieng considered for partner by their firm.
I am in this situeation now, and have alway’s been nice to this woman, but all of a sudden, she is NOT freindley to me any more and I think its’ because the Manageing partner want’s me to be a partner. I do NOT understand why this is the reason.
David keep’s texting me and now he want’s me to go with him to a show on Broadway. I am NOT a big broadway person — I perfer to watch movies on PPV or DVD right in my apartement. This way I do NOT have to sit where some one else may have dropped food, or worse yet, peeed in the seeat. That hapened the last time I went to the movie’s and it was GROSS!
Myrna is askeing about Robert, and I did tell her the truth about his dirty wisk broom mustach. I do NOT want to ever have that tickeleing me. She agreed. She also think’s I should try it out with David again, even tho he was playeing the religion card with Dad. Dad does like him but I think it is ONLEY b/c he wants me MARRIED now. I do also b/c of Grandma Leyeh and her $50000 gift, but I also must be pregnent very soon (YAY), and MARRIED (FOOEY).
I think if I have to I will do the invitro thing b/c the thought of a Robert in bed with his dirty mustach is more then I can stomack. DOUBEL FOOEY! Happy weekend to the HIVE! I will be eateing Deli this weekend! Yay!
Exercise tank?
I am seeing a lot of people wearing exercise tanks. I like the streamlined look (which would encourge me work on my posture), but the one I tried had a lot of headlight show-through even though it had a built-in bra. Headlights are a problem with me (I am usually sports-bra + shirt person, but with drapey thin shirts it’s also a problem). Has anyone got a headlight-defeating option? FWIW, I am a 30D, which doesn’t have a lot of options usually.
TheoSTL
I wear the same size… First of all, the built-in bra thing never works for me, so I have no suggestions there. I feel that they are not normally supportive enough for anything aside for yoga, which limits their usefulness. Most of my sports bras are by Moving Comfort, and some of the models have molded cups, which generally fixes the headlights for me.
Anonymous
Agreed. 32DDD here, and Moving Comfort are the very best.
Anonymous
Agreed. 32DDD here, and Moving Comfort is the absolute best.
springtime
Thirded. Juno is the best for large chests right?
Portlandian
I’m a huge fan of the Fiona model (Moving Comfort) for no bounce or headlights–I’m a 38DD who used to wear 3 bras to go for a run–but it’s only good if you are ok with uni-boob. :)
goirishkj
34 D/DD (depending on the bra style) and I like both Juno and Fiona. I think I prefer Juno now because the back is such that I could wear it with racer bank tanks. Plus it is better at battling headlights. Fiona is also comfy though.
Anybody have suggestions for 34H though? I am two months postpartum and not nursing and my b***s aren’t going down. My mom says hers never went down after pregnancy. I know there’s Enell but any other suggestions from the large of chest? Moving Comfort doesn’t go up that far which makes me a little sad.
hoola hoopa
For 34H, try Panache sports bras, available at Nordstoms and others.
Another vote for Moving Comfort. I have the Jubralee in 32E. It’s more uni-b00b than I’d like, but it’s comfortable, bounce-free, headlight-free, and cute.
Calibrachoa
42K here (and no that is not a typo.. unfortunately…) and I swear by Enell – those things are amazing, although they can be a bit uniboob-y
Matilda
A question on Moving Comfort bras: I was a HUGE adherent to the Fiona, and used it for all my half and full marathons and trainings…until I trained for my most recent marathon, and found that the ribbed band tore up the skin in the middle of my chest. (And yes, it hurt exactly as badly as it sounds like it would.) I had the problem with both new Fionas and my older broken-in ones. So I’m looking to switch up my bra model. Are there good Moving Comfort bras, especially that the runners here like, which don’t have the ribbing on the band?
Anonnc
I, too, have always battled headlights. I have an exercise tank from Lululemon that has removable bra cup linings (kind of like some bikinis). I’ve only washed it a few times at this point, but I’ve found the linings prevent show-through. I’m a tall 36C/38B though, so I don’t know if you would be able to find a tank small enough for your ribcage with a cup size that would work for you.
On the sports bra side, Target carries a line of Champion sports bras that have built in liners that are sort of like seperate cups without underwire. I find them to be really comfortable and easy to wash while still keeping me modest at the gym.
Lululemon
Is it me, or does their logo look like a uterus?
Maybe I’ve been at the OB’s too much lately.
mascot
Bezi Bra Discs are amazing. They fit in pretty much any bra, stay in place and you can’t see the outline of them like you do with some of the other types of petals. With daily wear and regular washing, I have had a pair last for a year.
You can find them on Amazon.
Anonymous
Are we talking for actual working out? I just let my nipples do whatever they feel like.
OP
Unfortunately, I live in a small city where everyone (co-workers, clients, neighbors) goes to 1 of 2 gyms and our pool / tennis facility. So I’m OK with looking sweaty and workout-y and not in office attire, but not wanting to share my headlights with people I will be seeing again and again and again.
I’ve been told that this can become a greater issue post-nursing; pre-nursing, either it wasn’t a problem or I didn’t look in the mirrors closely enough or I didn’t care.
saacnmama
Have you tried the ones at Sahali? My sister has a bigger rib cage than you, but wears the same cup size. She had never been able to wear a tank with a built-in bra til I got her one of theirs last year.
Bonnie
Athleta’s energy tank has extra coverage to prevent headlights. I also find it supportive enough as a DD to run. http://athleta.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=84143&vid=1&pid=201872112
Anon
I have a couple from Brooks that have pretty thick coverage.
little b
I have the same problem so I always wear a sports bra, even under tank tops. Panache brand works best for me. Even if the top of the bra and straps show underneath the tank it is ok since it just looks like wearing a tank under a tank. Nordstrom sometimes carries the brand but Her Room and Bare Necessities have a better selection.
Anonymous
I have the same problem. Go to Target’s website and search for Gel Petals.
WJM-TV
Why, oh why, isn’t that striped cityscape dress available in petite? Argh.
lawsuited
Buy it and tailor it if you love it?
Equity's Darling
I wonder whether it would tailor well because of the pattern on the bottom? I’m just chapped that it doesn’t ship to Canada…I need to find another retailer around the same price that will send me the dress.
momentsofabsurdity
I love that Rebecca Taylor jacket. Here’s hoping I can find a Forever21 priced knockoff!
kiki
if you find one, please post! i love it too and have the same budget :)
6 weeks off
I was laid off from my firm earlier this year and have been offered a position (yay!) that will not start until 6 weeks or so after my last day at the firm (at the end of this month). The new position is a big pay cut, so funds are tight, but I am looking for ideas of what to do for those 6 weeks, with the additional caveat that I have commitments on the first and fourth weekends that require me to be on the east coast (near where I live).
I’ve spent most of the year so far job searching/being at home and I am starting to crawl the walls, so my inclination is to do some travel. I’m thinking about:
1. some kind of retreat (probably more on the rustic/outdoorsy side of things–I’d love a fancy spa retreat but it’s cost prohibitive) where I could rejuvenate/relax/have some phsyical activity (not looking for a strong religious/spiritual component, but an element of that would be OK).
2. volunteering. My hunch is that it is too short a period for an organization to want to train me, but has anyone had any success with something similiar?
3. independent travel–but I’m looking for something more relaxing than adventurous. If I had the whole six week stretch I’d take myself to asia and do the cheap beach vacation, but maybe someplace in central america (I’ve done Costa Rica twice and really enjoyed it).
Other ideas? I’d love to hear what others have done in this situation!
Thanks!
Cb
No advice (I took 6 weeks off between work and grad school and ended up with 2 temp jobs for the duration) but wanted to chime in with a congrats on the new job!
Traveler
You can combine all three with a trip to Mexico. Since you’re on the east coast, something in the Yucatan would be a shorter flight, but there are lots of opportunities on the Pacific Coast. A warning about Mexico though – every time I go I’m astonished by how much more expensive it was compared to the previous trip, so it ain’t cheap.
locomotive
congrats on the new job! I traveled to Belize as a college student a few years ago and it has much of what Costa Rica has (sand! beaches! gorgeous scenery and nature-y activities!), but is MUCH cheaper.
wwoof
Check out world wide organic farms. WWOOF. Its basically a match site where people sign up to volunteer at organic farms for some period of time in exchange for room and board. I have a friend who has traveled all over the world doing this while on breaks from his undergrad/phd program. Terms of service/accommodation depend on each farm but it would be a great way to find a place to stay somewhere for cheap and volunteer while getting to explore the surrounding area. I would head somewhere for 4 weeks, stay at the farm during the week and take cool weekend trips to places that are near by.
Have fun!
X
Oof, WWOOF programs in the US make me itchy, they are so illegal (unless they’re treating workers as employees: filling out w-4s, withholding for state & federal tax, providing food and shelter worth at least minimum wage?). Illegal for the farm (if it’s for-profit), not for the volunteer, though, so feel free to go for it if you want. :)
wwoof
Genuine question – why would a volunteer program like this be illegal? i am aware of many similarly structured volunteer programs and do not believe them to be illegal (disclaimer – i am so not a labor lawyer). For example the red cross provided free housing to thousands of volunteers who came down to the gulf states after the hurricane. This is a fairly common volunteer structure after disasters. Is there some singular farm carve out where they can’t have volunteers there?
Mpls
Maybe because it’s a for profit entity? I’m thinking Red Cross is a registered non-profit. It’s more expected for non-profits to have volunteers. It’s way fishier to have a for profit company with volunteers – major tax implications.
wwoof
Mpls – that could be. I’ve read some of the articles on the similar issues raised with unpaid internships. I wonder then if X has similarly strong negative feelings for the many companies out there that offer unpaid internships.
Anonymous
I’m just coming off a six week layoff and thought about asking the hive the same thing.
What I did:
– cleaned and organized the house, files, hard drives, etc.
– had lunch the networking contacts and old friends
– updated resume and L’dIn just in case
– learned a new sport
I wish I’d used the time to get in better shape and clean up my diet, but too late now.
Congrats and good luck!
Matilda
Ooo, what sport?
Anonymous
Skiing — six weeks was perfect timing.
saacnmama
There are several yoga places in Western NC/Eastern Tenn mountains that offer retreats. You could pair one of them with volunteering in Atlanta (or with something in Appalachia). And there are plenty of mountains, streams, etc to hike around there. REI offers a trip, but you could just go do it. Maybe even hike a stretch of the Appalachian Trail, if being able to put your accomplishment into numbers matters to you.
A-non
could you spend some time with lawyers without borders? I don’t know the process for applying and getting accepted into a program like that, but if its relatively cheap and quick you could go for a couple of weeks?
Judith Rosenberg
My 28-year-old daughter just spent 10 days in Cambodia, relaxing at the beach, getting inexpensive massages, and sightseeing at Angkor Wat, etc. Safe and very cheap, once you get there.
kiki
I had a few weeks between jobs a few years ago, and very limited funds. I joined a local yoga studio – got a one month pass and went nearly every day. Even though I was not in a different location, just doing that made me feel renewed, grateful, and happy to have that in my life. Drove to local parks that I normally don’t spend much time at, made an effort to have lots of dinners/lunches/breakfasts with friends and family (often at their house or inviting them over to mine to save $$). If I had more time I’d probably have done a long weekend at the ocean – I’m on the east coast and would have chosen cape cod – even though it’s not going to be 80 degrees, there is something really beautiful about the off season.
WHatever you do, enjoy!
LeChouette
Any advice for getting over new job jitters? I was hired for my dream job, but won’t be starting for a few months, and am still at my law firm in the meantime. I am excited but getting increasingly apprehensive — both that leaving my firm is a mistake, and that I will fall flat on my face at my new job and not be able to keep up with the level of intensity etc. So far these anxious feelings have been increasing in intensity to the point that occasionally I wonder if I should just rescind my acceptance (which is crazy). But, as I’ve got months to go, would appreciate advice on how to stop second guessing and be brave!
NYC
Read “Lean In.”
(Congrats!!)
goldribbons
Agreed on reading Lean In. Also read The Defining Decade. Congratulations on the job!
CKB
First, congrats on the new job!
As for the jitters, what about figuring out the areas you think you are deficient in and do some self study in those areas to boost your confidence. But keep in mind that the new company obviously feels you can do the job if they hired you. For example, I recently hired someone for my team that comes from a different background than what my company is, but since his background was similar to mine before moving to this industry, I knew he had the skills & foundation knowledge to do the job I hired him for, even though I don’t think he believed me. And 6 months later he’s doing a great job. Sure he needed some training and support, but any new employee is going to need at least a little bit of that.
lawsuited
PSA: The Payless Karmen pumps are now available in Navy and Magenta.
I just picked up both colours – the pink is especially gorgeous, particularly with the black ankle-pant suit and black-and-white houndstooth blouse I’m wearing today!
Susie
Your outfit sounds great, and right in my wheelhouse. I tend to not wear a lot of bright colors but am trying to incorporate at least one small pop of color. I don’t suppose they’re having a BOGO??
NDR
They are!
lawsuited
The Karmen pumps may not qualify for BOGO (they don’t at stores in Canada) but I just signed up for their email coupons and got a coupon for 20% off. (I figure BOGO gets you 25% off maximum so 20% off is still pretty good!)
Leslie
I just recently discovered that Payless actually had some cute shoes. Are the Karmen pumps good? They look nice, but do they feel nice?
Sydney Bristow
They are super comfortable. Pretty much the best money I’ve ever spent on shoes.
lawsuited
I have a closet full of expensive pumps, and the Payless Karmen pumps are the only ones I can wear happily 12 hours per day, 5 days per week while walking to and from the courthouse without blistering, cramping, etc.
And they’re cheap – go figure!
TO Lawyer
Hmm… I’m tempted to try these now…
lawsuited
For $24, they are really worth trying – I have already bought a back-up pair of black patent and nude-for-me patent in case they stop making them. Bonus – the “patent” is impervious to the awful rain we are having in TO right now!
Letter of recommendation question
I’ve been working for a few years and would like to begin applying for clerkships. I have letters of recommendation from professors, but think that I also need letters from some of the partners I’ve been working with. My top choice for a recommender is unavailable for the next few weeks, so I can’t ask him. I have a second choice, but I recently worked with him on something where I apparently just completely misread a case and was citing it for the wrong proposition. He seemed fine when he gave me this feedback (not pleased, obviously, but also not like he thought I was a complete idiot), but I’m now nervous about asking him for a recommendation, since I feel like this is a huge mark against me. Should I just suck it up and ask him, or wait a few more weeks for my top choice?
Anon in sf
I would wait a few weeks for the better recommendation. I don’t know what kind of clerkship you are applying to, or in what region, but federal clerkships almost anywhere are very very competitive, and your recs will need to be glowing to be considered. This is especially true for the one from your firm. Judges will want to make sure that you aren’t just looking to clerk because you couldn’t hack it.
To the anon worried about moving up North
I have a friend who just moved to the Arctic circle for a legal job. If you want any input from me based on what she’s told me, let me know and I’ll post a quick summary for you.
Anonymous
Very interesting. Canada or US? Or other?
To the anon worried about moving up North
Canada- Cambridge Bay. Wouldn’t be surprised if you were applying for a job posting I saw recently ;) .
Anonymous
I ended up pulling out this morning and feel pretty good about the decision. I have visited Yellowknife for work before (whoever guessed that was spot on) and do want to go up there but I was realizing that selling/renting out my condo would’ve been a lot of stress, along with some commitments on my current city making my feel like i need to ne there a while longer, but will work on getting my ducks in a row to b e able to take the plunge at a later date.
I think I’ve seen that job posting for Cambrdige Bay as well – good on your friend for going, hope she likes flying by Dash 8!
I do really appreciate all the input offered! That and recently reading ‘Lean in’ has me convinced I need to put on my big girl panties and make some sort of move (even if not physical) soon.
Anonymous
I’m guessing you’re going for either mining or government?
The good: You make huge money. If you’re even slightly intelligent they’ll put you in charge of something and promote you higher every year. You can party like you’re in college every night. Tax breaks.
The bad: Extreme racism and sexism. Boredom. Darkness in the winter. Alcoholism and drug abuse on a scale you cannot imagine. Cold like you would not believe possible. Your children may not adapt well if they’re bright and enjoy school and you may not want them to sleep over at their schoolmates’ homes. Not likely to meet anyone you’d want to be married to or involved with. Your actual skills will likely atrophy because there’s a lack of skilled, educated people to work and network with which makes it tough to get a job in the south afterwards. It’s one of the most corrupt places in Canada to do business.
HTH.
And it is incredibly expensive. Worse then NYC.
springtime
Two friend and I want to plan a trip together. We all live in different cities (one in TX, the rest in the NE), so we thought it would be fun to meet up for vacation where none of us have been before.
The plan is for around 4 days. We are pretty open, but this will likely be in the summer so nowhere too hot. Thoughts?
goldribbons
My friends and I are trying to do something similar, and we have a similar situation with looking for a mid-country meet up. My thoughts so far (since it’ll be summer): Chicago, Minneapolis, anywhere in Northern Michigan that isn’t too difficult to get to, Niagara Falls, or Nashville. I’ve heard fantastic things about Nashville but it might be too warm for you this summer. Also, you could check out the explore feature on kayak (kayak [dot] com [slash] explore) to see what other options there might be.
springtime
Chicago was on my list. Or maybe San Fran?
Niagara Falls- I’ve been there countless times. It’s worth it but not a 4 day trip. If you go, cross the border and go to some of the wineries in Canada for a day or two.
Anon
Cisco. San Francisco. Not San Fran.
Anonymous
Boulder.
Anonymous
Good choice, lots to do in Boulder and it is a short (40 minutes) drive from the Denver airport.
Anonymous
Agreed. It’s beautiful in the summer!
locomotive
It will be hot in most places. I think great cities for 4 days are Chicago, San Francisco, Seattle, Portland, Vancouver (likely cooler there in the Pac NW, so that’s a thought?).
Abby Lockhart
Door County, WI. I know Wisconsin sounds like a strange recommendation, but it really is beautiful but not terribly hot in the summer and has a lot of wonderful little towns on the lake.
Anonymous
Flights into Green Bay can get pricey, though…
Praxidike
I second this. Door County is great. And if you want you can fly into Madison, stay one night there (either upon arrival or departure) and coordinate it with the Saturday morning farmer’s market.
Abby Lockhart
Yes! Rent a car, spend Friday in Madison, load up at the Farmer’s Market on Saturday morning, and head up to Door County for the weekend.
Lady Harriet
Totally agreed! I lived my whole life in Madison until last year, and it’s really nice in the summer most years. I would recommend looking around the Capitol a little bit too–the building is really nice, and the farmer’s market is on the Square around it. Door County is gorgeous. I only wish I’d seen more of it when I still lived in the state.
Also, PSA for any ladies in the Madison area, if you need to get fitted for a bra you should go to Professional Garment Center on University Ave, near the hospital. You’d never know it was there if you weren’t looking for it, but it’s absolutely worth checking out. It’s run by a mother and daughter (and was founded by the grandmother.) Even though I live in another state, half my reason for still visiting Madison is to go there and buy new bras. Their prices are decent, too, so I can spend the same amount as I would buying bras online, but I know they’ll actually fit without having to mail anything back.
k-padi
Door County is beautiful. If you are OK driving from Madison, it’s about the same distance-wise as driving from Chicago (about 4 hours). So you can also fly into O’Hare and drive. I’d probably do that, myself.
gov anon
I third Door County and driving from either Madison or Chicago. You’ll want the car for getting around the peninsula. And definitely make sure to go to a fish boil
Kanye East
Jackson Hole.
Brooklyn, Esq.
Asheville, NC. Great food, lots of fun stuff to do in town; beautiful hiking outside of town.
Veronique
Love this top! I’m still into peplums, but would not pay over $50 because they are so trendy.
How do you search this site’s comments? I tried a google search restricted to just the website, but it still only searched the posts.
mascot
I don’t know of a way to search just the comments where individual comments are returned as results. With a site seearch, the results list covers the commentary, but you still have to search within that post to find the exact comment you are looking for.
Veronique
Thanks!
Jules
As I recall, you put “comments” in the search query. Something like “corpor*tte: comments AND peplum.”
Paging Oops I'm Pregnant from yesterday
This is goirishkj. I just saw your comment from yesterday. You got some really great advice, but I went through some of the same things (MRI and Class B meds) during my recent pregnancy so I wanted to add my thoughts.
First and most importantly, congrats.
My story–the month I started trying, I was also dealing with sports injuries (hip and foot pain in the same leg after attempting a marathon.) I figured that NO ONE ever gets pregnant the first month and so I went ahead and had an MRI on my foot and then had hip xrays and an MRI with contrast on that hip as well. Looking at the calendar, I was about 7 days pregnant with my daughter at the time of the hip xrays/MRI. Was it ideal? Certainly not, and I wouldn’t have done it if I had known I was pregnant, but I wasn’t even close to being late so it wasn’t like I could test. Admittedly, I was worried during my pregnancy despite assurances from multiple doctors (including a high risk OB that I saw due to other health issues totally unrelated to the MRI/xrays) that my daughter would be fine. She’s now a healthy two month old who has (so far) met her developmental milestones.
Also, I took Class B meds throughout pregnancy. I have ulcerative colitis and without the meds, the disease acts up which is not good for a baby. I also had to take a blood thinner because I have a history of blood clots. Again, ideally I would have a body that works without any medicines, but that’s not my reality. See the part above about a healthy baby :)
As for the people saying stupid things about drinking, unfortunately people are morons. I think that most people really do mean well, but there is something about a pregnant woman that causes filters to disappear. Other people are wittier than I am and if you have the personality, certainly zing away with full snarkiness. I was never that good at zingers so when people said stupid things I usually just asked if they were my doctor. Usually that quieted the offender for at least a few minutes!
Anon
I wasn’t able to chime in yesterday, but re: drinking & not knowing you’re pregnant: I similarly didn’t think it would be a go our first month of TTY, and continued my life as usual. In particular I went to an old friend’s wedding and had a usual wedding day–steady drinking from about 6 p.m. until we shut down a bar at about 2 a.m. (I was by no means tanked, drank lots of water, etc., but for sure there were several c*cktails and beers).
Anyhoo, next weekend/week I found out was knocked up and promptly freaked out that I’d done horrible damage to the kid with all my nuptial-celebrating. I made my husband call up his old friend who was an OBGYN (because I was too embarrassed to ask my own doctor) and grill him about what effects my imbibing would/could have.
His totally comforting answer: it takes “repeated insult to the fetus” for problems to manifest. Not that you should be out there throwing back drinks on the regular when gestating, but for the totally typical situation of drinking before you know you’re expecting, it’s not a big problem. I also had the occasional half glass of wine later on (second/third trimester) (and let’s be honest: by third trimester my size was so great that I’d have to drink A LOT before it would be sufficient to make a BAL dent).
And I’m happy to report I have an ace 4-year-old today who is (in my own humble opinion) totally amazing. So as for the drinking angle of the query–take a deep breath, and don’t worry. Big congrats for you and your SO.
anonanana
I did not chime in yesterday either, but have a similar story to tell. i got pregnant after my first month of TTC. I was on a 2-week family trip that included drinking daily and a 2 day visit to the wineries. I got what I thought was my period w/in the first day or two. Turns out, it was break through bleeding. I took a pregnancy test the day we retuned home because I just had a weird “feeling” and it was positive. When I went to the dr. the next day (because of the continued bleeding and it being my first pregnancy and all), i was 6 weeks pregnant. Lets just say the amount of alcohol consumed on that trip was not minimal. Obviously that was my last drink until well after he was born.
My son is turning 6 on Tuesday. He has ADHD, but is otherwise a very healthy, albeit overactive, little boy. He is super smart, and I have never seen anything suggesting that ADHD could be linked to that.
Anonymous
Thanks for the reassurance. I’m just so worried because the MRI was at 3 months and the drinking continued until week 20. So embarrassing. I know effects are unlikely, but it’s still a huge guilt trip for me.
lawsuited
Weird Recruitment TJ – My boutique firm is looking to hire a new call or young associate, and I have been roped into the recruitment efforts. We have advertised the position, but management would prefer to interview/hire someone we “know”.
As a young associate myself, I have lots of young associates and new calls connected or recommended as contacts (because they are alumni of my law school) on my LinkedIn profile. Is there anyway to search or otherwise use my LinkedIn profile to identify people who are looking for a position? Most people seem to word their profile to imply that they are employed, and I don’t want to offend anyone who is employed by suggesting they work for my firm instead!
Any ideas on how I could use my other social networks to reach out to people who might be interested in the position without appearing strange?
Anonymous
People are not, as a general rule, offended by the suggestion that you would like them to work for you :)
Suzer
I’m not in law, and not actively looking for a job, but I wouldn’t be offended by someone approaching me with an opportunity. Even when I am looking, I wouldn’t put that in my profile because I wouldn’t want my employer to know.
Brant
It’s not weird to reach out to your connections (employed or otherwise) and let them know your firm is hiring. You can word the note something like, “our firm is looking to hire and thought you’d be a great fit–if you have any interest, or know anyone that does, let me know!”
If they’re not interested, they will simply mentally thank you for thinking of them and move on. I get notes like this all the time. i’m happily employed and not looking to move, but I never feel insulted. Every once in a while I even know someone who is looking and can pass along the info.
Another option would be to post a “we’re hiring!” note on linkedin, and those interested can reach out to you directly.
saacnmama
I’m not clear from your post if you could reach out to individual LinkedIn contacts, or if there are just too many to do that. I’d think you could put the ad up, or just update your activity with whatever your title is in the search, with a very brief comment (short enough to show up in the notification people get) about what you’re hiring for.
Sydney Bristow
Unless you’re really close withy someone, its hard to know whether they are actually looking for a new job based only on their LinkedIn profile. Many people don’t update them to show they are actively looking unless they are already unemployed because they don’t want their current employer to know.
If you have contacts who you think would be a particularly good fit for your firm, I wouldn’t hesitate to reach out and just let them know your firm is looking to hire. I can’t imagine anyone would be upset by that even if they aren’t at all interested in leaving their current job. I’ll bet you also contact some people who would love to find something new.
Anon for this post
I work in a fundraising position for a large university. I took my current job (which I am somewhat over-qualified for) because DH and I relocated here for his PhD program (he left consulting), and we were rapidly approaching the deadline for needing income.
Fast forward 6 months, I’m (privately cruising and under worked) but publicly kicking a** and building a great name for myself across the U. Two schools (one Public Health, the other Law) have quietly been courting/recruiting me for positions in their individual offices. Even though my current job is easy and no stress, my boss is passive-aggressive and I’d like to move elsewhere within the U.
Public Health built a position as Director of Communications off my resume and has essentially guaranteed me the position. (I came from an Ivy League school of Public Health and have an MS in Comm). During my original job search, I was a finalist for a position at the Law school, but lost out to an internal candidate. I did, however, impress them and make some new friends. Now they have a fundraising position open that I have been encouraged to apply for (this is a hot job, so more competition = less certainty I’d get it).
I’m probably going to apply for both, but I’d love to hear from some ladies on this specific point: DH and I are actively trying to have kids. Part of me feels like this is my moment to “lean out” and take a less-stressful job for less pay; the other part of me feels like living almost paycheck to paycheck *is* stressful, so having more income would be better, specifically with the added expense of kid(s).
Neither job offers any amount of flexibility in terms of time or remote work (I’ve already been told, “We just don’t do that here”) and its highly unlikely I’d be able to negotiate on that point or for a paid maternity leave. Law does require some regional/state travel, which normally I’d love, but again, I’m unsure how I would feel about this as a working mom.
Any insights to this rambling post would be much appreciated. I include a brief pro/con list below:
Positives for Public Health:
I prefer to work in communications
Close enough to walk to work
Nice supervisor
I genuinely enjoy/am knowledgeable about Public Health
Negatives for Public Health:
Small pay raise (~$5k) for LOTS more work then my current job
Positives for Law:
Big pay raise (~$20k)
Fun team
Negatives for Law:
Seriously ambitious fundraising goals
High stress
saacnmama
You aren’t pregnant yet.
How far along is your husband/when will he finish/where do you plan to live after that?
Anon for this post
This job would be for, at most, 5 years (when he will graduate with his PhD and we move).
We’d ideally like to have one kid now and perhaps a second right before we move.
c
$hit is about to hit the fan for law schools–this ship is sinking!
I would do the public health.
counterpoint
If this is one of the more competitive law schools nationally, or a very solid state/regional school, then I don’t think this is a huge worry. Funds may be a little tighter (which means fundraisers may be busier), but these kinds of places are unlikely to go out of business.
Lululemon
It depends on law — if it’s up to a T15 school (or maybe a lesser-ranked school that is the big popular law school for where you live — think of Tennessee if you’re in Tennessee, etc.), I think it’s safe. But you couldn’t pay me to take a travel-frequently job with small children (esp. if you will be lugging the pump with you).
Cat
To add another layer of consideration:
Law schools are not exactly in the public favor right now. Lots of pressure to keep tuition under control, lots of resentment from recent grads, etc. I can’t imagine that wouldn’t have some effect on the work environment/pressure/having to be sensitive but produce results anyway, even at highly rated schools. I went to an Ivy law school and graduated in 2008 with $170K of debt (from law school alone). Even though I’m in biglaw and paid it off last summer, the last thing I want to do with my money is give MORE of it to the school. Thanks, but I “donated” enough. (Sorry, OP, just an example of a common attitude among my peers…)
Cat
or, just see c’s comment above, which is much more succinct!
Anon for this post
OP here: I do know my industry (fundraising) so I’m not concerned with the financial viability of the job itself. It is a similar situation to the Tennessee scenario Lululemon referenced, and we use sophisticated research methods to determine who to ask for a $25k+ gift (meaning, not recent grads, for all the reasons mentioned above). In a nutshell, I’m not worried that there won’t be any funds to raise, and I’ll be out of a job…
What I don’t know is how to juggle a future (and hopefully, imminent) pregnancy and (future) kid(s) with working full time, and if there are considerations (other than flex/remote work) that I should be thinking about to make it manageable. I’d appreciate hearing any more insights about that.
NYC
I commented below, but I think the most important thing is to have a job you actually enjoy.
A short commute would also be great. Makes such a difference in how much time you get with the baby, before and after work. If you are really close, could also have your childcare provider bring the baby by the office, or run home to breastfeed (if you go that route).
Anon
Agreed- I am one of the lucky few from my law class (from a mid T50 school) that is employed as a lawyer (BigLaw for me). I have $100k of debt to pay for law school, and get irked every time I get the “donate to the law school!” letter telling me how great they are. It worked out for me, but they’re not getting another dime until I pay off what I’ve already given them, and even then its iffy. I can’t imagine trying to fund raise from the last few classes where it was a truly bad investment for so many.
hoola hoopa
As a professional, I reacted to the way that you describe greater interest in and fit with the PH job. As a working mom of small children, I reacted to the PH pro “close to home” and the Law con “high stress.”
Mighty Mouse
This!
Mom in PH Comm
+2
CKB
I don’t want to be a downer, but you aren’t pregnant yet, and once you get pregnant there’s no guarantee you’ll stay that way. I had 3 m/c and it was 3.5 years after I first got pg before I had my oldest son. Bil & sil had 2 pg, multiple fertility treatments, and ended up adopting 8 years after they first started trying.
Of course, I know tons & tons of people that these types of things didn’t happen to, but there’s no guarantee that you are one of them (although odds are small). So, take the position that would benefit your career most in the long run, that you would enjoy the most and deal with your family situation when it happens.
saacnmama
++++++++++++++
meme
I don’t really understand this philosophy. Odds are high that you’ll conceive within a year if you are trying and otherwise healthy and of childbearing age. Of course it’s no guarantee and things can certainly go wrong (I had 2 miscarriages myself). But as overachieving ladies we plan for everything, and consider contingencies to the extent possible. Why not take this possibility into account? Especially in this economy where it’s not clear that you can easily find something more flexible later when you are certain that you’re pregnant. I would, at the very least, take the pregnancy plans into account and not just ignore them.
saacnmama
For me, I guess it’s because not much about parenting has gone the way I expected it to anyway. Had I set up a life based on the way I *thought* it would be, I would have had to make changes anyway. Might as well charge ahead earning $$ and then make the necessary changes once you see what changes are actually necessary.
PhD programs don’t always work out the way one expects either. Some fields overproduce PhDs so work is hard to find, some dissertations take longer than you think, some people start thinking about things really differently during the program. So that part of the plan isn’t certain either.
Having one of the other jobs wouldn’t preclude pregnancy or PhD, either.
Anon for this post OP
saacnmama: I’m intrigued by your statement that “not much about parenting has gone the way I expected it to” – can you elaborate? What kind of changes did you make that you didn’t expect? Time? Money? Priorities? I’d love to hear more, as I think this could be helpful for me. Thanks.
KA
This. This. This. I just finished Lean In, and while parts of it really annoyed me, I’m absolutely compelled by the idea that you don’t make decisions based on long-term hypotheticals.
Anon
But isn’t there a difference between not making decisions based on long term hypotheticals, and weighing all the factors of what is important to you (personally AND professionally) in the very-near future?
I see an important distinction between a 24 year old single childless women without a boyfriend making a job choice based on wanting to start a family, and the OP (who is actively trying to conceive).
KA
There *may* be a difference, but I think what’s really helpful about Sandberg’s book is that she’s pointing out that you don’t know how big the difference will be when you’re there, and how much you can negotiate from your bosses if and when the difference manifests itself. And the problem with taking the most-cautious position is that you close off a lot of examples.
(To give an example, I am the mom of two who took a hugely more-demanding promotion when my younger kid was 6 months old, and while the first six months of figuring out the new job were really tough, it’s been [six years later]*much* more manageable than I might hypothetically have thought it would be were I more of a planner. I’ve just taken a *second* promotion, and I’m confident that had I not taken the first risk 6 years ago I wouldn’t be in that position. )
TL, dr — upshot is that she’s saying don’t assume you can’t take on more with a kid when you haven’t tried it, and I think there’s good sense in that advice.
saacnmama
OP, feel free to write to me at hotmail, same handle as here. I think you want KA’s further advice too.
CKB
I know a few people who expected something to happen (kids, marriage, etc), and made decisions based on that happening, and then life didn’t turn out the way they thought & they were stuck in career paths that the wouldn’t have been if they had known things weren’t going to work out the way they expected to. I’m trying to save others from that fate. I know we’re all big planners, but it’s good to be flexible and have a plan B for those things we have little control over. Those things that drive us, as planners, crazy!
I sincerely hope the OP doesn’t have any of those issues happen to her.
NYC
I think you should pick the job you are most excited about doing. It doesn’t seem that the pay is all that different, or at least not different enough to justify one over the other. I would pick something in the field you are most interested in, since it is more likely to lead to more jobs in that field, down the line. I would not stay in the easier (current) job just because you think it will be better with kids. You are more likely to get through the first bit of being a working mom if you actually enjoy your job.
You use the “lean out” term, but have you read the book? I think it might fire you up, and help you think through what job you are more excited about and whether you should be making your choice based on the hypothetical (and probably real) babies in your future.
Anon for this post
Thanks, NYC – I’ll make plans to read it ASAP.
My understanding of leaning in/out was that one shouldn’t take a less demanding job (for lack of a better word) right out of undergrad, for example, just because you want to have kids 5, 7, 10 years down the road. You’re too far away from the goal at that point. In contrast, my hubby and I are ready for a positive pg test any day, so while the future kids are indeed hypothetical, they aren’t too far down the road (barring any unforeseen fertility problems, of course).
It’s being in this grey area that makes a natural planner like myself so nut-so and eager for others’ advice.
NYC
When you got your masters, how did you dream of using it? If the communications job is it (which I’m guessing it has to be close, since your masters is in communications), then take it! Don’t choose the job that you think will be easier to manage when your interests are elsewhere. Choose the job you are interested in. Because if you are interested in it, everything will be easier to manage. I hope that makes sense.
I am only a few chapters in, and am very excited about the book, which is why I am telling everyone under the sun to read it (and sending it to all my friends). I think she is discouraging us from “leaning out” at any point, up until that baby is here and you know for a fact you want/need to lay off the gas pedal. I think she is telling us not to internalize all those messages that you can’t be a happy and successful working mother unless you compromise your professional goals. You want to have as many open doors as possible, and I think having a job that you want and are passionate about is a huge part of that.
I think those messages are more pervasive than I originally thought. While I was pregnant, I believed that it was possible that once the baby arrived I might really want to throw away every thing I have worked for over the past 10 years (and dreamed of doing over the next 20). Not because any part of me was telling me that would be the case, but because all of the messages that were being sent my way were that I had no idea what was coming, or how I would react to it. Maybe that is how it goes for some people, but maybe some people are like me: they have a career they worked hard for, they had a baby who they worship, and they still want to go back to work!
This is all my way of coming back to the fact of the three options you present, I think you should take the one you are most excited about. Not because of money or prestige, but the one that is going to get you excited about your future, your work, your career, and your body of knowledge.
Another fundraiser
First of all, I could have written the first half of your post about being over-qualified, privately cruising but publicly kicking butt…. Just made me laugh!
As for the job question. You may already know this since you work in development, but from my experience, it is not always easy to do fundraising at a law school. Most lawyers are stingy with their money and/or don’t have loads of cash sitting around for major gifts. Could be a stressful position if your goal is very high.
The university I work at has a top 20 law school, and they are significantly behind their current fundraising goals (the law school, not the university as a whole).
Anon for this post
Being “under worked and cruising” is evidenced by my time available to read and post on this site….
Glad a added a laugh to your day. =) Thanks for the insight re: law development.
Midwest Transplan
Did anyone see this first question in the NYTimes advice column? http://www.nytimes.com/2013/04/14/fashion/take-the-long-view.html?ref=fashion
I was so surprised by this guy’s reaction to not getting the promotion, but thought the response was great.
Anonymous
I am not surprised by the employee’s reaction. For one, it’s frustrating and painful to be given the impression that you’re next in line for a promotion and then be passed up regardless of the reason or who is selected. More so, I’ve been that woman and seen the reaction from older men. Honestly, I even checked the initials to see if it was someone who recently made a similar claim regarding a recent promotion.
I liked the response. Particularly “while your boss may have upset you, he didn’t say that all women are better managers, just the one he promoted.” It’s a key point. Hopefully the employee takes it to heart.
dorothygale
Someone mentioned earlier this week that they were looking for bright yellow flats. Just saw these on gilt http://www.gilt.com/sale/women/shoes-1301/product/161103727-seychelles-gala-flat
Glinda
Shouldn’t you be recommending red shoes, not yellow?
anonypotamus
that was me! these are so cute. hmmm might have to break my shopping ban…
Praxidike
Hmm. Salary negotiations-related question.
I am in-house counsel at a corporation, specifically hired more than a year ago to replace the guy who’s senior to me (sort of) who is retiring at the end of this year. He is not an attorney, and although our current job duties overlap somewhat I do some very different work than he does because of my legal background. I currently make about $95k and I took a pretty big pay cut to come here because of the potential for upward mobility.
The VP sat down with me the other day and explained what they’re thinking in terms of salary and benefits. In addition to health insurance and 401(k), which won’t change, they are offering me a company car and a raise to $105k. To me, this is unacceptable and I feel I should be making at least $120k (but would settle for $115k).
There are a number of reasons for my evaluation of my worth. First, when I assume his job responsibilities, I will retain my current responsibilities. So in addition to his position (X duties) I will also be doing my current position (Y duties) – thus will be doing not only the work of more than one person but also doing a number of things that he simply never did during his tenure in this position. Second, I am an attorney and he isn’t. We can go around and around about whether experience trumps my degree or whether my degree makes me worth more, but the fact is that I think it does. And third, because of my skills, I am saving the company money in ways that he never could (handling small claims actions and subro actions, for example, and doing contractual review that would otherwise have been handled by outside attorneys).
Anyway. When we had this conversation, I said, “That’s not going to work for me. Is this negotiable?” And he said, “Not right now.” I don’t know what that means – does it mean that it’s not negotiable until the end of the year? Or until I’ve done the job for a year? Or what? Frankly, if they expect me to work for what they’re offering, I’d rather go back into private practice. I can make more money there and won’t have to manage people the way I do here (which I kind of loathe, but anyway).
I am interested in the Hive’s take on this – when is it appropriate to bring it up again? And do I bring it up to the VP or to the CEO (who makes the call)? I am already compiling a list of how the things I do are different from the current guy, but also save the company money.
Sydney Bristow
This might be a weird suggestion, but in addition to looking at old Ask A Manager posts on negotiating salary, I’d also check out the I Will Tach You To Be Rich blog. There is a place on the blog where you can sign up with your email address and get a link to some free videos from his Dream Job course and Earn1k course. There are some great videos there on negotiation techniques, a lot of which has to do with the language you use when approaching the subject and some of the research you should do in advance of requesting a raise. I haven’t been in the position to use it yet, but a lot of his other advice has been very helpful to me so I think that his negotiation advice could also be very useful when the time comes.
Parfait
This might help:
http://www.askamanager.org/2012/07/what-to-say-when-you-negotiate-salary.html
tdevil
Additionally, are they paying for your CLE or annual Bar dues? Make them! In the meantime I like your idea of cataloging the ways that your are saving them money. Since I assume that you have acces to your outside counsel’s invoices, so you can benchmark your work against it (ie the company pays $20 a year for collections ; $40 on litigation matteres that have all been insourced) ect. 6 months from now, you will have enough ammo to renegotiate your position, and enough additional duties on your resume to shop around if you want other options. Remeber in any negotiation, the knowlege of presence of other options is key to strongly advocating your position.
Brant
I’m confused. Are they offering you a promotion that will result in a pay bump and new responsibilities to replace this guy? Or did they hire you to replace this guy (at a salary of $95k) and are now offering you a raise when you do, in fact, replace this guy?
I guess this seems to me like something that should have been negotiated when you originally took the job, if the intent was for you to replace him relatively imminently (ie company knew he was retiring).
Praxidike
They are offering me a promotion (my title will change) and I will assume new responsibilities as well as retaining my current responsibilities. They are offering me a “new” salary based on the promotion; it was not something I could have negotiated when I was initially hired. I could, and did, negotiate my salary when I was hired for my current position.
The hiring was very complicated, and is really irrelevant to this discussion. Let’s just assume that I am currently called “general counsel” and that my new title will be something different than that because I will be replacing the person who is retiring.
Anon
But the fact that you indicated that you were hired to replace retiring-guy does make the hiring relevant.
Brant
Gotcha. It just seemed like from the way you wrote out the scenario, that you knew this guy would retire and you’d be asked to step up.
Do you have the option *not* to accept the promotion? Eg. let them know if they can’t negotiate the salary, you don’t believe it’s fair market rate and may look elsewhere (said better, of course). A lot of this depends on how willing you actually are to look elsewhere.
Putting myself in your shoes, if my boss left and i was asked to assume her duties, I would ask for, expect, and leave if not given, a massive raise (I make about 100k now, she makes almost 200- so if they wanted me to assume her role for less than, say, 1-2 title bumps and 140k, I’d absolutely go elsewhere and/or stick with my current job/responsibility and have them hire an external replacement). My boss was recently hired, though, and not with the company for many many years as it sounds like your boss may have been. They may recognize that he’s somewhat over compensated and are trying to correct for that with your role.
tdevil
First of all, Praxidike, never ever ever ask another potential employer if salary is negotiable, as the immediatre answer will be a resounding NO!!! Think of it this way, your long term presence in this company is also negotiatiable in the sense that you might be tempted to seek out another firm or in-house job! But in the position that you find yourself know demanad additional non-cash compensation. Insist that you get a better titile (assitant general counsel instead of staff attny), and perhaps since you are getting a company car, a gas allowance. Your employer sees you as less valuable than the person who departed due to yrs experience. To counter this, inisist of a 6 month review after you have taken on these new responsibilities, and specific performance targets that will get you the salary that you want. Are you a member of the ACC? They publish pretty acurate in house salary surveys broken down by region and metro area, use that as your guide for what you are worth. Whatever you do don’t just slink back to your office fuming as you take on additional responsibilities. Good luck!!
Praxidike
Hey tdevil, thanks for this reply. They are giving me a company car, and so they pay all gas and maintenance for that car (and insurance, too). I am a member of the ACC, and I will check out their in-house surveys; that is a great idea. Like I told my husband this morning, I will just leave this job and go outside if they refuse to negotiate the salary. And then they will be left with a truly gaping hole in this department because there is no one else who has been groomed to take over the position.
Divaliscious11
You may not see this but please understand that that threat is not as potent as it sounds like you think it is…. Don’t make it unless you are willing to walk the day you make it. I’d decline the promotion if you feel you are fairly compensated or your current role, but not the proposed role.
Transplanted to NJ
I’ve made the exodus from NYC to suburban NJ and I need a car. Car negotiation threadjack!
After weighing a lot of criteria, which I won’t bore you with here, I’ve decided on a (new) 2013 Honda Accord Sedan LX (CVT a.k.a. automatic transmission) with no optional features whatsoever.
Truecar.com says that the base/invoice price is $20.579 and the destination fee is $790. Truecar doesn’t take into account things like DMV documentation fees, sales tax, tire tax, fees for new (or transfer of) license plates.
Dealers usually get some sort of dealer holdback and so, my thinking is:
See if I can get the car for $19,500 + $790 destination fee + $1365 (7% NJ tax on the 19.5K) + $399 doc fee + $7.50 tire tax in NJ + $100 transfer of plates = $22,161.50 OTD (all-in, “out-the-door”) price.
Is that reasonable? Or am I being too aggressive? Do I need to be more aggressive in my starting point so I can get to this point?
Susie
Are there multiple dealers in your area? I’ve heard people have success with a straight up “$X is my bottom line, take it or leave it” and be prepare to leave your number and walk away. It may be a day or two before they call back. If there is another dealer you can go to as a backup it’s worth trying. (My $0.02, I’ve never bought a new car)
Transplanted to NJ
There are 5 dealers within a 1hr driving distance to me, which is not too bad.
I was doing some googling on “what did you pay for your [car]” but there’s a lot of variability — people in other states with different fees, different dealer holdbacks, maybe rebates in other states, plus people choosing a lot of optional features, some of which may have more wiggle-room pricewise.
What I’d like to get are some guideposts as to whether the % off I’m pretty much asking for is ridiculous or not.
Anonymous
I’d run the numbers through ZAG to see what the no-negotiation price is for your specific area. It doesn’t seem like you’re being too aggressive, especially since you’re nearing the end of the model year. Link to follow for the AMEX program – they cite TrueCar stats, but can be more helpful sometimes.
Anonymous
https://amexnetwork.truecar.com/main.html
Transplanted to NJ
Thank you!
Anonymous
Good luck!!!
I bought an accord coupe this way around 3 years ago – worked out pretty well!